Misting of: Pet for Robotnik? (By Alex Gariepy) Misting by: Alex Gariepy Era: MIKE (Mike and the 'bots versus Mads Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank at Deep 13) WS#9 sections: SONIC (Sonic the Hedgehog), MEMIST (Misting of one's own work) Author's note: I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but I am. I'm riffing my own stuff. Well, I knew sooner or later my Sonic fanfic series would be riffed for its... well, odd timeline and strange stories. Oh, let's not get into the fact that this was based on a cat I had... please, people, I have gotten a LOT better than this. Well, enjoy. Technobabble/disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters are copyright(c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. This misting is merely intended for entertainment purposes only, no infringement on the original trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or any other company/person was intended nor should be inferred. This misting is not intended to insult/injure/scar anyone mentioned, nor does it exactly hold the opinion of Alex Gariepy. (Turn down your lights... it is a dark day indeed...) (Theme) In the not-too-distant future Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Were hatching an Evil Scheme. They hired a temp by the name of Mike, Just a regular joe they didn't like. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they conked him on the noggin And they shot him into space! (Mike: "Get me down!") (Instead of holding a movie reel, the Mads are holding some paper sheets.) We'll send him cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find (la-la-la). (Mike and the 'bots see Sonic the Hedgehog running around in circles as they riff away in the theater.) He'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la). Now keep in mind Mike can't control Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la). He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL: Cambot! ("Show yourself!") Gypsy! ("I'm not ready!") Tom Servo! ("Hello there!") Croooow! ("That's one 'o'!") If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts (la-la-la), Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax For Mystery Science Theater 3000!" (Twang!) (Door sequence.) (SOL-Bridge. Tom and Crow are behind the counter. Behind them are a lot, and I mean a LOT of speakers.) Tom: Oh, hi everybody! Welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Tom Servo, and beside me is Crow. Crow: Hello. Tom: Well, normally, Mike Nelson would also be here, but for the past week or so he's been oversleeping. Crow: It's a real shame too. For the past five experiments, Mike had to riff in his pajamas. Tom, if I see Mike in the theater with those puppy slippers on again... Tom: Don't need to worry, Crow. We've come prepared this time! Crow: Oh right. We installed our own alarm clock! Tom: Yes, but it is no clock! All we do is flip the switch down there and voila! Mike will wake up! Crow: You sure this will work, Tom? Tom: Of course it will work, Crow! I installed these speakers everywhere on the sattelite. Crow: (glancing at the many, many speakers) Hmmm, I sure hope so. But something doesn't seem right somehow. Tom: Oh, course! I nearly forgot! Crow: What is it? Tom: We need earplugs! Crow: Oh, right Tom. I'll get them now. Tom: Remember to give some to Gypsy. Oh, and Cambot too. Crow: I will. (He exits.) (Commercial sign flashes.) Tom: We'll be right back. (He hovers to the lights and sits on it.) (Mst3k bumper.) (Commercials. More post-election coverage on CNN. Joy.) (SOL-Bridge. Tom and Crow have earmuffs on their heads. Apparently they decided to go with the simple earmuffs than earplugs. It's incredibly quiet. Just then, the bottom of the screen starts showing closed captions.) (CAPTION) Closed captioning provided by yours truly, Cambot! (Tom speaks enthusiastically, followed by Crow.) (CAPTION) Tom: You ready, Crow? Crow: Yes I am! (Tom goes underneath the counter and flips the switch. The room starts shaking. Tom speaks once he pops back up.) (CAPTION) Tom: There we go. (While the room is shaking, Mike rushes in, wearing some striped-green pajamas and a sleeping cap. He talks about madly.) (CAPTION) Uh... shoot, I can't understand a word they're saying. Blasted earmuffs. I'll try to understand, anyway. Mike: Oh, hello Tom, Crow! Thank you for waking me up with this wonderful machine! (Tom and Crow look at each other, then back at Mike, speaking to him as if quizzically.) (CAPTION) Tom: It was my idea, Mike. Crow: No, it's mine! (Mike angrily takes off Tom and Crow's earmuffs, and yells at them some more.) (CAPTION) Mike: Look, I don't care whose idea was it. I'm very happy that you considered my wellbeing and used this to wake me up! (As the room continues shaking, Crow winces in pain, and puts his head to the counter, wailing bitterly.) (CAPTION) Crow: *sniff* I feel so happy, I'm going to cry! (Tom now winces in pain, jumping up and down, talking.) (CAPTION) Tom: o/~ Happy happy, joy joy! Happy happy, joy joy! o/~ (The Mads' light flash. Mike yells at the 'bots before tapping the light.) (CAPTION) Mike: Well, while we celebrate, let's see how the Mads are doing! (Deep 13. Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank stare at the screen quizzically. Fortunately, there is sound down there.) Dr. F: Nelson, what the heck is going on? (SOL. Mike says a few things to the Mads.) (CAPTION) Mike: Oh, we're just happy over this new alarm clock we set up! (Deep 13) Dr. F: Oh, I see. Well, it's nice to hear about the new alarm clock. (SOL. Mike looks at Cambot quizzically, then points for Tom and Crow to remove Cambot's earmuffs.) (CAPTION) Mike: You two, go get Cambot some RAM chips! He deserves it! (As the 'bots take off Cambot's earmuffs, the background sound changes. Now there are several out-of-key marching bands playing all at the same time. Suffice to say, it's extremely loud.) Mike: DR. FORRESTER, WE CAN'T SHUT DOWN THE SPEAKERS. COULD YOU DO IT FROM THERE? (Deep 13) Dr. F: Ah, that infernal racket must cease! Frank! Do something! Frank: Okay, okay! (He runs to the control panel and taps a few buttons.) (SOL. Soon, the sound goes away. Mike and the 'bots sigh in relief.) Mike: I hate to say it, but thanks, Dr. Forrester. (Deep 13) Dr. F: Oh, don't thank me, Mike. I only did it so that you have my experiments to worry about, and not some stupid idea your pet toasters make. (SOL. Mike nods, then rushes off to the left.) Crow: What do you mean, toasters? (Deep 13) Dr. F: Never mind that. Today I am going to present you the new Summer Olympic events! (SOL) Tom: You mean like 'synchronized diving' and 'trampoline'? (Deep 13) Dr. F: No, of course not. I'm talking about the new suggestions I put out to the IOC. They've approved, and by the next Summer Olympics, we'll have several new events! (Frank walks to the right, then takes a pogo stick and starts hopping on it.) (SOL. Mike comes back, dressed in his usual jumpsuit attire.) Mike: I took the earmuffs off Gypsy, and I disconnected all the speakers. Crow: Thanks, Mike. Tom: They're not anything lethal, are they, Dr. F? (Deep 13. Frank is still hopping on the pogo stick, although on occasion he falls off and then tries again.) Dr. F: No, not really. Actually, all we're doing is introducing the wonderful world of pogo sticks to the Olympics! We'll have the pogo long jump, the pogo high jump, synchronized pogo-ing, the pogo dash - in all distances -, pogo hurdles, and last, but not least, pogo gymnastics. (SOL) Mike: I see... Tom: That's very interesting. Crow: Very much so. (Deep 13) Dr. F: (glaring) You have a problem with this? (SOL) All: Oh, no, never! Honestly, we would never consider! (Deep 13) Dr. F: Good, 'cause I decided that today's experiment would be shorter than you've had the past few days. (SOL) Mike: (yawning) Good, because I need some sleep! (Deep 13) Dr. F: It doesn't mean there'll be less hurting, Mike! Today I am sending you "Pet for Robotnik" by Alex Gari-ee-pay... Gardi-poy... Grapy... Frank: (still hopping) Gariepy. Dr. F: Right. Anyway, it's a Sonic fanfic that starts a new series with a new character called 'Tigui', which, ironically, is Alex's pet cat. Prepare for some hurting, Mike. Send them the 'fic, Fra... (he looks behind him) Frank! Frank: I'm just practicing like you told me, Steve! (SOL. Lights, buzzers, etc.) All: AAAAAAAAAH! WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIGN! (Mike hits the lights, and joins the others in leaving in panic.) (Door sequnce.) (All enter theater.) Tom: Herrrrrre kitty, kitty, kitty! Go! Chase after Sonic! Good kitty! Mike: Will you