Msting by Eric Schepers (Best viewed in Windows Works) schepps@hotmail.com ______________________________________________________________________ Mike: Hello and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Watch as we reenact a Conan the Barbarian Adventure. Tom: Release her varlot! Crow: Ok! Mike: Cut, cut. Tom: I thought that came later..... Mike: No, stop. Crow: What? Mike: That’s not your line! Crow: Well, I thought we could be sensible about this! Tom: Can I slice him up now? Mike: No! Gypsy: The MADS are calling! Eek! Frank: Sorry guys, but the doc’s at an evil scientist convention. He left me in charge. Mike: Oh, congrats Frank. Frank: Flattery won’t get you anywhere Nelson! I’m still sending the fanfic. Gypsy: Richard Basehart would have rescued me. *..2..3..4..5..6 >The Eclipse of Emotions >by Michael Reid Mike: Don’t look directly at the fanfic. >******************************************************************** > My first STH story! However, it is not revolved around Sonic, but none >other than his best bud and his best bud's only relative! Crow: Ever heard of the hedgehog’s dilemma? >******************************************************************** >email address: michael.reid.f568.n109.z1.fidonet.org >Level of: >Profanity: 1 A blithering idiot here and there, an occasional "WHAT THE HECK?" Tom: Hey, that’s my line! >Adult Content: 1 A slight hint of you-know-what Crow: Cross breeding huh? Mike: Don’t. >Violence: 3 Probably more violence in MK3 Mike: What? No fake looking blood coming out of every orifice? > >This story is meant to be semi-entertaining, semi-action packed, and a >complete waste of time. Tom: So it’s like every fanfic we’ve read? Crow: At least he’s honest! > >Peace, Man! All: Dude! >I strongly suggest you print this out. It seems much easier to print out a >file than to read one with a text editor. Recycle when you're done, though! Mike: Ah, an ecological fanfic writer. Crow: Most of them are. Tom: How do you figure? Crow: They don’t write their ramblings on paper. > >New Characters: >New characters are kept to a minimum except these Mobians: >Packbell (David Pistone) >Bookshire Draftwood (David Pistone) >Michael Prower (Michael Reid) Tom: Let me guess, the parentheses mean these characters were based on people he knows. Mike: Michael Prower? If you’re going to write yourself into a fanfic, at least do it subtly. > >Legal Crap: > All characters except Bookshire, Packbell, and Michael are copyright >Sega. Packbell and Bookshire Draftwood are (c) David Pistone. This text is >unofficially copyrighted to Michael Reid. And, Michael Prower is unofficially >(c) to Michael Reid. The end. Tom: I hate fanfic credits more than movie credits. Crow: Why’s that? Tom: Most of them are about what the author _doesn’t_ own. > > Chapter Listings: > I................3238, 10:40am Mobius time- Knothole Village > II...............3238, 10:52am Mobius time- The Floating Island > III..............3238, 11:43am Mobius time- The Death Egg > IV...............3238, 12:14pm Mobius time- Knothole Village Mike: Why do we need to know the times? Crow: And why is he telling us now? Tom: A half-assed approach to a table of contents? > > Chapter I: 3238, 10:40am Mobius time- Knothole Village Mike: A groggy hedgehog lurches toward the bathroom..... > > The sun rose quickly outside of Knothole. The birds were chirping on this >beautiful Sunday morning. The sound of Rotor working on a new invention and >his "hmmmm..."s and his "aahh!"s were echoing through his laboratory. Crow: Sounds like he’s in creative ecstasy if you know what I mean! > The >sound of Sonic zooming by could be heard from meters away. The joyful laughter >of Antoine after he drenched Bunnie with a water balloon and the screams of >Bunnie when she got hit was almost as loud as Sonic's boom made when he zooms >by somebody. All was peaceful. Well, almost all was peaceful... Mike: Throwing water on someone that’s half robot? I hope she’s water-proof. Bots: > "And I am telling you one last time, Miles Prower," Sally lectured, "Do >NOT watch me and Sonic while we are doing.. well, private things in our hut." Crow: Better not be a flash-back coming up. > "Yes'm," Tails said softly, since he had to hold the burning water behind >his eyes back. He hated when he was called Miles Prower, he just hated it. He >wanted to say, "It's your fault for leaving the window down, you blithering >idiot," right into Sally's face. Not that he really thought Sally was a blith- >ering idiot, he just needed to take his anger out on somebody. Tom: With that in mind he stalked out of the hut and after easier prey..... > Why did I have to sneak out my door to see what they were doing? he thought >silently to himself. He asked Sonic what he was doing tonight, and he said >top secret research in Sally's hut. He wanted to see what the research was, >so he snuck out the door. He looked in Sally's window, and he saw Sally and >Sonic having- Mike: Tea? Tom: A rousing game of pinnacle? Crow: A spot of fun with the Misses? > "Do you understand?" Sally cut off Tails' thoughts. Tom: I bet I know what he was thinking about. Crow: What? Tom: What do you get when you cross a hedgehog and a squirrel? Mike: That’s easy, a cheesy fanfic character. > "Yes'm," he softly reiterated, this time letting one tear escape from >his eyes. His butt was red with pain, his tails twitching with exhaustion after >he tried to fly away from Sally last night, but his tails wouldn't carry him >faster than Sally could run. Crow: You don’t think she- Mike: Hold that thought. > They were still deathly tired right now; he was >flying overtime last night, longer than Sally recommended. > Sally abruptly left. He walked into his straw hut, closed the stick >curtains, and started to let his stress and anger go out in liquid form from >his eyeballs. He was quiet enough not to attract any attention from Sonic, who >would hear him, come in, and ask him what's wrong. He didn't feel like chatting >right now, so he lay on the floor, exhausted from the beating he had taken >from his so called "mother," Princess Sally. He started to wipe the tears from >his eyes and pick up a book to read. Tom: Gee, that just doesn’t strike me as Sally behavior. Crow: Yeah well, she and Sonic weren’t *ahem* doing secret research before either. > Of the few he had, half of them were ones Sonic had written, since most >of the books were destroyed in the war. He had only four books, he had read >all of them, but forgot their plot. He picked up a book Sonic had written. It >was nice and thick, in print from Sally's computer, and entitled "Life Before >the War, by Sonic Hedgehog." Tom: Before the war, can openers were our friends and we were ruled benevolently by King Sega..... > This one was his favorite. He wanted to one day go >back before the war happened and see all the sights he had never seen and hear >sounds he had never heard. Like the voice of the real Uncle Chuck. The fountain >in the middle of Mobotropolis. And, most of all, a good vision of his parents. > His parents, he thought to himself. He had promised that one day he would >find them. He would go see them and never let go. Mike: I don’t recommend that, it’s hard on the knees. > A tear almost escaped at the thought, but he held it back. As he did, he picked up another book, called >"My Uncle Chuck, by Sonic Hedgehog." It was not as thick as the other book, >but it was still good reading material. Tom: My Uncle Chuck was a manly man, whatever that means. Crow: Weird how Snively and Robotnik are the only humans huh? Mike: And they’re both bad guys. Hey! We’re not all that bad! > He picked up and looked at one book, called "The Adventures of King Acorn, >by Vividan Fost." Sally had read this to him a hundred times, and he heard it >so much he started to get sick of it. Mike: If I hear one more thing about nuts I’m gonna puke. > Sally never seemed to, and he understood. >"If it were about my parents," he thought out loud, "I'd read it all the time." >He picked up the last book, "202 Games to Play Outdoors for all Terrains." He >always wanted to play games with Sonic, such as Capture the Flag, Freeze Tag, >and his own game, Mobius Tag. In Mobius Tag, you have to tag the other person, >and then they say 5 reasons why Robotnik stinks. Tom: Strange how these stories always take such a childish turn. Mike: Don’t blame the writer that’s how it was like in the show and comic. > Sonic seemed to be good at >that part of the game, so he always gave Tails a chance to tag. Of course, he >didn't make it that easy, Tails thought inside his head, but he does give me >chances. > He had recovered from his crying and went outdoors. He looked around at the >sky, its cloudless cover, its green grass and its beautiful plant life. >"Good thing Sally didn't ground me," Tails thought out loud. "I would be having >the worst day of my life." He looked down the forest path to see Antoine >running down the path, laughing and screaming. Crow: I’ve finally been driven insane by my own accent! Whooohooo! > "She iz comeeng to get me!" Antoine screamed jokingly as he ran into the >field. > Tails looked down and saw Bunnie almost right behind him with a water >balloon. "I'm gonna get yah, sugah," she called to Antoine as he screamed. > Tails shrugged and then walked into the Great Forest. Tom: Must be a big forest. Crow: I believe all forests are great forests. > "It sure is quiet here," Tails thought to himself as he walked down the >lone forest path. Then he heard a sonic boom from ahead... > And seconds later, Sonic the Hedgehog was right in front of him. "How ya >doing, pal?" Sonic said as he gave Tails a hi-five. He seemed to ignore what >happened yesterday, not caring about what Tails saw just last night. "What's >up?" Mike: I was wondering how you could be so flexible. Tom: They don’t call me Sonic just cuz I run fast. > Tails looked at him nervously. Sonic knew this meant Tails had something >on his mind that he wouldn't let out, so usually he had to coax it out of >Tails. > "Come on, pal?" he said persuadingly. "I won't laugh. Promise." > "Well... okay," Tails agreed nervously. "First, I want to apologize about, >well, you know, about what happened last night." > Sonic understood, and he didn't seem to be the furious hedgehog he was >last night. "That's okay. It was my fault for saying we had something top >secret to do. I know you're at a curious age, and I should have told you, well, >uh," Tom: That we were going to eat candy. No wait, that wouldn’t work.... > "I know what you mean," Tails finished. He knew that Sonic didn't like this >subject, so he changed it. "Second, I've been thinking..." > "About?" Sonic asked nervously, not wanting to give an hour-long speech >about the birds and the bees to him. Mike: Hey, if he didn’t get the idea from watching you two he never will. > "Well, about my family," he finished quickly, seeing the tension in Sonic's >eyes. Then the tension transferred to his own. "When will I be able to see them >again?" Tom: Tails....I am your father..... > Sonic let out a sigh of relief, then got back to seriousness. "Well, Tails, >you see, we don't know if our relatives, except my Uncle Chuck, are alive. If, >however, your family is alive, we will one day find them." Sonic's eyes were >getting swelled, and Tails knew what he was thinking about. > "And another thing," Tails tried to change the subject. "Do you suppose >there's life on other planets?" Crow: The truth is out there! > The subject caught Sonic off guard. "No," he replied. "What brings this >up?" > "Well, yesterday as I was being chased by Princess Sally," Mike: No ‘nut’ jokes please. Bots: > Tails began, >remembering the pain in his behind, "I looked up at a planet. It was sort of >small but it was lit up very well. I wondered if