------------------------------------------------------------------------------ < - - - - - - - - - - Designed for a 78-letter line size - - - - - - - - - - > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com) Part 2 of 9 [ INT SOL. Everyone's lined up across the counter, eating ice cream. There are two weird looking gadgets on the counter, one in front of Tom and Gypsy. ] GYPSY: Mmm. Thanks, Mike. CROW: Yeah, this was a great idea. TOM: Nothing like a little ice cream every so often. MIKE: Sure thing. TOM: And this ice-cream-spoon-server-thingy-invention is great! [ He pokes the gadget with his beak. It creaks and deposits some ice cream in said beak. ] MIKE: Yeah, I modified some plans the other guy left lying around. CROW: So, Mike, what do you think'll happen with the fanfic? MIKE: Well, I expect he'll fall in love with one of the locals. TOM: Then, he'll get turned into some sort of furry creature. MIKE: Right. Next, he'll destroy a bunch of robots-- BOTS: ACK! MIKE: Sorry. And he'll gain even more power than before and live happily ever after with his girlfriend. GYPSY: Makes fanfic sense, I guess. MIKE: At least until the sequel. BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MIKE: Oops. [ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ] MIKE: Ah, great, we've got Davey Sign!! TOM: My Mint Chocolate Chip! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Page 3 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > "Oh mah stars, is this guy the biggest hunk yawl ever seen?" ALL: No. > Bunnie > Rabbot cried as she snuggled up to Davey's right leg. She only went up to > his thigh, but then she expanded her robot legs and got into his chest. > "And looky here, this one's got some fur! Oh, Sally Girl, grab a limb, > there's enough man here for all of Knothole!" ALL: Ewwwww! > "He ess big, all right," Antoine DeCollette answered, then noticed the > left arm. TOM: [ Antoine ] It's all green and moldy! Yuk! > "Ess CROW: Aitch Eye-- MIKE: Don't finish. > eet moi, or did Robotnik found ze Fountain of Youth?" > "He's definitely not Ro-Butt-Nik, Twain. MIKE: Anyone attempting to find a plot will have a lot of work ahead of him or her. > You should've seen how he > trashes Swats! And I do mean Trash!!!! We are talking MA-17 mode here! > Oil and wires and chips flying all around him! Robot corpses lying at his > wake! See that tube in his mouth? He ripped it out of a Crabmeat with his > own teeth!" TOM: Wah! Wah! CROW: I wanna go home! MIKE: Look, Crow, Tom, you two head out and finish your ice cream with Gypsy, OK? Take a longer break. I'll hold up the fort here. TOM: [ sniffle ] Thanks. [ Crow carefully carries Tom out of the theater. ] > "He did not, Sonic!" > "Hey Sal, I'm on a roll here! Where did King Acorn found him? MIKE: I don't know where King Acorn find him. > Psychos'R'Us?" MIKE: We create total loonies and pass the savings on to YOU! > "Sonic . . . MIKE: [ Sally ] Your shoes are on the wrong feet. > . . . I > would like to introduce Davey Crockett. He's a messenger sent by my father. > I think that message is in your MIKE: [ Sally ] Pants. [ pause ] Oh, great. Crow's rubbing off on me. > robot arm." > "Okay." Davey said, held his arm up, MIKE: And put his other hand on that arm. > and pressed a button. The > holographic projector sprang up. > King Acorn appeared in mid-air: MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, lick me. > "Hello Sally, it's good to get to speak to you again. A lot has > happened since I was able to temporary return to you. MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I think I left behind my ability to use grammar. > I have made several > discoveries to aid us in our battle against Robotnik. MIKE: [ King Acorn ] A delicious figgy pudding. > The ability to send > Davey here is one. It is one step closer to me being able to return to > Mobius for good. I have copied all of my findings in a CD-ROM, which you > will find in Davey's robot shoulder. a CD-ROM slid out of that > spot, ripping through the shirt. MIKE: Riiiiiiiiippp!! > Rotor took the disk. MIKE: [ Rotor ] Gimme it! I wannit! > > It also contains > several design files and computer programs from Davey's world. I assure > you, they will be quite useful. MIKE: [ King Acorn ] You can sort your comic book collection with this one program over here. > My daughter, there is not a day that passes > by without me thinking of you. As much as I wish to return home, I had to > settle to sending Davey in my place, and he I give to you. MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, thanks a *lot*, Dad. > Good bye, Sally. > I love you always." > > The hologram ends, the lights turn back on, and Sally was found crying > on Davey's shoulder. MIKE: [ monotone ] Oh the emotion of it all I am swept by the amazing and yet delicate prose thank you Davey for this fanfic. > After a moment, when she dried her eyes, she looked at > him and thanked him for what he did. MIKE: [ Sally ] Thank you for making me cry. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > "So Sal, what are you going to do with the psycho, er. MIKE: What the heck is a "psycho er"? > I mean Davey," > Sonic asked while munching on a chili dog. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Mrrmphrrfwmmgrmfnd. [ Sally ] What? > "I dunno, Sonic. I thought about returning him to his home, but not > only don't I know how, MIKE: Woohoo! > but I'm afraid that the crystallization that almost > killed Daddy might strike him as well." > "In other worlds, he's stuck here." MIKE: Woohoo times two! > "I'm afraid so. Rotor, what would you find about that left arm of > his?" MIKE: [ Rotor ] Well, stuff, probably. > "Nothing but incredible, Sally! Davey's robot arm is, in essence, a > souped-up Nicole, but he has on-line satellite access and a data wire that > gives him direct access into any computer on Mobius. If you believe in > 'Knowledge is Power' . . . " MIKE: Then the author must be really wimpy? > "Then Davey Crockett could be the most powerful Freedom Fighter on > Mobius! Man, we've got to keep him! Besides, he followed us here." MIKE: [ Sonic ] Can we keep him? [ pause ] It doesn't really work when that's what the author intended. > "Yeah, right, but I wonder how he'll fit in here. He does look like a > young Robotnik." > "Sal, Sal, Sal. MIKE: [ Sonic ] How can you be so stupid? So idiotic? So-- [ Sally ] Hey! > Ro-Butt-Nik would not play Terminator with the Swats. > Imagine what he'll do against Tubby himself when he gets back. His check is MIKE: Bounced? > definitely good here. By the way, where is he?" MIKE: [ Sally ] Um, he had to, you know, go. > "When I saw him leave the hut, I think he was heading for the ring > lake. I'll go see if I can find a place for him to crash in." Rotor > leaves. MIKE: Was Rotor in the room? I didn't notice. > "So, Sonic. Do you think Robotnik'll return?" > "Haven't a clue, MIKE: Hey, what's new? > but I do doubt that he's gone for good." MIKE: [ Sonic ] Bad guys always come back. It's in the Villain Rulebook. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ Crow and Tom come back into the theater. Crow has an ice cream cone. ] CROW: We're back and feeling great! TOM: That extra time off really helped. I don't care if Davey kills a million robots now! MIKE: That's the spirit! It's just a fanfic. We know none of this actually happened. CROW: Right. MIKE: Did anything happen while I was in here? TOM: Pearl was ranting about some red fox character she met. MIKE: Hm. CROW: Here. I brought you some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. MIKE: Thanks. [ He takes the cone from Crow. ] > > Three full moons reflect their light into the lake. A flat stone skips > the length, breaking the mirror-like reflection with its ever-increasing > circles. A second was thrown, then a third. Several more flew away from > the human arm of a Dimensionally Displaced MIKE: Mattress named Zem. > , and very homesick, CROW: "Sick". Let's just stick with that word. > Davey > Crockett. When he ran out of stones to throw, he looked up at the multitude > of stars above him. TOM: Wait, those are the rocks that he threw. MIKE, CROW: [ cartoon falling whistle ] > One of these specks may be my home planet, Davey said to himself, not > realizing that he was being watched by someone in the woods. I wonder > what's going on out there right now. Do they know that I'm gone? Do they > care? TOM: Wha? CROW: Gah? MIKE: I think he's thinking to himself. There's no italics here; it's