[All enter]

>Chaos Race
>
>Part 8: Conclusion

TOM: I conclude that this fanfic is way too long and relies on too many old
     and tired clichés and morality lessons.

>
>Written by: Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi
>
>[Legal disclaimer:

CROW: You dissin' my claimer? You dissin' my claimer? Ain't nobody 'lowed to
      dis my claimer.

>
>This story is based on characters created by SEGA and Archie Comic Publications,
>Inc., and Commander Packbell by David Pistone.  Permission is granted to freely

MIKE: Ignore this story and any stories that are written as a result of it.

>distribute this story, so long as:
>a: no recompense of financial value is received or given by the person who
>distributes the story, and
>b: the distributed copy is identical to the story as originally authored.
>In other words, don't sell it, and don't alter it.
>
>Copyright (c) 1996, all rights reserved, et cetera.]
>
>******
>
>Sonic and Knuckles almost collided as they raced for the entrance to Knothole
>from opposite directions.

TOM: Now let's take a look inside the cyclotron!

>                           Sally, still in Knuckles' arms, barely filled the gap
>between them when they stopped.
>
>Sonic was not amused.  "What the...let go of her.  She's mine," he declared.

MIKE: Didn't you see the little tag?
CROW: Poor Tails. Sonic's got two girls, Sally's got two guys, and what does
      Tails have? Two tails.

>
>"Yours?"  The echnida set Sally down.  "She be no one's, unless you've been
>treatin' her like a slave."  He bared his fists.  "You become a slaver, mon?"

TOM: Uncle Tom's Cartoon.

>
>"Slaver?"  Sonic stepped back into a fighting pose.  "You're calling me a
>slaver?  That's it, you asked for it."

MIKE: [Knuckles] No, no, mon. Heh. I said "shaver" - like you shaved off
      your quills or something? Heh heh.

>
>"STOP IT!"

TOM: Sunny Funny?

>            Sally got up and held them at arm's length.  "You two seem ready to
>fight at the drop of a hat.  I've fought with enough allies today; I don't need
>you two to go at it now."

CROW: I bet Howard Stern would love to see them going at it.
MIKE: No, this would be two *guys* going at it. Stern likes to watch
      multiple girls.

>
>Sonic and Knuckles unclenched their fists, but kept wary eyes on each other just
>in case.

CROW: "You're not going to turn into a werewolf on me, are you?"
TOM: "Nah, not this week. You?"
CROW: "No, not up to it."

>
>"Good."  Sally turned to Sonic.  "Amy's going for the pink emerald; have you
>heard anything from Antoine and Tails?"

CROW: Just lots of crying.
MIKE: Now either Antoine or Tails will suddenly arrive.

>
>Before he could answer, Sonic had to duck as a hoverbot transport nearly ran him
>over.

TOM: Well there you go - all Robotnik had to do was run Sonic over with a
     hoverbot!

>       The hoverbot landed, bounced, and skidded to a halt.

MIKE: Looks like Launchpad McQuack is flying that hoverbot.

>                                                             The hedgehog got
>up, and saw the others already punching away at the vehicle's doorpad, trying
>to open it.

TOM: Mom! Mom! I called for the front seat and he's trying to grab it!
CROW: No fair! I called freeze on seats last time we were in there!
TOM: But that was over two days ago!
CROW: Yeah but I called a 3-day extender!
TOM: No fair, you called one last week and you can't do that twice in a
     month!
CROW: I had a pass card 'cause I gave the front seat up to you last month!
MIKE: You all quiet down or I'm turning this fanfic around and going right 
      back home.

>             Sonic ran to help them, but Knuckles had already managed to force
>the door open.

TOM: [Door] Ow! You booger!

>                The echnida was inside instantly, quickly followed by Sonic and
>Sally.

CROW: And Slimer and Skippy and Sully and Slappy and Slippy and...

>
>Sally had to stifle a giggle when she saw the hoverbot's pilot, whose neck was
>encased by Knuckles' hands.
>
>Sonic was the first to speak.  "Let him go, Knuckles.  He's harmless."

MIKE: And if Knuckles keeps that up, he'll be headless as well.

