[Princess Di Infomercial.] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Lays and Frito team up to form... the already formed team of Frito- Lay,] [Pre-decorated Christmas trees, all with ornaments you hate,] [Clear pants and underwear made it to K-Mart,] [A ten-song track of gleeful carols of how Poke'mon got DROPPED!] [Digemon soon to follow.] [END BREAK] [And Now...] Lock up the Children; Lock up the Parents. The Time of Reckoning has Begun. Welcome to the ReBirth: Mystery Science Theater: Renewed and Back to its Shiny Luster. >From the Pocket Notepad of Mike256bit * * * * * [TOM: Look, writer doots.] SEASON ONE: EPISODE THREE: Mobius Alien: Part One (HEY! It's by Big I.B.) [Sonic the Hedgehog/Toon Crossover/Alien Involvement/Self-Insertion] -SHORT: An Old Friend Returns (And THIS is by Celius Neo.) -[Sonic the Hedgehog/Self-Insertion] [MST:RBSL Theme:] In the pretty-recent future, A show I know and love. Was so foolishly, taken off, The airwaves that fly above. Oh well, I guess I can't complain, 'Cause I got em' back, and without shame. I picked 'em up, in a carrying case, Packed 'em in a rocket, And jammed them into outer space! MIKE: 'They were selling hair!' BOTS: 'WEEEEEE!' [Pearl is seething, ripping up FanFics. She also speaks with an air of impatience.] Guess what, I was forced back, With all my 'old-time pals.' (La, la, la.) So I'll send those crappy FanFics, Get ready you guys and gals. (La, la, la.) [Mike and Bots run around, trying to fly.] If you'll remember, Mike can't control, Where these freaks begin or end. (La, la, la.) Because he used up his brain, and other things, To have fun with his robot friends! [Crazy flash sequence.] ROBOT ROLE CALL: CAMBOT!: 'Stevie Wonder impression!' GYPSY!: 'My flashlight batteries!' TOM SERVO!: 'Hey! It's a QUARTER, buddy!' CROOOOOOW!: 'I have lip balm!' Now as you know, it's not his fault, That Pearl's a sadistic spaz. But she has to monitor his mind, It's her job, so just relax. For Mystery Science Theater: RBSL! ['L' is said with the guitar twang.] * * * * * Pause, perhaps leave, for the (half-ass-real-quick-) legalities: 'Sonic the Hedgehog' and crew are owned, captured, traded for Poke'... oh wait, nevermind. Like I was saying, they are copyright of SEGA (Service Games), DIC, and Archie. I don't own 'em, the author don't own 'em, unless otherwise mentioned. And if you got a problem with that, well, then you have issues I'd rather not deal with. Blech, the Teletubbies, (yeah, that's right, the TELETUBBIES) are owned by who-knows-who. Speaking of who, who CARES?? Point being, they're used, be frightened. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are again, uh, I don't know... er rather, Ok, Ok, I enjoyed the various movies when I was NINE. What kinda person references these hideous creations? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... 'Alien' is a FOX dealie. And being an Alien fanatic, I have views in this MiST, which disturb myself. Well, yeah, they do. Any-ha-way, It's one of those 'often imitated, never duplicated' things. But in MOST cases, they call it a travesty. This fic belongs to Big I.B., I didn't make it, I didn't want to. He can be happy, and so can I. But in no way have I meant to offend, disturb, (well...), or incite riots. My purpose however, is just to release some long-needed laughter, and at all cost, NOT welled up gases. (Well, there are some modifications, minor ones, for the bonus R&R. [No, not 'Rest and Relaxation'... 'Riffiage and Rantage'.]) The short is of sole ownership or what's-her-face, uh... mumbley Joe, uh, Celius Neo, that's it. Again, it's her crap, er, hehe, stuff. No offence, no defense, no running backs, no more football references. Again, added R&R for the easy down-payment of minor modification. (Then again, SOMETIMES it's never necessary.) Any other names, movie-people, TV-people, products, whatever, they own their own names. I'm not ABOUT to claim ownership of anyone with name like Elton John. (Who don't think is mentioned anyhow.) And the chino khakis are another story all together. The concept of MST3K, whoa, that definatly ain't mine. All you fans know who it DOES belong to, (and who it was created by... we love you Joel Hogeson. And you, Best Brains.) I won't waste time. 'Sides, you usually have to know the low down on MST3K before you attempt, or even read a MiST. Speaking of the MiST and this particular series of Mystery Science Theater, they belong to me. Couldn't a' done it without the other MiSTies, especially Megane 6.7 (plug) who was a great influence. And might add, and who I'll definatly mention, my two FAVORITE cartoonist, Bill Watterson, writer and illustrator of 'Calvin and Hobbes,' and Gary Larson, writer and illustrator of 'The Far Side.' Love you guys. It's all brilliant stuff. Anyhow, if someone helps me with a MiST, credit will be given. (Usually at the bottom unless a really MAJOR help, where instead, I'll note as 'co-author' at the top.) Not to mention some prime locations, but only if *I* want you to know about them. need my secret goldmines ya' know.) Anyhow, boredom's settin' in, it's gettin' late and you're too tired to hit the sack. (Yes, yes, for those who watch 'Toonami' on the "no-longer-much-loved" Cartoon Network, I took that, and it really won't change anything.) On with the fun. And hey, don't get into a pissy-fit if something looks like your material, take it as flattery. Also, if something's inaccurate, like names, THEN will I claim ownership. Hehe, ;) AND, just, like it, you crazy people. * * * * * [Fade in.] [We interrupt Mike and Crow as they enter heated debate.] MIKE: You're wrong! To make absolutely nothing, you need a delicate balance of diddly-squwat, and nonexistence! CROW: Nuh-uh! I'll give you credit for the diddly-squwat, but you need not-there, not nonexistence. They're two *completely* different things. [Tom strolls by making notice of himself by singing 'American Robot.'] TOM: ...American Robot! Listen to the oil! American Robot!-- MIKE: Hey Tom, come here for a second. [Tom rolls... walks... rolls over.] TOM: Mmmmmm-yez? CROW: Hold still. [Mike suddenly pries the top of Tom globe open.] TOM: Excuse me, but that's my head. MIKE: Very well aware, Tom, very well aware. CROW: Do we have to worry about hitting anything important? [Mike and Crow look at each other.] BOTH: Nah! TOM: But, it's my globe,... my special area, if you will. CROW: You get to help us settle an argument. TOM: Sound exciting, why does it involve my head? MIKE: That's where we mix the ingredients, silly! TOM: ...Ingredients? CROW: Ok, we'll do mine first. Mike, put in one-fourth a cup not-there, and the rest fill with diddly-squwat. [Mike does.] MIKE: Oops, over-poured the diddly. TOM: How could you tell?? CROW: Ok, mix it up. [Mike closes the lid, and begins to shake Tom.] TOM: Ga-a-a-a-ah! [Mike stops, and pours the concoction onto the counter.] MIKE: Ok, my turn. TOM: O-ow... [Mike repeats the procedure adding nonexistence this time.] TOM: [Sarcastic.] Better make sure you didn't over-pour. [Mike shakes.] TOM: YA-A-A-A-A-AH! [Mike pours the contents next to the other pile.] MIKE: Hmmm... TOM: Oh... man... [Tom falls off the counter.] [Crow and Mike study the invisible piles.] MIKE: I'll be darned, it IS diddly and not-there. CROW: SEE??? MIKE: Truthfully? No. [Tom gets back up.] TOM: I'm TIRED of falling down there, MIKE. MIKE: Sorry. [MADS light.] CROW: The letters 'B' 'R' and 'U' are calling. [Mike taps thing.] [CF] [Pearl appears, in the background, BoBo and Observer are messing with a cannon of sorts. Pearl is in a Foreman's get-up with a construction hat.] PEARL: Hey doggy lovers, what say we cut to the cheese, excuse me, chase, and get to the inventions? [SoL] TOM: That's cool, we already had our crazy scenario, thank you. [CF] OBSERVER: NO BOBO! Don't press it yet!! PEARL: [To Observer and BoBo.] Hey! Get BoBo away from that thing! And put the phladulator next to the REDIASER! Not to the geordorater! [Back to SoL crew.] This is what I live with. Kill me. Anyhow, you go first, we want to, heh, BLOW you away with ours. [SoL] MIKE: Crow, get the toilet paper. CROW: Woo hoo!! [Crow goes off, and comes back with a roll of toilet paper, a wire of Christmas lights leading off it.] TOM: You know those cheap Christmas light that go out when you break ONE bulb? Well, here's a new innovation for the average vengeful - and REvengeful - Joe! MIKE: We've bestowed it, 'Uncle Bob's Discount Toilet Paper.' TOM: Note our use of the name, 'Uncle Bob.' MIKE: [Shudders.] Make sure to burn any leftovers of SONICFAN. CROW: Anyhow, not only is the toilet paper below standard, but by cross breeding with those cheap Christmas lights, we've come up with the ultimate pranksters dream. Here, have Brain Guy zap this over. [Mike holds up second roll of paper.] [CF] OBSERVER: Okilly-dokilly. [Observer does.] [SoL] TOM: And uh, put some Ex-Lax in BoBo's drink, hehe, whoa, hehe. CROW: I like to call it poop-juice, hehehe. MIKE: Croooooow! Well, remember what happens with the lights? Well, the same happens to the paper! Let us demonstrate! TOM: Crow, let her rip, again! [Crow starts spinning off their roll and in Castle Forrester, Pearl does what she has to with BoBo's drink. BoBo takes a sip and his eyes widen immediately. He runs to the bathroom as Crow finishes up the roll.] CROW: Done! MIKE: Listen closely, Pearl. [CF] PEARL: Hmmm? [Soon, BoBo is screaming from the bathroom.] PEARL: [Smiling.] Nice! One roll goes out, they all do, very nice. [Suddenly glares.] Don't THINK you can still win. [SoL] MIKE: We're only doing our job. TOM: To save our lives. [CF] PEARL: Well, here's OUR invention. Brain Guy, you know what to do. OBSERVER: I get to push the button. PEARL: Indeed. OBSERVER: Can I say what we've created though?? Please?? That's the FUN part! PEARL: Awwwww, maybe when you're older. Anyhow, don't you hate it when you're at a party, and there aren't enough chairs? [SoL] CROW: We don't get invited to,... parties... [All sigh.] [CF] OBSERVER: Big deal, the point is, we've created the Automatic Chair Launcher. PEARL: AHEM. Check this out. Observer, hit the button. OBSERVER: The but-ton! The but-ton! [Observer hits the button and the canon lights up with lights of blue, green, and red.] OBSERVER: We found our own Christmas lights. PEARL: So let's say, we want a chair in Shanghai-- [The cannon suddenly positions itself, and fires a chair through the ceiling.] PEARL: ...Hence the name, AUTOMATIC, Chair Launcher. Now, that chair will land in Shanghai, probably kill someone... but it does the deed. [SoL] TOM: What if we want one on the Satellite of Love? [CF] PEARL: NO! DON'T! [The cannon turns to Cambot, and fires, knocking out the transmission.] [SoL] CROW: What have we done... [Crow suddenly stutters and freezes in position.] CROW: INCOMING MESSAGE FROM THE BIG GIANT PEARL! MIKE: Tom, have you been showing him your tapes of Third Rock Form the Sun? TOM: ...No? [Suddenly, a fax comes out of the top of Crows head and rest in the lacrosse mask, and Crow comes back to order.] CROW: Wha'd'I miss? [Mike picks up the fax and read aloud.] MIKE: "Hey idiots: Observer and I can't fix the camera now because of you stupid need for a chair. The