All MST3K-related characters are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. ------------------- [SOL int.] Jim, Servo and Crow are behind the counter JIM: Sorry that little escape thing didn't work, you guys. SERVO: Try again? JIM: I don't think so. I almost warped the universe out of existence. CROW: Pleeeeeese? JIM: No. [Gypsy comes in] JIM: Hey, Gyps. Anything bad happening? GYPSY: No, but I found these crystals. You want them? JIM: What crystals? GYPSY: Some of 'em are red, and some of 'em are blue, and some of 'em are green... [Gypsy continues to sound off colors] JIM: Uh, Gyps? GYPSY: ...and some of 'em are turqouise... CROW: Gypsy, don't you think that- GYPSY: ...and some of 'em are navy, and some of 'em are plaid... SERVO: Uh, oh. Don't you see what's happening here? JIM: Yeah, Gypsy's been tempered with by some unknown force! GYPSY: ...and some of 'em are black, and... CROW: But who could have done such a terrible thing? JIM: Only one explanation: [close up] Pearl Forrester. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: No, it wasn't me. I've been down here with those two knobs trying to construct a flow chart for the opening scentence of the fanfic. [SOL] GYPSY: ...and some of 'em are magenta... JIM: That's gotta be tough work. [CF] PEARL: I'll say. [off screen we hear Bobo ooking softly and Observer weeping in pain] OBSERVER[os]: Oh, the agony! This is too much of a strain on my already weakened brain! PEARL: Anyway, I'd just like to say something real important that you should know... [SOL] CROW: And what is that? GYPSY: ...and some of 'em are bluish-greenish-yellow... [CF] PEARL: GET BACK INTO THAT THEATER OR I'LL CUT YOUR THROATS AND CRAM TWIGS UP YOUR-- [SOL] -movie sign- JIM: Oh, we got FANFIC SIIIIGN!!! GYPSY: ...and heck y'all, some of 'em aren't even crystals at all! SERVO: That's nice, Gyps. AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH! STORY SIIIGN!!! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [Jim and thems guys enter the theater. Now he's got *me* doing it!] JIM: Maybe Gypsy's hard drive needs dusting...? >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: Hey, a cold front! > >Mobius Mall > >"let's buy rotor's birthday cake" said Tails. They go to the grocery >store. JIM: Oh, yeah. Buy him a really cheesy grocery store-bought cake to show him how much he's loved. >Tails walks up to the cake counter. "One way past cool cake please" he >says CROW[as vendor]: Sorry, Sonic ate them all. >The worker says "Uhh sorry, we don't sell way past cool cakes, we only >sell 'moderately neet-o' cakes" SERVO: Hey! That cake sounds neat-o! >Tails jumps up on the counter and yells at the worker "Don't fock with me >man! I said I want a way past cool focking cake now you better get me >that or i'm gonna...." JIM: And Tails is...eight years old? CROW[as Tails]: I accuse my focking parents that I say fock all he time. >CRRRAAASHH!!! A STEALTH-HOVER FLYS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE GROCERY STORE >AND LANDS IN THE AISLE! FOOD FLYS EVERYWHERE!!! SERVO: Oh no! Food flies! I'm allergic to food flies! >Robotnik, Snivley and the bots get out of the stealth-hover. Robotnik >steals some food and puts it in his pocket. CROW: But those were the chocolate-frosted brownies! JIM: eew! >"I like cookies" says Robotnik. SERVO[as Robotnik]: They keep me thin. >Robotnik sees the freedom fighters "GET THEM!!!" he yells. >The freedom fighters make a run for it! Bots and robotnik are chasing >them. They jump over food! Tails knocks over a shelf of cereal boxes! JIM: He doesn't leave out *any* detail, does he? >Robotnik slips on some froot loops! Tails Bunnie CROW: Who is Tails Bunnie, is that a new character? >and Bob jump in a >shopping cart! Bots shoot at them! Pop cans are hit by laser fire! KABOOM >KABOOM KABOOM! The grocery