[MiSTer's Note: Hi. This is my fourth MiSTing finished to date, and I certainly hope you enjoy it. Send me comments at avanrhyn.lnk@ispi.net. Warning: The original story in this MiSTing has several scenes of graphic, if very badly-written, violence, and there is some profanity. Although the riffs themselves are mild, this gives the MiSTing a PG/PG-13 rating. This has been your CDA II Mattress Tag[tm]. Proceed on at will, but you've been warned. - Amanda] TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS (and give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) MiSTing - "Black Angel" Original Story by Kiki Danger MiSTing by Amanda Van Rhyn All further legal stuff at the end of the MiSTing [Theme, Door Sequence...] [Scene: SoL Bridge. Mike, Crow and Tom are all standing (or hovering) in their usual places. There's what looks like a roleplaying hex map, complete with little figures, on the counter. Crow has a Dungeon Master screen in front of him, and Mike and Tom have various dice and papers scattered in front of them. Mike suddenly notices Cambot.] MIKE: Oh, hi, folks. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike Nelson, and these are my assorted robot friends. Don't mind us; right now we're beta-testing a new invention. TOM: Yup! Crow and I created a roleplaying game based on the Sonic the Hedgehog TV show! CROW: OK, guys, what's your first move? MIKE: Um, Crow... we're gonna run a raid on Robotropolis. CROW: OK, so we'll play the "Raid Robotropolis" module. No problem! TOM: Well, it was either that or the "Secret Location of Knothole Village" module... CROW: OK, you're in Robotropolis. What happens now? MIKE: Um... I and my group attack a Swatbot. CROW: You all die painful, bloody deaths. Sorry. Anyone wanna play the "Knothole Village" module? MIKE: Yeah, maybe... (he facefaults) Wah?? We're all dead *already*? CROW: Hey, I'm the GM. Tough. TOM: Didn't we tell you, Mike? As an antidote to the ruthless anti-robot stance of the Sonic game and show, we... well, adjusted the power of the robots in the RPG. MIKE: (sighs) Let me guess... they're all cold, efficient killing machines that slaughter we organics without a second thought. TOM: Wow, Mike, you're good! CROW: Although "cold" isn't really the word... most of the robots have loving, fulfilling family lives! TOM: Don't you wished you'd played a Swat instead of Sonic, now, Mike? MIKE: Well, just *maybe*. CROW: "Authors and Avatars" add-on pack available soon. Watch your Swatbots slaughter an endless variety of nearly-identical Mobian shapeshifters! Pez sold seperately. [The Mad light goes off.] MIKE: Sorry to interrupt the Bot Power seminar, guys, but we're being hailed by Professor Oak and Gary. [Mike hits the light. Dr. F and Frank appear.] [Deep 13] DR. F: Hell-o, there, Starship Boobyprize! Having a little robot love-in up there, are we? Well, that's just too bad. You'll have to put it on hold as you tremble in awe at our latest invention! [SoL] MIKE: Sock it to us, boobies. [Deep 13] DR. F: Frank, the device! [Frank goes into a back room and wheels out an impressive-looking device. OK, not exactly impressive; it actually looks like the typical toy vending machine found in supermarkets everywhere. The glass pane is covered by a neon sign saying "FREE POKEMON!".] DR. F: As you probably all know, there's a little video game based on some Japanimation show... Pokemon, isn't it, Frank?... that's just all the rage these days. Since, of course, we wouldn't really be *evil* if we didn't capitalize on it, we created the Random Evil Pokemon Generator! FRANK: Yep! Strategically placed in grocery stores and drugstores around the world! It will delight little and big kids alike as it vends free, *real* Pokemon - [Frank turns the lever on the Random Evil Pokemon Generator, which spits out a little plastic bubble. He opens it, and a small Squirtle emerges. It's every bit as kawaii as it is in the game.] FRANK: Aww, isn't he cute? SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! FRANK: But, what the little kids don't know is that all the Pokemon are secretly under our command! After they've