only reason we can't send you the fic now is because the reel of the story was RIGHT next to it. Thanks a lot. Now, since I'm in a good mood because we have ways to make BoBo feel really bad, we're going to send you this short, and it BETTER piss you off!" TOM: Well, that was cheerful. [Fanfic stuff goes off.] CROW: SHORT STORY TO PISS US OFF!! [Door sequence:] DOOR SIX: You walk into a pane of glass. You take out your Exact-o- Knife and cut out your figure, leaving a 'Back in Five Minutes' sign in your place. DOOR FIVE: A patchwork quilt. You pull one of the nubs, and it falls apart instantly. DOOR FOUR: A door that continues to fold in half towards the center until it's a dot hanging in midair. you pluck it out and toss it. DOOR THREE: It's a wall of paper. You absent-mindedly walk through. DOOR TWO: It splits down the center, each half turns, and they retract into slits in the floor. DOOR ONE: A Ticket gate. You search your pockets coming up with a doughnut, pencil, tissue, Tom's eyes, and then, your ripped ticket. You argue with the ticket-taker and then, just hop the rail. [All file in.] CROW: And THAT'S why I don't pay for things. TOM: And that's why *I* don't care. MIKE: Did you like my sign? >_____________________________________________________________ CROW: A side view of Kansas. > An Old Friend returns TOM: But leaves when he sees that inflation is just TOO much. > by > Celius Neo MIKE: Neo Celius types are SO hard to deal with. > >______________________________________________________________________ >________ TOM: The plot is obviously centered around an overuse of underscores. > A cloaked figure made it's way through some streets in Mobotropolis >that no one uses anymore. CROW: Well *I* sure don't have a use for cloaked figures. >The figure stopped in front of a building MIKE: 'Billy's School For Idiocy.' >and entered a code into a pad on the wall. The metal doors slide opened CROW: OH MAN! For a sec, I though we had another present tense person. But it was just BAD GRAMMAR! MIKE: Frosty... frosty. >and the figure stepped through. It entered a room with a huge screen in the >middle. "Finally... TOM: "Polyester... IS the style..." >made it..after so many years..." it said to itself. MIKE: It had to make sure itself was listening. > > It pulled down the hood of its cloak then took the cloak off. CROW: Andy Kaufman makes his triumphant return. TOM: Hopefully back to Memphis, Tennessee. [All sigh wondrously.] >Under the cloak is a female hedgehog with dark green fur, bushy yellow >hair, with bright blue eyes. MIKE: You're average self-insertion Mobian. [Growls slightly.] TOM: Aren't they all. CROW: As in stupid? >She has on a green and black vest, green boots, and peace chain. TOM: Correction Mike, you forgot to note that this person is a 12 year old girl. CROW: NICE deduction. >She starts punching buttons CROW: A surprisingly good stress reliever. >on the control console that operates the screen. "Come on Dhattar....answer >me would ya?! MIKE: [As Dhattar.] For the last time, my name is Tim! That's why I don't answer! >It's Celius...come on" said the hedgehog. TOM: And the origin of her name being her misspelling Celsius. > > Finally a figure appears on the screen. It's a white echidna CROW: Esqueeze me? White? TOM: Esqueeze me? Fanboy? >with a red chest stripe, red eyes, and spiked paws. "I hear you Cel..what's >up?" it asked. MIKE: She's named after an abbreviation for cellular, jeez. > > " made it Robotropolis...tho' it's back to being called Mobotropolis... CROW: "No wait, Robotropolis, I mean, Mobo- no, Robo-, HOLD ON!" >It's still a mess...not like I remember that's for sure... CROW: To start, there was a lot more hair gel for me to use. >I wonder if the king is alright... TOM: Someone caring... MIKE: ...For Max? [All burst out laughing.] >I haven't seen him since I was a child!" Celius told the echidna named >Dhattar. MIKE: And those who hadn't known that he was Dhattar just called him the lollipop man. > > "I'm sure he is from what you told me about him... TOM: The hell? How could she tell Dhat-fart that he's Ok without seeing him? >I want you to continue scouting out the area and find the freedom >fighters..and Knothole. CROW: And what genius thought that Knothole was even NEAR Robo-town? >Dhattar, out!" MIKE: Dhattar, idiot! >said Dhattar, and the screen went black. TOM: [As Dhattar returning.] Is she gone? I so had her ass fooled, er, whoa! Hiya Cel! > > "You got it old..huh??" CROW: "Jerkface?? Old Jerkface, where'd you go?" >Celius started to say, but she heard sounds like footsteps stopping right >outside the door to where she is. MIKE: Look, we don't LIKE it when we have to tell TWO authors to stop switching tenses. TOM: They can't hear us... Mike... >She hides in the shadow as the door falls to the ground with a loud bang. CROW: And the inventor of the doorknob sighs loudly. > > "I know I heard something in here guys" said a voice almost familiar to >Celius. MIKE: Meaning that she's NEVER heard it before. >Several more familiar voices started talking, and the owners walk >into the room. TOM: Remember what we said about keeping it on a leash. >Celius gasped when she saw the leader of the group. It was Sonic! CROW: Gasp! Big deal! > > 'God...he's grown up since I saw him last...' thought Celius TOM: "Yes, I always thought time froze when I didn't pay attention to it..." > > "Alright... know your in here..come on out!!" MIKE: [As a weird professor.] Note as to how the average self-insertion author uses a possessive 'your' in place of 'you're.' Isn't that just-- CROW: What are you doing? MIKE: ...I don't know... TOM: This isn't Talk Soup, Mike. We can't ALL be like Hal Sparks. MIKE: ...I know... >said a voice Celius knew was the princess right away. CROW: ...Riiiiiight. That made sense... TOM: Vaguely... or DID IT! [This time, when darting heads, they all bang into each other.] ALL: OW! TOM: We should stop doing that. >Sonic and the rest of the group began to search the room. CROW: [As Sonic.] He's not under the roof! > > "Come out before I force you out with a sonic spin" yelled Sonic. MIKE: Yeah, destroying the room is always the best solution. >Celius knew what eh TOM: NOBODY disobeys 'Eh.' >meant and decided to come out. CROW: Of the closet. > > "okay..I'll come out!! Just don't hurt me ok? I'm a nice person" said >Celius, CROW: "Self-conscious, on the other hand..." > surprising the living daylights out of the group in front >of her. MIKE: Was that giant space there so we can do ad libs? >She stepped out into the lighted area of the room. Doing so brought gasps >from the mobians TOM: Du, du, duuuuuuh! Pork Man! >in front of her. > > "It can't be...Celius?!" CROW: No, it can't. Please say it can't. >said a shocked Sonic and Sally. Celius and ran forward MIKE: Celius and Ran, the Dynamic Duo of Never. >and gave Celius a huge bear hug. TOM: [Coaxing.] SQUEEZE HARDER! CONSTRICT AIR! >The others did the same, including Tails, who remembered her a little. > > "Aunt Celius!! Welcome back!" said Tails. CROW: He must have a field day on his birthday with all these aunts. > > "Hello Tails, Sonic, Princess..I mean Sally, Bunny, MIKE: [As Bunnie.] Thaht's ok, no one ever remembers muh name any hoo. >Antoine and Rotor! How are all of you? I missed you guys" replied Celius. TOM: Can you go miss them somewhere else so we don't have a plot? > > "My father is the one who misses you most Celius. CROW: He missed wanting to execute you, that is. Thank you! MIKE: You're not welcome. >When you vanished he was hit hard..he still thinks your dead... TOM: Let's not prove him wrong. >we must tell him your alive..after all...Sis.. CROW: Oh God, no. >you know what I mean.. TOM: WE DON'T WANT TO! AGRRR!! >plus you must meet my long lost brother Elias!" Sally said to Celius. MIKE: Oh, yay. The second most uptight blowhard. >______________________________________________________________________ >________ TOM: Once again, Mike's mother's chest. MIKE: I know where *YOU* live, too, Tom. [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Make your own! Weeee!] [END BREAK] > > > "I can't believe I let you talk me into this..." CROW: "I just HAD to be an idiot." >said Celius. "I'm still nervous even being near a throne room..and >it's worse when I do go into one" TOM: "The one time I was in one was TOO much for me." > "Just stay here Cel..I'll go get daddy and Elias. I'll be right back! [Gypsy walks by, trying to cock the gun she's holding.] GYPSY: Oh no you won't. >C'mon Sonic!" said Sally and she left to find the king and Elias with Sonic >close behind. MIKE: You have your chance, Sonic! Do Gypsy's job! > > Celius walked around looking at the newly rebuilt throne room. CROW: "These toothpicks make it look REALLY nice!" >'It's been 12 years since I last saw this wonderful place... TOM: SEE?? >it looks as if buttnik was never even here!' she thought. MIKE: If it weren't for Buttnik, people like Celius wouldn't exist... I loved that guy. >She stopped before a painting of the royal family, which..to her surprise >included herself. CROW: Tom, help me stab my eyes, too! >She sighed. 'I have yet to find mom and dad...' she thought. TOM: The Mom n' Dad Depot restocked today, I'll give you the flyer. > > She turned at the sound of a noble sounding voice which she knew >belonged to King Acorn. MIKE: Ok, you CAN'T use noble and King Acorn in the SAME sentence. >"Okay okay..I'm coming Sally...what is it that has you so worked up?" CROW: [As Sonic.] It's just the way you can look through my head with no brain to obstruct sight! >she heard the king ask. MIKE: King Jackass, yes. > > "Come on daddy....just go into the throne room and see..trust me" said >Sally. TOM: "The last time I killed you was an accident, I swear." > > "Yeah sire...what Sal said" said Sonic. CROW: [As Sonic.] Duh yeah, go jump off the cliff, like she said last night, duh-I mean... > > "Oh alright" replied the King. TOM: "Darn pushy kids. Never get to have any fun with them around." >Celius turned around and froze when s he saw King Acorn enter the room. CROW: Everyone likes 'S.' >Once he saw her he also froze. MIKE: I'll be darned, time DOES freeze if you don't care! >Celius smiled a smile which she knew the king remembered. "Oh...Celius?" he >asked. TOM: Smiles are like snowflakes... they all melt when taken into the classroom. >She nodded. "Celsius!!" CROW: Fahrenheit!! MIKE: Kelvin!! TOM: Tonight on Heraldo, which is better? >he then yelled and to everyone's surprise except Celius', he started >running forward. CROW: "I'm SO lucky I used to block for Notre Dame." >She had come to know and call him Father since she was barely a 6 month old >little hedgehog. MIKE: Because he was the THIRD most uptight blowhard? >She ran forward to meet him. TOM: Trip! CROW: [As Celius.] OW! Darn feet! They never work right! > > "Father!!" she yelled and the two met halfway and the king hugged her >and swung her in a circle. MIKE: [As Max.] Don't mind if I get you sick! > > "Oh Celius..I thought you were dead! TOM: WE *WISH* SHE WAS DEAD! >It's been so long...11years.." said the king. TOM: TOLD YOU!! HA! MIKE: Crow, fix his volume. TOM: THERE'S NO PROBLEM! CROW: You're next to him. [Mike hits a knob.] TOM: ... [Mike