['Farscape' or something else.] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [One soup advertisments; as to how soup can be harmful,] ["Ignorant Association Against Britanica." banner,] [One 'four out of five' Coalgate deal, and an interview with that fifth dentist on HIS views,] [Why Poke'mon REALLY needs to be stopped,] [Other ways of saving 15% or more on car insurance.] [END BREAK] [And Now...] Lock up the Children; Lock up the Parents. The Time of Reckoning has Begun. Welcome to the ReBirth: Mystery Science Theater: Renewed and Back to its Shiny Luster. From the Pocket Notepad of Mike256bit * * * * * [TOM: Look, writer doots.] SEASON ONE: EPISODE ONE: Percussion - The Cymbals Luster (HEY! It's by Alexander X. Prower.) [Sonic the Hedgehog/Borderline Self-Insertion] [MST:RBSL Theme:] In the pretty-recent future, A show I know and love. Was so foolishly, taken off, The airwaves that fly above. Oh well, I guess I can't complain, 'Cause I got em' back, and without shame. I picked 'em up, in a carrying case, Packed 'em in a rocket, And jammed them into outer space! MIKE: 'That was my favorite gum commercial!' BOTS: 'WEEEEEE!' [Pearl is seething, ripping up FanFics. She also speaks with an air of impatance.] Guess what, I was forced back, With all my 'old-time pals.' (La, la, la.) So I'll send those crappy FanFics, Get ready you guys and gals. (La, la, la.) [Mike and Bots run around, trying to fly.] If you'll remember, Mike can't control, Where these freaks begin or end. (La, la, la.) Because he used up his brain, and other things, To have fun with his robot friends! [Crazy flash sequence.] ROBOT ROLE CALL: CAMBOT!: 'I can see myself!' GYPSY!: 'Is it cold in here?' TOM SERVO!: 'I like vanilla!' CROOOOOOW!: 'I want an orange!' Now as you know, it's not his fault, That Pearl's a sadistic spaz. But she has to monitor his mind, It's her job, so just relax. For Mystery Science Theater: RSBL! ['L' is said with the guitar twang.] * * * * * Pause, perhaps leave, for the (half-ass-real-quick-protecting-my-butt) legalities: 'Sonic the Hedgehog' and crew are owned, captured, traded for Poke'... oh wait, nevermind. Like I was saying, they are copyright of SEGA (Service Games), DIC, and Archie. I don't own 'em, the author don't own 'em, unless otherwise mentioned. And if you got a problem with that, well, then you have issues I'd rather not deal with. This fic belongs to Alexander X. Prower, I didn't make it, I didn't want to. He can be happy, and so can I. But in no way have I meant to offend, disturb, (well...), or incite riots. My purpose however, is just to release some long-needed laughter, and at all cost, NOT welled up gases. (Well, there are some modifications, minor ones, for the bonus R&R. [No, not 'Rest and Relaxation'... 'Riffiage and Rantage'.]) Any other names, movie-people, TV-people, products, whatever, they own their own names. I'm not ABOUT to claim ownership of anyone with name like Elton John. (Who I don't think is mentioned anyhow.) And the chino khakis are another story all together. The concept of MST3K, whoa, that definatly ain't mine. All you fans know who it DOES belong to, (and who it was created by... we love you Joel Hogeson.) I won't waste time. 'Sides, you usually have to know the low down on MST3K before you attempt, or even read a MiST. Speaking of the MiST and this particular series of Mystery Science Theater, they belong to me. Couldn't a' done it without the other MiSTers, especially Megane 6.7 (plug) who was a great influence. And might I add, and who I'll definatly mention, my two FAVORITE cartoonist, Bill Watterson, writer and illustrator of 'Calvin and Hobbes,' and Gary Larson, writer and illustrator of 'The Far Side.' Love you guys. It's all brilliant stuff. Anyhow, if someone helps me with a MiST, credit will be given. (Usually at the bottom unless a really MAJOR help. (Where instead, I'll note as 'co-author' at the top.) Not to mention some prime locations, but only if *I* want you to know about them. I need my secret goldmines ya' know.) Anyhow, boredom's settin' in, it's gettin' late and you're too tired to hit the sack. (Yes, yes, for those who watch 'Toonami' on the "much-loved-four-through-six-on-weekdays-and-twelve-through- five-on-Saturday-night" Cartoon Network, I took that, and it really won't change anything.) On with the fun. And hey, don't get into a pissy-fit if something looks like your material, take it as flattery. Also, if something's inaccurate, like names, THEN will I claim ownership. Hehe, ;) * * * * * [Fade in.] [We see everyone, in following order: Gypsy, Tom, Mike, Crow. (Crow is holding up a VERY cheap portrait of what he thinks Magic looks like to his left with his beak. Gypsy also has a mirror straped to her to the right so you can see Cambot's disgruntled lil' face, too.) They appear to have very cross dispositions.] MIKE: TOO FAR! TOOOO FAR! TOM: I had a NICE groove in that couch! CROW: I LIKED Earth! It was actually interesting! Man, he'll have to pay us back in SPADES! MIKE: THIS ISN'T FAIR! CROW: WHY, WHY, WHY????? TOM: Man, what I wouldn't give for some Cheese Doodles!! [Tom gets strange looks.] TOM: What? GYPSY: Well, at least I have company now. It was lonely up here without you guys. You outta thank the-- [Gypsy pauses and stifles a laugh.] GYPSY: --'creator.' MIKE: Who, me? GYPSY: The OTHER-- [Pauses to stifle laughter again.] GYPSY: --'Mike.' MIKE: [Sighs.] I guess we might as well get used to humoring people again. MAGIC VOICE: Well, I have a fresh batch of Tom Heads, so we're covered there. CROW: But what about OUR jumpsuits, huh???? Oh, wait, I think I jumped an episode ahead. [Everyone stops and look confusedly at each other.] TOM: SHOULD we be humorous? I mean, we ARE stuck up here. With nothing else to do. CROW: [Crosses arms and turns beak up.] Forget it. [Mike grins.] MIKE: I'll make brownies. BOTS: YAY! BROWNIES! GYPSY: I'd advise we start the opening set over, it would be cheap to take from here. CROW: OK! I call wardrobe closet first! TOM: I get ammo department! GYPSY: Heck no! That's mine! [Everyone but Mike exits.] MAGIC VOICE: Well, that just leaves us, Mike... [His eyes widen as he suddenly starts running in place.] MIKE: Uh, well uh, I gotta, um, make some,... brownies! Bye! [Mike floors it.] [A few beats pass. Then, Tom rolls across the counter top, (with a Jerry Curl wig on for NO reason at all,) with a black-take.] TOM: TAKE: TWO! [Two hands reach up and slam down the stripped bar, getting the fingers stuck. He keeps rolling till he's off screen.] TOM: What, George? Oh! OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWYYYYYYYYY! [Fade to black, fade back in.] [We see Mike and Tom, Crow and Gypsy are off-screen.] [Mike and Tom are arguing about how cool Arthur Fonserelli (Real name?? Anyone?) from 'Happy Days' is versus Sigourney Weaver from all the Alien flicks. It seems no effect has been taken.] MIKE: ...And I say The Fonz is cooler because he had at least ten girls all over him in EACH episode; you don't see that with Luitenuit Ripley. TOM: Perhaps the fact that she's not a lesbian female explains it! MIKE: In any case-- [Mike is interrupted when Crow comes in Stage-Left dressed as Arthur.] CROW: 'Aaaaayyyyy! MIKE: And I stand corrected. Crow just ruined his reputation. Not to mention the Fonz's. [Crow looks slightly confused.] CROW: 'Aaayyy? MIKE: Stop that! [Looks at Cambot.] Oh, hello all you happy people. Welcome to The Satellite of Love-- TOM: You'd be surprised by the levels of hate. MIKE: Anyhow, we were arguing about the coolness of the Fonz and Ripley, but Crow just had to be himself. [Crow looks slightly upset.] CROW: 'Aayy... TOM: So we can all agree that Ripley is so much-- [Tom is interrupted by Gypsy coming in Stage-Right with yellow construction paper in a frame-like-cargo-lifter-deal all over her body. He light is flashing on and off.] GYPSY: Get away from her you-- TOM: Just... forget it. MIKE: Yes, we'll have to forget about this soon for the sake of our sanity. CROW: 'Ayyyy? MIKE: Crow... CROW: Ok, ok, party pooper. TOM: You, too, Gypsy. [Gypsy goes storming off.] GYPSY: I never get to have any fun! [MADS light goes off.] MIKE: Oh, yay. MADS light. Sounds like The Juggling Banzeno Trio is back, too. [Taps the thing.] MIKE: Hi um, uh... man, forgot her name... CROW: [Whispering.] You fat pig. MIKE: You fat pig... HEY! [CF] [Pearl is the only one on screen. She has a weird smile that SCREAMS: "You're going to die THIS time."] PEARL: Hello all you suffering prisoners. - And you'll pay for that Nelson. - How bad was your day today? Hmmm? [SoL] TOM: It was surprisingly creamy... [Crow snickers.] MIKE: Cut it out you two... It was fine. Hey, where are Observer and BoBo? TOM: Running. I can smell her breath from here. [CF] [We now hear and see Observer's and BoBo's heads as they shout and jump.] BOBO: I'm...... right...... here...... PEARL: Brain Guy and the primate? Oh, I had the floor lowered five feet and my shoes raised about ten feet. MHA, HA, HA! I'm makin' up for this dead-end job. Oh, I love being evil. [SoL] CROW: [Flatly.] Oh, it's so sinister. TOM: So you admit to one of them having your Tic-Tacs! [CF] PEARL: *AHEM* Have any of you heard of "Percussion: The Cymbal's Luster?" [Observer suddenly pops into view.] PEARL: GAAAHHH!!! Get back down there! I'm no paying you to make an appearance! I'm not paying you to do anything! I'm not even paying you! OBSERVER: But what about the Inve-- PEARL: GET DOWN! OBSERVER: But they need to know for-- PEARL: PALE FACE! OBSERVER: Fine, fine. [SoL] [Mike and Bots exchange weird glances.] [CF] PEARL: ANSWER ME! [SoL] ALL: No. We haven't. TOM: Hehe, I lust for pancakes... CROW: I hope the title is as bad as it gets. MIKE: Tom! TOM: Ah, you noticed! CROW: Hey, how come no wacky scenario Pearl? [CF] PEARL: No can do. Budget's been cut, bad. New manager, I'll have a 'Talk' with him. So I'll just have to send you the horridly bad and EVIL fanfic by some slacker named Alexander X. Prower for the time being. [Observer rises back up, and using his Brain-powers, he flashes 'Invention Exchange' on the screen.] [SoL] MIKE: The hell?... Invention... CROW: Sheesh, what's with that name? TOM: Well, I think it comes down from when 'Crazy Pete Prower' met 'Stinkin' Gill Alexander,' but I can't be sure... [CF] PEARL: I dunno, he's a Sonic the Hedgehog freak. [Pearl shrugges and hold for a few beats.] [SoL] MIKE: Another lost soul. TOM: Like us if we stay here. CROW: Man, I was ACTUALLY in the mood to start off with Ranma, Sailor Moon, maybe even a lemon. [CF] PEARL: Yes, but this is delightful self-torment for you reading experience! And Crow, be careful about what you wish for, you most certainly WILL get it. MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!! FRANK! Er, BOBO! Hit the button! OBSERVER: But I can do my little brain-zappy thing! C'mon, I SERIOUSLY didn't mean to track that mess through the Van. [SoL] CROW: Ah TV's Frank... so many memories... [Fanfic lights and sirens go off.] TOM: Well, considering the title, I bet it's some sorta moral dilemma. MIKE: And we have MORONIC STORY sign! CROW: But, but our brownies are still in the oven! [CF] PEARL: Screw the brownies! I want pain! [Promptly falls off shoes.] PEARL: OOOOWWWW!!!!! [SoL] MIKE: Oh well, we'll get them when we get back. [Door sequence: DOOR SIX: A large happy face. You cover your face as it eats you. You end up on the other side. DOOR FIVE: It's a fanfic the size of the door frame. You spend hours MiSTing it, and it suddenly shreds when you're done. DOOR FOUR: It's a stack of Pepsi cans. You are tempted, but when you drink one, (or at least try to,) you spit it out and realize what it is. You bust through, (with trouble, I might add,) still holding the can. DOOR THREE: It's a piece of Balsa wood. One karate chop later, and you're through. DOOR TWO: It's a large picture of Pearl's face. You gleefully empty that soda can (which contained lighter fluid,) onto the picture and set it ablaze. The flames were magnificent. DOOR ONE: Good ol' fashion safe. But when trying to pull it forward, it takes you an hour to figure out that you have to push.] [All file into theater.] [Black screen.] CROW: Brilliant with the doors. MIKE: Thanks,-- TOM: He meant with the pulling on the safe. [Mike ignores that.] MIKE: Oh look, we get to riff a black screen. TOM: Cool. CROW: So it IS a moral dilemma. TOM: Didn't I tell ya'? MIKE: I bet under these conditions, Gypsy could make funny remakes. CROW: Remakes? MIKE: Darn typos. TOM: Alright! We can make fun of Mike instead. CROW: That actually sounds a lot less painful and annoying. MIKE: But, you already make fun of me. [Silence for a few beats.] MIKE: Maybe the fic got lost,... and we're being spared! TOM: It's quite a nice story then. CROW: I still wanna know where it is so we know when to run. TOM: Maybe if we're REAL quiet, it'll get confused... > Percussion ALL: Awwwwwww... CROW: Nice going Gumball Head. > The Cymbal's Luster TOM: Maybe it wants my pancakes. MIKE: I think you want your pancakes. [Tom turns to Mike with a freaky grin.] TOM: Yes... you'd be salvageable with some syrup... MIKE: Tom. > By Alexander X. Prower CROW: Who else loves that name? TOM: In a making fun of manner? [All raise hands.] > Legal Smeg: CROW: Yes, all laws are smegs to the 'supreme ruler' of the universe. What a priss. > Sonic Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prower, Knuckles Echidna, and Ivo Robotnik MIKE: All have chocolate centers. TOM: And their crispy crust can't be beat! > are all property of SEGA. Sally Alicia Acorn, Rotor Tusker, Antoine De'Coolette [All snicker.] > and other such characters are CROW: JUGGLING NINE NUCLEAR WARHEADS!! TOM: Heyyyy, those look like defused nuclear warheads to me. MIKE: Heyyyy, that sounds like a rip off for a cool Cartoonist like Gary Larson. [Off screen, a cash register is heard.] MIKE: Smooth. > property of SEGA, CROW: SINCE WHEN?? I may have been gone for a month or so, but I KNOW Service Games didn't make Sally and the others. TOM: [While feigning a sneeze.] FANBOY! Whoa, 'scuze me, that was a doozy. > Archie Comics, and Dic. TOM: HEY! That's DIC-- oh, wait, hehe, nevermind. He spelled it right... [Even Mike snickers.] > All characters are CROW: Strangely appetizing. > used without TOM: Goldbond Medication. MIKE: And the proper authorities. > permission CROW: Of the FDA. MIKE: No! Wait! CIA. TOM: HA! You make me laugh... EPA. ALL: Wait, wait, wait... FBI? > (Hee hee!). CROW: OHHH, so the concept of this fic was a joke. ALL: YAY! > Nina Waterwoods is TOM: A skunk. MIKE: The most original name in Sonic-dum. CROW: I'm willing to agree with both. TOM: ...Something unheard of, mind you. > property of Holly B. Kraft (VixieL@aol.com). Ask her if you want to use CROW: Her toothpaste. TOM: Her 'Guide to Naming Sonic Characters.' MIKE: Her various prickly things. BOTS: Miiii-ike! > Nina. TOM: Why yes, I'd like one Nina please. MIKE: I'll just take some maranara sauce and share your's, OK Tom? CROW: Too bad, Tom and I were going to dunk her in honey barbeque. [Crow sticks tongue out. ...Or something similar.] > Packbell is MIKE: A character made by someone with a Packard Bell PC. [Cash register.] CROW: Stop that! TOM: [Whiny.] Let us make some money!! CROW: I mean, really, we haven't even gotten to the fic. > property of David Pistone [All snicker.] CROW: Piss-- MIKE: Don't, you, dare. > and is used without permission, 'cause I can't seem to get in touch with him. [All burst out laughing.] MAGIC VOICE: Cut that out. That's as bad as the fic gets. ALL: [Monotonously.] Yes Magic Voice. MAGIC VOICE: [Mumbling.] ...Or is it?... MIKE: What was that? > All other characters are either mine CROW: Or have made a better career choice and have joined the circus. > or insignificant. MIKE: I think we're all shooting for insignificant. > This story is TOM: A TRAP! RUN RUN RUN! MIKE: See Tom run. Run run run. CROW: See Tom make an ass of himself. Ass ass ass. TOM: Jerks... > (c)1998, and can be distributed MIKE: On the black market. > freely, as long as ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS CROW: As it originally was. MIKE: [As narrator.] But, laziness took over, and everyone stopped caring. ...Again. > CHANGED, and no money is to be made off it (unless it's a fairly large amount, in which case > you can send *all* the profit to TOM: "The Underprivileged Fanfic Association in which my story is a part of." > me!) MIKE: No, ME! CROW: MEEEEE! > Violation of said rules will be considered a way uncool violation, CROW: Duh, of course it would be a violation if it were a violation. > and I'll have your MIKE: Car made out of pickles impounded. TOM: Mike, you're entering the bad place... CROW: Pittsburgh? > tail TOM: Which applies to NO sentinate being mind you... > if I find out about CROW: The secret location of Pirates Cove. > it. > > Finally, it's my turn TOM: TO CREATE MASS CONFUSION! MIKE: Psshh, been there done that... > Hey people! TOM: Ahem, we're not ALL people here, Alex. > This is my second FanFiction. CROW: And we didn't have to suffer the first one? Pearl is slippin'. MIKE: Well we weren't here for a month. [Turns to the audience.] And we were HAPPY... > If you dare, TOM: [Giggling uncontrolably.] Go down into the basement... look for the thing attached to the `other thing... > you can find my first one on Sonic HQ, although I'd advise against TOM: Animal Rights. > it. This is the first story in what I hope to make an original, if not somewhat good string > of CROW: Cheerios for a homemade bird feeder. MIKE: A handy tool when stuck on the Satellite of Love. > stories. I will submit them to web pages as soon as I finish them... if I ever get around to > even starting 'em. I will also be introducing my first TOM: Attempt at getting a life. MIKE: The story, not the author Tom. > (well, not really) fan-made character, made by me. TOM: THEN IT'S FAN-MADE GENIUS! CROW: Tom, you're going to Pittsburgh, too... > This character will be the center of attention for a while, MIKE: Because it's a self-insertion character... [Sighs.] CROW: Yes, page 5.A of the Self-Insertion Guidebook CLEARLY states that the character(s) must reign supreme. TOM: And I believe 5.B is the one on 'lemons,' hehe. MIKE: Tom. > for reasons which will become obvious later on in the story. > WARNING: MIKE: [As author.] HAHA! Fooled you! There is no warning! > I started this back in December of '98 and didn't work on it for a month, so the writing > just might lose it's TOM: Integrity? [All burst out laughing.] > fluidity somewhere in the CROW: Present. > beginning. > WARNING: There's another warning: CROW: I'm sure we needed to be warned of that. MIKE: Save it, it's a long fic. > every now and then, I might make up TOM: An excuse for writing so badly. MIKE: Leave the defensless author alone. TOM: Ah, stuff it. > a word or two. CROW: He sound like you two! MIKE & TOM: Shaddup. > You can go ahead and change them if they make you uncomfortable TOM: So they're those kinda words, eh? MIKE: TOM. CROW: Well, what did you expect on MST-- [Fourth Wall.] TOM: Smooooooth Crow. MIKE: Can't we go one night without that happening... well, yeah... > but you might find that the phrase sounds better my way. CROW: [Mocking author.] Cause I said so! [Crosses arms.] > William Shakespeare made up words too, ya' know. TOM: Great, now's he's sportin' the Big 'S'. CROW: Just as if I were to plug-- TOM: DON'T! MIKE: That's it, if there is even a POSSIBILITY of Fourth Wall going off, I get your brownies. TOM: ALL of them? MIKE: Yup. CROW: Ok, Ok! I won't say MST-- [Fourth wall.] CROW: Darn. > The personalities of the characters may be a bit shaky, but remember, I TOM: Have no writing skills, therefore, it's OK if I mess up! MIKE: Ok, ok, if it's funny enough Tom, I'll let it slide. TOM: Quwa? > haven't seen the cartoon. [All gasp.] > I'm pretty CROW: Self-conscious dork... TOM'LL decide if YOU'RE pretty. TOM: HEY! > much picked up what I could from other FanFics. MIKE: The bad ones apparently. BOTS: WE'D get in trouble for that. > The relationship between Sonic and Sally is a little different from what you might expect > in other stories. ALL: AHHHHH! > You'll see what I mean. ; ) TOM: The way things are going, can we really trust you? > There IS a bit of swearing, CROW: [Monotonously.] How, frightening. > but it's nothing too harsh. If you still can't take that kind of stuff, please DO NOT feel > free to complain, MIKE: Because I don't respect the Freedom Of Speech. > 'cuz I ain't changin' it. CROW: OH, OH! Can we? > My inspiration comes from many, many places, TOM: So you admit to having no style your own? CROW: Yell at him Mike! MIKE: No... I'm going to have to allow that... TOM: Alright! > so if you find something in the story that sounds familiar, MIKE: It probably is familiar. Simple, no? > chances are that you've read it already. If you write FanFics and see something that looks > like yours, CROW: It must mean you suck 'cause I copied you! TOM: Miiiike! MIKE: Crow... CROW: Oh c'mon! You let Tom slide! [Tom sticks, uh, 'tongue' out at Crow.] > I'm sorry MIKE: [As Alex.] For forcing you into this. CROW: So when should we hold the public stoning? > Please don't hurt me. TOM: I think this says A LOT about our author. > My thanks to Roland and Kawai for "allowing" me to use the names of some of their products. ALL: ...Like? > Okay! That just about does it for me. I took enough time. BOTS: Darn tootin'. MIKE: Oh look! So much time that we gotta go to a commercial. [A few beats pass.] MIKE: [Whispering.] Did it work? Is the fic gone? BOTS: No. MIKE: Darn. > Read Happily and Heartily everyone! > > > "3... 2... 1... GO!" MIKE: ...To the End of the story. Goodbye... > An orange blur took off, whooshing past a small sapling, causing it to arch in the direction > of the blur's wake. TOM: Did he say pancake?? MIKE: Calm down... > A second later it was torn from it's place in the ground by another blast of wind following > a second blur... CROW: THE BLUR OF TRIUMPH! WHOOSH! MIKE: Quite. CROW: NO! I WON'T be quiet! TOM: He said quITE. > a blue blur. The two speeding forms raced each other, battling TOM: For the last muffin. > for a place ahead of the other. The orange blur stopped at a pool of water, teet- [Bots snicker.] MIKE: Guys. > -ering precariously on the edge. CROW: Oh yeah, wouldn't want to cool off on a hot day like this while having a fur coat. > The blue form streaked forward, just barely behind the orange. TOM: Perhaps a talk with the 'Name Designator' is in order. > Unfortunately, it was not able to stop quickly enough and both orange and blue flopped into > the water. TOM: Drowning them, the end. MIKE: Sit down. > ">cough!< >sputter< Jeeze Sonic, you need t... >hak-koff!< need to work on your stops." > the orange one choked TOM: He did? Alright! The orange freak is finally dead! > out. > "I think you're right little bud... >HACK!< Man, you're gettin' fast! I was almost goin' > half speed that time!" CROW: 'Cause not only is he the fastest thing alive, he's also the most conceited. MIKE: Yes, it's 'candor-licious' > Sonic and Tails swam to shore. TOM: Where they were shot dead by very jealous wanabee speedsters, THE END. MIKE: Ok ok, enough 'THE END' jokes. BOTS: Awwwww... > "So, you up for another race?" Tails barked excitedly. CROW: [As Tails.] Must every author turn me into a dog at one point? > "Actually," Sonic whispered, "I shouldn't; I'm supposed to be on guard duty." > "That's raht, sugar-hog." a voice out of nowhere agreed. MIKE: [Voice out of nowhere.] The danged author forgot to write muh up a body again! > Bunnie poked her head out from behind a tree. CROW: From behind she was completing her tom-boyish phase... MIKE: Really, Crow... > "Oh-oh. CROW: [Silently.] Spaghetti-O's... > See ya' Tails." > "But..." His protest was cut-off by a sonic-boom. "See ya' Sonic..." he said gloomily. TOM: [As Tails.] I was SOOO gonna kill him that time. > "Oh, Ah'm sorry sugah, but he'll be off duty in a few hours. Ah'm sure you can find > somthin' ta do in th' mean time." CROW: Why do you suppose it's mean anyhow? MIKE: Does this particular time have a dysfunctional family? > "Okay, Bunnie... I'm gonna' go take a walk." > "Shore thang shug'." TOM: So exactly how many sea shells DID she sell by the sea shore? > have guard duty> Tails thought to himself, MIKE: He needs the other set of prints on the gun. > "BOO!!!" Tails jumped back and yipped in suprize at the sudden noise. "HA-hahahaha! > Got'cha Tails." Tails' somber expression melted away TOM: When he tripped and fell face first into the sudden fire that came out of nowhere. > as he playfully stuck out his tongue ALL: OW! CROW: Dat's gotta hoit! > at the new arrival. "I'm not gonna' fall for that again, Nina." CROW: Just cause he's in your paragraph doesn't mean he's ENTIRELY gullible. TOM: Pssshhh. Yeah. MIKE: Didn't he say that ten years ago? CROW: He's ONLY eight, being that he was introduced in Sonic Two and that by SEGA's stats, he's the said age. TOM: Fan... ...boy. > "Oh, you always say that." she retorted. MIKE: SEE?? > "Then I guess I'll have to get *you* next time." Nina looked away and offered a "pshaw" > gesture with her hand. CROW: Actually, she's trying to put out the flames on her paw from when she reached into the fire offering to help Tails. > "Not gonna' happen. I'm too smart for that." MIKE: And yet her "BOO!" was so very original. TOM: Much like her "AAAHHH!" which I think had more feeling. > "Yeah, right." he muttered. CROW: So Nina dumped him because of his smart mouth, and he became a depressed druggy. The End. TOM: MIIIKKKEEE! He said a 'The End' joke! Make him give me his brownies! CROW: That only applied for Fourth Wall. TOM: Fine... > "So, what'd'ya want to- SPIDER!!!!" ALL: AHHHHHH! > "AHHH!!! GET IT AWAY!!!" Nina danced around, TOM: Trying harder this time to make it rain. > furiously trying to fling an imaginary spider off of her. "Tails!!!" Tails was laughing > riotously on the ground. CROW: He so loved the attention that being the Supreme Idiot gave him. > "Shut-up." She was blushing. > "Oh man, you should've seen the look on your face- HEY, CUT IT OUT!" MIKE: And then paste it on this festive construction paper. > Nina had snapped a thin branch off a nearby tree TOM: Which immediately sued her on assault and battery charges. > and was battering MIKE: Because the bridge club wanted cake this time. > him with it. "Hey, c'mon! I was just getting BOTS: A PANCAKE! MIKE: The humanity... > even!" When Nina continued pummel Tails with the branch, he took off in the direction > directly opposite her. TOM: Which means, ANY direction considering that she was standing in one spot. > Nina followed in hot pursuit. CROW: Hot pursuit, eh? > After about ten minutes of running, Tails suddenly came to a dead stop. TOM: He had reached the end of the yellow brick road. > Nina was barely able to avoid slamming into him. When she regained her balance, she looked > questioningly at Tails. "Tails, why did... you..." MIKE: Did, he, what??? FOR THE LOVE OF PANCAKES! TELL US! > She didn't need to complete her question. CROW: There was a question? > Right in front of the two kids was the strangest looking piece of what looked to be machinery > they had ever seen. TOM: The shower head. > "What is it???" she asked, awe-struck. ALL: OUCH! TOM: Those things are sharp! > "I don't know... it... it looks like a vehicle, but it's nothing I've ever seen before..." CROW: [As Tails.] Even though I just identified it as a vehicle of sorts. > "Me neither. Let's go tell Sally..." TOM: 'Cause squirrels apparently know all. MIKE: Well, maybe... it IS Sonic the Hedgehog fan fic... > "No!... I want to have a look at it first." CROW: Yes, that way if it kills them, it will be as if nothing happened anyhow. > "Tails, are you sure?" > "... Kinda'..." He reached for what he saw as the latch to a door. He pressed a small > button TOM: And smiled when his toilet finally flushed after all those years. > and an audible click emitted. Tails yelped and jumped back. MIKE: Apparently, small noises frighten him. > Nina did the same. He walked cautiously back to the machine and pulled on the latch. > The door came open fairly easily. CROW: ...Or did it... > He looked inside and immediately wrinkled his nose in disgust. TOM: [As Tails.] SONIC'S BEEN IN HERE! > "Hoo-boy! It stinks in there!" He held his nose and looked inside again. He spied > something black under the seat. MIKE: More Swanson's dinners,... for HIM. > He took hold of it and tried to slide it out into the open. It didn't budge easily. CROW: But you're certain it budged? Because if you are, we can probably get a handle on the culprit. > "Hey Nina! I've found something! It's too heavy for me to move. Can you CROW: [As Tails.] Do it for me? TOM: [As Nina.] Yes. Me Nina. Me help you good. MIKE: That was strangely dirty... > help me?" > "Uh... s-sure..." Nina crawled into the cabin and snuffed. "Oh God! CROW: [As Nina.] The carpeting in here IS beautiful! > It really does stink." She braved the TOM: Pineapples. CROW: Power sanders. MIKE: Trumpets. > stench and helped Tails uncover the object. They made a closer inspection when they dragged > it out. CROW: And discovered that it was just a case for the alternate ending of Casablanca. > It was circular, about twenty-two inches in diameter, about an inch thick, and had some > white writing on the side. MIKE: "Bru-ster's-Ice-Cream?" > Nina sounded out the inscription, "'Say... TOM: [As Nina.] I wonder if this is my last appearance in this fic. CROW: [As Tails.] Then you're lucky. I'm a major character. > bee... an. Sabian.'" She looked at Tails in bewilderment. MIKE: [As Nina.] I have no idea who this person is! HE must be COOL! > He shrugged. "...Hey. Look at this. I think this is a zipper!" TOM: But what KIND of zipper!? MIKE: We get to find out later. Our brownies are done. BOTS: YAY! [All file out of theater.