Mystery Wrestling Theater 3000 post 104, round three: 'A sorceror, a demon, and Emeralds', part three. Original story by Kefka the Dark One/Mecha Sonic MSTIED BY: Alicia Ashby, a.k.a Lynxara CO-MSTIED BY: Jamie Jeans, a.k.a. Jolt CO-MSTIED BY: Justin Golden, a.k.a. J-Boogie A warning from the Lynx: People, I think this is a good MSTing. But the story itself is a lot darker and more graphic than the previous parts of ASADAE. Read at your own risk! Extra JB Note: I pray for your very souls... Note from Jolt: Just like I pray for my own. Now, on to the show! ________________________________________________________________________ Mark Calloway (a.k.a. The Undertaker) and Samantha Jones were usually the first two up on the Satellite of Nitro. As such, they had taken to spending their mornings together. Today, it was a tag-team game of 'Soul Blade' in the rec room. "You... stupid... pirate!" Mark growled as he began pressing buttons furiously on the controller. "No! Don't Critical Edge! Don't Critical Edge!" Samantha tried to warn him. "That makes your weapon..." "... breakable." She winced as their character's sword fell to pieces. "Damn!" Mark swore as he tried to back the character out of range. "Okay... no big deal... we're using Hwang..." Samantha coached him. "Just use the kick combo!" "Right!" Mark agreed. Deciding to lay it all on the line, he had the character run at full speed up to their opponent. He beautifully delivered the triple-hit kick combo and won via ringout! Mark and Samantha exchanged a victory high-five as Mark passed the controller to her. As Samantha began her fight, Mark unexpectedly said, "You know, we need to do something about Nash. You know, the way he harasses you. It's starting to get on *my* nerves." "I know how you feel," Samantha growled back. It had escalated to the point where Nash had replaced all of her regular clothes with Sable's yesterday. So now, she was stuck wearing a super slinky black bodysuit that showed far more of her cleavage than she liked and stiletto high heels that she could barely walk in. She had taken to just walking barefoot and carrying the stupid things around. "You have any ideas?" "Actually, yes," Mark said with a dark smile. "It would be the perfect way to mess with Kevin's head AND lacerate his ego at the same time." Samantha began grinning wider and wider as she heard the details of Mark's plan. "That's horrible!" she said, although she was laughing as she did so. "It's almost cruel!" "I know," Mark grinned. "I like it too. Besides, I owe Nash for a lot of grief from his Kliq days..." As Samantha was ready to deal her death blow to Cervantes the pirate, a massive power surge suddenly rocked through the game console. It completely fried the Playstation and the CD inside, and Samantha quickly dropped the controller as the surge fried it as well. After a few minutes of static, an all-too-familiar face appeared on the screen. "Greetings, booby and boobette!" Vincent K. McMahon greeted them. "And how are your lives today? Miserable? Good! I hoped so!" "Hello, *Vince*," Mark and Samantha growled at him in unison. It was amazing that they had come to hate him nearly as much as the WCW guys, and in a span of only two days! "It's *that* time again, so move your carcasses to the bridge!" he ordered. "And I'll be *very* unhappy if anyone's late!" With that, the screen went back to static and the red warning lights began going off. Samantha and Mark got up and proceeded reluctantly into the bridge. They arrived to see the kind of early-morning madness that was usual to the SON. Kevin Nash was still in the process of brushing his teeth; and Steve Borden and Bret Hart were slumping tiredly against the walls. "You two tried to settle that "Evangelion vs. Escaflowne" argument you had last night, didn't you?" Samantha asked them. "Uh-huh," they replied in sleepy unison. "You stayed up all night watching episodes, didn't you?" "Uh-huh." "But I still think Escaflowne is the better show! Evangelion's all hype!" Steve said aggressively. "Oh, give it up," Bret returned. "You know Evangelion's got the best character development and plot line in the world, bar none." "Escaflowne's got all that, AND an ending," Steve replied bitterly. "You call that crap an ending?" "Boys, boys, there ain't no need to fight," said an all-too-familiar goofy voice as the bridge's main Viewscreen clicked on. WWF Intercontinental champion Rocky Maivia grinned ever-so-cheesily at them from the depths of Titan 13, located deep below the wilds of Connecticut. Samantha was still taken aback every time she heard him talk; how did a black-Italian man end up with the voice of a white game show host? "But ya'll do need to shut yer damn mouths, and listen to what the one true Lord of Darkness has to say!" Rock finished threateningly. Rocky then stepped out of the camera to show Vince standing in front of his Doomsday Device (newly christened the Deus Ex Machina). Vince was grinning evilly again. "Greetings, too Much. As you know, I've been doing quite a bit of work to make my Machine operational again, and it's finally paid off!" The inhabitants of the SON exchanged a worried glance at that. "So I thought to myself: 'Vince, what's the most painful thing you can do those morons? Make them cast members of Maho Tsukai Tai? Transport them to the surface of Venus?' But no, I came up with one better. The only thing worse than having to read the Kefkafic you're reading now would be reading that Kefkafic... WHILE TRAPPED IN A THEATER WITH SCOTT LEVY!!" "Waven?" Kevin managed to mumble out around his toothpaste. "No... you can't! Listening to Raven OR reading Kefka is enough to make you snap... NOBODY could stand both!!" Bret said in panic at the thought. "Isn't that against the Geneva convention?!" Steve asked. "Okay, what's going on?" Samantha asked Mark. "Scott Levy is a WCW wrestler who calls himself Raven. His gimmick is that he had an unhappy childhood, so he takes it out on everyone around him by whining and spouting really bad poetry," Mark explained. "And, well, I hear Scott's one of those guys who's never really out of character." "Ew," Samantha said as she tried to picture being stuck on a Satellite with someone like that. She decided that it would end up being very bad for this 'Raven' person's health. "Prepared for the horror? No? GOOD!" Vince let out a burst of evil laughter as he pulled the Deus Ex Machina's switch. The Machine then glowed with its characteristic blue energy and shot a blue beam of it into the space/time vortex that appeared above. Back on the Satellite, everyone had taken cover behind Steve, who was brandishing a polo mallet in anticipation of their guest. A blue point of light appeared, and grew to materialize the form of... ...a fairly skinny teenager in blue jeans and a T-shirt drinking milk out of a carton. Steve dropped the polo mallet, and stared at the kid in shock along with everyone else. The kid stared back, his mouth still full of unswallowed milk. Finally, Nash mumbled out "Well, dat's a welief," and wandered off to find a bathroom. The kid did a spit-take as he realized who he was looking at (the woman in the slinky bodysuit didn't hurt either). "You're... you're..." "Uh-huh," Bret finished with a grin. He still liked being recognized. The kid stared at Samantha, finally asking, "Are you a Nitro girl?" "No," Samantha growled back at him. He decided to leave the subject alone. "So who are you?" Mark asked. "Uhh... my name's Ryan," the kid replied. "Only off by two letters this time, Vinnie Mac!" Steve grinned at the Viewscreen. Ryan turned to see Vince McMahon, owner of the WWF, swearing and kicking things as Rocky Maivia tried to stay out of his way. Ryan shook his head and muttered, "I should've *known* instant ramen and Jolt don't mix before bed... what's going on here?" Steve took it upon himself to explain things to Ryan, as Vince continued his tirade down in Titan 13. Steve finished up at about the same time Nash came back on to the bridge. "... So, since we work for the competition, Vince hates us and makes us read really bad internet posts." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Gee, where have I heard *that* before? But if that's the case, then why are UT and, um... her..." "My name is Samantha," she said, slightly irritated. "Oh, Sorry... why are they here?" Ryan made a mental note to himself to *not* get caught staring at her. "The same reason you are, kid. Because Vince can't run his Doomsday Machine worth crap!" Mark replied. "Shut up! Just shut up!" Vince yelled at them through the Viewscreen. "Umm, boss... we've got a transmission coming in..." Rocky fearfully announced. Both the SON and T 13 viewscreens went to split-screen mode to accommodate the new caller. The half of the viewscreen displaying the new call showed a very young teenager (he looked thirteen) wearing a leather bodysuit and sitting upon a dark throne. He held a squirming white cat in a crushing embrace, and a very familiar feline fighting-game character was crouched at his feet. Ryan stared at the screen and sighed. "Just when ya think you get away..." Nash squinted at the screen. "Felicia? From Darkstalkers?" "And isn't that Artemis? From Sailor Moon?" Mark added. Samantha's eyes went wide with horror as she recognized the unholy figure. "Oh my God..." "OSCAR!" Steve and Bret exclaimed in the exact same dark tone. They both still had very painful memories of 'Sailor Moon vs. the WWF'. Ryan stared at the screen for a few seconds, before saying, "He doesn't seem happy. Guess he has no idea how all this happened either." The hermaphrodite did not look happy. He glared at the viewscreen and began shouting, "What is the meaning of this?! Why did you remove MY subject from Hentai Space?!" The SON inhabitants relaxed, as he was clearly talking to Vince. "Ahh... er... I assure you, Oscar, this was all just a simple mistake..." Vince trailed off as it became clear that Oscar wasn't listening any more. He had finally noticed the SON feed, and something there had caught his attention. Oscar flung Artemis aside and ran disturbingly close to the camera. "You... it's *you*..." Oscar breathed in awe. Steve took this opportunity to take off running into the Satellite's corridors. "You're my favorite wrestler! BRET HART!!" Oscar squealed girlishly. Bret responded by numbly backing away from the Viewscreen, grabbing hold of the control console to keep from falling over. Oscar immediately went on a markish tirade. "OhBretyou'emyfavoritewrestleryou'rethebestandIrememberyourmatchwiththe BritishBulldogfromSummerSlam..." "That's... umm... nice, Oscar, but..." Bret managed to say weakly. "...andIrememberwhatShawndidtoyouatSurvivorSeriesandIthinkhe'satotal bastardnowandican'tbelievepeopelthinkhe'ssexybecauseyou'resomuchbetterlo okingandyou'reinmuchbettershapeooohyoulooksogoodinpink..." "Disgusting!" Nash exclaimed when he picked out the general drift of Oscar's comments. "Well, he is a hermaphrodite..." Ryan said. He didn't look like he was faring much better than Bret. "Wow, and I thought I got all the wackos," Mark commented. Bret fought back a wave of nausea. "Oscar... we're getting into a really weird area here..." But Oscar kept blathering on, this time going on for about two or three minutes about Bret's tights and how they fit him. Bret sank to floor in agony. He wanted to run the hell away, but found that he couldn't... In T 13, Vince began grinning maniacally as he had an incredibly evil idea. "Oh Os-car..." he sang, getting the hermaphrodite's attention. "I am soo sorry about accidentally stealing your boobie, and I want to make it up to you. How about if I sent the Hitman to you in return? He's proved himself as a real *Iron Man* on more than one occasion, so I'm *sure* you could find a *use* for him..." "*He* could give me a tongue bath!" Oscar exclaimed in joy as a rivulet of drool ran out of his mouth. Nash promptly turned green and ran for the back. Ryan didn't fare much better and passed out on the spot. In T 13, Rocky stared at his overlord in disbelief. "Rock, charge up the Machine!" Vince commanded, a Satanic smile on his face. "But... you can't... that's going too far!" Rocky protested. Vince glared back at him. "Charge up the Machine or *you* go with him," he growled. Rocky quickly scampered to the Deus Ex Machina control banks. The machine began to hum and glow with blue energy... "NO! *NOBODY* DESERVES THAT!!" Samantha screamed. She began trying to run to Bret, hoping to pull him out of harm's way. After all, she owed him allot for helping Jolt to free her of Pipkin's control. But she found her legs wouldn't move. Her eyes glowed red as she tried to overcome the paralyzing force that had immobilized her. "What is this?!" she growled in frustration. As he woke up, Ryan replied, "It's the Hermaphrodite Hypnosis Field! There's no way you can fight it! It's how he got Artemis and Felicia and who knows who else!!" Bret simply curled into a ball on the floor and began screaming. Suddenly, the Satellite's lights went out. A dark figure leapt out of the corridors and onto the console as the eerie sound of electrical distortion played over the Satellite's speakers. "REMEMBER ME?!" he shouted at Oscar through the Viewscreen. Oscar recoiled in terror, as memories of his internet death flashed into his mind. "No! Not you! NOOOOOO!!" With that, the transmission from Subterra 69 cut off abruptly. Steve, resplendent in his Sting battle gear, grinned as the lights came back on and the sound turned off. He hopped off the console, and then glared at the Viewscreen. Down in Titan 13, a very flustered Vince McMahon was pounding on the Deus Ex Machina's controls. "No! I've lost Oscar's position! No, damn you, no!!" Vince turned back to his Viewscreen and returned Steve's glare through it. "This is your fault," he hissed. "Pink-boy's staying right here. And you, Vince, are a sick, sick bastard," Steve replied fearlessly. "So it's a war you want, Mr. Borden? I'll be *too* happy to oblige. Rock, send them the fanfic." Rocky gulped and said, "Well, here's part three of 'A sorceror, a demon, and Emeralds.' It's been nice knowing you." With that, Rocky pushed the Button. Back on the Satellite, Samantha and Mark were helping Bret up. "Are you all right? How many fingers am I holding up?" Samantha asked, her face full of concern. Ryan was absolutely bewildered. "This guy really *does* hate you." Bret glommed on to Steve the minute he saw him. "Steve! How can I thank you? You saved my life!" Bret gushed in relief. "Um... yeah, whatever," Steve replied, obviously embarrassed. He tried to disentangle himself form Bret grasp. "You're, uh, getting stuff on my coat..." Nash returned form the bathroom just in time to see the lights and buzzers that announced an incoming post go off. "... and we've got KEFKA SIIIIIIIGN!" Steve screamed as everyone ran into the theater. [DOOR SEQUENCE... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...] [The new group enters the theater and takes their seats. (R-to-l: Steve (still in full ring gear), Mark, Samantha, Nash, Bret, and Ryan] MARK: Bret, are you sure you can handle this? BRET: I'm okay. RYAN: So what are we reading? SAMANTHA: Well, it's a dark Sonic the Hedgehog lemon. RYAN: Gonterman?! NOOOOOO!! SAMANTHA: Actually, I think it's worse than Gonterman... RYAN: That's can't be possible. SAMANTHA: You'll see... ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>><><><> ><><> SAMANTHA: Hey Bret! It's some more of those fishes! BRET: Hmmm... maybe they're Kefka's way of telling us he likes 'Moby Dick'. STEVE: Melville would rochambeau Kefka just on principle. RYAN: One fish... two fish... red fish... blue fish... MARK: Actually, they seem to be stuck in black and white. >{DUE TO Some ADULT AND VIOLENT CONTENT, readers discretion is advised. SAMANTHA: Do not view unless taste in fanfics is extremely low... MARK: Or you're being forced to. RYAN : But if need be, it can make great toilet paper. It's made out of crap anyway. NASH: (looks at Ryan) He's crude and he has absolutely no love for the author. (pause) I LIKE him! ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>><><><> ><><> >~-<{<>}>-~ (PART3) NASH: The history of the ass, from prehistory to the present! SAMANTHA: These are the tails of our lives. >Written by: Mecha Sonic Kefka the Dark One SAMANTHA : KEEEEEFFFFFFFKAAAAAA!!! BRET: I know how you feel. RYAN: I wonder what would happen if we put a few million volts through him... STEVE: Then he'd be the "*Light*-ning one!" MARK: Not to mention crispy. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >~~~~ >Dedicated to: SAMANTHA: Talentless hacks such as myself... STEVE: No, I'm sure these people are much better writers than Kefka. Well, unless he mentions Gonterman... >Certain such people as Locy and Jai, Leo, Eagle, Aphrodite >Echidna, Tails, and so many more that I have lost count on them, MARK: All too conveniently, I might add... RYAN: ARGH! This Newton is a piece of crap! I can't keep track of anything! >they all are the greatest friends anyone can have. SAMANTHA: Does anyone smell the bull**** that I do? NASH: Smell...? If you lit a match in here, the theater would explode. MARK: That's not a bad idea... well, except for our horrible flaming deaths... SAMANTHA: Not me. I can pretty much survive anything that's thrown at me. RYAN: And to quote Oscar, "BOOMSHACKALACKA!!" [Everybody stares at Ryan] RYAN: (grinning sheepishly) Sorry, sorry... Oscar's held me captive for too long I guess... BRET: Actually, that's been bothering me. Isn't Oscar dead? STEVE: Yeah! I distinctly remember killing him! [and so, here Ryan relates how he and the Nerima gang were roped into riffing bad stories.] STEVE: I *KNEW* he was too evil to just up and die! SAMANTHA: I'm surprised Ranma and crew haven't killed you yet... RYAN: Luckily, I seemed to have adapted... >And a tip O' the sneakers to >BOOKSHIRE DRAFTWOOD for placing this on the coolest web page in the world >of Mobius! SAMANTHA: So, other Sonic fans actually placed his work on their web page? BRET: Certainly seems like a sign of the apocalypse to me. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>~~~~~~~ SAMANTHA: On the road again... >Letter Response: I was hoping Anyone with comments, MARK: This sucks. Leave the Sonic characters alone. BRET: MARK!!! MARK: Well, he asked. SAMANTHA: Yeah! Leave my Marky alone! NASH: >Idea, or wish to ask >for rights to use any of this story would send E-mail to any of the >following Addresses...... RYAN: Lessee now... they are... uh... hold on, I have to find them on my Newton first. MARK: You don't like Apple very much, do you? RYAN: What gave you that idea? SAMANTHA: What say we e-mail bomb this guy into the dark ages, eh guys? GUYS: RIGHT! >104643.1572@Compuserve.com >MetalSonic@AOL.Com NASH: crap@sucks.com. BRET: Kevin... *be nice.* NASH: To Kefka? Make me! SAMANTHA: And the sad part is that I actually *agree* with Nash. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >~~~~~ >Lawful Crap: Sonic The Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prowers, Dr. Robotnik and >all other related characters are based on the characters created by SEGA, >Archie Comic publication, DIC's Sonic The Hedgehog Old Saturday Cartoon, >and SEGA of AMERICA. BRET : I'm telling you this because they won't be recognizable after *I'm* done with them! >Other such Characters are created from the minds of >Aaron Lye, Elizabeth Ramirez and Alex Arellano RYAN : They're good slave workers, aren't they? STEVE: Who can *not* be happy about what Kefka's doing to their characters either. SAMANTHA: Well, Kefka did say that he had to ask permission... STEVE: Well, imagine if someone asked for permission to use *you* and then promptly stuck you in lemon scenes. Jolt wouldn't be too happy, now would he? JOLT: DEATH!! DEATH SHALL RAIN FROM THE HEAVENS!! STEVE: See? RYAN: What the hell was that?! MARK: Just ignore it. It's much easier that way. >Final Fantasy 3, Kefka, and other such things are based on the characters >and items created by SquareSoft inc. SAMANTHA: The best damn RPG makers in the world! NASH: Who are currently planning to sue Kefka for everything he's worth. MARK: Must... resist... urge to... make... riff about author... having nothing... >1) No one can use the Characters Elizabeth Ramirez, or Alex Arellano >created without written permission to the author. RYAN : Of course, if you do certain *favors* for me... SAMANTHA : I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! >2) This file is not to be placed upon a Web site or On-line Service without >written approval from the authors RYAN: Because only *I* can possibly make money on this! It's mine mine mine! BRET: Kefka acts like there's people lining up in hordes to get this thing... >3)No one says anything about how cruel I make Sonic SAMANTHA: Which is what we'll be doing when we get off the SON and kick your... STEVE: That's a good idea! Somebody write that down! RYAN: Lucky you. I'll probably get sent back to Oscar. (shudders) MARK: I pity you, poor soul... >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >~~~~~~~ >Brief summery: Constant perverted Dreams keep entering Miles Prowers, he >has no control of the nightmare he dream, but one thing always remains, SAMANTHA: A crappy fanfic? RYAN: His PJ's never make it through the night dry. BRET: NASH! NASH: No way, pal. That wasn't me. BRET: Oh, sorry, force of habit. RYAN! RYAN: Heh, just like old times... >Sonic raping Sally, MARK : Oh, of *course*. RYAN: Isn't that the chipmunk or squirrel or whatever the hell it is? MARK: Afraid so. RYAN: Damn... glad I went through that Chibi-usa rape fic... [The others turn to stare at Ryan for awhile] SAMANTHA: You're kidding, right? RYAN: Nope, had to do it myself. Went into a coma... But I survived! BRET: Wow... SAMANTHA: I'm impressed. >and challenging him to come and save her. Will Tails >let these dreams go unanswered? or will he decide enough is enough? NASH: Or will he enjoy them like the sick little freak he is? RYAN : Enough is enough! Sonic! Let ME be your love slave! BRET: [punches Ryan in the head] NO! Don't YOU start! >The first of the many Saga's to be in ~-<{<Emeralds>>}>-~ SAMANTHA: Many? ARGH!!! MARK: There there... NASH: >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>~~~~~ > >~~ SAMANTHA: Money and hitmen. RYAN: Huh? SAMANTHA: I don't know. Just struck me at the moment. BRET : Do you really mean that? SAMANTHA: Umm... not like that. > > Tails slept peacefully since the days of his befriending of many. RYAN : (blandly) I must get 30,000 friends to become human... SAMANTHA: The first Thinkerism outside of a Dr.Thinker fanfic! WRESTLERS : Yay. >Knuckles Echidna, Sonya Sho, Locy Hottovy, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Mecha Sonic. STEVE: Their names are given because they're sure as hell not innocent. >They had found a common cause to fight, to fight and defeat Sonic the >Hedgehog. SAMANTHA: Couldn't their common cause be to find a way out of this fanfic? RYAN: And afterwards... one huge honking orgy! NASH: I like your style, kid! SAMANTHA: [groans] Now I have to deal with two of them... >He slept dreamless nights, until just now. . . a dream, a >horrible dream. MARK: He was in a Kefka story! RYAN: (singing) To dream the impossible dream... >Sonic had tied down Sally to a bed. SAMANTHA: AGH! Not even a page into it and we've already got this crap! NASH: Yeah, screw profound quotes or intense characterization! THIS is how you hook your audience! RYAN: That's like using an anchor to hook a fish... it's too damn much! >He forced himself >inside her, her screams, his laughter, a madness, a lust, a hate, a >wanting, RYAN: A fanfic, a ranting, a sicko, a nutball... it was KEFKA!! BRET: No, he's talking about Vince! [Despite the fact that he's wearing face paint, Steve still turns green and falls out of his seat, moaning in agony] >Tails would wake every time when Sonic started to force her to >placed his erection in her mouth. NASH: Over the lips-- RYAN: And past the gums-- NASH/RYAN: Look out stomach-- [while trying not to pass out, Bret double smacks Ryan and Nash] SAMANTHA: *BURP* Oh boy, I think I'm gonna be sick. STEVE [trying to crawl back into his seat]: You're not the only one >He would wake screaming in anger and >frustration at this. SAMANTHA: What? That he didn't get any? BRET: SAMANTHA! SAMANTHA: Sorry, the fanfic is getting to me. RYAN: AAAAHHHH!!! My dreams keep turning into Cinemax! >his view of these dreams was sometimes in the third >Person, he would see this all, he would see himself chained forced to watch >and never be able to stop it. NASH : Hey... I'm pretty hot! RYAN: Sally! I'm so sorry! I... dammit, Sonic, those nipple clamps are all wrong! SAMANTHA: Never mention nipple clamps around a woman! NASH: And what a woman... SAMANTHA: Baka! >Sometimes he'd dream himself raping Sally, RYAN: Ooooook... I think Tails has a few issues he needs to deal with... >this angered him even more. Every night for the past weeks he dreamed >these, and always Sonic would talk to him in these dreams. BRET : You're a right sick bastard, Tails... > "What do you >think Tails?" he would cackle. RYAN: [peers at Sonic for a second] I'm bigger. Nyaah! SAMANTHA : This fanfic sucks! STEVE: Snap, Cackle, Pop! Evil Krispies! >"There's nothing you can do to stop me! >there's nothing except to watch, I'm sure you wish you could do this!" MARK: Painfully torture you, Sonic? Why, yes! >he would pause to let out a groan and ejaculate, RYAN : (says very quickly) Iamtheverymodelofamodernmajorgeneral! STEVE: (astonished) I thought you'd have gone for a... uh... RYAN: Slightly more risqué riff? I like to shock people... SAMANTHA: Oh man! This is beginning to reach the level of wrongness that Kagato's Revenge reached. BRET: Huh? SAMANTHA: For the sake of your sanity, don't ask. >on key Sally would scream >aloud and beg him to stop. . . RYAN: Stop taping this! I don't want to be sprawled all over the internet!! NASH : You're lying on my hair, Sonic... BRET: Eh? On key? I wonder if it's a B-sharp... >"You will never stop me Miles, I can take >over your freaking mind and make you watch this till you go insane. RYAN: In the membrane? > I want you to suffer! STEVE: You're doing a great job! I've never been in so much pain in my entire life! MARK: And coming from a guy who wrestled Ric Flair umpty-billion times, that's saying something. >I want you to come to Sonotropolis and try to stop me!" >Miles would wake again and again from the dream, until finally he decided >to oblige Sonic's wishes. RYAN : Who cares if I get killed? If I play my cards right, I might finally get some! BRET: I've just met you, and I have the overwhelming urge to smack you around like I do Nash... NASH: Hah! You wish! SAMANTHA: He then gets killed, the rebellion is crushed, and Sonic rules with an iron fist. The end. MARK: So what's on Raw? > > > * * * SAMANTHA: The author is going to be seeing stars once *I'm* done with him. BRET: I don't think violence is really necessary, Samantha... SAMANTHA: No, but it's fun. BRET: Good point. > > > "Good morning Tails!" Sonya chirped out happily, SAMANTHA: Oh no! Sonya turned into a bird! MARK: Hopefully it'll be hunting season. >Miles walked into >the kitchen where Sonya was sitting down near the table with a cup of >coffee, the mug has the loved quote "I hate Mondays" on it. STEVE: And just what the HELL is wrong with Mondays?! SAMANTHA: Well... doesn't everyone hate Mondays? NASH: Hell no! That's when the wrestling shows come on! BRET: If it wasn't for Monday, we'd all be unemployed. MARK: So it's understandably our favorite day of the week. RYAN: Yeah, well I go to school. And after a weekend, I LOATHE Mondays... >"did you have a good night sleep?" RYAN : Oh sure. The fact I was screaming and thrashing around didn't mean a thing. SAMANTHA: The hell...? Did we step into a family show all of a sudden? > "no, I didnt, I had that dream again." SAMANTHA: Oh gross! Tails has been telling them about his dreams! STEVE : Umm... that's nice Tails. Boy, wouldja look at the time! Gotta run!! >Tails plunked down into a seat RYAN: Ewww... isn't that best done on the toilet? > and looked at her with bloodshot eyes. BRET : I TOLD you to lay off the tequila! > "He wont leave me alone Sonya. > not until I go insane or I do as he says." SAMANTHA: Kinda like Mcmahon. NASH: *Exactly* like McMahon. BRET: Only Sonic hasn't made Tails dress up like a clown. MARK: *Yet.