------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <- - - - - - Turn down your screen brightness (where applicable) - - - - - -> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer MSTing by Shay Caron (gleemoth@aol.com) http://protection.keenspace.com/ Part 2 of 6 [ Everyone enters the theater. Crow is still wearing the big bushy mustache. ] CROW: Guys, that was most emphatically not funny. TOM: Come on, you were askin' for it. MIKE: That's what you get for being evil. > 1 > Metallix TOM: That's that new dance club, isn't it? > > Sonic's eyes flicked open. TOM: So we're finally in the story now? CROW: Yah, looks that way. > He felt a bead of sweat slither down > his face. All he could hear was the pound of his heart and the imaginary > voice still shouting into his brain MIKE: "REDRUM!!" > 'Destruction of Sonic 97% > probability'. CROW: [ sarcasm sequencer ] Yeah, that'd scare *me*. TOM: Maybe it's scarier when you're Sonic. CROW: Maybe it's scarier when you're an *idiot*. TOM: That's kinda the point I was making. > He had had the nightmare again. The nightmare he had most > nights. He would be standing on a planet miles above Mobius, and then > Metallix would attack. MIKE: Cream pies would fly! > The Brotherhood of Metallix. TOM: Ah, darn, the KKK's meeting again. > The elite army of Mecha-Sonics, > each one with equal strengths and weaknesses to Sonic. CROW: So just poison their chili dogs and they're done for. > The first time he > ever encountered a Metallix was on the Miracle Planet. TOM: Where dreams can--wait, I said that. > It only appeared > once a month over Mobius, [ Everyone coughs loudly and tries to avoid looking at the others. ] CROW: Oh. ...It's a female planet, then? MIKE: Yeah, let's just go with that. > and was usually as beautiful as Mobius had > once been, but that month MIKE: It got swapped with Pluto. > it was chained to the rocks around the > Neverlake, CROW: Odd name for a desert. > and was covered in machinery. He had fought to save Amy Rose, > that annoying little runt, CROW: Yeah, tell us about it. > and had almost been killed. But that was a > long time ago. TOM: In a galaxy far, f--sorry. > He was more experienced these days and Amy Rose was a lot > more mature. Still, he kept dreaming about the Brotherhood. MIKE: *Never*lake, Brother*hood*, I keep thinking clay is going to be involved. > A useless > fear. MIKE: A wussy fear. > He had been there when the Freedom Fighters wiped out each and > every Metallix. He should have been pleased. CROW: The ungrateful swine! > He should have been > reassured TOM: Yeah, well, he should have been smart, too. > Instead the monsters lurked in his dreams every two in three > nights. > He had to do something to shake the nightmare out of his head. MIKE: Will you take that off already? [ snatches Crow's mustache off ] > He tried going back to sleep, but that didn't work. He jumped out of bed > and slipped on his red backpack. MIKE: See, it was on top of a banana peel... > He left the confines of his hut and > looked around him. CROW: [ Sonic ] Hey, I don't recognize this place! MIKE: [ Sonic ] What did I *do* last night?! > He was standing in the centre of Knothole Glade, Greenhill > Forest. This was the main HQ of the Freedom Team. CROW: Yeesh. Why don't they just call themselves Captain Sonic and the Freedomteers and get it over with? > For nearly a year now > the Fighters had lived in Knothole. Sonic remembered back to his > childhood when he first appeared MIKE: But the first game really wasn't that great at all. > on Mobius having lost all memory of his > past. He was standing in the exact spot TOM: Not a millimeter either way. CROW: You mean "millimetre". BOTS: [ giggle ] > where Sophocles, the wise old > owl had found him and introduced him to Johnny Lightfoot, Porker Lewis, > Sally Acorn and the others. CROW: Hey! Hey hey hey you said this wasn't the Archie/DiC storyline! What is Princess Nutcase doing here?! MIKE: OK, the report's coming in... Yes, we have officially been abandoned by the forces of goodness and right. TOM: Already? That sure didn't take long. > Now they were not only Sonic's best friends, > they were also his comrades in saving the planet. They were failing > miserably. TOM: The geeks. > That was why they needed a secret base of operations, and > Knothole was chosen. The forest had been attacked countless times in the > past, MIKE: Perfect. Set up camp where the enemy's sights are already set. > and now it was the last place the enemy would expect to find > Sonic. CROW: Now what kind of logic is that? TOM: I'd say it's "stupid" logic. MIKE: Now, now, that