All MST3K-related characters are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. --------------- [SOL int.] Jim, Servo and Crow are behind the counter. Splayed across the counter are Sonic comics. JIM: Okay, Servo, it's time for your Sonic Fights _______ project. SERVO: Alright, Jim. [Jim holds up a comic with Sonic fighting Spawn] I had Sonic Fights Spawn. Since it's an inevitability in the Archie series, I figure why not? JIM: Sounds cool. Who wins? SERVO: [pause] JIM: Servo, who wins? SERVO: Uh...I was supposed to actualy *write* a story, wasn't I? JIM: Yep, that's the whole point of the project. SERVO: Okay, then... Speed wins. JIM: Who? SERVO: Speed Racer. JIM: But it's Sonic Fights *Spawn*. SERVO: Oh, right. [pause] Speedy Alka Seltzer. JIM: Servo, Sonic Fights *SPAWN*. SERVO: Um... Keanu Reeves from Speed. JIM: Crow, what's your Sonic Fights _______ comic? CROW: I made Sonic Fights Robotnik! JIM: But that's what we're reading. CROW: Exactly! So, in a sense, my project is already done for me! JIM: Okay, look you guys... -movie sign- JIM: Oh, forget it! SERVO and CROW: FANFIC SIIIIGN! 6...5...4...3...2...1... [All re-enter] SERVO: Speedy Gonzalez wins! JIM: Alright, enough! > Knotohoel kvilioge CROW: I'm seriously begining to wonder about the condition of his typing skills. > > Just as they arrive at knothole it is under attack! > "What?" says Quack > "Ha hah ha!" says Robotnik "You think you fooled me?" > "Yes" says Quack JIM: You can't fool him! It's not alowed! > "Well you didn't!" says Robotnik "I didn't need to find oput where those > missles were firing too! I attacked Kntohole in the first story!" SERVO[realizing, sarcasticaly]: That's riiiight! > " http://members.xoom.com/SONIC_FAN/ " plugs Tails JIM[as Tails]: Don't ever stick my tails in the sockets again! > ROBOBRIGADE ATTACKS > OOOM! > ROP! CROW: The failed fusion of rap and rock. > FIGGY UIGGY! JIM: I don't even wanna know the inspiration for *this* sound effect. > BOOM BOOM > SOIN > "YOU SOINIC!" SERVO[as voice, gangsta']: You owe me big time you moise! Yo, Soinic! > FGRA! > JFKSALDJ! > GERRRR! CROW: Now come on, these are typing exerscises! > 2 PIE! > HOK NOB! > AOU AEEEUIIRII! > NEE NI NI NI NI!!!!!! JIM: Now they're going to go get a shrubery come back and fight with it... > WOI WOI! > 8327! SERVO: Go, Species 8327! You took the Borg down! You can take them down! Go! > ONE BILLION! JIM: Can we please be able to forget about that little event from SFR1? > BAM > KRASH > BANG > BOOM CROW: And now back to the real sfx. > "Urg what happened" said Unconciuos Sonic JIM: A brand new Sonic ability! > "Knothole is in Ruins!" says Sally SERVO: And where's that? CROW: Doing! > "NOOOOO!" says the crowd ALL: "YAAAAY!" says us > They weep for the loss of the villiage. > "WOAH SONIC!" yells Tails > "Wha?" says Sonic > "I JUST THOUGHT OF WHERE THE OTHER CHAOS EMERALDS ARE!" says Tails (loud) SERVO[as Tails]: How convenient of me to remember where they are right *after* we needed them! > "Woh, talk down lil bro!" says Sonic > "Remember when Bunnie was in the crystal mine and said heck all yall some > of em arent even cystals at all!" says Tails > "Ya" says Sonic "So wha?" JIM[as Tails]: That means that Bunnie shoud be taken to a mental hospital! > "Well she meant that some of em were potato chips! And Robotnik has a > machine that sounds like potato chips, it's the chaos emerald finder!" CROW: A statement that cannot be reckoned with. > "WE GOTTA FIGHT THE CRYSTAL MINE!" said Sonic JIM: That'll be hard, cuz mines can't fight. > Then Sonic said "It is....JAMMA WAMMA BAMMA HOP SAMMA LAMMA KAMMAM GAMMA > HAM N CHEESE WITH A PICKLE ON THE SIDE LARGE ORDER OF FRIES EATIN SOME > PIES BOT SLAMMIN SOT BLAMMIN WORT CORT JUUUUUIIICCEEEEE > TIIIMMMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > !!" SERVO: I'm losing mental integrity. Total anihilation of sanity is 40% complete. > They juice. Everybody in knothole goes to the CROW: Orange grove of Tropicana. >FINAL