>
>"Leesten to 'im.  Ah am 'armless in ze extreme."

TOM: I got hit by a zap ray and turned into a snake. It's kind of
     inconvenient, but I love eating entire cows at once.

>
>Knuckles regarded Antoine.

MIKE: See? There's Ant right on schedule.

>                            "The way you tried to run us down, I should leave
>you armless.  But alright."  He dropped the fox.

TOM: And picked up the squirrel. Nobody really knew why Knuckles liked to
     carry animals around, and nobody was about to ask.

>
>Sally glanced around at the hoverbot's full cargo bay.  "Where did you find all
>this?  And where's Tails?"
>
>Antoine produced the yellow

CROW: Snow.

>                            Chaos Emerald from underneath the controls.  "Ah
>thought eet best to safeguard what we had found.  Tails went for ze green
>emerald without me."

MIKE: [Sally] So when are you going to answer my first question?

>
>"You..."  Sally froze.  "You abandoned him?"

TOM: No. I mean yes. I mean, sure. I mean, was that wrong?

>
>"Umm...well...oui.  But ah have ze utmost confidence zat he shall reteurn
>unharmed, with ze emeralds.

MIKE: This is a fanfic afterall.

>                             Speaking of which..."  Antoine handed the yellow
>gem to Knuckles, who touched it to the purple emerald.  "...do we have what we
>were to find?"

CROW: [Sally] No, we're still working on the meaning of life, but we've got
      most of the Chaos Emeralds.

>
>"Well," Sally counted off on her fingers,

TOM: "What's the thingy that comes after one again?"

>                                          "Tails is going after the green
>emerald, Amy's on the pink one, we have red and purple, and you came back with
>yellow.  That leaves blue and grey.  Sonic?"

CROW: "I got a rock."

>
>The hedgehog shook his head as he produced the blue emerald.  "I couldn't find
>the grey one.  Packbell probably got it before me."

TOM: I mean, uh, he probably has it, since I didn't feel like looking or 
     anything.

>                                                     He did a double take.
>"Wait a minute.  What do you mean, 'Amy's on the pink one'?  You didn't
>just...?"

MIKE: Hey Sonic, I think you should be more concerned about what Packbell
      will do with the gray emerald. Y'know, the master one? Doesn't
      Knuckle-head tell you anything?

>
>Sally nodded.  "We had no choice.  She took Nicole with her,

CROW: "They eloped!"

>                                                             and Knuckles
>refused to track her down."

MIKE: "And we ran out of gas and it started to rain, and... and-and..."

>
>"With all those robots out there?  That's suicide!"  Sonic turned to leave.

TOM: So I'd better go kill myself.

>                                                                             "I
>have to find her!"
>
>Before he could leave, a blaze of pink energy formed in front of him.

CROW: Suddenly a Romulan beams down!

>                                                                       When it
>faded, Amy Rose was giving Sonic the most meaningful kiss she had ever given
>him.  The pink Chaos Emerald and Nicole tumbled out of mid-air, both sliding to
>their respective owners.

MIKE: BONK! BONK!
CROW: [Sally] Ow!
TOM: [Knuckles] Ow!

>
>When Amy let go, Sonic was stunned, standing there with his mouth open.  But
>when he looked at Amy, he saw tears running down her face.  "I realized who you
>love, and who you have always loved," she said calmly.

CROW: He hasn't *always* loved Sally. There was that Tiara Boobowski, among
      many, many others...

>                                                        "You'll never love me,
>at least not as much as you love Sally."  She turned her back on everyone,
>trying to keep them from seeing her crying.  "You should have told me."
>
>Sonic put a hand on her shoulder.

MIKE: What shoulder?

>                                   "I couldn't.  I knew it would break your
>heart to know the truth.

TOM: "Besides, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

>                          I...I just couldn't bear to make you feel so bad.
>You're my friend, Amy, and I never let my friends down."

CROW: [Sonic] But I'm not above crushing their spirits once in a while!

>
>Sonic turned away from Amy, only to have Sally rush up and kiss him even more
>deeply than Amy had.

MIKE: I heard that mono spreads rather rapidly on Mobius.

