FoxFire Studios Presents Sailor Moon: American Kitsune Installment Two Sailor Moon by Toei Animation, brought to America by Dic American Kitsune by David Gonterman [dgonterman@aol.com] Storyline by David Gonterman and Edward Becerra [edward@genesis.org] http://users.aol.com/dgonterman<---Become one of Sonic's BAMned souls!!!!! Power Rangers by Bandai, brought to America by Saban _____________________ COLORADO: "Let's get her into my car. If I put down the back seats and the passenger seat, we can lay her down. Be easier than carrying her in your arms." "Where'm I gonna ride, then?" "What? Don't those wings work anymore? " "I've never seen a car like that before. What is it?" "It's a German built Mercury Capri. Brought it home from Germany when I was stationed there. One of the few _good_ things that happened to me there. But those are my problems. Right now, we gotta get her to my place. Here, I'll pop the hatchback & you can ride in back. You keep an eye on her. Whatever jumped her, got her good. Thank Fortuna for my training; I got a corpsman's first aid kit at home." __________________________ FAST-FORWARD "Nice place you got here." "Yeah. It's a cross between a garage apartment and a vacation cottage. My grandpa built it before he passed away. When Grandma Mitchel died, she willed it to me. One big room, a bath, and a kitchen alcove. All I need, really." "You forgot to mention the 10,000 paperback books and all the computers." "Yeah, well, there's only 6,500 books at last count. I can't help it. It's like crack. I just keep buying them & collecting them. Go figure. Help me get her on the bed." "There. Where are your blankets? In this closet?" Davey walks across the room to open the closet. "Dave. Noooooooo!" CRASH!!! An avalanche of assorted junk had buried them both alive. "jIpumpu' 'ej jIHu'laHbe'," swore Ed loudly "What did you say?!" asked Dave, poking his head out of the pile. "Klingonese. Ahhh... roughly translated, `I've fallen, and I can't get up!'" "You speak Klingon?!" "Doesn't everybody? Anyway, I _was_ trying to warn you about the closet. That's the `Closet O' Doom', Davey. I don't know how Grandpa built it, but it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. There are a lot of things in there. No one knows how much. But if you search long enough, you can find ANYTHING in there. I think it's connected to Spags, back in Worchester, Massachusetts, over in the `Undocumented Features' universe. Trans-dimensional, you know? Kinda spooky, when you think about it. Which is why I try not to." "Well, let's find some blankets for her." "Hmmm... Lessee... As I recall... Ten meters in, turn left, five meters forward, turn left, and there are the blankets!" "Wooooo! Big closet!" "Tell me about it. You don't know the half of it! Just be careful, and try to stay close behind me. It's easy to get lost in here." "In a closet?!" "Trust me. It's happened to better people than us. This is one DANGEROUS closet!" Davey heard a roaring noise. "What's that, Kick... er, Ed?" "Oh, $#^t! Those damn velociraptors, again. I gotta start setting out some traps. Better get yer Power Rifle ready, just in case." A few moments later, they stepped out of the closet with the blankets, and Ed closed the door behind them. "Remind me to call the folks who make RAID bug spray. I gotta see if they can do dinosaurs, too." "Will do. How'd you get velociraptors in the closet anyway?" "I'm not sure, but I think one of the doors inside the closet goes to Jurassic Park. I'm just happy that the T. Rex's couldn't fit thru the door frame." "That's lucky. T. Rex's roaming around in Colorado. Not a good thing. Heh!" ________________________ FAST-FORWARD "Well, she's seen better days, but she'll be all right. Good thing I still had that old corpsman's field surgery kit. And the training to use it. I don't know where I can find her a Sailor outfit here in Haxtun, tho. Folks in Colorado sometimes think the ocean is just a fairy tale somebody dreamed up. I'll just have to give her some of my little sister's old clothes. She left them behind when she got married & moved away." "That ought to do the job for right now, but what I want to know is..." Ed broke in with, "Enquiring Minds Want To Know! Read it in the National Enquirer!" which made David drop to the floor clutching his gut. Sometimes puns can be deadly, and Edward Becerra was one of the big-time slayers. Ed snickered. "But seriously... you were saying?" "...er... I was saying, What attacked her, & how'd she end up over Colorado airspace?" "Good point. To quote Whoopi Goldberg, `What kind of trouble are you in, girl? And is it gonna follow me home?!'