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [We see Mike alone behind counter just finishing his last brownie.] [Gypsy enters Stage-Right.] GYPSY: Hiya Nelson. MIKE: Hi Gypsy. Have you seen the 'Bots? GYPSY: I think they're out in the forest. MIKE: ...the hell? We have a forest? [Tom and Crow suddenly come running in. Crow has two pantyhose strapped to his posterior and Tom is in a degrading frilled-dress with a bow on his head.] BOTS: AUNT MIKEY! AUNT MIKEY! [Mike is confused, as naturally he would be.] MIKE: Uh, yes? And don't call me that. TOM: Aunt Mikey! We were out in the forest, and, and, we saw this thing! And it was like, um, a thing! and, and... [Crow goes off screen and comes back in with a rusty bicycle.] CROW: It was just sittin' there Aunt Mikey! We didn't know what to do! [Nelson arches an eyebrow and takes a step back.] MIKE: [Whispering to Gypsy.] I think premonitions of what going to happen in the story have caught up with them... I better play along. [Back to bots.] MIKE: Um, where did you find it? TOM: Like duh, it was in the forest! CROW: Yeah Aunt Mikey, what's wrong? Have you and Magic been fighting again? [Magic's voice suddenly pops in.] MIKE AND MAGIC: Guh? TOM: Don't play dumb! We KNOW you're always at each others throats. GYPSY: Well THIS is interesting. MIKE: [Whispering.] It's worse than I though, they're completely wakko... GYPSY: Nice deduction, Einstein. TOM: OH! When's lunch? CROW: Yeah Aunt Mikey, we're starved. [Mike looks completely perplexed. Not only were they acting like children, but they changed the subject as if it were nothing to worry about.] MIKE: Um well, why don't you... just step onto this mind warping platform and I'll bring you some hot-- CROW: Chili. MIKE: Uh, chili dogs. Ok? BOTS: YAY!! CHILI DOGS! GYPSY: I'll warm up the machine. MIKE: Great. [Turns to audience.] And uh, you people. Uh, we need to brainwash you so you don't remember this... [Commercial sign flashes.] MIKE: OH! These 'delightful' commercials will do just that! We'll be right back! [BREAK] [Commercials:] ['Sonic Adventure' ad,] ["Holiday greetings." from Martha,] [NRA and Swiss cheese conglomerate,] [Your local Foodland has triple coupons again,] [And in a newsbreak, to end all compitition, Shop N' Save has just blown away your local Foodland.] [END BREAK] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file into theater.] [Tom still has bow on head.] MIKE: Well that WAS interesting. CROW: I thought we agreed to never speak of that moment again. CROW AND MIKE: [While staring wide-eyed at Tom.] AHHH! TOM! YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR HEAD! TOM: Shaddup. [Mike removes the bow and tosses it back behind him.] TOM: I feel like a real robot now... [Mike and Crow give odd looks.] > He grabbed the zipper and pulled. What the black object revealed when it was opened was CROW: That chocolate isn't all that fattening. TOM: But if we open the magic briefcase, we'll discover different. MIKE: Well, no briefcase, but I have a tennis bag. > awe inspiring: Five golden MIKE: Uh-oh... [Bots begin to sing "Twelve Days of Christmas."] CROW: Rings! BOTS: Four uh, something, something, Three um, well, we'll get back to this, Two turtle, uh, gloves, And a peartree in a, something, er, other... MIKE: Brilliant. > discs, looking as to possess enough value to be fit for TOM: A tasty grilled cheese sandwich. MIKE: What happened to your pancakes? TOM: Uh, Crow 'took' 'em. MIKE: Crow? Er, I don't WANT to know, do I? TOM: Is that a rhetorical question? CROW: [Simultaneously, with mouth full.] Noph. > royalty. TOM: Sally lost her 'Fran Dresure's Family Reunion' quintiple CD set again. CROW: Complete with that OH SO LOVBALE voice. MIKE: The one that makes you want to blow her brains out, yes. > Tails and Nina threw their hands across their faces MIKE: Because after shave does indeed burn if you nick yourself. TOM: But, I've been using-- CROW: It's best we don't tell him. > to block the sunlight that was reflected mercilessly into their CROW: M-- MIKE: Don't. CROW: What? I was going to say, uh, um,... hold on, gotta think of something clean... > eyes. Tails covered the discs back up. > "We've *got* to TOM: "Find out where they make those Poptarts I like." > show these to Sally!" Nina stated. MIKE: As opposed to countrying? TOM: Huh? MIKE: Ya know. Stating? Countrying?... Right. > "Yeah, but I still wanna' look around some more. You think you can CROW: Stop trying to advance the plot? [Tom looks at Crow oddly.] > get this back to Knothole by yourself?" Nina examined the object further and found TOM: That she COULD make a decent drink by adding *TWO* parts whiskey and *ONE* part Vodka. > a shoulder strap. It was by now obvious that the object was MIKE: A plot convenience. CROW: EVERYTHING in this fic is a convenience. TOM: Like the way they found the machine? > a carrying case. > "Yeah, I think so." She slipped the strap around her neck. CROW: Either it WASN'T a shoulder strap, or she HAS no shoulders. MIKE: No shoulders. TOM: [Simultaneously.] Neck strap. [Mike and Tom exchange glances.] > The case dragged along the ground as she walked. "I'm coming back as soon as I TOM: Have a REASON for having sex. MIKE: Grey area Tom... TOM: Made possible by the "Grey-o-Matic." [Cash register.] TOM: CHA-CHING! CROW: [Pouty.] I wanna do that... TOM: Well, I only did it 'cause I like saying 'Cha-Ching.' MIKE: Grey-o-Matic? > drop this off, okay?" > "Okay, Nina!" Tails walked around to the back of the MIKE: Insert own object joke here. CROW: And if possible, laugh hysterically. TOM: Hey! We'll even toss in this rimshot as a bonus! [Rimshot.] > "vehicle". He kicked a wheel to see if it was sturdy. TOM: Because he planned on buying it from the lot and taking it out on the highway later that day. > He lost his balance and fell over when his foot violently rebounded from the wheel. CROW: Surprisingly, he expected that. > He got up and placed his foot into a nook for footing and hoisted himself up. He stared > open-mouthed at what he saw next: CROW: Yes, the pandas actually had the nerve to steal HIS microwave popcorn. > Seven black cylinders of various sizes with clear "lids" TOM: "Clear." CROW: "Sizes." MIKE: "Various." [Bots glance at Mike.] > on the top and bottom, nine metal pipes, a log with tanned skin stretched across the top of > it, an electronic keyboard, a white box with eight black squares on it, CROW: ...Bret Hart? > a odd-looking, eight stringed guitar, and a little black box with a small, rainbow-colored [All arch eyebrows.] > apple molded into it. CROW: If I didn't know better, I'd SWEAR he was looking at instruments. MIKE: So we can assume he's not? CROW: Meanie... > There were several other things in there, but they were TOM: Too vague to recognize 'cause the author is so darned lazy. MIKE: Yes, now you're good Tom. TOM: I've BEEN good baby. [Crow just shakes head.] > covered up by all the junk MIKE: It may be junk, but it's classified junk. CROW: Not to mention quality. > and he couldn't tell what they were. TOM: And if you viewers at home can, we'll send you Diddly-Squwat! > He new MIKE: So he must be pretty shiny. THANK YOU! CROW: Think he has a good muffler? > he had to take something back to Sally, TOM: You know how those queen sacrificial goddesses get. > and the keyboard and guitar, the only things he recognized, were too big for him to carry. CROW: Now THAT says a lot... TOM: Yet, I've seen him playin' some riffs on a guitar in some SEGA pics. MIKE: Why were YOU looking at SEGA pics? > He decided on the little black box with the apple on it. MIKE: Everyone likes a good Macintosh Apple. [Cash-register.] MIE: Hehe, I don't CARE if it breaks now, I'm rollin' in it. > He picked it up and flew back to Knothole. TOM: Immediately falling back to the ground realizing he was indeed, NOT Superman. Ha, thank YOU! CROW: But... Tails can fly. TOM: Shut, up! > > "Sally! Sally! Look at what me and Tails found!!!" MIKE: Wow... you guys were right.... BOTS: MIIIIIIIKE! We asked you to never mention that again! > "Tails and *I*, Nina. CROW: Cause *I* was there, not *YOU.* ...No, thank YOOOOOU! MIKE: We killed it. We're not allowed to respond to praise anymore. At least, like that. BOTS: Awww, you got strict over the month of TV movies. > Now, what is it you want?" MIKE: Well, I have a half-eaten blueberry Nutri-Grain bar. CROW: Hmm, I have thirty cents. MIKE: SOLD! CROW: Yay. [They make the transaction.] > Nina unzipped MIKE: Crow. CROW: I won't mention pants, OK??? > the case and showed Sally the five discs. "Oh my word..." Without hesitation, TOM: Because she wasted it saying "Oh my word..." CROW: Hmmm, tasty blueberry filling... crispy-chewy crust, festive wrapper... half-eaten... > she removed them completely from their case and reached for Nicole. "Nicole, scan CROW: My-- MIKE: No. CROW: But!-- MIKE: Nope. > these objects." > "Scanning now Sally... TOM: Because she asked Nicole to scan 'Now' for some reason. > Scan complete." > "Report." > "The objects are composed of refined bronze, vary in sizes between twenty-two and eight > inches, the most abundant of sizes being fourteen, and closesed ALL: HE MADE UP A WORD! CROW: Hey, he said it would sound better his way! He lied, to *US!* TOM: It's a sad, sad, truth. > comparison on record are the percussive instrument, MIKE: Frank and Ernie. > cymbals." > "You mean," Nina inquired, "these are just TOM: Sad examples of plot advancers? > musical instruments?" > "Apparently." replied Sally. CROW: [As Sally.] Hmm, I thought I'd just say that because I haven't had a line in five paragraphs. > "Nicole, scan for any kind of encrypted information." > "None found." > "Scan for anything that resembles information." TOM: So she's saying, scan for EVERYTHING. > "A word Spelled S-A-B-I-A-N. Possible pronunciations: say-bee-in, sah-bahee-an, and any > combination of these two pronunciations. MIKE: That's a surprisingly lazy computer. > Also, on the smallest one, another word spelled P-A-I-S-T-E. Most likely pronunciations are > pay-stee or payst. CROW: [As Nina.] How do you pronounce 'payst'???? MIKE: *I* was going to ask that. TOM: I just want to say something here. > "Possible forms of identification: 'AA pro', and 'Alpha' ALL: Huh??? > "A serial number branded onto each disc, which do not seem to hold any apparent > significance. CROW: [As Sally.] Ok, just 'cause we can use it to identify the owner, we'll listen to the lazy computer. > "Anything else is either undetectable to me or just non-existent." Sally put Nicole away. TOM: Good judgement call. > "I wonder what else Tails found..." Nina wondered aloud. > As if on cue, TOM: Robotnik bombed Knothole, killing everyone. MIKE: Ok, we JUST started the fic, and I'm tired of the 'THE END' -- oh, what the hell, I don't care. BOTS: ALRIGHT! THE END THE END THE END!!! > Tails burst in the door. > "Aunt Sally! Lookit' this!" > "What's that Tails?" > "I don't know. Maybe Nicole does?" > Sally whipped CROW: Trying hard to cameo in the Devo 'Whip It' video remake. ALL: Whip it Sally! Whip it! [A few beats of silence.] ALL: Ewww... > Nicole out again. "Nicole?" > "Yes Sally?" > "Scan this object." she commanded. > "Scanning now Sally... Scan complete." > "Report." TOM: Repeat scene! Repeat scene! MIKE: That happens in MOVIES, not fics... > "This object contains large amounts of plastic and silicon, [Bots snicker.] MIKE: [Sighs.] That was too obvious. > and a noticeable amount of gold. Configuration of these and other molecules suggest a > computer of some sort. CROW: [As Nicole.] Daddy?? > Approximately six-point-three gigabytes of memory TOM: YEAH RIGHT! 6,300 MB of memory? In a MACINTOSH??? *LEFT* AFTER ALL APPLICATIONS ARE ON THE COMPUTER?????? MIKE: It's OK, the insanely idiotic sentence is gone now, you can relax... TOM: I, I, he just, I couldn't help it Mike! MIKE: I understand, so does Crow. CROW: What? > left in the hard MIKE: Don't Crow. CROW: I didn't say anything! MIKE: With YOU, you don't gotta. > drive." > "Aunt Sally. I think I've found the 'on' switch." Tails pushed a little button and a > whirring sound emitted from the computer. "So where's the screen?" Sally felt around the > top of the computer BOTS: COMPUTER ABUSE! COMPUTER ABUSE!! > for a while when suddenly the monitor popped up. MIKE: Because the toaster said it was done... TOM: What flavor, what flavor! CROW: Let's say strawberry so we can get outta here. MIKE: Sounds good. [All file out of theater.] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Someone who bought air-time prophosizing the End of the World,] [Movie promotion 'Mission: Pork',] [Two ITT Tech about how you don't need computer skills, and that you just need a life,] [A lovely KIA advertisment, the ulterior motive to get you to buy a 'Saturn.'] [END BREAK] [We see Crow and Tom staring at a white box on the counter with various colors in an interesting pattern on the top and sides but not on back which is facing us.] TOM: What is it?... CROW: I dunno... but it sure is pretty... TOM: what do you think it does? CROW: Maybe it's a computer like the one in the fic... TOM: Check for a monitor... [Crow feels around with his beak and suddenly, a lid pops up. Even though upside down, its rather obvious that the top reads 'Dunkin' Doughnuts.'] CROW: Those, are some pretty weird computer chips. TOM: Huh, I wonder if we look like that inside... CROW: OH! I'll open you up and see! TOM: Huh? No wait-- [Crow knocks Tom's head off. Tom's head lands on counter, and Tom is still talking.] TOM: OW! Well, what do you see? CROW: Sure don't look like what's in the other computer. [Mike walks in Stage-Right, not noticing the two 'Bots.] MIKE: Hey! Doughnuts! BOTS: Doughnuts? [Mike turns and suddenly drops his doughnut.] MIKE: Whoa! What are you two doing?? TOM: Uh, Bird Beak over there thought that the box on the counter was a computer, and wanted to see if *I* looked like that on inside. MIKE: But the box says 'Dunkin' Doughnuts.' CROW: Um, I, we can't read... MIKE: Oh... but, you can riff, and it, requires... reading... [MADS Light.] MIKE: Um, Tom, pull yourself together. TOM: Easy for you to say... MIKE: Actually, it was. [Crow and Tom begin to battle to get the gumball head back in place.] [Mike taps thing.] [CF] [The only one on screen now is BoBo.] BOBO: Oh, hoho, hello Mike. [SoL] MIKE: BoBo? Where's Pearl? TOM: OWOWOW!!! Stop pushing there! CROW: JEEZ! Sit still!! [CF] BOBO: Oh, she's still unconscious, oh hoho, ya see, I sabotaged her shoes, hehe! [Observer suddenly rises up beside him slowly with an evil grin and a tape recorder in one hand, brain in the other.] OBSERVER: Hi, BoBo. BOBO: Hi, Brain Guy. Hoho, anyhow, I sawed through her soles before she put them on. [Observer nods head, grinning.] [SoL] TOM: OOOOOOWWWWWW! LEGO! MIKE: But, I thought the floor was lowered five feet... CROW: OW! Get your hand outta there!!! [CF] BOBO: Found a ladder in the closet. [Observer nods again, clicks tape, and disappears.] BOBO: Bye, Pale Dude, hehe! [After a few minutes of playback being heard, Pearl appears in Observers place.] [BoBo turns and sees Pearl, not even noticing that he's going to soon be in pain.] BOBO: Oh! Hello Pearl, I was just explaining to Nelson how I, er, um, uh-oh. PEARL: Gee, BoBo, you're amazingly perceptive; get down there now, we just MUST have a chat. [Pearl pulls BoBo off the latter and dives out of the air on top of him, Cambot suddenly displays a "Technical Difficulty" sign.] [Sounds of a SEVERE beating are heard.] [SoL] MIKE: OW! OH! JEEZ! OW! ...That's GOTTA hurt. [Crow and Tom appear at his sides, Tom's head is on upside down, and crows arms are hanging from his lacrosse mask. CROW: Hey Mike, what's up? TOM: Gniog ti s'woh, haey? [Mike reels back a bit, but then put Tom's head on right.] TOM: Wow, thank's Ekim. MIKE: you still have a few bugs... [Smacks Tom's head.] TOM: Thanks again... [CF] ["Technical Difficulty" sign is gone.] [Observer is in the background tying the now unconscious BoBo to a wooden plank. Pearl is on, red in the face. Mussy hair.] OBSERVER: [Singing loudly in background.] Oh, the Pirates life I love to live... PEARL: MIKE, TOM, CROW! FANFIC! NOW!!!!!!!! [SoL] [All scream like girls.] [Fanfic lights and sirens.] ALL: WE HAVE MORONIC STORY SIGN! [Mass chaos ensues, with them running into each other until they find the open door and run through.] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file into theater.] [Crow's arms are no longer stuck in lacrosse mask.] CROW: Now I'm gonna have nightmares... MIKE: *NOW?* I started to think that at the beginning of the fic. TOM: I llits think I'm a tib messed up in the daeh. [Mike smacks Tom's dome again, and it flys over to the other end of the theater in a flash of circuitry. It lands with a tremendous explosion.] MIKE: Um, uh oh... Magic Voice??? MAGIC VOICE: I know, I know. [Tom's head appears in a box resembling those that light bulbs come in.] MIKE: Cool. [Mike puts the head on.] ALL: Thank you Magic Voice. > "It's right here." The three watched the computer TOM: It's magic act was quite the spectacle. > whirr, buzz and click to life, and were greeted with a friendly-looking, purple face. CROW: Huh, Pearl's face was purple, didn't seem friendly to me. > After a few moments, the computer stopped loading and each animal gasped in shock as they > saw a quite abstract portrait of both Sonic Hedgehog and Knuckles Echidna on a black > background. MIKE: [As Sally looking at reflection in screen.] Oh my hair IS a mess! [Bots give Mike an odd look.] > "This is starting to get weird!" TOM: STARTING, he says. > Tails breathed shakily. That statement summed up everyone's thoughts. CROW: So everyone thinks shakily, too? TOM: Yup, sound like the IDEAL planet for self-insertion. MIKE: Well, at least the neighbors are friendly. > "Where in the world ALL: Is Carmen SanFransico! TOM: No, wait, it's, 'Carmen SanChicago,' right? CROW: Nope... maybe it's 'SanCincinati?' MIKE: Hmmm,... 'Carmen SanDetroit?' TOM: Now THAT was just plain stupid. > did you two find these things?" Sally asked, still staring at the screen. > "... In the forest." TOM: Yes, the Great Forest, the forest that amounts for 8/10 of the planet. YES, THAT forest! MIKE: Ok, ok Tom, calm down, take your pancakes, I mean, Ritalin, I mean-- CROW: GAH! Enough with the running gag! It's pancake this, pancake that! AHHH! [Silence for a few beats.] MIKE: Yup. > "... Will you show me where?" > "... If I can stop TOM: Myself from becoming an important part of the fic. > staring at the screen, yes." CROW: Yes, The Screen, the new master of their domain. > Sally, with great mental strain, TOM: As this brought back those BAD memories of her SAT scores. MIKE: Probably took great physical strain, too. TOM: She IS a squirrel. > managed to slowly close the monitor. Tails and Nina hurriedly CROW: Mike? Is that another made up word? I can't tell... TOM: [Sarcastically.] That's a first. MIKE: Oh, you're just mad 'cause we knocked your head off. > showed Sally to the area where they had found the machine. They were stopped just inside of > Knothole by Sonic. TOM: But, didn't it just say they showed her where they found it????? MIKE: Yes... I think we can classify this as completely riffable. CROW: Well, you took the fun outta it, Mike. > "HALT! CROW: [As Sonic, desperately.] Ok you guys, you REALLY gotta halt, 'cause my boss has been on my ASS. *ERK* Hiya Sal! > Who goes there? Friend or foe?" MIKE: But they were coming from INSIDE Knothole... TOM: This... no... sense... make!!! [Tom begins to vibrate.] CROW: OOO! We mistake notice good! MIKE: Uh oh, it warped their CPU's... again. [Tom suddenly stops vibrating.] TOM: No, we're just messin' with ya. > "What are you doing Hedgehog?" Sally sighed. [Crow raises hand.] CROW: I believe you ordered him to guard duty, ma'am. > "Right now I'm too bored to care." Sonic whimpered. Sally rolled her eyes. > "Oh, just let him go Bunnie!" came a voice from the distance. ALL: Huh? MIKE: Where'd Bunnie come from. And who's that voice??? > "Now just why should Ah do that?" > "Because he's always complaining and it's really starting to piss the rest of us off!" > Sally and Tails sniggered TOM: Hungry? Why wait? Go for a Sniggers! > at this comment. Sonic blushed slightly. > "Oh... Fine! Ah'll let 'im go! Sheesh, Ah don't see what all the hoo-hah's [Bots giggle childishly.] BOTS: [In hushed tones.] She said hoo-hah's! > about." > A huge grin swept across both Tails' and Sonic's face. > "YES!!!" they cried in unison. Sally groaned. CROW: [As Sally.] Oh no, they're acting like they have personalities again! > "So where are you three goin'?" > "None of your business, chili-dog-breath." Sally was contradicted by Tails. > "It's too weird to explain. Come on!" MIKE: Yes, that was LOADED with contradiction. > "Yeah c'mon!" agree Nina. ALL: WHOA! TOM: Not only did SHE pop outta nowhere, but that paragraph had bad grammar! MIKE: Go to your room, grammar! CROW: [Sigh.] The paragraph musta been wasted to have a kid like grammar. > "Sure thing lil' bud TOM: It's Ignore Nina Day! > ...lil' buds!" TOM: Oh. CROW: Let's ignore her any ways. > Sally sighed. MIKE: There really is no way to eat cheese and not have it on your breath. > Tails and Nina led Sonic and Sally to the machine. Sonic was the first to speak... after > a few minutes of gawking like a doofus, at which Tails and Nina were constantly giggling. > "Man. This thing is mondo... mondo... uh... well, whatever it is, it's mondo!" MIKE: Other great philosophers would have been proud. > "Nicely put, chili-brain." said Sally, who had just recovered from the corner of her > mouth. CROW: Wait, so she recovered from the corner of her mouth? > She must have said it louder than she had intended, for Sonic responded. TOM: Oh, there would be a point to her saying that if no one heard it. > "Oh, and I suppose *you* can describe this thing any better?" CROW: Will the answer change the events in the fic at ALL??? MIKE: No, but we can still make fun of it. > Sally quickly changed the subject. "Uh... let's get the others over here. See if they > have any idea what this could be." Sonic chuckled in triumph TOM: For he had finally defeated the giant mushroom. > but kept the conversation going. > "We'll definitely need Rotor." MIKE: If his name didn't tell us that he was already 'qualified.' > "Well obviously! MIKE: That's why I said it. > Go get him." > "Why not let Nina and Tails get him. CROW: [As Sonic.] That way, all the obvious hate you have for me will drive you to kill me and you'll get away with it! > He's been shut up in his workshop for the last few days TOM: Ew! Isn't Rotor, fourteen? CROW: Yeah... so he would be about a-third-way through puberty... [A few beats of silence.] ALL: Ewww... > and I can't get him out. But maybe he'll listen to one of them." > "That's a good idea. Glad I thought of it." TOM: Uh oh, Sally seems to be confused again. > "But... I thought of that Sally." CROW: YEAH! That's tellin' her!!!! > "Well of course you didn't, chili-dog-breath!" she assured him. "You never have any good > ideas." MIKE: And now, EVERYONE is confused... CROW: Oh, big surprise. > The two kids ALL: Kits. > kits ALL: Thank you. > stayed put, not sure what to do. "Well, go ahead you two. We need TOM: Those counterfeit billion-dollar-bills as fast as possible! > Rotor ASAP!" CROW: A sap? Why yes, Rotor IS a sap. TOM: He does live in KNOTHOLE. MIKE: NO! NO WITH THE PUN! NO! > They smiled and shuffled off as fast as their little feet could carry them. When the kits > were out of sight, the two remaining instantly MIKE: Became a tasty gelatin treat as per advertised on the box. > flew into each others arms. ALL: EH? CROW: Um, this is interesting... TOM: But... hated... moments... ago! AHHHH! [This time, shakes harder. Begins to fizz already.] > "Oh, thank God." whispered Sonic, CROW: [As Sonic.] I've finally completed my work on the 'Confuse Your Friends Fanfic Element!' > "We haven't had any time alone for way past too long." > "I know." replied Sally, "And it's driven me MIKE: [As Sally.] To the supermarket when I wanted to go to the laundry mat! > half-mad!" [Tom stopped vibrating again.] TOM: So we can assume the other half is glad? > Her voice lowered and she looked at Sonic with a mischievous twinkle in her MIKE: No. CROW: OK! I won't say it. > eye. "But enough talk..." Without any further prompting, their lips TOM: Went out for some fine pastry. > met in a passionate kiss. MIKE: I, I can't think of anything funny! BOTS: Us too! It jammed our logic factors!! [Tom starts shaking AGAIN.] TOM: GAH! I.... SUE.... WHIPLASH! > You see CROW: [As Narrater.] When a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY much... > Sonic and Sally had only recently admitted their feelings for each other. MIKE: By constantly cutting each other down, of course! THAT'S what we've been doing wrong. CROW: That's what YOU'VE been doing wrong. [Crow then makes fun of the way Tom's bowl is posistioned and Mike can't help but relate that to what he just said by giving Crow a REALLY goofy look.] > In fact, they called a private [Bowl begins to glow and he starts to hum as well.] TOM: MWAAA! > truce [Suddenly, he stops, and he looks pissed.] TOM: [Gasping.] I'm going to have to have that same 'Talk' apparently. > from the constant bickering barely a month ago. They had planned their liaisons CROW: Mi- MIKE: It's real. CROW: Thank you. > secretly, and had always managed to pull them off perfectly. As far as they could tell, > the others had no idea that they were doing this. They would contradict and MIKE: But he's using contradict as a verb- oh, wait. And again, I've been proved wrong. TOM: What is it with you and being wrong? Don't you ever get tired of it? MIKE: ...Well... yeah... > put each other down as usual CROW: As usual. > in public, to give the impression that they weren't trying to give any impression at all. TOM: And it's working??? How stupid ARE these people??? > In other words, CROW: MOBIUS IS STUPID! MIKE: The Sonic-Fans will have your head, Crow. TOM: He's their leader, Mike. CROW: [Mumbling.] ...Only on Tuesday... > they didn't want anyone else to know about them, TOM: So they put on an obviously feigned show of hate and disrespect. BRILLIANT. MIKE: HEY! You guys got this fic on the DOT! BOTS: MIIIIIII-IIIII-IIIKE! > and it had all worked out in the end. Except for recently: they hadn't been able to find > any time alone, MIKE: And for some reason, at night when everyone's asleep doesn't seem to be suitable. > and that drove them both to stir TOM: -Ing eggs. > -crazy. They knew that they couldn't go on like this for much longer, but they were afraid of > how the rest might react. CROW: Even though they're so 'made' for each other. > All in all, they were just glad for any time alone TOM: Wait, with each other, or separately??? MIKE: Tom... TOM: Too late, nyhh nyhh! > at this point. > > Tails. arrived CROW: Alex must have a high blood sugar, he's goin' wild with them periods. > at Rotor's hut and knocked on the door. "Rotor?!" Tails called, "Are you in there?!" MIKE: And if he didn't answer, they planned on waiting for a responce. > "NO!" came a muffled voice. Tails could hear the whoosh and crackle of a welding torch. CROW: [As Tails.] Oh, sorry to bother you! > "Then who's talkin'!" The welding came to a stop. TOM: Hey, Tails isn't allowed to make points! No one is! This is Sonic fic!! DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE! > "... What do you want?!" CROW: [As Tails.] Duuuuuuh, is Rotor there? > "We've found something in the forest we want you to take a look at!" said Nina. MIKE: Why, why is it that she can ONLY say something twenty paragraphs in when she's apparently there the ENTIRE time?? > "Not interested in the least!" Tails heard the welding resume. CROW: [As Rotor.] Dammit Tails! I'm a walrus not a Science Technition -- oh, silly me, I am, both. > "Come out ya' big dummy!" TOM: BIG incentive. > He got no response. Nina pulled Tails close and whispered something into his ear. > "Rotor?" Tails called in his sweetest voice. "We found something in the forest the > requires your unmatched mechanical expertise." Rotor was out the door before Tails finished > his sentence. MIKE: When you gotta pee... > "Well, if you're gonna' put it like that..." MIKE: "HEY! I SAID if you're gonna put it like that, keep it on a leash!" > > Sonic and Sally were still locked in the lovers' bond when a noise suddenly prompted them > to disengage. TOM: [As Sally.] Must EVERY time we're together end up with a warrant to frisk us? CROW: Phrased right, that could have been extremely dirty. [Mike just sighs.] TOM: I think it WAS phrased right, heh. MIKE: Tom. > "What the... that sounds like Tails' tails'! MIKE: And what exactly do the tails of Tails' tails own? CROW: You just HAVE to make things complicated. > Damn, they couldn't be back already!" said a flabbergasted Sonic. TOM: Does him being flabbergasted make him better? > "No, TOM: Ok, thanks for clearing that up. > it can't be them! That was hardly three minutes!" agreed Sally. > "Actually, you two have been kissing for the past *fifteen* minutes." Nicole piped in. BOTS: Yeah! You tell 'em Nicole! Woo Hoo! > "What?! MIKE: [As Sonic.] There's no such places as Oz??? CROW: Aww, I wanted to do the Deaf Joke... MIKE: Next time, I promise. > You're still TOM: [As Sonic.] Selling tasty alcoholic beverages? THIS late??? > open?!" blurted Sonic. Sally shushed him before the others could get into earshot. CROW: That earshots seem to be a problem for alot of people... TOM: Oh well, I really don't feel like seeing the plot advanced. Break? MIKE: Although I should be saying when we break and don't, sounds good to me... but we ARE wasting as to how many we can use. TOM: We have a limit now??? CROW: Yup. The more we use up this early is gonna screw us later on. And for a fic this size, there are only so many to use. TOM: Well that's not too Foldgers-in-our-cups happy. [All file out of theater.