there was any life on that >planet until..." Mike: I finally figured out why you guys keep saying my mind wanders. > "Until what?" Sonic inquired. > "Until Aunt Sally pulled my tail and yanked me out of the air," Tails >said, laughing a little. > Sonic chuckled too, but not as much. He didn't want to break a relationship >with one of his best friends. He was with the Freedom Fighters for so many >years, he didn't want Tails to leave until he was officially known as a >Freedom Fighter. Tom: And had his own trading card. Crow: Freedom Fighters of Mobius! Collect them all! > The conversation would have ensued, but Princess Sally came from behind, >calling to Sonic and Tails. Turning around, Sonic asked the princess, "What's >wrong?" Crow: We need to do more _secret research_. Tom: Oh, gotcha! > "Robotnik has inventing some linking device to other planets. He can >self-destruct unshielded planets within seconds," Sally informed. "The panel is >a satellite dish up atop the factory, 50 meters high. We need the proper >climbing equipment to climb up there. However, There is a risk- we could be >spotted while climbing and get helplessly shot. We need maximum Freedom >Fighter force-" Tom: Thank you Miss Exposition. > she turned to Tails, who was looking on happily, his tails >almost lifting him off the ground. "Sorry, Tails," she explained is a >reasonable voice. "You aren't a freedom fighter yet." Mike: But look! I even got the Limited Edition Freedom Fighter’s Bomber Jacket! > Tails started to droop his tails down, sniffing. He came back after a >couple of seconds with a good reason- "The reason why is because you never >give me the chance." > Sally thought about this, and it sounded reasonable. Tom: Everything sounds reasonable when you’re at the end of your rope. > "Come on, Sal," Sonic said, impatient for an answer. "If he comes, I'll >give you something special tonight," he winked at her. Sally blushed. All: Oooh... Crow: I hate surprises. > "And I won't peek!" said Tails promisingly. Sally almost laughed. Crow: Yeah, right! > "Okay, fine. But you'll go with Bookshire to set up the command controls," >she agreed hesitantly. > Sonic gave Tails a hi-five. > "But," she added, "we still need another Freedom Fighter, and it can't be >a trainee." > Tails thought about this, then snapped his fingers, like he always does >when he has an idea. "I'll be back in half an hour! Don't leave without me!" >he said as he flew off. > Sally tsk-tsked as Tails flew off into the sky. "Where will that kid go >next?" Sally asked Sonic, glad that they had some privacy. Tom: He’ll eventually become sickened by Sally and Sonic’s wanton cross breeding and move to beautiful downtown Burbank to live his penpal Skippy..... > Sonic kissed her. "Who knows, but he'll be back." He kissed her again. > Sally kissed Sonic. "You sure?" > "Positive," Sonic answered, with his fingers crossed behind his back. > > Chapter II: 10:52am Mobius time- The Floating Island Mike: Synchronize your watches boys. Bots: Ay, ay! > Knuckles was busy gathering natural fruits and berries as he saw a >familiar flying animal go towards the floating island. It was Tails. > "Yo, Tails!" he called to Tails as he went for a landing. > "Hey, Knux, whatcha doin'?" he asked innocently. Tom: I don’t know, what did you see? > "Why?" Knuckles responded. He knew Tails was up to something. Mike: Well of course I’m up... > "Because we need your help." That was the best way Tails could say it. He >had said those very five words before to Knuckles, so he wasn't ashamed. Crow: What about those 3 little words he’s been waiting to hear? Tom: I am leaving? > "All right, as long as you help me with this." Knuckles gestured toward the >berries. "You know what they are?" > Tails examined the fruit. "Blackberries and cherries." > "Right," Knuckles responded. "Now, do you know what New Year's Eve is?" Mike: It’s where we gather around a pine tree, eat turkey, and be thankful for easter eggs. > "Yeah! That's when there's a big party and all kinds of fruit and all of.. >your...relatives...." Tails was so depressed he couldn't finished his sentence. >He shook himself out of it and turned to Knuckles. "Yes I do, Knuckles." > "Good. You know howta pick berries?" Knuckles asked Tails, hoping he knew. Mike: No, I’m as stupid as I look! Tom: What is this? The Spanish Inquisition? > "Sure!" Tails said, back to his cheerful self. > "Okay, we need to pick the fat, plump ones," Knuckles said as he gestured >toward a nice, fat blackberry. He picked it. All: Like so..... > Tails found a nice cherry and picked it with ease. > "Good," said Knuckles. "Now the work will go twice as fast." Tom: As opposed to how fast I was going before. Mike: And if we use _both_ hands...... > They kept picking until they saw a huge object in the sky. > "The Death Egg!" Tails yelled to Knuckles. Tom: Didn’t you know? They’re covering the Super Bowl. Crow: Nfl action. Mike: It’s _fan_tastic. > "It sure is, mohn," Knuckles looked at it. Mike: He’s jamaican, mon. > "We gotta get back to Knothole!" Tails said as he quivered with fear. > "You right, mohn," Knuckles agreed. Crow: I guess the writer decided to add those halfway through his dialogue. > They both glided down to Knothole, Knuckles using his dreadlocks, and Tails >with his tails. Luckily, Sonic's biplane had already flown up into the sky. >"Come on," Sally yelled to Tails and Knuckles. > "Coming, Aunt Sally," Tails tried to say in an older voice, not to >embarrass himself in front of Knuckles. Mike: Ya know, in my day squirrels waited on us hand and foot. > Tails and Knuckles landed perfectly in the back seat of the biplane. The >plane flew off toward the Death Egg. > > Chapter III: 3238, 11:43 Mobius time- The Death Egg Tom: Yup, it’s time to die. > > Knuckles had climbed to the wings of the biplane. Sally told him to carve >a door wide enough for the biplane to fit in. Knuckles