logic's just ill. > Knothole was beautiful this time of year. In fact, it was > beautiful just about any time of year. CROW: Especially since it's always, always spring on this planet. MIKE, TOM: Except when it pertains to the plot. > The whole place had been > completely rebuilt. Trees had been converted into houses, rooms and > tunnels had been built under the ground, MIKE: They even set up a Ropes Course! TOM: And a McDonald's PlayPlace. > and there were watch points at > the top of almost every tree. TOM: The UFO would *not* get away *this* time. > Pathways ran between each building, and > trees had been reinforced all the way around the colossal Glade; CROW: Yep, pure concrete, them trees. > the > only way in or out was through a log which was mainly buried under the > ground. TOM: Yeah, I need to bury a big log every once in a while too. > This meant that only Sonic, Tails and the other determined > Freedom Fighters could get in or out, but the amount of other residents > who actually wanted to leave was phenomenally low. CROW: And tourism is high. You gotta give 'em that. > Sonic bent down slightly, then took off, sprinting across the > path that lead away from his hut. He had to get out of the enclosed > Glade. He had to run. He had to have speed. MIKE: I feel the need. CROW: The need for speed? MIKE: No, it's more like the need for a barf bag. > He began to pick up pace as > he ran, until he was finally going at just the right speed. He ducked > his head down and began to roll. Still he picked up speed as he span, CROW: Ick, it's another of those spell-checker-tricking typos. TOM: Don't be a dummy. Proofread your stories. > until he was little more than a revolving blue of blue spikes. The > people watched him go ALL: And don't come back! > as he shot towards a small hole in the floor lined > with wood: the entrance to the log leading out of Knothole. > He vanished from view, and felt himself twisting MIKE: [ monotone ] Come on baby, do the Twist. BOTS: [ monotone ] Bop, bop. > and turning > through the narrow tunnel. Within seconds he burst out of the other end > and uncurled in mid-air. He thrust his nose upwards, CROW: Do you thrust your nose at me, sir? TOM: I do thrust my nose, sir. > giving him a slight > speed boost. He shot upwards, flipped over three times just in case > anyone was watching, CROW: Sonic. The other, bluer Johnny Bravo. > and landed perfectly on his feet in the Greenhill > Zone just outside the forest. He broke into a run. MIKE: But he wasn't careful and he set off the burglar alarm. > "Whoa! Ten points all round," enthused a familiar squeaky voice > from behind him. ALL: Furby!! > Sonic turned to see the familiar face his foxy friend > Tails flying towards him. TOM: [ Sonic ] Aaaahh!! > Nobody really knew why Tails was born with two > tails. MIKE: Probably in the genes. CROW: He doesn't wear pants. MIKE: Crow... CROW: Still, if he *did* wear jeans, that's where his tails would be. MIKE: Crow, please... > He had been born in the Nameless Zone, a parallel world somehow > connected with the Special Zone, TOM: [ Zone ] My parents say I'm special! > and it was suspected that he had been > exposed to radiation from the Chaos Emeralds when they first appeared in > the Special Zone. MIKE: Yeah, you're gonna get this sort of thing with Emerald radiation. Two- headed turtles, five-legged frogs, and two-tailed foxes. TOM: Oh, of course. > Tails had learned that if he spun the tails using a > strange bone-joint he now possessed, CROW: We just gave it to him for Christmas last year. > they acted as rotor-blades allowing > Tails to fly. MIKE: The first rotor-blade lifts up the hair, the second shaves you clean. > "Nice day, hah Tails?" Sonic said, not bothering to slow down. > Tails span TOM: The heck?! MIKE: Again? > his twin appendages faster, CROW: I refuse to believe that "span" can be used as a verb. Not even in Britain. > and just managed to catch up. > "Yeah, cool... uh, Sonic? Good news. Apparently Porker and his > team have finished 'Operation NiGHTS'. MIKE: Ironically, it's 8:34 AM. > He told me to fetch you and go > meet him there A.S.A.P." > "They actually finished?" CROW: They saved all 300 Mudokons? MIKE: But I thought Metal Gear Solid 2 hadn't even come out yet! TOM: I didn't know you could beat *Tetris*! > Sonic was impressed. He never expected > Operation NiGHTS would ever finish. CROW: I mean, the team is such a bunch of *slackers*! > Porker, the Freedom Fighters' top > scientist, had theorised that if he harnessed the power of the one > remaining Starpost on Mobius into an engine, TOM: It would make