just text. > And what of the fox that scraped me off CROW: The middle of the highway. > that dark alley, replaced my > lost arm with this cyborg one, and sent me here? I pray that he comes here > soon. I pray for his safety in general. Planet Earth ain't the paridice TOM: Or three dice, for that matter. > God created. MIKE: What if you pick the wrong religion? Every day you're just making God madder and madder. > I'd rather call it a hell-hole. He flops on a nearby log MIKE: OK, I don't think he's thinking anymore. > and > raises his voice a little. TOM: You mean his thinking voice, or his brain voice, or something. CROW: You're making an unfair assumption. TOM: What's that? CROW: The assumption that Davey has a brain. > Well, your majesty. I sent your letter to your > daughter. MIKE: Um, now, he's... thinking again. > What the hell am I supposed to do now? He taps some keys on his MIKE: Electric keyboard! Righteous tune, dude! TOM: Rockin'! CROW: BWAAAAARRR!!! > left arm, and some new age music from an earthling artist named Enya MIKE: [ Bowyer ] Play music I will! Listen to it you must, Enya! > played > from it. > He hears someone coming near from the darkness of the forest. He > looked towards the noise, and sees a small fox with two tails. TOM: Could that be "Tails", perhaps? MIKE: You never know. Everyone and their cousin has a Mobian personification, and a surprising amount is related to one of the main characters. CROW: Yeah. This could be maybe Matthew Prower. > "Hi there, > kit," Davey told him, holding out his hand as he would to a puppy in his > world. "You friendly? I won't bite." CROW: Oh, he bites, all right. > The fox approached, hesitantly at > first, sniffing him out. That robot left arm and the red color of his eyes > does give Davey "the Robotnik look," MIKE: Hey, I thought only women had The Look. > but his friendly smile and King Acorn's > ring on the right ring finger dispels the fox's fears. He must've been in > the Roboticizer and Sonic rescued him just a wee bit late, the fox reasoned > to himself. CROW: Yeah, rationalize, that's the ticket! > Maybe I should make him feel at home. He does look lonely. By > this time, the fox is close enough to be petted by the human's right hand, > causing his twin brushes to wag. > "I bet everybody calls you 'Tails,' don't they?" TOM: [ Tails ] Nah, they call me Elliot. > "Yessir." > "Hey, call me Davey, please. Save the formalities for royalty like King > Acorn, the Princess, or that french dude that's here." MIKE: Pierre Escargot! CROW: Plais retenir vos depuis mon radiateur: please keep your hands from my radiator! Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha! TOM: You know French? CROW: I bought a book on learning French around 2215. > "You must mean Antoine. He can be funny sometimes." > "I reckon you'd be too when eating hedgehog backwash." > Tails giggles hard enough to fall back on his tails. > The duo was joined by a pink girl hedgehog. Tails introduces her as TOM: Oh, great, three different tenses in a row. "Giggles", "was joined", "introduces". > Amy Rose. "You must be Davey Crockett the guy King Acorn sent here to > deliver a message to Princess Sally and looks like Ro-Butt-Nik's found the > fountain of youth and return to give us all h-e-double-hockey-sticks." > "I sense a trend here." TOM: The suckiness trend? CROW: And in other news, the level of crap on Mobius has dangerously risen ever since a human calling himself "Davey Crockett" arrived. > "Uh maybe I shouldn't tell you about the rumor that you're a psycho because > you like to shoot holes into Swatbots and watch them bleed 10W40 all over?" BOTS: [ nothing ] MIKE: Guys? You okay? CROW: Yeah, Mike. TOM: Fine. > Davey jokingly mocked menace: "Looks like a certain blue hedgehog's gonna > lose some of his rings a punch at a time." > "I'd pay good money to see you try it." CROW: I'd pay better money to see him lose. > "Yeah Davey, Sonic's not the leader of the Freedom Fighters for nothing." > "Yeah, I know--wait a minute. What's that in the water?" Tails ran > toward a dock into the lake. A golden glow is forming in the water. > "Alright! Another power ring is coming. Come over here and see this, > Davey. It's gonna be cool!" TOM: [ Davey ] Will it