------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <- - - - - - Turn down your screen brightness (where applicable) - - - - - -> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer MSTing by Shay Caron (gleemoth@aol.com) http://protection.keenspace.com/ Part 4 of 6 [ Satellite of Love. Crow is sitting cross-legged on the counter, with a towel wrapped around his net. ] CROW: Ssh! That's not important now! [ Mike and Tom enter the room. ] MIKE: Crow, I was just wondering how you got all that purple marker off... CROW: I have become a powerful seer and psychic predictor of the future! TOM: What in the world is going on here? CROW: Absolutely! A maximum of thirty minutes *into* the future, though. MIKE: So you say you can predict the future? CROW: I would be *happy* to give you a short reading! TOM: Then why don't you give us a--STOP DOING THAT!! CROW: Geez, sorry! MIKE: So you're going to tell us what will happen to us in the future? CROW: Yup! Mike, look out for that steel bear trap! MIKE: [ takes a step and jumps ] Yeouch!! CROW: Oooh, tough luck. I also see a bucket of paint on a door and a trick periscope in your future. MIKE: Owwww. I'm gonna go get Gypsy to pull this off. [ limps away ] TOM: Um, what about my future? CROW: Let me see... TOM: Yeah? CROW: I see an axe falling from the sky... TOM: Uh-huh... CROW: ...a cloud of killer bees... TOM: Ri-i-ight... CROW: ...and lots of pain. TOM: Got it. [ a "twang" noise ] Aaaaaaaaahhh!! [ flies off-screen, pursued by an axe and a really fake-looking cloud of bees ] CROW: Well. Anyway, now I sense... we are about to receive a call from Pearl. [ Indeed, the Mads Sign flashes. ] All right! Er, uh, I mean, um, I knew that would happen. [ taps the sign with his beak; the towel falls off ] Oh, pretty good. And you? [ Castle Forrester. Pearl stands in front of a large curtain that has a bunch of pukey-cute flowers and bunnies on it. ] PEARL: Heeey, how's it going, Art? [ pause; Pearl starts to look discomfited ] Riiiiiight. Well, since *somebody* killed off all of my genetically- engineered Flying Death Guppies, we've had to move to plan B for taking over the known universe for today. [ Pearl dramatically sweeps the curtain back, revealing a pile of disconnected gears, bolts, chains, and plates of metal. ] BEHOLD, the Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe! This fiendishly clever device will cause nightmares in every sleeping person within a hundred miles! All I need to do is move it into place near the United Nations building, or, for maximum effect, circle the planet with it, keeping... What? [ turns around and sees the pile of junk ] Aaaahh! My beautiful Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe! [ Slowly walking over to the pile, Pearl gingerly picks up a wrench from the wreckage. ] [ Observer, fool that he is, chooses this moment to walk in from the left. ] OBSERVER: [ in a really cheerful mood ] Good morning, madam! PEARL: Brain Guy!! What the hell happened to my Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe?! OBSERVER: Oh, is *that* what that thing was? I needed a few spare parts to fix the VCR before tonight's "Whose Line" marathon, so I-- PEARL: [ plunges the wrench into Observer's brain, who shouts and writhes ] Idiot!! Now how am I going to give the populace of the Earth horrific nightmares? OBSERVER: Just, ooh, glaring at them should be sufficient, Pearl. Ohhh, my poor abused frontal lobe. [ slowly totters off stage right ] PEARL: Just do something about my precious device, you pathetic load. [ glares at the screen ] And what are *you* looking at? I have a plan C! And plans D through H, if necessary! I *will* take over the world! I *WILL* take over the world! [ sighs, snaps her fingers ] Bobo, bring me a bag of chocolate chips and turn on the soaps immediately! BOBO: [ from off-screen ] Coming! [ SOL ] CROW: Ommm... MIKE: [ from off-screen ] Aaaargh! [ splash ] Croooooow! CROW: Whaaaaaat? MIKE: [ limps in, coated with paint Crow's color ] You set us *up*, didn't you?! CROW: I would never-- TOM: [ enters, covered in red lumps ] Yeah! Admit it! CROW: How could you think that? It's not true! GYPSY: [ from off-screen ] Lie! CROW: [ sigh ] I predict you don't believe me. MIKE: Nope. TOM: Not one bit. CROW: And thus end my psychic predictions. [ pause ] I knew I would say that. [ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ] MIKE: Ohhhh, we've got Sign of Mobius!! CROW: I knew *that*, too. [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] CROW: You're welcome. MIKE: Oh, and thanks for the reading. CROW: Heeeeey! TOM: That was sarcasm, idiot. > 2 CROW: [ snickers ] I just laugh every time I see those two words. MIKE: Huh? TOM: What? > Death Egg MIKE: [ sigh ] It's going to be a long, confusing segment. TOM: When isn't it? > Robotnik leaned to the left as he yanked the Eggomatic's > joystick as