[ OPENING CREDITS ] [ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ] [ SOL BRIDGE. ] [ JOEL, TOM, and CROW are behind the desk; a TV set (not facing the audience) and video game system are set up; JOEL is holding the controller. ] CROW: Pix! Pix! Pix! Pix! Pix! TOM: [ Simultaneously ] TV Pow! TV Pow! TV Pow! JOEL: [ Frantically trying to press buttons as CROW and TOM continue chanting ] Oh, hi, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. We've been shot into space and forced to watch bad movies by a mad scientist-- CROW: And we got an Intellivision! Pix! Pix! TOM: So we're playing it! TV Pow! TV Pow! JOEL: Yeah, and since some of us have a little trouble with arm movement, they're just telling me when to press fire. CROW: Yeah! And Tom won't use the right word! It's Pix! Pix! Pix! TOM: Is *not*, boogerhead. It's TV Pow! Gypsy, you agree with me? GYPSY: [ Appearing from the right ] Yeah, sure. TOM: Thanks. I'll leave the five in your cubbyhole. TV Pow! TV Pow! CROW: And I say it's Pix! Magic Voice, aren't I right? Pix! Pix! MAGIC: You sure sound okay to me. TOM: What'd that cost you? TV Pow! MAGIC: He's going to be doing minor repairs on all my tennis trophies. TOM: You have tennis trophies? How? TV Pow! MAGIC: You don't want to know. JOEL: [ Putting down the controller ] Hang on-- TOM: Hey! CROW: The little basketball guys are gonna miss the asteroid! JOEL: Guys, guys, listen a sec...why this senseless divide? Why argue over 'Pix' or 'TV Pow'? Why not just say 'Fire' if you mean 'fire'? [ CROW and TOM stare at one another for a beat, and then at JOEL. They hold the stare. ] JOEL: Right. Back at it, then. MAGIC: Commercial sign coming up, Joel. JOEL: Oh, then we gotta clean up for the invention exchange. [ COMMERCIAL SIGN starts flashing ] JOEL: We'll be right back after this word for Apple Jacks. [ Taps SIGN. ] [ COMMERCIAL BREAK ] [ SOL BRIDGE. CROW, JOEL, TOM standing behind the desk; in front of JOEL is a box of empty tin cans and a pile of mitten-like objects. ] JOEL: Hi there. You know, scientists claim the loudest noise made by mankind is the launch of a Saturn V moon rocket, which rang in at more than 23 decibels each liftoff. TOM: But scientists are wrong, aren't they? JOEL: Absolutely, Thomas J. Servo; the true loudest noise ever made is the racket anyone's dad makes when he takes out the recyclables early in the morning. [ JOEL rattles the box, and continues. ] JOEL: Which is why our Invention Exchange this week seeks to quiet that din and allow all of us to enjoy sleeping in Saturdays. CROW: They're recyclable cozies! [ JOEL snaps mittens around the cans. ] JOEL: These soft, muffling fabrics fit around any size can, bottle, or milk jug to absorb and dampen all those little rattles, shocks, and other percussive resonances. [ JOEL shakes the box again; much quieter. ] CROW: But wait! TOM: There's more! JOEL: True; they're also the perfect size to be winter clothing for any robots you have around. [ JOEL wraps mittens over CROW's muzzle and TOM's head. ] TOM: Perfect for those cold, orbital winters. CROW: Mrrph. [ MADS sign starts flashing; JOEL taps it. ] [ DEEP 13. DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK have a box with a photocopier-like sliding tray on top, and cartoonish crank handle. TV'S FRANK is holding a rubber burnishing roller and a piece of paper. ] DR. F: Murph and the Murphtones, how do? Our side of the Invention Exchange was inspired by the news that one of our -- heh -- best suppliers has recently been getting into Japanese animation, or [ Making quote marks with his fingers ] "anime." FRANK: That's right, Joel. It's not just Robotech anymore. DR. F: Yes, well, Japanese animation has been noted for scantily clad women, enormous explosions, and a general lack of insipid musical numbers every three minutes. FRANK: Yet despite this, its commercial success in the domestic market has been limited. DR. F: And we discovered why. The plotlines of Japanese animation tend to be horribly long, complex, confusing matters that take three or ninety viewings to understand -- much more than audiences this side of the Pacific rim will tolerate. FRANK: Which is why we invented... DR. F: The anime plot condenser! This simple device will turn the most complicated storyline into something American audiences can grasp. TV's Frank shall demonstrate. FRANK: [ Reading from page ] This is the story of the Japanese hit and forthcoming Disney write-off "Mononoke Hime" -- ahem -- Hero leaves home to get a god-healing spirit to remove a curse; he finds a land about to be invaded where