knock it off? We haven't even gone to the title yet! Crow: You gotta admit, though, Mike. Someone bases a new fanfic series on a pet cat? It's kinda like having Bill Clinton's cat Socks have a video game. Tom: Welllll... Crow: Huh? Mike: Later, guys. Fanfic's on. >Pet for Robotnik? Crow: (Robotnik) No thanks, I prefer a chocolate biscuit with some cold 2% milk. >By: Alex Gariepy (orion@travel-net.com) Mike: You know, there's something very odd about that name... Tom: You mean as if this person were here right about now? Mike: Yeah. Tom: Never thought about it, Mike. > >LEGAL STUFF Crow: Oh dear, not Sonic Fan! No, no, no... Mike: It's not him, Crow. Crow: But that's saying "LEGAL STUFF"! It's his trademark! >============================================================================= >This story borrows characters that are trademarks of the SEGA Sonic video >games, the Sonic SatAM cartoon and the Archie comics based on Sonic. Crow: Yeah, Tails stops by Pops to tell Sonic to lay off the burgers, er, chili dogs. > All >other characters that are not are the property of the owner. This story can >be distributed freely, Mike: As opposed to "distributed with extreme caution"? > but in occasion for a website hosting the story, an >e-mail consent is necessary. Crow: And always remember that websites holding such stories shall be considered armed and dangerous in 30 states. > It should not be distributed for profit. Crow: Who would pay for it? Modern art museums? > It >should be distributed in its entirety, without any changes. All: Uhhhhh... > >AUTHOR'S NOTE Tom: (Alex) Today was a good day. I sat down at the computer for 20 hours thinking about what to write. Then a thought came to me! It was crummy, but I wrote about it anyway. >============================================================================= >Here it is. The first story. Crow: FIRST? I need a shower, and quick. > How did Tigui get into Mobius? Tom: He dug his way in! > The idea is a >little unoriginal, (All snicker.) Tom: Been there. Mike: Done that. Crow: Gone queasy. > seeing how many fanfiction authors bring their made-up >characters through a time portal, an accident, space ships or one of >Rotor's/Robotnik's experiments. Tom: What? No comet, Alex? What's with you? > However, it will help readers get an idea of >what happened. Anyway, the story is OK and I suggest you read it. (All snicker again.) Crow: (Alex) It's good, damn it! Read the stupid thing or I'll pout like an infant! > Here goes. >P.S. Thanks to fellow fan-fic writers on MobiusMUCK for helping me. Tom: I'm sure that those people are very grateful... not. > I have >started to notice how some of them actually like the character of Tigui. Crow: Sayyyy... Mike and Tom: Ewwww... >Anyway, to the story. Mike: (Alex) Sorry, I keep on trailing off here. By the way, I'd like to say that "Yes, Tigui is my pet cat." Tom: I better get started on my Sonic fanfic. I plan to introduce my underwear collection as new characters! (Mike and Crow look at Tom for a moment, then back to the screen.) > >CHARACTERS >============================================================================= Tom: But first, Alex's vast knowledge of characters! Mike: Sonic roll call! > >Tigui* Crow: Uh oh, Peter Guerin's gonna interrupt with a long explanation on what the name Tigui means! Mike: Slow down, Crow. I'm sure it's not like that. >Sonic T. Hedgehog Tom: (dryly) Oh, geez, WHAT could the "T" stand for? Crow: Maybe I'm somewhat related... in which case, I got to change my name. >Miles "Tails" Prower Mike: Let's just let the old joke rest there and move on, shall we? >Princess Sally Acorn Tom: I can't believe there's a House of Acorns! Crow: It's full of nuts, I can tell ya that. >Rotor Walrus Mike: Goo goo ca joo? >Antoine D'Coolette Tom: Warning! French stereotype approaching! >Bunnie Rabbot Crow: Warning! Southern stereotype approaching! >Dr. Robotnik Mike: Warning! Fat evil doctor stereotype approaching! >Snively All: Warning! Wussy stereotype approaching! > >* - Property of Alex Gariepy Mike: Nuts, *I* wanted to claim ownership of Alex's pet cat! > >STORY Crow: And now, our story... >============================================================================= >Place: Robotnik's fortress Time: 9:00 a.m. Tom: Exactly 9:00? Crow: Well, he just can't wait for "Live with Regis"! >============================================================================= > Quite a frustrating week for Robotnik. Mike: (Robotnik) Sega's saying I'm not so evil-ish anymore. They're thinking of putting Crash Bandicoot as the main villain. > Again that hedgehog has used >his speed, along with the Freedom Fighters, Tom: Sonic USED them! That bastard! (Mike shakes his head.) > to demolish another one of >his factories. Mike: Robotnik got a call from Starbucks, telling him to stop wasting their factories. Man, was he steamed! > Robotnik woke up with that thought, and became much bitterer >than he was when he was sleeping. Tom: He was just too ripe for picking. > His dream involved him getting his chance >to kill 'that meddling hedgehog'. Crow: (Alex) Or was it his chance to get some? Ah hell, even *I* don't know! > Unfortunately, Robotnik wasn't quite as >happy (or evil, if you readers prefer) as he was. Tom: He wasn't COMPETENT, exclamation mark! > His morale was low. No >matter how many tricks he planted, no matter how many times he >double-crossed, no matter how many robots he could create, Mike: No matter how many cookies he would bake. Tom: No matter how many tempers he had. Crow: No matter how many cliches were used. > Sonic was too fast >for him. Indeed, it was a rotten day to be dictator. Mike: Unless you were in Cuba or Iraq. > Robotnik got dressed in his usual attire and went to his office; (Tom double-takes. He's stunned.) Crow: What? No breakfast? No scrambled lizard eggs? > he >looked at the monitors. Mike: (Robotnik) I wonder if ESPN will give some highlights of that Vikings- Packers game. > The SWATBots are working as usual, he thought, and >the robotication process is on schedule, yet I still feel, as if none of >this matters. Crow: (Alex) Oh, by the way, *I* am Robotnik now! MWAHAHAHAHA! Tom: G-g-g-g-guys? > I should be proud of myself, controlling almost all of Mobius. Mike: (Robotnik) Except that dinky little forest, but it's nothing of importance to me. Nope, not a bit. Tom: Guys? >But he was not proud enough; he wanted more, more land, more factories, >just more. Mike: Dictators, always wanting more. Crow: I betcha the one he DOESN'T want is more weight. Tom: GUYS! Mike and Crow: Hmmm? Tom: Didn't we see this before? Crow: Uh, I don't think so. Why? > "Snively!" he yelled. That useless bag of flesh, Crow: (snickering) Bag of flesh... what a... oh dear... Mike: What is it? Crow: I think it's... it. Mike: What? > he thought, even he >can't cheer me up. Then again, why do I need cheering up? Mike: Because you've been defeated time and time again? I would be pretty depressed too. 'Bots: (pleading) Pleasedon'tletitbe, pleasedon'tletitbe, pleasedon'tletitbe, pleasedon'tletitbe... > Snively arrived quickly, holding something behind him. Crow: Oh, no... Dr. Forrester said it was. Tom: He wouldn't! Crow: He would. Mike: What are you guys talking about? > Robotnik took notice, "What is that thing behind you," he said. Mike: (Snively) Um, happy birthday, sir. > "What thing, sir," it was clear Snively was sweating. Mike: Um, just my wondering, but if he was holding something earlier, couldn't he have hidden it before going to Robotnik? > "I don't have time for this," he mumbled. He turned towards his >assistant, grabbed him by the neck and lifted him. Mike: Robotnik! The human forklift! > Snively's reaction was >all Robotnik wanted as Snively showed a little report. Tom: Mike, remember when we riffed Dr. Thinker's misting of "When Worlds Collide"? Mike: Not really. I try not to think about it. Crow: Well, we had a little teaser of 'things to come' right after that? Mike: Uh huh. Tom: We think... Mike: (realizing) You can't be serious. > Robotnik took the >report and threw Snively down. Reading it, his hopes were going up. Mike: Oh dear, you mean... > "Snively," he said calmly, "I'm quite impressed. For once in >your insignificant life you've done something." Crow: (Robotnik) You actually screwed up when I wanted you to! > "It is not quite to it potential, sir," he said, "we can only pull >things from time with it." (All begin to whimper.) > "A time machine," All: NOOOOOOOOOOO! > Robotnik said, "I want to test it first." Mike: Why? We've been here before! Crow: Better hold tight. This is going to be ROUGH. > "Now?" Tom: (Robotnik) No, next