STARRING: SHORTY!: Holy smeg! He'll try and keep his sanity With the help of his really stupid friends. SIDEKICK ROLL CALL SonKnuck: It's all me! I'm the best Ami: Yappa! Sonique: Talk to me. And other pointless facts (lalala) Repeat to your self 'These guys are nuts!' And then you can relax! For Mystery Sonic Theatre 3000! Sonique comes in singing: Looking for someone, have you got the 411? Ami: But you hate Sonic Underground. Sonique: It's in my head! Shorty: ALl right you two, today we are viewing "Immortality is Forever!" SonKnuck: That's one of them titles that falls into the DUH! category, isn't it? >Immortality is Forever Shorty: I just said that! >By JM ******* >The wind howled through the streets of Robotropolis, SonKnuck: HHHOOOOOOWWWWLLLL! >singing a wordless >funeral dirge. All in funeral tune: Duun duuun duuuuuun! >However, the wind was not the only sound in the alleys. Sonique: There was the sound of Tails Wasx and his Kung Fu! >Lasers were being fired gleefully as a group of rebels Ami singing: They are rebels and they never ever do what they should >neared the >completion of their sabotage mission. A hedgehog raced > around inside a building, Shorty: Gee.. could that be Sonic by chance? >eluding several robots twice as large as he was. >The robots shot at random, >hoping for a hit. However, they were unsuccessful > in meeting the target. Sonique crosses her fingers: Please let the target be Sonic_Fan. Please let the target be Sonic _Fan. >The hedgehog came to a catwalk across two buildings. >On the other side >was a brown ground squirrel with a tuft of red hair. Ami: That must be Bunnie. >She was counting down on her watch. Shorty: Till New Years! >"Come on, Sonic.....you can do it!!!" she shouted Sonique: Sally, now is not the time to get horny! >to the hedgehog, hoping that she would be heard. > Sonic put on the speed as he reached >the pass. SonKnuck: With the hedgehog and the squirrel right behind him. >He knew that the guards were too big to cross, Shorty: But that never stopped these bad writers before. >but he was >just small enough to make it. SonKnuck: I thought it just said he couldn't make it. I'm confused. >There were fences on the sides, but they >were rusted to the breaking point. Below was a large hole >for draining >sewage. All: Ewwwww. >"15...14....13..." the squirrel counted down on her watch. Ami: Can we just say Sally please? >"...12....11....10..." >The hedgehog was halfway across. SonKnuck: Half way across the guards that were too big to cross but that he was smallenough to make it though. >"...9....8......7...." Shorty: 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. All: HAPPY NEW YEAR! >The squirrel looked up from her watch and the >color drained from her face. Sonique: Must be that time of the month for her. >To her utter horror, the hedgehog had slipped. >It appeared there was an oil leakage on the catwalk, >because he slipped Shorty: You all ready said that! >and scrambled for balance. That was when a laser went > straight down the passageway >and towards his head. On an impulse, he jumped. Ami: Good plan. >"SONIC!!!!!!" The ground squirrel screamed as she SonKnuck: ..realized she wasn't wearing underwear. >ran over to help, but >she was forced to dive to the floor Sonique: ..by a man who was wearing a bra! >and scramble around to avoid being hit by the Shorty: ..members of the Jerry Springer audience. >lasers. The hedgehog was hanging onto the fence. Ami: Okay, we know it's Sonic. Can we call him Sonic, please? >However, being very old, Shorty: Man, how old is Sonic in this fic? >it could only hold for so long. He tried to pull himself >up, but the fence was Sonique: ..really made out of old pastrami. >too old to take the strain any longer. >It broke. Ami: DOH! >"Saaaaaaallyyyyyyyyyy....." The hedgehog screamed as he >plummeted >downward. SonKnuck: Into the firey depths of hell where he was greeted by Hitler, Sadam Housane and Sally Struthers. >The squirrel lay there, frozen with shock. He looked up at >her with innocent eyes as he fell into the sewer. Shorty: NO! Them eyes are guilty I tell you! *slams down gravel* >"The Hedgehog is disposed of!" The Swat-bots