[WARNING: The following episode of SMAK contains views that some find objectional. Please refrain from flaming the author, for he will only ignore you. Flame him for the shock ending at the bottom all you want, however.] When we last left our heros, they were under attack by a bunch of CDA protestors who, interestingly enough, were in the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" flame of Installment One of this FanFict. Sailor Coyote: (Actually, Old Man Coyote in female mode wearing a Sailor Scout costume) "And who do you suppose put them in here? heh-heh-heh" These net.citizens were drained of their life energy by a Negaverse plot involving the Blue Protest Ribbons they're wearing overseen by Hoppisai, a short-sized character from Ranma 1/2 (read as "Ranma 1 of 2" for those who need to know) who is wanted in countless countries for an endless stream of charges of rape, sodomy, incest, lechery, perversion, indecent exposure, and passing out naughty material to minors on the Internet. And that last one could spell this hentai's death-- FoxFire: "It's because of *YOU* that there is censorship on the Internet!! In the name of the Net, I shall punish you!!" Sailor Moon: "Why you line stealing little--" [Sound of Foxie and Moon getting ganged up on] We come back to the action after Foxie's two-minute minor [Line Stealing] and two dozen zombied net.citizens with energy-draining blue ribbons and the world's biggest pervert-- Hoppisai: That bad pun, Yankee. Five Minute Major Penalty!! Go sit in corner!! _______________________________________ FoxFire Studios Present Sailor Moon: American Kitsune Installment Seven By David Gonterman [mailto:dgonterman@aol.com] http://users.aol.com/dgonterman Sailor Moon by Toei Animation, Brought to America by DIC Power Rangers by Saban Entertainment David "FoxFire" Kintobor by David Gonterman Hoppisai by Rumiko Takashi ______________________________________________________ "We need something non-lethal for the poor souls," Luna ascertains. "FoxFire, try your . . . what are those things at your waists?" "Pulse Blasters!" Foxie drew them with a twirl, and began sending doughnut shaped Sonic Booms into the crowd. Each one announced themselves with a rolling thunder. "What was that?" He kept firing continuously. "Say again? I can't hear you." Luna jumped on him and yelled in his ear, while knocking the blasters off his hands: "THAT WAS TOO LOUD!!!" "You don't have to shout, Luna." "OUUUUUGH!! I still think that you two are related." "Really, I dunno. Hey, Rabbit, do you know whatever or not you're adopted?" "Well, thatsapersonalquestionbut, yeah, Mom and Dad told me about it. Raye sometimes wonders if I really came from America as a baby, but I don't care. I have two of the best parents in the world." "That's glad to hear," FoxFire's voice softened a bit. "Good parents are a rarity these times. er, can we discuss this later?" "Oh, yeah, we still have this hentai to deal with." By now, when Sailor Moon took a stance, the area was cleared of now-sleeping-it-off Negaverse victims. "Alright, Hoppisai, pick a box: Soft or Hard?" "Guess!" Hoppisai lunched hands first, straight at Sailor Moon's breasts. "We'll have none of *that,* mister!" FoxFire switched to Power Rifle and fired, intercepting Hoppisai in mid-flight. He reaches for a device in his coat, which activated a black portal. "We'll continue this later, American," he said as he flew through it. It closed behind him. The protestors, woke up, shook off the cobwebs, and realized that they're in a FoxFire FanFict. AAAHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They scattered away in all directions, leaving Sailor Moon, FoxFire, Luna, and several loose, but now harmless, blue ribbons in a large cloud of dust. As FoxFire and Moon powered down, hacking out flying dirt particles, Serena sees a nearby ribbon and picks it up. "David," Serena asks. "What was all that all about. And what is it with these blue ribbons?" "Have you ever heard of a Telecommunications Bill being passed around here, Serena?" "Well . . . er . . . no, Davey." "I'll bring you up to speed, then: By now I've shown you the wonders of the Internet. I was able to get you in touch with your Sailor Scout friends, Tell your folks that you're all right, even got an assignment to make a report on your adventures here to get a good grade for the time you'll miss in school. It's a beautiful thing, as it should be." "I hear a 'but' coming. I take it there's a hentai department on the Internet?" "Calling it 'hentai' is an understatement, Rabbit. There's stuff in there that would make Go Nagi freak." Serena whistled. "Good thing that I don't go for that stuff--Raye would, probably, but not me. . ." "I hate to break this to you, but there are some jerks on the net who would get their kicks by searing