hits again.] TOM: Thanks. > > "I missed you too!" said Celius. She gave the king a hug as happy tears CROW: Happy tears! Happy tears! >went down her cheeks. Sally and Sonic, and Elias watched from nearby. MIKE: [As Sally.] Yeah, his onion breath does that to us, too. > > 'So that's Celius,...now I know what she looks like..besides from >pictures" said Elias. TOM: "You were such a CUTE lil' thermometer!" > > "So..you must be sally's long lost brother, Elias. Am I right?" CROW: Say no and maybe her head will explode because she was wrong! >asked Celius, holding her hand out. Elias took it and shook it. MIKE: ...Off her arm. > > "That'd be me..nice to meet you." Elias said to her. CROW: Likewiddlyise. > > > All the freedom fighters, the king and the 3 'royal' kids started >talking and laughing. TOM: Lovely subplot. > > 'It's great to be home' thought Celius. She found herself getting >smacked with a pillow. MIKE: HOLY SHOOT! Action! BOTS: Wow. >"Hey!! I'll get you Sonic!!" she chased after the speedy blue hedgehog, She >managed to catch him, much to everyone's surprise. ALL: Indeed. >"What? I'm just as fast if not faster then this annoying hedgehog" TOM: The price of self-insertion. Being able to abuse power. > > "Annoying?! Why you..." it was her turn to get chased. The rest watched >and sighed. CROW: [As Sally.] Who gets to kill them? > > "It's gonna be a long night!!!" they all said at the same time MIKE: Lovely conclusion. > > THE END TOM: Such nice words. > > >______________________________________________________________________ >________ CROW: Someone stole the mountains! >All characters except Dhattar and Celius are Archie/SEGA. TOM: If you're going to something, do it the Celius way! > >Celius and Dhattar are me of course! MIKE: And me thinkin' that Tom owned them. > >Next: P.t. CROW: TP! >1 of when Celius goes to search for her parents..in the lost Overland city >of Megaopolis. CROW: The most unheard of place ever. > >The human characters that appear in that story by the names of Jeff and >Peter are me as is another hedgie TOM: Who you said was human. >by the name of Mirror (female). ALL: Whoopee. > >Bye now! > >~Celius '99 TOM: Bye, don't write, just go away! MIKE: Thank Goodness they're SHORTS. CROW: Now, about that slag. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [All are looking tentatively at Cambot.] CAMBOT: Do I have something in my teeth? [Suddenly, it fizzes, and Pearl appears with an unbalanced lateral control.] [CF] PEARL: Ok, all's fixed, but we have to get a few bugs out. Now, go to hell, come back, go BACK to hell, bring me a mug, come back, and die in your seats as you get the fic. You're SO lucky we have extra ex-lax. I won't be calling, so just figure out something to make fun of, besides each other. Now, I can't stress my wanting you to die enough, so just 'enjoy' 'Mobius Alien: Part One.' S'it's by Big I.B., sounds like a moron already. Now die already! GAH! [Screen fizzles.] [SoL] MIKE: Well, that shouldn't be hard... [Fanfic stuff.] ALL: AHHHH! BIG I.B. ALERT! MAGIC VOICE: Don't forget to go to hell! TOM: And the mug, yeah, we know. [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] CROW: Did we get the right mug? MIKE: We forgot to go back again, nuts. TOM: Oh well, you can't... do stuff... that... uh... >MOBIUS ALIEN >PART I CROW: I hate it already. We might have to endure more. > > > > > >Space, it's pretty big! TOM: Well, if you get 'XL' pockets, it's not THAT big. >A black carpet of stars, moons and of course Mobuis. CROW: Sister planet to Mobius. >Orbiting around Mobuis was a star-ship around ten miles length and two >miles deep MIKE: Don't you hate it when things don't have width? >which had warped into the area somehow. TOM: The "Hyper-Space Warping Module" explained nothing. >The ship had been orbiting around for around five hours now and nothing had >happen. CROW: Aren't laxatives nice? >Then a pod was blasted out and went straight into Mobuis's atmosphere. TOM: Since it's going to Mobuis, can we assume there is no Sonic involved? >The ship then went into sub-warp and disappeared. MIKE: Bye! Take care! > Sonic The Hedgehog and Tails were walking back to the castle. They had >gone for a normal boat ride down the river. CROW: Sonic takes a sabbatical. >Tails was carrying an empty box and Sonic was carrying two fishing rods. TOM: The box was a decoy for more boxes. > They had just reached half way when a small pod flew into an acre of >wood and exploded. MIKE: The end. >Sonic and Tails were blown to the ground. MIKE: Exactly, the end. > " What on earth happen?" asked Tails who was now getting up. CROW: Someone tried to make a fanfic. > " I hope it's not one of Donatello's chemical reactions!" said Sonic >getting up. TOM: Oh, God, he didn't... MIKE: ...He did... CROW: He,... he involved the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers! TOM: You mean, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, right? CROW: WHATEVER! > " Whatever it was it must have blasted into that woods!" said Tails. MIKE: And 'that woods' went on to become a great world leader. > " Well, let's find out!" Sonic said. TOM: You guys can go, we'll get drunk. >Sonic and Tails ran towards the woods. There was a huge crater in the >ground and in the middle was a red pod. CROW: Space beans! >Sonic walked up to it. He tried to lift it up. TOM: [As Sonic.] Thankfully, all my stupidity numbed my nerves, so I can't feel the intense heat of the pod! >He couldn't so he put it down on the ground. MIKE: I wish I could put something down without lifting it to begin with. > " Tails, help me with this thing please!" he said. TOM: Again, the blue genius thinks Tails is of use. > " Okay, I'll help!" said Tails. They both tried to pick it up. No >luck. CROW: No DUH. > " Okay, lets get back and get some help!" said Tails. > > " What the hell is this thing?" asked Donatello looking at the pod. TOM: OH! It's just a bunion. > " E.T?" asked Lem. MIKE: What the HELL is a Lem? CROW: Lame Excuse for Mentality? > " Ha, ha, very funny!" said Donatello. CROW: Thank you! >He turned to Sonic and Tails. " What exactly happen you two?" he then >asked. TOM: [As Tails.] Well, when Sonic is high, he's kind of a freak... MIKE: Tom, please don't do that, remember what happened to your head? > " Well, we just came back from fishing.." CROW: Hey! Tom was right! MIKE: How did you translate fishing into that??? CROW: Awanoh. > " You went fishing, oh how dull is that for you?" Lem said. TOM: Well, very, I hate fishing. > " Just shut up, ALL: YEAH! >I never wanted you to stay but most of the people here found you fun, CROW: "...To make fun *of*, that is." >anyway, then we saw this huge explosion and this thing was here!" said >Sonic. TOM: Did it bring a casserole? >Donatello nodded. Sally was taking a look around it. She found a sign. MIKE: "Free Chilupas." TOM: "Unadulterated Truth In Here!" CROW: "The Best of XXX-" MIKE: Calm down. > " Hey look at this!" she shouted Donatello ran towards her. He looked >at the sign. > " Take Care, TOM: To make sure to not follow the directions. >this pod is... CROW: We'd tell you, but that would finish the fic. [Bots smile.] BOTS: A-- [Mike covers their mouths.] MIKE: I wish we could. >I can't make out the rest, it's rusted!" said Donatello. TOM: How the hell did it oxidize is space??? MIKE: Frosty Tom, stay frosty. CROW: They could have at least brought in Michelangelo. He was the ORANGE one. AND he liked pizza! > " What shall we do now?" asked Iain walking towards the two. TOM: You ask for Orange-Dude, you get a different self-inserted retard. > " I've just come back from Earth and all I've herd is MIKE: "Lobsters. I need to find some darned cattle!" >that somebody has just discovered a red pod from outer space!" CROW: Don't feel bad if I drop dead. > " We better get it to my lab back at the castle, Sonic, Lem, Iain, help >me with this thing!" Donatello said. The four managed TOM: A smal retail store specializing is fake money. However good with Monopoly fans, it bombed within a year. >to put it onto a jeep. MIKE: Looks like American-made cars go farther than we thought. >Lem got to the driving wheel Sally also hopped in. TOM: Instant Car Crash, just add Lem. > " Lem, make sure this gets back in one piece!" said Donatello. CROW: Like Tom said... > " Then if you're so worried about it, hop in!" said Lem. TOM: "That way, I kill you, too!" > " Alright, I will!" Donatello said. He got in. MIKE: Susceptible people are nice to mess with. > " What could be wrong with him driving?" asked Sally. CROW: And now, on Stupidest Questions Ever! > " He's reckless!" Donatello said. Lem started the jeep. MIKE: Don't forget to turn off the dewasterator. > " Lem, you need to release the..." > " SHUT UP DON, I CAN MANAGE IT!" TOM: Someone has issues. >said Lem. He released the hand brake and the jeep moved CROW: Downwards. >backwards. > " Lem, you're in reverse!" Sally pointed out. MIKE: I'd have never guessed! > " Oh, yeah!" he pushed the gear into forwards TOM: Or, 'Drive' as normal people call it. >and he put his foot own. The jeep jumped off forward at a fast speed. CROW: Wow. 0 to 2 in 1,000,000 seconds. > " BE CAREFUL!" shouted Donatello. MIKE: This pizza is REALLY important! > " I can't hear you!" shouted Lem. TOM: "Someone turned my brain off!" >He turned the jeep and it went up the road. It became very jumpy. CROW: It took the stress courses with Sally. > " Lem, go ALL: AWAY!!!!! >slower!" Sally said. " I'm the one with the steering wheel and you're >the passenger, MIKE: "And who gives a crap if you're the princess!" >SO YOU'LL ENJOY IT!" Lem shouted. TOM: [Solemn.] Or will you. > " Don't shout at her!" Donatello said. CROW: Yeah, yell at her instead! > " Yeah don't shout at me!" Sally said TOM: So Sally needs someone to prompt her commands. Gotcha. > " SHUT UP!" Lem shouted. > " Stupid git!" ALL: Along lil' doggy! [All glance at each other.] CROW: We know each other so well. >Sally murmured. > " I HERD THAT!" Lem said. TOM: How do you herd git? > "Sally, if you want to drive then drive!" Lem pointed out. MIKE: [As Lem pulling out the steering wheel.] Here ya go! CROW: Darn backseat driver. [Others groan.] CROW: What? > " Ok, I will!" Sally Said. Lem stopped the jeep and changed places >with Sally. CROW: This time, SALLY was behind Lem-- MIKE: Lalalalalalalala! > Sally started the jeep. > " You're going too slow!" Lem said. TOM: Not moving inhibits speed. > " I haven't started it yet dim wit!" said Sally. MIKE: But, you said you just started it. Do we need to review? > " Fine!" Lem said. He took out a magazine CROW: A SPECIAL magazine. >and started to read it while Sally started driving. The jeep slowly made it >way back to the castle; Lem had practically fallen asleep when they got >back. TOM: Do all your sleeping practically,... do it the Lem way. >Donatello just hit him, Lem woke up. CROW: Sound like fun. [Hits Mike.] MIKE: OW! I was awake! TOM: Yeah, PRACTICALLY awake. MIKE: Well,... yeah... > " Now let's get this back into the lab!" said Donatello. CROW: "We need to mess it up with all the cool spray paint!" [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Butter-Flavored pencil holders; write more delicious memos,] [Chairs have