------------------------------------------------------------------------------ < - - - - - - - - - - Designed for a 78-letter line size - - - - - - - - - - > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com) Part 8 of 9 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Page 20 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MIKE: The end is in sight... > > Princess Sally wanted to do two things with the revelation that Davey > Crockett is Robotnik's son: One, CROW: Fertilize her garden. > she wanted Davey to remember and keep what > Robotnik was before, that good and noble Mobius-loving Julian Kintobor that > was in fact Davey's father. And the other, TOM: Scare off burglars. > and this keeps her up at night, TOM: Whoop-de-doo. > she didn't want Davey to associate any feelings he had for his father on > Robotnik himself, MIKE: But Robotnik is his father! > so that when he should meet him one day, he would not have > that between himself and defeating him, CROW: So Davey's gonna defeat himself. TOM: Seems so. > even if he has to do it by killing > him. CROW: And he's gonna kill himself. TOM: Sounds like it. MIKE: No, no, I think the "himself" and "he" are Davey, but the two "him"s are Robotnik/Julian. CROW: The reverse image of Oedipus Rex, eh? > That's what she wanted to do when they gave David all of Julian's > trinkets and clothing during that rainy week afterward. She also wanted to MIKE: Start collecting bottle caps. > do a mock TOM: Hey, Sal's a MSTie too! > funeral for Julian Kintobor, for the benefit of his son, CROW: Ed Asner! > David. CROW: D'oh! MIKE: You were close, though. > It was supposed to be done according to Mobian custom, but they had to wing > it at some places. > Like actually having something to bury. Davey done this CROW: Can't done this. > --he *had* to > do it. TOM: Sonic had a gun to his throat! > Mobian custom--by PKZIPping ALL: Gesundheit. > the entire contents of Julian, his new > pocket computer with his father's memories, into his remaining supply of 3 > 1/2 inch disks MIKE: Oh, come on, he'd need hundreds! > he brought with him from Earth. He placed them in a cigar CROW: Warehouse. > box some of Dad's metals were stored in. It was too small for bed sheets, TOM: In fact, it was too small for a bed. > so he wrapped it in a pillow case. "It looks like I done *cremated* the > man," Davey commented. > Davey carried the 'coffin' with both hands, CROW: As opposed to one hand, his left tail, and a foot. > draped in another item > brought in from Earth; MIKE: His gun rack! > the flag of Davey's country, referred to as > "America." TOM: Sentence fragments. CROW: Davey spoke in. MIKE: We made fun of. > It made a perfect pall. MIKE: [ Barney ] Hi! Will you be my pall? BOTS: AAAAAAAA!! > Davey had on his father's uniform, CROW: Which fit his head perfectly. > which was *his* now, even though the pants were baggy and the sleeves were > too long--Julian *was* a human, after all-- TOM: Well, du-u-uh. > and a black sash wrapped around > him, a'bakhat,' CROW: What's that? [ Mobius ] PEARL: Ew, I remember that from "Two Shades of Sally". [ Theater ] TOM: Oh. > Sally called it; something he should wear for the next ten > days he was told. MIKE: A comma-removing device I believe. > He led the march toward the gravesite, followed by the > rest of the Freedom Fighters, some of them surprised to find themselves TOM: Wearing frilly teddies. > crying over the pseudo-death of their enemy. Davey was crying more over the > beauty of the ceremony itself. > According to custom again, a certain Mobian requiem would be played, or > sung, or whatever, ALL: SHUT UP!! > during this funeral march. Davey selected something from > his collection of CDs CROW: Now when did he bring all of this crap from Earth? Before or after he got his arm replaced and went through the Void, never to return? > for the right song. It was played by Sonic on his > guitar, since he heard that song being played, and it thought it was MIKE: Catchphrase alert. > 'way > past cool.' he sang the words over an acoustic guitar that twanged up and > down . . . > TOM: Not another song! MIKE: This is like a bad Disney cyberpunk comedy! > Voices, A thousand, thousand voices CROW: [ howling ] STOP IT!