far as it would go. The Eggomatic spun round to face the > forest, where the Freedom Fighters were fleeing to Knothole HQ. TOM: [ random Freedom Fighter ] Over here, Robotnik! This way to Knothole Headquarters! > Of > course they all knew it could give away the location of their secret > base, but CROW: Don't ask me. *You're* the author. > if they could get through the log before Robotnik caught up > then they would be safely hidden, wouldn't they? > Robotnik grinned and hit the keyboard. MIKE: [ Robotnik ] E-mail bomb away! > "This way," Sonic called, suddenly changing direction. He > couldn't risk letting Robotnik find Knothole. He wanted to throw his > sense of direction as far out of the window as possible. CROW: So somebody ripped air? > Suddenly the whole gang screeched to a halt as the air in front > of them was torn apart. Inside the abyss they could see swirling > patterns and shapes. But when a face appeared in the vortex TOM: "Boo! Gotcha!" > and the > familiar golden frame formed around the outside of it, the Freedom > Fighters recognised it at once as the Omni-Viewer. The Omni-Viewer, an > omni present screen, MIKE: Really kinda sucks. > could control time and space to his will. Acting as > the perfect mode of transport for the Chaotix Crew, Omni had worked for > them for years. MIKE: And he's still getting minimum wage. > All four members of the Chaotix Crew fell out of the screen and > landed on the bristly forest floor with a crash. The Chaotix Crew, > guardians of CROW: Which makes quite a bit of sense, when you think about it. > the Confusion Universe, the Universe once confused TOM: And as products of said universe, the Chaotix Crew... MIKE: It's only confused because it won't stop and ask for directions. > with a > small warp, were made of Vector the Crocodile MIKE: What's *his* power? TOM: Um, I think his power is that he has a tape player. MIKE: Like Dave in Safe Havens? > who was CROW: Uhhhhh... > very good with the > tools he kept in his belt, Mighty the Armadillo the fighter, MIKE: The butcher the baker the candlestick maker. > Espio the > Chameleon CROW: One minute he's middle class, the next he's royalty. > who could blend in with any background and thus made a good TOM: English muffin. > spy, and last and debatably least Charmy Bee. CROW: [ sarcasm sequencer ] Oh, for a *change*? > Who was annoying. MIKE: Our comic relief has arrived! TOM: Just send him in to talk to Robotnik until he takes his *own* life. > "Chaotix?" Sonic said as they tried to stand up. "But I thought > you guys only turn up when someone's in great danger in your Confusion > Universe!" CROW: [ Vector ] Our C++ program had a bunch of errors. > "We made an exception this time," Vector replied gravely. TOM: He's Death! > "Your > whole planet's in great danger. Robotnik isn't fooling around any more. MIKE: [ Vector ] Well, *sure*, there's the striped outfit and the hat with bells on, but *other* than that... > Listen, we don't have much time before Omni has to return to the Special > Zone. CROW: We could have guessed that. > There's something wrong with him. His run time is becoming > increasingly short..." TOM: He's got run time envy. MIKE: [ Vector ] He keeps downloading the I LOVE YOU bug repeatedly... > "LOOK OUT!" Porker Lewis screamed, pointing to something behind > the rest of the gang. CROW: Ah, Grandpa tried to light the gas fireplace, looks like. > They looked down just in time to see flames spring > upwards around the trees. Robotnik's Eggomatic crashed through the > forest, TOM: [ Robotnik ] Oops. > pouring what looked like lava from the tank in the bottom of the > 'Matic. MIKE: Ohhh, backwash! > The whole of the forest behind him was being destroyed. The > speaker in the front of the Eggomatic crackled into life. > "There's nowhere to go, Freedom Fighters! If you try to hide CROW: You know, I get the feeling that he'd really just do that anyway. > I'll be forced to destroy the whole of Greenhill Forest! MIKE: Why, Crow! You're so *cynical* all of a sudden! TOM: But how do you really feel? > Bwaa-ha-ha- > haa!" MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Oh, I remember that time Scratch fell into the volcano. That was a hoot! > "Quick," Knuckles cried, falling to his knees as the raving > Doctor sped towards them. MIKE: [ Robotnik ] I guess you really had to be there. > "Somebody help me!" He hit the ground with > just enough force to get his sharp knuckles lodged, then he began to > tear clods of earth out of the ground. Being a natural tunneller, Johnny > Lightfoot helped Knuckles dig. CROW: Y'know, wouldn't now be a good time for you to *do* something?! > Vector watched as Robotnik sped towards > them, the lava flowing still from the base of the Eggomatic. > "Chaotix, let's move!" Espio cried, TOM: Fall in! MIKE: Yeow! Ow! Aaa! Ouch! TOM: Not into the *lava*! > jumping from foot to