increase my chances of taking over the world? MIKE: [ Tails ] Uh, maybe. TOM: [ Davey ] In that case, let's go! > Davey stood at the edge of the dock and looked straight down into the > glow. CROW: [ Davey ] Ow! I'm blind! > A bright white circle formed within the glow and approached. The > world turned to black on gold as the power ring broke the water. TOM: Snap! MIKE: That was pointless. > "Way past > cool, ain't it?" Tails asked. Davey could only stand in awe ALL: Awwwwwww... > as the power > ring hovered in front of him. Slowly, he reached out to touch it. Again, > the glow went nova. CROW: Wow. > Tails had to cover his eyes to avoid being blinded. He > cried out to Sonic, but he couldn't hear his own voice. MIKE: What? > When the glow > finally subsided, CROW: So, once again, when something glows, that means you can't hear anything? > he saw that everyone in Knothole has heard him, but they > were all staring at the dock that Davey was at. TOM: Oh, now this is the epitome of crappy grammar! He changed tense TWICE in ONE SENTENCE!! MIKE: Tom, calm dowm. It's not that bad. > Tails turned around toward > the human. > He saw a red fox holding the power ring and wearing the human's cap, he > recognized it as Davey's because of the racoon tail attached on the back. > "Way past cool! MIKE: OK, recognizable catchphrase; that's Sonic talking. > The power ring's changed him into a fox!" > "Oh mah stars, MIKE: Southern accent; Bunnie speaking. > he just keeps gettin cuter every time I see him." ALL: Ri-i-ight. > "This is great, MIKE: Hmm. I don't know, maybe Tails. > now he can pass CROW: Gas. > as one of us." > "Maybe I can geet MIKE: Crummy French accent, that's Antoine. > a power ring and be as tall as him, yes?" TOM: No. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > "Fellow Freedom Fighters," Sally said in the evening campfire. "Today > another Freedom Fighter has joined our ranks. A hero sent by my father to > help us bring victory in our fight for freedom. CROW: [ Sally ] Join me in giving the finger to my father. > Hopefully, we will treat > him a lot better than how he was treated in his home world. Everyone, I > give you, Davey Crockett." > "Davey stood up and tipped his hat to a round of applause. CROW: Who's talking? TOM: Hm, applause, that must mean he's giving a farewell speech. > "H-Hi. I MIKE: [ Dave ] Am spontaneously channeling the spirit of Porky Pig. > would like to thank everyone, especially the Royal Family of Acorn, for > having me. Er, Sally, you want this ring on my finger?" > "Keep it." MIKE: [ Sally ] It's got poison needles in, er, I mean, I'm allergic to gold. > "It's from your father." > "Keep it." CROW: Oh, great, Sally's needle's stuck. TOM: Maybe that'll fix it. > "It could be all you'd see from King Acorn for a while." > "Keep it. TOM: Guess not. > I want you to give it to him when he returns." > "Okay, then. Hey, Hey, Hey, what are you people, > the Freedom Fighters or a picture I drew? MIKE: No!! Please not a picture he drew! > Let's hear a 'To A Free Mobius' > out there!!!!" CROW: Wow. Four exclamation points. TOM: The best I've ever managed was three. > Cue a round of hooping and hollering from everyone as they welcomed him > in. MIKE: --to the snake pit. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOM: [ suave ] I do look dashing, don't I? > > Later into the night, Sally walked by the campfire to find Davey > singing some song that she haven't heard to the tune of something she > recognized. BOTS: The hell? > Apparently the notes being played matched too much with a song > from his planet: > > On a dark desert highway > Cool wind in my hair MIKE: Where'd I put my comb? > Warm smell of colitas > Rising up through the air TOM: Oops. 