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! > Whispering, the time has passed for choices TOM: Oh, I see, like for example, it's too late for Davey's parents to choose abstinence. > Golden days are passing over, yeah > I can't seem to see you Daddy CROW: Cause I'm the son of the Invisible Man, Daddy. > Although my eyes are open wide MIKE: Wide, wide, wide, snap. > But I know I'll see you once more > When I see you, I'll see you on the other side CROW: Of love... > Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side TOM: Of the street. > Leaving, I hate to see you cry MIKE: Ba-du-ba-du-du... > Grieving, I hate to say goodbye MIKE: Ba-du-ba-du-du... > Dust and ash forever, yeah > Though I know we must be parted CROW: Well, our hair, at least. > As sure as stars are in the sky MIKE: No, no, they're down, down, down underneath us, down... CROW: Mike, stop it. > I'm gonna see you when it comes to glory MIKE: Down... > And I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side MIKE: Of eternity. > Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side TOM: Of my toast. > Never thought I'd feel like this CROW: Never thought I'd feel a kiss... and I was right, too. > Strange to feel alone > But we'll be together CROW: In Hell. > Carved in stone, carved in stone, carved in stone > Hold me, hold me tight, ALL: No! > I'm falling > Far away, distant voices calling MIKE: If only we were distant. > I'm so cold, I need you by me, yeah > I was down, but now I'm flying > Straight across the great divide MIKE: And then down, down-- BOTS: MIKE!! > I know you're crying, but I'll stop your crying > When I see you, I'll see you on the other side TOM: The dark side of the moon. > Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side CROW: Of Orson Welles. > I'm gonna see you, see you on the other side MIKE: OK. > God knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeah. TOM: I know already! > > Davey lowered it to the grave, allowed to place it directly in there > with his hand--It was *small,* after all-- CROW: Yeah, it only took up a couple of acres. > then he allowed everybody else do > actually do the burying, one handful at the time. Suni held him as he cried CROW: Oh no. > on her shoulder all that time. CROW: No. NO. > This time, it was *her* that licked away his > tears, as he himself had done just a few months ago. CROW: AAAAARGH!!! > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Ten Days Later: MIKE: Davey went to a hockey game and the apocalypse broke out. > It was a bright sunny day when Davey finally got out of the hut. It > also matched the brightfullness CROW: Is that even a word? TOM: Is "gnauletfashion" a word? CROW: Good point. > of his heart. It was as if all of Mobius > was welcoming David Kintobor, a.k.a. Davey Crockett, into their arms as one > of its own. TOM: My god, I am glad that this is close to ending. > He and Sonia were romping around the forest in a game of tag > after a quickie CROW: EEEEWWWW!!! > breakfast. CROW: oh. MIKE: Betcha wish you didn't have such a dirty mind *now*, don't you? > They tumbled into an oversized ball of fur and > quills TOM: And Davey died of puncture wounds. > when they tackled each other, bouncing around for a while before > ending up with one of the two in a pinning predicament. TOM: Please? > The score was tied > when they roll around the Power Ring Lake and near Princess Sally, when the > two pop out for the last time. This match is to be a draw. CROW: Oh, well, thanks for ruining the last possible vestige of suspense. > "Good morning, Davey, or is it David?" TOM: Lump Chunkbuns. > "Davey, David, Dave, whatever. As long as you mean me." MIKE: Oh, so "craphead" will do? How lovely. > " I'm glad to see that you're feeling better, my > friend." CROW: [ Sally ] Now see if you can challenge my rap. > "I'm glad too, Sally. So tell me, anything on the agenda today, now > that I'm back on-line?" TOM: [ Sally ] You're scheduled to crash at 7:30. > "Oh, something that would interest Suni: Your cosine Speedy's MIKE: [ snort ] Yeah, and I have a tangent named Checkers. CROW: I've got a sine named Fido. > coming > here to train." > "That's great Sally. MIKE: And that's good Sally, and that's evil Sally, and they're all annoying Sally. > You'd like her, Dave. CROW: She can plot contrive with the best of 'em! > Dark purple, fast as CROW: [ high-pitched ] Fast can be, you'll never catch me! > Sonic, MIKE: Oh, she's a fanfic writer's character, with the powers of three and a half regular characters. Not that I am bitter. > and has a 'New Yoirkain' accent." TOM: [ Sally ] Even though I have no idea what New York is. CROW: Oh, actually, they changed the name recently, to "New Gonter". ALL: [ snicker ] > "Oh-oh, somebody better tell the Hedgehog to stay off the road!" CROW: Or there'll be road pizza on the grill tonight! MIKE, TOM: Yuuuck!! > "She'll be over at Minoc Grove, Davey. MIKE: Minoc Grove: the multi-conglomerate 73-story mall of Mobius. > I need you to pick her up, and TOM: [ Sally ] Uh, some stuff, too. > some stuff too, TOM: D'oh! > while you're at it." > "I'll gas up the bike and MIKE: [ Davey ] Light it on fire, just for kicks! > get over there, Sal. Wanna come with me, > Suni?" > "Yeah, I'd love to . . . er, CROW: [ Sonia/Suni ] No, wait, I wouldn't. > I wanted to go with you anyway, next time > you went to Minoc Grove." > "Why's that? TOM: [ Sonia/Suni ] That way there'll be less witnesses. > Oh, silly me, I haven't taken you for a ride yet, haven't > I?" CROW: [ quickly ] Have I. > "Not that. It's just that I don't want you to run into Packbell again > without me being involved in it, either." TOM: [ Sonia/Suni ] I wanna help you die. > Davey laughs for the first time since his mission to Robotroplis. ALL: [ monotone ] Hahaha. > "Okay, Sonia, let's go." > > The End ALL: Woooo! It's over!! TOM: The two most wonderful words in the English language! CROW: Thank you, God. TOM: I count 106 uses of the word "Sonic", 84 uses of the word "Sally", 66 uses of either "Sonia" or "Suni", and 404 uses of "Dave", "Davey", and "David". CROW: Kinda puts the self-insertion of this fanfic into perspective. MIKE: Man, that robot memory of yours must be great for totally useless activities. TOM: I like to think so. CROW: Let's go before I turn into a fox again. MIKE: [ as they leave ] Crow... [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL ] MIKE: Phew, that was a stinker! BOTS: Yeah. MIKE: Hey, I just remembered a quote I heard from Colin Lamb. Wanna hear it? BOTS: OK. MIKE: Ahem: "... went to see a sneak preview of 'The Lost World.' I was going to dwell on all that was wrong with this movie, but decided instead to focus on what was good about it instead. Here goes: It finally ended, and this proved to me that God exists, and it is a good and merciful God." TOM: I think we'd like him if we met him. [ The Mads Sign flashes. ] MIKE: Oh, what does ol' Mrs. Spaz want now? [ Mike hits the Mads Sign Signal- Thingy(tm). ] [ Mobius. Observer is examining a computer and waving one hand over his brain. ] PEARL: Hey, Mikey! How's Life? [ SOL. M&TB stare blankly. ] [ Mobius ] PEARL: Never mind. I've been chatting with Davey-- DAVEY: Hi. PEARL: And he brought something to my attention. DAVEY: The fanfic you guys just watched was an old version. I've got a new version of what *really* happened on my site. [ SOL ] MIKE: [ over-dramatically ] You mean we have to watch the entire fanfic again?! BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- [ Mobius ] PEARL: No way! I don't plan for you to commit suicide! That'd ruin all of my plans! I'd have to send Brain-Ball and Booboo into the theater! No, you'll just be watching the parts that've been changed from the version you just saw. [ SOL ] ALL: [ collective relieved sigh ] [ Mobius ] PEARL: Observer's comparing the versions now. OBSERVER: Done! The differences are in the introduction and everything after page 18. [ SOL ] ALL: Hooray! MIKE: [ singing ] Only three more pa-ages! CROW: [ singing ] Only three more pa-ages! TOM: [ singing ] Then we'll be done with B-A-M! CROW: [ singing ] Then we'll be done with B-A-M! [ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ] ALL: [ singing ] We got Fanfic Si-ign! [ normal ] Aaugh! We got Fanfic Sign! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > Sonic The Hedgehog > Blood and Metal CROW: Oh, here we go with *this* again. > Alpha Omega Edition MIKE: Yo, you forgot Beta, Gamma, and every other Greek letter of the alphabet! TOM: Bitter? MIKE: Not a bit. Why do you ask? > > CROW: Madonna! > By TOM: Please say Ray Bradbury! MIKE: Or Piers Anthony! CROW: Or an author who's good! > David Gonterman ALL: Crap. > Of FoxFire Studios CROW: Also crap. > > http://users.aol.com/dgonterman TOM: Bottom 5% of the Web Award. > > > This Web Site made possible by MIKE: Fools and morons. > Serif's Page Plus 5.0 MIKE: Them too. > > The Story Behind the Story TOM: Behind the story behind the story behind the story behind the story b-- CROW: Stop!! > > Ever had the feeling that you're at the end of something good, and it's > time to move on to greener pastures? MIKE: Not really, no. > Sonic the Hedgehog: Blood and Metal: Alpha/Omega Revision MIKE: Hey, it's funny. There's two colons up there, and mine's about to split in half. > (Hereby knows TOM: Squat. > now as just Blood and Metal or BAM CROW: Hey, we haven't made a single Emeril Lagasse joke yet! MIKE, TOM: [ Emeril ] BAM!! > as fans call it) represents exactly this > point in my life. TOM: April 17, 1989. > It was the first major story, fanfiction or otherwise, > that I have done on the Internet. MIKE: Which may help to explain why [ Jay Sherman ] it STINKS! > The premise is a unique kind of White Backlash CROW: Backlash backlash backlash! > against the utter TOM: Cow tipping. > trashing White Males have been getting by the popular media. TOM: Then wouldn't they not be very popular anymore? > All throughout > these recent decades, CROW: Disco has made a total of 17 comebacks. > these people have been told all about the evils that MIKE: Fanfic authors have perpetrated on our populace. > their forefathers have done to the expense of what good they did as well. TOM: Did that make any sense at all? CROW: Not much. TOM: Good. I thought I was going nuts. > If their ancestors are evil, what does that make them? MIKE: Punk rockers! > Are the White Males > of today just as hopelessly bad as the ones when, say, America was in it's > infancy? BOTS: Yes. MIKE: Hey, now. CROW: Oh, no offense. > Sonic the Hedgehog, the video game from Sega that BAM is based on, > provides a perfect stage for this question. CROW: Oh reeeally. > Take the resident bad guy, > Doctor Robotnik, who is very much like TOM: Alfred Hitchcock. > the evil person talked about in the > above paragraph. MIKE: What? Who? Where? > Give him a son who joined Sonic's side without Robotnik's > knowledge and CROW: Mix it all up! Mix mix mix! > have the two meet in classic George Lucas fashion. TOM: Oh yeah, really classic. > Of course, > to keep things form CROW: Yes, you must keep things as form as possible. > becoming another Star Wars, I added a robotic version of MIKE: Laurel and Hardy! > Mortal Kombat-style violence, TOM: We noticed. > and a good helping of strong language CROW: Yeah, "phrack". > to show > that the child in question is no Jedi Knight in any stretch. > Before I could say "Where the flying frack is Luke Skywalker when I > really need his stinking tail?" CROW: That's a big thing to say. > I have created one of the smash Sonic- > related epics on the Internet, MIKE: Apparently, people on the Internet just have really low standards! > and I have acquired something I didn't get > before outside of the aforementioned computer network: All my life, I found TOM: Magic nose goblins on the underside of the table! > that my actions had consequences, penalties, repercussions, and the like. MIKE: Well, that's generally how life goes. > My actions did not had rewards until that point. CROW: So you weren't rewarded for playing video games. Big deal. > You might say that it was > the first time in my whole 26 years of existence that I did something right. TOM: If you were a complete fool or moron, you might say that. > That was something I tried to get again with sequels and spinoffs to > BAM. Unfortunately, MIKE: They sucked just as much. > I wasn't quite as successful. TOM: [ Davey ] This time, *two* mobs showed up at my doorstep! > You know what they say > about sequels paling in light of their original. TOM: Oh, we know about that, don't we? CROW: Yep. > It no doubt went south > from the first sequel up to the point where I had to end it because it just > plain stunk, MIKE: That's what we've been saying all this time! > while during the process, I have lost what my early success CROW: Success? Where? > have gained me. Some of the losses are irretrievable. TOM: Yeah, like a hard drive crash. > In retrospect, CROW: It was *pixies* that shot JFK! > I find three factors in my downfall, the first has > already listed, CROW: What the heck's that supposed to mean? > the second is the loss of love and passion MIKE: Oh, the love's left his relationship. CROW: Relationship with who, himself? MIKE: Crow!! > people had in > Sonic the Hedgehog, mainly caused by the lack or new games from Sonic and > the quality of stories Archie had in a Sonic-Based comic book. MIKE: Yeah, and I'll bet Archie had a secretary named Sonic and Sonic had a secretary named Archie, right? > Many people > voiced it, including myself who was more vocal in mydispleasure. TOM: I thought he lived in St. Louis. CROW: No, says right there. He's in "Mydispleasure". > It quickly > became the third factor when my pleasure turned to anger and caused not only > my writing and artwork, but also my deposition MIKE: Crow, not a word. CROW: What, not even *bleep*? MIKE: No. > has suffered. Some even said CROW: Pootertoots! > that I acted like a jerk in this period. Or worse. ALL: [ dramatic music ] *Dah* dah DAAAAAHH!!! > I can make a short list > of former friends who now hate my guts over this and offer no forgiveness > over what I have done for me. TOM: [ Davey ] Of course, I could also make a medium list. Or a large list. CROW: Warning: be on the lookout for a midget psychic. TOM: Right-- MIKE, TOM: Small Medium at Large. > I know by now that I'm not going to bother MIKE: [ Pooh ] Oh, bother. > apologizing and beg for something that does not exist for me. CROW: A love life? TOM: A life! > Some of them > would even hound MIKE: [ Mr. Burns ] Smithers, release the hounds. BOTS: Arf arf bark bark growl! > any future attempts for me to progress out of this low > point in my life. TOM: And our lives, too. > Part of this attempt is partly responsible for a revision > of BAM. ALL: [ "No!" "Oh the humanity!" "Why?!" ] > I go back to the first story of BAM, the Alpha, MIKE: Alpha Five. BOTS: Aieeya! > and give it a new > ending so that the crap CROW: Well, at least he knows crap when he sees it. > that became of all of the sequels and spinoffs can > be easily removed, TOM: Thus leaving no chance for sequels or spinoffs! ALL: Yaaaaay! > the Omega. MIKE: Hey, Omega Man! > The resulting story will be preserved in my > web site for my prosperity, TOM: Or what's left of it. > or what is left of it. TOM: Aargh. > Sometimes I wonder if I would ever by anything good like this ever > again, MIKE: What? TOM: I get the feeling, somewhere on the Internet, you can download a program that pumps out random gibberish sentences. > and win back what I lost, TOM: That cute baby guinea pig. > and by some of the opinion of others, I CROW: SUCK TIMES A BILLION!! MIKE: Crow!! > shouldn't even try because it would never happen. TOM: This happens to be the correct opinion. > There are even places on > the Internet where I am persona non grata CROW: I wish someone'd grate him up. > directly because of what has > happened during the closing parts of the BAM spin-offs; a feeling I > experienced in Real Live from Kindergarten on to Adulthood. CROW: OK, who thinks he never really reached Adulthood? TOM: Let's hope they blocked him from the Adult Conspiracy. > Some may think that after this, I would cancel my Internet connection, > sell my computer, forget about getting a job with the skills I developed > over the time I wrote BAM, much less a real life, and move to a shack in > Montana with fifty cats and a printout of the Anarchists Cookbook