foot as > the ground got hotter. The tunnel Knuckles and Johnny were digging was > getting deeper now. Pushing them aside, Mighty gave the ground inside > the tunnel a hard thump. MIKE: [ Mighty ] This'll teach it! CROW: He caved in some poor mole's home! > There was a slight rumbling sound from > underground somewhere, and the soil and dirt began to crumble. Knuckles > began to dig again, and this time the earth came away easily. TOM: [ Knuckles ] Ah, thanks for... packing the earth... together for me... > The > Freedom Fighters jumped into the tunnel and helped to dig further, as > the lava began to heat up the ground. Amy Rose looked behind her to see > a few drops of lava MIKE: I have a hard time envisioning "drops" of lava. TOM: Think of the eyedropper you'd need! > spill into the entrance to the tunnel and burn right > through the ground, leaving thin, deep pits. She could see nothing but > flames outside the entrance. The Omni-Viewer flew into the tunnel. > "Omni!" Charmy exclaimed. "Boy, am I glad to see you! Why, you > can fly us outta here CROW: Ollie-ollie-oxen-free. > before we can say CROW: Anyway, it's supposed to be "bum". > whoops-diddley! There goes my > behind!" MIKE: The hell?! TOM: "Whoops-diddley, there goes my behind"?! MIKE: Okay, low-quality comic relief. > But the Omni-Viewer didn't reply. MIKE: [ Omni-Viewer ] Look, will you just shut up? > His face slowly faded from > the screen and the words '97% POWER FALIURE - SWITCHING TO OFFLINE MODE' > appeared in its place. CROW: [ Charmy ] Oh man, what'd I do? > The screen slowly shrank to the size of Charmy's > hand. Peering into the screen Charmy could just see lists of functions > that had failed rushing past. Communication was one of them. MIKE: Communication has failed? TOM: That's why Omni-Viewer isn't married. > "Great! Now > we can't even talk to him! Oh well, it was great knowin' you guys! I > loved my time as a Chaotix member... CROW: I do *not* want to hear about it! > Hey, you remember when we..." > "Shut it, Charmy," Vector snapped. A few more lava drops fell > into the tunnel and burned away the floor. Suddenly, the whole tunnel > fell into darkness. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Tails, for the last time, stay AWAY from the light switch! > Doctor Robotnik chuckled as he spilled the lava over the forest. > There was an earth shaking slam as trees crashed to the ground around > him, smashing great dents in the ground as they fell. CROW: [ Robotnik ] Let me see... Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right... > Robotnik pushed > the Eggomatic's joystick forwards, and the craft moved over the tunnel > the Freedom Fighters were digging. Just as the lava was about to pour > inside, TOM: The mighty hand of God reached down... > a nearby tree gave way and fell, covering the entrance to the > tunnel. > "Curses!" Robotnik bawled. He was about to pour his lava over > the tree, CROW: Telemarketing! > but then he thought of an even better way to do away with the > Freedom Team. CROW: 27. > "Metallix B/3-9, report to me immediately!" MIKE: So if B/3-9 equals zero, solve for B. TOM: Aaugh! Algebra flashback! MIKE: You never took algebra. TOM: Oh. Right. > Within seconds > the Metallix on the beach had arrived, unaffected by the extreme heat. TOM: Well, except that its arms and legs melted. > Robotnik pointed to the ground near the fallen tree. "Flush them out," > he ordered, CROW: A flush toilet, oddly enough. > tapping a few commands into a hand-held device that > resembled MIKE: Richard Nixon. > a remote control. > The Metallix plunged his TOM: Chest. > hand into the ground, which began to > vibrate. The whole Metallix started to shake, and soon the ground with > it. CROW: So the Metallix rates on the Richter scale? > More trees fell and the lava poured into cracks in the ground, as a > full-scale earthquake began to spread across South Island. > Inside the tunnel, Knuckles, Johnny and Sonic were digging, > while Mighty hit the tunnel wall every now and again to soften it up. MIKE: [ Mighty ] Yo, youse is gonna tell us what you know or else! CROW: [ earth ] Oh, baby... > As > they dug they could feel the ground moving on all sides, and the earth > was getting hotter and hotter. The remaining Fighters who weren't > digging were trying desperately to hold the ceiling up, TOM: [ Fighters ] This is a stick-up! Hand over... > and were > gritting their teeth in pain from the heat as the lava seeped into the > ground and moved closer to their tunnel. CROW: I think I felt the earth move. > After many minutes of digging, the heat had grown less intense > and the shaking had almost stopped. The diggers decided to start to make > their way upwards. They popped out of the ground on a large hill. MIKE: It was called the Great Hill. > Sonic > ran to the top of the hill and looked out at the blazing inferno