-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- < - - - - - - - - - - Designed for an 80-letter wrap width - - - - - - - - - - > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANNOUNCER: Today, on Mystery Usenet Theater 3000-- Mike & Crow play a little dress-up, [ scene of Mike dressed as Torgo and Crow dressed as a chef ] Cambot gets blown to bits, [ scene of a camera orb being pierced through the middle by a crossbow arrow ] and the Mads encounter some ticked trout. [ scene of Pearl, Bobo, and Observer in the VW, surrounded by fish ] All this and more, on Mystery Usenet Theater 3000. Today's episode: "Two Shades of Sally, part 1 (with short 'fanfic of Ray Rabbit')" [ Introduction theme music (Season 8). ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ Intermission- Satellite of Love. Crow is in the middle of the screen, standing behind the counter. Mike and Tom are nowhere to be seen. ] [ Scratch that. Mike walks on-screen. ] MIKE: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike Nelson. CROW: [ odd accent ] Und I'm Croo T. Robot. Bork! Bork! Bork! MIKE: Y-- huh? CROW: I fooond thees niet progrem ooon zee vib. Ifir hier oooff zee Svideesh Chiff? MIKE: What?! CROW: I seeed, ifir hier oooff zee Svideesh Chiff? MIKE: WHAT?!? CROW: [ normal voice, exasperated ] I said, ever hear of the Swedish Chef? MIKE: Oh. Yeah, wasn't he that Muppet that cooked chickens? CROW: Mm-hmm. I found a program-- [ accent again ] "Zee Eechiffireezir for Veendoos"-- [ normal ] and I integrated it into my voice circuits. MIKE: That's nice, but why? CROW: Why else? So I can play a little trick on Servo. MIKE: I see. [ pause ] Can I help too? CROW: OK. Now here's my plan-- [ Commercial Sign flashes. ] MIKE: We'll be right back. [ He leans down to talk quietly with Crow. ] [ MST3K planet bumper. Quiet mumbling can be heard in the background. ] [ Commercials commence. Fast-forward if you like. ] [ INT SOL. Crow is wearing a white shirt, chef hat, and fake mustache. Mike is dressed up as Torgo from "Manos". Tom still hasn't shown up yet. ] MIKE: Where did you find this outfit? CROW: Oh, it was just sitting around. Someone used it to wrap a Hamdinger. MIKE: So that's why it's so squishy. [ For the rest of the scene, Mike is constantly poking at his costume, which makes quiet squishing noises. ] How am I supposed to talk again? CROW: LikE tHIs! MIKE: oH, rIghT. [ Tom hums from off-screen. ] hE's COmiNg! gEt reADY! CROW: [ accent yet again- you get the idea ] I'm riedy. Ere-a yooo riedy? MIKE: aS ReaDy as i'Ll eVEr bE. CROW: Vill, lit's bigeen! Bork! Bork! Bork! [ Tom hovers into view. ] TOM: Hi, guys. CROW: Hillo, Thomes Sirfo. MIKE: hEllO ThoMAs. HoW hAVe You bEeN? TOM: Huh?! What's going on? CROW: Noteeng is goeeng ooon, Thomes Sirfo. Yooor freeeeds, zee Svideesh Croo-- MIKE: AnD TorGO tHe MIke-- CROW: --ere-a joost veeeteeng for zee Meds to cell oos. TOM: But... but... CROW: Vhet is zee mettir, Thomes Sirfo? Is somiteeng vrong? MIKE: i hoPe NoT. iF ANyThiNG wERE wROnG, The mAsTEr wOulD NoT bE PlEaseD. TOM: AAAAAAHHH!! [ He speeds out of sight as quickly as his hoverskirt can take him. ] CROW: Hah! We scared the globe off him! MIKE: yEaH, We cERtaINly DiD. CROW: You can stop talking like that. MIKE: wHy wOUlD I dO ThaT? CROW: Uh, Mike, you're starting to scare me. MIKE: mIkE? wHO iS mIke? TheRe Is nO mIKe. OnLy... tOrgO! CROW: AAAHH!!! [ Crow speeds off screen in the same direction as Tom. ] MIKE: Gotcha. [ Mads Sign flashes. ] Oops, tHe MaStEr awAiTS. [ Mike hits the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ] Yes, oh lugubrious one? [ Pearl's VW. Pearl and Observer sit in the front seat; Bobo is in the back. The VW is filled with fish up to everyone's chins. ] OBSERVER: Greetings, amoeba. PEARL: Nelson, what are you wearing? [ SOL ] MIKE: Oh, this? Just part of a plan to scare Tom and Crow. [ Tom hovers by in the background screaming. ] And it worked pretty well too. My turn. What's with the flapping fish? [ VW ] PEARL: Oh, apparently *Bobo* had the map upside-down, so we've ended up in a space salmon spawning ground. These stellar sardines have attacked us for entering their breeding grounds. Watch out, Nelson. You might be next. BOBO: Lawgiver, will you make me some hot halibut? PEARL: Later. [ SOL ] MIKE: Oh, great. [ Crow runs by in the background screaming. ] [ Suddenly, there is a loud, odd sound, like a "Splat" and a "Clang" at once. Mike is thrown to the ground as the camera does an "earthquake". Gypsy runs on screen. ] GYPSY: Mike! We're being attacked by terrorizing trout! MIKE: I know! Activate the Sturgeon Shields! Launch the Bass Blocking Bombs! And most importantly, get me a jumpsuit to change into! [ Tom hovers by in the background screaming. ] GYPSY: Right! [ Many beeping sounds are heard. ] This'll hold up until the end of the experiment. MIKE: Good. [ Mike grabs a dressing thing and steps behind it. ] Anyway, what's our experiment today? [ VW ] PEARL: I'll save the main one for later. First, here's a Sonic fanfic by "ray rabbit". Brain Guy tells me it lacks in spelling, grammar, plot, in fact everything except length. Here you go! [ SOL ] MIKE: [ Mike is wearing a normal blue jumpsuit by