FIGHT! > > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ JIM: Remember to indent your fence when starting along a sidewalk. > > The Robotik Crystal Mine > SERVO: Then wouldn't it be "robotic"? > The freedom fighters arrive at the mine. > They are greeted by.... SERVO: Janet Reno, who is having the government tear the mine down. > THE BIGGEST BOT IN THE WORLD > "Oh no the biggest bot in the world has been rebuilt!" says Sally > "Let's fight it!" says Sonic CROW: BLAST IT! > THe bot attacks! > "Beeeeg bot! zes is beeeeg bot!" says Antoinne JIM: And you steeeeeeeupid person! > Sonic and Sally kill the bot SERVO: Technicaly you can't kill a bot. CROW: Impressive fight time for the fight against the BIGGEST BOT IN THE WORLD. > YAAAAHHHH WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > They go into the mine. They are in a huge room of crystal. JIM: Plurals, SONIC FAN? >Just then > .... CROW: The cave colapses, burying the entire Freedom Fighter resistance! > ROBOTNIK! > And EVERY SINGLE ROBOT ON MOBIUS HAS COME TO FIGHT! SERVO: Including the BIGGEST BOT IN THE WORLD, which has been rebuilt again. > "HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" sais > Robotnik "I have the crystals you're looking for! HHAHAHHAH you'll never > get them from me HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!! I'll > DESTROY YOU NOW HEDGEHOG! > AGHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!" SERVO: Can he at least be creative with his laughter? > Snivley jumps out! Packbell jumps out! JIM: I probably shouldn't ask from where. > Robotnik gets into the SUPER-MEGA MECH WALKER! ALL: SUPER-MEGA TEXAS MECH RANGER! > THE BATTLE BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! > AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! > IT's bot fighting time!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAA!!! > Dulcy fireballs bots! CROW: Hey! Dulcy finaly gets some time in this fic! > Sonic spin dashes bots! Tails kung-fus bots! And > everybody else fights bots left right and center! > The ARMY bots attack bunnie! Bunnie crusches them GAGRGAGRGAGAA!!! SERVO: Arent' those COM-BOTs? CROW: Fanboy! SERVO: There's a phrase I haven't heard in a while. > Snivley attacks sonic with 2 uzis! JIM: Sure. > But sonic is jumpin and spinnin you > can't even see where hes goin he so FAST!!!!!!!! > ratatatatatattatattatata! JIM: You don't say. > Bob fires the Shotgun! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! SERVO: Quick firing time for a shotgun. > Tails looks at Packbell. They get into battle stance. > (The Mortal Kombat Song plays) > (doo doo doo dee doo doo doo doo dee doo doo doo dee dee doo doo..doo dee > doo dee doo doo do doo doo de doo dee doo doo - MORATAL > KOMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) CROW: Please, this was in Blood and Metal! > "WAIIII!" says Tails > "HOOOIIIIII CHOUUUU!!!!" says Packbell > FLYIN SPIN KICK KRAK ABOOOM! > Tails does a "HA-DOO-KEN!!!!!!!!!!!" JIM: Ah, the yell for the imortal Ken Penders. > Packbell dodges and spin-kick "HAITASSHMARUTSUET!!!!!!!" > Tails "SHOYROUKEN! SHOYROUKEN!" > pAckbell got hit by the second shoyrouken! CROW: No dictionary definition? Well okay, I guess we could pretend to know what's going on. > Bolts and robot blood spray SERVO: Just call it oil. > all over the place! > "Fock this!" says Packbell. He pulls out a rocket launcher and a flame > thrower. FWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! KABBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!! JIM: Therefore killing Tails. > "WWWWAAAAAGGHHHHEEEE-YO-YO!" says Tails. HE flys away! SERVO: Who flys away? HE flys away! > Meanwhile the freedom fighters are fighting bots, bots fighting freedom > fighters, sonic fighting bot-nik and Dr. Robotnik killing everything all > over the place! CROW: But somehow missing all the main characters! > SMASH SMASH CRASH! > Robotnik stomps bots and freedom fighters under MIGHTY MECHANICAL FEET! > Just then hover units fly into the mine