[SOL. Mike, Tom, and Crow are behind the counter.] MIKE: So, what the hell was going on there? TOM: Yeah. Crow? We don't do this often, but we're counting on your fanboy- ish-ness to explain this whole chapter to us. CROW: It's simple, see? Sonic the Hedgehog managed to release TWO television series at the same time, one on Saturday morning and the other in a less successful syndication. In other words, we're READING A CROSSOVER!! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! MIKE: God! Scary. TOM: No, wait a minute. How can you seriously crossover what's basically the same show? Sure, it's different characters, but it's from the program of the same name! CROW: See film Star Trek: Generations for answer. TOM: Hmm... CROW: See what I mean? You cannot crossover two versions of the same program successfully. No matter what you do with it, it cannot be done. MIKE: What if spin-off characters return to the original show? CROW: Nope. TOM: There has to be *some* exception. CROW: Absolutely not. MIKE: I think you'll hafta be a wee bit more open-minded than that, Crow. CROW: You'll just hafta face facts, guys; there's positively no way in Kentucky that a show can successfully crossover with itself. [Gypsy rushes in.] GYPSY: Mike! We're receiving a transmission from a UFO! MIKE: Wow. GYPSY: Not only that, but it identifies itself as the Satellite of Love! MIKE: Huh? MAGIC VOICE: Beaming in Joel, Crow, Gypsy, and Beeper. [FWSSH! Said characters appear in their KTMA format.] M&TB: Whoa! KTMA JOEL: Hey there. KTMA GYPSY: [Mumbles] KTMA CROW: Hi. BEEPER: Beep. MIKE: Greetings. GYPSY: Welcome. CROW: Yeah, hi. TOM: Beep... uh, I mean hello. [All just stare at each other.] MIKE: Soooooooo... how'd you get here? KTMA JOEL: Cosmic rift. MIKE: Ah... [Silence] KTMA GYPSY: [Mumbles] KTMA JOEL: Guess we'd bet- better go. GYPSY: Why? KTMA JOEL: ........`Cause. KTMA CROW: Bye. BEEPER: Beep. [FWEESH! The KTMA crew disappears. A beat of silence.] CROW: There! See? I told ya! TOM: Rub it in. MIKE: [Phonetically] Oh gee what could be worse. [Alarms] MIKE: [Phonetically] Ah yes that would be it. Fanfic sign. [Shunk...6...5...4...3...2...safe...] [All enter] >Chaos Race > >Part 7: MIKE: Lucky us. > Pink TOM: And the Brai. > >Written by: Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi > >[Legal disclaimer: > >This story is based on characters created by CROW: Magic elves. > SEGA and Archie Comic Publications, >Inc., and Commander Packbell by David Pistone. Permission is granted to freely >distribute this story, MIKE: Which goes to show what a lax society we live in, these days. > so long as: >a: no recompense of financial value is received or given by the person who >distributes the story, and TOM: Somebody explains what all those legal-type words mean. >b: the distributed copy is identical to the story as originally authored. >In other words, don't sell it, and don't alter it. > >Copyright (c) 1996, all rights reserved, et cetera.] > >****** > >"That faithless, thieving, low-down...Princess!" MIKE: Nasty words for Grace Kelly. > Amy was still grumbling to >herself as she marched across the Forbidden zone, CROW: [in a march cadence] Oh, after-this-part-and-the-others-before- there'll-only-be-one-em'rald-LEFT... LEFT... LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT... > unsucessfully trying to calm >down. "Sonic deserves much better than her. Isn't that right, Nicole?" > >Amy had left Sally's minicomputer on ever since she swiped it. MIKE: So all the batteries were sucked out by the time Amy asked it something. > "COMMAND >IMPOSSIBLE. MORAL JUDGEMENTS BEYOND PRESENT CAPABILITIES OF THIS DEVICE." > >"Can you tell me who Sonic prefers?" TOM: There's this little red-headed girl he knows... > >"SONIC HEDGEHOG IN LOVE WITH SALLY ACORN." > >"That's a lie! Sally just programmed you to say that." > >"NEGATIVE. RESULTS OF INTRAPERSONAL DIAGNOSTIC CONFIRMED. CROW: WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. > DIAGNOSTIC INSTALLED >WHEN THIS DEVICE WAS CREATED." > >"And who installed it?" MIKE: [Nicole] I dunno, the driver information files are corrupted. > >"KING ACORN DIRECTED