FINALLY made it to North Dakota,] [Left-Handed smoke shifters a hot item,] [Sonic Adventure turns out to be an... adventure of sorts,] [MiSTies gather to look at your chin oddly.] [END BREAK] > Lem was eating cookies TOM: The best dinner ever. >as Donatello was testing the red pod. CROW: Testing for Gingivitis, of course. >Iain came in with more cookies for Lem. MIKE: Ways of keeping Lem at bay. >Donatello was still looking at the pod. Iain tapped TOM: And got a sitting non-ovation. >the floor with his foot. Donatello raised his head. CROW: [As Donatello.] I hate Sonic too much to have someone impersonate him. TOM: We ALL do. > " Yes?" he asked. > " You still at your MIKE: "Dorito Power Trip?" >alien investigation?" asked Iain. CROW: [As Donatello.] Well, I found a buckeye and I got all excited... > " Yes and your point is?" TOM: Well, I THINK he wanted to know if you were still doing your investigation, I can't be sure. > " I'm not angry or not even bothered about it CROW: He's taking about clowns, by the way. >is just that you think this is an alien which landed from the sky. MIKE: As opposed from next door. >Now don't you think that this is just a stupid TOM: [As three-year old.] It's stupid poopy-yucky! >garbage pod that no body likes and wants it to just get rotten? CROW: Well, no... that's not proper scientific procedure-- TOM: This is Big I.B. fic. There is NOTHING proper. > just like to say that if you find rubbish, it isn't Lem's fault, Sally's >fault, and mine. MIKE: Well, it probably IS Lem's fault. >It's you!" Iain said. CROW: Well you ruined the surprise for everyone! > " Ha, ha, commander, but I think that this pod could be another >life-form from somewhere that we don't know about. TOM: Dear God, the smartest person in this fic is a turtle. MIKE: A NINJA turtle. >I just wan to know about it, ok?" CROW: Everyone likes wanton. >Donatello said then handing Iain his mobile phone. CROW: [As Donatello.] They have help lines for people like you. > " Where was this?" Iain asked. > " Tinkie Winkie thought it was a chew toy!" MIKE: I hope Tinkie Winkie is a dog, please, please, please... > " Oh, anyway you get back to your experiments while I'll be with Sally >and Sonic playing a game of who's a stupid idoit TOM: Anyone who spells it 'idoit.' >and of course, Poker!" BOTS: Of course. >Iain said, he handed Lem his cookies and left. MIKE: "This should be sufficient to shut you up good." > " He's got up again on the wrong foot!" said Lem. > " Wrong side of bed!" Donatello said correcting him. CROW: The way this is narrated, I think Lem was right. > " Oh yeah!" Antoine came in. TOM: Was Ant being corrected? > " What are you lot doing?" he said. He noticed the pod. MIKE: Who want's to explain that France and Britain are indeed different? > " What's this thing?" he asked. CROW: [As Donatello.] It's a thing, or sorts. > " A pod!" said Donatello. TOM: Master of the Obvious. > " A pea pod?" said Antoine. > " No, a normal pod!" Donatello said. CROW: Pods are never normal. > " Oh, I'm sorry. It's just with your vegetables which is peas and the >word pod, MIKE: And these vegetables came from where? >I found it a little hard to TOM: "Make sense!" >understand!" " I know, you're a French mobion, CROW: Is that like a French Bullion? >I get the drift!" said Donatello taking a wrench from a shelf. TOM: It's not about YOU, Don-boy. > " What's drift?" asked Antoine. MIKE: What's a moron? > " It's a word that Sonic or some of the others used to understand other >people like you!" CROW: So, 'I get the drift' is the basis of all language. > " Oh, never mind!" TOM: Never... HAD a mind. > " Anyway, Antoine could you help me and get me that screwdriver and >just unscrew his screw here!" Donatello asked pointing to the tool rack. MIKE: Shouldn't you ask permission of the owner of the screw? > " Which one the big one or the small one?" CROW: "The smig one or the ball one?" > " The big one!" Antoine picked it up TOM: And smiled, he had a weapon. >and unscrew the screw. MIKE: "It is being on zee overworked days like zis when you have being over screwed one screw too many." > " Thanks, oh dam it, TOM: With concrete as it makes for better resistance against water. >I need my hammer. CROW: [Singing.] I'd hammer in the mornin', I'd hammer in the evenin'. TOM: I'll hammer your head off. >Just keep an eye on the pod Antoine, MIKE: Preferably the left one. >Lem come with me!" Donatello said and then left. Lem followed. CROW: Leaving a trail of cookie crumbs so they'd find their way back. >Antoine looked at the pod. TOM: "I am wishing that I hadn't kept my eyes-ses on it, now can't be seeing." [Others groan.] TOM: What??? > " Looks like this screw needs to unscrew, I'll be able to unscrew it," >Antoine unscrew it. CROW: JUST FRIGGIN' UNSCREW THE FRIGGIN' SCREW! TOM: Don't go Chris Farley on us. >Part of the panel fell off. > " Oh shit!" MIKE: "That was my last panel!" TOM: And it will remain your last, MWA-HA-HA-HA! CROW: Translation, segment time! [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [All sit around boredly.] TOM: It's so boring! MIKE: Hence the caption. MAGIC VOICE: Why don't you make fun of the pod, Pearl doesn't have to coordinate ALL your plans. CROW: But it's easier that way! TOM: Well, what could we do... ALL: Hmmmmmmm... [All look up into space as they think. Suddenly, Crow and Mike turn to look at Tom who is between them. Tom continues thinking.] TOM: Hmmmmmmm... CROW: Mike? MIKE: Yes? CROW: Can we? MIKE: Think he'll notice? CROW: Hold on, I'll get a fishbowl. [Crow goes offstage and returns with a bowl of fish.] MIKE: Ok, we gotta do this 'Indian Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark' style. TOM: Hmmmmmmm... [Mike carefully saws off Tom's globe, leaving his mouth intact.] TOM: Hmmmmmmm... [While Mike does this, Crow slides the globe off Tom's mouth-base, and replaces it with the fishbowl.] CROW: Whew! TOM: Hmmmmmmm... MIKE: Go long! CROW: OK!!! [Crow runs out Stage-Right and Mike send the head sailing.] CROW: OW! I can't use my arms! MIKE: [Walking towards Crow.] Well, bite it, and THEN throw it to me! CROW: [Mouth full.] Do-kah! [Mike exits.] TOM: Hmmmmmmm... [Mike runs behind him and the head flies over the screen. Mike catches it, does a little dance, and spikes it.] MIKE: YEAH! [The head explodes on impact.] MIKE: Oops. [Crow reenters.] CROW: Uh-oh. TOM: What is it guys? MIKE: Uh, nothing! CROW: [Whispering.] How long do you think we can go with this? MAGIC VOICE: Uh, that was the last shipment of Tom H-- I mean, bananas, hehe. TOM: What's wrong with my head? CROW: This not good. [Fanfic stuff.] MIKE: Even worse now. ALL: Big I.B. alert. Oh, no. [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] [We can see the fish in the bowl silhouetted against the screen.] TOM: Hehe, my head tickles. > Sally, Sonic and Iain were sitting down playing cards. Donatello walked >past. Lem saw a spare seat. He sat down CROW: And soon had a knife to the throat when he basement dealt. >and munched his cookies. MIKE: Oh, munch, munch, munch. > " Ok, then what has everyone got?" asked Iain. TOM: [As Sonic.] No brains. CROW: [As Sally.] No decent boyfriend. MIKE: [As Iain.] No life. > " I've got a flush!" said Sonic. CROW: Then you best hop out the shower. > " I've got a pair TOM: Of goofballs. >!" said Iain > " Royal flush!" Sally said. [All sigh.] MIKE: That's Sally for ya... > " That's now the tenth time she's won!" Sonic said. CROW: Oh, wow, like it matters. > " Sally, how do you do it?" Iain asked. MIKE: "Trick cards, duh-I mean, good luck." > " Luck?" asked Sally. TOM: Is she ASKING? > " No, bad cards, Lem run upstairs and get us another CROW: "Idiot to replace Sonic." >pack of cards" Iain said. > " Who dealt them?" asked Lem. TOM: Hey! Whoever smelt it dealt it! > " Sonic did!" Sally said. > " Hey, don't think I'm a bad MIKE: "Dork! I mean, idiot! No wait! Dang! Idiot-dork!" >dealer!" Sonic said angry. CROW: This is obviously the turning point of his life. Such a violent mood switch. > " Sally, I think you deal them!" TOM: You think, but do you DO? Ahh, THAT is the question! >said Iain passing the pack to Sally, TOM: Oh... ok then. MIKE: Bad idea to arouse old smoking habits. >she shuffled and dealt them, Donatello came back with his hammer. CROW: I-- TOM: I'll hammer your head off, remember? > " Hello, got to go!" MIKE: Goodbye, no one cares. >said Donatello walking past. Lem turned to Iain. CROW: [As Iain.] Don't put the underwear on ME. MIKE: Please don't. > " I'm getting TOM: "An itch in a place I can't reach..." >worried about him!" Lem said. Iain looked at his cards. CROW: I'm worried about all of them. > " Sally, MIKE: [As Barbra Walters.] What kind of twee are you? >why is there the rules of poker in my cards?" TOM: This ALWAYS happens on Thursday night. > " I don't know, Sonic?" CROW: Which smartass dealt? > " I don't know!" TOM: Truthfully, neither did I, Crow. >said Sonic. They all looked at Lem. > " Why is everyone looking at me?" MIKE: Well, you have broccoli in your ear. > > Donatello walked back into the lab with his hammer. CROW: "Who do I kill first..." >Antoine was trying to get the panel back on. He wasn't succeeding. TOM: [As Antoine.] OH good! I gets to be putting out of my misery! A hammare! > " What are you doing?" asked Donatello. MIKE: Aerobics? > " This panel fell off and I'm trying to put it back on!" CROW: Is the word accent not in anyone's dictionary? MIKE: Vocabulary. TOM: Restitory. > " Wait, what panel fell off?" asked Donatello. Antoine picked ALL: HIS NOSE! >the panel up. > " HOW DID, WHAT THE..." CROW: "WHO PUT, ME IN, CAPS LOCK..." >Donatello said completely amazed. TOM: "Wow... gravity!" > " Oh this, MIKE: "It's just being a mole." >I unscrewed it!" > " Move out of the way Antoine!" CROW: "Leave suicide to the professionals!" >Donatello said. Antoine moved. Donatello looked at the pod. TOM: "'Do not look at the pod.' I wonder what this means." >There was a green light going dim out of the hole caused b the panel. MIKE: You too can 'b' the panel. >Donatello put on gloves and put on Eye-protection and put his hands in the CROW: Pile. >hole. He removed a smaller see-through pod with a pink small alien that >looked like the alien from the film 'Alien'. [Tom and Mike glance at each other.] > " What is that thing?" asked Antoine. TOM: Pizza-mobile. > " It's an alien, but I hope it's not one from those films!" MIKE: That, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, VAST array of films on aliens. From EARTH, mind you. >Donatello said as he put it down on the table. " What do we do now!" >asked Antoine starting to act, CROW: But he was never meant to be on the big screen. >as his own cowardly sense. TOM: His NORMAL sense. > " I think we better get the others CROW: Some surplus mayonnaise? >in here first Antoine!" Donatello said by taking off his gloves and >glasses. TOM: His gloves said all that? CROW: AND glasses. >He walked out and Antoine stood there looking at it. MIKE: "There is being a way to eat Swiss monkeys..." > " I hope it doesn't want to eat me!" CROW: You NEVER stop to consider vegetarian aliens. > > Sally, Sonic, and Iain were playing cards TOM: This time for Apple Jacks! >and Lem was still munching on his cookies. MIKE: STILL? CROW: Well, yeah. >Sally had now won twenty times and Iain had won five times and Sonic had >none. TOM: Then who's going to give the poor dog a bone? CROW: Wait, I think they're talking about brain cells. > "I'm fed up with this let's go outside and see Dipsy be a stupid >idiot!" said Sonic. MIKE: Why, when we can watch you, Sonic? TOM: Holy fudge, Dipsy? That, that, that's a... [All grow wide-eyed and look at each other.] ALL: T-teletubbie! [A few beats.] ALL: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! TOM: What sick mind involves Teletubbies?? CROW: They don't even deserve capitalization! > " That's because you haven't won yet you blue hedgehog!" said Lem. MIKE: OH! And I thought he was green! Thanks Lem! > " Oh you can shut up!" Sonic said. TOM: Can and should are different things. > " Suit yourself!" CROW: Choose Italian. >Lem said and he continued to munch on his cookies. MIKE: I no longer wish to talk about Lem. > " Besides we better go and see what Donatello as TOM: [As narrater at play.] And Donatello as the festering garbage heap! Not much of a difference! >found out!" said Sally. > " He hasn't found..." TOM: "My blankie..." CROW: HIS blankie or YOUR blankie? > " IAIN, SALLY, SONIC. YOU MAY BE AMAZED BY THIS!" MIKE: Warning! Possible amazement! TOM: What? Is Dick Clark ACTUALLY ageing? >shouted Donatello running in. CROW: That's his new Indian name. 