that > once was the Great Forest. Now all that was left of the Forest and > Knothole was flames and destruction. TOM: Man, alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog has gone down the tubes! > The whole of the Greenhill Zone was > moving in the distance. It was a terrible sight to witness. It was as if > the whole of Greenhill and the zones surrounding it were made of water, > rippling this way and that. MIKE: Whenever I make a bonfire, I always like to look at my friends over it and make faces. TOM: We should do that some time. > He could see houses collapsing and people > running around like ants among the terror, but he could hear nothing but > a distant rumbling. CROW: I'm trying to register shock... I'm sorry, it's just not happening. > They'd really screwed up this time. MIKE: It was worse than that time when they dropped the toaster in the bathtub. TOM: Even worse than when they bridged the gap between dimensions and summoned Cthulhu into their world. > "What do we do?" Sally said quietly, joining Sonic at the top of > the hill along with the other Fighters. "Everything's destroyed!" MIKE, TOM: Fire sale! > "We can only hope for the best. We'd better go back to Knothole > and see if everyone's okay," Sonic replied. CROW: Collect *all* the Plug-Ins... > "Try and salvage anything we > can from the Glade. Then we'd better start thinking about finding a new > place to live..." > As the gang set off, Sonic noticed two small shapes fly away > from Greenhill Forest and down out of sight. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Why, it's Batman and Robin! They'll save us! > Robotnik and the Metallix > had got away unharmed. > TOM: I feel a strange sense of depression. [ sniff sniff ] No, sorry, just my deodorant giving out. CROW: [ Mighty ] Sorry, that was me. Won't happen again. > "Hey," Charmy said after a while, "is it just little ol' me or > is there a weird noise around here?" > "Yeah," Vector replied. "So shut up and maybe we won't have to > put up with it any more." TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha, ha. > "No, really," Charmy persisted. "Listen..." MIKE: [ Charmy, slowly ] Shave... and a... haircut? > Before he could continue, the ground in front of them collapsed. TOM: [ sobbing ] I give up! I'll tell you everything! > A Metallix burst out of the ground, his hand spinning rapidly, followed > by the entire army of Evilnik Troopers. Sonic could tell it was a new > Metallix because its chest MIKE: Yeah, there goes Sonic, admiring the robots' chests. TOM: I'm surprised Sally puts up with it. > light had obviously never been harmed. It > landed on the floor behind the collapsed area, and waited as the > Troopers marched out of the ground towards the Freedom Team. CROW: Not that Sonic and Knuckles have a problem with this. > There > wasn't any time to think. > "CHAAARRRGGEEE!!!" Knuckles cried, and leapt at the Evilniks. CROW: Plus they melted the Taco Bell. > His home and the home of his friends had been destroyed, and hundreds of > lives must have been lost in the process of destroying the Greenhill > Zone. He was angry with a capital 'angry'. TOM: He was angstrom with a capital "angst". > As the Troopers approached, Sonic and Knuckles both began > barking out commands at the same time. The Fighters just had to try and > follow whatever they could hear. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Sally, jump to the left! TOM: [ Mighty ] Jump to the left! Got it! MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Espio, behind you! TOM: [ Bunnie ] Behind me? Eek! MIKE: [ Sonic ] Tails, duck! TOM: [ Johnny ] Where's the duck? > Johnny Lightfoot looked frantically around him. He was > surrounded by a ring of Troopers. Holding out his metal staff in front > of him CROW: And got *really* hot. > he performed a 360° spin, taking out each Evilnik in the ring > with the end of his staff. TOM: You know, a Lightfoot's staff has a knob on the end. MIKE: That is endlessly fascinating, Thomas. > From somewhere among the debris he heard a > familiar cough. Strange, the SBS Troopers didn't usually contain > 'organic batteries', and none of the Evilniks he'd seen so far did. TOM: Well, besides this one. > Reaching down into the smashed scraps he found a hand and pulled, > helping the figure to its feet. Two friendly eyes stared up at Johnny, > and a wide grin spread across the fox's face. CROW: [ Johnny ] Not him again! > "Johnny!" Tails jumped up and down in his excitement. "Boy, am I > glad to see you! I've been trapped inside that thing for hours! It was > eating away at my life, Johnny, you couldn't possibly understand what it > feels like! MIKE: [ Johnny ] Does it feel like getting stuck in the middle of a really big traffic jam? TOM: [ Tails ] Um, well... MIKE: [ Johnny ] And getting out into a huge crowd and hardly being able to squeeze through