fanfic! What do you think, dickweed? > "You heard me, or is that skull of yours still cracked?" Crow: The years of physical abuse left Snively with a cracked head... and no spine at all. > "Yes, sir," he said. Snively was going to tell Robotnik that the >machine took lots of experiments. Mike: (Snively) But I'm sure he won't mind me taking 25% of his empire's budget. > If it were to be destroyed without the >making of plans, it would be hard to build it again. Crow: So, what did Snively DO, exactly? Just paste some things together at random and go from there? Tom: Well, isn't that how we did Mike's invention exchanges? Mike: Quiet you... > His loss, he thought, >that robust... Tom: (Snively) Um... ... thing! Geez, I HAD a good insult there! > "Well, move it!" Snively was interrupted by Robotnik's voice. >============================================================================= Mike: Well, so far, nothing much. Just the stupid time machine. >Place: Knothole Time: 9:30 a.m. >============================================================================= Crow: (Sonic) Well, I had enough of Regis, time to stuff my face! > It was a busy day in Knothole. There have reports of strange activity >in Robotropolis. Tom: They assumed that Alex Giddy-uppy was somehow involved, and started panicking. Crow: Well, at first they thought it was Gonterman, but thankfully no human was found. > Rumors were circulating that Sally was going to send a >recon mission tonight, or even a little early. Mike: (Knothole villager) During SUPPER? But it's BBQ night at Rotor's! > Sonic was getting prepared. Tom: We won't tell you specifically, but he WAS getting prepared. >It was no deal to him; he's been on more dangerous missions. As long as he >got his speed, Robotnik will always lose. Crow: You know, that last sentence there is so wrong, I'm not even going to say anything. > Again, Tails wanted to ask Sally if he could go. Crow: But he didn't want to show weakness by asking Sally if he can go to the can. > And again, Sally said >no, despite Tails' begging. Crow: (Sally) No can for you, young freak of nature. Tom: (Tails) But I've been holding on for two TV seasons! > Antoine... well, grooming himself again. Mike: Okay, write that down, it might be extremely important. > Rotor was busy trying to make plans for another invention. >Unfortunately for him, he's got creator's block. Tom: Hey, Rotor, the other guy had the same problems, so don't worry! Crow: Joel always told me to bang my head against the counter to get my creative juices going! Mike: Did it work? Crow: Hell no, but it was good to do after every experiment. > And lastly, Bunnie was working up a sweat trying to prepare for >the possible mission. Tom: (Alex) But enough of pointless blabber. Let's talk about ME! > All in all, pretty normal to say the least. Unfortunately, it will end >in a strange way. Crow: This fanfic will turn upside down, and Tails and Sonic do some polka! Mike: Uh huh... Crow: And then Robotnik will sing "My Little Pony". Mike: Okay, Crow, stop it right there. >============================================================================= >Place: Robotropolis, Facility #34 Tom: Its function? Nike products! >============================================================================= > Meanwhile, back in Robotropolis, Snively showed Robotnik the >'unfinished' time machine. Mike: (Robotnik) Snively, I was expecting something fancy. This is just a Grandfather clock with no gears inside! Tom: (Snively) Well, um... surprise! Heh heh... > The facility was divided into two rooms. One was >the control center where Robotnik, Snively, and a few Workerbots were. Crow: The Workerbots were there making Nike shoes at minimum wage, with no safety precautions. > The >other room was the portal, which resembled some kind of old Earth movie. Mike: The Time Tunnel? >Anyway, it looked like it was ready for a test drive. Tom: But unfortunately, Robotnik and Snively didn't have their licenses. > On the portal there >was some type of glowing stone. Crow: But it was actually "SeaQuest" fish poop. > "We can pull anything from any time period from any planet," Snively >said. Tom: Does it come with cable? > Robotnik thought of what to pull out. Mike: Then, he decided, he'll pull HIMSELF from the past! > He could've pulled out >Sonic's father when he was a kid. That way, the hedgehog would cease to >exist. Crow: But of course, that would've lead into an INTERESTING plot! Tom: It would? Crow: No, but it's better than what I'm guessing. > He could've pulled out one of the Chaos Emeralds, which he heard >about so much when he was Ambassador to the Overlander colony. Mike: Ambassador Kosh would tell him bedtime stories... > But no, he >decided something insignificant. Tom: (Robotnik) Some Tang! And make it snappy! I'm thirsty! > "Bring me a domestic cat from Earth," he said. (All snicker.) Crow: Uh, Robotnik, I would stick with the Tang. > Snively was dumbfounded, "why?" Tom: (Robotnik) 'Cause Alex made me! > "Domestic felines are known to bring down blood pressure, and soothe >even the most tense minds. I want one." Mike: (Robotnik) Oh, and get me a pony too. Crow: But cats leave behind messes, scratch your furniture, and shed fur all over the place! > Snively grunted to himself, "Very well." Tom: (Snively, grumbling) I'll get him a Tiger, see how he likes 'kitties'. >============================================================================= >Place: Tigui's home Mike: Where? Crow: o/~ Way down in Deep 13... o/~ Mike and Tom: AAAAAH! >============================================================================= > Tigui was relaxing on his favorite couch in the living room. He was >a sleepy cat. Crow: But that was after he was fixed. > He couldn't care anything less. > Just then, a little portal appeared from underneath him, and he was >sucked into it, unable to break loose. Tom: Wow, a self-cleaning couch. Crow: (basso) Couch eat kitty. Yum! > Tigui's thoughts were merely clouded >with fear. Tigui has never even seen this... thing... before. He was in >some strange swirl that looked so eerie. Tom: Someone's giving the kitty a swirlie? > The first thing that he meowed was, > "What the heck?" (All guffaw.) Mike: Talking cats? Again? Isn't it enough they have plenty of those already? Tom: Tigui, Sonic the Hedgehog's version of Snagglepuss. >============================================================================= > "What have you pulled out?" Robotnik said as Tigui fell from the >portal onto the hard floor of the factory. Crow: Looks like Bullwinkle didn't pull a rabbit out of his hat, again... > Tigui was unconscious due to >the shock he suffered. Tom: (Alex) Or maybe the several bruises he suffered when he fell onto the 'hard floor', I dunno! > "A domestic cat," Snively angrily said, Mike: (Snively) Shoot, I wanted Mr. Bigglesworth! > "He goes by the name of >'Tigui' and lived in the 20th century..." Tom: (Robotnik) That century AGAIN, Snively? Sheesh, be careful or we'll be treading into Trekkie territory. > "Don't bore me with details," he said, Crow: And that sums up Tigui's entrance into the Sonic universe in just one sentence. > "just make sure the cat is >alive and well." Mike: (Robotnik) And make sure it's potty trained. > Snively went and checked Tigui's pulse. Tom: (Snively, falsetto) His heartbeat's irregular. > He was OK, so Snively put the >cat in a little breathable box. Tom: Breathable box? Must be another 3M innovation! > "Bring him to my office," Robotnik continued, Crow: (Robotnik) Then get me my cookbook. > "and we will say hello >to our new guest." Mike: (Robotnik) We're inviting John Arbuckle for dinner. > At that point Robotnik chuckled. Crow: Oh, right, the epitome of evil! Stealing someone's pet kitty! >============================================================================= >Place: Knothole Time: 10:32 A.M. Tom: (Sonic) Only a couple of more minutes until "The Price is Right" comes on. >============================================================================= > "Nicole," Sally said to her computer, Crow: (Sally) Begin recording... "I am trapped inside a stupid fanfic. To whoever gets this message, HELP ME!" End recording. > "did you sense anything strange >this past hour?" > "Affirmative," Nicole said, Mike: (Nicole) A presence has been sensed. A presence that has not been felt since... > "A strange gravity well has appeared >and disappeared at Robotropolis." > Sally was worried; "This does not look good." Tom: Actually, it looked strange, as Nicole just said. > "What do you mean by that, Sal?" Crow: (Sally) Oh, you know. Any stupid little