your screen with their NC-37 rated crap." "You're kidding." "I'm as serious as a flatline, hon. I call them on-line child molesters, and there are a lot of others that would make them look like Sunday School teachers." "There outta be something to do against them, Davey-kun." "Some people are trying. There's some sites that I joined that police the Net for such shady characters. I have some programs that block out objectional sites from younger Netters, much like channel blockers for cable." "And what's with this Telecommunications Bill?" "That bill has a provision that makes sending such material to minors a crime." "Oh, but if that's it, why are they protesting it?" "They think it's censorship. I think they don't want anything that even *smells* like it's gonna deny their 'rights' to the material in question." "But by what I'm hearing is that your congress just don't want kids to stumble into it. Don't these boards have ID checks?" "They do, in the form of User IDs and Passwords. Some of them comply with the Site-Blocking programs too." "And they think that the Internet's going to close down because of this law?" "It sure sounds like it, Serena." "Er, call me a blond ditz, but . . . I don't get it." "Neither do I. We are talking about a computer network with connections in the nine and perhaps ten figures that stretches all over the globe! Not even the most anal-retentive congressman is capable to cover them all. I *severely* doubt that my own web page will ever be touched in their witch hunt. I mean, the worst thing I ever do on-line is fluffle!" "What's 'fluffle?'" "What we did last night." "Oh, that! That wasn't nasty at all, just snuggling up close like that. You're just a big teddy bear. So, Foxie, what do you think about all this?" "oh, me? Well, I . . . I believe that the Internet can be the world's biggest schoolhouse and playground at the same time. Sometimes it's the only place some people can do in peace. It's a great common ground for people all over the world to share ideas, make friends, and have fun. It should be safe for them to muck around freely and with no fear of being taken advantage of." "And this Telecommunications Bill?" "It's too soon to judge, actually, or to do any knee-jerk reactions like all these blue ribbons. It'll have a lot of hashing done to it before it *really* gets into effect. I have enough faith in the Democratic Process to keep children protected without shutting anybody down. Unless of course, they take their Web Pages and log-out for good because they don't like the way it's played." Serena just blinked at all this; all this politics would probably never sink in her brain, and it'll ruin all the fun she's been having. David felt the same way about it to, because after he took a deep breath to regather his thoughts . . . "Let's not be too anal on such petty crap. We've got a mall to thrall just a mile away, and thanks to plane delays, my Ranger friends won't be able to arrive for another six hours." Serena smiled. "Shopping spree!!" __________________________________ FAST-FORWARD: David, Serena, and Luna was in a private booth in a sushi place. David actually enjoyed his first batch of sushi, which was a pleasant surprise to him. Although he had to use his left arm to hold the chopsticks correctly; as long as Serena or Luna don't curl their nose at eating with a sudden southpaw, which they didn't . . . "Every time I look at you two I *still* think that you were separated at birth. I mean look at you: David Kintobor and Serena Tsukino. You hardly know each other for just a little bit over a week, but are so alike the only difference I see is a decade in age and different sex organs--" "Isn't Luna talking about this a bit much David . . . David? Davey, what's wrong?" David's head was turned away from Serena. He's too quiet like this. Serena can tell that something's bugging him. Something he wouldn't want to discuss. "You two share similar traits: The same kind of ice cream, the same places of the mall you like (leaving out special interests like computers and perfume of course) the same comic books, the same radio and TV shows. Heck I even looked at your scholastic records, David, and up until your Junior year of High School, your grades were as terrible as Serena's" "HEY!!" "Wanna become Alpo, Luna?" "I'm making a point. And that is that similarities of this intimate levels are a good sign of being from the same gene pool. You said it yourself that you were adopted as a child, long before you know whatever your biological parents were--" "And I wouldn't care less *what* they are, Luna. I have two good parents that love and care for me. They did everything right according to all the stories I've heard. I may be a blond ditz with meatballs on my head, but the one thing I'm not is dysfunctional!! Isn't that