and fire down from above, > complete chaos ensues. JIM: It's chaos over the chaos emeralds! > Bob fires the shotgun. CRACK CRACK CRACK! > Rotor walks over to a control panel and puts in a Greenday CD. ALL[singing]: I hope you have the fight of your liiiife... > Antoinne dodges bots while jamming to greenday! > "Walking Contradiction" plays > BOTS ARE FIGHTIUNG SONIC IS FIGHTING! SERVO: That's been established! > BOOOMMMM! Sally kicks down 20 bots! CROW: I'm too weak to contradict that. > Some SWAT bots are jamming to Greenday now! JIM: What a highly effective and origional strategy! > Rotor shoots down hoverunits with a rocket launcher THEY FALL TO THE > GROUND! > "Look out Jackerey!" says Dulcy. > "Whu?" says Jackery Prower just before he is crushed by a falling hover- > unit. SERVO: Fine, just kill off the non-descript relative of a main character! Learn from Ratliff! > JUST THEN COCONUTS FALLS INTO THE BATTLE > Coconuts says "Yo yo yo, don't dis mah funky fro" CROW: His "fro" consists of a light bulb. > A disco ball appears on the ceiling. The floor turns to a disco floor. JIM: The crystals are melting to better acomidate the music. > EVERYBODY IS DISCO DANCIN! > Especially Coconuts! > Sonic kicks down Snivley! > "I beat you, and I beat you good, Snivley" says Sonic > "No *CHAOKE* arrrg *YOU HEDGEHOG* ugghhhhh" says Snivley SERVO: I'd like to just say something and get it off my chest... -ahem- FOCK YOU, FANFIC! YOU LAME-ASS PIECE OF SHIT!!! I'M GONNA GO UP THERE AND SHOVE FLAGPOLES UP YOUR- [Jim grabbs Servo and stuffs him under the theater seat cushon. Muffled screaming is heard.] JIM: Servo! Get a hold of yourself! You aren't thinking! SERVO[muffled]: Sorry, Jim, I just got carried away. [Servo emerges from the seat] > Tails and Packbell get down to a funky disco beat! > SOnic FIGHTS ROBOTNIK!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Why is that happening *here*? This fanfic isn't "Sonic Fights Robotnik"! JIM: Crow, stop the sarcasm. It's not helping. > KABOOM!! THE WALKER IS FIGHTING SONIC DOGEDS MISSLES!!!! JIM: He learned English from those kids in "Prince of Space". CROW[as kid]: Sonic is fighting look at that rabbit eat I love Green Day. > ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! > BANG BONG!!!!!!!!! SERVO: No! They blew up Big Ben! > BOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! > SOnic Spinswaws WALKER LEG!!!!!!!! RIGHT THRU IT!!!!! > Robotnik says "NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"!!!! > REEE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!! Robotniks walker tips over > Robotnik jumps out and strts shootin! HE ACCIDENTALY BLOWS UP > COCONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIM: Well, yup. CROW: I guess. > "YOOOOOoooooo" goes Coconuts > Rotor walks over to the control panel and puts in a CD. "What is Love" > starts playing. CROW: Nobody better start bobbing their heads to this. > Robotnik and Snivley dance to the song! > Sonic kicks snivley down again! > All the bots and freedom fighters are lying in a heap of metal on the > floor. The only 2 left standing are SONIC AND ROBOTNIK! JIM: Alright, now maybe finaly we get the title fight! CROW: Yeah! SERVO: Go! Go! Go! > "ARRG!" goes sonic > "GRRR!" goes Robotnik > In a climactic battle, Sonic defeats robotnik! ALL: The hell!!!??? JIM: We read *six* freakin' fanfics, go through all this trouble, spend our time to riff them very nicely, and THE MAIN FIGHT IS OVER IN THREE LINES?????? SERVO: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! [head explodes] JIM: Ack! > "YES!" says SOnic "This is the most juicin' past cool moment of my entire > life" CROW: Just wish we could have seen it! > Sonic takes the chaos emeralds from robotnik. He throws all the emeralds > up into the air. > The emralds make a circle. JIM: Hold on, Servo, I think I can get you another head... [Servo's globe appears on his head] SERVO: Freaky! > "ahhhhhh" sings the angelic choir > A white light eminates from the emeralds. A FLASH OF LIGHT! Everyone on > mobius is derobotocized! JIM: And if they weren't roboticized, then they are now! CROW: D'oh! > But.... > Robotnik shoots the master chaos emerald! SERVO: So he's *not* dead?! > "Yo buttnik why you do that?