The Perfect Chaos Gang: Return to Chaos By David The Lurker For all those fallen hero’s of 9-11 And Rune Prologue For those who would rather not read every single previous story, or even The Perfect Chaos Gang: The Plothole Cometh, or who even just don't want to think back to those stories, I'll just recap some important events, so you aren't completely lost or something. Of course, I'd like to think that my stories can stand alone, but I have this feeling that it may not be self contained. Then again, people who don't visit the boards of TPCG or the Moogle Cavern might be lost because the names will just seem like blabber or something. Well, anyway, what has come before: The Perfect Chaos Gang (who are known as TPCG for short) were caught up yet again in another struggle against their sworn group of idiots that they have to fight off every once in a while who go by many, many names. The one that is commonly used in this story, however, is the Bad Guy Underground Base (or BGUB for short). The battle originated with a tangible, yet intangible object called a "plothole." Now these "plotholes" (which I will not keep on putting in quotation marks) are very annoying when unintentionally used in stories, but could possibly be entertaining if used intentionally. Possibly. Anyway, a green hedgehog known as ETonic burst into the BGUB, proclaiming himself the head of this organization. The leader, AJ F., protested, but was defeated when ETonic revealed that he had a very special machine that could create plotholes at will. AJ, mad, soon secluded himself from the rest of the group. Now, a name like ETonic may seem strange. This is because ETonic was merely the evil counterpart of Tonic. How could this be possible? Because ETonic was from a parallel universe, where TPCG and the BGUB were reversed, where good was evil and evil was good, and where evil reined in all forms. When ETonic decided to enter this universe that his associates at A-SAP (Anti-Sonic Adventure Pandemonium) had once encountered, he broke the barrier that had been created by Zacs, the combination of the two white Echidnas named Zac from the two universes. Because the barrier was shattered, it allowed anyone and everyone passage to this once secluded universe. It was soon after that AJ learned of ETonic's plan, to take control of the entire multiverse by the use of the uncontrollable plothole, a failed attempt early in AJ's evil career to destroy TPCG, who were at that time known as The Sonic Pandemonium Gang (TSPG). He soon realized that the method that ETonic would use could possibly go wrong, resulting in the destruction of everything that ever existed. And even if it did go as planned, then the universe would be reshaped into his image, making him literally a god in this new world. AJ decided to begin work once more on his failed device to create a plothole machine, named the PlotHole 3000. Powered by the mystical Pie Emeralds, he was able to complete the failed device by help from his colleague, Andre, who was able to steal information from ETonic. Once he completed the machine, he was confronted by ETonic, who told of what he knew. Wanting to destroy AJ's machine, AJ then did what anyone would do: he started up his device and created his own plothole. AJ escaped, causing ETonic to get very mad and proclaimed that he was a traitor. AJ then emerged into a void away from the rest of the multiverse, where he came in contact with Scott Tomahama, a former human that, through very strange circumstances, became a furry, and in the void transformed into a child of the plothole. By using AJ's help, he was able to escape from the confines of the void. Meanwhile, at the new TPCG HQ at EZboard, TL was separating himself from TPCG due to the war between himself and Shorty. Along the way of leaving, he threw a lurker and then disappeared into a strange place, where he eventually met an old lurker, who transported him to a parallel TPCG universe. But more on that later. Back at TPCG HQ, things were going on the way that they always did: people yelling "Hugbees," avoiding too much confusion, and of course, looking for their pants. They were shaken away from their leisurely day because of Simon Wai, discoverer of the Sonic 2 Beta, who was acting strangely, because he was somehow possessed by a force that was telling TPCG of a great evil that was threatening them. Eventually, the force left Simon. So, TPCG went off to An Unnamed Forest to meet with a man who had been both their friend and foe: Zac. Along the way, they met up with some of their companions who decided to eat a gingerbread house, obviously taken from a very popular fairy tale. They then came across the ruins of Zacapolis, the former home of Zac. However, the location was formerly just a clearing, which confused everyone, because it would make more sense if the place was alive and well, not already ancient and ruin-like. They encountered Zac at an ice cream parlor where the lurker who had been previously thrown by TL (and who later told them of TL's disappearance, even though he had been unconscious at the time) was eating the ice cream there. The rest of TPCG realized that these ruins were not just that of Zacapolis, but in fact also the former base that they lived in, the first base that was found in disc.server. They learned of its tale, of how it was a universe where AJ and Andre succeeded in their attempt to destroy TPCG by the use of the PlotHole 3000. They overtook that world, and became the supreme ruler. The only surviving member of TPCG, Zac, soon became their most trusted ally, but was secretly plotting their demise. When Zac did turn on the BGUB, he did it in the name of TSPG (because the group never changed their name to TPCG). Soon after, he soon becomes delusional with power, and just reinstated the policies of AJ. He then tried to squash the resistance, headed by Simon Wai. He sent his trusted team, headed by Edge, to wipe them out. However, the team slowly turned on Zac, and joined Simon's resistance. Eventually, Zac learned of the errors of his ways when he found out that TSPG was in fact alive, just in the land of the plothole that had engulfed them. So he went to try and stop Edge from destroying Simon. Unknowing to Zac, Edge turned on him right before he was supposed to destroy Simon. He then aided in Simon's attempt to gain control of the uncontrollable plothole that AJ had fired before he mastered the ways of the plothole. Zac arrived to the former base of TSPG just in time to see Edge sacrifice himself for the rest of the world. Unfortunately, the calculations that Simon had made were flawed, and resulted in the entire world to enter the plothole world, causing the city of Zacapolis to enter the universe of a TSPG that became TPCG and were always successful. Once Zac told this story, he revealed that the entire mulitverse could even suffer a worse fate if the uncontrollable plothole that was residing in their universe was allowed to survive. TPCG agreed that they were needed, and were about to leave when they encountered the twins of Samantha and Potato Man, two members of the BGUB. The twins, named Apple (the male) and Cherry (the female) were led by Jorgen, the son of Shorty and Miss Zocy (a female clone of Zac). This mingling of the seed between Shorty and Miss Zocy occurred during a time known only as "the PAFF," one of TPCG's early and most confusing adventures, which contained no known ending. Of course, when Jorgen's identity was revealed, no one seemed to care. So, everyone ran away, just because they had to. While fleeing, Zac revealed he had a spare plothole, and they escaped the ruins of Zacapolis right before it disappeared. Of course, Jorgen, Apple, and Cherry were also able to escape before it disappeared. As you can guess, TL's destination was in fact the land where the alternate Zacapolis ruins had come from. While there, he encountered a parallel version of himself, as well as another Zac, who were referenced as O-TL and O-Zac. They told him of their history, including the events after their emergence into the land of the plothole, where people soon separated from the order of TSPG, with the Green Gibbon! reinstituting the Green Hill Zone, Kulock the Moogle recreating the Moogle Cavern, and AJ reappearing, remaking the BGUB. These four superpowers then started to war between each other, wanting to rule their new home. Of course, TL felt the whole thing was stupid, and that they should just reinstate the old order, before the whole craziness of AJ's takeover. Of course, they all thought that TL was crazy. TL then tried to escape, but decided to return, and help them out of this plothole world. He found a machine that was said to traverse the multiverse (which was created by Scott when he lived with the alternate TPCG). Before he used it, he was stopped by the same old lurker then sent him there, who told him to go and save his world from the uncontrollable plothole that was threatening the entire multiverse. He modified the machine so it would work, and TL, O-TL, and O-Zac went to save the multiverse. All during this time, ETonic put Andre on trial, which the rest of the BGUB didn't understand. AJ arrived, and proclaimed that ETonic was mad. ETonic then tried to destroy AJ, but Samantha Clarfet just placed herself into a cocoon, which eventually turned into an object of sexual desire. Of course, this happened later, along with Jorgen and the Samantha twins coming back and causing Cherry to also get into the cocoon, causing her to change her name to Cherri. Anyway, AJ and Andre escaped, and ended up in the lair of TPCG, who were currently experiencing the affects of the plothole, with some of their members entering yet another parallel universe, with a radically different history. Believing that AJ and Andre were behind it, they charged, but AJ was able to explain everything, which they soon believed because of Zac's enthusiasm. So, TPCG set off, and eventually encountered a child of the plothole who just called himself a child of the plothole. He said he was just there to witness "the third separation," which caused more members of TPCG to disappear, entering their own little universes of location which I will not describe just because I'm lazy. If you really want to know, then just read my previous fic. If you've spent this much time reading the prologue, then you know it's too long (not even J.R.R. Tolkin needed this much space to describe everything! And his books have infinitely more plot then mine! [except the prologue in front of The Fellowship of the Ring. But that’s much more then a simple explanation of what The Hobbit was about]). Eventually, TPCG encountered another plothole child, who was referred as just the fisherman (well, technically, it was H Mac who found him, but...). Anyway, the three groups eventually reunited at disc.server, where they encountered ETonic. Also, TL recruited an army consisting of various members from Area 51 (of EmulationZone.Org fame) the Moogle Cavern (headed by everyone’s favorite Moogle, Kulock) and the Green Hill Zone (headed by everyone’s favorite Gibbon, Green Gibbon!). Oh yeah, Area 51 is headed by everyone’s favorite Azba, Jan Azba. This group went up to the land of disc.server and also got involved with the battle. Scott also appeared, and was able to thwart ETonic's plan. However, the battle was not over, because it was found that there was yet another uncontrollable plothole. The only difference between the two, however, is that this uncontrollable plothole had something the other didn't: a mind. That was because it was the child of the uncontrollable plothole. Andy Wolan (the head of EmulationZone.Org) arrived and, after plugging his site, gave the keys of the TPCG mobile to Shorty. They headed off to where this plothole was located, in the first EZboard base where TL and Shorty had their great war. They met up with the plothole, who called himself Zalique, and they found that Miss Zocy and her son, Jorgen, were there by the invitation of A-SAP. Unknowingly, EShorty, the head of A-SAP, returned to the world where he initially tried his plan for multiverse conquest. Oh, and if you want to know, Miss Zocy became involved by a plot involving the Master Pie Emerald, but, once again, if you really want to know about it, just read the last story. It would be much easier then trying to make sense of this summary. Anyway, after a sidetrack to a lost plothole land and back again, TPCG encountered Zalique and Scott was able to destroy it, at the cost of his own life. It resulted in the base being destroyed, and everyone left. Of course, the ending sounds much better in the preceding story because it's a cliffhanger and everything. But, that'll be resolved here (hopefully), so turn back and read TPCG: The Plothole Cometh if you really want to be left wondering what will happen before coming and reading this. Then, when you get really bored and say "I'll just read that story even though I know everything about it," it'll only be your fault. Or something. P.S. If anyone is offended by any part of this story (especially later on), then I’m sorry. But I can’t do anything about it, so you can throw tomatoes if you so desire. Chapter 1 Here We Go Again... -or- Tomatoes Can Be Fun The alarm was blaring off like it did every morning. Creating a sound that was made to wake up someone from a deep slumber. Even though it was in fact very, very annoying. AJ had already opened his eyes, staring at the digital numbers. The time was 6:30. Time to get up. Get up and... And do what? That's what AJ asked himself everyday. What kind of motivation could he muster and try to have his own living, his own life; free from what had previously eaten up his time? The BGUB. It had been months since he had last seen Andre, Samantha, Potato Man and the rest. The day that he worked with TPCG, once his sworn enemies, to save the multiverse from destruction. The day Scott, the man he saved to give his life back, sacrificed himself to save the world at the cost of his own life. That was also the day that he turned his back away from the ways of evil. When he disavowed the way of life he had for years, plotting with Andre to destroy TPCG. The day of revelation. Of course, the BGUB was still alive and well, headed by their new leader, who just happened to be him. AJ. An evil version. Created by Zalique for reasons he had yet to understand, he was just AJ more focused on evil and chaos, as he had been all those years. The alarm was still blaring on. AJ continued to stare, thinking of what his life had now become. What was he? Sure, he had a website, people came to see his work, but it just wasn't the same. It didn't seem to have the same spark when he started. He was excited when he began his new life of freedom, but now... He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Was it possible? Could he really be missing the BGUB? No, that couldn't be it. He was glad he wasn't held by the confines of evil. Could it be something else? Could he miss the thrill of adventure? Could he miss TPCG? AJ shrugged it off. His life was now safe and secure. It's what he wanted. To be comfortable, safe. To pursue his interests and loves. Then what was missing? AJ then got up with a start. He glanced at his wall, a streak of white light playing across it. Now, normally this wouldn't be strange. But it was accomponied by a loud sound. One so strong, one he had never heard before. It almost seemed like thunder, but its intensity was surly much more then that. He quickly ran to his window to look outside. He thought he could make out very faint shapes, of people he couldn't identify. And the light was streaking along the ground. The same white light... AJ then quickly turned around, and was confronted by a dark figure, ready to pounce on him. AJ reached out and grabbed the figures arm, but couldn't gain a good grip. He was knocked down to the ground, while the figure towered above him. As it tried to pounce on him, he rolled over, avoiding the blow. AJ got back up, and swung his arm against the figure, causing it to tumble out his window. He watched as the figure landed. It then got back up, and scurried away, with no sign of any damage. The figures then disappeared, and the light vanished from sight. AJ walked over to his alarm and turned it off. Something was happening, and he was sure that whatever it was, he was going to be caught in it very, very soon. It was yet another day in the life of TPCG. The members doing things that they always did. Playing video games, complaining about the lint stuck in their ear. Normal, everyday things. David The Lurker, a very strange man who didn't do much except, well...lurk, ran up to Shorty, a man with an ego larger then the United States deficit. "Want to read my newest story?" David TL asked Shorty. "What is it about, Knuckle and Kuckles?" Shorty responded. "Well...no. It's about that battle with Zalique we had." Shorty grabbed the story and started to look through it. "Why is this all in present tense?" Shorty asked. "I dunno. It's just how I wrote it." "And...maybe you should change some of the stuff about me and Ami," Shorty added. "Why?" "Because we're not going out anymore. We're just friends." "Why?" "I'd rather not talk about it." "Why?" "David, stop it. You're acting like an idiot." "Yes sir." Shorty handed it back to David TL. "Put it up on the message board and let everyone read it," Shorty stated. "Next time, just try to keep it in past tense. Remember, these events already pass by the time you've written them out." "Alright, I'll try that." So David TL walked over to the message board, and put his story up. SonKnuck, the leader of TPCG (who took the spot over once Sonique resigned), came up just as David TL finished posting. "So, what's up?" SonKnuck asked. "Oh, just putting up my story." "Wow...it sure is long," SonKnuck replied. "I guess..." "I'll take a look at it. From what I can tell, it seems to be good. But, you never know. The plot can take a very strange twist resulting in everyone become Barney wannabes." "Oh, that doesn't happen in this story," David TL responded, giving SonKnuck a wink. "Oh...ok...I'll just walk away now..." So David TL began to walk around the premises of TPCG HQ, its location known in public records, but hidden from the BGUB because of their stupidity of not realizing they can just look it up. He came across Riochet, who was showing H Mac a new trick he just learned. "Look at what I can do!" Riochet shouted out. "I can juggle tomatoes!" "Neat-o." H Mac responded. David TL chuckled to himself, and walked around some more. He was thinking of nothing particular when he came across a closet that emitted a loud "OW!" "Hmm...that's strange," David TL observed. "Usually closets don't talk much." So David TL opened up the closet, causing the contents to be spilled out. Along with a few mops and brooms, an old man fell out. An old man who just happened to be a lurker. "Oh, hello, my boy!" the old lurker shouted out. "You! You're that lurker guy! What are you doing here?" A look of confuzement played over the old lurker's face. "Beats me. Um...did I lose something?" "I don't know. You're the one that came here." "Really? Are you sure you didn't call for me?" "Yes, I'm sure." "Hm...maybe I wanted some salt?" David TL reached into his pocket and pulled out a salt shaker. "Here you go." The old lurker took the shaker, opened the top, stuck out his tongue, poured part of the contents onto his tongue, stuck his tongue back in his mouth, and swallowed the salt. "Wow...that was salty," the lurker said as he screwed the top back on and gave the salt shaker back. The old lurker then disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "Well, that was pointless," David TL stated. "...Or was it?" Dun-Dun-DUN! David TL turned around and saw Riochet holding a boom box, creating the dramatic music. "What happened to the tomatoes?" David TL asked. "Oh. I knew I forgot something," Riochet responded. "RIOCHET!!!!" a voice called out. "Uh-oh." The originator of the voice, H Mac, walked up to Riochet, covered in the fallen tomatoes. "Would you care to explain?" "Well, you gotta admit, it is pretty funny," Riochet responded. "Come here, you!" H Mac yelled out as he started to chase Riochet. "Ah yes, just another day in TPCG," David TL said to himself as he started off to his room. Chapter 2 Cake -or- I Like Vague Titles, Don't You? "Well, that's the last time I try something like that again," Andre said as he walked back into the BGUB, smoke pouring from his body. "I told you it was faulty," E(vil)AJ replied. "I really thought that we could destroy TPCG!" "Well, next time try aiming the super-duper flamethrower 3000 AT EZboard instead of yourself," Cornelius added. "Well, if you insist..." Andre then started to chip away at the charcoal-looking substances on himself. "Is..is that your skin?" Jolt asked. "Oh, this? No. It's just the side affects of the super-duper flamethrower 3000." "I told you it was faulty," EAJ replied yet again. "I heard you the first time." "Well, that's alright Andre. I've devised yet another plan to help us destroy TPCG! Bwahaha!" EAJ then took out a graph with many different color lines. "Um..whtis thihoho?" Samantha asked in her native language, Samanthaniese, which translated into "Um...what's this?" "This," EAJ began, "is my latest creation known only as CONFUCIOUS!" "How is an ancient Chinese proverb-guy going to help us destroy TPCG?" Andre questioned. "No, it's not based on his teachings, idiot! By posting these many lines, TPCG will become so confused at what is occurring that they will succumb to my ultimate power, and I shall rule all! BWAHAHA!" "Do you have to be so loud?" Potato Man, the lover of Samantha and the father of her children, stared at the graph. He soon exploded. "See! I told you it would work!" EAJ yelled out. "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttt hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyssssssssssssssssssssss eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxppppppppppppppppplllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss," Hougan stated. Just to let you know (for anyone who isn't familiar with Hougan), Hougan elongates most, if not all, of his worlds. Why? I have no idea. "He's got a point," Andre added. "Potato Man does explode even at the least amount of confusion. For reasons unknown, of course." "Well...alright, so maybe it won't work," EAJ admitted. "So?" "But I don't know how to sow!" EAJ sighed. Suddenly, the phone rang. "I'll get it!" Andre called out. Andre then walked over to the phone and, you guessed it, picked it up. "Hello?" "Andre? Is that you?" "Who is this?" "AJ." "You want to talk to AJ?" "No, I am AJ!" "But isn't AJ already here?" "No, you fool! Not the evil AJ, the original!" "Sorry, the original AJ doesn't live here anymore." "No, you idiot! I'm the original AJ!" "Then why would you want to speak with him?" "Just shut up!" "Alright." "I wanted to ask you something of great importance." Silence. "Andre? Are you still there? Answer me!" "But you told me to shut up." "Oh, forget that! Listen, I need to ask you something." "What?" "Has anything...strange been occurring at the BGUB?" "Well, Potato Man exploded." "No, something unusual." "No, I don't think so. Why?" "Oh...um...just wondering." "Alright. So...how about those Lions, huh?" "What are you talking about?" "You know, the Detroit Lions. The football team that has yet to win a game this season." "Why are you asking me about them if they haven't won any games yet?" "Just curious. I better get going. I need to take a shower and get all this charcoal off of me." Andre then hung up. "I'll never understand that guy," AJ said to himself as he also put his phone back on the receiver. David TL was sitting in his room, glancing over at his sleeping pet pineapple, Piney. Why did he have a talking pineapple? Not even he was sure about it. He just appeared one day. And, because he didn't really focus on Chao raising, he just adopted the pineapple and made it his own. And, because he isn't very original, he just gave it the generic name of "Piney." Absent-mindedly, David TL opened up his desk drawer and looked inside. He saw two books, one on top of the other, which he had forgotten were inside. He pulled them out and laid them across his desk. He then read the titles to himself. The two books were called "So, You're A Lurker, Huh?" and "How to Enlarge Your Ego." "Guess I forgot about these books because I got them during the confusion of our epic with Zalique," David TL said to himself as he looked at the covers. "Perhaps I should read them..." Suddenly, a loud scream was heard from the main hall of TPCG HQ. "I better go see what's going on," the lurker said as he quickly ran out of his room. He ran into the main hall and joined with the rest of TPCG, who were also wondering what was going on. "What's going on?" Shorty asked. "Yeah, I need my beauty sleep!" Riochet added. "But, it's only 3:00 in the afternoon," H Mac stated. "Really? Must've switched the AM and PM on my clock." Sonique the Hedgehog then walked through the main door. "Hi everyone," she said. "Just checking to see what's going on. What is going on, anyway?" "Did you make a loud and piercing scream?" Edge asked. "No, I don't think so?what happened?" "I dunno." Simon Wai then also walked into the main hall. "Hey everyone! What's wrong?" "I knew it!" Anony shouted out. "It was Simon!" "I didn't know he screamed like a girl," MechaTails added. "I didn't scream," Simon said. "I thought that someone here did." Ding-dong. "Ding-dong?" Alright, alright. The doorbell rang. "To the door!" SonKnuck shouted out. So everyone hovered to the door. SonKnuck opened it and looked at the delivery man standing at the foot of the porch. "A delivery to TPCG," the delivery man said. "Who's it from?" "Beats me. Sign here please." So SonKnuck signed the form and walked outside to see what it was they got. "So, what is it that we go-" He stopped in midsentence because of what he saw. The largest cake in existence. Taller then even their headquarters. "That is one huge cake," SonKnuck softly said to himself. "CAKE!?!?" Lil shouted out. The rest of TPCG then filed out of the base, and confronted the huge pastry. "Who gave us the cake?" Mike Shaffner asked. "I have no idea," SonKnuck replied. "Why not?" Munkee also asked. "Because the delivery man had no idea as well." "But what about the card on the top of the cake?" Jacko pointed out. "I'll get it!" Anony shouted out. "Not unless I get it first!" Lil responded. So the two climbed up the towering treat, leaving their footprints (and handprints at times) across the trail to the top. Finally, the two titans (well...ok, so maybe they're not titans) reached the highest layer of the cake. Anony reached out and grabbed the card on top. "I've got it!" he shouted in triumph. "Not for long, buster," Lil said as she tackled Anony. The two then tumbled down the cake, leaving just a large, mushed path. Covered in cake, Lil stood up, holding the card in triumph. Anony stood up and started licking himself. "I'm delicious!" he exclaimed. SonKnuck took the card from Lil and opened it. "How come you get to read it?" Lil asked. "Because I'm the leader." "Oh." Lil then dove head first into the cake. SonKnuck looked at Lil, and sighed. He then glanced at the card, and gave himself a puzzled look. "What is it?" Shorty asked as he saw SonKnuck's puzzlement. SonKnuck then showed the card to Shorty. "Cake," Shorty read aloud. Chapter 3 AJ Makes Another Phone Call -or- I Like Foreshadowing, Don't You? After everyone had eaten the cake, TPCG marched back into their HQ and just laid around. After all, it was a lot of cake. "Boy, that sure was a lot of cake," Seth said out loud. "You can say that again," Rusty M replied. "I'd rather not, if that's alright with you," Seth replied. "Oh. Ok." Suddenly, the phone rang. "I'll get it!" Shorty called out as he leapt out of his chair and ran toward the phone. Picking it up, he said, "Hello?" "Shorty? Is that you?" "Why yes it is, my good man!" "Great. Listen, I-" "We don't want any, thanks." Shorty then hung up the phone. It quickly rang again. "Welcome to Imperial Suits! I am Rozeta Bandino," Shorty said into the phone." "Oh, sorry, I dialed the wrong number." Shorty hung up the phone again. It rang once again. "Welcome to Imperial Suites! I am Rozeta Bandino," the person on the phone said to Shorty. "That's nice," Shorty said as he hung up the phone again. Yep, you guessed it, the phone rang once more. "Hello?" Shorty asked as he picked up the phone. "Shorty, listen to me. It's AJ." "Oh, AJ! How's the pharmaceutical business?" "What are you talking about? I'm not a pharmacist!" "Really? I could've sworn that's what you went into after detaching from the BGUB." "Look, that isn't important right now. What I need to ask you is if anything strange has been going on at TPCG." "What, you mean besides from the usual?" "Right." "I don't think so. Wait....maybe..." "Yes?" "We did get a humongous cake from someone." "How big was it?" "Taller then the HQ." "Wow, that's big. From who?" "We don't know. The only thing that came with the cake was a card that said 'Cake.'" "Cake?" "Cake." "Odd..." "Why are you asking this, anyway?" "Oh...um...no reason." "How come I don't believe you?" "Well, maybe it's because-" "Oh, never mind. I gotta go. I think I ate too much cake." Shorty then hung up the phone. "Well, that was interesting," AJ said as he hung up his phone as well. Edge cuddled up next to Lil as he turned on the TV. "I think it's about time for that movie we wanted to watch," Edge said to Lil. "Great! I've been wanting to see it for a while!" I would tell you the name of the movie, but it's unimportant. That, and I can't really think of a nifty title at the moment. And I'm too lazy to just copy one. Besides, I don't really know what Edge and Lil have seen, together or alone! Anyway, Edge started to flip through the channels, but stopped as something caught his attention on the TV. "Now, as you can see, Kate," the announcer on the TV was saying, "these knives can cut through anything! From the softest bread, to shoes and concrete!" "I need to get me one of those," Edge said to himself as he started to flip through the channels again. However, something else caught his eye. "-this amateur video was taken last night. From what you can see, these strange creatures are hardly visible, but they are surly more then just shadows." "Shadow?" Matt the Yak (who, as you can remember, is strangely not a yak at all) said as he stuck his head in the room. "Are they talking about Sonic Adventure 2?" "Shh..." Edge said as he pointed to the TV. Matt walked in (who was soon followed by Rlan, just so these two can be in the story normally instead of incredibly forced) and started to watch the TV as well. "These unknown beings were also accompanied by some sort of strange white light," the announcer continued, "which soon disappeared, along with the creatures." "Does anyone know about this?" Edge asked to the people around them. "Nope, not me," Matt the Yak said. "Me either," Rlan confirmed. "First time I've heard about it," Lil said. "C'mon, let's go ask the others," Edge suggested. "I have a bad feeling about this." So everyone went out into the main hall, where many were still recovering from the cake exploits. "Has anyone heard about this?" Edge said as he put on the TV. "What, the ginsu knives?" Riochet questioned. Edge quickly changed the channel. Everyone stared. "Hey, isn't that where AJ lives?" H Mac brought up. "Hey, it is!" H Hog said. "Do you think he could be behind it?" "There's no way," Tonic added in. "Remember, he disavowed the BGUB. That new, evil AJ is now in charge." "Perhaps that's why AJ called me," Shorty stated. "What?!" TPCG chimed in together. "Yeah, AJ called here a few minutes ago, asking if anything strange had been going on. I told him about the cake, but he wouldn't tell me why he was bringing the subject up. So I just hung up on him." "Why did you do that?" Anony asked. "We don't have his number!" "Perhaps we should dial *69?" Riochet suggested. "I don't think that'll help." "Why not?" "Because someone else already called up, asking me if our refrigerator was running." "And what did you say?" Munkee added in. "That the repairman was coming to fix it today. They hung up soon after." Just then, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Shorty shouted out, running up to the door. He opened it up soon after. "Who are you?" Shorty asked. "I'm the fridge repairman." EAJ watched the footage once again. It seemed that there was something strange going on at his double's location of living. Something that wasn't easily explained, but could be none the less. "Andre!" EAJ shouted out. "Yes?" Andre asked. "Bring me the PlotHole 3000! I must find out what is going on." "You know I can't do that," Andre replied. "Why not?" "Because the other AJ has it. Besides, he released the Pie Emeralds, causing them to be spread across the planet, to help insure that the device wouldn't go into evil's hands." "I should've realized that my goody-goody double would have gone and done something that idiotic to help insure peace and prosperity across the land. That traitor..." "But you know that he isn't part of us anymore." "Yes, I do, you simple-minded fool. I do." EAJ sat down once more and stared at the screen. "You can go now, Andre." "You sure?" "Yes, I'm sure." So Andre left the room while EAJ continued to stare at the screen. "There's just something about it," EAJ told himself, "something that seems so...familiar. I just can't place my finger on it..." Chapter 4 Here We Go Again... -or- Tomatoes can be fun The alarm was blaring o- *thwack* Oh yeah, I've done this already. Um...initiate beta 4! Chapter 4 Beta "Tum-bal-ba" Chapter 5 Where Are My Pants? Part 2 -or- The Wheels Are A-Turnin' TL was calmly walking in the fields of the Moogle Cavern, thinking about nothing particular. Well...ok, so maybe he was thinking of something particular, but why would you care? Oh. "Boy, this day reminds me of something," TL thought to himself. "It reminds me of popsicles. BUT, it also reminds me of that day I was stuck in that parallel plothole world, and was forced to assist in the saving of the multiverse. Ah yes, that was sure one strange day..." Suddenly, a plothole appeared in front of him. "Oh no, not this again!" TL then started to run in the opposite direction of the plothole. Of course, the plothole started to follow him as well. He ran into the Moogle Cavern, where the members were doing what they always did. "The MC is a cult. You cannot escape." "MELEE! MELEE! MELEE!" "Gamecube vs. X-Box: round 1." Please, don't ask me which group (TPCG or MC) is more insane. Anyway, this was all disrupted with TL running in, screaming about how he was being followed by a plothole. "What's going on? You're disrupting my Melee worship!" Kulock shouted out. “But what about your Bunnie worship?” someone asked. “That comes later in the day!” "I'm in a predicament right now, Kulock. Maybe you could help me out?" "Forces come to arms!" No one did anything. "Please?" "What can we do?" NeoSonic said. "We've never been trained in plothole combat." "Yeah," Edwierdo added. "Besides, we have more important things to worry about!" "Like listening to KRUD radio!" Toxic added in. "And hoping that EZboard doesn't kill my newest screen name," Leo proclaimed. "Sorry TL, I tried my best," Kulock stated. "What? Oh, c'mon! Never before has anyone quit this easily!" "Hey, you're right..." Pelord realized. "It's most likely for the plot to get up and go," Local H told TL. "Oh well, back to trying to solve the great mysteries of the Sonic games," Blaze stated. Suddenly, Echidnoyle walked into the base as TL lifted himself off the ground. "What's going on?" Echidnoyle asked. "Oh, nothing much, except I'm about to get stuck in yet another story of confusion." "Oh. Alright." "I'll try to get back by dinner." The plothole finally reached TL, and he got sucked in. "So...anyone up for a game of tidily winks?" "WHERE ARE MY PANTS?" TPCG gathered together and sat down as SonKnuck called their meeting to order. "Now you all know why we called this meeting to order," SonKnuck stated. "To help enlarge my ego?" Shorty asked. "To help expand my role?" Nakkurusu added. "To send me and Lil on an all expense paid trip?" Edge also asked. "To give me oodles of cash? Just because?" Sonique chimed in. "To give me more funding for my chicken coup?" Riochet proclaimed. "Oh, we're not getting into that again!" SonKnuck shouted out. "You already know the deal we have with you and your chicken coup." "Oh, I guess. But we should talk about it anyway! And Daisy! And Yerher! And...and..." "Yes?" "Oh. I'm done. You can get on with everything that you were going to say before." "Alright then. Now, we all know what has happened in the vicinity of AJ's home." "We do?" Seth asked. "Well, do we?" Most of TPCG look around at each other, shrugging. "Weren't you watching the TV when I put it on?" Edge asked. "Oh, you mean that was the news? I thought it was just a movie," Mike Shaffner added in. "Well, it was all real. And we need to figure out what it means. It's possible that it could be something horrible!" SonKnuck offered. "You mean...an evil plothole making plans to use us as pawns as he plots his plan to take over the universe and become the supreme ruler of it and all that?" H Mac asked. "Well...maybe." "But we already went through that!" "It's only a possibility. It could just be some sort of supernatural being who is also plotting global conquest. Or someone who just wants to rule that neighborhood for no good reason." "Or it could be nothing at all," Munkee chimed in. "Yes, that is also a possibility." "So, what are we going to do about it, fearless leader?" Jacko asked. "I think we should send off a small team to go visit AJ and see what's going on. Any volunteers?" "Tomato," someone randomly says. "Oh, now come on! How is that going to help us out?" Suddenly, the door to the meeting room burst open, and an injured Zac stumbled in. "ZAC!" TPCG shouted out. "Help...me...," Zac muttered out before passing out on the ground. Lil and Edge quickly got up and hurried over to the fallen Zac while the others stood around. "We should get him over to the TPCG medical facilities as quickly as we can," Lil stated. "They sure know how to treat a patient!" Shorty said with a wink. "What's that supposed to mean?" "They have the most up-to-date equipment! How else could we handle all the injuries we gain during every adventure? Not to mention all those resurrections we've had." "I never thought of it like that," Edge stated. "C'mon everyone, let's go!" So TPCG arose and transported themselves over to the ward. However, Ami and Seven were distracted by a voice. "Ami and Seven, hold on," the voice called out. So, the two stopped and turned around. "What? Who is that?" Seven asked. "Yeah, it's not like I can see you or anything," Ami added in. Suddenly, the two disappeared. EAJ stood up from his desk and walked over to the doorway, the images still playing across his view screen. The same confusing images, giving him some strange feeling... "BGUB! Front and center!" Andre was the first to arrive. Samantha and Potato Man were next, who were both fixing their clothes. Cornelius arrived, with a scorn look on his face (of course, he always had a scorn look on his face). Hougan also soon came, with the same idiot grin on his face that he always carried around. "Where's the rest of the idiot gang?" EAJ asked. "Remember EAJ, we're being referenced as the BGUB in this story, not TIG," Andre responded. "Whatever. Well, where are they?" Suddenly, Amy, Jolt, SoniProw, Mufasa, Macneilius, and TSP arrived, all in a state of disillusionment. "And what about the China Land gang?" "Well, technically they're not part of the BGUB, remember?" Andre reminded EAJ. "Oh, right. Well...invite them anyway!" "Do you really think they could help us out?" Cornelius asked. "Maybe, maybe not. But, the secondary group that just arrived can only do as much as the China Land gang could, right?" "Uh...toothpaste. Cinnamon and Jalapeno flavored." "Grr...just get them over here." "Btt...chia lnd PIE@21" Samantha said, which translated into "But they're in China Land! With pie!" "I don't care if they're in France! I want then here as soon as possible." "But why?" Andre asked. "I have a plan. A very special plan, but a plan none the less. It involves...the Pie Emeralds." Gasp! Sorry, I needed something here to signify surprise, alright? "But what could the Pie Emeralds do?" "You'll see, Andre, you'll see. Besides, I need to divide us into two groups. The China Land gang will help us have more man power." "Why do we need to divide? And besides, couldn't we always use those spare Zac clones we have?" "No, you fool! One group will help with the plan that I will describe later. The other group will go and find AJ, and see what's going on. I have a feeling that something very strange will go down soon, and he may be able to help us figure it out." "Oh. Ok. One question." "Yes?" "When do we get our free T-Shirts?" "What are you talking about? When did I mention free T-Shirts?" "I dunno. I just thought that maybe you would decide to give us free T-Shirts just because we're so nice...er...evil and always do what you want us to and that we'll be able to help you out in your next great and evil plan." "I'll think about it." Chapter 6 The Arrival of the China Land Gang! -or- Pointless Dialogue "Any idea with what's wrong with him?" Shorty asked the TPCG doctor (who isn't any of the regular members, just someone there who knows modern medical science). "I'm not completely sure," the doctor replied. "He is injured, obviously, but it's something that I've never seen before. Such intensity is most certainly not human or furry. However, from what I can tell he shouldn't even be alive." "How very strange..." "I know. I'm currently conducting some te-HEY! Stop that!" The doctor then ran up to Riochet and hit his arm, trying to stop him from poking Zac's eyes. "Do not play around with the patients while they're unconscious!" the doctor told Riochet. "Why not?" "Because I said so!" "Who made you the boss? Hmm?" "Listen to me. I am a man of medical science. I know what is right and wrong for my patients. Do not interfere or...or...or..." "Yes?" "Just don't do it!" The doctor walked back to Shorty and started to talk some more. However, the conversation soon started to turn away from Zac and more about other things, including the weather, food, video games, hentai, and things just generally pointless in nature. "Do you think he'll be alright?" Edge asked Lil. "I don't know. What do you think, Anony?" "I don't know. What do you think, Seth?" "I don't know. What do you think, Rusty?" "I don't know. What do you think, H Mac?" "I don't know. What do you think, H Hog?" "I don't know. What do you think, Tonic?" "I don't know. What do you think, Lil?" "I already got asked." "Oh, right. What do you think, Sonique?" "I don't know. What do you think, Simon?" "I don't know. What do you think, Ami?" Silence. "Finally, someone stopped the insanity!" Sonique proclaimed. "But you participated in it!" MechaTails observed. "That doesn't matter. At least Ami was smart enough to...Ami? Hey, where is she, anyway?" Everyone looked around, and noticed that Ami was, sure enough, missing. "Hey, Seven is missing as well," Seth remarked. "Hey, you don't think that they went to...you know...," Riochet began. "No, Riochet," Mike Shaffner plainly stated. "Well, one can always imagine," David TL added. Everyone stared. "What?" "Guys, I have a bad feeling about this," SonKnuck began. "I know for a fact that they were right behind us when we came to the hospital wing." "You don't think that...something happened to them?" BlueJoshi said. "Hey, when did you get here?" Riochet asked. "I got here just a little while ago from the MC, with NelsonJ." NelsonJ waved to everyone. "Well, I have a bad feeling that, yes, something did happen. That they were...kidnapped." Dun-dun-DUN! "Thanks for the dramatic music, Riochet." "No problem." "They're coming to take our women away!" Shorty shouted out. "Quickly, we must protect our remaining woman! Put Lil and Sonique into hiding!" "What are you doing, Shorty?" Sonique said with a stern look on her face. "Oh...um...nothing, Sonique." "That's what I thought." "It must only be coincidence that two of our female members are missing," H Mac said. "It was just the luck of the draw. If it was just the woman being aimed at, wouldn't it be obvious?" "Who knows?" "Well, I guess so." "Oh, by the way," NelsonJ began, "TL just went missing. If that'll help your rationalization." "See! It is all coincidence that it just happened to be two of our female members!" H Mac confidently said. Oh, if you want to know, I'm just really trying to drive this point down. It was really just random, ok? "We must set up a search party!" SonKnuck stated. "That might be a problem," David TL said. "Why?" "Because Seven and Ami were sucked into a plothole." "How do you know that?" "I just do." "Do you think that...maybe...that threat Zalique made is coming true?" Seth added in. "What are you talking about?" MechaTails questioned. "Right before Zalique was vanquished, he said that even though we may believe he is destroyed, that somehow he would come back and take revenge upon us." "I remember that too," Anony said. "However, I think that was just a dieing plothole just trying to install fear in us during his last moment on earth." "I hope you're right. Without Scott, how could we destroy him? Well, I mean it's possible. I could take him on! Yeah!" "Trying to boost your ego?" Shorty mentioned. "Yeah. Was it that obvious?" "No, I'm just good at those kinds of things." "Is it just me, or is this dialogue just going on and on and on?" Nakkurusu asked. "Yeah, it does seem that way, doesn't it?" Sonique answered. "Well, it's most likely the insane author trying to make it seem as if there is more plot there then there already is. I mean, he just wants to write stories that are longer then a page. And for some reason, he feels that writing long and pointless dialogue is