[Mike and Crow enter. Mike's carrying a soda can] MIKE: Sorry. You're stuck real good. TOM: It's okay. Just tilt me so I can see out. [Mike sets the can at Tom's seat] > > * * * MIKE: Boy, there's gonna be a lot of footnotes at the bottom of this fanfic. > > Bunnie, Antoine, and Tails TOM: The endless love-triangle; world premiere ABC original movie, Wednesday. > all caught Vision's thoughtsend, and blinked >in confusion at each other... Then the building began to shake a bit... CROW: Tails should quit the burritos. >Bunnie exclaimed, "Darlin's, ah think it's time to get outta here!!" TOM: Stating the obvious?... Nah. > She >grabbed Tails and Antoine CROW: Whoa, it's a three-way. > and began running for the nearest open door. > > They made it to the door and turned the corner, only to find three >SWATBots blocking their path. "FREEZE!" MIKE: [Singing] Bad bots, bad bots. Whatcha gonna do? > > Before the Freedom Fighters could react, however, three bright yellow >plasma bolts sailed over them, CROW: What good does throwing blood at them do? > one after the other, towards the SWATBots, >obliterating them. They spun around to see Vision holding a large looking >blaster weapon. MIKE: Super Soakers are just getting too dangerous for kids. > He walked over to Bunnie and handed it to her. "That toy I >found in that room earlier. TOM: "Happy Holidays." > Happy Holidays." TOM: D'OH! > He said with a grin. > > Bunnie OOFed a bit as she was handed the heavy weapon. MIKE: Wussy girl. Like she can carry a gun. {pfft} > "But..." Vision >held up his hand CROW: "Excuse me. I have a question." > and looked behind him. "Gotta take care of Sally and blue >Boy. MIKE: "It's not gonna go too well for them, if you know what I mean." > We'll meet ya at the rendezvous point. Bye!" He waved TOM: And shimmered and glistened! > and zipped back >into the room. > > Bunnie blinked, then turned to face the other two. "Ok, boys, you heard >'im. Let's move it!" She struggled with the weapon a bit.. "This thangs >sure goshdarn heavy... How in blazes did he..." MIKE: Sooo... they brought her along for her strength, eh? > > Antoine sreamed as he pointed behind her and Tails. "BUNNIE!!!!" TOM: A bunny? Where?? I'll shoot it! > > Bunnie whirled around just in time to see a SWATBot bearing a similar >weapon on her. [Crow does some cliché western duel music] > She almost instinctively pulled the trigger, and it fired >another yellow plasma bolt into the SWATBot, blowing it to pieces. TOM: Oh, how much more gore will we have to endure? MIKE: I thought you liked gore. TOM: Yeah, human gore. Y'know, blood and guts. But this is sick! > She >stumbled a bit from the recoil. CROW: Cuz, y'know, she's a girl. > "Whew! Thanks, Antoine!" MIKE: That's not something he hears often. > She then hefted >the big gun. "This thang may be heave, but it sure 'n blazes packs a >whallop! TOM: Okay, so she has enough strength to punch holes through SWATbots, but she can't carry a gun. MIKE: Yeah, that's about the gist of it. > Let's go, boys! Yahoo!!" CROW: Well, I prefer InfoSeek, but... > and they continued on their way out of the >building. TOM: Bunnie has left the building! > > * * * MIKE: It's a triclops in the dark. CROW: Yeah, and he's drunk. > > Meanwhile, TOM: In Gotham City... > Sally caught Vision's thoughtsend, and then noticed the >building begin to shake.. CROW: She then realized that she wasn't in Kansas anymore. > "He did it! MIKE: He finally did it! Damn him to hell!! > Thank goodness... We need to get out >of here.. Nicole, on my mark, count off two minutes. Mark." TOM: "Hey! Someone riveted the crate shut! OH NO!" > and then left >the box as Nicole counted. "Two minutes..." TOM: 2:00... > > Sally stepped out of the box, noticing a few catwalks beginning to TOM: 1:59... >buckle.. MIKE: Cuz it's the law. > it was just then that Sonic zipped up to her. "All aboard on the TOM: 1:58... >Sonic express!" TOM: 1:57... > > Sally gasped, then hopped in Sonic's arms. CROW: [Sonic] "Now's not the time!" > "Where's Vision?" TOM: 1:56... > > Sonic looked around. "I dunno, but he's probably doing the same thing TOM: 1:55... >we are, MIKE: Sayyyyyy... > and that's jammin' outta here!" With that, he jetted towards the TOM: 1:54... >door out of the room. A very unwelcome obstacle made Sonic stop in his TOM: 1:53... >tracks, however, and