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [We see Gypsy, Mike, Tom, and Crow behind the counter arguing over stuff. Gypsy and Tom are going for each others throats extra-hard.] MIKE: Forget it! It's my space car, I bought it with my own money! CROW: C'mon! I put fifty bills towards it! At least lemme see it! TOM: When the heck did you buy the thing??? We've been up here about an hour!! GYPSY: Quiet Gumball head, who want's your opinion anyhow! When I want to mess up, I'll ask you as to what you'd do! TOM: Oh, just shaddup! Who even asked you?? And man! Purple is NOT your color! [Tom and Gypsy continue bickering as Mike and Crow exchange odd glances.] MIKE: Hey - TOM: DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!!! MIKE: - Crow, you wanna see the car? GYPSY: TRY ME! I'll stuff you so fulla - CROW: Let's go... GYPSY: - that when someone puts a quarter in you, you'll give TWENTY gumballs! [Crow and Mike exit Stage-Right.] TOM: OH YEAH??? [Tom looks around.] TOM: They gone? GYPSY: ...Looks like it... [The two Bots run toward each other and begin to kiss, or something similar. Gypsy's back is facing Stage-Left.] TOM: Man! I though we'd NEVER get to be alone! GYPSY: With Nelson and Crow running around, it's impossible! [Mike comes in Stage-Left, looking at his hand.] MIKE: Darn it, forgot the ke- [Looks up.] MIKE: Um, I, uh... [Backs up.] MIKE: Um,... Tom? Gypsy? [The hype sets in and Mike runs away screaming.] TOM: THAT ain't good. [MADS light.] GYPSY: Uh oh, Nelson? [No responce.] TOM: Fine... [Tom taps thing with top of head.] [CF] [We see good ol' red-face Pearl. BoBo is still tied up, and Observer is laying out various sets of distinct womens' clothing next to him on a table.] OBSERVER: No, that won't do at all! It's perfect! PEARL: Hello Tom. I am now a better person. But I still intend on teach the primate a bit of a lesson. Where's Nelson? [SoL] TOM: Oh, he's showin' Crow his new SpaceCar. [CF] PEARL: I'll have to steal that from him later... Anyhow, I'll ask you then. What is the most embarresing and mentally scarring thing you can think of? I'm now beyond physical pain inflitcion. Well, if you can squeeze it in, that would be nice. OBSERVER: Hmmm, too gaudy. It would look great then... [SoL] TOM: Hmmmm, I can only assume that we're discussing BoBo here, so I guess, blindfolding him, dressing him up female-like with the clothing Observer is settin' out, - and I don't even want to know why he is, it better be for his mom, - and putting him in a cage with a male primate speaks for itself. [CF] [Pearl is slightly disgusted.] PEARL: Ew... DONE! Brain Guy! You heard the Bot! Get it ready! OBSERVER: Wait, what about my mother? [Turns back to Tom.] PEARL: Thank you, now, suffer these commercials. [SoL] [Commercial sign.] TOM AND GYPSY: Yay. [Mike and Crow run by in the background still screaming.] GYPSY: Well, that worked well. [BREAK] [Commercials:] [The SoL Crew are sporting Adidias Gear,] [Another News report telling YOU what YOU need to know,] [Life insurance, what a charmer,] [Robotnik endourses Hungry Man dinners,] [A convieniant Jenny Craig fast-paced promo follows,] [Another 'Mission: Pork' movie ad.] [END BREAK] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file into theater.] CROW: I'll never look a you the same, Servo... TOM: Shaddup. It's been seven years since my last mate, I coulda died, and she's the only female. MIKE: Tom, you're not Vulcan. TOM: I um, fine, she got me drunk, go yell at her Mike! CROW: I think you were desperate. > Tails had distinctly MIKE: Told those kids NOT to jump on the bed. CROW: NOW they're gonna get it. > heard yelling, but he couldn't MIKE: Find the line for the Complaint Department, thereby, he couldn't yell, too. TOM: And that made him vewy, vewy sad. > make out what was being said. When he saw Sally's and Sonic's flushed faces, he dismissed it TOM: Being the completely oblivious kid- CROW: Kit. TOM: -kit that he is. > as them both CROW: AHA! He IS a hick! MIKE: No, the grammar's right. But lets make fun of it anyhow. TOM: That's our job, make fun of everything right, the bad stuff speaks for itself. MIKE: With a little coaxing from us. > having another go at each other. TOM: Ain't it da truth, hehe. > He hated to see CROW: Shiny objects. He was so unlike the other beavers. > anyone fight, especially MIKE: When it was he who was getting killed. > Sonic and Sally, but it's not like he could just get them to kiss and make up, let alone > be friends. CROW: Oh, TALK about foreshadowing... MIKE: Well, it already happened... TOM: STOP PROVING US WRONG! > Rotor stopped in his tracks and marveled TOM: At how many cheeses could be used in an omelet. CROW: We've made a lot of references to cheese. Is it the word that's funny, or the way it's phrased? TOM: Word. MIKE: [Simultaneously.] Phasing. [Mike and Tom exchange glances again.] CROW: And wait until we over do pie, cake, and you guessed it, cheese! > at the machine before him. Keeping the recent trend alive, CROW: The one in which you wear pan-- TOM: The joke is dead, Crow... let it go... > it took him a moment to recover. > "I've never seen one of these outside of a museum before." MIKE: I think this is signaling that Knothole's a little bigger than expected. > "You mean, you've actually seen TOM: [As Sally.] The Beatles in person?! > one of these, before Rotor." CROW: [As Rotor.] Well, not BEFORE me, I've seen them BEFORE Sonic and BEFORE Tails, but not so much myself... MIKE: And Sally didn't really ASK a question... > asked Sally. MIKE: But the period! > "Finally, someone who knows what it is!" exclaimed Nina. TOM: Even though everyone is ignoring the fact that they agree it's a vehicle of sorts. > "It's an old, old automobile. Judging from the style, it's probably from a point in > history when they still ran on hydrogen gas rather than fusion." MIKE: Oh yeah, silly us, making our cars even MORE atomic and deadly is so obvious. Excuse us. CROW" 'Instant Chernobyl,' just add Car Crash. > He examined the vehicle further. CROW: Now that was blatantly dirty. > "But that was over a thousand years ago. This looks like it's been here for no more TOM: "Than nine-hundred-ninety-nine-point-ninety-nine years!" > than a week." Without warning, Nina spoke of a new subject. MIKE: [As Will Robbinsons' Robot.] Danger, danger Will Robbinson, new subject on the rise! CROW: HEY! We went to Robot Finishing School with him, lay off! TOM: Yeah! We had our first swig of hard oil at his place! > "We found the cymbals in the cockpit." [All snicker.] > "It's called the cabin, Nina." corrected Rotor. "And what cymbals?" > "Yeah, what cymbals? Don't keep the ol' MIKE: College Try. > hedggie in the dark." > "At least not without his teddy bear." said Sally. TOM: I SWEAR I was just about to say that! CROW: Yeah, Sally is such a b- MIKE: No. > "Shut up!" [All begin clapping and cheering.] CROW: WONDERFUL comeback! MIKE: You tell her! TOM: Woooo hoooo! CROW: You go girlfriend! [Does that weird 'triple-snap' thing.] > Tails finally decided to speak. MIKE: For most of his time was occupied with thinking about a way to put toothpaste back in the tube. > "I also found a computer in the storage area, Aunt-Sally." CROW: Gee, wasn't that the same computer he showed her like, ten minutes ago?! TOM: I'm... acting... like... explode... no... reason... get... jump... on vibration! > "It's called the trunk Tails, and would somebody PLEASE tell me what you three are MIKE: "Planning to do when given control of the universe?" TOM: A beach party? MIKE: Can we limbo? > talking about?!" > "Enough talk! CROW: I agree COMPLETELY. > I'm finding out for myself!" Sonic jumped onto the back and gasped at what he saw. MIKE: [As Sonic.] HAGGAR SLACKS HALF OFF??! > "Oh, MAN! This is CROW: Redundant. TOM: Stupid. MIKE: Idiotic. CROW: Sexy. MIKE: Clich- You wanna say that again, Crow? CROW: [Moving away slightly.] N-no... > WAY PAST COOL!!! Look at this! Whoever used this thing last must've been a TOM: Retard? > musician!" TOM: Whatever, same thing. > Sonic peaked everyone's interest and they all climbed into the back. MIKE: TAILGATE! > Look at this! Just lookit this! He's got a drumset, and a big one from the looks of it! > A keyboard/synthesizer! And a... CROW: And, and a thing-a-ma-bob that does something! MIKE: OH! A whatchamacalit! It does that thingy! TOM: A whosawazzit! Man, this guy was rich!!! [All gasp.] ALL: A DOOHICKEY! > I don't know WHAT the hell that white thing... *URK!*" Sonic, Tails, and Nina clasped their > hands over their mouths TOM: Wait, so there are *THREE* monkeys that Speak No Evil? > when they realized what he had said. > "Okay, Sonic. I think that's a little too much CROW: Whipped cream on your cheesecake. TOM: Oooh, a DOUBLE refference. > excitement for you today." said Sally. Still grinning uncontrollably from Sonic's last > statement, Tails spoke. > "What should we do with all this stuff, Aunt-Sally?" > "We MIKE: Sacrifice it to our gods. > take it back to Knothole, of course." [All slap heads.] ALL: Of COURSE! > > Sonic had rounded up several Freedom Fighters, TOM: For the great snipe hunt couldn't be done alone. > Bunnie, Shelvin Macaw, CROW: Oh yeah, he's a big name down at the string factory. > Dulcy, to lift the vehicle back to Rotor's workshop, MIKE: Where in ten minutes, it would have a brand new oil change. > and several others, including Antoine, who's coming was rather a bit of CROW: A plot contrivance. > an accident, CROW: Accident, contrivance, same thing. > as he got caught in Sonic's wake. Everyone wanted him to go home, TOM: Oh yeah, the future leaders of Mobius, supporting segregation. > but he insisted on staying once he had gotten MIKE: A sample of the fruit salad they were serving. > a look at the vehicle. > "I em quite form-medical in ze arts of ze music." Everyone sighed at the same time. CROW: It's nice to know the ENTIRE village is in sync. > They didn't want to bother with him, for there was far too much TOM: To complain about. > to do. > > Meanwhile, in Robotropolis... MIKE: Various items were being sold at a festive garage sale. > Robotnik flipped a switch on his soup-up techno-throne, CROW: Wait wait wait. Waht flavor soup? It's meaningless details that make up a fanfic ya know. TOM: Techno throne? So it specializes in playing Electronica? > causing the replayed tapes to vanish from the screens. MIKE: Because he was tired of watching that episode of Scooby-Doo. > "As you can see Snively. TOM: Why yes, I CAN see Snivley. He ran AWAY from your breath, too!! What, do you an' Pearl have the Plaque??? CROW: I think you mean plague. TOM: Yeah! The plate! > My SWATbots have never truly been effective against that miserable hedgehog. CROW: [As Robotnik.] DUH... I wonder if that's some sorta clue... > Am I right?" MIKE: He's asking SNIVLEY??? TOM: Actually, I think he spells it Snively. MIKE: But, who cares? CROW: Well, I'd give you a list, but we'd have no toilet paper afterwards. > "Uh... y-yes, sir?" TOM: I feel his pain already. MIKE: Leave it to Snivley to agree with a negative. > Snively replied, unsure of how CROW: ...Bad his beating would be THIS time. > to respond. > "That fact standing, TOM: Exactly what Snively WON'T be doing when 'Botniks done. MIKE: Nicely played. TOM: Tank-ee. > the constant construction and maintenance of the SWATbots have been draining my resources > lately." MIKE: And he actually wonders WHY. > "I have realized, sir. You've had to cut power to my CROW: Electric can opener many a time. TOM: Mittens the fuzzy little rat must be starving. > quarters three time in the last MIKE: Minute. CROW: Second. TOM: Present. MIKE: Uh... future... um... CROW: Smooth Tom, now you blew HIS circuits, thanks. > week." > "SHUT UP SNIVELY! I WASN'T TOM: [As Robotnik.] READY FOR MY JELL-O PUDDING YET!! CROW: [As Snivley.] B-but sir! Th-the skin! Y-you hate skin! TOM: [As Robotnik.] Correct, and it will soon be your undoing... if I find... skin. > FINISHED!" > "S-s-s-sorry s-sir!" he MIKE: Said normally. > squealed. TOM: SQUEAL PIGGY! > "Anyway, like I was saying. CROW: "Have you checked out the melons on Sal-- MIKE: No, no, no. NO. CROW: --in the nearby produce section?" > I have come up with a new breed TOM: "Of bird that respond to human speech!" MIKE: [As Snivley.] Ohhhhhh, and how long did it take you to figure this one? > of security robots. They are much mores CROW: [As Robotnik.] ...Uh, duh,... so much more bigger, and bestest, than thems other kinds. > energy efficient than the SWATbots, and no more metal will need be mined for them to be > constructed. TOM: I'll have fun having him explain THIS. > The reason being because they will be made CROW: "Completely of the fat that Jenny Craig got out of me." MIKE: And what's scarier is that he still looks the same. TOM: It was nice of Jenny to keep it in those ocean liners. I must say, another pound, and well, we'd be missing a nice chunk of the Navy. > directly from roboticized Mobians." > Snively suddenly felt anger start to bubble up. CROW: So he immediately cut the flame to medium heat as per instructed on the box of macaroni. > He had been trying to convince Robotnik for months MIKE: That boxers were indeed better than briefs. [Silence.] ALL: Ewww... > to use that very same idea. TOM: Me thinks Snivley is a tad upset about all this. Shall we find out together? > Robotnik had once said that the idea was worth it's own weight in crap. MIKE: What if we say that to Pearl someday? [Crow is already writing it down.] CROW: ...Weight in crap. Heh, oh that's goin' into the act... > At one point, Snively had even drawn up designs for the new SWATbots and downloaded > them into Robotnik's personal computer console. That had gotten him a severe beating. TOM: Next time wait till Robotnik is off the chair. I don't think he appreciated the squirming. MIKE: ...Blech... > And three days in the infirmary. MIKE: He probably got docked for those days, too. > "Here are the design perameters TOM: But I've been using parameters... are perameters better? > for my CROW: Hoard of 'Easy-bake Ovens.' > 'badniks.'" > Snively almost exploded when Robotnik handed him TOM: The sticks of lit dynamite. > the data pad. They were HIS MIKE: Plaid pajamas in disguise! [Tom and Crow glance at him oddly.] MIKE: What? > plans! They were exact, right down to the CROW: Little night-light. > serial numbers! > "Is there something wrong, Snively?" asked Robotnik. Snively looked up to see Robotnik's > entire head TOM: Engulfed in his ego. MIKE: The true origin of his want of eggs. > wrinkled up in a sadistic grin, dark eyes disappearing into the fatty folds of his face. CROW: That's expression sounds familiar... TOM: Pearl MIKE: GoodoneTom > "No sir." He realized that he was speaking through TOM: A vacuum. So no one heard him, no one cared. > clenched teeth. He separated his jaws. "No sir," he said again. "there is no problem." > "Good. THEN WHY AREN'T YOU CROW: "TAKING THE SKIN OFF MY PUDDING???" > GOING DOWN TO THE CONSTRUCTION AREA?!!!" Robotnik's thunderous voice agitated > the atmosphere in such a way that the air molecules zoomed past Snively with enough force to > propel him out the door. MIKE: Jeez, make flying out the door complicated why don't you. > He collided with the wall, producing TOM: A rabbit out of his hat! > a resonant *THUMP!* CROW: BANG! MIKE: CRASH! TOM: THONG! MIKE AND CROW: TOM! TOM: WHAT! ALL: STOP YELLING! [Silence.] ALL: [Meek voices.] Ok... > Snively picked MIKE: His nose. CROW: Ah yes, you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but-- TOM: On the contrary, you CAN pick your friends nose! [Tom then shoves his hand into Nelson's face and up the left nostril.] MIKE: GAHHH! 'Ake it ou', 'Om. 'OW. [Tom does.] MIKE: 'Ank 'ou, er, thank you. > himself up and slowly made his way to the factories to download TOM: The new Hopscotch Protocol. > the information... *his* information into the computers. His top unexpectedly blew MIKE: And was stuck in the malfunctioning air conditioner. CROW: He should support his toupee better. > and he screeched, sending his fist into the wall with all his might. TOM: Making a smaller sound than his wimpy screech. > Robotnik was thinking to himself. TOM: His mouth apparently shut down for some reason. CROW: Huh? Oh, bite me. MIKE: C'mon Crow, are you just using that as an excuse to say your favorite phrase? CROW: BITE ME! And, yes, I am. > Well, at least he'll no longer be necessary MIKE: When was he EVER necessary? All you do is beat him up so you end up doing the work you assigned him, you dork. [Crow whispers something into Mike's ear.] MIKE: And might I add, bite us. [The bots cheer, and Mike has struck his inner-Crow.] > after...> TOM: Yes, '...>' is becoming more and more important to NASA and FanFiction writers alike. > His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the scream and a loud clang. He burst out the > door just in time to see Snively round the corner, a rather noticeable dent in the wall where > he had once been. [While you read that, the theater members turned to face you. Crow looks slightly amused as he stares at your chin.] MIKE: We thought we'd let that speak for itself, regardless if it was bad or good. We need a host segment break. TOM: OOOH! So close Mike! I'd say give it five minutes, maybe ten. CROW: DARN! [They turn back to the screen, disgruntled.] > Snively walked through the depths of Robotropolis, paying MIKE: No toll-booth he came across. > no heed to the screams of the constant TOM: Lottery winners. MIKE: C'mon you guys, all we gotta do is try a little harder for a couple minutes. We can't strand the reader. BOTS: Ok ok, sheesh. > roboticizations. He had been having a harder time controlling CROW: His Stair Master. He had come to hate the machine, after that 'Tossing him through the ceiling' incident. MIKE: That's right Crow, just stay frosty guys. We gotta, never know when a lemon will turn up... TOM: Or dare I mention... Osca- MIKE AND CROW: NO! TOM: We need not arouse chaos again, I assume. > his anger lately, and cursed himself for almost blowing TOM: Down the grass hut his friend had worked so hard on to build. > up in Robotnik's face. He tried to keep preoccupied by reading the design specifications. CROW: Yes, the designs he created and KNEW BY HEART. > "Badnik!" he spat. MIKE: But realizing Robotnik never gave him water to drink, he quickly sucked that back up for means of survival. BOTS: Ewww... > "The least he could do is come up with an interesting name." TOM: Oh, I BEG to differ. CROW: The least he could do? MIKE: Try-- CROW: AHEM, this is OUR funny segment. MIKE: Fine, you can have it. TOM: NOW IT'S DEAD! Thanks a lot Mike. > He suddenly became angry again. CROW: This time, his pillow would feel his wrath. > "I can't BELIEVE MIKE: "That they put jelly and peanut butter in the same jar! GENIUS!" > he stole my idea AGAIN! Oh, I'd just love to take his fat little head and... ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! > he told himself. nosebleed.>" TOM: Oh, even better. [All snicker.] > He breathed in deeply MIKE: Filling his lungs with lovely, pure smog. > and continued on his way to the main construction area. > The doors hissed CROW: Well, when your act only consist of stealing the publics money... > open as he approached them. He walked to the master console and began the long and arduous > task of TOM: Cleaning the bathroom that he and his roommate fought constantly over. > entering the data for the construction of "Robotnik's" badniks, constantly fighting CROW: Knowing him, he's lost already. > to keep his emotions in MIKE: -Side the penalty box until the five-minutes were up. > check. CROW: Raingear? TOM: Check. MIKE: Flashlight? TOM: Check. CROW: Emotions in? TOM: Check. > He no longer could, however, for he had long ago run out of dark corners in his mind to > shove his blackened thoughts. TOM: Chwua? MIKE: Fwmua? CROW: Shmua? > When Robotnik was sure Snively was gone, he quickly ordered three worker bots to his > room over the comm; system. TOM: Either way, it's BAD grammar. > While waiting, he walked to a wall. CROW: [Singing.] And he didn't want to stop, oh no, no, no, he didn't... TOM: And the sound he made when he hit the wall was even funnier. > Feeling around a bit, he found the loose panel, and flipped it off the wall, uncovering a > numeric locking mechanism. MIKE: Pause. If he'd, as he obviously has, used this numeric lock regularly, wouldn't he not have to feel around? TOM: Try explaining without the double negative next time. [The fanfic won't 'move.'] CROW: Mike... MIKE: OH! Yeah, play. [It restarts.] TOM: I had no idea you could do that Mike. MIKE: Nor,..nor had I... [All look around worriedly.] > The panel clinked to the floor as he punched in his code. A larger section of the wall slid > to the side, revealing a hallway. CROW: WHOA! A whole hallway???? I was expecting a compartment, but a hallway. Wow. [Silence again.] TOM: Sarcasm? MIKE: You got it, buddy. > The worker bots arrived and they all walked down the hall. CROW: Because they truly were,... can I say it Mike? MIKE: [Sighs.] Ok, but this is the LAST outside plug. TOM: Awww... cha-ching... CROW: Where was I, oh yeah... "The Kids in the Hall!" [Cash Register does not sound.] TOM: Uh oh, we musta busted it... overuse is an ugly thing... MIKE. MAGIC VOICE: Fixed, Mike. CROW: Cool. Thanks Magic. TOM: How-- MIKE: Telepathy. CROW: Me thinks not. TOM: Me want get out here. Do story. > The wall slid closed behind them. MIKE: Unfortunate for curious-ol'-Snivley who got caught in the lightning fast door. > All was now pitch-black, except for a bright, green glow at the end of the hallway. CROW: HEY! If it were pitch-black how'd he see the glow then? HUH HUH? TOM: Crow,... you're never to go into public again. > Upon closer inspection, one could see it was an alphabetic keypad. MIKE: Looks like Robotnik's 'Elmo's Fun With Letter's Kit' came today. > Another lock. CROW: And not a lima bean to spare. > Robotnik entered his next code, TOM: [As Robotnik, giggling girlishly.] S-n-i-v-l-e-y... > and more green lights lit up, MIKE: The carnival was back for it's third year. > forming the outline of a door. After a very hydraulic-sounding noise, CROW: VERY hydraulic. > the blackness within the boundary of the lights was replaced with TOM: A newer, clearer, faster darkness. > the infinite monitors of the central security room. CROW: So if security is locked up in there, how do they get out if you call for them? > Robotnik and the worker bots walked in. Soon, they could see a table in the center of the room MIKE: Chess Match: 1965. > with what appeared to be a human lying on the table, catheters and wires embedded in it's > skin. TOM: ...Bishop? MIKE: I thought we dropped the Alien discussion. > On the side of it's head, part of the scalp was missing, CROW: Uh oh, it doesn't seem to be a happy day. > but no blood flowed from it's veins. For there were no veins. TOM: Oh, you use that excuse for everything. > Diodes made up the entirety of it's cranium. MIKE: It IS Bishop! > To any misguided fool, it would be more than obvious that this was a robot. CROW: [As misguided fool.] Like, duh. > Not just any robot, but an immense AI known as an android. TOM: Or the Bill Gates stand in. > Robotnik looked upon his creation and smiled. MIKE: Cream puffs brought him joy. [Suddenly, a 'ding' sounds, and the next paragraph flies by. No time for riffing.] > "Soon, my son. Soon you will know the joy of bringing pain to all. You > shall live as I have, and your name will strike terror into the hearts of all > Mobians! Soon, Packbell!! YOU SHALL LIVE!!!!" The worker bots set about their > task of bringing the android to life. And as Robotnik's booming, maniacal > laughter filled Robotropolis, a evil smile formed on the android's lips. > > > * * * MIKE: WHOA! What happened? CROW: I, I don't know, this has never happened before. TOM: It, it went by so fast, I couldn't remark as to how well I could make fun of it! MIKE: Should we get back to the haul? CROW: I guess Pearl will have an answer. Must be important to deprive us from riffing. TOM: Well, that's fine with me, I think I gathered enough info for a host segment, heh. MIKE: Quiet Tom! Don't give it away. TOM: Ok, ok, at least we can leave now, thank goodness. CROW: Hey, what is our Host Thingy? MIKE: Um, I'll think of it during the door sequence... TOM: ...The oven wasn't empty last time I checked. CROW: ALRIGHT! I call that last brownie! TOM: No you don't! [Tom and Crow race ahead as they file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [We see Crow as he rudely enjoys the last brownie in Tom's face.] TOM: Jerk. [Crow finishes his brownie and looks down a second. He appears to be reading something.] CROW: Um, oh yeah, uhh... Hey, Tom, what is up, man? TOM: OH! [Tom also looks down, similar to what Crow is doing.] TOM: Uh, nothing is up, bro... I don't agree with this Mike! [Mike is coaxing from stage-right.] MIKE: It was the best I could do on short notice! CROW: That's why you plan these at our poker meetings! MIKE: GUYS! TOM: Fine... uh, hey, wasn't that android part, totally, rad? RAD!? CROW: Way past, man. It was pyscha,... pyscho,... uh, it was cool. MIKE: [Sighs.] TOM: What if we had, our own, uh... Mike I can't read your writing. Andria? Anderion? [Mike walks in and looks impatient.] MIKE: That's 'Android!' TOM: Man, get some penmanship skills. CROW: And some creativity skills while you're at it. MIKE: Oh yeah? Well both a ya' need to get some actin' skills! You couldn't even commit to memory! And Crow, next line? CROW: I'm not saying 'Maybe we should make Mike our android!' Jeez! TOM: ...To memory? YOU WROTE IT FIVE MINUTES AGO! CROW: Oh, and I'll commit something, to the psychiatric ward! [The argument heats up, and on it's peak of aggression, something wet, rectangular, and angry falls on Mike's head.] ALL: GAHH! AN ANGRY *SPUNGE!