------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <- - - - - - Turn down your screen brightness (where applicable) - - - - - -> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer MSTing by Shay Caron (gleemoth@aol.com) http://protection.keenspace.com/ Part 1 of 6 This MSTing has been rated: SONIC, because, well, it's a Sonic fanfic, and SELF, because the Omni-Viewer is a self-insertion version of Dave Bulmer. It's not very obvious in this part, but in part two (if I ever get to it), you'll see exactly what I mean. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ In the not too distant future... Introduction theme music (Season 10). ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ Satellite of Love. M&TB are lined up across the counter in front of a huge pile of Tootsie Roll Pops. Crow is wearing protective goggles; he has a pop in a vise. Tom, wearing a blue lab coat and a black bow tie with multicolored spots, is pointing a laser pointer at one; the pointer is attached to a computer (via a licorice rope). Mike is simply holding one and licking it. ] MIKE: [ lick ] 137... [ lick ] 138... CROW: Uh, Mike, we're on. MIKE: [ lick ] 139... [ lick ] 140... TOM: Mike? MIKE: [ lick ] 141... [ lick ] 142... [ He continues in the background. ] CROW: Oh, forget him. Hi, folks, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo here. As you can no doubt plainly see, making the following explanation a blatant underestimation of your intellectual capacity [ gasp ], we're busy discovering how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. As evidenced by this delicate instrument, I'm measuring its diameter to the micrometer. [ He slowly tightens the vise. ] TOM: I've decided to scan the Tootsie Pop's dimensions into the computer and do a licking simulation! CROW: And Mike, being the only one of us able to produce saliva, is off in his own little world. MIKE: [ lick ] 163... [ lick ] 164... TOM: Done! Now I'll just run the simulator. [ He taps a button on the keyboard. The computer starts whirring, but suddenly beeps and shuts down. ] What in the--"Stack overflow"?! CROW: [ Looking at the computer, he absentmindedly gives the vise one more twist, crushing the Tootsie Pop. ] Dah! TOM: Well, that was an utter failure. CROW: Sad but true. Now all we've got is Mike. [ The Commercial Sign flashes. ] Oh, and Commercial Sign too. Great. TOM: We'll be right back. MIKE: [ lick ] 191... [ lick ] 192... [ MST3K planet bumper. Over the music, something crunches and the bots scream. Commercials ensue. ] [ SOL. Mike and Crow are eating Tootsie Pops, looking depressed. Tom is again at his computer. ] TOM: Okay, I got the bugs out, and I'm ready to roll. CROW: Oh, just give it up. TOM: There! The total comes to... exactly... negative 47 pi licks! [ pause ] The hell?! CROW: I suppose there are just some things man-slash-robot was never meant to know. [ The Mads Sign flashes. ] MIKE: [ taps it ] Oh, what's up, red, yellow, and green M&Ms? [ Castle Forrester. Pearl and the gang are wearing extremely pretentious burgundy robes. ] PEARL: [ in a snotty British accent ] Oh, tally-ho and pip pip, Nelsonian. Me and the henchmen are getting into the feel of today's experiment, in a sense. [ SOL ] CROW: You're sending us "Masterpiece Theatre"? [ CF ] OBSERVER: [ another exaggerated accent ] No, no, no, your fanfic today is a beautiful serving of Sonic the Hedgehog crap from across the Pacific. It's called "The End of Mobius", and it's by the delightfully British David Bulmer. It features the Freedom Fighters getting their bums kicked and--well, actually, that's about it. PEARL: Yes, you'll be getting the rather sizeable part one of six today, and meanwhile, we're setting up a little experiment down here. I'm trying out my latest world-conquering scheme, and then we're all going out for tea and crumpets. BOBO: [ no accent whatsoever ] Lawgiver? Was I supposed to put the live wires *on* the fish tank or *in* the fish tank? [ sparks and sizzles in the background ] PEARL: Oh, bloody 'ell. [ SOL ] TOM: Maybe if we just asked Mr. Owl... [ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ] MIKE: Oh, we got Great Mobian Sign! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > THE END OF MOBIUS CROW: Something tells me I'm going to enjoy this one. > BY DAVE 'Omni Echidna' BULMER MIKE: Rapid fire: go! CROW: What do you want to bet we'll see "Omni" in this story at some point? MIKE: What is it with Davids and Sonic the Hedgehog? TOM: Does Mr. "Bulmer" have a problem with bloating? CROW: Are you supposed to shout that? MIKE: Is that short for "omnipotent"? "Omniscient"? I sure hope not. CROW: Can we call him "Davey-kins", or would that just be asking for trouble? TOM: Just who do you think you are? ALL: DAVE BULMER!! > > This story is the result of about half a year of writing in > school breaks, MIKE: I think paper would work better. > then typing in the holidays CROW: Washing off the holidays when my mom got mad... > and finally another few > months of typing after I left the school. Originally my friend Mike > Rossell TOM: Rossell, New Mexico, home of the Mobian crash site. > wrote a short story about the Death Egg's final attack on > Mobius. I read it and wrote a sequel. MIKE: About the Death Egg's final, *final* attack on Mobius. > We then continued to write more > parts to the story, TOM: This time, it's *really* the Death Egg's final attack on Mobius. We're not kidding. > me writing various chapters and Mike writing one or > two more. CROW: [ Dave ] I really did all the work. > We would confer while writing about which characters we could > kill off or what must happen to which, for continuity purposes. After a > while we had six episodes done. MIKE: Only half an hour long each, I hope. CROW: With our luck, they're each two hours. TOM: Come on, who would make a TV show that was two hours long? > I took all the episodes home and typed > them up onto my Amiga, CROW: Heh, he and Eric Schwartz own the only two Amigas left on Earth. > greatly improving them and editing out the Power > Rangers (?!) in Mike's first episode. CROW: Power Rangers?! MIKE: Undoubtedly the next spin-off: "Power Rangers on Mobius". TOM: Let's pause for a moment to give thanks to the apparently rather wise David Bulmer. [ pause ] MIKE: Perhaps there is mercy in the universe after all. > About three years on, I logged onto the Net for the first time, > and shortly afterwards discovered the world of Sonic Fanfics and decided > the world should know the story of the End of Mobius. MIKE: So the whole thing's really *your* fault. > This, the first > episode in the six-part series, is almost entirely different to the > original episode. Many of the additional characters have been changed, MIKE: We added a purple dinosaur and removed the murder. CROW: But it's a MURDER MYSTERY!! MIKE: Oh, that's original. > and more have been added. Using the first type-up as a rough base for > the stories, I hope to include all the important points. > Most of you are used to the Sonic stories based in Robotropolis. TOM: Sadly, yes. > Forget all that. CROW: [ gleefully ] Already forgotten! MIKE: Forget what? TOM: Exactly. > This story takes place in an alternate Universe; the > reality maintained by Egmont/Fleetway in their STC comics. This was > possibly the first Fleetway FanFic written. TOM: [ Dave ] I'm such a trend-setter. > Well, written and passed > around the Net anyway. Check out the genesis story on their 'All About > Sonic' page. Robotnik started off life as Doctor Ovi Kintobor, and Sonic > wasn't always blue. I'll try to explain the scenario in the actual story > where needed. CROW: Which means *lots* o' backstory. > I wrote this story earlier this year, and passed it around the > Fandom, through private EMail, alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog and Commander > Sonic's Mailing List. More than one person has said that it was the best > Sonic story they ever read, including other Fanfics, MIKE: That's not saying much. > stories from the > comics and cartoons, and others pleaded me to let them upload it. I've > had five artists ask to illustrate the story, (although where that idea > went I don't know,) and one person offered to make a comic series out of > the whole lot. CROW: With our luck, it's David Gonterman. > All End of Mobius projects have now been ended, but the > story will be almost completely hacked-up, revised and changed, ready to > be used as part of the graphic novel series which accompanies Dawn > Best's "Sonic Ideal". TOM: "Ideal"ly, we would never hear the word "Sonic" again. > > > THE STORY SO FAR... TOM: 'Bout a man named Jed. CROW: Of a lovely lady. > Sonic the Hedgehog changed blue when he was very young, MIKE: Before that, blue was actually purple. > helped by Doctor Ovi Kintobor. CROW: Oppi Goldworth? > Kintobor was trying to rid Mobius of all > evil by trapping that evil in the seven Chaos Emeralds, TOM: Ah yes, those shiny multi-colored purveyors of mayhem! > which he'd found MIKE: In bed with his wife. > scattered around the planet and inserted into his Retro Orbital Chaos > Compressor. CROW: Say, isn't this the storyline David Gonterman mutilated along with the, um, other one? TOM: Yeah, not to mention Adrian and Alessandro. > They were kept stable by hundreds upon thousands of golden MIKE: Fries. > rings. However, there was an explosion and all the evil on Mobius was TOM: Out getting a bite to eat, so it didn't notice. > fed into Kintobor and a rotten egg he was carrying at the time, changing > him into Ivo Robotnik. MIKE: Y'know, that happens all the time to me. I'm holding an egg, I get zapped with pure evil, and my name reverses. TOM: Heh, "Leahcim J. Noslen". > Sonic defeated him MIKE: That didn't take long. CROW: Can we go now? > and collected together the > Chaos Emeralds, which had a strange reaction with him, CROW: Oh my. TOM: Uh-oh. MIKE: Geez... > changing him into > Supersonic. He changed back in the Swampland Zone, not remembering > anything about Supersonic. CROW: See, he's kind of oblivious... > That was where he met his twin-tailed > companion Miles Prower. MIKE: Get it? "Miles Per-hour". It's the speed thing. TOM: Heh, it's funny, 'cause it's, um, not. > Years later Sonic had set up a small Freedom Team to fight > against Robotnik. CROW: And he defeated him again. TOM: The author has a loose definition of the term "defeat", I believe. > They were Amy Rose, MIKE: Oh... her. > Miles Prower, Johnny Lightfoot and > Porker Lewis. MIKE: [ snort ] Porker Lewis Can't Lose? TOM: And this is the *official* Fleetway story? CROW: Probably about as much as Bookshire and Packbell are part of the official Archie story. > Together they fought Robotnik and his Badnik cronies. Over > the years the planet Mobius became worse and worse. MIKE: Robotnik just doesn't give a hoot! > Under Robotnik's > rule, the city of Metropolis had been transformed into TOM: Vegas! > a metal death > trap, TOM: Yep, Vegas. > swarming with Troopers from the Special Badnik Service. CROW: Oh, they're "special" badniks. > Citadel > Robotnik MIKE: Viva Zarok! > sat in the middle of it all, looming over the Zone, daring > anyone to try and cross the Doctor. > Robotnik's chief scientist Grimer CROW: Needed a bath. > built an elite brotherhood of > mecha-Sonics, called Metallix. The Brotherhood of Metallix took over the > Miracle Planet, TOM: Where dreams can come true! Or is that Disneyland? > (the little planet that appears over Mobius once a > month,) and kidnapped Porker. He was put through hell up there, but > Sonic and his friends managed to wipe CROW: Heh heh, wipe. > out the Brotherhood a month later > when the Planet re-appeared. > Knuckles the Echidna was convinced (by Robotnik) that TOM: Amway is a legitimate money-making idea. > Sonic was > his enemy, and was only on the Floating Island to steal Knuckles' Chaos CROW: Theory. > Emeralds. Knuckles had been their guardian ever since his people left > the Island, leaving him alone up in the sky. CROW: Adios, knucklehead! Heh heh heh! MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Uh, hello? Where is everyone? > Eventually however he > realised his mistake TOM: [ Knuckles ] Why am I protecting this island? What'd it ever do for me? CROW: [ Knuckles ] I'm gonna just go get some tacos. > and helped Sonic defeat Robotnik CROW: *Again*. > and his Death Egg, > and finally the Chaos Emeralds rejoined creating the Super Emeralds, MIKE: Faster than a speeding sapphire! More powerful than a big ol' diamond! > and > the Master Emerald which keeps the Island in the sky was replaced. CROW: With a Taco Bell. > Chaotix, aided by the Omni-Viewer, TOM: The biggest danged Viewmaster around! > a huge screen with a face who > could control time and space, MIKE: Oh, of course. I should have guessed that. CROW: Does that rhyme? > travelled through the Warp of Confusion (a CROW: Warp of confusion, oddly enough. > parallel reality Universe) trying to sort out people like Lord > Sidewinder, who, after discovering Supersonic separated from Sonic, TOM: I think we missed a round of backstory here. > tried to take over the Universe. Sonic soon put a stop to that and > Supersonic lost every memory he possessed. TOM: Makes perfect sense to me! > Many things happened over the years, MIKE: Things we actually don't remember, but trust us, they happened. > and now, in the year 2010, > Sonic's Freedom Team stretched out across the whole of Mobius. CROW: They were *really* tired. > Since the > Liberation in 2002, animals all over the planet requested to join the ALL: Girl Scouts! TOM: [ snicker ] They'd be the *Cub* Scouts! Hee hee! MIKE, CROW: [ groan ] > Freedom Fighters. They set up their HQ in Knothole Glade, Greenhill MIKE: One hill, two hill, green hill, blue hill. > Forest, where Sonic first appeared on Mobius having lost his memory. > Robotnik had ransacked this place countless times, TOM: He just likes the word "ransacked" is all. > and so was sure the > Team would never dream of trying to live here again. CROW: The decor was *way* too tacky. > For that reason he > didn't plan to attack it again, making it the perfect place to hide. > Meanwhile MIKE: Back at the ranch... > Robotnik had expanded Metropolis City to cover most of > the planet. He didn't know it, but CROW: He had *terrible* BO. > at least four Sonic realities began > to merge at this point. (Mobius had reached the same situation as in the > Archie and DiC stories.) TOM: That's only three. MIKE: When the author can't count, you know you're in trouble. > That's where our story starts. The Freedom Team knew they were > far from wiping out Robotnik's forces for good. Now two armies, the > Freedom Fighters led by Sonic CROW: At least he spelled "led" right. > and the Special Badnik Service lead by > Robotnik, CROW: D'oh! You had it right the first time! MIKE: Yeesh. > went head to head almost every day. It seemed like a hopeless > scenario. However, they were soon to find out it was more hopeless than > they had ever expected. > MIKE: And now, the moment you've all been dreading, the story. > LEGAL STUFF MIKE: [ long pause ] I can wait as long as you can, author. > The original ideas for this novel TOM: Should have been disposed of at the beginning. > were suggested by Mike > Rossell. TOM: Kill him. CROW: With pleasure. MIKE: Go back in time to do it. > The first draft of the book were written by Mike Rossell and > Dave Bulmer. CROW: Yup, it were written by we, a-hyuk! > The second draft was written by Dave Bulmer (me) and was > changed considerably, CROW: [ grumpy ] Not enough, though. > using the original copies as notes. This was > thought at the time to be the final copy, but MIKE: The Xerox wasn't busted after all! > the authors were only > twelve at the time, and not much good at writing. CROW: Uh, no comment. TOM: If I had stuff I'd written when I was eleven, I wouldn't *show* it to anybody! MIKE: ...Tom, you're not eleven *yet*. > That version of 'The > End of Mobius' took about three months to complete, including the 'Void > Time' when 'The Robotnikbot' kept crashing and I had to keep on writing > the same chapter three or four times. MIKE: And odds are it didn't improve one bit. > This version copyright Dave 'Omni Echidna' Bulmer 1997. CROW: That's a weird last name. TOM: No, there were 1996 other David Bulmers before him. CROW: Wow, popular name. > Characters, settings and other such stuff copyright by Sega, DiC, and > Fleetway Editions'/Egmont Fleetway's CROW: Dracula. > Sonic the Comic. Additional > characters by Dave Bulmer and Mike Rossell. MIKE: I wish they'd stop associating my name with this. > This story including all of > its episodes and parts may not be in any way changed CROW: They say that just to scare us, don't they? TOM: It's not like Dave could really afford a lawyer. > or sold without my > expressed permission, which you're not gonna get. ;-) MIKE: Heh heh heh, funny. > Thanks for reading this bit, and remember, this story is > copyright. TOM: Ed, anyone? CROW: I think it's