he briefly meets Mononoke Hime, a human woman adopted by the chief wolf-god-spirit, who's considering allying with the boar-spirits in their coming war against all humanity. Hero gets to meet the god-healing spirit but is not cured; then a human army battles the boar-spirits (allied with the wolf-spirits) after which the Mononoke Hime and the hero find one another and return to the healing spirit, whose head gets chopped off by more humans out seeking a god's head, which they ferret away in a case while the god-healing spirit goes on a rampage, threatening to destroy all life in the world; Hero and Hime find the theives and restore the head and balance to the universe. Hime vows she doesn't necessarily hate the hero. Hero gets curse lifted. DR. F: The end. Now, after plot condensation? [ TV's FRANK places the paper in, turns the crank -- making the top slide -- and takes an index card out of the bottom. ] FRANK: Boy meets feral wolf-girl! DR. F: Perfect for U.S. consumption! But your experiment this week, boys, is not condensed in the slightest. It's a retelling of the classic final episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, only instead of the comical and bittersweet farewell of the crew of a local TV news program, it's about those wacky Mobians and their good old "FX Down to Mobius" friends FX and Liz. FRANK: Mostly FX. [ He holds up the burnishing roller. ] DR. F: We get to meet a real Sonic character named Geoffrey, and our good friend FX establishes the artistic point that he really hates Geoffrey. Read it and weep. [ Noticing TV's FRANK ] Frank, why do you have the burnisher? [ TV's FRANK brushes the roller up and down on DR. FORRESTER's stomach. DR. FORRESTER glares at him. ] FRANK: This is why I have the burnisher. [ SOL BRIDGE. Crow is covered in mufflers; JOEL is putting more on. ] JOEL: There, now, feeling comfy? CROW: Very! [ MOVIE SIGN flashes. ] ALL: [ General panic ] We got movie sign! AAAAAUUUGGHHH! [ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ] [ ALL file in ] > "A Skunk Revealed" CROW: Pepe LePew interrupted in the shower. > By George Ettinger III JOEL: Oh, he was king of Poland from 1346 to 1361. > and Minna S. Lunney > Legal junk: Sonic the Hedgehog and all other related characters are > copyrighted property of Service and Games (SEGA), Archie Comic > Publications and/or DiC productions CROW: Or whoever. > FX and Liz are mine. All mine! > Bwahahahahahaha! TOM: Sounds like a mature author, doesn't it? > Geoffrey is copyright by whatever moron at Archie > that made him up. CROW: Hey, look at that. TOM: Wow! Even Sonic fans get to hate the Sonic characters? > > Note from the Author: I'm finally writing again! JOEL: No, wait, I'm stopping again. Good night. Sorry to bother you. > I haven't gotten > around to starting this story for a while, but it's a MUST for > Geoffrey-haters! CROW: Just watch, this time, Wesley Crusher is going to be sent to Mobius. > N-E way, Minna, TOM: C'mon! Try to spell out "anyway," you can do it! > who used to RP in the AOL Sonic room > as Liz, has left the net. TOM: Hey, wasn't that his girlfriend? JOEL: Yeah! Wow, the author snuck himself and his girlfriend into the last fanfic. CROW: Now that's bold. > She left before the last chapter was written > and for a little while I had left the story for dead. CROW: So, one of the *authors* abandoned the story? What chance do we have? > But, it's here > now, so read it. JOEL: Go on, you want to. I double-dog dare you to read it! > If you have any comments for Minna (who wrote chapter > 6, too), send them to me (fxferret@aol.com) and I'll get them to her. TOM: I *really, really* get to her. Sometimes I get on all her nerves at once. > Read on! JOEL: MacDuff! CROW: What happens if we cry, "Hold, enough!"? > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- > Timeline: One week after FX and Liz came to Mobius > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- > > FX slowly crept along the metal wall of Swatbot factory 506. JOEL: He's building up so much static electricity... > His > mission was to scramble the building's main computer. It was the same > factory he and Liz had tried to blow up when they first joined the > Freedom Fighters. He was going solo to shut the joint down for good. CROW: He was serving notice the planning commission was revoking their zoning variance! Ha ha! > He still wondered how Robotnik knew they were coming. JOEL: I mean, it's like he had a security camera watching for intruders or something.. CROW: When you bring a 20-piece marching band along, you're going to lose