vended enough of the little critters, we'll be able to start an unstoppable army of them! To demonstrate... (he points at Dr. F) KILL, Tibby! Kill! SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! [The Squirtle suddenly lunges at Dr. F, who is off-guard. As a result, it tackles him and succeeds in pinning him down. The Squirtle then gleefully begins squirting water up Dr. F's nose.] FRANK: Hehe. I've always wanted to do that. Anyway, guys, how can your invention ever compare to that? [SoL] TOM: Tibby! NOOOO! Say it ain't so, Tibby! Say it ain't so! MIKE: Well, sirs, that's pretty impressive. Still, we have an invention that can beat it! CROW: You see, after reading so many horrid, horrid fanfics, we've discovered the exact point in the universe where plot contrivances are created! TOM: We call it the Point of Deep Sucking. Anyway, we've rigged up this little beauty - [Tom looks at a device which has suddenly appeared on the desk. It appears to be a very normal box, if you don't look at the word "HAMDINGERS" stamped on the side. A spigot protrudes from the outside of the box.] TOM: - to dispense the most pure, unabashed Deus ex Machina this side of _Jammers_! CROW: Students! Didn't get your homework done? The Wellspring of Deep Sucking, as we call it, can get you the greatest inexplicable sudden excuse in the universe! MIKE: Fanfic authors out there, you can get a discount on these babies when you buy in bulk. [Deep 13] FRANK: Hey, that's not bad! What do you think, Steve? [Dr. F is still on the floor, struggling against the Squirtle, which chirps as it covers him with water.] FRANK: Oh, I forgot, Tibby is killing you! (He suppresses a giggle.) Anyway, guys, your fanfic today is called "Black Angel". It's a really dark, icky, unpleasant Sonic thing unfettered by the slightest grammar or logic. I kinda feel sorry for this one, actually. Here you go! [SoL. The Movie Sign goes off.] ALL: We've got FANFIC SIGN! [6] [5] [4] [3] [2] [1] [Scene: SoL Theater. Everyone gets settled.] > "The Black Angel" TOM: ... Crowley, who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards. > ___________________________________________________________________________ > ____===__===__===___===___A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG STORY___===___=== > ___===___===___== MIKE: Are those supposed to be ^_^ - style emoticons? CROW: If they are, they look asleep. MIKE: Well, I think that kinda sums up the story right there. > WrittenBy: KikiDanger TOM: Of the SpacesAreOptionalCommittee? MIKE: It's too early for grammar flames, Servo. TOM: Awwww... > Improved,first read,special scences 'n' stuff by:MetallicDanger CROW: Oh, god... why do I have a feeling this guy is going to be like Ratliff's "proofreader"? TOM: Well, from "scences" alone... > "The next Generation is here." MIKE: Yep, Q's on Mobius, and he's forced Picard and Antoine to have an accent-off. > ______________________________________________________________________ CROW: Hey, looked, the story just flatlined! We can leave! MIKE: Oh, come on. CROW: Hey, the divider jokes aren't easy after awhile. > CHARACTERS > _____________ TOM: The Divider Bar in its most exciting role yet! CROW: And introducing *** and ==== in their first film appearances! > SONIC THE HEDGEHOG MIKE: In a Sonic fanfic? What an original thought! > PRINCESS SALLY ACORN CROW: The Acorns, a mighty family warring with the Toadstools for generations... > MILES "TAILS" PROWERS TOM: Shouldn't it be "Prower", thereby creating an obscure but vaguely funny pun? CROW: Fanboy. > BUNNIE RABBOT MIKE: What do you think the cartoonists were smoking when they thought of that as an incredibly creative, original name, anyway? > ANTOINE DE'COOLETTE TOM: Antoine: Providing silly-accented comic relief for over 100 fanfics. > ROTOR THE WALRUS CROW: These people are anti-walrus bigots! All the normal furries get last names and stuff, but Rotor is stuck with "the walrus"... MIKE: It's OK, Crow. You and Rotor aren't alone! There are many fine celebrities with "the" and a description as a last name! CROW: Like? MIKE: Hmm... Smokey the Bear, Attila the Hun, Cinna