droned as they Sonique: ...danced a dickless jig. >turned around and headed back into the building. >They were never to speak again, SonKnuck: Because a million anvils fell on them. Shorty: This isn't Sonic_Fan, SonKnuck. >as at that moment as the sound of an explosion filled >the air and the building >fell apart. The squirrel, Sally, took one look at the remains >of the building, and >at the now-blocked sewage drain, and ran. Ami: This solves her problems how? >She ran through the building, >knocking down all obstacles. She ignored the laser fire, >just running, Sonique: Can we stay in one tense please? >until she was out of the building. SonKnuck: And into Discover Zone! >Then she ran through the streets and >out of the city, and then past her friends, who looked at her >quizzically, >their celebration interrupted. Shorty: They're celebrating Sonic's death? Sonique: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they don't know he's dead. >They turned around and followed her, but she >was already far ahead. Tears leaked from her eyes freely. >She ignored the pain in her chest and continued SonKnuck: .... trying to go to the bathroom. >running. By the time she reached Knothole Village, Sonique: She was 87 years old, had saggy breasts and her friends were all dead. >deep >in the forest, she was spent. She reached her room, >dived on her bed, Shorty: ..and went for a swim. >and cried herself to sleep. >Sally looked around. She was back in Robotropolis, > on top the building. Ami: Which building? There's many of them. Sonique: THE building. Ami: Ohh... THE building. >She saw Sonic, running across the catwalk, laughing hysterically. Shorty: Hey, Sal, a preist and a rabi were walking down the street... >Then she saw him slip >and jump over the edge, SonKnuck: Why did he do that? >eventually falling into the sewer. The seconds passed like hours, >and his innocent, pleading look said one thing: Sonique: I am women! Hear me roar! >Save me. >But when she tried to move, she couldn't. She looked down > to see that her skin >was SonKnuck: ...being eaten by evil furbies. Sonique: Me eat you now! >metallic. She tried to scream when she realized that, > instead, she was droning the >same accursed command over and over..... Ami: Snively for president! Snively for president. >"Hedgehog, Priority One - Destroy at all costs. > Hedgehog, Priority One - Destroy at >all costs. Hedgehog, Priority One - Destroy at all costs. >Hedgehog, Priority One - Destroy at all costs...." Sonique: We get the picture.... >Sally woke up, breathing heavily. SonKnuck: Okay.. let's not get into details about what she was doing please.. >Her pillow was soaked, SonKnuck: What did I just say???! >and her face and neck >stained with tears. Then she looked and saw the >silhouette of a rabbit with three oversized >- they looked metallic - limbs in the doorway. Shorty: I bet it's Amy. >"Sally-Girl, are you all right? You were screaming, and...." Shorty: Yep, Amy. >"Leave, me alone, Bunnie!" >"Why?" Ami: Oh, just do as she says. >The Princess was silent for a minute. "Because.....because... Ami: I'm having my period, okay? >WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! >SONIC'S DEAD!!!!!!" Sonique: That was dramatic >Bunnie cringed. "Sugarhog...dead? Shorty: No, Sonic's dead not sugarhog. >I thought he was just out for a run.... >"No, he's dead!!! I saw him fall into the sewage pipe..." All: Ewwww.. >"He could still survive!" All stare at each other for a moment: Nah! >Sally became silent again. "Maybe...but....after that.....the pipe >was blocked! He >might float around forever, and die from accidentally >drinking some of that......" All: Ewwww... >"He's a survivor, you know that!" Sonique: Eww... oh, sorry. >"Well....maybe......I hope you're right, Bunnie.....now, GO! >ROYAL ORDERS!!" >Bunnie quickly slipped out of the hut, closing the door behind her. > Sally turned >around and cried herself to sleep again. And this time, all >she saw was a tombstone. SonKnuck: With cheese and pepperoni toppings. >ONE WEEK LATER >All the Knothole Freedom Fighters, and some scattered >members of other groups, were >gathered around a tombstone. Sonique: I'll take the