INITIAL SOFTWARE INSTALLATION." CROW: He wanted Linux, but Sally forced him to install Nintendo! > >"Huh. He probably altered it to say whatever Sally wanted to hear." > >"PROBABILITY: LESS THAN 1 PERCENT." > >"Yeah, sure, you wouldn't know." Amy caught herself, then was glad that Nicole >did not care about her sarcasm. "So, where's the pink Chaos Emerald?" TOM: [Nicole] I don't care. > >The map that Nicole had displayed earlier appeared, zoomed in on the pink dot's >location. > >"How do I get there?" MIKE: [Nicole] WALK. > >Nicole projected a thick line along the ground for a short distance. As Amy >followed it, the line dissapeared behind her and extended ahead. > >With nothing better to do on her walk, CROW: Like avoiding the booby traps... > Amy's thoughts turned to her memories... > >****** TOM: Flashback! Kiss myself! Ha! > >Amy had dreamt of Sonic many times, ever since she first heard of him. For >weeks, almost all of her spare time was spent researching what little she could >find about Sonic and his friends. The more she found out, MIKE: ...the less she liked... TOM: ...and the more it resembled a White House investigation. > the more Amy became >determined to meet her new hero. CROW: Found out everything except that he has a steady girlfriend. > >Thus, it was no surprise that Amy was dreaming about the hedgehog when an >explosion woke her. TOM: [Amy] Sonic exploded! > Looking out her window, she saw Robotnik's robots trashing >her village and capturing the residents. CROW: [Amy] Santa *did* make my wish come true! > Before they could draw near, Amy leapt >out the window and hid. Ducking from shadow to shadow, she snuck away from the >attack, then ran off into a nearby forest. MIKE: [SWATbot 1] Gee, George, I seem to have left my heat sensors at home. TOM: [SWATbot 2] Yeah, me too. MIKE: [SWATbot 1] Ya did? Uh-oh. Um, hey! Did anyone here remember their heat sensors? BOTS: [Misc. SWATbots] No. MIKE: [SWATbot 1] Oh, golly. The boss ain't gonna be none too pleased. > >****** > >Hours later, Amy's panic subsided as the sounds of transports loaded with new >workerbots faded away. CROW: Just like old soldiers do. > The final, horror filled screams from the roboticizer >still echoed in her mind. Finally in control of her thoughts again, Amy cried >uncontrollably as she realized what had happened. TOM: They roboticized the Easter bunny! > >She knew that if Sonic had been there, the robots would never have gotten close >to the village. Amy wished, with her heart and soul, that Sonic would come for >her. But she knew that, given the vastness of Mobius, MIKE: And her intrinsic lack of worth as an independent person. > and the fact that she was >hiding at the moment, there was no way that Sonic would just run up to her from >wherever he was. > >Until he did. TOM: So he didn't until he did. CROW: Uh... yeah. > >****** > >Amy did not recognize her hero at first; all she saw through her tear filled >eyes was a blue blur. MIKE: I thought he was always like that anyway. > When she finally blinked the tears away, her fear left >with them. CROW: Fear tears. Fear tears. Fear tears. Fear tears. Fear tears. > >After a brief chat, TOM: Which eventually turned into a flame war. > Amy directed Sonic back to her village. She had already >seen the robots wreck the place, but the scorched, empty shells reminded her >anew of what had happened. Sonic seemed to sense this, CROW: "Hey, I was through this town a year ago, and I don't remember it being a burned out, post-apocalypic hulk...did something happen?" > since he asked Amy to >stay behind. Amy agreed, but silently followed him anyway. She felt safer with >him as close as possible. MIKE: So she can't follow a clear direction for five minutes. Good addition to the Freedom Fighters here. > >As it turned out, both of them were fortunate that she had come along. When Amy >saw Sonic at a SWATbot's gunpoint, she leapt on the robot's head, CROW: Isn't that what Ewoks do? > intending to >bash it in. MIKE: The robot laughed so hard it got a short circuit and was rendered helpless. > All she got for her efforts was a pair of sore fists, but