"The Cloaked Figure" part two of three. MiST fact #23: Most MiSTers are real people, with real lives, with real waaaay-too-much-trouble-on-their-hands. MiST fact #24: Please disregard MiST "fact" #23. Crow: Man, them decomposers is crazy! Joel: I agree, funky-dude. Tom: Guys...get a hold of yourself! The furniture polish fumes are hurting you! And the purple fungus didn't help either! Crow: You talkin' crazy talk? Joel: No, Crow, he's right. Crow: Oh. > Come on wake up Sarah and Kat we can get them. Tom, sounding sinister: Permanently...mwa ha ha ha! > Sero snickered Crow: At what? His sexist views? > Scooter ran over to where Sero was and they started to make snowballs. > When they had about twenty snowballs Scooter ran over with his speed Joel: He's bringing speed? Yaah! > and woke them up > quickly and ran back. Kat yawned and got snow in her mouth and fell over. Tom: In the process of doing so, she gained a concussion and massive internal bleeding. > She picked herself up Joel: First the speed, and then the beer? These kids are involved with the wrong people. > and woke Sarah up quickly. Joel: Well, at the very least, they didn't have caffeine. Crow: That's all that matters, you know. > Sarah! Sarah! Wake up we are under attack! she yelled. Tom, as Kat: Heat up the death ray! > What do you mean, Kat? asked Sarah. > Duck! yelled Kat. All: Obligatory "goose!" > Huh? Too late Sarah got hit with a snowball. > Hey?! what do you think you are doing? Sarah questioned Joel: And where were you on the night of the 458th? > Sero and Scooter did not answer they where too overcome with laughter. > Come on, Lets show them what we girls are made of. Kat exclaimed. Tom: No! Not a Blood and Metal wrapup! > Both of the girls made snow balls and Sarah said Oh, Boys. Crow, singing: Boys! All I really want is boys! Tom: No, Crow. It's "Girls! All I really want is girls!" > Sero and Scooter looked up and got hit in the face with snowballs. All right this is > war! yelled Scooter. Joel, as a historian: At that time, Adolf Hitler had been chancellor of Germany. Some time after, the Blitzkriegs were devised. > They played on till something moved in the backpack besides Sero. All: Yeah! Satchel bombs! > Hey, Buddy what's in the pack? Scooter wondered. Tom, lightheartedly: Oh, just the key to your destruction. > I will show you. Hey Amy want to come out and join the fun? Crow: "Fun?" > Sero questioned. > What do you think? Joel: Jeez, Meghan, why are you asking me? > It unzipped itself and a five year old girl squirrel came out. Tom: "Hi, I'm your new love interest, no matter how incredulous it sounds. Try me for free the first three months!" > Amy was a light red tree squirrel with a long bushy tail and blond hair with some > rubber bands tied to make it a ponytail. > Hi, Scooter. Amy stated. Crow, as Scooter: Uh, I think I'm supposed to say "Hi, I'm Scooter and I'm an alcoholic" first. > How did you know my name? Scooter questioned. > I have ears you know. Joel: Hey! That's an opinionated fact! > Say Amy why don't you go over with the other girls they need all he help they can get. > Sero snickered. > Sero and Scooter laughed Crow: As previously mentioned. > and Amy stomped over to the girls. She introduced herself to > them and they started the snowball war all over again. They played till noon when the Tom: Mobius National Guard showed up. > Dog and the cloaked figure woke up. Sero ran over and hugged the figure, Scooter > guessed that was his mom. Joel: Um, Mom? Can I get those jeans? Tom: I'm your teacher. > Sero, Hun are you going to introduce my to your friends? Crow: "Say hello to my little friends!" > The figure wondered. > Mom, this is Sarah, Scooter and Kat. Sero told his mom > Did you now that you were playing with a princess and a prince. > Sero only replied Yes. Tom: Oh, good one, Sero. Attempting to kill the authorities, too. > Serina, will you come here please. The cloaked figure said. Crow, as the cloaked figure: Now say, "Moon Prism Power!" > The large dog walked over and sat down by the cloaked figure. Joel, lightheartedly: Then it promptly mauled them. > Come on you three we are going back to the palace. Your parents must be worried sick. > You can ride on Serina's back. The figure told them. > There was a groan from the kids. They where having such fun. Tom: *We* weren't. > Now they had to face > being punished from there parents. They Crow: Suddenly sprouted a heavy iron ball and