'scuse me. > Up ahead in the distance > I saw a shimmering light CROW: OK, who lit a match? MIKE: > My head grew CROW: Rather swelled. > heavy, and my sight grew dim TOM: It's these blasted Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses. > I had to stop for the night MIKE: Because I had to... well, ya know... go. > There she stood in the doorway > I heard the mission bell CROW: Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to KILL DAVEY!! MIKE, TOM: We accept! > And I was thinking to myself > This could be Heaven or this could be Hell ALL: It's Hell. > Then she lit up a candle MIKE: > And she showed me the way TOM: Right over there. Ignore the giant fire-breathing dragon, he's, uh, domesticated. > There were voices down the corridor > I thought I heard them say MIKE: [ voice ] David... I am your-- CROW: We already did one of those. MIKE: Oh yeah. > > Welcome to the Hotel California MIKE: Da da da da da da da da. > Such a lovely place > Such a lovely place CROW: Echo! MIKE: Echo! > Such a lovely face TOM: And whose face would *that* be? > Plenty of room at the Hotel California MIKE: Da da da da da da da da. > Any time of year > Any time of year CROW: Echo! MIKE: Echo! > You can find it here > You can find it here CROW: Science! MIKE: Rules! CROW: Huh? > > She smiled one more time for the night CROW: So David Gonterman equals Ryan Huber plus Stephen Ratliff? TOM: I guess. > and retired to her hut. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Page 4 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MIKE: We smile no more. > > The unearthly sound of Davey Crockett throwing up ALL: Ewww! > greeted knothole > village the morning after the night he arrived. It came from Sonia > Hedgehog's hut, who drew the short straw to find out with who he'll sleep > with ALL: Eewwwww!! > until he got his own hut. Sasha Prower, a healer-slash-mage and Tail's > cousin, and Rosie, the grandmothery nanny of Knothole, were headed there. > "It sounded like Davey, Rosie," Sasha said. "Either Sonia's playing too > rough with the guy . . ." ALL: Eeewwwwwww!!! > "Or th' last twenty-four hours hav' caught up t' th' poor lad. Ye > remember, Sasha. Davey's been fed into th' Roboticizer, chucked through th' > Void, and had his species changed. CROW: At least it wasn't a sex change. That'd be *really* painful. > An' all in th' same day . . ." > " . . .why, no, Davey. I don't exactly envy you right about now," Sonia > said to the human-turned-fox CROW: Yeah, like we need a reminder. > who was vomiting for the fifth time into the > john. ALL: Eeeewwwyuck!!! [ Everyone ducks down and hides under the chairs. ] > "Maybe giving you that chili dog late night snack wasn't a good idea. > Hope you're no mad. . ." > "Wuz that ya said? Ah's buzy . . ." > "Buzy puking your guts out, I see. I wouldn't be surprised if your > biochip fell outta your mouth." > "Ha-Ha-Ha! Now that's an image burned int' memory fo' th' rest o' th' > day. Ha-Ha--HARRUGGH!" > He hacked three more times into the toilet, but nothing came up. "I'm > afraid you are on empty, Big Guy." "Aw, crud. It's harder t' tell the ol' > gag reflex to quit it when there's nothing left to puke." CROW: Go see if it's done yet. [ Mike gets up from under the chair. ] > "Ach," said an incoming Rosie MIKE: Incoming!! [ He ducks back down. ] > , "Look at ye, Crockett. Ye look like > roadkill." > "So that's what ah fell like?" > "C'mon," interjected Sasha, "Let's get you back to bed." > Davey managed to flush the toilet and lower the seat ("That was awfully > nice o' him.") before he collapsed on his bed, actually, it was a cot that > didn't compensate for the extra foot of legs that Davey left sagged on the > floor. [ Mike peeks up above the chair. ] MIKE: The coast is clear, fellas. > Sasha set her hands on the tall fox and both started to glow. "It's not > really bad, TOM: When did this moron attend college? When you're puking, it's not exactly a good thing. > it's probably a rough day catching up with him. I especially > sense the stress between his roboticized shoulder and . . . his . . ." CROW: [ Sasha ] Elf. > She gasped. TOM: [ Sasha ] I left the oven on! > Her eyes dilated. Her fur turned white. "What's wrong > Sasha? You look as if you seen a . . ." > Sasha managed to lift the lid of the porcelain altar before adding her > offering to Davey's. MIKE: Speeeeew! CROW: Literally. > "His . . . His arm . . . Oh, God." CROW: [ God ] Yes? > "What is it, Lass? TOM: Oh, there's a typo. MIKE: You mean the capitalized L? TOM: No, I mean the extra L. > What's wrong?" > "I-I just saw his left arm. It was BOTS: Green and moldy? > chopped off--NO! MIKE: [ Sasha ] It WASN'T! > It was SHOT off! > It's lying in a pool of Davey's own blood. Hand . . . twitching . . . MIKE: Spew