her >distraction allowed Sonic to attack. TOM: Unfortunately, he missed Amy. > >Amy was so happy to see Sonic unhurt that she gave him a kiss. Sonic's hug left >no doubt in her mind of his feelings for her, even though they had just met. MIKE: Sure, you can tell anything about a relationship from a hug. CROW: "He feels amicably indifferent towards me!" > >****** > >After touring the village, Sonic took Amy back to the forest. When night fell, TOM: Sonic had to sweep the broken night under the rug and hope no one noticed. >they came to a relatively clear area. Doubting that they would find a better >camp site any time soon, Sonic suggested that they sleep there. CROW: And "sleep" they did. > >"And..." Sonic shoved a spike into the ground, TOM: Oh, is that what they call it now? > securing the last corner of the >tent. "...there. All done." > >Amy looked around, but only saw the black tent. "Huh? Isn't there anything >else we have to set up?" MIKE: [Amy] You still have to put on your Tarzan outfit. > >"Nope. This tent's got all we'll need." He crawled inside. CROW: Goo goo. > "Come on." > >Amy was, at the time, short enough to just walk inside. The tent's interior was >slightly less spartan than its exterior, but it still seemed lacking. "Where's >the sleeping bags?" TOM: In limbo, with your grammar. CROW: [Sonic] We don't need any sleeping bags for what we're gonna do tonight. > >"No need. There's an air matress in the floor. MIKE: Air mattress. That's a *real* good design for a pair of hedgehogs, isn't it? > My unc designed this." TOM: Unk? CROW: Ugh. Groogy ukka blog. > He >crawled back to the entrance, and zipped it shut. "This tent can keep the >inside warm no matter what it's like outside, if there's a heat source in here. TOM: Even if it's blazing hot outside, it'll be warm inside? >There's a panel that's been storing heat all day. I just need to switch it to >release mode, and..." A click. "Oops, must've forgot to set it this morning." MIKE: You can tell by the way it clicked. > >Amy giggled. "Is that what that was? I fiddled with it while we were looking >for survivors." TOM: [Sonic] Oh great, I suppose you also threw out all those boxes labeled FOOD. > >"Oh, great. Now it won't have any heat to store until tomorrow. How're we >supposed to keep from freezing tonight?" MIKE: Well, it *is* the eighteenth of July. > >"We could snuggle." Amy walked over to Sonic and did just that. > >"You little rascal...you shut it off on purpose, didn't you?" CROW: You went through my backpack, picked out items you couldn't identify, and adjusted the controls of something you'd never seen before, just so we might be a little chilly this evening! > Although she >could not see his face, Amy knew that Sonic was smiling. Sonic mussed up her >head quills. "Hey, that would make a nice nickname for you. MIKE: "Amy the nitwit who keeps screwing people up with her stupid, petty games." > 'Rosy the Rascal'. >You like it?" > >Amy giggled again, and snuggled closer. Then she fell asleep in his arms. > >****** TOM: Wait, so, the only person to ever call Amy 'Rosy the Rascal' was Sonic, and he includes it as one of the ten most important bits of information about her on their Master Computer File? MIKE: Boy, permanent records cover *everything* on Mobius. > > >The next morning saw the two hedgehogs munching on fruit that Sonic had produced CROW: Huh?! >from his backpack. CROW: Oh. > "Gee, these are delicious," Amy said between mouthfuls. >"Where did you find them?" TOM: Vegetable aisle, next to the Gummi Worms stand. > >"In the village ruins," Sonic replied while chewing. MIKE: "Mff mmuffah mmmmf mph mm." > "Better that we have 'em >than leave them to rot." > >Amy looked up from her contemplation of a grape, TOM: "Oh this poor grape! What did it do to deserve such a fate as to be eaten by me?" > a tear forming in her eye. The >mentioning of her former home was all that was needed to bring the ugly memory >up again. > >Sonic started to stroke her head quills. CROW: Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! Owie! Owie! Ow! What was I *thinking*? > "Hey, don't cry. MIKE: [Sonic] I didn't