going to make the story longer, and hopefully better and funnier," SonKnuck explained. "Really?" Nakkurusu asked. "Yep. Now then, on to our plan!" "You mean you actually have one this time around?" Shorty said. "Well...no. I was hoping someone here did." "You know," Tonic began, "I think that we do need to send out a group to go find AJ and see what his take on the situation is. If there is another serious threat that we have to face, we need to see if AJ has some vital information that will help us out." "You're right. Now, who wants to go and find AJ?" Everyone pointed to Zac. "Ha ha, real funny. Now, who really does want to go and find AJ?" Everyone once again pointed to Zac. "Alright then, if everyone's going to be stubborn, I'll decide who's going! Shorty, Edge, Lil, Anony, Seth, and Riochet, go and see what is going on with AJ." "Yes sir!" they all said, not wanting to get into an argument as to why SonKnuck wasn't going. "Oh, and Edge and Lil?" "Yes?" the two said together. "Try to stay focused on the work and not each other, alright?" "If you insist..." So the five TPCGers went off to find AJ. "What if we need backup?" Shorty asked. "Just contact me, and I'll send you some." "Um...contact you with what?" "The cell-phone I sent you." "What cell-phone?" "You're not getting an extra one, Shorty." "Darn! C'mon, let's go!" EAJ sat and stared continuously at the screen. Playing across it was the news, with "experts" telling their thoughts on the strange occurrence that had happened. "It's obvious," the first expert said, "that the mysterious shapes were actually aliens sent from a distant planet to scout out and determine our species weaknesses. Once they learn these, then they will be poised to take over our planet and destroy us, leaving the few survivors to become their slaves." "You're crazy," the second expert said. "Isn't it obvious that the second coming is upon us? That it is God, ready to fire down his vengeance on those who are evil! Repent now! Before it's too late!" "Enough!" the host of the show shouted out. "We have other guests, you know! Anyway, expert number three, what do you think the cause of the shapes was?" The third expert stared at the camera, with a solemn look on his face. "Sir?" the announcer started once again. "It is a terror that is unknown to the general public," the third expert said. "Something that you can't comprehend, pathetic fool." "I'm not pathetic!" "Is it my fault that you are a middle-aged talk-show host on a local station that talks about subjects that wouldn't even make it to Jerry Springer, and still thinks that he's 'all that?'" "You take that back!" the host said as he stood up. "When the catastrophe happens, I hope that you figure out what's going on right before you become engulfed." "Get off my show!" The expert then started to slam his head against the table until he became unconscious. "Well that that was unexpected," the first expert said. "It doesn't matter! You must repent! You must! AHHH!" the second one started again. "Enough! This is my show, and I don't want everything to go insane!" the host shouted out again. The third expert then woke up. "Huh? What's going on? The last thing I remember was getting ready for work and then...fuzzy..." "Get out of here! Argh!" "Tomato." "CHEESE!" "REPENT, YOU FOOLS! REPENT!!!!" The transmission then ended. "We're currently experiencing technical difficulties. We'll return to the show soon...we hope." EAJ then changed the channel. "Oooo...I love this show." "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor..." "Um...EAJ?" EAJ then quickly scrambled around, grabbing the remote and turning off the television. "Oh...Andre!" EAJ started, "what brings you here?" "Don't you remember?" "Remember what?" "You wanted me here once I found the China Land gang." "Oh. Quite right. Send them in." So Andre stepped out of the way and the China Land gang entered. Standing in the front was Knuckle, the "leader," otherwise known as the completely insane one. Next to him was Kuckles, Knuckle's best friend, who is also as idiotic. Next to these two was Sonic Caos, formerly not an idiot, until he became exposed to the pie. Finally, next to these three was tAils. He's just an idiot, who once married Knuckle, but for some reason isn't anymore. "Hello, China Land gang." "NAAHHH!!!" the four members of the CLG say together. "Now why did you go and say that?" "PIEEEE!!!" the four then say. "Oh, forget it." So the CLG walk away. "Hey, come back!!" "bt oi sad fget it!" Knuckle said in a simplified version of Samanthaneise. If you don't want to think as to what he's saying (as is found in the regular China Land stories), he's just saying "But you said to forget it!" "Nevermind! Just get back in here; I'm not done with you." So the CLG walked back in the room. "Now, you must listen closely," EAJ began. So the four leaned in close and placed their ears on EAJ. "Get off of me! I didn't mean it literally!" So the four leaned back. "dnt yll!" Kuckles said, which meant "Don't yell!" "I'll yell if I want to yell...which I've decided not to do. Anyway, I have gathered you here because I know of what you can do." "?" "I know that you can go and find the legendary PIE EMERALDS!!!" "enof with te ylling!" Sonic Caos shouted out, which meant "Enough with the yelling!" "NO! It demands emphasis! Anyway, I know that the Pie Emeralds contain special powers, powers of infinite...power. I also know that the yielder of all seven may be able to access them, although it has only been through mechanical means so far. "With my plan, I feel that there may be much more use out of them then just trying to power our latest evil gadget of some sort." "But isn't that what we always do?" EAJ asked. "No Andre, it isn't. The amount of times that we've even harnessed the power of the Pie Emeralds has been few and far between. And even during the few chances we did get a hold of them, they always seemed to escape our grasps. I mean, it wasn't smart for us to lose track of them after our first failed attempt with them to make a plothole. Then, of course, there was that whole 'Amy threw the emeralds' thing that happened. And, of course, when my good duplicate decided to try and keep them out of evil's hands. "But, none of that matters now. I know that you, China Gang, have a special power to locate these emeralds. Usually you just squander it, but now I'm commanding you to use that power to find us the Pie Emeralds, and give them to me! Then my plan shall finally be unfurled! Haha!" "That's nice," Cornelius said. "When did you get here?" "With everyone else. Now, about those free T-Shirts..." "Not right now. I need to tell my wonderful and stupendous plan!" "What...you're actually going to tell us what it is?" Andre asked. "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Hougan replied. "Yes I will!" EAJ proclaimed. "But not right here. It must be at the great meeting hall, with the proper decorations to show my true genius, and thus I can become who I truly deserve to be!" "Dolly Parton?" "No! The ruler of the universe!" "But Dolly Parton is such an attainable goal." "Enough! To the meeting room!" AJ sat in his kitchen, sipping a cup of coffee. He had seen the news. He knew he wasn't crazy. And he also knew it wasn't a dream. It was real. All real. Had his worse fears come true? The last thing to enter his mind, to steal away his happiness, to drain himself? He looked away. He couldn't bare it. "In other news, the supplies of the new Britney Spears album, simply titled ‘Britney,’ have run out here in the local area." How could it have happened? He knew he should've pre-ordered it, to help secure its space. No, now it had to be away... Suddenly, AJ realized that he didn't have a Britney Spears collection. In fact, he wasn't even sure if he liked Britney Spears. Her music, anyway. Of course, he did enjoy her looks, but what did that have to do with her music? And why was he thinking on such a pointless tangent? He quickly changed the channel. "REPENT, YOU FOOLS! REPENT!!!!" He quickly changed the channel again. "And here are the brand new Ginsu Knives 2001! Brand new to the market!" "I need to get me one," AJ said as he picked up the phone. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your view of ordering ginsu knives) AJ hit the remote control to the TV, causing him to change the channel, and thus not getting the 1-800 number. "Oh darn," he said as he hung up the phone. AJ was about to change the channel again when he saw what was on the news: the strange occurrences that had occurred the night before. "What? You mean...it was true? And people actually got it on tape?" AJ asked himself. "But...what does this mean?" He looked closely at the images playing on the screen. He saw one figure quickly scurrying across, which AJ recognized as the same figure that had attacked him. It was then that AJ made an observation. "These curtains are blue!" Soon, AJ made another observation. "Hmmm...it seems that as the figure that had attacked me ran away, the other strange figures, as well as the white light, followed him and disappeared from view. Is it possible that he is the one controlling the actions? Or is something much more sinister going on? "If this is true, then is it possible that other areas around here may have similar results tonight? I must find out. But how...?" AJ knew what he had to do. He had to leave his house and go on a quest, to see if the strange occurrences would happen again tonight, and see if he could find the being responsible. He took a glance at the phone, and contemplated calling TPCG. However, he decided against it. This was something that he had to do alone. And because of the bad feeling that he had, he didn't want to put anyone else into danger. So AJ walked out of his house, determined to discover the answer to his quest. Chapter 7 Contrary to Popular Belief, I Don't Take Drugs -or- What, Me Waste Time? SonKnuck sat staring at the wall. Prior to what he had been told, paint drying was not fun to watch. "What are you doing?" Seth asked SonKnuck as he spotted him. "Well, I was watching paint dry, but I've come to the conclusion that it's boring and a waste of time. I should really be working on my fangame SonKnuck Adventure 2." "But what about the strange events that have been going on, and the almost sure fact that we'll get involved in it?" "I'll get to that when the time comes. Right now, I need to...sleep." So SonKnuck laid down and went promptly to sleep. "Our fearless leader," Seth said with a sigh. Suddenly, the phone rang. Seth walked over to it, and made a casual observation. "When did we get a red phone?" So Seth picked up the receiver. "Hello, this is Commissioner Gordon. Batman, we need you right away!" "Sorry, wrong red phone," Seth said as he hung up. The phone rang again. "Hello, TPCG. Seth speaking. How may I help you?" "Seth? Why are you still at HQ?" "Shorty?" "Yes it's me! SonKnuck sent you to help us out, remember?" "Oh! I completely forgot! Tell me where you are, and I'll catch up as soon as possible." "Well...we're only at the ice cream parlor a block away. Meet up with us there." So Seth hurried away to rejoin his companion in the task that he had been given. Suddenly, SonKnuck woke up. "Wha..? What's going on? Seth? Are you...oh. I guess he left. Or maybe I dreamt it all. Nope, he just left." So SonKnuck went back to sleep. EAJ walked up to the podium in the grand auditorium of the BGUB. Well, besides the splatters of pie, of course. EAJ stared out at his audience. While the place had seats for hundreds, only the usual suspects were sitting and watching him. "Um...where's the rest of the BGUB?" EAJ asked. "We don't know," the usual suspects said. "Maybe you should go back to your movie?" "We can't. There's no sequel in the works." "Then just go and do something! I need to tell my wonderful and stupendous plan to my companions!" "But there's so much room in here..." "Just go! I'm sure someone is renting your movie, and would enjoy a live performance." So the usual suspects got up and left. Andre, Samantha, and the rest entered the auditorium and sat down. "Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," Hougan said. "Shh! Don't interrupt!" Andre intervened. "He's going to tell us his plan. We need to know what it is, so that we can go and do what we want to do." EAJ then gave Andre one of those looks. "Err...I mean, do what he wants us to do!" EAJ tapped the microphone, making sure that it was operational. Then he started to talk inside, revealing his plan. "My friends, it is now time for me to reveal my latest plan, to help insure us complete dominance of the world, and the crushing of TPCG!" "Yay," the crowd said dully. "Thanks for your enthusiasm," EAJ said sarcastically. "Anyway, this plan involves the Pie Emeralds, as I stated beforehand." "We know that. Get onto something else we don't," Cornelius burst in with. "Or do you think I'm too stupid, racist?" "Why do you keep on with the whole racist thing, anyway? Haven't you already realized we're not racists?" "Oh, don't mind him," Amy stated. "He's just an idiot." "Oh, like you're not?" Cornelius responded. "Prick you!" "Raciest!" "Shut up!" EAJ shouted out. "I need to tell my plan! Anyway, I-" "Excuse me," the usual subjects burst in, "but do you know who has rented our movie recently?" "No I don't! Just go!" So they did. AJ regained his composure. "Let's try this again. We must split into two separate groups, one will-" Unexpectedly, the pole holding up the curtain dislodged itself, causing it to fall to the earth at a speed of 9.8 meters per second per second. Because that's how fast objects fall to the ground. Now, this wouldn't have bothered EAJ much, except that the pole landed on his head, knocking him out. And thus caused his plan to be stalled even more. "Oh great," Andre spoke, "now we have to wait even longer! Could someone get the nurse?" Samantha and Potato Man look at each other, and then collapsed into the isle way. "Oh, c'mon!" Andre shouted out. "That's not what I meant! I...I...how do they do that?" Seth ran up to the ice cream parlor and opened the door. He walked in, and spotted the rest of the group. Edge and Lil were looking at each other with love in their eye. Shorty was busy working on his ego story, and Riochet and Anony were stuck in a staring contest. "Hey guys, what's up?" "Shh," Riochet muttered out. "Can't you see I'm in a staring contest?" "But what about our assignment? To go find AJ and see what's up?" "That can wait until I win," Riochet said. "Could you get me an ice cream cone?" Anony asked Seth while still staring at Riochet. So Seth walked over and got an ice cream cone. Unfortunately, while walking over to give it to Anony, Seth tripped, causing him to fall between the two, as well as losing the grip on the ice cream cone. "You blinked!" Riochet shouted out. "No, you blinked!" Anony responded. "What a waste of perfectly good ice cream," Shorty said as he went back to working on his ego story. "It doesn't matter who blinked!" Seth shouted out. "Yes, it does." Shorty responded. "Fine then, I blinked!" "Huh?" Riochet and Anony said together. "Then you get to pay," Edge said to Seth. "What? You mean that had actual meaning?" "?" Everyone stopped in their tracks. They were startled by the question mark pronunciation (believe me, you don't want to know what it sounds like), because only the strangest of the strange use it on a regular basis. "Samantha!" they all shouted out together. "ys,yu dooodooo hds!" Samantha shouted out, which means, "Yes, you doo-doo heads!" "Well, that was stupid," Edge stated. "Yep," Lil stated. "I declare this Shorty's state!" Shorty stated. "Shorty, you can't do that," Riochet responded. "Why not? I have extraordinary powers, and I can do that stuff." "No, you can't." "Yes, I can." "Says who?" "Says me." "Whatever." "Ahh! Valley girl!" Shorty then hopped out the window. "Whatever," the valley girl said before sitting down and eating ice cream while looking at herself in her vanity mirror and talking on her poodle-looking cell phone. "heHe!" Samantha cackled. "What do you want, you decicivly-impared woman?" Lil called out. "umm..." Samantha then thought very hard. "I frgt," Samantha mumbled, which meant, "I forget." So, Samantha walked out of the ice cream parlor. "Hmm...how very strange," Seth thought to himself. "Why was Samantha here?" Shorty said as he crawled back in through the window. "I have no idea," Riochet replied. "Do you think...that it's possible...that...oh, forget it," Seth said. AJ looked around his surroundings. He had no idea that this many people around his house were pot-smokers. There were about twenty of them, stumbling around the park, smoking and talking gibberish. It was obvious that they had been doing it for an extended period of time. "Excuse me," AJ asked, "but how long have you been smoking?" "Hey mannn...," the first pothead responded. "I'd say about four days now?" "Four days?!" "Hey man, this is some good sh-" A foghorn conveniently sounded. "Why are you smoking here, anyway?" "Dude...," the second pothead started out, "we're here for the hash bash. AH!" "The hash bash? But isn't that in Michigan?" The group looked at each other. "Isn't that where we are now?" "No." "I knew we should've taken that last turn at Al...al..." He took another puff. "Guys," AJ began again, "do you really think it's a wise idea to be smoking out here in a public park? I mean, it's illegal! You're sure to get busted." Suddenly, a police officer walked up to the group. "Excuse me," he started, tapping AJ on the shoulder, "but what are you doing here?" "Nothing officer," AJ started. "I'm just trying to get these potheads to shape up." "Really? Then what's that in your hand?" AJ looked down to his hand. He was glad it wasn't in one place, but was sorry for what was being held in it. Sure enough, it was a joint. Apparently, someone had shoved it in his hand without him knowing. "Officer, this isn't what it looks like! I-" "Save it for the judge. I'm arresting you for illegal possession of Marijuana." AJ felt stupefied. He should've just let things be, but no. He had to interfere. And now he was getting arrested. Well, at least it would be the last place anyone would look for him... Chapter 8 Anime Girls -or- And Thus, the Plot Starts. Kind of. TL woke up, the darkness surrounding him. Yes, it was just as he had expected it. Complete and total darkness. He was afraid that he'd end up as just yet another seemingly pointless plot point, and it seemed to be turning out that way. "Hello, TL." Well, that wasn't something he was expecting. "Hello," TL said nervously. "Do you know why you are here?" "Well, not really." "Do you have any type of inkling? Any at all?" "Nope." "Just as I expected." TL heard the distant sound of footsteps, but what was strange was that his feet got stepped on. "Yeow!" TL shouted out. "How could you have stepped on my feet when you're footsteps sound so distant?" "Not even I'm sure of that one, son." "Father?" "No, no. It's an expression." "An expression is my father?" "Grr.." "And his name is Grr?" "No! I don't know anything about your father!" "Then why did you bring him up?" "I didn't! Oh, never mind." Suddenly, a series of lights turned on, and TL found himself in a middle of a coliseum, surrounded by thousands of screaming people. "Umm...what's going on?" The figure that had stepped on his feet before hand walked over to TL. He was humanoid, with jet black hair and piercing eyes. Just looking into them made TL shudder. "TL, you are charged with the murder of a billion people!" TL would've gotten up to run, but he was tied down to a chair. "Oh poo." After the valley girl left, Shorty was able to regain his composure. Edge and Lil were also able to stop staring at themselves, and Anony and Riochet were finally able to get Seth to pay for the ice cream. "I can't believe I'm doing this," Seth said as he pulled out the money. "Hey, it's for the good of us all!" Riochet proclaimed. "Would you rather have me and Anony fighting over who's going to pay the bill?" "Well...I guess not..." "Exactly!" "But why do I have to wear this tutu?" "We'd just wanted to see if we could get you to wear it." Riochet and Anony laughed, and Seth ripped it off. "That's it! Next time, I'll let you fight!" "Alright, alright, settle down," Shorty said. "We need to figure out what we're doing. Er...why were we sent off again?" "To find AJ," Edge chirped in. "Yes, that's right. And...why?" "To see what's going on at his neighborhood," Lil added. "Great! Um...where does he live, anyway?" Edge sighed, and pulled out a map that SonKnuck had given him. "Oh, right! Thanks. Then let's go!" So they head out the door, and start walking down the street. "Do you think anything strange and unexpected will happen?" Anony asked Seth. Suddenly, Seth turned into a rubber duck. "You just had to *QUACK* ask, didn't you?" Seth responded. Anony picked up Seth, and started to squeak him. "Hey, this is fun!" "Stop it!" Seth shouted out, right before turning back to his normal form. Of course, that caused the two of them to collapse onto the ground. "Ow! Get off me!" Anony shouted out. "Well, next time, don't pick me up when I turn into something strange!" "Does it really happen that often?" "Well...no." "Alright then." Suddenly, an evil laugh filled the air. "Gasp! An evil laugh! What ever shall we do?" a random, badly dubbed, cute anime girl suddenly said. "Hey there," Shorty smoothly said as he shifted over to her, "ever been with an English bloke?" "Are you from UK Resistance?" the anime girl asked. "No." She thought for a moment, then slapped Shorty. "I don't give a fu-"foghorn"-k whether or not you're from there, I'll just slap you anyway." "Well, that wasn't very nice," Shorty said as he rubbed his face. "Does anyone know where the hell that foghorn is coming from, anyway?" Riochet asked. A man, letting out the evil laugh, suddenly appeared. He was dressed in black, and also had a dashing black cape. "Well, if it isn't a select group of the TPCG!" the figure shouted out. "Well, I suppose that it is a nice day to take a walk...and meet your demise." "I'd rather not, thanks," Shorty said. "We can't be bothered by upstart villains," Edge said. "Not just any idiot can come here and can proclaim their hatred for us. That's only reserved for the idiotic of the idiots." "You will regret that you ever said that, infidel!" the caped man replied. "And why's that?" "When the empire of Lucranda arises, you will wish you had never been born!" Then, with a speed like none Edge had seen, he was being grasped by the neck from the weird evil guy. "Urk," was all Edge could come up with. "Just as I thought," he said, "all talk and no walk." "Well, you are holding him," Riochet added in. "Let go of him!" Lil shouted out. "Yeah," Riochet added in. "I may make a few snide comments, but that doesn't mean that you can just push us around! We are part of TPCG, and that means more then Lucranders ever will!" "It's Lucranda, idiot," he replied. "Whatever." "If you don't let him go," Shorty began, "I'll let loose my Ninja Kung-Fu!" The evil guy then threw Edge toward Shorty, causing the two to knock into each other. "Ow," Shorty mumbled, while Edge caught his breath. "Such...power..." Edge mumbled. "It's unlike anything I've ever seen. I...don't understand..." "What...do you mean...power that can only come from a plothole?" Seth asked. "No...not like that. I could never sense their infinite power, most likely due to their strange makeup. He is completely separate from it." "Bwahah!" the evil guy cackled. "I'll leave you alone for now, but do not be surprised if you end up dead! Haha!" Then a poof of smoke occurred. When it cleared, however, the evil guy was still there. "Oops, wrong smoke." Another poof of smoke occurs, and when that clears, the evil person is gone. "Well, that was totally unexpected," Anony said. "I know," Seth said as he glanced over to Edge and Shorty, already being tended to by Lil. "However, I feel that it's only the beginning..." "...of a much larger saga?" Riochet suggested. "NOOOO!!!!" the entire body of Kimball High School shouted out at once. What? "There you go, hippie," the cop said as he locked up AJ in the county jail cell. "That'll hold you until the trial." "But I'm innocent!" AJ shouted out. "Yeah, sure. And I'm the king of France." The cop then walked away from the cell, leaving everyone else inside alone. "Oh no, man!" the first pothead said, "I can't believe it! He took all our dope!" "Whatever, man. I just want to know if I can slip through these bars..." the second once said. "You guys really have been smoking for too long," AJ said as he sat down on the bench. He glanced over and saw two other guys sitting there, talking to each other. They were fairly well built, and were wearing grey sweats. "Hey there," AJ said to them. "Gutan Tag," the fist one said. "Excuse me?" "Hello little skinny boy," the second one said. "Hi." "I am Hanz, and this is Franz," "And we are ready to pump," both of them said as they clap and point, "you up!" "Haven't I seen you on TV before?" AJ asked. "No no," Hanz said, "you must be mistaken." "Why don't you tell him, Hanz?" "Because, stupid, we do not want anyone to know we are here!" "Oh, right. No, you do not know us puny one." "Ok..." AJ said as he stared. "Why are you here, anyway?" "Well," Franz began, "we were busy showing off our muscles when some lady said we were disturbing the peace." "Yah," Hanz entered in, "is it wrong to want to show ourselves in the middle of a cross-section, where everyone can witness us?" "Even though we can never be like Arnold." "He is our god." "Alright..." AJ said while scouting away. The cop then came in and banged on the bars. "Today," he started, "we are showing 'The Terminator.'" Hanz and Franz then got down on their knees and started to bow. "We are not worthy! We are not worthy!" they said together over and over and over again. All AJ could do was put his face into his hands. Obviously, the author had been paying too much attention during school, listening to the continuous imitations of the duo by his friends, and thus decided to place him in such an unusual circumstance. "Why me?" AJ said to himself. "Is that your final answer?" Regis Philben blurted out. "No, you fool! It's supposed to be a question!" Alex Trabek blurted out. "But I just said a question!" He couldn't understand how the author could not be hallucinating. EAJ soon regained consciousness inside the auditorium. Nursing him was a random anime girl who had nothing better to do. "Hey there," EAJ said, "but I think I could use a little mouth to mouth." "No, you don't," the anime girl replied. "Yes, I do." "If you did, then you wouldn't be talking now, would you?" "Oh. Darn." EAJ got up and walked over to the podium. He was about to talk when he noticed Samantha and Potato Man were gone. "Um...Andre?" "Yes?" "Where are Samantha and Potato Man?" "Well, after they had their way with each other, Samantha got up, saying she had to go get some ice cream. Potato Man decided to just go grab a box of smores. Pie smores." "Well, could someone go and get them?" "I don't know. Could they?" EAJ didn't need to clarify himself, because Samantha and Potato Man walked back into the auditorium, as if on cue. "So there's the duo of pie," EAJ said. "Now I can get on with my plan. "My plan is this: the China Land Gang, as well as myself, Andre, and that cute anime girl," a wink, "will go off to find the seven Pie Emeralds, to power our new and improved PlotHole 3000+!" "We have one of those?" Cornelius asked. "Of course! Well...I haven't actually built it yet. Anyway, with the PlotHole 3000+, we will be able to control plotholes at will, and then have the tools necessary to take over the world!" "That's it?" Andre asked. "I thought that maybe it would be something exciting and original, not just another reused plot!" "I'm not finished! The rest of you will go to find the original AJ. Once you do, capture him and bring him to me." "Why?" "To help with the creation of the PlotHole 3000+, of course!" "But...why? I mean, you are the same person, after all." "Well, that's true, but the project will be so large that there will have to be two of us in order to complete the project on schedule." "We have a schedule?" "Of course. I also intend to gain the assistance of the strange figures that were seen around the area that AJ lives. With their help, gained by us demonstrating our power, we will surly be able to gain control of the entire world, and destroy TPCG once and for all! Bwahaha!" "Oh...ok. Not much originality, but the bwaha's help. I give it a 7." "Yes! Soon, the whole world shall bow before EAJ! BWAHAHAHA!!!!" "Any news from the group?" SonKnuck asked MechaTails. "None yet," he replied. "Well, hopefully nothing's happened to them. They should be arriving to AJ's soon, right?" "Beats me." Munkee then ran into the room. "Sir, I think you need to see something." "Wow, he called me sir!" SonKnuck said. "Who knew?" So MechaTails and SonKnuck followed Munkee. "What's so urgent?" "Well, I want you to taste these." Munkee handed SonKnuck a plate of cookies. "Cookies?" "Yeah, I made them myself. I mean, with Edge gone and all, I thought I could pitch in with the cooking." SonKnuck picked up a cookie, tasted it, and the sensation of baking soda filled his mouth. "Munkee, how much baking soda did you put in here?" "I put in a couple tablespoons, just like the recipe said." "Munkee," MechaTails intervened, "it didn't say tablespoon. It said teaspoon." "Really? Don't I feel stupid." Munkee took the cookies and put them in the fridge. "I'm sure someone else'll eat them. Anyway, there is something that you really do need to see." Munkee turned on the television, conveniently in the kitchen. "-and it's been ravaging the northern end of the city. I repeat, if you are anywhere in the northern section of the city, leave immediately! The same strange creatures that were spotted last night have now arrived here in the northern section of the city." "What? When did this happen?" SonKnuck said. "It happened around dusk." "Huh? The day's already over?" "Well," MechaTails said, "it did take a while to eat all that cake." "Well, at least we don't have to worry about. We're in the eastern section." "Um...sir?" Munkee said. "Yes?" "We do live in the north. The northeast." "Uh-oh." Chapter 9 The (Un)expected Capture -or- Bagels "How much longer until they reach us?" SonKnuck asked Munkee. "Not long, sir." Just then, Tonic walked in. "Fudgcicle?" Tonic offered. "Not right now, Tonic," Munkee said. "We've got a small problem." "I'll take one," SonKnuck said as he grabbed it. "I'll take one, as well," MechaTails added in. "Oh, what the hell," Munkee muttered as he gave in and also took a fudgecicle. "So, what's going on?" Tonic asked. "Well, a bunch of as of yet unidentified creatures are coming this way, quite possibly causing harm." "Oh. Well, at least none of us are out of here right now." "Yeah, you're right," SonKnuck said. Suddenly, he realized that that was a false statement. "Shorty! Riochet! And Edge, Lil, Anony, and Seth are out there! I sent them to go find AJ!" "That's not good." "We've gotta do something!" Munkee shouted out. "We'll need to send out a search party! "No, Munkee, we can't just yet," SonKnuck said. "We have yet to meet up with these creatures. Besides, I don't want to risk anyone else's life just yet. We'll just have to wait until morning..." "Hey look, the sun is setting," Shorty observed. "Night creeps upon us," Riochet said in a spooky tone of voice. "Well...should we head back?" Seth asked. "Why?" "It is getting dark, and we had a late start and all. I just thought it might be a good idea to turn back. I have the strangest feeling that something bad is going to happen..." "Hey!" Shorty shouted out. "I'm supposed to make the vague predictions around here!" Finally, the sun fell back, allowing the night to show. At first, all was normal, but then the white light started to play across the road. And that was when they appeared. "Um...guys?" Anony said. "Yes?" "Look at the ground." "It's being covered in a vague white light. So?" "Don't you remember?" "Of course!" Riochet shouted out. "It's Thursday!" "No, not that." "Are you saying...?" Edge started. Anony nodded his head. "The beings." The group looked down the street. Sure enough, a group of beings, covered in the shadows of the night were coming upon them. "Well, this can't be good," Shorty said. "We have no choice but to combat the creatures," Edge stared. "Unless, of course, they leave us all alone and then we can just go home," Anony added in. "But what are the chances of that happening?" "Not good." "My point exactly." "Well...are we just going to stand here and just let them come upon us?" Shorty asked. "We don't have any way to hide from them," Seth stated. "They seem to live in the night. We can't hide in their natural habitat." "Then we should go into our natural habitat!" Riochet said. "We could run back to base and hide in there!" "There's no time," Lil said. "They're here." A group of the beings then rushed up and surrounded the members of TPCG. They all stood there, some in fighting poses, others just standing there, not really knowing what to do. "Um...what should we do?" "Beats me." Lil pulled out a peanut butter cup and threw it, but there was no effect. "I think that maybe we should...RUN!" Shorty shouted out, before rushing off. Unfortunately, he ran into the wall of evil and vague beings. So he stumbled back into the middle of the circle. "Perhaps we should transform into our more powerful forms?" Riochet suggested. "Normally, I'd agree with you," Edge said. "Unfortunately, I don't think the author is capable of doing such a thing. And besides, we're about to get knocked out." "What do you me-" And the members of TPCG that were standing there did indeed get knocked out. Just then, one of the vague and as of yet unidentifiable creatures turned around as another one, with obviously much higher power, marched up to them. "So, did it go well?" The one with higher status asked. "Yes, my master," the other one said. "We have captured these members of TPCG. Should we return home?" "No, not yet. We shall continue on to our original destination, the TPCG HQ." "Yes sir." AJ sat in his cell and looked out the small and barred window. He could tell that it was now dark, and that most likely the beings that had attacked him the night before were out there, doing something else horrible. Whether or not they would come into the police station, however, was unknown to him. If they were to look for him, they probably wouldn't come here, because of how he stated his reform of evil, and most likely wouldn't be inside a jail cell. It was ironic, AJ thought, that he was now inside jail. Of all his years of evil, he had managed to stay out of the way of the law, his only true annoyances being TPCG. And now, when he was reformed, he was stuck inside a jail cell that he deserved much earlier in his life. AJ looked out of the cell door, and spotted the cop letting everyone else back into the jail cell. Obviously, "The Terminator," was over. He had opted to stay inside his cell, to stay away from the idiots he was forced to share his cell with, and also to contemplate what he should do. Once everyone came back inside, AJ saw the cop signal him over to the door. Not wanting to talk, AJ grudgingly got up and walked over. "What is it, officer?" AJ asked. "I just thought you would like to know the results of your blood test." "Blood test? When did you take one of those, let alone take any blood from me?" "Don't ask. Anyway, I just thought you'd like to know that we know you've done much more here then just Marijuana. In fact, it seems that you haven’t done dope for a while, am I right?" "I've never done dope! I tell you, it's all a misunderstanding!" "Save it. Look, the tests came back positive for Opium." "What?! But, I've never taken any drugs in my life! I don't-" AJ stopped, and thought back to what he had for breakfast. Cereal. A Banana. A Bagel. With poppy seeds. "It was a bagel, I swear!" The cop just rolled his eyes and walked away. EAJ glanced out as the white light streaked away from them. In a way, he was glad. He wouldn't have to confront them yet, without offering them the power he was sure he would gain soon. However, the nagging thought still lingered on, from where he had seen it before. "Sir?" "Huh?' EAJ turned around and saw Andre. "Why did you call me sir?" "Because I was afraid you'd hurt me if I interrupted your thinking. So, by saying something flattering, you may loosen up and not feel the urge to slap me across the face with a smoked sausage or possibly a large tuna or bass." "Oh. Alright." Silence "EAJ, are you feeling alright?" "Why do you ask?" "You just seem so...distant. Are you afraid that the plan won't work?" "No, that's not it. It's just..." "Yes?" "Nevermind. We have something much more important to go and do! Where is the China Land Gang?" "They're in the front of the base, talking to Samantha and Potato Man about the wonders of pie." "I should've expected that. Let's go." So EAJ and Andre walked over to the front of the base. "Is everyone ready?" "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." "That's nice. Look, let's just get on with it, alright? C'mon, China Land Gang. Let's go." So Knuckle, Kuckles, Sonic Caos, and tAils walked over to EAJ and Andre. "The rest of you go and see if you can find AJ, alright?" "Sure thing, EAJ!" Cornelius said. "When am I going to say something, huh?" Macnelius burst in. "Beats me," TSP said, going back to his oatmeal. "And why are you constantly eating oatmeal!?" The group sent to search for AJ went off, leaving the rest of the BGUB to themselves. "So, do you have any idea where the Pie Emeralds are?" EAJ asked. "npe," Knuckle said, which simply meant, "Nope." "Grr…well, could you use whatever you do to go and find them?" "Wll, e jst do fnd thm!" Kuckles said, which meant, "Well, we just go and stumble upon them!" "What? That can't be a proper way to find them!" Suddenly, one of the seven Pie Emeralds came crashing through the skylight above, landing at Knuckle's feet. "Well, that was unexpected," Andre said. "C'mon then, let's go," EAJ said as he walked over to the door. "Let's get going, shall we?" "yAAAh!H!" the CLG shouted out. As they ran out the door, EAJ mumbled under his breath, "I don't know how much I can stand of them..." Chapter 10 The Mysterious Light -or- Jail Cells Aren't That Fun TL stared all around himself, at the screaming crowd, cheering for the man clad in black, and a crowd who would most likely not just let him go without getting hurt. "What are you talking about?" TL said as he turned his attention back to the man in black. "I've never killed anyone!" "Oh, that's what you think Mr. TL Kindoyle," the man in black said. "But, as will be proven here today, it will be shown that you indeed killed a billion people, and that you shall pay dearly for the mistake you made." "Look, this isn't funny," TL said. "Just let me go!" "NO!" "You don't have to yell about it..." "Listen here, you worthless peace of scum," he said as he put his face close to TL's, "I have to deal with a million other idiots every day. I don't want to have to deal with you anymore then today. So please, could you find it in yourself to talk as little as you can?" "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" The man gave TL a dirty look, and backed away. "Because of you, TL, an entire planet is gone! Destroyed! Nothing left but a smoldering crater!" "Huh?" "Yes, and in your foolishness, you indeed killed yourself, and a family you had in another life." "What?! What are you talking about?" "You, sir, destroyed one of the many parallel universes that exist in the multiverse!" "How could I have done that? I've only been to one other world, and that was one that was already warring, one that was inside a plothole!" "Yes, but that world is not the one that was destroyed. It was, in fact, another world. One you destroyed while walking in the halls of the multiverse!" "The halls of the multiverse?" "What, the day you were transported away from your home, the day that you met up with the parallel world that you spoke of earlier, did you really think that it was just a random place you were walking around?" "Well, I never really did give it much thought." "Well, sir (even though you don't deserve such talk), you were walking in the halls of the multiverse. The place connected to all the other worlds. A place that is as long as infinity itself." "But, you can't walk infinity." "Listen, I don't have to explain the specifics of the place, alright?" "Which leaves me the question, where are we?" "We, TL, are in the grand coliseum of the lurkers, contained in a place outside of the normal realm of reality." "The coliseum...of lurkers? Then that means..." "Yes. I am a lurker." "What's your name?" "My name...is Lurcration." "Lurcration?" "I don't have to get into the specifics of it, ok? Just let me go on!" "Shouldn't you explain to me how I could've destroyed an entire world, anyway?" "We'll get on to that soon enough." Lurcration then walked up to TL and slapped him across the face. "But for now, some more public humiliation is in order." The crowd, full of lurkers no doubt, cheered some more. TL just groaned. This just wasn't going to be his day. SonKnuck walked into the hospital ward of TPCG HQ, where Espirit Kindahog, a newbie, already was. "So, what's Zac's state?" "Not good," Espirit said. "He hasn't done much of anything since he came here." "I'm hopping we can do something," Rusty said, "but I fear the worst." "What could've possibly done this to him?" SonKnuck asked. "Not even we've done anything this severe to anyone..." "I don't want to think about it," Nakkurusu said, because he also just happened to be in the room. "Well, I just wanted to check up on him before they came." Suddenly, Mike Shaffner ran into the ward. "They're here," he said breathlessly. A look of fear overtook SonKnuck. Crash. "What the?" Rlan shouted in the main hall as the sound of breaking glass was heard. "The windows!" Matt the Yak shouted out. The lights in the HQ then turned off. "The power!" the TPCG doctor shouted as he ran over to Zac. "Someone help me turn on the emergency generator!" MechaTails and Munkee ran over and helped the doctor set up the generator, turning it on, and allowing the power to Zac's life support to come on. All the while, a strange white light was filling the halls. The rest of TPCG that were not in the ward were yelling about and running away from the strange creatures. "Please, we don't want any!" Tonic shouted out. "What the hell do you want, anyway?" Jacko said as he tried to attack the creatures, to no avail. "Maybe they want some 7-UP?" H Hog suggested. Just then, Zac sat up with a start. "They're here..." "Who's here?" SonKnuck said as he rushed over to Zac. "Don't let them in here..." "Who are they Zac? Answer me!" "Get away from me you little"achoo"kers!" Sonique shouted out from the hallway. H Mac then crashed into the ward, landing on another bed. "They're here," H Mac then muttered out. Five of the creatures then entered the ward, all moving to Zac's bed. "Stay away, you foul beasts!" SonKnuck shouted. They went up to SonKnuck, and pushed him over. "Ow," SonKnuck said as he landed next to H Mac. "Funny meeting you here," H Mac said to SonKnuck. The creatures then grabbed Zac, who had fallen back into unconsciousness. "Let go of my patient!" the TPCG doctor shouted out. The five beings glanced at each other, then walked out of the ward. The rest of their fellows left the perimeter of TPCG, and the white light followed them on. SonKnuck and H Mac regained their bearings, and got back up. "So, did they win?" H Mac asked as the lights turned back on. "Not if I have anything to say about it," SonKnuck said. "And do you?" "I'm not sure about that." "Is everyone all right?" MechaTails shouted out as he ran into the hall. "I think so," H Hog said as he got up. "Besides a few bruises, of course," Rusty said as he got up. The rest of TPCG also got up from the ground, if they had been knocked down while the strange creatures were there. Shorty was the first to get up. He looked around himself, and noticed that everything was dark. And that he was in a cell. A dark, dark cell. He glanced over, and noticed that everyone else was in here as well. Now, if they were only awake... "Hey, get up!" Shorty said to Riochet as he started hitting his face. "No mommy...I don't wanna go to school..." "Riochet!" "Wu...hua! Shorty! What are you doing here? Did I do something? Did we...?" "No, of course not. We've been captured." "Captured? By who?" "Don't you remember what we were doing before getting knocked out?" "Staring contest." "Yes. And then...?" "Ice cream." "No! We've been captured by the vague and as of yet unidentified creatures." "Oh! Now I remember. That's not good, is it?" "Nope. Could you help me wake up everyone else here?" "Sure." So Shorty and Riochet got everyone else up, and they regrouped. "So, does anyone have any idea of our exact location?" Edge asked. "We're inside a cell," Shorty confirmed. "Yes, but where is the cell located?" "In a building, most assuredly." "Yes, but where is the building?" "On a street, in a city." "But what street? Which city?" "Beats me." "Look," Lil intervened, "we're not getting anywhere with this kind of talk. We should find out as much as we can when the guards come around." A knock. "Come in!" Shorty shouted out. The cell door opened, and in came the more important vague creature I talked about earlier. "Hello, prisoners," the creature said. "Hi. Did you bring us some tea?" Shorty asked. "Of course not!" "Well...why not?" "Why in the world would I get tea for the prisoners?" "Because you want us to feel all nice and warm and fuzzy inside?" "Listen here, whoever you are," Seth asked, "I want to know what is going on here!" "Yeah," Edge entered. "Where are we? Why did you capture us? How did we get captured so easily?" "And what about scarecrow's brain?" Anony added. "You'll find out in due time, TPCGers." "Gasp!" Riochet said. "He knows our group name!" "But doesn't