'Donatello Running In.' > " You forgot someone!" Lem said. > " Oh never mind you, you're not important!" ALL: PRECISELY! > " What has happen?" asked Sally. TOM: Like, lay the word down, smack Jabronie... Or something. > " Well, you better see it!" Donatello said. CROW: Does 'seeing is believing' apply to blind people? Or just to their dogs? TOM AND MIKE: I don't know... > " Fine, I'll come then!" Sally said. > " This better be important or I'll make sure that pod won't be here >much longer!" Iain said. MIKE: [As Iain.] I just love being the jerk who wants to destroy things! CROW: And the fact that you can't even pronounce his name doesn't help. TOM: Kinda EARLY for a seg, but who's complaining? [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [CD cases made for cassettes,] [From the creators of finger-less gloves, its toe-less shoes!] [Plutonium sold at local corner stores nation wide; vital for time travel,] [Speaking of time travel, Delorians made more popular,] [A news brief in the Potato riots.] [END BREAK] [Crow is cleaning Tom's head.] CROW: Hold still, I can't get the filter in. [MADS light.] TOM: Alright! Finally! [Mike walks in and nonchalantly taps it.] MIKE: Pearl! Help us not be bored! [CF] [Pearl looks at Tom.] PEARL: You have fish, Tom. OBSERVER: At least he doesn't have crabs. [Pearl looks behind herself and sees Observer loading a sleeping BoBo into the cannon.] PEARL: If you're curious, we are indeed going to launch BoBo. [SoL] MIKE: Ran out of Ex-Lax? [CF] PEARL: You know me too well. Now, we need to have a talk on not being stupid guys. I don't want a reprise performance of BoBo's daily life. So no more asking for chairs. [SoL] [All moan.] TOM: But we like chairs!! CROW: It makes up for not being invited to parties. [CF] PEARL: But we do plan on going on a little vacation after we launch the Primate. We though maybe Marcus was a little better, and we were considering cross-breeding. Interfacing them into-- OBSERVER: --One big stupid blob. PEARL: Exactly. [SoL] MIKE: But what have we told you about taking adventures?? Tsk Tsk. [CF] PEARL: Don't MAKE me come up there. But we were going to pull the van out of retirement, maybe go back to Mobius. Blow it up. Go somewhere else. Blow it up, you know how it goes. OBSERVER: Ready Mon Capi'tan! PEARL: And that's our cue! [SoL] ALL: Where's the popcorn. [All exchange glances.] [CF] PEARL: Ready! OBSERVER: Quite ready. PEARL: AIM! OBSERVER: Quite aimed! PEARL FI - shut up, - RE! [The cannon blast, but BoBo flies out the back and drills into the floor.] PEARL: Er... there go our plans for a while. Maybe next time! Later. [SoL] [As screen fizzles off, all are gathered around the newly establish microwave with popcorn inside.] TOM: Two minutes. CROW: No, two and ten seconds! [Mike sets it.] MIKE: And Tom, about your head-- [Fanfic stuff.] TOM: No time! Big I.B. alert! CROW: It's best he don't know. [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] [Tom's head is back to normal.] MIKE: ...Nevermind. > They came into the lav. ALL: When ya gotta pee. >The four opened their mouths; TOM: And, for some reason, they just started, putting their feet in them! >Donatello put on the gloves MIKE: Entering the rear,... again. >and picked the see-through pod. CROW: Wise choice! >He others looked at it. TOM: [As Sonic.] What a great bean-dip... >Donatello then put it down on the table. MIKE: Is he directing? >Donatello took off the gloves and looked at the others. TOM: "We need more clay for pottery class." > " Is it not real now?" Donatello said. CROW: Actually, no, it's not... > " Quick, call the government!" shouted Lem. Iain whacked him round the >head. MIKE: Everyone likes whacking heads. [Smacks bots.] BOTS: OOOWWWW!! CROW: That's it! We're getting Mike256Bit! [Forth wall.] MIKE: Um, I wish you wouldn't do that-- TOM: And we're getting MST:RBSL shut down! [Forth wall goes off once more.] MIKE: [Wincing.] Hey, I'll make more popcorn, OK? BOTS: Well, yeah,... Ok! > " Oh no we won't!" Iain said. [Gypsy makes another pass with the phone.] GYPSY: Precisely. > " This is completely amazing. but now what do we do?" Sally asked. TOM: [Passively.] Yeah, yeah, the world's blowin' up. What do we do? > "Send it back into Space!" Sonic said. MIKE: "Let some other idiotic planet deal with it!" BOTS: Send it to Mobius! > " Oh that's a good idea... NOT!" TOM: Turtles,... with ATTITUDE! >Donatello said. " As I looked at it the first time I saw CROW: "What I thought was of importance... but it was just a pretzel." MIKE: HEY! Pretzels ARE important. >a lock on the bottom of the new pod. My suggestion is that we open our pod MIKE: "And ignore the one Sonic found." > and then we'll figure something out." Donatello said. CROW: Right,... just open the pod, probably cause another problem, and THEN solve the original one! > " I'm happy for you, TOM: Not everyone goes to Compton. >but I think it's best that we put this in a room that nobody will get >hurt!" Iain said. MIKE: [As Alien.] Oh yeah? I'll get out alive if it *kills* me! > "I've prepared a room for such of a occasion!" Donatello said. CROW: You can always tell when an alien will land just by the time of fall. >He took out a key-card and walked to a metal door. He put the card >into a machine. It spoke. MIKE: Free handouts! > " PLEASE GIVE I.D!" TOM: "Idiot Denominator." > " Now what?" asked Sally. CROW: What now? > " I know what to do Sally, keep your hair on!" MIKE: Unless you're like my grandma at night. [Rimshot.] >Donatello said. He turned to the computer. TOM: "Now, about my Java..." > " Donatello, key code number is four, thirteen, zero!" Donatello said. CROW: He seems to like telling himself what to do. > " VOICE RECOGNISED, NOW GIVE FINGER PRINTS!" MIKE: "DARN! Every time I set a fire..." >Donatello put his hand on a small pad. His fingerprints appeared on the >monitor. CROW: Everyone look at the pretty fingers! > " FINGER PRINTS RECOGNISED, YOU NOW MAY ENTER!" TOM: But with caution? Heck no! > The door opened. MIKE: And a whole buncha crazy crap fell out. BOTS: Ahhh, chaos. > " Now, I'll take this pod TOM: Shine it up-- MIKE: AHEM. CROW: Tom, no, not now, when he's sleeping. >and put it on the unscrambler TOM: "The unscrambler of course, will add chili." >and wait for the pod to open!" Donatello said putting his gloves on. MIKE: "I like fuzzy mittens!" >He picked up the pod. He walked into the room that was white CROW: A startling change from the usual eggshell color. >and placed the pod in a holder. He then walked out. > " Computer, lock door!" TOM: "OWWY! My fingwer! Kwiss it an' make it allllll better!" >Donatello said. The metal door closed. He press some keys on the keyboard. MIKE: "Let's see, buying brains online..." > " Right, unscramble key code computer," he said. On three separate >screens. [All start banging each others heads.] CROW: No kill me first! TOM: No, me! >The number 4 appeared on the first screen, 13 appeared on the second and 0 >appeared on the third. MIKE: That was his code to begin with. >Donatello looked at the screen and pressed enter. The time started to go >down. CROW: "Ahhhh, I love being the master of chronology." >He turned to the others. TOM: "Do we want to live for two minutes or three? Oh, I'll make it two." > " We have four hours, third-teen MIKE: Yes, the third teen in line gets free pizza. >minutes until it is done. Now who wants something to eat?" Donatello said. CROW: [As Sonic.] Hmmmm, total destruction versus food, tough choice... > " I want more cookies," Lem said. MIKE: Wretchedly delicious cookies. > " A few Chile dogs for me!" Sonic said. TOM: He always loved those South-American-Country-Dogs. > " Then let's go then!" CROW: Go then let's then go then! >Iain said leaving the room. The four left, Donatello was about to leave >when he noticed Antoine. MIKE: WOW! Someone NOTICED Ant! > " Come on Antoine, I'll get you some coffee!" Donatello said. ALL: We'll get the Ex-Lax! > " Merci, I'll take some French roast!" Antoine said walking out. CROW: I'd always figured him on liking French Toast. > > Time passes, TOM: Cheese is eaten. >it was now around 11pm. The lab was empty. The unscrambler was almost >complete. Donatello was sitting at his desk with a mug of coffee reading >the newspaper. MIKE: "Dateline: All residents of Mobuis killed by alien." >He turned to the computer; it read that there was five minutes to go. >Antoine walked in; CROW: Lost his footing on the footrest, and the Antoine Van Dyke Show was born. >he was carrying another mug of coffee. TOM: [As Antoine.] Here you be going Iain! Your daily mud! > " Here's another cup!" MIKE: With nothing in it. > " Thanks Ant!" CROW: "You throw the best tea parties!" > " How's the unscrambler doing?" Antoine asked. TOM: Well, it got fouled six times, and it's in the hospital now... > " Four minutes!" Donatello said. The phone rang. Donatello picked it >up. MIKE: [As person on phone.] Yes, would you be interested in buying a phone? TOM: [As person on phone.] Hello! WE are POSITIVE that you may not be an instant winner! > " Yes? Oh great, Tinkie Winkie CROW: Stupid Upid. >has jammed a piece of tubby toast in the door lock? TOM: T-tubby toast??? Is that like what goes in the toilet?? MIKE: I hope to Goodness not. > Okay, I'll be there!" Donatello said then he put the phone down. CROW: "Ok, you get to kill me. Go get the tubby toast..." > " That stupid Teletubbie ALL: [As a reaction.] AHHHHHHHHH! TOM: We, we can't risk much more of that. >has jammed his piece of tubby toast in Lem's door lock. I'm just going to >deal with it. MIKE: "This is why I HATE PMS!" [Bots look at Mike.] >Antoine can you keep an eye on the unscrambler, I'll only be a minute" CROW: "A minute plus forever. Bye!" >Donatello said picking up a tool kit. TOM: It's toast! You need a tool kit??? Do you have