and a half! > crying out for mercy . . . But, was only greeted . . . with blood . . . and > metal." CROW: And we have title, ladies and gentlemen! > "Oh my. Y'mean his arm wasn't roboticized!?!?" > "No, Sonia. It was removed." ALL: *Dah* dah DAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! TOM: Hey, he should be thankful he still has working arms! My arms don't even work at all!! CROW: And you've got nothin' to complain about either, Tom. Coconut Monkey doesn't even *have* arms! MIKE: [ CM ] Hello, I am Coconut Monkey. Welcome to my island paradise. I would point out the many interesting sights to you, but sadly, I have no hands. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > "Removed, you say," TOM: By Jove! > Sally asked as she arrived into the hut. "That was > one of the original uses of the Roboticizer, until Robotnik got his hands on > it, of course. Will the poor dear be all right?" MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, and Davey, too. > Sasha was still gasping for breath. "That depends on what you mean my > 'all right!'" > Sally couldn't find anything about Davey from Nicole, CROW: Other than the obvious, "he's a moron", "a crappy fanfic author", that sort of thing. > so she wanted to > link up to his computer for an update. TOM: [ Sally ] Oh, that Dilbert. Hee hee hee. > She also wanted to catch him up to > speed on Mobian current events, especially the parts about Robotnik leaving > the planet for the time being, CROW: Wha-huh? MIKE: He's going to go pick up some McNuggets. > and Sally having speed granted to her by the > Deep MIKE: Thirteen! > Power Stones. TOM: Su-u-ure. > She also found out why Davey's arm was shot off, as > another hologram from King Acorn appeared: ALL: Poof. > "I hope you're not viewing this file in front of all of Knothole, > Sally. This concerns something that Davey here would like to forget: The > political strife where he lost his arm. MIKE: Lousy Democrats. CROW: You got Democrat in my Republicans! TOM: You got Republican in my Democrats! > It would appear that there were a faction of Davey's ancestors that > behaved much like Dr. Robotnik, for they CROW: [ King Acorn ] Drank WD-40 and pigged out on donuts all day. > captured a certain sub-race of > their own species as slaves. Some of the descendants of these slaves, MIKE: Wanted nachos. > although granted their MIKE: Stupid nachos. > freedom almost a century ago, thought themselves fit > to demand MIKE: Even *more* nachos! Can you believe it? > reparation for their captors' sins on their children. One of > those such people shot Davey's arm off." TOM: Fweeeeeee-ratatatatatata-kaBOOOOM!!! > ("I swear, I would never consider to do such a thing . . . unless > o'couse to a robot." BOTS: Booooooo! > "Was that before you became one, Sonia?" > "I'll pretend I didn't heard that, Sasha.") CROW: [ Sonia ] Just jump up my butt, Sasha. > "I suspect that you would feel, as I did, very sorrowful over the > whole ordeal, especially for how it left Davey. CROW: Right. > It is a situation where > acts of injustice and intolerance is only met by another, and ages-old > hostilities are prepeturated ALL: "Prepeturated"?! > over the generations. MIKE: "Star Trek: Generations"? TOM: Eh, too obvious. > Davey Crockett would > rather be dead than live in that world, and for a while, he was, until I > brought him back to life with Sir Charles' ALL: [ snicker ] > toy. I will not blame him at all > if he doesn't want to return to his home planet. . . " MIKE: So, should we be categorizing this under "fanfic" or "rantfic"? BOTS: "Rantfic". > > "The feeling is mutual, Daddy. Why would they make you answer for your > ancestor's sins, Davey? TOM: [ Davey ] Why not? > I's just not fair." CROW: [ snicker ] [ hillbilly ] Ja, I's just not no fair at all. > "Yeah, if I want equality between different species, I wouldn't go and > shoot off someone's limbs--" MIKE: [ whoever the heck is talking ] I'd slice them off with a chainsaw! > "DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!" MIKE: Geez, sorr-ee! > "Sorry, Sasha." "My, Sasha, that psionic backlash must've spooked you, > didn't you?" TOM: Now spooked, the herd stampedes. > "Like you wouldn't know," CROW: Oh, so we do know, do we? > she sobbed