cheese! Shorty: Okay, I'll have green olives! >It was a cloudy day, and it had been threatening to rain for >the past hour. However, it hadn't yet, and the congregation > doubted it would. They didn't >have the body of the one who the funeral was for, so they >buried a picture. Ami: Since they didn't have a picture of Sonic, however, they burried a picture of a pickle. >All around, people were mourning. Lupe had her head bowed, >whispering an old Wolf Pack prayer >of intercession for one who had died. SonKnuck: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul doth keep. If I shall die before I wake that's one less fanfic I'll have to read. >Ari was there, too, saying his goodbyes. Sonique: *immitating Animaniacs* Gooooodbyeee Nurse! Tails was crying on Bunnie's shoulder, Shorty: Get the hell off my shoulder. >Rotor held his hat to his heart, and Antoine was wailing in >his usual accent. SonKnuck: Which, of couse, was Dutch. >Princess Sally Alicia Acorn stood in front of the grave, >dressed completely in >black. She had battled for an hour to keep a straight face >as the eulogies were read, but >she couldn't take it any longer and burst Sonique: Let me guess, burst out laughing? >into tears at the end. Slowly, the crowd >dispersed, saying goodbyes to each other as they left to > their homes and groups. Only Sally >stayed, staring at the grave and crying even as the sun set. Ami: As the sun set the table. Sonique: Okay, stars, time to eat! >"Sonic.....if only there was a way to keep you from dying...." > she mumbled to >herself idly. Shorty: Well, you could have helped me instead of letting me fall into a damn sewer. >"Oh, but there was." Shorty: Told ya! >A male voice said behind her. She spun around quickly to find >a cloaked figure, with its face hidden, standing right behind her. >"Who are you?! What are you doing here?!" She nearly shouted. Sonique: Whoa!!! Too many questions, I'm getting a headache! >"Ah, no need for those questions." He, or possibly it, waved >off those questions. Ami: So if it's possibly an it can it be a she? >"I'll tell you who I am. My name is Morris, and I'm an immortal." Sonique: You guys know the drill. All: Morris Morris bo Borris bannafanna fo Forris fe fi mo Morris! Morris!!! >"WHAT?!?! YOU'RE INSANE!!!!" SonKnuck: And proud of it too! >Again he waved her off. "No, no, I'm not. You see, I used to > be a regular animal, >like you or that poor cove that just died." >"His NAME is SONIC!" Sonique: SO shut UP you STUPID cloaked WHATEVER you ARE! >"...It is?" Shorty: You mean was, don't you? >"Yes!" >"You really....cared about him, didn't you?" >"Yes, I even loved.....STOP ASKING THESE QUESTIONS!!! > Why do you care?" Ami: Is she gonna wave off the questions too? >"Well, I had a lover once, her name was... Shorty: Moofus the blue cow >Alicia - She's gone now." >"That's my middle name!" Ami: $50 says that cloaked thing is Sonic. Sonique: Even I won't take that bet. It's way too obvious. >"Ah, sweet coincidence. Well, anyway, I'm here to tell you > I have a potion that >grants immortality. No questions yet. It's made of Moonflower, > which grows only once every >hundred years. All: Ooohhh... Ahhhh... >You mash it up and mix it, and it'll let you live forever. I was the one >who discovered this, by sheer coincidence. SonKnuck: Oh, yeah right! >The next day, I was bitten by a cobra, SonKnuck: Oh yeah right again! >and I >survived! I also never aged again, so every hundred years I > make one of these and sell them >to the highest bidder." He pulled out a bottle containing a cloudy > liquid and showed it to >Sally. "Want it?" Sonique: Who wouldn't? >The core Freedom Fighters had gathered for a secret meeting >in the War Room. Ami: Well, it ain't secret anymore. >It was >late at night, but that was exactly the reason they had gathered. Sonique: Cause it was late at night, they had a meeting... yeah, that makes sence >They were holding an interrogation. >"Who are you?" Sally, the one doing the questioning, asked. Shorty: What's your name? Who's your daddy? Is he rich like me? >"Morris, you know that already." SonKnuck: Yeah, Morris, you know that all ready! >"What are you doing here?" Sonique: Masturbating. >"I'm peddling my immortality potion, you know that already, too!" Ami: Yeah, Sally, get to the point. >"Are you a spy for Robotnik?" SonKnuck: Yeah, like he'll just admit that if he is. >"No, I'm not." Shorty: So there! *gives a rasberry* >"Are you really immortal?" >"Yes." >"Are you lying?" SonKnuck: What is this? Like he'll admit he's lying if he is. >"Do you think I'm lying?" SonKnuck: I think you're lying and you're Sonic. >"Yes." >"Well, I'm not." Shorty: So nya nya nya! >"What's your asking price?" >"Whatever I decide it to be." Sonique: I guess that makes sence >"How'd you know where Knothole was?" >"You'd be surprised at the things I know." SonKnuck: I know your bust size! >"Based on that, what was the full title of the first King of >Mobotropolis?" >"Acorn." Sonique: That was the FULL title? >"Where's the royal treasury?" Shorty: Up your ass! >"Behind the King's throne." Sally shuddered. He had answered >those two questions >correctly. Ami in monotone: Surprise, surprise. >She turned to her friends that were standing behind her. SonKnuck: Hi, friends that are standing behind me. >"What should we do?" she whispered. Sonique: Eat beans and fart! >"Sac me bleur! He really eez eemmortal!" Antoine forced >out, shaking in his boots. >"Don't be silly, you know he's not!" Rotor shook his head. >"But I am, Rotor Walrus," Morris spoke up. All: DUN DUN DUUUUNNN! >"H-How'd you know my name?" >"I told you, I'm immortal. Shorty: Here we go again. >I know anything and everything because I've had the time and >safety to travel the world." >Rotor gulped as a bead of sweat trailed down his forehead. >"Oh-oh, well, uhh....I'm s-s-sorry I d-d-doubted you, Mister...." Sonique: Who is talking? >"Morris. Apology accepted." >"Now then, as I was saying..." Sally began again. Ami: You take this little thing that looks like an 8, pull it back and then forward.That's how you open a bear can. >"Aunt Sally, he's scary!" Tails whispered. >"I know, Tails. We'll just have to deal with it." >"Well, ah think that we-all'll have to believe him..." SonKnuck: Cause y'all, some of 'em are scary, some of 'em are not, heck y'all, some of 'em aren't even immortal at all! >"Of course, he could always be a spy for Robotnik..." Sonique: Again, who the hell is talking? >"But he knows where zee treasury is!" Antoine's teeth chattered. >"You're right. He's definately not working for Robotnik. >We'll just have to believe him." Shorty: At least Antoine didn't say EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ZEE HEDGHOG IS STTTIIINNNKKKEEEYEYY! >Sally turned to Morris. "Mr..." >"I heard it all. I'll be staying in Sonic's hut tonight..." >He waved off any >protests. Sonique: Why would there be any protests if he's supposedly dead? >"And I don't care if he's dead or alive, it's vacant, and I can > handle any mess >there is." He trundled off to Sonic's hut. Ami: *Groan* Like we don't know it's Sonic. >"Aunt Sally, why can't we see his face?" Tails asked after the >figure had left the room. Shorty: Ladies and gentlemen, the figure has left the building. >"That's for him to know and us to find out. Well, then, it's time > for you to go to >bed!" Sally shooed the fox off to his hut. SonKnuck: And take your viagra with you! >But before he went there, he took one look >inside Sonic's hut. Morris was snoring heavily, and his > hood was back. However, Tails >still couldn't distinguish a face, as a black mask covered any > way to recognize him. Sonique: Gee, you think cause it was dark in the room? >Sighing heavily, he turned towards his hut. >"YES!! All: AUUGHH! >THE HEDGEHOG IS FINALLY GONE!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!! > YES!!!!!!" Robotnik was >delirious. Ami: I'll say. >Ever since he saw Sonic fall into the hole, he had been >celebrating at random. >His stomach jiggled as he laughed and danced. Shorty: Let's not go there. >Snively had been forced to take cover in his >room, because Robotnik was flying across the floor, SonKnuck singing: I can fly, I can fly, I can fly! >dancing as much as his form would allow >him to. He had even sung, a sound which brought pain to Snively's > ears. Sonique: That would bring pain to anyone's ears. >"Stupid fool," he muttered to himself. Shorty: Robotnik said that? >"Doesn't he know that he has no proof of >the hedgehog's.. >"Aren't you happy, Snively?" Sonique: That's right Snively! You have no proof of the hedgehog's 'aren't you happy Snively?'