mean to bring up the subject of the excruciating destruction of everyone you knew and loved. TOM: [Amy] WWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! MIKE: [Sonic] ...Oh, hell... > Everything will be >alright." He reached into his backpack, then brought his hand forward to >attach something to Amy's head. CROW: Is he gonna implant a hamburg into her head? > "C'mon, smile for me. Or it'll ruin the whole >picture." He handed her a mirror from his backpack. MIKE: [Sonic] Here! Here's a shiny! > >Amy reached up with one hand to smooth her quills, but stopped when she saw her >reflection. Sonic had tied a pink ribbon around the quills on her forehead. >"Oh, Sonic, it's beautiful. Thank you. I will always treasure it." She gave >Sonic a hug, burying her face in his chest. TOM: Jeez, why doesn't she just declare her undying love for him right now? > >He squeezed her back, MIKE: And toothpaste came out of her head. > then felt her tears moisten his skin. > >"Sonic, will I ever see my family again?" > >"Sure you will, someday." CROW: "I mean, it stands to reason in that you aren't getting any younger." > He smiled. "I promise." > >"Thank you." She looked up, not returning his smile, but at least her tears >went away. "Seriously, can we do it?" CROW: [Sonic] Sure, you can go see them right now. Just point this laser rifle at your head... > >Sonic's smile dissapeared as he sighed. "Yes, but we're gonna need all the help >we can get. You wanna help?" > >Amy let Sonic go, knowing what he wanted to hear, and only too happy to say it. >"Do I ever. MIKE: [Sonic] Darn! > I will not rest until every workerbot has been freed from >Robotnik's slavery. I swear..." > >"Whoa, take it easy," Sonic smirked. "You need to get a bit older first, and >more experienced. TOM: But how's she going to get experience if she doesn't fight the badnasties? > Pounding SWATbots' heads usually doesn't work." CROW: Except when *she* does it. > >****** > >They picked their way through the forest, and then the Great Unknown, over the >next few days. During their travel, Sonic found a pink ribbon and gave it to >Amy. She swore that she would always treasure it as a reminder of him, even if >they got seperated. TOM: We just read this a screen ago. Give us a little credit - we have a longer attention span than that, don't we, guys? CROW: Huh? MIKE: I'm sorry, what'd you say? > >Amy woke at dawn the next morning, to find herself in Sonic's arms. CROW: She wondered how she got shrunk down to three inches tall, but figured she would have to make the best of it. > Although >she was too groggy to see well, she could feel the wind of Sonic's transit. TOM: I'll take 'phrases that sound dirty' for $400, please. >"What's going on?" she asked. > >Sonic smiled at her. "Shh, we're almost there." > >"Where?" > >"Knothole, of course. That's where you're gonna live for now." > >"Knothole?" Amy perked up at this, MIKE: With Folger's in her cup. > rubbed the sleep from her eyes, TOM: Call it what you want, but eye boogers are eye boogers. > and saw that >she was in the Great Forest. "We're going to Knothole? You mean, I get to live >with you there?" > >"Well, I'm sure I could arrange for your hut to be next to mine, if you want." > >"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." Amy snuggled closer to Sonic's chest. CROW: She's like a reverse alien. She's trying to get *into* his chest all the time. > >Sonic giggled. "I'll take that as a yes." He skidded to a halt. "And here >we are." > >Amy looked around, but saw only trees. "Where is it?" MIKE: [Sonic] Well, we haven't actually *built* it yet. We're still trying collecting bids for an architect to design the place. > >"This is one of the back doors." Sonic pulled on a vine, which caused a stump >to open. TOM: Rube Goldberg eat your heart out! > >Amy looked into the hollow stump from Sonic's arms, and saw a hole leading into >darkness. "It looks scary." > >"Don't be afraid. You'll love it." Sonic jumped in. > >Amy screamed and covered her eyes as they plunged onwards. MIKE: [Sonic] Oh, wait, it was the *other* pit! AAAIIIIUUUGGGHHH! > Eventually, she felt >a