Hello Kimball High!  I’d first like to thank Brandon Davis for introducing me in the first place, and I’d like to thank you, the audience, for not screaming in sheer terror when I came up to speak to you.  As it has already been stated, I am here to ask you to elect me as Senior Class president of the 2002-2003 school year.  Now, I know that some of you know me.  And I also know that some of you don’t.  But yet I have come up here, to ask you, the future seniors of Kimball, to give me your vote.  There needs to be a change in the rankings of the elected, and it’s not just because they are leaving!  Well, mostly.  Oh, who am I kidding, it’s only because they’re leaving.  But still, a breath of fresh air shall infiltrate your very soul if you go and mark down a vote for me.  You’ll feel better about yourself, and of life.  You’ll make more money, you’ll find love in all the right places, you’ll discover…buried treasure!
	Sure, I may not be the smartest, or the strongest, or the most popular, but I am a man who loves his country, and his school.  I’m always there for both of them.
	If I become class president, I promise not to raise taxes, nor steal school funds and misuse them for my own selfish pleasures, nor throw tomatoes and pineapples at students.  I also promise that I will never run around willy-nilly through the school.
	Instead, I will be the best that I can possibly be.  I promise that I will not screw up too badly, and not cause the immediate downfall of the school.  For you see, I look at this election just as I look at a new day.  As if I am a newborn child, climbing onto the swing of life…
	This reminds me of an encounter I had a few days back.  A young child came up to me and asked, “Hey mister, ya wanna wrestle?”  I replied, “Johnny,” I assumed his name was Johnny, “the world is a very scary place.  You can’t always trust everyone you see.  If you see a crazy person in a black suit wanting a mirror, avoid him.  Vote brisk, vote Frisk.”  The child then looked up at me strangely and said, “You’re crazy.”  And as he ran off he shouted “you’re slogan sucks, too.”  I climbed back onto my swing
	This of course reminds me of another person I once knew long ago.  He told me, “If you ever become president, please don’t ramble on and on and on about really stupid and pointless things. It’s just dumb.”
	Oh…well, it’s alright.  I’m not president yet.  And that gives you another incentive to vote for me.  To get me to shut up.  But for now, let’s get back to my presentation.
	Now, you may ask what my qualifications are that qualify me to be class president.  And this is a very good question, for we wouldn’t want just anyone to be class president.  For example, if a three year old was elected, not much would get done.  Instead, everyone would just try to keep the three year old happy, and then Knightline would become Sesame Street.  But then we would get sued by the Children’s Television Workshop, and thus…well, I don’t know what would happen.
	I am qualified because I know which side of the bread is buttered.  I know where I am, and where you are.  I am not criminally insane, and I do not have the urge to bite you.  I am a nice guy, and a person who is impartial.  Because of who I am, I have watched over what has gone on in the school.  So I know what is what.  Thus, I have a very good understanding of everything.  And so I wouldn’t act like a total idiot while in office.
	Also, if I was ever captured by a random high school, I promise not to reveal any secrets that we have.  I would rather dress in drag and sing a song about a carnation then reveal what we know.  For you see, I am a very confidential person.  Ask anyone here, and they’ll tell you that when something goes into my head, it won’t be coming out.  And it’s not just because it’s stuck there.  It’s because I give the highest respect to my peers.  That is why I am such an agreeable sort.
	I also have a “mock English accent” that I use when I feel like it.  It makes me sound as if I know what I’m talking about, which is very important when you’re president.  And no one could do the job quite like I can.  I’m sure of it.
	So I want you to imagine this: a world free of hunger, hatred, poverty, evil.  How can we reach this utopian?  Those questions can only be answered by those visionaries that have the power to do so.  But perhaps we can all come a step closer if we elect the right person to become class president.  And I can assume that you know who I’m talking of.
	I believe that I shall share with you another of my fantastic stories.  As I was walking down the hall to my class a few days ago, a person walked up to me and asked, “Hey, aren’t you running for class president?”  I replied, “Yep.”  She then asked me what I could do for her.  I told her, and she slapped me.  Hard.  Now why would she do that?
	Of course, this person who slapped me isn’t one of you, the enlightened.  Why?  Because she doesn’t really exist.  But don’t tell anyone that, because she’ll get really angry if you do.
	But if I am elected, you will not feel as if you were the one who was slapped.  No, you will feel like the slapie, slapping the slapable...slapping thing.
	You’ll also feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
	In conclusion, I ask of you, the future rulers of the school, to think of the right person that should become senior class president.  And then, I want you to realize that what you really want to do is vote for me, David Frisk.
	Remember, vote brisk, vote Frisk!