to where you're going? TOM: [ Tails ] ...sorta... > It's as if your whole body's gone numb, and you can't do > anything about it because CROW: This whole "organic battery" concept is *really* dirty. > you're crammed inside a tiny space in an > really uncomfortable position, and you can't see a thing, and your > skin's catching inside the metal working parts, TOM: [ Tails ] It's all the staples they use to hold you in. > and you're falling > asleep but you can't actually fall asleep, and all the time you know > you're trying to kill your best friends..." Suddenly, every ounce of > gladness drained from Tails' face. CROW: [ Tails ] Not him again! > "SONIC!" > Johnny spun round to see that one of the Evilniks had Sonic by > the ankles and was kneeling down, lifting Sonic increasingly higher. MIKE: Oh, no, when Sonic is lifted off of the ground, he loses his titanic strength! TOM: [ singing ] The cir-cllle of liiiiife... > Johnny lashed out his staff and Sonic grabbed it. Johnny pulled Sonic > away just in time as the Evilnik Troopers slammed its arms to the ground > in an attempt to kill Sonic. TOM: And this somehow causes it to self-destruct, right? CROW: [ explosions ] La la la, tra la la... > Small explosions danced up the robot's arms > until they reached its body, destroying it and all the Troopers around > it at the same time. MIKE: Man, these things are *freakishly* unstable! > Still the Metallix wasn't put off, and its chest > light flashed. CROW: [ high-pitched voice ] I must run away! > The one remaining Trooper ran away into the distance at a > rapid pace, its long legs giving it extra speed. TOM: [ Trooper ] Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, heeeeeelp!! > The Metallix flew towards Sonic and hit him in the chest. Sonic > staggered backwards and the Metallix kicked him hard in the leg. Sonic > tried to run but fell on his bad leg. MIKE: Which had spikes all along it. > Letting out a yelp of pain, Sonic > watched the Metallix hover over him, the cut its engines. MIKE: Aw, man, the Metallix dropped its engines on him! > As the > Metallix landed feet first on Sonic's chest, Sonic began to lose > consciousness. All he was aware of was a throbbing pain in his chest and > legs. CROW: Oh, looks like Sonic's unconscious now. > Then, with one final metal shoes-shaped pain in his jaw, Sonic > blacked out. TOM: Yep, looks like. > Knuckles drove his knuckles into the Metallix's back. The Badnik > spun round to face Knuckles, who was thrown behind the Metallix until > his knuckles came loose and he fell to the ground. CROW: That's one potent... > The Metallix let off > a burst of energy MIKE: Whoa! > into Amy Rose's chest. TOM: Thank you, that'll be enough! > She flew backwards and was > caught by Johnny. Luckily the Metallix hadn't had time to power up, and > so Amy wasn't badly hurt. MIKE: Her bones were just all broken by the fall. > Just as the Metallix was about to strike again, he stopped. The > Eggomatic was approaching, its demolition ball already swinging. CROW: Heeey, he's unconscious! > Sonic > had to duck out of the way of the mighty wrecking ball as it swung past > his head. Tails jumped into the air and began to spin his tails, then > grabbed Sonic's hands and lifted him up above the Eggomatic. Sonic came > to just above the Eggomatic, TOM: Oh, *now* he wakes up *again*? > and knew Tails' plan instantly. He jerked > his wrist slightly indicating to Tails that he should let go now. Tails MIKE: Misinterpreted the signal as meaning "go lower" and scraped Sonic along the ground for about thirty feet. > dropped Sonic, who curled up in mid-fall and smashed into the > Eggomatic's glass screen. CROW: You see, steel on the planet Mobius is made up mainly of gelatin. > The force shook a piece of the Eggomatic away, > which exploded on the ground. > "Accursed hedgehog!" Robotnik screamed. TOM: [ Robotnik ] Pharisaic tax-collector! > "My primary engine! > Transfer to emergency backup power," he barked into a small microphone. MIKE: [ Robotnik ] And bring me some dog biscuits! > "Metallix B/3-4, retreat to Headquarters and activate plan 'B'!" He > turned the Eggomatic round and the two of them flew away, over the > hills. TOM: Why do plans always have to be denoted with simple letters? Why doesn't the villain shout out, "Activate plan 98T14QH"? MIKE: Not all humans have your memory, Tom. In fact, no humans have your memory, Tom. TOM: Damn straight. What was I saying? MIKE: How should I know? > "Shall we follow them?" Sonic asked. > "No," Knuckles replied, wearily. "Our main task right now is > helping the Greenhill folk." > "I need a rest," Amy sighed, sitting down on a rock. CROW: Cool, she's radioactive! I hope she grows a tentacle for a left arm. > Her T-shirt > was still glowing slightly from the Metallix's energy beam. > "Johnny, you stay with Amy, the rest of us'll go and sort