everyone?" Shorty asked. "Oh, you're right." "Look, enough with your idiotic talk!" the evil guy said. "I've come in here to interrogate you!" "But...we don't need redecoration," Shorty said. "No, you doofus." "Don't call me a doofus!" "And why not?" "Because!" "Look! I'm here to ask you questions to help me out in my grand scheme and such!" "Oh." "Listen here," Edge said, "what makes you think that we even want to help you?" "Because," the evil thing started out, "if you cherish your lives at all, you'll help me." "Well, that sure does sound like a convincing argument to me," Riochet said. "Look," Anony said, "could you at least tell us your name?" "My name?" the evil and vague being said. "Alright, then I will. I am known by many...well, not really. Most people call me by my real name. Some of the bigger kids used to call me Mr. Fluffy Pants, but that's all over now. And those that said it, they will pay. Yes, they will... "Oh, sorry. Anyway, no, the name that you shall refer to me as will be Tontro!" "Where do they get all these strange names?" Seth said aloud. "Now, will you answer my questions, or not? Well?" "Um...you haven't asked us anything yet," Edge said. "I haven't? Oh, I guess you're right." Tontro looked down at his watch, and noticed the time. "Curses! I'm late for a meeting! Well, I'll get back to you later." Then Tontro, AKA Mr. Fluffy Pants, walked out of the cell. AJ stared out of the barred window. Although he had no idea what time it was, he knew that it was late enough for everyone to get on to bed. He turned toward the door, and sure enough, the cop was coming up to the cell. "Lights out," he said, as the lights turned off. "Get to sleep." He walked away, and AJ laid down on the hard bed. He glanced over, and when he made sure that no one was watching, he sat back up, keeping his eye on the window. That was when he saw it, the white light creeping along the ground, flooding into the homes on the street, as if they were searching... Searching? AJ quickly scrambled down and curled up underneath the bed. He kept his eyes on the floor. As he expected, the light flew across the floor, climbing up the beds, glancing around. He spotted the light coming closer to his location, and he realized that his hiding spot wasn't the greatest after all. So, he grabbed the box spring’s underside, and pulled himself up. The light flew in underneath him, and when it registered nothing, it left. Once AJ was sure that the mysterious light had disappeared, he dropped back onto the ground, and climbed back into bed. He couldn't sleep, though, waiting until he could feel safe again in the morning. Of course, he would still have to try and get out of jail, and search out the source. Yes, he just wasn't having the greatest of days. Chapter 11 The Trail of Shorty -or- Toilet Humor SonKnuck glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight. It had been many hours since Zac had been captured, but he just couldn't get to sleep. He sat up in his bed and looked around. All the signs of danger were absent, meaning that the creatures hadn't returned. But still, he couldn't help but think of Shorty and the rest, who hadn't contacted him yet. Where were they? Were they safe? Or were they in trouble? Trouble that he could've prevented by not sending them out in the first place? He got up, and walked out of his room and into the main hall of TPCG. There, the rest of the members were also up, with the lights low, talking about what was going on. "None of you could sleep either?" SonKnuck asked. "Nope," they all responded. "Me either." He sat down at a table, and grabbed a cup of coffee. "Has anyone contacted us yet?" "Sorry, SonKnuck," H Mac said, "but no one's called." "I'm sure they're fine, though," Sonique added in. "At least, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, about seventy percent sure." "Look, SonKnuck," Sz said, "it's not your fault that they're missing." "Yeah," MechaTails added in. "You couldn't have known what was going to happen! You sent them out to just gather some information, and had no control of what was about to occur tonight." "Don't be so hard on yourself," Munkee offered. "Thanks, guys," SonKnuck said, "but I'm still not going to feel better until this whole mess is over with." Ring. SonKnuck glanced over, and saw that it was indeed the phone ringing. He reached over, and picked it up. "Shorty?" SonKnuck said. "Well, no sir, I'm pretty tall. I'm calling to just ask if you would like to try out our new product." "A telemarketer!?" SonKnuck shouted into the phone. "In the middle of the night?!" "But our research shows that most people are home at this hour of the day." "It's night! People sleep! And besides, I'm expecting a very important phone call! So goodbye!" SonKnuck violently hung up the phone. Then it rang again. "Hello?" SonKnuck said as he picked it up. "SonKnuck? It's me Shorty!" "Shorty! Where are you? Are you ok? How are you feeling? Where's the rest of the group?" "Whoa, calm down! Listen, I don't have much time. I'm in some sort of jail cell." "Jail cell? Where are you?" "Like I said, a jail cell." "Yes, but where? What street? What city?" "I don't know." "Well...is everyone alright?" "Yeah, they are." "Did you find AJ?" "Nope." "And who captured you?" "The vague beings." "Have you seen Zac?" "Why would I? He's over at our hospital ward...right?" "Well, he was captured by the same beings. I thought maybe you would know something about it." "Look, right now I know about as much as you do. I called just to confirm-wait, I gotta go. I'll call you later." "Wait, Shorty! What is going-" Click. "Well?" Jacko asked. "What happened?" "He hung up," SonKnuck said. "Are they all right?" Sonique asked. "As far as I can tell." "Any idea where they are?" H Mac asked. "Nope." "Then we need to find out," Munkee replied. "But how?" Mike Shaffner inquired. "I have an idea," SonKnuck said. "Quickly, someone get me to a computer! Quick!" "Um...can't you just go to your room?" Sonique asked. "Oh, you're right. To my room!" So everyone ran over to SonKnuck’s room. "Um...it's a little crowded, isn't it?" H Mac asked. "Well, this isn't my room," SonKnuck replied. "Oh. To SonKnuck's room!" So everyone rushed over to SonKnuck's room. Again. And this time, they got it right. "I gotta go. I'll call you later." Shorty then hung up his phone, and hid it within his person. No, not THAT hidden. "I can't believe they cancelled the meeting!" Tontro yelled out as he reentered the cell. "I leave my interrogation, and nothing even happens. Sometimes, I just don't know what's going on in this establishment..." Tontro then walked over to the TPCG members. "So, are you ready to talk?" "Um...you haven't asked us anything yet," Shorty said. "I haven't?" "Nope," Riochet added in. "Well then, I suppose it's time to go and ask it. Now tell me, what were doing out so late at night?" "It wasn't that late," Edge said. "The sun had just set and all." "Fine! I'll just come out with it!" Tontro shouted out. "Where is AJ?" "Huh?" Lil said. "Don't play games with me. I know you were sent off to find AJ, to try and see what he knew about us and everything. I do know that. I want to know if you found him. I want to know what you know. You shall cooperate. You shall." "But why?" Seth asked. "Because I said so!" "Why?" Anony asked. "Because I am evil! And I need to triumph in my evil quest!" "Why?" Shorty asked. "Because it's been a part of my whole life!" "Why?" Lil asked. "Because that's what been instilled in me since my creation!" "Why?" Shorty asked. "Because! That's all! Just stop saying 'why?'!" "Why?" Riochet asked. "Aaarrgghhh!!!!!" "Oooo...five exclamation points," Edge mentioned. "That's enough! If you don't cooperate in time, then you shall suffer a horrible, horrible demise." Tontro walked over to the cell door, and opened it. "I'll return in the morning. Then, I'll await your cooperation. If you don't give it...then you shall never see the light of day again!" Tontro left, and slammed the cell door shut. "Well, he's a little angry," Riochet said. "He must have some unresolved issues with his parents," Shorty responded. "I've got a bad feeling about this. We have to get out of here as soon as possible." Edge then stood still, a look of concentration across his face. "Um...are you constipated?" Riochet asked. "No! I'm trying to raise my power levels. You know, transform and all that?" "Nothing's happening," Anony stated. "Yes, I know that nothing's happening. It's obvious that for some reason, my transformation into any powerful creature, Sayian or otherwise, is not happening. "Is anyone else having that problem? Riochet? You can transform into both Doomsday and Redwing Riochet, why don't you see if you can achieve it?" Riochet tried to transform, but nothing happened. "Hey, you're right!" Riochet exclaimed. "Nothing happened." "Everyone else, see if you can transform." So everyone concentrates, to see if they can raise their power level, to transform into a more powerful creature. "Wait," Shorty said, "I think I feel something! I think...I think..." Brump. "Oops, guess not." "Great," Edge said, "the author's driven himself to toilet humor." "POOPS! FARTS! CONSTIPATION!" Riochet yelled out. "Now, why did you say that?" Seth asked. "Hey, it's a classic thread by the toilet humor group!" "Well, I'm guessing we're going to have to go to plan B," Lil said. "And what's that?" Anony questioned. "Dig." "The torment has gone on long enough!" Lurcration shouted out to the crowd. "It is now time for the prisoner to learn of his crime!" "Well, it's about time," TL said. "Shut up!" Lurcration shouted. "The prisoner is not allowed to speak during the proceedings!" "But then how am I supposed to make my case?" Lurcration then gave an evil smirk. "Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention please! It is time! This is TL Kidnoyle, as you all know. A viler being has never been known to exist. No one else has had such a large catastrophe on their hands such as this man." "Just get to the point!" TL shouted out. "Fine then, I will. Listen up! TL is responsible for the destruction of one of the many different worlds that exist in the multiverse. The one he was responsible for destroying was one that had been in war for thousands upon thousands of years. "The many wars this planet had was largely controlled by two separate families. The Sonikkus and the Tailus. These two families controlled each one half of their world. Because of a feud that started about which side of the bread was buttered, soon their world become war-stricken. "That was when they called upon our help. The special kind of help that only lurkers can deliver. They contacted the Lurkers Multiverse Protection Agency!" "The what?" TL asked. "Sigh...an agency created by the earliest of lurkers that broke the barrier between the many universes. Anyway, we were called to help bring peace between these two universes, to present to the families the token of peace on their world: a banana." "A...banana?" "Yes, a banana. The most delightful of fruits, according to their culture. We were appointed with the task of guarding the banana, and placed it within the halls of the multiverse. That, however, is when the prisoner made his appearance. "When he arrived within the territory of the lurkers, he soon came upon...a banana." Gasps were heard from the crowd. "Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, he found the banana belonging to their world. And do you know what he did with it? He ate it." Even more gasps were heard. "And, to make things worse, he threw the peel onto the floor, causing one of our own to slip and fall on it." "The fiend!" a random person shouted out. TL couldn't understand what was going on. Sure he had found a banana, but was he to believe that it was really a symbol of peace on a parallel universe, and that he took part in its destruction?" "Yes, my friends," Lurcration began again, "when the planet learned of its consumption, the two sides began to war more fiercely then ever before. In fact, they even launched a top secret weapon of mass destruction. One launched by the parallel version of TL here. One that wiped out their civilization. "Now, nothing remains but a smoldering crater of a once fruitful planet. All due to the carelessness of the prisoner." Lurcration then walked over to TL. "Well...do you deny it?" TL stared, contemplating his answer very carefully. AJ stared around his jail cell. He knew it was past midnight by now, but wasn't sure of the exact time. It was impossible to even sleep with these conditions. "Oh Arnold, how I adore thee..." he heard Franz say in his sleep. He needed to get out of here, but how? "Dude....." AJ sat up. One of the potheads had now gotten up, and was staring at the celled door. "You!" He shouted out. "What's your name?" "My name...is....Shaggy." "Shaggy? You mean...that guy from Scooby-Doo?" "No, man," Shaggy said, "he only wishes that he could smoke the stuff I get..." "Yeah...,” AJ said uncomfortably, “well, what is it?" "I just got this crazy idea." Silence. "Yes...?" "Oh! You want me to tell you?" "Yes, I want you to tell me." "Ok. I just got this crazy idea." More silence. "Yes?" "Oh sorry, I was thinking of pot. Anyway, I was thinking, 'what would happen if I decided to walk through the bars and just leave jail?' Then I could get more dope, smoke some weed, and get it on with the easy chicks." "That's nice," he replied sarcastically, but Shaggy just stared with a stupid grin on his face. Then, an idea struck AJ. Perhaps this high person had an idea. Sure, his variation couldn't work, but his might. "Hey, you two, wake up!" AJ said to Hanz and Franz. "Huh..? What is it?" Hanz said as he sat up. "Yah, is there someone who wants to watch my muscles?" "No, not that," AJ said. "I had an idea. You say that you're strong and everything, right?" "Yah," the two said together. "Well, why don't you just bend the bars on the door and let us out of here?" "Because," Franz said, "that would be a destruction of federal property." "Well...it could show off your skills." Hanz and Franz then got up and walked over the cell door. "I think the girly man has a point," Franz said. "I think you're right, Franz," said Hanz. So the two bent the bars, walked out of the cell, and bent them back into place. "Hey!" AJ shouted out. "What about us?" "I'm sorry, wimpy man," Hanz said, "but we're not going to break out the likes of you." "Yah," Franz replied. "You have reasons to be in here that we don't. We would never take any drugs, like you." "Yah, we are all natural!" "Sorry. Good day." So the two German muscle men leave, making AJ hate his situation even more. "Want a joint?" Shaggy said, offering AJ a piece of Marijuana. "Wait, how did you get that?" AJ asked. "The police confiscated all of your dope!" Shaggy gave AJ a slurred sort of wink that made AJ become afraid. "Um...I think I'll pass on this one," AJ said as he went back to his bed. "You're loss," Shaggy said as he lit up one and started to smoke it. EAJ pulled out his evil-mobile (paten pending) from his driveway, and stopped it to allow Andre and the China Land Gang to get inside. "Do you have the first Pie Emerald we located?" EAJ asked Andre. "Yes sir, I do." "Perfect. Place it within this container, to keep it protected from anyone who may get the idea of stealing it. "Ok." And he did so. "Whn wil me gt pieeeee!!!" Knuckle shouted out, which meant, "When will we get pie?" "You can eat pie later!" EAJ said. "Listen, we need to find the other six pie emeralds. Now, where can they be?" "plces," Kuckles muttered, which meant, "Places." "Yes, I know that they are at places, but where specifically?" "CHINA LAND!!!???" Sonic Caos shouted out. "Ch...China Land?" "What's wrong?" Andre asked. "You know what's wrong, Andre," EAJ said. "No, I don't." "Well, maybe it wasn't me specifically, but you do know that I have the memories of AJ. I share much of his personality. That is what happens when you are just a replica of an existing person. "Therefore, I know of AJ's feelings...toward China Land." "But you're not AJ! You're EAJ! So, you can break through those barriers." "Hmm...perhaps you're right. Perhaps..." "Unless, of course, Sonic Caos shouted out the words 'China Land' just because he wanted to." "No. I will go. I will suffer, and try to push out those memories. I will go...to China Land." "k." tAils said. EAJ started his car, and he drove the car out to the direction of China Land. Which, of course, is the homeland of the China Land Gang (and I'm just wondering why I'm not writing the word CLG instead. But that's just me going on a tangent.). Chapter 12 The Trial of TL -or- No, I Haven't Forgotten About Ami and Seven... Seven and Ami woke up, and looked around their surroundings. They were in a small, very dark room. However, a table with three chairs could be very dimly seen. "Well, that was unexpected," Seven said aloud. "Where are we, anyway?" Ami asked. "How am I supposed to know?" "I wasn't expecting any type of answer." "Oh." "Don't worry ladies, you're perfectly fine." Seven and Ami turned to the source of the voice. They were startled by who they saw. "OZac?" they said aloud together. "I'm flattered that you remember me." "What are you doing here?" Ami asked. "Don't tell me EShorty is here again?" Seven questioned. "Oh no, don't worry about the A-SAP. They are safely in their own universe, completely oblivious to my visit here." "Then...why are you here?" "Because I know that something strange is occurring here in your universe. What that is, however, I have no idea. That, I suppose, is a question best left for those who know the answer." "But why are we here?" Seven asked. "It was purely by chance that you were the two that were drawn here. I knew that I needed help, and who better then the members of TPCG? Of course, alerting the entire group could be disastrous, causing whatever is going on here to gain onto my own appearance, and letting them know more then I do." "Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" "I have help. From a very reliable source, who should be here any minute with vital information that can help us out." "What does he look like?" "Well...." OZac then stopped. He glanced around. "He's here. I can feel him." "Feel who?" Ami asked. "I understand," OZac said, oblivious to those around him. "I'll let you enter." "Who are you talking to?" Seven asked. OZac then collapsed on the floor, pain tearing across his face. "OZac!" Ami yelled out. "St...stay back..." OZac mumbled. He cried out in pain. "I don't care what you say! I'm helping you!" Ami shouted out. "Wait," Seven said, extending her arm to block Ami. "But…he's in pain! We can't just let him suffer, can we? He's helped us before." "No...it’s quite alright," OZac said as the pain subsided. "I'm quite alright. Well, OZac's body is alright, to say the least." OZac got up, and met with the confused faces of Ami and Seven. "What are you talking about?" Seven asked. "Allow me to introduce myself," the body of OZac started out. "My name is Rocando, and I'm here to help you." AJ sat in his cell, staring at Shaggy smoking. His two other companions, Condro and Highity, had also gotten, up and were also smoking. "How can you just sit here and smoke your cares away?" AJ asked the group. "Hey man, you gotta try it!" Condro shouted out. "It's a sensation all its own!" "Yeah," Highity said, "it's changed my life so much I even got a license plate that says 'high.'" "Um...but what about your name? Did you change that?" "No. My parents were just weird." "Hey, could you keep it down?" Regis shouted out. "I'm trying to sleep!" "Why don't you shut up?" Alex shouted back. "It's not my fault that you're upstart show sucks so bad!" "You take that back!" "Make me, answer-boy!" "I'll make you eat those words!" So Regis and Alex started to wrestle on the ground. "Well, that's something you don't see everyday," AJ said. "Hey, keep it quiet down there!" a prisoner in another cell said. "Dude," Shaggy said. The cop then started to walk down the hall. "I would suggest hiding your pot if I were you," AJ said to the group of potheads. So they quickly hid their pot. "Alright, you guys," the police officer said. "You've been bailed out." "Who's been bailed out?" AJ asked. "The four of you pot-smokers." "Hey, what about me?" Regis shouted out. "And me?" Alex said. "You can keep your fighting spirit inside your cell," the officer said. "Alright, thank you," AJ said as he got up. As the three others left before him, AJ asked "by the way, what time is it, anyway?" "I'd say around three in the morning," the officer replied. "Then why are you letting us out now? Isn't it usually during working hours?" "Look, do you want to go back inside that cell?" "No." "Then get outa here!" So AJ got up and walked with the rest of the group. "They pulled through for us!" Shaggy shouted out. "You were right, you crazy man," Condor said. "Anyone got a light?" Highity asked. "Who bailed us out, anyway?" AJ asked. AJ followed the group outside of the station, to a large van with a very familiar odor emanating from it. Standing in front of it were three men. The first had an unnaturally tight shirt with a large picture of a Marijuana leaf. Next to him was a person completely bald, but with a beard that extended down to his waistline. And the third, who looked almost starved, had a shirt with a large picture of a wolf. "Um...hello," AJ said to the new additions. "AJ," Shaggy said, "I'd like you to meet the head members of our little group. The one with the leaf shirt is Jamie, the one with the beard is David, and the third is called Brandon." "Nice hair," AJ said to David. "SWEEEEET!!!" David shouted out. "Um...yeah." "It's a wig." "A wig?" "Yeah, I got high last night and I told myself 'hey, I'll go get banged!' Then midway I forgot which banged I meant, and so went to this barber, asking for some bangs. He directed me to a wig shop, and I soon forgot about it all together and just got this bald wig and beard." David then pulls it off, allowing his glasses to actually be visible. "Dave," Brandon said while leaning against the van, "I just got this great idea. Why don't we get high?" "I was thinking the exact same thing!" Jamie shouted out. Brandon then fell down, and started laughing. "I got a new bowl of cheeba inside the van." "SWEEEEEET!!!" the group shouted out. "Um...what's cheeba?" AJ asked. "You're apparently a newbie to the smoking the stuff, aren’t you?" "Well..." "Cheeba is just another term for weed. Dope. Grass. Marijuana." "Oh. Alright." "Hop in the van, dude," Shaggy shouted out as the rest of the gang who was obviously high got in. "Well, I have nothing better to do, except try and save the world." "Oh c'mon!" David shouted out. "There's always room for C-H-E-E-B,"he takes a drag,"-A!" AJ is pulled into the van, and the group drove off. TL stared up at the face of Lurcration, who was staring fiercely down at him. "Well?" Lurcration said. "First of all," TL began, "why would you leave the national symbol of a planet, which could be the only path to peace, in the middle of a hallway?" "You fool, like I said, it was no ordinary hallway. It is the hallway of the multiverse! A place only accessible by lurkers! And only those who are part of the Lurkers Multiverse Protection Agency." "But...what if a lurker went rouge" Lurcration stared at TL. "Are you saying that a lurker, a series of beings who have dedicated themselves to watching what others do, would want to become...evil?" "Well...yeah." "You are even a greater fool then I thought!" Lurcration shouted out. "You don't know the first thing about lurkers!" "Maybe that's because I don't have to hide behind a cloak to see the world!" "Shut up! You have no right to deface us! You have no idea what we have done for you time and time again! "Now, once again, do you deny eating the banana?" "..." "Answer me!" "Alright! I admit that I did eat a banana! But what makes you think that that was the one?" The audience couldn't hear TL's final comment, because of their screaming once TL admitted eating. "You see fellow lurkers!" Lurcration shouted out. "He admits it! He did eat the banana!" "But-" "You have no right to talk! The trial is over! We find the defendant guilty of all charges!" "What? But...I didn't get to state my case!" "Enough! Guards, take him away!" Two burly lurkers marched up and picked up TL's chair. "Let me go!" he shouted out. "I'm innocent!" "Poor, poor regular," Lurcration said. "Send him to his cell." So TL was dragged over to a barred cell that had been sitting in the coliseum the whole time. They untied him from his chair, but left him inside. "I'll get out of here, even if you won't let me! I have friends!" "You may have friends in your world," Lurcration said, "but how will that help you here? You're in lurker territory. There's nowhere you can go." "Well...I know David The Lurker!" "Who?" Great, TL thought. The one person who had lurker in his name wasn't known here. "Of course," Lurcration began once again, directing himself to the crowd, "we know that this...Kidnoyle...is not the only one at fault here! Who was in charge of protecting that banana?" "Mr. Fluffy-Pants?" someone shouted out. "Who? Oh, it doesn't matter. The person responsible was, of course, Kitchiitchikakamama!" The crowd shouted in agreement. "I propose," said Lurcration, "that we propose a vote at the Council of the Lurkers for a vote of no confidence, to discharge from his position of power, and allow someone with much more intelligence to take his place!" "Lurcration!" the crowd started to chant. "What, me?" Lurcration said, trying to keep himself contained. "I'm flattered that you believe in me. Of course, it's up to the council to decide..." They continued to chant his name. "Um...who's Kitchi...itchi...whatever?" TL asked. "Well, I'll tell you, just because I'm feeling important right now," Lurcration said. "Kitchiitchikakamama is one of the head members of the Lurkers Multiverse Protection Agency. They are, of course, regulated by the people in charge of the government, the Council of the Lurkers." "And they're in charge of everything?" "Of course." "Could they let me out?" "They're not letting you out!" "Oh." "Call the Council!" the crowd started to shout out. "We don't have to go to the council!" Lurcration shouted out. "They should come here!" The crowd cheered in agreement. "Won't this be fun..." TL said as he sloped down to the ground. SonKnuck sat down to his computer, the other members looking over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" H Mac asked. "You'll find out soon enough," SonKnuck said. SonKnuck opened up a few windows, and typed in a few keystrokes. Soon, a window popped up with a map of EZboard, the community where the TPCG HQ was located. "A map? How can that help us?" Jacko said. "You'll see," SonKnuck said. SonKnuck started to type even more into the computer. "I think I know what you're doing," Munkee said. Soon, a map appeared with a bunch of blinking dots. "Is this...?" Sonique asked. "Yes. A map used to locate the individual signals produced by a cell phone. By typing in the number of the phone I gave to Shorty, we should be able to get a signal..." SonKnuck typed in the number. Soon, all of the dots disappeared but one. "...there! That's where Shorty is!" "Why...he isn't even in EZboard anymore!" MechaTails said. "We can only hope he's ok," H Hog added. "We're going to have to get their as fast as we can," SonKnuck said. "Our best bet is the TPCG mobile." "I've got the keys!" Mike Shaffner shouted out. "Then let's go!" So everyone filed out of Shorty's room, and headed to the door. They were soon stopped in their tracks by a booming voice from their televisions and radios. "Where are you going, TPCG?" They looked over at the screen, and recognized the figure as one of the vague creatures. "You!" SonKnuck shouted. "Yes, it is I." "Um...what's your name?" H Mac asked. "What...you want to know my name?" "Of course," Tonic said. "Fine, I'll tell it. My name is Tontro." "Tontro?!" TPCG said together. "Why is everyone so startled by my name? Anyway, I am the one who currently has your friends in custody." "Curses!" SonKnuck shouted out. "And now I shall ask you...where's AJ?" "AJ? How am I supposed to know?" "Don't question me!" Tontro shouted out. "I know that you sent this group to go find AJ. You must obviously have some sort of idea where he is, so...where is he?" "I'm not telling." "Fine! Then you shall suffer the consequences!" The electricity in the HQ went out, and the same white light that had visited them earlier filled the halls again. Rusty ran over to the window and looked out. "Um...guys," Rusty said, "they're everywhere." The rest of TPCG walked over to the windows and stared out. "They've got us surrounded...." H Mac said. "How can we get out?" SonKnuck asked. Mike Shaffner ran over to the door, but found it locked. "We're trapped in here," Mike Shaffner replied. "What are we going to do?" Sonique asked. "I may have a solution," David TL said. "What!?" TPCG shouted out. "You have a plan to get us out of here?" SonKnuck asked. "Yes, I do. We lurkers know more then most think. Of course, we don't know a lot that you do, but...um...I've lost my train of thought. Just follow me to my room." So, reluctantly, TPCG followed. Chapter 13 Ah...Ah... ...choo. Chapter 14 Who Was That Masked Raccoon? -or- The Return Of... "Achoo!" Mike Shaffner sneezed. "Sick?" NelsonJ asked. "No. Just stuck my nose in pepper. By accident, of course." "Oh. Alright." David TL then marched up to the door of his room. "I'll have to warn you," he started, "that it may be a little crowded in here. It surly isn't as large as SonKnuck's room." So David TL opened up his door, and everyone jammed themselves inside, avoiding the pineapple, Piney, who climbed up his bunk bed and sat staring at the crowd. "Now, what is it you want us to see?" SonKnuck asked. "Well, I normally would say something irrelevant and pointless like 'watch LEXX' or 'taste these potato chips and carbonated milk,' but time doesn't allow for it." He marched up to the wall next to his bed, and tapped on it a few times. Suddenly, a series of portholes appeared. "What are these?" H Mac asked. "Well, in order for lurkers to lurk the way they do," David TL started, "we have access to these tunnels that spread across the planet. I'm not sure how they work or anything, but they do all the same." David TL then opened up the one marked "The Moogle Cavern." "Hey, what's this unmarked one go to?" H Mac asked. "Oh, that? I have no idea. I've never tried it out but I will one of these days. "Everybody in!" So, one by one, everyone slid into the porthole marked for the Moogle Cavern. David TL was the last to enter, and as he climbed in he said to Piney, "you know what to do." Piney nodded, and David TL closed the porthole, causing the rest to disappear. Piney then hopped away to save the Chao and the other strange creatures that lived in TPCG HQ. "Now Kulock," Edweirdo started out, "you can't expect me to believe that there are much more important things that you had to do then update the Moogle Cavern." "Of course there is!" Kulock shouted. "And playing Melee is one of those?" "Um...yes. Yes it is." "I give up. You talk to him, Leo." "What, you want me to risk the destruction of my eleventh screen name?" Leo asked. "You risk it just be being here." "Oh yeah, you're right." "Look here," Pelord said, "we have much more to do here then worry about the state of the Moogle Cavern page. Like the state of the message board! When are we going to get the new one back?" "You know that's not in my hands," Kulock said. "Of course I do. But that doesn't mean we can't worry about it." "Yeah," Fadflamer said. "And what about the new slew of video games and systems?" "And 2 for one tickets?" Local H said. "And free samples?" Gold Sonic asked. "And what about Scarecrow's brain?" Dreadknuckster said. Suddenly, a hole opened up on the side of a wall, and out flew the members of TPCG. "What the hell?" Kulock shouted out as he stepped away from the colliding group. "You are now in The Moogle Cavern David The Lurker," a cheerful female voice said. "Have a nice day." The hole then disappeared. "What's going on here?" Kulock asked. "Oh...hi Kulock," H Hog said. "H Hog, could you please tell me why you and everyone else who is somehow affiliated with TPCG, even if they first came here, are piled up on the floor?" "Um...would you believe it's a crazy plot involving vague and unidentified creatures who most likely want us destroyed in yet another plot of world takeover?" "It's the lurkers fault!" Jacko shouts out. "What'd I do?" David TL asked. "Sorry, I just panicked. "Alright then," Kulock said, "I'll just accept H Hog's first answer. Now, maybe you could get into the specif-OOF!" A bunch of Chao, as well as a certain walking pineapple, appeared out of nowhere. Well, not really out of nowhere, but you get the idea. "It's our Chao!" SonKnuck shouted out. "Um...why are they here?" "Well," David TL said, "I just sent Piney to go send all of our Chao over here to the Moogle Cavern while whatever occurs in our base. We have no idea what's going to happen, after all." "So he's not a complete idiot," H Mac said. "Do you have any idea what else is going on?" Scott Prower asked. "Well...not really," MechaTails said. "What?" Tenniru shouted out. "You mean you know nothing besides the vague creatures?" "Well..." "Yes, we do," SonKnuck said. "Well then, get on with it!" Jamie Swiftrunner shouted out. "I need to get on with starting at my Metal Sonic idol." "And I want to get those special sprites from Matrix" "Only if you give me chocolate Kulock," Matrix replies. "And I need to find new ways to see Amy's panties!" Andy V'ner shouted out. The ones who have no desire to see Amy's panties (which is not everyone. You know who does and who doesn't. Well...ok, maybe you don't. So what?) stare at Andy. "Oh, you know you want to!" "Look here," Nik Jam said, "does this have anything to so with those vague creatures that were walking around where your base is only a couple hours ago?" "How do you know about that?" SonKnuck asked. "It was on the news. Why do you think we're all awake?" "I thought it was because Edweirdo had too many bean burritos for dinner," said Mysterious Hedgehog. "Well, that may be true, but we've been riveted to the television!" TPCG glanced over to the TV. On it, the Sonic Anime DVD (with the original voices and subtitles) was playing. "Well...It's been a while since we've seen it!" "Can I go back to sleep?" Squiggles the Chao asked, its eyes slowly closing. Just then, the doorbell rang. "Who could it be at this hour?" Kulock asked. "Who knew we had a door?" ArtemusWolf asked. Kulock walked over to the door and opened it up. "A pizza for Diablohead," the pizza boy said. "I'll take that, thanks," Diablohead said as he walked up and grabbed the pizza, paying along the way. "Did you get enough for the class?" Kulock asked. "No." Diablohead then walked away. "Look," SonKnuck said, "has everyone forgotten about our strange appearance here?" "Well...mostly," Andy said. "You've spent enough time here to know how Moogle Caverners act when something strange happens," H Hog said. "Yeah. They've had enough of their own strange and pointless adventures." Ding-dong. "Now who is it?" Kulock said as he walked over and opened the door. "Hey Kulock!" Jan Azaba (of Area 51 fame) shouted out. "I've invited all the SSRG and SFGHQ members over here for a sleep over, just like you said!" "When did I say that?" "You told me over the phone." But...that was last week." "Hey, it takes a while to gather up everyone and everything." Kulock stared at then, then walked over to his desk, and pressed the "update" button. Everyone gasped. The walls around everyone started to change color, gaining red and black tones, statues of various Nintendo characters appeared, and the words "MELEE" and "DX" appeared everywhere. The Super Smash Brothers Melee redesign had occurred. "So, you finally got your Gamecube back, huh?" SonKnuck asked. Kulock stared at SonKnuck, and sadly shook his head. "I want it back!" he screamed. "Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! DX! DX! DX! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee! DX! DX! Melee! Melee! Melee! Melee!" "I see..." "We have no time to waste!" Jan shouted out. "What are you talking about?" Leo asked. "We have all the time in the world to waste!" "We do? But what about school? And jobs? And money?" "Silly person, you know that's all in the real world!" "It is?" "Yes." "But...don't we exist in the real world? Isn't that why my website hasn't been updated in months? Why Kulock's page still lacks any new content?" "No!" H Hog screamed as he paid off a bet with Tristen (of TSSZ [The Super Sonic Zone] fame) on what would happen when Kulock finally put up his newest redesigned. "Um...maybe it's because we're always in some crazy situation or another that puts us in life threatening situations (or just insane, stupid ones, for that matter)?" "Er...." "Enough!" Mike Shaffner shouted out. "Listen up! We need to find Shorty, Riochet, and other members of our board, TPCG! They have been captured by the vague creatures Nik Jam referred to earlier before even more insane talk was spoken! "All we know is their location. Sort of. However, we do not know the perils that lay in store for us. In fact, we don not even know of the vague creatures true abilities, if there are any. And we also don't know....the question of the universe." Gasp! "So....anyone know how we can get to where they're at?" "Um....Mike?" SonKnuck said. "What?" "Remember, you do have the keys to the TPCG Mobile." "I do?" "Yes." "And?" "And you can call it up and allow it to zoom over here to the Moogle Cavern, so that we can rush off, save our friends, and also get knee deep into another crazy and possibly life threatening situation." "Oh. Alright." So Mike Shaffner pushed the shiny red button on the keypad on that thing that is on a key ring. You know, the one that can open up your doors and trunk? Oh, I'll just get on with the rest of the chapter. Before boredom sets in. Oh, wait. Too late. Well, just read on. "Alright!" Cornelius shouted out. "I'm in charge!" "Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttt Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Hougan asked. "Because I'm the smartest one here!" "But...you’re seniority doesn’t compare to Samantha and Potato man!" Jolt shouted out. "pieee!" Samantha shouted out. "pieee?" Potato Man asked. "PIEEE!" Samantha shouted out again. "Alright, you're in charge," Jolt said. "But I wanna be in charge!" SoniProw yelled out. "Are you even evil?" Cornelius asked. "Of course I am!" "Then why don't you do anything?" "Well...what does TSP do?" They all glanced over to TSP, who was eating a bowl of oatmeal. "Well..." Cornelius started out, "he's done evil things before." "And so have I." "Really?" "Yes, I have." "Well...I'm still in charge." "Don't you need a second in command?" "What about Hougan?" "Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!" Hougan shouted out. "Grr...fine, don't come asking me for any spectacular ideas to go and capture AJ!" Mufasa tried to poke TSP's oatmeal. He was thrown to the ground. "Listen here, Cornelius," Macneilius said as he marched up to him, "everyone here knows that I am the more intelligent person here! I am the creation caused by the mixing of your and H Mac's DNA! That should mean that I'm the leader of this expedition!" "Um...guys?" Jolt asked. "Shouldn't we just...go do stuff?" "Yayy!!!!!" Samantha and Potato Man shouted out. "Hey...where are the twins?" Cornelius asked. "The whatzit?" SoniProw stated. "The whozit?" Jolt asked. "The whatzamatzakitchmitzaluludoodoomoomoopoopookukucrazyman?" TSP said, dancing around. Everyone stared. "Heh," TSP softly laughed out as he sat down and started eating his oatmeal again. "Alright, that's enough!" Cornelius shouted out. "We need order! We need discipline! We need..." Samantha marched up, and transformed in front of everyone into the sexually attractive (and incredibly horny) Samantha. "Hey there, Cornelius," Samantha said. "H...hi," he said. "What? How did that happen?" Jolt sputtered out. "Roar?" Mufasa said. "Oh, I still have that special ability to transform between my standard state and this one," Samantha said. "Well, that's quite impressive," Cornelius said as he snuggled up to her. "Perhaps we could go and...?" Potato Man walked up to Cornelius and slammed a pie into his face. "Then again..." Suddenly, Apple and Cherry, the twins of Samantha and Potato Man, appeared. "So that's where they got to," Cornelius said as he licked the pie off his face. "MOMOM?" Apple said. "oooo..." Cherry muttered out. Then, Cherry transformed into her more enhanced state, Cherri. "So, we've decided to show ourselves?" Cherri asked. "Yep," Samantha said, "someone needed to takeover this group of insanity. And I believe that I have...the ASSets...to handle it. With my daughter, of course...." "You had to emphasize that one syllable, didn't you?" Jolt asked. "Of course." "Just asking." "Cherri?" "Yes mom?" "I think...I need a lube job. Could you...handle it?" "Yes...I can..." Cherri then marched up to their car and gave it a lube job. What else did you think I was talking about? "I'm done," Cherri said after she was...well...done. "That's great, honey. Now c'mon, we have to go find a crazy man who used to be evil but isn't anymore and our leader who just happens to be the same person wants him, AJ!" The BGUB stared blankly. "Oh, just get in the car." "Something something blah blah blah, then I got high!" Brandon badly sung. "Doba doba ba ba ba, then I got high!" Shaggy sung as well. "La la la la la la la, and I know why!" Condor also badly sung. "Cause I got high, because I got high, cause I got HIGHEEE!!" Highity shouted out. "And I'm here why?" AJ asked, slumping in his chair. "What's your problem, dude?" Jamie asked. "Just take one drag, and you'll be exposed to a world of delight and...delight." "No thank you. The second hand smoke is quite enough for me." "You know what I might love more then cheebs?" David said. "What's that?" Jamie asked. "Alcohol!" "Dude...you can't drink," Jamie said. "Why not?" "Cause...you're driving!" "I...am?" AJ looked up, and noticed that David was in the back with the rest. "Who's driving?" Brandon asked. "No one," David said, "I guess." "NO ONE'S DRIVING!?!?" everyone shouted out together. Dave sprinted forward, and grabbed the steering wheel, turning it widely. Loud crashes could be heard behind him. "Brandon, stop crashing into the wall! I'm trying to concentrate!" Dave shouted out. "Ok," Brandon said, grabbing the bottle of booze that Dave had dropped. Yes, I have decided to just call him Dave from now on. Soon, the car is able to regain its path on the road. "Well, that was close," Dave said, before taking another drag. "Perhaps you could let me off here?" AJ asked. "Why would you want to go and do that?" Shaggy said. "The party's just getting started!" "That's what I'm afraid of." “Hey, watch this!” Jamie shouted, searching through a pile of stuff in the van. “Now what?” AJ asked. AJ then pulled out a polearm (aka a really big sword [I guess...]), and started to swing it around. “It’s shiny…” Brandon muttered. “It’s my pol...pol…really big sword!” “It’s just plastic,” Dave answered. “No, it’s real!” Jamie shouted. Then, unexplainably, the van went into “Anime mode,” causing everyone to get really big eyes and hair. Jamie then started to move around in the classic anime fighting style, and sliced off the roof, moments before “Anime mode” ended. And the polearm vanished. “Um…where did your sword go?” asked AJ. “You don’t want to know,” replied Jamie.” “I really, really need to get out of here,” AJ said. "Loosen up, duuuuuuuuuude," Brandon said. "Please, don't elongate your words. I've already heard more of that then anyone else on the planet." "I have deduced what is wrong with this fellow," Jamie said in a mock English accent, before collapsing on the floor in a fit of laughter. "And what's that?" "This boy needs to get laid!" Jamie said in-between his bursts of laughter. "That reminds me!" David said while driving. "I saw a redheaded slut on a bar, and I drank it. Then, the person who bought it turned out to also be a redhead. So...I did her!" (Just to let you know, a “redheaded slut is really a drink. It’s true!) "Cooooooooooooool," Brandon said. "Which is why AJ needs the touch of a woman," Jamie said. "Well...I don't know..." "Oh c'mon! You're not a virgin...are you?" "No. But..." "But what?" Brandon asked. "I've...only done it with someone who I truly loved." "Love?" Dave splurted out. "You know what I love more then cheeba?" "What's that?" "Getting f"honk"ked." The PotMobile then slowed down on the side of the road, next to three attractive looking women. "Helloooo ladies," David said out of the window of the van. "Do you need a lift?" The first woman, a goth with black hair, glanced at her two friends. The first was an Asian with blue hair, and next to her was a blond with a skirt shorter then any Dave had seen. "Well...we may. We still have two of our friends inside. So you think...?" "There's always room for more, I always say!" Dave shouted out. The door to the apartment building behind the ladies burst open. Out stepped a redhead, pulling along a brunette in a Catholic school uniform. "C'mon, Little-Miss-Prissy!" the red headed woman shouted out. "It's time for a little fun!" "I don't know," the brunette said. "I should be at home, studying-" "Oh, shut the f"honk"k up, you just need to get f"honk"ed up in more ways then one! "And we need to move the hell away from that f"honk"ing blow horn thing!" The five woman then pile into the van. "Pot?" Jamie offered. "Don't mind if I do," the goth said as she reached into the pot bowl. "Hey, don't I know you?" Dave said to the redhead. "I think we do," she said. She then sinks under the dashboard. And I'll just leave the rest to your imagination. Soon, the various women start talking to the various men, except for AJ and the girl in the school uniform. "Why aren't you talking to all my friends, like all of your friends are?" she asked. "My