The host segments in this MSTing are in a story arc starting from "Tricks of the Trade" and "Orcium" then continues into here. ____________________________________________________________________________ [Season 8 theme] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Mike enters from the right] MIKE: Hello, folks, and welcome to the Sallilite of... blah! Lch! CROW: Sallilite? TOM: Hehe. MIKE: Sorry. TOM: Let's try that again, shall we? [Cuts back to the doorway sequence with a beep] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Mike enters from the right] MIKE: Hell, folks, and- Jeez! CROW: Ha ha ha ha!! [Mike chuckles to himself as Tom mock-rams into him a few times. Bridget's laugh is heard off-stage] TOM: Watch your language! Watch your language! [Cuts back to the doorway sequence with a beep] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Mike enters from the right] MIKE: Hello, folks, and welcome to- CROW: Wait, hold on. Pantleg? You mind closing the doors? [Klunk-shunk] Thanks. Well, anyway, Mike, you were saying? MIKE: D'oh. [Cuts back to the doorway sequence with a beep] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Mike enters from the right] MIKE: Hello, folks, and welcome to the Satellite of L- [Tom's head falls off] [Mike stammers] TOM: Oh, here's something new. CROW: Let's scream anyway. BOTS: [Running around aimlessly] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! [Cuts back to the doorway sequence with a beep] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Mike enters from the right, tripping to below the desk] MIKE: Oof! Kevin! KEVIN: [Coming from underneath the desk] You think it felt good for you to kick my shoulder? MIKE: [Getting up] Then just stay in your "puppet pit" and I won't! KEVIN: You think it's comfortable down there?? Forget it. I'm quitting and moving to L.A. MIKE: QUITTING?? CROW: Whoa. MIKE: But we need ya! I could talk to Jim about a raise. KEVIN: I don't need a raise. MIKE: Is there anything we can do? KEVIN: One thing... MIKE: Anything. [Cuts back to the doorway sequence with a beep] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow to the left and Tom the right as Kevin, wearing a jumpsuit, comes in from the right] KEVIN: Hello, folks, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. TOM: [In Mike's voice] And we'll be right back... [Commercials] [SOL, Mike is back and Tom speaks normally] MIKE: Did we, like, slip into another dimension, or something? TOM: The world may never know. CROW: You wanna know what I think? MIKE: Yeah? CROW: Huh? MIKE: Yeah? CROW: Huh? MIKE: Yeah? CROW: Huh? MIKE: Yeah? CROW: Huh? [Observer materializes onto the scene] M&TB: WAUGH! OBSERVER: [Smiling] What? Oh. Sorry. MIKE: What are you so happy about? OBSERVER: Not much. But you have to admit that prank of mine was quite clever. TOM: What? CROW: You mean you-? MIKE: With the bloopers and that guy under the table? OBSERVER: Yeah. M&TB: Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha! CROW: Well, you sure got us with that one. TOM: {Sigh} Yeah. MIKE: Thanks for brightening up our day. I mean that. OBSERVER: Oh, c'mon... MIKE: No, really. [Putting a hand on Observer's shoulder] Come up here whenever you like. Door's always open. TOM: Well, not really. We'd all get sucked into the endless vacuum and parish if that was so. [All chuckle] OBSERVER: Aw, you're makin' me blush. CROW: Can't do that. You don't have a body. [Another round of chuckles] OBSERVER: Yeah, that's true. That's true. [A beat] MIKE: Well... OBSERVER: Yeah. Better go. Pearl will be waiting for me. MIKE: Yup. Seeya, then. OBSERVER: Okay, seeya. CROW: Buh-bye. TOM: We love ya, man. [Observer disappears] [Mobius. Rotor's hut] [Pearl, smiling, and Bobo, also smiling but a bit more exaggerated, are staring over Rotor's shoulder at the computer screen he's working on. He looks annoyed over to them, they remain smiling and staring, and turns his head back. Observer pops in, also still smiling] OBSERVER: So, I miss much? BOBO: Well, yeah. Or no. I don't remember. I guess not. Maybe. ROTOR: Well, from your earwax samples, I have determined with my SUPER PC!! that you all have Smilitis. [Dramatic music] PEARL: What the hell's that? ROTOR: Oh, everyone gets it sooner or later. Only symptom really is that you can't stop smiling for forty-eight hours *at least*. [Dramatic music] PEARL: I *can't* smile! I can't risk the resulting wrinkles! ROTOR: Sorry, no remedy. PEARL: Ohhhhhhhhh... [Stomping her foot] Poop! BOBO: Do we get to stay home from school? OBSERVER: Bobo, you idiot, you don't even *go* to school... Besides, it's a weekend. BOBO: Oh, I *always* get sick on weekends. Why can't I ever get a schoolday off? It's not fair. ROTOR: Don't worry. It's a quite common sickness here. Ryan Huber had it, Christy Harper had it... Though quite mild, it spreads like MAD! [SOL] [Dramatic music] TOM: Mike! You touched Brain Guy! Remember? MIKE: By the great Lord of... something! You're right! What shall I do? CROW: Get the nanites. Hurry. Quick-quick-quick-quick-quick-quick! MIKE: Right! [Pulls down the monitor] Nanites! Your assistance is of the utmost requirement at this point in time! [Microscope] NED: Eh? [SOL] CROW: Mike's got the Smilitis virus somewhere on his person. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to locate and beat the crap out of it. [Microscope] NED: Hmm. Sorry, rather not accept it. [SOL] ALL: What? CROW: B-but, you're *supposed* to accept the mission. That's the way it's *always* gone! [Microscope] NED: Sorry. Too busy organizing comic books. Maybe Wade can help. I dunno. [SOL] MIKE: Okay. Can you get him? [Microscope] NED: I'll get on it right away. YOOO' WAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!! WADE: [Enters] Yes'um? NED: We have a #37B. Can you do it? WADE: Hell, no. NED: Oh... Well, then, Relson, looks like you're outta luck. [SOL] MIKE: D'oh. Looks like I'm gonna be stuck with a hideous, toothy grin like the rest of `em. BOTS: WAUGH! TOM: Ned! There has to be *some*one we can get! [Microscope] NED: Well, there's always Jim Bubba Joe Bob... of the B-squad. [SOL] CROW: Fine! Anybody! Just hurry! MIKE: [Weakly] Uh?... [Mobius] PEARL: Well, Nelstone, looks like there's no escape. Anyway, your fanfic of the week is "Seeing Stars" by Pat Carson Jr. It's about... well, I think you should notice the pattern by now; alien life form representing the author beams down or whatever to his favorite show and makes everyone look as stupid and helpless as a sack of walnuts. Enjoy the ego trip and keep smiling. Hehe. [SOL] CROW: Jim Joe Bootsy Booby Bob Bo Bub-whatever. Have you located the virus? [Microscope, on Mike's hand] JIM: Most certainly do! A-hyuck. I have, um, did what you telled me to does. [SOL] CROW: Good. You killed it? [Microscope] JIM: Um..... not so fast. What was that? [SOL] CROW: D'oh! Jeez! MIKE: I feel uncomfortable about this. TOM: Oh, like your health is supposed to make you feel good. [Microscope] JIM: [Hugging the virus (which looks like a toothy grin with a thin pyramid coming off the back)] I love you! I shall hug you, and squeeze you and love you, and call you George, and... [Jumps off Mike's hand] [SOL] CROW: How, um, unclimactic. TOM: Now that wasn't so bad, was it? MIKE: No, actually. TOM: You see, Mike, you shouldn't be afraid of modern medicine. It is the best technology in existence. Embrace your love for it, my friend. It is what keeps you alive and healthy. It also prevents- [Alarms] ALL: FANFIC SIGN!!! [Shunk...6...5...4...3...2...SAFE...] [All enter and sit] > >Well, here it is. Hope I did Packbell injus.. er, justice.. :) CROW: Um... what? > >-----------------------> Cut here <--------------------------------------- MIKE: And throw everything below this line into the garbage. CROW: Good idea. > > SEEING STARS TOM: I see Bill Cosby, the Olsen twins, and that guy from 'Jake and the Fat Man.' > > Author: Pat Carson Jr. CROW: Own Pat Carson! And now Pat Carson Jr. for your kids! Right in your own home! > > * * * MIKE: He was right; I *am* seeing stars already! > > At the Keld'yrian base known as Haven, TOM: A planet that didn't even make it into the Star Wars special edition. > hidden somewhere on Moebius, CROW: And Larrybius. >the halls were quiet... MIKE: All the Kids in the Hall have laryngitis. > Or they would seem so to those who couldn't hear >thoughts... TOM: Like Steve Forbes, Bill Clinton, Joe Besser, and Bill Corbett. CROW: Who? > (Translated from Keldii) MIKE: I'm sure that word's in the Klingon dictionary somewhere. > > ** CROW: ** > > ** >Robotropolis even as we speak>.* > > * Glad he doesn't know how to use it...>* MIKE: How do you use a star? CROW: Ha! You don't know, either! > > *usage for long.>* > > * And when he _does_ figure out how to use it, both we, and the >remaining people of Moebius are in big MIKE: ** > trouble.>* > > ** > > ** TOM: *<...then this story would've never existed and then we'd all be happy.>* > > *<...then you'd both be _dead_. MIKE: 'You'd both'? I thought this was dialogue between two people already. TOM: Well, you can't assume. No lines have been assigned to anyone as of yet. CROW: And don't call it 'dialogue.' Remember, they're not really talking. > As soon as Robotnik's patrol picked up >the energy signature, the amount of robots he brought to the subbase would >have easily overwhelmed you. Stop blaming yourself for this.>* CROW: ** > > *in time...