* > "Even the spells you tried on yourself didnt stop them huh?" STEVE : No... and boy, did I try that Jack 'n Coke spell a lot. >Tails Shook his head. "Miles, you know they are just dreams and~" > "Just dreams? you know as well as I do that he rapes her all the >time. NASH : 24 hours a day! And you can see it all *live* on the Sonic channel! BRET: I swear, one more like that and it's Sharpshooter time! >I should have taken her with me the first day when Sonic crushed the world." SAMANTHA: Yeah, Sonic just grinded it beneath his heel. MARK: Well, I know I would've picked Sally over Antoine. RYAN : Yeah. Then I could've just *taken* her... [BRET immediately punches Ryan in the head] > "Tails, you didnt know, how could anyone have known?" STEVE : We didn't know what Kefka was like back then! >Sonya paused >for a moment. "don't go blaming yourself for something that happened so >long ago." NASH : Even though it *is* your fault. > "But~" Sonya shoved a spoon in Tails mouth before he could finish. BRET: Tails choked and died. The end. MARK: So what's happening on Raw? > "I said, don't blame yourself, your no good to us as a leader if >you have a mental breakdown." RYAN: I have an argument about that! If he goes insane, then he's likely to do SO many things at random, it'd fake Sonic out and get his ass kicked! BRET: And likely get everybody killed in the process... that's a brilliant idea! > Tails removed the spoon and smacked his lips >tasting the bitter coffee grains. Sonya smiled at him and kissed his >cheek. SAMANTHA: Better not let Antoine see that or he might get crazy. STEVE: No, Antoine was dating the tubie thing, remember? Sonya's with Knuckles. SAMANTHA: I can't believe you're keeping track of this! STEVE: Well, it helps me stave off the growing urge I have to jump out the airlock. RYAN: You guys have an airlock? Nifty... >"Come on Tails, be that crazy little two tailed fox I remember who RYAN : Used to think up all of those kinky uses for emeralds and palm trees and that *nifty* trick with the gold rings... SAMANTHA: Whose gonna be taking care of Ryan when he makes a lewd comment? I can't reach that far. RYAN: Nyah Nyah! BRET: Got it covered, Sam. >always use to believe his heart and never have any doubts." Sonya got up >and lightly dusted her light blue near see through night gown, RYAN : Er, Sonya I think you dropped a spoon way over there... yeah that's it, just bend over... [As Bret goes to punch Ryan, he ducks out of the way and lets Bret go flying. of course, he didn't notice Bret reach up and grab him by the throat] RYAN: That does tend to get annoying after a-GACK! [Bret easily tosses Ryan into a fireman's carry, then turns it into a fallaway slam. As Ryan tries to pull himself up, Bret then picks him again and does a vicious backbreaker on him. Finally, he grabs Ryan's legs and puts him in the Sharpshooter.] RYAN: AAAAAGGGHH! BRET: Who be the man?! WHO BE THE MAN?! SAMANTHA: WHOOOHOO!!! NASH: Tap out, kid! Tap out! [Ryan finally taps out. Bret takes his seat again as Ryan crawls back into his] BRET: Never forget... wrestling may be fake, but the moves AREN'T! RYAN : Yes, sir. >she picked >up her cobalt blue robe and put it around herself. ALL: Thank you! >"do what you feel is >best in your heart Tails. I'm going to go get dressed and talk to Locy." NASH: Sure, *talk* to Locy. I gotcha. [Bret glares at Nash.] NASH: Hey! I was subtle that time! > "O.K. Sonya, where is Robotnik and Mecha? oh and where's Antoine?" RYAN : Last I saw, they were all sneaking off to the barn... SAMANTHA: [interjecting quickly] To smoke cigarettes. RYAN: Aww, you're no fun... SAMANTHA: I just don't want Bret to kill you! I don't want to visit him in prison! Uh, that ain't what I meant! RYAN: Sure... > "Dads in the laboratory with Mecha and Tony." SAMANTHA : ... killing Tony and planning with Mecha about stabbing all of you in the back. > Tails nodded, and watched the sleek hedgehog leave. STEVE: Somebody's been taking a bath in WD-40... > Tails got up >and looked at himself, he turned a strawberry red SAMANTHA : Mmmm, strawberry... > when he realized he was >walking around in his birthday suit. ALL: AHH!!! RYAN: First Thundercats, now this! SAMANTHA: We're being punished for something! I know it! JOLT: You and me both! MARK: Well, at least we aren't suffering alone. >It had been a while since he strolled >around nude, he kinda liked the freedom it gave parts of his anatomy. RYAN: (singing) Born free... SAMANTHA : What anatomy? He's a dickless wonder! JOLT: Tone it down! SAMANTHA: Make me! JOLT: Uh... LYNXARA: She's got you there. BRET: Do you people mind?! >Mobians were never shy on this, Sonic, Sally, Rotor, and other in the old >days didnt wear anything. STEVE : GEE, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE THIS IS ALL JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A KIDDIE CARTOON! RYAN: Man, if they were anatomically correct... [shudders] I ain't going there. >He figured only Sonya and Robotnik would find it >uncomfortable, seeing how they were humans minded. SAMANTHA: Uh, hello? Do you have a brain? Sonya is a hedgehog, for crying out loud! Animals of any kind would really hate to wear human clothing! NASH: See, but in this reality, Sonya is a hedgehog and a human and... never mind. I don't even know what the author was trying to say. BRET: You're not the only one. >Tails' mind wandered on >a sleek naked Sonya, he grinned happily and felt himself become erect. SAMANTHA: Raising the flagpole! MARK: Going to full mast! NASH: Plumping the sausage! RYAN: The soldier's saluting! BRET: I REFUSE TO DO THIS JOKE! STEVE: Yeah! Tails was created as a cute little anatomically incorrect fox, and at least in *my* mind, he's staying that way! >Out >of nowhere the thought of a naked Robotnik appeared in his mind suddenly, MARK: *And* in mine... you will pay for this, Kefka. RYAN: Gah... where the hell did THAT come from?! >he felt his erection vanish in a blink of an eye. RYAN: Now you see it? Now you don't! SAMANTHA: Assuming you could have seen it in the first place. BRET: Oooh... stinger. STEVE: Huh? BRET: Never mind. > He shook his head and >decided to go put some clothing on. ALL: Thank you! > > > * * * RYAN: The enemy's firing, sir! > > After a while Tails went to the laboratory, Robotnik was in his >wolf form and was working on a vital source of natural energy NASH: Y'know, just generic natural energy. RYAN: Hmm... so Jolt cola *could* keep a guy going for days... JOLT: Works for me! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!! SAMANTHA: Way to go Ryan. Jolt'll probably find a 300 K fanfic to MST in one night. RYAN: Hasn't he already? >to help keep >Knotholes powers supply high in case the generators failed. Tails walked >in and walked over to the Doc. "Hey Lunarus how does it go?" SAMANTHA: Limp, shriveled, and hanging to the left. BRET: That was a bit tasteless, Samantha. SAMANTHA: So's the story. > "not well, I cannot create such a power without some natural >resources, STEVE: So you have to have generic natural resources to create a generic natural power source. RYAN: I barely passed Chemistry, so I guess that's right. >but these sources aren't around anymore." Robotnik went quiet >for a moment. "I'm glad you called me by my named Lunarus." RYAN : It's so good we can use our pet names for each other... NASH: I have a protege! SAMANTHA: (looks at Nash) Don't you dare. He's somewhere along the lines of you, but he does have SOME redeeming qualities. NASH: Oh yeah? Like what? SAMANTHA: Um... RYAN: Oh sure, take your time... BRET [snickers]: He can sell a move a lot better than you can, Nash. NASH: HEY!! BRET: I bet I could teach him to wrestle better, too... SAMANTHA: Now *that* I've gotta see! > he looked over >to Mecha Sonic who was laying on the couch reading a magazine "at least >someone honors my wishes." SAMANTHA: Hey, he's reading Playbot! MARK: Did you get possessed by the spirit of Marta? > "Where's Tony?" NASH : Burning in hell? > "Antoine's in the next room talking with Locy." The Doc smiled >slightly. "best leave them alone right now Tails," his grin became wider. >"trust me on this one." RYAN : (off screen) Oh Antoine it's so... so... um... that's it? SAMANTHA: This fanfic is beginning to look like a cheap B-movie. BRET: Too bad we couldn't get one of those. STEVE: Well, there's that Urotsuki-something video you have... BRET [blushes bright red]: ... I ... I have no idea what you're talking about! STEVE: Oh, so I was just *hallucinating* that time when I walked in on you and Page watching it... [Bret sinks down really low in his chair and blushes furiously] SAMANTHA: Awww, you look so cute when you do that! BRET: > "Oh, I see, thanks for the warning. Better Tell Sonya, she was >looking for her." > "Oh she already came, RYAN : Damn! And I had my camcorder loaded up, too! SAMANTHA: And she didn't even wait for Tony. MARK: You've been a bad influence, Nash. NASH: Oh sure, blame *me* for everything. >she talked to Locy and they giggled a little >then she left to go see Knuckles." RYAN: Jeez, she's insatiable... she came once and now she's going to see Knuckles. > "where is he anyway?" > "Preparing for a trip, he wanted to go see if there was anything >left of the Floating Island." SAMANTHA: Hold on! Didn't we see, in the last dozen flashbacks, that the floating island was blown to kingdom come? STEVE: Yeah! And I distinctly remember them saying before that the island crumbled to nothing! MARK: So Sonya and Knuckles are going to leave in the middle of a war to go look at a big pile of nothing. Of course. RYAN: I think it's good I missed that part... > "did he say when he was going to go?" > "In about 2 days from now." > "Thanks Doc," Tails patted him on the shoulder (what he could >reach) "Is there anyway You can get the stuff you need?" > "Yeah, but the only way I see it, is to get it is to go back in >time." Mecha's eyes turned to Robotnik's. RYAN : As I stare into your eyes I can't help but say... NASH : I love you! RYAN: Hey! You stole my riff! NASH: Well, here... [gives Ryan a T-shirt with a certain red logo on it] ... you can be Wolfpac! RYAN [puts it on]: Thanks! MARK: He'd probably be more useful in a fight than Konnan... > "I might be able to help you there Master." Mecha said. SAMANTHA : Yes master! > "I know you can Mecha, In fact I was hoping we could make a trip >down there." BRET: Down *where*? NASH: Down THERE!! [begins furiously crotch chopping at the screen] SAMANTHA: Come on, I *dare* you to do that again! >Lunarus look at Miles. "what do you say?" RYAN : Thank you? BRET : Good boy. Here's a cookie. > "do you think you could wait a few days?" Tails replied. "With >everything going on, we might need some back up." the Doc and Mecha both >nodded. STEVE : Smile and nod... smile and nod... we kill him later... >Just then Locy and Antoine came out, Locy seemed slightly flushed >and Antoine had some lip stick on his cheek. SAMANTHA: I can't believe it! Antoine got some! GUYS: GYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! MARK: And there's the second sign of the apocalypse! > "Ah Miles! I was wondering do you think maybe me and Locy could >take an expedition to Dragon Mountain?" > "what for?" asked Tails. BRET : Dragons, stupid! >Antoine looked at him with a 'figure it >out kid' look. "oh, yeah I'm sure you can. NASH : We'll just stay here and die horribly while *you* go off and bang your little girlfriend. >When do you plan on leaving?" > "Hopefully in two days from now." > "dang," replied Tails "everyone is leaving. . . ." STEVE : Do I need to switch deodorants or something? >Tails paused a >moment. "have everyone meet in the meeting room. I need to talk to all of >you." SAMANTHA : Meet me in the Batcave. > > > > * * * MARK : Twinkle, twinkle, little star... > > > Moments later all key freedom Fighter leaders entered the large >black room. SAMANTHA: See? It is the batcave! >Candles were lit everywhere keeping it quite bright and >showing off the many pictures of the forgotten original Freedom Fighters. >Among them was Sonic's Picture. BRET: Because, dammit, the Freedom fighters *enjoyed* having painful memories! STEVE: This whole series is causing painful memories... >Tails sat at the end of the table and >waited as each one of the key fighters sat down. RYAN: Key Fighters 2: *Lock* and load! BRET: That was kind of lame. RYAN: Oh, bite me. BRET: *Someone* hasn't learned their lesson yet... RYAN: AGH! No! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me! SAMANTHA: I never knew a guy's voice could reach that pitch. > "Greetings all of you, it >seems each and everyone of you has plans to take off and leave this war for >a few days." NASH : What the HELL are you people THINKING?! SAMANTHA : And if you find a way out of this fanfic, then all the better. RYAN: And I must ask... take me with you?! Puh-leeeezeeee?!?! >Tails' paused then continued. "I think that is a wonderful >idea. We each have had allot of stress lately and it would do each and >everyone of us wonders to head somewhere away from this. STEVE: If Sonic rules the planet, then exactly where would 'away' be? >I am giving all >of you passage to go and have some fun. I will stay here and lead the >troops." SAMANTHA: What troops? RYAN : Alright. Rosie Palm, get your five sisters... you're needed... > "But Tails, you alone?" replied Antoine. > "Yes alone, it gives me some time to relax and stool around nude!" >Tails grinned. SAMANTHA: Dear God... I don't even know what to *say* to that... RYAN: Wow, he's a fecalphiliac! BRET: A what? RYAN: He likes mooky stinks. BRET: EWWW! >Robotnik and Sonya shook their heads in unison. "Please >use what's left of today to pack and be on your way." NASH : Get the hell out of here! It's NAKED TIME!! >Tails got up and left the room. SAMANTHA: Hey, can we do that? BRET: Unfortunately, no. SAMANTHA: Damn. > > > * * * RYAN : And Billy Ray has missed three of his targets.... > > "Oh I haven't been out of the main continent for the longest time >Knuckles!" Chirped Sonya. SAMANTHA: There she goes, turning into a bird again. STEVE: Maybe she's a shapeshifter. That would explain the human/hedgehog thing. >"I cant wait to get out of here!" SAMANTHA: Me too! MARK: In fact, I think we all feel like that. > "Me too Sonya, but I don't really consider this a pleasure trip." SAMANTHA: Knowing Sonya, she'll make it into one. NASH: You keep forgetting. There's no pleasure in a Kefka story, just horrible, violent rape.