the Poet... CROW: Cinna the Poet? MIKE: OK, I'm kinda running out of examples as this point, Crow. CROW: See? Nobody loves us... (Crow begins sobbing to himself.) > AMY ROSE TOM: Or Rose Amy, if you prefer. > KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA MIKE: See? There's another one, Crow! CROW: Oh, it is! My life is so much better now, thanks to long character lists! Thank you, KikiDanger! TOM: Guys, can you keep the heartrending moments until we're out of the theater, *please*? > KIKI SHANA DANGER CROW: Wait... oh please don't tell me. TOM: And we have AVATAR! MIKE: Why do I feel a long experiment coming on... > META-METALLIC DANGER TOM: Aww, how thoughtful. Kiki added an avatar for her proofreader too! CROW: Kill me now. > KAY KUTER DANGER TOM: And a... disgustingly-cute pseudo-avatar... Mike, while you're killing Crow, could you kill me too while you're at it? > SERENA MIKE: Aiee! As if it couldn't get worse... it's an SM crossover? CROW: SM? Sailor Moon or sponge minions? MIKE: If we're talking about the American dubs, possibly both... > ANGEL <> CROW: Character... list... not... ending... must... talk... like... Captain... Kirk... MIKE: Our riffing powers... weakening... TOM: INTENSE! CHARACTER-LISTING! ACTION! > DR. IVO ROBOTNIK MIKE: Finally. At least we have our ineffectual villain-guy. > SNIVELY TOM: ... Whiplash? > And anyone else I threw in just for them to get eaten CROW: Eat me! > or killed..or whatever you might call it. MIKE: I sense a sudden very evil turn about to happen to this fic... > ______________________________________________________________________ > Legal disclaimer: TOM: I don't care how bad this fic is, I just hired Johnny Cochran to represent me! Sue your hearts out! Bwahahahahaha! > Sonic the Hedgehog, ALL: Fiiiive golden rings!!! > Miles "Tails" Prowers, TOM: Four calling birds... > Knuckles the Echidna, CROW: Three French hens... > Dr.Ivo Robotnik, MIKE: Two turtledoves... > and ALL: Danny Bonaduce in a pear tree! CROW: The "Partridge" sketch, ladies and germs. Thank you, thank you. We'll be here all week. > so on,are created by Archie comic publications and Sega of > America.SEEEGGGGGGGAAAAAAAA!!! ALL: HI-KEEBA! > Kiki Danger,Metallic Danger,and other made up > characters, TOM: "Other made up characters"? Couldn't that theoretically mean any fictional character not created by Sega? CROW: I can see Kiki going for the copyright on Scarlett O'Hara, Sherlock Holmes, and Sailor Moon as we speak... > however are created by KikiDanger and the man himself..Metallic. MIKE: Anyone else beginning to notice that Kiki obviously considers the space bar merely an option? > No one can use any of the characters created by the authors.ONLY if ya get > full permission from the authors. TOM: Hmmm... so you can't use them, but you might? CROW: We're entering a logic vortex! Aiee! > NoTe: CROW: It's Torgo! > Please ignore the many typoes in this story if I've left > some. MIKE: See, my proofreader was really cruddy and didn't catch obvious typos, so it's funny! Tee hee. > Also..if yer kids pick up bad language from my stories..I'm warning > you now. TOM: Um, warning us of what? > Kay? MIKE: ... Kuter Danger? CROW: Oy, not a flashback to the character list already! > If there's graphic violence then y'know they shouldn't.... TOM: Shouldn't what? MIKE: Shhhh, Tom. Just let the logic vortex lull your brain into submission. It hurts less that way. > CROW: ""? This is going to hurt. > ______________________________________________________________________ > Authors Note: TOM: AARGH! All that and we're just getting to the Author's Note? MIKE: Well, would you rather have the fic itself?! TOM: At the rate it's going, yeah! MIKE: Now there's a scary thought. > This is my first story posted.If ya don't like it drop me a > line at,KikiDanger@aol.com. CROW: Gentlemen, start your mass-mailers... > I'd like to detecate TOM: Must try... to... keep sanity... > this to MetalSonic Kefka the dark one ALL: AAAAAAHH! CROW: Please, not *that* Kefka! > and Demon Klaw. I appreciate your help.And thanks to Tails > for annoying the heck outta me while I was