>* TOM: Well, if *he* did it, it wasn't exactly *self*-destruct, now, was it? > > ** > We had >the subbase well cloaked from whatever sensors Moebius CROW: And Shempbius. > could produce...>* > > ** TOM: ** > > *a way to relieve him MIKE: ** > of the Ry'den Star before it's too late.>* > > ** > > ** TOM: At least we've got a name, finally. > Too risky. We may be able to teleport in there, but we >can't teleport out of there with it, MIKE: Because? TOM: Because that would be too easy, and we need to form a story here. > and he's most certainly not going to >let us destroy it.>* > > ** > too many of us there equals too many chances of him getting a >hold of one or two of us, spelling MIKE: ** > _big_ trouble for Moebius.>* CROW: Or Curlybius. > > *stupid...>* > > *there, TOM: ** CROW: Need to involve them SOMEhow. > if they knew what was at stake...>* MIKE: A vampire's heart. > > *them of the threat, and maybe even assist them.>* TOM: *<*Maybe*. We don't need to start up the story right away.>* > > * Perhaps that is the solution then...>* > > ** MIKE: ** > > *doing all the bending we can..>* CROW: Wow. MIKE: And let's just leave it with that. > > ** ** ** MIKE: Oh, it's a she! GYPSY: [Coming from the left] Hehe! CROW: GET BACK TO WORK, FEMALE! [She leaves] > ** > > ** > > *Princess Sally Acorn resides there... TOM: Her first act as royalty should be to change her last name. > I'd say them.>* MIKE: ** CROW: Telepathy. MIKE: Yeah. > > ** > You've been observing that group for quite some time. TOM: So he's pale and carries brain in a salad bowl? >Perhaps you should volunteer for this?>* > > Vision just grinned and stood up from his chair. *never ask...>* > > * * * CROW: *batteries not included. *batteries not included. *batteries not included. > > > In the great forest, TOM: No need to capitalize that. Really isn't that important, anyway. > at a waterfall in Knothole Village, Princess >Sally was resting against a nearby log watching the clear water flow by, MIKE: Well, if it was purple or something, I'd think something was wrong. >Nicole closed shut by her side. CROW: [Nicole] {Mmmmf! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFF! Mmmmmmmmmmmf, mmmf, mmmf!} > She liked this spot; TOM: See Spot run. > It was a beautiful >location, untouched by Robotnik's pollution and dreariness. It reminded >her of what most of Moebius CROW: And Joebius. > looked like before Robotnik staged his conquest >of the planet. It was a nice place to relax and remenisce... MIKE: Well, until that A-bomb went off, but still... > > She was startled out of her rest, however, by a sudden whooshing sound >and rush of air. CROW: Rush Limbaugh just let loose twenty miles off! > She quickly turned her head to see a familiar blue >hedgehog standing beside her. TOM: Aw, why is he so sad? > "Yo, Sal! News flash from Uncle Chuck!" > > Sally caught her breath. MIKE: With a fish net. > "Sonic, you scared me... Can't you announce >yourself without making others jump 10' feet?" CROW: 'Ten feet feet'? Is that what she said? > > "Aw, c'mon, Sal," Sonic replied with his familiar smirk. "You know >me. I'm just too cool to not make an impression." > > Sally rolled her eyes upward. MIKE: And they wouldn't stop. CROW: [Sally] "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!" > "Whatever, Sonic... TOM: "Like, guy! F'r sure." > What news did >Charles have for us?" > > Sonic hopped up and sat on the log. MIKE: "I sure hope Rotor finishes inventing the john." > "Robuttnik came across some >abandoned base near the Great Unknown. Everything was trashed there except >for this big, TOM: Huge, giant... > weird TOM: Odd, distorted... > crystal, which he brought back to Robotropolis." > > "This wasn't a Freedom Fighter base, was it?" Sally asked. > > Sonic shook his head. MIKE: "Ugh. Can't shake this hangover." > "Nope. Noone knows _who_ it belonged to. TOM: What kind of a stupid name is Noone? MIKE: No one. TOM: Exactly! He must be a stupid nobody. MIKE: No, I mean... Oh, never mind. > But >they _do_ know that the crystal holds a way serious amount of power. >Enough juice CROW: I've never seen a juicy crystal before. TOM: You should try some. They're tasty. > to light up Robotropolis for years." > > "Oh my gosh..." Sally gasped. MIKE: And inhaled her tongue. > "Sonic, he could also use something >like that as a powerful weapon!" TOM: Or an E-Z Bake Oven. > > "Uh-uh," said Sonic, shaking his head again. MIKE: If he does that too much, it's just gonna snap right off. > "Ol' Robuttnik can't >figure out how to draw the juice out of it. The fat man hasn't got a clue >how to use it." CROW: Call me picky, but don't those two sentences say exactly the same thing? > > Sally frowned. "That doesn't mean he won't know how to use it for >long, Sonic..." MIKE: "He was really quick finding out how to reach those bananas." > > Sonic smirked. "No problemo, Sal, we'll just have to take away his >little crystal whatchamacallit before he..." > > *Ry'den Star.