that obstacle's name was Packbell. TOM: 1:52... > > Packbell pointed his laser rifle at the two and smiled malevolently. TOM: 1:51... >"Hello, rodents!" TOM: 1:50... > > "Goodbye, sucker!" A voice came from behind him. He spun around just TOM: 1:49... >intime to see a brown-furred shape slam into his chest, sending him flying TOM: 1:48... >into the machine Bunnie was hiding behind before, just as it was TOM: 1:47... >overloading. MIKE: That's one heck of a plot convenience. > Packbell twitched uncontrollably, CROW: "Can't reach that itch!" > his head slammed MIKE: Some Dew. > through the TOM: 1:46... >machine's control panel, then lay still, smoking and sparking. TOM: 1:45... > > Vision landed next to Sonic and Sally, and oos, CROW: Who the hell is Oos? > grinning.. "That's TOM: 1:44... >gotta hurt..." TOM: 1:43... > > Sonic gaped. "Whoa! Way past cool, Vis!" TOM: 1:42... > > Nicole beeped. MIKE: [Sally] "Hold on, my virtual pet is hungry." > "One minute, 45 seconds..." TOM: Oh, must've been counting too fast. Okay, I can handle that. 1:45... > > "That's our cue to blow this pop stand..." said Vision, and the three TOM: 1:44... >made a hasty exit out of the room and down the halls. CROW: Stage left, even! TOM: 1:43... > > They sped through the hallways and cooridors at breakneck speed, until TOM: 1:42... >coming upon the front entrance. They opened the large door, and ran outside, TOM: 1:41... >only to be stopped again by a group of ten SWATBots waiting for them. TOM: 1:40... >"FREEZE, INTRUDERS!" TOM: 1:39... > > Nicole beeped. "One minute, 15 seconds..." TOM: 1:38- Hey, wait. Now it's going too quickly. MIKE: A supercomputer in the palm of your hand that can't count. > > Vision looked at the SWATBots as they advanced on the trio, then >grinned at Sonic. "How good are you at bowling, Blue Boy?" He winked. CROW: [Sonic] "Depends on how late at night it is." > > Sonic smirked and put Sally down, reaching into his backpack. "I'm Way >past Cool..." he said, MIKE: Just for the sake of mentioning his catch phrase. > pulling out the second Power Ring, holding it up. > > The power ring glowed brightly, then bathed Sonic TOM: Good. He was really beginning to stink up the place. > in a tremendous >amount of it's energy. CROW: Um, Surrrrge? > Sonic used this extra boost CROW: Yeah, that's what I meant; Boost. > of power to roll up into >a ball and buzzsaw roll at the SWATBots, the ground set on fire behind him MIKE: Smokey says only Sonic can prevent Robotropolian fires. >as he managed to plow throw and smash eight of them, leaving two of the >outermost bots behind. > > Vision sighed.. "Seven-Ten split, Blue Boy..." TOM: Uh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Funny. MIKE: "Now's my chance to be an upstart and get all the Sonic fans angry." > and discharged more of >his stored CROW: Jams and jellies. > electricity at the remaning two, putting them out of commision. TOM: You call yourself a Marine! >He then shifted again into a form that made Sally gasp a bit... CROW: [Sally] "Nick Freno! NOOOOOOO!" > > Vision looked humanoid, with yellow skin that seemed to glow, MIKE: Ahh, I used to have one of those dolls that lit up when you squeezed them. > a head of >black hair tied into a ponytail. A somewhat muzzled mouth, hazel >colored eyes that looked like clear glass orbs, TOM: He's plowed. > and fox like ears. Wings >that looked like a cross between a butterfly's and a faerie's, and a >slender tail with a slightly spaded tip. MIKE: .........The hell? > > Vision chuckled at Sally's response. "What we really look like. MIKE: .........Oh....... ALL: ......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!! CROW: If you have the advantage of shape-shifting, just *keep* using it. > C'mon, >let's fly outta here." > > Nicole beeped. "One minute, 0 seconds..." > > Sally blinked, Nicole's voice jarring her out of her amazement. "Yes, >this building's going to blow any minute." CROW: Well, one minute, actually. > She hopped into Vision's arms and >they took off. TOM: Their clothes, and... > > * * * MIKE: Okay, which one of these would look better on the Christmas tree? > > The entire group arrived at the rendezvous point where Dulcy was >waiting. Vision's entrance made quite a stir, TOM: Cuz he's really the author and he likes to take huge ego trips by impressing people