cart goies flying out of the store and crashes >into the ground! Robotnik is in hot pursuit he rolls past the checkout >counter after them! JIM: Tails ties his shoes! SERVO: The neat-o cakes go on sale! CROW: Someone eats a peanut! >The casheir says "Uhhh could I get a price check on a big fat guy?" JIM: That'll be twenty cents. SERVO: You get what you pay for. >The freedom fighters run into a golf store! They steal a golf cart, Tails >drives! CROW: They don't sell golf carts in a golf store! You need to go to a motor vehicles place! >Robotnik runs into the store too, he jumps into a golf cart and >all the tires go flat. He steps into another one, snivley gets in too. >The bots get into another cart. JIM: All the 'Bots in one cart? SERVO[as 'Bot, singing]: Move over, move over... >Robotnik says "Snivley, lets have some appropriate music for this >situation" >Snivley plays the sax as robotnik drives the cart after the freedom >fighters. The bots follow Robotnik's cart, playing the other instruments. CROW: All the antics of any given Fox cartoon. >SCCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PUTT PUTT! VROM SCREEEEE PUTT PUTT PUTT!!!!! >They hit a corner! Robotnik almost tips over! The freedom fighters run >over a hot dog vendor, robotnik steals a hot dog on the way by >"Good hot dog" says Robotnik. SERVO: Robotnik's so fat he keeps hitting the horn. >The freedom fighter drive through The Gap! [Servo's head explo-] JIM: Let's not go there yet. >The knock over clothes racks CROW: -is annoyingly loud. >there's gap clothers everywhere JIM: Gee, why do you think that is, hmm? >Robotnik is hit by denim shirts and >kahikis! Robotniks cart crushes the Gap worker. "This is an original" >says the worker. SERVO: This is "Hobgoblins" plus "Blood and Metal"! >Then they drive down the escalator! bumpity bump bump bump bump CRASH >some people get knowcked of teh escalator, bump bump bump bump tey rech CROW: Yeah, tell me about it. I can't keep my breakfast down either. JIM: I don't think that's what he meant. >the bottom PUTTT PUTT PUTTT vrooom!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Hey, the golf cart puts! Hahahaha. >They drive through the arcade and knock over arcade machines! SERVO: As opposed to apple dumpling machines. >They drive >through starbucks! Tails grabs a pot of coffee and throws it at robotnik. >It misses and hits Snivley! JIM: At least it's going fast. >"ARRRRRG HOT HOT HOT!!!!" says Snivley. ALL: HOT, HOT, HOT! >"Keep playing the music snivley!" says Robotnik. CROW[as Snivley]: If you don't mind, I'm having a very bad time with some hot pants! SERVO: eew. >Robotnik wasn't looking where he was going and he drives right thorough a >pile of coffee cups! KRRRAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!! BROKEN GLASS ALL OVER >THE PLACE! JIM: Then they'd be coffee *glasses*. >They drive out into the food court IT'S A DEAD END! SCCRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!! CROW: They *could* try the door at the end. >The freedom fighters try to turn around but Robotniks cart stops in front >of them. Robotnik Snivley SERVO: And again, a new amalgamed character. >and the bots get out. The bots fire on the >freedom fighters cart, turning it into scrap. SERVO: Therefore killing the Freedom Fighters insde, right? JIM: Nope. >They capture the freedom >fighters. A hoverunt blasts through the roof and picks up Robotnik and >bots andf sniovley and freedoms fighters. JIM: It can actualy hold them *and* Robotnik? >"Oh mah stars" says Bunnie. CROW[as Bunnie]: Some of 'em are green, and some of 'em are purple... > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: These ancient dinosaur bones once belonged to a race of deadly carnivors. SERVO: That's re-using an old joke. > >Knoyhole ALL: Huh!?! > >Sonic runs into knothole, and into sally's