crammed his spiked hand >into the door and started to shred it. Crow: I thought he landed perfectly in his seat.... > "Hurry up, Sugah!" Bunnie called to him. "The biplane can't keep uhp!" Mike: Accent on the ‘up’. > "She iz right, meester echidna!" Antoine agreed while he witnessed a large >hole being torn in the Death Egg. "If we do not get zis zing into zee Death Egg >soon, we weel be doom-ed!" Crow: And why is that? > "Stop your yappin'!" Knuckles called back to them. "I'm doin' this as fast >as I can." Soon Knuckles had carved a hole as big as the biplane to get in >the Death Egg. Knuckles jumped back on as the biplane entered the opening. Mike: I’m confused, he was cutting holes in the Death Egg, right? Tom: Either that or they’re about to crash. > Packbell monitored the spy cameras well. He knew this was his first time >managing the Death Egg on his own, and he wanted to make the best of it. This >was his favorite piece of equipment, and it was convenient that he also had a >super-destructive satellite on board. Crow: Oh look, one of the author’s friends. > He turned to Snivley, who was reluctantly taking orders from his temporary >master. "What can I do to help you," Snivley groveled, then turned his voice >into a whisper. "You bucket of scrap!" > "Grounder! Scratch! Send Snivley to his new job... at the Robonursey >Center!" Packbell instructed two of his other flunkies. Mike: That’s bad right? > "I'll have Robotnik behead you for this, Packbell!" Snivley called angrily >to him. "You'll be my master over my dead body!" Tom: I love it when they say that! > "Preference noted. Take him to the torture chamber!" Packbell fickely >instructed Grounder and Scratch. > "Yes, master!" Grounder said in his dumbfounded voice. Crow: Grounder never was one for intelligence. > "Right away, master!" Scratch screeched in his high-pitched voice. Tom: He’s the smart one...like me! Crow: Hey! > Meanwhile, on another part of the legendary Death Egg... Mike: Strange how all that high-tech equipment didn’t detect a hole the size of an airplane isn’t it? Crow: They’d never get away with it on SOL. Tom: Then again, we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it would we? > > A two-tailed fox was holding the bars to his floating prison cell. He was >around Tails' age, maybe a little younger, but still the same color as Tails. >He shook the bars yet again, saying how somebody, he didn't know who, but >somebody would rescue him. Mike: And here is our illustrious author.... Bots: Tada...... > For some reason the prison bars swung open. The two-tailed fox jumped out >and started cheering. "I'm free! They listened! I'm free!" he chanted. Crow: Suddenly, a hand shot out of the darkness and slit his throat.... > He >stopped as soon as Packbell came out with a frown on his face. > "I hear you've been making a lot of trouble lately, Mr..." Packbell said in >an amazingly calm, collecting voice. Tom: He possessed the voice of a super-villain, but had the body of...Pamela Lee. Crow: Dum, dum, dum...... > The fox gulped. "Michael Prower," he said softly, knowing that certain >death awaited him. > The name Prower caught his attention. "Prower? Do you know if you have a >brother named-" Packbell started. > "Miles Prower?" Michael gulped. Tom: No, I was about to say Monty Python...... > "Yes," Packbell continued. "Do you?" > "I don't want to tell you, I don't have to," Michael said bravely, or >crazily. Crow: Most likely the latter. > "That's okay," Packbell responded. "I'll just make you want to." > Michael gulped as he was picked up by Scratch and was behind escorted to >the torture chamber. > "Perfect landing!" Sally bragged. She usually didn't brag, she just needed >some attention. Mike: Yet another victim of ADD. Crow: Look at me! Look at me! > "What about me?" Tails defended. "I can fly with my body and make a >10-point landing." Tom: Out of a possible 100. > "What's first priority?" Rotor interrupted, scared since he wasn't >accustomed to fighting on missions. Crow: First we track down the author and kill him for putting us in this fanfic. Mike: Be nice Crow. Crow: I thought I was. > "Sonic and I will shut off the generator first," she gestured towards >Sonic. Sonic sighed, not liking the idea of having to sit and watch a computer >process data. "Tails and Bookshire will free all prisoners from the torture >chamber. Rotor will go with Bunnie to the cells and free all prisoners. Antoine >and Knuckles will try to land this thing." Crow: Then Sonic will make me a tuna melt. > They stepped inside the Death Egg. "You wait here until the lights shut >off," Sally told the rest of them. "Then do your jobs." Crow: No power equals a bunch of humanoid roadkill. Mike: Nobody mentions the fact that the Death Egg will hurtle to earth, possibly killing millions. Tom: It’s ok, they’ve done it about 50 times by now. > There was still action going on the other side of the Death Egg. All: Whoohooo! > > "I.. won't... talk!" Crow: I will! > Michael resisted as his arms and legs were being >pulled by Scratch and Grounder. At the same time, Snivley was insulting >Packbell as he set the energy torture area so it would torture Snivley but >would have no chance of killing him. > "Keep pulling, you bucket of crap!" Scratch ordered Grounder while >torturing Michael. "Maybe he'll talk. Just don't kill him, you bloated toad." Crow: I thought I was a bucket of crap? > "Shut up, ya piece of junk!" was all Grounder could think of. They pulled >harder, trying to squeeze any information, which Packbell knew he had, out of >Michael. Tom: What exactly would he know? Mike: Maybe he knows the ending. Crow: I seriously doubt it. > "Fox, you will pay dearly if you do not give in this instant," Packbell >threatened, not looking up from the controls. Crow: I just showed you, pay attention! > Michael gulped, but kept resisting. If he could just hang in there, some >one would