>                      He could only catch his breath when Sally finished.
>"What...was that...for?"

TOM: [Sally] Um... I forget.

>
>Sally smiled.  "Oh, nothing.  I just remembered why I ever liked a certain
>hedgehog, that's all."

MIKE: Care to let us in on the secret?

>
>All three of them felt a rough landing,

CROW: Huh?

>                                        and turned as one towards Antoine.

TOM: [Antoine] Hey you two! Get a room!

>
>"Zorry to interrupt, but while you lovebirds were taking care of buisiness,

MIKE: [Singing] Everyday!

>                                                                            ah
>decided to get ze road on ze show."
>
>"That's, 'show on the road'," Knuckles corrected.

CROW: Apparently Antoine sapped all of Knuckles' accent.

>                                                   "I don't know if we can do
>much with only five emeralds, but we've got to try.  Who knows, maybe Tails will
>make it back in time with Green, too."
>
>"So?"  Sonic tapped his foot impatiently.  "What're we waiting for?

MIKE: [Sally] Well, I was hoping we'd have a musical number first.

>                                                                     Let's get
>back to the island."
>
>Knuckles rolled his eyes.

TOM: Whiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrr...
CROW: "Wheeeeeeeeeee!"

>                           "From what I heard of Sir Charles, stupidity should
>not be in your genes.  But in your case, maybe a recessive one came out."  He
>sighed.  "Where do you think Antoine's just taken us?"

CROW: HUH?
TOM: Even if they were wrapped up in their business, wouldn't they notice
     the acceleration?

>
>******
>
>Sure enough, the hoverbot had landed on the Floating Island, near the ruins of
>the Chaos Chamber.  The Freedom Fighters, along with the revived Chaotix, had
>already secured the area.

CROW: Despite the fact that most of the Freedom Fighters can't fly and
      wouldn't be able to get on the island.
TOM: Not to mention the fact that the only attack was a swarm of precisely
     targeted missiles that all detonated long before any of them even knew
     about what had happened.

>
>Bunnie greeted them as they approached.

MIKE: [Bunnie] Ah just flew up heah from Knothole an' boy are mah arms
      tired! Ha ha ha!

>                                         "What took y'all so long?  Much longer,
>and this here island wouldn't be called 'floating' anymore."

TOM: [Bunnie] Now kiss mah gritz!

>
>"Indeed."  Mighty pointed to a speck on the horizon, which rapidly grew larger.
>"Although I had expected Packbell to attack again before you got back."

MIKE: Sheesh. Do fictional characters just make appointments with each other
      to pull off these coincidences?

>
>Everyone turned to look at the single hoverbot.  They all knew it could not be a
>threat;

TOM: Antoine had just lost control of the ship again.

>        if it tried to attack, its enemies were in a position to strike it down
>before it got its second shot off.
>
>But instead of attacking, the hoverbot landed, discharged

CROW: Ew!

>                                                          two passengers, and
>powered down.  Those assembled gasped as they saw the figures march towards
>them,

BOTS: [Disheartened] We represent the lollipop guild...the lollipop guild...
      the lollipop guild...

>      one with the green Chaos Emerald and a laser rifle, the other with his
>head drooped in shame.

CROW: Yes, somehow Tails had managed to escape from his bonds and capture
      Snively!

>
>"'Ze utmost confidence'?"  Sally frowned at Antoine.  "If you ever pull a stunt
>like that again, I will personally roboticize you."
>
>Antoine cowered in fear.

MIKE: "I can't stand ze sight of air!"

>                          He had been cowering since Snively's arrival, though,
>so no one noticed a difference.
>
>"Greetings, fellow Mobians."

TOM: Nanoo nanoo.

>                              Snively's grin stretched across half of his face.
>"I offer you a trade."

TOM: How much you wanna bet they fall for it again?
MIKE: We don't have any money, remember?
TOM: I mean in theory.
MIKE: Oh. Everything I own.
CROW: Same here.

>
>"Let Tails go," Sonic shouted.
>
>"Oh, but I will.

CROW: Or Tails will escape when he pulls some kind of stunt like calling, 
      'Hey! Look there!'