to WELD it out? > " Fine, what happen if there are any problems?" Antoine asked. MIKE: Then um,... put glue on it. > " Press the red button by the metal door, the alarm will go off!" >Donatello said. CROW: What if the problem is that the alarm is broken, huh?? > " Ok, I'm fine about it!" TOM: He's bout it bout it, yo. >Antoine said. Donatello nodded and left the lab. Antoine started to drink >from the mug of coffee. He turned to the computer. CROW: "This better have solitaire..." >The timer was now at three minutes. Antoine put his mug down and walked >over to the pod. MIKE: You're such a cute lil' pod! Yes you are! > " I don't know what the fuss about the alien is about," Antoine said. TOM: It's JUST another life form capable of space travel. >He then heard a buzzing noise. He turned around the computer said >UNSCRAMBLER COMPLETE. CROW: Time seems to work VERY strangely on that planet. MIKE AND TOM: Planet Jackass? >He looked at the timer. There was two minutes left. TOM: And we have another confused computer. >The metal door opened. He walked into the white room; the see-through pod >had a huge crack in it, the alien was gone. CROW: He went to team up with Ricki Martin. >At the far corner there was an air-vent with a huge hole through its bars. > " OH MY GOD, MIKE: "He must have gone through the ceiling!" >What has happened here, I better find Donatello!" TOM: ...The TURTLE. > Antoine was about to leave when the door shut. Antoine looked around. CROW: The scenery was surprisingly lovely. > " Hello, any aliens here?" TOM: Ahh, the French Moron. >Antoine said. He became scared, he started to bang the door. MIKE: "Hey! Aliens! You wanting the Ginsu Knives or what?" > " SOMEBODY LET ME OUT! HELP ME!" Antoine shouted. No answer. CROW: No darns given. > " Oh why did I say I watch the alien!" TOM: Why indeed, you're the coward, as I recall. CROW: So we can assume he's not. MIKE: That was MY joke. >Antoine said to him-self. The lights went out. Antoine continued to bang >the door. CROW: "Hey aliens! You turned out the lights for a mysterious reason! Just thought you'd like to know!" > > Back in the lab, TOM: Monkeys ran amok. >Donatello walked back in. He didn't hear Antoine's banging. CROW: ...Thankfully. >He put his tool kit on the table. MIKE: Used for TUBBY TOAST. > " I don't why we have those teletubbies here anyway," he said. CROW: To promote gay. MIKE: Then again, the author's lack of brain is probably a better explanation. >He paused, he looked around. TOM: "Where's the Grey Poupon??" > " Ant? Antoine where are MIKE: The six-packs. >you!" Donatello asked. He hear the banging. He turned to the metal door. CROW: What is it door? Did Timmy fall down the well?? >He ran over to the computer, and started to give I.D > " Donatello, key code number is five, six, seven, two, three, four!" TOM: And THIS code makes waffles. >Donatello said. He put his hand on the pad. MIKE: Instant relief. > " Computer CROW: Where's a good Idiot Chat Room? >open door!" Donatello said. > " FAULT WITH DOOR, CANNOT DO TASKS!" TOM: And HOW MANY tasks are actually involved in opening doors? > " What?" Donatello said. He turned to the door. ALL: That door! TOM: Which girl? ALL: 'That Girl!!' > " Don't worry Antoine, I'll get you MIKE: Your Depends. >out of there!" He turned back to the computer and began the over-ride >process. CROW: Gah! I've over-ridden this thing! It's not fun anymore! > > Antoine was sitting against a wall in the pitch-black wall. TOM: He has walls inside walls, I see. >He was now scared, ALL: NOW. >he sat there shaking. He hear a strange growling. CROW: His tummy is acting up. > Antoine didn't move. He couldn't see anything. TOM: Well, when you're Antoine... > " Donatello, get me out of here, PLEASE!" MIKE: I think that means he wants out. >Antoine said scared. He hear the growling noise getting closer, and closer, >and closer. CROW: And stupider, and stupider, and stupider. >GROWL! TOM: Hey! A multi-media fic! Sound effects! >Then it stop. Antoine felt something on his shoulder. MIKE: Mr. Bluejay has too little bean-o. > It was some sort of tail; it wrapped itself around Antoine. Antoine >noticed it. CROW: And is surprisingly calm. >He felt himself lifted off the ground. The lights turned on. ALL: Clap on! [All clap out of sync.] >Antoine saw a huge alien. > " ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Antoine screamed. MIKE: ESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! CROW: TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! TOM: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! CROW: The fun alphabet! > > Donatello pressed keys on his keyboard quickly after hearing Antoine's >scream. MIKE: [As Donatello.] OK! I'm ordering your casual repellant! >He typed in open door. The door opened. TOM: I'd have NEVER thought to do that! >Donatello walked in; he was kicked out of the room. Donatello hit the >computer. CROW: Feel his wrath, computer! >Out stepped the alien, Donatello opened his eyes and saw it. The alien >didn't noticed him, MIKE: Even after kicking him... >it jumped into another Air vent. TOM: What KIND of air vent? CROW: One that obviously needs capitalization. >Donatello hit the red button. ALL: The but-ton, the but-ton! >The alarm went off. He quickly ran in to check on Antoine. Antoine was >lying on the ground. He was asleep; MIKE: Well, I wish *I* could put the world on 'mute.' >Donatello noticed a puncture mark on his chest and there was a piece of >alien skin next to his hand. Sally, Sonic, Bunnie, and Iain rushed in. CROW: [As Sally.] We heard there was an Antoine on the loose. >They saw Antoine on the ground asleep. > " What happened!" asked Sally. TOM: Well, Sonic's a freak, remember? > " The alien in the small pod has escaped, it attacked Antoine. He's >alive but for some strange reason CROW: "We medical types never have the answers." >he's asleep, with his puncture mark on his chest and left some skin." MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, I present a COMPLETE rip-off and breech of copyright. CROW: Something tells me Sigourney Weaver isn't far off. TOM: I'll bet she's a panda or something on *Mobuis.* >Donatello said showing Sally the mark. " Then it kicked me and went into >that air vent up on the wall!" CROW: "Gee! I wonder if it has any diabolic plans!" MIKE: Never reference 'Danger: Diabolik' again... *Sniff* I miss our couch! > " I think we better get everyone in here and pronto!" said Sonic. TOM: "We want to suffocate as best we can!" > " Good, Iain, Bunnie. Get the others!" Sally said. Iain and Bunnie ran >out of the lab. CROW: RUN FREE!! DAMN YOU RUN! > " I think our alien has become very angry!" said Donatello. MIKE: Or he has a sick sense of glee. Probably both. > " What do we do with Ant!" asked Sonic. TOM: HE cares? > " Place him on the bed over there!" Donatello said. Sonic and Sally >picked Antoine up and placed him on the bed. MIKE: Now, about killing someone... > " What do we do now?" asked Sonic. CROW: What did I JUST tell Bunnie and Iain??? > " Good question!" Sally said. TOM: I want to see who was in charge of Sally's character in this fic. WE need to have a smacking session. MIKE: Something tells me,... well, no one tells me anything anyhow, so lets just go give Pearl her mug. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [Mike and Bots are lounging around eating popcorn.] TOM: Who want's extra butter? CROW: Well, I've got extra lard here. MIKE: I have a delectable whipped cream flavor. [Suddenly, the alien from 'Mobius Alien' screams through.] [Mike looks up and sighs.] MIKE: MUST you encourage Gypsy to do that? TOM: Pardon? CROW: What's encourage mean? [Tom snickers at the opportunity.] TOM: I dunno, what's encourage with you? [Bots are sent into fits of hysterical laughter.] MIKE: Aren't you two the pinnacles of hilarity. TOM: Yes, yes we aren't! [Alien comes back through.] [Mike calls to it's attention.] ALIEN: Reee? MIKE: [Putting arm around aliens 'shoulders.'] Look, Gypsy, you know I love ya, but this is getting annoying. ALIEN: Arr? MIKE: Yes yes, but still, I-- [Gypsy strolls through.] GYPSY: Hiya Nelson! [Mike glances at alien and slowly removes arm.] ALIEN: Hsssss!! TOM: OH! Did ya meet the new friend Crow and I found? MIKE: [Backing away.] What have I told you two about making strange friends? CROW: Well, you're our friend, Mike. GYPSY: Shall we lead it to the airlock? MIKE: Please. TOM: But we've always WANTED a queen! CROW: It's a queen?? [Alien is gone.] MIKE: This is the LAST time we let aliens aboard. CROW: Well, it was funny when it only happened to Tom. [Tom is also gone.] MIKE: Uh-oh. [Suddenly, Tom and the Alien stroll back in, laughing and such.] CROW: Where did you two go? TOM: Hmm? Oh! We stepped out for some coffee. ALIEN: Frree! MIKE: Don't enco-- I mean, provoke it please. TOM: But it's like I've known him for seconds! ALIEN: Reeee... MIKE: No. CROW: [Sighs.] Ok ok, lets go to the airlock... MIKE: That's a good robot. ALIEN: Hsss... [Bots and alien leave.] GYPSY: Hey Mike, what's that pod-like egg thing by your foot? MIKE: We might have to move soon. [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Steel pottery is sold,] [Jumbo shrimp is renamed to avoid oxymoronical slurs. New name: 'Big- small crustaceans,'] [More on the chair that hurt many others in Shanghai,] [Durable weather gear for space-seasons,] [And to go with Liquid Water, Liquid Fire is now out. Just add... fire.] [END BREAK] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] CROW: And THAT's why we always keep *spunges* handy now. MIKE: They're SO practical for killing aliens. > Everyone was in the lab, Antoine was on the bed still asleep, TOM: And through the SNL marathon. Tsk tsk! >and Sonic and Sally were standing up next to Iain and Donatello. CROW: As opposed to Donatello and Iain. MIKE: That was unnecessary. CROW: Well, YOU'RE unnecessary! MIKE: I built you. CROW: Oh yeah... >Lem and the teletubbies were sitting on the ground. MIKE: Being... themselves. >Knuckles, Bunnie and Tails were sat on chairs. They were all talking. CROW: [As Tails.] Amy's butt is REALLY tigh-- MIKE: Do you WANT me to shut you up? CROW: N-no... > " What on earth is going on!" shouted Knuckles. TOM: We said it before, Sonic's a freak. > " Everyone SHUT UP!" Iain shouted. Everyone stopped talking. MIKE: Iain, master of the lames. > " Right, can everyone pay attention. CROW: And again, on Stupidest Questions Ever! >Just less than twenty minutes ago TOM: "The pizza guy delivered the wrong pizza, so we need a team of experts to fish out the anchovies." >the pod which landed early this morning contained an alien which has now >broke out and attacked Antoine. MIKE: Much to everyone's excitement. >It then went into our ventilation, at this moment Antoine is still alive >but in some sort of coma." Sally said. CROW: From being around the Teletubbies, probably a gay coma. > " What coma!" asked Tails. TOM: Is he asking as to what a coma is? > " Donatello?" asked Sally. MIKE: Stupid? CROW: Very much so. > " Antoine has had a puncture mark on his chest cause by the alien which >may have caused him to go to sleep, TOM: Serious pain inflictions always do that. >we don't know how long though!" Donatello