soft, but scratchy, pile stop her motion. She uncovered her eyes to see that >she had landed in a haystack, CROW: And she'd found her missing needle. > and that Sonic was no longer holding her. > >The blue hedgehog was brushing hay off himself next to the stack when a squirrel >with red hair, a vest, and boots marched up. TOM: An entire planet of people who can't wear pants. > "Sonic! I heard everything from >Robotnik's communications." > >Amy cringed in sympathy for Sonic, expecting him to be punished for failing to >save her village. MIKE: But then she remembered he was a main character, and above all discipline. > But instead, Sally rushed up and brought her head to his, >then hungrily kissed him. TOM: [Chewing noises] > >Amy could only stare in shock as Sally's kiss proceeded, and was returned by >Sonic. > >When Sonic came up for air, CROW: They oughta invent the kiss snorkel. > Sally noticed Amy. She walked up to the newcomer TOM: Oh no! Not that story again! >and extended her hand. "So, you must be the one who got away from Robotnik's >squad. Nice job. My name's Sally. Yours is...?" MIKE: [Amy] You boyfriend-stealing bitch! TOM: [Sally] My, that's a weird name. > >Amy snapped out of it, burrowed deeper into the haystack, and began to cry. > >Sally looked to Sonic behind her. "Shy, isn't she?" > >Sonic walked to the pile of hay, and brushed a few strands from Amy's face. >"Hey, it's ok. She's cool." > >Amy choked back her sobs. "No...no it isn't." CROW: Amy's face puffed up as she choked for air and mentioned she was allergic to hay. > >Sonic pulled Amy from the haystack, then lifted her head to his head's level. >"What's the matter?" > >"She kissed you." TOM: [Sonic] Well duh. > >****** > >What followed were worst weeks of Amy's life. MIKE: Driver's Ed. > She tried to keep Sally away from >Sonic, and was not surprised when Sally replied in kind. > >When Sally finally confronted her, she ran away in tears. She knew that Sally >could keep Sonic away from her as long as she tried, TOM: All this fighting over an egotistical, self-centered nitwit whose only real power is that he's a blue clone of The Flash. > and that this would cause >Sonic stress. There was no sense in possibly dooming Mobius over a love >triangle, even if she was involved in it. MIKE: RIGHT. CROW: Yes. TOM: Yet she still started this wretched crisis. > She knew that Sonic could beat >Robotnik if he tried, and she knew that, if she and Sally kept fighting in front >of him, he might get discouraged and give up. TOM: What kind of logic is that? In these love/war stories, having one girl makes the male hero fight harder to keep her safe. Why wouldn't Sonic fight twice as hard if he had two girls? > Her justification grew even more >elaborate over the years, keeping pace with her growing mind. CROW: Right. > >Then came the day that she heard of Robotnik's demise. She immediately struck >out to find Knothole, only to realize that she had forgotten its location. MIKE: And what her name was. > Amy >might have spent months searching the Great Forest anyway, had she not happened >upon Knuckles, and thus upon an easier way... TOM: Suckering. > >****** > >Amy's rememberance ended as the path abruptly stopped. "Nicole, where's the >path?" MIKE: [Nicole] SEGMENTATION FAULT AT MEMORY ADDRESS 3462674253227. PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE, OR CTRL-ALT-DEL TO REBOOT. > >"CHAOS EMERALD WITHIN 5 METERS OF CURRENT LOCATION. PATH UNNECESSARY." > >Amy looked around, but saw only grey rock. "Where is it?" > >"You shall get what you want," a voice echoed from nowhere. CROW: [Amy] That's nice, but where's the emerald? > >"Who was that? Whoever you are, I want the pink Chaos Emerald!" TOM: And a pony, too! > A pink mist >billowed up in front of Amy. MIKE: Is this like a Dungeons and Dragons thing? > "What the...Nicole, what's happening?" > >"MAGICAL ENERGY DETECTED. SOURCE: UNKNOWN." > >"Oh well...looks like there's only one way to find out." Amy walked into the >mist. CROW: And was turned inside-out. > After a few steps, she was entirely unable to see her surroundings. TOM: [Amy] I CAN'T SEE!! I CAN'T