! >Robotnik shouted. "The hedgehog's dead!" SonKnuck: We've established that several times all ready. >"Oh, I'm VERY happy, sir!" Snively called back as he made a face. Shorty: And made oiking noises. >"Good! Because without him, we'll CRUSH those Freedom Fighters!" >"Oh, will you?" A cloaked figure appeared behind him. >"WHAT?! Ami shouting: He said, "Oh, will you?" >Who are you?! How'd you get here?!" Sonique: Who put the bop in the bop sho-bop sho-bop? >"Had you been paying attention to your monitors, >you'd have seen me. My name is >Morris, and I'm immortal." Ami: GOD!!! We fricken know it's Sonic! >"Impossible!" Robotnik shouted. All sing theme from mission impossible:Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun >This even caused Snively to come into the room. SonKnuck: Yeah, well we are good singers. Sonique: Don't brag, we don't want Snively making faces at us. >"Oh, but it's not. You see, one day I came upon a Moonflower...." >Morris started >weaving his yarn as Robotnik and Snively listened, intrigued. >Sally came out of her hut early the next morning. There was > dew everywhere, but she >ignored that. Shorty: So what's the point to even saying that? >She was already dressed, and decided to check up on the newcomer. > She walked >over to Sonic's hut and opened the door. Shorty: No, pick door number 1!! Sonique: No, 3! 3!! >Surprisingly, he was not there. She looked around >everywhere for a trace of him, but found none. >She looked around the entire village, but >couldn't find him anywhere. Ami: I'll bet anything he's sneaking up behind you. >"Oh well, he's gone. That's ok, he's probably off doing >his immortal work...." >"Not exactly, Princess." Sally spun around. >"Will you stop doing that? It gives me the chills." Ami: I know, I'm good! >"Oh, sorry about that. Well, I've advertised to Robotnik > and his little nephew, and >they're interested. We'll be having an auction as soon as > I've seen the Wolf Pack and we've >got a time set for the auction." SonKnuck: I fail to see how the Wolf Pack has anything to do with this. >"Auction?" >"Of course! I'm auctioning this potion off to the highest > bidder! Then I'll be off >again, to wander Mobius and Shorty: Eat eels in the sun. >collect information, possibly meeting some of my immortal >friends. Well then, got any breakfast?" >"Err, not yet." Sonique: Err, why not? Ami: Err, because she didn't make it yet. >"Oh, that's ok, I'll make a few chili dogs." SonKnuck: And if that's not a dead give away about who it is, I don't know what is. >"You like chili dogs?" SonKnuck: No, I'm just gonna stare at them. >"Love'em!" >"I don't know what you males see in those things....but go ahead." >"Thank you, Princess." Morris walked towards the kitchens. >Sally sighed and wiped a tear from her eye, remembering > how Sonic loved chili dogs. >Then her eyebrows wrinkled as she thought of something. > "How did he know where they were...?" Sonique: Gee, I wonder. >"Sir, I've checked all Mobotropolis records. >There's only one record of anyone at >all named 'Morris'." Snively looked up from his terminal. >"Really? And who was that?" Robotnik asked him. Shorty: Your mom. >"He was a legendary thief. For ten years he evaded the >Police while stealing Ami: ... Bras and using them for slingshots. >from commoners. They never found his hideout, either. >However, their problems were over >when one day he mysteriously disappeared and was never seen again." >"Hmmm....supposing he found the Moonflower and disappeared...... SonKnuck: Supposing the world is taken over by thousands of butts. What's your point? >yes, it all fits >together. Our little 'visitor' is actually a thief >from 1,500 years ago! Sonique: You'd think a scientific genious would be a little smarted than this. >Snively, do you >realize what this means?" Shorty: HAPPY MEALS FOR EVERYONE!!! All: HOORAY! >"Er, a treasure trove?" Shorty: Dammit! I just