friends?" AJ said, bewildered. "I've just met these freaks. Through circumstances I'd rather not get into, I'm now stuck on this PotMobile." "I understand," she said. "I'm just a senior, trying to concentrate on my school work so I can go on to collage." "Really?" AJ said, perking up. "Yeah, I'm nothing like my friends. They just like to walk around, talk big, and just seem like they own everyone and everything." "Yeah. These guys are just pot smokers who have no true sense of reality!" "You mean like the author?" "Well, except for the drug stuff...yeah." Hey! I have a good sense of reality! Wait...can't let them converse with me...then it would just seem like some stupid Sonic Fan story, with Sonic calling the author "cool." "Well...we're not increasing your self confidence or anything." Well...I guess so. "My name's AJ," he said as he reached out and grabbed her hand. "What's yours?" "Angie." Ami and Seven stared at OZac. Or was that Rocando? They couldn't be sure of what had just happened. "What are you talking about?" Seven asked. "I am Rocando, and I am here to help you." "Yes, we've got that," Ami said. "OZac, what are you doing?" Seven asked. "OZac? No, I am Rocando." "No, you're not. You're OZac." "No, I'm Rocando." "OZac." "Rocando." "OZac!" "Rocando!" "Enough!" Ami shouted out. "Listen, are you suffering from multiple personality disorder, or something?" "Oh," Rocando said, "I see. You're confused as to my state. Allow me to explain. "The body you do see is OZac. And OZac's personality, his life essence, is safe and secure as well. However, I am an entirely different entity." "Well...Rocando...," Seven started, "this is hard to believe that you're just some wondering...whatever...entering bodies at will?" "We have met before." Seven and Ami looked stunned. "When have we met before?" Ami asked. "Hmm...perhaps this will remind you...'Shorty, we are in danger, I'm sure of it. It goes back to the beginning of our fight. It is up to us...'" Ami's eyes opened wide. "What?" Seven said. "What is it?" "That was spoken to me only once before," Ami said. "By Simon." "Simon? You mean...Simon has possessed OZac?" "No!" Rocando shouted out. "I'm not Simon!" "You're not..." Ami said. "You're the strange force that possessed Simon, who led us to Zac, before we confronted the plothole of Zalique!" "What!?" Seven yelled out. "You mean that was a real person?!" "Yes," Rocando said. "I am a real person. Well...I'm just the disembodied force of a person. But, I'd rather not get into my whole origin story and all. That would just bore you all." "No it wouldn't," Ami said. "I would like to know how you came about," Seven said. "Well, time does not allow it. Perhaps one day you will find out. "Anyway, I have invited you two to share with you the information that I have gained so far of the evil plaguing this world." Rocando sat down at the table. "Would you care to join me?" he asked. So Seven and Ami sat down at the table. "As you are most likely aware of," Rocando began, "a group of strange beings have been patrolling the streets during the night. These beings are called the Nortoratos. They are a strange race that lives only in a parallel universe from your own. "These creatures have been contracted by an unknown person, who I have yet to identify, who is set on controlling this world, for reasons that I also do not know." "Well, you're a big help," Seven said. "Anyway, these beings can only live in the cover of darkness, which is why they have only appeared in the cover of night. They also have a way to discover those that they search for, by shooting out a strange white light, which can read who is in its path." OZac stopped, his face in concentration. "There are, of course, some parts of the puzzle that I don't understand," Rocando said, "the obvious being why they want to take over this particular world. I suppose it could just be the lust of ruling the multiverse, but I do not know. "Then, of course, is the capture of Zac. The capture of your TPCG members makes sense, but..." "What?!" Seven shouted out. "Who's been captured?" "Oh right, you do not know what has occurred since you've arrived here. Well, SonKnuck set off a party to find AJ. This consisted of Shorty, Riochet, Edge, Lil, Anony, and Seth. They have been captured by the Nortoratos, along with Zac, who stumbled into your base." "Well, shouldn't we go help them?" Ami said. "At least let me finish my thinking out loud. I do not know why they have captured Zac. It could be because thy fear the recreation of Zacs, who is of course the combination of Zac and this person who's body I'm using, OZac. But, it should be impossible for that to happen. There must be something he knows that I do not. But what..." "Are you done?" Seven said. "Yes, I am. I will now leave you in the care of OZac, who will help you out, and hopefully lead you to victory." Rocando then slams his head against the table repeatedly, causing the body to become unconscious. "Well, that was unexpected," Ami said. "Well, not really," Seven said. "Remember, when Simon stopped acting wired, it was because he ran into a wall, which caused him to become unconscious. It's most likely the only way Rocando can leave the body's he takes over." OZac stirred, and then woke up. "Well, that was fuzzy," OZac said as he lifted his head. "Did he tell you everything?" "Don't you know?" Ami asked. "No. I do know the information because he took over someone else to tell me, but I can't remember what he told you while he had a hold of my body. It's just one of those strange side effects." "Yes, I believe he did tell us all," Seven said, getting up from her seat. "Good, good," OZac said, also getting up. Ami then also stood up, just so she wouldn't seem out of place. "We need to go and rejoin TPCG," OZac started. They should be at the Moogle Cavern, but for how long I do not know. They may have already gained contact with their TPCG mobile. If they have, then I'm not sure when we would catch up with them. Quickly, we must hurry!" So OZac ran over and opened the door. Seven and Ami followed him. They entered a complex unlike any the two women had seen. It was completely white, with pieces of white equipment doting the landscape. "We'll take my car," OZac said, pushing a button. Then, a 2002, shiny brand-new white Corvette appeared before them. "Ooo..." the two said together. "I know. It sure is bright. Well then, let’s go!" So the three hopped into the car, and drove off. Chapter 15 Kitchiitchikakamama: A Really Long Name -or- Stupidity At It's Finest? Not In This Chapter! (Then Again...) TL sat in his cage, starring up at the screaming audience, praising Lurcration. It was sickening. Someone praising anyone who would allow him, TL, to be imprisoned like an animal...was just wrong. Why was this happening? And if it had been so horrible, why hadn't anyone captured him beforehand? Why wasn't anyone guarding that banana? Why did the he have a sudden craving for a chocolate shake? He wished that some random plothole would pop up, but in this land of lurkers, he had no idea what the properties of the land were. But still...he just wanted to get out. Who was Kitchiitchikakamama? Perhaps he could help him out of this prison. Never before was he glad not to be one of these idiots. One of these...lurkers. Well, not all lurkers were idiots like this, right? Just these people. "Ladies and Gentleman," Lurcration called out, "may I present to you...the council!" The crowed booed as a group of twelve lurkers marched up, all wearing the distinctive purple cape. "Um...why are only you twelve here?" Lurcration asked. Just then, twelve more walked in. "Oh, I see, the distinctive twelve lurker march. Fine, try to gain some mark, but we'll see what will happen soon after you all come in here." Finally, the five sets of twelve lurkers were all inside, and in the front row was Kitchiitchikakamama. "Hello, Kitchiitchikakamama," Lurcration said. "Please, call me Bob." "No. Why would I?" "I don't know. Maybe you like the name Bob?" TL stared in amazement at who Lurcration was addressing. It was the same old lurker that he met all those months ago, back when he was in the world of the plothole... "You're Kitchi...itchi...oh; you're that old lurker guy!" TL shouted out. "Silence, prisoner!" Lurcration shouted out. "Oh, hi TL," Kitchiitchikakamama said. "How are you?" "Not doing too good," TL said. "Why not? Are you not having fun in the land of the lurkers?" "No. Haven’t you noticed that I'm these crazy people's prisoners?" "What? You are? I thought you just wanted to be in that cage." TL sighed. "So, you admit knowing this person!" Lurcration shouted out at Kitchiitchikakamama. "Yes, I do. So?" "So, you admit letting him do his evil crime when he was in the halls of the multiverse?" "Huh? What crime? All I did was send him to the plothole world where he proceeded to help in the defeat of Zalique." The stadium gasped. "You mean that's THE TL?" someone shouted out. "Yeah," the old lurker said. "From THE world that defeated the uncontrollable plothole?" another one shouted out. "Yes." The crowd started to mumble to themselves. Lurcration, feeling that he was losing the crowd, shouted out to them. "What are you doing? Have you forgotten so soon the horrible crimes that he has committed?!" "What crimes are these, anyway?" the old lurker asked. "He ate the banana of peace, which resulted in the destruction of one of the worlds of the multiverse! Or have you so soon forgotten their destruction?" "No. But...he didn't do that." "What are you talking about, fool!?" "Look, you may think that you're a major part in the Council of the Lurkers, but you do realize that you're just...there." "What!?" he shouted out, as his eleven lackeys marched up to him. "You may lead one of our six divisions," the old lurker with the long name said, "and you may control them, but you do know that it was not TL's fault." "What are you talking about!?" Lurcration shouted out. "He ate the banana!" "No he didn't. You did." Everyone gasped. Except Lurcration, of course. "No! The footage proves it!" "Look, that's a random banana. It didn't have the crest of that world." Kitchiitchikakamama marched up to the screen of the coliseum, and pushed a few buttons. It then showed Lurcration eating the banana of that world. "No! You're wrong!" he shouted out. "It was your responsibility to protect it! You let TL eat it!" "No, it was your responsibility. And that is you eating it. You're just trying to pin it on this poor, defenseless, TL." "Hey!" TL shouted out. "Yes, I know you're neither poor nor defenseless. I'm just trying to get some sympathy for you, alright?" TL sat back down. "Look here, Kitchiitchikakamama," Lurcration began once more, "you may think you're all high and powerful, but that doesn't give you the right to boss me around." He then raised his voice so all could hear. "I vote for a no confidence against Kitchiitchikakamama!" Everyone booed. "What? Fine! I admit it! I did eat the blasted banana! But who cares? In the end, you will all bow before me!" Lurcration walked over to his eleven lackeys, and their purple capes (yes, Lurcration was wearing one with his black attire) changed into the color black. “It?became black?” Kitchiitchikakamama said to himself, bewildered. "Arrest that man," Kronoto said to the guards conveniently standing next to him. I suppose I should explain who Kronoto is. After all, I'm just introducing a random character that no one, not even people on the internet, know who it is. Kronoto is the president of the Council of the Lurkers, who is also the head of one of the six divisions of the council. Anyway, back to the flow of the story. "You will regret this day, you all will..." Lurcration said as his lackeys surrounded him. Suddenly, all twelve disappeared. "What? Where did they go?" Kronoto shouted out. "Beats me," Kitchiitchikakamama said. "Well, release TL," Kronoto said to the guards. And so they do. "Thanks, old lurker," TL said as he dusted himself off. "I didn't know how much more of this I could stand." "I understand. How about we leave and go back to my office? I'm sure some tea and crumpets will warm you up a bit, right?" "I guess..." "Then let's go!" So TL and Kitchiitchikakamama go off to Ki...oh fine, the old lurker's office. "Curses!" one of the Nortoratos said as a group ran through the TPCG HQ. "They've all gone!" "Where could they have gone?" another one of them said. "We secured the entire perimeter! There's no way they could have left without us knowing of them." These two then opened up a door, which led into the TPCG garage. Sitting inside it was the TPCG mobile. "Are they in the car?" "No, there's no one in the front seat." "Well, couldn't they be in the back?" "Look, I may be able to break into bases that aren’t mine, but breaking into cars is where I draw the line." Suddenly, the TPCG mobile started up. "What the...?" the first one shouted out. "Well, this was unexpected," the second one said. "No, really? Well, if we had just broken in to it like I said, then this wouldn't be happening!" "Unless they're controlling it be remote control." Then, the TPCG mobile rushes off, leaving all the Nortoratos in the base. "Um...it's your fault." "No, it's not. It's yours." "Yours!" "Yours!" "It's both of your faults!" The two turned around, and confronted their commander of the squadron (in other worlds, it's not Tontro). "You're just lucky no one was inside the van," the commander said. "There wasn't?" "No. However, you should have checked, like it was instructed." "Umm...what's going to happen to us?" "Oh, the usual." "No! Not..." "Yes. The Teletubbies marathon." "NOOO!!!" The TPCG mobile zoomed through the streets at breathtaking speeds (and not exactly legal ones, either). It soon reached it's destination of The Moogle Cavern, where it's members, along with the members of the SSRG and TPCG, were doing things inside. "I just hope my bandwidth can hold this traffic," Kulock said as he slumped in his chair, thinking of Melee. "Hey, shouldn't the TPCG mobile be here by now?" Munkee asked. As if on cue, a loud crash was heard outside. "I don't even want to know," Kulock said. "Melee, Melee, Melee." "Hey, look Kulock," David TL said, "it's not the end of the world that you haven’t played Super Smash Brothers Melee yet." Kulock got up, a fierce look of anger in his eyes. He then proceeded to pick up the lurker, and throw him through the front window. "Melee. Melee. Dark Kirby?" "Yes, Kulock?" "Could you fix that window? Melee. Melee. Melee." The rest of TPCG ran outside, and saw David TL on the roof of the TPCG mobile. "I'm just glad we gave it padding," the lurker said as he slid down the windshield and landed on the hood. "So...should we go now?" H Mac asked. "I think so," SonKnuck said. "Woohoo!" "Why are you excited?" NelsonJ asked. "We're about to enter a dangerous and possibly life-threatening situation, and all you can say is 'Woohoo?'" "Newbies. Gotta love them." They all hop in the car, Mike Shaffner at the steering wheel. "How come you get to drive?" MechaTails asked. "Because I'm the one with the keys," Mike Shaffner replied. "Well...so?" "I don't know." "Tomato." "Cream Cheese." "Whipped Cream." "Carbonated Ice Cream!" "Shredded Ice Cubes!" "Mi!" "Me!" "Ma!" "Mo!" "Mu!" "Well, when you put it that way, I guess...I'll let you drive." "Woohoo!" Mike Shaffner started up the car, and they drove off in the direction of the cell phone signal. "There goes the TPCG," Tenniru said. "Yep," Scott Prower agreed. "A group whose insanity rivals our own," Blaze replied. "But...isn't most, if not all, the members of TPCG also members of the Moogle Cavern?" Leo asked. "Yes. Why?" "Well, wouldn't that mean that their insanity is also part of OUR insanity, which would then cause our insanity to be greater then theirs?" "I guess." "Exactly." Someone (who's name is not Someone) then stepped out of the bathroom, and caught sight of the speeding TPCG mobile, going to parts unknown (or just not being bothered to be described in this story). He realized that he has, of course, missed them. So, this man (who shall remain nameless for the time being) rushed off to the Moogle Cavern garage (yes, there is one) and hopped into his car. He then drove off to follow TPCG, and help them in whatever they were about to get themselves into. "I'm having fun!" Ami shouted out. "Yeah," Seven said, "too bad we have to go and save the world." "I know. It's just so...bothersome at times." "Yeah. What about the police? Why don't they ever go and stop the enemies we come across?" "Well," OZac said, "it's most likely that they are too busy with everything that they encounter in 'real life.' Thus, they don't have time to bother with a group that we can otherwise handle." "When you put it that way," Seven said, "it makes sense." "Yep," Ami agreed. "Well," OZac started again, "we should be getting to The Moogle Cavern right about..." Zoom. "Um...perhaps we should turn around." "That was the TPCG Mobile, wasn't it?" Seven asked. "Yep, it was." "Well, turn around!" Just then, another car speed past them. "Um...who was that?" Ami asked. "Beats me," OZac said. "Any idea, Seven?" "Nope." "Well, I'll just get on with it." So OZac turned hard, and drove after the TPCG Mobile to catch up and help assist them in their latest endeavor. EAJ stared up at the sign that they had just passed: "Welcume to CHINALAND!!!!1" He was already afraid. China Land. A place where Samantha reined supreme, where those who talked in an unspeakable language praised pie. Why did they have to praise an otherwise wonderful baked dessert? Of course, he himself had never entered the land of China Land. Only, his double, his goody-goody blueprint, had. And those memories haunted his mind... "What's wrong?" Andre asked. "Nothing." "Oh, yes there is." "You know what's wrong." "Look, we don't have to get into this discussion again. Remember, you're not AJ, you're EAJ!" "Yes, I know." "You're here to gather the Pie Emeralds, to go on with your latest evil scheme." "Yes, I know." "You want to rule the world!" "Yes, I know. But...it still pains me..." The memories...of China Land, changing AJ's fate forever. If AJ had never arrived here, then he, EAJ, would not exist today. The confusion. The pie. The lost Lenore... Oh wait, that was Edger Allan Poe's The Raven. Eventually, they all drove into the main pie square of China Land. "yaHHH!!!!!11!!!!!11!1" screamed the CLG, breaking a few windows in the process. "pIe!" Knuckle shouted, grabbing a piece of pie. Biting into it, he let out a sharp "oW!" He spit out what had hurt him, which turned out to be a Pie Emerald. "Now that was unexpected," Andre said. "Only five more left," EAJ said. "You know," Andre started, "I would think that these emeralds would be in a better hiding place, wouldn't you?" "You're thinking of the Chaos Emeralds, Andre," EAJ answered. "Yes, but these also contain unlimited power, right?" "Um...well...look! A towel store!" "Twel!!!" the CLG shout out. They run toward the towel store, and enter it. They soon reemerge. "Kaytnhao;tnwejinoijhohto'iejo!!jfn!" Kuckles yelled at a towel. "What did he just say?" EAJ asked. "Beats me," Andre responded. Sonic Caos unrolled his towel, and out popped another Pie Emerald. "Ok, now that's just stupid," Andre said. "Hey, if it helps us reach closer to world domination, then I'm all for it," EAJ said. Soon, they marched up to the center of the city, standing in front of the center building, where the leaders (aka Samantha and Potato Man) lived. "Do you think...?" Andre asked. "I'd bet on it," EAJ said. "To the top!" So they walk into the building. "Hello," EAJ said to the receptionist, "I'm EAJ and I was wondering if I could go up to the office of Samantha Clarfet." "Doo u hve n apoittmnt?" the receptionist asked, which meant "Do you have an appointment?" "Well...no..." "NOO!!!" "What?! I'm the head of the BGUB! I am the boss of Samantha! You need to let me up there when I ask!" "NOO!!!" Knuckle then pushed his way up to the desk. "hi," Knuckle said. "Oh! Thre with u! go up," the receptionist said, which meant "Oh! They're with you! You can go up." "I'm glad you saw it my way," EAJ said. The receptionist just stared. EAJ, sighing, walked with the rest of his companions to the top of the building, entering the office. "Where do you think it could be?" Andre asked. tAils walked up to the pie in the center of the room, stuck his hand inside, and pulled out another Pie Emerald. "We now have four of the emeralds," EAJ said. "Are there anymore here in China Land?" "Nono," Knuckle said. "PIE LAND!!!" "Oh, so the rest are at Pie Land?" "maybe." "Good, let's get out of here. I...just want to go." "Don't worry, EAJ," Andre said, "you did us proud!" "Really?" "Yep! You did us proud, you did us proud, you did us proud!" "Andre?" "Yes?" "Please stop." "Alright." AJ stared out of the windshield at the cheep motel they had stopped at. Everyone and already gone inside, and had been in there for a few hours already. He looked up at the sky, and saw the first few rays of dawn appearing. Hopefully, he would be safe. Of course, thus would've been the best time for him to leave. But...he was still here. Why? Well, he did know. He wanted to talk more to Angie. The door to the motel opened, and out stepped Angie. AJ sat up in his seat, and watched as she walked back into the van. "So, what brings you in here?" AJ asked. "I couldn't take it much more," Angie said. "What, weren’t you having fun?" "No. You know the reasons why. That's why you stayed in here." "Yes, that and I was able to convince the guys that they would be able to get some without me hanging around." A moment passed. "So...what's wrong?" Angie asked. "Hmm?" "You know what I'm talking about. Why did you just stop talking to me? Did I do something wrong?" "Oh...no. No, you didn't. It's just..." "Yes?" AJ sighed, and walked into the back of the van. "It's just that you remind me of someone that I knew a long time ago." "Really? Who?" "This girl." "I could've guessed that much." "Yeah, I guess so. She looked, and sounded, like you. In fact, she even had the same name as you." "You really did care about her, didn't you?" "Yes, yes I did. And she would've wanted to stay home and study instead of being...here." "Oh." She leaned up close to AJ, and gave him a peck on the cheek. AJ was, of course, disappointed. He was hoping for something much more...romantic. "You know," Angie said, "you are kind of cute. But, I don't think I want to get involved with you. You are older then me, and I remind you too much of a lost love." "Well, it's not that much of an age gap," AJ said. "And besides, there are differences between you and her. She...well...your voice and hers aren't exactly the same, and...um..." She placed her finger on his lips, shushing him. "You have nothing more to say. You want to leave, right?" AJ nodded his head. "Then, I'll let you go," Angie said. AJ thanked her, and he hurried off. Now all he had to do was go and figure out what- "This way!" "No, this way!" "No, we should go backwards!" "Tomato?" AJ stopped in his tracks. He peered over the corner he stopped at, and was stunned. Sitting in a car was a collection of the members of the BGUB, including the sexually attractive Samantha and Cherri. He didn't have time to think about how this had occurred; he just knew that he had to get out of their right away. This was confirmed with, "We need to go find AJ and get him to EAJ!" AJ turned around and ran off, back to the van, where he noticed that everyone had gone back in. He hopped inside, startling everyone. "AJ?" Angie asked, bewildered. "What are you-" "No time to explain," AJ said. "We need to get out of here right now!" "Ok, duuuuuude...huhuh...he," Brandon said, obviously still stoned. "Do you want to hear what we did?" Jamie asked. "No, no I don't," AJ replied. "So...did you bang her?" Dave asked. "No, no I didn't." "Too bad." The van pulled out, and drove away from the motel. "So," Angie started, "why did you come back here?" "You better sit back," AJ said, "it's a long story." Chapter 16 The Return of The Plothole -or- Doughnuts They had been digging all night, but they hadn't gotten far. It was most likely all they had was a plastic spoon. "I don't get it," Shorty said, "Why haven't we made much progress?" "Well," Edge started, "the soil here seems unusually hard." "So that's why the spoon broke right when we shoved it in the ground," Riochet said. "Yes." "Well," Lil said, "it's dawn." "You mean," Anony said, "that we have to go and confront Tontro, and endure his stupidity?" "Yes." "Curses!" "Well," Seth said, "we'll think of something to get out of here. We always do, right?" "Look," Shorty said, "we know it's dawn. We know that our friends are trying to find us. We know that I've eaten the cell-phone." "What?!" TPCG said together. "When did you eat our only means of communication?" Edge splurted out. "Well...it was the only place I could think of hiding it without it getting located!" "But...how's TPCG going to find us?" Seth asked. "The signal will certainly be dimmer while it lurks in your bowels." "Hmm...I never thought of it that way. Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, we will get it back eventually." "I'm not washing it this time," Riochet said. Suddenly, footsteps filled the room. "Quickly," Anony said, "we need to cover this hole!" "With what?" Lil asked. "How about with that blanket that we conveniently never mentioned before now?" "What, you mean we had a blanket!?" Seth said. "Yes." "Then, why didn't you tell us before hand?" "I didn't think you'd care." "Well...you're right." Then, the cell door opened, and in walked Tontro. "Well, if it isn't Mr. Fluffy Pants," Shorty said. "Never call me that!" Tontro shouted out. "The name is Tontro. Only Tontro." "But then why did you tell us of your nickname if you didn't want us to use it?" "I told you of my nickname?" "Yes, yes you did." "Never mind then. Anyway, have you decided to come and cooperate with us in finding AJ?" "No." "What?" "We've decided not to accept your offer," Riochet said. "Now, if you'll just let us out..." "Don't think you'll be getting away this easily," Tontro said. "According to my superior, we are not to destroy you, but instead to move you to another location, where you will meet our leader." "Oh, how nice," Edge said. "We must go now," Tontro said, "for reasons I'd rather not get into. C'mon, move it!" The TPCG members stood still. "Fine, if you're going to be hard about it, GUARDS!" A group of burly guards then marched in, caring cattle prods. "Don't force us to use these," the first one said. "Because we don't want to," the second finished. So, TPCG reluctantly went along. As Tontro brought up the rear, he was pulled aside by one of his advisors. "Sir." "Yes?" "Are sensors have detected a fast moving vehicle nearing our vicinity. We believe it to be the TPCG Mobile." "So, they've decided to try and save their companions? Well then, set off our attack vehicles. Oh, and advisor?" "Yes sir?" "Make sure that they don't escape." "Sir." "What?" "Nothing, I just said 'Sir.'" "Well, don't answer with just 'Sir,' it's confusing. Say 'Yes' or 'Alright,' not 'Sir.'" "Sir." "See, you just did it again!" "No, sir, your chocolate doughnuts are here." "Oh. Bring them here." As he grabbed his doughnuts, Tontro moaned in delight. "Doughnuts..." "Have you found the signal again, SonKnuck?" Mike Shaffner called out. "I think so," he replied. "It's faint, which means that Shorty most likely ate it." "Well, we better hurry," H Mac said, "it's almost daybreak." As SonKnuck typed on his laptop, the radio on the dashboard sparked to life. "I want to live in a circus..." "What is this?" Mike Shaffner asked. "Am I supposed to know?" Munkee asked. "I don't know." "Look here," MechaTails shouted out, "a fast-food joint! Let's get a bite." "But we can't afford to rest!" SonKnuck shouted out. "We must proceed with caution, with the sense of adventure, and danger!" "And with a full stomach," H Mac added in. "Good point. Let's stop." Just then, the CB flashed to life. "Big Cheese to Fasty Fries, come in Fasty Fries," the CB blared. "What was that?" Mike Shaffner said. "It was the CB radio," Munkee said. "When did we get a CB radio?" "We've always had one. It's just never been used before." "So how did we get the nickname 'Fasty Fries'?" "Most likely when Riochet snuck the TPCG Mobile out at nights, to just cruise." "When did he do that?" SonKnuck asked in a stern voice. "Um...never?" "Oh. Alright then." H Mac reached over and picked up the radio. "This is Fasty Fries, we reed you loud and clear," H Mac said into the radio. "Thank goodness we caught up with you blokes!" OZac said through the radio. "Zac? Did you escape?" "No, I'm not the Zac you know. I'm OZac. I'm sure you remember me." "Vaguely." "Er...yes. Well, I'm here with Ami and Seven, if you want to know." "You rescued Ami and Seven?" "No, I'm the one who summoned them." "Really?" "Yes. Listen, I can't talk much more, the Nortoratos are sure to pick us up soon." "The who?" "The vague creatures that have been plaguing the streets at night. Let me drop off Seven and Ami, and I can go on my way. They know what they need to know." "Look, we're going to stop a fast food restaurant, do you want to join us there?" "Hm...there are still a few minutes before sunrise, I think we'll be fine." So the TPCG and Zac parked in the parking lot. "We're going to have to be quick," OZac said. "Then I need to go on my way and try to find Zac, as well as get to the bottom of this." So they went in and ordered the food. Soon, it arrived, and they all go back into the TPCG Mobile, except Zac, who quickly zoomed off. "So, what was it he told you?" SonKnuck asked Ami and Seven. "We'll tell you on the way," Seven said. "Right now, we need to hurry onto the base of the Nortoratos, to go and save Shorty, Riochet, and the rest." And so they zoomed off as well. Unknowing to them, however, another car was driving behind them, following their every move. In a short time, SonKnuck is able to discover the exact location of the group, and tells Mike. He then proceeded to drive to the location. "I see it up ahead," Matt the Yak said as he peeked up front. "That's great," Sz said, "now we'll be ready to go and stop those insane creatures!" "I'm ready!" Dreadknuckster shouted out. "Dreadknuckster!?" everyone said together, "when did you get here?" "I hopped in when I saw you getting food at that fast food joint." "But I thought you were at the Moogle Cavern," BlueJoshi said. "So did I. Well, I was hungry anyway." "Well, your appearance here was unexpected, but welcomed," SonKnuck said. "Why didn't you say that to me when I first joined?" Espirit Kindahog. "But...I did." "You did?" "Yes, I did." "Oh." Suddenly, a fleet of cars sprayed out of the building TPCG were heading toward. "Curses!" SonKnuck shouted. "We're under atta-" INTERMISION (Yes, I admit freely steeling this joke from Monty Python) "-ck!" A series of lasers struck the TPCG mobile, causing it to make weird noises, the tires pop, and the windshield to gain a blue tint. "Oh crap," Mike Shaffner said. "We're doomed!" Jacko shouted out. "Hey, that's my line!" Munkee shouted out. "Well, you must remember that Shorty was the one who started it in the beginning," SonKnuck added. "Enough with the talk!" Sonique shouted out. "We need to get out of here before-" Another laser struck the TPCG Mobile, causing the people inside to transform into plastic figurines of themselves. "Oh poo," each thought, but because they were now plastic toys, they couldn't actually say this out loud. As the mobile sped toward certain destruction, suddenly the car of the Nortoratos stopped, as well the TPCG Mobile. The TPCG members also were restored to their standard form. "What just happened?" H Hog asked. "I have no idea," Tonic responded. Soon, all the Nortoratos' cars stopped, and were sent back to their base. "Well, that was weird," H Mac said. "Look!" MechaTails said, pointing. "That car!" "Wait," Seven said, "I've seen that car." "Where?" SonKnuck asked. "It was following you when we were following you," Ami replied. "Do you know who owns it?" Rlan asked. "Nope." "Look," Mike Shaffner said, "I'm going to drive to their base, and see what's up. Then, we'll wing it from there." So they drove up to the base. They marched up, and noticed that the place was empty. "Um...where's everyone?" Tonic asked. "Everyone, back to the van!" SonKnuck shouted. TL entered the office of Kitchiitchikakamama, and glanced around the office. He was puzzled by the strange decorations. On one wall were multiple portholes, all having different locations scribbled by them. There was also artwork, much that he couldn't recognize, and of course there was the strange bird with the multicolored beak. "Um...who's this?" TL asked. "Oh, that's Toucan. He's just visiting." "Well, I better be going," the bird said, "I need to check up on my nephews, as well as pick some more of that delicious fruit that only my cereal can handle!" "But...what about those knock off ones that taste the same but are cheaper?" Toucan flew up to TL and grabbed his throat. "Never mention those cereals again. Got it?" "Yes," TL chocked out. "Alright then, off to follow my nose!" he shouted out as he let go of TL and flew away. "So," TL said, "could you tell me about Lurcration? And why he wanted to frame me? What could he possibly gain from taking your position, if you're not even the head of the government?" "You must remember," the old lurker said, "that he craves power in its highest form." "How could I remember that if you never told me?" "Oh. Right. I guess I should start from the beginning. Lurcration is one of the last of his distinguished family line, his predecessors very influential, and very powerful. "When the last head of the Lurker Multiverse Protection Agency retired, Lurcration felt that he should gain the coveted seat, so that he would be in power. However, that seat was given to me. "Oh wait, I forgot your tea." A cup of tea, as well as a few crumpets, appeared. "H...how did you do that?" TL asked. "Eh. Anyway, I could tell by that time that something was wrong with Lurcration. He started to meet in secret, gain alliances, and most assuredly would try to kick me out of my seat, both politically and here. "This was his plan. And it failed. But, it still worries me where he went. And why he wanted control of the halls of the multiverse." "Beats me." "Well, of course it does. You know nothing of our society." "Well...I do know lurkers." "Yes, but haven’t you noticed how strange lurkers are? How secretive, how confusing?" "Well..." "Look, I'm guessing you want to go home, right?" "I'd like that." "Then we'll have to g-" The old lurker stopped in midsentence, his attention taken by the blinking light on his intercom. He pushed the button to see what was going on. "What's going on?" he asked. "Sir, you may want to see this." A view screen appeared in front of Kitchiitchikakamama, displaying various graphs and diagrams. "What's all that?" TL asked. "A TV show." The lurker stared for a little while longer, and then closed the screen. "Thank you," he said, and pushed another button on the intercom. "There's been a change of plans," he told TL. "What's going on?" "I'm not completely sure, but I fear the worst." He walked over to the wall with the portholes, and opened up one of them. "C'mon, we have to get to your universe." "But...I thought that you said there was a change of plans!" "Yes, there is. I'll have to stay, and we can't just go home. No, something strange is happening, something that shouldn't be. "After you." TL nervously walked up the porthole. "Are you sure this is safe?" he asked. "Of course I'm sure! I use them all the time, and just look at me!" "That's what I'm afraid of..." Kitchiitchikakamama then pushed TL into the hall, letting him scream as he slid through. He then hopped in himself, and the porthole closed behind him. "...and that's the whole story." Angie just stared back at AJ, taking in the whole story that he had just told her. "So...you're saying that you're THE AJ?" "Yes." "Former leader of the BGUB, now reformed, and assisted in saving the world back in March?" "Yes...wait, how did you know that? That it was in March, our attack against Zalique?" "You would be surprised how much of the world knows about you and TPCG," Angie responded. "The strange attacks with the...plotholes, was it?" "Yes." "They were all over the world! Strange occurrences that no one could understand. The Leaning Tower of Pisa, straight. The Eiffel Tower, in Italy. New England, transformed into sausagey goodness. The rainfall of tomatoes. And, of course, the sexual reversal." "The what?" "Oh. In some parts of the world, such as the Midwest, western-west, the southern-west and parts of Asia were struck with women becoming men and men becoming woman." "Um...everything did go back to normal, right?" "Yes." "Just checking." Suddenly, a plothole appeared in the path of the car. "What the hell?" AJ blurted out, running toward the car. "That's a plothole!" ""It is?" Dave said. "Of course it is!" "Is that a bad thing?" Jamie asked. "Sigh...TPCG: The Plothole Cometh." Jamie's eyes opened wide. "Dude...I need more pot." AJ, realizing no one was going to help him, grabbed the steering wheel. "Hey!" Dave shouted out. "What're you doing? You almost made me burn myself!" AJ tried to gain a hold of the control, but the van proved unresponsive. "Curses!" AJ shouted out. "Should've given it a lube job," the Goth said, taking another puff of weed. "Heh," Jamie muttered out. "Yeah, cause lube rhymes with boob!" Brandon shouted out. "Which rhymes with toob! Which rhymes with...boob!" They drove into the plothole. Samantha drove through the streets of the city, searching for AJ, not having any type of plan. "We need a plan, don't we?" she asked. "Of course we do," Cherri responded, "but we have no idea where AJ lives, and it's most likely that he isn't even there now." "You're right." "Look," Cornelius said, "all I think is that we should avoid that plothole." "What?!" Samantha and Cherri yelled out (because everyone else in the car was oblivious to what was going on). Samantha hit the breaks, and was able to stop before going head first into the plothole. "Well, that was close," Samantha said. The plothole disappeared. "You can say that again." "Um..." Jolt started, "sorry for leaving my obliviousness, but...what about that plothole forming underneath us?" "What?" They then fell through. Chapter 17 Insanity Prevails in the Halls of Kimball High -or- You! "Where are you taking us?!" yelled out Shorty, in the back of an armored vehicle. "To our leader," Tontro replied. "Yes, I know that, but what I want to know is where he is." "In his base." "Yes, but where is that?" "Umm....places?" "Do you even know?" "Shut up!" "Make me, Mr. Fluffy Pants!" "Don't call me that!" Riochet was just staring outside through the window. "None of these streets are familiar," Riochet said to the group. "That's not good," Seth said. "Let me look," Edge said as he walked up to window and looked out. "So?" Riochet asked. "I also have no idea where we are." "That's just great!" Anony said. "Look," Lil started, "if we just wait, I'm sure we'll get out of here somehow." "Alright," a random Nortorato (who was driving) said to the back, "everyone prepare for transport." "Transport?" Seth asked. "But...we're already getting transported!" Edge pressed his face against the window and looked outside, and noticed a porthole appear in their path, wide open. "Um...guys?" Edge said. "What?" Shorty asked. "We're heading into some sort of...hole." "A plothole?" Riochet asked. "Nope," the random Nortorato said, "a porthole." The car then entered the porthole. The moment it struck inside, the entire car started to shake, causing the occupants inside to be thrown about. "This isn't fun," Anony said as he hit his head on the ceiling. "I know what you mean," Lil said, being slammed against the wall. "I don't know, I think it's kind of fun," Riochet said. "Really?" Shorty asked. "Really." A multitude of colors surrounded the car, and started to flow inside the car as well. The Nortoratos sealed themselves off in the front of the car. "Why are they hiding?" Shorty asked. "As far as I can tell," Edge said, "it seems that these Nortoratos are sensitive to light, and must remain in the darkness, which is why this car is black. The colors are most likely throwing them off, causing them to lose balance, and they must seclude themselves from the rest of the car." "Can't we use that to our advantage?" "Hopefully, but not at the moment. The barrier is made of such a strong material that not even I can break through it." The car then burst out of the porthole, rolling into the world of the Nortoratos. The world was in complete darkness, an eternal night. The vehicle drove on the path they emerged onto to an ominous building lurking in front of them. "Let me guess," Lil said, "the base of your leader?" "No, that's just a Big Caesar’s." "I'm talking about the big, ominous building looming in front of us." "Oh, that one? Yeah, that's our leader's base." So they drove up to the building, and soon the members of TPCG were escorted into the building. They walked up an obscene amount of stairs, and finally reached the central hall of the Nortoratos. "Our leader will be here to see you soon," Tontro said, walking away. "Any idea of what to expect?" Shorty asked. "Nope," Riochet answered. "Me neither." Soon, a chair rose up from the ground, a figure with a black cape and piercing red eyes sitting on it. "So," the figure said, "if it isn't a select group of The Perfect Chaos Gang." "You!" Shorty shouted out. "What, you know who I am?" "Well....no." "Just as I thought." The figure rose up from his chair, and explosion of noise and smoke occurring behind him. "My name is Fupojd, the self proclaimed leader of the feared race of Nortoratos." "Alright," Shorty said, "I've heard a lot of strange names in my day, but Fupojd takes the cake." "You dare use my name as a joke?" "Well, it is stupid. No offence." "Look here," Fupojd said, nearing TPCG, "I am the supreme ruler of this land of eternal darkness. I do not need to hear you joke around about such things. If any of my subjects dared to say such a comment, they know that they wouldn't be here now." "Where would they be? Disneyland?" Riochet asked. "No!" "Then how come we're still here?" Edge asked. "Well, well," Fupojd said, nearing Edge, "if it isn't Edge the Fox, who some call one of the saner members of TPCG, a fighter to the end." "Oh, and what am I?" Anony asked. "You're Anony." "Yes, I know that." "So why are you asking me?" "Because, you talk of Edge's fighting skills, but me and Seth are fighters, as well. And Riochet, Shorty, and Lil have been known to attack when the time came." "Of course I know that, but what does that have to do with Edge himself? Nothing much." "We're his friends!" "Well, who are the friends of Winston Churchill? Abraham Lincoln? Alexander the Great?" "Um...that guy?" "Enough!" Fupojd walked back to his seat and sat down. "The reason you're still alive is because you can help me out in my quest for complete domination." "Like we would do that," Lil said. "Oh, you've done much more then you realize," Fupojd stated. "You are, of course, members of TPCG. That means that your friends will come looking for you. In fact, they have already done so. Of course, there are other reasons I'm keeping you around....for the time being. "I'm sure by now you've noticed the decrease in your power levels. This is because you're in fact being drained of your energy, it being transformed into my great machine, which will help the Nortoratos reign supreme!" "What?!" Edge shouted out. "It's your fault that we're all weak?" "Of course. Do you really think it was just some pointless fluke to entertain some people reading a story?" "Actually, I did." "Well, you're wrong! Soon, I shall be the supreme commander of all those I see!" Edge stood furiously, staring up at Fupojd, the idiot with an even stupider name then all the other idiots they had seen before hand. He balled up his fists, looking straight into his eyes. "Oh, Edge," Fupojd said, "what are you planning on doing? Attacking me? You know that you have no chance here. You can sense the power levels lurking inside here." Edge just continued to stare. "Well, aren’t you going to answer me?" More staring. "ANSWER ME!!" Nothing. "Fine! Guards, take them away, they bore me." Edge quickly raised up his fist, screaming as loud as he could. The guards rushed up, but Fupojd rose up his hand, signaling them to stop. He wanted to see what Edge was going to do. As Edge screamed, a few golden sparks shone around his fist. "What? Do you think you can actually achieve transformation?" Fupojd taunted. He still screamed, the sparks starting to flow together. Fupojd just stared. "What?" Soon, Edge's whole fist was golden. As he screamed even louder, his fist flew open, and a golden ball of energy flew toward the direction of Fupojd, hitting him square in the face. He flew back, startled by the force of the blow. When he got back up, he looked at Edge, who had stopped yelling, his arm now down by his side. Their eyes met once again, the fierceness still lingering inside Edge. "Guards!" he shouted out, "get them!" The guards rushed up to Edge to restrain him. He had, though, once again raised his arm, and fired out more blasts from his hand, knocking out each guard that came his way. "Let's go," Edge said. "You heard the man!" Shorty shouted out. So the members of TPCG ran out of the hall. "How did you do that?" Lil asked as they were running down the hall. "I'm not sure," Edge said. "I just knew I couldn't let them win, so I just reached down deep inside, and out came the energy. The light is what most likely stopped them." They ran on, when a figure jumped down from the ceiling. "Fupojd!" they shouted together. "Of course. Do you really think I would let you out that easily?" Edge raised his fist again, and fired the light once again. This time, however, Fupojd remained motionless. "What? Why didn't you fall?" Edge asked. "I'm not who you think I am," Fupojd said. "I'm not restrained by the same weakness as my comrades here. And for good reason." Fupojd then reached up to his neck, and pulled, revealing that his face was merely a mask. As it slowly revealed his true identity, the TPCG gasped. Mike Shaffner drove the TPCG Mobile, in no true direction, just searching randomly for any sign of his missing comrades. "Anything?" he asked SonKnuck. "Nope, nothing. Just...wait!" A blip. "I've got a signal! Just turn left, then keep going on that road until you reach a dead end, then turn right." So Mike Shaffner proceeded to do so. "We're finally going to catch those missing TPCGers," Espirit Kindahog said. "Haven’t you heard that old saying?" H Mac asked. "Which one?" "That you can attract more flies with honey then you can with vinegar." "What?" "Or wait, wrong saying. How about...free socks on Tuesday?" "Free socks on Tuesday? Where?" Munkee asked. "Oh, now I remember! Don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "Why not?" Espirit asked. "Because." "Look," Jacko asked, "what could possibly go wrong?" "I've lost it!" SonKnuck shouted out. "You just realized that?" MechaTails responded. "No! The signal! It's gone!" "What?!" TPCG said together. "Yep, it seems the signal to Shorty's cell phone just vanished! I don't understand it..." "Do you want me to keep on going on the same course?" Mike Shaffner asked. "You might as well. Perhaps there's just some interference. I hope..." So Mike Shaffner turned. "Um...what the hell is that?" Sonique exclaimed. "What?" Jacko asked. Sonique grabbed Jacko and turned him to the front of the mobile. He stared wide eyed. In front of the gang was a large porthole, looking like the ones that David TL had access to, just much bigger. "It's a porthole," David TL said. "Yes, but why is it here in the middle of the street? And so large?" Sonique asked. "I don't know." "But you're the lurker! You use these! You should know!" "Just because I use them doesn't mean I understand them. I told you that already." Mike Shaffner slammed on his breaks. "Let me guess," Rusty said, "we're here to investigate what's going on?" "Of course!" H Mac shouted out. "You're with me, Simon," H Hog said. There was no response. "Simon?" H Hog looked around, and noticed that Simon was, sure enough, missing. "Um...guys? Where's Simon?" "Simon Wai?" SonKnuck asked. "Yes." "Oh, I think we just forgot him back at the Moogle Cavern." "We did?" "Yep." "That's not good...is it?" "How am I supposed to know?" So TPCG got out of the van, and walked over to the porthole. "So...where does it go?" Sonique asked. "I don't know," David TL responded, "I don't see any identification on it." "Then that means that it can go anywhere," a voice said behind them. TPCG quickly turned around. "You!" SonKnuck shouted out. "Yep," the figure said. "SonKnuck," Munkee asked, "who is that?" "Allow me to introduce myself," the figure announced. "My name is Old Git." Simon had been walking along the road since TPCG had left. He had meant to go with them, but had to go the bathroom. Unfortunately, the main one was locked, so he had to go deeper into the cavern, and ran into a few unpleasant things until he reached a working restroom. By that time, TPCG had already left. Well, he just hopped that he could make it up to them in time. He did, after all, want to know what was going on. As he walked, he wished that he had asked someone if he could use their car. The thought hadn't crossed his mind until now. As if on cue, a black car drove up to Simon and stopped. "Need a lift?" the person inside the car asked. "Why yes, I would. How did you know?" "I can tell these things." As Simon stepped up to the door, he recognized the person sitting inside the car. "You!" he said. "Just get in the car," the person replied. So Simon went and did just that. When AJ woke up, he found himself in a dark place, with a spotlight on him. He looked at his hand, which was holding a piece of pot. He quickly flung it away. He rose up from the ground, and looked around. He could hear a musical beat, coming from somewhere. He looked around, and noticed that there were more spotlights, directed in a group who were smoking pot. AJ recognized them right away. "Oh great," AJ muttered, "they're at it again." The musical beat continued, and suddenly, AJ recognized it. It was the overplayed song of Afroman, "Because I Got High." All of a sudden, he felt a very forced musical number was about to occur. So, he walked over to the group, to just see what was going to happen. The group was already singing the "La da da da, la da da da, la da da da-a" "Hello," AJ said. Everyone ignored him, except Angie. "I'm glad you're here," she said. "They’ve been singing this same song since we arrived!" "How long ago was that?" "Well....only a few minutes. But it's about to start again!" And the song commenced. "I was gonna clean my room, until I got high," Highity sung. "Oooo" the backup went. "I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high My room is still messed up, and I know why." "Why man?" "Yeah-ha, cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high." "La da da da da-da-da," everyone sung together. "I was gonna go to class, before I got high," Condro sang. "Check it out uh ooo," "I could've cheated and I could've passed, but I got high I'm taking it next semester and I know why "Why man?" the backup asked. "Yeah-ha Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high." Jamie then squawked like a chicken. "I was gonna go to court before I got high," Shaggy sung. "Buuuuuu," the pointless backup went. "I was gonna pay my child support, but then I got high." "No you weren’t," Dave said. "They took my whole pay check, and I know why." "Why man?" they asked. "Hey-hay! Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high." "La da da da da da," the backup went. "I wasn't gonna run from the cops, but I was high," the Goth sung. "I was gonna pull right over and stop, but I was high." "Haha," Brandon said in a drunken stupor, because somehow he was now drinking as well. "Now I'm a paraplegic and I know why." "Why man?" everyone asked. "Yeah heh! Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high." "La da da da da da," the backup went. "I was gonna make love to you, but then I got high," Dave sung. "I was gonna eat your"achoo"but then I got high. And now I'm"cough"and I know why Ye-heh! Cause I got high, because I got high, because I got high." "La da da da da da," the backup went once again. "I messed up my entire life, because I got high," Brandon sung. "I lost my kids and wife, because I got high Now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high." "La da da da da da," went...well, you know. "I'm gonna stop singing this song, because I'm high," Jamie sung, right before squawking like a chicken again. "I'm singing this whole thing wrong, because I'm high. And if I don't sell one copy, I know why, 'Cause I'm high, 'cause I'm high, 'cause I'm high." "La da da da da," went the backup, right before "Shoopshoopdodywaping." "Stop!" AJ yelled out. "That was entirely pointless!" "Did someone call?" Mach H Hedgehog said, suddenly appearing. "Mach?" AJ asked, "what are you doing here?" Suddenly, the theme to "Superman: The Movie" stated up. "Whenever there is a call to pointlessness, I'll be there. When someone throws a rubber chicken, just to see what'll happen, I'll be there. When someone eats a can of whipped cream, I'll be there. When someone asks for the check, I'll be there." "Why would you be there when someone asks for the check?" "To see if they'll give me a tip!" "Are you serving their table?" "No. But I'm such a likable guy, that they should give me money anyway!" "That's nice." "Well, I better be going back to my Encyclopedia of Pointlessness. Good luck with...whatever." Mach left, and the Superman theme ended. "Well, that was pointless." "Exactly!" AJ heard Mach yell from wherever he went. "We need to get out of here!" Angie told AJ. "I know that." "I don't want to hear that song again!" "Why?" "Because, I don't want to endure the singing of a group of people high." "Oh." Suddenly, a loud thump was heard in the darkness. "What was that?" Angie asked. "I don't know," AJ said. "Whatever you do, do not leave the light. It may be our only hope of being protected in whatever world we're in." "What? Do you think we're in the world of the Nortoratos?" "Frankly, my dear, I don't know what to think." "Where the hell are we?" Samantha asked aloud. "at ho?" Potato Man said, which meant, "At home?" "Of course we're not at home," Cornelius said. "potato pie?" "What are you talking about?" "Look here," Cherri yelled, "talking like this isn't going to help us any! We need to work together to figure out where we are, and then find AJ." "y?" "Because, sweetie," Samantha started, "it's our assignment." "Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Hougan asked. "Please, don't start that up again." "?" "Wait a minute," Jolt said, "look over there!" "What?" SoniProw said, startled. "It's...it's..." "A spotlight," Samantha said. "It looks like someone is singing in it," Cherri said. "Do you think they'll let me join in? I was born to act." "We need to see who they are, and if they're friendly or not." "Let's go!" Cornelius shouted out. So the BGUB rush forward, and before they reach the spotlight, they tumble to the ground in a big heap. "Ow," Amy muttered. "....I don't know what to think," they heard from the spotlight. ""Who said that?" Macnelius asked in a whisper. "If I'm not mistaken," Samantha also whispered, "that was AJ." "AJ!?" the rest yelled out. "Who's there?" AJ asked. The BGUB got up, and walked into the spotlight. "We meet again," Samantha said. "It's you. The BGUB," AJ said. "So they're the BGUB?" Angie asked. "Yes." "But where's your double? And Andre?" "Who's this, AJ?" Cherri asked, walking up and playing with Angie's hair. "Your girlfriend?" "No," AJ said, "she's just a friend." "DUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDEEE!!!" Brandon shouted out. "Hot Chicks!" "I'm hungry," Shaggy said. "Want some Scooby-Snacks?" Highity offered. "Sure, thanks," Shaggy said, eating the box. "Heh...wanna smoke some weed?" Dave asked. "I don't think so," Samantha said. "I've been an idiot all my life. I'd rather not start up again." "Oh c'mon!" Jamie shouted out. "Pot isn't an ido...idi...ididididididididididdididididididididdi!" "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Hougan shouted out. "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!" Brandon shouted out. "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!" Hougan shouted out. "Dude." Jamie then slid up to Cherri and licked her face. "You had some soy sauce on your cheek," he told her. "Really?" she said in a sexy voice. "You know," Jamie said, "I know karate." "You do?" "Yep." Samantha walked over to Cherri. "So...who's your new friend?" she asked. "What's your name?" "Jamie." "Jamie." "How nice," Samantha said. "You know....we could...." And so they do. In the dark, you perverts. "I'm so glad they hid themselves," AJ said. "Look," Angie said, "you've gotta go now. You've gotta run away from here, and find out where we are. Save yourself, so you can help out the rest of our world." "But what about you?" AJ asked. "I'll be fine," Angie said. "Just go." AJ hesitated. "But...if we're in a plothole, I don't know what to expe-" Angie then moved in and kissed AJ. "Just go," she said. "Alright," AJ replied, and ran off to see where he was, and if anyone would go help him. He just hopped no harm came to Angie. When they entered Pie Land, EAJ felt safe and secure, the way he always did. The fear instilled in him by China Land has passed, and he was ready to discover the location of the final three Pie Emeralds. "Any idea where they are?" EAJ asked the CLG. "no." "How could you not know? You've discovered the first four! Sure, it was mostly stokes of dumb luck, but still..." Unexpectedly, two moles dug themselves up from the ground. Each one was holding an emerald in their mouths. They spit them out in front of the group. "Hihihihihihihi!" they said. "Who are you?" Andre asked. "Who cares?" EAJ replied. "Are these two of the Pie Emeralds?" "Yesyesyesyesyesyes!" they said together. "Wonderful! Now we only need one more to complete the set!" "Do we get any prize?" Andre asked. "Yes! A one-way ticket to ruling the world!" "Oh. I was hoping for something much more exciting. Like a pony." "You can have a pony once we take over the world, you dolt! The world will be at our fingertips!" "Way-hey!" "hI!" the CLG said. "Hihihihihihihi!" the moles said again. "Who are you, anyway?" Andre asked. "We are diggy and duggy," the first mole said extremely fast. "We're moles." "Yes, I gathered that," Andre said. "Do you Knuckle and the rest?" "Oh yes we do!" the second one said, also extremely fast. "We helped out Knuckle and Kuckles when their city, China Land, was completely covered in dirt!" "Yeah!" the first one started up again. "When they were trapped on the outside, we helped them out, assisted them to get to their haven of pie." "We called the adventure 'Sonic Underground.'" "We made lots of tunnels!" "We saw a lot of dirt!" "We ate a lot of pie!" "PIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" the CLG shouted out. The moles started up again. "We dug so very much!" "So very, very much!" "A whole lotta dirt!" "Dirt to the ceiling!" "Dirt to the floor!" "Dirt in my ears!" "Dirt everywhere!" they shouted out together. Knuckle coughed, and out came a Pie Emerald. "What the hell?" EAJ shouted out. "You didn't tell me that you had eaten the seventh Pie Emerald!" "i din't thnk u card," Knuckle said, which meant, "I didn't think you would care." "Well I do!" EAJ picked up the Pie Emerald, and put in the case containing the other six. They soon started to glow. He could feel the energy pulsating through him, calling out to him, telling him to fulfill his destiny... "Now's the time for us to take action!" EAJ shouted out. "We must return to the city, and rejoin with our fellow members of the BGUB! And when we do, hopefully they will have AJ, and then we can succeed in our quest to take over the world!" "Can I make a tinkle?" Andre asked. TL fell out of the porthole, face down on the ground. The old lurker followed him out, not falling down, preventing him from looking like a fool. "Ow..." TL said as he got up. "How come I fell, but you didn't?" "I'm just more used to it, my boy," the lurker responded. "After all, transporting through universes is hard." "Where are we? Am I...home?" "Well...not exactly," he responded. "True, we are in your universe, but only to discover a vital point of information." "What do you mean by 'not exactly?'" "Well...we are in your universe, just not at your home." "Oh. Then where are we?" "Somewhere else." "I gathered that, but where exactly?" Kitchiitchikakamama then walked into the middle of the street, and fell down face first. "Um...why did you do that?" TL asked. "Doesn't that hurt? And can't you get run over by, say, a truck?" "Not right now, my boy," the old lurker replied. "I'm sensing the plothole residuals." "What?" "A little while ago, an unidentified plothole opened up in this vicinity, consuming two separate vehicles, each with multiple passengers." "What does that have to do with me?" "Why does it have to involve you?" "Because, I assumed you've brought me along for something important." "Oh, I just brought you along for the ride." "Who says I want to be along for the ride?" "No one." The old lurker got back up. "You may want to know who was inside those two vehicles." "Who?" TL asked. "In one was a group of people smoking an obscene amount of pot. Among this group, however, was AJ." "AJ? Boy, I wouldn't think he'd be someone to start smoking weed." "Yes. Anyway, in the second was a group of people I'm sure you're all too familiar with." "Who?" "The BGUB." "What?!" "I'm afraid that this is much more then just a coincidence. I fear that this is somehow all connected. There was something strange in the plothole readings, something that should've been easily told, but wasn't." "Did you discover where they went to?" "Yes, I did. And you may be pleased." "Well? Where did they go?" "What, and spoil it? It would be much more fun for you to just find out when we get there." The old lurker then walked over to a wall and created another porthole. "Are you ready?" "Do I have to go?" "Of course, my boy! You've gone this far!" "Well, I haven’t really gone that far at all." "Sure you have!" "No I hav-" The old lurker pushed TL inside the porthole, and he soon jumped in with him, rushing off to the undefined location. But you can guess what that'll be, if you want. Chapter 18 Deux Ex Machina -or- The Return of Vagueness "You!" Shorty shouted out. "Yes, it is I." TPCG stared up at the man who had just unmasked himself, the last person they were expecting. "ETonic!" they shouted out together. "Bwaha." "But...how?" Riochet asked. "Yeah, you were destroyed!" Anony said. "Wasn't that what the plothole did?" Seth asked. "Ah, you poor, simple-minded youths," ETonic said, "you know hardly anything about plotholes. "Yes, I was sucked into a plothole, like you said. However, it didn't destroy me. In fact, it did the very opposite. Yes, it instead saved me, and gave me a second chance." "Why would it do that?" Edge asked. "You must remember that it was an uncontrollable plothole, and that it did give birth to another, a greatly evil one. An evil that lived within its very core, due to being created by AJ and Andre." "Wait...how did you learn of Zalique's creation?" Lil asked. "You were already gone by the time we learned of it!" "Yes, I was. And I had no knowledge of it when I was sucked in. Instead, the plothole gave me the knowledge when I entered it, and it showed me the fate of its child. The story played out as the uncontrollable plothole dwindled away, left powerless. "It knew of my evil. And, as it grew fainter, watching its child dwindle, it pleaded to me. Asking me to avenge his child's defeat." "But I thought only children of the plothole had a consciousness!" Anony shouted out. "Yes, I thought that too. It only became aware because his own son wished him to. The one gift that was given to him. He wished his son to become great. That's why the uncontrollable plothole became known to us in such large quantities, affecting the entire world. To let his son live. "And I watched that dream die. And I made a promise, to help him avenge that defeat. He sent me here, to this land of the Nortoratos, and with the last of his energy, allowed me to gain the knowledge to rule them." ETonic walked over to Edge, and grabbed his arm. "Do you know what you just did?" he asked Edge. "I did what anyone would do! Defend myself!" "Yes, at least that's all you truly understand. You did much more, something I didn't realize you could do. "Tell me, Edge, have you ever heard of a golden plothole?" Edge's eyes opened wide. "What?" Shorty asked. "What's a golden plothole?" "Wait," Lil said, "isn't that what brought us back to you?" "Oh, so you've used it before?" ETonic said. Edge said nothing. "Tell me what you know of the golden plothole! Or I shall pull it out of you!" Still, Edge said nothing. "Fine, then! If you wish to resist my asking, then you shall pay." ETonic then funnels a path of energy, storming into Edge, causing an extreme amount of pain. "Aaarrgghhh!" Edge yelled out. "Edge!" Lil shouted out. "Leave him alone!" Shorty shouted out. "Or you'll do what?" "Um...can I get back to you on that?" "Enough!" Seth shouted out, drawing out his sword, "now is not the time for pointless drivel!" "Hey, I don't talk drivel!" Seth charged, but ETonic just grabbed the sword. "What? How is that possible?" "Like I said," ETonic replied, "I know the ways of the Nortoratos, and such conventional attacks such as that are ineffective!" He then pushed Seth aside, causing him to fall, and for his sword to fly off. Lil ran over to Seth. "Are you ok?" she asked. "I think so..." "You fiend!" Lil shouted out. "What do you think to gain from this?" "Power, my dear. Absolute power." ETonic then grabbed Edge's throat with his other hand. "You shall tell me, or I'll destroy you!" Anony stared up at the two, knowing that he had to get involved somehow. He glanced over, and saw Seth's sword. He scooted across, and grabbed it. Once in his possession, he stood up and ran up behind ETonic, shoving the sword behind his back. "Aaarrgggghh!" ETonic shouted out in pain. He let go of Edge, and fell to the floor. "How...did you...do that?!" he struggled out. "Very carefully," Anony responded. "This...is...not...the...end!" "Probably not. But we'll leave anyway," Riochet said. Edge then created another golden plothole, and let everyone hop in. "Let me just grab something," Seth said, grabbing his sword out of ETonic's back. "Hurry up," Edge said. "Alright," he replied, hopping in as well. Once he made sure everyone made it inside, he looked over at ETonic. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. "What the...?" He was then attacked from behind, by ETonic. "Seems like you're a million miles away from home, huh?" "Get...off...of...me!" "Oh, really? I'll let you live, if you tell me the secrets you know!" "No!" "Fine then, I'll use your plothole to send my troops after your friends, most likely destroying them." "What makes you think I'll just not close it?" ETonic caused the pain again. "OW! Fine...I'll...do it." ETonic stopped the pain, and Edge closed the plothole. "Send him to his plothole-proof cell," ETonic told his minion. "To make sure he doesn't try to escape." Edge was then led away. ETonic smirked to himself, when someone else ran over to him. "Sir," the random minion said, "the lurker is refusing to cooperate with us." "Again? Fine then, allow me to see her." "Sir." AJ ran as furiously as he could, with the hope that Samantha and the rest wouldn't notice his absence anytime soon. It didn't take that long until he was out of the land of music and darkness. Right outside was a place that almost felt like home to him. Open fields, happy flowers, a distant base... A distant base? Now, AJ knew that he wasn't in his own world. But the base did have a very familiar look. It looked like the old base that TPCG used to live in. Because he wasn't conscious at any time to see the front of the new base, he had no idea how that looked like. But this one was very sportsonly-esque. He started to run over to the base, but stopped. He realized that this was a parallel universe, and thus he had no idea what had happened here. He didn't know how TPCG would act, and most importantly, he didn't know how they would react to him. He was, after all, once the leader of the BGUB, and in this world, if it existed, he might still be the leader. Thus, he may be experiencing pain. Lots of pain. "Halt!" AJ looked forward, and saw a figure running toward him. At first he was blurry, because of his distance, but soon he came into focus, and he recognized him. "Edge!" "Halt, fiend!" Edge stood in front of AJ, his arm pointed at him. This was because there was a wrist-laser-thingy on it, his finger right above the trigger. "You are under arrest by TSPG!" AJ just stared. "Could I enquire...for what?" "How do you dare ask?! You are the reason for all the pain and suffering we have incurred over the years! It is your fault that we exist here, and you are the foe that is trying to destroy us again!" "This may be hard to believe, Edge, but I'm not AJ." "You are lying! The DNA scan proves it!" "Ok, I am AJ. But not the one that you know." "Oh, so I'm not the one that foolishly once led your secret army?" "Of course not!" "You are a filthy liar." "Look...Edge," "O-Edge." "Right...O-Edge, I'm from a parallel universe!" "A...parallel universe?" "Yes! A parallel universe!" "From which world?" "Mine." "No, what is its identification number, according to the index of the LMPA?" "The what?" "The LMPA! Lurker Multiverse Protection Agency, guardians of the mulitverse!" "I've never herd of them." "But they are the ones that regulate transportation between worlds! You must be lying." "Look, I came here because of a plothole and" "Wait...did you say...a plothole?" "Yes." Edge then pressed a few buttons on his arm band, and read the results. "I can't believe it...you're telling the truth. You really are from a parallel universe. The frequencies that you show...are different from the ones that we have in this world." "What world is this, anyway?" "If I recognize this frequency correctly, then you are from a world that we've had contact with. You are in Plothole World 463. The world where TSPG still exist, in a plothole created world." "So...this world is where TL appeared?" "Yes, where he showed us how to live freely, and return to the old ways." "Then...why are you wearing futuristic cloths?" "We've been in a war with the Neo-BGUB for some time, and I'm the commander of our attacking forces. Thus, using the elements of our plothole world, I was able to create this suit that both protects and defends." "I see." "Please, follow me, so that we can go and reintroduce you to those that which who you have met before." So AJ followed O-Edge to the base of alternate yet still familiar TSPG. "Old Git, huh?" Sonique said. "When have you met him, SonKnuck?" "I met him back during The PAFF." "Really?" "Yes, really." "How come you never mentioned it?" "I don't know." "Look," H Mac said, "perhaps you could explain, Mr. Git?" "My name is just Old Git," Old Git replied. "I am, as you may put it, dead." "Ah! Zombie!" Rusty shouted out. "No, I'm not a zombie. I'm not a corpse running around and trying to scare you." "Oh." "I am merely here as a 'duex ex machina.'" "Really?" Espirit asked. "Yes. I am here just to explain something that could easily be explained by someone else, but am here to give a sense of some sort of continuity." "How have you been, anyway?" SonKnuck asked. "Oh, fine. Been talking to God a lot. Boy, he sure is funny..." Old Git started to laugh to himself. "Um...you said you had something to tell us?" Munkee asked. "Oh, right. I'm here to say that this porthole, this unidentified porthole, is really a portal into the infinite doors of the multiverse." "What?!" TPCG exclaimed. "Yep, it's true. It's the cornerstone of the intricate system made by the LMPA." "What's that?" David TL asked. "You, of all people, I would assume would know of its existence." "Well, I don't." "Right. The LMPA is the Lurker's Multiverse Protection Agency, an organization created by lurkers, and that most lurkers actually know about." "I guess I'm just out of the loop." "I guess so." "Thanks for the help," MechaTails said, "but could you help us out with trying to figure out how to open this?" "Oh, I could, but being visible in this world, especially as a deux ex machina, is pretty tiring. Oh well, it doesn't matter, you're about to get a visit by someone else." "Who?" But Old Git had already gone. "He's gone," SonKnuck said. "I guess so," Dreaknuckster said. "Could we get ice cream?" Joshi suggested. "I'm afraid not, young newbie," SonKnuck answered. "We must boldly go where no TPCG has ever gone before!" "But...what if another TPCG has gone there?" "Look, we must arrive go to a parallel universe, a place where many here have never gone before. We must risk our lives to help preserve truth and freedom, to give hope to future generations, and to stand up for all we are!" "But...what if we don't make it out?" "Then we're in trouble." "Do we have a plan?" NelsonJ asked. "Of course not!" "We never do," Nakkurusu said. "Then we're in trouble," NelsonJ said to himself. Suddenly, a black car zoomed up to the group, and came to a screeching halt in front of them. "What the?" SonKnuck said out of shock. "I can't believe it!" Seven said. "It's that car!" "It is?" Ami asked. "Of course it is!" "Well then, I guess it is." "Too bad the windows aren’t see-through," Mike Shaffner said. "Hey," H Hog started, "I've seen this car before! In the Moogle Cavern garage!" "There's a Moogle Cavern garage?" Sz asked. The door opened, and out stepped... "Simon!" TPCG shouted. "Boy, you sure know how to travel in style," H Hog said. "I wasn't driving, though," Simon said. "Oh! It's computer controlled!" "Nope." "Then who drove it?" Matt the Yak asked. The door on the other side opened up, with smoke billowing out (for dramatic effect, of course). A figure then stepped out, and walked over to the other side, all the while TPCG staring at the person. "It's you!" SonKnuck shouted out. "Yep," the figure replied. "I thought you left for good!" H Mac also shouted out. "So did I." "Excuse me," Rusty asked, "but who are you?" "I would guess that the newbies here wouldn't know who I am. I have been called many names by those who call me by many names. Of course, those people are a little strange, so I try to avoid them. But the name that I call myself is.....SecMan." "I can't believe it!" SonKnuck shouted, shaking his hand. "How've you been?" "Oh, just lurking around." He laughs. Everyone else comes up and introduces themselves, or to just catch up. "So...where's Shorty? Riochet? Edge?" "Oh...yeah...well, you see," SonKnuck started, "they've been....captured." "Captured?!" "Yes, by some insane race that calls themselves the Nortoratos," Sonique replies. "And they went through this porthole to who knows where," H Mac added. "I think you're supposed to help us out in getting it open," MechaTails finished. "But...you have a lurker! David TL! Doesn't he know how to open it?" TPCG glance at David TL, who is staring in space, with a look of confusion on his face. "Oh." "So...can you help us?" "I think so," SecMan said. "There is a way to trace which universe was visited last, so if I can access that, and then open it..." SecMan walked over to the porthole, and started to tinker with a control panel that suddenly appeared. "Oh!" David TL shouted out. Everyone turned around quickly, waiting to see what he was about to say. "He's LURKING around! I get it!" Everyone turns away again. After a few more minutes, SecMan shouted out, "I got it!" "You figured out the machine?" Jacko asked. "No. I just got my newest issue of 'The Onion!'" SecMan then hit a button on the control panel, and suddenly the porthole opened up. "Oh, I guess I did figure it out." Everyone then gathered in front of it. "Is everyone ready?" SonKnuck said. "No," everyone else replied. "We have no idea what we're getting into!" Espirit shouted. "We could get hurt, or worse!" Rusty shouted out. "We might become asparagus!" BlueJoshi shouted. "I need to go potty!" H Hog shouted. "Really?" H Mac asked. "Well....no." "Then let's go!" So everyone marched into the porthole, not knowing what to expect on the other side. Fudge. TL tumbled out of the porthole yet again, sprawling out on the floor. Once again, Kitchiitchikakamama stepped out with ease. "I'm never going to get used to that," TL said. "Yes you will, my boy!" "No, I'm not." "Yes, you will!" "What makes you think that?" "Because I got used to it! If I can, then anyone can!" "Where are we, anyway?" TL asked as he got back up. "We are in a place that is all too familiar to you." "And what's that?" "Plothole world number 463." "You do know that number has no meaning to me, right?" "Yes, I know." "So why can't you just explain what it means? So that it will have meaning?" "I assumed that the words I said in the beginning would lead you to a conclusion." "What was it you said again?" "Plothole World number 463." "Plothole world? Then that would mean..." Suddenly, the door in the room they were in opened up, and in came O-Zac and O-TL. "TL!" they shouted out. "O-Zac! O-TL!" They shook hands. "What's been going on?" TL asked. "Oh, not much. Just been fighting the Neo-BGUB," O-Zac said. "What about the rest?" "Oh. We reconciled our differences, just like you suggested," O-TL answered. "Really?" "Really." "What brings you here, anyway?" O-Zac asked. "You've gotta ask this old lurker here." "Oh, him! It's been a while." "Look," the old lurker began, "but now's not the time for pleasantries. There is a great force threatening the multiverse, and your assistance is needed." "Again?" O-TL asked. "Yes. Again." "That's not fun." "I'm sorry." "Oh, not what you said. I was just talking about that person outside our window slamming his head against a brick wall." "Oh. Ok." "So what's wrong?" O-Zac asked. "Listen closely. From what I can tell, there is a disturbance in the workings of the plothole. One that I haven’t sensed in a long while." "What? You're not talking about Zalique, are you?" "No, of course not. He's been destroyed for a long time, and his appearance has been long gone from our sensors." "Then who is it?" "I'm not sure. But I have a bad feeling that whoever it is is going to try and destroy the multiverse." "Why does everyone want to destroy the multiverse?" O-TL asked. "I have no idea. Probably because it's easier to destroy it then to conquer them all." "But why do you need us?" "Because I know you, because of how you proved yourselves before. That, and also because you're the only ones I could get into contact with." "I'm glad you thought of us first," O-TL said sarcastically. "You're welcome!" O-Edge walked through the halls as carefully as he could, trying not to bring attention to the hooded figure next to him. It took a while to convince the guards at the front to let them in without AJ revealing his face, but he finally got in. He knew that he had to get him to O-TL and O-Zac, not because they were the leaders (because they weren't), but because of their experience with the multiverse. Perhaps they would know what to do with him. He reached the door to their office, and opened it slightly, to peak inside. "...so what's our first action?" "I don't know." "You don't?" "No." He saw in there O-Zac and O-TL, as well as another version of TL, and someone he had never seen before. It must be the people that they met in the multiverse. There was something much larger going on then he realized. And he was at the forefront of it. He opened the door wider, and walked in. "You can put the laundry in the room," O-TL said, not looking at the door. "I'm not the maid." They all looked over to the door, and saw O-Edge and the hooded figure. "Oh, O-Edge!" O-Zac said. "Look, we're busy, so if you could leave..." "What? He's the leader of our forces!" O-TL replied. "Yes, but do we really want to get more people involved then we already have to?" O-Edge closed the door, and then opened it back up when he saw that he closed it on the hooded figure. He brought him in, and then closed the door again. "It's not my fault I can't see through this blasted hood!" "Who is that, anyway?" O-TL asked. The figure pulled his hood away, revealing his appearance. "AJ!" O-TL and O-Zac shouted out, charging. "No, wait! I'm not you think I am!" "Why should we believe you?" they said, still charging. O-Edge then stepped in front of AJ. "Move!" O-Zac shouted out. "Or are you a traitor to all that is TSPG?" "Just listen to what he has to say! He's not from our world!" "What?" O-Zac and O-TL stepped back. "Hi Zac," TL said. "Wait; are you the TL from my world?" AJ asked. "Yes he is," the old lurker said. "Oh, hi old lurker!" "Hey." "Wait," O-Zac said, "are you saying that this is your AJ?" "Yep." "Why are you here?" TL asked. "Through a bunch of various occurrences in the company of a bunch of potheads." "Oh, that reminds me," the old lurker said, "don't smoke pot, AJ." "But I don't!" "Then why were you with them?" "I'd rather not get into it." "Fair enough." "But I thought you fell into a plothole," TL said. "Yep, but it brought me here, along with a bunch of other people." "Including members of the BGUB," the old lurker finished. "Right." "What?" O-Zac asked. "You mean that members from your group of idiots are here in our world?" "Yes." "That's not good, is it?" O-TL asked. "Nope." "Yea," AJ continued, "and it's not like they're all idiots! Samantha and Cherri are somehow smart all over again!" "What?!" they all shouted out. "It's true! And for some reason, they're all after me!" "Well then," the old lurker said, "we should leave." "Yes, we should." Unexpectedly, there was a knock on the door. "I wonder who that could be?" the old lurker said. "Where's Edge?!" Lil shouted out. "I guess...he didn't make it," Seth said. "Don't worry," Anony comforted, "we'll find him!" Shorty, Riochet, Seth, Anony, and Lil were standing in the main room of the TPCG, which was unusually dark. "Um...why is it so dark here, anyway?" Riochet asked. "And more importantly," Shorty added, "where's everyone else?" They looked around, and sure enough, they saw no one. "This can't be good," Seth said. "No, really?" Lil stated. "Look," Riochet said, "all we need to do is find a light switch!" Suddenly, a white light spread across them. "Wow, I'm better then I though!" "Riochet, I don't think you did that," Shorty answered. "No? Then who did?" "We did." TPCG turned to the sound of the voice, and saw a group of Nortoratos in front of them. "How did you escape our master?" the first one asked. "He is unbeatable." "Well....," Shorty started. "Yes?" "Fudge." "It does not matter. We shall recapture you. You shall be our prisoner once again. We shall be rewarded nicely. We will not have to endure his singing." The Nortoratos then advanced on the group, so they had to go do something. Lil high-kicked the nearest Nortorato. "Didn't that hurt?" another random one asked. "Sure. But it was worth it." "What?!" Lil shouted, before swinging her fist. Shorty then started his hyper kung-fu, with little success. Of course, most backed away, frightened. Riochet threw some chickens, and Seth and Anony also did some nifty fighting moves. Just imagine them...ok? Eventually, TPCG succeeded in stopping them from crushing them. However, they still surrounded them, waiting until they were tired to attack. "We've gotta do something!" Seth shouted out. "Yes, but what?" Anony asked. "Hm...," Lil muttered. They were backed up to a window, which had the drapes on it. "The drapes!" "Yes, I know they need dusting," Shorty said. "No! We need to remove them, to expose the sunlight!" "Now why didn't I think of that?" So they try to lift up the curtains. However, they are unsuccessful. "Curses!" Anony shouted out. "It seems that these curtains have somehow been fastened to their current position! If only there was something else we could do..." Just then, a Nortorato attacked, sending Riochet through the window, causing it to break, along with the curtain ripping. Riochet fell out, and the sunlight filtered in. "Smashing!" Shorty called out. The Nortoratos quickly backed away. "I'm ok..," Riochet muttered. The rest of the group hopped out, making sure they didn't land on their fallen companion. "Do you need any help?" Lil asked once everyone was out. "I don't think so..." "Alright." Riochet pulled himself off, dusted his arms, and did a cartwheel. "I didn't know you could do that," Shorty said. "Neither did I." "Look," Seth said, "it's obvious that the rest of TPCG have left this place, and that they are somewhere else." "Do you think they've been captured by the Nortoratos?" Anony asked. "No, I don't think so. Otherwise, ETonic would have boasted about capturing the rest of TPCG. No, I think that they are on a quest. Quite possibly, to save us." "But we're safe now!" Riochet stated. "I know that. We all do. But the rest of TPCG doesn't." "Then we need to contact them!" Lil exclaimed. "Yes, we do. Shorty, do you still have that cell phone?" "Yes," Shorty answered. "Alright then, use it to call TPCG." "I can't." "Why not?" "Because I ate it, remember?" "Oh." "Isn't there a pay-phone around here somewhere?" Anony asked. "Yes, there might be." "Then perhaps we should go find it and use it?" "Yes, but does any of us have spare change?" "Yes." "Who?" "Me." "Oh." "Look," Riochet said, "I'm hungry. We all are. We need to go and eat!" "There's no time!" Seth shouted out. "We need to go and find the rest of our group, as well as stop ETonic and his evil, evil plot! Not to mention locating Edge and Zac." "Yeah!" Lil shouted out. "Too bad you shall never see the day." The group quickly turned to the direction of the voice. They quickly recognized the origin of the voice. "It's you!" Shorty shouted out. "That unidentified villain talking of the order of Lucababa!" "It's Lucranda, you infidel!" the evil person shouted out. "Whatever." "Ah! Valley girl!" Shorty shouted out. "What is it you want, anyway?" Lil asked. "You've only appeared once before, not stating anything about what you want to accomplish or anything. You just came and said that we would meet our demise, hit us a couple of times, and then disappeared! What is up with that?" "There is much more going on then you realize, fools," the evil guy said. "You are merely a small part of the equation of my master's great scheme, one that will allow the rise of the great kingdom of Lucranda! Never again will we be confronted with rebellion! We shall succeed!" "Who is your leader, anyway?" Shorty asked. "Even though he has revealed himself," the evil guy said, "I don't believe that you should know at the current time. I've just come by to remind you all of my existence, and that you shall soon fall." "Get away from them!" They all turn in the direction of the voice. "Zac!" they shout out. "OZac, to be exact," OZac answered. "You fool," the evil guy said, "you do not know what you are even getting into! There is much more to this then you realize. Yes, soon you will all fall! My master shall rule!" The evil guy then disappeared. "Who was that?" Shorty asked. "That isn't important right now," OZac responded. "What is important is that we rejoin with your group, and solve the immediate problem." "What is the immediate problem?" Riochet asked. "To stop ETonic!" "Oh." "We must go as soon as we can. I've learned of some startling new information, which is vital to the mission! We must go to the only porthole that is available to me, back to the world that you just left." "But we just left!" "Yes, I just said that. We'll take my car." So they all ran over to OZac's car, and hop in. "Can I drive?" Riochet asked. "No." "Please?" "No." "Pretty Please?" "No!" "With double sugar and a cherry?" "NO!" "So are you saying no?" OZac sighed, and he started up the car, quickly driving in the direction of the porthole. "Where could those fools be?" EAJ asked. "I don't know," Andre responded. "PiE!" the CLG shouted. "Oh, shut up." The BGUB had been driving around for a while now, searching for their companions, whom they hadn't located yet, just to let you know incase you didn't realize it from the dialogue above. "They weren’t at the base, not at the ice cream pallor, nowhere! But that's impossible! Not even the communications work!" "Well, do we really have to hurry?" "Yes, you fool! We must hurry, in order for my plan to succeed! We need to find them, hopefully with AJ, so that I can rebuild the PlotHole 3000!" "pIe!" "Is it possible that they were engulfed in a plothole, sent to a parallel universe where reality is not how we know it, and they are currently singing with a bunch of potheads who like to drink and have sex?" "You think up the craziest things, you know that Andre?" "Well, it is possible." EAJ continued to drive. "There must be someway to discover their location!" "Maybe that'll help?" Andre suggested, pointing ahead of them. "What are you talking ab...oh sh"honk"t." (Un)expectedly, a plothole appeared in their path, ready to engulf them. "Hold on to your seatbelts," EAJ said. "setblts?" the CLG gang ask, which meant, "Seatbelts?" "Oh never mind." And they are engulfed. Chapter 19 Out and Back Again -or- The Introduction of Yet Another Lurker "She continues to be unresponsive, sir." "I see." ETonic and a random Nortorato were talking, outside of a door to a room. Instead of a door that led to the outside. "Is she still in here?" ETonic asked. "Of course." "Then let me in." His minion opened the door, and he stepped into the room. He looked around the room, taking in the sights. Even though he had been here before, it was the least visited place. He hadn't had problems before with his prisoner, and thus had no reason to come in. "So, you've decided to see your prisoner?" ETonic looked at who emitted the voice. His prisoner, strapped into a chair connected to a machine. She was a fair brunette, with more then a few assets on her. She also had a cape. A purple cape. So you can guess what she is. "Well well, if it isn't the famed female lurker, Jane," ETonic said. "Always the rebel, huh?" "You listen here, you egotistical freak," Jane started, "I don't know who you think you are, but I refuse to help you anymore!" "What do you mean?" "I refuse to let you use my access to the portholes that I have." "And what are you going to do? You are weak, unable to defend yourself as long as you are connected to my machine, which allows the large portholes my armies need." "I don't care what you say. You know that I can resist your asking." "At the cause of great pain. I can pull them out of you, which brings you to the brink of death. We've had this conversation before. You either can live, or die." ETonic then put his face close to hers. "And we wouldn't want a pretty little thing like you die, now do we?" She spit in his face. He quickly backed away, and walked over to the machine. "So I'm guessing you don't want to take me up on my offer,' ETonic said. "What? Become your queen? Get real." "But you would forever be immortalized when I take over the multiverse!" "I would rather be dead then spend the rest of my life caught up in your twisted world." ETonic flipped a switch, which then caused Jane to make her head fall in pain. "It doesn't matter. I don't need your services anymore." "What...are...you..." Jane muttered out. "Please, save your strength. I have something that is much more useful to me then your measly portholes, restricted by the rules of the lurkers." "What?" "Plotholes." Jane opened her eyes wide, but soon closed them, due to the pain. "I have in my possession a man who is able to create plotholes at will. Golden plotholes." "G...golden?" ETonic flipped the switch again, allowing Jane to sit back up. "The golden plothole? You mean...the legends are true? Who is it?" "I'm