now. ] Crow? Tom? [ Crow runs by in the background screaming. ] Where are they? [ Movie Sign flashes. ] Oh no, now I got Fanfic Sign. [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Mike enters the theater. ] MIKE: Tom? Crow? CROW: [ Crow runs in screaming "Fanfic Sign!" and sits down. ] Oh, hi, Mike. MIKE: Where's Tom? Should I go get him? CROW: Nah, we set up a launch catapult yesterday. He should be trying it any-- [ Tom flies through the air screaming "Fanfic Sign!", landing more or less in his seat. ] TOM: I don't like that catapult. MIKE: Oh, there you are. TOM: That was a mean trick you guys played on me. CROW: Oh, bite me, Servo. MIKE: Guys, you should really just relax. Anyway, you were scared too, Crow. CROW: Was not! Nothing can scare me! [ Tom whispers something into Mike's ear. ] MIKE: OK. Crow? CROW: Yes? MIKE, TOM: *MANOS*!!! CROW: Aaaagh!! [ Mike bursts into laughter. ] TOM: Gotcha! CROW: I hate you all. > Subject: fanfic of Ray Rabbit................. MIKE: I guess he fell asleep on the period key. > From: tdunbar273@aol.com (TDunbar273) CROW: Uh-oh. An AOL user. We're doomed. [ There is a distant rumbling, sounding like thunder of some sort. ] MIKE: How odd. > Date: Sat, Nov 1, 1997 20:13 EST TOM: A day that will... oh, never mind. > Message-id: <19971102011300.UAA05334@ladder02.news.aol.com> > > One day dr.robotnick MIKE: Not that I'm an expert or anything, but isn't that spelled "Dr. Robotnik?" CROW: What, you expected proper grammar, spelling, capitalization or punctuation? MIKE: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. > was creating that robot TOM: Oh, *that* robot! > that was going to burn Nothole > forest MIKE: And I'm sure that's "Knothole Forest". CROW: Actually, Knothole's the city. TOM: Fanboy. CROW: Am not! MIKE: He's right, Tom. I remember now; the forest's called the "Great Forest". TOM: Ah yes, the classic Mobian lack of adjectives. > down and with Sonic! ALL: [ random cries of "No!", "The humanity!", "Why?!", "The horror!" ] > That day in the afternoon Dr.robotnick CROW: No, no, no, it's "dr.robotnick"! > had put the > finishing touches on his new robot that would burn Nothole MIKE: If it's not a hole, then what is it? TOM: Bad pun. > down.........He let > the go TOM: What'd he let the go do? MIKE: Oh, and mine was bad? > and no one not even sonic could hurt this robot becuase it had flame > throws EVERYWHERE one its titanaum metal body.All was lost ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh... > till a rabbit > appered out of no where........This rabbits name was ALL: The Amazing Rando! > Ray MIKE: Close enough. > and he had a plan.He > told Sonic and every one else to try to hurt it CROW: Great plan. TOM: Oh, I'd have *never* thought of *that*. What a genius Ray is! > by throwing clay in all of > its MIKE: Briefcases. > flame trowers MIKE: Aah! Flaming trowels! > .......They did but it just stoped its flame trowers so ray > jumped on its 30 foot hand that was on the ground at the moment. TOM: How conveeeeenient. > The other > hand was about to smash Sonic CROW: YES! MIKE: Smash him! TOM: Go robot go! Go robot go! > when Ray went on top its head and kicked the > glass heat sensor the was the robots eye TOM: [ Tom's head explodes. ] MIKE: Oh, great. [ Mike reaches below his seat, finds a new head, and attaches it to Tom. ] TOM: Oog... thanks. > and went into its head and broke all > of it worming gears,engines,etc. CROW: Boo! TOM: Hiss! > That day everyone considered him a hero. MIKE: Except these two. TOM: Boo! CROW: Hiss! > But when Ray was going into the borrow > that was his new house CROW: Going into a burrow. Da dum DA DUM! MIKE: "Borrow"? TOM: Oh, it's on mortgage! > suddenly CROW: A robot trapped him in a net and walked away without anyone noticing. The end. TOM: Right, like the author's gonna write that. > a robot trapped him in a net and walked away > with out anyone noticing! The ENd.... ALL: *The hell*?! CROW: I can't believe he actually *did* write that! How does ray escape?! TOM: What happened to Nothole forest? MIKE: And dr.robotnick? [ pause ] ALL: WHO CARES?! TOM: Let's get out of here. [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL ] TOM: Well, that was pointless. CROW: At least it was short. MIKE: Yeah, Mrs. Forrester, didn't you say it was long? [ VW ] PEARL: Brain Guy? I *thought* you said it was lengthy and rambling!! [ She thwaps him. ] OBSERVER: I don't understand! I was sure it was longer than 2 paragraphs! PEARL: Never mind. Just send them the main file. [ to M&TB ] This piece of crap is entitled "Two Shades of Sally". Most of the spelling and grammar is good-- [ SOL ] ALL: Woo-hoo! [ VW ] PEARL: But that's the only good point. [ SOL ] ALL: Booo! [ VW ] PEARL: Enjoy! [ SOL ] MIKE: Hey, don't worry, guys. It might not be that bad! TOM: You said that before we saw "Enterprized". MIKE: [ pause ] True. OK, worry. [ Movie Sign flashes. ] ALL: AAUGH!! We got Hedgehog Sign!! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > Subject: [Fanfic] TOM: Just kill me now. > Two Shades of Sally (part 1) CROW: Of how many? MIKE: Beats me. TOM: I'm afraid to ask. > From: Adrian Tymes TOM: Any relation to Father? MIKE: Huh? TOM: Father? [ pause ] Father Tymes? [ pause ] Father Time! It's *funny*!! CROW: Whatever. > Date: Tue, Oct 21, 1997 01:26 EDT > Message-id: <344C3D00.7E8@soca.com> > > Two Shades of Sally MIKE: Fuchsia Sally and chartreuse Sally. > > Part 1 CROW: Of how many?! PEARL: [ voiceover ] 17. CROW: AAAGH!! [ He collapses. ] TOM: I don't think she's serious. > > Written by: Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi TOM: Two names that will... ah, forget it. > > [Legal disclaimer: CROW: If you read this fanfic, your teeth will fall out. TOM: Also, your brain will atrophy. MIKE: And in extreme cases, your globe will explode. TOM: Hey! > > This story is based on characters created by SEGA and Archie Comic > Publications, Inc., and Commander Packbell by David Pistone. Permission is > granted to freely distribute this story, so long as: a: no recompense of > financial value is received or given by the person who distributes the story, TOM: I doubt that'll be a problem. CROW: "no recompense of financial value is given by"? What's that mean? MIKE: It means people will pay you to take this fanfic. > and b: the distributed copy is identical to the story as originally authored. CROW: Uh... MIKE: Think of it as constructive criticism. > In other words, don't sell it, and don't alter it. ALL: [ chuckle nervously ] > > Copyright (c) 1997, ALL: And you're welcome to it! > all rights reserved, et cetera.] > > ****** > MIKE: Okay, who wants to guess what the first line is? CROW: "Call me a crappy fanfic author." TOM: "It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times." MIKE: Don't you mean, "It was the *best* of times, it was the worst of times."? TOM: No. > A lone camera orb TOM: Hey, it's Cambot! MIKE: Good job, Cambot, you got yourself a cameo role! CROW: Too bad it's in a cheesy fanfic. > floated through a large, hollow box MIKE: Odd. It says "Tick's Worst Nightmare" on the side. > with walls of broken TOM: -down fanfic readers. > metal. Burn marks decorated the structure's interior, CROW: That can't be healthy! MIKE: Yesterday, Martha Stewart got her hands on a flamethrower... TOM: [ Martha Stewart ] It's a good thing. CROW: [ Beavis ] FIRE!! Heh heh heh!! > smog poured in from > above through a skylight which lacked any hint of Robotropolis's measured > construction, and fragments of what had once been floors TOM: --but were now puddings-- > stuck out of the > walls. Quickly checking the building's records, the orb found that power plant > number 47 CROW: [ Ren Hoek ] 47 million dollars!! > had blown up from the inside. Over a year ago, Robotnik had tried > to make a geothermal power plant, having grown tired of plants designed to > produce more MIKE: Pollution than power. > pollution than power. BOTS: Huh? MIKE: Just a lucky guess. > Unfortunately, he miscalculated, CROW: "E=MC Hammer"? > and > tapped a lava vent MIKE: [ He taps on Tom's head- "Tap tap-tap tap tap." ] CROW: Two bits? > when drilling the plant's shaft. MIKE: Shaft! Can you dig it? > The resulting eruption > was contained inside the building, which explained the thick layer of > solidified lava that now served as this building's floor. Attached to the > file was TOM: A giant leech! MIKE: No! It's the Giant Leech Invasion! [ pause ] ALL: Packers! Wooo! Go, Packers! > a record of Snively's first comment upon seeing the disaster: "It > looks as if Mobius itself wanted you to know that was a bad idea." MIKE: See? No spelling or grammar errors yet. TOM: Maybe you were right. CROW: It might not be so bad after all. > > The building's external walls still stood, a marker to wasted space. CROW: A tribute to democracy. > Packbell ALL: Packbell! Wooo! Go, Packbell! > disliked waste, at least of his resources - which included Robotropolis' land. > This orb had been dispatched to see if the area could be reclaimed. ALL: Nah. > All of > its sensors seemed to indicate that this was possible: infrared showed that > the lava flow had hardened CROW: Is my mind in a rut, or is this getting dirty? MIKE: Your mind's in a rut. > many meters below the ground, chemical analysis > proved that the air was no more dangerous to machines than the rest of > Robotropolis' atmosphere, and all that could be heard on audio was TOM: *SLEEEEEP*!!! CROW: *STAAAAAY*!!! MIKE: *SPOOOOON*!!! > a faint > giggling. ALL: Hee hee hee... > > Giggling? ALL: Hee hee hee... > > The orb homed in on this unusual sound, not knowing how to handle the > unexpected data. Maybe the lava was reacting with a piece of scrap metal. TOM: And make a giggling sound? > Or, > worse, a critical bit of superstructure could be failing. TOM: Yeah, but a giggling sound? > Or perhaps the > metal arrow heading towards directly towards MIKE: The Department of Redundancy Department. > the orb's lens could have > something to do with... CROW: Suddenly I feel very nervous. > > ****** TOM: The number of stars this fanfic deserves. MIKE: Are you feeling well? TOM: Out of 42,000. MIKE: That's better. > > Amy lowered her crossbow as her arrow pierced the orb, TOM: Aack! CROW: They wouldn't! > sending it permanently > off-line in a small but pretty explosion, BOTS: NOOOOO!!! [ Tom bursts into tears. ] CROW: Damn you, Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi!! *Damn* you!!! MIKE: Guys, it's all right! Cambot's not dead! He's [ points behind him ] right there! TOM: [ He stops crying. ] Oh yeah. CROW: Thank goodness for stunt doubles. > as her other hand stopped tickling > Tails. TOM: Her left hand doesn't know what her right hand is doing. CROW: And her brain doesn't know a thing. > > "Are you crazy?" the kitsune TOM: What's a kitsune? CROW: Isn't it some sort of sword? > yelled, while trying to catch his breath. MIKE: No! My breath! [ He stands up and walks to one end of the theater. ] Gotcha! [ He sits back down in his seat. ] > "We > could've been spotted!" > > "No chance. That model was made to analyze and report data. It knows when > it's been shot at, but it's too dumb to report anything unusual before taking > a close look. MIKE: And she knows this because... CROW: Hey! Maybe she's really working for Robotnik! TOM: Fat chance, Crow. That would constitute a plot twist. CROW: Oh, right. Like there's a chance of that happening. > I couldn't risk firing while it was moving around; I had to > make it come towards us." She smiled. "Besides, you needed a good tickle." > > "Oh, yeah? Two can play at that." Tails leapt on Amy, knocked her down, and > proceeded to wiggle his fingers in what he knew were any Mobian's most > sensitive spots. TOM: Eew! CROW: Say, now... MIKE: Crow, do you *want* a time-out? > Amy's involuntarily laughter was mixed liberally with CROW: Adverbs instead of adjectives. MIKE: You guys know what I said about no grammar errors? TOM: Yeah. MIKE: Forget it. > shrieks, which just drove Tails to more intense tickling - revenge was so > sweet. Tails was so lost in his work MIKE: This just keeps getting worse. > that he nearly jumped out of his skin > when a metal hand clapped him on the shoulder. The shock faded when he turned > around and saw that the hand belonged to Uncle Chuck. TOM: It was on a long leash. CROW: Every day he would take it for a walk. MIKE: And he named it "Bob". BOTS: "Bob"? MIKE: Yeah. "Bob". > > "Are you two crazy?" he admonished. "You could've been spotted." CROW: Oh, so a kitsune is a type of leopard. > > "Sorry, Uncle Chuck," they replied in unison. > > "No time for apologies. Packbell's up to something." He removed a disk from > a slot on his stomach. MIKE: Ouch! > "Here's the data I've collected so far." > > Tails took the disk. "What is it?" > > "Come on." CROW: [ Tails ] That doesn't answer my question. > Chuck motioned for the pair the follow. "It's going up in five > minutes." > > "Don't you mean 'going down'?" > > "Trust me." CROW: [ Tails ] You still haven't answered my question. > > ****** > > The ground shook from an underground rumbling as Tails carried Amy a few > centimeters over a maze of laser eyes. Uncle Chuck walked through as if they > weren't there. Since all the cameras that were set up to scan those who broke > the laser beams only reacted to living beings, he knew that there was no need > for him to worry. TOM: Oh, I can see-- the hell?! CROW: Hey, now I remember. Chuck's the roboticized hedgehog who helps the Freedom Fighters. TOM: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: FANBOY!! > > He looked up to see how the youngsters were doing. His expression darkened > when he saw Tails squirming under Amy's continued, although subdued, feathery CROW: Panties. TOM: Subdued panties? > touches. "Amy, stop that! Do you want him to drop you?" > > Amy stopped, creased her smile just so, and turned her half-lidded eyes on the > workerbot. "He won't let go. Not if he wants to sleep tonight." TOM: Eeeww!! CROW: Mike, please tell me my mind's just in the gutter! MIKE: Ordinarily, I would, but I suddenly feel ill. Pardon me while I go remove breakfast from my system. [ Mike gets up and leaves with his hand on his stomach. ] TOM: Heey! No fair! What about us?! MIKE: [ from offscreen ] Just watch the fanfic until I get back. > > Chuck smiled. "And I thought Sonic was in trouble when she was around." > > Without warning, Tails let go. Amy did not have time to yell before she > landed on her rear. Dust from her landing highlighted the closest beams > without breaking them. The fringe of her dress danced TOM: The waltz! > less than a millimeter > from one of the beams. CROW: Of course, she doesn't actually trip it. She's got "fanfic luck". > > "Hey! I could've tripped TOM: [ hippie ] Out! Whoa, groovy... > the alarms," Amy protested, while carefully reeling > her wayward garment back from danger. CROW: Say... > > "No way. CROW: [ Tails ] You've got "fanfic luck". > I aimed." Tails grinned. "But, how were you planning on getting > back to Knothole?" TOM: [ Amy ] I'll take a cab. > > Before Amy could reply, TOM: Tails spontaneously combusted. CROW: That's gonna require some cleanup. > the rumbling grew louder. TOM: [ Robin Williams ] Run! It's a stampede! > In the distance, beyond the > field of CROW: Corn. TOM: -y fanfics. > lasers, a flat, barren metallic field TOM: Field of cow. CROW: Cow? TOM: Yeah. Didn't you hear? They've got cows you can grow like corn. CROW: I did not know that. > surrounded a hole in the > ground. Tails could only stare in puzzlement: TOM: It's a giant Rubix