* [It hops down and bears its little harmless fangs.] TOM: Wow. Somehow, I expected more. CROW: It IS just a *spunge*. [Mike tosses it quickly across the set to stage-left.] MIKE: Weird. [Suddenly, a never before used light goes off, next to MADS.] MIKE: The day just keeps getting stranger... [He taps it and he can see a grainy, black and white, old 'Borris-Karlof-Type-Movie' picture of Pearl. BoBo is wrapped up and on an infirmary table, Observer is prepping. Mike now notices that Pearl is in a doctor get up.] CROW: Hi Pea-- PEARL: Hi losers, this is just a recording. Special one-time emergency feature I installed right after you left. Don't ask why. I just had a feeling. Look, I know things got insanely carried away over here and I couldn't be happier! Let's just leave it at the primate learning a very important lesson. Heh, OH! Heres the audio recording of BoBo's adventure... MIKE: BoBo's adventure? TOM: Uh, it's nothing, Mi-- [They view Pearl as she pushed the button on a mini-recorder. Their eyes widen as erotic monkey sounds are heard. It ends in a blood-curdling scream. All those on the SoL are now pale. Even the bots.] PEARL: Disgusting, huh? Oh well, by the time you get this, we'll have start working on the primate, so no calls, especially from you Servo. Oh, and we'll have made some modifications on BoBo. Later. [The screen fizzles and the light that alerted them of the recording exploded. Apparently it was indeed one-time use. Mike and the bots tried to keep there lunches down.] [Tom looks around nervously. As does Gypsy who has just joined them.] MIKE: Commercials? BOTS: COMMERCIALS! [As the Commercial Sign flashes, we see a shadow and a puddle approaching from stage-left.] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [A 'Parents Against Kids Having Fun Past Eleven' banner,] [Someone is selling knives again,] [Newport Cigarettes introduces a bubble-gum flavor,] [The last two are bought air-time of some guy banging his head.] [END BREAK] [We come back to view every soaking wet, and with a dry sponge in the middle of them on the counter.] GYPSY: Well, this funny-smelling water will dry, I guess. MIKE: That was just weirder. CROW: That was kinda cool though. TOM: Yeah! The way it flashed was so, well, it was just so cool! MIKE: Guys! Don't tease the reader, we shouldn't tell them about the amazingly surreal effects they never see. But those colors WERE awesome. BOTS: Ok, ok. [A few beats of Mike wringing out his shirt pass.] MIKE: AH! MORONIC STORY sign! TOM: But it didn't go off-- [Fanfic Sign.] MIKE: I was getting ready. CROW: Well, maybe the theaters air-conditioning will dry us off. TOM: Yeah, and give us all pneumonia. [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file into theater. Fanfic is still paused.] [As soon as the sit down, a ding resounds and the fic restarts.] MIKE: All who think that was Pearl's devising? [All raise hands.] [Suddenly, a fizzle is heard above them as something indiscreet disappears. Then, drops a little button with a fast-forward symbol on it.] TOM: Who wants to bet that that's a one time shot as well? [All raise hands again.] MIKE: Keep 'em raised... who wishes she'd held out for a lemon with Oscar? [Needless to say, all their hands fly up and through the ceiling. But they soon fall back down and arms and hands are rejoined.] > Sonic and company CROW: Doesn't compare to The Micky Mouse Club at ALL. [Crosses arms like he has so many other times.] > had almost finished TOM: The newly planned Pie drinking and Rootbeer eating contest. > unloading the vehicle, or MIKE: "Mystery Machine" like what it side on it's side. TOM: [Shudders.] We've referenced Scooby-Doo twice... CROW: Is this an omen?? > "pickup truck" as Rotor had come to call MIKE: Sally. TOM: So all this was in Sally? CROW: Cool... > it. Almost all the items had been TOM: Thrown away when their monetary value was realized. > identified: MIKE: This, that, those, these, those, and one of this. CROW: And that. > the drumset had been CROW: Found to discover a lot of 'sugar' in one of the snares. > relocated in Sonic's hut, TOM: HE play's drums??? CROW: HE just wanted it so he could attract girls. MIKE: And Sally couldn't do ANYTHING about, without revealing the truth. CROW: That latex and spandex ARE different. > at his request, the metal pipes TOM: Were shinned up... CROW: Turned to the side... MIKE: ...? BOTS: And were shoved up his candy--! MIKE: BAKA! BOTS: ...cane! MIKE: AHHH! That's SICK! BOTS: Yes, we agree... [A few beats.] ALL: Ewww... > had been stands for the cymbals, MIKE: So he requested that they'd be stands? CROW: Looks that way. He seems to have a bit of power. > four more of which had been found. TOM: Wha? > Two of these cymbals had been MIKE: Sentenced to community service. CROW: BAD CYMBALS! > just like the others, while two more were TOM: Given a hefty reward for turning in the others. > turned up at the ends, one with four rivets along to edge. [All snicker.] > The log with the skin, CROW: Wasn't a log at all... > no one had been able to identify, but it was guessed as being yet another TOM: Waste of space. > drum of some kind. The keyboard had been catalogued as the "Kawai K5000 Advanced > Additive Workstation." MIKE: The sad thing is, that's a real thing... TOM: The, horror. CROW: They knew it was a Kawai and they don't even know what Kawai is?? MIKE: It was probably labeled, Crow. TOM: HEY! What did I tell you about contradiction!? > The white box, which had caused so much trouble with CROW: The White Box Fanatic Club. > Sonic had been catalogued TOM: They catalogued Sonic? As an idiot, of some sort? > as the "Roland SPD-20 Total MIKE Waste of a product. > Percussion Pad." No one was quite sure as to what the guitar was exactly, TOM: It's obviousness as a GUITAR was TOO obvious to be right, apparently. > but it was of the opinion that it was a large CROW: HEY! I ordered EXRTA LARGE! > mandolin. A guitar amplifier and cable had also been found. TOM: Big truck. MIKE: Heck, big Sally. [All snicker.] > That which was not put into Sonic's hut CROW: But all he asked for was the drums! Why not just say 'everything else??' MIKE: Takin' it too seriously there. > went on "display" in the War Room. TOM: Where in actuality, it was being checked to see if it were edible. > Sonic was lifting CROW: His ego with great physical strain. > the last remaining item out of the back: MIKE: Back of what? > a quite bland-to-the-eye TOM: QUITE bland. > brown cardboard box. It was rather heavy, and he called for Tails to come help him out. CROW: He calls for the WEAKEST person there. Duh, he's smart, too! > When they got the box out of the truck, Sonic opened it up. MIKE: And felt pretty silly when a new disease was unleashed on the populous. > He saw two red pieces of cloth TOM: And boy, were THEY an eyesore. MIKE: Not to mention a muscle sore for Sonic. > covering the two objects in the box. He smiled slightly as he caught a whiff MIKE: Go ahead Crow. CROW: Huh? > of the pleasant, and faintly peanutty [Bots snicker.] TOM: Hehe, he said peanut. > scent of MIKE: The extra supply of manure. > talc. CROW: Chalk. TOM: Crack. MIKE: Smack. > "Hmm..." Tails let the world know of his CROW: Small, yet growing... stamp collection. [Mike glares at him slightly.] MIKE: [Mumbling.] Make fun of my stamp collection... > curiosity. A mischievous sparkle flashed TOM: In the mischievous sparkle machine, for it was complete. > in his eyes. "Sonic, what in the *HELL* MIKE: Potty mouth!!! > do you suppose these are?" pausing just before CROW: The Crash and Bash Stomp-o'-Matic. TOM: Oh, he DOES have brains then. > "hell" to make sure he could put extra MIKE: Sugar on his corn flakes. > emphasis on the word. TOM: I CAN put EMPHASIS on a LOT of WORDS. See WHAT I MEAN? > "TAAA-AAAILS!!! CROW: "Where in the world did you get this recipe?" > Be quiet! Sally'll bust my [All drop to the ground, whooping and giggling in histerics.] TOM: Whoa, sorry, hehe, but that was just TOO funny... heh... > tail if she heard you saying TOM: [As Sonic.] That I called her a Mega Slut. MIKE: ... > that." Tails snickered CROW: What happened to the sniggers? WHERE ARE THE SNIGGERS? SHOW ME THE SNIGGERS! TOM: I'm NOT doing the candy-bar joke again. > but apologized. Sonic took the cloths and laid them in his lap. MIKE: It's nice to know that he's hollow down there. > He looked down at the objects in the box. "What the heck is it, Sonic? Tupperware?" TOM: GAH! I don't even know who said that! Is Tails in his paragraph or what?? > He lifted the larger object out of the box with alarming CROW: Inability. > ease. MIKE: Then, why was the box... heavy?? > "Woah. My chili-dogs weigh more than TOM: [As Sonic.] Me. > this." He examined it closer. The majority of it was made of a silver metal, CROW: But, light, metal, not, huh? > with rawhide strips running MIKE: For the race had finally begun. > down from the woven rim at the top, down to the bottom, TOM: It's apparently a 'Downy' day. [Cash Register.] CROW: HEY!!! TOM: Ahhhhh, cha,... ching... MIKE: Tom, really, we can't over do our first episode. TOM: Or CAN we?? [Darts head around suspiciously.] > where the strips wound around each other, CROW: Ahhh, they all love each other. > apparently just to eat up TOM: Valuable time. > slack. The top of the object was MIKE: Covered with a buffet-style food placement. How strange. > made out of a tough, white material, TOM: What a nice thought. > and had some kind of black spot CROW: Looks like SOMEONE doesn't know what a toilet is. MIKE: Crow. CROW: Mike. TOM: ...Tom. > in the center, which was stained TOM: Darned spaghetti sauce, I hate Italian Night. > gray by the talcum powder, a bottle of which was in the box as well. MIKE: Yes, that bottle apparently made ALL the difference as to whether this fic was to be MiSTed or not. > "WOAH!!! CROW: [As Tails.] I HAVE TWO TAILS! AND I JUST NOTICED! > SONIC! LOOK AT THIS!!!" Tails suddenly exclaimed. TOM: Yeah, if he hadn't SUDDENLY exclaimed it, that would be kinda weird. > "What little MIKE: "Teeth you have." CROW: [As Tails.] Yes, they're uh, used for, um... uh... > dude?" Tails held up a TOM: Hand that happened to have all but one finger folded down. > gold hammer/pick. CROW: Wait, so it's either a hammer... or a guitar pick... or, useless plot contrivance... > "Oh, don't get yer tails in a twist. TOM: BAD, BAD JOKE! MIKE: Very,... very,... bad... > It's probably just plated with MIKE: Spray paint. > gold." Tails handed the hammer to Sonic, who almost dropped it. TOM: Well, we saw how he struggled with the Tupperware. > It's weight betrayed it's CROW: Color. > size. It felt a heavy as real gold!' MIKE: Not just 'gold.' but 'gold!' > Sonic blasted off TOM: In hopes of freeing us from the Satellite of Love??? CROW: So very doubtful. > to find Sally, causing Tails to MIKE: Do a little dance... CROW: Maybe, make a little love... TOM: And an outside chance of, gettin' down tonight. > fly forward a respectable distance. MIKE: Well, not so much respectable... TOM: As undisnonrespectable... wait, that's not a word... > When he found her, he rudely grabbed for CROW: The, 'goods.' Heh... [Mike tosses his hands up in frustration.] [Tom catches them on the return, and hands them back to Mike.] CROW: ...How did you DO that??? MIKE: I, I still don't know! I'm human... this isn't very logical... TOM: Logic is for robots! Now go do something illogical, Crow. CROW: OK!!! [Shuffles off.] MIKE: Um... > Nicole, who was latched to Sally's left boot, as usual. MIKE: As usual. > When Sonic came back up, TOM: He found himself going down another hill of the roller coaster ride. It was all so weird for him. > he was walloped across the face, but he was too MIKE: Numb. TOM: Stupid. MIKE: Stupidly numb. [Tom looks at Mike strangely.] > excited to notice. > "Yo! Nicole!" > "Sonic, whad'up?" TOM: Ah, the phenomenon of Split Computer Personality Syndrome. > "Couldja' scan this hammer? MIKE: 'Cause you know, it's Hammer Time. [Crow suddenly falls from the ceiling, screaming, landing with a resonant 'whumph.'] CROW: I... tried ta, - ow - fly. MIKE: Are you OK?? CROW: Just illogical. TOM: See? Logic is NOT for robots. MIKE: But, but, you said-- TOM: What did I just tell you? MIKE: ...Right. [Helps Crow back up.] > I think it's solid gold!" CROW: Yeah, ROCK solid. > Sally's ears perked up TOM: That always happened if the room was cold. [All burst out laughing.] > and her eyes widened. > "Sure thing CROW: [As Nicole.] ...Squirrel kisser... MIKE: Yeah, how does HE know where Sally and that mouth of hers has been? TOM: Storing nuts for the winter-time? [All stop and grow wide-eyed.] ALL: Ewww... > Sonic... scans show the hammer is mainly CROW: "Here for no reason." > composed of lead, MIKE: *Snort.* Stupid bed, I mean, lead. TOM: Drwau? > but the plating *is* CROW: "NOT Nicholas Cage. But it bears strange resemblance to David Allen Grier." > pure gold." MIKE: WRONG! Pure gold is soft and CLAY-LIKE. Thereby, that sample can't be pure, and is probably mixed with brass. [Bots stare at him in awe.] CROW: Man Mike... bitch, bitch, bitch,... TOM: Yeah, nitpicker. > "Man. Major bummer." CROW: Like yeah, totally dude. > "Sonic, you actually understood that. I'm suprized!" TOM: Wait, no one else is there... why is she being like that now? MIKE: She probably is serious. CROW: Besides, most are SURPRISED when they're astonish. Being SUPRIZED is just so different. > said Sally. Sonic CROW: Beat the sense into her. > smiled sincerely and looked into her eyes, MIKE: Thinking that they'd look good on his mantle. CROW: ...Kay... > but only for a moment. He quickly shifted TOM: The hot coal from one hand to the other, wondering why it burned. > his expression and retorted. MIKE: [As Sonic sticking tongue out.] Same to you, too MS. POOPIE HEAD! > "Funny." ALL: We agree. > He ran back to Tails, while Sally grabbed on to a nearby TOM: Salesman, and began to wring his neck over the low, low prices. CROW: ...Women are weird... > tree and watched fondly as her lover did his thing. MIKE: No comment. > "What'd you find out TOM: [As Tails.] In the wilderness that is indeed Sally's hut? > Sonic?" asked Tails as Sonic arrived. > "It's CROW: [As Sonic.] An unnecessary dead end. > lead. Sorry guy." Sonic realized, for no reason, MIKE: ALL of his realizations are for no reason. > that he still had Nicole. TOM: Lookin' for that late-night fun Sonic? > He decided to put her to good use. CROW: Apparently so... MIKE: Well, I'd suspect that the fake hate between Sonic and Sal' will become real after this. > Nicole? Scan for anything TOM: Why is the author asking Nicole? > on record that look anything like that pot-thing on the ground." ALL: Jhau? > "Searching now, CROW: There's that 'now' again. > Sonic... only match is TOM: [As Nicole.] The one that's was just lit by Tails in the insanely flammable liquids and stupidly explosive materials shed. > the percussive instrument, tabla, played by the MIKE: Tabla players in Tabla Anonymous? > nomadic Army Ants, CROW: OH YEAH! That whole 'animal' thing. > living in the Great Unknown. TOM: It's not the Unknown if it isn't great. > That big one is known as CROW: Jimbo, the school bully. > the bayan, and the smaller one is MIKE: His spunky sidekick Smack-Around-Kid! > also known as the tabla." TOM: So there's a tabla, a bayan, and another tabla?? > "Sheesh!" CROW: Really. > exclaimed Sonic. "Whoever owned that truck really had a thing MIKE: [As Sonic.] Popular Mechanics? > about drums?!" TOM: Apparently it twern't obvious enough. > Tails yawned. "What time is it?" ALL: It's... pancake time!! TOM: Alright! The pointless running gag is BACK! > Sonic asked himself. He looked down at his bare wrist. CROW: Hair pas-- > "Hair past a freckle, eh?" CROW: Oh my goodness, Mike? How did he, know? MIKE: I'm scared too, Crow... TOM: Why did he ask himself if he knew he had no watch? A vauge attempt to be funny? WELL I DON'T THINK SO! *WE'LL* TAKE THE CHEAP SHOTS AROUND *HERE!!* CROW: Well, only if the price is right. > Tails giggled at Sonic through another yawn. TOM: And exactly how big was this yawn? Any, distinguishing characteristics? > Sonic looked at the sun. "I'm guessing it's about... um... MIKE: [As Sonic.] Judging by how blind it's making me... > let's say eight-thirty. ALL: Eight-thirty. HAPPY?? > Way past your bedtime, CROW: Falafel boy. > Tails." CROW: Same name. > "Aw, I'm not >yawn< sleepy, I don't wanna go ta bed." TOM: SHEEE-EE-ESH! Man, if THIS isn't cliche'! > "Sorry Tails. Princess rules all, MIKE: Yet, you constantly 'fight' with her. Aren't you being conspicuous? > now git." TOM: Along lil' doggy. > Tails flew off into his hut to await Sally CROW: And her very original lap-dance technique. MIKE: Ok Crow, that's a bit TOO far. Cut down on the sugar, OK? > to tuck him in. Sonic pictured himself being tucked in by Sally... MIKE: NOW you can be derogatory. TOM: So, if the fics starts it, we can do it, too???? MIKE: Sounds reasonable. [The bots look at each other and start cheering childishly.] > plus a bit more. CROW: Yeah, her strawberry rhubarb was top of the top in Knotwhore, excuse me, Knothole. TOM: Strawberry rhubarb?... OH! I get it, hehe, you said Strawberry. [Crow arches a metal eyebrow.] > He chuckled and banished the thought... for the time being. MIKE: He thought that looked good on his mantle, too. > He put the tabla CROW: They vary in size brainiac. > back in it's box and hauled it off to the meeting room to put it on display TOM: Weren't they on display in the War Room, though? MIKE: Maybe it's the same room... > along with the others. > As he walked to his hut, he bumped into Sally. CROW: And they immediately broke out knives, guns and knun-chucks, summoning the other members of their respective gangs. > After checking for spies, TOM: Spies he says. > he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. MIKE: But everyone saw it because he checked for spies and not people he knew. > "Man, what CROW: "Have you been digging your face into?? Yeach!" > a day!" he exclaimed. MIKE: That WOULD justify the exclamation point, if he exclaimed. > "I know. MIKE: I'm just making sure, Sally. > It looks like we've got our TOM: [In a popish voice.] Knickers in bunches now! > selves occupied for a while." She suddenly changed the subject. CROW: [As Sally.] Do you love me, or do you love love me? > "You know, Robotropolis has been rather quiet lately. MIKE: Gee, I wonder if something crazy like, planning an attack is happening. > I'm getting suspicious that something might be going on." TOM: Unlike the apparent norm when NOTHING goes on. > "Oh, Sal, you're just being paranoid." CROW: So basically, he's saying that she's acting normally. > "Maybe. But we haven't heard anything from MIKE: The merry ol' land of Lollipops, either. > Sir Charles lately either. You think that he might have been... ya' know TOM: [As Sally.] yeah, ya know... well, kinda... just well... kinda... > ... caught?" > "Aw, would'ja just relax?! CROW: [As Sally.] AHEM, around here... TOM: WE use a little word called 'please.' MIKE: And in many cases, 'shaddup.' > Ol' Butt-nik's CROW: [Singing.] Na na, na na, na na, na na, BATMAN! I mean, BUTT-NIK! > never even come close to finding TOM: The buried treasure of Walopcuzusyreteradslerbitchnetin's Island. MIKE: I SAW what you put in there Tom, don't be so vulgar. TOM: Ok, ok... Mother,... MIKE: What? TOM: Duh-I said uh,... lov-- No! Not that... uh... > him out." > "You sure know how to take my worries off things." she said sarcastically. CROW: HEY! It's not YOUR Uncle, IS it Sally? > Sonic didn't pick up her tone. MIKE: Which is rather unfortunate, because littering laws were stricter than ever that year. > "It's probably just you." TOM: Nice one Sonic... [Mumbles.] Five, four, three... CROW: [As Sally.] *WHAP!* TOM: Right on time. > he said modestly. Sally sigh/laughed TOM: How do you do that effectively? > and looked into his eyes. MIKE: And immediately, Sonic lust for them took over, he grabbed a fork, and it went from there. > "... You know, the next power ring isn't due CROW: Until we're done with this sex scene. MIKE: I may have struck my inner-Crow, but really, that's too much. CROW: [Confused.] ...The hell? Inner-Crow? TOM: Is that anything like the inner-senshi? > for half-an-hour." Understanding completely, Sonic smirked and walked hand in hand, hidden > from sight by the wall of trees, with his lover to the power ring pool. MIKE: Sheesh, they're not taking too much advantage of this time and opportunity. TOM: Well, if they come back all, weirder like, we'll know different. > The next morning's sunlight found Sonic face, CROW: After having lost it for so very many years. > dispite CROW: Dispite? MIKE: You KNOW what he meant. > the fact that he had moved his bed to the other side of the TOM: Moon. > room. he thought to himself, stubborn.> CROW: Ooooo, personification, never saw THAT before. > He rolled over and pulled his pillow over his head. TOM: Where it was crushed when he forgot his pillow was a rock. > He had barely dosed off when CROW: Knothole was set ablaze. MIKE: Gee, think he'll be grumpy this mornin'? > there was a knock at his door. MIKE: [As Person at Door.] SONIC! WAKE UP! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NAP! > TOM: We've been sayin' that. > "C'MIN!!" The door opened and in stepped CROW: Sherly Temple: BACK FOR MORE. > Tails. > "Good morning MIKE: [As Tails.] Buttface, duh-I mean, Sonic. > Sonic. I was wondering if I could try CROW: [As Tails.] This new nacromancer spell I learned on ya. > the drums." > "Hlpyer slf-mmmmmmm..." TOM: Oh yeah? Teipuk arl-fffffff to you, too! MIKE: YEAH! And Efjaas dsa-ttttttt while you're at it. CROW: You're such a Ggjpas fak-aaaaaaa, man! > He groggily indicated a pile TOM: Of pennies he's been saving to by a car. So far, the nine he had weren't holding up. > of hardware in the corner of the hut. MIKE: What corner? CROW: What hut? TOM: What Knothole? > It was too early for him to speak CROW: Incoherently. Once again, that was him during the norm. > comprehendagably. TOM: ...Mike? MIKE: ...Tom? CROW: ...Lame? MIKE: Oh, er, probably a typo. > "You haven't set MIKE: [As Tails.] Out the hour d'oeuvres yet??? > it up yet?!" he asked, only slightly shocked. CROW: Yes, it would have been a major plot twist if he were COMPLETELY shocked. > "Nooo. TOM: Apparently it would mean certain doom. > Was too busy yesterday ta setit MIKE: Typo, or is he still sleepy? TOM: We may never, ever know. > up." > "Can I try setting it up?" CROW: Jeez, cut down on the 'set it up' repetition crap, OK?? > "Tails," His speech was more MIKE: Blurred, as glue inhibited talking when you ate it. > reinforced, but still had that half-asleepish CROW: Quarter-Irish, third-Scottish, Tenth-Hungarian, Fifth-Italian... > undertone to it. He propped himself up on his elbows. "Have you ever even TOM: Often over, above and beyond! MIKE: Oh c'mon, you just recycled Crow's joke. > seen a drumset before?" CROW: [As Tails.] HEY! Just 'cause I'm an idiot and haven't seen a drums- oh, you weren't insulting me. > "Well, no." he admitted. "But I'm sure I can TOM: "Steal one and claim it as my own." > figure it out." > "Good luck! CROW: Yeah! Keep a stiff upper lip! MIKE: And don't give up! TOM: SOCK IT TO 'EM! > You're gonna need it. I'm gonna go style my quills. CROW: Great, fictional characters can endorse styling gel. > Be back in a sonic-second." Tails burst out laughing when he saw Sonic walk into the > bathroom, TOM: Yeah, that whole 'walking into the bathroom' shtick sure is hilarious. > his quills straying from their usual sleek, triangular position MIKE: Say, how many bottles of gel do you think it takes? One, two? TOM: Dozen or gross? > and flaring out in all directions. He was out, as he promised, in a second. CROW: So, Tails was able to notice, observe, point and burst out laughing in less than a second as the term, 'Sonic-Second' implies. Not to mention that Sonic walked. [Mike and Tom clap steadily.] > Sonic showed Tails how to set up a basic drumset, and an hour and several > bruised toes later, they had set up a crude trapset. MIKE: [As Sonic.] Yes, this will be sufficient for catching that pesky, two-tailed fox... TOM: [As Tails.] HEY! MIKE: [As Sonic.] Uh, not YOU lil' buddy. Heh, heh, heh... > "Hmmm..." Sonic wondered aloud. CROW: Bacon, or ham... > "I thought that there were supposed to be three toms." [Tom-Servo's 'eyes' widen in worry.] TOM: Ahchi, I uh, oh, um uh... MIKE?? CROW?? > "Tom? Who's Tom?" TOM: Well, I-I am... I think... > "No no no. Not Tom. CROW: Why not? ISN'T HE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? > *A* tom. ALL: Ooooooh. > A tom is that drum on top of the base drum, MIKE: On TOP? Since when? CROW: One of you doesn't know your drums apparently. > the biggest one. And that one with the white head is called a snare drum, TOM: Don't they all have white skins? > I think." MIKE: THINKING ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! CROW: We need more action, less thinking! We must move forward, not backward! Sideways! Not forward! > "Then what's that TOM: [As Tails.] On your neck? OH! It's your head! > big one all by itself?" CROW: And because it was all by itself, it became isolated and weird. > "That's a floor tom. TOM: HEY! I KNOW it's a floor, bit-- MIKE: He's not talking to you, Tom. Just stay frosty. TOM: Mike, you SERIOUSLY, need to bite me. CROW: I wanted to say that. > The two cymbals with a petal underneath is call a hi-hat, CROW: Bushwhacked. TOM: Creedlacked. MIKE: Godsmack. [Magic cuts in before cash register is heard.] MAGIC VOICE: Another plug, and *I* get your brownies. TOM: But we already ate-- oh... Ewww... [Few beats.] ALL: Ewww... > that big one by the floor tom's called a ride cymbal, BOTS: [Singing.] Gonna ride all night 'cause I sleep all day... > and this one by the high tom CROW: He never actually classified the high Tom. > is called a crash cymbal." BOTS: [Singing.] Gonna crash right here and spend the year in the hospital... > "Do you know how to MIKE: "Not not not not not not shut up?" TOM: [As Sonic.] What was the question again? > play it?" > "No, not really. Feel free to doodle around CROW: "Because I don't care if you deface this obviously priceless relic from the last millennia." > on it if you want." "Now that I think about it, I don't know if I really wanna." TOM: Ahhhh, the indesisivness of an asshol- er, child... > Sonic sighed in slight frustration, MIKE: Having wanted to smack him out the door instead of into the wall. > but smiled anyway. CROW: Yeah, the smile Pearl had. > "Whatever. TOM: Like yeah, dude man, I totally know what you're talkin' bout yo. > I'm goin' for breakfast; I'm starved." MIKE: Hi, I'm Mike. TOM: Word, I'm Servo. CROW: I like M & M's... OH! I'm Tom, er, Crow. > > It ran through the trees. TOM: Ahh, so the trees around here are without mass or density. Gotcha. > It had to get away from... MIKE: The MacDonalds Reps... they so wanted to sell off their '2 for 2' deal on it... > from the "bad one." CROW: Sad one? TOM: Glad one? MIKE: Bad one? [Bots look at Mike.] > It ran as fast as it possibly could until it came to another one. TOM: Don't you just LOVE pointless vagueness? > It could not tell if this one was CROW: The one who took his potato chips, but he'd find out, oh yeah. > bad, but it was obviously scared. MIKE: Antoine? BOTS: Antoine. > It watched the new one run off, and chased after it. TOM: This particular game of 'Tag' had suddenly gotten ugly. > Perhaps it could eat now. CROW: Well, if you ignore the Serving Center to your right, I suppose you have reason to follow Ant. > > Sonic had only finished his seventh chili-dog MIKE: Psshhh, I got him beat... OH! He said 'chili-dogs,' I though he said 'nothing.' > when he heard a painfully familiar sound. TOM: I told him those beans would give him 'The Runs.' Heh, get it? 'Cause he runs a lot? [Crow and Mike groan at the horrible pun.] CROW: PLEASE don't do that. > That of Antoine screaming. he thought. his reflection?