save him, one of his own kind, one of his friends, one of his family. > Suddenly, the energy rays to Snivley's torture area went of, following that >the lights. > Michael knew somebody was here, but who... Mike: If we’re lucky, it’ll be Death. > > "Let's go!" Rotor called to the Freedom Fighters. They all sped off onto >their respective courses. Rotor was already freeing Mobians when Tails and >Bookshire were ready to free tortured people. Mike: People who read the fanfic. Bots: Ohhh.... > "What was that?" Scratch asked dumbfounded in his screechy voice. > "To the generator," Packbell called to them. > Tails and Bookshire waited until they were gone, and took a flashlight >into the torture chamber. > Bookshire and Tails freed a few animals here and there, then came across >the infamous... Crow: Dr. F? > "Snivley!" Tails exclaimed in surprise. "Why are you being tortured?" Tom: Cuz I like it. > "Because that Robotnik isn't here to guard Packbell's actions, and Packbell >is bossing me around, and I hate Packbell!" Snivley exclaimed, probably talking >to himself. Mike: That’s usually the first sign of insanity. > "Should we let him go?" Tails asked Bookshire. Bookshire thought a >moment, then spoke up. Crow: What’s that? I can’t hear you sonny! > "Sally did say all prisoners, and Snivley is defenseless... I guess," >Bookshire decided in Snivley's favor. Tom: Thus Snivley was awarded all the fish he could eat.... > "I'm free at last! I'm going to settle a score or two with Packbell!" he >said angrily as he walked out of the torture chamber, sleeves rolled up, ready >to fist-fight with Packbell. Mike: Slick Snivley, fly-weight division. > Tails and Bookshire kept on freeing, until they came across Michael. "Hi, >would you mind freeing me from this strap? My doctor said it could injure my >back." Tails untied the last prisoner. "Thank you..." Crow: Was that supposed to be a joke? > "Miles Prower," Tails filled in. "But you can call me Tails." Tom: Oh I get it, they’re both blind. > "T-Tails? I-is it really you?" Michael said, shocked. > "Michael!" Tails almost screamed with joy. Mike: In my book, if it has an exclamation point after it, it’s a real scream. > "Tails!" Michael screamed back. Crow: Almost screamed. > They both hugged each other, now that they had one of there kin to be with. >A real relative, not an artificial one. Tom: New Disposable Relatives! Another 3M innovation. > "I thought I'd never see you again," Michael whispered, still shocked. >"I thought you were roboticized in the war." Mike: Wasn’t much of a war I heard. > "I thought all my family was dead," Tails sniffed. > "I missed you so much," Michael said as he looked up to his older brother. >Just about 5 months older, but older none-the-less. Crow: 5-month difference and they forget what each other looks like? Tom: What’s the pregnancy time on two-tailed humanoid foxes anyway? > "We gotta go!" Tails said ecstatically. "Sonic is waiting for us." > "Sonic!" Michael said unbelievably. "You mean-" > "Yep!" Tails said proudly. "I'm a freedom fighter in training. And your >invited to train with me." Crow: You don’t have the authority to do that! > "I'd love to!" Michael said, astonished. He'd be able to meet his brother >and his hero. Tom: Captain Squiddio. > "Come on!" Bookshire interrupted. "Packbell will undoubtedly come back." Mike: Obviously another of the author’s friends. > "By the way," Michael added as they left. "I've learned what Packbell is up >to by hacking the computer code. I'll tell you at Knothole." Crow: Plot hole off the port bow! > No sooner than that, Knuckles had activated the landing sequence for the >Death Egg, with all SWATbots destroyed and Packbell, Grounder, Scratch and >Snivley laying on the ground, either unconscious or inactive, meaning no >trouble to the Freedom fighters. Mike: It’s a swarm of plot holes! > "Come on, guys!" Knuckles called to the rest. "Let's get ready to land!" All: > > After the Death Egg had landed, Rotor thought. "We need to destroy it," >Rotor suggested, "They could be using spy cameras." Crow: Uh, how timely. Mike: It feels like an ending but the scroll bar says we got some pages left. > "Let me handle this, Sugah." Bunnie used her robotic arm to shove it into >to ocean. The freedom fighters watched as the Death Egg slowly sank. Tom: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I......... Mike: Uh, oh. Crow: Poor guy, he’s speechless. > "Wonder what old Robuttnik's thinkin' now, Tails!" Sonic said laughingly, >then stopped. "Well, Tails? Tails? TAILS!" Mike: I’m trying to figure out how Bunny pushed something the size of a small moon all the way to the ocean with one arm. > > Chapter 4: 3238, 12:14pm Mobius time- Knothole Village > > Unbeknown to the Freedom fighters, Tails had escorted Michael to Knothole >already. He was fascinated by the area, saying he had never seen these things >before. Crow: You mean he didn’t stick around for the kegger? > "Where did you live before this?" Tails asked. > "I was born, amazingly, during a SWATbot attack. Tom: Amazing. Can we leave yet? Mike: We’re on the home stretch, hang in there! > You were out playing at >the swamp, fooling around. You were lucky. Crow: And I’ve always hated you for it. Mike: He was just born right? How did he know what Tails was doing? > The SWATbots captured us all, but >Robotnik decided not to roboticize me, since my body and mind would still be >too young. I was kept prisoner, then, after you joined the freedom fighters, >which I didn't know you did at the time, Robotnik decided to keep me as bait. >He was hoping you would try to rescue everybody, and while you chatted with me, >a laser would shoot you from the ceiling. I couldn't say anything about it, or >the Death Egg would explode." Mike: I feel special. > Tails nodded to the story, understanding what happened, then the two walked >to Tails' hut. Crow: He understood all that