[Mike and the Bots re-enter the theater.] > A few weeks after the disaster of Doomsday, Snively had discovered that Robotnik >wasn't really dead. SERVO: Much to our dismay. >He had been reading, loving his new freedom, when the monitor in his new room (Robotnik's >old room, heh heh) began to blink insistently. Mike[persistant]: BLINK. *BLINK.* Come on, push me already! > Caught up in the book, one of his 'action-romances', Snively hadn't noticed the >blinking at first. CROW: How can you have an action romance? MIKE: They put porn videos to book. >But his eyes missed little, and he looked over at the screen. SERVO: Who's Little, and why does he miss him? CROW: Servo! SERVO: Sorry. > "Snively," it read. MIKE: Cool! A screen can read! CROW: Mike! MIKE: Sorry. > He stood up, and walked over to the computer. Hesitantly, he typed in, "Yes?" > "It's me." > "Who?" > "Robotnik." SERVO[flat]: Oh, wow. I never would have guessed. > Snively gasped aloud, his eyes blinking a few times in disbelief. "No. He's dead." MIKE: Is he still typing, or just talking? CROW: He's got one of them headsets. > "No. I am alive." > "But how?" Snively sat down in the chair, eyes riveted to the screen. SERVO: That's got to hurt. > "It's Nagus's doing. When the energy from the Deep Power Stones was released by that >blasted hedgehog, the Void...popped... for lack of a better word, open." CROW: It was in the microwave too long. > "Yes?" SERVO[as Robotnik]: I didn't ask you anything! > "My hovercraft went crazy. MIKE: It tried to kill me, Snively! >Nagus managed to pull me in. But he didn't have time to get out." > "Nagus turns to crystal outside the Void." Snively frowned as his fingers typed in the >words. SERVO[as Snively]: I just realized I'm the subject of bizzare fanficiton. > "Yes...but Nagus has discovered a cure. Next time that Void opens he will be able to >get out. And he intends to be leader." > "In his dreams." CROW[as Snively]: Everyone knows I'm the better leader of us three! > "Snively, the retrieval programs were never deleted. I had a back-up copy. You must >use them, and get me out of here. Then we can devise a way to keep that Void shut once and >for all." MIKE: Crazy glue. SERVO: Duct tape. CROW: Plot contrivance. > Snively tapped his fingers on the desktop for a moment, MIKE: Accidentally typing kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. >his frown deepening. Then his fingers were at the keys again. "I seem to recall...Julian, >that you left me to die in the Doomsday building, while you took off in that hovercraft. >The place was falling apart right on top of us, and you had to get selfish, didn't you?" SERVO[Robotnik]: Yes! Of course! What did you expect? I'm the head evil guy! > "Snively..." > "Shut up. You expect me to help you? After all the shit you've put me through?" SERVO[to Mike]: [gasp] He said shit. > "Snively, how dare you..." > "Oh, screw off." CROW: Wow! Take this job and ram it! MIKE: Actually, it's "shove it". CROW: My way sounds better. > "Sniv..." > "I'm going." > "NO!" MIKE[as Robotnik]: I still have 10 minutes left on my card! > An evil smile crossed Snively's face; he could feel the desperation in that little >two-letter word. +AH4Afg-Poor poor Uncle Julian. The fat ass has really got himself in a >spot this time, hasn't he?+AH4Afg- SERVO: Oh, +AH4Afg- yourself. > "And why not?" Snively replied > It took a while for Robotnik to reply. "Because Nagus keeps...changing me...into >different things...and other unpleasant...things..." CROW: Like Hanson? > Snively shrieked with laughter as he recalled Nagus's magic turning Robotnik >into a crow, a pig, a slug... MIKE: How can you shreek while laughing? CROW: Nerdy teens can do it. > "You'd better not be laughing, Snively." > Still snickering, Snively typed, "Why not? It's funny." CROW[as Snively]: That joke you told at the robot's ball was verry funny and I liked it very much. MIKE: I don't get it. CROW: I'm losing my touch, aren't I? > "How dare you laugh at me?" > "How dare you order me around? You are in no position to give orders, Julian." SERVO: How dare you eat the last double-stuff oreo! > "That's sir to you, Snively!" > "Not anymore, Julian. In fact, I believe you should call me 'Lord Snively' from now on." SERVO: Crossfire: The Animated Series. > "How dare..." MIKE: ...you make bunt cake and I can't have any! > "I dare because I can! You are no longer in power, Julian! Get it through your fat-laced >brain!" CROW: How can you interrupt someone through e-mail? > Through the whole conversation, Snively couldn't stop laughing, a cruel ringing laughter. >+AH4Afg-My my, isn't this just amusing? Lard-ass thinks he can order me? >I'm sorry, Julian, but it's my turn now...my turn to humiliate, to wreck you, to >make you suffer.