* TOM: Jeez, don't get so touchy, Mr. Narrator. CROW: Lame joke in three... > > "Yeah! Ridden star!" CROW: ...two... > Sonic then blinked. CROW: ...one... > "Heyyy... Who said that?" CROW: We have lame joke, ladies and gentlemen. > > Sally got up, looking a bit alarmed. TOM: As indicated by her eyes growing as big as pie plates and her running away screaming bloody murder. > "Sonic... I don't think anyone >_said_ that... It's almost as if it was..." MIKE: "'Sent' by elves." > > *Thought to you?* > > Sally gasped, and Sonic jumped off the log, looking around quickly. CROW: Sally and Sonic equals Shaggy and Scooby. >"Awright, TOM: "This time I'm weewy gonna bwast that wasciwwy wabbit." > that's it! Who's there?!" > > A rustling sound from behind caught Sonic's attention, and he spun >around to see a bush shaking a bit, CROW: God's getting boogie fever. > then remaining still. "Ok, come outta >that bush and show yourself!" ALL: No! TOM: Ug. CROW: Don't do that. > > *Can't do that, blue boy...* TOM: *I'm punishing you for sleeping in that haystack when you should've gotten your horn.* > > Sonic frowned annoyedly. "And just why not?!" MIKE: *Cuz Mommy said I'm grounded.* > > *'Cause I _am_ the TOM: *Walrus.* [Mike hits him and he falls down.] D'oh! [Gets up] Sorry, for the lame gag, there. MIKE: And I'm sorry I hit you. > bush.* > > Sonic folded his arms, looking even more annoyed. "Yeah, right! And >_I'm_ the queen of the prom!" CROW: Then Sonic realized that he let his life-long ambition out. > > *If you say so, your majesty...* TOM: [Sally] "What? Who? Me? CROW: [Sonic] "He was being sarcastic to me." TOM: [Sally] "Oh." > > What happened next completely shocked Sonic and Sally both. CROW: That line is so easy, it's almost like he made it for us. > The bush >glowed brightly, MIKE: [God] MOSES! I COMMAND Y- > then almost seemed to melt, MIKE: [God] Oh, crap. Could you hold on a second? > reshaping itself into >something else rapidly. TOM: Oh no! It's one of those guys from 'House Party'! > When the glow faded, it was no longer a bush, but >a grinning CROW: Worse! It's Christina Harper! > red fox holding his hands behind his back. He had a tuft of >hair over his forehead, and his back hair was tied into a short ponytail. MIKE: A fox with a pony's tail. That must look a bit odd. TOM: If I had arms, *I'd* hit *you*, now. >He also wore an odd gold amulet around his neck. CROW: It was his prize from sacking a Power Ranger. MIKE: Good. > > Sonic looked completely flabbergasted. CROW: "Well, I say! This is highly irregular!" > "HUH?! What th'...?!" > > Sally looked equally as stunned. _No_ species could change shape like >that... TOM: No Schick, Sherlock. > at least no species from Moebius. "Wh-Who _are_ you?" CROW: There's a song reference if I ever heard one. > > The fox smiled TOM: How many Sonic fanfics are we gonna go through with uncountable amounts of smiling?? MIKE: For the pre-Apocalypse, this planet is sure damn happy. > and walked forward a bit. "The name's Vision, >Keld'yrian shapeshifter and Lord of PEZ, [All burst out laughing] TOM: "In fact, my head even pulls way back and you can eat out of my neck." > at yer service..." He said with a >bow. > > "And _you_ two," He continued, rising back up and grinning, "are CROW: "Dessert." >_just_ the Freedom Fighters I've been looking for..." > > Sally and Sonic blinked and looked at each other confusedly, MIKE & TOM: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... > then back >at Vision. MIKE & TOM: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. > "For us??" MIKE & TOM: Duh? > they both said in unison. > > "Absoposilutely!" Vision replied, CROW: So how stupid *is* this highly evolved race? > as he walked up to the log and >leaned against it. He pointed at Sonic. "You're Sonic Hedgehog, TOM: "'Chubby-cheeks' to his friends..." > leader of >the Freedom Fighters, and the biggest thorn in Crazy Ivo's MIKE: "Discount Outlet." > bloated side. >We've enjoyed watching you." > > Sonic blinked again, then smirked. "See, Sal? Told ya I had a fan >club." CROW: Unfortunately, they're writing stuff like this. > Sally rolled her eyes at that comment. TOM: "Boys. Go fig." > > Vision chuckled, then turned to Sally. MIKE: "*Your* blood is diluted with the vile stuff you drink." > "And you are Princess CROW: "Angelina Cantessa Louisa Franchesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third." > Sally >Alicia, of the house of TOM: "Pancakes." > Acorn. I know you believe that titles are >meaningless out here in the woods, but you are most certainly