All MST3K-related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. --------------------- [SOL int.] Servo, Crow, and Gypsy are behind the counter. GYPSY: Hey guys! How are you? SERVO: Feeling terrible. CROW: Yeah. Jim's fainted in the theater. GYPSY: What?! SERVO: He's still in there, sprawled across three theater seats. GYPSY: We've got to help him! [rushes through door number seven, which closes after her] SERVO: Hey, how come we never go that way? CROW: I don't know. -mads' sign- SERVO: Uh, we can't hit the button. CROW: Cambot, can you fall on the button, please? CAMBOT: Fine, it's not enough I have to actualy film you guys watching a movie, I have to do your dirty work, too. [The camera moves closer to the counter, then falls down fast. The screen goes snowy] [CF] Pearl, Observer, and Bobo have made a confusing flow chart on a dry-erase marker board. It's filled with arrows, boxes, and scrambled words. PEARL: No, no... I think the Death Egg is actualy a warehouse somewhere in Robotropolis, not some big foating fortress... and look! The Great Forrest is spelled "knoyhole forest"! OBSERVER: Maybe if I put in the fact that Tails and Uncle Bob say "fock" every three lines may give us something to go on... BOBO: Maybe if we put Frank Sinatra in the TV studio... PEARL: How about Evil Doctor Quack? [takes red marker and draws a line from what looks like Robotnik's headquarters to the Great Forrest] BOBO: Let's see...I know! The chili-dog vending machine! That may be the missing peice! OBSERVER: No, no! We need to put Tank Bot IV here! [draws a big black dot] PEARL: But what about Sonic's hut? [scribbles lines in the Great Forrest] BOBO: How about the golf store that sells golf carts? OBSERVER: And the food court! PEARL: Here, I'll draw a way past cool cake. [makes a bad drawing of a cake at the bottom near the words "Mobius Mall". [SOL] Camera is fuzzy. SERVO: Looks like we're more sane than them from this, at least. [camera picture clears. Gypsy, pushing Jim, enters through door 7] GYPSY: Okay, I got him. -movie sign- CROW: Put him back in the theater, Gyps! It's FANFIC SIIIIGN!!! GYPSY: SCREW YOU ALL! [falls over] JIM: Ow! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [Jim, Servo, and Crow enter] >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: Stalagtites! SERVO: No, stalagmites! > >Robotropolis > >ACTION-PACKED, EXCITING, EXPLOSIVE, HOVER-UNIT CHASE SCENE!!!!!!!!! CROW: Is this a preview of coming attractions or something? >Sally is driving the hover unit, Rotor throws a donut at the pusuing >hover-bikes! JIM: It's the Mos Isley stage in Shadows of the Empire! >"look out SALKY!" says Rootir. SERVO: The hell? JIM: It's time for another host segment. CROW: No, Jim. >CRASH!!! The hovrunit flys right through a SWAT-House! CROW[as SWAT wife]: Honey! What the hell are you doing crashing through my newly-cleaned house? >"EEEEK" drones the bot in the shower. Then it rusts from being in the >shower. SERVO: Then why was it in the shower to begin with?!? >KABOOW FLUSH, THE hoverunit goes down the toilet! JIM: So a toilet is a black hole, shrinking everything to swallowable size? SERVO: Sure, Jim, I have proof. >IT's in the sewer tunnels now, being chased by SWAT boats! SWAT boats >jump in the air, TOO HIGH, it's hit the ceiling and blow up! CROW: Third person insane singular, right? >Justy then a SWAT bot shoos a missle at the hovrunit KABBBBOOOOOMMM! >Sally and Rotor bail out SPLASH!!!!! SERVO[as Ryder]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! [jumps off and rolls across the floor] >Rotor swims! >"Arg" says Sally "I am droning ahhhhhhh glup glib!" CROW: I'll say. SHUT UP! >SWAT boys are closing in! JIM: Then the Beagle Bots will show up... >Jus then the sewer lid above them opens. SONIC AND THE GANG! SERVO: Oh, fack, they survived! >"Attention ye!" says Bob "GRab onto the shotgun" bob lowers down the >shotgun. CROW: Just shoot the stupid SWATS! >Sally grabs on, Rotor grabs on! JIM[as Sally]: Don't get any