crud? Wow, I’m impressed! > > "TAILS!" Sonic called nervously. "TAILS! TAILS!" > "Maybe hez back at Knot-hole!" Antoine suggested. Tom: Alright! Let’s get ‘im! Mike and Crow: > "Maybe your right, maybe we killed him, maybe he was with somebody when the >Death Egg got thrown in the water..." Sonic said, almost ready to cry. Mike: Ah, look guys, Sonic’s sinking into a bottomless pit of remorse. Tom: Ah, that’s too bad. Crow: To bad we can’t change the channel on this. > "Don't worry, sugahhog," Bunnie tried to snap him out of it, "He probably >just went off somewheh and fohgot to come back." Crow: Given the way these characters act that could be right. > "Come on," Rotor tried to cheer people up, "Let's go see if he's at >Knothole." > > "This place is great!" Michael said to Tails, impressed. > "And you haven't seen Nicole!" Tails said to Michael. > "Nicole?" Michael asked. "Who's Nicole?" Mike: The smartest person in this story! Tom: You assume to much. > "You mean what's Nicole," Tails corrected. "She's a portable computer with >lots of things you can do. And she talks, too!" Mike: Better than me or you! > They walked to Sally's hut because Tails knew Sally had forgotten Nicole. > "Nicole," Michael commanded the computer, "Access maximum security files." > "Access denied," Nicole confirmed. "Need a password." Crow: Well, duh. > Michael typed in a password which Tails couldn't see. Tom: Convenient. > "Access granted." >There was a list of Max Security, or MS, files which nobody had been able to >hack, not even Nicole or Rotor. Mike: The computer tried to hack it’s own files? > Some of the MS files included documents, text, >letters to Robotnik, and Crow: Chili dog recipes. > "Adult Files?" Tails laughed out loud, but Michael didn't. "Robotnik has >adult files?" "Actually, it's just a name, for his kid." Tom: His kid is called Adult Files? I better he got picked on as a kid. > Michael said as he accessed the >file. "He wanted him to see it when his kid was old enough, so he name the file >adult.sdf." A hologram showed up, with Robotnik on it. Crow: Opps, this really is an adult file! > "If you are reading this," Robotnik said, "son, this is a message only for >you. This is how to build and program a SWATbot." He started reading the >instructions for programming a SWATbot, then the video shut off with a "I love >you, son." Mike: The next lesson involves the vcr. > "WHAT ON MOBIUS ARE YOU DOING WITH NICOLE?!?!?" Sally screamed at >the top of her lungs when she saw Michael standing there. Michael was speechless. He >had upset the princess and now he would pay. All: Face the awesome wrath of Sally the Rabid Squirrel! > "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, >ANYWAY!" She screamed again. Then she calmed down a bit, seeing Tails. "Tails, >didn't I tell you not to let anyone play with Nicole a long, long time ago?" Tom: In a galaxy far, far away? > Michael answered this one. "It's my fault. He couldn't say anything, he was >shocked." > "Why was he shocked?" Sally said, not believing the other two-tailed fox's >story. Crow: Well, you kinda went ballistic on him. > "I was hacking maximum security files," Michael said slowly. "I needed to >try out the code, and it worked." Mike: And if it didn’t we’d be peeling ourselves off the ceiling > "M-m-maximum security?" Sally seemed shocked. "B-but how?" > "I told you I knew the code!" Michael said proudly. Crow: Yup, I’m a good boy! > "Give me Nicole!" she commanded. Michael gave her the device and Sally >simply stared at the screen. "You can go now," she told the two foxes. Mike: Selfish little.... Crow: Sonic’s not the only one that can give her a surprise! > As they left, Michael informed, "By the way, my name's Michael." Tom: Oh, thanks. > > Michael and Tails were chatting as they walked throughout the Great Forest. >Michael told him about Robotnik's lair, and Tails told Michael about what it >took to become a freedom fighter. Crow: How’d he know, he’s only a trainee. Tom: Yup, probably has to wear the stupid hat and apron. > Before they knew it, they were lost in the >Great Forest. Crow: Oh, way to go ya mutant! > "What now?" Michael asked, not knowing where to go. Mike: I long for the cannibalism stage. > "I guess we just walk around until we find an exit," Tails suggested. Tom: Does he always say what he thinks? > And so they did. Tails and Michael walked aimlessly together, not arguing >which way to go. They then found a swampy area. Mike: Hey guys, remember Swamp Thing? Bots: No. > "I think we should stay here for a while," Michael whimpered, exhausted. >"My legs are starting to hurt." Crow: Why don’t you fly over the forest? > "Same here," Tails said as he stretched his leg. They both found a big, >flat rock to lay on. Before they knew it, they were asleep. Tom: I know the feeling. > > Michael awakened at the hoot of an owl. "Tails!" he called. "Tails! Wake >up! Tails!" Crow: It’s Woodsy Owl! Mike: Give a hoot, don’t pollute! Bots: Argh! > "Huh? What happened?" Tails seemed tired, but shocked. > "We accidentally slept!" Michael told him. Tom: When you lay down and close your eyes it’s no accident. > "And it's still night!" Tails woke up. > "We better just stay put until dawn," Michael suggested. > "No," Tails disagreed. "We have to get back to Knothole, NOW." Mike: My lightning wit makes me a valuable member of the freedom fighters. Crow: You’re a trainee right? > Michael stumbled up to his feet and started warming up his tails. Tails did >the same, and while he did, he started to envy Michael. 'He's good at >computers, he looks better, he's stronger, and his tails are bigger!' Crow: He probably has a bigger- Mike: We get the point. > While Tails envied him, he got jealous of Tails. 