S- Oh, I had my eyes closed. > "I >could really get lost here. I wish Sonic were here to help me." > >Almost instantly, Sonic appeared by her side. "Hey, Amy, you need help?" > >"Sonic! I thought you were searching for the blue and grey emeralds." > >"Got 'em. Sal told me you ditched her, so I thought I'd come give you a hand." > >"Really?" Amy thought this sounded like an excuse. > >"Well, don't tell anyone, but it was a great excuse MIKE: [Amy] Boy, it's like you read my mind! TOM: [Sonic] So, we were reading your mind... > to be with you, and not let >Sally come between us." MIKE: Crow, no jokes about three-ways. CROW: Awww... > >Amy smiled. "Hey, this is great! TOM: This can't possibly be a delusion or a dream sequence! > I always wanted to have a few moments alone >with you, and do all the things Sally usually does. Talking, snuggling, >kissing..." CROW: Tick-eating... MIKE: Burrowing... TOM: Snickering at the ferrets... > >As if on command, Sonic swept her up and gave her a longer, deeper kiss than she >had ever seen him give Sally. CROW: Sonic's tongue started boxing Amy's uvula. > >Amy was overjoyed. Part of her mind told her that something was wrong, but she >did not care. TOM: She always ignores the intelligent sector of her brain. > "Ha! Sonic is mine," she thought in triumph. "Sally can get run >over by a hoverbot." > >In the distance, Amy heard a scream, followed by a heavy *THUMP*. > >"Huh? What was that?" > >Sonic just shrugged. > >They both ran towards the sound. Suddenly, Amy saw Sally in the mist ahead of >her, underneath the largest hoverbot she had ever seen. The 'bot had obviously >run over the squirrel, and was now slowly settling down on her spine. MIKE: Obviously confusing 'squirrel' for 'Sealy Posture-pedic.' > >"SALLY," Amy shouted, running up to her and trying to pull the lifeless body >out from under the vehicle. TOM: Always immediately move a seriously injured victim. Especially with spinal injuries. > >Sally did not move. > >Amy pushed against the hoverbot. "Sally! I won't let you die. Get off, you >stupid piece of junk!" Then she saw Sonic, standing a few paces away, looking >at the scene. MIKE: [Sonic] Cool. > "Sonic! Aren't you going to help her?" > >Sonic did not budge. CROW: "Huh?" > "Isn't this what you wanted? Why should I help?" > >"What's wrong with you?" Amy screamed, "I thought you would...you would...love >her." She stopped, looking intently at the hedgehog. "You're not Sonic, are >you? The Sonic I know always loved Sally. You can't be real." A tear fell >from her left eye. "Ohhh, I've been such a fool. [Mike applauds] TOM: Finally! CROW: You got it, sister! > I can never have him. If I >try, it will only hurt both of us. TOM: Even more. > For his sake, I must let him go." > >A globe of nothingness swept out from Amy. It took away the mist, Sonic, Sally, >and the hoverbot, leaving only what she had seen before. CROW: The holodeck powers off and it turns out to be the most ludicrious "Next Generation" crossover episode ever. > At her feet, though, >was the pink Chaos Emerald. > >"Huh?" She picked up the gem. "I don't get it." MIKE: I'M SHOCKED!! > >"As your illusions dissapeared," replied the voice, "so did mine. I am the >magic of this zone. When I was created, I was given a desire to make all who >come here happy. CROW: What a fool I was. > But I soon realized that I did not have enough power to grant >all the wishes that were hidden in these visitors' minds, so I used illusions. TOM: Petty, silly, transparent illusions anyone not brain-dead would see through, but illusions nevertheless. >I have given final peace to millions over the ages, by making them think the >world complied with their fantasies until they starved, their sensation of >hunger wished away. CROW: That's incredibly sick. > Few can dispel their inner illusions as you have just done. >In those rare cases, my illusions do not work, but since they are so rare, I can >afford to change the world for them." ALL: [singing] I can cha-he-ange the world! I will be the sunlight in your universe! > >"'Final peace'? Eww...no wonder this zone is forbidden." TOM: "Oh, grody. Dead