> [Mike looks at Bots.] MIKE: This isn't funny anymore... TOM: Was it ever? > Antoine came screaming CROW: And when everyone began to kill him, that only made things a tad worse. > up to Sonic, shouting at him frantically in French. TOM: PLEASE explain this whole, France on Mobius thing, please. > Sonic tried to calm him down, MIKE: Well give up on the wimpy twig, go for the bat! > without much success. CROW: Well, it IS Antoine. TOM: What a pu-- MIKE: Tom. TOM: I thought I'd get away with that, too. > He had begun to draw a crowd CROW: His accompaniment of the Bearded-Midget-Lady was the true cause. > when Sally, Tails and Bunnie showed up. MIKE: For I had taken the characters most traveled by, and that made all the difference. > "Sugah-'twan," shouted Bunnie. "what the hoo-hah's [Bots are solemn this time.] CROW: Hehe. She said hoo-hah's. TOM: Yes, she did. > wrong with you?!" ALL: Need a list? [They exchange brief glances.] > Antoine continued ranting, TOM: He SOOOOO wanted revenge on the Deli on 53 Street. > so she gave him one good smack with her normal hand. MIKE: Good 'ol Downunda people. Always thinking of the obvious solutions. > Antoine passed out for apparently no reason. CROW: Gee, should we review that he has a low pain tolerance and Bunnie had just given him a GOOD smack? MIKE: Yes, yes we should. > "What a wimp!" Tails observed. CROW: Nice observation Rembrandt. TOM: Wasn't he an artist? CROW: How the heck should I know??? > When Antoine finally came to, TOM: Bunnie thought it funny to do some more smacking. > he began telling of his "hairy-frying" [All groan and cover their eyes.] MIKE: That must be one of the signs of the end of the world. > encounter with a monster. Everyone wore an extremely skeptical and unimpressed look on > their faces, CROW: I think we know why no one likes Antoine. MIKE: I like Antoine... TOM: But, you're Mike. It's ok for YOU to like him. > which soon faded to a cross between absolute shock and absolute disgust when he incoherently > blurted TOM: But, it was incoherent... > out what, or rather *WHO* the monster looked like. CROW: And it frightened all to know it was, Garret Morris. > "ME?!" screamed a dumbfounded Tails. MIKE: NO!!!!! MEEEEEE! Oh, wait. > "You've LOST it Antoine!!!" CROW: What was there to loose? TOM: His virginity? MIKE: Guys... > "No, no, no! I azure you. TOM: So you're painting him a shade of blue? > I had seen-ed another fox, running through ze woods. He stopped, looked at moi, CROW: [As Antoine.] And beganing to chas-ed moi, and I am zinking zat eet eez to being involve-ed with moi new 'steak-suit.' > and I run-ed away!" MIKE: Testimony of a three year old. > "Wait, wait, wait." said Sally. "You expect us to believe that you were chased a > eight-foot-tall version of Tails?" TOM: Maybe not EIGHT feet... CROW: Seven and-half I could see, maybe even seven and-three-quarters. > "Antoine!" Sonic was utterly insulted, CROW: Antoine was late with his ointment again. > not only for his own intelligence, but for Tails' as well. TOM: So that adds up to... half a brain? CROW: Yeah, the whole one-half belonging to Tails. > "That is the biggest loada' CRAP I ever heard!!!" MIKE: [Monotonously.] Sonic, stop. You're, frightening, the children, with, such,... harsh language. > "Yeah," said Bunnie, "I woulda' thought ya'd lighten up at least a little bit after ten > years!" CROW: Well you thought wrong, bi-- MIKE: No. CROW: --Bie-otch? [Mike nods head.] > "No! I swear it!" TOM: Oh, if he SWEARS it, then it's ok. > "Forget it 'twan!" interrupted Sonic. "I've heard way past too much!" and with that, he > left COW: HEY! You can't take our 'I've-heard-way-past-too-much!' We had to sell TWENTY-FIVE MAGAZINES FOR THAT! > Antoine's hut after smacking him in the back of the head. CROW: He should have passed out again... > Bunnie followed in suit, repeating the blow to Antoine's head. ALL: OOOWWW! MIKE: With the metal and the buzz-saw attachment... ouch. > Sally just glared at him over her shoulder CROW: But was secretly... oh, nevermind. Mike won't let me get a word out... TOM: Who are you talking to? [Crow looks around. Panic stricken, he points over to the audience.] CROW: LOOK OVER THERE! [Mike and Tom turn and Crow attempts his get-away. However, he falls down and realizes that he can't get up.] TOM: Dare you say the catch phrase? CROW: Shaddup. [Mike helps him back up.] > as she walked out the door. > Antoine frowned, his head sinking. MIKE: What about Rotor? Why didn't you call him in, SALLY PRINCESS LADY?? > It wasn't for a few moments until he realized that Tails had not left. TOM: And the BFG Tails held was a good signal to start jammin' outta there. > He instantly picked himself up. CROW: Because when you suddenly drop yourself in public, it gets embarrassing. > "Is zere somesing monsieur Tails is inquirink of moi?" he said, a burdenous TOM: His wordering makering-uppering is really annoying. CROW: Oh yeah, you don't know the half of it, Tom. > frown appearing on his face. "Perhaps anothair 'salting, CROW: [As Tails.] I'd prefer it on my fries, but Ok. > or maybe you would want to also streak [All snicker.] MIKE: He said streak. Hehe, funny word... > me in ze head? > "... How tall was he again?" TOM: TAIL was he?-- Oh, there was a speck on the screen. My bag. CROW: Bad. TOM: Right, my dad. > Antoine blinked as he realized that Tails was the only one CROW: Who could link this murder to the Hardey boys and their false facade of wholesomeness. > who believed him. He knew not why, and probably never would, MIKE: Well, next time, ask. > but it didn't matter to him, so long as there was CROW: Just a SLICE of pepperoni left. > someone who didn't dispise MIKE: Does he spell all his words with di-' in the beginning? > him utterly. TOM: Is he basin' on my cow? 'Cause if he is... > Any further comments were interrupted by two screams and a hideous shriek. MIKE: Bill Cosby had another product to endorse. > The foxes rushed outside to see what all the commotion was about. They arrived > just in time to see something big and orange scurry off into the forest. CROW: It only wanted a new playmate... George... > Sally and Bunnie were petrified with fear, TOM: Petrified, eh? CROW: Fear, eh? MIKE: Sally, eh? [Bots look at Mike again.] > and just stood, saying and doing nothing. MIKE: That's what happened when the teacher called 'Quiet Time.' > Antoine and Tails became aware of a mass TOM: For the Catholic Church was back in operation. > of blue spines unfurling itself, and taking a hedgehog's form. CROW: Seems to be the season for shape-shifters. TOM: Seems like there are more EVERY year. > Sonic had a terrified and disbelieving look etched into his face. MIKE: The artist didn't HAVE time to color. > "It tried to eat me!" TOM: That must happen every time he pours sugar on himself. > he stated. Sally and Bunnie shifted their gaze to Sonic. They each grimaced slightly when > they noticed red staining some of his quills. CROW: [As Sally.] GRAPE JUICE DOESN'T COME OUT! Whoever stained the hedgehog is in serious trouble! > Sally walked up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He must've jumped five feet > into the air. MIKE: So THAT'S what sealed his place in the NBA. > "Sonic, are you alright?" TOM: I mean, that lobotomy sure was somethin'. > Sonic seemed to recover. > "Yeah, I'm alright. Just a little shook up, I guess. MIKE: [As Sonic.] Darn shake n' bake. > I WAS almost eaten, ya' know." CROW: [As Sally.] Rub it in why don't you. > Sally sighed in relief and put on an expression of feigned annoyance. TOM: [As Sally.] What have I told you about nearly getting killed?? Doesn't ANYTHING I say get through to you? CROW: [As Sonic.] Only in bed. And even then I'm kinda spaced out. Nudge Nudge. MIKE: Guys... > "I'm only glad you're okay because you're our biggest TOM: "Annoyance, therefore, good bait." > chance of beating Robotnik." > "Chill, CROW: "And then serve." > Sal. I'm cool." With that, he turned to the forest. > "SONIC! TOM: [As Sally.] PICK THE SEAT UP NEXT TIME! IT'S A WASTE OF TOILET PAPER! > WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" MIKE: [As Sonic.] Hey! I don't think at all! So there! > "I'm gonna catch that thing! That's what." CROW: Oh, he's a smarty. > He revved up his legs. TOM: And swore when he realized he didn't put in any anti-freeze for the long winter. > "I think not!" > "I think yes!" MIKE: Such difference of opinion. > The princess and the sonic-boom were carried through the air and into the forest. TOM: So Sonic took her with him? CROW: Who cares, it's segment time. MIKE: I call the sombrero. [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [BREAK] [Commercials:] [More reasons for animals to wear sweaters,] [The 190 hour of a non-stop parade in IdiotVille,] [The following is a news break about the increased death rate in IdiotVille by over exertion,] ['The foo who bit of a pice of his fro' faces legal charges,] [And a new battery is out, they're calling it Energizer,] [And in a final news brief, Energizer sues Energizer.] [END BREAK] [Crow and Tom are huddled together and looking around frantically. They make small frightened noises now and then.] CROW: ...What was that Tom??... TOM: [Makes high pitch noise.] CROW: ...Tom...? [Mike comes in stage-left behind then and taps Crow on his shoulder. Crow and Tom promptly scream and begin to run away. Five minutes later they return, covered in sweat.] TOM: MMIIIII-IIIIIIIKKKEE! Don't DO that! CROW: Mike, man, there is SOMETHING, something BIG, and something BAD on the ship with us... we,... we heard Gypsy scream, and it was silent after that! TOM: Ex-except for the, the... [Tom suddenly runs away screaming again.] CROW: ...He was trying to say... the giant... footstep sounds... [Mike arches eyebrow.] MIKE: I didn't hear anything.... CROW: Trust me, it's not good. [Suddenly, they hear Tom shriek and come running back. We also notice that Mike is for some reason, carrying around drumsticks.] TOM: It, it tried to eat me... CROW: Oh man!! OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN!! It's like the clash of 'Event Horizon' and 'Percussion!' I hate Pearl even more for sending this fic! TOM: Well, th-there's another, cl-clash... 'Sphere.' MIKE AND CROW: Why 'Sphere?' TOM: It, it's a, a, an, orange... shimmering... ball... MIKE: This has got to be the worst crossover ever. CROW: MIKE! This is SERIOUS! We have a rampant ball on the loose, and you're worried about market value??? MIKE: Well,... yeah... [Suddenly, the pounding is heard. All their eyes widen unbelievably large.] TOM: It, it's coming... and I don't think it brought popcorn-- duh-I mean, uh, wait... [Mike notices a glass of water begin to shimmer. Getting worse each time.] MIKE: ...Jurassic Park... BOTS: MMIKKE! [Suddenly, a high-pitched piercing noise is heard. Mike is about to mention '2001: Space Odyssey,' when he notices that it's Tom screaming.] TOM: THERE IT IS! MIKE AND CROW: Oh my goodness... [It can be seen. It's actually pretty small. About the size of Tom's globe.] CROW: That's what made all that pounding???? MIKE: And that's what tried to eat you?? TOM: You don't under!-- [He suddenly gets cut off, when in a flash of light, it expands to the size of 100 Tom-Globes.] TOM: ...S-s-s-see... and now I'm SURE it didn't bring popcorn... MIKE: [Looks bewildered.] Uh, lemme try something... BOTS: ...what? MIKE: Just a theory. [He taps a new button and the Bots suddenly fall apart.] BOTS: Gah! [They are laid out similar to a mildly-decent drumset. Tom's head is the bass, Crow's head is the snare, Crows torso is the ride...etc...] [Mike begins to play and a spotlight suddenly comes on him. This goes on for a few minutes and gets steadily more intense. It ends in a buzzroll and a bangin' on the Ride cymbal. (Crow's torso.)] CROW: Ow... That's all you wanted to do????? TOM: How is that gonna help us???? I don't see any popcorn! [The spotlight lets up, and the houselights come back on.] CROW: WE'RE DOO-- er, Tom, your globe is glowing... [His globe is indeed glowing. And every time he talks it shoots out his mouth.] TOM: Yeah, sure, whatever. CROW: TOM! It's coming out your mouth for Robot's Sake! MIKE: Crow, smack Tom for a second. CROW: I'm not connected to my arms. MIKE: Fine. [Mike smacks Tom in the back of his glowing head, hard enough to break the glass. Before he does, he warns Crow to cover his eyes.] CROW: Ok... TOM: WAIT!-- OOOOOWWW!!! [Tom's head explodes in a display of circuitry and the sphere is unaffected.] CROW: YAAAHHHHH! MIKE: But, but, this always works in 'Sonic Underground!' Well, how it's initiated is a bit different... CROW: You, you idiot!!! First, you dismantle us, I don't even know how, and then you blow up Tom's head for NOOOO reason, and you did a crossover that CAN'T be undone. Sonic Underground... What were you THINKING???? And that's Gypsy! We were just tryin' to freak you out!! MIKE: Wha... huh?? [The spherical manifestation fades and Gypsy emerges.] CROW: Was there any relevance in this segment at ALL???? Mike! This idea was worth it's weight! No wait. uh, worth your crap's weight! No, hold on! I can remember this, uh, worth it's crap's idea's weight! No, hold on... MIKE: Well, I saw you doing all those crossovers, and I wanted to try... CROW: ...Uh, crappy weight, no, um... MIKE: Sorry... CROW: Anyhow, you wasted a good Tom Head. MIKE: Well excuse ME if we were non-sensical. GYPSY: Well, it STARTED good, but Mike, you DID go over the line. MIKE: Ok ok, and when did you plan this? CROW: We, didn't... uh, but, how did you get Tom's head to glow? MIKE: ... CROW: MIKE??? MIKE: Uh, um, I don't know,... this is frightening... GYPSY: I vote we try to forget about this and hit the MADS light that's been blinking for the last five minutes. MIKE AND CROW: Uh-oh... [Crow and Tom (minus head) are quickly reassembled.] [Mike hesitantly taps thing.] MIKE: Pearl? [CF] PEARL: [Red-faced.] ABOUT TIME! [SoL] [All - bar Tom - reel back slightly, but regain composure.] MIKE: Er, what's up? How's BoBo? [CF] [Pearl smiles and moves to the side, showing BoBo walking backwards on his hands, and speaking in some weird accent, and what seems like a new language.] [Aboard the SoL, the members just stare.] PEARL: What did I do? Oh, just had Brain Guy flip BoBo's brain upside down. Crude, but effective. [SoL] [All glance at Tom for a brief second.] CROW: Is that all you wanted to tell us? [CF] [Pearl lets out a hardy laugh. We can now see Observer in the background.] OBSERVER: He's alive, ALIVE I say! PEARL: Brain Guy! Quiet! Now, where was I,... oh yes! I just wanted to inform you that I've changed my mission objective. No more terrorizing the public. [SoL] [All gasp, but their faces light up.] MIKE: No more horrible fanfic??? [CF] [Pearl lets out another laugh and wipes her eyes.] PEARL: Oh, good gracious yes! Most definatly more horrible fanfic! I'm just deciding to terrorize, that, that ....person who forced me back-- OBSERVER: NOT OVER THERE OBOB!! PEARL: HEY! PIPE DOWN, PALE FACE!!! If you're wondering about 'ObOb,' well, it's kinda obvious. And, if anything, the fics will be worse! Ciao! [SoL] [The screen goes blank, and they crew are left gaping.] CROW: Th-that b-b-bi-bit... MIKE: Just... stay... frosty... CROW: C'mon Mike!! Get a grip! This isn't fun anymore! MIKE: [Smiles a bit.] I know, but we gotta, now we have a different cause. Protecting, you know who. Because if they find one that breaks his spirits, we're out of existence, too. CROW: You, you mean??? MIKE: Yep, we gotta do this. Besides, we're makin' progress. CROW: [Laughs a bit.] Yeah, crappy weight... GYPSY: Hehe, ObOb... [Mike and Crow look at her funny when Fanfic stuff goes off.] CROW: [Melodramatically.] HARK! Dost we beings hear thy sweet call? MIKE: [Normally.] Yes, yes we do. CROW: Then Moronic Story away! [They leave Tom, but Mike soon comes back a casually tucks him under his arm.] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] [Tom's head is back, Crow and Mike act as if nothing has happened. However...] TOM: Crow, tell Mike that I'm not speaking to him. CROW: Tell him yourself. TOM: Fine. Mike, please tell Crow that-- MIKE: Um, you're not speaking to me, remember? TOM: Crow, tell Crow that I said thanks for Mike correcting Tom. CROW: No! You tell Tom that he's a retard! TOM: Ok, fine, Mike, tell Tom that he's-- MIKE: You're not speaking to me. CROW: Tom, tell Crow, that Tom isn't Mike and he isn't speaking to Crow who is Mike. TOM: Mike, thank Crow for pointing out that I'm not speaking to Mike. MIKE: Tom, tell Crow who is Tom that Crow who is Mike is the one Mike who is Tom who Tom who isn't Crow isn't speaking to Mike who is Crow who is Mike. [Silence for a few beats.] ALL: ...What? MAGIC VOICE: I'll make this easy, do the MiST. ALL: Ok, Ok... > It cringed when TOM: The Cringe O' Matic had been activated. > it heard the noise. CROW: Yes, chewing with your mouth open IS kinda distracting. > It looked around frantically for both were the sound came from, and for a place to hide. MIKE: So it would see where it came from, and it would run to hide in that area. Uh-huh. > It spotted a large, felled tree and raced behind it. CROW: Yes, eight foot thick trees are pretty common on Mobius. > It peeked over the log TOM: And smiled evilly as the next victim was spotted in this continuing game of 'Tag: Death Version.' > and waited for something to arrive. > > And arrive it did... MIKE: The annual church fund raiser as iiiiiir-resistible! > > Unbeknownst to anyone CROW: Lets just leave it at that. > other than himself, Tails had slipped TOM: And painfully discovered that ice could do that to ya. > off into the forest. CROW: Hehe, he said 'off.' MIKE: Crow... > He hoped to at least catch a glimpe TOM: A distant relative to that snipe they got on the run a couple chapters back? > of the "monster". He was becoming increasingly anxious CROW: Darned math test. > and expected the monster to pop out form behind every tree. MIKE: Every eight-foot-thick tree, yes. > After a few minutes of flying, something orange caught his eye. TOM: And once again, smacked his forehead when he saw that it was his arm. > He landed and hid behind a tree to see what it was while still keeping a low profile. CROW: I can see how woodland creatures need to do that. MIKE: Low profiles seem to show up a lot,... in,... everywhere... > Although his vision was slightly obscured by a bush, TOM: And the eight-foot-thick trees. > he could plainly see that the orange something CROW: He knew the Yellow Nothing well. MIKE: Well, we can't leave out another "various color with a random '-thing' attachment on it." [Bots look at each other, then back to Mike.] > was a HUGE fox, it's fur the same color as his. TOM: Yes, 'mud' was very common that year. How foolish they would feel when it would soon be pushed aside by 'concrete.' > It was facing away from him, and somehow had not noticed him coming. CROW: Well, SIGHT plays a BIG role here... > Wisely not wanting to bring attention to himself, MIKE: He quickly got out of his musical clown suit. > he began tiptoeing away. Almost as if trying to get him into trouble, a low frequency rumble TOM: Came from his stomach? > shook Mobius. CROW: Darned math test. > Tails cringed as he realized what was coming. MIKE: The two-years-late beanie-baby crazy bandwagon? > Sonic sprinted TOM: I wish he said 'Sprited,' that would make our job easier. > through the forest, dodging trees left and right. TOM: Eight-foot-think trees, yes. MIKE: We'll never let that go. > He came to CROW: After he lost control, slammed into a tree, and went unconscious. > a clearing and decided to scope TOM: Never know when a beautiful woman will walk by in the middle of nowhere. > the area. He stopped and looked around, taking in images MIKE: As his new job at the drive-in 'Foto Hut' dictated. > so he could remember how to get back. He soon noticed a color, CROW: And then it dawned on him that most things WERE pigmented. > not commonly found in any forest. Something orange. TOM: Unless it's during, oh, I dunno, fall. > He walked closer. MIKE: And felt silly when he fell over it, seeing that it was a rock, an inch away. > It looked like the something had blue eyes. > Closer. CROW: OH! Of course, 'dramatic effect.' > And where there're MIKE: Lazy LAZY author. > eyes, there's usually a head. TOM: USUALLY. CROW: And in some cases, it's vice versa. TOM: In SOME cases. > Closer. > And where there's a head, there's usually... a body... > STOP! MIKE: And possibly, do the 'Hustle.' > "Oh, dear." CROW: [Sniffs.] He loved those cookies... > The monster leaped out from behind the log, MIKE: The eight-foot-think log. > lunging directly at Sonic. CROW: Darned math test. > "HOLY SCAT!!!" TOM: 'Cause the Scat man can. MIKE: Um... na na, na na, na na, na na,... nevermind. > Sonic was out of the way in a flash. The monster landed and sprawled out on it's stomach. CROW: Another casualty of a dry backyard body-slide. > In a flash, TOM: Flashy. > it was on it's feet. It glared at Sonic, CROW: He'd pay for those Smut Magazi-- MIKE: Crow. > it's teeth bared. Sonic was shocked. ALL: Oh. The. Horror. Run. Run. [Again, glances are exchanged.] > I looked EXACTLY LIKE TAILS! TOM: I'll bet THAT confused Sally in the bed-place. MIKE: Hehehe, er, Tom, no. CROW: Not to mention that it probably confused Tails in the bed-- MIKE: CROOOOOW! > Sonic was almost scared out of his wits. TOM: ALMOST. > The gigantic fox reared back and let loose a howl. CROW: Darned math test. MIKE: Crow? CROW: Yeah, Mike? MIKE: ...nevermind. > It then shot forward, slashing Sonic's chest with speed that could only be matched by TOM: The three-toed-sloth tribe of Slowashellville. > Sonic himself. He fell to the ground, CROW: That is strangely understandable. > only able to gape at this monstrosity. MIKE: Oh, gape gape gape. > Tails picked up a heavy branch. TOM: AHA! So it WAS Tails. > He had to move quietly. He also had to move quickly, or Sonic could be hurt. CROW: Oh my goodness, this is horrible, with the omens, and AHHH! Lemme out! > He started rotating his tails and hovered up to the fox's height. MIKE: Those were HIS Smut-- BOTS: Mike! > He leered over it, [All snicker.] > and raised the branch for the blow. [All burst out laughing.] > The gargantuan vulpine picked up the whoosh CROW: THE WHOOSH OF TRIUMPH! BLUR!! OTHERS: Guh? > of Tails' tails and sharply turned around. TOM: Foolishly cutting down the eight-foot-trees that surrounded it; killing him. Simple. CROW: Next time, you'll learn to do things dully, you crazy dead fox. > Tails panicked and began swinging the branch at the fox. MIKE: Battle maneuvers mentioned in the testimony of the three-year-old. > It began swinging it's own claws as well. TOM: The making of a cat-fight. > It advanced on Tails, CROW: A very special KIND of cat-fight. > who was still panicking. Sonic snapped TOM: He loved the sound his fingers made when he did so. > out of his state of shock and absorbed what was happening to his best friend. MIKE: And after looking back on it, it WAS pretty funny. > "TAILS!" TOM: [As Sonic.] USE THE IMAGINARY FREEZE RAY! > He was up like a shot and flew forward in a spin-dash and slammed into Tails' assailant. > It stumbled forward, nearly plowing into the tiny fox. It turned around and glared at Sonic. CROW: Now, back to that smut. [Mike sighs.] > Sonic stared defiantly at the fox, which towered over him. Tails once again loomed up on the > giant, MIKE: Not realized that he was PITIFULLY WEAK. > and struck it squarely in the back of the head. TOM: And unfortunately for him, that had similar adverse effects as to that of a bee hive during 'Mad Hour.' > It fell to the ground, unconscious. CROW: Darned Biology quiz. > > Sally and all of Knothole MIKE: Sure, why not just say all of Knothole and save time. It's much more efficient his way. > heard Sonic's cry. Try as she might to hide it, TOM: The giant bag of heroin just wouldn't stay down. > Sally couldn't help but worry for him. Bunnie noticed her friend's CROW: MIKE! MIKE: What?? CROW: Since I can't say what I would have, I decided to yell at you for no reason. TOM: Those Downunda people have a way of sidling in pretty well. > disposition. TOM: Darn positioning system. > "Sally-girl, what's wrong?" MIKE: [As Bunnie.] Has sugah-hog been doin' that thang that make ya'll go 'reeeee!' again? CROW: MIIIIIIKE! ...I wanted to say that. > "Wha... oh, um... I haven't seen Tails TOM: Hehe, 'seen.' > since Sonic ran off. Do you think he might be out there?" TOM: Among the stars, or the galaxies? Be more specific. > "Could be sugar. MIKE: But they can't rule out cinnamon. > But don't worry 'bout him, he's a resourceful little kit. CROW: Meaning that he's pack full o' various minerals? > I'm sure he could get himself outta' any trouble." TOM: All this obliviousness, it's ludicrous! > "I guess you're right." MIKE: But, like she said, it's only a guess. > Sally tried to look a little more relaxed, CROW: But we assure you! She didn't try very hard! > but soon wore the expression of worry again. Bunnie noticed. TOM: Bunnie notices an awful lot. I wonder if she's like that concerning-- CROW: Tom, if you say impotence... MIKE: Guys! [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Another Poke'mon movie ad, and somewhere over the horizon, another soul commits suicide,] [A convieniently planned 'Parents Against Poke'mon' banner follows,] [Sci-Fi is having another movie marathon. This time, it's movies they've shown more than two- hundred times,] [Next two are commercials on why it's OK to have certain problems with certail areas. And strangly, the same women is in both commercials. You now know a little too much about her special places.] [END BREAK] > But the only other person out there is Sonic. Hmmm... I wonder...> CROW: Oh C'MON! This is like, Alex meets Sonic meets Bunnie meets every other idiot in the world! TOM: [Imitating Mike, badly.] Duh, stay frosty Crow. [Mike snorts.] > Just as she was about to make another comment, MIKE: The way everyone dressed just made it TOO easy. > the Blue Blur TOM: Otherwise known as the "Deep-Cyan-Fuzzy-Picture." > himself appeared MIKE: Pish, done with mirrors. Crow: ...Aerosmith? > from the trees. Sally's face lit up as she felt a wave of relief wash over her. TOM: Must be the new wave pool. Down on third? > She dashed CROW: [As lifeguard.] NO RUNNING! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE! > over to Sonic and clutched him tightly. "Sonic! MIKE: [As Sally hugging tighter.] Why aren't you breathing? > Oh, you're alright! >EEP!<" TOM: Did she implode? > She felt her stomach leap into her mouth CROW: Where the judges decided to give it a 10. > when she realized what she had done. MIKE: [As Ren, from 'Ren and Stimpy.'] Even though you replace Steempy well, you're steel an eediot! TOM: [Looks at Mike pitifully.] Keep tryin' Mike. > She withdrew from Sonic, CROW: The stench from his car coming back to haunt him. > blushing to the extreme. TOM: If you're gonna blush, do it to the EXTREEEEEME! Also down on Third. > She mentally cringed CROW: I can only assume that resembles a brain freeze. > as she looked at all the faces, just staring at her and Sonic. MIKE: But, if they'd begin to insult each other, wouldn't they get the same reaction? Uncomfortableness? ANYONE LISTENING? > She looked back at him, seeing that he wore the same expression on his own face. TOM: [As Sonic.] OH YEAH! I completely forgot that we were havin' sex. Sorry, blonde moment. [Crow and Mike snicker.] > She flew CROW: And soon had a similar realization as Tails when she was covered with brush burns afterwards. > into Sonic and kissed him like she never had before. MIKE: So their lips actually TOUCH this time? Wow. > Sonic struggled TOM: Finally seeing that the term, "Come, you are dinner." hid an ulterior meaning. > to keep his balance for a while, CROW: Darned history lesson. TOM: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? MIKE: Sounds like he's talking about a history lesson, Tom. > but was soon kissing her back, just as CROW: Goofily. > passionately. > Tails stepped out of the forest and promptly TOM: Joined Sonic in the Jell-O bath. MIKE: ...No... > fainted at the sight of his surrogate mother lip-locked CROW: With the cactus she just can't seem to not walk into. > with his nemesis. CROW: So, either, Tails hates Sonic to his core, or,... Sally's not very truthful in the gender department... > All the other residents followed accordingly. TOM: Forming a line, as to get there food without mass hysteria. > All, that is, except for one. MIKE: Bill Murrey? > couldn't hold out much longer.