surprised you don't know. Edge the Fox." "Edge? Of TPCG? From which world?" "Universe 42." "What? The TPCG that went up against Zalique? But, I've studied them. That Edge has never exhibited any signs of even being connected to the world of the plothole! It's impossible!" "Yes, you would think that, wouldn't you? But have you so soon forgotten where he went when I was at my prime?" "What are you talking about?' "Edge was transported to a world where their Edge exhibited signs of being connected to the world of plotholes. Of course, that Edge was never able to create a golden plothole." "You mean...Universe 494?" "Yes. I always wondered how in the world Edge and the rest returned to their own world. I always assumed that it was through a plothole they had discovered, but it seems that somehow he was able to tap into the essence of the plothole." "But I even studied them after! He had no such power!" "Perhaps it has something to do with this world, and others in the multiverse. I would study it, but once I take over, it doesn't matter. The golden plothole will merely be a forgotten memory." "But we don't even know what it means!" "Yes, that's why I don't want it to be remembered once I rule all that exists." "You truly are an evil man." "Hedgehog, please." "I don't even know if you are that anymore. You have become so engulfed in the world of the Nortoratos, I think you're becoming one." "Please, don't be absurd." "What did that uncontrollable plothole do to you to make you become who you are? Huh?" ETonic said nothing. "That's what I thought." "Enough! Your cooperation isn't necessary anymore. I will be able to use this machine to tap into Edge's power continuously, without fear of him becoming drained entirely. Unlike you." "What?" "Once I force our a few portholes from you, you will become so powerless that you will eventually just become an empty shell of your former self." ETonic tapped in a few coordinates into his machine. "I will need to return to Universe 42, to make sure that the pesky TPCG will not interfere in my plans. And when I do, I will have nothing else to fear. "I suppose, though, that I do not need AJ anymore. I'll just destroy him, now that I have Edge. I do not need his knowledge to create another PlotHole 3000, because my knowledge to create such a device was destroyed when I encountered the uncontrollable plothole." "But, you typed in much more then just one coordinate!" "Of course. I'll let it run, and drain you slowly, causing you to eventually expire. It's what happens when those who I like don't cooperate with me." As he walked away, Jane called out to him. "Then why do you have Zac?" "Hmm?" he said as he turned around. "Why do you need Zac?" "How did you find out about him?" "I have my ways. You didn't answer me." "Why do I need to tell you all the details of my plan, huh?" "Because you're insane?" "Oh, I have my reasons, I surly do. I'll let you know when I'm supreme ruler. That is, if you're still alive." ETonic turned around, and left, leaving Jane alone with her thoughts. TPCG emerged into a field, a very dark field, with dark flowers and such. "Where the hell are we?" SonKnuck asked. "In the land of the Nortoratos," SecMan replied. "Hey," H Mac said, "what about the TPCG mobile? Won't we need it here?" "No, we don't." "Why not?" "It will not run here. Only vehicles from the land of the Nortoratos will run in this land." "Well, that's convenient for them, isn't it?" "Well, this is their world." "Look," MechaTails began, "we need to go and find our missing comrades, and discover what it exactly happening here." "You're right," Sonique said. "Where is the base of this evil leader of theirs?" "In the main city of this world," SecMan said. "And where's that?" Simon asked. "It's north of here. Of course, it is also the only city on this planet. There are small villages scattered, but the Nortoratos usually live by themselves, and thus a ruler doesn't mean much to them, unless confronted of course. "What is strange is that this is their first ruler, who introduced the concept of a city to them. Before, they were all alone, only doing what they had to do to keep the species alive." "How could a world like this have happened, anyway?" Munkee asked. "If this is a parallel universe of our own, then how come there isn't any TPCG here? How did the Nortoratos come into being? How? HOW?" "Well, Munkee, you must realize that not every planet is going to evolve in the same course as your own. Sure, it is the common theme in this cycle, but there are a few exceptions to every rule. This planet is one of them. "For millennia, this planet has been shrouded in a solar eclipse, one that isn't going to end anytime soon. And because this planet has been shrouded in darkness for so long, the evolution on this planet grew a species that thrived in it, not unlike the creatures that live on the bottom of the sea in your world." "But...how did they break into our world?" H Hog asked. "That is a question that I can't answer. To me, it seemed that this race wasn't that smart, at least not at the level necessary to achieve the knowledge to break the multiverse barrier." "Then we need to go forward and solve this mystery!" Sonique shouted out. "The multiverse is at stake!" "Again," Mike Shaffner added in." Suddenly, a group of Nortoratos arrived, surrounding TPCG. "You are now prisoners of our leader Fupojd." "Fupojd?" SonKnuck said, confused. "Boy, that's a stupid name." "Do not mock our great ruler!" The group charged at TPCG, but they jumped up, and the Nortoratos all collided into each other. "Well, that was easy enough," Sz said. "You're quite right," SecMan said. "It was too easy, wasn't it?" "You did say that they were a stupid race," H Mac added. "Yes, but this isn't their normal fighting style..." "Look," Sonique said, picking up a Nortorato, "I'm only going to ask this once, Mr. N. Where is the base of your leader? Where in the city?" "The tallest building..." She dropped him, and rejoined the group. "Well, that wasn't very creative," Sonique said. "Their leader lives in the highest building in the city! That isn't a good hiding place." "You must remember," SecMan started, "that this is his world, and he rules without any opposition. He didn't expect any visitors to track him down here. This is completely unexpected to him." "Whatever you say..." "We must move forward!" SonKnuck shouted. "Yes! We must get free ice cream!" H Hog shouted out. "Do they even have ice cream here?" Dreadknuckster asked. "Who cares?" Jacko said. "We can just make our own!" "I have an easy bake oven!" Espirit exclaimed. "When did you get an easy bake oven?" Mike Shaffner asked. "I always carry one around with me." Everyone stared. "What?" "To the base!" SonKnuck shouted out. "But...we're not in our universe," BlueJoshi said. "No, not our base. The base of the evil guy Fu...fu...oh, whatever his name is." "We must be careful," SecMan cautioned. "This world is unlike any that you've ever seen. It is completely different, and thus does not follow the rules you know. There is no way to predict what we'll encounter." "That does make it harder, doesn't it?" David TL asked. "Yes, yes it does." "Oh poo." "Darn! They've already left!" OZac shouted out. "How do you know that?" Shorty asked. "Isn't it possible that they haven’t come here yet?" "No, they've already been here. Look." OZac hopped out of his car, and picked up an empty ice cream cone box. "That could belong to anyone!" Seth said. OZac turned it upside down, revealing the message underneath: property of TPCG. "Oh." "Then let's just go and follow them!" Anony shouted. "I'm afraid that we must wait for a short while until we can use this porthole." "Why's that?" "As you can see, this porthole is large. Too large. And it is still here. Usually, a porthole used by a lurker is small, and disappears when not in use. This one is different. It must be using extreme amounts of energy, some of which you most surly added. "Because of the energy it needs to open, it will take a few minutes more to recharge, because of its recent use. They have been here already." "Well, what should we do in the meantime?" Lil asked. "We could always play tiddlywinks," Riochet suggested. "No, we can't." "Why not?" "Well...." "Yes?" "We just can't!" "That's not a good reason." "Look, something terrible has happened, which I haven’t revealed to you yet. The communication network of the LMPA has, for some unknown reason, gone down." "So?" "It's important, alright? The last transmission was made my Kitchiitchikakamama." "Who?" Shorty asked. "You would know him as 'the old lurker.'" "Him? Really? How is the old fellow?" "Oh, he's just fine really. Anyway, because the communication system is down, we can't call for backup." "We were going to call for backup?" Lil asked. "I was going to. You see, after our final battle with Zalique, we gained national attention from the lurkers. We became a much more important world then we had previously. Of course, they watched us in secret. I'd rather not get into what most of the cameras were actually on..." "What?!" "Anyway, because we barely escaped during that, and then only because of the efforts of Scott Tomahama, they decided that they would help us out if the case need be." "But we can take care of ourselves!" Shorty stated. "Now's not the time to be egotistical. This isn't merely a matter concerning ourselves; it's a matter that concerns the entire multiverse. Why do you think those plothole people, and the old lurker, helped us out in the first place?" "Because they just stumbled upon us?" Seth suggested. "No. Because they were sent by the LMPA. Of course, when the uncontrollable plothole, as well as Zalique, was gaining immense power, the communication system also went down, which caused us to not be able to call for any sort of backup. And that is why I'm worried." "Worried?" Anony asked. "Yes. The system of communication used by the LMPA is a very strong one, one that doesn't go down at all. Unless there is a great evil threatening the very fabric of the multiverse. "That means that somehow, somewhere, someone is with such incredible power that they are already in the process of its destruction. It's even possible that, just like we met last time, that there could be even more then one foe planning our demise." "And that's not good, is it?" Riochet asked. "No sir, it most certainly isn't." "He called me sir." "Well, what should we do?" asked Lil. "For now, all we can do is go to the land of the Nortoratos, and find our missing comrades. Then we will be able to regroup, and go to the source." OZac pushed a few buttons on the control panel, and the porthole opened up. "It has been recharged. We must boldly go where we have gone before. Well, to be honest, I actually haven't gone there, but that isn't important right now..." "Wait, the TPCG mobile is still here!" Shorty shouted out. "You can't use it. It doesn't work in the land of the Nortoratos." "Oh." And the group walked through the porthole, back into the world that they had just escaped from. Kitchiitchikakamama walked up to the door that had just been knocked on, and opened it up. "Pizza delivery for O-TL," the pizza delivery boy said. "Thanks," O-TL said as he walked up and grabbed the pizza, and paying for it. "Ahem?" "What?" "A tip?" "Oh. Get a haircut." O-TL closed the door. It soon knocked again. "That's not what I meant," the delivery boy said. "It wasn't?" "No. I want money." "But I just gave you some!" "Yes, but that's money for the pizza! A tip is something extra for the person who gave you the pizza, because of my horrible, horrible wage!" "Oh. Here you go." O-TL then closed the door again. It soon knocked again. "Now, look here deli-" O-TL stopped in the middle of his sentence, and backed up. "What is it?" O-Zac asked. "Hello there," Samantha Clarfet said. "You!" AJ shouted, running behind the desk. "Yes, it's me. Did you really think that you could escape that easily?" "Well, yes." "Well, you're wrong." "Obviously." "It's time to pay the piper," Cornelius said. "What piper?" Amy asked. "It's an expression, you idiot." "Prick you!" "Make me!" "Shut up!" Cherri shouted as the rest of the BGUB entered the room. "But how did you find me?" AJ asked. "Very easily, once we got some help," Samantha said. "Help?" The potheads then walked in through the BGUB, with Angie in the lead. "Angie?" "Yes, AJ, I told them," Angie said. "But how? Did they torture you? Hypnotize you? Make you watch Teletubbies?" "No, you fool. I just told them." "What? But how could you? I trusted you! I don't get it. You're an honor student, who didn't even want to come with your friends!" "Yes, that may have been true, but that was before I met Samantha and Cherri here." The two waved. "They showed me the true pleasures of being evil. So, I just told them which way you went, and the rest was easy." "Wha?" muttered Brandon. "Evil?" "Are the rest of you evil too?" Dave asked. The girls nodded their heads. "Look, I may be horny," Jamie started, "and I may like to do it with chicks who smoke joints, but that doesn't mean that I'm just going to go along with your crazy schemes! I'll just do you." "Well, you can forget about that," the goth said. "Then fu"honk"k you." "Where in blazes did that horn come from?" O-Zac asked. "Beats me," O-TL replied. "Nice work ladies." The group turned at the sound of the voice. EAJ, along with Andre and the CLG, entered the room. "So, you were the ones that helped my group?" he asked Angie. "Yes sir," she said coyly. "Well then, if you would like to join up with us, we would be more then welcome to." "Why certainly. I would love to watch a master as yourself do what you do best." "Well, this certainly took a twist I wasn't expecting," TL said. "Yes, but were the readers?" the old lurker asked. "Instead of talking," AJ said, "perhaps it would be better if, I don't know, we TRIED TO ESCAPE!?" "Must you yell?" EAJ asked. "When I'm confronted with my evil twin, I think so." "Look here, you know that deep down, you're just like me." "No I'm not!" "Just come with me, you poor fool." EAJ grabbed AJ's arm, and the entire group of evil disappeared. "Whoa..." Shaggy muttered out. "This is some good stuff..." Jamie also muttered out. "Where did they go?" TL asked. "I think I might know," the old lurker said. "Really? Where?" "To the very cornerstone of existence." "Heaven?" "Ok, so we're not going to the very cornerstone of existence. We are instead going to place that is older then time itself, but has only been around for a few years. A place that lives in a deleted zone, with a bunch of crazy antics as well." "Where's that?" O-Zac asked. "The TPCG base of disc.server." Edge sat in his cell, his head against the wall. He had been in there for who knew how long. Sure, it most likely wasn't that long, but in this cell, time seemed to flow very, very slowly. He felt powerless, as well. He felt as if he should be yelling, as if he should be trying to escape. But he felt like doing nothing of the sort. This place just seemed to draining the energy right out of him. And that, most likely, was the point. Because ETonic had mentioned it before. Of how their energy was being drained. And now that he somehow had control of the golden plothole again, he was sure that his energy was being drained at an even increased state. Suddenly, he heard a small moan from the cell next to him. He didn't realize how thin the cell walls were. Of course, he couldn't see out, because the only window was barred, facing the hall, and very small, there just to let the guards look in every once in a while. "Who's there?" Edge asked. "E...Edge?" "Zac?" "Is it really you? How can I be so sure in this place?" "How can I be so sure that you're you?" "I don't even know if you're the Edge I know, that is if you are Edge. And you don't know if I'm the Zac you know, that is if I'm Zac." "Then how can we prove it to ourselves?" "I don't know. Tell me, does the name 'LMPA' mean anything to you?" "No." "A-ha! That means that you could be the Edge from my world! But, why would you be in this cell? The one with the most guards?" "Look, does the name 'Zalique' mean anything to you?" "Why, yes it does. Could it be? Tell me, who is Satato Man?" "Isn't that a combination of Samantha, Andre, and Potato Man, a being that was made, but never did anything, and soon just reseperated back into their former selves?" "It is you!" "I am me." "I am me too!" "Hooray for me!" "Hooray for you!" "Hooray for we!" the two shouted out. "Hooray for goo," a random person shouted out. "So...we're from the same universe?" Edge asked. "Yes. Universe 42." "Makes sense." "Besides, this little machine that I just found says that we are from the same universe." "Huh?" "You should have one too. Someone stuck it in your hair right before we all left." Edge reached into his hair, and sure enough, there was a machine there. He pulled it out, and on it read "that Zac is from your universe. Certified by the LMPA. Would you like a ham sandwich? We have specials, though, if you're Jewish or vegetarian." "Strange little device," Edge said. "Yes, well, it was made by the old lurker." "Oh." "So...why are you here?" "I've been trapped here because of some special power that I gained. It only seems to work in certain parallel universes, though." "Really? What is this power?" "The golden plothole." "Shh!" "What?" "I do not want you to speak anymore of it. You must realize that this place has ears all over. If you mention anything you know of it, it will be heard by someone, and eventually ETonic will learn of it." "Curses!" they heard ETonic yell from somewhere. "Boy, he sure is loud when he's mad." "You can say that again." "Boy, he sure is loud when he's mad." "You can say that aga-oh wait, you just did. Never mind." "Why are you here?" "It seems that there is something special he wants with me. Most likely about the multiverse, but then again, maybe not." "Don't you know?" "No. I have no idea. He didn't tell me anything at all about the purpose that I have here. I should find out eventually, though." "Oh yes you will," ETonic said over the PA. The duo heard a door open up, and then footsteps. "Is that ETonic?" Edge asked. "I'm...*gulp*...afraid so." "Oh yes, you poor fool, be afraid. Be very afraid..," ETonic said. "Hold me." "But I'm in another cell," Edge said. "Oh, right," Zac replied. Chapter 20 Revelations -or- When Is An Idiot Not An Idiot? Zac looked around his cell furiously, looking for some way to escape. He knew, though, that there was no way for him to get free. He had already tried every possible way, and had discovered none. He was trapped. He looked over to the door, and saw it open. In stepped ETonic. "Hello, Zac," ETonic said. "Long time no see, eh?" "What is it you want with me?" "Oh, you assume too much." "Then why would I be in your highest security cell?" "Um..." ETonic walked over to Zac. "I don't care if you hear what I have to say, Edge," ETonic said. Edge was puzzled. "Yes, I know you can hear me. And I don't care if you hear." "What is it you want?" Zac asked. "Oh yes, what is it I want? I want...you." "Sorry, but I don't swing that way." "No, you fool! That's not what I meant!" "Then why did you just say what you said?" ETonic ignored him. "I originally captured you because I thought that maybe you could help me out with creating a usable method of transporting through the multiverse without the help of the portholes I captured. Because this world lacks any pie emeralds, though, I hopped that some other way could be discovered. "Now that I have captured Edge, though, I do not need that. However, there is something else that I need from you. To posses your body." "What? What are you talking about?" "There is something that I haven't told anyone about after I took over the Nortoratos. About certain...changes." ETonic grabbed his sleeve and pulled it up, revealing a twisted and grotesque looking skin. The same as the darkness of the Nortoratos. "What the...?" TL asked. "Yes," ETonic started, "I have slowly become a Nortorato. I assume that in a few more weeks, my complete identity will be gone, and my ambition will be absorbed." He lowered his sleeve. "Of course, there is one possibility that I could survive, of a process that I theorized on, but never tried to build." "And what's that?" "Mind transferal." "What?" "Yes, I plan on transferring my mind with yours, then gaining your body, Zac, and thrive once again. You have certain attributes that I know no one else has, certain connections with the multiverse, due to your ability to become Zacs with your double, OZac. You will be perfect. "And, as I grow and become supreme ruler, your mind will instead be subjugated to the regression, and you will be destroyed." “What?!” “Hey, better you then me.” “Don’t I get a say in this?” “When was the last time that an evil mastermind listened to someone pleading, asking them to halt their evil plans just so that the innocent could live?” “Um?I don’t know.” “That’s my point.” “Listen here,” Edge shouted out, “you leave Zac alone!” “Well, well, if it isn’t the little hero standing up for what is right,” ETonic started. “When all along it is merely his own safety that he is worried of. Why must he try to disguise that fact?” “What are you talking about? Of course I protect myself, but everyone who is alive does that! But I live on the side of pureness, and I will alway-“ “Blah, blah, blah. Listen here, Edge, I don’t want to walk over to your cell. I’ll let my servants do that. But if you don’t shut up, I will personally make sure that you never are conscious again.” ETonic got up and walked over to the cell door. “Do whatever you must while you prepare to take my fate, Zac. When next we meet, the process shall start. Oh yes, and I will rule all. And you?.well?at least you’ll have the health of a Nortorato.” ETonic walked out of the cell, and left the corridor. “Zac?” Edge asked. “Yes?” “What are we going to do?” “I don’t know.” “We can only hope that someone helps out.” “Hey, whatever did happen to everyone you were with?” “Huh?” “You know, you’re group? Shorty, Riochet, and the like?” “How do you know about that? You were unconscious!” “Plothole.” “Oh. Well, I was able to send them home with the golden plothole that I created. Of course, I don’t know how they’ll come here, or even if they want to. I mean, I gave them their freedom, do they really want to give it all up for me?” “How could you doubt that? How long have you known the TPCG?” “For a long, long time.” ‘And you, of all people, should know that they’ll come here to find you.” “Maybe you’re right.” “Of course I’m right.” “Right. You’re right. It must be this place. It makes me feel so?” “I know. It’s the side affect of living in the universe of the Nortoratos. I don’t know why, it just is. Although, I’m guessing it has something to do with that eternal darkness they live in.” “Keep up the hope.” “Right.” “Right.” “I’d say left, but somehow it doesn’t feel right.” “Zac?” “Yes?” “Do you ever feel like a conversation just goes on and on, without no real purpose or meaning, but just to tae up time?” “Well?” “Well, I hope you had a good sleep. I wouldn’t want you to be tired when we start working.” AJ opened his eyes and looked over to who had spoken to him. It was none other then his evil twin, EAJ. “What is it you want from me, anyway?” he asked. “Oh, you know what I want.” “No, I don’t.” “You don’t?” “No.” “Fine, fine, I’ll tell you. The reason I have brought you here was to help me out with the creation of one of your greatest creations ever, the PlotHole 3000.” “The PlotHole 3000? Why do you need my help with that?” “Because, it is necessary for my complete and total dominance.” “I don’t understand. You’re me. If you need the PlotHole 3000 that badly, then why don’t you just go and build it yourself? You don’t really think that I’d just go along with a plan from you about total domination, do you?” “I was hoping.” “You know that I’m not evil, no matter how much you say to me to try and confuse me.” “Alright then, if you want to know, I’m forcing you to build me the PlotHole 3000.” “What? But why can’t you just-“ “Look here, AJ. I know that I’m supposed to be your double, with greater intentions of evil. I contain your memories, and know most everything about you. But, for some strange and unknown reason, the schematics for the PlotHole 3000 do not live within my brain.” “What?” “I know. I’m as confused about it as you are. But all I know is that I need to make the PlotHole 3000 as soon as possible.” “Look, I don’t think that-“ EAJ then pulled out a laser pistol. “Then again?.” “I thought you may change your mind,” EAJ said. EAJ then led AJ through the base of the BGUB (just to let you know where they are) to AJ’s former lab. “How come everything’s so dusty?” AJ asked. “Contrary to what everyone else here in the BGUB believes, I have in fact not used your equipment. I did access some of your computer files from the main base, in hopes that I would find the schematics for the PlotHole 3000, but your actual lab has been left alone.” “But why?” “For some reason, I just haven’t felt as if it was mine.” “Almost as if?you’re your own person? Not just some clone, but a person with your own thoughts and ideas, some that not even I could conceive?” “Well?.” AJ urged him on. “No! I will not listen! I am you! You are me! There must have been some fault that Zalique didn’t realize. After all, he was fighting Scott. Yes, that is why I don’t always act like you.” AJ sat down at his old computer terminal. “Start working,” EAJ said. “Do I have to?” EAJ pointed to the gun. “Oh, right then.” So AJ started to type at his computer terminal, all the while EAJ watching over his shoulder. “Now why did EAJ tell us to come here?” Samantha asked. “pIe?” Potato Man asked. “No, dad,” Cherri said. “You know, mom, I don’t think he gave us any real reason.” “Well, at least this time we know where we’re going, instead of walking around aimlessly.” The members of the BGUB (excluding EAJ, who was with AJ, like I explained earlier) were walking through a place known only as the “deleted zone,” at the very edges of disc.server. Yes, their assignment was to go and return to the original base of TPCG. “What else could we do there, anyway?” Cornelius asked. “We already went there once, what else could it hold that’s important? Huh?” Unexpectedly, an old man (wearing what could be described as “peasant cloths”) walked up to the BGUB. “What brings you strangers here to the lands of the deleted ones?” he asked. “Who the hell are you?” Samantha asked. “I am the one they call?Salami.” “Salami?” Jolt asked. “Yes. Salami.” “Well, that’s a bit of an unusual name, isn’t it?” “Perhaps where you come from, it is, but from my land the name is of the most influential. All through history, those named Salami have shaped our world.” “Your world?” SoniProw asked. “What is your world?” “The land of the deleted ones, of course.” “So, you’re saying that you’re one of the natives that live in disc.server?” Cherri asked. “Oh no.” “So you’re just some guy from our world named Salami?” “Oh no, I am from the world of the deleted ones. However, I am not native to the land of disc.server. What you do not understand is that our world extends much father, touching every corner of this world. We exist everywhere, yet most pass by us, not even realizing that we do exist. But, it is something that we are all used to. Something that doesn’t even bother us. Except Lasagna?.” “Is that another of your strange names?” “Oh, of course not! There used to be a piece of Lasagna that was alive, and we used to talk all the time! Boy, the jokes he would tell. However, he soon met his demise when he encountered a certain yellow cat.” “How unfortunate,” Amy said sarcastically. “I wouldn’t expect an idiot like you to understand,” he said. “Oh, prick you!” “How original, Amy.” What can I-wait, did you just call me Amy?” “Yes, I did.” “How did you know my name?” “There are many things I know. I know that you are part of the BGUB, sent here to visit a long lost base that you even saw while it was in its current state, a place where deleted ones live. “I know that you are Amy. I know that there is Samantha, Potato Man, Cherri, and the rest. Yes, I do know.” “Then, if you know so much,” Samantha asked, “why did you ask us what brought us here?” “Small talk.” “Look, is there a point to all of this.” “Of course. Unlike most throwaway characters, I’m here to say something.” “But most throwaway characters do say at least something.” “Really?” “Yes.” “Oh, I guess I should focus more, shouldn’t I? “Perhaps so.” “What is it you wanted to tell us, anyway?” Cornelius asked. “Why must you assume that there is something I want to tell you?” “Why else would you start up your small talk?” “Quite right. I am here to convince you to leave, and not enter the deleted zones of disc.server, as your master told you to.” “Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooottttttttttttttttttt?” Hougan asked. “Because, you fool!” “Um?that’s not a very good reason,” Jolt said. “You do no know what you are about to encounter in this land of deletion. If you go in there, and then complete the goal that has been given to you by your ruler, EAJ, then everything you hold dear will be gone.” “pIe?” Apple said. “Yes, even pie.” “noOOO!11!” “Why must you talk as you do, poor fool? I will never understand?” “I thought you knew all,” Samantha said. “Oh, I know a lot, like which side of the bread is buttered, but not all knowledge lurks within my head.” “What exactly is going to happen in there, anyway?” Cherri asked. “Something horrible. Where a great evil will rise up once again.” “But aren’t we evil?” SoniProw asked. “Yes, but even an evil such as yourself knows what is right and what is wrong in terms of the balance of the multiverse.” “Oh, so now we’re bringing the multiverse back into it?” Cornelius asked. “Isn’t time that we just stop talking about it, and get on to something with a much more original plot?” “Not anytime soon, I’m afraid.” “What is this great evil that you speak of, anyway?” Samantha asked. “That is something that I can not tell you. But you will discover it soon enough if you enter the halls of the former base of TPCG. There is much more there then it seems, and that is why it is so pivotal.” “Oh.” Samantha picked up a piece of pie. “How’d this get in my pants?” she asked. “What does that have to do with anything?” the old man asked. “Well, it certainly is relevant to me,” she replied. “Of course it is, but what does it have to do with what I was talking about?” “Nothing.” “Precisely.” “One word phrases,” Cornelius said. “Now I must leave,” the old man said, turning around. “Why must you leave, oh vague one?” Jolt asked. “Because, I have to go potty.” And so he left. “Now that that’s over,” Samantha started, “we can go on to the disc.server base.” “But what about what we were just told?” Cherri asked. “Are you not worried about the possible fate that we might run into?” “Of course not. That man is just a loony.” And so the members of the BGUB walk on to the doors of the TPCG disc.server base. When the first entered the city, the members of TPCG were stared at by the Nortoratos, right before being attacked by them. They soon were able to ward them off (because there were only four that noticed them), and the continued on. Most of the Nortoratos didn’t seem to care that there were others in the city that weren’t the same as them. “This is getting creepy,” Munkee said. “You mean how most everyone is ignoring us?” SonKnuck asked. “No, how that building is upside down, spouting whipped cream and jelly from the top!” “What?” SonKnuck looked up, and sure enough, there was such a building. “I told you that this world doesn’t follow the normal laws of physics,” SecMan said. A tomato hit them. “Neh!” “Neh?” “Neh.” Soon enough, they were able to reach the main building in the center, the tallest, the most important: the head honcho’s place: the palace of Fupojd. “Are we ready?” SonKnuck asked the group. “Well, not really,” Munkee responded. “But, I’m guessing we’re going in anyway.” “Of course.” “Do we have to?” Espirit asked. “Of course!” “If you say so?” They charge forward and push in the door, and find that there is no one inside. “Um?no one’s here,” H Mac said. “How could this be?” SecMan said. “I was sure that there would be Nortoratos here! Why, even this scanner says there is!” “What scanner?” “Oh, the scanner I neglected t tell you about earlier which can track the Nortoratos.” “Let me see that,” Sonique said as she grabbed the device out of his hands. Looking at it closely, she remarked “this doesn’t say Nortorato.” “Of course it does!” “No, it doesn’t. Look.” She brought the device up to him, and showed him the word “Potato.” He looked around, and sure enough, there were a bunch of potatoes surrounding them. “Well, at least potatoes are harmless,” SecMan said. “That’s what you think!” a potato shouted out. The herd of potatoes then rushed the group, causing them to collapse on themselves. “Why didn’t you tell us this before?” MechaTails asked SecMan. “Well, I didn’t know about it. I mean, there hasn’t been that much research on this particular universe.” “Oh great.” They continued to get pummeled by the potatoes until a figure walked up to them, calling them off. “Hello, everyone,” it said. “You!” they shouted. “Yes, it is I, the great and powerful ETonic!” “What are you doing here?” SonKnuck asked. “Capturing you, what else?” “Our fight’s not with you, ETonic. It’s with the leader of this civilization, Fupojd.” “Oh. Alright.” ETonic turned around to walk away, but stopped and quickly turned around. “Hey! I’m Fupojd!” The group gasped. “How could that be?” Munkee asked. “I should’ve realized it,” SecMan said. “Only a man from another universe could introduce such radical concepts to a civilization that had no concept of them beforehand.” “Yes, and they have served me well, although to be honest they are boring. They never have any fun, just live in the darkness and try to survive. I just don’t understand it. At least I try to do something...” “Where are our friends, you creep!” Ami shouted out. “Who, pray tell, are you referring to?” “You know who we’re talking about! The missing members of TPCG!” “Oh right. Well, I do have Edge and Zac, but the rest escaped. Though they shall be back in my custody, I wager.” “What?” Simon said. “Are you telling us that we didn’t have to come here until we regrouped, to save just one man?” “Yes, that is what I’m saying.” “I don’t see why you think that you can take us all in, ETonic. You’re only one man,” SonKnuck said. “Yes, it may be true that I am only one man, but as you may have noticed, I rule a very large kingdom?” Suddenly, hundreds of Nortoratos appeared out of nowhere, surrounding them. The potatoes were also there, still acting potato-like. “Alright, so this may seem a little tight,” SonKnuck said, “but we can take them!” “You also seem to forget where you are. In the land of the Nortoratos.” The group fell asleep. “Well, that was easy,” ETonic said to himself. He walked over again and looked over the group, trying to make since of what just happened. “How could they have all fallen asleep at once?” he asked. “Sure, this place drains their energy, but it wouldn’t cause them to just fall asleep! It’s supposed to be a feeling of sleep that they can never fulfill.” Suddenly, TPCG got up at once and ran into the heart of the castle. “Um?what just happened?” a random Nortorato asked. “Don’t ask me, you bumbling idiots! Recapture them!” “Well, technically we never had them captured in the first place, just surrounded them.” “Just go!” “Alright, alright. Geeze, don’t get so angry.” The Nortoratos then gathered together and went after the fleeing TPCG. “This just hasn’t been my day,” ETonic said. “I think I need some aspirin. Oh, right, I forgot. Nortoratos are allergic to aspirin. Curses. And I don’t really feel like trying their remedy?” He glanced at the toilet sitting by the door. “How could they think that’s pleasant?” “Dude?.” “Oh, shut up,” O-Zac said. “Is it my fault that I’m high?” Brandon asked. “Yes it is. Why did we bring them along anyway?” O-Zac, O-TL, TL, and Kitchiitchikakamama, along with the collection of potheads, were walking through the land of disc.server, trying to rediscover the ancient deleted lands. “We have brought them along, O-Zac,” the old lurker began, “because they may be useful to us during our journey. It is long and perilous, and because all our connections are down, we are not in a very good position to turn any help down.” “But what could they possibly do? They’re just obsessed with pot! And sex! And drinking!” “To each man his own, I say.” “But you got mad at AJ when you thought he was high!” “That’s because I know AJ. He would never turn to Marijuana unless he was deep in depression.” “Yeah man,” Dave said. “Oh, shut up,” O-Zac said. “Hey, don’t you ever have anything positive to say to anyone?” O-Zac grumbled, and continued to walk. “Old lurker,” TL asked, “why can’t we just use your portholes to transport ourselves to the deleted zone that contains the former TPCG base, instead of walking through disc.server to go and find it?” “Because,” the old lurker started, “it is impossible to use the porthole to transport yourself to a world that is deleted through the use of the porthole, if it dwells inside a land that is not deleted. If we were ever to find a universe that was completely made up of deletion, then yes we could. But while it lives in a world that is not deleted, then the portholes just don’t work. It essentially cancels them out.” “Interesting?” Suddenly, an old man wearing beggar clothes went up to the group. “What brings you strangers here to the lands of the deleted ones?” he asked. “Don’t try to give us confusing talk, Mr. Man,” Kitchiitchikakamama responded. “You know darn well why we are here, and you also know a lot more then you’re ever going to tell us.” “Huh?” TL asked. “You know this guy?” “No.” “But then how did you..?” “You see, TL, surrounding the land of the deleted ones, there are often strange people who walk around and tell strange things that usually do mean something, but are so obscure that by the time they realize what the person was saying, they are dead. “I’m sure that our friend here will do the same. Right?” The beggar began again. “You seek the ancient base of the ones known as TPCG, their original base that now lies in the deleted sections of disc.server. I do know that. But what you do not know is what great evil that is lurking there, or its secrets that it holds. Unimaginable?” “Then why don’t you just bloody tell us?” O-Zac asked. “Because that would be too easy.” “Why would it be too easy?” “It would kill the sense of adventure, no?” “I don’t care if it just makes it seem like I’m going to the post office! If it helps to save the world, then it’s all worth it.” “I have worn others, others who are unknowingly assisting in this great evil to rise. They are assisting?yes?assisting?...” “Anything else vague you would like to tell us?” the old lurker asked. “Of course. Free specials on Tuesday.” “Where?” “Oh, that’s the trick of it, you see. If I were to tell you, then you would go there right now, steal all their specials, and run away with enough food to last you a week, right before you go and take another weeks worth of food. Soon, the free specials will end because they can’t afford it.” “What? Now why would we do something like that?” “Enough!” the old lurker shouted out. “You’re just encouraging him.” “I am?” “Of course you are!” “Oh my?” TL, confused by all of this, walks up to the beggar. “Who are you, anyway?” “If I were to tell you,” he began, “then you would know my secret identity. And if you know that, then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. And that wouldn’t be a good thing, now would it?” “Why wouldn’t it be a good thing?” “Well?you see?.um?.” The beggar then got up and ran off, screaming the words “willy-nilly.” “Well, that was strange,” O-TL said. “You can say that again,” TL replied. “Alright then,” the old lurker started off again, “what were we doing again?” O-Zac sighed. “We were seeking out-“ “The Holy Grail?” “No!” “Oh right, that’s next week. What are we doing?” “We’re seeking out-“ “The Holy Grail?” “No! We’re still not searching for it!” “Huh? We’re searching for something?” O-Zac slapped his forehead. “We’re searching for the lost base of TPCG, the one that lies deep within the bowels of the deleted zones of disc.server.” “Now that doesn’t sound pleasant, does it?” “It’s not really a person’s bowels.” “Oh, that’s good.” “Can we go now?” TL asked. “Oh yes, quite right. Let’s go! Tally-Ho! And some other stuff.” And so the group went of to seek the Holy Grail. “NO!” Oh, sorry, my bad. Let’s start over: And so the group went off to seek the lost base of TPCG, the one they had found many months before, where they are called upon again to defend the multiverse and make sure it doesn’t get destroyed or transformed or have something really, really bad happen to it. “Authors?” “C’mon, we’ve got to hurry!” OZac called out to the group behind him. “I don’t know how much time we have left!” “How far do you think they’ve gone, anyway?” Lil asked. “If I know them, and believe me, I do, then they must already be at the main headquarters. Hopefully, we can assist them if they’ve gotten into any trouble.” If you’ve been paying any attention to this story, then you should know what’s going on. Yes, it’s OZac, along with Shorty, Riochet, and the rest rushing through the streets of the land of the Nortoratos. “There’s the building right up ahead!” he shouted out. “Which one?” Shorty asked. “The tall one. Weren’t you paying attention when you were brought here?” “Well, to be honest, we were inside a truck of some sorts, and technically we escaped from the inside. So now, we’ve never seen the outside.” “Fine then, we’re almost to the very large building, which is where everyone should be.” “How long do you think they’ve been inside?” “Hard to say, my friend. Hard to say.” “Look,” Riochet started, “I hate to interrupt but, what is that!?” Riochet pointed up to the sky, and everyone looked up. A flock of large vulture-type birds were aimed right at them, their beaks open wide. “They’re real?” OZac asked himself. “What’s real?” Seth asked. “I believe that those are the legendary Nortabirds, a species native to this planet. Of course, they are the stuff of legends, which tell of them destroying entire towns and such.” “Then shouldn’t we run?” “Oh, I would advise that.” “RUN!” Anony shouted out. The group then fled in the opposite direction of the Nortabirds. Unfortunately for them, the birds continued to fly toward them, gaining speed as they went. “How the hell can they fly that fast?!” Shorty asked in an uncalm manner. “This land is not of the same physics as yours, remember?” OZac questioned. “What, did you tell us that?” “I did?didn’t I?” “How the bloody hell am I supposed to know that?” “Well, if you had a better memory, you would. Perhaps if you were to take some-“ “Duck!” Riochet shouted out. “No, Nortabirds.” “No, not Duck Duck, Duck!” “Goose?” Lil asked. They looked above, and noticed the birds diving toward them. “Oh, bullocks,” Shorty said. So they all laid themselves on the ground as flat as they could, barely avoiding the swooping birds. “That was close?” Riochet said. “Now’s not the time to rest!” Anony shouted out. “Look!” The birds were once again in their path. “RUN THE OTHER WAY!” Anony shouted. And they did so. They ran through the empty streets, once again in the direction of the building. “Why do you think the streets are so empty, anyway?” Riochet asked. OZac glanced over his shoulder at him. “Obviously, they had warning of this before hand. Although, I don’t know why they think that they are safe in their houses?” “Who says that they’re in their houses?” Lil asked. “We can’t see inside them! Isn’t it possible that they are underground?” “I never thought of that. Yes, that would be consistent with their normal patterns of living! Old habits die hard, eh?” They continued to run until they reached the doors of the building. They burst through them. Right into a group of Nortorato soldiers and a group of talking potatoes. “Oh?.um?are we interrupting something?” Shorty said nervously. “Who are you?” one of the potatoes asked. “Um?.tourists?” “Oh. Go right on ahead. The souvenir shop is right down the hall on your left.” “Wow, thanks!” Shorty ran off to the gift shop. “Look! Nortorato plushies!” “Wait,” Lil said, “how do you expect to pay for this, anyway? What are the chances that they have the same currency as we do?” “I’ll just use my Visa MasterCard! It’s everywhere you want to be!” Shorty pulled out the credit card, and gave it to the cashier. While a look of disbelief played on Lil’s face, sure enough the card went through and was accepted. “How??” “Don’t question these things, just accept them.” Just then, they heard a loud yell from ETonic. “That can’t be good, can it?” Riochet asked. “I’m guessing not,” OZac said. The guards and the potatoes then rushed up toward the shop. “Look!” a random one shouted out. “The escaped prisoners! Remember, our master wants them dead or alive!” “RUN! A THIRD TIME!” Anony shouted out. And so they ran. A third time. Chapter 21 Reunions -or- Misrepresented Accents “Well?” “You need to be patient, you know. The original design took a long while as well, and wasn’t as simple as you may think it was. Plus, to recall the modifications to the original plans as well?” “I don’t care! All I care is that you get it done as soon as you can, or else.” “Or else what?” “I don’t think you want to know.” AJ scowled at his evil counterpart, cursing is current capture. Forced to create a machine that he destroyed for the good of all mankind. Now it was being recreated once again, at the call of his double. Of course, that still puzzled him. Was he truly a double? He didn’t know how to make this machine, for some reason. If he really was his double, wouldn’t he know? The excuse given to him, about how it must be the fault of Zalique, due to immense pressure of being destroyed?he just didn’t buy it. It made no sense. He had always questioned the creation of his evil