hut. SERVO[as Sonic]: Ouch! That hurt! Next time I'll look for the door! >"Yo Sal" says Sonic >Then Sonic looks outside. CROW[as Sonic]: Hey, you remodeled my hut! Great! >"AHHHH! MY HUT!" he says >"Hey Sonic your hut blew up" says Sally JIM[as Sally]: Just thought you should know. Cybersex? >"Yeah I know. Want to have cybersex?" says Sonic ALL: Aaaaggggg! JIM: I was *kidding*! >bow-chicka-womp-bow-bow-chicka-chicka-mop-bop-wom-bow-chika CROW: Heaven save me. >"Sonic stop playing that disco music" said Sally "And no I won't have >cybersex with you" ALL: WHEW! >"You are beutiful" says Sonic. >"oh....well......ok i'll cybersex but just this once..." says Sally ALL: NOOOOOOOO!!! >JUST THEN A ROCKET BLOWS A HOLE THROUGH THE WALL OF THE HUT! >ROTOR JUMPS THROUGH THE HOLE INTO THE HUT, CARRYING A ROCKET LAUNCHER! >"JUst testing" said Rotor. He took a sip of coffee. JIM: So, no one really cares about the unlawful destruction of anyone else's things? >"Yo rote, wassup 'alrus dude?" said Sonic CROW: Ack. >"This just in!" said Rotor "We have just recieved word from the mobius >mall that Bunnie, Tails and Bob Prower have been captured by Robotnik!" SERVO[as Rotor]: I turned myself into a news channel! Cool, huh? >"Let's go save them!" says SOnic >"Godo plan" says Sally CROW: Oh, great, so Sally sits at home sipping tea while Sonic endagers himself again. >"Good coffee" says Rotor. Rotor dunks a donut! SERVO: Uncalled for exclamation! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ CROW: Just a reminder to sharpen your pencils daily. > >The Mall > >They walk into the mall. JIM: Who? >"Oops" says Sonic "I think we were supposed to go to the Death Egg, not >the mall" SERVO: Sonic gets 2 stars for inteligence in my book. CROW: 2?? SERVO: Out of a million. CROW: Oh. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: Hey, it's shorter! > >Robotropolis > >Bot fighting action! JIM: Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, by Milton Bradley. >Sonic spin dashes bots! KAPOW 7 bots die! CROW: Well, better then half a million, I suppose... >Hoverunits shoot at sonic! 40 hoverunits! Sonic jumps into a dumpster! SERVO[as Sonic]: Waaah! Go away! >Rotor throws a grappling hook at a hoverunit, ROtor and Sally pulls the >hoverunit to the ground. *CRASH* Sonic dashes the swat bot KABOOM! >"No time to drone Mr. Bot" says Sonic JIM: Actualy an okay joke. SERVO: You feeling okay, Jim? JIM: No, why? >"Here is the plan" says Sally SERVO[as Sally]: We shut down one of the power generators like we always do. >"Sonic, you go into the death egg while >rotor and I distract the bots outside" CROW and JIM[as Sally and Rotor]: Hey! You 'bots! Look at us! Hey! Woooooo!!! Go Packers! Distracting!!! HAHAHA! >"JUCIE TIME!" says Sonic he zooms into the death egg. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: Oh, and look, some orange juicers. > >Death Egg, Robotocizer Prisoner Cells SERVO: Why would a roboticizer be in the Death Egg? > >Tails is thrown into a cell. "oof" he says. Dr . Quack is in the cell! JIM: Is it the nice/evil Dr. Quack, or the nice Dr. Quack? >"AHHH!" says Tails CROW: Are we going to keep on the "ahhh..." jokes, Jim? JIM: Nah, we ran 'em dry last month. >"I am good now" says Dr. Quack SERVO[as Quack, maniacly]: I'm good now! heheheh, hee hee hee, ha, hah hah! AH, HAHAHAHA!!! >"Probably why you're in this cell" says Tails >"Can I join the freedom fighters" says Quack JIM: It's that Snively defection thing all over again! >"Ok" says Tails "If we get out of here" CROW[as King Acorn]: I'm going to press you against the wall and imprison you! Call me Max! >1 minute later sonic dashes in! >"Yo yo?" says Sonic >"Hey Sonic!" says Tails >"Yo lil bro, I will save you!" says Sonic JIM[as Tails]: No, that's okay. Being chained up is neat-o! >Sonic spin dashes a power cable. He gets electrocuted! >"ow" says crispy sonic SERVO[as boozed KFC customer]: I'll have some extra crispy hedgehog, and some bufallo wings on the side. >The alrms go off! WAAAH WAAH WAAAAAH!!! JIM: The alarms must be real upset over something. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > CROW: Nike treads. >Robotropolis > >Sally and Rotor are in a hoverunit being chased by stealth bots! They >drive thru an alley! KABOW POW POW laser fire and grabage can exploding >all around! JIM: I'm surprised Robotropolis even *has* garbage cans with the "disrespect nature" attitude. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: Enjoy our decreasing and increasing number of roadway cones, for the home or office! > >Prison cells CROW: This fanfic has more editing than Devil Fish! SERVO: Too bad the coast guard isn't in this, they could really help out. > >SWAT bots storm the area! But Sonic pulls out a power ring! JIM: From where? His butt? >"DRRRROOONNNEEE" go the bots "MUST KILL SONIC, MUST KILL SONIC" SERVO: Sonic'll download Windows 98 into their systems in the blink of an eye and watch the fun. >The bots attack! Sonic flashes in a beam of light and he's SUPER >SONIC!!!! ALL: But he needs 49 more rings and 7 chaos emeralds!!! >Sonic fights SWAT bots! >FYOOO! >ROP! >CORK! SERVO: "Cork"? >WARG! CROW: Son of Morg! >DRROOONNNE! >ZAP ZAP DIDDy! >MOP! SERVO: Oh, I get it, Sonic's "mopping" the floor with them! Hee, hee. JIM: Bridge on the River..what? >KWAI! JIM: Thank you. >32 SKIDOO! CROW: My friend has only 28. How can you have that many snowmobiles? >BANG BANG BANG BANG! >BA-ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! >SKREEE! JIM: We're in the world of BATMAN! 'BOTS: Dadadadadadadada BATMAN!!! >ow >WOOOOOOAAAAAH! >BOOOMITY! SERVO: Is this the internet IM of Sonic and Sally's cybersex? >The electric cable sparks! SPAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRKKKKK!!!!! Bots gewt hit by >sparks and die! JIM: But technicaly they were never alive to begin with. >The bars to the cells go down! Bob kicks the SWAT bot that had his >shotgun! CROW: Great, instead of lazer pistols they use six-shooters, huh? >Tails kung-fus bots! Bunnie beats bots! >"Fock ye!" says Bob, blasting bots. JIM[singing]: People say I fockye around! SERVO: PLEASE, JIM! JIM: Sorry. >WAAIIIII SSSPPPEAAKKKK WOOOOOOOOH! >says Tails, kicking bots SERVO: Tails said that? I thought it was the squeaking of the robots' joints. >Bunnie jump kicks a bot but another bot jump kicks Bunnie! ALL[singing]: Isn't it ironic? >Bunnie falls >down! >"Ah get knocked down, but ah get up again!" says Bunnie. Bunnie gets up >again and fights mor bots! JIM: STOP THE INSANITY!!!! AAARRRRRGGGHH! >900 bots walk into the room, single file. SERVO: Ever heard of "attack in force"? >Sonic revs up his spin dash. >Bots say "WE KILL SONIC, PRIORITY 1" >Sonic spin dashes the bots, killing them all. >"Y'all killed the bots!" says Bunnie JIM: WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE???!!! SERVO: Jim, you okay? >JUST THEN TANK BOT IV DRIVES THROUGH THE WALL AND RUNS OVER SONIC! JIM: ON THE DEATH EGG??? AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! >Tails kicks the bot! No use, the bot fires a missle at Tails! >"This is the baddest TANK BOT yet!" says sonic. >Dr. Quack pulls a wire out of tank bot. TANK BOT IV falls over and dies! SERVO: Wow! What a daring way to stop the "baddest TANK BOT yet!" >"Nice work Dr" says Sonic >"Now let's JUCIE TIME" says Quack JIM: DOCTOR QUACK SAID THAT??? AAAAAAAAAAAK! CROW: Let's beat it. SERVO: Okay. >"First I need a chili dog" says Sonic. He fills up his backpack with >chili dogs from the vending machine. > JIM: A VENDING MACHINE ON THE DEATH EGG??? [Jim colapses on the floor. Servo and Crow leave the theater] [commercials] ----------------- send comments to tjats@aol.com Jim W. aka