of fictional worlds. > and he explained how his >current form was the one he was born with CROW: "It was a major genetic defect and my parents threw me away, leaving me alone and forgotten." > as Nicole counted downward. When >she reached ten second, Bunnie looked at the building in the distance. >"That thang's gonna blow any second, guys!" MIKE: She seems somewhat forced into the story, but such a smart author would never do such a thing. > > Everyone watched as Nicole counted down. TOM: As Dick Clark hosted and the ball raised. > She reached three when there >was a bright flash coming from the building, and the entire structure blew >apart in a massive explosion, large enough to make the wind stir where they >were standing. MIKE: But luckily, this was all just a bunch of text, so it didn't go too far over the budget. CROW: Worried about the biggest bundle of energy known, having the ability to destroy the entire planet, and it just condemns a single building. > > Antoine eep!d and shuddered.. "I ahm very fortune hunting that we have >gotten our books out of there..." MIKE: So... French... TOM: Yup... > > Sonic rolled his eyes. CROW: "Beat ya to it, Sally. Nyah, nyah." > "Ant, your wording stinks, as usual. Still, we >think we get the picture." > > Antoine hmmphed indignantly at Sonic, TOM: "I did *so* get the words ham... I mean correct." > and Sally stepped in between the >two. MIKE: "You need a time out." > "I think this is a good time to get back to Knothole, everyone." > > Everyone else nodded in agreement, and started on their journey back. CROW: Riding their horses into the sunset. > > * * * TOM: This fanfic is just sparkling! > > Robotnik sat in his chair at the Command Center, MIKE: Spinning it around just because it's fun. > seething as he >observed the exploding building on the main viewscreen. Snively was >cowering at a smaller monitor, knowing better than to get in Robotnik's way >in moments like this... "Snively?" CROW: Who said that? > > Snively gulped audibally as Robotnik called him. He faced Robotnik, >wishing he had some hole to jump into. TOM: But Bugs Bunny was just in the way. > "Y-y-y-y-yessss, S-s-s-sirr?" > > Robotnik didn't move an inch, nor did his expression change. MIKE: In reality he was a gargoyle, and it had just turned day. > "I want >you to listen to me _very_ carefully... TOM: "Get me the New York *Sun*. Not the Times." > What I have to say is crucial, both >to my mental well being... and your _physical_ well being..." > > Snively gulped again, jumping a bit at the thinly veild threat. >Robotnik continued, "That... alien, helping those accursed rodents... CROW: "Does that sound familiar to you?" TOM: [Snively] "You mean every other fanfic, sir?" CROW: [Robotnik] "Exactly." >Whatever it takes... I want to know everything there is to know about him >and his kind.... MIKE: "Like their hobbies and favorite colors..." > Do you hear me, Snively?" TOM: [Snively] "What?" > He turned towards Snively, his >face taking on a terrifying scowl, his eyes glowing infernally. >"EVERYTHING..." MIKE: "Including the exact amount of eyelashes they have." > > Snively yelped and hid behind a chair, CROW: Bad dog. > breathing rapidly... TOM "{Gasp} Get me {gasp} a paper bag! {gasp}" > "*gulp!* >Y-y-y-y-y-yesssSss S-s-s-s-sir... Will w-w-ork on it imm-m-m-ediatly, >S-s-s-s-sir..." MIKE: Does he have Porky Pig syndrome? > > "See that you do." Robotnik turned back towards the viewscreen, seeing >the rubble TOM: And the Flintstone. > of the building. The time has come, CROW: The walrus said. > he thought, to devise >something that will rid me of those Freedom Fighters.. and that wretched >blue hedgehog... forever.... TOM: Maybe if you actually AIMED at them. > > * * * MIKE: The original design for the United States flag wasn't all too impressive. > > The group arrived back at Knothole amid cheers CROW: Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. > for the success of the >mission. Vision had changed back into a fox earlier, TOM: That's debatable. > to avoid startling too >many others in Knothole, CROW: He was ashamed of his appearance, and should be... > and was mingling with the croud quite well. Sonic >was, of course, aggrandizing his role in the mission for everyone. Antoine >was, of course, exaggerating his role. Tails TOM: Was, of course... > excitedly