and let > the world pass on without me. (Until I make the headlines as the next mad > bomber, that is) CROW: Cool! TOM: Go for it! MIKE: That'd be neat! > The above paragraph, regardless of how absurd it sounds, would very well > be my fate ALL: Yaaaaay! > if I wasn't kept busy by the greener pastures I wandered into. ALL: D'oh! > I > decided to let my storytelling give an helping hand to my artwork, and MIKE: [ Davey ] Now I stink twice as much as before! > create Fan Comics made for other things I enjoy, CROW: Like breathing and sleeping? > and as of now, I'm > branching off to original works that might be published if I'm lucky. TOM: And the rest of the world is not. > I > still hope to this day that I can do what I'm doing on the Internet for a > Career. CROW: With a capital C, which rhymes with C, and that stands for CRAP! > Until then, I offer you the genesis TOM: Heh, get it? Genesis, 'cause that's the video game system... StH is on... heh heh... kill me. > of my storytelling life, and my > first classic epic from a time that Sonic was young and fun. I give you > Sonic the Hedgehog: Blood and Metal. CROW: You can keep it. > > The Omega MIKE: Omega Man! > Some time has passed TOM: Since the beginning of this fanfic... > All of Mobius is in Cheers ALL: [ singing ] Where everybody knows your name! > The King has returned! CROW: Hey, this is the scene from the end of "A Link to the Past"! > "Mr. Crockett did well TOM: Oh, that's a first! MIKE: Stop. Stop now. TOM: What? MIKE: I'll bet all the RAM chips in this satellite neither of you can go until the end of the fanfic without insulting Davey. CROW: I'll take that bet! TOM: You're goin' down! > in his end of the deal," TOM: And if you insult him, you have to give up that cake you have hidden in the back of the fridge! CROW: Yeah! MIKE: Deal. > King Acorn addressed the > Freedom Fighters. TOM: 100 North Drive, Knothole, Mobius. > "A broadcasted signal in his cyborg arm provided an MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Really nifty cable channel! > excellent homing beacon for guide me back home TOM: [ singing ] I'm goin' to Louisiana, my true love for guide me back home! > through a different > dimensional passage then The Void, and all I got to show for it was this > crystallized CROW: [ begins to speak ] MIKE: And any dirty jokes means you get half the RAM chips taken away. CROW: Heeey, that wasn't in the deal? MIKE: You forgot to read the fine print. CROW: Damn. > left arm, which by now isn't spreading for the rest of me, > thank God." MIKE: I Went To The Void And All I Got Was This Crystallized Left Arm. > That brought out some laughter from the crowd. Despite the mentioned > affliction, TOM: Measles? Rubella? Chicken pox? > the doctors reported the Kin TOM: [ Brak, singing ] Now it's time to say goodbye to Zorak and his Kin! > to be in good health and fit to > rule, with made everybody happy, especially Sally. CROW: WHAT fine print?! > Everyone that is, except one, who was noticeably absent from Acorn's > presence. MIKE: Me? BOTS: Huh? MIKE: Well, I'm not there. > "I have Davey Crockett to thank most of all. CROW: [ King Acorn ] He screwed u-- no! No no nonono! I won't lose! MIKE: Hee hee hee. > I would like to do that in > person, but I don't see him. Does anyone know . . . " TOM: [ King Acorn ] The square root of four-fifths? > Acorn notices how deathly quiet the room got. MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Wheeew! What died in here? > "Where is he? What happened to him? TOM: [ random Mobian ] He went to ruin another fanfic. MIKE: Say bye-bye to your chips, Tommy-boy. TOM: Aaaaargh!! > Don't tell me that Robotnik got to him > before he saw his mission . . . " CROW: As long as we're almost done, why is it he puts spaces between his ellipsis? MIKE: Beats me. Personal preference, I s'pose. > Sonic was characteristically slow in his reply. TOM: I thought he was *fast*! That makes no sense whatsoever, idiot! MIKE: Tom! TOM: Hey, I got nothing to lose now! > "You don't know . . . about > Davey . . . and Robotnik?" CROW: [ Sonic ] They've been going out for a month now! > Acorn showed his