> Rosie thought to herself. TOM: Rosie,... Rosie... uh... > "Uh, Sal? If ya don't mind, I'm kinda hurtin' here..." MIKE: [As Sally.] Well, that's why I'm crushing your innards, silly. > "Oh, sorry. Let's go get you cleaned up." CROW: WINK, WINK. MIKE: Crow... > > "Ah... Ah... TOM: Guisenthiuterhuiterduthbuit. > Ah don't know what ta say!" ALL: THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING! > said Bunnie. "How long-" CROW: [As Bunnie.] Do you want me to hold this ten-billion-ton rock over Sally's head? TOM: [As Sonic.] Just till she awakens, hehehe... then down it comes... > "Only about a month... Ow!" MIKE: So they renamed Bunnie 'Ow.' Okay. > Sonic loudly complained CROW: ...As indicated. > as Bookshire TOM: I LOVE the originality in THAT name. > finished treating his wounds. > "Wow. You guys sure did a good job of hiding it from us." Rotor commented. MIKE: Gee, considering how oblivious you people are to EVERYTHING, it's not that hard, is it? CROW: I think you'd say something like, 'Stay frosty' right now. > "Why didn't you just tell us sooner." TOM: [As whoever said that.] Just 'cause I didn't ask, and I said it passively, doesn't mean you have to hide it. > "Well, we were afraid of what you might've said." Sally explained. MIKE: Since when does Sally slur her speech! WAKE UP SALLY! You're a princess, remember? > "Oh, come on. CROW: [As Bookshire.] Do you want this fifty or what, Sally? Then don't be so reluc-- MIKE: CROOOOW! He's like, forty-- oh, wait, that WOULD make sense then. > We wouldn't have taken it as an insult or anything." said Bookshire. TOM: Speak fo-- > "Speak for yourself!" Tails exclaimed. [Tom snorts and turns his head away from the screen.] > "Oui! I am to be agreeing with monsieur Tails." MIKE: This coming from the one other person who want to do Sally up the, er, where was I... [Bots gasp and stare at Mike.] MIKE: Well, I liked Earth, too. > an unwanted voice concurred. CROW: Oooohhh, isn't Alex such a brilliant author. What a big word! > "Please, Antoine, you'd be insulted by a snail!" Sonic pointed out. TOM: He's French, and last I checked, Escargot was French delicacy. > "Ugh!" Antoine barked. MIKE: There's that whole dog thing again. > "Please do not even to be mentioning zose things! I HATE zem. CROW: Oh, HE'S an authentic Frenchmen. > Ze way zey slip around on zey're own mazshus!" TOM: Bosretch? MIKE: Getkust? CROW: Wulcods? > No one understood the last word he said, but considering snails, they didn't want to find out. MIKE: So we can blame Sonic for even mentioning snails? > "O-kaayy, Antoine. TOM: "Do you want me to call the men in white coats again? I'll do it, just say the word." > Why don't you just keep your opinions to yourself." CROW: You know one day, he's gonna go on a rampage, start swearing, and rippin' out throats, and pokin' eyes out wi-- TOM: Uh, Crow, not to far now... > suggested Sonic. Antoine mumbled something at him and turned away. MIKE: "I'll just be goings to be 'polishing' my guns and stabbering utensiles collectionate." > "Anyway, Ah didn't even begin to notice anything until we heard Sonic scream." CROW: [As Bunnie.] Yah, the one that sounded like ah little girl. > Sonic blushed intensely. TOM: It was then he considered wearing pants. > All eyes were on him, MIKE: The darned gum explosion did more harm than good. > and the owners of some were actually enjoying watching him color. CROW: Hedgehogs like THIS only bloomed once a year. > "What DID TOM: "You step in? MAN!" > make ya' holler lahk that, Sugar-hog?" Sonic smacked himself in the forehead MIKE: Does he always do that for yes-or-no questions? > and quickly stood up. > "Where are you going?" Sally asked. > "To find what made me scream." CROW: There goes his logic. What an example. > he stated simply. Everyone quickly cast each other TOM: Thank goodness for equal opportunity plays. > a look and followed the blue hedgehog. MIKE: Sure, why not believe a hot-headed, short-attention-spanned hedgehog, but ignore a regal fox only judging on his actions, emotions and appearance. Common sense, ladies and gentlemen. CROW: MIKE! *What* did we tell you about bitching?? > > "Oh, my God!" TOM: "I just realized that this isn't my REAL hair color!" CROW: Well, it isn't, refer back to the insanely old issues in the Archie-- [Tom covers his ears and starts singing.] TOM: LA, LA, LA! FANBOY! LA, LA, LA! FANBOY! LA, LA, LA! FAAAAAAAAAN, BOOOOOOOOOY! > Sally whispered in awe. It... it really looks like MIKE: "Our burritos are FINALLY done!" > Tails!" CROW: [As a dog owner.] Get out of the cat's litter box! Shoo, shoo! > Bunnie, Rotor, and Bookshire wore the same expression. TOM: I hope they washed it, and the fashion police are going to have a field day now. > "Ant," Sally started. "I believe we owe you MIKE: [As TV Game show host.] A new car! Yes, this is your prize for being the most uptight blowhard in the entire universe! > an apology." She extended her hand hoping for a shake. CROW: But instead, got a pistol to the head, and a maniacal smile on Antoine's face. Oh, she sorta screwed up there. > It was kissed instead. TOM: So he likes the taste of-- MIKE: TOM! > "Do not be worrying, mademoiselle." Sally quickly retracted her hand. CROW: She was ready for liftoff. > Bookshire unconsciously remarked: TOM: Great, he stayed silent then. > "It's HUGE. I never thought it was genetically possible for vulpines to get that big! ALL: Well you thought wrong, bie-otch! CROW: Something makes me wish that Alex thought that sentence through a little more. TOM: Yech. > Sally, could you have Nicole scan for signs CROW: Just go out to the main road, you'll find them all over the place! > of genetic tampering or mutations?" TOM: GEE! A FOX BIGGER THAN A HUMAN BEING! I WONDER! Was that too obvious? MIKE AND CROW: No, just obvious enough. > "Sure. Nicole? CROW: [As Sally.] Um, Nicole?? What are you doing to my leg??? And stop looking up there! TOM: [As Sonic grumbling.] I wish *I* had Nicole's position... MIKE: GUYS... > Is there anything unusual about the genes in this fox?" ALL: Besides the obvious, of course. > "Scanning process will take at least three minutes." CROW: And yet, it's such an 'advanced' society. Living in the woods... with not lighting past the candle. > "Proceed." [All snicker.] CROW: What KINDA proceedin' Sally? > "I don't know why I didn't notice TOM: "That we're fictional..." > this before..." > "Sonic," Sally inquired. "what are you talking about?" Sonic turned the creature on > it's side and motioned toward it's hind-quarters. MIKE: SO exactly what 'road' does Sonic take? > "Is it just me or CROW: It probably IS just you. > does that thing have-" TOM: "My frisbee! Man! Screw Tails, this thing can ACTUALLY catch!" > "...Two tails." Sally continued. Everyone acted as one, MIKE: ...One giant mass of idiocy... > immediately directing their attention to the fox. CROW: Which of the THREE. > "WHAT!?" CROW: Can we? [Mike nods.] ALL: SHE SAID HE HAD TWO TAILS! BOTS: Ahhhhh... > Sure enough, TOM: Milkshakes WOULD be served for dessert tonight. > two twin tails emerged from the back of the animal. No one was able to speak MIKE: Well, when you're in a vacuum... > for the remaining time until Nicole finished the scan. CROW: And they forgot what they were scanning for. > "Scan complete, Sally." > "Uh... TOM: [As Sally.] What's a 'Sally?' > report." MIKE: [As Sally in the third grade.] Ok Mithter Mafyews. My report of Cattlethipth and brutherth...waith waith, I menth bathle kipths and cruthties, NO! WAITH! Dang! > "Scans DO report CROW: "That the breakfast this morning wasn't ALL toast..." > signs of tampering, and on a very large scale. [All sigh loudly.] > entire genetic code has been completely reprogrammed." TOM: Duh, it's not a fox then. All this suspension crap for some stupid, tiny plot development. OOOOHHHHHH. > "English, Nicole." Sonic requested. MIKE: Since when does another planet speak English? > "This animal is not really a fox. [Tom looks around proudly.] > His DNA has been changed so much that CROW: "The Fruitcake-O'-Domiter FLEW off the scale!" > it's quite hard to tell what he really is." > "But... but you're sure it's a 'he.'" MIKE: I'll bet Sally wouldn't mind checking, regardless as to whether it's female or not... BOTS: MIIIII-IKE! Stop taking all the good lines! > "Positive."` TOM: Looks like Nicole did some checking on her own... > Sally noticed, out of the corner of her eye, that Bookshire was seeming to have a > difficult time keeping his CROW: Pants up. > excitement under control. MIKE: [As Bookshire.] All right! That last piece of gum is MINE! > "Bookshire, are you alright?" she asked. TOM: Take a goooooood, loooooong, guess. > "Incredible. Just incredible." CROW: "There is a way to hum 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'..." > He appeared to be rambling. MIKE: As opposed to ACTUALLY rambling. > "Bookshire, what are you TOM: [As Sonic covering himself.] Looking at?! [Mike and Crow give him 'looks.'] > talking about?" > "Don't you see? CROW: Only when my eyes aren't closed. THANK YOU! Can I getta rimshot??? MIKE: No. > This fox has been altered on the genetic level so profoundly that even Nicole has a hard time > figuring out what it is." TOM: C'mon, it could at least tell it was altered. That was more than YOU could deduce Bookshelter! CROW: Bookshire. TOM: WHATEVER! > "Man," said Sonic. "you're sounding worse than Nicole." MIKE: On which of many, MANY, scales? CROW: C'mon, he could be confused by a pea. > Bookshire ignored Sonic. TOM: It was easy when he wasn't there. > "Could you guys help me get him to my hut?" MIKE: WHY SHOULD WE-- Oh, he's talking to Knothole. > * * * CROW: First sign of winter! AHUG! MIKE: That's our cue. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [Tom is hopelessly on the counter top trying to get the crumbs of brownies past.] TOM: Damned running gag, if ONLY I had a different weak spot... [Mike and Crow gleefully walk in singing the theme from the well debated, 'Happy Days.'] CROW: ...Groovin' all week with you! [Off key I might add.] MIKE: ...These happy days are your's and mine, Happy Days! Haha! Alright! We did it Crow!! [Tom stands up.] TOM: What? Achieved the Dorks of the Year award? [Looks to audience.] Thank you. CROW: EVEN BETTER! We, we found a way, a way, you tell him Mike! I'm too excited! MIKE: Were gettin' off the SoL!! [A distance away, we hear someone cursing.] CROW: Anyway...get Pearl on the line! Hehe, she'll be soooooo MAD! TOM: Madder...hey! Wait a sec, you, you guys aren't pulling my le- arms are you???? MIKE: NO! It's completely natural! We're goin' home!! CROW: Well, not home, home, but it'll be Earth! TOM: Why not 'home, home?' MIKE: You'll see! Hit the MADS light! [Tom does so with the top of his globe. Observer appears.] CROW: [Snickers.] Keep a straight face guys! [CF] OBSERVER: Yes? What is it Nelson? PEARL: [In background.] OBOB! GET BACK HERE!!!! [SoL] MIKE: uh, we need to talk to Pearl... what happened? [CF] [Observer chuckles a bit.] OBSERVER: Oh, ObOb just had a little 'accident.' I'm probably going to flip his brain back. We don't want him to be TOO much smarter than he originally was. PEARL: GET AWAY FROM THAT PRICELESS HEIRLOOM! [A loud crash is head, and Professor ObOb runs away, hollering.] PEARL: OBOB! DON'T TOUCH THE 'DON'T PRESS' BUTTON! OBSERVER: Anyhow, what do you require? [SoL] [Mike grins as he presses the button on the little remote he has.] MIKE: Just for Pearl to be distracted. [Crow smiles as a white flash is seen. Observer, Pearl, ObOb, Mike, Crow and Tom all disappear.] [They soon reappear, but something is a tad off. Crow, Mike and Tom, are now at Castle Forrester, but Tom's head is on Mike's body, Mike's head is on Crow's body, and Crow's head is on Tom's body. On the Satellite of Love, Pearl, Observer and ObOb appear. Pearl's head is on ObOb's body, ObOb's head is on Observer's body, and Observer's head is on Pearl's body. Observer's body still holds Observer's brain.] [SoL] PEARL: GAH!!! What did you DO Nelson!?? OBOB: HEY! I'm back! I can speak stupidly again! [Apparently, ObOb's brain got flipped back.] [CF] CROW: IT WORKED!!!! MIKE: Alright! But, look at our bodies... TOM: Uh...wha? What did you do?? CROW: Who cares??? The trans-dimensional-portal-plot-contrivance-thing-a-ma-jig we found worked! NO MORE SUFFRAGE!! TOM: It, this was, YEAH! [Starts to dance around in his new body.] I could get used to this... [CF] OBSERVER: You little cretins! Giving me a body like-- PEARL: I dare you.... And Nelson, you WILL pay... [Fanfic stuff goes off.] [CF] ALL: Oh, we don't think so! [SoL] PEARL: You will pay... OBOB: Hey! I can walk on my feet now! PEARL: You'll pay, too, primate. OBSERVER: Moronic-bloody-story... [During door sequence, we hear Pearl and company complain frequently.] [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in: ObOb, Pearl, Observer.] PEARL: What I wouldn't give for some sort of long, LONG range killing devise. OBOB: Hehe! I get to say 'stay frosty!' OBSERVER: Shut up. > If one searched hard enough, PEARL: They'd probably get some bad eyestrain. > they would find a lone OBOB: Penny in which they could make a wish on. > ground squirrel walking slowly through the woods, head hung low in contemplation, OBSERVER: No, ObOb, it didn't say 'constipation.' > seeming to take no notice of it's surroundings. PEARL: Gee, she'd feel stupid considering that there are A MILLION TREES IN WHICH TO RUN INTO. > Sally was pondering the events in the past few days, OBOB: The debate of Coffee and Juice sure was something. > trying to reconstructing in her mind. OBSERVER: This fic must have been hit with the Bad Grammer stick a might few times. PEARL: And ObOb with the Ugly Stick shoved up his butt. OBOB: Hoho! You said 'butt!' > a thousand-year-old vehicle appears in the forest, PEARL: SO? That's my usual morning. OBSERVER: But, we're in the Castle,... and you sleep till Noon-- PEARL: Pale Face... stuff it. > without any apparent owner. OBOB: So licence plates mean nothing there, too? > In it is found a cache of musical instruments, primarily drums. OBSERVER: You think that's a clue?? > They are labeled and put in the war room, with the exception of the drum set, with is put in Sonic's room...> PEARL: I see, and did you also notice that this is irrelevant? > "I never knew Sonic could play the drums." she loudly said to herself. OBOB: I'll bet she stayed up all night waiting for an answer. Ho ho! > "I can't." a voice drifted up from behind. "I just think they're mondo cool." OBSERVER: Nice to see you take pleasure in wasting space and time, Sonic. PEARL: Heh, that's my kinda man. > Sally smiled and turned around. OBOB: It took long enough for the endorphins to kick in. [Pearl and Observer look at him shocked.] OBOB: And that's why I'm PROFESSOR ObOb, duh-I mean, BoBo. > "Then I guess it's finally MY turn to be wrong." PEARL: Boy, she's a self-conscious bitch... I like her... > "Yeah, yeah..." He smiled dispite himself OBSERVER: Why?? Sally said that, not him. Why is there spite? WHY??? > and kissed Sally lightly on the lips. OBOB: Such a big leap from their pretending. > "Where's the lovely princess [All try to stifle snickers.] > goin' at a time like this?" Sally blushed ever-so-slightly and replied. PEARL: Well, judging by her looks, I can see why she'd be embarrassed by such a cheap compliment. > "I was just walking." OBOB: No, you were going back in time. > Sonic gave her a prompting look. "... And thinking OBSERVER: A first for her. > about the last two days." > "Wha'd'ya mean Sal?" PEARL: Gee Sonic, weren't paying attention to EVERYTHING again? > "Just that, all of a sudden we find a thousand-year-old relic in the middle > of the forest, and a gigantic fox emerges from the woods and attacks you." OBOB: [As Sally.] It's just been so normal! > A quizzical expression dawned on Sonic's face. OBSERVER: [As Sonic.] Is creme Cheese better than cottage?... > "Don't tell me that you think that freak was actually driving that thing." PEARL: Don't you love pointless foreshadowing? > "No! ALL: Neither do we. > I don't mean... oh I don't know what I mean." OBOB: Sounds like me on a good day! Ho Ho! Wait a sec... > "Hey, don't worry about it." OBSERVER: Being an idiot is easy Sally! Just do what ObOb does! > "I didn't plan to anyway. Come on, let's go get something to eat." PEARL: I'll shoot Mike. Pointless this, and pointless that, EVERYWHERE. > > Sally was sitting OBOB: The 500 strait hours of standing WERE kinda stupid. Hoho! > at a table, awaiting Sonic and their lunch. Against all OBSERVER: Battalions of gun fire, she realized, that there was no point in seeking something non-existent. PEARL: Sonic's brain, of course. > better judgment, she had agreed to let him serve her. OBOB: And when he shoved the apple in her mouth, and presented her before the hungry crowd, hehe, that only worsened things. > OBSERVER: Good question, but I believe you need a brain to do that. > she scolded herself. PEARL: She just had to start using the newspaper and not the floor. > * * * CROW: Oh, look, the half-time show has been snowed out. > "Sally!" She turned MIKE: Into a stupid form of a character analysis, OH WAIT! Silly me, can't become what you are. > to the voice she heard off in the distance. TOM: She must have SUPER hearing to get a message from Planet Jackass. > "Sally!" CROW: It's the annoying human echo, and he's struck again! > "Yes, Bookshire? What is it?" MIKE: [As Sally.] If this is about me stealing your wallet... well, I do those kinds of things. > Bookshire looked frantic, TOM: They were late with his doo'dads and what's-a-jiggers again. > as if he'd seen a ghost. CROW: Oh yay. Another fun adventure. > Sally became a little nervous. MIKE: Yeah, someone screaming for your blood apparently doesn't put you THAT much on edge. > "You've *got* TOM: [As Bookshire.] To start showering. > to come to my hut. *NOW!*" CROW: [As Bookshire.] Not in a second, not a minute ago, not now, but *NOW!* > Bookshire took off, MIKE: N-- CROW: OK! Jerk-face... > limping as TOM: Unstably. > fast TOM: Unstably fast. > as he could. Sally followed, becoming suprized CROW: So it's like getting a prize, but it has an 'su' in it! TOM: Sonic Underground? CROW: I no longer want the prize. > as she found it was slightly difficult MIKE: To be annoying AND brain dead at the same time. > to keep up with him. They arrived at Bookshire's hut, and burst through the door. CROW: Forgetting again that they can use doorknobs. > Sally immediately gasped MIKE: Those Haggar slacks went from half off to 75%. > when she saw a little fox, TOM: Attached to a big raccoon... MIKE: TOOOM! > lying unconscious on a medical bed. CROW: SO close to being dead. Darn. > "Oh, no! Tails!" she cried, racing over to the bed. CROW: Free reception, what are ya gonna do. > "Bookshire, what happened to him?!" TOM: [As Bookshire.] Well, Nina and he went a LITTLE over board in the forest... wink, wink. > "Sally, that's not MIKE: "Chocolate,..." > Tails." > "What???" she asked, utterly confused. ALL: IT'S NOT TAILS! > "That's our new eight-foot friend." > "WHAT???" CROW: Sheesh... ALL: THAT'S YOUR NEW EIGHT-FOOT FRIEND! TOM: Remember? He came to the house yesterday. Red hair, glasses, buck teeth, eight-foot-tall? > She was now hopelessly lost. MIKE: Then get the map out, blondie. > "I don't know why, CROW: "But cherry pie taste GOOD for some reason..." > but... how can I put this? TOM: "Sonic isn't ALL he says he is... if you'll just cum, I mean, come into my room..." MIKE: Tom, I SWEAR... CROW: You're not really 'sposed to. > Uh... his DNA... CROW: Dieable National Average? > can't seem to agree on what form they take... MIKE: Oh, so by all means, he should be dead. > uh... and for some reason... TOM: For some REASON, this *medical engineer* can't explain DyoxyNuecleical Acid fluxuation. > his height seems to be the least resistant to CROW: Hitler's wrath. TOM: MINE GUETENBURGHAR!! MIKE: What did you just say?? TOM: Um... get cake while it's fresh? > change." TOM: ...For a dollar. > Sally stared at the doctor, CROW: Doctor?... Oh, Bookshire... > mouth locked MIKE: And the alarm set for the night ahead in this bad part of town. > open, ready to pass out whenever her brain gave the word. TOM: She doesn't operate very efficiently. Brain tellin' her to do EVERYTHING. Why can't you think for YOURSELF Sally! CROW: K-kay... > She blinked uncontrollably for several seconds, MIKE: Darn contacts. > unable to absorb the information, CROW: She *IS* blonde. > which just had to be a joke. TOM: Of course. What else. Biochemical engineering reduced to hilarity in it's simplest form. > She started laughing. MIKE: And the guys in white coats came for her, too. > "B-Bookshire, you've got to be kidding me." CROW: [As Sally.] You just GOT too! Man, you got to! I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS DAMMIT! You **GOT** to be kidding! > Bookshire shook his head. TOM: He had to get his brains back into place. > Sally looked back down at the new fox, CROW: And thought maybe a few good smacks were in order. > completely unable to believe what she was seeing. MIKE: So her eyes have a record of lying to her in the past. > Pain suddenly seared through her head TOM: Thinking was her major problem. > and she massaged her temples. CROW: Down on Third. TOM: You think Cherry Hill, too? MIKE: I swear, if this turns into a lemon, I'm blaming it on you influencing the fic like this. > "Sally I know CROW: "Nothing about medical science." > it seems farfetched, but that's the report that Nicole gave me." TOM: The computer that took three minutes to scan something and got only minimal results, and then comes to give all this new crap? Kay. > "Could I see her please?" [All give screen odd looks.] > Bookshire nodded and handed her the computer. MIKE: But it was her's to begin with. > "Nicole, verify Bookshire's CROW: "Existence as 'unnecessary.'" > synopsis." TOM: I LOVE Synposia! > "With pleasure Sally. [All snicker.] > Although crudely CROW: "Smeared on the wall..." > worded, his story does MIKE: "Not make sense for some reason." > give the necessary details. Put more scientifically, TOM: "Banging on someone's head, WILL give them an 'owwy.'" > his DNA is in a state of BOTS: Georgia. [Bots glance at each other.] > flux, and needs to change. To do so, like most things in nature, MIKE: "It will enter through the rear and will,..." oh my, where DID I leave the Sunday paper... [Bots once again glance.] > it uses the route of least TOM: Nonresistance. > resistantance to reaching it's goal, and as Bookshire mentioned, CROW: "Cherry pie does, yes, it DOES, taste good." > for some reason his height is the least resistant to change. Therefore, MIKE: "He'll grow like other normal people." > his DNA changes his height." TOM: LIKE OTHER NORMAL PEOPLE. Sheesh, do Mobians stay short FOREVER? > "But, why is the change brought on?" asked Sally. > "My guess," explained Nicole. CROW: That was her whole explanation? > "is that when he went through the alleged genetic 'therapy,' MIKE: "As we sickos like to call it." CROW: Oh look, this author doesn't respect capitalization either. > either there was a problem, like the TOM: "Toaster would burn one side but would leave the other side COMPLETELY untouched." > process wasn't completed, or his DNA is just to complex to be entirely reprogrammed." CROW: And, oh, I dunno, could you explain programming DNA? Just give us the jist. I'm SURE that's all we'll need. > Sally sighed. "You still haven't MIKE: "Given me back Bookshire's wallet." > answered my question, Nicole." > Well, you should have TOM: "Asked nicely bie-otch!" > been more specific. MIKE: So, the narrator said that? Man, he's got issues with Sally, as it seems. > "The change is triggered by the amount of CROW: "Fat free jell-o." > adrenaline in the body." > "How long has he been asleep?" > "He's been out MIKE: Buying groceries? > for about five hours. CROW: Actually, Alex, he's been out buying groceries since 1976. And I hope he got correct change... that was my last dollar... > He's under the effects of TOM: [While laughing.] Heh, I can't even SAY it, it's that funny! [Burst out laughing.] CROW: It's time's like this when I wish his head WOULD blow up. > anesthesia, so he won't wake up anytime soon." CROW: [As Bunnie.] Does he need muh ta smack him up good? > Sally sighed and looked over at yet another of her infinite MIKE: Forms of being a lame. > responsibilities laying unconscious on the bed. TOM: A little rough on Sonic, I see. MIKE: Tom. > "Just call CROW: "The number on my G-st--" MIKE: CROW. Look, it's almost over, I can feel it. TOM: Why would you WANT to feel it? [Bots giggle childishly at Mike.] MIKE: And it's times like THESE, when *I* wish your heads would blow up. > me when there's anything new to report." > "As you wish, TOM: "Wonder Woman, I mean, Jane, I mean, Martha... no wait! Sandy, er, Sally." > Sally." > > > "Snively, are you MIKE: "Ready to learn to cliff dive without a parachute again?" > quite finished?" > "Yes, sir. The information is TOM: "Just like you wrote it. 'I'm a big fat pig with, >eep!<'" MIKE: Did he implode, too? > completely downloaded into the computers. The 'volunteers' are CROW: Not quite 'voluntary?' > on their way now." Three workerbots walked with slow, even steps, as convicted prisoners > march down death row, toward their impending doom. An all too fitting analogy. MIKE: But it *IS* doom. Why would that be an analogy? TOM: And a fitting one, at that. > The first 'bot made it's way up the steps and entered the device. CROW: Looks pretty voluntary to me. And why would it even FEEL a sense of dread? It has no will of it's own. The robotisizer has a will-reinducing componant-- TOM: Da, da da da! Look up in the sky! It's FANBOY! MIKE: Reinducing? > A glass tube, similar to that of the MIKE: Glass tube collection in Snivley's room. BOTS: Snively. > roboticizer, lowered over the roboticized fox with a low whirr. CROW: Darn, I was so hoping for a 'clanking.' That's more dramatic. > Locking clamps clanked TOM: And there you go, Crow. CROW: The sweet sound. > into place, ensuring no escape. MIKE: ...Escape of a creature with no will, yes. > Snively pushed a series of TOM: Comic books to the brink of extinction. [Growls slightly.] > buttons, and watched intently with a winey chuckle CROW: Everyone loves a drunk laugh. > as an unnatural purple light enveloped the fox, TOM: ...The Sixties? > blinding all who so much as glanced in that direction. MIKE: And wasn't Snively watching intently as he chuckled so very whinely? > When the light faded, the tube clanged CROW: But, but the clanks! > unlocked and rose, thick, oily smoke pouring out into the already putrid MIKE: Bathroom of the one they called, 'Guy-who-ate-too-many-burritos.' > Robotropolis. Snively gasped in a split-split second of TOM: Fine cheeses. > terror and guilt of what he had created, but only for that one split-split second. CROW: So how split we talkin'? > He then felt something swell up inside his stomach. MIKE: Another ulcer? > He gave in to that unfamiliar urge to TOM: Act casual. > laugh, and cackled sadistically along with his CROW: Dare I say,... Pancake... > Lord. MIKE: AND PRAISE THE GOD ALMIGHTY AMEN! Sorry, but, I'm atheatic right now... Damn, Pearl, and that, 'other person.' ...There can be no God. > Robotnik observed the fox, which now looked almost too heavy to stand on it's own ALL: It's own... > Large mountains of metal on it's back told of TOM: Spaceships that went to far away planets! And The Elves of Gumdrop Lane! > rockets, hopefully capable of speed worthy to apprehend the bane of Robotnik's existence. CROW: Arm and Hammer Deodorant? > Arms, now almost twice the original girst, MIKE: Not to mention three times the dunth. > housed super-charged TOM: Batteries for their new Tyco R/C's. > lasers, capable of piercing the metal that surrounded the main building itself. CROW: How stupid did they feel when he said that out loud. > "I must say Snively..." MIKE: Why? No one was forcing you to say, 'Snivley.' > Snively's eyes lit up, CROW: It took ages to find an outlet, but they finally plugged him in. > and he gathered himself. TOM: Some sick form of 'Scavenger Hunt' I see. > Perhaps, finally, he would get a MIKE: Refund? Sorry, only credit at 'Lame's R' Us.' > bit of praise for all the cramps, blisters, TOM: Deaths. > and calluses he had worked through over the years. <'Nice work, Snively.' CROW: HEY! You weren't authorized to praise yourself! > Even something like that would be enough.