some of the surprise. > A cacophony of metal feet coming toward him caught his attention. TOM: "Could someone in housewares please turn off the metal feet cacophony? Thank you." > He ducked into a nearby alley and watched a squad of Swatbots pass by. > "Why did I hide?" he thought. JOEL: "I must be yellow!" > "The armor I'm wearing should make me > look like a roboticized ferret to them, and scanning me wouldn't have > done them any good, thanks to this alloy. Oh well." TOM: No point avoiding unnecessary risks. > He was about to > leave the alley when some sort of arrow whizzed past his ear. CROW: [ Don Adams ] Missed it by *that* much. > Noticing > this, he whirled around and saw a dark figure running back through the > alley. He was already charged up, TOM: And on the lookout for hot, steamy weasel action? JOEL: Don't make me send you to your corner. > so he began to fly in his attacker's > direction. CROW: Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...the aluminum foil ferret! > He was soon right behind the culprit, and he dived down and > tackled the figure. TOM: PEEKABOO! I see you! > Whoever it was, he put up a good fight, but after > a few punches, the attacker began to stumble backward. JOEL: Oh, no, he's beating up one of the Eisley brothers! > In the fading > moonlight in which the attacker stood, FX could tell he was a skunk, > maybe in his 20's or something. TOM: Although it's just possible he was over 100 years old. > FX seized the skunk by the neck and > lifted him up. CROW: [ As FX ] "Have you been dieting? You're not half as heavy as I thought!" JOEL: [ As skunk ] "Why, thank you." > "Okay, stinky. Who are you? And why did you attack me?" He asked, > shaking the skunk, TOM: Okay, kids, this is *not* a recommended activity for skunks you might find around the yard. CROW: Good advisory. > as he growled thought the metallic muzzle that was > covering his mouth. > "The name is Geoffrey, bloke. Geoffrey St. John, JOEL: Hey, wasn't he the Federation hostage in Star Trek V? > and I attack any > lone robot I see." > FX was not impressed. "Then tell me, St. Geek, why do you suppose > I was hiding from the Swatbot patrol? JOEL: Maybe you're shy? > If I'm just any old robot, I > should be walking freely among the 'bots, shouldn't I TOM: Well, that depends on you, of course. > And I wouldn't > be talking like a sentient being, would I?" CROW: What kind of Freedom Fighter are you, shooting at what looks and acts like the enemy without asking it for permission first? > Instead of answering, the > skunk began to struggle. FX realized interrogation was useless and > released the skunk, who ran back into the alley. JOEL: You know, Geoffrey St. John is not a very effective mime. > He decided to set this strange event aside in his mind and finish > the job he had come to Robotropolis to do. TOM: Faucet inspection. > He crept over to the main > door, which, of course, was closed and locked. Focusing his fire powers > on the lock, it slowly sagged and melted, until he could kick the door > open with ease. CROW: When we met FX, his home planet sent him away, and they instantly won their war. Now, Sonic is sending FX to go do alone what a full raiding party couldn't do last time. TOM: Not many writers are bold enough to make 'getting rid of the protagonist' the solution to the story's problem. > Unsurprisingly, there were guards all over the factory. CROW: No duh. > He > activated a small energy field that made him look like another Swatbot > to any other bot by disrupting their visual sensors. JOEL: 'Cause he can disrupt their visual sensors to look like another Swatbot, you know. > He slowly went > around, deactivating the robots until he was alone in the factory. CROW: Hey, 2X-J3P, want some coffee? Great. Any sugar? One lump or two? *WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM* JOEL: They'll never know he was there... > Pleased with his work, he walked over to the Swatbot distribution > controls. A message was flashing across the screen: > AWAITING COMMANDS TOM: Uh...hop on one foot! CROW: Cluck like a chicken! JOEL: Spin around real fast until you get dizzy! > "Heh heh heh..." He laughed almost wickedly, "I'll give you some > commands, all right..." Typing as fast as he could, he instructed all > Swatbots made in this factory to self destruct. JOEL: 'Cause they're all built with centrally-ordered self destruct systems put in, you know. > Using the few seconds > he had left, he set up a function overload that would destroy the > computer itself. TOM: Insert perfunctory Ratliff mention here. Laugh