[suddenly grins] Now if you want *pleasure*... [Samantha sighs and sucker-punches Nash] >Sonya went silent for a moment remembering how much the island meant to >Knuckles. RYAN : It had my collection of girlie... er, I mean car magazines! > "I. . .I'm sorry Knuckles. I didnt mean it like that." > "I know you didn't. I'm glad you could come with me, I don't think >I can handle this alone." BRET : Seeing all of that nothing... > "I would do anything for you my love." SAMANTHA : And I would do anything for love... >She laid down in her bed >with Knuckles and fell asleep in his arms. STEVE: Those are some big arms! > > > * * * > > > "Say Doc, once we reach the little planet should we make like >Sonic use to and Time Warp to the past?" SAMANTHA: So Kefka made some fanfics with Sonic traveling in time. Lets hope McMahon doesn't find them. MARK: Actually, I think that's a reference to an episode of the cartoon... SAMANTHA: In a KEFKA story? You're kidding! RYAN: Actually, he's referring to the Sonic CD game. > "We only need to go to the Palm Tree Panic past. That's it, we go >no where else." > "Aww come on! cant we go juicing in the Star Dust speedway?" NASH: So Mecha Sonic wants to go the raceway and blade. Why do I have the sudden urge to stick my head in a microwave? STEVE [sighs]: Even you noticed how bad this story is. > "No! now come on, go to sleep we have a big day tomorrow." BRET: ROBOTS DON'T SLEEP!! Can't just *one thing* in this story make sense? Just *one thing*? RYAN: If it made sense, then it wouldn't have been sent up. > > > * * * > > > "How does this Dragon Mountain look Antoine?" asked Locy. RYAN : Like a dragon. Hence the name dragon mountain! Twit... > Antoine >placed his hand on hers and held them. BRET : Your hand is MINE! BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STEVE: You do that a bit TOO well... > "You will love it Locy, it has the greatest view of Dragon lake and >Dragon woods." SAMANTHA: As well as Dragon Desert and Dragon Canyon and... >he kissed her lips softly. "I know you'll just die for it!" SAMANTHA : If you know what I mean. Mwahahahaha!!! MARK: Hmmm... that's not a bad idea... > "As long as I'm with you I'll be happy." ALL: > > > * * * > > > Miles mumbled something under his breath as he unclothed himself >and laid in his bed. SAMANTHA: The fanfic that brings up last week's lunch! NASH: It had something to do with last month's playmate and a hot tub full of Cool-Whip. SAMANTHA: *burp* Hoo boy... >He thought about how everyone had a at least one time >love affair with someone. STEVE: Then he thought about how little sense that made, since everyone was anatomically incorrect. SAMANTHA: This is beginning to sound like a show of Beverly Hills 90210. >Antoine and Locy he felt must have already. . . MARK: GAH! Don't remind me! >Sonya and Knuckles he could almost be sure of. RYAN: For he had watched them every night! > Even Robotnik and some >unknown female had to have, I mean how could Sonya be alive or Sonic. SAMANTHA: Don't say a word, Bret. You'll only hurt yourself. BRET [on the verge of tears]: Just *one* logical thing. That's all I ask. >Even Sonic and Sally, how come he's their age yet he's was still a virgin? NASH: Because you're a complete and total loser? RYAN: I can relate, buddy. >One thing Tails still does from his youth is ponder about these things, he was >never one to let something go unthought of late at night. STEVE : Damn! If only I could figure out how those sub-atomic particles worked... >He fluffed his >pillow and started to fall asleep. . . . MARK: Never seeing Sonic sneak up behind him and break his neck. > > He was alone in a dark Room, he could see nothing but his hands in >front of his face. From no where he suddenly saw Sally standing in front >of him, naked, and so beautiful. SAMANTHA : You are so beautiful... to me... >She was walking towards him, her face >filled with a happiness to see him again, "Sally" he called to her and >started to moved to her, When a rumble occurred shaking him and dropping >him to the ground. BRET: A *Royal* Rumble? >Sally started to scream as suddenly large gloved claws >ripped from the ground and grabbed her hands restraining her from movement. SAMANTHA: Well, gripping hands do tend to restrict movement. NASH [grinning]: Heh. Don't I know it... [Samantha scoots away from Nash] MARK: Don't even think about it... >Sonic appeared next to her and laughed, he turned to Tails and gazed into >the foxes eyes. "She's mine Tails, mine forever. . . SAMANTHA [suddenly squirming uncomfortably]: This is bringing back horrible images of the AAA tournament. STEVE: Don't worry about it! We got you back, right? SAMANTHA: Of which I am very thankful. NASH: What about me? SAMANTHA: Oh, I'm sorry. Come here. [Nash grins and gets up to receive the hug only to be laid back in his seat by a rapid three punch to the head] SAMANTHA: Just as dumb as Tuxedo Chris. >you will never be able >to stop me from taking her over and over." MARK : ... to WAL-MART! Watch as I let her spend every penny you own! >He walked over to the fox and >removed from his boot a large sharp dagger, its jagged teeth on the sides >gleamed with the unseen light. RYAN: See, that's what happens when you don't floss and brush. BRET: *Unseen* light? THE HELL?! NASH: It's probably what you see when you stare blindly. >"how would you like it if I shoved this in >her eh?" Sonic's eyes flared with a lustful, horny, evil and wicked gleam. RYAN: That would be extremely... painful... STEVE [in shock]: Oh... my... God. MARK: That's it! We're in Hell! SAMANTHA: Watch as Sonic rips off a scene from the movie 'Seven'. >"How would you like it if I shoved this up your ass." BRET : Umm... not at all? >Sonic walked back to >Sally and looked at her body, slowly he began to cut at Sally's inner >thigh, she screamed out in pain, SAMANTHA: This fanfic is *definitely* heading downhill. NASH: Y'know, this is kind of... icky. STEVE: YOU THINK?! >the same moment Tails cried out and >attempted to leap up and tackle Sonic, but he couldn't move, something held >him down, BRET: It was another damn Kefka plot device designed to make us sit through another one of these damn horrible scenes! >Tails looked at his hands and saw some sort of fleshy cord >similar to an umbilicus cord wrapped around his wrist. RYAN: (chanting to himself) Out of sight... out of mind... out of sight... out of mind... SAMANTHA: Oh no... Not that! Anything but that! MARK: What's wrong? SAMANTHA: Tentacles... No Overfiend... >Tail's kicked >furiously and even bit the cords trying to rip them off. NASH : Tastes like chicken! >He was powerless >to watch Sonic as he began to lick the oozing blood from sally's deep >wounds. STEVE: That's it! [Steve immediately drops to his knees on the floor and begins muttering something] SAMANTHA: Steve, have you finally cracked, or... STEVE: I'm praying for Eric Draven to come and lop Sonic's head off. >Her eyes looked at Tails. "Please help me" she cried. "Please! >Miles! Save me!" Sonic stopped and looked into Tails eyes again MARK : Everything seems to be fine here. Now let's check that other eye. Do you see better with this lens... or *this* lens? >"Yes Tails, Save her, if you can. . ." SAMANTHA: Save on Princesses at Minards! > > Tails woke from the nightmare sweating badly, he looked around >quickly and gave a long sigh of relief. He checked the clock, it was >Midnight, exactly the same time he awoke last night. BRET: Why, thank you for that little detail! That added so FREAKING MUCH to the story. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT *STUPID TIME* TAILS WOKE UP!! >He decided, he got >out of bed and placed his shoes on, RYAN: Ok, he decided that he got out of bed... but he was still in bed... how... STEVE: Nothing makes sense anymore, kid. > "O.K. you bastard." whispered Tails. >"You want me to come to you. I wont disappoint you any longer." SAMANTHA: Must... resist... urge to... make... lame... lingerie riff... NASH: Ahhhh. Lingerie. It's amazing how you miss the little things... > > * * * > > > SAMANTHA: Thank god that's over! RYAN: Red sky at night, Sailor's delight! JOLT: Sailor Jupiter? Ahhh... BRET: I wish they would stop doing that. > > > Tails had succeeded in creeping out of Knothole undetected, that >was a success to the mission itself. Tails didnt wear his armor this time, SAMANTHA: In fact, he didn't wear anything at all! STEVE: Don't remind me of that scene. Please. MARK: No, you're not Marta's protege. >he wore simple blue pants and a white T-shirt. He stuffed one of his Tails >in the pants and hoped it wouldn't bob out. MARK: Never mind that it made one of his legs twice as big as the other! >It felt uncomfortable with one >tail down his left leg and the other bear he wanted to put both in but with >the loss of site of both tails would make him stand out as bad as if he had >two. BRET: So did Kefka just say that Tails had a bear down his pants? SAMANTHA : Run on... sentence... getting... dizzy... NASH: It's okay, honey. I'm here. [Samantha absent-mindedly punches Nash] >Last thing he needed right now was to be spotted. It was a quick jog >from Knothole to Sonotropolis' boarder. STEVE: His name was Ed, and he was a surprisingly nice guy. >He stepped in and was immediately >confronted by two medium sized wolfs dressed in Imperial Hedgehog armor MARK: Insert your own lame Wolfpac joke here. SAMANTHA: Now who said something about StormTroopers in the first chapter? >they asked him to show his Sonic citizens card, Tails removed his blade and >quickly chanted a spell the caused the wolf guards to fall asleep. >"there's my card scum." BRET: Oh, what witty action dialogue! It's so amusing, I want to throw myself in the engine core! SAMANTHA: And now Tails is acting like Dirty Harry. Just great. >Tails looked at parts of the armor and grinned, he >dragged the two into an alley and removed parts of their armor, NASH: ... they were later found propped up on cinderblocks. RYAN : Hmm... well, since I've already gotten their clothes off... >mostly the >main plating, it fit a tad bit large on him but that was O.K., he placed >the helmet on and removed their under shirts with the long sleeves to cover >his light brown fur. STEVE: I hate this. First you get bored and bored and bored with unnecessary scenes like this, and then the story punches you in the gut with an offensive sex scene. We can't win! MARK: I believe that's the idea. SAMANTHA: WARNING! WARNING! Nearing ripoff of Star Wars scene! >By the time he finished stripping the guards clean of >clothing and placing the armor on himself it was around 1:15am, BRET: ... and the guards had already woken up and killed him. The end. NASH: So what's on Raw? >he stepped >out of the shadows and gazed at the blue armor he wore, he felt like a pin >cushion all these spikes sticking out of him, it was like wearing a quill >coat. NASH: Umm... yeah, that's kinda the idea... >But none the less as he walked by people they screamed and ran the >other way, proof enough that he looked like a Imperial Hedgehog guard. STEVE: Or that they just didn't want to be trapped in a Kefka fanfic. >Miles walked through the main streets passing a few of his fellow Soldiers, RYAN: But... if they were his enemies... why would they be fellow... my head hurts... >the lower ranks saluted him in the typical manner, they swirled their hands >like Sonic would his whole body in a spin attack and finally placed them to >their foreheads. SAMANTHA: Blah, blah, blah... Would someone wake me when this is over? [Nestles her head against Mark's shoulder and falls asleep] MARK: Wait a minute... that's the Larry Zbysco salute! BRET: So that means... LARRY WORKS FOR DARK SONIC?!! WRESTLERS: AAAAAAAHHHHH!! > Tails did the same and they went by, he gave a breathe of >relief and continued onward towards Sonotropolis' Citadel. It was already >about 2 o'clock when he reached a small pub, he wanted to enter then and >see what all the yelling and screaming was about, NASH : Good lord! It almost sounds like there's a bunch of drunks in there! >he decided to go, he >quickly turned back to the doors and opened them quietly. Inside five >buffed looking wolfs, STEVE: So Marcus Bagwell joined the Wolfpac, too? >the same ones that tried to rape that rabbit those >weeks ago were there, MARK: You know, it feels like I've spent weeks reading this story... >again attempting to place themselves inside someone, BRET: And what the HELL does that mea... [suddenly realizes] ... oh no... RYAN: (covering his ears) LALALALALA!! I'm not SEEING this! >Miles felt his heart skip a beat when someone pushed him out of the way. >"Ya'll get outta my way sugah!" SAMANTHA [sleepily]:*Yawn* Now what the heck is Rogue doing here? MARK: If I were you, I'd just go back to sleep. NASH: Yeah! Over here! MARK: SILENCE, MORTAL!! [shoots a lightning bolt at Nash] RYAN [whistles]: Roasted, toasted, and burnt to a crisp. >Miles leaped out of the way, a fully >armored Rabbit ran into the screen and pulled out a laser gun, she fired it >on the helpless victim of the wolfs and laughed. "There! now ya'll can >have your fun!" STEVE : No we can't! She's dead! BRET: Steve, I doubt that would stop them... and we have no proof that it's female. STEVE: I should've let Oscar have you. >the wolfs cackled and cheered the Rabbit. SAMANTHA: WARNING! WARNING! We have resurrected character! >Miles looked at >her for a long time, NASH : Man, look at the cottontail on *her*... >she finally turned to face him and he wanted to >scream, her blue eyes gazed deep into his green. MARK: ... forest? Grass? Clover? >She uttered a small word >from her trembling lips. "M. . . .Miles?" SAMANTHA: The hell...? How could she know him when he's wearing all that armor? BRET: Well, it was a pretty crappy plot device to begin with... > "Bunny. . ." Tails looked at her again for sometime until he got >spooked by the noises and the screams of the now being raped girl, STEVE: Is there something wrong with me for just being happy that it's female? NASH: Probably. >he fled >the scene as quick as the old Sonic would go for a chili-dog. MARK: That's an *incredibly* inappropriate metaphor. > "Miles!!!" she screamed again and went after him. Tails fled into >a alley way and tried to hide inside one of the trash cans. STEVE : Find your own damn place!! >He couldn't >believe Bunny was alive, worst yet, he couldn't believe she was working for >Sonic. "Miles!" she cried out. "Its not what you think! please Miles!" >She entered the alley way and looked around. "Nicole scan for living >beings in the sector." SAMANTHA: Huh? Who the hell is she talking to? Herself? BRET: Nicole's actually one of the cool things about the show. She's this neat voice activated mini-computer. RYAN: But I thought Sally had that... > ". . . Scanning Bunny. . . .found. Directly 42 inches from you, in >the trash can." > "SQUEALER!" screamed Tails as he busted out of the can, NASH: Thereby announcing his position to everyone in Sonotropolis! >his Tails >ripped off the pants and he hovered over Bunny. The Rabot looked up at him >and extended her metallic hand. SAMANTHA: Hmmm... made in Taiwan. > "Listen Sugah fox, its not what you think. . ." SAMANTHA: I only help wolves to rape young girls as a hobby, not a full time job! MARK : Oh, well that's different, then. > "Your working for Sonic, how could you!" Tails drew his blade from >the back of his hoisted. "I should fry you for this!" he started to