[SOL background sound effects; screen remains black] MAGIC VOICE: Recovering old data files... Scanning placentic acheotypes... Measuring accented tectral nominations... Reticulating splines... [beep!] Last file dated August 12, 1999. Updating data... Note to user: Please ignore any continuity disruptions. Any attempt to figure them out will prove potentially hazardous to your cerebral cortex. Begining Season Four... Please stand by. [old film reel countdown] 5 4 3 2 [boop!] episode 401 of SFT1B Turn down your lights...(if you want to be eaten by those aliens in "Pitch Black") In the not-too-distant future On a lonely asteroid Pearl Forrester and TV's Frank Are getting real annoyed They're looking for the worst fanfic Yes, they haven't gotten tired of this old schtick Once she's got it Pearl will be filled with gaiety 'Cuz she'll head on back to Earth and then reclaim her destiny! PEARL: If you're confused, go read Season Three! "I'll send Mike lousy stories; The worst Frank can find. (lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all, Until they destroy his mind." (lalala) Now keep in mind Mike doesn't care How the fanfics begin or end (lalala) He'll do his best to escape them With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL CAMBOT! "On standby." GYPSY! "Let's roll!" TOM SERVO! "Oops, my head fell off." CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! "You know you want me, baby!" If you're wondering how they stay alive Through all these loathsome works (lalala) Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show" And enjoy all their funny quirks! on SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL] Mike and the 'bots are playing Nintendo 64. The "Stony" television set is on the counter. CROW: Alright! Chance time! I'm trading all my stars with Gypsy! GYPSY: You do, and I'll eat you alive! SERVO: Crow, you can trade stars with me. CROW: Servo, you don't even have any. SERVO[girlishly]: Hee, hee, hee. MIKE[notices Cambot]: Oh, hi, everybody. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. GYPSY: I TOLD YOU NOT TO STEAL MY STARS YOU CREEP! [eats Crow's net] CROW: Aaaaaah! My hair! My precious hair! MIKE: ...Or maybe it should be called the Satellite of Aggressive Tendencies. Anyway, we all decided to play a little 50-turn game of Mario Party to lighten our spirits since Pearl and TV's Frank teamed up to torture us all. MAGIC VOICE: If anyone's confused, read our last episode, "Once A Teacher." MIKE: Uh, thanks, Magic Voice. MAGIC VOICE: No problem. I got paid twenty bucks for that plug. Commercial sign in thirty seconds. SERVO: Mike, it's your turn. MIKE: Oh, okay. [presses buttons on controller] Ak, not a Bowser space! GYPSY: Ooh, try for the 10,000-coin present! MIKE: Okay... [we hear the roulette selector scroll through the options and stop] 'BOTS: AAAAA! MIKE: Not Bowser Revolution! CROW: Now Mike and I are tied for first place, *and* it's the last turn, *and* we're playing on the same team in the mini-game! *commercial sign* MIKE: Good thing we set the bonus stars for this game. Uh, we'll be right back after I beat Crow. [logo] CROW[voice-over]: Hey, no fair! *I* landed on the most "?" spaces! [commercials] [SOL] Crow is dancing on top of the TV. MIKE: Crow, get down from there. CROW[taunting]: I won and you didn't! I won and you didn't! [continues] MIKE: Hey, if you hadn't known that code to beat up the winning player during the fight sequence with Bowser, *I* would have. CROW: [continues taunting] GYPSY: Krosrduhyruhtnlowhychehur! MIKE: Huh? GYPSY: [spits out Crow's net] I said, Crow's a dirty, rotten, lousy cheater! MIKE: Oh. *Mads' sign* MIKE: Hey, The Avengers are calling. [Asteroid] Pearl is dressed in a tight black leather suit. PEARL: So, you three think I'm one of those Avengers knockoffs, huh? [SOL] MIKE: Actually, there's six of us. GYPSY: Yeah, don't forget me! MAGIC VOICE: And me! [Cambot swivels up and down.] MIKE: And Cambot! [Asteroid] PEARL: They don't count; they don't read the fanfics! [SOL] MIKE: Actually, each of them have been in the theater at least once. [Asteroid] PEARL: SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE! [composes herself] Anyway, how have you been doing, hmm? [SOL] Crow has stopped dancing on the TV and is now jumping about in the background. MIKE: We've just been playing a little Mario Party. [Asteroid] Pearl is back in her Forrester uniform. PEARL: Oh, have you? The entire week? [SOL] MIKE: Week? I thought our last MiSTing was in August. SERVO[whispering in Mike's ear]: Uh, Mike, -whisper whisper- continuity -whisper whisper- season four -whisper whisper- week. MIKE: What? I couldn't catch that, you were whispering too softly. SERVO[slow burn]: ...anyway, Pearl, Crow's been real distraught over his behavior *last week.