Cube! > in every mental image he had of > Robotropolis, either buildings and streets occupied every square meter, or the > Freedom Fighters had turned the area into rubble. CROW: Yabba-dabba-doo!! > Amy was similarly TOM: Stupid. > befuddled. Chuck, however, knew exactly what they were looking at. CROW: A fluffernutter. > "Cover > your ears," he shouted. All three promptly followed his advice. TOM: Three? CROW: Let's see, he's with Amy, Tails, and... uh... TOM: Hmm. CROW: Maybe each of Tails' tails covered its ears. > > They were lucky that they did. As if on cue, a long, tapered cylinder CROW: I think it's symbolism. TOM: CROW. CROW: Party pooper. > shot > out of the hole, CROW: See? This is symbolizing something too. TOM: Not only do I not want to know, no one else does. > leaving a sonic shockwave in its wake. The wave washed over > Chuck's heavy metallic body with no effect. Amy was picked up and thrown > backwards by the wave, managing to land precariously one the toes of one foot, > right between the beams of in the laser field. CROW: See? It's that "fanfic luck"! > > Tails was sent tumbling tail over head over tail. He landed on his feet just > outside the field, shook his head, and looked towards the rapidly ascending > cylinder. "Whoa! What is that?" CROW: Can't you tell? I talked about it a paragraph ago! > > "Some kind of space launch," Chuck replied. "You've seen a few of Robotnik's > spacecraft before. Does this look anything like them?" > > "Uh-uh. How 'bout you, Amy? Do you recognize it?" > > "Hmmnn, hmmnn," Amy hummed nervously. TOM: Chant with me... hmmnn... hmmnn... CROW: Hmmnn... hmmnn... TOM: Cleanse your soul... hmmnn... hmmnn... CROW: Hmmnn... hmmnn... TOM: Save yourself from this fanfic... hmmnn... hmmnn... CROW: Hmmnn... hmmnn... > > "What was that?" Tails looked at Amy, and immediately took off. > > Amy was waving her arms to keep her balance. Her eyes were fixed on a small, > fist sized piece of junk, which was still moving fast from the shockwave. In > its path was Amy's CROW: Mmm... nah, that'd be sick. > ankle, twisted to an unnatural angle by her landing. Amy's > face betrayed TOM: Them all, giving Robotnik their location. Soon, SWATbots had shot them all to bits, the end. CROW: You're getting dark. [ quick pause ] I have taught you well. > the pain of this injury; she had bit her lip so deeply that a > thin red line now darkened her chin. > > "Hold on," the kitsune yelled as he raced towards her. But too late: the > scrap bounced up and slammed into Amy's shin with a loud crack. TOM: Amy at the bat. > "AAAAAAAAOOOWTCH!" she cried, as she grabbed her ankle and sank to one knee, > tripping the laser eyes. CROW: Well, so much for "fanfic luck". TOM: Guess you can't have everything. > > Alarms blared as Tails swooped in and snatched Amy. CROW: Copping a feel, eh? > Chuck froze, knowing that > the entire scene was now being recorded, and planning on pretending that his > enemy recognition program was off-line when Packbell wondered why a workerbot > had done nothing while the pair escaped. TOM: [ Chuck ] Uh, sir, I would have chased them, but AOL crashed, and I had to reboot... > Tails knew Chuck's plan, so he > resisted the urge to wave goodbye as he sped away. Amy just held her shin and > moaned. CROW: [ Amy ] Oh, Tails... TOM: [ Tails ] Oh, Amy... CROW: [ Amy ] Oh, Tails... TOM: [ Tails ] Oh, Amy... > > ****** [ Mike steps back in and sits down. ] TOM: Oh, there you are. CROW: You were gone 14 whole paragraphs! MIKE: I would've been gone longer, but Mrs. Forrester cut off the oxygen supply. So, what happened? CROW: Do you really want to know? MIKE: Not really. TOM: Well, all right then. > > Sonic puzzled over the mathematical equations projected by Nicole. "Yo, > Nicole, translation please." MIKE: [ Nicole ] "El loco hedgehog". > > "CHILL, MY MAIN HEDGEHOG," TOM: Aah! MIKE: Not so loud! > the computer responded in its natural-sounding yet > still subtly CROW: Sensual. MIKE: CROW. > robotic voice. "CORRESPONDING CONCEPTS DO NOT APPEAR TO BE IN > YOUR LEXICON. ATTEMPTING TO FIND SUITABLE REPLACEMENTS." MIKE: Yah! CROW: Stop screaming! > > "My lexi-what? Nicole, was that an insult?" > > Sally giggled as she walked up. "C'mon, Sonic, you programmed it not to > insult you." CROW: So he doesn't know the word "lexicon", but he reprogrammed a pocket computer? > > "Yeah, but then you reprogrammed it, Aunt Sally," Tails replied. > > Sonic shifted his eyes from Tails to Sally. "You messed with Nicole's 'tude?" TOM: "'tude"? CROW: Maybe he means "tush". MIKE: I doubt it. > > "Umm..." > > "Sally," Tails interrupted, "will Amy be ok?" TOM: [ Sally ] She's dead, Jim. I mean, Tails. > > Sonic folded his arms, and continued to look at Sally through Nicole's > projection. > CROW: Say no! TOM: Say no! > "Sure. BOTS: Rats! > She just injured her ankle. TOM: Oh, and her head came off. > Painful, but not MIKE: A rose garden. TOM: You promise? > serious. I gave her > some sedatives; CROW: Ah yes, the "hide the problem" method of medical care. > the pain should be gone by the time she wakes up. She'll be > fine in a couple of days." > > "Phew. The way she looked when she fell, I thought...I, I dunno. MIKE: That's