>                  I just need him as insurance, to make sure you don't double
>cross me while we make our exchange."
>
>"What do you want?"
>
>"From you, hedgehog?  Nothing.  My buisiness is with Knuckles."
>
>"Me?"  The echinda looked around.

TOM: [Knuckles] Where'd I go? Oh, here I am. Sorry, lost myself for a
     second.

>                                   "I got nothin' for you, mon."
>
>"Yes, you do.  I want the Floating Island's technology.

MIKE: I *will* master 'sprite' graphics.

>                                                         All the discoveries and
>secrets buried in the ruins of your ancestors' civilization.  Give me that
>information, and you can have your precious Chaos Emerald back.  I'll even let
>Tails go, once I'm off the island."

TOM: So he can fall to his death. Wait. That came out wrong.

>
>"Don't do it," Tails shouted defiantly.

CROW: Tails is AntiNike.

>                                         His retort was cut off when Snively
>jabbed him in the side with his rifle.  "Shut up, little fox, before I change
>my mind!"  Snively held up the emerald.  "It's a fair exchange, don't you
>think?  Some ancient technology for a whole island.

MIKE: Go on, just give him the Windows 95 CD-ROM!

>                                                     I - YEOWCH!"

TOM: He shouldn't have sat on the cactus.

>
>Snively's speech was cut short as metal hands grabbed him from behind

CROW: 'Grabbing his behind'?

>                                                                      and
>held him aloft.  Tails was sent rolling to his friends, along with the emerald.
>"So, you live after all," a familiar, sinister voice echoed through the robot's
>speakers.  "Well, well, well.

TOM: That's how we'll get our drinking water, we'll dig them.

>                               This is quite unexpected."
>
>Sally helped Tails get up, then froze.  "Packbell?"
>
>"Yes, Princess, it is I.  And I want the Chaos Emeralds."

CROW: [Sonic] Well so do I. Let's roshambo for it.
TOM: [Packbell] Roshambo?
CROW: [Sonic] Well, first I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can. Then you
      kick me in the nuts as hard as you can. We keep going back and forth
      until one of us falls over, and whoever's left standing wins the
      Emeralds.

>
>"Then come and get them," Sonic challenged in a mocking voice.  "We've got six,
>and you're outnumbered."
>
>
>"But I have the grey one."

TOM: I have the horizontal. I have the vertical.

>                            Packbell tossed Snively to the side and produced the
>grey Chaos Emerald.  "It gives me total control over the others."

MIKE: [Packbell] It even gives me cable - for free! Hahahahahahahaha!

>
>Knuckles, realizing what was about to happen, sent a telepathic command to the
>floating emeralds.  They dispersed, each landing in the hand of one of the
>Freedom Fighters:

CROW: Pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds...

>                  red to Knuckles, blue to Sonic, pink to Amy Rose, yellow to
>Antoine, purple to Sally, and green to Tails.

TOM: If he can send telepathic commands to them, why doesn't he pull the
     gray one out of Packbell's hands and bring it to himself?

>
>"Now that I am close enough to the other emeralds,

MIKE: I get all weepy.

>                                                   all I have to do is command
>it," Packbell continued.  "And I command it to gather its siblings."
>
>The other six emeralds started glowing, and were pulled towards the grey one.
>Each holder resisted with all of their might,

TOM: So they failed.
CROW: Ch'yeah. Obviously.

>                                              putting their body in the path of
>the emerald and bracing against the ground.  It was a losing fight, though; each
>emerald slowly advanced on the grey, taking its holder with it.
>
>Packbell laughed.

MIKE: "Laugh with me, Jocko! Laugh with me!"

>                   "When the emeralds get close enough, I can absorb their
>power.  When that happens, victory shall be mine.

TOM: Then I will finally have the ability to resist the urge to spill my
     evil plot to the good guys!

>                                                   Nothing you can do can stop
>me."
>
>"Then what are we," Bunnie asked, "chopped liver?

CROW: Worse; you're supporting cast.

>                                                   CHARGE!"

TOM: What's Braveheart Lion doing here?