said Happy Meals Sonique: What kind of toys do we get. SonKnuck: Toys smoys! I'm in it for the pertty pitctures! >"Well....sort of! We'll bring a squad of Swat-bots to this >little 'auction', and >then we'll capture him and extract all of his secrets! Shorty: ... ...on how to make the perfect s'mores! >And we'll have his potion, too! It's perfect!" Robotnik was in >another of his happy >moods. Snively sighed. SonKnuck: I don't blame him. >The doctor hadn't been being himself ever since the hedgehog > died. >He hoped the old one would come back soon, even if it meant > Sonic's return. It wasn't good >to have a happy dictator. Sonique: So, he'd rather get yelled at, and get his ass kicked all the time? >In fact, it was actually rather boring. SonKnuck: He especially missed the fancy toilet paper Robotnik would buy. >However, he didn't say >Any of this, he just turned back to his terminal and started > typing again. >"Who do you think he really is?" One of the wolves asked > Lupe after Morris had left. Sonique: Oh, sorry I was busy masturbating, did you say something? >"I have no clue. But if anything, I don't think he is what we >think he is. Ami: Anyone else not follow that at all? >There's >something different, something I felt in only one other >creature. It's extremely rare >these days." Shorty: It's a pair of large panties with pink ruffles. >"What is it?" Shorty: I all ready said, it's a pair of large panties with pink ruffles. >"I don't know.....bravado? SonKnuck stands up and claps: Bravado! Bravado! >Bravery? I can't really describe it." Sonique: Then, for all our sakes, don't try. >"And who was the other person you saw it in?" SonKnuck: Gee... I wonder. >"It was, surprisingly, the...." Ami: OH NO!!! Not the ....! >"Really? Him?" Shorty: Couldn't possibly be Sonic. >"Yes, I think so." >"Ah well, we'll just have to wait and see during this little > 'auction' of his..." >"Yes, Bruno, All: WHO??? >only time will tell." >Four people met in Robotropolis the next day. Sonique: Big Bird, Barny the Dinosaur, Jay Leno and William Shakespeare. >They were all surprised that Morris >had chosen this particular place for the auction, but >they couldn't, and wouldn't, ask why. SonKnuck: What is this, Dr. Seus or something? >They just knew that they were there to buy a potion. Ami: I thought they were gonna auction it... >Each had brought with them Shorty: ... a furry toilet seat. >a slip of >paper that had a number, meaning the amount of money they >had to bid. Sonique: Oh, gee, I thought it was the number of toilets in America. >While one of them, >Robotnik, had a higher total than either of the Freedom > Fighter leaders, they had a great >amount of relics that were ready for the selling. >However, they were still surprised at the >location. SonKnuck: We established that all ready. >It was a place that none expected. They were in Uncle Chuck's >old house. They >didn't have time for thinking, though, because Morris was already > there, tapping his foot >impatiently. >"Oh, good, you're finally here. Shorty: Uh... is he talking to us? >I thought you were gone taking a shower or >something...." >"Shut up and get to business, immortal!" Robotnik demanded. Shorty: Ah... I knew that. >Morris waved him off, as was his style. Ami: So we've learned. >"All in good time, my friend. You all know what you're bidding >for, right? Sonique: It's a big blue butt, isn't it? Shorty: No. Sonique: Oh, wrong auction! >A simple immortality potion. I suggest none of you come to > blows over it, Ami: None of you come to 'blows' it over??? Grammar people geeze. >or none of you get >it. This is an auction, highest bidder wins, but I >advise you not to go over your limit. Sonique: Or I shall beat you with my frying pan! >If that would happen, you'd be in debt to me for the rest > of your life. SonKnuck: What if they pay you back? >It's enough of a >dosage for only one person. Use it wisely, and don't drop it. Ami: Well DUH! >If you want to make your >own, good luck, the next Moonflower is due in 98 years." >"Hurry up!" Robotnik said again. Sonique: Really. >Morris glared through his mask. >"I'm about to disqualify you, Julian." >"How'd you know my