as she hung her head over her > patient. "You wouldn't know CROW: Wait, you just said we do, didn't you? TOM: My head hurts. > how much pain that tragedy causes him." Tears > ran down her eyes. ALL: [ tears ] Weeeee! > "You wouldn't know how much it will return to haunt him. > . . " > "Aw, Davey," Sonia cried as she huddled by her new-found friend. "Why > did they, whoever they are, do this to you? Are you doomed to become > someone like Robotnik?" She felt a cold nose press up against her hot > cheek. MIKE: [ Sonia ] Eek! > She opened her eyes to find Davey slurping her tears off with his > tongue." MIKE: [ Sonia ] Fresh! TOM: I'm gonna add *my* offering to Sasha's and David's. CROW: Who's talking now? > "Will you look at that? Davey, you're too much." > "He's supposed t' be th' one who's cryin', and here he is, drying our > eyes. I tell you, Sally, this guy's a prince." TOM: Does he dress in purple? MIKE: Did he change his name to a symbol? CROW: Yeah, *$&@#$!, the crap formerly known as Davey. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Sasha gave Davey something that resembled Alka-Seltzer MIKE: Speedy! Noo! > for his stomach TOM: As opposed to what, for his pancreas? CROW: For his bladder? MIKE: For his brain? ALL: Nah. > and let him rest for a couple hours. After the nap, he found Sally still > has TOM: OK, that's the second sentence I've noticed so far containing more than one tense. CROW: You're going to start counting? > Nicole connected to his arm by a wire housed under his wrist. Davey > calls it his "Data Spear," because it reminds him of MIKE: A data spear. Duh. > Scorpion's projectile > in 'Mortal Kombat.' > > CYBORG PRIME DIRECTIVES: > 1) DELIVER MESSAGE TO PRINCESS SALLY CROW: Check. > 2) ASSIST FREEDOM FIGHTERS TOM: BY COMMITTING SUICIDE > 3) DESTROY ROBOTNIK BY WHATEVER MEANS DEEMED MIKE: [ scribble ] > NECESSARY > 4) LIVE ALL: Ha ha ha. It is to laugh. > > "I like that fourth one, Nicole. TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, fun. > Continue." > BIOCHIP GENERATES A HEADS-UP DISPLAY DIRECTLY GRAFTED IN HIS EYES, WHICH > GIVES THEM THEIR RED COLOR AND OCCASIONAL GLOW. . . EXCUSE ME, SALLY, BUT I > BELIEVE THAT MR. CROCKETT IS "BACK ON-LINE," SHOULD I SAY. CROW: No, you should NOT!! > > "'Back on-line?' But what. . . > Oh! Hi, there. Don't mind me. . . " > "Surfing my forearm, Princess?" > Sally giggles, MIKE: [ Sally ] Tee hee hee... oh, you make me feel just like a schoolgirl! > half out of embarrassment CROW: Was she blushing? TOM: Hard to tell. > and half out of Davey's > cyberpunk-talk. She'd never expect someone who wasn't 100% roboticized to > talk that way, but she figured that they always talked like that on his > planet. TOM: Only the dweebs. > "I'm just trying to figure out what your arm can do, other than act > like a built-in Nicole, that is." > "Humm. I wonder if your father bothered to give me some docs for this > thing." TOM: Doc Robinson? CROW: Doc Johnson? > EXCUSE ME, MR. CROCKETT, BUT I'VE MIKE: [ Nicole ] JUST LET ONE. > DETECTED A COMPLETE SET OF USER HELP > FILES ARCHIVED IN YOUR HARD DRIVE. DECOMPRESSING THEM SHOULD TRANSFER THEM > DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN. CROW: [ Nicole ] THEY'RE A TOTAL OF 47 GIGABYTES, BUT SPACE SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. > "Thanks, Nicole. If you'd excuse me. . . moment. TOM: Oh, he's been infused with Mako energy. MIKE: Shouldn't he be at SOLDIER? CROW: Anywhere other than here. > Sally commented on getting him some colored contacts for cosmetic > purposes> MIKE: Or maybe just a paper bag. > . . . O.K. I've got them. . . Hardware Compression and camouflage, > eh? Let's give that a try. . . " > Davey's left arm began to collapse on itself, CROW: Hey, he's imploding like in that Ren & Stimpy episode! MIKE: Cool! TOM: Neato. > starting from the shoulder > and down to the wrist, synthetic fur appeared in much the same manner. TOM: Much the same manner as what?! > It > appeared more like a fox left arm after it was done with itself. CROW: Ewww! MIKE: Crow, have I ever called you sick? CROW: Yes. MIKE: Disgusting? CROW: Yes. MIKE: Horrible? CROW: Yeppers. MIKE: Obsessed? CROW: Mm-hmm. MIKE: Insane? CROW: That too. MIKE: What a time to run out of