more >qualified to lead this world than Crazy Ivo ever will be. MIKE: "His prices are just too insane." > And far better >looking, in my humble opinion." CROW: If you shrink her head a bit... okay, a *lot*. > With that, he kissed her hand cordially. > > Sally blushed at the compliment. MIKE: Through her fur? > "Oh.. Thank you..." > > "Ahem.." Sonic interrupted, folding his arms and tapping his foot. >"How come you know so much about us, an' we know nothing about you? TOM: "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR, MAN????" > Like, >what you are, what you're doing here, and why you where looking for _us_?!" > > Sally bristled a little at Sonic's callousness. CROW: "You know how to bristle, don't you? You just pucker your lips and blow." > "Sonic, please..." > > Vision, however, waved it off. "All perfectly good questions, my >dear. TOM: "Or may I call you 'honey cheeks'?" > To answer them, lemme spin MIKE: "The Wheel of Morality." > ya a little yarn about us..." He then >sat down, leaned his back against the log, and began... TOM: Oh no. Back-story time. CROW: I'm gonna go get some snacks. This may take a while. [Leaves] MIKE: Could you get me some fudge wafers? CROW: [Off stage] Sure. > > "I, and the thirty others of my kind here on Moebius, TOM: "Have a disease that can kill Mobians on contact within minutes. And I just kissed your hand, didn't I?" > come from a >world we call Keld'yr. Our people believe in the sanctity of Life and >Freedom, MIKE: And the Pursuit of Happiness. > and we like to make friends with other worlds that share that >belief. TOM: "Being that your planet is ruled by a tyrannous overlord, I found this one perfect." > > "We noticed yer world about thirteen years ago, MIKE: "Zargleblat totally flipped out. He's kinda superstitious." > and listened in on >yer transmissions for a few months, TOM: "You and your cheap party line." > to get a small idea of what you were >like. MIKE: "One of you seems to call PRN numerous times. We find you highly unevolved." > We became interested, so a small handful of us, including yours >truly, quietly set ourselves up here, to observe you more closely, TOM: "Especially you, Princess. Rowr." > first by >simply watching everyday events, TOM: "Like the princess showering." > then after about a year, we began to >interact with you, using our ability to shapeshift to pose as one of yer >kind. MIKE: [Sally] "Wait. Ryan, are you trying to pull a fast one on us?" > > "We watched you for about a year, all through the tail end of the >Great War and past. We watched the King, TOM: [Sally] "Who?" > your father, Sally, TOM: [Sally] "Oh, thanks. Forgot." > bring an end >to the war and order all the warbots dismantled. He wanted to bring about >a new era of peace, MIKE: "Following in the foot steps of Hitler." > where people are ruled by TOM: "Butter milk." > common sense and compassion, >and most Moebians were ready to embrace that change. MIKE: "Always gripping it so it was not to fall between couch cousins." > That was the main >reason we finally decided to make a formal contact with Moebius, TOM: "Becoming a talking bush is considered very formal in PEZ." > first with >the King, MIKE: I *am* the king! > then hopefully with all of you. > > "Sadly, tho, TOM: I don't care if this is a short story. You shouldn't write in short- hand. > it was only three days after we that decision when Crazy >Ivo MIKE: "Shed 40% off all mattresses." > had the unmitigated audacity to make his move towards conquering the >planet. TOM: "Pinky and the Brain were really cheesed that someone beat them to it." > We were as surprised as everyone else was that this happened, MIKE: So it was a surprise world invasion. TOM: Seems so. > and >were lucky to get all of us back to Haven, our main base here..." > > Vision looked away, out in the distance, and sighed. TOM: Oh no! He's gonna break out into song. > "A lot of us >made friends amongst you, MIKE: "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. If you know what I mean." [Crow returns] > only to see most of them get carted away to be >roboticized..." CROW: So, I miss anything? MIKE: Not at all. > > Sonic interrupted. "Yeah, well, ya coulda' _helped_ us, ya know." TOM: Yeah! CROW: Oh, here's your wafer, Mike. MIKE: Thanks. > > Vision pre-empted MIKE: 'Cosby' for a CBS special presentation. {Munch} > another admonishment from Sally by changing shape >again, to face the two, becoming an orange furred cat. CROW: Any, um... reason for doing that? Or... TOM: I'm just wondering if he's Heathcliff or Garfield. > "A lot of us >would've, blue boy, were it not for our Third Law." > > Sonic blinked. TOM: Not that that's important. Just thought I'd point that out. > "Third Law?" > > "The Third