things > out in Greenhill," Sonic decided. Knuckles nodded and set off in the > direction of the Greenhill Zone. TOM: Well, of course he doesn't ask for directions... > About halfway there, they were stopped. Amy and Johnny had run > after them, yelling something about a shadow. Sonic turned to face them MIKE: [ Sonic ] Now you must face me in a fight to the death! > "What are you talking about?" he asked as they caught up. > "Look," Johnny cried, pointing to the spot where they had been > sitting. CROW: Oh no, a piano's falling on them! > The spot was a lot shadier than before. "Yeah, so what? A > little shade never did anyone any harm..." But before he could finish, TOM: Sounds like he did to me. > the whole area grew dark. A huge shadow was moving across the plains. > Looking up into the sky the Freedom Fighters could just make out the > shape of the thing that was blocking the sun. Knuckles jumped to > attention. It was Angel Island. MIKE: Hey, look, it's plan 'B'! [ waves ] How ya doin', plan 'B'? Nice to see you. > The Floating Island was being pulled through the sky by one of > Robotnik's ships. As it moved, it slowly sank towards Mobius. CROW: Unless the ship, um, moves down? > The Team > knew it would never collide, as it was firmly attached to the ship, but > Knuckles couldn't help but wonder why it was sinking. Something must > have happened to the Master Emerald. TOM: It just handed in its two weeks' notice... > He was right. Another Metallix flew over the horizon clutching > the Master Emerald, and made its way towards the sea, the ship, and the > Floating Island. MIKE: [ Metallix ] Neener neener neener, I've got the Emerald... > > "Come on," Sonic shouted to the gang, "we've got to stop..." > "Oh-no! This is bad," Charmy Bee exclaimed, looking at the tiny > Omni-Viewer in his hand. "This is bad-diddle-addy-dad-bad!" MIKE: Soooo... "annoying". TOM: Yup. > "What??" Vector groaned, snatching the Viewer out of Charmy's > grasp. On the small screen were the words CROW: Well, stop counting. Maybe you can save a few extra seconds. > 'TOTAL SYSTEM SHUTDOWN IN 7 > SECONDS AND COUNTING. 6 SECONDS AND COUNTING'. "Uh-oh. Switch to full- > screen." The Omni Viewer grew to its normal size, but it was almost > completely transparent. TOM: I can see *right* through you, Omni! > "Let's hope he's got enough power left in him for one more > teleport," Mighty said, knocking on the screen's frame. MIKE: [ Omni ] Ow. > Omni's face > appeared on the screen, which instantly became even more translucent. MIKE: [ Omni ] What the hell do you want now? > "Omni, quickly, take us back to Chaotix HQ," Espio ordered, and > leapt into the screen, followed by Mighty and Charmy. > "Wait!" Sonic called after them. CROW: [ Vector ] Watch us, punk! > "You can't just leave us here > in a situation like this!" > "Sorry Sonic," Vector said, jumping into the screen, "we haven't > got any more ti..." CROW: [ Omni ] Oops. > The Omni-Viewer vanished, along with the words: > 'TOTAL SYSTEM SHUTDOWN' Thin, blue strands of electricity traced the > outline of where the Omni-Viewer had been. > "I wonder why Omni can't stay on-line for very long now?" Johnny > said, reaching out to touch the area where it had been and feeling > nothing. MIKE: I wonder why the sun comes up in the morning instead of at night. TOM: I wonder why we have Daylight Savings Time. MIKE: I wonder why people are so afraid of spiders. TOM: I wonder why someone came up with Spam. MIKE: I wonder why my remote is always in a different place every day. TOM: Oh, that's my fault. > "Forget about that," Knuckles snapped. "Robotnik's stolen my > Island and my Master Emerald! Remember, that's what he used to power his > Death Egg before!" He turned to face everyone but Sonic. CROW: Get the CD-ROM burner. > "We'll need > some backup. You guys go and find as much help as you can from the > Greenhill Zone. Me and Sonic'll try to fight Robotnik until you get > back." > "Knuckles, are you crazy?" Sonic clapped his hand down on > Knuckles' shoulder and spun him round TOM: And round, and round, and round... MIKE: [ whoosh whoosh whoosh ] > until they were eye-to-eye. "We > have absolutely zero percent chance of making any difference alone. > Robotnik's got the Floating Island, he's stolen the Master Emerald, he's > gonna relaunch the Death Egg again and TOM: [ Sonic ] I can't do a *thing* with my hair!! > who knows how many more Evilniks > and Metallix's he has! How can we do anything?" > "But at least we can keep them on their toes for a while until > the others come back with some reinforcements. CROW: [ Knuckles ] You make him hot. > You're the guy Robotnik > wants. You're most likely to keep him watching. Me, I have to be with my > Island. I was the one chosen to protect both the Floating Island and the > Master Emerald." MIKE: Y'know, when you think about it, destiny really kinda sucks. CROW: I wanna choose to be Kim Catrall's destined husband. TOM: If only you could Choose Your Destiny. > Sonic sighed and nodded, understanding Knuckles' concern. > Robotnik and Angel Island had flown away across the sea, so as they all > split up Sonic and Knuckles made their way towards North Beach again. TOM: [ Sonic ] Back and forth, back and forth. Our job stinks. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] It's not my day to watch Robotnik! TOM: [ Sonic ] Ha ha! You kill me. > Little did they know that a few Scoutbots had seen them and were > following, and had been joined by more and more Scoutbots as they went. TOM: [ pause; then suddenly ] Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!!! > On North Beach a small group of downcast Freedom Fighters were > clearing up the Scoutbot remains from the last battle, CROW: All that work for Cindy Crawford's mole? > in a desperate > attempt to preserve what they could of South Island's beauty spots. > Looking up at Sonic and Knuckles they looked slightly afraid, and stood > ready to fight. MIKE: [ Freedom Fighters ] We'll beat you down! TOM: [ Sonic ] No, no, fight the evil robots! > Sonic and Knuckles spun round to see the vast army of Scoutbots > that had arrived behind them. MIKE, TOM: [ various random screams of terror ] We're gonna die! > There had to be at least three hundred of > them, of all shapes and sizes. Almost every different kind the heroes > had encountered before. > "Do we attack?" Knuckles whispered. CROW: Oh, just move your king's pawn two squares. The beginning isn't *that* big a deal. > The Scoutbots weren't > moving; they were obviously waiting for someone to make the first move. > "Okay, but I don't know what we can do to them without Porker's TOM: Chest. > Megacannonik," Sonic replied. "There's hundreds of them!" > Knuckles didn't care. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] What-*ever*. > He ran forwards and leapt into the air, > pointing his fists down at two Scoutbots below him. CROW: Perhaps storing nitroglycerin in their chests was a *bad* idea? > As his knuckles > punctured their armour, the Badniks exploded. Sonic jumped into a spin- > attack, bouncing off each Badnik Scoutbot and destroying it in the > process. The other Freedom Fighters on the beach helped. Soon one > hundred of the Scoutbots were destroyed. CROW: Yeah, violence in the media really *is* affecting us. TOM: I think I've become inured to this horrific display of carnage. MIKE: Can you use "carnage" for creatures without flesh? > "This is easy," Sonic observed. > "A pinch," Knuckles laughed, smashing two more Badniks. > Suddenly there was a purring sound from somewhere up ahead, TOM: Kitty!! > and > two small darts skimmed gracefully through the air, slicing through two > Buzz-Bomber Scoutbots, which exploded instantly. CROW: Freedom Plane? [ snicker ] > Sonic and Knuckles > looked up to see the Freedom Plane, piloted by Tails. Porker, Johnny, > Amy, Sally and Bunnie sat in the plane, Joe Sushi, Tux, Chirps and > Antoin D'Coolette had arrived on the beach, MIKE: Do these guys have a contest going for who can make up the most moronic name? TOM: My vote is for "Joe Sushi", personally. Though "Chirps" is close. > as well as the ten or eleven > already there, then add Sonic and Knuckles made twenty three Freedom > Fighters against... > Oh. MIKE: They'd been fighting windmills the whole time. > Two hundred Scoutbots. > Still, numbers alone wouldn't stop the Freedom Team, TOM: But they'd sure confuse them. "What's ten times three?!" > and once > the Freedom Plane had landed they each attacked with their various > skills and weapons. CROW: We've said it before, but it still works: Mommy, Mommy, heeeelp!! > Soon another hundred and seventy were destroyed, and > the rest were fleeing back to Metropolis. > "Okay gang," Sonic called to the other Fighters, "you finish off > those Badniks, leave me and Knuckles with the plane." CROW: I just noticed how many people here are named after body parts. > Knuckles walked up to Tails. "You take the gang and meet us in > the Aquatic Ruin at eighteen hundred hours." > "We're leaving you in charge, little buddy," Sonic told him. MIKE: [ Skipper ] The island's named after you, after all, right? > "Me?!" Tails had always dreamt of taking charge of the Freedom > Team. > "Yeah," Sonic said, "but don't... expect us. We may not be > coming back. If we're not there by nineteen hundred then... well you'll > have to go without us. CROW: When in doubt, delegate! > Then the decision is up to you whether to lead > the Team by yourself or choose someone else." With that, Sonic and > Knuckles climbed into the plane, and Knuckles started the engine. Tails > held up one hand in a wave. TOM: Everybody do the Wave! > "Good luck..." > "You too, little bro, it was nice knowing you," Sonic said > quietly as