>
>It took Packbell a second to count the number of Freedom Fighters and Chaotix
>who suddenly descended upon him.

CROW: A whole second? He must be running on a Pentium II.

>                                  Their combined mass was enough to make the
>ground shake.  Within two seconds, Packbell had to flee.

MIKE: He's Imanewbie!

>
>With its holder's concentration distracted, the grey emerald's call ceased.
>Knuckles collected the six gems, while the other five holders joined their
>colleagues.

TOM: Um, Wonder Twin powers activate?

>
>Snively, seeing an opportunity, dashed into the hoverbot and piloted it away.
>
>******
>
>Packbell was not the fastest robot in existance, but he did manage to evade his
>numerous pursuers long enough to get to the edge of the island.

MIKE: Sooooo... Sonic "Fastest Thing Alive" Hedgehog, huh?
TOM: {Tsk}... yeah...

>                                                                 Packbell held
>the gem above his head as he stood on the cliff.  "Stop, or I will destroy this
>emerald."

CROW: Methinks Packbell misses the definition of "indestructable."

>
>"No you won't," Amy yelled as she jumped at Packbell and started to beat away on
>his head.  Her first blow damaged Packbell's visual sensor array, the second cut
>off vital connections in his neck circuity, and she was only getting started.
>Sonic mused that her fighting skills had definitely improved over the years,
>ever since she attacked her first SWATbot to save him.

MIKE: But she's still doing the exact same thing!

>
>Packbell was taken by surprise.

CROW: He'd never have guessed it was so rubbery!

>                                 He dropped the gem and tried to shake Amy off,
>stumbling around helplessly, screaming with rage.  The robot toppled over the
>cliff and dropped out of sight, taking Amy with him.

TOM: Wow. Got rid of the two biggest pains in this story at once.
MIKE: Too bad their recurring characters that will return before the
      "surprise" ending.

>
>Packbell looked around, scarcely believing what had happened.  "You pink maniac!
>You have only doomed yourself.  Surely you know that my 'soul' is but a program.

CROW: Ah, but Amy realizes they're all fanfic characters anyway so can come 
      back more often than the X-Men do.

>This body may be scrapped, but I can just copy myself to another body in
>Robotropolis.  You, on the other hand, will not survive."  He chuckled
>ominously.  "How mortal of you, to sacrifice yourself like this."

TOM: So dying is the way to live to the fullest?

>
>"It doesn't matter.  If I can't have Sonic, I have nothing to live for.  I loved
>him with all my heart.  But he only loved Sally."
>
>"You have...my pity.  Goodbye."  The robot shut down as Packbell returned his
>conciousness to Robotropolis, and proceeded to contemplate why those words
>should occur to him.  He had never pitied anyone before, and wasn't sure that he
>sincerely pitied Amy.

MIKE: But hell, who *couldn't* pity her?

>
>Amy closed her eyes and released the robot.  She had heard that falling produced
>a quick death, if you fell far enough.

TOM: Well, and if you hit the ground.

>                                        The hedgehog's thoughts were of Sonic as
>she felt a sudden deceleration.
>
>She kept her eyes closed for a few more seconds, then noticed something unusual.
>Only her arms had been jerked up; the rest of her body felt like it was
>suspended from them.  Amy opened her eyes, and saw that someone had grabbed a
>hold of her.  "Tails!?  You came to save me?"

CROW: "I was on a kamikaze mission! I was SUPPOSED to die!"
TOM: [Tails] Oh, sorry. I'll let you go.
CROW: [Amy] WAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGH!

>
>"Of course I did," Tails replied.  "We don't want to lose you.

MIKE: You have the keys to the bathroom.

>                                                                We all need
>you."

CROW: "Well, tolerate your existance, anyway."

>
>"Really?"  Amy smiled.  She completely forgot that she still had lots of
>friends,

TOM: Name one!

>         who would help her whenever she had problems.  Remembering this felt
>good.
>
>The fox strained as his tails slowly lifted both of them back towards the
>island.  "Geez, Amy, you need to go on a diet."
>
>"Are you telling me I'm fat?  How could you?  Waah!!"