said. MIKE: *WE* don't care how long. > " I suggest that we blow its butt into space!" said Knuckles. TOM: Gee, and who says two dorks don't think alike? > " No, I don't think that is going to be the answer sugar!" said Bunnie. CROW: This advice coming from someone hooked on 'Sugar.' > " Good point, MIKE: It wasn't even a point! It was more of a rounded edge. >we don't know if its kind or mean, TOM: ...Even though it very mean-illy attacked 'Twan. >my suggest is that if the alien attacks again, then CROW: "Just MAYBE it's grumpy." >we get offensive. But at this situation, we best send some guards around >the castle and hope it doesn't attack, so this mean we stay in here for the >time being!" Iain said. MIKE: Yes, too many words used to say 'Let's wait here to die.' > " Do you think this is wise Iain? The alien could attack us!" Sonic >said. TOM: I think that's the plan. > " It will be wise if we take shifts of staying awake!" said Sally. > " Good idea Sal!" said Sonic. CROW: Sally the wannabee-tyrant and her lackey. > " It's mid-night, MIKE: Which obviously means it's two in the afternoon. >we better get some sleep. Are the guards at this moment TOM: 'Fraid not. They're at the other moment as of now. >outside walking around the castle checking everything?" Iain asked. > " Yes, I ordered them to five minutes ago. CROW: and someone obviously ignored the fact that the guard idea was mentioned just TWO minutes ago. >They'll be out there all night!" Sally said. ALL: [Singing.] And I feel all right, 'cause the party's here on the west side! CROW: ...I think we sang it wrong. > " Good, ok everyone. You can find somewhere to sleep, Lem and Knuckles TOM: [As Knuckles.] You better not get gay on me. >you're on guard duty first!" > "Thank you very much, NOT!" Lem said. CROW: "Puttin' me with... I don't even KNOW what Knuckles is! Some kind of dog?" > " Don't be angry Lem, you can use one of my shotguns!" Knuckles said. MIKE: [As Knuckles.] A-hyuk! We gones a gets that pesky rabbit! > " Cool!" Lem said. > " Why do we need shotguns Knuckles?" asked Bunnie. TOM: "I thought we were gonna think at them!" > " So we blow the shit of it when it comes!" Knuckles said. > " Oh what a good thought!" Sally said. CROW: GYPSY! Get back here and blow my brains out! > " You like it!" Lem said. TOM: Fast, or moderate? > " No!" Sally said. MIKE: Another temperamental two-year-old. > " Just sit at the doors and stay awake, look here's some coins for the >coffee machine, CROW: Hey! This isn't 'Come and go as you damn well please to get coffee land!' >if anything happens, wake us up immediately!" TOM: What if the problem is not being able to wake you up??? ALL: HUH? HUH? >Iain said giving Lem the money. MIKE: "Don't you DARE buy tubby toast." > " Ok, you get to sleep, I'll sit down over at the door!" Lem said. He >and Knuckles walked over to the door and sat down. CROW: What a startling bit of action. > > Everyone else found a place and slept, MIKE: Bed wasn't suitable. >around five minutes later they were all sleeping. TOM: Next, people who can fall asleep,... in their sleep! >Knuckles and Lem were sitting at the door holding Shotguns, even if the >alien was nice, CROW: Nice and mean, that is. >they would still blow its head off. MIKE: THEY wanted to kill Ant. >Hours passed, now the time was 3 am in the morning. CROW: As opposed to 3 PM in the morning. >Knuckles and Lem had nearly gone to sleep. But they were still awake. TOM: But farly awake. >Knuckles looked at his watch. > " Our shift is over, better wake Bunnie and Donatello up!" MIKE: ...Even though shift team AND times were never designated. > " Yeah, I'm so sleepy I could CROW: "Stay awake!" >sleep right here!" Lem said. > " No, that wouldn't be the right idea!" TOM: It's not even an idea, it's just,... there. > " Why?" CROW: It was a SERIOUS idea??? > " Because you will get trampled on!" MIKE: By an elephant parade or what? > " Oh yeah! Let's get the two up!" Lem said. They put down their >shotguns; Knuckles walked over to where Bunnie was asleep. He shook her >gently. TOM: IT'S SHAKEY TIME! > " Your shift!" Knuckles said. CROW: You ass! MIKE: Indeed. > " Already? I must have slept fast!" TOM: I didn't know you could adjust sleep... >Bunnie said. She started to get up. CROW: But didn't get very far. > " Oh, you'll need one of these!" said Knuckles handing her the shotgun. MIKE: Which they left at the gate. > " Why!" TOM: So you have the opportunity to kill everyone. > " Never be stupid, CROW: But at least TRY. >if it attacks blow it up!" said Knuckles. MIKE: The NEW NRA slogan. > " Ok sugar, but it will make a mess, won't it?" Bunnie asked. TOM: [As Knuckles.] You're in luck! It doubles as a vacuum cleaner! > " Look, the only mess will be the alien's blood all over your fur! MIKE: Apparently that's not as bad as it seems. >Now get to your post and guard, I'm bloody sleepy!" Knuckles said. CROW: And British, obviously. > " Fine, you sleep there then sugar!" Bunnie said walking over to the >door and then sitting down. TOM: But not AFTER walking over. > " Oh, when it's five o'clock, It's Sonic and Sally's turn!" Knuckles >said. ALL: Nudge nudge. MIKE: That was cool! BOTS: It was also monotonous. [Bots glance at each other.] > " Read you loud and clear!" TOM: Thanks to large text. >said Bunnie. Donatello sat down at the other end. > " Knuckles got you up?" he asked. > " Yeah!" CROW: "And it got me all excited!" > " Don't worry, we got two hours then we wake up Sonic and Sally. Got >any money for the coffee machine?" MIKE: How 'bout for the suicide booth? > > Time went by when it was 5 am, TOM: But stopped dead at six. >Sonic and Sally sat at the doors until 7. When it was morning everyone was >up. CROW: [As Sonic.] Hehe, I LOVE tying laces together. >They were waiting for the return of the guards as they were supposed to >come back to the lab at 7. MIKE: Maybe they ran to Sensible Land like normal people would. > " What's holding them up?" asked Sonic. TOM: Fishing line. > " I don't know, maybe they got sleepy and went to sleep!" Tails said. > " Their orders weren't go to sleep!" Sally said. CROW: Princess Sally, ladies and gents. > " That's what they could have done!" Iain said. MIKE: Indeed, but, indeed. > " No, that isn't going to help," said Donatello. TOM: But it might sting. > " Let's open the door and find out what happened to them. CROW: They're at the door? You didn't think to open it before?? >All we need to do is open the door poke our heads out and bring our heads >in then close the door!" Lem said. MIKE: Directions on looking out the door. > " For once Lem, that was a good idea!" said Sally. TOM: Did Sally NOT know how to open the door?? > " Thanks!" Lem said. Sally walked up to the door. CROW: [As Sally.] Wait, what was step one?? > " Right, here goes," she said. She pushed the door open. She turned to >the others. MIKE: "Um, it swung back and hit me!" > " Alright who's going to see who's out there!" she asked. CROW: That's the ONE part she can't comprehend. >Everyone had their mouths opened. Sally looked worried. She turn and saw >one of the guards hanging upside down TOM: It's wacky fun day! >tied to some cobweb, also the entire corridor was covered in cobwebs and >misty. MIKE: Oooooh no, NO Poke'mon references please. > " Oh my, my, god!" she said. TOM: I don't care HOW over played this is, but-- CROW: A Fran Drescher/Sally hybrid! TOM: Exactly. > > " Quickly get that man down!" CROW: Blow if you have to! Blow the man down! >Iain said. He and Donatello ran towards the guard, pulled him down and >dragged him inside the lab. Donatello looked at his chest. MIKE: "Hmmm, I need prozak." > " The same puncture mark! TOM: "It's Ant in disguise!" >It seems that this alien is still attacking," said Donatello. CROW: Or passing out apples. >He noticed a piece of alien skin of the hand. > " What's this!" Donatello said pointing to the skin. TOM: Fajitas. > " Alien skin! But wasn't there alien skin for the one that attacked >Antoine?" asked Sally. MIKE: Let there be alien skin for all! > " Correct, I think. I better put a scan of it," said Donatello walking >towards the scanner. CROW: We can put this in our Christmas cards. >He placed in the scanner; he then took the piece that was left with >Antoine. He pressed a few buttons. On a monitor it showed the piece of >skin. Donatello took the piece out. TOM: "Now, who wants hot dogs!" >" Now, if I put this piece in, they should be the same!" CROW: Or different. >said Donatello. He place the second bit of skin and tapped a few buttons. >The two pieces showed on the monitor. Then a message was shown. " NOT >IDENTICAL!" MIKE: Not ALL skin can be the same. > " What!" Donatello said amazed TOM: "HOLY SHOOT! Difference!" > " What is wrong?" asked Bunnie. ALL: EVERYTHING! > " The alien has been breeding since it escape. CROW: Skin tells more THESE days than ever before. >The new aliens are now running around the castle with the mommy!" Donatello >said. MIKE: How affectionate. > " That's impossible!" said Iain. TOM: The master of breeding. > " Oh no it isn't!" CROW: And the rebuttal. > " So you're trying to say that more aliens are now in the castle!" said >Sonic. TOM: That IS what he said. > " Yes!" > " SHIT!" Sonic said. MIKE: Say 'yes' to shit! > " There is no reason to swear Sonic. What about Antoine, is he still >okay!" asked Sally. CROW: Do they have volume knobs too? > " Yes he is, still asleep though!" > " I think this alien wants us to go into internal sleep, forever!" said >Iain. ALL: Du, du, duuuuuuuuuuuh! *Internal* sleep! TOM: If he was aiming for *eternal,* then... MIKE: We'd have a new redundancy expert. > " My thoughts exactly!" Donatello said. TOM: What? The 'du, du, duuuuuh?' > " All right, listen up everyone. We are dealing with a race of mad >aliens who want us to take a long nap forever. I now suggest we take >offensive action!" Iain said. MIKE: Maybe if you just leave out cookies. > " Who's going to be in charged!" asked Sonic. CROW: They're going to need some Vicks 44 after this. [Cash register.] TOM: It's been so long since we've used that, I forgot we had it! MIKE: It's been two episodes. TOM: ...I knew that. > " I'll take charge, with your permission Sally!" asked Iain. TOM: [As Sally.] Granted, for the last time, GRANTED! Just get them away from me! And get Sonic off my leg! > " Yes, by all means!" Sally said. MIKE: Nice, Tom. > " Right, Knuckles were are in a lot of trouble because we don't have >any weapons except two shotguns! CROW: Which came out of the nice friendly plothole... > " Do we?" MIKE: Well, yeah... >asked Knuckles. He showed a key-card. TOM: "We now have to power to get Slice!" [Cash register.] CROW: Cha-ching! TOM: But *I* did it! CROW: But *I* said it. MIKE: ...No sense... >He walked over to the computer and enter it into the computer and then >pressed a few buttons. A wall suddenly flipped around revealing a lot of >weapons. CROW: ...Right, under, their, noses... [Crow smokes slightly.] MIKE: Ok, I can handle a 'Tom explosion' Crow, but not you. > " Ok, everyone take a weapon, we got some planning to do!" said Iain. MIKE: [As Sally.] So THERE'S my killing stuff! >He took a machine gun off one of the racks. TOM: [As Iain.] Jingle dead, jingle dead, I'll