thing that happens on this boring planet means something bad is happening. > Sally turned around to see Sonic there, tapping his foot and crossing >his arms. Tom: (Sonic, falsetto) Alright, missy, what have you done this time? > "Sonic," Sally said, "don't do that!" > "Don't do what?" Mike: (Sally) Tap your foot. Don't you know that's irritating? > "Go behind me like that!" > "How could I? Crow: (Sonic) Can't you smell my chili dog stench a mile away? > You were right ahead of me when I came here, and your >back was turned around. If I knew you hated me coming behind you, I >would've changed course, but I..." Tom: ... had a really half-wit ensign at the helm? > "Sonic?" > "Yes?" Tom: (Sally) Does your brain short out as fast as your speed? > "Nevermind." > A brief pause, then Sonic said, "So why the 'uh-oh' expression, Sal?" > "Nicole just reported a strange gravity well appearing at >Robotropolis just a while ago," she said gloomily, "this seems like another >one of Robotnik's experiments again." Mike: (Sally) We're expecting a new character to pop up in a matter of hours. > Sonic says, "How would you figure that?" Crow: The little Gameboy told her, Sonic. > Sally replies, "It was at Robotropolis, Sonic. Tom: And anything that happens there MUST be Robotnik's doing! Crow: And not, like, say, another new character. > It could very well be >that Robotnik found a way to make gravitational pulls, causing Knothole to >be pulled in and destroyed." Tom: Well, that hypothesis would sound neat if it actually made sense. > "That could get ugly," Sonic winced. > "Exactly," Sally said, "So we may have to attack early." Tom: (Sally) Yes, I know it's BBQ night at Rotor's, but this plot's gotta go somewhere! > "Sal?" > "Yes, Sonic." > Sonic acks silently, "Uh... nevermind." Crow: Ack? Is that like something from 'Mars Attacks!'? > "Ok," Sally said, "Meet us at the war room in 30 minutes, we haven't >got much time to lose." Mike: (Sally) But we'll waste 30 minutes here just to think about it. > Sally walks away, leaving Sonic there to curse at himself. Tom: What the? Did he just...? Crow: Yep, he's a tense-switcher. We're in trouble. >============================================================================= >Place: Robotnik's fortress Mike: The year is 2259, the name of the place is Robotnik 5! >============================================================================= > Tigui slowly wakes up, and the first face he sees made him jump. Crow: What? Mike, I don't have a scary face, do I? Mike: (patting Crow on the head) No, you don't, Crow. > "Ah," the fat looking face said, Crow: Oh, so it's not my face. It's Mike, right? Mike: Hey! I was being nice to you! Tom: Fat looking face? Fat Albert? > "you have finally woken up... er... >Tigooy!" (All laugh.) Tom: Tigooy! Now with creamy vanilla filling! Mike: Also available in chocolate, blueberry, and strawberry. > "It's Tigui!" said Tigui, "and who are you to come in here and wake >me up?" Crow: Uh, Mr. Alex's pet kitty, sir? You fell out of a stupid portal and went unconscious. And you're worried about your NAP? Tom: Tigui's a one-track kitty. > Tigui then realized his situation, "where am I?" Mike: (Tigui) And how come I can speak English? > Robotnik grinned evilly, "You're in Robotropolis, on planet Mobius." Tom: (Tigui) Oh no, it's one of those things that shiny box in the living room talked about! > Tigui's first reaction was shocked, "but how?" Crow: (Tigui) Do they have kitty treats here? > Robotnik fibbed, "Some strange gravity wells have been happening >these days. Tom: And Robotnik has CNN over there on Mobius, sure. > You were unfortunately pulled into one and brought here. My >assistant Snively will try to get you back. In the meantime, please stay and >be our 'guest'." Crow: Did he quote with his fingers when he said that? Mike: (Robotnik) And by that I mean our main course... oops! > Tigui was dumbfounded at first, but he bought it, "Ok, but may I ask a >few questions." Tom: Tigui, reporter of the Cat Scratch Weekly. > Robotnik didn't like questions, Mike: So do many politicians, what's your point? > "Go on." > "One, who are you? Crow: (Tigui) You're not Joe Don Baker, are you? > Second, how come you understand me and I understand >you?" Tom: Because you two have so much in common! Crow: Yeah, both of you like back rubs, and you both poop in litter boxes! > The villain spoke, "I am Dr. Julian Robotnik, ruler of the planet >Mobius, and this place is my fortress. Mike: (Robotnik) We haven't figured out a name for it, but we're thinking of either "Fort Eggman" or "The Egg hut". > The reason we can understand each >other is due to the fact that Mobius once was like you, many domestic animals. Crow: They were domesticated even though there were no owners? Who do they beg to for treats, then? >The animals' language hasn't changed much since their ancestors. I, being >a human, Tom: Well, the closest thing to one here, anyway. > have yet to understand their language my first time here. However, >now, I am fluent in their language... Mike: (Robotnik) So, to prove my point, o/~ I want Meow Mix, I want Meow Mix, I want Meow Mix, I want Meow Mix... o/~ > but enough of this crud, I'll show >you around." Tom: For a future pet, he's certainly treating him like any other houseguest. > Tigui, disoriented from his trip, decides to go along. Mike: Although he was a little woozy and off-balance, he trailed behind Robotnik, bumping into several SWATbots on the way. >============================================================================= >Place: Knothole's War Room Time: 1:12 A.M. Tom: Wow, precisely 30 minutes! Looks like they still have watches on Mobius. >============================================================================= > Sally, Sonic, Rotor, Bunnie, Antoine and a few other FF came to the >war room. Crow: FF? Fruit flies? Tom: Also attending were the Russian ambassador, several US generals, and Dr. Strangelove. > None of them actually know what Robotnik did Mike: And they thanked the Mobian gods for it. > or knew that Tigui is >now in Robotropolis. Tom: (deep sarcasm) Really? I thought they were thinking that Tigui, assuming they know who and what the heck he is, was somewhere on the Floating Island! Gee, thanks for clearing that up! (sighs) > Sonic was first to speak, "I'd say we go to where that strange thing >happened and *snap* demolish it." Crow: Snap demolish it? Tom: No, SNAP demolish it. Crow: Oh... what does that mean? Tom: Beats me. > Rotor protested, "No, Sonic. We should find out what actually >happened before we blow up anything." Crow: (Sonic) But my lust for robotic debris must be quenched! > "Rote," he said, "A good machine, especially one from Robuttnik, is >a demolished one. Tom: Mike, as much as I find society going to hell in a hand-basket, at least they don't have this strong anti-robot sentiment. Mike: Well, you see, Tom, humans aren't as bad as you think. Crow: Yeah, it's the anthropomorphous animals that are full of hatred! Mike: I don't mean tha-... never mind. > We should act quickly so that we may not have to deal with >it later." > "But we don't know what to destroy." Mike: Oh, just pick a factory. It doesn't really matter. > "Sure we do, Nicole will just make a path, and all we have to do is >follow the computerized road." Tom: And use a COMPUTER to find ways to blow up some robots? Crow: Hypocrites! Tom: Fearmongers! 