right, David? David?" Silence again. Serena notices that she stuck her foot in her mouth. "OH, sorry. I just forgotten: Your dad's Doctor Robotnik. You probably have the most dysfunctional family in the world. . . I didn't want to offend you . . . really . . ." " . . . and then there's my mother . . ." David finally spoke up. "huh?" "huh?" "She was a stern business type. More married to her job then her husband, and more concerned about how I make her look then my personal well-being. In her mind, I *always* fell short of the mark, and the tells me this constantly. I found myself hiding in my room for years since that's the only place where I can be safe, in between spontaneous melodramatic entrances by Mom pining away at why I've given up trying to be a good son when every time I did so I failed miserably." Serena motioned Luna to come close. "You know, maybe we shouldn't dwell too much on my parents. He might be jealous." "Nonsense, I've seen parents like that in Japan too." "She gave up on me and tried again, impregnating herself with saved sperm from Dr. Kintobor (pre Robotnik, that is), she became pregnant with a baby girl. She thought that the girl would be the perfect child of hers that I was not. But, a sonogram showed that this child had a certain 'defect' and was promptly aborted. The real nasty partial birth kind too." Serena flinched. Luna protested, "Say no more about this particular procedure. We'll take your word for it." "Unfortunately my mother didn't, and when she described in gory detail on how these late-term abortions are done, and saying that they should've had one on me too, and put on top of that having been called 'the reason Abortion on Demand is legal in America,' by schoolkids a few days prior, I . . . snapped. Next thing I know, three days have passed. Mom was killed by anti-abortion violence, and I have withdrawn completely into a fantasy world. The case was thrown out of court because of my inability to talk, and I was taken into my hick uncle in a nearby trailer park. "There's a happy ending to this. Just a year before 'Piasa'. I learned that a nurse rescued the baby; birthed her completely before she was killed, and putted her up to adoption. I never heard from that girl again, but I'm glad that she's alive, wherever she is." "David, you said that the baby had a certain defect. Did you find out what it is?" "Oh, a certain mark on her forehead; a crescent moon I've been told, and a distinctive hair style that was already formed. A funky one, I say. Looked like she had meat . . . balls . . . in . . . her . . . oh . . . my . . . god . . ." David turned around for the first time in this meeting, straight into the quivering eyes of Serena. The realization was just hitting her as well, as the crescent moon on her forehead thought this would be the perfect time to show itself . . . or was it there all this time and nobody noticed? "Serena . . . It's you . . . You're my . . . long lost . . . sister?" "Do . . . you know . . . what this means?" A long pause, then: "IT MEANS THAT I CAN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!!! YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER; IT'LL BE IN-BREEDING!! ALL MY DREAMS OF A MARRIAGE THAT CROSSES TWO COUNTRIES HAS JUST BEEN BLOWN TO DUST!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-AHHH-AHHH-AAAAHHHHHH!!!" "But Serena, this guys an admitted redneck; they tend to marry their sisters." "WILL YOU MIND, CAT?!?" "Well, Jeff Foxworthy told me so in his shows, David. It must be true." Serena was bawling out something about being in an Anime version of "Deliverance," when she noticed the big brother she never thought she had morph into fox mode and try to eat Luna. She made a flying tackle into the bid furball, pinning him to the floor. The two stopped to look at each other for a long pause, and then laughed til it hurts right where they are. They stayed curled up with each other until an alarm on Davey's arm sounded; Jason, Trini, and Zack have entered the mall. They quickly brushed and dried themselves up--David returned to human mode--and joined them. (Side Note: Serena and David decided to keep the above revelation to themselves, and eventually, to Serena's real parents; no one else. Any romantic life will be kept at the current platonic levels; Serena would just love to fluff with her big brother again if given the chance. Like she said, he's like a teddy bear in fox mode.) _____________________________ Like I said with BAM Restart 3; it's been too long for me between installments, and too busy to care for them because of finals, so this one too is shorter than my usual. Hopefully they will get bigger later on in May. Send Email to Daivd Gonterman at dgonterman@aol.com Visit the FoxFire Studios Web Page at: http://users.aol.com/dgonterman FoxFire Studios