chain. > climbed on Serinas' back and rode to the > Palace. > Right now nothing mattered to Sonic except finding his kids and Kat. Joel: And the results of Super Bowl XXXIII. > He had > run all over the palace and no sign of them. He stopped at the gates just to check > around there one more time and he could hear a faint pounding on the door. Tom: It's not a mailman. They *knock* twice. > He opened > it as quickly as he could hoping it was the kids. Joel, as Ed McMahon: You've won-- Crow, as Sonic: Aw, who cares? > The doors slowly opened and in > stepped a very large dog with the kids and two others. All: Take a bite out of crime! > He did not know they were also > followed in by a cloaked figure a bit taller than himself . Crow: Must be having a new lifestyle with his shoe lifts. > Hello, Who are you? Sonic wondered . Joel: "Hi! I'm Danny!" > Everyone calls me The Cloaked Figure, but please call me Mary your majesty. Mary said > and bowed. Crow, sounding like Dr. F: Bow down! Bow down before me! > Yo, thanks a bunch. Sonic grinned > Hey, Sally they're over here! yelled Sonic. > Sally came running out in her vest and boots. Tom: And her Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, sombrero... > Oh Sarah, Scooter! she yelled. > Bunnie soon followed Oh, my Kat! Where have yall been? Joel, as Kat: Just at the drug dealer's place. Tom, as Bunnie: Okay. You can go again later, but come back before ten! > Bunnie said tears flowing > freely from her eyes. > Bunnie looked up and saw a cloaked figure, a very large dog and two kids. > Oh, we have company. she said Tom: No, they have seven people, I think. That's way over the limit for company. > Sally did not even know they were there until Bunnie said so. > Oh, I am terribly sorry my name is..., Sally started. Crow: "Inigo Montoya. You killed..." Joel: Hush, Crow. > Mary finished for her, Queen Sally Alicia Acorn. she answered [All snicker] > Uh, yeah how did you know? I have never seen you before. Sally questioned. Joel: Mary's spies reach far and wide. > Lucky guess? Mary joked. > Sonic started to laugh. Tom, as Sonic: Oh, observational humor! > Ok, what is so funny? Hum? Sally said tapping her foot. > I think we have met someone as smart as anyone of our computers! Crow: So, it's not Kasparov? Joel: Dave Barry said that Deep Blue won by electrocuting him, though... Tom: Joel, recite this mantra. "A 100% Content-Free Book." [Joel keeps on chanting until further notice.] > Sonic snickered and > still laughing asked I bet you know my name, too. > I know more than that, "You are King Sonic Maurice Hedgehog Son of Jonathan Hedgehog > and Nephew to his brother Sir Charles Hedgehog". Mary spoke in such a rapid tongue > that only Sonic understood what she said. Joel: "Welcome-to-the-city-where-the-heat-is-on!" Crow: "Chickety-China-the-Chinese-chicken-you-have-a-drumstick-and-your-brain-stops- ticking..." > But Sonic did not know why he understood it. Tom: Sorta like Esperanto, huh? > The language was so strange yet so familiar. Joel: Oh, I can see...Huh? > Sonic stopped laughing and looked at her solemnly. Crow, as Sonic in a partially weepy voice: Did...you know...that only you can prevent...forest fires? > Mary after you are given a tour of our palace will you see me in the throne room, > please? Tom, as Mary: Oh, man! I hope the principal didn't find out about the paintballs... > I bet you will be staying for awhile? Sonic spoke with his back turned. > Yes ,your majesty. Mary answered. Crow, as Sonic: Good, because I need you for the annual Mobius Saturday Morning Appreciation Show. > If anyone needs me I will be with my Uncle. > Before Sally could ask him what was the matter he ran off. Tom, as Sally: But you forgot that there will be chunks o' nothing as large as gorillas...oh, forget it. > I am going to find Sonic. Sally told them turned and walked off. Joel: Fortunately, Sally *would* ask for directions. Crow, as Sonic: I'm...taking...a...SHORTCUT!! > She turned around after a few steps and spoke. Sarah, Scooter I will deal with you > later. She remarked. Tom: I believe we were playing five-card-stud. > After Sally had gone Bunnie said to Mary, > What did you say to Sonic to make him so sad? Bunnie asked Crow, as Mary: I read to him his chili dog bill. It is sad, isn't it? > That is between him and his uncle, now. Joel: You. Me. IHOP. NOW!! > Bunnie sent the children off, and Mary sent her kids with them. Sero and Scooter went > off to play. They had become very good friends in the short time they where playing. Tom: Two minutes? No way. > Amy went with the girls to talk, Bunnie and Mary went off talking themselves. > Hey unc', I need to talk to you about something. Got a minute? . Crow, as Sandor from Cave Dwellers: Now you will witness the might of my powers! > Uncle Chuck peered over his glasses, Of course I always have time. He told Sonic. > I know you have been hiding something from me all these years. Sonic exclaimed. Tom: I'm thrilled, even exhilarated about it! > Oh, and what is that? Uncle Chuck asked. Joel, as Sonic: The cookie jar! > You never once told me about my father, Jonathan. Sonic said coldly. > Uncle Chuck looked surprised. How.. How did you know his name? Crow, as Sonic: I looked at the birth certificate, you big poof. Tom, as Chuck: Oh my gosh! You're a *master* of investigation! > he stammered. Oh > ,never mind, follow me. Tom: To the next whiskey bar? Joel: I think that's "Show me the way to the next whiskey bar." Crow: Well, that *is* where they're going, obviously. > Uncle Chuck opened up a passage in the wall. Crow: After walking into it a few times. > Only me and King Acorn knew about this. Uncle Chuck remarked Not even Robotnik found > it. Joel, as Uncle Chuck: All right, Acorn. This is our fort. No girls allowed. > Sonic was not listening he was going over so many things in his mind. Crow: Must've had a lot of room. Joel: Ouch! > Why had he not > told him about this? Why did he never mention his father even when he asked. His > uncle always changed the subject before he could get a direct answer. Tom, as Uncle Chuck: You see, Jonathan left behind a legacy of secrets and shame. > Bunnie had finished giving Mary the tour and said, Me and ole' Sally have got to deal > with the kids. Crow: Okay, I'm putting down my two aces. Joel: B.S.! Crow: Rats. > I hope to talk to yall soon! Bunnie shouted as she ran to the palace to meet Sally. Tom, as Bunnie: Even though I just did! > Just then Sero came running up to Mary. He did not say a word he just pointed to the > sky. Mary pulled a telescope from her backpack and looked up. She saw a brown two > tailed fox flying over head. > Is it Twin T? Sero whispered. [All chortle] > Sure is. Mary whispered back. Crow, whispering: And by the way...uhh...taste the rainbow, even though it doesn't have any substance. > Sero could not be quiet any longer. All right it is Twin T! [All laugh without restraint] > Amy will be so happy to see him! Sero rushed off to find Amy. Joel: Hmm...he looks like a Cossack. He is *a-rushin'!* Crow: That was bad, Joel. Deeply bad. > Mary knew when he would come down...at dusk. Then the plan and journey would begin. > Tails and Tara where enjoying a peaceful picnic, in the shade of a few trees. Crow: It's quiet... All: Too, too quiet... > Are you enjoying you're lunch, Hun? Tara questioned Joel: And do you admit to theft of the piece of gum, or did the owner bestow ownership upon you? > Sure am. Tails replied. > Tara was a golden brown fox with a long tail and golden hair. She had a cheery > personality and was tails age. His life was perfect.He had Tara and there was no > more fighting (which he sometimes regretted.) Joel, sarcastically: Oh, I would rather have bitterness and anger over peace. > and he could enjoy a picnic with his > mate. All: Arr! Grab a bunk! > Tails closed in to kiss Tara when something caught his eye. Crow, as Tails: Uh-oh. It's her mom! > He stood up to get > a better view. > Is there anything wrong? Tara wondered > Tails did not answer he stood lockjaw Tom: Lockjaw? Sounds like a P.E. teacher's last name. > staring at a dark brown fox spinning his tails > in a helicopter motion, Joel: Who was the co-writer? Beck Hansen? > the only thing was that they were under him and he was > hovering a few feet above the ground. This only meant one thing the fox had two > tails! Tom: Or one of those crazy helicopter beanies. > Twin T was not taking much care of hiding himself because if airborne he was faster > than anything. Crow: Yeah, who cares about Sonic "Fastest Thing on Mobius" the Hedgehog? > He hovered and ate and apple. > He said to himself, What a beautiful day, maybe I should take a vacation here. He > glanced over and saw Tails running towards him. > Uh-oh he said. Joel, as Twin T: I forgot that I'm *not* invisible when I take off my clothes! (Don't get frightened. If somebody's flesh is