* See, when he said he wanted worse fanfiction...what he really meant was...uh...he wanted more fudge. Yeah. This has all been just a big misunderstanding. [Asteroid] PEARL[not buying it]: I'm sure. Anyway, I've set up camp here on this barren asteroid. I've decided to call it... [Dr. Evil-esque zoom-in] "Moon Zero Two!" How do you like it? [SOL] SERVO: It brings back bad memories. [Moon Zero Two] PEARL: I'm glad. FRANK! FRANK[off-camera]: Coming! [Frank enters carying a Zip disk.] PEARL: Now, Nelson Ratings, Frank has spent the entire week searching the deepest, darkest portions of the Internet to bring you terrible pain and suffering, which is good for us. FRANK: On this disk lay the most frightening, disastrous, incoherent, abnormal, insufferable... PEARL: Just give me the disk! [snatches disk from Frank and inserts it into a nearby purple iMac] This user-friendly interface should make controling your torture all the more fun! [types commands into iMac] IMAC: Sending fanfic momentarily. Initiating virus scan before allowing a possibly-contaminated file to corrupt the receiving system. PEARL: What? No, I *want* them to get any viruses that may be encoded! IMAC: Now performing a spelling and gramatical check on document. PEARL: NO!!! [Pearl rips up the iMac and throws it across the room.] PEARL: Damn user-friendly interface! FRANK: Hey, I spent a lot of time getting those files! PEARL: Then you're going to spend even more time getting them again! Go! [Frank leaves, disgruntled.] PEARL: So, now you don't have a fanfic today, Mike. [SOL] ALL: Woo-hoo! [MZ2] Pearl holds up a floppy. PEARL: NOT! This is my last remaining fanfic from my Emergency Disaster Backup Plan! It's called "Extreme Chaos," a suposed sequel to the Dreamcast game, "Sonic Adventure." It may not be the worst, but it's certainly not the best! Plus, there's a short about some guy's future projects. [Inserts it into a slot in the wall.] As Al Yancovic says, "Eat it!" [SOL] MIKE: Now Pearl's quoting Weird Al. Could this get any worse? *movie sign* SERVO: IT'S MOVIE SIGN! CROW[still prancing]: I won and you didn't! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [Mike and the 'Bots enter the theater] >Hi, everybody, I'm Stephen Frey. CROW: Make my day, / Stephen Frey! [aside] That's my latest poem. MIKE: Uh-huh. >A lot of you know me for such original stories as "Mission to Save Earth." >Or such famous fanfics such as the (hopefully) future best >seller on the Internet Black Market Pokemon/Anime Crossover Saga. MIKE: Stephen Frey is Troy McClure in disguise! SERVO: Wait, isn't "Pokemon" itself anime? >Now, I'm here to tell you about future projects (complete with synapse) > CROW: Future projects by whom? MIKE: No one in particular. Why, here's the new NASA Mars Mission. And here's Al Gore's plan to reduce federal spending and lower the defecit. >--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Power Rangers in the 23rd Century: The eighth installment in the Power Rangers saga. >In a post-apocalyptic Earth, Zordon returns to Earth to lead a new group of warriors >against the tyrannical threat of Dark-Star and the Shadow Force. > ALL: No, not another Power Rangers series! >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Animorphs Omega: Based on the best-selling book series by K.A. Applegate, the Animorphs >are sent to the planet Tronos where they must fight a inter-planetary war to return home. SERVO: Aren't they already doing that? > > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >According to Me Series: In this project, I take some of the best known television shows >and Anime series and put my own unique touch to it. Such shows are as follow: MIKE: Please don't let Pearl find out about this guy. > >Animorphs >Beast Machines >Beast Wars >Digimon: Digital Monsters >Magic: The Gathering SERVO: Foul! That's a card game. >Monster Rancher >Neon Genesis Evangelion >Pokemon >Power Rangers (In Space, Lost Galaxy, Lightspeed Rescue) >Slayers > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Computer Novelization: Video game novels seem to be the latest thing. And I'm >jumping onto the bandwagon with the novelization of the following games: > MIKE: He's going to make a novel out of "Pong." SERVO: Have you read his one about "Frogger?" >Beyond Time >Gabriel Knight: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned >Journeyman Project Trilogy >Lightbringer >Myst >Riven > CROW: Hey, wait a minute, wasn't "Myst" already made into a novel? >--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Well, that's about it. Some are in the workings as we speak (write?), while others >are on the backburner. Stay tuned to this address for further details. SERVO[announcer]: And now we return you to our feature presentation, "When Good Foods Go Bad," already in progress. [commercials] >Subject: [fanfic] Extreme Chaos part 1 (not that good!!!!!) >From: zlb142@aol.com (ZLB142) >Date: 02/27/2000 7:54 PM Eastern Standard Time >Message-id: <20000227195434.01626.00000488@ng-bk1.aol.com> > >Sonic the Hedgehog in >Extreme Chaos SERVO: EXTREEEEEME Chaos! MIKE: Now bringing you TRUCKLOADS of mass hysteria! CROW: All right here in your living room on PAY-PER-VIEW! > > It had been three months since Sonics last adventure and things were becoming >pretty dull on Mobius. After the Egg Carrier disaster no one has heard of >Eggman since until: > >Sonic: Whoa!! Easy