royal sternness CROW: [ random Mobian ] Eew! Put that away! > and demanded he know. > And he immediately wished to God he hadn't. > The lick to the front door ALL: [ snicker ] MIKE: Let's *please* skip that. > to Crockett's hut was jimmied, and King Acorn CROW: Arrested the person who jimmied it. > crept into the pitch blackness inside. CROW: I was gonna say that. > Acorn feared that the darkness > reflected what is in the poor boy's heart. TOM: [ gags ] > Acorn barely had the chance to mouth his thought when that mouth tasted the MIKE: Shiny red lollipop. > cold steel of a double barreled shotgun, and he saw the hellfirish blood red MIKE: Lollipop! > cyborg-enhanced eyes burn holes in his mind. > "How very nice for you to come back in my lifetime, Acorn," a voice spat TOM: Sufferin' succotash! MIKE: [ wipes eyes ] > and > snarled at him. "It'll give me the sincere pleasure to blow your fucking ALL: Aack! CROW: What happened to "phrack"?! > head off myself." > by now, in the horror over what is happening, someone turned off the lights, MIKE: Which were already off. > and saw CROW: Nothing, 'cause the lights are off. > this . . . . monster . . . TOM: We're not going to describe it further, because no one can see it, because the LIGHTS are OFF!! > that Acorn sent to Mobius, holding the > King high and cramming the would-be assassination weapon further down his > throat. MIKE: That's gonna sting. > Nobody will have the time to save the King from having his brains > cover the door he came in from if anyone as much as flinches. ALL: Ewww! CROW: Man, suddenly this fanfic got a whole lot gorier! > That fact was > given with absolute certainly by the expression of Crockett's face, and what > he next said. TOM: [ Davey ] I love beans, woo woo woo! CROW: [ Davey ] I love beans, how 'bout you? > "You sent me to hell, you bastard," CROW: Jeez, calm down, Davey! > Crockett cocked both barrels all the way > back, "Not prepare to go there." MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Not? Oh man, I was looking forward to it! > After what seemed to be an eternity, Acorn managed to take the barrels out > of his mouth, CROW: > and lean against the weapon in a manner borrowed from a > cartoon from Crockett's home world. CROW: "The Adventures of a Fanfic Author from St. Louis". It was #1 in the ratings all across the world! MIKE, CROW: [ giggle ] > He looked at Davey not with terror, or > pleading for his life, but to Davey's surprise, TOM: Darkness, since there are no lights on. > sorrow over Davey Crockett's > condition. > "You looked pissed David. CROW: [ King Acorn ] Though I can't tell, because the lights are off. > And believe me, you have every right to me. If I > were in your shows, TOM: Oh God, he has a TV show now?! MIKE: No, it says "shows". That means he has more than one. TOM: Aaaaaaaaargh!! MIKE: That was fun! > I would have pulled that trigger by now. At least that > means there's still hope fo--" > "SHUT UP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!" ALL: Aaack!! > Crockett wrapped his cyborg hand around > the King's neck and slammed him hard against a wall, his grip tightening as > he spewed his bile ALL: Yeeeew!! > at the King's face fuzz. "You feel this arm chocking CROW: [ Pinky ] Guess we can "chock" this up to experience, eh, "Tim"? > your life out, and afterwards will remove your head for my mantle? MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Well, thanks for informing me of that fact. I really wanted to know that you're gonna put my head on your mantle. Thank you. > It > replaced the one shot off because of what happened centuries before I was > born. CROW: Yes, as was PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED!! > I came here to get away from all that, but just who became of me > here. ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!!" TOM: [ whiny ] What if I don' wanna? > "ack . . . ullk . . . " > "what was that?" MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I said CAPITALIZE! > "chock TOM: [ Brain ] Don't call me that, Pinky, or I will be forced to inflict pain that even your TV-numbed brain will feel. > . . . no . . . I won't . . . guuuuck . . . " MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I will never guuuuck! You can't make me guuuuck!! > "I can't hear you, Acorn." CROW: I can't hear you, soldiers! MIKE, TOM: Hup-two-threep-fourp! Hup-two-threep-fourp! > "For . . . get it . . . . Crockett . . . . I won't say it. It's not true. CROW: [ King Acorn ] Elvis *didn't* die! > You are not Robotnik's Son! You can never be . . Robotnik's Son!" [ long pause ] ALL: Whaaat?!? > The look on Davey's face changed at this point, from hostility to surprise. MIKE: Oh, this is so stupid. > H lessened his hold, but still held Acorn there. TOM: I can't believe this. CROW: I can. > "I know you're angry and hurt over what happened to Julian Kintobor, David. CROW: [ King Acorn ] But remember, he brought it on himself. He should have kept his pants on! > I can understand that it made you troubled, and no doubt bitter. But TOM: [ Butthead ] Huh-huh-huh, butt. > there's one thing it can't make you, and that's MIKE: Smelly. > Evil. You are no more Evil > than MIKE: You are smelly. > what Julian was, David, before his unfortunate accident that made him CROW: Fat, bald, and big-mustached. > that way. There are plenty of Mobians that know of that past and what > Robotnik did to your father." TOM: But Robotnik is his father! Isn't he? MIKE: Try not to think. That'll help. > "Yeah, I know what that Bastard did to my father. Betrayed and Murdered > him--JUST LIKE DARTH VADER!" ALL: As was previously mentioned. > He threw Acorn to a chair, and as he landed, TOM: He let a fluffy. CROW: You mean a pooty? MIKE: He's cuttin' muffins! > a Nicole-like computer fell out of Acorn's jacket. MIKE: So... > Acorn continued. MIKE: Yup. > "What's more, you have a sacred duty to put honor back to > the Kintobor name. I know you won't do it for me, or yourself, but what > about the Kintobors. CROW: [ Davey ] What about them? > Do it for your Father. TOM: The priest? > That's what I'll be saying in > the afterlife after you kill me, David James Kintobor, so go ahead." BOTS: [ chanting ] Do it. Do it. Do it. > "For my father, that's a joke. He left me when I was a child. I probably > wouldn't even recognize him if he came up to my face." > But as he turned around, he saw exactly that. TOM: Boo! CROW: And peed his pants. MIKE: You're straddling the line there, bucko. > He recognized the face from > pictures his mother had of him. He was skinnier, and had more hair, and he > had on a uniform similar to the one Antonio MIKE: Banderas. > always wears, over a pocket, > there was a name. Julian Kintobor. TOM: [ Julian ] HIIII!! MY NAME IS JULIAN KINTOBOR!! See, my first name is Julian, and my last name is Kintobor, so when you put 'em together, you get Julian Kintobor! And that's my name! > Acorn pulled himself up, being all but forgotten by David for that > holographic projection. MIKE: So, is there any actual difference in this ending? BOTS: No. > "Before the Accident, David. CROW: The Accident, with a capital ACK! > Your father had the > foresight to make a backup copy of his own memories and personality. I took MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Him out! Bwah-hah-hah! > that backup and put him in this palmtop." He clipped the Palmtop, Julian, > on Davey's belt and slowly backed away. TOM: [ King Acorn ] Don't hurt me. > "Daddy," David was almost at tears. "is . . is that really you?" ALL: No, it's a holographic projection. > "Hi there, son." Julian brushed some hair from the fox's face. CROW: Fur. Foxes have fur. > "Care to > talk about it?" > "Y-Yeah," David embraced the hologram, which was surprisingly solid, to his > delight. CROW: This is gonna turn into a lemon any minute, isn't it? > "I would like that." > King Acorn managed to leave the hut and close the door behind him before > falling down in exhaustion, TOM: > while everyone else exhaled all at once in > relief. CROW: [ imitates a fart ] [ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of part 8 of 9 Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com -or- gleemoth@aol.com) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------