invisible, in most cases the clothes aren't.) > He stopped hovering and went into fly mode and took off like and arrow in the sky. Crow: It's that John Saxon guy talking from Cave Dwellers! > Tails took off after him. > Uncle Chuck sat Sonic down on an old oak table. Uncle Chuck got a few scrolls down > from an oak shelf. Joel: Chuck was wearing an oak shirt, and he gave Sonic the oak scroll. > Well I'm waiting. Sonic replied Crow, as Chuck: Sonic, you've been waiting for three...four seconds now. > Oh so much to tell.. I guess I should start form the beginning. Tom, singing: A very good place to start... > First, I should tell > you that you weren't born anywhere near this city. No much, much farther, A place > called Crow: Pootertoot-town. > Southwards. In a village called Riverside. All: GET OUT OF RIVERDALE! > Your mother Rose died at childbirth > and left your father and me to take care of you. Jonathan always said you where a > chip off the old block. Joel: I think that answering-machine guy might have had that sort of a hallucination. > Always interested in running, barley anything else. Tom: Sonic's the definition of "jock." > When you > where about one year old A band of filthy foxes and rats came to our village. Crow: Their table manners needed work. > They > were lead by a large red tiger. Though I can't recall his name all I know is that he > was worse than Robotnik. They read us notes and rules of death and slavery. Joel: So it's one of those sadistic teachers that take love notes and stuff like that, then read them to the class? > They > burned our homes and killed many. This was more than you're father could stand Tom: So he sat down. He hadn't done that for years! > he and > a large group of "Freedom Fighters" built a tunnel, many families escaped but, the > large group stayed with Jonathan as their leader. Crow: Large group...of losers. Wherps! > Me and you were the last to go, but > they found us. Jonathan told me to go. Joel: I would guess that Uncle Chuck would be the one that *always* pinched your cheek and seemed hostile. > I was reluctant at first and I did not want to > leave him there to die, but the words...the last words I heard from him were: Tom, as Chuck: Can I have your room? Crow, as Sonic: No, those were *your* words. > "I have > lost nearly everyone I either knew or loved. Rose, Crow, as Kurama: ...Whip! Joel: Have we done a Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic yet? Crow: I don't think so. > Silver and others. Joel: Just the usual suspects. > You are the > last, I won't let theses villains take my brother or my son , now go!" I crawled > through the tunnel and it caved in before I could get Jonathan. Tom: Whoops! Looks like Chuck forgot the dynamite! > He spoke then like a true warrior. I never knew what happened to him. Joel: Drugs, I think. Tom: Ah! He ran out! (chuckles) > No doubt they > killed him. > I continued to walk for days I had lost my bearings and all my hope. Crow: My trick yoyo didn't work anymore! Tom: This is the latest installment of Bad Pun Theater. We ask you to restrain your biceps and triceps from throwing projectiles at us. > One day I ran > across a fox all dressed nice and fancy. Joel, as the fox: Hello, is this the Densa meeting? > After what happened to Jonathan I did not > want to trust a fox again. Tom: But that feeling subsided when I saw his hair. I then wanted to run. > I could not kill him, nor could I ignore him. Crow: Meghan must not be on AOL. > He looked > my age, 25 if I remember correctly. Anyway he looked lost too I walked over to him. > He drew a sword and asked me Are you friend or foe? Joel: Uhh...pass! > Friend I hope. > Who are you? Tom: My name is Bond. Earl Bond. > You don't know me? I am Richard Acorn If I don't get back to the palace in time > I'm going to miss my own ceremony. Crow: This looks like the beginning of "Sergeant Bilco." > he told me > Now I knew I definitely could not kill him he was a prince. Tom, as Chuck: Maybe if I sucked up to him he wouldn't condescend so much! > If I help you will you help me? I asked him Joel, as the Doughy Guy from Daddy-O: Take this package to the bridge and drop it in the water. > Sure, Uh what is your name, sir? Crow, as a squeaky-voiced Chuck: Uhh, Wilt Chamberlain? > My name is Charles Hedgehog, please call me Chuck. Joel: Or Chuckles if you're in a good mood. > We traveled for two weeks. I built many things to help us keep warm and alive. When > we got back there was a grand ceremony and Richard was crowned king. Tom: Ehh, the trophy king. > Later on he made > me a knight for my knack with inventions, and my loyalty. He gave us a nice house and > made sure we were to be taken care of. Crow, as the Godfather: Permanently. > I think you should know the rest. Uncle Chuck > finished his story. Sonic pounded his fist on the oak table nearly breaking it. Joel: Now, that could definitely use some furniture polish... Tom: Easy, Joel. Easy. > Why did you never tell me? Sonic yelled, about to burst into tears. > Jonathan told me never to, he wanted you to find out for yourself, Jonathan knew he > might die that day, and he wanted me to tell you when you old enough to understand. Tom: Obviously he never said "Wait until he's *mature* enough." > That war is probably still going on today. Uncle Chuck told Sonic. Sonic walked out > the way they came in, not saying anything to his Uncle. > When Sonic was gone Uncle chuck whispered as if to himself I'm Sorry. Tom, as Chuck: For enlightening you on some backstory. > Sonic met with Mary in the throne room. > I just want to know two things. Sonic began What do you look like under there and > where do you come from? Crow, yelling from a distance: Who are you? Joel, using a "tough" voice: The High Plains Loser. > Can I trust you? she questioned Joel: Yeah, two plus two *is* five, you know. > Trust me? Of course, why do you ask? > What I am about to show you revolves around trust. Tom, as old Minnesotan lady: That must be that new moon they discover every 28 days. > The king and queen did and I am > wondering If you can. Crow, as Sonic: Well, of course you *can* trust me! (snickers) > You can trust me. Sonic said > Mary pulled off her hood. Sonic gasped at what he saw it was a human! Joel: Let's hope this isn't a self-insertion character. Tom: I don't think it is. We're safe. > She had > emerald green eyes, long golden hair and tanned skin. The last time he had seen a > human was when they where fighting Robotnik. Crow, as Sonic: Wow! Who should find out about this first? > You're.... You're.. Sonic stammered. Tom: ...younger than me! > Yep, sure am and you probably won't believe I am a native to this planet, but I need > you to come with me. Joel, in a dumb voice: Yokay! > No way I will not....but before he could finish Mary ran up to him grabbed his throat > and pushed him up against the stone wall. All: All RIGHT! 'Bots: Kill him! Do the deed! [They continue chanting until further notice] > You are coming with me whether you like it or not. She told him coldly. > She put a small tube around his nose and Sonic began to get sleepy a few more seconds > and he was a sleep. Tom: We can only hope it's the *big* sleep. Joel: Just face it, guys. *Nothing* will stop Sonic fans from writing stuff like this, and if Mary does do it, there will be even more Sonic fanfics called "The Death of Mary." Crow: Aww... > Mary put him into her backpack. Sonic fit easily. > To answer you're last question she started..I come from Southwards. Crow, in a muffled voice as Sonic: What?! I can't hear you! > Tails had finally lost sight of the fox just before sunset. He was astounded and > confused at the same time. Joel, as Tails: Wow! I never knew that marshmellow-peanut-butter-chocolate-syrup- banana-mush sandwiches tasted so good! > He had always thought that he was the only two-tailed fox > on Mobius. He watched the sun go down and thought I am going to owe Tara a big > apology after this. Tom: Just Tails' luck...you can just bet it's their first anniversary. Joel and Crow: Ow! > Tails continued to fly back to the castle. Little did he know that the two-tailed fox > was already there. > Yo, Are ya ready? Twin T stated Crow: Please state your question. > Yeah now if Sero, would hurry up, the guards are likely to see the tape of me taking > Sonic down. Tom, as a guard: C'mon! Go all the way next time! > Sero was snaking out of the castle when Scooter walked up to him and said Take me with > you I don't care where you are going but, take me. Joel, as our resident MiSTer's sister: I should start charging Jon and his friends for rides... > O.k., come on. The two ran out to meet Sero's Ma. > Ah, here comes Sero, Serina and Amy, Oh and there is someone else with them. Mary > remarked. Tom, as a game show host: Will our mystery guest enter, please?! > Sorry we are late but we had to make last minute plans... he pointed