All MST3K-related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. ------------------------- [Jim, Servo and Crow enter the theater] >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: A knife blade! > >Backstage > >"Hey Quack" said Robotnik "I want you to find out where all those SWAT >missels go after I fire them" JIM[as Quack]: Next time you fire them, or is it just in the wrong tense? >"Uhhh...ok" said Dr. Quack >Robotnik goes back to the robotnik show. He sings "Walkin' on the sun" CROW[singing]: Might as well be walkin' on the CRAP! >Meanwhile Dr .Quack goes through the computer systems. SERVO: Is he a ghost? >"Oh no!" said Quack "Dr. Robotnik is evil! ALL: What gave you that impression? >And look! These missles are >aimed right at knothole villiage. And one of them has hit it's target, JIM: But it never had a target! >the hut of sonic has been destroyed. OH NO!" CROW: So, nobody in Knothole cares about the hut, but EVIL DR. QUACK does?!? >Robotnik walks backstaghe during the next commercial break. >"Hey quack, where do the missles go?" said Robotnik SERVO[as Quack]: Oh, you know...places. >"Ummm....well, they go.....nowhere" said Dr. Quack SERVO: I was close... >"Nowhere, huh" said Robotnik JIM[as Robo]: Isn't that in Tennesse? >"I guess I wasted more than a few missles. i >wonder why those missles were aimed at nothing" CROW: PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T AIM!!! >"Beats me" said Dr. Quack JIM: Is that a proposition? SERVO: I can't even tell which are the right words anymore. >Robotnik goes back on stage >"Commercial breaks over!" said Robotnik >Robotnik runs back out on stage CROW: But he already *was* on stage! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ CROW: Uh... upward force! JIM: Bad, Crow. > >On stage SERVO: So he used those zig-zags for nothing? > >Robotnik: Hey! Hey! Hey-hey! We're back CROW: to the Fat Albert Show! >SWAT BOTS: woo...........hoo >Robotnik: Now here's our guest, WALT WHITMAN! JIM: Hey, my distant uncle! CROW: Suuuuure, Jim. JIM: No, really! >JUST THEN DR. QUACK RUNS OUT ON STAGE FIRING AT ROBOTNIK WITH A LASER >RIFLE! CROW: The real Walt Whitman graphicaly potrayed. >Quack: Die evil feind! SERVO: Hello! You're evil, too! >Robvotnik grabs quack by the neck JIM: The Sweedish version of Robotnik. >Quack: urk >Robotnik: You betrayt me! I will have you robotocized! (robotni kthrows >quack to some bots) Take him away! SERVO: Jim, can I correct those lines? JIM: No. Too much pain. >Robotnik: Oh carp! CROW: On purpose so he won't swear. >Now i need a new assisistant! >Walt Whitman walks on stage JIM: One, he's DEAD! Two, he's DEAD! Three, he's ON EARTH! Four, he's DEAD! >Walt: Hi >Robotnik: Fock off Whitman! Turn off the camera, the shows over! JIM: Fock you, Robotnik! CROW: Jim, I think you need a rest. JIM: No, I'm fine. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: Downward force! JIM: That doesn't count. SERVO: Darn. > >Death Egg control room > >Robotnik drags a dusty old machine out of the closet. CROW[as Robotnik]: It's called a "Cotton Gin"! >"This" said Robotnik "Is the resurrect-o-matic. It will resurrect Snivley >fore me!" JIM: But first, some golf. >"huhuhhh I want some nachos!" said Grounder >"HEHhehHe me too!" said Scratch SERVO: Can we please kill them? >"Shuddup!" said Robotnik. Robotnik plugged in the machine and hit a few >buttons. THe room is illuminated with light. When the lights dissapers >Frank Sinatra is in the room CROW: Off by just a little. JIM: His first name is Frank, SERVO: Frank is Dr. Forrester's assistant, CROW: Snively's Dr. Robotnik's assistant. >"What the fock?" said Robotnik >"Hi there, I'm TV's Frank Sinatra" said Frank JIM: Another connection. >"Cool. Can you sing a song for us?" said Robotnik >"Sure!" said Frank >Frank sang the Death Egg Battle song SERVO: All the punch of that cheesy "Adventures of Sonic" TV show. >"Sonic was on a mission dark (hoo yeah) >to defeat the evil doctor (ba-boom) JIM: A rhyme, Mr. Sinatra? >but he beat him (yeah) >like he did (yeah) >and no one was asunder (bow) >thunderrr... (kra-kow) >SONIC! SUPER SONIC! (wah wah) >he is the hero of our day (may may!) CROW: Wait, have we heard this before? >SONIC! SUPER SONIC! (wah wah) >let's all say hooray >(HOOOOO-RAY!!!!) >lets all say hooray >(HOOOOOOOrAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!)" JIM: Is this the Death Egg Battle Song that has no mention of the Death Egg? CROW: Oh, yeah. The other version is chock full of eggs and death. >Robotnik dances. >"Oh yeah thats a smooth jive!" said Robotnik, snapping his fingers in >time to the beat "Now sing the Robotnik Show theme song" JIM: It's the Robotnik Show! The end! >Frank sang >"Dooby dooby doo doo dooby dooby dooo....It's the Robotnik shooooow! hey! >He's Doctor Robotniiik! And his assistant Snivley is koo-koo! koo-koo! >koo-koo oh yeah! dooby dooby doooo" SERVO: Jim, I'm just going to go over here and kill myself, okay? JIM: Alright. [Servo gets up and leaves] >Robotnik GRoundr and Scratch clap. >"ok, let's bring snivley back to life" said Robotnik. He hit more >buttons. The light illuminated the room and snivley apperared. >"Hi sir" said Snivley >"It's time for the robotnik show again!" said Robotnik CROW: Jim, I'm going to