ideas. >The SWAT bots miss them by half a inch! SERVO: Would it be considered wrong to just have them killed? >Then the SWAT bots drive over the edge of a waterfall! ALL: WHAT??!! CROW: They're in the sewer! SERVO: Above a manhole! JIM: They're not at the edge of a sewer pipe! >"AHHHHH" drone the bots. >"Phew CROW[as Sally]: Did you let one? Oh, it's the sewer. >we made it" says Sally JIM: When I say >BOOM BOOM BOOM JIM: you say "BAM BAM BAM", CROW: No pause in between, SERVO: Come on, let's JAM! >A HUUUGE SHADOW APPEARS OVER HEAD! SERVO: Oh, no! Rosanne! >"Hmmm" says Sonic "I think tubbo-chub is here" SERVO: So it *is* Rosanne! >Sure enough, Dr. Robotnik was behind the freeddom fighters. SERVO: Oh, so I was wrong. >"Good guess" said Tails. SERVO: Why thank you, HEY! JIM: Give it a rest, Servo. >Just then GHrounder and Scratch show up. >Snivley jumps out and scrweams "WAAAHHHHH HAAAIIII!!!!" CROW: He's a black belt...? >thus initiating JIM: a crappy fight scene. >the fight scene. >SAlly fights Snivley BOOM BOOM BOOM! SERVO: But it's supposed to be Sonic Fights Robotnik! >Rotor fights Grounder "Huh huh ow" SERVO: Sonic Fights Robotnik! >Bunnie fights Scratch "Heh heh this is cool" SERVO: SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK!!! >Sonic fights >yeah >you guessed it >SoNIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK SERVO: Finaly! The title premise pays off! >"6" says Scratch >Tails fights robotnik too, as does Bob. JIM: Now hang on! SERVO: Jim, you should know that Robotnik is too much man for Sonic alone! >Sonic spin dashes at Robotnik spinnnnnn zooooM OW! >"HAI KARATE!" yells Tails. >"Hye ding dong day!" says Bob CROW[Minnessota]: Isn't this just a darling fanfic, Ethel? SERVO[Minnessota]: Oh, yes it is, don't 'ya know? >Shotgun shells, Laser fire, ACTION! >Grounder is defeated! Scratch is defeated! JIM: Like that's a big acomplishment. >But then, Sonic gets shot by robotnik, but not shot dead. ALL: WHY THE HELL NOT?!? >The freedom fighters are surrounded! >"Ha ha ha" says Robotnik "ATEENTION ROBO-BRIGATE! FORWARD MARCH!" JIM: Robotnik switched over to Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade directing? >100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 >SWAT bots surround the freedom fighters SERVO: Knowing Sonic, he'll defeat them with a pop gun. >"We are finished!" said Sonic CROW: Sonic finaly catches on. >"Darn tootin'" says Robotnik. JIM: Huh? >Just when things looked their bleekest, one SWAT bot falls over, causing >a domino effect that makes all the other bots fall over! CROW: WHAT!!! JIM: Come on! SERVO: What a crappy plot contrivance! JIM: Couldn't you please just KILL THEM??? >Sonic and >friends escape! >"Oh well" says Robotnik "We'll get them next time" JIM: No! A sequel!!! 'BOTS: AAAAAAARRRRGGGH! >Then Snivley climbs out of a dumpster "You bloody idiot!" he says >"I told you time and time again you've got to upgrade the fricking >artificial intelligence chips in those bots! But NOOOOOOO lets go get >sonic, sure with 100000000000000000000000000 bots it'll be easy >ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!! And why don't you RUST PROOF THEM?? HUH >MAN!?!?!??!?!" says the Sniv. CROW: Hey, he's doing our work for us! >"Well I would but the Robotnik show is taking up most of our budget." >says Robotnik "Those parking lot cams aren't cheap you know" SERVO[as Robotnik]: I'm a greedy TV-loving lump of lard who thinks with his stomach. >"ARRRGAGARRRRRRRR!!!" says Snivley, kicking himself in the head. JIM: Man, if you can do that you could be considered an Olympic competitor. >"But we CAN upgrade our fighting force!" says Robotonik "Let's rebuild >Packbell! That will be fun! CROW[as Robotnik]: Especialy if we put the Intel Pentium II Processor in him this time! JIM[Intel theme]: Ding ding dong ding! >HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHZHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" SERVO: Hey! "AHZHHA"! He misspelled the easiest scentence in the fic! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: And one more time! ALL: THIS WAY TO HEAVEN! SERVO: That wasn't so bad after all! JIM: Come on, we've got to go! [All leave the theater] > >Knothole [All re-enter] JIM: I don't bileve this! SERVO: I wanna go-ho-ho! CROW: Please have mercy! > >"Hey what is Dr. Quack doing here" says Sally >"He is a good guy now" says Sonic >"ok" says Sally JIM: We have to trust him completely so he can betray us later in Endgame. >"OH NO MY HUT!" says SOnic SERVO: Hasn't he gotten past that? >Sonic walks to his hut. "Hey the fridge is still here" says Sonic. He >takes out a mountain due and drinks it. CROW: Five sequels and he *still* can't spell it right. >"Ah, refreshing" says Sonic "Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention..." JIM[as Sonic, anouncing]: Mountain Due is very refreshing. >Sonic tells everbody about the master emerald. JIM: Which had absolutely no help with the fanfic. >"So that's where you were!" says Tails >JUST THEN A SWAT MISSLE BLOWS UP THE KOSHER DELI! CROW: No! Not our only means of salad accessories and condiments! >"Oh no!" says Tails "Uncle Rabbi!" > SERVO: What's a rabbi doing working at a Kosher Deli? CROW: And how many uncles does Tails have, anyway? >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: An all-terrain unicycle has been through here... SERVO: We're just running the jokes through again. > >Rabbi Prower's funeral > >"He was a good fox" said Sally "A religious fox, and most of all, our >friend fox" SERVO[as Sally]: But he's owned by another company and billions of light years away, so why are we worried about McCloud? >"Amen" said Rotor >Chris Pettrucii sings a few metallica songs. Then they bury the Rabbi. JIM: So no funeral music, just some *ROCK*? CROW: Yeah. >"waaah" said Tails (sad) >"Yo it cool to cry at funrals tails it help cope the loss and stuff" says SERVO: Mobie the mono-sylabic cave bear. >Sonic comforting tails >Then sonic gives an inspring speech "Let's get those chaos emeralds. FOR >RABBI PROWERS SAKE!" JIM: Why chaos emeralds? >"Yaaay" says the crowd. >"Aye LET'S GIT 'UM!" says Bob, loading his shotgun. > SERVO[as Bob]: We all's gona go emerald huntin! >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: The shortest one yet! > >5 minutes later, knothole defense coordinations > >Sonic spins around in a chair "WHEEEEEE!" >Tails swings on a lighting fixture "WOOOHOOOO!" JIM: Ah, hilarious pre-war antics! >"Order order!" says Sally >"I want a cheeseburger" says Sonic (joke) SERVO[sarcastic]: Thanks for letting us know that. >"I'll have a large coffee" says Rotor CROW: Can Uncle Bob shoot me? JIM: Anything's possible. [Uncle Bob walks in, shoots Crow and leaves] CROW: I didn't mean it! JIM: Don't play jokes with a self-insertionist. >"Now get serious about this let's find the emneralds" says Sally SERVO[as Sally]: Let's talk in running scentences to fool the reader I'm going to leave. >"OK" says everbody >"zoogy" says Antoinne SERVO: "Zoogy?" Even Antoine wouldn't say "Zoogy"! >"Wher are the chaos emeralds" says Sally JIM: A highly efective way of finding them. Just ask around! >"Uhhhhh Knuckles has some" says Sonic CROW: And why do you think that is, hmm? >"LEt's go to the floting istland and get them!" says Sally SERVO[as Sally]: But first help me get my scentences straight! > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: It's back and it's longer then ever! The new 1998 zig-zag! > >Robotropile CROW: Now that's just silly. > >"Doo doo doo, buildin' a robot!" sings Roboytnik >Robotnik slaps some robo parts togetther. Snivley throws grounder and >scratch in the garbage. ALL: Yaaay! >FInally, robotnik is finished. He flips the switch, hits the button and >turns the dial. SERVO[as radio]: And now, the Del Airs! >"Yawn, oh hello there" says Packbell >"HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" says Robotnik >"Uh sir, there were some parts left over so I made a bot too" says >Snivley