to the hedgehog > behind him. Crow, as Sero's mom: Which one? I see a whole lot of self-inserted characters... Tom, as Mary: Look for the one who *doesn't* have a partially roboticized body with Earth songs and access to the Internet. Crow, as Sero's mom: Good point. Found him! > Scooter! Why him? She asked. Joel, as Mary: He can infiltrate the Lollypop Guild. > I have a felling that he may come in handy, besides he will be my friend [All snicker] > and the guy > needs an adventure. Tom, as Sonic: Maybe you'll find one while cleaning your room. > Sure do, castle life is too boring for me. Scooter replied > Do you know what we are facing? Mary noted Crow, as Scooter: Well, duh. The forest. > Yes, mam Sero explained it all. Scooter replied > Serina, You take Sero and Scooter and we will meet you at to Dead Bones Tell no > Tales. Joel: Good, so they won't show you any slides, either? > Me, Twin T, Amy and Sonic will meet you there. Is everything in order? Tom, as Scooter: No, there's something I have to turn off before the meltdown-- > Ok let's go! > Mary yelled. > Scooter could not really remember how they got out the palace gates or how Twin T and > the others got out but one thing was for sure he was out on his adventure at last! Crow: "Adventure?" > The next day in early afternoon Sally was sitting on the balcony of her room looking > out towards the sky. Joel, as Sally: Uh-oh, it's one of those black helicopters again. Better get the SAM launcher. > She was getting very worried she had not seen Sonic since the > meeting with Mary and her party. [All cheer] > Last night she thought he would be there but, when > she woke up he was not... Tom: ...awake yet, and boy, was he ever snoring! > and the worst part was that no one not even Sarah could find > Scooter! Crow: Look for the trail of Kool-Aid. > You're Highness! You're Highness! Antwon yelled > Yes Antwon, have you found Scooter? Sally asked Joel, as Antione: No, but I found this cool Kung-Fu Ball! > I really think zee should look at this video tape ,no? Antwon said Sally put it into > her v.c.r. The taped Showed that Mary was a human and attacked and stuffed Sonic into > her backpack. Tom, as Mary: Can I borrow you for show-and-tell? > Then the tape ended. > Oh-No...no Sally said and started to cry. > Oh Antwon, where could they have taken him? Crow, as Sally: I can only hope it's at the employment office, that freeloading... > She looked at the fox with tears in her eyes. > I do not know, My queen. Antwon told her > I bet I do. A voice said. Joel, as Antione: I raise you twenty Mobiums! > Uncle Chuck! I did not hear you come in. Sally exclaimed > Antwon, could you excuse us? Tom, as Chuck: We overreact. > Sure, zing Uncle Chuck. Antwon said leaving. > They might have taken him back to Southwards. Uncle Chuck told Sally. > Southwards? Where is that? Sally wondered Crow, as Chuck: I really don't know. I just felt cool saying that. > It is where Sonic was born. he stated I really don't have much time to tell you the > story. Joel: One "Beverly Hillbillies" joke out of you two, and you won't get any ram chips tonight. Crow, whispering: Rats. > I am heading off tonight with Tails, I will bring Sonic back I promise you > that. > With that Uncle Chuck got up and left the room. He met tails outside the gates. The > two set off for the great forest. Sally watched them go from the balcony of her room. > Deep in her heart she knew they would come back. Tom: In actuality, they didn't. They went to a wild party last night and found themselves in an unusual city with unexplained chest pains. > Dead Bones Tell no Tale was a two day travel from the palace, The city, and even the > Great Forest. Crow: With the possibility of a one-day stayover in somewhere east of Pittsburgh. > Mary knew a shortcut and it got them there a lot quicker. Then it would > be a days walk till they get to Southwards. That is if they survive, Joel: I had this one punk album called "Survival of the Fattest." > Southwards was > the type of place that is found by accident, a world within a world. Tom: You know...that sounds kinda cool! > If you could find > that forest it was like a gate way to Southwards. They decided to make camp for the > night for Mary knew it was not a wise thing to sleep in that forest. Crow: But aren't they already in the forest? > Mary took Sonic > from her backpack and woke him up, they would need his help getting through the > forest. Crow: And here they go again... > Wake up! Sonic wake up! Mary said splashing water on his face. > All right who is the wise guy? he asked madly. > Right here. Mary joked and smiled. Tom: Wise *guy?!