'Bots: (chanting) No more robot-bashing! No more robot-bashing! > "Sonic, there may be something that Robotnik may have kept behind, for >all we know this could be a trap." > This hesitated Antoine. Mike: Wow, how utterly shocking. > "Maybe we should just.... How you say... leaf thiz alone?" Antoine >said. Crow: Maybe we should just... how you say... leaf thiz fanfic while we still can? > Sonic and Rotor argued, Antoine and Bunnie said nothing. Crow: Not verbally, anyway. Mike and Tom: Ugh! > While all >this was occurring, Sally looked at Nicole's readings. > After a while, Sally finally calmed everyone down. Tom: Must've been interesting exactly HOW... Crow: This fanfic is the complete opposite of other fanfics. Instead of giving too much detail, this one gives too LITTLE detail. > "I just looked at Nicole's readings," she said, "the gravity wells are >not for destroying villages, they are actually time portals." Mike: (Sonic) Where did you get to that conclusion? Crow: (Nicole) The analysis was made by combining several other Sonic fanfic plot contrivances. > Sonic's eyes widened, Tom: (Sonic) Ooo, is that cheesecake? > "Ok, we better hurry then, ol' 'buttnik may try >to disrupt our time... again." Mike: Sonic just saved us a riff here. Thanks! > Sally interrupted, "There's one more thing, the portals are not for >going into time, they're for pulling things out." > The crowd was stunned. All: (crowd) Another character AGAIN? > "Ah don't get it," Bunnie said, "Why does >Robotnik wanna pull something into our time zone?" Crow: To save whoever's been pulled from flying through several time zones? Tom: To avoid jet lag, of course! That's evil enough for Robotnik! > "Three possibilities," Sally said, "One, he hasn't found out how to >go through time just yet. Two, Robotnik's time machine probably malfunctioned. >Or, something else." Tom: (Sally) Or four, to get a new pet kitty! > "This is getting too weird, Sal," Sonic said, "My head's gonna get >a headache!" Tom: You too? Man, Sonic, you and I should talk. > "Big newz," Antoine mumbled. > "So," a bear said, Crow: Nameless character #1 pops in with his only line of the fanfic. Tom: The bear today is played by Alan Rickman. > "what are we going to do?" > "The mission will go like this," Sally said as she had that >commander's expression, Mike: With her commander hair, her commander looks, and her commander attitude! > "Sonic, Rotor, you'll go to Facility #34, where >this machine is probably at, Mike: (Sally) I'm just going a hunch, but I think it's over there. Tom: (Sonic) ... Mike: (Sally) It's the one near the chili dog vender. Tom: (Sonic) Oh! > and stay there until I give you guys >further orders. Crow: (Sally) In the mean time, here's a card deck. That'll keep you busy while waiting. > Bunnie, Antoine and I will try to find whom, or what >Robotnik has pulled. Tom: It better not be his finger, 'cause if it is... (Mike and Crow groan.) > We may be able to bring it back to its time zone. Mike: (Sally) I'll book a Northwestern to Germany. I'm sure it lives there. > If >our mission goes as planned, Tom: (Sally) We'll achieve absolutely nothing! But hey, we get to tour Robotropolis some more! > we should destroy the machine so no more lives >can be drawn in. Everyone know what to do?" All: (crowd) No, not really. > Sonic gives his usual finger wave, Crow: (Sonic) You've been a bad planner, Sally. Bad! Bad! > "Will be there on the dime." > Everyone else just agreed in unison. Tom: Albeit disgruntled, but they agreed anyway. > "All right fighters," Sally said, "let's go." >============================================================================= >Place: Robotropolis Time: 1:20 A.M. Mike: Darn it, I'm missing my soaps! (Tom and Crow stare at Mike.) Mike: What? >============================================================================= > Robotnik showed Tigui how his empire was growing. Tom: Then he showed Tigui all the detailed plans of all the factories, knowing for sure that the information would be safe. > Unknown to Tigui, >Robotnik didn't show him his roboticizing room. Crow: Which was a relief in more ways than one. > Tigui, recovering from his >early trip, Mike: So I guess there is jet lag when you travel through time. Tom: Looks like I was wrong. > was starting to get suspicious, as Robotnik always seemed to >work with his Workerbots very rudely. Tom: And this all in just a few hours? Crow: Oh yeah, you know Robotnik. Willing to go down and do some of the dirty work with his fellow Workerbots... wait a minute... > Tigui had no idea what's really going >on, Mike: Join the club. > but he was starting to distrust Robotnik. However, just to make sure >he wouldn't get in trouble, Tigui kept a low profile. > "Uh," Tigui said, "who are these 'Freedom Fighters' I heard about?" Crow: Low profile, kitty? What happened to that? > Robotnik hated that, but he had to say something, "Some animals... >detest this wonderful empire. Tom: And they kill robots to vent their anger. 'Bots: Booooo! > They decided to.... take some action against >us and attacked most of our factories. Mike: Most? Heck, any factory he builds they go after. Tom: I see the Freedom Fighters are nothing more than anti-globalization forces. > Of those certain pests... I mean, >protesters, is a certain hedgehog." > "What's the deal with him?" Tigui asked. Crow: Well, you see, when an author loves a show very much... > "His name is Sonic," Robotnik grew cold saying that, "his speed is >very fast and he has been some trouble." Tom: (Robotnik) He hangs out at corners giving intravenous shots. > Tigui was thinking at the moment. Sonic? He thought, why does that >name sound so familiar. Mike: (Tigui) Oh, I know! They're a fast food chain, right? > Maybe if I talk to this hedgehog I may find out the >real truth behind this. >============================================================================= >Place: The Scrap Heap near Robotropolis Time: 1:24 A.M. Crow: So the Freedom Fighters head over to the local dump? >============================================================================= > Sonic and Rotor were already on their way to the facility, quickly >avoiding the SWATBots they meet. Tom: That was vague. Mike: I didn't know Rotor was fast. Crow: Well, he is the Walrus, after all. Tom: Goo goo ca joo. > Sally, Bunnie and Antoine were secretly >underground, looking for whoever or whatever Robotnik pulled from the >time portal. Tom: For those of you with short attention spans, here's our recap... > Sonic was looking for the facility, Mike: As opposed to looking for Jimmy Carter. > "Where is it again, Rote?" > Rotor showed the direction, "It's at the east." Crow: (Sonic) Is it near a Starbucks? > "We better hurry," Sonic said, "before Robuttnik tries another >experiment." Tom: Yeah, we wouldn't dare want him to steal someone else's pet! Crow: Doesn't he have a pet robot named Cluck? Tom: It was scrapped when Alex did this fanfic... well, I guess. >============================================================================= >Meanwhile... Mike: Back at the farm... >============================================================================= > Sally and her group have gotten through a quarter of Robotropolis >and still no sign of activity. Crow: What? Is Robotropolis that small? > Antoine was getting nervous again but Bunnie >had to calm him down again. Tom: And thus we question why Sally ever thought of bringing Antoine. Mike: He's the nerdy guy, he's bound to die sooner or later. > "Antoine," she said, "quit shaking. You're gonna get us spotted. Now >quit movin', sugah!" Crow: And Alex puts that last sentence there to assure us that this IS Bunnie speaking. > Antoine starts calming down, "I am sorry, my legs alwayz do thiz." Tom: (Antoine) And my arms, and my head, and my butt... > Sally hushes the two, "Be quiet back there, we don't wanna blow our >cover in these vents." Mike: Gee, you think Robotnik would install some security in those vents. Tom: And ruin authors' cheap ways of sneaking in Freedom Fighters? No way! > Bunnie looks down, "Uh, I hate to ruin the day but look." > Sally and Antoine look down to see Robotnik alone with Tigui. Crow: I'm not saying anything here. Mike: And suddenly they're equipped with X-ray vision! Tom: And Sally was dumb enough not to look down earlier? > Sally was dumbfounded; "He brought a cat?" Tom: We hear ya, Sally. > "That's a cat?" Antoine looked curiously. Crow: (Antoine) He looks so big and bulgy, and his mustache... Tom: (Sally) That's Robotnik, you doofus! > "Well," Bunnie said, "he could've been an ancestor. Mike: A planet where anthropomorphous creatures evolved from pet kitties? >What do we do now?" >============================================================================= > Tigui notices some strange movement coming from the vents as the >alarm goes off. Crow: (Tigui) My catnip sense is tingling! > Robotnik leaves the room quickly, telling Tigui not to move a muscle. Tom: Tigui complied, and called a taxidermist to consult with. >Robotnik goes to his control center to find out that there is FF activity at >the Facility. Crow: Those darn fruit flies are at it again! > "Sonic," Robotnik growled. > Back at the room, Tigui looks at the vents, "Who's there?" Crow: AAAH! Past, present, past, present. The tenses try to confuse you! Mike: Well, it IS a time-travel fanfic, Crow. >============================================================================= > Sally says, "No time to explain, you have to come with us to >the Facility." Tom: Explain? In this fanfic? Not likely. > Tigui says, "Why should I trust you?" Mike: (Sally) Well, let me explain... D'oh! I said no time to explain, didn't I? > "Because Robotnik is the one who brought you here," Sally said as >she showed Tigui readings from Nicole showing the gravity wells. Crow: And we all know how pet kitties