. Now where did I put that Japanese dictionary and phrase book, dammit?!" "Maybe we won't need one, Ed." Davey reached into his pocket and pulled out that looked like a pocket watch. He pushed a button, waited for a moment, then . . . DEET-DEET-DET-DET-DEEET-DEET "See if you can find out anything on Sailor Moon on the Net. I've gotta make a phone call, to a floating head." Edward's mother managed to take what was left of Sailor Moon's costume off her unconscious body and starts or repair it. Edward himself uses all the Internet-sucking power his Amiga 500 can muster to find out all he can about her. Davey was talking into his communicator in his left arm. "Kintobor to Zordon, do you copy? I've just saved Sailor Moon from making the crater. You got anything on how she got here?" "Good work, David." The control panel shifted and flipped into a miniature command center. "She will be needed in the near future. Queen Beryl, The Sailor Scout's archenemy, is expanding her influence into America. The Scouts tried to stop her, but failed. Sailor Moon was sent flying over the Pacific by then." "You think the Power Rangers will get involved?" "Without a doubt. If I dig deep enough, I'll find Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsaa somewhere in Beryl's endeavors." "Keep me informed. I'll see if I can get her back in the fight. Er, do you have anything for the language barrier?" "Here," A box with a in-the-canal hearing-aid-like device teleported into his free hand. "This Japanese/English Ear Canal Translator will do nicely." "Thanks Zordon." "You're out of our teleporter range due to Beryl's activities disrupting the morphing grid. You will have due to make your own way back to Angel Grove, but I'm sure you can do so. Stand by for future instructions." "Will do. M.A.P.P.U.A." "Oh, and David . . . Welcome back. I knew that your personal problems will not take you away from your duty." "You think I went anywhere, Z-head? I just need something better to think about other then myself. Babysitting Japan's #1 redneck qualifies. Kintobor out." ____________________ As David snuck back to Sailor Moon, to slip the translator into her right ear, he noticed something different with his right arm. It's always been hairy, but the fur wasn't *orange*. 'Uh-uh. Warning.' Serena's eyes flutter open as soon as the plug went in her ear canal. Davey flew his hand back fast, hoping she didn't get the wrong idea. 'Here we go again, Crockett. First that redhead hedgehog, now *this*!' At first, still in between sleep and awake, she muttered the Japanese word for 'Fox'--"Kit . . . sune"--which was translated by David's on-board computer. But the translator kicked in while the rest of her woke up. "H-hi. Err. Where am I? Where's my costume?!" "Er, 'morning, Sailor Moon, is it? We've got your ID with what was left of your suit. We're patching it up right now." "Hey! How can you speak Japanese just now?" "I don't. You're *hearing* Japanese, as well as you sound in English. What I slipped in your ear is a translator." "Translator?" Serena reached into her ear and took the plug out. She was back in Japanese and David in subtitles, thanks to the HUD grafted in his eyes. >>>Hmmm. . . Miracle Ear . . . What's wrong with your . . . uh? . . . *Oh!* Excuse me . . .<<< She slipped the translator back in. "Sorry about that. I noticed that your eyes glowed red." "They *did*?" Davey turns away. "They do that at times." "Oh, . . and your arm! It's *metal*. . ." "I take it that you never seen a cyborg before. I'm David. What do they call you, when you're not this costumed . . ." "Serena. Hey, do you know where I am? The last thing I could remember, I was in Tokyo." "Er . . . Colorado . . . as in . . . USA?" That was when the events of the past six hours hit her like a freight train, and she looked like a possum hypnotized by the headlight. ___________________ JAPAN--6 HOURS PRIOR: The full roster of Sailor Scouts were needed to combat a *huge* monster Queen Beryl sicced on them. It was big enough to beat up Godzilla, Mothra, Tiamat, every MegaZord the Power Rangers ever had, and all of Clan Jade Falcon combined. The scouts threw everything at it: Tiaras, bubbles, geysers, fireballs, lightning bolts, hearts in every size, shape, and configuration possible. Nothing was working, and the monster was getting pissed! It swiped his arm wide to clear the area of all the projectiles, as well as several city blocks, it inadvertently (Yeah, right |:'-p ) scooped Sailor Moon up with all of the debris, and threw it due east, sending her flying without a plane over the Pacific Ocean. _____________________ COLORADO--PRESENT TIME: What started with a whimper now has burst like a dam. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! HOW CAN IT THROW ME TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET?!? MY FRIENDS MAY THINK I'M DEAD!! OR *WORSE*!! WWWAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Serena buried her weeping face into David's shirt. David and Edward looked at each other; they were warned about Serena's 'moodiness,' to say the least. Still, Edward could see something projected from Davey's HUD: "I like her. She's silly." Edward raised his right eyebrow, Spock-style, and said, "Go Figure." "There, there, hon." David held her in his hands. "We'll get you back home, even if we have to walk there. And we'll kick the butt off the jerk that threw you away with the garbage." " H-how? " "Look at my belt buckle." She looked down at the distinctive Morpher, then right back at Davey, eyes aglow like light bulbs--literary. "I'm a freelancer. Zordon's got a dozen of so of us running amuck all over America. We piss of Rita and Zedd whenever we can. . ." _____________________________ FAST-FORWARD. . . . " . . . And it looks like we'll be doing the same to Beryl as well," David continued over Edward's excuse for lunch. "Zordon just told me that she's dumping Doom rejects into America like a Japanese car maker. Hey, Ed. Watch it with them habaneros, will ya?" "What's the matter?" Ed made an evil face. "Afraid of a little hot pepper?" He moved the pepper toward Serena. David held her back. "Hot!? Those suckers are almost *nuclear*!! Watch it, Rabbit , I think *that's* what the Elonga Gay dropped on Hiroshima!" Serena's face got as white as a sheet. Every schoolchild in Japan was told very well about what happened to Hiroshima, No matter *what* politics were attached to it. Listening to grandparently figures describe thermonuclear annihilation like the folks at David's home trailer park describe tornados really puts in one's mind a proper respect for atomic bombs. "Is it *that* hot??" "Yep," Edward smiled evily. "I eat them all the time." He popped the habanero into his mouth and chomped away. Both Davey and Serena flinched. Serena ventured into the almost flammable fumes of the pepper and said, "Just don't, like, hurl. Okay?" "I *never* . . . hurl," Edward said, in a James Bond voice. "You *better*," Davey added. "One burp from you and all of the Mountain Time Zone goes up in a mushroom cloud! Now then, where was I?" "Beryl's in America . . ." "Oh, yeah . . . and it's mucking up matters here. The main Power Rangers--the ones in pajamas--are totally swamped. And if that's not enough, it's screwing up with the morphing grid. Teleporters won't work unless for small ones like mine. Zords are inoperative too. It's bad, folks." "Do you think that your arch enemies, Rita Repulsaa and Lord Zedd, well get involved?" "I'm sure that they're joining in the game by now, Serena. I can count on it." "There's gotta be some way to contact your teammates, these Sailor Scouts, and get them over here? Does any of them have Internet access?" "Um, Sailor Mercury has one. She's into that stuff." Davey and Edward said as one, "Perfect." ___________________________ FAST-FORWARD The E-mail was promptly sent to this Ami Mizuno as Serena took a look outside the house. David followed her into a small town in the middle of a whole lot of sky. Both of them felt like specks of kitty litter in a litter box the size of an average back yard. "Welcome to Nowheresville, Serena," he said, which made her jump ten feet. "Yaaaa!" "My, my, my. So jumpy, Rabbit." Again, 'Rabbit,' and this time, Serena notices. "Why'd you keep calling me that? Huh? Why?" David merely grabbed a hold of Serena's twin ponytails-- gently though, as not to yank them--and flipped them in front of her. She giggled hysterically. "I have been called that all my life. {Note: The word for Rabbit in Japanese is 'Usagi,' what she is called in the Japan version of Sailor Moon} It sure beats 'Meatball Head,' I tell you. So then, I'm wondering why people call you 'Davey Crockett?' You don't look at *all* like the guy in the old Disney series." "Well," David scratches his shin. "Like your friend Ami, I'm deep into the Net myself. I think of it as 'The Wild Frontier of the 90s.' So, I rehashed that character you mentioned, someone I liked to play as when I was younger than you. I ripped the tail out of my old coonskin cap and tied it to the back of this here baseball cap, and a legend is reborn." "Coool. But that about your rifle." Serena mocks firing one. "You mean . . ." He reaches behind him. " . . . *this?