name?!" Shorty: Your name tag. SonKnuck: Oh, yeah! >"I'm an immortal. I know everything. Ami: Will you shut up about the damn immortal crap? Sonique: I'm with Ami. Since when do immortals know everything? >I also know you've got a squad of Swat-Bots around the perimeter." >"How...?" Robotnik was surprised. SonKnuck: Oh, really???!! >"I know everything, of course!" >"Whatever." >"Julian, one more move...." Sonique: What the hell did he do? >"Ok, ok!" >"Good, you understand me. Now then, let's begin. >Do I hear 100 Mobians?" All: NO! >"200!" Sally shouted. >"300!" Lupe said. >"500!" Robotnik boomed. >"600!" >"700!" Ami: I guess we don't need to know who's talking. >"1,000!" Robotnik shouted again. Shorty: I thought he boomed the first time. >"Going once....going twice...." >"1,001!" Sonique: Yeah and that's not against the rules in most auctions. >"1,250!" Shorty: ... said Mohaumid the moose. >"2,000!" Robotnik grinned. He thought he had this in the bag. >"2,222!" Robotnik cursed. Ami: Uh... so Robotnik said that or... SonKnuck: Maybe 2,222 is a cuss word on Mobius... Sonique: 2,222 you! >"2,500!" Shorty: Well FOCK you! >"2,750!" Sonique: Frock you! >"3,000!" Shorty: Frock? Sonique: Moody said is was in his MiST. >"3,500!" >"5,000!" Morris looked at his paper. Shorty: Sonic_Fan lover! >"You're at your limit, Princess. Going once....going twice.." Sonique: Sonic_Fan screwer! >"10,000!" Robotnik shouted. Shorty: Sonic_Fan focker! >"10,001!" Lupe said. Sonique: You MiST like a girl! >"20,000!" All gasp. >"20,002!" Shorty: Wait a minute... your a girl! Ami: And me too! >"I grow tired of this, wolf. 100,000 Mobians!" Sonique: Well... it was the best I could do on such short notice. >"Going once.....going twice.....sold to the fat man!" SonKnuck: Oh, so Robotnik won? This should be interesting. >Morris pulled out the potion and slammed it on the ground. >"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MORRIS?!?!" Sally, Lupe and >Robotnik shouted at the same time. SonKnuck: Then they all said, "She sells sea shells by the sea shore." and the same time and five times fast. >"Outta here, wolf!" Morris shouted, and Lupe promptly > jumped out the window. >She knew this would eventually happen. Sonique: She would eventually be told by a strange man to jump out a ten story high window and fall to her death. >Quickly, Morris reached in his cloak again and pulled >out a laser blaster, which he tossed to Sally. >"Blow the house down, Sal!" Sally nodded dazedly as she began >to shoot the foundations. Ami: Does this author seriously think we won't know it's Sonic? Sonique: Frankly, I think if someone didn't know it was Sonic by now, that wouldn't prove a thing to them... cause they'd be too damn stupid! >"SWAT-BOT UNIT ALPHA, GET IN HERE!!!!" >Robotnik shouted frantically. However, he >was too late. The building was already shaking and was about >to fall down. He scurried up >the stairs as fast and far as his bloated body would allow > him before he was buried in >rubble. SonKnuck: Gee... that was descriptive. >Morris ripped off his mask, grabbed Sally, and Shorty: Focked her. >rushed out the door. He ran through >the streets, evading laser fire as the house fell down and > crushed the Swat-bots inside. Sonique: I thought it had all ready fallen down. >Lupe watched the scene grimly from behind the ruins. Ami: OH MY!! Lupe's back from the dead!!! >She nodded. "I was right the >whole time. It really was him." She casually walked out of > the city and towards her home. >All of the Freedom Fighters gathered around the town square >anxiously. They were >waiting for their SonKnuck: ... Viagra. >Princess. She was back much later than they expected, so they >worried >she, too, was gone. That is, until they heard a familiar Sonique: ... and smelled a familiar smell and they knew she had farted. >sonic boom..... >"SONIC!!!" They all shouted before he even reached the village. >"That's right, guys, the hedgehog is back!" Instantly he was > beset by Freedom >Fighters, some hugging, some crying, some patting on the back. SonKnuck: Others having sex... >He waved them off. >"The only thing you need to know is that I'm back. You can dig > up that