> he thought to himself. "... That took far MIKE: "More cream than the cake should have..." > longer than I had anticipated. Perhaps a little shock therapy should inspire you to CROW: Commit suicide to subside all the suffering? > work harder next time." Snively's little black heart TOM: Grew three sized that day... but then exploded, and he died. > sunk. He had almost literally worked his fingers to the bone today. MIKE: You can't do something literally, unless you ALMOST do it literally. TOM: Down on Third. > He looked at the objects of discussion. CROW: The two Hostess Twinkies in the corner? > They were indeed MIKE: Fingers, an answer he didn't expect. > purple and swollen. He thanked whatever God may be that the nerves were shot, TOM: Another casualty of Suburbial 21-Gun Salute. > and couldn't feel any pain. Two black patrol-bots walked in, CROW: Did the Hokey-Pokey, and that's what it was really all about. > and Snively knew that not even all the shot nerves on Mobius could keep him from feeling the > pain he was about to feel now. MIKE: Sentiment? > He squealed as the robots mindlessly dragged him to the infirmary. TOM: Pig brain implants, what a charmer. > He cursed Robotnik as the robots' grips tightened. He works himself half-to-death, CROW: And this is the thanks he gets. He should be grateful. > and all Robotnik can repay him with is torture? [All glance at audience for a moment.] > That bastard! MIKE: Again, a kid in an orange parka has apparently died. > The robots tromped through the door and into in infirmary. He screeched as they TOM: Played some New Age music. > slammed him down onto the medical table. He violently protested CROW: "Heck no, I won't go." ain't quite working Snively. > when they bound him the table with leather straps. And he screamed as they produced > electricity which leaped through his head, MIKE: But, all they did was bind him to the table. > pain searing like a million bolts of lightning into his brain. "I *HATE* CROW: "Being killed. It's so annoying." > YOU ROBOTNIK!!! I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBBER IN MY BODY!!! TOM: Ohhhh, his body is such a liar! > I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU HEARD MY NAME!!! MIKE: The only reason he didn't was because he followed the example of Grunk, his new assistant in robbing Fort Knox. > AND I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE YOUR LIFE A CROW: Comfy showcase of fun. > LIVING HELL!!! ONE DAY, ROBOTNIK!!! I SHALL HAVE MY TOM: Smu-- MIKE: No. > REVENGE!!! *AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!*" CROW: The astreks made that 'argghh' extra special. > > > * * * TOM: AUUUUUGGGG! THREE-EYED MONSTER! CROW: So? We better go, that slag won't shovel itself. MIKE: You said it. CROW: I know I did, rather well I might add. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6.....] [No one is visible.] [Suddenly, Cambot pans over, and we see a 'morning Gypsy' eating her daily bowl of Cheerios. She takes no notice to the ants floating in her milk.] GYPSY: It's times like this in which I wish I had arms... [We can now see that ants are waving their arms pitifully.] GYPSY: ...Or a spoon... or a stomach in which to digest... [Cambot focuses in, and who do we see, but Mike, Crow, Tom, small as ever.] GYPSY: ...And eyes to see my food... MAGIC VOICE: Uh, we'll be right back... [BREAK] [Commercials:] ['Make your own water' kits are now on sale,] [Propane toasters are a hot Christmas gift according to F-Mart,] [Someone is selling fireworks, says he'll beat the July Third rush,] [Pearl is squinting again,] ['Mission: Pork' bombs at local theater,] [Canned cans are a new item.] [END BREAK] [Everyone is restored. Gypsy is covered in milk, but she is still mulling over her Cheerios.] GYPSY: ...Maybe some sugar on top... MIKE: MAN! I HATE when my DNA fluxes for no reason at all! TOM: If it weren't for the spunge, well, I hate to think about what would happen. CROW: And I must say, when your height is least resistant to change, well, I think I need not explain. TOM: It sure is annoying when you suddenly shrink to the size of an ant. MIKE: Really, when your DNA goes haywire without cause, I think that's something to be worried about! GYPSY: ...Onion rings wouldn't be bad right about now... [MADS light.] TOM: Oh joy. More miscellaneous fun. [Mike taps thing.] [Pearl can be seen, actually smiling seriously.] [CF] PEARL: Well Mike, I must say. This is quite the limbo! [We now notice that Observer and BoBo have formed a conga line and want Pearl to join. Such lovely calypso music is heard.] BOBO: Woooooo! You got it goin' on Brain Guy! OBSERVER: You said it! Shake that thing! [Pearl glances at them briefly. But shrugges it off and grins even more sadistically at the SoL crew.] PEARL: One problem. [SoL] ALL: [Hesitantly.] Y-yeah?... CROW: I don't like the redness in her eyes... [CF] PEARL: YOU RUINED MY CASTLE! NOW I'LL RUIN YOUR LIFE EVEN MORE! PREPARE TO BREAK DOWN MIKE FORRESTER! I mean... MIKE NELSON! [Clears throat.] Now, I must conga. OBSERVER: BOOTY TIME! [Pearl shoots them this 'what'd you say?' look and squints.] [SoL] [All begin to tremble as screen shuts off. Then, all heads explode in flashes of sparkly circuitry.] [A few beats pass before Mike, Tom, and Crow rise from below the counter.] CROW: Nice call Tom. She was aiming death at us apparently. MIKE: Lucky we had some plot conveniences in the closet. TOM: Yeah, can never leave HOME without it. [All sigh.] GYPSY: ...Maybe an orange one... [Fan fic stuff goes off.] CROW: Oh well, let's go turn every page into five pages of fun. MIKE: Moronic Story, here we come! TOM: And there we go! [.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....] [All file in.] TOM: Ahhh, such lovely recycled space-air... > many has it been?> MIKE: We talkin' six packs or what? > Snively opened his eyes. All he could see was TOM: What he unfortunately mistook for a larger 'Santa Claus.' > a white shade of a dull blur. MIKE: We should be happy, this is as descriptive as he'll ever get. > He weakly blinked his eyes to try to clear CROW: The windshield he so foolishly egged, not realizing it was his own car. > the sleep. His eyes watered TOM: The garden as they was payed by the hour. > as they grew accustomed to the uncharacteristic brightness of MIKE: Of the 1,000,000,000 watt halogen bulb. TOM: OH yeah, never expected THAT to be bright. > the infirmary. He blinked again, and slowly became aware of a CROW: Sense of being an idiot. > figure leaning over him. I had a feeling he would want to see me MIKE: "As it was he who sent those lovely flowers filled with sulfuric gas." > back to work before...> CROW: So, does he get extended vacations because there is no Workman's Comp? > His mind itself shut down as his eyes were finally able to focus TOM: But, if his brain couldn't operate, then, how did his eyes focus? MIKE: Mind, not brain. BOTS: It's the same thing to a robot! > on the objects in the room. Including the figure that stood TOM: On his neck. Maybe, wrestling WASN'T a good career choice. > by his bed, which was NOT CROW: The Philadelphia Cream Cheese Man. > Robotnik. He gasped in shock and became MIKE: GASPING IN SHOCK MAN! > fully awake. Pain coursed through TOM: The park. It did so love these winter days. > his head when he tried to get up to ring CROW: Oh, so he can change into bell, too? > for security, MIKE: The same security which dragged him to electroshock therapy, yes. > and he collapsed back onto the bed. TOM: Darn collapsible human/beds. > He stared at the person in the room. It was... CROW: Shirley Temple: Third Time's A Charm. Sequel To, Back For More. > a HUMAN! MIKE: Something he's obviously never seen before. > "Calm down, little man. TOM: HEY! WE short people prefer vertically disabled! > I won't hurt CROW: "Your none-harmable areas. Everywhere else on the other hand..." > you." the human spoke in a deep, rich, and *very* MIKE: [Sigh.] Creamy? >menacing voice. > "Who- Who are you?! And what are you doing TOM: "TO THAT POOR RABBIT???" CROW: [As Rabbit.] Thaht's Bunnie Rabbot ta you, sugah. MIKE: That was uncalled for. BOTS: I CALLED IT! > here?!" Snively studied the human. CROW: Darned anatomy test. They always make you rephrase the question. > He stood MIKE: On his hands, in a desperate bid to impress the girls on the beach. > six and-a-half feet tall. His face was TOM: Bearing a strangely resemblance to Gilbert Godfrey... > long, pale, an straight, long, CROW: I believe we've established that is was long. > brown hair that was casually MIKE: Set fire to frequently. CROW: ...the hell? Does he mess up grammatics on purpose? > pushed back over his head. He wore a suit, TOM: The boys department wasn't having a sale THIS time. > similar to that of Robotnik's, CROW: 'Botnik's toy collection or, OH! Ha ha. The suit. > that clung tightly to his thin form. ALL: Oh c'mon... Ewww... > Snively also took note that the black cape lacked the TOM: Blackness of the cape. > tassels of dust that usually collected on any cape, CROW: ...That remained still for prolonged periods of time. > especially in this filthy place. This gave the influence that MIKE: Most capes gave. "I'm an egotistical butthead who think's I need a cape!" > it had not been worn for a long time. > "My name is Packbell, [Mike sighs.] > and I am here to replace you." CROW: ...Joy. TOM: Ah, so now Packbell gets to be smacked around. > Snively at first didn't notice MIKE: The swelling. Maybe a call to his gynecologist is in order. > what had been said, due to the extreme causality of the statement. CROW: Which actually made it MORE believable. > When he DID realize, he was TOM: Still confused at to what kind of idiot would want his job. > utterly furious. CROW: Leave Tom's cow out of this! > "WHAT?! MIKE: Yes, yes, those Haggar slacks are STILL 75% off. BOTS: [Mumbling.] ...Deaf joke... > How DARE you come into this place and insult me by threatening MIKE: Uh, there WAS no insult. Or threat. > to kick me out of my rightful place in Robotropolis?!" CROW: Of all reactions, I expected a grateful one. > "Oh, I am not threatening, needle-nose. TOM: "Insulting, - bitch - on the other - asshole - hand." MIKE: TOM! CROW: Little late there, Mike. > As far as Robotropolis is concerned, you no longer exist." TOM: As goes for everywhere now. > Snively was stunned. MIKE: He just had to play the part of the triceratops in the "Jurassic Park" reenactment. > Replaced? CROW: Yes. > How? TOM: 'Cause 'Botnik said so. > When? MIKE: Duhh, two seconds ago. > And by whom? ALL: PACKBELL! > A mere robot? ALL: I-- huh? CROW: When was it said that Packbell was a robot?? > "This is definitely not my TOM: "Cereal..." > day." The robot cackled a quiet and evil laugh. MIKE: I understand the evil laugh, but how do you CACKLE quietly? > "And it's only going to get worse for you, my friend." CROW: Packbell seems to have a lot of inside info. I wonder WHY. > > Sally drifted TOM: So she's a drifter, eh? Can she live with us? > in a peaceful state MIKE: ...Wyoming? > in which she held no responsibility, CROW: Oh, like her responsibility are so bad now. "One: Manage Knothole, Two: Have sex with Sonic on a millennial basis." [All snicker.] > no authority, and need not model herself for or after anyone. TOM: So, if YOU want to be a self-righteous squirrel on the stupidest planet in the universe, give us a call! > Yes, sleep was indeed a CROW: Biochemical reaction indueced to renew the systems of the body and key points in the nervoucial center. > wonderful thing. CROW: I like *MY* phrasing better. > Too bad she was ripped TOM: Apart by wild dogs when she had slipped into the subconscious mind. Oh well. > from it upon hearing a loud roar. ALL: ...Jim Carey? > Princess Sally shot up in bed, CROW: Ewww... TOM: I wasn't even THINKING that until you said something Crow. MIKE: I'll kill you two, mark my words. [And as they were told, Tom and Crow took out markers and put dots on everything Mike just said.] > eyes instinctively darting CROW: And once she hit the bulls eye, she felt instant gratification! > every which way to check for enemies. TOM: ...And Sonic. [All try to stifle snickers.] > She jumped out of bed and dashed MIKE: But didn't dot. Her Morse Code skills need some work. > out of her hut. She scanned the village and noticed that most of the others in Knothole were CROW: Trying to run from the crew of Candid Camera. > doing the same. She jumped as she heard another TOM: Pin drop. Darn that paranoia. > roar. It had definitely come from MIKE: The three-eyed-monster that just ate you. CROW: That was pretty lame. MIKE: It's even prettier when it's funny. [Bots groan.] > Bookshire's. She sprinted over and flung TOM: Various substances all over his walls. Looks like her primeval side is being unearthed. MIKE: Tom... what am I going to do with you... > open the door. She was greeted by the sight CROW: Well, at least Sight is a gracious host. > of Bookshire trying to hold a now three-foot fox onto the bed. CROW: I wonder why. TOM: I don't... and I don't want to. MIKE: [Sighs.] LONG season... > "Sally!" he shouted above the howls. "Hold TOM: [As Bookshire.] This vile of 'Eat-through-anything-even-the-vile' acid. > him down!" Sally ran up CROW: Probably with a sense of glee. > and pushed with all her might, trying desperately to keep him down. MIKE: We told you that smut would come back to ha-- Oh wait, HERE'S the Sunday paper... [Bots look at each other in confusion.] [At Castle Forrester.] [Pearl is adjusting the knob on what can only be seen as a 'Mike-...' the rest is unidentifiable.] PEARL: Oh, this is fun. [SoL Theater.] > Bookshire ran to his medicinal cabinet TOM: Apparently forgetting that he's crippled. > and retrieved a bottle of cloudy liquid. CROW: Can I say it Mike? PLEASE? MIKE: No reference to a bank, of ANY sort. CROW: MAN! > He removed the cap, revealing a TOM: Strange sense of this being the apparent solution. > cork. He grabbed a syringe and shoved it down into the bottle. MIKE: And wondered why the cork stopped him from doing anything. > He pulled it out again once there was enough TOM: Uh, um, oatmeal! CROW: NO! Uh... corn syrup! MIKE: Swiss cheese, SWISS CHEESE! > medicine ALL: I was closest! > in the syringe, then he limped over to the fox TOM: Make up your mind! Are you physically handicapped or what? It's not a hard decision! > and plunged it into his arm. CROW: And when Bookshire collapsed to the ground under the effects of anesthetic, well, he felt kinda stupid wanting to have put it in the fox's arm. > The fox let out another roar and thrashed about even harder. The bed began to leap up and down in response MIKE: To the surprise birthday bash orchestrated by all the other pieces of furniture. > to the fox's violent movements. > "What did you TOM: "Put in your hair? It's less dandruffy than usual." > give him, Bookshire?" she shouted. > "It's a mild CROW: "Form of salsa, good for tortilla chips." > anesthetic! It won't put MIKE: "The peanut butter away, and that's the only problem." > him to sleep, but it should keep TOM: "The jelly stored in the refrigerator." > him calm!" > "What?! I can't hear you!" CROW: Take your fingers out of your ears, genius. > "What?!" MIKE: She can't hear you... might I suggest speaking with your mouth? > As if acting with some bizarre sense of TOM: Machoism? CROW: ALL Machoism is bizarre. MIKE: I'll kill Pearl, too. > courtesy, the fox began to quiet down. TOM: But again, we assure you, it didn't begin very nicely. > "Never mind, Bookshire." > "What?" Sally grinned and backhanded him CROW: And laughed childishly when his head exploded as it was balloon in disguise. > lightly in the chest. He laughed in response. MIKE: Does he smack himself in the head if you poke him in the back? > Sally's grin faded TOM: Darn those acid-fade grins. EVERY TIME you put 'em in the wash. MIKE: ...Acid-fade jeans were cool... CROW: And you're how old again? > as she approached the newly silent fox. CROW: What if it were oddly silent? > "Uh... Hello." TOM: "Hi, want to have se-- MIKE: Tom... TOM: --Uh, part of my cheeseburger?" > she said, not quite sure of how to handle this CROW: Perhaps by the handle. > situation. "My... name... is... Sally." TOM: "Me... want... know... where... smut." MIKE: Why,... > The fox responded by baring his teeth at her. MIKE: Well, he COULD be smiling. > "Well, that's going nowhere fast." she stated. CROW: And if your going to go nowhere, do it FAST! ALL: Down on third. > "Nicole's guesses that TOM: So, her one guess accounts for an indefinite number of guesses or, Bookshire's speech impediment acting up again. MIKE: Indefinite. CROW: [Simultaneously.] Impediment. [Glance at each other.] TOM: How do you like it Crow!? Mwa, hah, hah, hah, ha! > by the low amount of neural activity CROW: In all of Knothole. > that he's acting on instinct ONLY. MIKE: It's that easy to mistake him for a woodland creature not yet,... 'evolved.' Hard to figure out, ain't it people? > Nothing he does has any TOM: "Relevance to the fic." > fourthought. CROW: Considering how they all act, I'm surprised they even know what fourthought is. MIKE: Wait a sec... 'fourthought?' > I don't even think TOM: Well, THAT explains a lot. > he has any true CROW: "Identity. We just call him, "Tripped-out-goofed-up-weirdo-man-guy-crazy-dude..." > long-term memory. At first I suspected mental retardation, MIKE: As you would with ANY animal who CAN'T TALK. > but Nicole couldn't find any confirming evidence of that. TOM: Try not to ask the stupidest computer around then, Bookster. And that reminds me,... 6.3 GIGABYTES, I don't think so! THE AVERAGE COMPUTER HAS A 2.2 GB CAPACITY!!!! *WITHOUT APPLICATIONS!!!* OTHER: [Meekly.] O-ok... > I suppose, in a sense, CROW: Which one. > he's just a... well, a wild dog." [All groan and dramatically bring their hands to their faces.] > Sally studied the fox, noticing that he had seemed to have MIKE: No signs of intelligence. And I bet she wonders why. > put on at least five CROW: Different types of see-through-- TOM: MIKE! MIKE: What? CROW: TOM! TOM: What? MIKE: CROW! TOM: NOW we got it right. > inches to his height since she had first entered the hut. TOM: Which type of height? [Others complain loudly.] CROW: Well he would have good cause-- MIKE: Just... six more pages, OK? > Nicole's hypothesis about the adrenaline seems to have been correct. TOM: Or so it SEEMS. CROW: Seemingly so. > "Is there anything we can do MIKE: "That doesn't involve lions and tigers and bears?" > about his height... uh..." She paused, searching for the word. TOM: Remember where you last left it. > No dice: CROW: Hey, I think our concern should be OFF the obsessive need to gamble, Sally. > "... changing?" MIKE: Why did she need a new word for 'changing?' 'Changing' works! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALL SCIENCE-WANABEE-LADY-PERSON! TOM: Through? MIKE: Yes. > "I have absolutely no CROW: "Ammo! MAN! NOW how am I 'sposed to 'go postal?'" > idea. But I have Nicole developing some hypotheses. TOM: Reliance sucks. People should do things for themselves. [Suddenly, Gypsy, in a stewardess-type get up, walks in on Tom's side with a pillow and a ice-cold Pepsi. She puts pillow behind his head, fluffs it, and hands him his drink. Then, she leaves.] MIKE: You were saying, Tom? CROW: Bye Gypsy. GYPSY: Jerks... see if *I* help in the the next Tom Explosion... > Perhaps he's just going through a phase and'll grow out of it." TOM: All teenage, rampant, completely dangerous and tampered foxes are like that around the spring time, apparently. > "Not likely." Sally sighed in contemplation CROW: She just couldn't THINK today... > and pondered weather MIKE: "Sunny, or humid..." > or not to announce this unusual "feature" TOM: You can, but it knock retail down about 99%. > to the rest of her friends. Unable to decide on her own, she asked for a second opinion. CROW: And when Nicole answered 'Three,' she considered her options on that Gateway offer. > "Do you think we should tell the others about his... MIKE: Bacon Bits ability? > "abnormality?" Bookshire instantly furrowed his brow and stated his views. TOM: On that lovable Rosie O' Donald show. > "NOO, no! TOM: Yes, I figured as much. > Something like this would undoubtedly cause more CROW: Pointlessnesseses. > confusion than anything else." Sally was startled at the MIKE: Suddenly feeling of being tickled in her -- Man! That Charlie Brown cracks me up! TOM: Confused, yet, perplexed. > forcefulness of Bookshire's statement, CROW: Well, it IS mass hysteria. MIKE: We've used the mass hysteria joke enough, we've all had our chances. > but she allowed him to continue. TOM: Besides her efforts on holding words weren't too good anyhow. > "I suggest we try to keep this under wraps CROW: Isn't Bookwelder the medical guy? Wouldn't he have people coming in frequently? > until we find a way to counteract the effects of our new friend's... uh... thing..." CROW: I wish he'd stop saying 'thing.' > "You mean *if* we TOM: "Find my hamburger." > find a way." Bookshire scratched at his ear in agreement. MIKE: I love their code. > "Yes, but if we really CROW: "Really REALLY *REALLY* wish hard, we'll get out of this fic and into a normal life..." > can't find a way to fix this, what'll we do then? TOM: What's to fix? Just toss him in the dumpster out back. > I mean, we can't just keep him in here for the rest of his life, can we?" MIKE: What happened to all action? Must every author try to build a climax? That's why I love Indiana Jones... no thinking required. TOM: It's OK Mike, we 'love' Indie, too. > Suddenly, the door banged open, TOM: As opposed to its normal swinging motion. > startling both Sally and Bookshire. > "Hey Aunt-Sally. Bookshire, I got a little cut on my finger and need a MIKE: "Gun, no wait! Dang! Bandage, please." > bandage." > "Oh," said Bookshire, motioning for Sally to emulate him in stepping in CROW: The unfavorable pile on the floor... MIKE: Yech. > front of the medical bed. "Of course. Right away." TOM: You should be more enthusiastic Bookslicer, a pointless character's life is at stake here. > Once Sally was in the right position, he hastily CROW: Utilized the whipped cream to it's highest potential. TOM: And he did it in front of Tails? MIKE: [Mumbling.] Thirteen Episodes, Thirteen Episodes to go... > made his way over to his medicine cabinet and retrieved a CROW: Hypodermic needle filled with air. TOM: If Tails doesn't get the message to run, well, then, that's self-explanatory. > bandage. He slapped it on Tails' finger. MIKE: How would you go about slapping a finger? It's more of a thump than a slap. CROW: Lemmee try,... [Tries to slap finger. Crow's arm falls off.] Um... Mike, my arm fell off, that's not good, is it? MIKE: [Sighs.] NO, it's not. [Put's it back on.] > "Okay, there ya' go. See you later." CROW: Thanks for coming, take care now. MIKE: We loved the toaster. TOM: Ya'll come back now, ya'hear? > He began hurrying Tails out the door. MIKE: Tom, start vibrating, it's about to get ugly. [Tom does.] TOM: What... going... happen??? MIKE: ...Nothing, just felt like doing that. [Tom stops.] TOM: I KNOW where you live, Mike. > "Hey! What's the big idea?!" CROW: Who said it was necessarily a big idea? What if it's only moderate? > Tails got the impression that MIKE: These weren't all tea and crumpets. > they were trying to hide something from him TOM: Another sign, Mike? MIKE: It makes up for three. > and began to resist. "You guys trying to keep me away from something, or something?" CROW: When I attempt suicide, wish me well. > Tails spun around Bookshire, TOM: The promenading was just kicking into high gear. > after managing to worm his way out of the doctor's grasp. He saw Sally MIKE: And from there, things only got stranger. > begin to make a move for him, and spun his tails, lifting himself out of her reach. CROW: THE HUTS ARE THREE AND A HALF FEET HIGH! Aren't Sally and the others about three even? TOM: I see it's Fanboy, Fanboy! Slower than Alex, no one you see, is lamer than he! > "Nya, nya, you can't catch me!" he laughed at them. TOM: No, that was more of a 'Nya, nya, you can't catch me!' at them. > He touched down by the medical bed and suddenly felt all CROW: Squishy. > the fur on his body stand on end. MIKE: And a standing ovation for the Tomato Soup dancers. TOM: Where did that come from? CROW: Planet Jackass? > He yelped and hopped away from the bed, eyes locked MIKE: But unfortunately, the doors were opened when locked, and well, it went from there. > on the patient presently occupying it. He stood absolutely still, not even breathing. CROW: And? Is that a bad thing? > Sally was discomforted by Tails' extremely static behavior. TOM: Lovely choice of words. I would have never thought to describe completely immobile as 'static.' > "Tails?" > "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! > Tails literally flew out the door, screaming hysterically. MIKE: Duely noted. > Sally mentally cursed. CROW: "I KNEW I should have gotten those slacks when I had the chance! Now they're back to $29.95..." > "Tails! Calm down!" Sally urged. TOM: He can't, hear you now... he kinda left. > "He's in straps on the bed! He can't get up!" MIKE: Because when you fall,... and you have arthritis,... and you have no ability to move,... and your strapped to the bed,... and your pumped full of barbituits... > "HOW CAN YOU KEEP THAT THING IN THERE?! TOM: ...Free dictatorship. > IT'S DANGEROUS!!! ARE YOU GUYS CARZY?! CROW: Carzy for you, baby. > I mean, what if it breaks loose?!!!" TOM: Then you'd be in a dilly of a pickle. > Sally felt Bookshire tap her on the shoulder. CROW: And regretted those 'How-To-Increase-Your-Tension' classes even more when she smacked him across the room. > She looked and saw him motioning towards the bed. She nearly panicked when she saw the > fox. It was growing at a near exponential rate! TOM: Wait, so it's growing at a 'growth rate' rate? Oh. Kay. > "Sally you better keep MIKE: "Out of my 'No-no' closet, it's not for younger eyes!" > Tails quiet! If the fox grows anymore CROW: "Of those fine tomatoes, we'll have lost the county fair Produce Contest for sure!" > he could hurt himself or even break the bonds!" TOM: What happened to the anesthetic? > Bookshire whispered harshly. "And if *he,*" He pointed at CROW: Garbanzo Man. > Tails. "draws a crowd, MIKE: Then he'll have secured himself last place in the art fair next door. > they'll see the patient!" TOM: Yeah, wouldn't want Shelvin MacShaw to let the word out at the cheese-- MIKE: String. TOM: --String factory. > "Tails! He *can't* hurt you!" CROW: Aw, that's half the fun! > Tails eyes darted back and forth between Sally and the potential MIKE: In a new type of beet juice... > menace in the hut. > "I'm tellin' Sonic!" TOM: And HE'LL tell you how to run away properly? > "Tails! He already knows." CROW: "We ALL know..." Mike, do WE know? MIKE: ...Yeah. > "WHAT?" ALL: HE ALREADY KNOWS! TOM: Was that really so hard to comprehend? > "Yeah. Weren't you there when we took him to Bookshire's hut?" CROW: Duh, didn't he pass out? And how come no one cared? And what happened to Nina? MIKE: No one cared? > "No." TOM: So no, they didn't care... OK. > "... Oh. Why didn't you come?" MIKE: Enough reviewing! Just cut to the chase! BOTS: We miss the widowmaker incident, too. > "Well, when I heard you guys were going to look CROW: "Into setting up your own "Really Lame Things" store, and well, I can't really handle the compatition." > at that thing in the forest, I waited 'til you left, then hightailed it outta' there!" TOM: Why did he wait? Was he worried that people would see that he has no courage? MIKE: Well, you can't see what doesn't exist. > Sally smiled at the unintended CROW: Idiocy. > pun. TOM: I think I'd know if it were a pun, lady, but did you see my head actin' up? Noooo. > She made the slight leap back MIKE: And when she finally realized that the Grand Canyon had that name for a reason, it was too late. > to reality when she saw Bunnie walking up, a concerned look on her face. CROW: Along with the three bottles of mascara. > "What was all that TOM: "Puddin' and candles fer?" MIKE: Tom, please spare us your sexitivity. CROW: That's a fun word, use it more often. > hollerin' about, Sally-Girl?" Sally was cut-off by Tails. TOM: Ouch, bet it hurt, too. > "They got the monster in there, Bunnie!" Sally slapped her forehead. MIKE: Some sick form of foreplay Bunnie and Sally share appar-- HEY! What happened to 'Calvin And Hobbes??' CROW: This isn't very funny... Mind control? TOM: Pearl? [A few beats...] BOTS: Definatly. > She dashed out and took both animals by the arms. She lead them into the hut MIKE: ...Which they were already in... > and swung them out in front of her. CROW: She's very serious when it comes to 'Merry-Go-Round.' > "Aright. You are both about to see something *very* strange. [All snicker.] TOM: [As Bunnie.] If it's your shack out in the swamp, Tails an' ah already know about it. Wink, Wink. > It's something that could cause a disturbance in Knothole, MIKE: As does every fun-filled adve-- I mean, excuse for mild action. > so I need you to keep it absolutely to yourselves. CROW: Although, it was pretty funny when they successfully sold these secrets back to Sally for a very nice price. > Got it?" Shocked, TOM: By the sudden act of leadership, an uncommon trait in Sally. > they dumbly nodded their heads. Sally stepped to the side and let them see the fox. MIKE: And THEN things got ugly. > Bookshire was just pulling