pump you fulla lead... [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Who wants pattie cakes!] [Movie banner for 'Man on the Sun,'] [The increased rate of people dying from landing on the Sun increases dramtically,] [Two consecutive Cambell's ads, saying 'We Have a Soup for Dogs,' and 'Menegitis.'] [END BREAK] > > Everyone had a weapon; CROW: Liar! I want my gun! >Iain had taken a map of the castle and laid it out over a table. Everyone >was around him. TOM: [As Iain.] Ok, WHO had the onions? > " Ok, we need to get to the communications room which unluckily for us >is in the super computer MIKE: Super Computers! Let's meet at the Hall of Nerdness! CROW: Pardon me? >room where Nicole is and the super computer room is at the other end of the >castle!" TOM: So you need to get to the super computer room inside the communications room. Right, got it. >said Iain pointing at the room. CROW: Apparently, they're right at its door. > " So my suggestion is that we split into groups, MIKE: Oh, HERE we go. >Sonic, Sally, Lem and me will form one group. Knuckles, Bunnie, Tails form >another group and the teletubbies ALL: YAAAAAARGH!!! [Turn to audience.] ALL: Sorry. >and Donatello will stay in the lab just in case of backup. TOM: "So if that backup attacks, blow it out of the sky!" >Our main objective is get to the super computer room so we can call for >backup. CROW: The same backup that's still in the Castle. >We cannot afford to loose anyone so stay together. Anything you >like add Donatello?" MIKE: "How 'bout mushrooms?" >Iain said. > " Yes, the aliens are around taller than us, TOM: "And they're MAYBE wider, and sometimes larger..." >so be prepared to meet up with a huge one. Also if the alien attacks you, >you're in for a long nap!" Donatello said. CROW: "Duh, so don't die!" > " Right, then there are two routes to the computer room, so my group >will go straight on and Knuckles and co can take the other route which >leads to the left!" Sally said. MIKE: "Of the computer room." > " That's fine with me, as long I can kick some alien's butt!" Knuckles >said. TOM: Hey! It's a Valdez wannabee! CROW: Did this person actually THINK that NO ONE would see 'Aliens?' > " Everyone take a walkie talkie, so we can know where you are!" MIKE: [As Walkie-Talkie user.] Yeah, I'm DIRECTLY under the sun... now. > " You will get the chance to shoot the aliens. TOM: "HEY! Form a line!" >But if the aliens get to Knothole, we are all in very deep shit! MIKE: ...Even though they live in Castle Acorn. >So let's not talk, TOM: Sage advise. >let's get on. Donatello can you open the door please!" Iain asked. CROW: Being stupid is REALLY slowing these people down. >Donatello walked over to the door and opened it. Iain loaded in a clip for >machine gun, he then walked out of the lab. TOM: "Move forth, strawberry pickers!" >Sonic , Sally, and Lem followed. Knuckles, Bunnie and Tails walked through. >Donatello closed the door. The seven were in a misty black dimmed lighted >corridor. Sally held on to Sonic. ALL: SQUEEZE TIGHTER! > " I'm scared!" she said. MIKE: Yeah, but the aliens did you a favor by hurting Ant. > " It's ok, we all are!" Sonic said. CROW: Let us quote Antoine on this one: ALL: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! > " Ok, Knuckles we going this way you carry on the way you are going!" TOM: Get lost! Literally! > " Good, I'll see you at the computer room!" MIKE: Rendezvous with stupid people. > " And Knuckles, last one to blow the last alien up before it is all >over buys the drinks!" Lem said. CROW: Yeah, water. [Suddenly, next to Tom, an egg burst and out comes an alien.] TOM: Strange, I didn't notice this... MIKE: LOOK OUT! ALIEN: Hsssss!! [But then, the mother alien walks in, and takes the younger one by the ears.] MOTHER: What have I told you about straying from me like that??? Don't give me that look! [She drags the baby off the set.] CROW: Oooooo-kaaaay... TOM: Well, I didn't have the heart to toss her out the airlock, so I hooked her up with the Mentality Super Enhancing Phantasmatron-o Matic. MIKE: You KNOW we can't solve ALL our problems like that. CROW: I thought that spunge thing was a farce. > " Your bet is on Lem!" said Knuckles. He and the other two ran off. CROW: Weeeee! Time to die! >Iain started to walk on. > " Come you lot, let's get this show on the road!" Iain said. TOM: Hey, we can't ALL be in a traveling circus, either. > " Yes sir!" said Lem. > " Don't call me sir!" Iain said. > " Okay CROW: "Super-ass!" >Iain!" > " Just shut up!" MIKE: A fitting end to a grueling first trial. CROW: It's over??? TOM: We were JUST getting mildly humorous! MIKE: Well, we still have aliens to deal with. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [We see Mike and the alien negotiating over coffee.] MIKE: Look, I'll give you the SpaceCar, we'll find a NICE deserted planet for you to over-populate-- ALIEN: But your room has a heater! MIKE: Listen, Margret, honey, you have to understand, we're asking nicely. And you don't want to stay up here with two boorishly rude robots-- [Bots come in offering tea and crumpets.] CROW: Would you like some, Madame Margret? TOM: Can I get you some crack-- er, powdered sugar? MARGRET: Oh, why thank you! [Mike glances at Cambot.] MIKE: Er rather, I mean, uh,... yeah! You don't want to be stuck up here MiSTing those awful FanFics-- MARGRET: Well, aliens like myself have no preference to anything, so-- MIKE: OK, OK! Just forget it, sheesh. [MADS light.] MIKE: Wonderful. [Mike taps thing.] [CF] [Pearl instantly sees alien.] PEARL: That's JUST what we need! Brain guy! Do your thing! OBSERVER: Shake that groove thang... er, what? [SoL] MARGRET: Hey! A monkey! Can I live down there, Mike?? MIKE: Uh, yeah! By all means! ALL means! [CF] BOBO: Wait, why is she looking at me like that?? PEARL: BoBo, *I* always look at you like that. BOBO: Uh oh. [SoL] MARGRET: Well, this is goodbye! Don't go getting less delicious on me! ALL: Pardon?? [Margret disappears.] [CF] [She reappears.] MARGRET: Now about the monkey... OBSERVER: Don't worry BoBo! It's just like having two Pearls! BOBO: That's why I fear for my cake! PEARL: [To SoL crew.] I stole his piece last night. So, you know what you got coming, don't fall asleep! ...With contacts in anyhow. They hurt! Ow! Er sorry, you know how me and pain are. Later. [SoL] [Screen fizzes.] MIKE: What could be worse that Big and Marcus anyhow? TOM: Them combined with Celius. [All shudder.] CROW: And Oscar. [All fall down and go into convulsions.] ALL: YYAAARRGGHHHH! [Fade out.] [END] ---------- [If it is to your liking, I will be playing the ultra-silent end theme. You may have to do it yourself if you can't hear.] Yes, what Crow said there was my own fear. I just hope that people like that never EVER spawn. Hey! I did a short! Quite exhilarating! Well, no, it wasn't, but that's beside the point. Ah, What's up,... chicken butt, no wait... the sky,... uh... yeah, right. Anyhow, I'm happy with this one. More wacky craziness is coming to a page near you. (Unless you don't have the 'net, which would NOT explain you reading this.) And MAN, I must have hit a wrong key somewhere, but it took out *ALL* the 'I's and I had to go back through and reinsert. So if any seem missing, there's your answer. Now, catch the locations, credits, derogatory slogans, the cast of Wayne's World 2, and some retail outlet stores. (Wait, wait, wait, I don't think some of those apply.) Location Variants: [www.sonicfoundation.org] - The Sonic Foundation For all my Sonic fanfic needs. [http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/3689/] - K&K's Sonic Zone. For other... various... Sonic fanfic needs... [www.tealartail.com] - Team ARTAIL Sonic and [Wretch.] Pokemon. (Yeah, I hate Pokemon, got a problem?) One of the best for pics and fics. [http://www.emulationzone.org/sonichq/] - Sonic HQ A must for Sonic fans. Categorized FanFiction,... and plenty of it. [http://foobar.ml.org/sonic] - (Unknown.) I haven't been here, but hey, Sonic episodes in Real Time. [http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/] - Web Site Number Nine. THE place for Sonic, or any other type of MiST. I love that crack- house, I mean, webpage. And that be all concerning the focus of the MiST. Not much, but sufficient enough. Depending on the genre, I'll add or blow up some links. And now, for your enjoyment, the Tomato Soup Da- I mean, people who need to be pulled back into the spotlight. Firstly, Big I.B. I ASSUME he'll be a good sport if he finds out about the MiST, hehe, oops. Firstly and one-forth, Celius Neo. Just, don't rampage! And I'm sorry, but the MiST was WELL deserved for this short. Firstly and a half, my bestest buddy, Alex (previous victim,) he's helped, I'm grateful. ;) Live life, love life, eat pretzels, as I once told him. Secondly, all my, as Alex phrased it, beta readers. They pushed me into finishing the thing. Lessee... Amber Nichols! Big help! Thanks to her for laughin' her ass off frequently at my jokes. ;) And a long time bud, under the alias of stary_traveler, who always managed to squeeze in her own little smile. A few non Internet friend, Jonathan Elash. He seemed to love the derogatory crap. ;) Ashley and Jackie Mathews. They've don't even know what a MiST IS, but they just think I'm really funny, hehe. Krista Johnson!! I love you!! I love you!!... Platonically!! Her little brother is a great target for jokes, and she helps me make up words. Irena... anyhow, her last name is REALLY hard to pronounce. But, I'm her baby... for some reason... making her my... mom... no, that's not right... But SHE thinks I'm a riot, when stoned. (Which I never am, thank you very much.) Saturday Night Live! Funny ASS shit! And like I mentioned, Bill Watterson and Gary Larson, love those guys! (I like Calvin's Dad, hehehe.) And my parents! Yes, my parents for laughing their asses off, too! And whoever I missed, well, I missed you with love. :) And, 'I have no enemies, but the ones I dislike know who you are!' (YEAH! Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst everybody! 'Three Dollar Bill!') I'm done pluggin'. And my true identity, (What true identity????) remains unknown. ;) And to end on a high note, I am hatless at the moment. Later! Contact Vitals: AIM: [Mike256bit] [Hardly on recently.] ICQ: [49168605] [On CONSTANTLY.] E-MAIL: [mike_256bit@hotmail.com] [Hey, I'm EAGER for feedback, but Flames while be laughed at, stored in a special folder, and taken back out for further comic relief.] -[I have the Messenger, by the way.] HOMEPAGE: [IT NEEDS WORK!] Tails' Hut - [www.homestead.com/tails_hut/FrontDoor.html] [I need to be motivated to work on it.] CONSTANT VISITATION: Yahoo Poker Chat Room: Social Lounge - [play.yahoo.com] (You'll figure it out from there.) Logged in as: [Mike256bit] [And of course, the 'Real End.'] >>"A few Chile dogs for me!" -- >>"I think this alien wants us to go into internal sleep, forever!" [BREAK] [Commercials:] [News brief, flying chair kills many,] ["We need a chair at Sci-Fi!" screamed people from,... Sci-Fi.] [STATION CURRENTLY OUT OF COMMISSION. FLYING CHAIRS A HAZARD.] [RECENT EPISODES:] [01: Percussion: The Cymbal's Luster (Sonic/Insertion)] [02: Sonic's Goin' Solo (Sonic)]