are literate. > Tigui couldn't make it out, but thought it was convincing enough, Tom: (Tigui) Eh, oh, that little blippity-thingy looks important. I'm convinced! > "Are >you Freedom Fighters?" > "I'll say we are," Antoine said. Crow: (Antoine) I don't know about the others though. They think they're Iron Chefs. > Tigui starts climbing upwards using his sharp claws and goes into >the vent. Tom: o/~ Spider-cat, spider-cat. Does whatever a kitty can... o/~ > "Please lead the way," Tigui meowed. >============================================================================= >Back at the Facility.... >============================================================================= > Sonic taunts the SWATBots as Rotor sneaks in the control room. Crow: (Sonic) Herrrrre batterbatterbatterbatter, swing! Tom: (Sonic) Robot's got a big butt! Robot's got a big butt! Mike: (Sonic) Hey 'bots! Your mother was a vacuum cleaner! And she wasn't a Hoover, either! > "You guys are sooooooooo slow that I can practically eat my lunch here >and still not be hit!" Sonic says stomping his foot. Mike: Sonic must have ants coming after him if he's stomping his foot like that. > "Hedgehog alert, priority one," one of the SWATBots said. Tom: And thus the usual repetitive drone the SWATBots are so known for becomes nothing more than a dull, boring sentence. Crow: (monotone) We will destroy you. Nothing will stand in our way. Ha, ha, ha... ... ... ... ha. > "Idiot alert, priority one," Sonic joked as he ran around. Mike: You said it, Sonic, they didn't. (All snicker.) > Rotor looked at the control panel, "Hmm, the portal seems to be out >of power and cannot recharge for 2 hours." Tom: All that without any security clearances? Is Robotnik... oh wait, he is that dumb. > He then looked at the portal; "Maybe there's a power source somewhere." Crow: (Rotor) Maybe a nuclear power plant? I should go there and blow it up! No wait... >============================================================================= > Tigui was now being led by the FF to the Facility. Crow: But really all Tigui wanted was a snack of FF. Mike: For the last time, Crow, they're NOT fruit flies! Crow: You mean to tell me that I brushed up on those lamppost riffs for nothing? > Tigui had no idea >what was happening, but, if this 'Robuttneck' guy Tom: (groaning) Oh, right, brilliant. Instead of making a new name for Robotnik like 'Mr. Potato Stomach' or 'the anti-Claus', just use Sonic's version and alter it with another body part! How witty! > was the reason he's here, >then maybe the FF can get him back home. Mike: And as we all know, the phrase 'He got me into this, so he should get me out' is nothing but a crock. > "We're almost there," Sally said, "I hope nothing goes wrong." Crow: (Sally) But I know it will happen anyway. Ah well! Back to playing second fiddle! >============================================================================= >In Robotnik's fortress. >============================================================================= > Robotnik was really po'ed. Tom: *gasp* Alex, please! Not in front of the R-E-A-D-E-R-S... Crow: I would be po'ed too, but I vented all my frustration on the last experiment. > He looked at his screens to see two things. >One, Sonic and Rotor have broken into the Facility. Mike: They were playing Goldeneye and decided to play a deathmatch. > Second, Crow: The San Diego Chargers were losing, again. > Tigui has >just escaped with a Freedom Fighter group. Tom: So he finally installed cameras in his vents? Mike: I don't think so. Crow: Where DO those vents end up, anyway? Did Robotnik install them personally and left a big neon sign stating "Counter-revolutionaries enter here!"? >Oh, he was mad all right. Crow: (Marvin) Oh, this makes me very angry... > He was so mad he yelled out a very bad >order, Mike: And he has done well in his last five-or-so years rule? Tom: (Robotnik) Hit them with pillows! > "Self-destruct the place!" Tom: (Snively) Oh, is that your answer for every little rebel break-in, sir? > "But sir," Snively hated the idea, "if we were to self-destruct the >place, the time machine will go with it. Crow: (Snively) And what's worse, your memoirs are in there! > We haven't even finished writing >the plans for that prototype. You would be destroying our chance to >build another machine." Mike: (Robotnik) All the more reason to destroy it! > "I don't care," Robotnik whined, Tom: (Robotnik, falsetto) I want big boom NOW! WAAAAAH! > "it'll be worth it if all the >Freedom Fighters were there when the explosion hits. Mike: Um, Robotnik? You do realize that every time something explodes, Sonic runs faster than the blast? Crow: This guy's more incompetent with military tactics than the French! > Now shut up or do I >have to add you to my 'things-to-roboticize' list?" Tom: Yes, Robotnik's 'things-to-roboticize' list! They include such famous people as Michael Jackson! Pauly Shore! Alex Rodriguez! Avery Brooks! Sharon Stone! Betty White! And Robotnik's old barber, Floyd! > "Very well," Snively was still uneasy, but he'd rather stay alive then >be turned into a mindless robot. Crow: But, on the plus side, he'd be free from being included in more fanfics where he's beaten senseless. > He started tapping away at the controls... >============================================================================= > "2 minutes until Facility #34 explodes...." the speakers said. Mike: Figures. Why can't they just blow it up NOW? Tom: Well, you see, Mike, in the Sonic universe, people are obsessed with countdowns and how Sonic can beat the time limit. > Sonic hears this, "Ok.... Rotor! Move it! We gotta go!" Mike: What about sealing the entrances? Did Robotnik think of that? Tom: No Mike. If he can't install security on same useless ventilation system that the Freedom Fighters use often, he certainly won't do that! > Rotor was at the portal; "I have to get this thing out!" Crow: Geez, Fanwalrus wants a souvenir. > A SWATBot was nearby, and was drawing its laser. Tom: Then it took Adeleine's brush and made it magically come to life! Crow: Then Kirby swallows it and spits it back. > "We don't have time for this," Sonic said as he ran towards Rotor, Tom: Um, is Sonic gonna hold Rotor by the neck now? Mike: Sonic's no Robotnik... I hope. > and >got him outta there. Rotor, however, did manage to rip out a piece of the >portal and stuffed it into Sonic's bag. Crow: Yes! Fanwalrus scores! >============================================================================= > Sally, Bunnie, Antoine, and Tigui heard the speakers too. Mike: Robotropolis, with all its flaws, must have a great PA system! > When they >did, they got outside into the scrap heap. They encountered a SWATBot team >on their way out. Tom: (Sally) Oh look! Robotic redshirts! > "We are doom-ed!" Antoine said his infamous phrase. All: We w... > "They wish," All: AAAH! Tom: Okay, I'm officially freaked out now. > Sally snickered as she and Bunnie started engaging >the SWATBots in close combat. Crow: Unfortunately for the Sally and Bunnie, the SWATBots had Tigers in their arsenal, and lost a decisive defeat. Mike: They should've had bazookas with their infantry. I'm so disappointed by them. > Tigui just stood there, wondering what he >should do. Tom: (Tigui) Should I fight, or be a wuss like Antoine? Hmmm... > Just then an explosion can be heard by, it was the Facility. Tigui >looked in that direction, "Was that?" Mike: (Tigui) Where they make that delicious Fancy Feast? > "I believe so," Antoine said as he stayed away from the fight. > Something snapped into Tigui, Crow: Then he turned green and shouted "TIGUI SMASH!" > that something was anger, and he was >ready to use it. > Tigui started to growl, Tom: But the end result was a cluck. > his claws retracted and he headed towards a >group of SWATBots which Sally and Bunnie were holding off pretty well. Mike: (Tigui) Have no fear, I'll rescue you! Crow: (snickering) Is the kitty gone jump up and kitty scratch them to pieces? > Tigui's claws were extremely sharp, Tom: But that was before Alex had them declawed. > and his cut through the group was >easily as butter. Mike: So he basted the SWATBots in butter? Crow: SWATBots! It's what's for dinner. > What the 3 Freedom Fighters saw was very strange indeed. Tom: (Sally) I'm gonna lock the entrance to my hut. I hate to think what he'll do to the couch! >After Tigui was done, he almost jumped at Antoine, but pulled back after >realizing who (and what) he was. Crow: (Tigui) Oh, the lame attempt at comic relief. Better stay back. Tom: AFTER realizing? I would've gone on with it and saved Alex the trouble