Law," Vision replied, raising his index finger, CROW: "Sorry, I'm kinda new to this planet. Is this how you give someone the bird?" > "which >states: MIKE: "Do not mix reds and whites." > We shall not involve ourselves in the internal politics or >conflicts of any world other than our own. We almost got into a very nasty >war by doing just that, and vowed never to do it again." > > "Hmph." Sonic corssed his arms. CROW: I wasn't aware that he uncrossed his arms. > "How conveeenient..." > > Sally glared at Sonic. TOM: "You just opened a whole can of whoop-toushie, pal." > "Sonic, stop it. MIKE: [Sonic] "But I'm not touching you. Does it bug you?" > It makes perfect sense for >them to have such a law." She then turned back to Vision, ignoring a >"yeah, right." from Sonic. "Please, continue." TOM: What? Noooooooo! CROW: In that case, I'm gonna get a drink. [Leaves] MIKE: Could you get me some Mountain Dew? CROW: [Offstage] Sure. MIKE: And I mean the caffeine free stuff. I don't wanna be up all night. CROW: [Offstage] Alright, Mike. > > Vision smiled. MIKE: The Mobian smiling disease is spreading to the Keld'yrians, now. > "Thank you. Anywayyy... Soon after the takeover, we >noticed the activity TOM: "Book on the coffee table. I love connect-the-dots." > of small resistance groups scattered about Moebius. >We decided to keep secretly observing, always adhering to The Third Law. MIKE: "Then Gorblat got some nail polish remover to unglue it from our hands." > > "Recently, however, Crazy Ivo has made a small amount of our >involvement necessary, by taking something that belongs to us." TOM: "My Captain Blasto decoder ring." > > "You mean this 'Ry'den Star'?" Sally asked. MIKE: [Vision] "No, I mean a lint ball. OF COURSE I mean the Ry'den Star..." > > "Vision nodded. TOM: Who said that? > "Ry'den Stars are the power source for our main base MIKE: No, that's *home* base. This guy's completely sports illiterate. >and sub-bases. They hold a lot of power within them, and are usually quite >stable, tho TOM: He did it again! > you wouldn't want one of your power stones anywhere near one. MIKE: [Sonic] "Oh, why thank you." >Crazy Ivo somehow picked up the energy signature of the one at our sub-base >near The Great Unknown, TOM: What's unknown to me is why Mobians have to use 'great' so... MIKE: Greatly? TOM: Exac- d'oh! > despite the fact that we had it cloaked, MIKE: I think you had to do a bit more than throw a big tarp over it. > and >stormed in. The two of us stationed there TOM: The biggest power in the universe, and they post two guards. > were lucky enough to >self-destruct the rest of our equipment and get out, but now he's got it. [Crow returns] CROW: Sorry, Mike, all we had was the diet. MIKE: Oh... never mind it then. TOM: I'll take it. MIKE: Alrighty. [Opens the can and hands it to Tom] >Your fears of what will happen when he figures out how to use it are well >founded, Sally.." TOM: Um, Mike, got a straw? My arms don't work. CROW: Oh, I've got one. MIKE: Okay. [Takes the straw from Crow and puts in Tom's soda can] TOM: Thanks. {Slurp} > > Sally nodded and crossed her arms worriedly. [Mike and Crow do a cliché Native American beat] TOM: {Slurp} > "We can't let him keep >this thing..." > > "Yeah.. this is major bad news." Sonic added. MIKE: You think? TOM: {Slurp} > He then turned to >Vision. "Hey, if you're so advanced, how come ya just can't take it away >from Robuttnik?" CROW: Yeah! MIKE: We're still wondering that. TOM: {Slurp} > > "Well, lessee.." Vision replied. "We can't teleport it out. Trying >to teleport a Ry'den Star is a _baaad_ idea. CROW: "Cuz we need to include you in the story somehow." TOM: {Slurp} > To send just one of us in >there is just plain stupid, and if a group of us goes, that increases the >chance of one of us getting caught, MIKE: If he's saying all this, what was the whole point of that prologue?? TOM: {Slurp} > and if _that_ happens..." [Tom gets to the bottom of the can, causing an annoying gargley sucking noise] MIKE: Ow! That's kinda loud. CROW: What?! > > Sally interrupted. "Robotnik could become so powerful that we _all_ >would be doomed..." CROW: What?! > > "Precisely," said Vision. MIKE: Huh?! > "We finally decided to send someone, namely >myself, to warn you of the threat. CROW: Could you repeat that?! > I would also like to assist you in this >endeavor. MIKE: As much as I'd rather not 'listen' to this fanfic... CROW: What?! > If possible, we'd like our Ry'den Star back with us. [Mike yanks the straw from Tom] MIKE: You're finished with your drink, Servo! CROW: What?! Oh. TOM: Hey! There's still that one drop. MIKE: Uh-huh. TOM: But I must get it, Mike! MIKE: After. > If not, >I'll be responsible for seeing that it's destroyed." > > "Either