MIKE: Oh great, now she's turned into Sailor Moon.

>
>"I save your life, and all you can do is cry?"  Tails shook his head, smirking.
>"Girls..."

CROW: They're all pathetic morons that obsesively worry about make-up,
      weight and malls! Am I right?
MIKE: Yeah! Girls are so stupid! Pfft!
TOM: I hate them.

>
>******
>
>When they finally reached the Floating Island,

CROW: So, is the Floating Island anything other than a way to combine 
      seasickness with airsickness?

>                                               Tails set Amy down in an empty
>clearing, then landed to catch his breath.
>
>"Oh, Tails, thank you," Amy said, beaming.
>
>"Don't mention it."

TOM: "I don't wish to be reminded of it."

>
>"No, really.  You were so brave, and so quick...and so handsome..."  Amy
>advanced on Tails.  Tails looked at her blankly, wondering what she was up to.
>
>******
>
>Snively's last remaining squad arrived just as Sonic saw Tails snatch Amy.
>
>"Yes!"  He looked up, and saw the incoming warriors.  "No!"
>
>The combat was brief, but intense.

TOM: It was lemony, but paperback.
MIKE: Spongey, but varnished.
CROW: Glued, but flour-coated.

>                                    Unused to outnumbering the enemy, Sally
>nonetheless managed to direct a complete massacre.  Within minutes, not a single
>functioning robot was in sight,

TOM: Saving Private Ryan: 2070.

>                                and none of the Freedom Fighters or Chaotix had
>been injured.
>
>Sonic bounced a SWATbot head off his quills as he rolled around.  "Well, Sally,
>I think that's the last of 'em."
>
>"Looks like..."

MIKE: Teen spirit... oh, wait...

>
>A loud scream interrupted Sally, but was abruptly cut off.
>
>"What the...?"

TOM: "Why can't we finish our...?"

>
>"That was Tails' voice.  We must've missed a SWATbot somewhere!"  Sonic turned
>and pointed.  "Come on!"

CROW: To the Batcave!

>
>******
>
>When Sonic and Sally raced up, they saw Amy looking confused, pondering over
>Tails' unconcious body.
>
>"All I did was kiss him," she offered.

MIKE: Then we plunged into the Eternal Bog of Stench.

>
>Sonic and Sally looked at each other, and broke down laughing.

BOTS: [Mechanically, winding down] Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha.

>
>******
>
>Hours later, as the Floating Island finally floated out of sight, Sonic put his
>arm around Sally's shoulder next to a campfire.

ALL: [Singing offkey] Oh, give me a home, where the buffalo roam, and the
     deer and the antelope play.

>                                                 "You know, Sal, I'm glad you
>and Amy have stopped fighting.  She's right; I was hurting worse than you two
>were."

TOM: Well, no, actually, he had no emotional response at all.

>        Sonic squeezed the squirrel.  "Where'd you learn to be so jealous,
>anyway?"

MIKE: Eleventh grade. Had to fill out an elective.

>
>Sally giggled, and patted Sonic on the back.

CROW: [Sally] YEOW! Ooops, forgot about the quills.

>                                              "From a friend of mine.  He's
>always trying to make sure 'his girl' stays his."
>
>"Moi?  Oh, come on, Sal.  Sure, I might not like it when anybody else makes
>moves on you, but jealous?"
>
>"Just remember that next time Antoine pays me a compliment, ok?"
>
>Sonic looked at Sally, and pulled his head back.

CROW: Breaking his neck in several places.

>                                                  "Antoine?  Well...ok, if you
>say so."  He sighed.  "It's fights like today's that make me wonder if we'll
>ever win.  I mean, wouldn't Mobius be better place by now if we were making a
>difference?"
>
>Sally mused.  "You're right.  But..."
>
>******

MIKE: But what?!

>
>Elsewhere in Knothole, a pair of packrats rejoiced as Bunnie brought their long
>lost son back to them.

TOM: [Packrat] They aren't shiny. I don't want them.

>
>******

MIKE: Whoa!

>
>Cap hugged Missy tightly.  "I love you.  Oh, I missed you so much."
>
>"You've been saying that all day."  Missy smiled.  "Keep saying it."