of typing French stereotypes. > Tigui was so tired after his outburst that he fainted. Mike: (Tigui) Well, going on an insane attack sure made my day. Wake me up when it's overrrrrrrrr... *thud* > "Antoine," Sally said, "You'd better carry this cat until we get back >to Knothole." > Antoine acked as he carried the small cat, "Are you sure this is wize?" > "I'm sure," Sally said, "if this certain cat cannot be trusted >by Robotnik, he needs lots of help. Crow: 'Cause we all know how Robotnik trusts people! No wait... > We may be able to provide that." > "Just help the little fellah, okay?" Bunnie added. Tom: That way, you'll actually be useful! >"Oh all right," Antoine said, "but if it attacks me, I will, how you >say, ditching him." Mike: Alright, but don't expect Tigui to return your calls. >============================================================================= >A few minutes later back in Knothole. Tom: That was fast. Did all of them have Sonic's speed? >============================================================================= > Sally's group manages to get back to Knothole. Antoine, though a >little tired from carrying Tigui, managed to safely carry him. Crow: (Antoine) o/~ Rock-a-bye kiiiiitty, on the litter box. When you are done, you'll scratch on the couch... o/~ > Sally looked around, then jumped, Tom: o/~ For her love... o/~ > "Where's Sonic?" Mike: (Sally) Well, gosh darn it, I KNEW we forgot something! > Bunnie looked around as well, "Oh my god!" Mike: (shaking his head) He can't even get Bunnie's cliches in this fanfic. Crow: It's like Alex decided 'Okay, we'll take one cliche here, one here, and leave the rest to rot!' It's all or nothing, Alex! > A figure appeared, followed by a fatter one, Tom: (gasp) Abbott and Costello! Crow: Penn and Teller! Mike: Laurel and Hardy! Tom: Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi! > "We're ok," Sonic said, >"hey, Ant, what gives with the extra carriage?" Tom: (Antoine) Well, it followed me home. Can we keep him, Sonic? Can we, huh, huh, huh? > Antoine was about to respond, when Sally interrupted, All: Thank you! (Mike applauds.) > "This cat seems >to be the thing that was pulled out of the gravity well." > Sonic ohs, "He looks awfully small." Tom: (Sonic) I thought Robotnik was more of a dog person. You know, the German Shepherd type! > Tigui was silently waking up when he heard Rotor's sentence, "Maybe it's >a primitive feline..." Mike: Oh, please, Rotor. You start hopping on your belly the second you see a beach ball! > Tigui grred and everybody turned to see him, Crow: Cats grr? Does the kitty bark too? > "I'll have you know," >he coughs a bit, "that I am a very skilled cat." Crow: Oh, so that explains it. Tom: (Tigui) I can play tug of war with a breadstick, hide inside grocery bags, and meow the alphabet! Mike and Crow: Wow! > Sonic came towards the cat, "Hello, what is your name?" Tom: (Sonic) And don't give me any Slim Shady poop! > "My name is Tigui," Mike: It rhymes with David Segui! Tom: (Tigui) But most people call me Tigooy! > he said, "and yours?" > Sonic moved back and puts his hand to his chest; Sally rolled her eyes. Crow: (Sonic) I swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God... Mike: He needs a book, Crow. > "I am Sonic the Hedgehog!" he said proudly. Tom: (Sonic) Mascot of a financially troubled video game company! > Antoine mumbled, "Oh >brother," to himself. > Tigui looked at him with a strange look, Mike: Then he said; "now you try!" > "You sound familiar, but >you obviously don't look familiar...." (All laugh.) Crow: Ouch! Dissed by the kitty! >Tails flew in, though Sally silenced him, Tom: (Sally) Hey, stop twirling those tails! You're gonna wake up the neighbors! > Tigui asked, "Where am I?" >He smells the air; "This place smells clean." Mike: (Sally) Oh, thanks. I used Pine-Sol. You can smell the fresh scent of pine! Tom: I guess Tigui hasn't smelled Sonic yet. > "You're in Knothole," Tails said as he moved closer, Crow: (Tigui) Knothole? Isn't that somewhere in Suffolk, Virginia? > "Hi! I'm Tails!" > Tigui started sniffing Tails, causing him to giggle. All: Ewwwwww! Tom: Mike, I want you to hit me over the head with Crow. Crow: Yes, Mike, do so... Mike: Sorry, 'bots, but I'm afraid I can't do that. 'Bots: D'oh! > "Uh, Tiggy," Sally said. > "Tigui," Tigui interrupted, Tom: But they both sound the same! How can... (sighs) I give up. > "but Tig will do." > "Okay, Tig," Sally said, "I hate to put this thing into terms, Mike: (Sally) But could you please stop sniffing Tails there? >but Robotnik has blown up the Facility that had the time machine. So, until >he builds a new one or some other reason, you're stuck here." Crow: And thus begins another saga... > Tigui then remembered. The smoke that erupted from the building, the >fire it created, the hopes it shattered. Tom: The people it confused... > Tigui started sniffing. > "Sally," Rotor said, "we have managed to take out a part of the portal." Crow: (Rotor) And it's MINE! All mines! > Rotor took out a shiny stone from Sonic's backpack. All: (packrat from 'Chaos Race') Shiny... > "I believe this is the power source," he said, Mike: Either that or decoration. Either way, it's worth something on E-bay. > "It's energy seems to >glow from time to time. If we extract its energy, we may be able to get >Tigui home." Tom: Or maybe cook Rotor's BBQ much more quickly. > Tigui stopped and looked at it, "You mean, I may get to go home?" > "Hopefully," Rotor smiled, "but it will take time." Crow: Oh, look, he used the word 'time' in a time-travel experiment! Mike and Tom: D'oh! > "Oh," he said, "but what shall I do until then?" Tom: How about working on the stupid 'shiny stone', you little moron? Mike: I think Tigui said that, Tom. Tom: That's what I meant, Mike. Mike: Wait, er, never mind. > "Well," Bunnie said, "Ya either leave Knothole and live by yourself, or >ya can live here with us 'til we get ya home." > "The choice is up to you," Sally said. Crow: (Tigui) Thanks, I'll go out in the dangerous wilderness and perhaps get eaten by creatures! > Tigui thought for a moment, "I'll stay. I can't live in a strange world >I don't know about. Tom: And that's why he's okay with staying in Knothole? > It's best if I stayed with people who do know about >this place." Mike: (Tigui) And who'll feed me kitty chow when I beg to. > "Then it's settled," Sonic said, "Tigui will be a Freedom Fi...." Crow: Yes, Sonic, little domesticated kitties provide great counter- revolutionaries! > "No," Tigui said, "I don't know you guys yet, I still can't trust you >just yet. Tom: (Tigui) But I'll still sponge off of you all. > Maybe in the future but as of now, I'm neutral." Mike: And to show his newfound neutrality, Tigui sets up a place for SWATBots and Freedom Fighters to meet without trying to kill each other. Tom: (Tigui) I AM Switzerland! > "Very well," Sally said, "we understand. Maybe in the future..." Crow: (Sally) But now that we're stuck with you, let's get one thing straight. There is NO scratching in my hut! Got that, pipsqueak? >============================================================================= >After Tigui finally got aquatinted with the Freedom Fighters, he went to the >Ring Pool... Tom: Hey, no introduction sequence? Mike: Alex IS the anti-Ratliff. It doesn't mean he's good, though. >In the night... Crow: o/~ In the middle of the niiiiight. I was walking on the street... o/~ >============================================================================= > Tigui looked at the pool, he was fascinated by the stories of how >a strange power ring pops up and is used by Sonic to fight evil. Tom: Stories? All that in one afternoon? Mike: Alex narrated the stories. Quick, but confusing. > He looked >at the water and thought. Crow: (Tigui) Should I drink it? I don't know whether it's contaminated by the power stone or not. > He thought about when he would get off this planet. Mike: Apparently, not for a long while. 