what he thought? Sheesh. > I was just > so scared that something'd happened to her, that she might, you know..." TOM: ...explode. > > Sally looked meaningfully at Sonic. "I know." CROW: [ Sally ] I dunno too. > > "What?" Sonic tried to read Sally's expression, but failed. He tried to > glean MIKE: --gup the groom, but gwas soon gbored. CROW: The gend. TOM: I feel ill. MIKE: You mean "gill". TOM: That was pathetic. > a clue from Tails' face, then shrugged and gave up. TOM: The bucket. MIKE: You're mixing euphemisms again. > > "Never mind. Nicole, summarize contents of the disk, please." CROW: [ Nicole ] CINDY CRAWFORD, KATHY IRELAND, CHRISTIE TURLINGTON... > > Nicole's hologram shifted to display a silvery, cigar TOM: [ Groucho Marx ] Once I roboticized a fox in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know! Ba-dum-bum! > -shaped vessel, a long, > perfectly straight underground shaft, and various statistics scattered around > both. > > "PACKBELL HAS CONSTRUCTED A GAUSS CANNON, AND INTENDS TO LAUNCH PIECES FOR AN > ORBITAL WEAPON FROM IT." > > "Was this what Tails and Amy saw?" > > "AFFIRMATIVE." MIKE: Why doesn't she just say "yes"? CROW: Robots talk like that in fanfics. MIKE: Oh. Is it true in real life? TOM: Negative. > > "How many launches will Packbell need to get the weapons operational?" CROW: Is it more than a breadbasket? > > "THE FIRST LAUNCH WAS A FULLY OPERATIONAL WEAPON, INTENDED TO TEST THE > SYSTEM'S CAPABILITIES. IF IT SUCEEDS, LARGER WEAPONS WILL BE LAUNCHED IN AN > AS YET UNDETERMINED NUMBER OF PIECES, TOM: Ooh, ooh, I know! 42! > STARTING THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY." > > "What's the test?" MIKE: Multiple choice. TOM: Who the heck is speaking here? > > "COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF THE GREAT CROW: Great great really great super great. > FOREST." CROW: Of Greatness. > > Sally gasped. "Oh my gosh..." MIKE: Not the Great Forest! That's where I keep all my stuff! > > Sonic was similarly surprised. "Destroying the whole forest's just a test? > Nicole, what's he gonna do with the larger ones? End all life on Mobius?" TOM: Nah. > > "AFFIRMATIVE." TOM: Oh. > > "I was just kidding." CROW: Ha ha ha. Oh the humor of it all. > > "But Packbell's not," Sally replied. "We have to get up there, and destroy > that weapon." > > "So, let's borrow MIKE: Wilson's space shuttle! TOM: Wilson was an astronaut? MIKE: Why not? He was everything else. > the gauss cannon." > > "Let's not. Don't you know how those things work?" ALL: No. CROW: Now ask if we care. > > "No." > > "They pass an electrical current through a conductive shell, using the > electrical flux to generate acceleration. This one provides a minimum 100 > Gs." MIKE: Like the one in "glean". TOM: And "Gah?" > > "Umm..." Sonic scratched his head. "I still don't know." > > Sally grunted in exasperation. MIKE: If you speak, Crow, I'll kill you. CROW: Hmph. > "Look, Sonic, even if we could hijack a shell > from Packbell, CROW: Not likely. > and even if we could avoid getting fried by the current, CROW: Not likely. > the > acceleration would crush us in less than a minute." CROW: Not-- oh. Probably quite likely. > > "Oh. In that case, let's not borrow the cannon." > > "Good idea." Sally smirked. "We have to find some other way of getting to > orbit." TOM: Baked beans? > > "That'll be tough. We don't have any spaceships, and Robotnik dismantled > every launch site he found, outside of Robotropolis." > > Sally smiled. "Not all of them. The ancient echnidas TOM: Mike, what's an echnida? MIKE: I think the authors mean echidna. TOM: Then why didn't they say echidna? MIKE: They're fanfic authors. TOM: Ah, say no more. > had a high level of > technology. They must have known about space flight, too. Robotnik salvaged > some of what they left behind to launch his Death Egg [ Everyone snickers. ] CROW: That just cracks me up every time I hear it. > from..." > > "...the Floating Island," Sonic finished. MIKE: Aww, isn't that cute. They're finishing each other's sentences. CROW: Gag. *Gaaag*. > "And Robotnik never could set foot > on it again, once he betrayed Knuckles. But, you don't suppose he left > anything useable behind?" > > "He left the Chaos Emeralds. TOM: Well, whoop-de-crap. > They've floated the entire island for millennia; TOM: I reiterate: whoop-de-crap. > surely they can send us into space for a few minutes. We just have to talk > Knuckles into letting us borrow them." > > "No way. He'll never let us have them." > > "We'll see." MIKE: But we won't. We're outta here, guys. CROW: Yes!! TOM: My prayers have been answered. [ Mike and Crow stand up. Mike picks up Tom. ] > > ****** > > "No way. I'll never let you have them." CROW: Oh, I get it. Repetition. Ha ha ha. Funny. Adios! TOM: Auf Wiedersehen! MIKE: Sayonara! ALL: AND GOOD RIDDANCE!! [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL. A large chocolate cake sits on the counter in front of Mike. ] MIKE: Well, guys, it's time for the "Good Thing/Bad Thing" quiz. The prize is a big piece of RAM-cake. Tom, you go first. TOM: All right. A good thing was that the grammar and spelling was fairly good, and a bad thing was that it was lo-o-ong. MIKE: OK. [ He passes some cake to Tom. ] Crow? CROW: Hmm... Well, a good thing was that everyone is acting in-character, and a bad thing was that there was some implied "action" between two 10-year-olds. MIKE: Crow... CROW: Well, you asked. MIKE: [ He shrugs and gives Crow some cake. ] [ Movie Sign flashes. ] ALL: Aaugh! We got Hedgehog Sign!! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > > Sonic rolled his eyes as Sally and Knuckles argued. TOM: He played marbles with them. > He leaned against a wall, > being very careful not to touch any of the MIKE: Dehydrated frogs. > gems embedded in the rock-and-metal > Chaos Chamber. A smile CROW: AAAAAAHH!!! Ryan Huber!! [ faints ] > crossed his lips when he reflected on how easy it had > been to find the Floating Island, which was literally laying low at the > moment. Besides making it tougher for Packbell to TOM: Charge them for AOL time. > find the place, resting the > island in the ocean allowed it to replenish its water supply. It also meant > that, with Sonic's feet acting as MIKE: Hamlet. > a propeller and Nicole homing in on the > island's last known location, Sonic and Sally only needed a raft to get to > Knuckles' home. CROW: And one of those ****** things for a scene break. MIKE: I still don't see how you can pronounce that. > > "We don't want to keep them, just borrow them. You certainly don't need the > emeralds right now." TOM: He hasn't had a date in weeks! Who does he want to impress? > > "That's not de point. CROW: Stereotypical accent, anyone? > I am the Guardian o' the Chaos Emeralds. I do not let > anyone borrow, steal, grab, take, or otherwise remove 'em. MIKE: That about covers everything. CROW: What if I microwave them at power 10? MIKE: You would wonder that. > That is my purpose > in life, not your little war." > > "LITTLE? ALL: YES, LITTLE! > We're fighting for our lives, and those of everyone Robotnik has > roboticized. Don't you have any sympathy for the rest of Mobius?" > > Knuckles closed his eyes and looked away. "No. TOM: Ooh, cold! > This island is my world." > > "That's not true." Sally moved her face to regain eye contact with the > echnida. "I know you. You don't just turn your back on a cry for help." MIKE: He stomps on it and buries its head in the sand. > > Knuckles turned his head, desperately trying to avoid Sally's eyes. CROW: [ Sally ] Don't you want to play marbles? > "No. > Last time I got involved with you guys, I nearly lost TOM: My marbles! > the emeralds. I can't > let that happen again." He pointed at Sonic. "Besides, wherever he goes, > trouble follows like a shadow." TOM: Which knows. > > Without warning, Sonic looked down and locked eyes with Knuckles. "You're > already involved. CROW: [ Sonic ] Doesn't our relationship mean anything to you? MIKE: That was just stupid. > If Packbell succeeds, all life on Mobius will end. [ pause ] ALL: GO PACKBELL!! Packbell! Wooo! Packbell! CROW: [ falsetto ] Packbell won the Mobius Bowl! Yaaay! MIKE, TOM: Woooo! Packbell! Go, Packbell! > Including everything on this island." Sonic detached himself from the wall, TOM: [ Sonic ] Stupid Velcro. > and returned Knuckles' pointing. CROW: [ Sonic ] Here's your pointing back. It's kinda dirty, though. > "Including you. And with you out of the > way, how long do you think it will be before Packbell comes here and uses the > emeralds for his own plans? MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Ooh, I know this one... Uhh, seven? > No...not just the emeralds, but TOM: Your marbles too! > every scrap of > mineral and technology he finds on this rock! By the time he's done, there > won't even be a pebble CROW: & Bamm-Bamm? TOM: Beach? > left of this place." Sonic advanced, placing his > finger just short of Knuckles' nose. MIKE: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses. CROW: Unless you've got really weird friends. > "All because you wouldn't get involved." > > Knuckles was unable to turn away. "The answer is no," he replied weakly. > "But there is another way." > > ****** > > In the skies at the top of the island's tallest mountain, a door hissed open, MIKE: Hiss!! I am the Evil Snake God... er, Door. > admitting light into a large airlock. Three figures stepped inside, and > jumped when the door slammed shut behind them. > > "Yo, Knucks, what's up?" CROW: [ Knuckles ] The sky, birds, clouds, basically everything except ratings. > > "Security. Hold on, mon, I just gotta find the..." TOM: Cheese spreader. > > "IDENTITY CONFIRMED. WELCOME, GUARDIAN." > > Lights came on with such suddenness CROW: Suddenly. > that Sonic almost missed seeing the door > in front of him open. CROW: Suddenly. > Beyond was a workshop of some kind, with unidentifiable > bits of technology scattered here and there. CROW: Suddenly. > Its blank white walls, along > with more airlocks leading CROW: Suddenly. > to other rooms, gave an antiseptic CROW: And sudden. MIKE: I'm going to throttle you. > feel to the > place. Sonic's eyes came to rest on a part of the wall, which Knuckles' fist > was jammed against. CROW: All of a sudden. > "Palm scanner?" he asked. CROW: [ Knuckles ] Sudden scanner. [ Mike turns to Crow and punches him in the face. Crow's