* I think Sonic has some issues to discuss. > All right who do you... hey where are we? he wondered Joel: We're the heck here. > Will you help us get through Dead Bones Tell no Tale? Mary wondered > Why do you need me? You still have not answered my question. Sonic said Crow, as Sonic: I demand compensation! I *do* have Late-Answer coverage, you know. > Mary once again spoke in the fast tongue which translated into Do you want to find > your father? she said with a smirk. Joel, as Sally Struthers: Sure! We all do! Tom: How many times are you gonna do that? Joel: As many times as I want to, my rot Freund. > How do I even know if he is alive. Sonic thought Tom, as Mary: Well, first, you kick him in the shins *really* hard... > Beyond this forest is a full days walk to get into the borders of Southwards. > Why, I can get us through this forest. No problemo. Is that the reason you needed > me? Crow, as Mary: No, I just wanted to wake you up for no apparent reason. Of *course* I needed you for that! > It is not that easy Dad. Scooter replied Joel, as Scooter: You have to do it on a pogo stick. > What are you doing here? Did they drug you too? Sonic asked to his son. > No, I came on my own accord. Scooter said as bravely and older as he could. > There was silence for a while Mary awoke the conversation again. Tom: "Hey, who's the wise guy?" > No, we cannot run through the forest they don't call it what it is for no reason. Joel: Well, obviously dead bones can't talk, so they can't tell tales. Is that some macabre learning experience? > Their is a tribe of brutal tree rats they kill and eat anyone who trespasses on there > territory. All they wear is the bones of the dead. Crow, as a stuck-up fashion model: Which are definitely not chic. Joel: I think it's time to get out of here. Tom: Let's a-wander back. [6...5...4...3...2...1...bridge. Joel and the 'Bots are staring at the camera with an air of eagerness about them.] Joel: I don't doubt the tree rats' fighting ability, but their clothes need work. Tom: Which is why we had to go on a special mission for them. We needed to get them better outfits, to put it one way. Crow: That's what we did! Cambot, will you show the picture? Thank you. [A picture shows of Tom in black jeans and a beige button-up shirt.] Crow: This is our basic uniform, which conveys just the right amount of fear so that your victims will be frozen, but not too much so they will be running. My array of contrasting colors shows that your heart is black as the jeans, while the beige displays your wide range of fighting techniques from black to beige. Tom? Tom: Why, thank you, Crow. Have you ever thought that if you could get somebody to trust you, you could eat them more easily? We have too, but that won't happen with those bones you have! Cambot? [New picture shows of Joel in a brown vest, white shirt and green shorts] You need my sensible kit for those backstabbing alliances. For maximum impact, I recommend you suck in that gut and tuck in your shirt, because if... All: ...you don't look good, we don't look good. Tom: Thank you, Crow and Joel. The brown vest and green shorts give you that "neighborly" quality, while the white shirt tells them that you mean business, even if it is cannibalism. Joel, you can go now. Joel: Just in time for cannibalism season, we have our pre-cooking uniform. Cambot? [Picture shows of Crow in a black pair of formal pants and a red cardigan.] Taking into account that your victim will be clueless about what's happening when his or her soul is offered up to the gods of carnage, you should have a distraction for them. We don't recommend you wear this outside of rituals, because you don't want spirits tugging you down, and the outfit will bring lots of the wrong kind of attention to you, attention that you don't want whilst hunting. [Picture clears] Tom: These are just a few of the fashions we have in our new Tree Rat Monthly catalogue. You can bet that we have even more for backstabbing, rituals and hunting than you can imagine! We're out of time now, but we'll be back later. "The Cloaked Figure" part two of three. MiST fact #16: Most people have been trained to avoid David Gonterman, but there are two groups who haven't: MiSTers and Sonic the Hedgehog fans.