more copywrong. > You cannot use it in any way without my permission. (Except > to give to other FanFics libraries, but tell me if you wanna do that.) MIKE: Does Web Site Number 9 count? > Look out for the other five episodes in the series, BOTS: Aaaahh!! > and the sequel, > 'Secrets of Mobius' ALL: Noooo!! > coming later. Read and enjoy! MIKE: Not a chance in the world. > NOTE: If the storyline of this Sonic Universe puzzles you, check > out Egmont Fleetway's TOM: Tiny Toon Adventures. > Sonic the Comic, available in several countries, > mainly in the uk. TOM: In the uck? > If you can't be bothered CROW: It's like he knows us! > but still want to know about > STC, E-Mail me at dave@bulmers.demon.co.uk and I'll answer any of your > questions. TOM: Why? MIKE: Because. TOM: Why anything? MIKE: Because everything. CROW: Out Of Cheese Error. > NOTE: TOM: WILL YOU JUST GET TO THE STORY ALREADY?!! > This is the text version of this story. CROW: Well, *duh*! MIKE: The other versions are in hieroglyphics and semaphore. > The original > version MIKE: Sucks! TOM: Well, this one does too. > needs Microsoft Works 4.0 or compatible to read. For that reason > the text version has no italics (I think they're just normal type) CROW: They might be Klingon, though. > and > the chapter names aren't centered, but that's about it. If you want the > Works4 version MIKE: We've got a lovely white coat for you. And look! The sleeves tie in the back! > Mail me. Also let me know if there's any typos in the > story, although I think I've spell-checked it properly. TOM: Famous last words. > Now a new version of The End of Mobius is available via EMail. > It's the whole story, complete and unabridged, MIKE: Which means we can't cross any rivers. > from all six episodes > stuck together to make one huge novel, which lasts for 106 A4 pages CROW: Just 560 less than the devil! > in > Microsoft Works 4. It is in .wps format. MIKE: Whoops! > If you can open .wps documents > and are interested in reading the full End of Mobius with all the nice > bits like italics and a contents page etc, drop me a line. TOM: How about if we just drop him an anvil? > Right! On with the story then... CROW: Right! Out with Crow T. Robot then... > > Emerald Hill > Twenty years ago... TOM: Probably the author hasn't even been born yet. MIKE: Watch it. Neither has the MSTer. > On the top of Emerald Hill they sat: the Super Emeralds. CROW: Which makes quite a bit of sense, when you think about it. > They > had been there for countless centuries, keeping the peace on Planet > Mobius. TOM: No relation to Planet Lunch, right? > All six Super Emeralds stood twice as tall as any Mobian MIKE: So, about up to my chin. CROW: I'd swear the Mobians are shorter than Grakker and Madame Pong. TOM: Pre- or post-shrunk? CROW: Both. > and > hundreds of times more powerful. Nobody was sure how they were created > or why, but they knew their purpose. CROW: Free cable! > The Super Emeralds kept the harmony > on Mobius and the planets around it. TOM: While the violin section provided the melody. > There was some argument about who should own the Super Emeralds, CROW: Capulets or Montagues? MIKE: The answer, of course, was Santa Claus. > the Echidnas of Echidna Island CROW: Which makes quite a bit of sense, when you think about it. > or the rest of the Mobians. However, they > weren't to know that it would result in TOM: Lame plot contrivances? > a major war. And they weren't to > know that the Super Emeralds, in an attempt to stop any war, would CROW: Sing "Give Peace a Chance". > instantly self-destruct, or do something to try and stop it manually. MIKE: But no one ever reads the manual, so... > The Super Emeralds had the power to put a stop to any war. CROW: Dah-dah-dah-dah! Contrivance power! > > > Prologue > In a distant Universe, in a completely different dimension of > reality, MIKE: Oh look, there goes the Heart of Gold. > an old hedgehog sat in his rocking chair, surrounded by his > three grandchildren. It was tragic, the way their parents had died. TOM: They were pedestrians in Carmageddon. > Stories of the accident had been plastered all over the tabloids for > weeks afterwards, CROW: Oh, they're Princess Di's kids. TOM: I bet we never hear about this again. MIKE: Throwaway plot point. > and the old man wasn't sure if the children had quite > got over their parents' deaths yet, or even if they ever would. Amy, > Sonic and Tails, named after the heroes of years past, TOM: Gas. > looked up at > their grandfather expectantly. MIKE: [ kids ] Where's the Werther's Original? > At this time each day he told them > another story about their idols. TOM: Watch the Second Commandment there. CROW: The right to bear arms? TOM: No, no, no... > But today he'd run out. CROW: Left the kids with his wife and moved to Florida. > He had told > them each and every one of the tales of Sonic and the Freedom > Fighters... MIKE: And by now the kids were 58. CROW: They made funny remarks while he told the stories. He wasn't sure why. > All but one. > "You mean I never told you about Sonic's death?" the old > hedgehog asked. CROW: This I've *gotta* see. TOM: It'll be worth the torture to watch Sonic's demise. > "No, I don't think so," Amy, the eldest of the three replied. > She would be sixteen this summer. CROW: [ falsetto ] Six-teen candles... MIKE: [ bops Crow ] Cut it out. > "Well, he certainly went out with a bang," the old man laughed. MIKE: [ old man ] You should've seen all the dynamite! > "Remember I told you about the Brotherhood of Metallix?" Tails's face > lit up. TOM: Hey, stop eating the light bulbs! > He was the youngest of the three and the most enthusiastic about > the fighting in the Sonic stories. > "Yeah! The Mecha-Sonic army! Wow, Sonic really gave them what > for! Wham! Pow!" he punched the air with his fists. MIKE: As opposed to punching the air with his nose. > "Well, that's what he thought. However, Robotnik had been > secretly rebuilding them. MIKE: Man, it must suck to fight robots. You blow 'em up and the boss man just makes more. > Not as many as the first time round, but quite > a few even still. He realised CROW: How terribly British he was. > he was very vulnerable to attack. Even > though the Death Egg ALL: [ burst into laughter ] CROW: Hee hee, sorry, folks. > was being rebuilt on a remote island somewhere, it > wouldn't be ready for quite a while CROW: Those contractors never show up! > and even then he would need to find > something to power it. That was why he decided to attack." > "Attack?" Sonic gasped. TOM: He hyperventilated and died. > "Yup. See, the whole thing started with Sonic's dream..." CROW: [ man ] Of Jeannie. > > MIKE: He dreamt of greater thans? What is that? CROW: Would the standard Pamela Anderson joke be out of line? MIKE: Yes. [ Mike picks up Tom and stands up to leave. Crow jumps out of his seat. ] TOM: How about Madonna? MIKE: Also yes. [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ Satellite of Love. Er... Crow seems to be painted purple. His eyeballs are reversed (yellow pupils on black), and there's a big, bushy orange mustache on the end of his beak. A pause. ] CROW: Har har har! [ A pause. Enter Mike and Tom. ] MIKE: Crow, have you seen my markers? I'm missing--oh. Hello. TOM: What now? CROW: Har har har! After an accident with the Retro 70's Trash Compactor, I have been turned into Worc S. Tobor! Har har har! TOM: [ to Mike ] How cute. MIKE: [ to Tom ] Let's play along. TOM: [ to Mike ] Right. [ zips off-screen ] MIKE: [ out loud ] Help, Worc S. Tobor is attacking this poor, defenseless little satellite! CROW: It's no use! With my Death Chicken [ he holds up a papier-mache chicken ] I will destroy you! [ He turns on what is apparently a flashlight in the chicken's head; it shines on Mike. ] MIKE: Aaaack! [ falls over ] CROW: Har har har! TOM: [ zips in, wearing blue spines all down his back ] Yo brother what homey up dude tubular cool. I'm gonna make you pay! CROW: Nuh-uh. [ points flashlight at Tom ] TOM: Aaaargh, dude! [ falls over ] CROW: At last! I have taken control of the satellite! Har har har har har!! [ pause ] Um... [ pause ] What now? [ pause ] Oh, being evil sucks! Hey, guys, thanks for playing along. [ pause ] Guys? [ pause ] Uh-oh. [ The Commercial Sign flashes. Crow panics. ] [ MST3K planet bumper. ] CROW: GYPSY!! [ Commercials ensue. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of part 1 -- Shay Caron E-mail: gleemoth@aol.com Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------