on the vert ramp Tails your gonna end up breaking something. MIKE: Wow, we're really getting confused in a hurry. > >Tails: (flies off the ramp and goes over to Sonic) Man Sonic no offense but you >around here all the time watching me is getting pretty annoying. Why don't you >go out on some adventure or something? SERVO: He'd love to, but the video games only come out once every two or three years. > >Sonic: What am I going to do huh? With Eggman gone there are no adventures to >go on. > >Tails: I know we can go visit Angel Island and see what Knuckles is up to. MIKE[Tails]: And you know how every time we visit the Floating Island something bad happens. > >Sonic: Oh okay. But its going to suck because now with Eggman gone we can't >get caught up in a zany adventure that we fix within a couple of days. > >Tails: (slowly) right. > > As Sonic and Tails head out for the Tornado they know little of the trouble >that they are getting into. CROW: They left without telling their parents where they were going. > >Eggman: (from a ship hidden in the ruins of the Launch base) Ha! The fools know >nothing. I have learned from my past mistakes and my new plan is full proof. >With the rage that Chaos showed on the Echidna years ago methinks that if I >harm the Chao that are guarded by Chaos I can destroy Knuckles and take over >Angel Island. Hahahahaha!!!!! SERVO: And Robotnik would know this how? MIKE: He must have bought Sonic Adventure. > > Suddenly a small radar in Eggmans base starts beeping. > SERVO[Eggman]: Goody! My toaster strudels are done! >Eggman: Huh? What is this? (Looks at radar) aahh so Sonic and Tails decided to >stop by for a visit eh. This is excellent I couldn't have any better luck then >this hahaha!!!! CROW: The guy talks like a Japanese dub. SERVO[dubbed English]: Haha I will destroy them and then no one will ever know what has hit them and I will rule the universe and everyone will bow down before me except for that Prince of Space but I will get him soon enough. Haha. > End of part 1 > [Mike and the 'bots exit the theater.] 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL] Gypsy is the only one present. [silence] [silence] [extended silence] GYPSY: I'm purple! *movie sign* 1...2...3...4...5...6... [Mike and the 'bots re-enter the theater.] SERVO: What the heck was that all about? MIKE: We've gotta talk to Gyps once this fanfic's over. >EXTREME CHAOS >PART 2 > > When we last left off Sonic and Tails they were headed to Angel Island to >visit Knuckles. They did not then know Eggmans plot to have chaos destroy >Angel Island. > >Sonic: Tails slow down, I can see Angel Island just up head. > >Tails okay lets put the landing gear down. Oooopppsss > >Sonic: what now did you forget the Landing gear again? CROW[Tails]: No, I'm just incompetent. > >Tails: No it's that we've just been shot at. > >Sonic: What do you mean? I don't feel anything. > >Tails: No, on the radar there is three heat seeking missiles coming right for us. > MIKE: And when the pilot can't speak good grammar, he probably can't dodge heat-seeking missiles, either. >Sonic: Wait I got a plan first you have to heat up you're- > >Tails: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Jump!!! > > Tails and Sonic jump off the plain just as it explodes, landing in the >Sandopolis Zone. While on the Angel Island: >Knuckles: Hey mighty hurry up, you're late feeding the Chao! > >Mighty: Why do we have to feed these Chao anyway? Its not exactly saving the >island you know. SERVO: Our heroes in the off season. > >Charmy: Hey mighty you don't want Chaos to get angry do you? > >Mighty: I guess not but I feel more like a babysitter then a hero. I mean >something around here really needs to happen. MIKE: Wait...isn't *Chaos* supposed to protect and support the Chao? > >Vector: Watch it dude. You might jinks us. > > Suddenly from the jungle beyond, the ground starts shaking. > >Espio: whoa, what's that? > >Knuckles: Look! Eggmans robots. > >Mighty: Me and my big mouth! > >Knuckles: Let's take these bots to town! CROW[Knuckles]: Let's show 'em the new Italian restaraunt across from Barnes & Noble. > > Meanwhile in the Sandopolis zone > >Sonic: Great jobs Tails couldn't you fly us a little further to safety. > >Tails: Don't blame me, anyway we've been here before we can get ourselves out. > >Sonic: We have to trek backwards to the Angel Island now. SERVO[Sonic]: So start doing the moonwalk. >We should get there in about a day. Boy I hate long distance traveling MIKE[Sonic]: On the other hand, if we treked *forwards* to the Angel Island, we should arrive in about an hour. > > At the same time in Eggman's ship. > >Eggman: Ha, so Sonic is a little thirsty. SERVO[Eggman]: Don't ask me how I know, I just do! > We'll I give him a little water. Chaos style!!!! > > As Eggman pulls away in his specially made Chao Destroyer we can only >wonder what will happen to the chao. With no one protecting them are they >going to perish at the hands of the evil Dr.Robuttnik? > MIKE: Yes, and it's all Knuckles' fault! CROW: Shame on you, Knuckles! [All exit] [commercials]