CROW: [As Missy] "You gave me seventy orders a day for four years, I want 
      some payback."

>
>******

MIKE: Yaugh! I'm getting woozy from all these scene cuts.

>
>Tails sat down on a log next to Amy.  "So, what'd you have to talk to Sally
>about?"
>
>Amy sighed.  "Just making up for keeping Sonic from her."
>
>He wrinkled his face in disgust.  "What, you actually apologized for
>interrupting that disgusting stuff?"
>
>She turned to Tails.  "It's not that bad.  I like it."

TOM: I'm emotionally desperate for any hint of approval.

>
>"Must be an acquired taste."
>
>Amy slid closer to the fox.  "Would you like to acquire it?"

CROW: Fun and games with puberty, folks!

>
>"Not in a million years."
>
>She smiled slyly, and bear hugged him.  "How about now?"
>
>Tails gulped nervously, unsure of what to do.  But eventually, he smiled and
>hugged her back.
>
>******

MIKE: Augh!

>
>Having finally gathered all the scrap from the robots that had tried to invade
>the Floating Island, Knuckles sat down with the Chaos Emeralds.  A few magical
>flares later, the scrap's atoms had been rearranged into a new Chaos Chamber,

CROW: I bet planning to build one of those is a mess.
TOM: Just chaotic, yeah.

>which Knuckles reverently placed the emeralds into.  "Justice is mine."
>
>******

MIKE: Jeez!

>
>Off in the Forbidden Zone, a piece of semi-sentient magic reflected that it had
>granted another wish.

CROW: Although we're not entirely certain who or what this is referring to.

>                       The Wish Zone had had to see one less Mobian pleased to
>death.

TOM: For those playing along at home, this is a good line to work from.

>
>******

CROW: And somewhere, another angel gets its bells.
MIKE: Wings.
CROW: Right. Another wing gets its bells.

>
>"...I'd say it is."
>
>Sonic snuggled closer to Sally.  "If you say so."

MIKE: [valley girl] Sure.
CROW: [same] Whatever.
TOM: [same] As if!
MIKE: Guy!
CROW: Like, gag me with a spoon!
TOM: Omigawd!
[All continue as they leave the theater.]

[Safe...2...3...4...5...6...klunk-shunk]

[Gypsy's off to the left with a whistle around her "neck" while Tom and Mike
are to the right in track uniforms.]
GYPSY: Alright! Go!
[Mike falls backwards while Tom shoots straight up. Mike recovers to have
Tom land on his head. Tom then attempts to move forward only to collide with
the desk and bounce against a couple of walls and fall to the floor. Mike
gets up one last time and runs forward only to trip over Tom's body. They
remain motionless. Crow enters, sammich in hand.]
CROW: Hey, Gyps. What's happened?
GYPSY: Oh, we were just having a... Chaos Race. [Rimshot] Thank you.
       Anything up?
CROW: Naw.
[Suddenly a crash is heard and a grappling hook shoots out of one wall,
impales Crow's head, and attaches itself on the other wall. The SOL moves
with a start.]
GYPSY: Holy sh-

[VW... in space! Usual view]

[Observer, who shot the hook, hands the grappling gun to Bobo.]
OBSERVER: You're stronger; you take it.
BOBO: Dahh, y'okay.

[SOL]

[View through the hole in the back of Crow's head so you can see Gypsy.]
GYPSY: Crow, are you alright? Can you go on?
CROW: Sure I can... mom.
[Crow collapses.]
GYPSY: Um, excuse me, Mrs. Pearl ma'am, but what the hell did you do to him?