a needle out of the fox's arm. CROW: Darn those Mobian mosquitos. The size of canned turkey. > Tails, being the ten-year-old that he was TOM: N't... > , shivered at the sight of the syringe. MIKE: But it was a needle. CROW: TOO literal. > "What was in that, Booker?" Tails asked. > "A mild sedative. TOM: And yet, he doesn't seem to care that the one he gave him two minutes ago may react dangerously with that one. > It's going to calm him down." Tails and Bunnie watched as the fox began to relax. > Tails asked another question. MIKE: As to whether he was being enough of an annoyance. > "Why is he strapped to the bed." Sally fielded that one. CROW: But her Center Fielding skills weren't exactly up to par, and she, too, realized that after dropping the ball six times before it hit the ground. > "They're to keep him from hurting himself or anyone else if he gets too angry." TOM: And when he was happy, well, it's too hard to discuss... > This comforted Tails in no way what so ever. MIKE: And? He has the attention span of a ten-year-old. > Suddenly, Bunnie stepped back, eyes and mouth wide open with shock and disbelief. CROW: Those pandas... came back. > "Am- am Ah seein' what Ah think Ah'm seein'?" TOM: There's that thinking part again. > she murmured. Tails yipped and hid behind Sally, trembling all the while. MIKE: No one asked you to tremble the while, leave the while alone!! What did the while do to you! > The extremely agitated pair watched in silent awe, eyes virgin CROW: And that's about all that's virgin. Rimshot? [Rimshot.] CROW: Thank you. MIKE: Ok, give me the rimshot control. > to such a sight. Both nearly lost consciousness when the fox was finally finished changing. TOM: He got lost on his way to the dressing room again... not a pretty sight. > "Ah don't know if Ah could watch that again without dyin'!" CROW: Yes, Joey Buddafuko is quite the lady killer. [All burst out laughing.] TOM: He said Butt-a-duckman, hehe. MIKE: ...Right... > "WHAT HAPPENED?!" Sally proceeded to explain why what had just happened, had just > happened. CROW: Not necessarily in that order. > When she was finished, Tails regarded her with a discerning look and a raised eyebrow. TOM: "I see, so there IS pumpkin in pumpkin pie..." > Bunnie offered a whooshing noise and passed a hand over her head. MIKE: The jets were out today, what a show. > "That was WAY outta' my league, CROW: We all know how those Sub-minor-southern-idiotic-half-robotisized teams get. > Sally-girl, but don't try to explain it again. Ah think MIKE: What did we tell you about thinking! > Ah can figure it out." TOM: ...But it's out of your league, you wouldn't be playing by regulation. > "By yourself, I hope." CROW: I bet she does a lot of things by herself. MIKE: Three pages, three. > Sally said, implying that Bunnie keep TOM: That fateful night they shared between them quiet. MIKE: And you Tom, whatever line there was, I think you just stomped it ten-feet deep. > it "hush-hush". CROW: And I bet she keeps a lot of things hush-hush, too. > "Don't worry none about me, Sally. TOM: *I* sure as heck ain't gonna worry none 'bout you. > I just hope T2 MIKE: T2: Judgement Fox. > here can keep his big ol' mouth shut." she said, nudging Tails CROW: To the delicate brink of insanity. > in the ribs with her elbow. Tails giggled and TOM: Slipped a knife into his hand with a sense of friendliness. > slapped it away. CROW: Bad it! Why can't you be more like your brother? > "Okay, I promise. I won't MIKE: "Eat anymore paste..." > tell anyone." > "Not even Sonic?" Sally prompted. > "Not even TOM: "Gretta Van Susteren: Attorney at Law." CROW: I saw that episode! Hehe, oh man, Ted Turner was his FATHER. MIKE: Another discussion of 'Space Ghost: Coast to Coast,' ladies and 'gents. TOM: Or, the Clinton Situation. > Sonic." Tails promised. > "Not even *Nina*?" said Sally, giving Tails an all-too- CROW: Ugly. > knowing look. Tails blushed intensely, placing one hand across his stomach, MIKE: He knew those bean burritos meant trouble. > and his chin into the other. TOM: Those darn assembly instructions were all messed up. > "No," he said into his palm. MIKE: Hmm, his palm has strange understanding abilities. > He cringed, hating that he had to say this. "I won't tell Nina CROW: "That you called here a Mega-slut, too." MIKE: You have issues. > either." > "Good." Sally placed a hand across her TOM: Chest, repeated the move with her other hand, proceeded to put them on her hips, and well, it scared most around her. And the Macaroni song didn't help. CROW: Uh, Tom... [Whispers.] TOM: That's what I said! Marciphona! > muzzle to try and stifle a giggle. Bunnie grinned at him and mussed his hair. CROW: But she was just preparing for that smacking hour they now had on a daily basis by her influencing and threatening. > "One problem we got is what ta' do with him. MIKE: [As Sally.] Yes... returning his to normal would be TOO easy... > We can't keep 'im in here. CROW: 'There' is probably a better choice anyhow. > Even though ya' had an off day today, Bookshire, TOM: With his NORMAL work hours, you'd never know. > people *will* come MIKE: If you build it, that is. > in if they got a problem, CROW: Just as long as it's not with Tom's cow. TOM: I have a cow? > and they're gonna see our new sugar-fox." MIKE: You could NEVER trust the old version of sugar-fox. TOM: Hey... her accent disappeared so gradually, I hadn't noticed till now... > Bunnie stated. > "I'm suprized Tails was the only one to come in today, TOM: We're not, I think we know why they'd avoid YOU, Bookminority. > myself." Bookshire concurred. CROW: Wait wait wait, when did he agree? > "The only thing I can think of is if we put him in someone's hut, MIKE: Yeah, but doing it so suddenly would probably freak them out. I mean, that's a bit more than a practical joke, Sal. > but I doubt anyone would go for that." TOM: So you'd go out into Knothole, and inform them all of the new fox by asking if it could stay in someone's hut? They're all smarties. > "I would!" exclaimed Tails. Sally chuckled in disapproval and immediately killed the > idea. MIKE: [Mumbling.] Idea killer... > "Oh-ho, I think not." CROW: So she admits she doesn't think. > "Well, Ah'd be willin'. Nobody comes to my hut very often, MIKE: Well, when she's on call so often, no one-- Garfield, hehe, what a card. TOM: Me thinks have a talk with Pearl. CROW: As in leaving him like this? > and I'm able to protect mahself." She indicated her TOM: Chocolate bar she's had since she was three. > metallic limbs. > "Well, I still don't know, Bunnie." MIKE: Hey, genius, you suggested it. > "Oh, come on. Who else'll volunteer for the job. CROW: [As Bookshire.] I would-- OH YEAH! Sorry, you know how us Alzheimer-havin' raccoons are. > Ah'm one of the few who knows about this, and Ah'm not all that important, MIKE: She sure saved US the trouble of pointing that out. > so there ain't gonna be a lot of people comin' around." TOM: Which you've established. > "Are you sure you want to do this, Bunnie?" > "Ah insist, Sally-girl. Besides, he's kinda' cute." CROW: Bunnie Rabbot, everybody. > Sally grinned MIKE: Heroin seems to run slow on Mobius. TOM: It was Bunnie that was runnin' slow, nudg-- MIKE: TOOOM! > and looked at the now slumbering fox. CROW: Let me say it! Derogatory... PLEASE! > "Alright. CROW: Thanks Mike! MIKE: I didn't say you could... the author has no authority over you any ways. > But we'll wait until night to move him." TOM: Oh yeah, looking more suspicious with your 100 watt halogen flashlights. Great plan. > "Sounds good to me." CROW: [As Bunnie.] What? The moaning noises? MIKE: [Face in hands.] Crow... > Sally, Bunnie, and Tails left to find their TOM: Murder weapons. The Stupidity Massacre wouldn't reenact itself, ya know. > own things to do until the time came to relocate the fox. CROW: Waiting around conspicuously in front of Bookshire's hut, probably wouldn't be a good idea. > > * * * MIKE: Whoever gave this three stars should get a royal butt-whoopin'. TOM: Or some good smacks. > >Are the Badniks ready, Packbell?< CROW: Packbell, of course, being Ann Landers in guise as a mild-manner robot. > >Yes sir, all fifteen. TOM: Maybe a talk with their brilliant production manager is in order. > But I must remind you that they are still very experimental and may not perform as well as MIKE: "The dancing lima beans. but we got those 'spunges' beat." > we hope.< > >Well, sending them into Knothole will be a wonderful trial run. CROW: "The only problem just MIGHT be finding Knothole." > And even if there is any sort of problem, unlike us, TOM: [While stifling laughs.] Get a load of that, heh, they ain't the problem he says. > those wretched vermin have a conscience. MIKE: And what exactly makes them wretched? > And I doubt they have it in them to kill one of their own.< CROW: Well, unless that 'kill-one-of-your-own' virus is goin' around, you may be right. > >A very nice point, father.< TOM: And his father, of course, being a Hungry Man TV dinner. > >As always, dear boy. Send them out at 0600 tomorrow.< MIKE: "Aw, six AM??? Six, Seven, Eight... I'll miss Barney!" CROW: You know when it's on? MIKE: Um, n-no,... I just caught Tom watching it once. TOM: Liar. > >Of course sir.< > "What? Robotnik is sending soldiers into Knothole. CROW: "It's always SOMETHING. Man. This is horrible." > I didn't even realize he had Knothole's coordinates!" MIKE: Truthfully, neither did Robotnik. But being two feet away from Robotropolis could only elude Robotnik so far. > Uncle Chuck removed his headset TOM: He had grown tired of the radio broadcast of Drew Carey's rendition of the 'Lame's Rights' song. > and turned off the screen to his listening post. He summoned a carrier pigeon CROW: Yet again, annoying his radio equipment... wait, no, I meant to put something else, uh,... GAH! I can't remember! > and placed the warning into it's carrying case. He watched as it flew off MIKE: And grimaced, when it had stopped the clean it's wings, where a rouge had captured it for some nice Kentucky Fried dinner. > into the darkening sky, hoping it would make it to Knothole in time. > > "It's too bad that we don't really have Knothole's coordinates, isn't it." CROW: "I feel kind silly thinking that '1313 You-Suck Lane' was it." > "Yes, Packbell. It's something I too wish we had. TOM: Common sense? CROW: I REMEMBER WHAT I MEANT TO SAY! *IGNORING* his radio equiptment! [Crow looks proud that he remembered.] > But what's more important is that we find who our little spy is." MIKE: Well, it depends on what the guy spies with his little eye. TOM: Um... kay. > As if on cue, CROW: The spy accidentally walked into the Command Center, laughing about how he had eluded Robotnik. > a proximity alert went off. MIKE: Ahh, so the spy IS walking into 'Tropolis. > Packbell hurried over to it. > "Sensors are barely picking up a small object leaving Robotropolis and heading towards the > Great Forest." TOM: What was it that I said? The Great Forest that COMPLETELY surround Robotropolis? Was it something like that? > "Excellent. CROW: Stupendous. TOM: Absolutlely marvelous. MIKE: Hey, Crow, still have the Nutri-Grain bar? I'm kinda hungry. > Send a stealth bot after it." CROW: Oh, my God. Who NAMED these 'bots? > > The pigeon sensed the robot approaching. MIKE: Luckily, Chuck remember to put the 'Robot Sensing Equipment' in the pigeon, on. > It darted left and right, up and down. TOM: And it amused most around it. Except a lonely few, who were too sad to be cheered up. > After several minutes it managed to loose it's pursuer. CROW: And it calls itself a stealth bot. I am very disappointed. > > "DAMN IT!!! How could a simple pigeon outrun a stealth bot?!" TOM: [As Robotnik.] I don't FEEL like giving ANOTHER speech on commitment. > "Calm down, Robotnik. MIKE: "Sonic said that Antoine was late with his ointment, too." > We'll just wait for it to come back. After all, CROW: "You need three to tango." TOM: Or sell puppies. > wasn't our objective to find the spy and not Knothole?" MIKE: Are you EXPECTING the spies name to be on the pigeon? > "... Very well, Packbell, we'll wait for it. Say your prayers, CROW: Brush your teeth. MIKE: Wash your face. TOM: Tomorrow's another big day! > traitor, for when we find you, you'll need the power of every MIKE: "Box of Coco Frosted Flakes you've got, Kellogs Boy! Mwa ha hah-gah-HACK!" Sorry, had a piece of paper in my throat. CROW: ...Why? > god you believe in to save you!!!" CROW: As to how many exclamation points you use, that's up to you. > > * * * TOM: And in this aggressive snowstorm, I have been forced to eat Mike. MIKE: Who'd I eat? > > Three figures crept through Knothole. CROW: The media just wouldn't leave Snap, Crackle and Pop alone. > They moved silently toward Bunnie's hut, MIKE: Carrying toilet-paper for a night full of lovable fun! > silhouetted against the rays TOM: [In a yokelish voice.] Duh, you can call me Ray-- CROW: What did we say LAST time? MIKE: I don't want to repeat the "Space Children" incident. TOM: And they weren't really Space Children either... more like Idiots Who Got Too Close to a Rock children. > of the rising moon. They carefully opened the door to her dark hut, TOM: [As one of the figures.] Ok, we gotta grab the eggs, no, wait! We gotta get the ham, and THEN the eggs, but not AFTER we get the salami. > not wanting to drop, and therefore awaken what they so deliberatly CROW: So darn deliberatly. > carried. Once inside, MIKE: The gravy party kicked into high gear. > they gently set it down on the bed, TOM: All trying to stifle snickers, as to how they were about to use the whipped cream. > and fastened it's limbs to the bed frame with leather straps. TOM: Looks like Sal has a fetish for leather. MIKE: Yeah... I could agree with that. CROW: We like you now, Mike. [Castle Forrester.] [Pearl is over doing her remote.] PEARL: Oh MAN! Hehe! [The knob breaks, set on 'high'.] A-awww geez. Oh well. That's the fifth remote I've broken since the SoL went down last month. Just look at that. [She drops it on the table and calls for Brain Guy to make her something new.] OBSERVER: [From off-screen.] Sorry! Playing Scrabble with BoBo! PEARL: Don't you,... can I play? [Cambot focuses in and we see that the devise says 'Mike-Sexitivity-Adjuster.'] CAMBOT: ...Sexitivity? [SoL Theater.] [Mike feels a jolt and suddenly shudders, but smiles.] MIKE: Heh, that tickled. > "Whew." sighed Bunnie. "He may only be two feet tall, TOM: "But man! Is he 24 inches!" > but he weighs a ton." CROW: [As Fox.] Hey c'mon, don't be so mean! I mean, uh... grrrrr! > "Thanks for volunteering to keep him in here." MIKE: [As Sally.] You didn't HAVE to do this because I had a gun to your head. > "No problem, Sally-girl." TOM: How much would it change things if Bunnie called her Sally-boy? MIKE: Everything, or nothing. CROW: It sure would explain Bunnie's and Sally's backdoor relationship. [A few beats.] TOM: M-mike? Why didn't you yell?? MIKE: Hehe, backdoor relationship... > "Bunnie." Bookshire place a hand on her shoulder and handed her a syringe. CROW: "Remember, I'm not ASKING you to push heroin, I'm telling you." > "If he wakes up and starts to get rambunctious, TOM: "Well then you start flicking the lights on and off!" > inject him with this immediately. It's an anesthetic that'll keep him out for around eight > to ten MIKE: Special inches. [Bots grin thoughtfully.] TOM: This seems surprisingly profitable. > hours." > "Thanks, Booker," she said unconfidently. CROW: And with good cause. > "but Ah don't think my hands are steady enough." TOM: Is it too much to ask for proper capitalization? MIKE: Is it? > "Well, here's a trick. CROW: "You take the ace of spades, and put it behind the six of hearts..." > Go for the part with the most muscle. Looking at him now, TOM: "I'd probably say not a single part of his body..." > I'd say it's best to go for his fore-arms. Or the ever-popular behind." he grinned. MIKE: That's saying a lot about yourself Book-seller-and-trader. > "Thanks." Sally and Bookshire left Bunnie alone with the fox. CROW: IT wasn't ALL bedtime stories and teeth-brushings. [All snicker.] > Bunnie lit three oil lamps, CROW: See? See? > strategically placed to leave almost no room for shadows. TOM: [As shadows.] So darn rude, not leaving me any room... > She quietly made her way to the closet to fetch a blanket for herself. MIKE: TOTAL disregard for Sally. > She walked over to her chair and silently as possible. CROW: She didn't want to startle the chair. > Suddenly she felt her hand bump against a precariously balanced book. TOM: Why is everything balanced precerasilerityly? CROW: ...Why indeed. > She watched in as it felt to the floor, MIKE: And the slow motion effect made it more enjoyable. > producing a very loud bump. To her horror, TOM: It turned out to be a thump. CROW & MIKE: Oooooo... > the fox stirred and began to wake up. MIKE: And she was out of his favorite cereal. > She dropped the blanket and CROW: And was relieve when it sounded a bump, like she wanted. > rushed over to the bed and began trying to comfort the fox. MIKE: Nudge nudge. TOM: I'm not sure I like the new Mike... MIKE: I'm not, new. > It looked around wildly, and noticed Bunnie kneeling at the side of the bed. CROW: And though perhaps getting drunk at a wedding is NEVER a good idea. > To her suprize and the exact opposite of what she was expecting, TOM: The fox bit her arm off. Boy, she felt silly then. > the fox seemed to take comfort in having Bunnie next to him. CROW: Hehe, I bet I know why. [Suddenly Mike shudders again.] MIKE: CROW! TOM: Ahhhh... > She reached out her hand, which the fox calmly sniffed at. CROW: And when she had no hand afterwards, she considered not flavoring then anymore. > She couldn't contain her smile when, just like a pet dog, MIKE: He piddled on her. TOM: [As Bunnie.] Awwww, now look at what ya'll did, now ah'm gonna short circuit you silly pup! > it began licking her hand. Feeling confident that he wouldn't rip her wrist to shreds, CROW: Her sausage scented fingers being a different story. > she moved her hand up and began scratching behind his ear. He shuddered twice and > attempted to lift his leg to "fiddle", MIKE: The county fair was back for a third year. > but settled on shivering when he found his legs bound to the bed. > "Heh, you're just like a little ol' house pet." TOM: Well, we know you have an alligator Bunnie, but that's not the same thing... > Bunnie almost took it upon herself to unfasten the leather belts, CROW: That would just leave more room for a story. > but decided that it should be safer if she just left them there. > When it seemed that the fox had drifted off to sleep, MIKE: Of course, it only seems so. TOM: Yes, it seems. > Bunnie slowly tiptoed to her chair. CROW: Confident that it wouldn't eat her this time. > She didn't bother to get up and find the blanket, she just extended her arm and picked it up. MIKE: But she still had to take the time to find it, of course. > She spread it over her person TOM: ...Norman Mailer? > and reclined as best she could. MIKE: But blushed when she saw it wasn't a reclinable and had to buy a new chair the next morning. > Just as she was entering the state between consciousness and sleep, CROW: Greenbay, Wisconsin. > she was aware that she was being watched. TOM: Candid Camera struck again. > She raised her head and met the fox's gaze, noticing that he seemed to regard her with some > vague flicker of intelligence in his eyes. MIKE: But it was only a piece of bacon. > At that point, Bunnie knew, as she watched him lay his head back down, that what ever > happens in the next few months CROW: She's got long term plans as far as sleeping and eating goes. > would be a bit more interesting than she would have expected. > --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > --- TOM: Darn! Another excess of little hyphens! > > Well, there you have it. MIKE: But we don't want it! > If you got any questions, comments, *flames*, CROW: Note as to how he emphasized 'flames.' > or if you just happen to live in the Seattle area TOM: Then move to Canada, where you're not necessary. > (I need proof that a Sonic fan lives here, MIKE: So we can make fun of them, correct? > what with Redmond being the center of Nintendo and all.) CROW: I didn't know that a Nintendo console had a city for it's center... I always figured it as being computer chips an' stuff. > e-mail me: MIKE: on_crack@dope.drg TOM: needs_a_life@yousucktoo.net CROW: please_kill_me@needtodie.suc > > a_prower@hotmail.com TOM: Or you can drop a message THERE. > > Special thanks to my good buddy, Mike Toth. CROW: How do we know that's not YOUR real name, Mike? MIKE: 'Cause it's not. TOM: Where are these 'Mikes' coming from? Is there a breeding ground? MIKE: I call it McGee Hospital. > He was the beta "reader" TOM: Yes, 'reader'. CROW: Yes, 'Mike Toth.' > for this story... well, actually I just told him about it a lot... several e-mails... MIKE: These two sound like quite the characters. > any ways... He eventually called to my attention that TOM: They both hung around their computers too much. > the characters were more or less in character (bar Rotor). CROW: (Stick Sally). MIKE: CROOOW! CROW: It wasn't dirty! > I would like to appologize for that. TOM: Well, OK, but only 'cause you're my friend. And I'll let your freelance spelling mistakes Go THIS time. > By that I mean that since the bulk of the story was written BEFORE March MIKE: March was a bad month for everyone. > (when I got the episode files off of .ml.org/sonic>, I had to gather the attitudes of all the character from other FanFics and > what I remember of Sonic #3 and #4. CROW: [Sniffing.] It's so sad... > The fact that they're in character is a COMPLETE accident. TOM: That ties up every loose end... EVER. > So again, my appologies. ^_0 MIKE: Thankfully someone gave him a black eye. > > See ya' later! = ) CROW: Oh look, his 'see ya' later!' is the equivalent to a parentheses. TOM: Can we go back Mike? Can we? MIKE: We can. [All file out.] [.....1.....2.....3......4.....5.....6.....] [We see them all staring at a rock bound to the counter in leather straps. Tom is trying to force a syringe in.] TOM: It's not working Mike. CROW: Try over here. MIKE: No, that over there has more muscle. TOM: Maybe it should take it orally. [They search for a mouth.] MIKE: I need to go to the bathroom. Be right back. [Bots continue to try and get the syringe in. Mike leaves, but then returns, with a fake mustache.] MIKE: I just realized that I am indeed, Mike Toth... TOM: [While shaking head.] Oh, no you don't. we came prepared for this. Crow? CROW: We have your driver's licence. And homeowners insurance records. You're Mike Nelson, Mike. MIKE: But, my mustache... TOM: It's over, Nelson. [Mike takes off mustache. Cringes; the glue hurt.] MIKE: OK, OK... [MADS light.] TOM: Ahhh... Three of the Five members of 'Kiss.' [Mike taps thing.] MIKE: BoBo? [CF] BOBO: Ohhoho, quite right. Just the customary sign off Mike, hehe! [SoL] TOM: Observer and Pearl? [CF] BOBO: Hoho, for a change, Pale Face is getting the beating! Hehe! He's the one who switched you back to normal, Mike. Hehe. [SoL] MIKE: ...The hell? Normal? [CF] BOBO: Yes yes, hoho-OOMPH!! [BoBo is suddenly tackled as Observer glides by and knocks him down, with Pearl in close pursuit.] BOBO: O-owww... [Screen flickers off.] [SoL] TOM: Hey, we have something to look forward to. MIKE: ...Normal? CROW: Hold on, did you get the notation from the cliffhanger that we might have to endure Alex in the future? [A few beats.] BOTS: Nah! MIKE: ...Normal? [Fades out.] [END] ---------- [If it is to your liking, I will be playing the ultra-silent end theme. You may have to do it yourself if you can't hear.] OH, MY GOD! I had NOOOOOO idea that doing this would turn 28 pages into 215! Wow. Er, where was I. Oh yeah, trial run ladies and gents. It was harder, and surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. Lessee, tell me what you think, seriously, uh, what else did I want to say... oh! I'm thinkin' 14 episode series. Hehe, it's a possibility. Well, what else can I say, I finished in a month, better than I expected. Great. Now, catch the locations, credits, derogatory slogans, the cast of Wayne's World 2, and some retail outlet stores. (Wait, wait, wait, I don't think some of those apply.) Oh! Now I remember. This was so weird! I'll admit that I get kinda depressed when the show ends, and that's exactly how I felt when I was wrapping up the MiST! That ever happen to anyone else? Location Varients: [www.sonicfoundation.com] - The Sonic Foundation For all my Sonic fanfic needs. [http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Hollow/3689/] - Khaos and Kylie's Sonic Zone. For other... various... Sonic fanfic needs... [www.tealartail.com] - Team ARTAIL Sonic and [Wretch.]? Pokemon. (Yeah, I hate Pokemon, got a problem?) One of the best for pics and fics. [http://www.emulationzone.org/sonichq/] - Sonic HQ A must for Sonic fans. Categorized FanFiction,... and plenty of it. [http://foobar.ml.org/sonic] - (Unknown.) I haven't been here, but hey, Sonic episodes in Real Time. [http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/] - Web Site Number Nine. THE place for Sonic, or any other type of MiST. I love that crack-house, I mean, webpage. And that be all concerning the focus of the MiST. Not much, but sufficient enough. Depending on the genre, I'll add or blow up some links. And now, for your enjoyment, the Tomato Soup Da- I mean, people who need to be pulled back into the spotlight. First off, who else but Alex Entrekin! Or as you know and who I've slaughtered without remorse, Alexander X. Prower. A friend and fellow Sonic fan of mine. The one who got me hooked on MiST, (as I was already a MST3K fan-of-the-millennia.) And as a favor and payback for what he did for me a bit ago, (I got ripped off, too, ALEX,) asked for a MiST. So, I'm thinkin' new season ever since they stopped making new episodes... darn them. On at nine AM, you gotta be kiddin' me... Oh, er, nevermind. Secondly, all my, as Alex phrased it, beta readers. They pushed me into finishing the thing. Lessee... Amber Nichols! Big help! Thanks to her for laughin' her ass off frequently at my jokes. ;) And a long time bud, under the alias of stary_traveler, who always managed to squeeze in her own little smile. A few non Internet friend, Jonathan Elash. He seemed to love the derogatory crap. ;) Ashley and Jackie Mathews. They've don't even know what a MiST IS, but they just think I'm really funny, hehe. Krista Johnson!! I love you!! I love you!!... Platonically!! Her little brother is a great target for jokes, and she helps me make up words. Tammy Burns! Now, I love YOU! Seriously, lol, she's the best deaf person *I* know, hehe. I learned sign language for her, so THERE. Saturday Night Live! Funny ASS shit! And like I mentioned, Bill Watterson and Gary Larson, love those guys! (I like Calvin's Dad, hehehe.) And my parents! Yes, my parents for laughing their asses off, too! And whoever I missed, well, I missed you with love. :) And, 'I have no enemies, but the ones I dislike know who you are!' (YEAH! Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst everybody! 'Three Dollar Bill!') I'm done pluggin'. And my true identity, (What true indentity????) remains unknown. ;) And to end on a high note, I am hatless at the moment. Later! Contact Vitals: AIM: [Mike256bit] [Hardly on recently.] ICQ: [49168605] [On CONSTANTLY.] E-MAIL: [mike_256bit@hotmail.com] [Hey, I'm EAGER for feedback, but Flames while be laughed at, stored in a special folder, and taken back out for further comic relief.] HOMEPAGE: [IT NEEDS WORK!] Tails' Hut - [www.homestead.com/tails_hut/FrontDoor.html] [I need to be motivated to work on it.] CONSTANT VISITATION: Yahoo Poker Chat Room: Social Lounge - [play.yahoo.com] (You'll figure it out from there.) Logged in as: [Mike_256bit] [And of course, the 'Real End.'] >> He leered over it, and raised the branch for the blow. -- >> "It's HUGE. I never thought it was genetically possible for vulpines to get that big!" [BREAK] [Commercials:] [Another way to double your pleasure,] [Another Taco Bell ad convicing you to 'Drop the Chilupa,'] [The Turkey Associations STRONG protest of what's obout to go down on Thursday. [11.25.99,] [Somehow, an Omish Association has gotten away buying airtime to tell you to stop using eletricity,... when they are using it as they speak...] [Sega of America has announced that their game production deal is a crock, and that they're about to bomb Dreamcast like Saturn.] ['Sliders' or some crap like that.]