* . . ." And whips it out. "This here's my baby. I call her 'The Power Rifle.'" Serena rubbed her gentle hand on the overglorified double- barreled sawed-off. It was state of the art *plus*, with a led readout on the side, laser sights, and a rear end reservoir of plasma ammunition. "Wooooow. Zordon 16? Zordon made this?" "What you are looking at is the Beta model of a street legal line of toys to sell to the military, police, and the occasional malitia. It takes a lot of money to upkeep those Zords. And the head keeps changing them. And the '16?' That's 16 power settings for Queen Beryl and company. Come on, I wanna show you how it works." He motions toward a soda machine. ____________________________ FAST-FORWARD: "Have to be care-full with this part, Serena. We *are* shooting a *gun,* after all." "Of course. Those cans are our targets?" "Yep." David set the cans on the ground and took twelve steps away, toward Serena. "Okay. In order to keep the plasma power pack in juice, you can only shoot a limited number of shots per load. Usually it's six, but it changes with the setting. Reloading is simple: You just :::CHA-CHICK::: pump up. That siphons juice from the pack to the chamber like that old gas from the car trick. The pack then recharges by some fusion stuff. That keeps the pack fresh for . . . heck . . . forever." He held his hand in front of the sight, showing a red dot. "You can tell you're armed and the safety's off when the laser sight's on. So simple, even you can shoot it." He aimed the gun at one of the cans and offered the trigger at Serena. "Me? Well, okay . . . I must admit that I'm not good at this . . . Just keep the red dot on that can?" "Here, let me keep hold of it." David grabbed hold of the pumping part with his robot end. "Even on the lower settings, this baby's packs quite a--" She pulled the trigger. The CHOOOM!!! was like lightning in a vacuum. If it weren't for David, Serena would be flat on her back, aiming it at the planetary object she's named after. " . . . kick." The can Serena shot at was reduced to confetti "WOW!! Wait til Beryl meets *this*! Er, I'll just let *you* shoot it, if you don't mind?" "You're gonna be all right, Sailor Moon." David pumped up and aimed at the other can. "Who says you're a ditz? You've got it where it counts . . . Hey! Mr. Diet Pepsi! What's on yoah mind?!" CHOOM!! The can flips up into the air. CHOOM!! CHOOM!!! CHOOM!!!! The can was now spinning 25 meters above their heads, between them and the moon. A pump-up and a switch to the automatic setting and . . . BRAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAOW! Armor-piercing shots cut through the can and continue moon-ward. "Take *that*, Zeddie!!" _______________________________ LORD ZEDD'S MOON BASE: The shots whiz right under Rita Repulsaa's nose and shatters Zedd's throne to pieces--with Zedd on it. "WHAT THE PHRACK IS HAPPENING!!" "WHAT THE PHRACK IS HAPPENING?! SOMEBODY'S TAKING POT SHOTS AT US!! WE AIN'T SAFE EVEN IN OUR HOME ANYMORE!!" "Who's doing it?! It can't be one of those *Power* Brats! It *Can't* be one of those Power Brats!!" Queen Beryl marched toward the telescope and found where the shots are coming from. "Damn! Still alive! I can't believe it. It's that meatball head I told you about, Sailor Moon!" "Sailor Moon? I thought that monster I loaned you threw that brat into orbit!" Rita snatched the telescope and switched on the audio: "BWAHAHAHA!! All evil aluminum containers of carbonated burps shall taste my armor-piercing blast of liquid death!!" "HOLY $#!*!! Zeddie! It's Davey Crockett!!" "CROCKETT!! Figures. He's the only one I *know* that would pull off something like that!" "Zedd, didn't you take care of him once and for all over at St. Louis." "I thought I did, Beryl. I did had a hand in all that racial unrest over there." "But Master, if he finds out about that, he's gonna do more than plink away at your base. This guy is a complete psycho with a gun!!" "I know that Goldar! It seems that he want's more, do you Davey, my Sado-Masochistic friend?" "Let me have a crack at him," Beryl said while listening to her newest target talk about dumping the Japanese language into his biochip so he can blast "Davey + Serena" into the Diet Pepsi Can in kanji. "I want him to find out just *what* he's getting into . . . the hard way . . . hah-hah-hah-hah." ___________________________________ To Be Continued. Suppose you are not familiar with Serena and Company; here's some URL's to help you out: http://www.geopages.com/Tokyo/2109/<----A home page made by Jubei, who created the Sailor Moon vs. Saban series. It'll leave you in stitches, just don't expect stuff like that here. It's Rita, Zedd, and Beryl that gets the fatalities. They shall join Dr. Robotnik into the Pit of Hades where Reptile dwells, where they shall weep and gnash their teeth for as long as they live!! BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!!! ftp://ftp.std.com<---A whole crapload on Anime stuff, just click on the "Archive" Sub-Directory. http://www.jurai.net/~pumi<---A web page Edward Becerra (Legion's Quest) referred to me. supposed to have plenty on Anime, which according to him, ain't for breakfast anymore. You can of course reach me at [dgonterman@aol.com]--You have my E-Mail address for a reason. Use it!! And of course my Web Page: http://users.aol.com/dgonterman<---Sonic The Hedgehog: Blood and Metal--The best Sonic Fanzine Story of 1995! Soon to become a comic book, if Archie wishes. I hope. I *hope*! FoxFire Studios