stuff." > >"You shall get what you want." > >"No more illusions?" > >"If you carry no more." MIKE: [Amy] Lemme check my purse. > >Amy closed Nicole, put it on top of the Chaos Emerald, held the gem over her >head with both hands, and stared at it. TOM: Uh...she stared at the top of her head? CROW: You seen their eyes? They *can*. > "I want..." MIKE: Chipple-riffic ice cream. > >The emerald, Nicole, and Amy were gone in a blaze of pink energy. [All leave] [...safe...2...3...4...5...6...klunk-shunk] [Crow is sitting alone Indian-style on the counter. He talks without moving his mouth.] CROW: Hm, I sure could go for some pizza now. [In a pink flash, a pizza lands on his head. The Mads' light also flashes.] CROW: Hey, I just got my wish! What else could I wish for?... Some dinner music would be nice. [As soon as a piano lands on him, we immediately cut to...] [Mobius. All the villagers are surrounding are surrounding a stage in the middle of the village. Pearl is on top of the stage with a microphone, Observer is on drums, and Sonic plays guitar. The Widowmaker can be seen in the background where Bobo is fiddling with the child-safety lock in a futile effort to exit the vehicle.] PEARL: As you all should know by now, Brain Guy, Bobo, and myself are leaving your planet shortly. CROWD: Awwwww... PEARL: But it isn't all in selfishness... well, mostly, BUT... maybe we can express our feelings on this case better... in a song. Hit it, Son Hedgey Hedge! [Music starts and singing follows.] PEARL: I remember the time way back when You hated me for bein' human. You wanted me dead but decided not When you saw Mike and his robots. TRIO (Pearl, Observer and a muffled Bobo): We don't want Mike to blow this planet up Else the Sonic fans would lynch us. So for your safety, we'll hafta up And leave in our Microbus. PEARL: We got Smilitis, but we got well. "Holloween" made Mike go through hell. So he tried instead to show Christmas to you So we sent him more Bookshire doodoo! TRIO: We don't want Mike to blow this planet up Else the Sonic fans would lynch us. So for your safety, we'll hafta up And leave in our Microbus. [In enters a flat dog and the crowd cheers. The music continues but the next few lines are spoken.] PEARL: Why look, everybody! It's a special guest here at the great farewell bash: PaRappa the Rapper! PARAPPA: Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! OBSERVER: How would you like to do a little song for us? PARAPPA: Oh, c'mon... SONIC: One humanoid, Japanese game sprite to another? Please? PARAPPA: Well... PEARL: [Handing PaRappa the mike] Go on! PARAPPA: Okay. [Rapping] Remember when Tails was hooked on drugs And you three were covered in Spam? Then Vision came, hypnotized you all, But thanks to Pearl, he went KABLAM!! OBSERVER: That was very good. SONIC: Yes, ah- PARAPPA: P to the A to the R to the A... SONIC: Uh-oh... OBSERVER: He's gonna pay for it. He shifted attention away from Pearl. PARAPPA: PaRappa's the name, I rap- PEARL: Yer outta here, 2D-Fruity! [She kicks him hard enough to have him fly over the crowd. The microphone twirls through the air until it lands in Sonic's had where he continues the song.] SONIC: Remember when Pearl turned Davey-Kins More evil than the seven sins? He then tried to rule our planet... [SOL] MIKE: But *I'm* the hero! [Mobius] ALL: Oh, just can it! [Observer has swiped the mike during the scene shift.] TRIO: We don't want Mike to blow this planet up Else the Sonic fans would lynch us. So for your safety, we'll hafta up And leave in our Microbus. OBSERVER: T-Bone thought he was really rad But WESTSIDE-boy cud ownlly speel bawd. We rid the world of self-insertion turds... [Music stops with an awkward pause.] PEARL: [A cappella] It's hard to think of rhyming words. [Music starts again.] TRIO: We don't want Mike to blow this planet up Else the Sonic fans would lynch us. So for your safety, we'll hafta up And leave in our Microbus. PEARL: [Slowly] Yes, leeeeeeave... in my Miiiiicrooooo-...bussssssssssss... [The crowd cheers, while the band bows and takes thanks. The sounds continue over the commercial bumper.] [Commercials]