'Bots: Damn... >He thought about what this war was about. Crow: Good versus evil? Technology versus nature? Humans versus animals? Or is it just some universe tossed together by video game programmers? YOU decide! > Most of all, he thought about how >the name 'Sonic' was so familiar. Mike: (Tigui) Oh, I know now! It's the basketball team in Seattle! > "Hey Tig," Sonic said as he came in for the night shift. Tom: Sonic, the hedgehog that never sleeps. > "Hello, err, Son," he said. Crow: ('he') I'm not your son, you twit! > "Sonic," the hedgehog smirked. > Tigui shaked his head. Tom: (Tigui) Dickweed. Mike: (Tigui) Talk to the front paw. > "I was wondering," Sonic said, "why does my name 'sound' familiar to >you?" Crow: Why is Sonic, of all people, asking? I thought he had the ego the size of Robotnik. Tom: (Sonic) Tigui, it should be "My name IS familiar!" > "I don't know," he said, "I thought I heard of the name before. I swore >I did. I also thought 'Tails' sounded familiar too. It's really confusing." Tom: (Sonic) Okay, so now I have the same reputation as the whiny two-tailed baby? Crow: Makes sense to me! > "How's your impression on us?" he continued. All: (making 'ok' signs) It stinks! > "It's ok," Tigui smirked, "considering that you guys aren't crazy, I'll >be fine here." (All laugh.) Mike: (Sonic) Better install barbed wire around your perimeter, kitty. > "Don't go on any wise-cracks," Sonic waved his finger, Tom: (Sonic, falsetto) And you better do some work around here, young kitty! This is not a hotel! > "you're already >on thin ice for telling on me for that late prank on Ant." Crow: ... but... but... no mention on HOW they did it? There's not even a part of the fanfic on it? > "I didn't know you put that bucket of water for getting back at him," >he said. Sonic smirked, didn't tell him the whole story. Crow: Mike, I'm confused. I mean, REALLY confused. Usually, we get really long fanfics that make no sense and have massive detail explaining everything. But this? It's like Ratliff Light! All the stupidity, half the memory! Mike: We're all confused, Crow. Just smile and nod, and soon it will go away. > Tigui silenced for a while. > "You miss your home, don't you?" Sonic asked. Tom: (Tigui) Not really, no. I like being stripped from my habitat and placed in some stupid fanfic! > "Yes," he said, "it was an easy life. Crow: (Sonic, falsetto) All the more reason to get out there and get a job, you freeloader! > Everything there was wonderful. >Earth, though populated by humans, was a joyful planet." Mike: (Tigui) Yep, all the war, famine, and poverty can't get in the way of some wonderful catnip! > "Don't worry," Sonic said, "someday, me, Sal, Rote, and the others >will get you back home. I promise." Tom: (Sonic) In fact, if there's any portal to Earth opening around here, I'll be the first to kick you in! > "Thanks," Tigui said. > Tigui got to a tree and started feeling better. He got off to sleep. Crow: Dreaming about lasagna, most likely. Tom: That's Garfield, Crow. > Sonic was talking to himself afterwards, "Earth, populated by humans? Mike: Shocking, isn't it? Tom: Yeah, could've fooled me! Crow: (Sonic) Where the hell is Earth, anyway? >Domestic animals? You call that free life? Heh. Crow: Well, Sonic, the Free World is contradictory. I mean, you don't see wild emus in houses wearing business suits, now do you? > Hey.... Why did Robotnik >bring in the cat anyway... ew, gross!" Tom: (Sonic) He wanted to bring fleas to this world! That huge poop! >============================================================================= >THE END Tom: Normally, I would be happy that it's over now, but here? I just don't get it... > >Coming soon.... Mike: To a halt near you. >Malfunction Tigui's in an accident, what's gonna happen now? Crow: Better call in a replacement! Quick, get Hobbes' agent Calvin on the phone! >Not so fast! Robotnik tries to hold off the FF from finding > Project Doomsday too early. Tom: Hence the term 'Not so fast!' Crow: Maybe Alex should've done that when he was thinking of the plot. >Doomed Tigui searches the remains of Doomsday. Mike: Looks like Superman finally got sweet, sweet revenge. > >Coming in the future (not as soon, though)... Mike: Along the lines of 'never', hopefully... >EHC > Knuckles' first appearance in my fics! Yeah! Tom: The summary of the fanfic? (Knuckles) "Hi all!" THE END! >A Mobius Christmas Carol > Based on the well-known tale by Dickens, Sonic-style. (All groan.) Crow: Oh yes, why not bring HIM into it now? Tom: o/~ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-blech! o/~ > > Crow: And we're outta here! (All get up and start to leave.) Tom: Hey, I got an idea for a fanfic! Mike: (sarcasm) Oh, I can't wait to see it. (All leave theater.) (Door sequence.) (SOL-Bridge. Tom and Crow are at a notepad. Crow is using his hand, supposedly, to write as Tom tells him to. Mike enters from the right.) Mike: Okay, Tom, what's this great big idea? Tom: Well, Mike, seeing how an author can basically insert ANY character into a fanfic series, I decided that we could do the same thing! Mike: Uh, it's not going to be a cat, is it? Crow: No, Mike, we've had enough of felines. Tom: We're introducing... Marcus the elephant! Mike: Marcus? Elephant? Okay... Crow: It was either that or a lemur, but we wanted something big. Tom: Yeah, Mike. Whereas Tigui is a small little furball, Marcus is a big giant elephant! Crow: And Marcus, unlike Alex's pet cat, is no domesticated animal. He's an African elephant, roaming free in the wild! Tom: And unlike Tigui, Marcus doesn't go sniffing other characters, going on odd mood swings, or faint after smashing his enemies! Crow: Yeah, Mike, none of that stupid cat stuff! Tom: That's right, Crow. Say, we can have Marcus accidentally stepping on Sonic! Crow: Oh, brilliant, Tom! (Starts 'writing.') Tom: And we can have Marcus become a super-elephant after getting all the Chaos Emeralds! Crow: (writing) And he'll turn pink instead of yellow! Tom: And Marcus could swallow SWATBots the way he does peanuts! Crow: Yes! Yes! Oh, wait, Tom! Tom: What? Crow: He can't stay in the Sonic universe forever! What if he gets bored? Tom: Well, then he could go meet the Sailor Scouts and transform into Tuxedo Marcus! Crow: And then he'll become the first elephant captain in Starfleet! Tom: Then he'll mistake an AT-AT walker as a female elephant, and hilarity ensues! Crow: Then he'll Quantum-Leap into the life of Winston Churchill! Tom: Then he'll call on the power of the Elephant Zord to battle Lord Zedd! Crow: Then he'll become a vampire slayer! Tom: Then he'll rampage through the Zocalo on Babylon 5! Mike: GUYS! 'Bots: Hmmm? Mike: Slow down a bit... I mean, before all that can happen, how do you exactly get Marcus to these universes? Tom: Ummm... Crow: Well, Mike, you... uh... Mike: Just as I thought. You're doing it like the author of this experiment did. Tom: Really? Mike: Sure! Alex was so eager to get Tigui to do all sorts of things in the Sonic universe that he rushed in writing Tigui's introduction. So much so that the end result is some utterly stupid plot with confusing dialog, horrible moments, and all-around bad characterizations. Tom: I see your point, Mike. Crow: We're sorry, Mike. Mike: Good, and one more thing. I don't mind you guys writing something original, be it a song or play, but if any of you write a fanfic again, I will tear out your circuits. Crow: You wouldn't do THAT, would you Mike? Mike: Well... no, but just don't write a fanfic again. (Mads' light flash.) What do you think, sirs? (Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is looking up at Frank's hanging legs. The pogo stick is now on the floor, but Frank is stuck in the ceiling.) Dr. F: Now Frank, just stay right there, and I'm sure I can find someone to get you down. Frank: (sort-of-off-screen) Could you please hurry? I went through the concrete ceiling, and I think I'm in some washing machine. Oh, hi miss. Woman: (off-screen) AAAAAAAAAH! Frank: (s.o.o.s.) What? What I say? Dr. F: Oh, Frank! Don't... (notices Mike) Oh, you're done with the experiment, Mike? Well, don't be so confident, 'cause I have several more fanfics for you soon! And soon, Mike, I'll... you know... take over... yaddi yaddi yadda. (glances at Frank) Well, until next time, Mike! Push the but... oh, right, Frank's at the... (looks back at Frank) Frank! Frank: (s.o.o.s.) Hey, I can't see! I'm covered in black socks! And... no, not the spin cycle! AAAAAH! (Dr. Forrester slowly moves his head to the camera, grimacing, then he pushes the button.) *FWOOSH!* (As the credits roll, the following is added right after the special thanks. One at a time though. It is slow reading, after all.) To see what mistings Alex Gariepy has done or contributed to, go to his website at www.travel-net.com/~orion/ and click 'Mistings'. If you're interesting in doing a misting of the other 'Tigui' stories, first join the Dibs List, (that can be done by going to Website #9 and following the instructions) then go to www.travel-net.com/~orion/tigff.html. All stories there, with the exception of this one and ones that may have already been dibsed, are free to mist. First come, first serve. (Keep circulating the posts.) (Twang!) > Tigui started sniffing Tails, causing him to giggle.