ammo. > "Ah do > declare," Bunnie said as she saw this, "Ah should talk to Rotor about an MIKE: [ Bunnie ] Emergency accent removal surgery. > upgrade." > "I can transfer the parameter settings to his Roboticizer, if you want. MIKE: He's just making up plot contrivances as he goes. CROW: Well, sure, that's how any self-respecting-and-the-only-one-who-does fanfic author writes a story! > They're supposed to convert anything roboticized into this model." > "It looks and feels much like a robot duplicate model I encountered > about 6 months ago when training new recruits. It's almost like you've got > your old arm back. Ohh, I forgot. CROW: [ Sally ] I left the script in Robotropolis. TOM: [ Davey ] Oh, forget the script! I'll just use my authorial powers to make sure we win! Oh, and it's "Robotoplis". CROW: D'OH! > I ran out of disks a while back. I > should've got some while I was in Robotroplis. Oh, well. Another item in > the Minoc Grove shopping list." Sally meets Davey's eyes. MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, why, hello, Davey's eyes! It's a pleasure to meet you! BOTS: [ Davey's eyes ] Hiya. > "Are you going > to be all right, Dave?" > "Why, sure, Sally. Just let me get some coffee and I'll be up and > running in no time." TOM: So "coffee" is his boot-up password? CROW: I'd like to boot him up. > "It's not that at all! I mean . . . are you going to be . . . all > right? You've been through a lot before coming here, more than any of us > want to know. It'll probably take your whole life to heal . . ." > Davey shushed his Princess MIKE: [ Davey ] She's *my* Princess! *Mine*! Hands off! CROW: Ewww! MIKE: Crow... > with a finger to her lips. "I'll be alright, > Sally. CROW: Now, what's that HTML code do? > Trust me." CROW: Bite me. > MIKE: [ Mike is just sitting in his seat, calmly, but suddenly... ] WAAAAAAAA- AUUUUGGGHHH!!!! [ Tom and Crow leap into the air. ] TOM: What is it?! CROW: What's wrong!? MIKE: Two random thoughts just connected in my mind. TOM: So? MIKE: Who did you say Pearl said she met? CROW: Oh, some red fox character. MIKE: And what did Davey get turned into here by the Power Ring? TOM: A... WAAAUGH!! CROW: YAAAACK!! MIKE: We gotta go check on this! TOM: Oh please let it be a coincidence, oh please oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeease!! [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL ] MIKE: [ Mike pushes the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ] Let's get to the bottom of this mystery. [ Mobius. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are sitting on a log. In front of them, talking, is none other than our good friend, Davey Crockett! ] [ SOL. Cambot zooms in on everyone's faces. Dramatic music plays. ] ALL: AAUGH!! [ Mobius. Observer notices M&TB. ] OBSERVER: Oh, hello, amoebas. We were just speaking with David. DAVEY: That's "Davey". OBSERVER: Whatever. [ SOL ] MIKE: I don't believe this. TOM: You said it wasn't real! MIKE: Well, EXCUSE ME FOR BEING INCORRECT!! [ Mobius ] PEARL: Say, Davey, you seem like the powerful power-hungry type; ya wanna join me 'n' the guys? We're planning on universal domination! DAVEY: Well, okay! You can be my unwitting sidekick! PEARL: ME the sidekick?! If anyone should be the sidekick, it's you!! Who's been torturing Nelson and his robot friends? DAVEY: And failing at her intent of breaking them down! You're just a mess-up! PEARL: Ha! You're not even evil! DAVEY: Yeah, I can learn, and in any case I'm better than you! You couldn't even conquer that log you're sitting on! PEARL: Why you little... DAVEY: Why you big... BOBO: They make a good match, don't they, Observer? OBSERVER: Oh, quite. PEARL, DAVEY: SHUT UP!!! BOBO, OBSERVER: [ 'eep' quietly and shrink away ] [ SOL ] MIKE: This is not good. TOM: You can say that again. MIKE: This is not good. TOM: I didn't mean it. CROW: Y'know, they *do* make a cute couple... MIKE, TOM: SHUT UP!! CROW: [ 'eeps' quietly and shrinks away ] [ The Commercial Sign flashes. ] MIKE: Sorry, Crow. We'll be right back. CROW: Hmph. [ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of part 2 of 9 Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com -or- gleemoth@aol.com) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------