chant, ALL: Kefka sucks! Kefka sucks! >Bunny waited for her painful attack but it ever came. SAMANTHA: All wrapped up in a nice pink bundle with a red bow. >"but I cant, I cant >do it. . ." Bunny smiled. STEVE : You wuss! > "Listen Tails, despite what this looks like I'm not a badnik like >ol' Sonic. I'm one of the good guys." SAMANTHA: Care to explain how? > "Ohh sure, that scene in the bar is a FINE example of how good you >are." > "Oh, Amy? don't worry bout her. It's all part of the plan." > "Amy!? that was Little Amy Rose?!" SAMANTHA: Amy? What the hell is Sailor Mercury doing here? BRET: Amy is a young female hedgehog who's just become the latest victim of Kefkazation. I weep for her. > "Yeah, that's her, but she aint that little anymore. NASH : She's really let herself go and become a *total* lardass. >She works for Sonic also." MARK: So what is she? A professional victim? >Bunny heard some noises behind her and she drew her laser >rifle and turned to face it, STEVE: ... then she accidentally pulled the trigger and blew her brains out! The end! It's Miller time! >behind her stood Amy Rose, she was covered in >blood and had a depressed look on her face. BRET: Is there really any other reaction to being in this story? RYAN: This sort of reminds me of 'Carrie'... >"Amy. . ." whispered Bunny. > "Its done Bunny, the leader will be happy we got that trash offa >the street." SAMANTHA: I see Amy is from New York. > "even the head wolf?" > "no, I couldn't get my hands on him." Amy sighed. "I tried, but >he was to fast." NASH: Damn skippy! *Nobody* gets their hands on me! Excepting hot chicks, of course. SAMANTHA: Lives in his own little world... >She looked at Tails and almost dropped her jaw. "Tails!" RYAN: I hadn't realized she'd been carrying her jaw... > "Amy. . .d..damn! what's going on?! did Sonic send you? Tell me >before I~" SAMANTHA : Pause and give you some time to kick the crap out of me. > "Sugah Fox! listen ta me! We are spies ! we don't really work for >Sonic! we work for Sniv~" Bunny stopped herself. > ". . .who?" SAMANTHA: Whoops! Accidentally revealed another dead guy! MARK : And as a resistance leader, no less... > "We cant say right now," STEVE: YOU JUST DID!! >Bunny placed her helmet back on and looked >at tails who still hovered above them. "You have grown so much now Tails, >you are a man, RYAN : And *WHAT* a man... BRET: No, he's a fox! Just one logical thing... >and a born leader. Be strong in this war Tails, we both >shall see ya'll again." RYAN : Ya'll come back now, ya hear? > Bunny backed away from him and pressed her wrist >band across her chest, she disappeared in blinding light. SAMANTHA: Cool! Bunny's got a site to site Transporter! >Amy looked up at >Tails too. > "you're so strong now Tails, please. . .help Sally." She mimicked >the same move as Bunny and disappeared into the light. NASH: Copycat. > > > SAMANTHA: You have no idea how true that is. > > > Tails stood there for some time, he stopped hovering and tried to >hide his tail again, his pants were ripped up, he needed a new pair and >now. MARK: You know, there's no run-on sentence like a Kefka run-on sentence. SAMANTHA : Oh Tails, please get some clothes on. It's freezing outside and you'll catch cold. RYAN : [sighs a bit] Mom... >He ran back to the now deserted pub and went in, the aroma of blood >filled his nose, overpowering everything else, it almost made him choke. SAMANTHA: Which is what this fanfic is making us do. >He saw the dead wolfs and wondered how Amy could have killed them like >that, their throats were slit and parts of their inner organs spewed out. RYAN: Looks like they had an encounter with a couple of facehuggers before this... SAMANTHA: The pub has now become a Butcher's Shop! STEVE: Good thing Goldberg's not here. I'm pretty sure that's not Kosher. >Tails looked for one that was his size, he found one, half his body laid >crushed to nothing, BRET:... in a violation of the law of conservation of mass and energy so horrendous that it made the fabric of reality unravel. The end. SAMANTHA: Half of Tail's body was crushed? >Tails silently field stripped the body, holding the >overwhelming urge to vomit inside at least till he got the pants on. When >they were he let out his stomach fluids, right on the body. NASH: Oh, *good one*, Tails. >He felt sick, >but slowly walked out of the pub. > Tails was confronted by another Soldier. "Well done Imperial one!" >he laughed. RYAN : Ha! See, I made a rhyme. SAMANTHA: Now what did Tails do to deserve that? MARK: I believe the soldier thinks that Tails just killed a whole bunch of people. See, he likes that because Sonotropolis is *evil.* >Tails didnt even bother to look at his face. "Well you >deserve a rest, report back to master Sonic and tell him of the onslaught RYAN: Yeah, have *him* come and kick Sonic's ass! >you did, he will be most pleased." Tails eyes brightened, "the bus to the >Citadel is leaving now, if you hurry you can catch it." STEVE: Man, that place is *so* sexist... >the soldier pointed >north to a black bus, Tails nodded and he ran off to it. SAMANTHA: First it was the black helicopters and now the black buses. I tell ya, it's a damn conspiracy! BRET: No, it's just Kefka's way of telling us that everything's evil. STEVE : What was that?! RYAN : That? That was a pigeon... > Tails leaped aboard the bus and took a seat to the back. Everyone >on board was a Guard, they didnt pay any attention to him at all and he was >glad. He looked up at the red and black clouded sky, he hated that sky, it >was so unnatural. It was frightening, and he didnt really want any part of >this place. NASH: Neither do *we*. SAMANTHA: I thought you said before that at night, a red sky was a sailor's delight, Ryan. RYAN: This story is full of inconsistencies, remember? >The Citadel appeared from a horizon, Tails hadn't really paid >attention to its details until now. Large Gargoyle statues were high >above, MARK: Gargoyles...? STEVE: Goliath! Buddy! Wake up and rip Sonic a new one for us! >its black marble like outside looked in some perverted way. . >.beautiful. Carved images of naked female Mobians were everywhere here. >vivisections, rape, destruction, torture was everywhere. RYAN [sarcasm on 'high']: What? No castrations? SAMANTHA: Los Angeles goes Goth style. NASH: Actually, that's pretty much like the real LA... BRET: Sonic the Hedgehog: Legend of the Overfiend. >Tails tried not >to look at anything until the bus halted just out of the gates to the >citadel. The officers jumped off and went through the gate, Tails >followed, as they went west, Tails ducked and went straight forward into >the main building. RYAN: And I thought I'd seen a run-on sentence before, but THIS takes the cake... MARK: You should've been here in the first two parts! Kefka is the GOD of the run-on sentence! > Much to his surprise the room was beautiful, much like >the old palace of King Acorn, brightly lit and many pictures on the walls. >Further examination of the picture made Tails frown again, MARK : Man, who did these, an eight-year-old? No, wait, they're signed 'D. Gonterman...' >they were of >Sally, but they were of him raping her, of beatings, of horrible pictures. [Steve falls to his knees and begins praying to Eric Draven again] SAMANTHA: As a veteran MSTier, I now find the evidence to declare this fanfic an anti-fanfic! MARK: Actually, right now, I wouldn't mind *anybody* coming out and killing everybody... >Even of Himself, being tortured and abused by Sonic. ALL: GYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! >Every one of the Freedom Fighters were shown there except for Bunny. NASH: What the hell's so special about Bunny? Why does *she* get off? BRET: All of the Freedom Fighters? Then that means... STEVE: I was right! SONIC AND ANTOINE!! ALL: NOOOOO!! >Many guards were >posted by rooms, he could barley glance at some of the pictures for fear of >attention. Miles smiled slightly when he saw some stair cases going down, >he was hoping this still had part of Robotropolis' old design, he grinned >again when he saw the cells. MARK : Imprisonment is fun! >One guard was there, and he was guarding no >one. In fact he was sleeping. Tails looked around and saw the many tools >of torture Sonic used for his victims. NASH: Pauly Shore movies, Liefeld comics, Hulk Hogan matches... RYAN: Don't forget forcing them to listen to Yanni and Michael Bolton. >Tails left the room and decided to >go upstairs, if Sally wasn't in the dungeon she must have her own small >room. Tails climbed the stair and noticed many blood stains on there, BRET: So the ruler of all Mobius can't even afford a good cleaning service. >he also saw a few scraps of clothing, most likely from Sally. He entered a >large hallway, SAMANTHA: But forgot the trip wire underfoot. As it was sprang, a large axe came out of the ceiling and chopped his head in two. The end. >but unlike the other rooms in the citadel, it was dark, very >disturbing and somewhat evil. He opened each door quietly and found >laboratories, torture room, room with women tied own, STEVE [falls to knees again]: Eric, buddy, I could really use your help right about now... SAMANTHA: The women own the rooms? RYAN: I thought they had tied themselves up. MARK : Well, they're not Sally. Screw 'em! >rooms were dead bodies were hung. NASH: ... and salted. Sonic had the best sausage on all Mobius! BRET: NASH!! >It was a nightmare, he finally opened a small door and >peeked inside, there lying curled in a ball, was Sally, dressed in a blue >two piece night gown she was convulsing in her sleep. No Doubt Sonic had >just recently dealt with her, he opened the door more and walked into the >room, Sally awoke and screamed. Tails had to cuff her mouth shut ALL: BOO!! MARK: Great way to treat the rape victim! Just keep hitting her! STEVE [still praying]: Eric, I could really, REALLY, use your help right now... >to keep >her from alerting the whole building. "Sally!" he pleaded "its me Miles!" >She looked into his eyes, her own blue's glowing with fear and pain. "I've >come to help you Sally." He wrapped his cape around her, she started to >cry, softly when his hands slid under her buttocks. RYAN: Uh... that's bad form to do that to a rape victim... right? NASH: Now I suddenly want to stick my head in a blender. BRET: We know how you feel. >"no Sally." he >whispered "I wont harm you, I'm not Sonic." > "Please don't hurt me again Sonic, please please. . ." SAMANTHA : Which is what we're begging of the fanfic, yet it won't stop. > "I'm not Sonic, Sally please listen to me." he hugged her. "I wont >let him harm you anymore Sally, Please I wont let him...I love you Sally." RYAN: That's probably the worst time to tell her THAT! >she stayed in his arms without trembling until a dark voice came out of >nowhere. SAMANTHA : I'm Batman. STEVE [getting back in seat]: That would be nice, too. MARK : Sonic will REST IN PEACE!! > "This is so sweet, almost enough to melt the heart of the King o' >mean." Tails turned to see Sonic appear from the shadows. "But almost only >counts in horse shoes and hand grenades kid." RYAN: Ya can't forget rocket launchers, Sonic. >Sonic's hand shot out NASH: BOOST KNUCKLE! BRET: Actually, it would be pretty nice if Dangaio came and killed everybody. >and a >blast of magical energy slammed into Tails pinning him to the wall. RYAN : DARK QUILLS ENTWINE! STEVE: Looks like we've got another moonie. RYAN: Hey! > Sally >screamed again and fell to her knees, sobbing Tails name out. "Aww now >look what's happened Tails. . . STEVE : We've broken the will of a strong female character and turned her into a helpless victim! >We done make the wench cry." he cackled out >loud and Grabbed sally by the arm, he forced his lips to hers and kissed >her disreputably, MARK: 'Disreputably'?! BRET: I see we have a graduate of the Warrior School of Thesaurus Use. >she didnt even trash in his arms, RYAN: For the garbagemen picked up on Wednesdays not Tuesdays. > he let her kiss him as >he fondled her body. "So Miles, you didnt like the little sex dreams I >sent you?" SAMANTHA: Well you attached them to the e-mails so the format was all screwed up. Next time, try pasting them to the e-mail. LYNXARA: Ha ha. > "I was right, you sorry bastard, I knew this was your doing!" > "Of course it was Miles. I personally created every one of those >dreams to he historically accurate!" he laughed again. NASH: So why hasn't Sally bled to death or died of infection by now? STEVE: Because this story is evil. >"How about I show you the real thing Miles?" MARK: Steve, may I join you this time? STEVE: Certianly! [Steve and Mark get on their knees and begin praying to Eric Draven] SAMANTHA: I will not lose it... I will not lose it... BRET : NO! NO! WE'VE ALREADY SAT THROUGH THIS SCENE TWICE, KEFKA! YOU CAN'T MAKE US DO IT AGAIN! YOU CAAAAAAAN'T!! [begins beating his head against his seat] > "Damn you, touch her and I'll. . ." > "You'll what Miles? cry like those years ago when I took over? will >you cry beg and plead?" NASH: If I thought that would stop the story? Sure! > "I'll rip your sorry head off and shit down your neck." SAMANTHA: Somewhere, Duke Nukem is crying. > "I kinda doubt that. but lets see if you can be true to your >word." Sonic's gaze dropped back to Sally. Her eyes widen in fear, she had >seen that look of lust before. RYAN: BWOOP! Change in verb tense detected! SAMANTHA: So there are different looks of lust. NASH: Sure! Want me to explain them to you? SAMANTHA: No. >Sonic had, in some ways, stages of rape, >his normal was made for his pleasure only. But one was painful, and meant >to be painful, for torture or other reason. [Suddenly, Bret collapses to the floor and begins weeping] >He had done it numerous times >to her and she hated it, she despise it, she feared it. SAMANTHA: He showed nothing but Barney videos for twelve hours straight! NASH: And then he made her watch Adam Sandler movies! RYAN: Hey, I happen to LIKE Adam Sandler! NASH: Ugh... maybe you *won't* be my protege... > "N..no..." she croaked out. "noo please no Sonic, please god please >don't." ALL [except Bret]: LISTEN TO HER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!! > "your would be rescuer needs a little demonstration Sally, it wont >hurt that much. . . well. . . O.K. I'm lying." He grabbed at her lower >piece of her gown and tore it off. RYAN: Boy, I bet Sonic's clothing bill is enormous! > "Well Miles, pay close attention to >this, I'll have you do it to her also under my control." Sonic drew a >small dagger with many pointy teeth. NASH: Hey! It's the killer bunny from that Monty