way, it's out of Robotnik's hands..." Sally said >thoughtfully. CROW: How can he guarantee being able to destroy it if plan A doesn't work? > "Hmm... I think we could most definately use your help." > > Sonic blinked, then shook his head. TOM: Just like Beetlejuice. > "Whoa! Time out!" MIKE: Sorry, you already used them all up. > he pulled Sally TOM: Whoa! >aside and said, "I don't trust this guy, Sal, or these Keld'yrians... He >could be working for Robuttnik, or they all could be trying to take over >Moebius CROW: Or Curly-Joebius. > for themselves!" > > Sally sighed, and said, "Sonic, that's absurd. TOM: "You've been watching too many Japanese movies." > He obviously knows >where Knothole is. If he was on Robotnik's side, we wouldn't be standing >here right now. CROW: "Unless he was lulling us in a false sense of security before he killed us." > And if the Keld'yrians wanted to invade and overtake >Moebius, don't you think they would have done that thirteen years ago??" MIKE: "Unless he was lying about when they came here." > > "But.." Sonic tried to get a word in, but Sally stopped him. "Sonic, >he knows a lot more about that Ry'den Star Robotnik has, and he's confirmed >my fears about how serious a threat this is. We _need_ his help." TOM: Why do they need *his* help getting *his* stuff *for* him?? > > Sonic thought to himself, MIKE: When would you think to someone else? CROW: If you're a Keld'yrian. MIKE: Oh, right. > then grumbled. "Oh, allright, Sal... TOM: Either remove an L or put a space in there. > But I'm >keepin' an eye on this guy!" MIKE: Which is reasonable, since he only has one eye. TOM: Really big one with two pupils in it- MIKE: Yeah. TOM: Yeah, I know. > > "Whatever, Sonic.." Sally said, then walked back to the log. "Vision, MIKE: Vision's a log? >we welcome any help you can give us." CROW: "On doing your work for you." > > "Keul!" MIKE: What? > Vision said, hopping up. CROW: "Boingie! Boingie!" > "We should have a team assembled >ASAP. TOM: Hey, did you just call me a sap? > I don't think Crazy Ivo's gonna MIKE: "Stay in business with those insane, low prices." > be in the dark about how to play >with the toy he has for long." CROW: Thank you, Mr. Carson, for that mental image of Robotnik playing with his toy. Thank you very much. > > Sally nodded, and the three of them started towards Knothole's hub, TOM: Knothole's married? Why didn't she call her family to the wedding? >Vision trailing behind the other two, occasionally commenting on how >fascinating the foliage looked. MIKE: "Wow, it looks green." > > "It's amazing..." Sally told Sonic, "That these Keld'yrians have been >watching us for so long, and we had no idea that they even existed..." > > "Yeah, well..." Sonic replied, "I'm not sure I like..." CROW: "Fudge brownies. I'm kinda getting off the subject, ain't I?" > > "SONIC!!" Sonic was interrupted by a familiar two-tailed fox bounding >up and hugging him. MIKE: Great, here's the 'little Timmy' of the group. > "Hey, Sonic! Hi, Aunt Sally!!" > > "Hey there, little bro'!" Sonic hugged tails back. TOM: I notice Pat didn't find Tails important enough to the story to capitalize. > "How's it goin'?" > > "Goin' Great, Sonic! I..." Tails then noticed Vision approaching and >said, "Hey, who's... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" CROW: [Vision] "Hmm, that's a strange question to ask a newcomer to your planet, but here it goes; AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAA!!!!! was the founder of our great city, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!opolis. He defeated the foul enemies, the citizens of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!ton. It was a foul battle, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! won it for us. Yes, son, he is a great Mobian hero. You should be proud of your heritage. I'm quite sure you have a little AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! blood in you.... anyway, next question?" >He immediately hid behind Sonic from the shapeshifter, trembling. > > Sally blinked at Tails' odd behavior, and Vision raised an eyebrow, >saying, "Shyness?" TOM: No thanks, already had some. > > Sonic glanced at Vision, then looked back down at Tails. "What's >wrong, Tails??" > > Tails shakily pointed at the amulet Vision was wearing. MIKE: "It just reminds me how Power Rangers canned our show." > "S-s-sonic! >Th-that's the s-same metallion the Headless Gopher dropped where we were >camping!!!" TOM: {PPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFT!!