wildly. > Once again pleased with his handiwork, JOEL: I do *great* potholders. > he flew out > the door and left the vicinity as fast as possible. TOM: Taxi! Yoo hoo? CROW: No, no, please, taxi! JOEL: I mean it! I really need...please, I need a taxi...c'mon, please? > A few bots began > chasing him as he got to the outskirts of Robotropolis. TOM: [ As guards ] He's got the winning lottery ticket! Get him! > They obviously > knew that he was the one who had destroyed the factory. CROW: They wouldn't have caught him if he hadn't stopped to do that gloating funky chicken dance down main street. > He only had to > dodge their shots for a few seconds, JOEL: Because they aimed like bad guys in a cheesy cartoon show. > and then the self destruct command > took affect. Watching his pursuers explode was a interesting sight for > FX, who didn't expect the Factory 506 Swatbots to be this far out into > Robotropolis. CROW: Man, those guys pursued me like they were pursuers or something! > "Oh well, I guess that's a few more bots to scrap, I > guess!" He said happily as he returned to Knothole. TOM: Yet another pointless, minor pinprick against the war machine that is the rest of the world. > Back at Knothole, he relayed the events to Sonic, who knew exactly > who the skunk was before FX had even gotten to the name. > "That's Geoffrey St. John, all right." Sonic told him. CROW: He's a real stinker. TOM: Have you no decency, Crow? > "How do you know who he is?" FX asked. JOEL: He's one of the *real* characters of Sonic the Hedgehog, and he loves holding it over all you interlopers. > "Everyone in Knothole knows who he is. I should better know who > he is, cause I hate his guts. TOM: Actually, you're less likely to get punched in the nose if you only hate people you'll never ever have the slightest chance of meeting. CROW: Good point. > He seems to be Sally's new boyfriend, > but not many people here trust him." Sonic said, grunting. TOM: Because that's what passes for conflicting interests in these parts. > "But Sally trusts him, of course." FX said, totally stating > the obvious. CROW: Totally. JOEL: Dude. > "Well, duh," Sonic continued, "but whenever he's seen in > Robotropolis, that usually means that he's gonna be dropping by for > a visit in Knothole." JOEL: Why can't he just stay with the other elves in the HappyLand Forest, I'll never know. > He crossed his arms and leaned against a tree. > FX knew one thing was for sure: CROW: You can't use corncobs as fabric softener sheets. > the next time skunk-boy shows > up in Knothole, he isn't going to get much of a welcome, and probably > none from Sonic. > Sure enough, the next night, TOM: It got dark. > Geoffrey came and was given a warm > welcome (and a big wet kiss) from Sally, and no welcome from anyone > else. CROW: Because they'd all been killed earlier in the day by yet another "partially successful" raid on Robotropolis. > Geoffrey's arrogance earned him a few facial bruises from Sonic, > who got a chewing out from Sally. At the next meeting, Geoffrey was TOM: I hear Stephen Ratliff donated the action scenes. > put in charge of a mission against Robotnik's main generator plant. JOEL: But what does attacking his ficus tree *accomplish*, Sally? > But neither Sonic nor FX wanted to be part of the mission, at least > not with him in charge. Still, they agreed (with great reluctance) TOM: And a light pasta side dish. > to > be part of it. Besides, they wouldn't mind getting him roboticized... CROW: Is it really a good idea to wish someone you find incessantly annoying was heavily armored, superpowered, and nearly indestructible? > Oddly, Geoffrey acted like he had never seen FX in his life. TOM: I know we've been trying to forget. CROW: You see one tube sock with feet and eyes, you've seen them all. > FX > knew he didn't look that incredibly different without his armor, which > made him hold an even stronger grudge toward the skunk. JOEL: For not instantly recognizing someone he'd seen only for a moment, in a dark alley, several days before, wearing combat armor. > From the moment > he had met that lousy skunk, he had known that something was rotten in > Topeka (wherever that is). CROW: Ha ha ha! See, it's funny, 'cause...it's...not. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- > Chapter 2 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- JOEL: Boy, I just can never get these "Wheel of Fortune" bonus rounds. CROW: It's "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." JOEL: How do you do that? CROW: It's always "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." > > "Hurry up, you fools!" JOEL: I'm practicing my assertiveness training! > Geoffrey's voice sounded toward the rest > of the group, which, from his matter of speaking, obviously didn't > include Sally. TOM: She was in the special category of "dinks." > They made their way to the generator plant and crawled > in through a maintenance tunnel. Geoffrey didn't go in. "I have other > business to attend to." CROW: I've got to get the subplot set up. > He said to all those who asked where he was > going. TOM: [ Panicky ] I'm not betraying you all! > Once everybody was in, Geoffrey began to leave the building. JOEL: Ha-ha! Suckers! > Sonic and FX, who hadn't gone all the way through the tunnel, > decided that Geoffrey's behavior was too strange to let him go. They > began to follow him. CROW: Dooming the mission to failure and Knothole Village to discovery and destruction, the end. > FX flew above Geoffrey with Sonic hanging from his arm. "Whoa. > Way uncool! Clyde is going towards Robuttnik's HQ!" Sonic said to FX. CROW: Clyde? JOEL: So, at some point, Bugs Bunny's nephew joined the Freedom Fighters? > "I'll bet he's gonna be meeting with Robo!" TOM: Oh, no! A saboteur, on a sabotage mission, going to a key administrative facility! > They followed him to > Robotnik's headquarters, where he was allowed to enter by the guard. TOM: Well, okay, that looks bad, but I'm sure there's an explanation for it. > FX flew up to a highly visible elevator shaft on the exterior of the > egg-shaped building and broke in through the plexiglass wall. Sonic > knew this area better than FX, CROW: Since FX has been on the planet about four hours, total. > so he led the way from there. They went > up through a series of air ducts (ah, cliche!) TOM: Can we slap the story some? > until they found > themselves peering through a small window in a tunnel above Robotnik's > main control room, where they saw Geoffrey walking toward the large, > green chair in the center of the room. JOEL: It's the giant booger chair! > FX knew that if Geoffrey was > indeed a traitor, CROW: He would sit in it. > he would need proof of it, so he quickly activated > the video recorder on his metal glove JOEL: 'Cause he has a video recorder in his glove, you know. > and placed it next to him where > it had a good view of Geoff and Robotnik. He hoped this would be > short, for the recorder couldn't record more than 2 minutes. TOM: So it's a complex piece of equipment that both weighs him down *and* provides no really useful reconnaissance capacity. > He looked > at his power gloves. Mechanical gauntlets and no more, but designed > with great capabilities. CROW: More as we think them up. > "I have brought the information you requested, Lord Robotnik," > he said, pulling a pair of floppy disks out of a well-concealed pouch > on his belt. TOM: Aw, no, it's the plans from "Strange Brew!" The story is leaking! > "Excellent." Robotnik rasped, taking the disks. "These contain > the location of Knothole and information on it's tactical strengths > and weaknesses, I hope?" CROW: [ As Geoffrey ] "Oh...I had to delete those 'cause I stored my Civilization II game on them. Sorry, man."." > "Yes, Sir. Everything you ordered." JOEL: Including those dirty pictures of Sally and the rabbit -- frankly, you are one sick badnasty jumpjump. > Sonic and FX gasped. Not only was St. John a traitor, he had > given tactical info on Knothole to Robotnik! CROW: Or he was feeding him deliberately false information to serve as a decoy for a future attack! > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- TOM: That's really not a good chain link fence. > Chapter 3 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > -------------------------------------------- > > "We gotta get those disks!" Sonic said to FX in a loud whisper. CROW: They've got cheat codes for Dig Dug on them! > "Agreed," FX replied, "but how?" Just as the words came out of > his mouth, they heard Robotnik bellow, "Snively! JOEL: That's it! We'll feed it to Snively and see if he'll eat it! > Take these disks and > send the information it contains to Stealthbot squads 5 through 8." > The short and weak little human came and with a "Yes, sir" took the > disks and slowly left. TOM: He likes it! Snively likes it! JOEL: [ As Robotnik ] Since this is critically important information that must not be lost or damaged in any way, I'll give it to the king of the wusses here. > Sonic grinned wickedly at FX. "There's you answer," he said > giggling. FX picked up his video recorder and slipped the disk > containing