'He's not a geek, I am, >he's older, and he's more mature!' All: > They seemed to ignore each others jealousy, think that the other was >perfect. It was silent for a moment. "You ready?" Michael asked, breaking the >silence. > "Ready," Tails said, not as happy. Crow: Oh, I’m not happy. > They both got on top of a tree, jumped, and started to fly to Knothole. Tom: Since when does Tails need to climb a tree? > > Sally sat outside on the front porch of her hut, with Sonic by her side. >She had been so busy, it was probably her that made Tails and Michael leave. Tom: It’s not your fault they went into the forest for a meaningless talk. >'I'm a rotten mother,' Sally thought in her head. Mike: You’re not a mother. > Sonic thought that he hadn't been paying enough attention to Tails, so he >thought he was the one responsible. 'I can't believe I did that! Now Tails is >probably in Robotnik's clutches, and Sally hates me!' Crow: I’m beginning to hate you too. > Sonic and Sally stared at each other, then, in unison, they said, "It's >my fault." > "No, it's my fault," Sonic said to Sally, angry at himself. "I've been >ignoring him, so he probably left with Michael." Tom: Is it me or does every bad fanfic have a part like this? > "No, it's my fault," Sally told Sonic. "I yelled at Michael and lectured >Tails, so maybe the hate me and left Knothole so they would never have to see >my face again." Mike: Good idea. > "I guess we both did something," Sonic said, still angry at himself. > "I guess," Sally agreed. > Suddenly, two flying figures approached Knothole with super speed. 'I >stink at flying compared to Michael,' Tails thought. 'He can go faster.' Crow: Yup you suck. > 'Boy, do I suck at flying,' Michael thought to himself. 'Even though I'm >faster, I do wobble, and they'll find out sooner or later that I can't land. Tom: I’m sure a plot hole will allow you to land safely. > The quickly glanced at each other, then turned back. > "Tails! Michael!" Sally called to them. Sonic ran to get the others. > Michael lucked out and wobbled so much that he flipped and landed on his >feet. Mike: Whoa, that’s scary. Tom: This story’s taking an alarming pattern. > Tails, however, seeing Michael, tried to do this stunt, but ended up >landing on his back. Crow: Personally, I believe imitation is the sincerest form of stupidity. > Sally ran over and hugged Tails. She headed to Michael and shook his hand. >"Thank you for getting Tails safely home. While you were gone, we installed a >bunk bed for you and Tails." Crow: Oh, great. Now I have to share a room with this loser. Mike: At least I’m an original character! > This made Tails furious. "That's the last straw," he whispered through his >gritted teeth. "He gets all the attention and I get squat!" Tom: Hey, don’t knock it! > "Go to sleep, you two," Sonic called to them. "Breakfast will be served in >the morning!" Mike: As opposed to evening. > As they went to sleep, they had one thing one both their minds: 'That's the >lousiest brother I ever had!' Crow: Hugs all around! > > Morning rose in Knothole Village, Sally cooking hand-made pancakes, or >flat wheat, as they call it on Mobius, Tom: Oh, Sally must be a bad cook. > Sonic running around, showing off, or >whatever he could do to impress Sally, Rotor working on Bunnie, Bookshire >with some controls, Antoine cleaning his hut, and Tails and Michael having >nightmares. Mike: I’d feel sorry for them, but they probably deserve it. > > *Michael woke to find himself in his bed. He stared down, and gasped when >he saw Tails getting a party. Crow: Gee, that must suck. > He got to do whatever he wanted. Michael asked, >”What about me?" "What do you mean, you stupid fox? Get out of here!" Sally >commanded. "What? What did I do?" Michael said, breathless. "For disobeying >ze prinzesses orders, you must di-e!" Antoine yelled at Michael. Tom: Change paragraphs! Garrrrr! > Michael found himself in a beheading machine, Mike: No trademark? Crow: Hey, all I can say is.....YAY!!! > with Tails as the executor. >"Bye-bye, fox!" Tails laughed as the blade came down. He was about to die... All: > > Michael woke up from the dream, staring at the top of the hut. He looked >down, with his relief, to see Tails bundled up in the quilt. However, Tails >wasn't having a good dream, either... Crow: He’s dreaming about a fox hunt. Mike: And Mikey’s blowing the horn. > > *Tails woke up in a field of thorns. All: Ouch! > "Aunt Sally! Sonic! Over here! Would >you please help me!" He was getting pricked and pricked. But, he saw Michael, >Sally, and Sonic walk by. He looked at the red fox. "Save me, Michael!" he told >him. "What's wrong, fraidy-fox?" Michael insulted him. He was bleeding all >over. "Sally! Over here!" he called to his aunt. "What, you stupid fox?" Tom: There’s that pattern again. > Sally >called back. Then he saw Sonic walk by. "Sonic! Save me! Help!" he called to >his best friend. "Why should I? You're a reject, but Michael's perfect," he >told the two-tailed fox. Suddenly, a giant thorn, about as big as him, went >through his heart... All: Owie. > > Tails woke up with a shock. No thorns, no blood, no Michael. He looked in >the top bunk to see Michael awake. "H-hi, Michael," Tails stuttered. > "G-good morning," Michael said nervously. They both left the hut, but this >time not side by side. Crow: They must have left single-file. > > "Order! Order!" Sally commanded the freedom fighters. "I think Tails and >Michael are not getting along, which could leave to rivalries, which could lead >to fist-fights, which could lead to death to one or both of them." Crow: We must insure this happens at all cost. Also, my psychic hotline seems to be doing well. > "Come on, Sal!" Sonic protested. "It's normal. I mean, they are related, >right? All kids have rivalries!" Tom: Why, as a kid I had a rivalry with the toaster. Damn thing made toast better than me, but I’ll show it. I’ll show them all! > "I ave to agree with ze edgehog," Antoine amazingly agreed. "It iz normeel >to have rivalrees, especially at zeir age." Mike: Having dreams about being killed by