the plane took off, his voice hidden by the roar of the > engine. "All of you." TOM: And... the plane crashes. > Angel Island faded into view, still pulled by the menacing, > black ship. MIKE: Give us back the Hilda Garde, vandals! > The Metallix flew after it, level with the Mobian Sea, still > clutching the gigantic Master Emerald. CROW: Since the hard drive didn't have enough space left. > This, the last and largest of the > Master Emeralds, was Knuckles' only hope of saving the Floating Island, > which by now was dangling from the cables attaching it to the ship. > Hardly any of its own power was keeping it in the air. Soon the power > would wear down completely, and the Island would lose all its gravity. MIKE: Wait, if it lost its gravity, doesn't that mean it *would* float? > Everything would come crashing down into the sea. > Knuckles couldn't let that happen. TOM: Well, he *could*, technically, but he didn't feel like it. > "Return that Emerald!" Knuckles yelled, desperate to be heard > over the sound of the plane's engine. TOM: [ Metallix ] I should spurn a fat hemmorhoid? > "Right now!" Sonic shouted from the plane's wing. The Metallix > looked round for a second, MIKE: [ Metallix ] I don't *see* any cows! > but continued its flight path. Shouting > wasn't going to do any good. CROW: [ Robotnik ] Napster's just no fun any more. > Inside his ship, Robotnik tapped at the > buttons on a small keyboard. The orders floated into the Metallix's > brain almost instantly, and it pointed the Master Emerald towards the > cables holding the Floating Island. > "I think that's sufficient," Robotnik said, TOM: [ Robotnik ] You just keep pointing. > his voice booming > out of a speaker in the Metallix's arm. He didn't need to communicate > via audio channels, he just thought it would add to the fear it was > striking on Sonic and Knuckles. MIKE: Ohh, our psychotic warmonger. I think I'll keep him. CROW: Handed. > He was right. "We are now far enough > into the sea. Now, Metallix. Now." MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Right now. Do you hear me? Now. Are you doing it yet? Now! > The Metallix's chest light flashed, and threw a beam of power > into the Master Emerald, which glowed brightly before emitting a pulse > of its own energy towards the cables that held the Floating Island to > Robotnik's ship. CROW: Grabbed a rifle... > There was a sickening grinding sound as the cables > warped and bowed, then they snapped, one by one. Knuckles let out a > scream of rage as Angel Island, his home for most of his life, plummeted > towards the sea. However, he had expected it to land in the sea and > drift hopelessly away. He was wrong. TOM: The pathetic wretch. > What actually happened was much > worse. CROW: Grabbed a rifle... > Angel Island hit the water with such force, speed and angle that > it began to crack. Huge, heavy cracks ran across the island's surface > and then, when the cracks began to meet, the Island was torn apart. Its > hundreds of fragments began to sink down to the sea bed. Everything was > gone. Mushroom Valley, the Hidden Palace, the Super Emeralds, TOM: The Taco Bell, his underwear collection, an autographed photo of Jerry Lewis... > everything > Knuckles had lived for. > Actually, he was wrong again. MIKE: Man, this guy is a moron, isn't he? > The Super Emeralds were quite > safe. > Something began to rise over the horizon. A large, dark shape. A > shape Sonic and Knuckles had encountered too many times before. TOM: [ ominous tone ] It was a dodecahedron. [ Crow starts snickering. ] > This was > the Death Egg. [ Mike and Tom start snickering. ] > As the bulky metal sphere rose above the sea, the two > power cells that made the eyes of Robotnik's face on the side of the Egg > began to glow red. Knuckles gasped. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] He's so *ugly*! TOM: Geez, is this guy in love with himself or what? He slaps his own hideous mug on everything he builds! MIKE: He's worse than Dexter and Mandark. > Robotnik must have the Super > Emeralds. It was the only possible reason why he could fly and power-up > the Death Egg. CROW: Thus no point in continuing the story. Goodbye! > With the Super Emeralds in there and the Master Emerald > in his grasp, there was no telling what Robotnik could do. > This could finally mark the end of Mobius... TOM: And we have reached title, ladies and gentlemen! > CROW: Yeah, me neither, Mike. MIKE: [ stands up ] Y'know, I don't feel like waiting for--aargh! [ hits Crow upside the net ] CROW: Ow! MIKE: Oh, geez, I'm sorry! CROW: No, I'm fine. TOM: ...What number am I thinking of? CROW: ...Fifteen? TOM: Nope! It's seventy! Haha! CROW: [ trudges out ] Awww... [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ End of part 4 -- Shay Caron E-mail: gleemoth@aol.com Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------