} HAHA! CROW: [Sonic] "That's the last time I bring a kegger to a camp-out." > > Sonic blinked, then eyed Vision's amulet. "Heyyy, you're right! I >_knew_ I'd seen that somewhere..." He glared at Vision, furrowing his >eyebrow. "So, what gives??" > > "Headless gopher, eh?" Vision chuckled. MIKE: "Oh, that Pat Carson and his attempts at linking this to the show." > "That must've been Darius. TOM: "Mr. Stevenus and his wife, Samanthaus, came over one night. Endoraus conjured up this weird gold thingie and left it for you to find it. She's very cruel to anthropomorphics." >He likes to use that illusion to scare people away from our subbase there." >He knealt down and smiled at Tails. "You can relax, Tails, I'm no ghost. MIKE: [Singing] Let's go, Ghostbusters, let's go. Let's go! Let's go! >This amulet just carries the symbol of my homeworld, Keld'yr." CROW: The symbol of their homeworld is a headless gopher? These are some strange people. > > Tails peeked out TOM: He's getting at that age. > from behind Sonic, looking more confused than >frightened now. "K-keld'yr? Homeworld?" > > Sonic hrm'd, then patted Tails' head. MIKE: [Tails] "Watch it, Sonic. My skull's still a bit loose from doppling." > "Tell ya later, big guy. We've >got business to take care of, and it's got Robuttnik written all over it!" TOM: Graffiti gets stupider every decade. > > With that, they made their way to the hub, formulating a plan and >deciding who to send on the mission. Sally, Sonic, and Vision were most >certainly going. CROW: They're the main characters of the story. > Bunnie, because they MIKE: Needed someone to ridicule. > could use her strength. Dulcy for CROW: Comic relief. > an >airborne escape. Sally was loathe to include Tails in the mission because of >his TOM: Bottomless stupidity. > youth, but Sonic and Vision convinced her that MIKE: Strawberries are real good on corn flakes. > his natural tracking >skills would be very helpful. CROW: How do you 'naturally track' a crystal? > And finally, Antoine, TOM: Because? > that decision coming >after much protest from Sonic. MIKE: Just because, I guess. > Sally felt that he was good for something, CROW: Like having him sacrificed. >and Vision noted that one more Freedom Fighter wouldn't hurt. MIKE: Even though it was noted that too many going in at once was too dangerous. But, hey, it's not like you're not risking Keld'yrians. [All leave] [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Tom is back to sucking at that last bit in his soda can. Mike's covering his ears. Crow is to his right] MIKE: I just needed to allow him to finish. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: I just needed to allow him to finish. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: I just needed to allow him to finish. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: I just needed to allow him to finish. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: I just needed to allow him to finish. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Why don't we just check on that planet down there? CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Why don't we just check on that planet down there? CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Why don't we just check on that planet down there? CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Never mind. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Forget I said anything. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Pay no attention to me. CROW: WHAT? MIKE: Shut up. CROW: WHAT? [Mobius, Pearl is hogging half the camera as she points behind her, still smiling. An alien with the group of freedom fighters is behind her. Despite the smiling, she doesn't sound happy] PEARL: Here's a news flash, Mike. Vision just beamed down here. He's sucking all of the village's attention towards himself! How can someone so evolved have to keep feeding their ego like that. BOBO: [Sticking his head in the shot] You just described yourself, there, Lawgiver. [Leaves] PEARL: Oh, right. Anyway, he's just so annoying. But... I can't stay mad for some reason... [Moves out of the shot] VISION: Hey, Blue Boy, why no pants? Do you actually believe you have some- thing to show off? [All laugh] SONIC: You son of a-- Oh, who can stay mad at you? VISION: No one! I'm an all powerful author. Boy, Rotor, you must beep when you back up. No kiddin'! [All laugh] VISION: And what the hell kind of a name *is* that, anyway? Dear God, are you helpless. [All laugh] VISION: Let's face it, guys, you suck. [All laugh] VISION: Really. You all suck. I'm the only decent one alive in this miserable universe. [All laugh] VISION: I can do anything at will with my mind. And you can, what? Run fast? Gimme a break. [All laugh] VISION: You all make me sick. I'm leaving. [All laugh] VISION: So long, you turds. CROWD: Bye, Vision! [He beams up] TAILS: Boy.... what a great guy. ROTOR: Yeah. [Commercials]