shared what he >experienced with anyone and everyone. This went on for about an hour, >before everything went back to normal. MIKE: Also debatable. > > Vision, TOM: Was, of course... > Sonic, TOM: Was, of course... > Sally, TOM: Was, of course... > and Bunnie TOM: Was, of course... > were sitting by a tree stump, after >the crowd died down. CROW: Due to a virus Vision had brought with him. > "It's too bad we can't get help like you provided us >on our mission everyday, Vision.." said Sally. MIKE: Actually, they do! EVERY OTHER FANFIC!!! > > "Yeah, " added Sonic, "Though I guess I do understand that Third Rule >of yours, at least a little, TOM: "And did nothing that would lead me to learn that moral." > it's still too bad we can't get your help >anymore..." > > Vision chuckles... "Well, yanno... MIKE: Stupid? Yes. > I have a feeling we might be help >out a little bit here and there in the future.. CROW: "We'll break our Third Law right after we create it." > Bunnie, you still got that >'toy' I gave you earlier?" MIKE: "Nudge-nudge-wink-wink." > > Bunnie blinked. "Toy? Oh yeah, I fergot I was carryin' this around >still... " TOM: "Because I'm a girl... and blonde... and Southern." CROW: It weighed a ton and she just happened to forget she was holding it. > She handed the large rifle back to Vision. > > Vision chuckled. He examined the rifle a bit, TOM: {BOOOOM!} MIKE: "Oh, sorry. You didn't need that head, did you, Bunnie?" > then opened up the handle >and pulled out what looked like the power source. "A Harani micro-fusion >battery. TOM: By Durrecell. > The Harani don't give out their tech to just anyone, and they >most certainly wouldn't give it to the likes of Crazy Ivo. MIKE: "But his commercials were just so insane they couldn't resist." > This, and what >Blue Boy here told me on the way to Robotropolis, proves that Ivo's been >getting offworld help. That should let us offer a little help from time to >time, TOM: "And get me into more fanfics." > though not on as major a scale as I did today. That directly involved >us." > > Sally nodded. "I understand. Any help we get is good for us, and well >appreciated." CROW: "But we already have eighty other aliens living here, so we're kinda glad you can't stay." > > Vision smiled. "Why, thank you." He then yawned a bit, MIKE: It's amazing how life imitates art, and I'm, like, wanting to fall asleep, too. > and got up. "I >must leave now, MIKE: But I wish I could do that, now. > however, since today has made my body desire a nice warm >bath back at Haven." TOM: "Would you like to join me, princess?" > > The others chuckled, CROW: "Hee hee. It's not funny, we're just showing respect for the author." > then gave their farewells. "Stay cool, Vis!" "Hope >to see y'all soon!" "Goodbye, and thanks again." MIKE: As previously mentioned, they say their farewells. > > Vision smiled. "Farewell everyone. Perhaps you'll see more of us in the >future. TOM: But I hope not. > As for me, CROW: "I'm going to DisneyLand!" > you can count on it." With that, he snapped his fingers. TOM: Then his butlers show up. >A streak CROW: Whoa. > of bright green energy formed at the top of his head and spiraled >down his body, MIKE: And he turned into a barber pole. > leaving behind a faint blue afterimage of him, which faded >away. TOM: Frank pushed the button on him. > Then he was gone. MIKE: Then there was none. > > The others blinked, then Sally giggled. "I suppose we should expect >the unexpected CROW: "When we join the MIB." > from him from now on." > > Bunnie giggled as well. "Yeah, he sure is a strange one, TOM: Yup. > but his >heart's in the right place. TOM: Nope. > Ah wouldn't mind seein' him again." MIKE: Bunnie has a bit of a mental disorder due to a scarred childhood. They were even too lazy to name her. > > Sonic smirked, leaning against the stump. "Yeah, he's cool. Always >knew he was cool." > > Sally raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you did, did you?" CROW: Uh oh. I'm sensing a cliché ending... > > "Yeah, I knew he was cool from the moment I laid eyes on him. Had cool >written all over him, right from the start," said Sonic, closing his eyes >and smirking even more. CROW: It's coming... > > Bunnie stifled a giggle, and Sally rolled her eyes upward. MIKE: Which finally twisted them out of their