go, too, okay? JIM: Okay. [Crow gets up and leaves] > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: Hey! He messed up! > >Mobius Mall > >"hey Bunnie look at what I bought rotor" Tails said, showing bunnie the JIM[as Bon Vila]: Craftsman robo-lock pliers from Sears. >coffee mug he bought. >"Heck y'all I bought him sum of these here crystals, you all know, some >of em are red and some of em are blue..." said Bunnie JIM: ARRRRRG! [covers his ears] >"ARRRRRG!" said Tails covering his ears >Then Tails saw uncle bob walking through the mall >"Hey Uncle Bob!" said Tails JIM: No, *UNcle* Bob! >"Aye there laddy" said Bob "Whats up with ye?" JIM: "Lady" or "Laddie"? >"Hey Uncle Bob how's it going?" said Tails >Bunnie said "Some of em are cyan and some of em are rouge" >"Focking bad" said Bob "A bunch of bots blew up me trailer" JIM: The fock is understandable since he lives in a trailer. >"Want to live at Knothole?" said Tails >"Ok!" said Bob >"And..." said Bunnie "HECK ALL Y'ALL SOME OF EM AREN'T EVEN CYRSTALS AT >ALL!" JIM: This must be a tradition or something. >"Really..... THEN WHAT IN THE NAME O' FOCK ARE THEY????" said Bob JIM: Jim, I'm going to go kill myself, okay? Okay. [leaves right] [Servo and Crow enter left] CROW: I told you, Servo, we don't breathe, so how will smothering do the job? SERVO: I don't know. Hey, where's Jim? CROW: Probably went to kill himself, too. >"Well heck y'all" said Bunnie "Some of em are potato chips" >"Oh" said Tails and Bob. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: Bart Simpson's hair style! CROW: Good one! > >doo doo doo >yo yo yo >sang dr. quack, in his cell at the robototization complex. CROW: Hey, you'd be singing too if you were about to be stripped of all your personality! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: The path of skipping rocks on a pond! > >The Robotnik Show (yet again) BOTH: Do, do, dooooo! SERVO: How do you pronounce that? CROW: I don't know. > >Robotonik: Hi friends, once again it's..... BOTH[bland]: The Robotnik Show. >(waits for 30 seconds) >Robotnik: THE ROBOTNIK SHOW!!!! CROW: Was that for suspense? [Jim enters right] JIM: Hey, guys. I tried to get the nanites to strip my main processor out, but they said I didn't have one. >SWAT bots: YAY.........clap........clap.......clap >Robotnik: Doo Dee doo dah doo dum dee doo! bo bop bee bop bow wow doo doo >dee doo dah day! The one! The only! The stale spumoni! The Robotnik >Shhoooooooooowww!!! >Robotnik jumps on the desk and crushes it. JIM: I should have told them to remove my brain instead. CROW: Oh, definetly. >SWAT bots: >HA....................................................................... >......................................................................... >....................................................................HA SERVO: Oh, I can go longer than that. >Robotnik: Now here's Snivley and the SWAT bot orchastra! >Snivley: Hey man >Robotnik: So Snivley, I hear something interesting happened to you just 5 >minutes ago. >Snivley: That's right Ivo, I was just resurrected 5 minutes ago. CROW: So he was resurrected for the sole purpose of leading the SWAT bot orchestra? >Robotnik: Wow, cool. Speaking of resurrected people, Heeeeere's frank >sinatra! SERVO: For crying out loud! We don't want good people in bad fanfics! >Frank: Hi it's grat to be here. CROW[as Frank]: But definetly not great. >Here's a little tune you might know. ALL[singing]: It's not unusual to be loved by anyone... JIM: Wait, wrong artist. >Snivley and the bots start jamming on the guitars and drums >Frank Sinatra sings "Walking Contradiction" by Greenday JIM: Why not one of *his own* songs!?! >Robotnik: Thatnks Franks! SERVO: The hell? >Now it's time for THE PARKING LOT CAM! ALL: Again. >SWAT bots: ALL............RIGHT >Snivley and the band play the Parking Lot Cam Song CROW: Oh, it's a musical fanfic. >Snivley: (sings) OH YEAH YEAH YEAH ITS IN A PARKING LOT! THERE'S A LOTTA >CARS YOU JUST GOTTA SEE OH YEAH ON THE PARKING LOT CAAAAAM!!!!! >Everybody looks at the big screen >Robotnik: Hmmm....there's a car over there.....another car over >there....and another one...this is exciting huh? SERVO: To them, probably. >SWAT bots: YES >Robotnik: Hey what's that? It looks like.....zoom in.....ah ha! I do >beleve it is .... freedom fighters! JIM: A feckle of ferocious freedom fighters! >Snivley: Freedom Fighters sir? >Robotnik: Yeah, freedo fighters. CROW: But then the sentence would have to be "*No*, freedo fighters." >Hey ...... LET'S GO GET EM >YAAAAHHHHHHH!!! >Snivley and the bots play the pee-wee herman song, also know by it's real >name "Tequila" SERVO: Wasn't that in Eegah? >Robotnik runs off the stage and out the door. The SWAT bots clap and >cheer. JIM: It's so great that Robotnik ran out on his own show! We've just got to clap! >Snivley and the bots follow Robotnik, still playing music. >(cut to scene of death egg launching pad) SERVO: So they're not going after them after all. >Robotnik Snivley and the bots get into a stealth-hover. Snivley and the >bots continue to play music. >The stealth-hover takes off. FWOSH! > CROW: Speaking of taking off... [Jim picks up Servo and they all leave the theater] [commercials] ------------------ send comments to tjas@aol.com Jim W. aka