+AH4Afg- MIKE: Do we really care what he's thinking right now? SERVO: No. CROW: Yes. MIKE: Huh? CROW: I meant no. MIKE: Oh. > "So, how are you contacting me, anyway?" MIKE[as Robotnik]: I'm typing things on a keyboard, and sending it to you through a phone line where you read them. HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M DOING IT!? > "Well, Sniv..." > "Hey!" > "What?" > "..." SERVO: There! He interrupted again! > "What?" > "..." MIKE: Know any swear words that have three letters? SERVO: Ass? CROW: Pie? MIKE: Crow, that's not a swear word. CROW: Oh. Jug? SERVO: Crow, what's wrong with you? CROW: I don't know, you guys! I just don't know! > "(Sigh) Well...Lord...Snively, Nagus's magic can create anything in the Void. He created >several computers for himself. He's off somewhere now, and I'm using one of them." SERVO: What a cunning plan! > "Oooh, what if you get caught?" > "..." > Snively figured Nagus would punish Robotnik in some horrible way. It made him smirk; >finally Robotnik was getting what he deserved. CROW: French silk pie WITH NO SUGAR OR SWEETENERS! MIKE: Huh? SERVO: I don't get it. CROW[desperate]: But it's funny, see? Robotnik is fat and...waaahhh! >Snively couldn't even count the number of times he'd been slapped around by his uncle... MIKE: ...or by his girlfriend. >and many times he had ended up beeding, bruised, with broken bones...one time he'd been >unconscious for an entire week, and awakened, only to scream from the pain that still racked >his body. Now finally...finally, Robotnik was getting his, SERVO: ...finally. >and although Snively couldn't see it, imagining it gave him intense pleasure. MIKE: Such final pleasure. > The conversation carried on for about an hour, until finally, Sniv cut it off. SERVO[Mel Brooks]: You take your little thing and put it in the little hole...shunk! Nip the tip! >After turning off the monitor, he glanced at the clock. 2:00 am. He yawned, stretching >leisurely, and slipped under the covers. SERVO: Then his wife screamed, jumped out of bed and ran out of the room. > A sweet satisfied smile graced his face as he fell asleep. > > MIKE: End exposition. > But no smile touched Snively's face now, as he stared down at the Void doorways. >The Freedom Fighters were coming for him, and the only way he could think to stop them >was to bring Robotnik back. The shock of seeing the fat tyrant would make the Freedom >Fighters back off. SERVO: Either that or make them kill him for real this time. > But the thought of Robotnik back in command made Snively dig his nails into his palms >hard enough to draw blood. CROW: They would *never* show this on a Saturday morning cartoon show! >With a deep sigh, he began to search for the hidden retrieval program. MIKE: Warning. Critical meltdown initiated. Thank you for pressing F6. SERVO[as Snively]: No, wait! Wrong button! No! > After sifting through many files on the computer, Sniv finally found the program. He >sighed again, closed his eyes, and pressed the button to activate the program. The doors >in the chamber opened, and he peered down into the room. The swirling Void could be seen now. >The Void emitted a wind that sucked everything into it, much like a whirlpool. The retrieval >programs reversed the wind, pulling everything out. MIKE: So, all the retrieval programs do is reverse the fans? SERVO: Hey, you pay five bucks for a super-special retrieval program, and that's what you get. > He waited. And waited. Then finally, a large red-clad figure was deposited on the floor >of the chamber. Robotnik stood up. Snively noted that his outfit, that terrible gaudy >outfit that made his eyes hurt, was torn and ripped, stained with dirt and sweat. SERVO: I have a hard time beliving the wind could pick up Robotnik. > +AH4Afg-I bet he smells just peachy.+AH4Afg- > "Snively!" yelled Robotnik, his voice strangely desperate. "Close the doors!" CROW[as Snively]: Yes, sir! MIKE: Huh? Crow, that's not funny at all! What is going on with you today? CROW[choking back tears]: I don't know, Mike! I just can't seem to be funny! I...I don't know! [Mike ushers Servo and Crow out of the theater.] [commercials]