All MST3K-related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. Sonic the Hedgehog characters are trademarks of SEGA, DIC, and/or Archie Comic Publications. ------------------------ episode 204 of SFT1B Turn down your lights...(if you want to.) In the not-too-distant future, In a castle near Iran, Pearl Forrester and her two sidekicks Were hatchin' up a nasty plan. They bought some pizza from a guy named Jim, Just a dope who obeyed their every whim. Pearl thought that he was way off base, So she stuffed him in a rocket ship and shot him into space! (JIM: When do I get paid!?!) "I'll send him cheesy stories, The worst I can find.(lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all, And I'll monitor his mind!"(lalala) Now keep in mind Jim can't control Which fanfic she'll send him next.(lalala) He'll try and think of a way out With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL CAMBOT("Hit it!") GYPSY("Oh, my!") TOM SERVO("Buck up, newmeat!") CROOOOOOOOOOW!("You know you want me, baby!") If you're wondering how they work and play, And other science facts,(lalala) Go get a degree in physics, Or really just relax! for Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000! 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL int.] Jim, Servo, Crow and Gypsy are all behind the counter. JIM: Hey, welcome to the Satelite of Love. I'm Jim Whaley with my robot companions Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot and Gypsy... [whispering to Gypsy] What's your last name? GYPSY: Gypsy. JIM: Then what's your first name? GYPSY: Gypsy. JIM: Middle? GYPSY: Gypsy. JIM[loudly, to camera]: Gypsy G. Gypsy! GYPSY: -sigh- [shakes head] JIM: Anyway, we were just having a little discussion on self insertion. Servo, what do you think of it? SERVO: I think it's a terrible way to put yourself in a fanfic purely for the joy of being a character who has super powers and is undefeatable. JIM: What if I told you it was happening right now? SERVO: Huh? CROW: You mean you're...-choke, gasp- *writing* this MiSTing?!? JIM: Yes. [The 'Bots panic] JIM: Now calm down, guys. I have no powers, you guys disrespect me, and I haven't escaped yet! If I was doing the classic self-insertion, I would be stronger than anyone and have telepathic powers far greater than Observer. GYPSY: But you *do*! You just aren't using them! JIM: I do? CROW: Of course! Don't you see? You're the writer! You can do *anything*! JIM: Okay, I'll try to lift this counter, okay? [Jim closes his eyes and concentrates.] SERVO[as Yoda]: Feel the force flowing through you. CROW: Like gas. SERVO[as Yoda]: Exactly. [The counter begins to rise, then Jim flings it to the left where it creates a huge hole in the wall and it contunues to fly into space.] CROW: Wow! You're really getting the hang of it! JIM: Watch! [The counter and wall are restored to normal] SERVO: Cool! JIM: Awesome! This means I don't need you guys anyomre! [Jim disolves the robots] SERVO: What the-? CROW: Jim! Noooooo!!! JIM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MAGIC VOICE: Warning! Unauthorized use of self insertion! JIM: Cram it, you talking tin can! MAGIC VOICE: You're out of line, mister--eep! JIM: Hahahahahaha! I'm invincible! -commercial sign- [Jim points at the yellow button and it explodes] JIM: Ah, hahahahaha! [planet logo, commercials] [SOL int.] Jim and the 'Bots are behind the counter. Everything's back to normal. JIM: Sorry about warping you and the rest of realty out of existance, you guys. I couldn't help myself. CROW: That's okay, Jim. It's just a phase all self-insertion authors go through. SERVO: Surprisingly, it took you only twelve seconds. JIM: But, you know, I *can* get us all out of here. Time and space seem easy enough to warp... GYPSY: Try it! [Jim concentrates hard. Everything goes white. No sound, only a white screen.] [Soon, it fades to reveal the SOL has changed, the dog bone on the door has become a Sonic silhouette. Sonic, Sally, and Tails are on screen.] SONIC: And then I said to Robotnik, "Up yours! I'm going to go back in time to Earth where you can never find me! SALLY: Nice move, genius! We're stuck up in this spaceship reading bad fanfiction! TAILS: I wanna go home, Aunt Sally! SALLY: I'm sorry, Tails, but we can't. [Tails starts crying] -mads' sign- SONIC: Pearly Girl is calling. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Alright, 'toons, let's make this one short: Today's experiment is one of your own little fanfictions called "Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!" Eat death! [to the left] Hey, No-Brainer! Send them the fanfic! OBSERVER[os]: Immediately, madam. [that sound] [SOL] -movie sign- ALL: We got SONIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [Tails, Sonic, and Sally fill in the center, right center, and right seats, respectively] SONIC: Who would dare to write a Sonic fanfic without us knowing? TAILS: Or at least contacting DIC, SEGA and Archie Comics! >Subject: FANFIC: Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Chapter! SALLY: Does this mean it's only one chapter long? SONIC: If it is, it would probably be pretty long. >From: soniciscool@yahoo.com (SONIC FAN) >Date: 9/27/1998 7:32 PM Eastern Daylight Time >Message-id: TAILS: Hey, look! SONIC FAN starred in something! SONIC: "CA"? Must be an independent film. > >THE BEST SONIC STORY OF THE DECADE! SALLY: The 40s! TAILS: -chuckle- > >Author's Note: This story replaces "UNcle Bob Returns" in the continuity. SONIC: We probably needed to read the other five parts to this. SALLY: I don't want to, and don't make me do it. > >This is it! The story that will end it all! You're not gonna belive what >happens this time! TAILS: They said the same about Endgame and look how that turned out. SONIC: Uh, Tails...that was actualy a*good* story. > >----Other story;s in this seres---- >Sonic Fights Robotnik SALLY: The plot right there, ladies and gentlemen. >Sonic Fights Robotnik 2: The Next Battle TAILS: Obviously it would be the next battle. >Sonic Fights Robotnik 3: Too Fast For the Naked Eye SONIC: Sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it... >Sonic Fights Robotnik 4: Meet Dr. Quack ALL: Hi, how are you? >Sonic Fights Robotnik 5: The Good Snivley [All break into an episode] >----Download themm from http://members.xoom.com/SONIC_FAN/ TAILS: Is that an extra "M" or is it supposed to be another letter? > >Send all question, SALLY: Only one? Good, less to answer. >comments, job offers, and requests to make this story SONIC: The worst crapfest in history! [BAM! Tails hits Sonic with an iron glove] TAILS: Sorry Sonic, but it had to be done. >into a comic book to soniciscool@yahoo.com SALLY: Well, it couldn't be any worse than the ones that are already out now... > >And now, THE LEGAL SDUFF SONIC: oog >Hey you know sonic is copyright archie, all other companies and things TAILS: Yup, that sure covers everything. >copyright their respective owners, all characters copyright their >respective fanfic owners, like Packbell, Chris Pettrucii and others SONIC >FAN does not claim and ownership of anything or anycharacters in this >story so you can distribute it for free but DO NOT try to sell it for >money. Unless we can work out a book deal with archie, sega, and a >ppublisher, hey it would be cool man ;) SALLY: Hey, SONIC FAN is Sylvester the Cat! TAILS[as Sylvester]: Spho, come on down to Ppheter's Pphublishers! >THAT"S ALL OF THE LEGAL STUFF SALLY: No, "legal sduff". > >Now lets get onto the story, it's about time isn't it? SONIC: oog TAILS: Sonic, you okay? SONIC: oog [Tails slaps him] SONIC: I'm up! I'm up! TAILS: Don't say "crap" again. SONIC: Sorry, but it just makes me mad that someone is writing a series about me. TAILS: Then go after Ken Penders. SONIC: Hey, you're right! Get Archie on the phone. > >Uncle Chuck says: SALLY: "You could already be a winnner!" >"Hey how's it going, I'm uncle chuck and you're reading the FINAL CHAPTER ALL: YAAAAY! >of Sonic fights robotnik! In our last EXCITING, ACTION-PACKED episode, >sonic had recently left on some sort mystical quest because the oracle >told him too. SONIC[as Oracle, nagging]: Go on a mythical quest and then come back here and do the dishes, young man! >I wonder what will happen to him , and to ALL OF MOBIUS for >that matter! Stay tuned folks, it's gonna be one excitin' ride!" SALLY: Sonic, did Uncle Chuck really talk like that? SONIC: He was even worse *before* the robotization. > >LET THE FINAL BATTLE BEGIN! TAILS: To be continued in Sonic the Hedgehog #47! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: Give me a ramp, I could jump all those hurdles. >SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK 6 >The Final Chapter! >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ TAILS: It's the top of Wilson's fence! SONIC[as Wilson from Home Improvement]: Howdy, neighbor! Just flaming a wild turkey. [Sally makes a turkey squaking sound] TAILS[as Tim]: Isn't it supposed to be dead? SONIC[as Wilson]: Noooo, noooo... Keeping the turkey alive is an old Navajo tradition. > >By: SONIC FAN > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SALLY: SONIC FAN just loves these. > >Robotoropolis: A dark day TAILS: Why is it always dark whenever Robotnik hatches a plan? SONIC: Those things are way beyond you or me, little buddy. >Inside the dewath egg LABORATORY something EVIL is going down! SALLY: I've never really wathed an egg LABORATORY before, much less de-wathed one. > >"BwhahahhahhahahahaAAA!" said Robotnik "My it is a dark day today! SONIC[as Robo]: Later expect thunderstorms and heavy rains with temperatures ranging in the mid-thirties. Now let's go over to the Acu-Weather forecast... >What a >perfect day to unthaw the evil Dr. Quack! TAILS: Doctors are pretty evil as they are. >Sonic thought he beat him. THE >FOOOOL! HHAHAHahhH!!!!! SONIC: Hey! Look who's talkin'! >Grounder! Scratch!" SALLY: Why are they named after sports goofs? >"Huhuhuhuhuh" said Grounder >"Heheh HEH HEH" said Scratch TAILS: Are you sure you didn't ask for Beavis and Butthead, Dr. R? SALLY: No, Tails, *Furry* Beavis and Butthead. >"HA HA HO HO prepare the Unthaw-cryo-matic!" said Robtnik SONIC[as Robo]: Rename the flame thrower and hand it to me! >"Huhuhuh....uhhhhh.....ok" said Grounder SALLY: How much grass would someone have to take before they start talking like that? >Grounder pushed the button. [PWOOSH!] [The screen flatens and disappears] [commercials, planet logo says Freedom Fighter Theater 3000] [adds for Volkswagon and Document Center] [back from commercials] >The machine went HONKA SNORT KALNG FOOM! ALL: Hunka-hunka-burnin' foom! >"uhHHUh hUHH hUH hUH" said Grounder >"HEHWHEhehhehehehhehehhehehehehehehhehhehehehhehehehheheheheheheeeeeeeeee >ehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehehehhehehehehhehehhehehehehehhehehehhehehehe >hehhehehehhehehehhehehhe" said Scratch SONIC: Oh, Lord have mercy on us. >"Silence!" said Robotnik SONIC: Thank you. >"HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH...umm.ok, sorry about that" scratch >said. SALLY: I can't take this much longer, and it's barely started! >A couple of SWAT bots tossed the frozen Dr. Quack into the machine. TAILS[as Robotnik]: Dang! I forgot to pre-heat it. >Robonik smashed the button with his fist SALLY: That's kind of counter-productive. >"BA-BA-BA-DOOM! It's EVIL time!" SONIC[announcer]: Are you ready for eviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil???? SALLY and TAILS: -crowd cheers- >w00p w00p w00p wnet the machine TAILS: It's a Curly machine! SONIC: Woop! Woop! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! >Dr. Quack stepped out of the machine SALLY: period >"What.......hap........pened" said Quack TAILS: period >"Oh, you just got forozen by sonic, he used the anti-mega gem on you. SONIC: Why don't you just say "Red Chaos Emerald", oh sorry, wrong author. >Sorry to inform you of this but your mega gem blew up. bummer. TAILS[as hippie Robo]: Like, dude, come on in for some smokes, man. >But >anyways you're in luck. It's time for the Robotnik Show!" [All "do-da" the Dick Van Dyke theme] >"My...qUACK??? TAILS: You can't show that on public television!!! >MEGA??? GEM???????" said Quack "But.....QUAAAK! SALLY: You okay there, doc? >It took me >10 years to forge that gem! Carefullly *QUAkC!* i made it in my lab for >10 QUAKC focking years! TAILS[as Tails]: "FOCK YOU, SALLY!" SALLY: Now, Tails... >10 years of my life wasted...NOOOOOO!!! *sob* >QUUUUUAAAAAACCCKKK" SONIC: It's fun to read about people who are mentaly challenged and delusional. >"Uhh.... 5 minutes to air time" said Robotnik "We'd like you to do a >little monologue, think you can handle it" TAILS[as Quack]: Well *QUACK! Oky, qUACk!'! >"eh, sure" said Quack > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: Meanwhile, on Picket Fences... > >Knothole Villiage >Sonic's Hut > TAILS: SONIC FAN threw in some X-Files scene guiders. >A TV remains unwatched. A can of mountain due remains undrinken. For >Sonic is not here. So where could he be? SALLY: Over at Rotor's house watching TV and drinking Mountain Due. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: At least the fic's got good vital signs. > >The Great Unknown TAIlS: Do we ever *not* use the word "great" in a title? SONIC: It's a union rule. > >Sonic had just completed the final part of his mystical journey, the >misty mountain hop. SALLY: That sounds like fun. SONIC[rubbing his butt]: Actualy, it smarts. >Sonic ran up the steps to the great monument. TAILS: That realy annoys me. >The >Oracle was there!!!! SALLY: No, the *Great* Oracle. >THE ORACLE SPEAKS.... SONIC[as Oracle]: Get me a Q-tip! >"SONIC!" >"Yo man, don't have to talk so laud" said Sonic SONIC: I laid off some of the gangsta' words in that scentence. >"sorry" said the Oracle SALLY[as Oracle]: it's just that my caps lock and period keys are broken >The Oracle continued "You have completed the mysticl journey of mobius. TAILS: Wish we could have been there to actualy *see* him go on it. >You have proven to be a worrthy keeper of this object THE MASTER CHAOS >EMERALD!" TAILS: Isn't it suposed to be on the Floating Island? [Sonic whistles, indicating the falling Island] SONIC: CRASH! >The emerald appeared >"Its...so.....beutiful" said sonic SONIC[as Sonic]: duhhhhh...... >"USE IT WISELY hedgehog" SALLY: No, not "wisely hedgehog", "wiseguy hedgehog". SONIC: Hey! >said Oracle "THis emaerals, TAILS: scrws up youR dialoug >when used with the >other chaos emeralds, has the power to overcome all of the greatest >evils" TAILS: Except for Enerjak, Ixis Nagus, Robotnik, David Kintobor, Ken Penders... >Sonic took the emerald "Cool man, i'll kick robotniks chubbo butt! Gotta >JUICE!" SONIC[as Sonic]: Later, Oracle dude! >Sonic zooOOOOOOoooms away. SALLY: Sonic, do you zooOOOOOOooom away or ZOOOM! away? SONIC: How should I know? >BLUE STEAK SPEEDS BY! TAILS: Rock it! Cool super dude theme song, man! SONIC: Tails, you're getting a little too into the atitude of the story. SALLY: Uh, Sonic, he's always like that. SONIC: Oh, right. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: Oh, I guess we talked through the rest of the song. > >Robotropolis TAILS: And why does every single city have to end in -opolis? SONIC: Section 34 of the Stupid Mobius Pact for All Inhabitants. > >Robotnik bounds on stage SALLY: Breaking it. >Robotnik: Doo doo doo doo doo IT'S THE ROBOTNIK SHOW! TAILS: It's the MY show, staring ME! >SWAT bot band plays music SONIC: All they have to do is hit the "demo" button on the keyboard. >Robotnik: Know what tiiiiiime it is?!??! ALL: Noooooooo, we don't!!! >SWAT bots: NO SIR >Robotnik: It's time to HIT THE BUTTON! SONIC: Push the button, Bobutnik. >Robotnik jumps up in the air and brings his fist down on the SWAT missle >launcher button TAILS: ...breaking it to peices. >Robotnik: Oh yeah! SONIC: But nothing happened. >SWAT BOTS clap. "clap........clap..........clap" SALLY: They said "clap, clap, clap"? >SWAT BOTS: YAY ALL[monotone]: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay. >Robotnik: Hmmm.....I wonder where those missles go.... TAILS: So, no pre-programmed coordinates or anything?!? > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: They're going to that mountain range! ALL: Arrrrggghhhh!!! > >Knothole >Lookout tower > TAILS: LOOKOUT, TOWER! >Tails is on lookout SALLY: Oh, we're in trouble. TAILS: Hey! >"Oh no! incoming SWAT missle!" he sceeams into the walkie talkie TAILS: I do not sceeam! I yuell! >"Akk Ack! Zee not speek zo lout miseur PrOw-WER!" SONIC[sarcastic]: Gee, I wonder who *this* is? >Antoiness voce said TAILS: I didn't know Antoine had a voce. I wish he told me. >over the walkie talkie >KABBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM! SALLY[as Antoine]: I love making weird sounds over the walkie-talkie, yes-no? >Sonic's hut is destroyed by the missle >!!! SALLY: Unfortunatley Sonic was away on a quest... SONIC: Well, looks like it's back to Antoine's house for me. >"CoooL man!" said Tails SALLY: You would say that, wouldn't you Tails? TAILS: Well, yeah. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SALLY: Several sets of incisors later... SONIC: Now that's pushing it. > >Sonic's Hut TAILS: But it's gone! > >Everyone ran to sonics hut > >"Sonic's hut is destroyed" said Tails SALLY[as Tails]: CoooL man! >"Hmm...well it was a good hut." said Jackerey Prower TAILS: My father, uncle, son...? >"Yeah" said Tails >Everyone goes back to doing stuff. ALL: WHAT!?! SONIC: My hut just blew up and nobody cares??? >Rotor is polishing sprokets in his >hut. Tails and Bunnie walk in >"We all was practicin' king-fu" said Bunnie TAILS[as Tails]: Yeah, an' ol' Bunnie's been teachin' me some good ol' fashoned Southern lingo! >"waaaaah" said Rotor SALLY: Huh? >"Now what you-all is wrong" said Bunnie SONIC: Wrong, wrong, WRONG! >"waaah i miss my family" said Rotor TAILS: What the hell does this have to do with anything?!? >"Well yall yer birthdays coming up and.....err....oorrr" said Bunnie SALLY: Oh, please. >"waah" said Rotor >"uuhhh uh oh" said Tails SONIC: Pronunciation key, please. >"You all, did you forget to buy him a present too?" said Bunnie >"Yeah" said Tails TAILS: Finaly, some intelligable dialect! >"Uhh...YOU ALL RoTOR! Heck Y'all we'll be right back!" said Bunnie >"waah *sniff* waaaaah" said Rotor SALLY: ...and back to cromagnom speech. >Bunnie and Tails run out of the hut. On the way out tails knocks over one >of rotor's inventions TAILS[as Tails]: I'll break one of his toys for his birthday! >"oops" said Tails >Bunnie and Tails kick down the door to Sally's hut! SONIC: Let's not worry about the contraption of the door, okay? >"AHhhhh SALLY!" said Tails >"AHHHHHHH!" said Sally SALLY: We're being eaten by Unicorn!!! >"Uh Sally sorry about breaking into your hut but we forgot to buy rotor a >present!" said Tails SALLY: So they kick down my door just to ask for a present? Nice friends. >Sally gives tails 50 bucks "GO but a present" SONIC: Moon a present? Isn't that embarasing? >"Ok" said Tails >They leave. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SONIC: A bed of nails! > >The Garage TAILS: Of whose house? > >Tails and Bunnie get on the hoverbikes >"I hope you got these to work right aunt bunnie, i don't like it when >they blow up" said Tails TAILS[as Tails]: They splatter by guts in too many ways when that happens. >"Heck all y'all, to the mall we w'all!" said Bunnie ALL: Huh??? >VRRROOOM VRRROMMM SSSSCCCCCCCRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!! SALLY: The only scentence so far that I can't argue with. >They zoom to the mall. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ TAILS: It looks like a zipped-up fly if you turn your head. > >Mobius Mall > >They park the hoverbikes >But THE SECURITY CAMERA SEES THEM SONIC: They can't park there! It's a yes parking zone! >"Ahh!" said Tails "The security camera saw us!" >"Heck y'all neednt be worried, it's not evil like them spy eyes" said >Bunnie SALLY: Wasn't there a sub-plot that had Robotnik and Dr. Quack, and another with Sonic in the Great Unknown? SONIC: Um... I can't remember. >"Yeah I guess you're right" said Tails > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > SONIC: And the scenes just switch every five lines? >Robotropolis > >Robotnik: And now here's DR. QUACK! TAILS: Bah, dump bump bum, buuuum, ba dah da da de dee! >SWAT BOTS: YAY (clap.........clap........clap) >Dr Quack: Hey hey! Quack! What's the deal with lightbulbs? They're bright >and all but gee, what's the deal with em? SONIC: Mobius' Jerry Seinfeld. >Robotnik throws a garbage can at Dr. Quack >Dr Quack gets hit in the head with the garbage can >Quack: OWWW! (falls down) arrrgaaarrrgaaarrrr SONIC: Pointless dialogue and violence. How unnerving. >Robotnik: Touchdown! >SWAT BOTS: HA......HA........HA.......HA >Robotnik: Now here's a segment I like to call, THE ROBOTNIK PARKING LOT >CAM! SALLY: What a coincidence! Tails and Bunnie are being watched by one right now! >On the robotnik show the scene of the parking lot is being shown on the >big veiwscreen SONIC: How conveeeeeeinent! >Quack: Ack.....arr.......what? where am i. last thing i remember i was on >the ship and then some alies did a mind experiment on us...huh whats >happening TAILS: Dude's trippin'. >Robotnik: Uhh....are you all right Dr. Quack? SALLY[as Quack]: Quack? There is no Quack, only.....DR. EVIL! >Quack: I ... uhhh... don't remember who i am......i am.....dr. >quack....now a remeber SONIC: His nose is broken. TAILS[as Quack]: But by node id broken, I can'd remeber. >Robotnik: That's good. Now let's go to the commercial break. >(cut to commercial breka) > ALL[as they leave the theater]: Gimmae a breka! Gimmae a breka! Breka me off a pieec of that Kit-Kat bar! 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL int.] Sonic, Tails and Sally are on screen. SONIC: Wow, what a story. Mispellings, plot devices, obscure happenings, punctuation errors, capitalizing mishapps, and a QUACK every three seconds! What a thril ride! SALLY: It's not that bad! [Sonic and Tails look at Sally] SALLY: What? NICOLE: 10 seconds to commercial sign. SALLY: What? [the same bright flash as before. Jim, Servo, Crow and Gypsy, dressed as carnival barkers, are behind the counter] JIM: Wow, what a skit! CROW: We really outdid ourselves this time! MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 5...4...3...2...commericial sign now. -commercial sign- JIM: We'll be right back. [hits the button] To bad we can't to that again. SERVO: That was perfect! [Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 planet logo] [commercials] --------------- send comments to tjats@aol.com Jim W. aka