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!" says Sonic ALL: Because he's evil! EVIIIIIL! > "BEcause I'm the bad guy HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!!" says > Robotnik > "You are a tub o' chub!" says SOnic > JUST THEN THE LIGHT TURNS TO BLACK!!! JIM: Then it wouldn't be light anymore. > THE CHAOS BEAST APPEARS!!!! SERVO: This fanfic has more plot twists than an entire season of Voyager! > it says: > ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG > HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG > GGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN > NNNNRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR > RRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Somebody get him Immoduim AD! > "Hmmm maybe I shouldn't have done that" says Robotnik > The beast drills down the the core of the planet! > It reaches the core and...... JIM: Mobius blows up? > KKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM > MMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > MOBIUS EXPLODES, THEY ALL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL: Horay! CROW: Finaly, some payback! > > T H E E N D > > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > >>>>>>><<<<<<<<< > <<<<<<<>>>>>>>>> > {{{{{{{}}}}}}}}} > ((((((())))))))) > [[[[[[[]]]]]]]]] JIM: I'm soooo happy now! SERVO: I'm filled with more joy than Joyce Joy Joycee! JIM: Huh? SERVO: Forget it. > > CAST > ---- > CROW: All losers! > Sally > "Here is the plan. We sneek into the death egg and blow it up." JIM: Briliant! > > Bunnie > "Heck all y'all some of em arent even crystals at all!" SERVO[sarcastic]: When did she say *this*?? > > Tails > "FOCK YOU SALLY!!!" ALL: Horay! JIM: The exact moment Tails became a man. > > Rotor > "WOOOOOBOOOGIE!!!! (sound of rotor falling through roof)" SERVO: Yuck! > > Antoinne > "Ah oui es ees STEEEEEENNNNNNKKKKKKKKAAAAYYYYYYY" CROW: Eep! > > Dulcy > "budda dont wanna do homework!" JIM: Ack! > > Uncle Chuck > "As y'aLl knows, Sonic fights Robotnik and fights him good." ALL: But we never got to see it! > > Bob Prower > "Fock ye!" CROW: I can see where Tails gets it from. > > Rabbi Prower > "Now either buy something or get the fock out of my deli" JIM: This almost makes me want some pickles. CROW: Really. > > Dr. Robotnik > "Doo doo doo doo doo IT'S THE ROBOTNIK SHOW!" ALL[bland]: Horay. > > Snivley > "what a fat" SERVO: A fat what? > > Packbell > "oog" JIM: Huh. > > SWAT bots > "DRRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEE" CROW: They had the easiest lines. > > TANK bot > "BEEP BEEP KILL FREEDOM FIGHTERS ARRR BEEP BEEP BEEP" JIM: Yup. Windows 98. > > Vision, LORD OF PEZ > "What did you call me you want to fight me blueboy wimphog" CROW: And what was Sonic's quest all about, anyway? JIM: No one knows. SERVO: No one cares. > > Chis Pettruci > "SONIC! SUPER SONIC! he is the hero of our day" SERVO: Walt Whitman and Frank Sinatra are gonna be shown saying something really stupid. > > Geoffry St. John > "Oh well look at this. If it isn't the villige buffooon." CROW: So? He says that all the time. > > Grounder > "Ow! huh huh!" SERVO[as Beavis]: Hey! Heh, heh, gimme some of that weed! Heh, heh! > > Scratch > "Heh heheh hehhe nhehehh nehehehehehheheh hneheheneheh ummm yeah" JIM: He's named after the drug he's on. > > Dr. Quack > "QUAAKAKK QUAAACKK QUAAAAAAAACK HA HA QUACK!" SERVO: Can we please kill him? > > Coconuts > "Yo yo yo, don't dis mah funky fro" CROW: We can't because you don't have one. > > Ken Penders > "i hate sonic because i draw his comics." JIM: Then don't draw his comics! > > Frank Sinatra > "Dooby dooby doo doo dooby dooby dooo" SERVO: You don't say. > > Robo-Prower > "heh heh that's right in there....