double. How would it punish him to have double to take up his role in the BGUB? To make him not feel important? Incase this EAJ somehow was able to takeover the world, thus destroying himself in the process? It made no sense. If he wanted punishment, a complete double would have been much more involving. Then, at least, he would question his true identity, weather or not he was the original or the copy. But he didn’t have much time to contemplate what was going on. No, he was still forced to continue on with this project, most certainly facing death if he didn’t finish it. “Why are you not working as hard, fool?” EAJ asked. “What are you talking about?” “I can sense within you the feelings of doubt. Almost as if you’re questioning something. Something that has nothing to do with the task at hand.” AJ couldn’t believe it. Was EAJ somehow registering the thoughts of his own? And if so, why? Was it because he was built from a plothole? Or was it because he was him, and able to read his own thoughts? “I’m not thinking about anything,” AJ lied. “Don’t lie to me, fool!” EAJ shouted out. “I know that you are thinking about something! Tell me, what is it?” AJ stared at EAJ, leaning back on his computer terminal. “I told you, I was just thinking about recreating the machine.” “Don’t lie! I can sense it. Something is concerning your mind?about?me? What is it you question about me? What is it??” AJ didn’t know what to do. It seemed that soon his whole mind would be opened up to his so-called double, all his thoughts and experiences from after EAJ’s creation. It was just then that AJ stuck a key, turning around, he saw that the schematics for the PlotHole 3000, as well as the modifications delivered to him from the schematics of ETonic’s creation, appeared. “How did that happen?” he asked himself. “Well, it was on the hard drive the entire time!” EAJ shouted out. “I should’ve known. It must have been protected by some sort of password. Good job!” “But?I don’t?” “Oh, don’t be so modest!” EAJ called out. “You were just trying to hide from me the passwords, you clever, clever man. We do share the same DNA, don’t we?” “Um?I guess?” “Yes, we do! Now hurry, we must go off and reunite with the rest of the BGUB!” Just then, Andre walked into the room. “Andre? What are you doing here?” EAJ asked. “I thought I sent you off with the rest of the BGUB.” “Well, you see,” Andre began, “I got myself locked in the bathroom. And, by the time I got out, I felt there was no reason to follow then, and just wait for you to finish.” “Oh.” “Wait,” AJ said, “how do you expect to get us with them?” “The same way we went here!” AJ then realized that something most certainly was amiss. There was no logical explanation that a normal man could transport between universes without some sort of machine, one that he didn’t see when they transported here. He had blacked out, so the thought didn’t occur to him until now. “Hang on!” EAJ shouted, grabbing the two people’s arms. Then, in an instant, there was a flash, and they were gone. “How much longer?” Cornelius asked. “I already told you!” Samantha called out. “And what was it?” “Grr?there is still some more ground that we need to traverse before reaching the ancient city of TPCG!” “Yes, but that doesn’t answer my question, does it?” “Well?maybe it doesn’t, but what does that have to do with anything?” “Everything.” Suddenly, there was a crash sound in the bushes in front of them. “Oh, looks like I can’t answer your question right now!” Samantha shouted out. “Everyone, it’s time to investigate that sound!” “It could be anything!” Cornelius shouted, but everyone had already ran off. “Fine then, my question can wait?” he said. He ran off with the rest of the group to investigate the source of the noise. “Hold it, you vile scum!” Samantha shouted out. “We know you’re in there, and we want to know why!” “Let go of it, you fool!” EAJ shouted from the bush. “Oh, it’s you! I had no idea. How’d you get here, anyway?” “Let’s not get into that, shall we?” “Hey look!” Jolt shouted out. “It’s AJ!” “Hhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’sssssssss bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!” Hougan shouted in joy. “Yes, I am back,” AJ said, “but not under my own choice. I’m the prisoner of your leader.” “You mean you’re a prisoner of yourself?” Macnelius asked. “Well, in a way. But I’m talking about EAJ.” “Why did you capture him, anyway?” Andre asked. “I already told you my plan, you fools!” EAJ yelled out. “Must you always call us fools?” “Look here! I told you that I needed him to help create the PlotHole 3000 at record speed. And we have done just that!” EAJ held up the machine for all to see. AJ stared up, knowing that this double had lied to the group, something that he wouldn’t do for this type of scale attack. And of course, there was that little matter that they never built the machine, just brought up the schematics. “Where are the Pie Emeralds?” EAJ asked. “Right here, my lord,” Samantha said, handing them to him. “She called me lord,” EAJ responded. He took the seven Pie Emeralds out of the casing, and placed them within the machine, all the while AJ looking on with a look of fear. “And now,” EAJ shouted out, “all that is within our way is the road to the disc.server base!” “Yay,” the crowd said dully. “What?!” AJ shouted out. “The disc.server base? Of TPCG?” “Yes, of course. What other base do you know of that is from disc.server, that exists in the deleted zone, which housed TPCG?” “But?I don’t understand. What could be there that would be to your use? A bunch of natives who don’t know what the hell they’re doing?” “Of course not!” EAJ shouted. “If you think about it for long, you’ll realize the tiny thing that we all missed when we first went to the base of TPCG. If you just think, you’ll know.” AJ thought hard. What was there? What was it that his double realized, but he didn’t? It must surly be for the cause of evil. That must be why he didn’t realize it. But what was it? He though?. The only things in the abandoned base were the abandoned things left behind by TPCG, nothing of interest. And, of course, the uncontrollable plothole had already been destroyed completely. So there was nothing left of that. He continued to think. The buildings around it were all part of the massive base of TPCG, but none of them seemed unusual. Unless, of course, you counted the fact that everything was overgrown, which shouldn’t be the case after such a short time, even in the land of the deleted ones. So what was it? What could it be? And that’s when it hit him. The offhanded comment that Shorty once told him. Of where he had been when they were transported to this place all those months ago. Of how he went to the cave of the Master Pie Emerald. Where the locals worshiped the pie, and possibly a bunch of other gods, but he didn’t know enough about their culture to make that assessment. That was where Shorty went, to the cave near the center, the cave that looked the oldest of all. A place that was cut off from the rest, a place that? And finally he knew what it was that EAJ had seen. Something that could let him rule the entire multiverse. “Are you insane?” EAJ asked. “Of course I am,” he responded, giving a wink. AJ frowned. He knew that he was in deep trouble. Edge looked all around his cell, trying to find some sort of weakness, so that he could escape and reunite with his friends. However, all seemed hopeless. The walls were solid diamond, the door was barred twice. He was trapped. He leaned against the door in defeat. That’s when it opened. Edge got up with a start, expecting a guard. However, there was nothing. Nobody. It had opened by itself. He looked at the lock at the door, and noticed that it hadn’t been shut in the first place. “What?” Edge said to himself. “Are you telling me I could’ve gotten up and left at anytime? That they didn’t even lock the door?” “There’s no need to,” a random Nortorato said. Edge quickly turned around. “The prisoners here are so afraid, are so deep within their own insanity that they never think of nearing the door. You just happened to be lucky.” The Nortorato lunged at the fox, but he stepped away, causing him to hit the wall. Though stunned, the creature went toward Edge again. This time, however, he kicked, causing him to fly across the hall, landing and becoming unconscious. “Well, that was easy,” Edge said. He walked over the Zac’s cell and opened the door. Zac screamed. “Don’t worry,” Edge said, “it’s only me.” “Oh, hi Edge,” Zac said. “How did you get free, anyhow?” “I opened the door.” “I should’ve known.” Zac got up, and the two walked into the hall. “How far do you think we can go before running into trouble?” Zac asked. “Not far,” a random Nortorato said from behind. The two turned around and hit him in the stomach. “Ok, so maybe a little bit farther,” he said, before collapsing. “What a very strange place,” Edge mentioned. “No wonder tourism here is so bad,” Zac mentioned. They walked out of the cell halls and into the main hall, where ETonic was standing, waiting for them. “Did you really think that you could just get up and leave?” he asked. “Well, we were hoping,” Edge replied. “Then you wish for too much,” he answered. He lunged for the two, but they stepped out of the way, causing him to run into a wall. “Curses!” he shouted out. As the duo ran off, Zac stopped when he saw a pile of potatoes in the middle of the hall. “Why did you stop?” Edge asked, stopping as well. All Zac did was point to the potatoes. “What’s wrong?” Edge asked. “They’re only potatoes.” “You’re wrong, you realize that?” a random potato said. The potatoes then lunged at Zac and Edge, which quickly subdued the two. “So, it seems that you’re escape wasn’t as easy as you planned it, hmm?” ETonic said. “Oh well, it doesn’t matter now. Come with me, you two,” he said as he grabbed them by the neck, “why don’t you come with me for a little walk?” “To where, you foul fiend?” Edge asked. “You see Edge, that’s your problem,” ETonic said, “you always ask too many questions, and then throw in that heroic talk. That’s why most evil people you run into don’t want to give up easily.” “Oh, so if I said ‘brown potato,” you’d just give up?” “Well?...no.” “Do you see my point?” “Ok, so your argument is a valid one, but who cares? We’re almost there.” “Almost where?” ETonic burst open the door that was in front of him, allowing passage into the room inside. Contained within was a bunch of scattered equipment, as well, as a female lurker. “Oh, so now what do you want?” Jane asked. “I’m not here to make a house call for you, miss lurker,” ETonic responded. “I’m here merely to make a delivery.” “Hi there,” Zac said to the lurker. “Are you currently seeing someone?” “What kind of a question is that to ask a time like this?” she asked. “We’re all in danger, and all you can think about is sex?” “Is it my fault that I want to get shagged during my last few moments here?” “I must admit Zac,” ETonic said, “it is a little inconsiderate.” “And why would you care?” “I don’t. I’m just stating it as it is. The ruler of the Nortoratos then placed both Edge and Zac into two separate machines. Edge in one similar to Jane’s, and Zac in one completely different, with a hook up for another person. “You get yourselves comfortable here, alright?” he said to the prisoners. “You just think while you count down your last moments of free will, while I continue my assault of the multiverse.” As he walked out of the room, he shouted to Jane, “And I’ll take care of you miss lurker when I get back, ok? Bwahahaha!” He left the room and shut the door. “How much further?” SonKnuck asked. “How much further to what?” SecMan asked back. “To the cell that contains everyone?” “What? How am I supposed to know that? This city’s never been scouted, except for the Nortoratos. In fact, if I had to bet, I’m sure that not even they know how much is in this city.” “Then where have you been leading us?” “Oh, I’ve just been playing by ear, actually.” “Well, this is just fantastic!” Jacko shouted out. “We’re stuck here in a place that we know absolutely nothing about, and we’re trying to find our missing companions, even though we have no idea where they are either!” “We don’t?” MechaTails asked. “No, we don’t? Weren’t you listing to SecMan?” ”Not really. I was busy looking at this directory of the building that I found on the ground.” “What?!” they all said together. “Yep, it was in a little section on the floor. Although, why they decided to put it there is beside me.” MechaTails pointed to the wall, which read “It’s on the floor because we feel like it!” “That’s not a very good answer, is it?” Ami stated. “Look here,” Simon said. He pointed to the other wall. It said, “Yes, we know it’s not a good answer.” “Well, at least they admitted it,” Sonique calmly stated. “So?where do we go, anyway?” SonKnuck asked. “According to this map, it says that we need to follow the big red arrows to the cells, where the most heavily guarded are.” “What makes you think that they are there?” H Mac asked. “Have you been paying attention?” he asked. “Quite right. On to the cells!” And so TPCG rushed over to the cells, following the red arrow all the way. “Turn! Turn! Turn!” SecMan shouted out. “We’re turning, we’re turning!” the rest shouted. “Oh, I was just listing to the Byrds. Did you know that they sand Mr. Tambourine Man first? Before William Shatner?” “Did someone call?” William Shatner asked. “Why do you keep appearing in our stories, anyway?” Sonique asked. “Oh, I don’t know. Because I’m bored. I mean, when was the last time you saw me on a Priceline commercial?” “But?don’t you host Iron Chef USA?” “Jinkes, you’re right! How could I have forgotten that?” And in an instant, William Shatner disappeared in a cloud of smoke. “Well, at least he left in a different manner,” Simon stated. “We must continue on!” Mike Shaffner replied. “Who made you boss?” Sz asked. “No one.” “Oh, just checking.” And so they continue onward to the cell’s location. Finally, they do make it. Of course, they stop at the door. “Why did we stop?” Ami asked. “I think because of that door,” Seven replied. “What should we do?” SonKnuck asked. “Did you think of opening it?” Dreadknuckster asked. “But it’s a barred door! Why wouldn’t it be locked?” H Hog stepped up to the door and pushed it open easily. “Ok, so it was easy. Onward!” They all rushed in, and started to call out their names. “Who ‘re you?” a man with a heavy British accent asked. “We’re a collection of the members of TPCG!” SonKnuck stated. “Then ‘ouse com’ I cn’t see youse?” “Because you’re in a cell.” “O, quite ‘ight.” “Has anyone come in here by the names of Shorty, Riochet, Edge, Lil, Seth, Anony, or Zac?” “Hm?th’ names Zac ‘nd Edge sound familiar.” “Really? Are they here now?” “’ow am I s’pposed to ‘now?” “You have been here for a while, right?” “Si.” “Why did you just speak in Spanish?” “I dunno.” “Look, does anyone know if they’re still here?” “I do!” another British person shouted out, this time a female. “So?are they?” “I’ll t’ll ‘ou for a fiver.” “What? What makes you think I have British money? Do I sound English?” “No. ‘ou sound Qub’c.” “Right!” “So?do youse?” SonKnuck sighed. I’d like to take this time to apologize to all you British people reading this. I was trying to reproduce the sound of “Cockney,” some British dialect I learned it English, and have failed horribly. Hopefully, you won’t have to endure it much longer. “Are you sure we only have to follow the red arrows?” Lil asked. “Yes, I’m sure,” OZac responded. “According to this map on the floor, it says that you just need to follow the red arrows.” “Yes, but what makes you think it’s correct?” Shorty asked. “Because, it’s a tour map?OF THE STARS!” “Oh, alright then.” The group rushed on, but were stopped by a fleet of Asparagus. “What in name of Vegetables is going on here?” Riochet asked. “Hello, you crazy peoples!” the Asparagus said in a bad French accent, “it is time to face the wrath of the Asparagi!” The random vegetables lunged at the group, but stopped when OZac brought out an onion. “Curses! Run away!” the Asparagi shouted out before running away. “How did you know to do that?” Seth asked. “It’s all in the wrist, my son.” “No, really, how did you know?” “Oh, I read it in this map.” “But?why did you have an onion in the first place?” Anony asked. “Some things you just don’t question,” he replied. They continued to follow the red arrows until they reached the already opened doors to the cells. “Be careful,” OZac said in a whisper, “there must already be someone in here?” “Really?” Shorty asked. Slowly they tiptoed inside, not knowing what to expect. “?look here, no one has five pounds! Right?” “Nope.” “’hen no ‘elp from ‘e youse gets!” “Youse gets?” “Who is that?” Seth asked. “I don’t know about the one with the thick accent,” Shorty said, “but I’m almost sure that the one who just spoke was SonKnuck!” “Just tell me where they are!” SonKnuck shouted out. “Perhaps I can be of some assistance?” The group turned to face the source of the voice, and saw Shorty talking, along with the rest of the group that was with him. “Shorty!” he shouted out. “You’re alright!” “Yep,” Shorty answered, “along with the rest.” “We weren’t sure where you were. I mean, ETonic did say that all of you escaped, but how could we be sure?” “’hen why did ‘ou ask ‘e if I saw ‘em?” the British man asked. “Oh, ‘ipe down, ‘ill youse?” the British lady shouted back. “Oh yeah, that reminds me,” Shorty said reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a five pounder, saying, “Here you go.” “Oh, thanks Shorty,” SonKnuck said, taking the note. “Listen,” he said to the British woman, “we have your fiver. Now, can you tell us what happened to our friends?” “’ive it to ‘e ‘irst,” she responded, “by sl’ding it under me door.” So SonKnuck did just that. “Hmm?.it ‘eems to be ‘eal,” she stated. “Al’ight, I’ll tell youse. Some bloke ‘y th’ name of ETon’c came by and to’k ‘im, he did!” “Where did he take them?” “Why should I ‘ell youse?” “Because.” “Oh. ‘e took ‘em to his ‘ecret lab.” “Now where’s that?” “’ow am I su’posed to ‘now that?” “Look, I’ve had it with your overdone accent! It’s obvious we’re not getting any further anytime soon.” “So what should we do?” Shorty asked. “Well?what about that tour map that we found?” Riochet asked, “What?” SecMan said, bewildered. “Do you really think that there would be instructions in that which would lead us to his secret base? I mean, I can accept that we’re here and all by the map, but the secret base? That just seems a little left field, even for this place.” Riochet opened up the map, and pointed to a marking on it. Everyone looked in close, and sure enough, there was a listing for the secret lab of ETonic (but with the listing of his false name). “Well, that was unexpected,” Seth stated. “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party!” Matt the Yak shouted out. “Why did you just say that?” Shorty asked. “I read it on a typing program once.” And so they all rush off to find the lab. “Remember,” OZac stated, “it’s the highest arrow on the wall, the dark brown one.” “At least the walls are grey, right?” MechaTails said. They turn, and find that the walls have turned brown. “I had to open my big mouth, didn’t I?” “How much farther is it, anyway?” Brandon asked. “Here, have a joint,” Dave offered. “Oh??” “How much more of those guys do we have to handle, anyway?!” O-Zac yelled out. “So far, all they’ve done is smoke pot! And we’re barley any closer to the base of TPCG!” “Yes, I know,” the old lurker responded, “but you must know that they wouldn’t have gone this far too just miss out on how this whole thing will end!” “Look, when they wake up and see that they’re not dead, then that’s all they need to know.” “But what if something happens to us? Wouldn’t they want to know?” “Look here,” Shaggy started, “I don’t really care what you’re fighting about.” “But I do!” Jamie shouted out. “Really?” “Well?.no.” “See?” O-Zac said, “they have no interest at all of what we’re doing! They could care less!” “Oh, it’s only because they’re high. They really do care.” “Um?.maybe?.” Dave said. “See?” “So?what do we do now?” TL asked. “Continue on.” “Which is what we have been doing this whole time!” O-TL shouted out. “Yes, I know. But it’s obvious that the BGUB is ahead of us, and thus we can’t reach it until they do, which means nothing of importance is going to happen anytime soon.” “Then?what’s the point of this whole conversation?” “There is none, my boy.” Chapter 22 The Entrance -or- A-Ha! “We have finally arrived!” EAJ shouted out. “We are here at the base of TPCG! We are victorious!” “Well, technically we’re not,” Samantha said. “So what? We have yet to reach any opposition, so it’s obvious that we’re fine.” “How could you even think that?” AJ asked. “How many times has victory seemed close, but turned out to be nothing more then just another false notion?” “Well?.” “You see?” “I do not care what you think, AJ. I am the superior here, and that means that I know what I’m doing. Thus, I will succeed where no one else has, and that is the truth!” “Perhaps in your own twisted little world?” “Silence! I will not be confronted!” EAJ shouted out. He then leaned close to AJ’s ear and whispered inside it. “Besides, I am not totally done. There is something you do not know about my plan, but will now. What I told this group of imbeciles is that I was creating a new and improved PlotHole 3000, the PlotHole 3000+. And that, my friend, is not a lie. Once I arrive in the hall of the Master Pie Emerald, I will be able to institute the modifications, and thus be one step closer to my true plan.” “Your?true plan?” “Yes, my true plan. Not even you know of it. In fact, not even I knew of it until recently. Oh yes, it will be a glorious day?” EAJ leaned away from AJ’s ear, and shouted to the rest of the BGUB. “Now we shall enter this ancient land, and proclaim all that is ours!” The group then marched into overgrown jungle that overtook the TPCG base in disc.server. Soon, they ran into a native. “Why, hello there, native,” EAJ said. “How are you today?” “Y?you! It can’t be?...help us! May we be helped, oh great Recycle Bin!” The native ran off, leaving AJ with a confused look. “What was that all about?” he asked. “He only reacted to you, even though we look exactly the same! What is it you’re hiding?” “Oh, and spoil the fun? I don’t think so.” “This is insane! You can’t just barge in and expect everyone to follow your every command, especially when you’re hiding something very, very important!” “What’s he talking about?” Samantha asked. “Oh, don’t listen to him,” EAJ responded, “he’s just trying to fool you all into following him. But do not be tricked! He doesn’t know the first thing about us!” “What are you talking about? I’ve led this group a whole hell of a lot longer then you ever did!” “Yes, but I am your double, which means that I know of your experiences, and thus have led them longer then you in my memory!” “This is insane?” “Yes, you can say that all you want, but it’s not going to change anything! Everyone, on to the cave!” “What cave?” Cherri asked. “Why, the cave of the Master Pie Emerald!” “Did we even go there?” Cornelius asked. “No. But I do know where it is.” “But?wouldn’t you rather go to that ice cream parlor over there?” Amy asked. “What?” EAJ glanced over, and sure enough there was an ice cream parlor. “Oh?.alright. One quick scoop. Then it’s on to the cave of the Master Pie Emerald!” “I think I see it in the distance!” Kitchiitchikakamama shouted out. “Yes, it’s only a few more st-“ O-Zac had hit the wall to the entrance of the deleted base of TPCG. “Ow?.” “Oh, buck up, man!” the old lurker shouted out. “It’s not that bad! I run into walls all the time.” “Well, that sure explains a lot?” “Dude?.” Brandon said as the group entered the jungle, “do you think that this place grows any?.Marijuana?” “What?” O-TL asked. “We’re here to save the world, and all you care about is trying to find another place to get some weed?” “Of course not! It’s just a top priority,” Dave answered. “Yeah,” Jamie chimed in. “And how come you don’t talk much, three other people?” the old lurker asked. “Beats me,” Shaggy said. “We’re just kind of here.” “That’s enough talk!” TL said. “We need to hurry and reach the cave of the Master Pie Emerald!” “No, not yet,” the old lurker responded. “Why not?” “Because, if I know how there minds work, then most certainly they have not yet gone to the Master Pie Emerald, but to the ice cream parlor.” “Really?” “Really?” “But how can you be so sure?” O-Zac asked. “If they are so bent on going there, why would they want to waste time by having ice cream?” “Don’t ask me, just ask them once we meet them.” “Oh fine. It’s not like I have any choice in the matter.” “Alright then, on to the Ice Cream Parlor!” “So?where do we go from here?” Shorty asked. “Home?” Riochet suggested. “No,” SecMan said, “we must follow the brown arrow!” “But, the entire wall is brown!” MechaTails stated. “How are we supposed to proceed while the entire wall is the same color as the arrow?” “Hmm?” Rusty thought, “is it possible that maybe, just maybe, we could change the color of the wall?” “What are you talking about?” NelsonJ asked. “Sure, we could paint the wall, but that would just change everything!” “Hmm?” OZac thought. “What is it?” SonKnuck asked. “Rusty may have a point. As it has been stressed many times before, this place varies very much from the world that you come from. So, if this is true, then it may also be possible that this wall could change color.” “What if they can just see brown on brown?” Sonique suggested. “No, I don’t think so. The anatomy of the Nortorato has been studied, although shortly. They see well in the dark, but nothing has been suggested that they can somehow pull apart colors.” “Just because you didn’t register it doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible! It’s been said that this universe has had little to no study, so wouldn’t it be possible that you just don’t know about it?” Rusty started to tap on the wall. “Look, I know that you may believe that, but I’m the expert here, alright?” “Oh, who made you the expert?” “I became an expert when I started hanging out with the LMPA!” “Again with that! You look here, just because you think you know everything about the blasted multiverse doesn’t mean that you can just disavow my every suggestion!” Rusty stared to play a song on the wall. “But this was your first suggestion!” “Yeah, but if I made a second, I’m sure that it would be canceled out by your logic, as well!” “Enough! It’s obvious that you need to calm down and think about what you’re talking about.” “Oh, so now I’m irrational?” “No, I never said that.” “Enough!” “I just said that!” “I...I?what was I yelling about again?” “Of how I wasn’t paying attention to your suggestions?” “Oh, right! Now listen, I was just yelling because I wanted to!” “Huh?” Rusty started to walk on the wall. “Um?Sonique?” Shorty said as he tried to gain her attention. “What?” “Are you done? Because Rusty’s doing something that’s a little?strange.” “What?” She looked up at the wall, watching Rusty walking along it. “What are you doing, Rusty?” “Walking on the wall.” “Yes, I realize that, but why?” “I don’t know why.” Rusty then started to tap dance. “When did you learn to tap dance?” H Mac asked. “I don’t, actually.” “Then?why?” “I don’t know.” Suddenly, the wall turned green. “Hey, I changed the color of the wall!” Rusty shouted out, right before falling of it. “See?” OZac said, “I told you so!” “Don’t even start?” Sonique said. Now that the brown arrow was once again visible, the group started to follow it once again. Surprisingly, the rest of the walls were also different colors, including brown, yellow, orange, and even a made up color, “lakataka.” In order to describe this color, I would need to write a whole book on that, so I won’t. Alright, so maybe it wouldn’t take up a whole book, but I don’t want to describe it. There, I said it. I’m just too lazy to describe it, because not even I’m sure of what it looks like. Joel: The author, ladies and gentlemen! Crow: And we’re here?why? Tom: Because. Mike: Of course, that doesn’t explain my appearance. ETonic was pacing in his quarters, wondering what his next move should be. His latest plan seemed to be going perfectly. Unfortunately, the arrival of the rest of TPCG was something he wasn’t expecting. He should’ve known that there would be those that would know how to access the porthole to their world. This, of course, left him to decide weather or not to destroy Jane. Sure, he did say that he would, but she was still pleasant looking, with a certain something about her that wanted him to have her his queen. Or could it just be that he hadn’t had any in a long time, and that the first hot woman he saw was the first woman he wanted to do? It didn’t matter, though. He only needed to succeed in taking control of the entire multiverse. And when he would do that, then he would be able to recreate her the way he wished her to be. Yes, then he would be happy. He walked out of his office, and marched off to his secret lab. He looked at the brown arrows, cursing the day he let the Nortoratos put in their tour guide. Of course, he was able to change the color of the walls to brown? Brown? But?they weren’t anymore. They were?green. Oh poo. “Curses!” he shouted out to no one particular, “it seems that the insane members of TPCG have discovered how to change the color of the walls! I should’ve known! Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it now except get to my lab before them. Hopefully, I can achieve such a goal in the brief amount of time given to me.” ETonic rushed off to his secret lab, where he then burst in. “A-ha!” he shouted out. “A-ha what?” Edge asked. ETonic looked around, and noticed that only his three prisoners were inside his lab. “Oh?um?nothing,” ETonic said. “Really?” Zac asked. “Really!” He walked over to Jane’s machine, and pushed some more buttons on the console “Now look here,” he started, “I’m giving you one last chance to join me in my quest. Otherwise, you will suffer a much worse fate.” “I’ll never follow you,” Jane muttered. “Fine then, I guess that I shall operate the program, draining you of your life, creating a vast amount of portholes, which of course you couldn’t handle. Then, once I rule the multiverse, you shall be resurrected as my ever-loving queen.” Jane said nothing. ETonic pushed a few more buttons on the console, and a porthole started to open up, causing her to feel pain. “Don’t’ try to resist your new fate,” he said. “There is nothing you can to about it.” “Leave her alone!” Edge shouted out. “Oh, if it isn’t the hero. Of course, what would the world say if they found out that you, of all people, were the key to my success? Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate it.” ETonic marched up to Edge, and pushed a few buttons on the console connected to him. Sure enough, a small golden plothole opened up. “Well, what do you know? It works. Perfect.” He walked over to Zac. “What if I don’t want to be part of your mad scheme?” Edge asked. “You have no choice, you know that? I can control you now, and you have no choice of what you want or do not want. I own you.” “But you have no deed!” Edge responded. “Oh, that was a bad joke,” ETonic said, while working on the controls connected to Zac. “Are you in a hurry?” Zac asked. “No, of course not! I am in complete control, and have no worries as to when I need to transfer myself to you. I still have weeks to?” ETonic stopped in the middle of his words. How long did he have? It was something that he hadn’t been thinking about for a while, even though he should have. Yes, he did have weeks, but that was weeks ago. How long was it now? He walked over to the computer, and tapped in his clock. He looked over at it. He gasped. The time read “30 Minutes.” 30 minutes until he began the final phase of his transformation. 30 minutes until his mind started to fall deep within the realm of the Nortoratos. 30 minutes. “Oh, I have plenty of time,” ETonic lied as he went over to Zac, “but why waste it? It’s better to do it now, don’t you think?” “No,” Zac answered. “Look, the process will only take a few minutes, and once it’s complete, you won’t even realize it.” “Yes I will.” “Ok, so maybe you will, for a little bit. But so what? I certainly don’t care.” ETonic connected himself to the machine that held Zac. “Then, when I am finished with the transformation to your body, I will be able to then dive into the multiverse, where I will use you to funnel the energy of the Pie Emeralds from your native world, and use Edge’s golden plothole to take hold of the multiverse!” “So?basically you’re going to try and do the exact same plan that you had the first time around? Except use my body?” Zac stated. “Pretty much. But hey, it is a good plan, isn’t it?” “Not in my eyes.” “Oh, don’t be such a baby about it. You’re too focused on your own safety, that you don’t recognize the big picture! The world will be a much better place if it is ruled by one individual, one that the entire populace loves.” “They’ll only love it because you’ll make them love it!” “I know.” Zac started up the machine. “Yes, only a few more minutes?” “Argh!” Zac screamed out. “Leave him alone!” Edge shouted out. “Oh, and who’s going to stop me? You and what army?” The door to the lab then burst open. “The army of TPCG,” SonKnuck said. “TPCG!” Edge shouted out. “You’re here!” “Thank God?” Zac mumbled out. “Oh poo,” ETonic stated. Chapter 23 The Fate of ETonic -or- Yet Another Appearance By An Old Character! “This is it, ETonic!” SonKnuck shouted out. “You’re evil plan is about to be stopped. Again.” ETonic reached over to the console and canceled the transference between him and Zac. He disconnected the wires, and walked over to the group. “So, you’ve made it this far, huh?” he said. “Well, I suppose that you feel that you can all take me on, right? Well, you have another thing coming.” ETonic then rose above the ground, and started to glow. “Um?what the hell?” Sonique said. “Guys!” Edge shouted out. “Yes? What is it?” Lil asked. “You’ve gotta help that lurker girl over there! She’s in need of more help then I am at the moment.” “Did you say?lurker girl?” David TL asked. “Yes, I did.” In an instant, David TL ran over to the machine containing Jane. “Hey there,” he said. She just grunted. “So?um?how are you?” “David TL!” Edge shouted out. “Oh, right. So?how do you turn this thing off, anyway?” Jane grunted again. “You don’t know either? Oh well, I’ll just push some buttons.” David TL then slams his fist on the consol, with little success. “Ok, so maybe that didn’t work. But what else could I do?” He leaned back on the machine, and hit the OFF button (unknowingly, of course). Jane was then let go of her bounds, and collapsed on the ground. “Ow?” she said. “Here, let me help you up,” David TL said as he got Jane on her feet. “I’m David The Lurker. And you are??” “Jane. But that’s not important right now. Are you a member of the LMPA?” “Well?not really.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Well?I would be, but I just learned of its existence a few hours ago.” “What?! Are you a lurker?” “Of course I am! It’s in my name, isn’t it? And I can disappear with my purple cape!” “Did you say?purple cape?” “Yes, I did.” “Just checking.” During this time, Lil and Shorty had freed Edge from his confines, as well as Zac, all the while ETonic still floating above, laughing hysterically. “What is so funny, anyway?” Anony asked. He received no response. “I don’t think he’s in a mood where he wants to answer your questions, Anony,” Mike Shaffner responded. “I guess not.” “So?what should we do?” OZac asked. “Normally I would suggest to fight,” Jane said as the two lurkers rejoined the group, “but I have a feeling that it’s not just going to happen that easily, especially that his DNA is radically different.” “What?!” many members of TPCG said. “It’s true,” Edge responded. “He revealed that he is now part Nortorato, which is why he wanted to switch bodies with Zac. So that he wouldn’t have to be completely transformed, as is what is happening to him as we speak.” “So, what I think we should do,” Jane started, “is that we should leave, and get backup from the LMPA.” “I don’t think that’s a choice,” OZac said. “Why not?” “Because all communications between them are down.” “What? But how is that possible?” “I’m not sure. But what I do know is that we need to confront ETonic here and now, and end this.” “Oh, it’ll end all right,” ETonic said, his voice radically different, “just not the way you’ll want it to end.” Instantly, a series of ETonic clones appeared, surrounding the group. The one still floating, however, began to transform into a more hideous creature then a Nortorato. He became a Dragtorato, a long extinct, and extremely dangerous, dragon-creature from the universe of the Nortoratos. “This is bad,” Munkee said. “It most certainly is,” SecMan replied. “We’re doomed,” Shorty stated. “Does anyone have any cheese?” Riochet asked. The wall to the hallway burst apart, giving the Dragtorato more room to fly. “Not as confident as you were, are you TPCG?” it mocked. “It doesn’t matter how much you taunt us!” Edge shouted out. “We’ll still succeed.” “Yeah!” David TL shouted out. “Right?” “It’s not over until the fat lady sings!” Nakkurusu shouted out. Suddenly, a fat lady appeared and started to sing. “Oh poo.” The ETonic’s started to attack the various members of TPCG, who started to fight back. The fists flew. The legs kicked. The heads bobbled. The explicatives were shouted. The screams were heard. The pancakes were flipped. Mike: The pancakes were flipped? “How much longer can we hold out?” Seth shouted out. “I don’t think that’s the question we should be asking,” SecMan said, “I think we should be asking how long can he hold out.” “Is there something you’re not telling us?” H Mac asked. “Of course not. It’s just my thinking. He is undergoing the transformation into a Nortorato, right? So that must mean that eventually he will not be able to sustain such power any longer. Because, of course, there is no Nortorato that can do these feats, or they would’ve done them when they attacked the TPCG base!” “But we don’t know how much longer that will be!” “I don’t think that it will be that much longer,” Jane said. “I could hear the franticness in his voice when he started up the machine with Zac. He most certainly wanted to get it over with.” “Couldn’t it have just been that he wanted it over with before he confronted us?” Riochet asked. “When he can do all this?” “Well?” The group continued to fight, but were eventually all forced to huddle together once the Dragtorato started to blow fire. “We’re doomed,” Munkee said. “Hold me,” David TL said to Jane. “But I don’t know you!” “So?” “Hahaha!” ETonic laughed out. “You all cower before my awesome power! Now I will destroy you all (except Edge and Zac, I still need them) and rule the multiverse! And then I shall be unstoppable!” “That’s what you think,” a familiar voice said. Everyone turned to the source of the voice, and instantly recognized it. “Child of the plothole!” “Yes, it is I. Here to watch once more. Not the third separation, but something else.” “And what could that be?” ETonic asked. “Oh, I think you know what that is.” The child of the plothole then held up a clock. ETonic’s eyes opened wide. “No! It can’t be!” While attacking TPCG, ETonic didn’t realize that 30 minutes had passed. “This can’t be it! It can’t?end like this!” Instantly, the ETonic clones disappeared, and the Dragtorato fell to the ground, transforming once again into ETonic. “No! There must still be some time!” He ripped off his shirt, and stared in horror. His skin was transforming into the dark color of the subjects that he ruled, becoming rough and tar-like. It was traveling up him at an incredible rate, one that he couldn’t have predicted. It rose up his neck, and started to travel all the way around his head. “NOO!!!!” He threw himself over to the machine that Jane had previously been connected to, but couldn’t activate anything. “No?power?.” The blackness covered his head. “My mind?.going?.” He threw himself over to the machine that Edge had been connected to, and pushed a few buttons. “Yes?there is?...energy?.” A small golden plothole opened up, right as ETonic screamed. “AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! MY MIND!!!” He collapsed into the golden plothole, which soon closed behind him. And the machine exploded. Just because. “Is it over?” SonKnuck asked. “I’m not sure,” the child of the plothole responded. “It’s possible, but you never know. Although, even if he did survive, he must be trapped in a world where he is now a Nortorato, a world with both night and day, forever forced to live in the shadows.” “How sad,” Lil said. “How sad? He almost killed me!” Jane shouted. “Yeah, and almost stole my body!” Zac also shouted. “But, it is a sad existence, don’t you agree?” she asked. “Well?I suppose. I sure wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.” “I’m afraid that we must leave as soon as possible, however,” the child of the plothole interrupted. “Why?” Shorty asked. “Because there is still something amiss in the multiverse, something at your home universe, TPCG. I was told by my friend the fisherman, who told me that something is wrong. Very wrong. I can’t go on until we get there, because every second is crucial!” And the group is transported away from the Universe of the Nortoratos, back to the universe that many of them call home. Chapter 24 An Intro to the Final Confrontation -or- No, the MST3K Gang Don’t Appear in This Chapter?Yet “Is everyone done eating ice cream?” EAJ asked his group. “I believe so,” Samantha muttered. “I don’t know,” Cornelius said, “I think I could have another.” “No!” EAJ yelled. “There isn’t enough time! We must hurry along, or else we will miss our opportunity! Already, I’m sure that TPCG have figured out that something is amiss with us, and that they are hot on our trails. If I know them, I suspect that they may even be heading to our very location!” “n ic crme plorr!?” Potato Man asked, which meant, “An ice cream parlor?” “Yes.” “Then?shouldn’t we be hurrying away?” SoniProw asked. “Of course we should be moving away! I already told you that!” “When?” asked Andre. “Just now!” “Now, just then you said ‘just now!’” “Oh, you know what I mean.” They marched out of the ice cream parlor, and went on to the cave of the Master Pie Emerald. Along the way, Andre was walking near AJ. So, AJ decided to gain the attention of his close companion. “How long is it going to take to get there, anyway?” the Goth woman asked. “Oh, not much longer.” “Is there anyway we could?go faster?” asked the redhead. “Hm?well?.” As EAJ started to talk on with the new arrivals, AJ decided to go gain the attention the only person he truly trusted in this group. “Psst! Andre!” AJ whispered out. “Oh, AJ! What is i-“ “Shh! I’m trying to be quiet, and so should you! I don’t want EAJ to overhear us.” “Why not?” Andre asked in a whisper. “You see, I don’t fully trust my ‘double.’ For one reason, I doubt his true intentions.” “What are you talking about?” Andre asked. “He’s you, and he’s thinking how you would be thinking.” “That’s just it,” responded AJ, “he’s not acting like me. He’s revealed to me his plan, one full of insanity and madness.” “Aren’t those the same thing?” “Never mind that! Listen, contrary to what he told you, he does not know the schematics of the PlotHole 3000. He never knew them. They were never in his memory banks.” “But?you created it! So in turn, he should know it.” “But he doesn’t.” “He told us that he only needed you to help him complete the newest version faster.” “Well, he lied. He is planning to make a modification on it using the Master Pie Emerald, and harness the powers in that cave for something horrible. I’m not sure of the specifics, but I believe that-“ “What are you two talking about?” EAJ asked. “Oh?um?nothing,” Andre responded. “Are you sure?” “I think so.” EAJ looked at AJ fiercely. “Hm?he seems to be hiding something?.I wonder what it could be?he’s thinking again, alright. Well, I don’t need to know just now. I’m close enough to ruling the world, so such trivial matters shouldn’t bother me.” “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hougan screamed out. “Fine then, just go in the bushes!” EAJ yelled out. Hougan hurried over and relieved himself. “Perhaps I should?.make sure he’s alright?” Samantha asked. “Oh yes! Can I go too?” Cherri responded. “Enough with your overactive libidos! Once I’ve completed my task, you will be able to do whatever you desire. But until then, you must obey me and only me! And I say we move on! Hougan, pull up your pants!” “Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!” “Insanity at it’s finest,” EAJ muttered. It was during this time that a lone child of the plothole, known only as the fisherman, spotted the BGUB marching in the jungles of the disc.server base. He knew that something was amiss, and so he contacted the only person he could think of contacting: the child of the plothole known only as?the child of the plothole. “Excuse me,” Kitchiitchikakamama asked the clerk at the ice cream parlor, “but I was wondering if you served a strange looking group of people who call themselves the BGUB? They may have also had a double of one of them, along with a couple of oversexual woman?” “Oh yes, I think we did,” the clerk responded. “One of them kept on asking me if they could give me a car, but I told them I already had one.” “Do you know where they went?” “Nope.” “Yes you do,” one of the other customers responded. “They told you right before they left.” “Oh, I guess they did. Alright then?.where did they say they were going?” “They were planning on going to the cave of the Master Pie Emerald!” “Oh, of course! I should’ve known! Yeah, that’s where they said they were going.” “Thanks for your help,” the old lurker replied, “now could you give me one of those double dipped scoops?” After taking the ice cream, he retuned to the outside of the store, where his fellow companions were waiting. “So, did you find out anything?” TL asked. “Yes, I did,” he replied, taking a lick. “Well?” “Could you hold on? I want to finish my ice cream cone!” “I can’t believe it!” shouted O-Zac, “the fate of the multiverse hangs in the balance, and all you can think about is finishing that blasted ice cream cone?!” “Well, it is my favorite flavor,” he replies, finishing it up. “Fine then.” Once he completed it, the lurker began again. “I’ve come to discover that EAJ and his companions are heading off to the unknown passageways that spawn the universe!” “That’s not what I said!” the clerk shouted out from the counter. “Oh, right. I have discovered that EAJ and his companions are heading off to the cave of the Master Pie Emerald, most likely planning on completing an evil, evil scheme.” “Then what should we do?” O-TL asked. “We’re not prepared to handle that group of idiots, especially now that they’ve regrouped!” “I can take ‘em,” Brandon said, right before collapsing on the ground, laughing. “See?” Suddenly, a plothole opened up above the group. “Oooo?.what’s that?” asked Dave. “It’s one of those p-things,” Jamie replied. “A plo...plo?” “Plothole,” answered O-Zac. “Perhaps we should move away from it’s underside?” asked TL, “incase something very unpleasant emerges from it?” “Hm?that does make sense, doesn’t it?” the old lurker stated. Of course, they weren’t able to move, because the plothole spit out a series of individuals, who fell on top of the group. These individuals were, of course, the group known only as TPCG. “Hey look!” muttered TL from under everyone, “its TPCG!” “Who knew?” stated Shaggy. “Look here,” Sonique said to the group, “it’s nice that we’re here and everything, but perhaps we should all get up and reorganize, to figure out what just happened?” So, after a few minutes of utter confusion (go ahead, use your imagination!), everyone got up and were reacquainted. Except, of course, to the pot heads, who no one had known before hand, and so they were just introduced to them. “How did you know to come here, anyway?” the old lurker asked the child of the plothole. “No one contacted you.” “That’s where you’re wrong,” the child of the plothole responded, “I was contacted.” “But by who?” “By me.” Everyone turned to the source of the voice, and discovered that it belonged to none other then? “It’s the fisherman!” everyone shouted out. “What brings you here?” “I stay around these parts, remember?” “Of course! Shorty exclaimed, “I should’ve realized that. He was the one that freed us from the confines of our binds back during our last visit here, by manipulating the natives, who worship him!” “Yep. It’s true,” the fisherman continued. “My boat is parked just outside of reality here. There certainly is no place on the planet quite like here. This, of course, could be a bad thing considering what may happen if EAJ reaches the destination that he wishes to reach.” “What is it exactly that the Master Pie Emerald can do for him?” Munkee asked. “The Master Pie Emerald is a mysterious force, created ages ago, whose origins are lost in the pages of time. It can do many things for many people, and can give a person ultimate power, if they so desire. And if they have the seven Pie Emeralds.” “So?basically it’s just a copy of the Master Emerald?” “Sort of. Of course, listening to the conversations of the BGUB,” “Hey wait!” Sonique shouted out, “what do you mean “listening to the conversations of the BGUB? Does that mean that you were near them, and that you could’ve tried to stop them yourself?” “May I go on? While listening, I discovered that there is something much more devious to the plan then just trying to become an all powerful being and ruling the world with an unparalleled terror. Oh no, there is something much more sinister to his ideas.” “And what are they?” Shorty asked. “He is planning on using the unique location of the Master Pie Emerald to his advantage. It’s not just a stroke of luck that it decided to reappear in the base of disc.server. No, it arrived there because it could sense something much more to the place. In fact, it could sense what I did, coming for the exact same reasons I did. “It was the Master Pie Emerald that caused this place to age so quickly, to cause the natives to arrive, and for the shifting of the locations. It placed itself in the center, resurrecting it’s shrine, because it could feel a doorway. A doorway?into the infinite halls of the multiverse.” “What?” Jane asked. “You mean into the world of the lurkers?” “There’s a world of lurkers?” David TL asked. “Yes. Where have you been anyway?” “Um?.lurking?” “No, Jane,” the fisherman began again, “not into the halls that you know. No, into the very raw essence of the multiverse itself, open to much more then just you have opened up. Not just the worlds you have discovered, but to everyplace in this strand, and possibly more.” “More? Are you saying??” “Yes, the theory is true.” “What theory? Am I the only one lost?” David TL asked. “Nope, you’re not the only one,” Riochet answered, “but I’m sure that the self-proclaimed know-it-alls have an idea.” “But I don’t have any clue either!” Shorty shouted out.” “No, I mean the ones that just suddenly appeared for this adventure.” “What, me?” Simon asked. “And me?” responded Dreadknuckster.” “And even us?” asked the members of TPCG who don’t really go there anymore but somehow still appear in this story. “No! I’m talking about the crazy plothole people and their companions.” “Oh?.” “We must hurry!” shouted out the child of the plothole. “We have no time to waste!” “How often has someone said that, and then we end up wasting even more time?” Edge asked. “We must hurry!” he shouted out again. And so the group ran off to the cave, to locate the members of the BGUB, and put a stop (once again) to their evil deeds. Chapter 25 The Final Confrontation -or- Why Haven’t Any of These People Gone to the Bathroom, Anyway? “I can’t believe it!” EAJ shouted out. “We’re finally here!” “I know, it sure took long enough,” the pot smoking woman commented. “We must enter now!” EAJ stepped up to the cave’s entrance and pushed on the door, unable to free it from its position. “Curses! It seems that we can’t enter!” “Um....EAJ?” Samantha questioned. “Yes?” “The sign says to pull.” “Oh. Alright then.” In an instant, EAJ was able to open up the cave door, and allow entrance inside. Soon, everyone followed him into the cave. “Yes, we are here!” he shouted out. He walked up to the Master Pie Emerald and read the inscription. “The Servers are the Seven Pie. Pie is power, enriched by the belly. The Controller serves to unify the Pie.” “What does that mean?” asked Andre. EAJ stepped up to the Master Pie Emerald and placed the PlotHole 3000 on top of it. “What it means, Andre, is that this Master Pie Emerald is the one that controls the other seven Pie Emeralds. It is the key to it all, and can either make or break you. You can’t just rule the planet with the seven Pie Emeralds if someone discovers this and puts a stop to you. If that happened, then you would fall. “However, if you are able to gain the power of this mysterious emerald on your side, then you truly are unstoppable.” “Are you so sure that it will only listen to one?” asked Andre. “I mean, you have played Sonic Adventure?right?” “Are you trying to imply that these are exactly the same?” “Well, they have so far?” “I will choose to ignore what you have told me.” EAJ kneeled before the Master Pie Emerald, attempting to gain its attention. “Oh Master Pie Emerald, heed me. I humbly ask you to grant me my wish?” The emerald began to glow, the glow engulfing both the PlotHole 3000 and EAJ. “What’s going on?” Cornelius asked. “You’ve been lied to,” AJ responded. “EAJ is planning some sort of plan just for himself, using you as pawns, forcing me to create that machine by myself.” “What?!” responded Samantha. “What are you talking about? He told us-“ “I know what he told you. Look, you have to get out of here!” “But what about you?” Cherri asked. “I’ll have to stay here and confront him.” “What, you think that we’re just going to let you confront him by yourself?” asked SoniProw. “Yeah,” Mufasa said. “We’re still a team, weather you like it or not,” answered Samantha. “And that means that we will stick together to the bitter end.” “Oh, fu”Hong Kong”k this,” answered the blonde woman. “Hong Kong?” asked the redhead. “How come we never found out your names, anyway?” asked Cherri. “Because those are our names! Bwaha!” “Look here,” answered the Goth, “I’m not about to stick around with you idiots. I know how you act, and I especially know how he acts,” she stated, pointing to AJ. “So, I think I’ll stick with the guy who at least looks like he’s doing something important.” “What is he doing, anyway?” asked Andre. Suddenly, the Pie Emeralds burst out of the PlotHole 3000, circling the glowing emerald. The machine also rose up, and EAJ stood, cackling. “So, you’re still here, are you?” EAJ asked. “And is it true? That you want to stick with your friend, AJ?” The BGUB slowly nodded their heads. “And you, the hot chicks?” “I guess we’re sticking with you,” Angie responded. “Traitor,” mumbled Samantha under her breath. “That’s nice,” EAJ responded. “At least someone will survive this confrontation.” “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched!” Everyone turned to the sound of the voice. The Perfect Chaos Gang had burst in. “Oh, so if it isn’t The Imperfect Sane Group,” EAJ laughed out. “Hey, no one makes fun of our name and gets away with it!” shouted out SonKnuck. “Yeah! I made it, after all!” Sonique shouted out. “Well, I suppose I should let you all into my final plan, before you’re completely destroyed.” EAJ then began to rise up from the ground, still glowing, and still cackling evilly. “For a while now, I believe that AJ has suspected my true purpose here, ever since I brought him here. To be honest, not even I realized my true purpose until yesterday, when I first learned of the appearance of the Nortoratos.” “When did you learn of their names?” Edge asked. “Don’t tell me you were working ETonic?!” “No, I never was working for ETonic,” he stated. “At least, not directly. I guess you could say that he was working for me more then anything.” “What?” asked H Mac. “It was you all along? You were the one commanding ETonic to command the Nortoratos?” “No, nothing like that. ETonic worked on his own accord. We never even met, or talked through other means of communication.” “But?then how could he be working for you?” asked Mike Shaffner. “When I saw the images of the Nortoratos playing on the screen, a section of my brain that I didn’t realize was there started to work, to lead me into the direction that I’m now at. The same section that prevented me from containing the data of the PlotHole 3000. It was that data that told me who I was and what I was supposed to do here. How to create the PlotHole 3000+” “What is that supposed to do?” asked SecMan. “It has the power not just to create plotholes at will, but contains the necessary programming to create and destroy entire universes. “As you know, my creation was due to Zalique, the greatest plothole child ever.” “Now that’s a lie!” shouted out the child of the plothole. “It won’t be in the new existence I will arise. You see, when I was created, Zalique knew that his time was short, because of the one known as Scott Tomahama. So, he decided to create me, under the guise that I was merely a double of you, AJ. He was still connected to his creator, who was being drained of his powers because of your foolishness. He knew the plan he gave ETonic, both unaware of what was being though of in my creators head. “He gave me the instructions for the plan that he tried to accomplish, but ultimately failed to do. And he sealed it within me until ETonic decided to make his move, which he knew would be inevitable. It was Zalique who gave him that final sequence that would cause him to be engulfed within the DNA of the Nortoratos, the passion to attack this world once again while he was still weak.” “I should’ve guessed that,” commented AJ. “Yes, and he gave me everything I need to know that, once I recreate the multiverse as he wanted it, I will be able to resurrect him, and let him live once again! He will be unstoppable! “As your only son, I swear that I will let you live again father, if it’s the last thing I do!” “Son?” asked the fisherman. “You can’t believe that he’s your father, can you? Children of the plothole are not able to reproduce.” “You’re wrong!” EAJ shouted out. “I am his son! He told me himself. His last words to me?” EAJ then began to glow even more ferociously then ever, his features soon diminishing. The walls of the shrine also began to crack. “I will henceforce be known only by my true given name,” EAJ said, his voice lowering by octaves. “I will be known as?Malique!” “How original,” muttered Anony. “You shall not dare mock me in your last moments, weakling!” The back wall of the shrine then exploded, revealing the look of space, an infinite amount of stars pouring out from the heavens. The blackness then soon began to glow with even more colors then the human eye could perceive. “Is that??” Shorty asked. “?the world of the Master Pie Emerald?” completed the fisherman. “It does seem that way, doesn’t it? It is connected, sure, but that’s not what it completely is.” “How true,” Malique shouted. “It is also the most raw entrance way into the infinite halls of the multiverse!” “What are we going to do now?” asked Lil. “How am I supposed to know?” SonKnuck asked. “I’m just the leader of a group of Sonic the Hedgehog fans!” Just then, a green figure appeared out of the space in the wall. “You shall not pass this threshold,” stated the figure. “Out of the way, weak one!” shouted Malique. “You are just the creature of a long forgotten age.” “My birth may be, but not my existence.” “Not yet, anyway.” “Is that who I think that is?” H Mac asked. “I am who I am,” the figure responded. “But yes, we have met before. In what you call the Master Pie Emerald.” The figure spoke with an absolute clarity and wonder unlike any the group had heard before. It almost put them in a trance-like state, taken in by the awesome power. “Oh, go ahead and make it seem that you are some sort of all powerful being,” Malique said, “but they’ll realize that I am the one who should be worshipped before the day is over!” “But you will have to enter the sacred lands first,” the figure said. “Oh, is that all I have to do?” asked Malique. “Then it shall be a much easier task then I imagined!” Malique extended his hand, and fired out a few blasts of energy, which the figure easily blocked. “You call this power?” it taunted. “I’ll show you power!” He continued to fire, now with even more determination. However, it continued to block them. “What? I don’t understand?” “How foolish you must be,” the figure said, “to actually think that you could destroy me with my own energy! Did you think that possible?” Malique frowned. He had not determined this side affect. He glanced over to the PlotHole 3000+, and gained an idea. He rushed over to it and activated it. “What did you just do?” the figure asked, with a slight notice of alarm in its voice. “Oh, nothing that will concern you in a little while.” Malique then gathered his energy and fired off a much more powerful blast of energy then before, causing it to fall to the ground. “Bwahaha! Long live the plothole!” “Now that’s power,” the Goth stated. “No!” the fisherman shouted out. TPCG and their companions rushed over to the fallen being, the fisherman holding it in his arms. “Are you alright, my fair queen?” he asked. “What?” Shorty asked. “You’re female?” “He determines to give me that sex,” the figure stated, “although I’ve told him time and again that I am a being neither male nor female.” “Are you alright?” he asked again. “I believe so, but you must hurry! Child of the plothole, do you think you can hold off Malique for now? And can you join him, fisherman?” “I’ll try my best,” the child said, rushing off. “Are you sure that I must leave, with you in such condition?” “I’m fine, trust me. Just go.” Reluctantly, the fisherman got up and rushed off to meet up with the child of the plothole. TPCG bent closer to the green figure, along with the old lurker, AJ, and even the BGUB. “Why do I think that you were just trying to comfort the fisherman?” asked Kitchiitchikakamama. “Because if I told him how I really am,” it responded, “I know that he wouldn’t leave to help save the world. He cares about me too deeply. “But I know that those two plothole children can not handle Malique alone. He has grown too powerful, tapping into the power of the PlotHole 3000+, allowing him to transfer my own power into something much more evil, which is why I couldn’t withstand it.” “But what can we do?” asked Edge. “We can’t compare to them!” “He’s right!” Mike Shaffner added. “Especially in our weakened conditioned,” Seth completed. “Yes, I know. However, there may be something that I can do to help you. Kichiitchikakamama, will you help me?” “I will do whatever you ask.” “And you two, David The Lurker and Jane, will you also join me?” “Me?” asked David TL. “What could I possibly do?” “More then you think.” The two lurkers joined with the third. “What’s going on?” asked Seven. “You see, Seven, these three are part of the ancient race of lurkers, with the ability to disappear at will, plus much, much more.” “What?” David TL asked. “There’s more to it?” “I do not expect you to understand,” the figure responded, “there is something different about you?something that I’m not sure about. But that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you help me. You three will be able to give these TPCGers my power.” “What?” asked SonKnuck. “Your power?” “Won’t that hurt you?” Rusty asked. “Or worse?” added in Jacko. “It may be?painful, to say the least, but it will help you all be restored to full power, or even greater! You will all be able to achieve your most powerful forms, which will help out those brave plothole children out there.” “What about us?” Samantha asked. “What about you?” “Aren’t you going to give us this power?” “Are you kidding? Sure, you may start out to help, but it’s not like you’re going to be at the front lines. I know how you are, you are evil. Although?I know you do want to help out your friend AJ. And want to redeem yourselves for trusting this imposter, who doesn’t even care about your lives. But still, I don’t think I could handle it. “Of course?.Andre, you may join your friend. You are much more then you seem. Not to the point of being some sort of lost hero or something, but there are more redeeming qualities to you then to any of these other BGUBers.” “Oh, thanks a lot!” Cornelius shouted out. “Your loyalty to AJ outlives that of your quest to do evil.” So Andre walked over and joined the rest of the group surrounding the being. “Hey!” the goth shouted out. “What should we do?” “Perhaps we should try and help our master?” the blond asked. “No!” shouted out Jamie, pulling out a few pieces of pot. He threw them at the four clueless and truly pointless women in this story, and they grabbed them, losing complete interest in what would happen. “Well, that was easy enough,” stated Dave. Everyone focused on the fallen being. “You must?concentrate?.” The lurkers joined hands, and circled the figure. The rest of the group then surrounded them, after glancing at the plothole children, who were still engaged in combat with Malique, and not doing too well either. Suddenly, a wave of power erupted from the figure, flowing into the three lurkers. The power was then filtered out, hitting the rest of the group surrounding them. “I can feel it...” gasped Edge. “Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced?” Shorty stated. “And that’s saying a lot,” Riochet responded. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Just that you’ve experienced a lot. What, did you think I was making some sort of comment about something?” The energy filled everyone until they were at their limits, and some even beyond that. “Now go?” mumbled the figure, before passing out. “What should we do about the figure?” asked David TL. “Nothing, for now. If we can’t save the multiverse, how can we save her?” stated Jane. And so the newly powered group flew off toward the front of the battle. “Do you really think that you can defeat me?” sneered Malique at the plothole duo. “We’re counting on it!” the fisherman shouted. “Perhaps if you surrendered now, I would transform you into something more pleasant in the new world order.” “And that would be??” asked the child of the plothole. “My personal jesters!” “And that’s pleasant to us?how?” “It just is! Don’t question it!” Malique fired a few more energy blasts at the two. “What are we going to do?” asked the child of the plothole. “We can’t hold out like this much longer!” “But we have no choice!” the fisherman replied. “With TPCG in their current state, and our queen hurt, we mus-“ At that moment, Malique had swung his arm at the duo, causing them to crash into the ground, leaving the door to the multiverse unprotected. “Thank you for allowing me to enter,” mocked Malique. “And now is the time for the kingdom of the plotholes to finally arise!” “Not if we have anything to say about it!” Malique turned at the sound of the voice. He stared, flabbergasted, at the fleet of TPCG members flying toward him, powered up to the max. “How is this possible? Your energy has all been drained!” “Not anymore, it isn’t!” shouted SonKnuck. “Yeah!” exclaimed Shorty. “Now we can not only talk big, but fly big!” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I don’t know, it just sounded good, alright?” The fleet of TPCG members then attacked Malique in various (and painful ways) “Ow! Stop that! That’s not supposed to go there! What is that? What do you mean I need to know the capital of Zimbabwe?” Soon the entire group (including the two plothole people who had arisen once more) clung onto the creature who had now grown very, very large. Just because. “This is it, you foul fiend!” Edge shouted out. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve been doing in my name,” AJ stated. “Yeah, and you’re going to pay me back that twenty dollars you still owe me!” Andre also shouted out. “You fools,” Malique said, “do you really think that this is the end? That you have defeated me?” In a flash, the group was repelled off of Malique, who then steps up to the doorway to the multiverse. “Now?it is finally here?” he said, as the PlotHole 3000+ appeared next to him. “What just happened?” Riochet shouted out. “I think he somehow repelled us,” SecMan stated. “Tell us something we didn’t know,” Seven answered. “He’s going through!” the fisherman shouted. Without thinking, David TL flew up in front of Malique. “You still want more?” he asked. “More what?” David TL responded. “Sigh?what is it you want?” “I was just going to say that you shouldn’t go through here.” “Oh, really? And why not?” “Because a lot of people will yell.” “Like I care.” He then thwacked the lurker into the rest of TPCG. “And now, I rule!” Malique shouted, stepping through the doorway. “We’ve?lost?” O-Zac said, bewildered. “Not yet,” OZac confirmed. “Quickly, everyone into the doorway!” Everyone then got up and zoomed off, following Malique. “Good luck, rangers,” the figure said. “Rangers?” He could feel the raw energy circling around him, crackling around, with the spark of life inside. The spark that could create entire new universes, or destroy many others, if used in a certain way. He could feel this core energy, sense it, feel it fueling up the PlotHole 3000+, giving the Pie Emeralds even more energy then they could handle. “Yes, it’s working,” Malique cackled, “it truly is. No one can stop me now, now that I’m here in the most serene of all places. The most natural of all.” “You’re going down, Malique!” SonKnuck shouted. “What? You again?” Malique gasped. “I thought that I already taught you not to try and dissuade me! And now you enter what will be the sacred grounds of Zalique?” “The sacred grounds of Zalique?” the fisherman said, confused. “This place has been sacred long before anyone here was even alive!” “But that is from the old history. I am talking of the new history, the only history that will matter to its citizens. Don’t you see? How much better the world will be with a ruler like my father?” Malique’s voice then started to return to its original state, and his glowingness began to fade away. “My father?this is all for him. For him to live again?” “Is that what this is all about?” Sonique asked. “For your father?” “I just want to live a normal life?a life like the one I’m tormented to look back on. The one supplied within me. I want to have that life?.I’m only a few months old. I deserve it?right?” David TL watched with growing interest, wondering what was going to happen. “My boy,” Kitchiitchikakamama whispered into the lurker’s ears, “listen up!” “Huh? Are you my father?” “No. Listen, what I want you to do is sneak over to the PlotHole 3000+, and set it up for him to be destroyed.” “But?why? He is just a tormented soul and-“ “Oh, so now you’re feeling sorry for the enemy? Watch, he’s going to try and destroy the multiverse! Are you going to let him do that?” “No?” “Then sneak over there! You do say that no one seems to notice you right away, correct?” “But isn’t that the same for every lurker?” “Just sneak over there.” “Why doesn’t Jane do it?” “I asked her. She told me to get you to do it.” “Why?” “She said that she was needed elsewhere.” “Um?I’m needed elsewhere!” “No you’re not.” “Darn!” David TL then started to sneak over to the PlotHole 3000+, but very, very slowly. “?..I just want to talk to him?” Malique continued. “But that’s the past,” Mike Shaffner said. “you can’t change that.” “He’s right!” Andre proclaimed. “Like spilled milk, or the sort.” “And of course, he’s evil,” Seth said. Malique then yelled very, very loudly, causing him to glow and have that deep voice again. “The multiverse shall be destroyed! That is what my father wished, and that is what my father shall receive!” “Now, my boy!” the old lurker shouted. “Oh boy,” David TL muttered. The lurker flew as fast as he could over to the PlotHole 3000+, while Malique was watching. “What do you think you are doing?” asked Malique, raising his arm in readiness to attack. “Watch out!” Jane shouted, flying as well, but over to Malique. She grabbed his arm, and was able to push it in a direction away enough from David TL, so that he wouldn’t get blasted. “Wow?she really does car-“ The lurker had found the PlotHole 3000+. “So, you want to help your friends?” Malique asked. “Then you will in my new universe?in the Barney amusement park!” “NOOOOOO!!!!!” “Attack!” SonKnuck shouted. “It’s time for the smackdown!” Riochet shouted out. Everyone stared. “What?” And so everyone flew over to Malique (who had shrunk before back to average size. What, me forget details?) and started to, well, attack. “You’re not getting away this time!” Anony shouted out. “Never except celery form strangers!” Shorty shouted. “When using dental floss, please only use it in your mouth,” Ami stated. “www.asdf.com is a site about asdf!” shouted Nakkurusu. “Did someone call?” asked Mach (from somewhere?). “Tomato!” called Munkee. “TomAto!” called Sz. “Ketchup?” asked MechaTails. “I knew it had something to do with Colonel Mustard,” confirmed Rusty. “Er?.crash?” said H Mac. All the while, David TL was trying to figure out how to get the PlotHole 3000+ to work how he wanted it. “It hasn’t started,” he said, “but I don’t want to risk starting up the plan that Malique wants. So?perhaps I should just use the standard controls? Then again, if I increased the power by funneling the energy around us?” “Get on with it!” Jane shouted. “Alright, alright! But?I can’t get a clear shot. Everyone is in the way.” “But what else can we do?” asked Lil. “If we all let go, he’s sure to just zoom ahead and knock you out, strange lurker person!” “We need a way to hold him back,” stated Edge. “One of us is going to have to volunteer ourselves to hold him back just long enough to attack with the tool he planed to use.” “Um?.I’m not doing it,” Zac said. “Well, technically I’m not a part of TPCG?” said TL. “I’ll do it,” said AJ. “He’s part of me, even if slightly. I’ll do it.” “Good job, my boy!” the old lurker said. “Oh, and you just think I’m going to let you all leave in the first place?” asked Malique. “I’ll just keep you surrounded here until I get close enough and then?bam!” “Oh, you want some?” asked Brandon. Jamie then picked up a piece of pot and threw it into Malique’s eyes. At first contact, he screamed, grasping his face with his hand. TPCG were able to zoom away, and AJ grabbed Malique from behind. “See, I told you they would help!” said the old lurker. “Fine, fine,” grumbled O-Zac, “you were right.” “I don’t care if you destroy me or not!” shouted Zalique. “Evil will still find a way to destroy you all! The kingdom of the plothole will still prevail! My child will avenge me!” “You have a child?” asked SecMan. “?Curses! I knew I forgot to do something.” “Fire it!” shouted AJ. David TL grabbed the PlotHole 3000+ and fired out a plothole blast from it. It struck Malique with precise accuracy, sending AJ flying into the hands of Andre. “I knew you cared!” he said. “Oh, stop it.” The plothole energy began to swirl around Malique at an insane speed, causing him to darken in his shade of color until he was a piercing black, with dark red eyes. “No!” he shouted out. “Why can’t I use this energy for my own use? Why does it abandon me?” “Don’t look at me,” David TL said, “it’s just how plotholes work.” A plothole then erupted inside of Malique, causing him to start imploding onto himself. “This isn’t very pleasant!” he shouted out. “not at all!” Soon, the implosion was complete, and Malique vanished from sight. “Well, that wasn’t so hard!” David TL said. Shorty thwacked him on the “back of the head. “Everyone!” the fisherman shouted out, “we need to get out of here! Now!” “Why?” Shorty asked. “That’s why!” the child of the plothole completed, pointing to the entrance way. Everyone looked over, and saw that the doorway was sealing itself. “Is that a bad thing?” Riochet asked. “Yes, that’s a very bad thing,” the fisherman said. “If we’re still here when it closes, we’ll all be trapped here?forever!” “RUN!!!” Shorty shouted out. And so the group of people (including TPCG) rushed off, with the two young lurkers trailing behind. “We’re not going to make it!” Jane shouted. “Oh, yes we are!” David TL replied. “Well, the rest in front of us might, but from what I can gather, those doors will close before we get there.” “Unless, of course, we go faster.” “How can we go faster?” David TL (who still has the PlotHole 3000+, after all), pushed a few buttons on the console. Suddenly, everyone gained a pair of super sneakers (courtesy of a certain video game), causing everyone to have super speed. “Let’s do it to it!” the lurker shouted out. “David?” “Yes?” “Please, don’t use early catch-phrases.” And so, the entire group is able to manage to leave the raw entrance to the multiverse, reemerging into the cave of the Master Pie Emerald. The fisherman, of course, rushed off to tend to the figure. However, it was gone. “My queen?” he asked. “Where are you?” “I’m right here,” it replied, floating near the ceiling. “What are you doing up there?” “Just floating. You’d be surprised how much that helps you out.” The figure landed in front of the group, outstretching her arms. “I’m afraid that I must now absorb the access power that I gave you. However, you will still have all your natural levels from before this adventure started.” And so she absorbs the energy in a brilliant blue flash. “I must now return to my true domain,” the figure stated, raising and then lowering back into the Master Pie Emerald. “Where I will rest until I may be needed again.” And the figure vanished into it. “Rest, my queen,” said the fisherman. “But I thought that she?er?it said that it was not gender specific,” H Hog said. “So?” “Is that it?” asked O-Zac. “Or is there some other evil that we have to go after?” “There will always be evil,” Kitchiitchikakamama stated, “and when it rises up again, we will be called forth, to help prevent it from stretching out it’s arms and engulfing our way of life. We will always be there, defending truth and justice. We will always call up our forces when life is threatened. We will always be there, waiting. Until they strike.” “Um...but are they’re any threats that we have to go after right now?” “No, at least not to my knowledge. But I’m sure that somewhere, in another universe that we may or may not be aware of, the constant struggle between good and evil is going on right now, right-“ “Ok, ok, I get the idea.” “I’m still confused about something,” said Shorty. “Oh, and that’s different?” asked O-Zac. “Hey, you don’t even live here! What I’m still confused about is who that person was that arrived not once but twice, threatened us all, and just left.” “Oh, we’ll figure that out later,” OZac said. “I thought you knew who it was!” “Did I give that impression?” “Yes!” “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Well, I might know, but?no, I don’t.” “Well, that’s enough of that, then,” the old lurker said. “I guess it’s time to go off and go?off.” “Home, Mr. whateveryournameis?” Sonique said. “Yes, home sounds good. Of course, my portholes are inoperable here. I’m guessing that we should all leave through the use of plotholes? Are you up to it, child of the plothole?” “Of course! I’m always up to anything! I think?.” “And I’ll stay here,” the fisherman said. “I assumed that much,” replied the old lurker. A plothole opened up. “In you go, O-people!” “Do we have to?” asked O-TL. “Everything is always so much more fun here!” “I can’t believe you just said that,” O-Zac replied. The two jumped in, having it close behind them. “I’m guessing you’re up next, Mr. high people!” “Cheeba?” asked Jamie. “Um?you can go and do whatever, I guess.” Shaggy, Highity, and Condro hopped in. “I’ll see you later!” Brandon shouted out, before also hopping in. “Contraceptive!” Dave shouted out for no reason whatsoever. “Here,” Jamie said, walking up to AJ. “Take it. To remember.” Jamie hopped into the plothole, which closed behind him. Looking at what Jamie put in his hand, he couldn’t help but chuckle at what it was: Marijuana. “Don’t those guys ever stop?” he asked himself. “And what about you, weird girls?” “Huh?” said Angie. “What is it?” “Don’t the four of you want to go home?” “Home? Are you fu”honk”king nuts?” yelled out the Goth. “Like we’re even going to trust you,” said the blond. “Um?yeah!” shouted out the redhead. And the four ran off from the cave. “Well, they’re sure insane,” Ami said. “And you, the BGUB, do you wish to return to your base?” asked the old lurker. “I suppose so,” Samantha said. “Oh, but before I do that?” She walked up to David TL, and knocked him down. “Hey! Why’d you do that?” he asked. “For not doing anything!” “I’m confused?” “Like you always are! Do you remember what happened those many months ago?” “Oh, you’re going to remind me?” “Well, in this incredibly forced sequence, I’m just going to say that we didn’t do anything to you! You were so?paralyzed?that you couldn’t even move. So, we just left you be, and played scrabble instead!” “Um?ok?.” Once she joined back with the BGUB, she said, “And now?I suppose?that?I should?.transform!” Samantha and Cherri then turn back into their original states, the pie loving, insane ones. “Sammie!” Potato Man shouted. “Pommie!” Samantha shouted out. The two embraced. “You can go now, if you wish,” Kitchiitchikakamama said. And so they did. All, that is, except Andre. “What’s wrong, Andre?” “Well...I was just wondering?AJ?” “What?” “Do you want to come back to us?” “I don’t think I should. You do know how I’ve changed and everything?” “Yes, but didn’t if feel good just being with the old gang? I could tell you did enjoy it.” Andre was right. He had been enjoying it. But?that wasn’t what he wanted in his new life?was it?” “Look, Andre, I think that I need to just go and experience life once again. You go back with the BGUB. They certainly need you more then they need me.” “I don’t think so,” Andre said. “If you’re going to go?wherever?then I should go too.” “I don’t think-“ “I insist.” “Alright then, Andre, you can join me.” And the two hop into the plothole. “Wait a minute,’ SonKnuck just realized, “why couldn’t we have just sent the BGUB to jail instead of back home, so they can go and plan yet another plan, that we’ll eventually have to foil?” “I’m not the one to make those decisions,” said the old lurker. “Why not?” “Eh.” “Eh?” “Look,” Edge said, “This day’s been long enough! Could we just go home?” “Alright then. TPCG, you can go home. Just jump into the plothole.” And so everyone does. Except David TL. “Um?Jane?I was thinking that maybe?” “Just go,” she said. “Oh?alright?” So he jumped in. “Hey, what about me?” asked TL. “I wanna go home too!” “Then just jump in, my boy!” So TL walked over to the plothole. “There’s still one thing I don’t understand.” “What’s that?” “Why do you always say ‘my boy?’?” “I don’t know, my boy, I don’t know.” So TL jumped in. “Do care to go home, my dear?” asked the old lurker to Jane. “I suppose so, Mr. Kitchiitchikakamama.” Then it’s back to home!” Chapter 26 The Final Chapter Part 2 -or- Yes, Every Chapter Has An Alternate Title This Time Around It was a brand new day. The world was at peace once more, with the last remnants of their long ago battle to save the multiverse finally put to rest. They were home. Their friends were safe. It was a peaceful, bright new future. When they had arrived home, they found that the Nortoratos that had been there were not there anymore, apparently called back by ETonic during his last attempts at trying to defeat them. They were also glad to find that all their Chao were back at home, doing what Chao do. Which are Chao things. Of course, they were all tired, and because it was nighttime, everyone just went to bed. The next morning, everyone got up and did what they usually did. Because, after all, everything was peaceful. On that day, David TL got up like he normally did everyday. Waking up from the bottom of his bunk bed (even though no one ever used the top) and standing up, stretching. Of course, he was still wearing everything he had the day before, because he just felt like sleeping in his cloths. That’s what he did. Of course, when you think about it, furries don’t really wear cloths. So he just had his cape on. But I’m getting off topic. Let’s continue, shall we? He walked over to his desk and sat down, prepared to start looking at what was buzzing about on the interest through the use of the computer inside his room. That was when he noticed it. The two books that he had pulled out the day before. The two books that he had neglected to look at because of the crazy happenings that had just occurred. Which was similar to why he hadn’t read them when he first got them. They were, of course, named “So, You’re A Lurker, Huh?” and “How to Enlarge Your Ego.” He picked up the one on the top, which was the lurker one, and opened it. And he started to read: “So You’re A Lurker, Huh? by A. Lurker.” “Hey, David TL! Do you want anything to eat?” called out Edge. “Oh, sure. I’ll be right out!” So he closed the book and went out to eat his breakfast. Afterward, he did go back into his room, noticed the books once again, and opened the top one again. And he started to read. Again. “Welcome, lurker! I am the author of this book. Which, of course means that I am also a lurker. Because that’s what we are. Lurkers. We lurk and lurk and lurk, because that’s what we do. Just like your parents and grandparents and all those other crazy people you grew up with.” David TL was confused. His parents weren’t lurkers. The book continued on. “Now as you have reached that age when you can finally understand what a lurker is, we can get on to the heart of the matter! The ancient lurkers would be very, very old if they were still alive today. And they are called the ancients not because they were the first lurkers to exist, but because they were the first lurkers to break the barrier between the multiverse. They were the first to meet, and they were the first to go and create the Lurker Multiverse Protection Agency. “Now, as you may or may not know, there is a universe that was artificially created just for this group, and most of the lurkers that they’ve met know of this place. And, if you’re reading this and aren’t a kid, then your universe must have just been discovered, ne?” “Ne?” “Yes, I wrote ne. Anyway, if you have this book, then you’re eligible to arrive to the land where you can be accepted for who you are! You do not have to be kept within the bounds of society that you have. No longer must you be forced to live in the shadows!” David TL was even more confused. What were they talking about? There was no type of lurker discrimination. It continued still. “This guide has been written not only to give you an insight on the world of the lurker, but to let you look deep inside yourself, and find out the true you.” “What?” “Oh?and to let you figure out just what a lurker can do.” David TL was now more confused then he was before he opened up the book. What in the world was it talking about? “So, you’ve finally opened it, huh?” David TL quickly turned around to see who had entered his room. It was Kitchiitchikakamama. “Old lurker!” he exclaimed. “Why are you here?” “I finally remembered why I came here in the first place. To see if you had read that book that we gave you beforehand.” “So you were the one that sent it?” “Well?not personally. Once I found out about your existence, and that you weren’t in our database, I thought that maybe you would like to join us, perhaps even become part of our council! I mean, after all, you do wear the purple cape.” “Yes?I do wear a purple cape. So?” “Legend tells of a man that?well, let’s not get into that, shall we? After the quick departure of an entire group in the Council of the Lurkers, we thought that maybe you would like to head the newest one?” “Um?I guess. Why not?” “Of course, you would have to leave your home, and live in our artificially created universe.” “What? Why?” “You never know when you may be needed. That, and also we have no real good reason. It’s just a tradition.” “Hm?I don’t know.” “You do know that you could get to know Jane a little better.” “Hm? Do you mean that lurker girl I met?”” “Yes, I do. She is available, after all.” “The offer sure is tantalizing?.” “So? What do you say?” “Before I give an answer, I just have one question. What’s this other book about?” “Oh, basically how to enlarge your ego by causing yourself to star in a series.” “Interesting?” Epilogue “I can’t believe it!” shouted H Mac. “The Lions actually won a football game!” “Of course, do you really think that they’ll win another anytime soon?” asked Shorty. “You’ve got a point there.” “Everyone, I would like to make an announcement!” shouted SonKnuck. “What’s that?” asked Edge. “There will be free pudding in the cafeteria today.” “Woohoo!” shouted everyone. “Also, if anyone would like to wish our resident lurker David TL goodbye, they may do so.” “Why? Where’s he going?” asked H Hog. “He’s going to some sort of lurker thing, and apparently won’t be back for a long time.” “When did this happen?” Lil asked. “I’m not sure. It has to do with something or other about something. I kind of phased out while the details were explained. C’mon, let’s all just go and wish him off, huh?” So they all marched off to the lurker’s room, which was surprisingly empty. “Are you ready to go?” they heard him ask his pineapple. It responded by making various noises. “So, this is it, huh?” MechaTails said. “Yep, I guess so,” David TL responded. “It’s going to be a little different without you here, that’s for sure,” responded Shorty. “Yep.” “Without you doing?whatever it is you do,” Seven confirmed. “Yep.” “We’ll keep this room empty, forever and a day,” SonKnuck stated. “Just in case.” “Thanks.” “I?can’t take it! It’s too emotional!” Riochet shouted. “Well, it actually hasn’t-“ The lurker was stopped by Riochet grasping onto him. “I’ll?miss you.” “I’ll miss you too, Riochet. You don’t have to get so emotional about it.” “Oh, alright then,” Riochet said, standing back up as if nothing happened. “Alright then, my boy, it’s time to go!” the old lurker shouted out. “Time’s a wastin’!” “Ok. Then, I guess I’ll just say goodbye. Until we meet again, TPCG!” “Bye!” they all shout out. Unexpectedly, a beautiful woman appeared out of nowhere, and marched up to the lurker, kissing him passionately. “I’ll be waiting for you,” she said. “Um?perhaps I could stay a little longer?” David TL asked. “Oh no,” the old lurker said, opening up the porthole, “we must go now!” “But?what about?” “We must go now!” “I’ll save myself just for you!” the woman shouted out. The old lurker grabbed the other lurker, and pulled him into the porthole. “Hey wait!....wait!” (And then, in a whoosh, the letters appear on a black screen) TPCG The Perfect Chaos Gang (And then…foom [just think “Sonic Anime”]) Oh, but this is not the end of the epilogue! Oh no! There’s still the vagueness, waiting to help set up my series of possible egoness! “Why can’t we attack them now, master?” asked the vague person. “Can’t you see, my follower?” stated the other vague person, “there’s still some time yet for us to prepare. We just need to wait in the shadows, until we are ready?” “Aren’t we ready now?” “Oh no, we’re not. There is still much to do. Much more to do. And then?we’ll strike.” And now for vagueness number two! “Sir?” “Hmm? Oh yes, come in.” Tontro walked into the main hall of his true leader’s capital. “What is it you wish to tell me?” the vague person said. “I was sent to tell you that our false leader, ETonic, has been destroyed.” “And what of the strange attackings of the one known as Malique?” “He has also fallen.” “I see. You may leave now.” As Tontro left, the figure turned to stare out his window. “It is now only a matter of time. Oh yes, only a matter of time?” The End? Oh no, only the Beginning? ??