Python movie! >Tails remembered that blade from his >dream and let off a low moan. "ahh you remember it Miles. Good, this is >part of the blade Sonya wants to retrieve so badly." SAMANTHA: If it was part of the sword Sonya wanted, then it wouldn't be a dagger but a piece of jagged metal. >he cut at Sally's >inner thigh, blood began to slowly ooze from the wound. Sonic pressed his >lips to it and sucked at it, Sally screamed again as he darted his tongue >into her. [Bret begins beating his head against the floor] SAMANTHA: I'm going to be sick. NASH: Ew! Not over here! JOLT: You and me both. LYNXARA: I warned you... > "Bastard!!!" Tails scream, He tugged at his unseen restrainer, >Sonic looked up at him, his face covered in her juices. SAMANTHA: Orange juices? RYAN : Freshly squeezed and not from concentrate... > "What's the matter Tails? I touched her, why are you stopping me?" >he looked back at the crying Sally. "why are you keeping your word to her?" NASH: Ever hear of the word 'not', Kefka? > "I swear to you I'll make you pay for harming her." SAMANTHA: And you'll have to ring up your Visa Gold to do it too! > "You talk the Talk Tails, you talk the talk." RYAN : That's right, and I'll walk the walk as well... over your face!! STEVE: Tails would never say something cool like that in THIS fic... >Miles eyes flared at >Sonic, he was ready to rip his former friends head off, but he was >powerless to stop this, just like his horrible dreams. SAMANTHA : So Sonic was powerless to rip his friends head off? NASH: I wonder if Kefka knows what's happening in this story... I sure don't. >Sonic rose from her >and moved his finger from pointed at Tails to shackles on the wall to the >opposite side, Tails was flung by his invisible keeper and slammed into the >wall, the shackles latched on to him. "there Miles, now you have a better >view of what I do to her everyday and will continue to do forever." NASH: So we know Sonic is easily amused... MARK: Uh... exactly how long do we keep doing this? STEVE: Until Eric Draven shows up, or the scene ends. MARK: So we've still got a ways to go? STEVE Yeah... hey, is something wrong with pink-boy? >Tails said nothing in return, he only pulled hard at the latches cutting his >wrist deeply. Sonic went back to playing with Sally, ignoring Tails >constant hard breathing to hold in the screams of pain and rage. SAMANTHA: And our constant struggle to keep our lunches in. >Sally tried hard not to cry anymore, she tried hard not to let Sonic have that >satisfaction, but she was failing, it hurt so much. It was so painful, >even worst to have Tails watch and hear it. [Steve and Mark walk across the theater to check on Bret] >Her would be savior continued >to attempt to break the latches, Sonic drove himself deeper into Sally >causing more horrible Pain. SAMANTHA: I will not lose it. I survived Kagato's Revenge. I can survive this. NASH [stands up and yells at screen]: You're offending ME with this, Kefka! ME!! The 'Horsemen skit' guy! >Sally couldn't sand it anymore, SAMANTHA : The wood was too smooth and she had the wrong kind of paper. >she had kept >her screams and cries in from minutes of antagonizing pain. RYAN: I feel pretty antagonized by this story. > "MILES!!" she screamed, the foxes eyes darted to hers. "Please >help me!!" It was with those words, that Tails felt himself go completely >limp. SAMANTHA: Don't you *dare* say anything here, Nash! NASH: Hey! Even *I* have some scruples! [Mark has pulled Bret's unconscious carcass of the floor.] STEVE: I don't believe this... Bret actually knocked himself out to keep from having to read the story! MARK: Now *there's* an idea. STEVE: I hope he didn't concuss himself... >The sudden lost of his body calmed his wanting for blood, he saw >everything still, but much clearer. So much more alert, Sally's screamed >echoed over and over in his mind, it was a horrible intoxication, he saw >sonic and heard his laughter echo with Sally's screams, they were cold >cruel laughs. MARK: Here, let me try something. [Gets really close to Bret's ear.] MY GOD! Look, it's Shawn Michaels! [No response] >But somewhat filled with a small wanting for himself to stop >this. He gazed into Sonic's eyes and saw a demon, but also a helpless >fifteen year old captured by this evil force, the eyes of a helpless >teenager but the body of a killer, a rapist, a demon. NASH: Macaulay Culkin? SAMANTHA: Blah, blah, blah... Just get on with the story and end it! STEVE: Uh-oh. No luck. MARK: Let me try again. [gets close to Bret's ear again, and...] OH NO! Shawn just pissed all over the Canadian flag! [no response] >Miles awoke with a scream SAMANTHA: So he was asleep before? >and glared at Sonic, from no where a loud humming nose broke the >chorus of scream, the light surrounded him, throwing back his hair, a >gushing wind encircled Tails, NASH: SUUUUUUUURGE!! SAMANTHA: Oh great. He's turning into a Saiya-jin. RYAN : Ore wa "Miles Prower" da! STEVE [catching on]: Now Shawn's setting it on fire!! Oh, the humanity! [No response.] MARK: Oooh. This is bad. >his eyes went blank, from there Miles >screamed again, this forces around him shoot out like a Sonic spin into the >Hedgehog, he cried out in pain and was flung to a wall, his quills drove >right into the walk cutting through it and pinning him there. SAMANTHA: Yeah.. uh... huh? NASH: *This* guy conquered the planet? STEVE: Maybe you should try shooting a lightning bolt at him or something. The sex scene's over and we're starting to miss stuff. [Bret's eyes instantly open. He stands and grabs Steve by his coat] BRET: No more Kefka scene? Bad rape all over? STEVE: Ummm... sure. [Mark and Steve exchange a very worried glance] >Tails roared SAMANTHA: I am Tails. Hear me roar. >again and snapped the chains off him, he leaped down to Sally, who laid >there shaking and sobbing softly. Tails took Sonic's black and purple cape >and wrapped it around Sally. [Mark and Steve sit back down, as does Bret] NASH : Eww! These aren't my colors at all! >He picked her up and carried her to the door, >Miles stared at Sonic for a moment, the hedgehog was cussing and RYAN : Rassinfrackin' consarnned varmint! > attempting >to rip himself from the wall. > "Bastard. . ." he whispered and ran out into the hall way, jogging >quickly praying Sonic wouldn't free himself before then. SAMANTHA: Hey Tails, I don't mean to question your priorities, but YOU COULD'VE KILLED SONIC!!! BRET [happily singing]: Kill kill blood death kill kill kill... [Everyone turns and stares at him.] MARK: Good God... he's finally snapped. RYAN: I've been where he is... >Guards started to >come out of everywhere BRET [still grinning disturbingly]: It's everywhere! It's everywhere! >as Sonic roared out commands to kill the fox. Miles >couldn't draw his blade in fear of dropping Sally, he ran quickly and went >into a hallway, he stopped shot SAMANTHA : Poor Shot. He just had to get in Tails way. NASH: And from that day on, Tails was called the Shotstopper. Heh. >when he saw it was a dead end. He heard >Sonic's patented Zooming sound, STEVE: Which Sonic conveniently ripped off from Barry Allen... RYAN: All Sonic wants to do is put the zoom zoom zoom in the boom boom. >Miles tried to back track but guards >surrounded him. Tails ran to the end of the dead end. MARK : Well, God damn! There's a wall here! > "End of the line Fox." Sonic appeared and started to advance on >him. "I'll make you pay for this, I'll rip your guts out and chew on them, > I keep bringing you back from the dead and causing you an eternity of >PAIN." RYAN: If you thought the Backstreet Boys were bad, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet! SAMANTHA: No comment. I'm tired enough as it is. BRET [rocking back and forth ala Mankind, and singing]: Pain, pain, go away, come again some other day... [Nash and Ryan scoot as far away from Bret as they can] >Miles started to panic, he looked around and saw a window, his eyes >lit up and he went for it. Sonic saw the same thing and ran at him, >Everything felt like Slow motion, Miles slammed head first into the glass >breaking it and falling out of the 7'th floor of Sonic's domain, RYAN: Um... um... this is sort of like the beginning of Prince of Persia 2. SAMANTHA: And crashing onto the street below and dying. The end. NASH : IT'S EXTREEEEEEEME! >Tails plummeted to the ground below, RYAN: Well, you were right, Samantha. [stands up] Let's go! SAMANTHA: Sit back down! It's not over yet! RYAN: Yes'm. [sits down] > Sonic couldn't stop in time and fell out of >the window, his claws snagged onto the building driving holes into it, RYAN: Now Kefka is ripping off of Spiderman 2099. >Sonic looked on as Tails ripped his Imperial shirt and pants off, freeing >his double rotors, STEVE: What?! So Tails has a pair of airplane propellers in his pants? >he twirled them and stopped before they hit the ground. SAMANTHA: Damn! Although I am impressed he did all of that with one hand holding the princess. >"DON'T THINK YOU WON MILES! I'LL FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU GO!! I'LL >KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!" Miles looked back at him and smiled slightly, >he hoofed back to knothole. RYAN: On the good foot, OW! Hit me now! SAMANTHA: But wasn't he flying? MARK: I don't care anymore. Come on, I think Bret needs a break. BRET [singing]: Gimme a break, gimme a break... STEVE: That's right. Come on... [Steve begins gently pushing Bret out of the theater] NASH: Movement! Yes! RYAN: Ugh. I never thought I'd read a story that made me miss CATS... [DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4 ... 5... 6... 7...] Bret, Samantha, and Mark were in the rec room. Samantha was handing Bret a bottle of Jolt cola. Bret accepted it happily... but he had done nothing but grin ever since he had woken up. "JOLT! Jolt Jolt Jolt Jolt Jolt!" Bret babbled as he rocked back and forth on the couch, his eyes glazed. "Here, maybe this will calm him down," Mark muttered as he popped a Sailor Moon movie into the VCR. Bret stared and grinned at the miraculously operational TV in the exact same way that he had stared and grinned at everything else. Samantha and Mark exchanged a worried glance and backed slowly out of the room. "*Please* tell me this isn't as bad as it looks," Samantha said. "I think it may be worse," Mark replied. Steve finally met up with them, having taken a few minutes to get out of his ring gear and into some regular clothes. "I brought the Pepto," he said, handing off a large bottle of the pink stuff to Samantha. "Doomo arigatoo" she said gratefully. She promptly began drinking it. "So how's he doing?" Steve asked anxiously. "Look for yourself," Mark replied. Steve walked into the rec room just in time to see Bret swaying disturbingly on the couch and repeating "Pretty colors" over and over to himself. Steve collapsed onto the couch next to the completely oblivious Bret. "Good God... we've finally lost you. I never thought *you'd* be the first one to crack. But then again, you've had a really bad day." "Great! Now I don't have anyone to argue with anymore!" Steve continued to himself. "You just had to go for your shock value, didn't you, Kefka?" "Kefka..." Bret's happy grin suddenly faded. "Kefka..." Steve stared at him. Bret's eyes almost looked normal. "KEEEEEEEEEEFKAAAAAAAAA!" Bret emitted the author's name in a primal scream, and then proceeded to break down in tears. Ryan had gotten roped into helping Nash in the kitchen. Nash had told him that they were going to make 'a little relaxing drink'. Twenty minutes and an ungodly amount of liquor later, they were both drinking from huge blue alcoholic concoctions. Ryan had tried to refuse, of course (on the basis that he was underage), but you just can't say no to a guy who's 6'10". Now they were heading back to the rec room, and Ryan was beginning to feel extremely light-headed. After those horrific rape scenes, it was nice. "You know, you... you're a really brave guy," Ryan said admiringly to Nash. "You know, stayin' sane through the whole story, and then hittin' on the Undertaker's girlfriend." "She's not his girlfriend!" Nash replied indignantly. "Well, they hang around all the time..." "So?" "And she stayed really close to him in the theater..." "So?" "And he threw a lightning bolt at you for trying to hit on her..." That actually made Nash think. Mark had been hanging around her a lot lately... but no woman would pick *Mark* over *him*. If anything, it just meant that the dead guy was trying to compete. "Nah, that's just Mark bein' theatrical. He was always like that." As Nash turned down the corridor, he nearly dropped his drink when he saw Mark and Samantha standing together. Mark had his arm draped over Samantha's shoulder in a way that was entirely too territorial for Kevin's taste. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to do much about it. Steve and Bret picked just then to walk out of the rec room. Bret looked pretty haggard. "Are you sure you're okay now?" Steve asked him. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just that one scene *three times*... I had to get it all out of my system." "I know, it was hard on all of us." "Need some Pepto?" Samantha offered. "No, I'm okay," Bret declined. "You should try one of these!" Ryan exclaimed, his voice already somewhat slurred. Mark stared at the massive blue drink in Ryan's hand, and then looked back up at Nash. "You gave him one of *those*?" "Yeah. And?" "Kevin, you knocked Waltman out with one of those," Steve replied. Nash grinned. Samantha sighed, and said, "Well, we'll have to finish this fanfic sooner or later. Back to the theater?" Everyone else nodded, and began heading back... Bret moving a little bit more slowly than the rest. "Hey, Bret, you comin'?" Steve yelled back at him. Bret was about to reply, but was then taken aback by the fact that... "Yes, I used your stupid real name. I can't start insulting you until you start acting like a pretentious idiot again." "Well, give me a few minutes," Bret smiled. [DOOR SEQUENCE... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...] [All head back into theater and take their respective seats... Ryan a bit unsteadily.] > > > SAMANTHA: Audience: 0. > > > Tails stopped once he reached the great forest, he hovered down and >put Sally on the ground. Sally convulsed and vomited up whatever food she >had eaten. MARK : Hey! A french fry! >"Sally, are you O.K.?" he asked her after she finished throwing >up. She looked at him with scared eyes. RYAN [slurring slightly]: Hey, donna look at me that way... I saved your ass... > "Please Sonic don't hurt me anymore..." She collapsed again into a >deep sleep. BRET: Wow. That's almost exactly what happened to me. >Miles put the cape back on her and walked to Knothole. SAMANTHA: It would be shorter if you walked... Aw, forget it! > > > > * * * RYAN [singing]: One liddle, two liddle, three liddle starsh I shee... hic... STEVE: Good going, Nash. You got a kid drunk. NASH: Thank you. I try my best. > > > "ohmigod! Tails!" Sonya screamed as The fox entered the main room >with Sally in his hands. STEVE: 'Main room'? Why am I picturing a den? NASH: I bet it's got a TV, a nice sofa, some knick-knacks... RYAN: Break out the nachos! Hahahahahaha! >"someone a stretcher out her fast!!" SAMANTHA: Yeah, I always thought Sally was too short. >Lunarus >leaped off the couch and ran quickly to Sally, Tails placed her on the >couch and the Doc check out her pulse, breathing, and wounds. MARK : Yep. She's wounded, all right. > "She's in shock Miles. best get her to the infirmary quickly!" SAMANTHA: Thank you for that brilliant command! God only knows what would have happened if you hadn't been there, Tails! >The >stretcher came held by Mecha, He gently placed her on it and they rushed >her to the medical room. SAMANTHA: But they crashed and died when Mecha's brakes failed him. BRET: 'They'? Does Mecha have MPD like Mick Foley? > > > > * * * > > > Tails paced back and forth outside the waiting room, since he didnt >know a thing about medical healing, other then his spells, he couldn't >enter. RYAN: [takes another swig of his drink] Do not enter... do not collect two hundred dollars... STEVE: So they only let the doctors in the waiting room... >Hours passed and his worries grew, he checked his watch, it was >already going to be around 9pm, the long journey back and the waiting hurt >his body badly, but he didnt bother to mention this, NASH: He was also kinda hungry, thinking about maybe getting Chinese, and had this really irritating gum wad stuck to his shoe... >Sonya finally came out >of the operating room, she looked tired and somewhat worried. MARK: Kinda gassy, too, and just the slightest bit nauseated. >Tails ran up >to her and looked into her eyes, he couldn't read them. "Well? how is >she?" > "Tails, she suffered major shock, blood loss, damage to her sexual >organs, plus who knows what Sonic did to her. She needs allot of time to >rest." SAMANTHA: Plus she's out of character, is getting paid very little, and had you for a savior... > "But will she be O.K.?" Sonya gave a small sigh, a weak smile >formed on her lips. RYAN: No, she'll be a veget... vegeta... vejitta... veggie for the resht of her life... SAMANTHA: Er, Ryan, are you alright? RYAN: [grins widely] Oh, I'm fiiiiiiiine... SAMANTHA: We may have to carry him out by the end of this. > "Yes Miles she will, you got her here just in time. BRET : Thank god for my plot contrivance! >There should >be no physical damage that cannot heal in time." she paused for a moment. >"However, mentally, she's damage badly. Did she say anything to you when >you got her?" SAMANTHA: Well she did start going 'goo goo gah gah'. Does that mean anything? > "She said 'Please Sonic, don't hurt me anymore.' she was screaming >allot when. . ." STEVE : ...This guy named Kefka walked up to her and asked her to read this story called "A sorceror, a demon, and Emeralds." > Miles looked down. > "I...I understand. She called you Sonic?" Tails nodded. "Oh dear, >mental damage might be worst then I thought. The only way we can tell is >to give her time." SAMANTHA: Nothing like time to heal mental instability! >Sonya looked back at the door, they opened and Sally >was being rolled out on a white hospital bed, NASH: How come they're always white? How bout a more interesting color, like red? Or maybe some patterns, like plaid or a nice herringbone? > Tails walked over to her and >looked at her face. > "She seems like she's in pain." Whispered Tails. > "No Miles, I assure you she isn't." Tails looked up to see Robotnik >in his wolf form still. "She feels no pain, she is resting quiet >comfortably." SAMANTHA: Wow! A bit of character development! I'm impressed! BRET: I feel pretty weird saying this, but this part of the story isn't that bad. Heck, it's not bad at all. MARK: Maybe Kefka has MPD. You know, there's 'Kefka the evil sex scene writer', 'Kefka the slightly goofy and incredibly hard to understand writer', and then 'Kefka the fairly talented emotion scene writer'. > "Thanks Doc, I didnt know you knew medical training." RYAN: Ya dumb sod, I learned it offa ER... ya twit... Hey Nash, any more of thish shtuff? NASH: Let's see if you can live through the one you have first. > "how do you think I got the name Doctor?" he smiled slightly. STEVE : Just how rock stupid are you? > "Its better to know the Mobian body, much easier to kill when you >know the weak points." SAMANTHA: And a good scene from Terminator Two is ripped off. > "How long will she be out?" > "not very long," he started to push her into another room, there >was only room for one patient in here. Used mostly for injured who have >been infected with a cacheable germ. BRET: Umm... better add 'Kefka, son of Thinker' to that persona list. SAMANTHA: Germs from Netscape's cache file? >"Tails, do you plan to spend the >whole night with her?" RYAN : Well, I don't think I could lasht the whole night... SAMANTHA: Even when drunk he can still pick them out... he's good. > "Yes, I need to, if she wake she might get scared." SAMANTHA: If I woke up and saw you, I would certainly be scared! NASH : I'll protect you. SAMANTHA: That's it! This is for my wardrobe! LIGHTNING FIST STRIKE!!! RYAN: Ah... memori... mammari... flashbacksh... hic... > "Very well." SAMANTHA: Make it so. > "Miles," interrupted Sonya. "Don't let yourself get sick. Don't >worry to much about her, she is O.K.. MARK : Just feed her lotsa ice cream! She'll be good as new in a week! >She wont need anymore operations or >such for two or three weeks. SAMANTHA: Then shouldn't you get those operations done now? >Until then all she needs is care and love." RYAN: All she needs a liddle TLC... [breaks down sobbing] Why can't I be loved for once?! BRET: Ryan, buddy, what's wrong? RYAN: What's wrong?! Hell! Ranma has Akane, Ryouga has Ukyou, and who do I have?! Nobody! I'm alone and it's not fair! BRET: Oh, come on! It's not that bad! RYAN: Yes it is! Even the Undertaker has Samantha! I'm *alive* and I can't get a date! STEVE : He does? [Samantha smile back at him and cuddles up to a widely grinning Mark] BRET [oblivious]: Look, if guys like *us* can find somebody... and we're on the road about seventy-five percent of the time... then it's only a matter of time before you find the right girl for you! STEVE: Heck, I've even managed to have a kid! His name's Ryan, too! RYAN [smiling]: Really... that's nice... (slumps down unconscious on Bret's shoulder) > "I'm there for her Sonya, as for you and the others, I want you to >take your vacations." BRET : I want you to be as far away as possible in case we get attacked! [Nash begins regaining consciousness and tries to crawl back into his chair] NASH: Oog. If I didn't know better, I'd almost think you didn't like me. SAMANTHA: ARGH! > "We cant now." > "Trust me you can. Doc you and Mecha need to get that resources. STEVE : We need those generic natural resources! >Sonya you and Knuckles have to check out the remains of the Floating >island, its tearing Knuckles up inside. BRET: I bet that'll be hell to repair... SAMANTHA: You also need to get some commas. You're missing quite a few. >What about Antoine and Locy where >are they?" > "They left today, before they knew you were missing." STEVE: I bet they knew, but just didn't care. MARK: Kind of like how we feel. > "Good at least they wont have any worries. Trust me, go you need >to. I can take care of Sally. MARK : Yes, she'll be... taken care of. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! >Sonic isn't going to be doing much >activities right now, he'll be to busy trying to find a way to kill me." SAMANTHA: Like burning down the Great Forest, for one. > > > > * * * BRET: Look! It's Scott Steiner! NASH: What? BRET: You know, he calls himself 'Superstar' now... > > > Three Hours passed and the others left by force. SAMANTHA: They broke out of Knothole 2 with missiles and stuff! It was cool! >Miles went back >to Sally and sat down on a chair near by her. He had her food ready just >in case she woke up and was hungry, since the operation was only on her >wounds and umm unmentionable, STEVE: ARGH! Where was this Kefka during the first three chapters? SAMANTHA: I didn't know that Mobians had organs called 'umn unmentionable's'... >she could very much eat and talk if she >wanted too. MARK: She just didn't want to talk to Tails. >Tails looked at her silent face for the longest time, she >looked so beautiful, despite the bruises. Her eyelids started to move >slightly, Miles hoped she would wake up, and she did, slowly she opened her >eyes and tried to focus on Miles. NASH : Oh my God! Not him! NOOOOOO!! >when she did she seemed to recognize >him, she tried to speak but it came out in mumbles. "W..a..t..r..." she >softly spoke out. Tails nodded and took a cup from the meal, BRET: Hey! Sally needs that cup! It's an important source of fiber! >the water was >thicken just in case she had trouble swallowing it. Slowly she took a >spoon full and placed it in her mouth. She took what she could in, some >dribbled down her chin. SAMANTHA: No one will be seated during the intense 'feeding Sally' scene! >Tails cleaned it off with a napkin and asked her >if she wanted more. Sally nodded and he obliged, a few minutes of water, >then he asked her if she wanted something to eat. Sally looked at him with >such eyes, they looked scared but not of him, she felt an extreme safe and >comfortable feeling next to Miles. She nodded again and shifted her body, >a small ripple of pain between her legs made her tense. > "I know it hurts Sally. But it will be better soon, you away from >him, and I wont let anyone hurt you again." STEVE: This... this is actually kinda touching... *snif* BRET: Just imagine how cool it would be if Kefka hadn't picked the Sonic cast! This scene would rock if it was, say, Ryoga and Akane. MARK: Yeah, but Sonic'll get her back in a chapter or two so 'Kefka the evil sex scene writer' can have some more time at the keyboard. J-BOOGIE: HEATHEN! I, Sir Boogie, 203rd Knight of the True Fiancee would never allow that to happen! I shall now jab you with my pointed stick! SAMANTHA: Rei Ayanami is just over there... JB: Hah! I do not go after 14 year olds! SAMANTHA: And she's with the puma twins... [all that's left of JB is the dust left in his wake...] SAMANTHA: Easier to fool then Nash. NASH: Hey! >Sally had her hands under they >sheet, they slightly moved as if she wanted to hold his hand. NASH: ... but she really didn't. >Tails placed >his hand on her covered paw, she smiled slightly. "come on Sally its time >for you to eat, help regain your strength." SAMANTHA: In order to get out of this fanfic. BRET: Now really, that joke has been done to death. > > > > * * * > > > Three day passed and SAMANTHA: A vigilante and four wrestlers were ready to rip 'Kefka the evil sex scene writer' a new one. STEVE: The other Kefkas can live. BRET: Hey, you forgot our "newcomer". SAMANTHA: Oh, whoops... >Sally hadn't said anything since the day she >asked for water. But Miles didnt worry to much, as Sonya said it would >take her time to heal. She was progressing well, though still bed ridden, >Miles would stay his whole day with her, occasionally leaving to get food >or go to the bathroom, when he would return Sally would seem relieved and >grateful he was back. SAMANTHA: Oh man! Not another one of these stupid paragraphs! MARK: We should also add 'Kefka the incredibly long-winded writer' to that list. >Tails would often talk to her about happy things, >things of the past, (he kept off Sonic as much as possible) SAMANTHA: Which was hard since Sonic was in most of those happy things of the past... >she would smile >and occasionally giggle. Miles would read to her at night helping her fall >asleep, NASH: "... Marie gasped with pleasure as Gaston ran his firm manly hands over her heaving bosom..." SAMANTHA: Stop right there if you like breathing. >even his Nightmare ended. He fell asleep near Sally, since the day >she came here. Once he needed to stay somewhere else and Sally had >horrible Nightmares, she screamed, cried and kicked until Tails came back, SAMANTHA: And gave her her bottle. >She held him tightly BRET: Ack! You're... choking me! >as he tried to calm her shaking and sobbing. When he >asked her about her dreams she wouldn't respond, he had to finally make >guesses on them, STEVE: GEE, DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SONIC?!! >from what he found and what she would nod or shake her >head to, it was about Sonic again, raping her, and killing Tails. He would >tell her it was only a dream and Sonic will never find her. SAMANTHA: Now if those don't sound like famous last words... >She would have >that Nightmare every time Tails left her alone when she slept. He realized >that his powers kept the dreams away from here. MARK: You see, dreams travel in packs and fear fire. >Miles was still amazed on >how his powers actually amplified when she was being harmed. BRET: So, Tails is to Sally as Mamoru is to Usagi... weird... SAMANTHA: He found it amazing at how strong a plot device could become. >They saved >her life, he wished Angela was alive so he could thank her again for these >powers. He owed her, and every other Mobian who gave their life for him, a >great deal. BRET: Because those Mobians had gotten really ripped off. STEVE: And she helped keep Antoine alive. SAMANTHA: Careful! The interest is really going to rack up on that. >Sally was his reason to be happy now, he could start to repay >her for the many times she has saved him from Robotnik. NASH: Because she wouldn't be doing anything useful in *this* story! > There had been no activity from Sonotropolis and Miles was glad in >a way about that. It was night time already on the fourth day of Sally's >recovery. She laid in bed as Miles took a wash cloth and clean her up. STEVE: Ooh, the spine-tingling 'sponge bath' scene! >Sally didnt want anyone near her, not even the doctors, only Tails. Miles >became her nurse, doctor, and company, he didnt mind doing any of these >things. SAMANTHA: What a wimp! I swear, if Jamie ever writes me this weak, I'll kick his ass! JOLT: Yipe! >He finish cleaning her