*DRONE*....er i mean..." CROW: Surprisingly, no one noticed that. > > Jackerey Prower > "Help me, I am in danger!" SERVO: ...Will Robinson! > > and.... > > Sonic the Hedgehog! > "It's ORANGE BANNANA WHAM BAM SLAM FLAM BING BHAM BOOM BOOM BOOGALOO > ROCKEM SOCKEM ROLLY POLY WHAK DANG DING DANg WALLA WALLA JUICE TIME!!!!" ALL[bland]: Yaaaaay. > > > CREDITS > ------- > > Story..........SONIC FAN > > Original Music......SONIC FAN > JIM: What music? > Director...........SONIC FAN > > Producer...........SONIC FAN > > Special Thanks to: > > All the fanfic authros whose characters appeared in this sotry > SERVO: No thanks to: David Gonterman, Ken Penders, Stephen Ratliff... CROW: Servo, Ratliff does Star Trek. SERVO: Right. > Archie and SEGA > > and THE READER! > ALL: You're never welcome! > ------------------- > > Uncle Chuck says > SERVO[as Chuck]: Here, son, have some speed! > "Thanks for readin this here story! See y'all later!" > > Frank Sinatra sings > > "It's the end...of this stoooory.....so goooodbye....and so- > long.....GOOOOOODBYYYEEEEEE MOOBIUSSSS!!! Oh JUUUUICY JAMMIN > GOOOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!! It's THEEE EEENNNNNDDDD!" JIM: Say, Walt Whitman wasn't in the credits! [all leave] 1...2...3...4...5...6... [SOL int.] Jim and them are on the bridge. JIM: So how do you like that? The main fight lasts only three seconds! SERVO: That sure is a pain in the aspahalt. CROW: But at least the story wasn't longer. JIM: Yeah, there is that one good point... -Mads' sign- JIM: Hey, Chaos Pearl is calling. [Castle Forrester] Pearl rises up to the screen holding Mike Nelson's head by the hair. PEARL: Look who *I* found! MIKE: Hey, guys. I got a job at Torgo's Pizza and came here to deliver a couple anchovy pizzas to Bobo, and they caught me again. PEARL: Brainiac! Send him up! [pop] [Mike disappears and Jim appears in his place] JIM: Oh, hi. If you don't mind, I'll just be going now... [Bobo and Observer grab him] PEARL: Not so fast, Jimmy boy! I'm going to keep you here for a long, long time. Take him to the dungeon! OBSERVER: Uh, Pearl, we don't have a dungeon. PEARL: What!?! What kind of castle doesn't have a dungeon?!? OBSERVER: This is a fairly *old* castle... PEARL: Well... make a dungeon and then put him in it! OBSERVER: Right! [Bobo and Observer carry Jim off] JIM: No! No! Noooooooo!!! PEARL: Alright, Nelson! I'm sending you a real good homecoming present! It's called "Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!" Enjoy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [fade to black] 'BOTS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [love theme] written by: Jim Whaley co-written by: Brian Feulner "Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!" written by: SONIC FAN featuring: Jim Whaley: James A. Whaley Crow: Bill Corbett Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg Magic Voice: Beez McKeever also featuring: Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl Observer: Bill Corbett Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy with: voice of Cambot: Michael J. Nelson and: Sonic Sally Tails Nicole and re-presenting: Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing MST3K created by: Joel Hodgson special thanks to: Best Brains, Inc. SONIC FAN All you people who love to laugh e-mail tjats@aol.com for comments, etc. c1998 by Jim Whaley [stinger] > In a climactic battle, Sonic defeats robotnik! This has been a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production ----------------- other episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000: 101: The Cartoons Combined 102: Off-Road Brawl 103: The Odyssey 104: The New Season 201: Total Turbulence 202: The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch 203: Are You Ready to Get $40,000 in 6 Weeks with Only 8 Bucks???!! 204: Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle! All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine, located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k !