said rival is normal too. > "Same here," Rotor said in his deep voice. "I had a brother, and we had >rivalries all the time." Tom: But I fixed that. Oh yes, fixed him good. > "This is far more serious than just a plain rivalry," Princess Sally >rejected. Crow: I’d know. Mike: Reject. > "They are probably going to start hurting each other, and to see a >freedom fighter laying, dead on the ground, killed by another, would be a >disgrace to Mobius." Mike: Not to mention a quick end to the story. > "Please, Princess!" Sonic reiterated. "You heard it from Ant, it's normal >for their age." With that Tails walked in. Tom: Holding the standard issue Big-Gun®. > "Hello, Aunt Sally!" Tails called to her. > "Hi, Tails. Where's Michael?" Sally asked. Mike: Lying in a pool of his own blood. > "Somewhere else, I don't know where. And I really don't care, either," >Tails replied angrily. Crow: Ah, pre-adolescent angst. > Sally stared at Sonic. Sonic pointed at himself, staring at Sally wide- >eyed. Tom: Not now! Later, baby. > "Tails, bro," Sonic called to him. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" > "Sure," Tails replied. "What do you think you're doing right now?" Mike: To easy. > "In private, I mean," Sonic rephrased. > "Oh, okay." Tails seemed worried. > "Good." Sonic seemed even more worried that Tails would take out his anger >on him. Tom: I’m ascared. > > Meanwhile, in the center of the Great Forest... Crow: Druidic rituals are practiced there to this day.... > > "I hope nobody finds me 'til I'm dead," Michael thought out loud to >himself. "Tails is just a stupid jerk. The next time I see him, I think I'll >tell him that." All: Yeah, go for it! > He didn't have to wait any longer. Tails approached with Sonic at his side. >"Yes?" Michael called out, trying to hold his anger in. Tom: But not succeeding. > Tails was supposed to say, "I'm sorry for being mad at you, I guess I'm >jealous," but he didn't have the nerve to. Michael might laugh. So, he came up >with an alternative. Mike: Are you ready for some football? > "Tails wants to say something to you," Sonic signaled for Tails to go say >the magic phrase. But instead, different words came out of his mouth. > "You're the biggest, fattest, ugliest, lamest excuse for a brother I ever >had!" Tails yelled at Michael. Sonic was shocked. Mike: So am I! Crow: Oooh, you naughty fox. > "Shut up, you stupid jerk!" Michael came back. > "Loser!" > "Slacker!" All: > "Blithering idiot!" > "Nincompoop!" All: > That started a fist-fight between the two. Sonic was speechless and >motionless. Crow: I said piss off kid! > Tails kicked Michael in the stomach, the threw him into a tree. Michael >jumped and backflipped into a punching-dive. Tails punched Michael from the >ground. He threw him into the tree again, and again backflipped onto Tails. Tom: I’m gonna be sick..... Crow: This story’s about is good as War and Peace.....read backwards....upside down....in bad lighting...written by a blind asylum inmate....while- Mike: We get the point. > They both were on the ground, the wind knocked out of them, and Sonic just >staring at them. Michael and Tails both lost consciousness. Mike: Con-venient. Tom: I’m beginning to see why Tails hates the author.... > > "He's starting to come through.." Tails said nervously as Michael got up. > "Wh-why'd you do that?" Michael slipped out of his mouth. All: Eww..... > "I'm sorry," Tails apologized, meaning it. > Michael sat up. Sally signaled for everybody to leave them alone. Crow: I hate it when I wake up and people are standing around staring at me. > After they left, Michael and Tails looked at each other. "Forgive me?" >Michael asked softly. > "Of course I do," Tails replied. After staring at each other, they hugged >one another. Tom: Ah, ain’t that cute? > > "I see Tails and Michael are starting to get along," Sally stated. "Most >likely because of me." All: Oh, great.... > "No way, Sal!" Sonic protested. "I talked to Tails and got his mind >straight." Tom: He had a very crooked mind before I got to him, let me tell you! > "By sitting there, letting them beat up each other?" Sally smiled to him. Tom: I didn’t see you jumping in. > "Guess so, musta snapped 'em outta it," Sonic said, bored. > "Now there like peas in a pod," Sally compared. > "And we're like lovebirds in a nest," Sonic compared also. Then they >embraced. All: Ugh..... > > "And now, Michael the Fox will attempt to destroy Robotnik's Fortress!" >Michael pretended. "Bucka-bucka, pow! It explodes!" Mike: He talks like he writes! > "And that wouldn't have happened if Tails hadn't shut off the shields!" >Tails added on, smiling. > "Uh-oh, the base is on fire!" Michael pretended to run from a real fire. >"Red alert! Coming through!" He signaled for Tails to follow him into the >Great Forest. Crow: They spend a lot of time in that forest.... Tom: You’d figure they’d avoid it after getting lost that first time..... > After some more jumping and frolicking, 7 glowing emeralds and 50 circular >objects caught Michael's eye... Tom: That’s it. Where’s my gun.... > >TO BE CONTINUED in MIKECHAS.TXT All: NO!!!!!!!! Tom: S-so cold.... Crow: It wasn’t that bad was it? Tom: You're the biggest, fattest, ugliest, lamest excuse for a robot I ever saw! Crow: Shut up, you jerk! Mike: Hey, settle guys. United front remember? Mike: Of all the lousy..... Frank: So guys, how’d I do? Mike: Nearly had us Frank. Crow: Dr. F would have been proud. Tom: I hope he returns soon, I can’t take many more fanfics like that. Frank: Really? Thanks! Hey, I tell you what, I’ll keep an eye out for that sequel ok? Hit the button....oh, yeah. Crow: God help us. ______________________________________________________________________ What can I say but.....whew! If there’s a god, the sequel will be better. Credit for all the MST3K stuff goes to Best Brains and remember this is just a joke. --"Bucka-bucka, pow! It explodes!"--