picture.... >yes, I know about that. Why? Because I'm immortal, of course!" Ami: DOH!!! I thought we were done with that! >he laughed hysterically Sonique: Why? It wasn't funny >right before he and Sally engaged in SonKnuck: ... sex. >a deep kiss. >"Zat hedgehog, always showing off..." Antoine rolled his >eyes and muttered to himself. >"Alright, meeting....errrrr....now......" Sally said after they had parted. > Sonic >picked her up and ran off, and the others followed. > A few minutes later, they were all >settled in their seats and Sonic began his tale. Shorty: Here's a story All: Of a man named Brady!! >"When I hit the water, I Sonique: ...died. >blacked out. I must've been out a long time, because when >I woke up I was SonKnuck: ...40 years older! >in a secret cavern! I don't know how I reached there, but it >saved my life. >I found a discarded cloak and a Shorty: ...pink toilet! >book written by someone named Sonique: ...I.P Freely. >'Morris'. There was lots of >equipment in the room, and I decided I'd Ami: ... Go to see Lion King on Broadway. >use it later. I came to the surface to find myself in the > middle of Sonique: ... A huge bee hive. And they stung like hell. >the Great Unknown! So, I spent a long time looking for food, and >found an >oasis. I fed my face and Sonique: ... my armpits. SonKnuck: ... and my dick too. >went back in the cavern. Two days later, I was ready to go. I >used a voice alterator, a mask, and the cloak. So I decided >that if everyone thought I was >dead, I could probably pull off some stuff and kill Robotnik, Ami: But, obviously, he couldn't do it if he was alive. >thus I did that Morris stunt. >And if you're wondering what that Moonflower stuff was, it's > actually a bottle of water with >some stuff sprinkled in it. Shorty: Yeah, just some 'stuff.' That's specific. >And, now I'm back. And Robotnik's dead." There was a temporary >silence. "And....uhhh..... Shorty: ... Happy meals for all! All: WAHHOOO!!! >that's that! Meeting adjourned!" Everyone left, save Sonic and Sonique: ... Isabel Ringing. >Sally. >"Well, Sonic, I'm glad you're back.." >"You proved that to me already." Sally blushed. Ami: Note to author: You don't put the people's names and what they did after the quotation if they didn't say the quotation. >"And I have one thing to say." >Sonic leaned forward. "And what's that?" SonKnuck: All male snakes have two Dicks. >Sally leaned forward, as if to whisper something in his ear. >"NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!" Sonic fell out of his chair as >Sally giggled. Ami: Hey!! What did I just say about quotations and sentences that follow... >"Ouch! You're gonna ruin a hedgehog's hearing!" >"As if your brain isn't already damaged..." Sonique: Yeah, good come back, Sally. >"My brain? Damaged? I knocked Robotnik off!" Shorty: What does that have to do with anything? Ami: I bet Robotnik comes back in the end anyway. >"Sure, whatever...." The two friends (and lovers) walked >around the village, >talking, chatting, and arguing until the early morning. And, after that, SonKnuck: ... They had sex. >things went back to normal. >THE END All: Hooray! Sonique: See, Ami, Robotnik didn't come back in the end. You were wrong. Shorty: Hey, what's that? >It was early morning, and there was fog in the air. >The old house was where the >auction was the previous day now just a pile of ruins. Ami: I bet I'm gonna be right. >Suddenly, a metallic hand reached >out of the rubble and, slowly but surely, pulled itself out. > A rotund figure came up. Its >red eyes glowed evilly. SonKnuck: Now, don't tell me he wants us to think that's not Robotnik. >"I.....hate......that......hedgehog!!!!" >THE END......? Ami puts her hands up as if in victory: YES!! In your face, Sonique. Sonique: Oh, fock you! Ami: Well, 2,222 you! Shorty: Let's go before the credits roll. *Holds hand out to, Ami* Coming my sweet? Ami: Of course! *She takes Shorty's hand and gets up.* SonKnuck mocking Shorty. *Holds hand out to Sonique* Coming my sweet? Sonique mocking Ami: Oh, SonKnuck, you're such a man. *Laughs* Shorty: Oh, yeah you guys are a laugh riot! SonKnuck: Thanks! They all talk and leave the theatre.