JIM[as Snively]: It's called the Wuss-Mac 2000. >"Cool man!" says Robotnik >Snivleys bot is a monkey. It gets up >"HI i am COCONUTS!" says the bot "WOOOO HAAAA! IT'S DISCO TIME!!!!!" CROW: I wanna DIEEEE! Waaaah! JIM: Really? [Begins to snap his fingers] CROW: NO! NO! I was kidding! >bow-chicka-bow-chicka-womp-wow >Robotnik and snivley and packbell disco, the siren on coconuts head acts >as a disco light. JIM: Meanwhile the Freedom Figters sneak in, steal Robotnik's Darth Vader coffee mug and return to Knothole triumphantly! > >/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ CROW[as Natile from Werewolf]: That's skooed up! > >The Floting Island > >Sonic walks up to Knuckels house and rings the doorbell. Knucles walks to >the door. >"Hey mon, what up?" says Knuckles. JIM: Okay, stop the fanfic! Everyone go back to their regular accents! >"Hi we need to borrow the chaos emeralds" says Sonic >"Ok mon" says Knuckles "I'll go get them" SERVO[as Gesture Prof.]: As he does this the Floating Island falls down, down, down, CROW: SERVO! SERVO: Sorry. >Just then robotnik and forces attack >"WO-HA!" says Packbell >"Mooga meek moo!" says Tails JIM: They're the only ones fighting? >NINJA FIGHTS >WAI HEE SPAK! >In the middle of the fight robotnik and the robo-brigade attack. SERVO: But that would *begin* the fight, wouldn't it? >BOOM BOOM the run! CROW: The 20-yard dash! >they run away! >SOnic runs! >Then a huge ship shoots the floting islaland SERVO[as children's show anouncer]: Now, the Floating La-la Land will fly high in the air. >with a huge lazer. KABOOOOM! JIM: The Death Egg, finaly! >The island faLLS out of the sky! >"We are going down mon" says Knuckles SERVO[as Knuckles]: Heavy. GET IT??? Hahaha! >Then Ken Penders pushes Sally off the edge of the island! ALL: We love you, Ken Penders! >"AHh!" says Sal >"no" says Sonic >They jump off the island, SOnic has the 3 emneralds! >KABOM! THE ISLAND HITS THE GROUND AND BLOWS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERVO: Unless I miss my guess, the Island should just break up. >Then they see Ken Penders! JIM: But the island's blown up! >"HA HA HA!" says the evil Ken "I have captured Sally! You will have tro >come to my fortress of evil to save the princess!" >"LETS JAM!" says SOnic JIM: Sonic Jam, for your PC console. > >/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ SERVO: Sonic steps on this part of the rake and hits his nose! > >The Fortress of evil > >Dark Passge. CROW: "Rights of Passage" and "Dark Vengance", two Knuckles stories combined in one! >"EEEP" says Antoinne >"Dont be a scardy" says Sonic JIM[as Antoine]: I can't help it, I'm the comic relief! >They walk into a room, traps and robo-soldiers, very action packed >battle. CROW: Very descriptive battle, too. >They see ken penders atop his throne of comics SERVO: Look, Ken, just because you write the stories doen't make you king of the Sonic unvierse... oh, wait... >Sonic and Ken sword fight! >THE FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN SONIC AND KEN PENDERS IS TAKING PLACE! CROW: Sparing us the sequel "Sonic Fights Ken Penders", SONIC FAN gives it to us now. >CHING CHING CHING KLANG KLANG KLANG >"Touche!" says Ken >CHING CHING CHING KLANG KLANG KLANG >"Yo yo" says Sonic SERVO: Odd choice for a weapon. >CHING CHING CHING KLANG KLANG KLANG >"Ha ha!" says Ken >CHING CHING CHING KLANG KLANG KLANG JIM: And now, the Sonic Cheerleaders! >"Go sonic!" says Tails >Sonic slices Ken in half, but Ken explodes in a blast of light. POOF! >"Hooray!" says ROtor, Sally, bob. >"Hmmm Ken where'd you learn to sword fight, the sword fight of loser > school?" says Sonic SERVO: Huh. > "hahaah" laugh the crowd > "Look at what I found!" says Tails > "A chaos emerald, cool!" says Sonic JIM: Uh...okay. > > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > CROW: I'm leaving. SERVO: I second the motion. JIM: Agreed, then? Meeting adjourned. [all exit] [commercials] -------------- send comments to tjats@aol.com Jim W. aka