typing!!! MIKE: And we're off in our own little world already. Kiki's almost quicker than Davey-Kins. > ______________________________________________________________________ > Our story begins... (M&TB all groan) TOM: I'm flinching already to avoid the rush later. MIKE: Here we go... > {{CHAPTER ONE}} CROW: ... Bracket Boogaloo! > It was a very clear and very humid day on Mobius. MIKE: And we have the Sonic Fanfic Obligatory Knothole Weather Report... > As the sun beat down TOM: "Heavenly Bodies with Beatdown Sticks": a Fox special! > on the residents of Knothole.The kids ran around playing > happily.Others basked in the heat of the sun.There was no sense in staying > inside where it was hotter. CROW: Oh, come on! How warm can those dinky huts be, anyway? TOM: Knothole Modular Housing. Cool in winter, warm in summer. > Sonic T. Hedgehog was clearly bored of this > hecktic MIKE: Aw, heck, a tick! > weather.He went over to Miles.The kit smiled. TOM: "The kit"? The heck? MIKE: Just smile and nod, Tom. > "Havin' fun Tails?"Asked Sonic. CROW: Havin' Fun Tails? Why does that sound like a Sonic version of Tickle Me Elmo[tm]? > "Yeah!" Tails said giving the Hedgehog a thumbs up sign. TOM: It stinks! CROW: No, Tom, that's the OK sign. MIKE: Wah?? CROW: Don't ask, newmeat. > "Who wants a noogie?!" Sonic said grinning. MIKE: All right, who sucked out the furries' brains and replaced them with lukewarm tapioca? TOM: No, Mike, I think that's actually standard furry issue. MIKE: Oh. > He grabbed Tails and > rubbed his knuckles into Tails' head until he burst out laughing. CROW: See, the author turned us into the village idiots, and it's funny! > "C'mon Tails!You're it!!!"AmyRose ran by and tapped him on > the shoulder. TOM: AAH! A drive-by tagging! > "Gotta go Sonic!Talk later!"Tails ran after Amy.He heard Amy > say something about that Tails not to use his prepelled tails MIKE: Yes, pre-pelled indeed. Tails had them pelled before the fic started. > to catch her.Sonic yawned and went over to Bunnie and Sally. > "Hello ladies." CROW: Er, I mean rabbit and ground squirrel. > Sonic smiled. TOM: Aiee! Smilitis! > "Hi sugah hog." ALL: Gahh! MIKE: Why does that particular catchphrase come off as being so revolting? > Bunnie said lifting up her sunglasses.Sally was > fanning herself with a book. TOM: Hmm... next time maybe I should try this with something thinner than _War and Peace_. > There were other ways to beat the heat,but not good enough in the weathers CROW: Notice how the plural of 'weather', long extinct in the wild, occasionally comes out into view in its bad-fanfic captivity. > they were having.Sonic took the book from her. MIKE: THRILL to the exciting "book scene"! TOM: Yeah, I'm glued to my seat! Hey... who stuck their gum *there*? > "Let me do that."Sonic said fanning her.Sally grinned. > "You're bored out of your mind Sonic Hedgehog."Sally said. > "Why yes I am Sal."Sonic replied in a sardonic tone. CROW: He's bored because they ran out of commas in Knothole, I think. > * * * MIKE: Insert divider joke of your choice here. CROW: Insert witty reply to divider joke. TOM: Insert some form of grammar flame. Just because. > <> CROW: Wait... is the author writing a script or standard prose? MIKE: Even Kiki isn't sure! > Sonic woke up during the night.Now it was REALLY cold. TOM: Yes, everyone knows how frigid it gets during the night in the *hot summer*... > "Dammit! CROW: ... Janet! TOM: I'm a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania... MIKE: Gah! TOM: Well, couldn't you see it? CROW: All too well, Tommy. All too well. > I hate when the weather's like this!" MIKE: When it's all weathery and stuff! > Sonic pulled out > his blanket from under his pillow and pulling it on himself. TOM: That's a tragic example of what happens when a sentence just sputters and dies. > He punched in the pillow MIKE: *In* the pillow? CROW: Let me out of here! I'm thuffocating! > and layed down again. TOM: Five words, guys... "I Am Sonic's Bed Pillow". MIKE and CROW: Gahhh! > Sleep almost came over him,but before long he heard voices in his head. CROW: I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring! MIKE: Well, if you're bored, then you're boring... > His eyes shot open.The voices weren't coming from his head now,but in the > very hut he was in. TOM: As opposed to say, a hut on the dark side of the moon? > "Man!What now?!"Sonic sat up in bed. MIKE: Funny. I've never heard of *that* noise made while sitting up in bed before... > He moaned loudly CROW: This fanfic is getting more and more lemony... ack. > as he effortlessly pulled himself up. TOM: Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more... MIKE: No, Tom. Just... no. > His eyes were already adjusted to the dark,but > he was tired.He almost stumbled as he walked slowly CROW: As a horrible side effect of his speed, Sonic is required to follow a strict speed limit in his own hut. The caltrops were the straw that broke the Hedgehog's back, there... > to his sneakers and pulled them on. TOM: I may be a woodland animal, but I always wear my shoes! > He began to grope for his flashlight. His hands finally > stumbling onto the body of the flashlight. MIKE: And fragmenting sentences as they went, I see. > He switched it on.His hut was messy > as usual.Things shoved under his bed,papers not being picked up and put > in the trash,and many other things lying around in his hut. CROW: "Things". What great description we have in this fanfic, eh? > He opened the door.The voices seemed to come from the forest now. TOM: Must... follow... voices... > Sonic couldn't get onto what they were saying.Defenetly not in his > language, MIKE: And not Kiki's either, obviously. > but he didn't care.He > went into the forest.The voices got louder.Almost like they were right in > front of him. TOM: Can you say 'foreshadowing'? I knew you could! > Then he suddenly jerked forward as he stumbled on a rock and > fell into a deep ditch. MIKE: They built a moat around Knothole? TOM: It's Bloody Stupid Johnson's hoho! > He slowly turned onto his back.He was bleeding.He raised his arms to his > forehead.Now his hands were covered in his own blood.Next to him a pool > of blood was forming. CROW: Yeah, yeah... say, was there any blood? > The flashlight was beside him. MIKE: Hey, maybe I shoulda used that to look where I was going, so I wouldn't have fallen into a huge ditch... nah. > Also a metal box.Appartently what his head hit on.He managed to open it. TOM: Oh, look, it's Pandora the Hedgehog... > Inside was a black liquid. MIKE: Black oil! It's an X-Files crossover! CROW: Well, X-Files would make more sense than the story at this point... > It crawled onto his body and slowly engulfed him. TOM: "When Coffee Attacks", next on Fox. > He yelled and scremed in pain as it entered his body. MIKE: Did we need to know that, fanfic? Really? CROW: Notice he didn't just yell, he didn't just scream, he yelled *and* screamed. This kind of description makes all the difference... oh, who am I kidding!? This story sucks rocks, and there's really no hope of salvaging it. > The voices became clear. > "You will feed on the flesh of others TOM: Mmm, brains. > and now be known as <>" CROW: Note the lack of space. There are other Black Angels, but you are the BlackAngel! > The voices said.Sonic's weak cries filled the forest. MIKE: If they were weak, how'd they fill the forest? Never mind, I really don't want to know. > Noone would have heard it,but one. TOM: If a hedgehog screams in a forest and there's noone but one to hear it, will it make a sound? > She was enjoying it.Not far away she laughed. MIKE: Let me guess... "Bwahahahahahaha!" CROW: And maybe a "*Now* I'll get those goodie-goodies!!" for good measure? > "Another has fallen victim to my brother!The one I cursed!"She > said. TOM: Dingdingding! Backstory! CROW: Say, Mike, feel like some skeet shooting? MIKE: Sure. CROW: Say the magic word... MIKE: PULL! > * (We hear a loud "BLAM!") MIKE: PULL! > * (Another "BLAM!") MIKE: PULL! > * (Yet another "BLAM!") MIKE: That was fun. Who came up with that idea? CROW: Oh, some Rescue Rangers or something. Y'know, one of them. TOM: Let's go, guys. (They exit the theater.) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]