the vitally important evidence into Sonic's backpack. CROW: Oh, good grief, I had the lens cap on...ah well. > They > both waited a few seconds until Robotnik was focused on his monitor > screen, then opened the window and snuck out while his back was turned. TOM: We're going to see the dread Super-Wedgie of Death, aren't we? > Looking down the hall, Sonic saw Snively trudging down to the hangar. JOEL: "Time to make the doughnuts..." TOM: [ Wearily ] "I *made* the doughnuts." > Before he could leave the control room, he heard Robotnik bellow, > "Hedgehog!" CROW: [ As Snively ] "No thanks! Just had dinner!" > FX saw that Robotnik had turned and seen them, so with no > time to lose, he shot out the lights with a well aimed fireball. JOEL: Nothing wrong with this mission that a little uncontrolled firestorm wouldn't fix. > Robotnik fumbled about inside his control room until he bumped back > into his chair. TOM: Scenic Robotropolis: High technology, sophisticated electronics, no emergency lighting. > Sonic ran into the hall, where Snively was running for > his life. CROW: You know, in a fight between Snively and Urkel, who would win? TOM: The entire worldwide audience, Crow. > He ran up behind him and grabbed the startled human by the > collar. TOM: I didn't know lackeys had to obey the leash laws. > "Well hel-lo, Snortly! Long-time-no-see, eh?" Sonic teased, > staring at Snively through the dim light coming from the glowing streak > around FX's eyes. CROW, TOM: [ Taunting ] Monkey in the middle! Monkey in the middle! JOEL: You two settle down. > The pointy-nosed midget began squirming. "Oh by the > way, Snoodly, I see you have a few disks that you were about to give > to some Stealthbutts, doncha? Be a pal and hand em' over." TOM: You know, they're going to give him a bunch of schoolbooks just to flush them down the toilet. > Reluctantly, > the human complied, giving Sonic the disks. "Why thank you! Oh yeah, > and give our worst to the big round guy!" With that, Sonic grabbed FX's > arm and rocketed down the hall, CROW: Tearing it off and leaving the rest of FX's body, alas, to write in pain. > blowing Snively backwards. TOM: Hey, we gotta go, guys. JOEL: [ Picking up TOM ] Well, if we gotta, we gotta. CROW: Not a year too soon. [ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ] [ SOL BRIDGE. CROW, JOEL, TOM SERVO are standing behind the desk. ] JOEL: Boy, that's a doozy of a plot we've got brewing, isn't it? I mean, Geoffrey St. John apparently giving critical tactical information about Knothole Village to the enemy and all. CROW: At least, we think that's what he's doing. TOM: Right. He could be acting as a double agent for the forces of good, passing deliberately faked information. JOEL: Yeah, that's the trouble. We really don't know unless we get to see what he gave ol Doc 'Botmeister. TOM: Funny you should mention that, Joel... CROW: We were just thinking that ourselves -- aaaaaand! JOEL: Aw, you guys... [ JOEL scritches CROW and TOM's heads ] Okay, what've you got for me? TOM: [ Calling ] Oh, Gypsy! CROW: Gypsy! C'mere, please! [ GYPSY, with a blank piece of cardboard hung around her head, enters. ] TOM: We found a copy of those computer files Geoffrey was passing, printed them out, and posted them on a sign around Gypsy's neck for safekeeping. GYPSY: Hi ho. CROW: Yup. Right here, we can see Sally's hut... TOM: Their weapons stockade... [ As CROW and TOM recite, JOEL looks, confused, at the blank sign. ] CROW: Their local water supply... TOM: Their restaurant district... CROW: Their cropland -- including fertilizer reserves... [ JOEL turns the sign around; the other side is blank as well. ] TOM: Their machine shop... CROW: Their Ben & Jerry's stand... JOEL: Uh...guys? TOM: Their smelting plant... CROW: Their...what? JOEL: The sign's empty. TOM: Did you check the back? JOEL: Both sides. CROW: Gypsy? What happened to the sign? GYPSY: Which one? TOM: The one with all the secret plans to Mobius we hung around your neck for safekeeping. GYPSY: Oh, that. Guys, I can't be the empty vessel for advancing your bizarre schemes. I have to walk my own path, and I start now. [ GYPSY marches off stage. After a beat, JOEL speaks. ] JOEL: So. I guess you two have learned a lesson, and, I think, become a bit stronger as a family. CROW: No. TOM: Not in the slightest. [ COMMERCIAL SIGN starts flashing. ] JOEL: Oh. [ A beat. ] Maybe we're in the wrong sketch? CROW: Might just be. TOM: Gee, ya think? JOEL: Too bad. We'll be right back. [ JOEL taps COMMERCIAL SIGN. ] [ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]