one heck of a pizza roll? > it could travel at speeds > faster than light. MIKE: Pizza rolls of the FUTURE! > He showed Sonic his plans and had been commissioned > along with a group of technicians and mechanics to build a Nightship TOM: [ quickly ] Pizza roll. > capable of intergalactic travel. "Okay, okay," Sonic agreed, "but later. > I haven't eaten yet." CROW: That's what the pizza roll's for! > "Me neither," Tails said, and a mischievous grin spread across > his face. TOM: [ Tails ] I wonder how *you* taste! MIKE: My mother told me never to eat anything blue. > "Race you to the shady spot!" Tails twirling behind him, Miles > Prower sped off across the hills towards the shady spot, CROW: The drug dealer spot? The assassin spot? > where they > always ate chilli dogs in the mornings. MIKE: Just stick a dachshund in the freezer and there ya go! > Sonic watched him go. CROW: [ Sonic ] I probably should have told him about that booger. TOM: [ Sonic ] He's got a cute butt. > The small, orange fury raced off across > the undulating hills and valleys that made up the Greenhill Zone. > Nowadays the Special Badnik Service left Greenhill alone. After all, > they had the rest of Mobius under control. TOM: [ ominous voice ] Or so they *thought*! > They were busy searching the > vast city of Metropolis trying to find the Freedom Team. As soon as > they'd searched every inch of the city and moved on to Greenhill, maybe > they'd move into Metropolis. But not yet. CROW: The time was not yet ripe. TOM: Or nigh. > Metropolis had started off as > being a relatively small city. But when the Badniks moved in they began > roboticising everything around the city, MIKE: Oh, look, Carl, a butterfly. TOM: Roboticize it!! > and now it covered seven > eighths of Mobius. CROW: So are Sonic and company living in the sea now? > Sonic's began to run on the spot until he'd picked up enough > speed to transform his legs into a blue of colour. TOM: From this point forward, anyone using a color as a noun will be shot. > Then he stopped > suddenly, propelling his body forwards. CROW: Wha-huh? > He began to run again and > instantly picked up speed. TOM: See, this planet had no equivalent to Isaac Newton. > His friction reducing sneakers helped him run > faster, and by now he'd learnt to press onto the ground just hard enough > to still move very fast, even without much friction. MIKE: Physics be damned! > He overtook Tails and continued running. He could see the shady > spot right up ahead, shaded by a group of palm-trees. He lowered his > head and put on an extra burst of speed. CROW: Those chili dogs are *not* agreeing with him, let me tell you! > Desperate to keep up with > Sonic, span MIKE: Will you cut that out?! > his tails even faster. He was doing quite well until he lost CROW: His mind. > his co-ordination and one of his tails got under his feet. TOM: I don't think I could even do that if I *tried*! MIKE: Well, you don't have a tail. TOM: Uh, right. CROW: Or feet. TOM: Shut up. > Tails fell > forwards, crashing into Sonic. Sonic, still travelling extremely fast, > was knocked off course and careered MIKE: Oh no, he crashed into a school Career Day! TOM: [ lecturer ] Now, you see, the life of an accountant is an intriguing and fascinating AAAARGH!! CROW: Yeah, then he mows down the Historian. > off to the left, towards a large > cliff-face. He quickly rolled up into a ball to protect himself, and > drilled right into the centre of the cliff. CROW: So, he's got adamantium quills, is that it? TOM: Nah, not even adamantium. He's got to have one of those molecular destabilizers somewhere. CROW: There's always the chance that he's just full of crap. TOM: How would *that* help him get through the cliff? > When he uncurled, Tails was standing next to him, looking > apologetic. > "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident..." MIKE: [ Tails ] You can always just duct-tape your arm back on! > but Sonic > wasn't listening. CROW: [ Sonic ] Shut UP, Tails. > He was wondering why this tunnel had already been cut. TOM: Heh, tunnel, you're stupid and ugly and no one likes you. MIKE: Shut up, tunnel! CROW: We hate you! MIKE: You're stupid! CROW: Shut up, stupid! TOM: Are we done cutting the tunnel? CROW: Yeah, we're done. > He definitely hadn't been in here before, but the centre of the cliff > was cut into a smallish room. MIKE: Does Dave write text adventure room descriptions as a side job? CROW: You are in a smallish room cut from the center of a cliff. TOM: > GO OUT CROW: I don't know the word "go". TOM: > LEAVE CROW: I don't know the word "leave". TOM: > BASH CROW OVER THE HEAD CROW: Violence is not the answer. TOM: I'll show you the answer! [ starts toward Crow ] MIKE: Whoa, whoa, guys! [ holds Tom down ] > There didn't seem to be any more exits > other than the one he'd just cut, which was providing the only source of > light in the room. MIKE: Dave *must* write text adventure room descriptions as a side job. > Then everything went black. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Tails! The light switch is *not* a toy! > Sonic heard the sound of falling > rocks, blocking the exit. It shouldn't be too difficult to drill through > them again, it was just a question of finding the rocks in this pitch > darkness. CROW: Well, just spin around and point randomly. How could you *not* find some rocks?! > "Oh, great," Tails grumbled. "Now we'll have to..." his voice > trailed off as he noticed two small rings of red light hovering in one > corner of the room. TOM: It's green! Go, go, go! > The rings looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't > put his finger on where he had seen them before. He nudged Sonic, > silently alerting him, but Sonic had already noticed the rings. MIKE: [ Sonic ] I know, leave me *alone*, Tails. > The two lights moved quickly forwards, stopping about a foot in > front of Sonic's face. > "I've been waiting a very long time for this," TOM: [ voice ] If only I could remember what it was. > came a smooth, > synthesised voice from somewhere below the lights, which Sonic had > identified as eyes. A light began to glow from somewhere below the eyes, > lighting up the figure's chest. MIKE: Okay, that's just plain wrong. > As the light got brighter, Sonic could > see Tails' silhouette standing next to him. He looked back at the figure > he was facing and his heart stopped for a second. It was one of them. MIKE: The aliens had come for him! > The figure was lined with sharp spines and was made entirely from metal > in Sonic's form. It was TOM: Pennywise the clown! > a Metallix. > Then, as the light became more intense and Sonic became aware of > a strange humming sound coming from somewhere outside the cave, the > Metallix shot forwards, MIKE: [ Metallix ] Oops. > stopping the instant its sharp, metal nose > touched Sonic's, with molecular precision. > "Die," the Metallix said, simply. MIKE: Um, no thanks. CROW: Ah, he's "simple". > "Duck!" Tails cried, TOM: Simply? > but Sonic had already dived out of the way. > Neither the Metallix nor Tails had reflexes quick enough to notice in > time. BOTS: [ Metallix, Tails ] Dahhh... > A strong, bright beam of light burst out of the Metal Sonic's > chest TOM: Oh, no! No! That is not right! > and engulfed Tails. CROW: [ beam, deep voice ] Mmm, yummy. > Sonic landed in a crouched position on the floor. Everything > went dark again. Sonic looked round to see a bright green light emitted > from Tails' chest. TOM: Oh, no. > As Tails vibrated MIKE: Oh, *no*. > his whole body began to glow green. > He tried to scream, but all he could manage was a low moan. CROW: Oh, *NO*! MIKE: Okay, I'm just--I have to--I gotta go. [ Mike gets up and steps out of the theater. ] > Sonic jumped > to his feet and tried to think of something he could do to help his > friend, but all he could do was watch as Tails' skeleton became > apparent, TOM: Oh, who's its spouse? [ rimshot ] Thank you! > and a thin line of electricity shot down his body, erasing him > from the room as it went. > "Tails," Sonic whispered in disbelief. "Tails, NOOOO!!" CROW: That's a pretty loud whisper. > Sonic > turned to face the eyes of the Metallix, which were all he could see of > his adversary. "You... you..." Sonic couldn't think of an insult strong > enough. CROW: I find that a simple "Bite me" works wonders in a pinch. TOM: What if someone takes you seriously? CROW: Well, then I bite *them*. > "You lose," said the Metallix, and cracked Sonic in the jaw with > its fist as hard as it could. > TOM: After Sonic stopped laughing his head off... > "Trevor Croak reporting for duty, sir," the frog said, trying > its best to salute without falling over. Knuckles couldn't help giving a > slight laugh. CROW: Meanwhile, in... Random Scene Change Land... > "Okay, Trevor," said Knuckles, "you're with J-Division in the > Woodland Zone." TOM: [ Knuckles ] Way, way, *way* far away from the action. > the frog nodded, saluted again and hopped out of the > hut. "How many more?" Knuckles asked, wearily. TOM: Um, he just left, Knuckles. Knuckles? > "That's that lot," Flicky replied, TOM: Oh, never mind. > "the next batch are due in > tomorrow." Knuckles breathed a sigh of relief. Although annoying, CROW: No one liked him. > Flicky > always looked on the bright side since he left Flicky Island BOTS: [ snicker ] TOM: What an original name, eh? CROW: At least Gilligan's Island was named *after* Gilligan. > and joined > the Freedom Fighters, CROW: On the lovely Freedom Fighter Island. > and that often helped when fighting against the > forces of evil. > "Well, I guess I oughtta tell Sonic the bad news right away," > Knuckles said, walking out of the hut. TOM: Bad news? CROW: [ Knuckles ] Guess who's writing this fanfic, Sonic. TOM: [ Sonic ] Noooo! CROW: Don't worry, all will be revealed. TOM: If we're lucky. > He dived into the exit log and > emerged just outside the forest. He looked around but could see no sign > of Sonic. TOM: [ Knuckles ] I was *sure* this was Sonic Island! Maybe I took the wrong turn at Bunnie Cove. > He was probably in the shady spot. Knuckles made his way up to > the top of the highest hill he could find, and looked out over the > Greenhill Zone. TOM: [ Knuckles ] Oh, look, there's Greenhill now! Hi, Greenhill! > He could see almost every hill, river, waterfall, > mountain, lake, cliff and palm tree in the whole zone. Then something > caught his eye. CROW: [ Knuckles ] Oh, ick! I thought that was illegal! > There was a tunnel dug in a cliff edge next to the shady > spot. He decided to go and check it out. TOM: [ Knuckles ] Eh, it's probably better than hanging around here. > Sonic was probably nearby. TOM: [ Knuckles ] Yeah, that's the ticket! > Knuckles leapt off the hill and stretched out his arms. His > spines spread out in all directions, acting as a parachute to slow his > fall. CROW: [ Dave ] Look, readers, if I cared about how the real world worked, this would be a completely different story! > Knuckles soared through the air, breathing in the air deeply; this > was the last unpolluted air on Mobius. CROW: [ inhalation noise ] There, all gone. > Timing his land perfectly, he touched down just outside the > tunnel. TOM: Since when was there a goose in front of the tunnel? > He peered inside just in time to see the Metallix punch Sonic > out. CROW: [ Knuckles ] Yes! Just in time! > It moved to hover just above Sonic, and the its chest TOM: [ hiccup ] > began to > light up. Knuckles had to think fast to save his friend. CROW: So he left to go *find* his friend. > Then he noticed > a strange contraption seemingly attached to the side of the cliff. TOM: That's a bungee cord, Knuckles. > It > was covered in lights, which were flashing faster and faster as the > Metallix's chest glowed brighter. TOM: He really shouldn't leave his pacemaker out there. > Knuckles smashed his fist into the > machine, which cracked open and began to spark. CROW: Thus electrocuting him. > Grabbing at the > machine's innards he ripped out wire after wire, until CROW: He was electrocuted. > each and every > light on the device flickered off. > Knuckles looked back into the cave. CROW: After being electrocuted? Wow. > The Metallix tried to blast > Sonic with the power from its chest, CROW: I still don't think we should be watching this. TOM: Oh, I see, it's a Care Bear! It all makes sense now! > but all it could manage was a few > small sparks. Glancing up at Knuckles the Metallix shook its fist TOM: [ Metallix ] You meany! > then > turned and fled, burrowing up through the roof of the cave. Knuckles > didn't stop to see where it went, TOM: Probably back to Metallix Isle. > he ran straight up to Sonic and shook > him. Sonic didn't move. This was serious. CROW: Seriously *cool*! > Knuckles lifted Sonic up and over his shoulder. Keeping a tight > hold on Sonic's feet, Knuckles jumped out of the cave and ran back to > Knothole. TOM: Passing under several low branches along the way. CROW: [ Sonic ] Ow. Ow. > It didn't take long to reach the log, but as soon as he got > there he realised that he couldn't possibly fit into the entrance log > carrying Sonic. There was only one option. CROW: Drop him and save yourself. > Knuckles ran towards a specially built blue spring. It had taken > months to design and build, but it was very useful. TOM: The water tasted quite nice. > It was the most > powerful spring on Mobius. CROW: Every 24 hours it sprayed half a mile up! > Clutching Sonic's feet and head, Knuckles > leapt onto the spring. CROW: And got wet. > Within an instant he was soaring up into the air. CROW: And wet. > Clouds rushed past him as he flew, higher and higher, until finally he > landed. > [ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of part 2 -- Shay Caron E-mail: gleemoth@aol.com Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------