arms and face, he told her he needed to >clean her thigh and legs, she nodded. He avoided her private section, in >fear if a single touch there would make her snap. MARK: ... his puny neck. Or at least that's what the *real* Sally would have done... >She needed comfort and >friendship and she was just gaining that back. He slowly cleaned her slim >thighs, quietly doing his task and not letting his mind wander to thoughts >he shouldn't have. BRET: Because sex is dirty and evil, kids! STEVE : Think unsexy thoughts... think unsexy thoughts... Robotnik in a bikini... [pause] GACK! My head! It hurts! SAMANTHA: No comment. It's just too potent a situation to say anything. >Sally didnt squirm at his touch anymore, she laid there >slowly closing her eyes and touching her wet chest. NASH : I wonder if she's trying to tell me something... nah! >Miles noticed he had >used a tad bit to much water on her. He finished cleaning her toes and put >the cloth down, he took a towel and slowly started to dry her feet, he >moved up her legs till he got as close as he could to the base of her >thighs. STEVE: I am so glad this scene is in here! Really! I just can't get enough of Tails drying Sally's legs! >He moved to her waist and dried her, then to her stomach, he >lightly worked with a circular motion until he was near her chest, he >patted then softly, he felt himself almost become erect but forced those >feels away. Sally looked at his face seeing the strain in his eyes. He >dried her arms then her fingers, one by one until he had finished her body. > He took another clean towel and patted her face softly, he already covered >her body with the sheet and blanket to prevent cold. MARK: You know, Bret, you're right. This would be an incredibly romantic scene if it didn't involve Sally and Tails being ridiculously out of character. >She had taken her >hand out from the blanket and touched his paw. Miles looked at her hand >then to her face, she was smiling at him, moments of staring into each >others eyes was broken when Sally finally spoke. Words that will echo >through Miles mind for a long time. SAMANTHA: Considering how hollow his head is. >"I. . . BRET : ...like muffins. >love you. . ." NASH : If you really loved me, you'd... [Mark and Samantha glare at Nash together] NASH: ... I'll shut up. > > > ><> the saga continues! Miles will struggle on to help poor >Sally, but in the mean time how are the others doing? BRET: Do you really think we give a damn? SAMANTHA: Dead and six feet under if we have it our way. >~~~Coming Soon~~~~ "Thus as love becomes shall it be undone..." SAMANTHA: What?! And it was actually starting to have redeeming qualities! STEVE: Thanks for giving us something to look forward to, Kefka. >"The Sonya and Knuckles Saga" SAMANTHA: Otherwise known better as the relationship between Celes and Locke. > >Mecha Sonic.....Giving you none stop action when it comes to stories. (yeah >right) SAMANTHA: First truthful thing ever written. MARK: Yes, 'none' and 'action'. Absolutely perfect. > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >~~~~~ >~~~~ >~~~~ BRET: Look! It's 'Centipede'! NASH: Wish I had my Atari... > >CAST OF CHARACTERS. . . . SAMANTHA: Watch as Kefka puts his audience to sleep! ZZZzzzzzz... > >Sonic The Hedgehog / The Dark Lord : Sonic has lost his greatest prize, now >will the hate and rage consume him to doing more atrocities? SAMANTHA: Like becoming a self-insertion character? STEVE: Actually, when you consider how invincible Sonic is, that's VERY likely... > >Miles "Tails" Prowers / The Gray Fox : Miles has finally decided to fight >back the Mental Torture that Sonic bestows on him when he sleeps. Now he >has gained a lost comrade, new powers, and curiosity. SAMANTHA: As well as a new car! MARK: We can only hope that foxes react to curiosity the same way cats do. > >Antoine / Tony / T'wan : Let wish Antoine and Locy a happy trip cause when >they get back, T'wan will really be surprised! SAMANTHA : I'm pregnant and Knuckles is the father! > >Knuckles / Red Claw : Knuckles must soon come to grip with the lost of his >homeland and the fact he thinks he failed his father. BRET: You think after eight friggin' years he would have finally gotten used to it... SAMANTHA: He did! Floating Island was blown up, remember? STEVE: (crying) I'm sorry!! OYAJII!! MARK: You've played too much Street Fighter Alpha... > >Princess Sally : Sally is finally free of Sonic, but such pain and horror >in her mind will forever change the way she was. BRET: No sh*t! SAMANTHA: Not for me! I'm made of sterner stuff! STEVE: Have you ever heard the phrase 'tempting fate'? SAMANTHA: But that's what makes life so much more interesting... > >Sonya Sho Eiji / Sonya Sho Robotnik : As always Sonya is a breathe of Fresh >air to Knuckles in his suffocating life. NASH: Yeah, she tortures him while he slowly dies... > She will always be there for him, >however as they go back to the world where their love fell apart will >things come between them again? SAMANTHA: You know... things. NASH: Like bedpans and plungers and ball peen hammers and spackle! > >Locy Hottovy : Locy will soon have to face something she prayed never to >see again. SAMANTHA: Sonic in drag? >Dr. Ivo Robotnik / Lunarus: Will the Doc have to put up with Mecha Sonic >though the whole annoying trip to the Little Planet? ALL: Yes! > >Mecha Sonic: Will Mecha stop being so annoying with those stupid traveling >Jokes? SAMANTHA: Will the vigilante, four wrestlers, and one blitzed boy think of new ways to hurt Kefka? BRET: Just the evil Kefka, mind you. > >Bunny Rabot: What mysterious past is she holding back? and who could she >possibly be working for if not Sonic? ALL: IT'S SNIVELY! > >Amy Rose: What secret powers is this girl keeping from the Freedom >Fighters. What power could be so destructive. SAMANTHA: A match and a can of beans? > >All other Characters are strictly extras in this chapter. MARK: And thus will be killed off in short order. BRET: Already over? STEVE: Don't tempt fate. Let's just get out of here. [With very little effort, Samantha picks up Ryan and slings him over shoulder, carrying him out of the theater.] [DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...] The inhabitants of the SON gathered on the bridge, except for Ryan. He was still passed out, but was now resting comfortably in the rec room due to Samantha. Nash was waiting expectantly at the console as Bret made his post-fic attempt to find Eric. The others had gotten into something of an argument. "I think Bret had the right idea. This thing should've been a Ranma 1/2 story," Mark asserted. "I dunno about that," Steve replied. "That would make Ryoga the hero, right? The entire story would just be him getting lost on his way to Sono... er, Ranmatropolis." "Yeah, and I don't think I'd want to see what happened to Sally in this story happen to Akane," Samantha added. "Well, she's a victim all the time in the original. It wouldn't be much of a stretch. And the Ranma characters fit the cast perfectly! You have Kuno as Antoine, and Ukyo as Sonya..." Mark countered. "So what would she be doing? Looking for the Magic Spatula of Nerima?" Steve asked dryly. "Look, this is an idea in progress," Mark growled back at him. "I found him!" Bret exclaimed. He cued up the Viewscreen to show... ...Eric Bischoff, inexplicably in his ring gear, running through the streets of Tokyo. Much like the Sailor Senshi who were with him, he was running like hell from the youma of the week. Eric and the Senshi darted around a corner and watched as the threatening but non-too- smart youma blundered on by. This one seemed to be a twisted parody of an idol singer, complete with a frilly dress and a microphone whose long cord it cracked like a whip. "Mercury! Can you scan it for weaknesses?" Sailor Venus asked her blue-haired friend anxiously. Sailor Mercury summoned her goggles out of their subspace pocket and gazed through them at the youma. "No luck... it's a strong youma, and it doesn't have any scannable weaknesses. We should be able to overpower it, but we'll have to be careful." "Fine. Then Jupiter, Venus, and I will keep it distracted," Mars began. "Once you have an opening, Mercury, you can immobilize it with your freezing Shabon Spray and then Sailor Moon can finish it off." "That sounds good," Sailor Moon replied, "but you three be careful." "No problem!" Jupiter grinned at her before she and the others ran off to confront the monster. Mercury and Moon headed in the opposite direction. Eric wondered why the girls had completely ignored him. Then he realized that they probably didn't know that he spoke Japanese... and they understandably had their minds on a more immediate problem. He decided to stay behind the wall and watch. The fight didn't go too well. When Jupiter tried to use the Sparkling Wide Pressure on it, the youma turned out to be immune to lightning. Sailor Jupiter went down hard after a frighteningly powerful punch from the monster. Next Mars tried her Burning Mandala; that did some damage, but the youma used its whip destroy a lot of the fire-rings in mid-air. Within a few seconds, Mars had been downed much the same way that Jupiter had. Venus went last, trying to entrap it with her Love-Me Chain. The youma entangled its own whip cord with the chain and sent a massive shock of electrical power through it. It utterly destroyed the energy chain and knocked Venus senseless. Mercury realized that it was now or never. "SHABON SPRAY FREEZING!!" she cried as she shot the cold water bubbles at the monster. They hit dead-on, locking the youma in a block of ice. It lasted all of about three seconds. The monster burst out of the ice and began advancing on Mercury and Moon. Sailor Mercury planted herself firmly in front of her princess. "It's going to charge. Get ready to run. I'll try to slow it down." "Ami, no! I won't leave you!" Sailor Moon protested. All the while the monster was coming closer... Bischoff groaned inwardly. He had the distinct feeling that Tuxedo Kamen wouldn't be showing up until all the Senshi were knocked down. But unless Sailor Moon got a good distance away from Mercury, that would be too late. Someone was going to have to do something, and it looked like he had been elected. So Eric did the only thing he could think of. He charged the youma and lashed out at it with a combination of his best kicks. He was literally stunned to see them actually stagger the creature. He knew he wasn't *that* strong. Still, he didn't think about it too hard, instead aiming a kick at the youma's hand that held the whip. He connected solidly and sent the whip flying away from the youma. Bisch dived after it and grabbed it for good measure. The two remaining Senshi were stunned. "Well, go on!" Bisch yelled at them in Japanese. "Kill it!" "Right, right," Sailor Moon said with a shake of her head. "MOON PRINCESS..." Sailor Moon was more powerful than the other Senshi, but the downside to that was that her attacks took much longer than theirs. This gave the youma enough time to pull the ribbon it wore ridiculously in its hair out. The ribbon turned out to be a weapon, too. In a sudden burst of speed the youma shot the ribbon out at it's nearest target... Bischoff. The ribbon wrapped solidly around his waist and arms, leaving him helpless as the youma yanked him into its grasp. "Oh no no no no no..." Eric had time to utter before... "...HALATION!!" The powerful energies of the Moon Scepter shot out at the youma, hitting unerringly as they always did. Eric, and the microphone in his hand, faded away in the middle of the cataclysmic energy burst while the youma simply disintegrated. "Uh-oh," Sailor Moon said fearfully as she realized what just happened. "I can get in trouble for that, can't I?" Eric awoke in surroundings that were all too familiar to him. "The Satellite... I'm back on the freaking Satellite," he moaned as he got up. Of course, reading bad internet posts was slightly better than having people trying to kill you, but not by much. He stepped out onto the bridge. "Hey, guys, I'm..." he stopped as he saw the inhabitants of this bridge. It was a blonde human wearing a green jumpsuit, who was accompanied by two puppet-looking things that had to have been thrown together from junk. Clearly, he was not on the right Satellite. "Wow..." Bret breathed as he looked on. "Someone else had this idea?" FWOOSH! \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ ________________________________________________________________________ BORING STUFF: MWT3K is composed of so many things I don't own that it's hard to keep them all straight. The story of ASADAE is the property of Kefka the Dark One (God bless him... I love working with his stuff!), Ryan is property of Justin Golden, MST3K is the property of Best Brains, and I think I've mentioned everything else in previous posts. Please, please don't sue me! ABSOLUTELY NO INSULT is meant to Kefka the Dark One/Mecha Sonic, and I really mean that. Just think of this as my odd little version of C & C/ fan appreciation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I think you're a talented writer, and I wish you luck in the future. LYNX'S NOTES: Not too much to say this time. Thanks to Rose Hill and Stephen Hodges for sending me supportive comments, and my talented Co-MSTiers, of course. I'd like to take this opportunity to dedicate this particular MSTing to the REAL Bret Hart. Apparently some bastard with enough authority to make Eric Bischoff and J.J. Dillon believe him tried to convince Bret that his father, the legendary Stu Hart, had DIED jus before Bret's match at the Great American Bash PPV. This was not true. It was a terribly wrong emotional attack, and kudos go out to Bret for being able to deal with this kind of thing AND still work the match. See, we wrestling fans *do* care. JOLT'S NOTES: What can I say about this fanfic that has not been said before? It sucks! No, that's not it. It bites! No, that was said as well... I got it! It was a wonderfully created piece of literature! There! No one's ever said *that* about this series! Hang on while I take a shower. I suddenly feel so dirty. J-BOOGIE'S NOTES: Do not weep for us, kind readers. For it is our duty to wade through the awful stories to bring you your MSTings. Uh... I really don't have more to say than that. So, see you next part! E-mail the Lynx: lynxara@hotmail.com E-mail Jolt: xwing@uniserve.com E-mail J-Boogie: WHolden535@aol.com __________________________________________________________ > "Yes alone, it gives me some time to relax and stool around nude!" Tails >grinned