sockets. > "Uh-huh..." > > Sonic was obviously on a roll now. CROW: Cliché rising... > "Of course, ya do realize that he >wasn't as cool as me. _Noooone's_ as cool as your's truly..." Sally and >Bunnie got up and silently walked off as Sonic continued. CROW: Cliché's halfway done, now... > "Yup, me, I'm Way >Past Cool. I'm the coolest thing to hit Mobius since the Ice Age. I'm... >Hey??" He noticed that he was alone, and that Sally and Bunnie were heading >elswewhere in Knothole. He darted after them yelling, "Hey guys, wait up! >Hey! C'mon, what gives...?" CROW: And we have unimaginative ending, my friends. MIKE: I don't care, as long as it's the end. > > E N D TOM: Shouts Chicken at the end of every one of his cartoons. > >This story (C) 1995 Pat Carson Jr. May be distributed freely, CROW: To people you don't like. > provided it is >not altered without permission from the author. MIKE: That's all we need is a lawsuit against us on top of having to read this. > Sonic the Hedgehog, and >characters in the Sonic the Hedgehog story contained with are CROW: Nude. > (C) 1995 SEGA >of America. Packbell (C) 1995 David Pistone. TOM: Who was just slapped somewhere into the story, hoping that it would butter Pistone up and have him put this story up on his website. > >-----------------------> Cut here <--------------------------------------- MIKE: And erase anything above this line from memory. > > >/---------> ##### ##### ##### # <---------------------------------------\ >|Peace, -> # # # # # <- Vision (Pat Carson in RealLife(TM)) | >| Love, -> ##### ### # # <- vision@quack.kfu.com | >| and -> # # # <- /-----------------------------------\| >\---------> # ##### ##### # <--| Nakedness is a concept created by |/ > | Humans with fur envy :) | > \-----------------------------------/ MIKE: Yes, the world cannot live without nice, chalky PEZ. TOM: How do you trademark real life? CROW: Nakedness is... Um, I think it was done for another reason. [Mike and Crow leave. Mike carries the soda can out] > > > TOM: And that's all I gotta say `bout that. [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow is center stage. He has a toothy grin on the end of his beak twice the size of his head. Enter Mike] MIKE: Hiya, Crow.-- AAAAA! CROW: Oh, hey, Mike. It's noticeable, isn't it? MIKE: Um, kinda. What-? CROW: Well, I told the nanites to only protect you. Guess I shoulda been a bit more specific. Live and learn, I guess. MIKE: Yeah. Well, sorry, Crow. I kinda feel like this is sorta my fault. CROW: Nooooooo. It's all mine. Really... Hey, where's Tom? MIKE: Oh, Gypsy's tryin' to pry him out with a shoehorn. [Pop! WAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH!!! CRASH!!] MIKE: Guess she was successful. Been a wacky day, huh? CROW: Yup. And yet, remarkably boring on our part. MIKE: Yes. Let us check "downstairs," shall we? [Mobius, Vision is excepting cheers and confetti is raining down on him] CROWD: WE LOVE YOU FOR NO GOOD REASON! VISION: Thank you. Thank you. {Mwah!} You're too kind. I love y- well, actually, I despise each and everyone of you. But thank you, anyway! [The camera pulls back as Pearl (smiling) in a tank pulls up] PEARL: Here's a present for you. VISION: Oh, thank you. [BOOM!!!!!] PEARL: The pleasure's all mine. I knew that if I tried, I could stay angry at *anyone*. At least I finally have a reason to smile, now. [Cheering continues, despite Vision's absence] CROWD: YAY! WE ARE BROKEN FROM HIS EVIL SPELL! PEARL IS OUR HERO! PEARL: Yes, yes. Kiss my feet and all. You may do so. [Hops out of the tank] Till next time, Miko. Thank you, people. You are too kind. Thank you. Thank you... [Fade out] --- HEAD WRITER: John Berry CONTRIBUTING WRITER: Jenny Berry PROOF READER: Matthew Blackwell APOLOGIES: If yer readin' this, Pat, my e-mail just kept bouncing back and I couldn't get permission. Sorry. E-MAIL: berry@sugar-river.net JOSEPH NEBUS' A.C.E.G. TO SONIC MSTINGS: www.math.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k.html SONIC COMIC PARODY PAGE: members.aol.com/TheVid1987/STCParody.html (Page space provided by "The Vid") Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters © Best Brains Inc. Sonic the Hedgehog and characters © Sega and DiC STINGER: > The fox smiled and walked forward a bit. "The name's Vision, >Keld'yrian shapeshifter and Lord of PEZ, at yer service..."