[VW]

[Bobo is holding the rope by his teeth, growling like a dog.]
PEARL: All we did is rope the Satellite. Art was just an innocent bystander
       there. It happens. Anyway, we've finally left that Godforsaken ball
       of dirt. Fun times or not, it's great to be on the road again. Yup,
       we'll never see them again.
[Tails pops up from under Observer's seat.]
OBSERVER: Waugh!
TAILS: Hi!
PEARL: What the hell are you doing here??
TAILS: I'd miss you, Aunt Pearl! [Hugs her.] I love you.
PEARL: [Rolls down a window] Would you do whatever I say?
TAILS: If the money's right.
PEARL: Leave anyway. [Tosses Tails out the window.]
OBSERVER: We're gonna hear from the ASPCA about that... Might I ask why you
          did that?
PEARL: Okay.
[Pause]
OBSERVER: Why did you do that?
PEARL: One insignificant fox was worth it to not ruin the ecosystem of the
       next planet we land on. Remember how one foreign insentient creature
       could destroy an entire land? Treehuggers are a hell of a lot more
       violent than Sonic fans, I'll tell ya that.
OBSERVER: Oh, right. I see your point.
PEARL: Of course you do.
[Pan over to the side of the van where the packrat of the story is clinging
to the bumper.]
PACKRAT: Car shiny!
[Continue panning to the planet Mobius.]
OBSERVER: [V.O.] I wonder what they'll do without us.

[Cut to Knothole Village where Sonic and Sally are looking at a diminishing
dot in the sky.]
SONIC: I wonder what we'll do without them.
SALLY: You can say that again.
SONIC: ...I'm not gonna do that joke.
[They start walking across the village.]
SONIC: Y'know, I got so used to them being around here I forgot what we did
       before.
SALLY: Fight evil.
SONIC: ...Oh, yeah... But that isn't half as fun.
SALLY: Tell me about it.
SONIC: I wonder if we could ever find more humans and-slash-or robots to
       torture with our fiction...
SALLY: Well, you can't exactly expect them to fall from the sky or anything,
       can you?
[The ground shakes with a loud crash. Zip-pan to where the Millennium Falcon
has landed. Han, Leia, and Chewie exit while Luke and his Droids remain in
the doorway.]
HAN: That whoopie cushion wasn't funny at all, Luke!
LUKE: Heh, yeah it was.
R2D2: Bah-weep!
C3PO: I really don't agree with this at all.
HAN: If it was so funny, how come it CAUSED ME TO CRASH LAND ON A FOREIGN
     PLANET WHEN I LOST CONTROL??
LEIA: Easy there.
CHEWIE: Growr.
HAN: If only I could get them back.
LEIA: Yeah, but how?
CHEWIE: Grrrow grrr rowr rrrrr rah?
HAN: Force them to watch bad fanfictions for an indefinite amount of time?
     Where do you get these ideas?
CHEWIE: Rhy dunno.
LEIA: Hmm. It could work.
HAN: If we're sneaky... Maybe we can get the natives to help.
[Cut to Sonic and Sally, who look at each other and give exaggerated shrugs
and grins.]
BOTH: Oh, well! Here we go again!
[Tails falls through the roof of a hut in the background as we iris out on
"Shave and a Haircut."]

---
ALMIGHTY EDITOR AND GODLIKE HEAD WRITER: John Berry [berry@sugar-river.net]
WRITERS: CDM [cdm9613@juno.com]
         MacMog [macmog@umich.edu]
         Joseph Nebus [nebusj@rpi.edu]
         Satyajit Phanse [satyap@bom2.vsnl.net.in]
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Jennifer "Kaz00ie" Berry [berry@sugar-river.net]
                      Shay Caron [gleemoth@aol.com]
HOST SEGMENTS: John Berry
               CDM
               MacMog
PROOFREADER: Shay Caron

"Twelve Things Mobian" LYRICS: Shay Caron & John Berry
                       MUSIC: Some old guy that's probably dead

"Don't Blow This Planet Up" LYRICS: John Berry
                            MUSIC: No one; it's just text now

JOSEPH NEBUS' A.C.E.G. TO SONIC MSTINGS: www.math.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k.html
SONIC COMIC PARODY PAGE: members.aol.com/TheVid1987/STCParody.html
                         (Page space provided by "The Vid")

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters ©1998 Best Brains Inc.
Sonic the Hedgehog and other characters ©1998 of SEGA, DIC, and Archie Comics.
Star Wars and characters ©1998 LucasFilm Ltd. and 20th Century Fox.

STINGER:

>"Is this where Robotnik did you?"