head spins for a few seconds. ] MIKE: I warned you. > > Knuckles removed his fist, to reveal two short conical MIKE: Strips. TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, fun. > holes in the wall where > it had been. "Knuckle scanner." He grinned, TOM: Smiled. > then pointed to a pair of space > suits. "You two get into those while I check the equipment. If we're lucky, > you might be at that satellite in no time." The echnida CROW: And now, a poem: I have a spelling checker, It came with my PC. It planely marks four my revue Misteaks I can knot sea. I've run this poem thru it. I'm sure your pleased to no Its letter-perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me sew. MIKE: Good one, Crow. CROW: Thank you. > walked off through > another airlock. CROW: Out into space. TOM: [ Sonic ] Hey, Sally, lookit that pretty exploding red thing! > > Sally began examining the suits while Sonic looked around. "Whoa. Imagine > what we could do with this stuff," he muttered. MIKE: We could... dare I say it... *rule* the *world*!! > > "Don't bother. I asked him about it years ago. This is one of his few links > to his people. He won't part with any of it." TOM: [ Sally ] Anyway, these links are missing. > CROW: If... MIKE: And... > "But..." > > "No CROW: Ifs... MIKE: Ands, or... > buts." Sally broke off her examination TOM: [ Sally ] Uh... well, it's a thing. I know that much. > and walked up to Sonic. "You have > a lot to learn about courtesy. We're lucky he'll even let us borrow the > suits. CROW: " MIKE: How do you pronounce that?! CROW: Like this: " MIKE: Oh, *that* helps. > > "Yeah, well at least I don't keep people in the dark." > > "What do you mean?" TOM: [ Sonic ] You locked me in the closet! CROW: [ Sonic ] And then when I came out, people teased me! > > "Like, back at Knothole. What did you mean when you said you knew what Tails > felt? CROW: He felt-- MIKE: Crow! CROW: --sick to his stomach. [ Tails ] Eew, Amy guts! MIKE: Oh. > He's like a brother to me, and even I couldn't read him." MIKE: [ suave ] I can't read you like a book! > > "Oh, I just meant that I knew what it was like to fear for the life of a loved > one." > > "Like who?" TOM: [ Sally ] My Chia Pet! > > "Like you." She jabbed her finger into his chest. CROW: Baka-wow! > > Sonic looked at her blankly. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Duh, guh, hoy? > > Sally sighed. "Sonic, every time you go out, there's a chance you won't come > back. I can't stop you, but when you don't return at night, I can't get to > sleep. ALL: Eeew!! CROW: Not again! TOM: I thought we were safe by now! > I'm too worried that you've been captured, or worse." MIKE: [ Sally ] That you've come back. > > "Moi? No way. Robotnik couldn't get me, Snively couldn't get me, and neither > can CROW: Whatshisname. TOM: Whoshisface. MIKE: And that other guy. > Packbell." ALL: Oh. > > "You can't know that for sure. For all we know, this could be one giant death > trap. That satellite could be rigged to explode the moment we set foot on > it." BOTS: Yes!! MIKE: Well, then, GO FOR IT! > > "Then why are you coming?" CROW: [ Sally ] I want to watch you die slowly and painfully. MIKE: Thank you for taking the clean, if somewhat dark route. CROW: My pleasure. > > "I'm the one who does all the thinking. ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh... > I can bail you out TOM: [ Sally ] Of jail. You really need to stop killing people. > if things get > tough." > > "Moi? I've gotten out of so many tight spots, it's hard to tell what's > dangerous anymore. MIKE: Well, let's review. A cute fuzzy bunny rabbit--not dangerous. A giant slavering grue--dangerous. > But what if you get into trouble? I mean, if you die, I'd > be way bummed." TOM: [ Sonic ] Like, it'd totally be a bummer, or somethin'. Ya dig? > > Sally giggled. "Don't worry, I won't die. CROW: Isn't that unrealistic? I mean, we all gotta go sometime. > Not as long as you're around." > > "Promise?" TOM: [ Sally ] No, I was lying. Ha! > > "I promise." She leaned forward, and sealed her words with a MIKE: Staple gun. > kiss. > > Knuckles stepped back through the airlock. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Hello? I'm back from being exploded. > "Good news. The machines haven't > aged one bit. You can go into orbit any time." He looked up, and saw the two > embrace. CROW: [ Knuckles ] Hey, get a hotel room or something! > "When you're ready, that is." > > ****** CROW: Hmm. I wonder what that swear word was. > > Sonic folded his arms. "So, now what?" When he did not get an immediate > response, the hedgehog tapped his foot and added, "I'm waiting." > > "When my ancestors created the Chaos Emeralds, CROW: But, according to the Tails miniseries, the Emeralds fell from the sky millenia ago! MIKE: No, I think this story is based on the Fleetway universe. CROW: Is there a Sally in that universe? MIKE: Um... I don't think so. CROW: I guess the authors are just screwed up. MIKE: Probably. TOM: Ahem--FANBOYS!! > they experimented with focusing TOM: Light with a lens. CROW: Then they fried ants. > their energies," Knuckles explained, while making some final adjustments to a > remote control in his hand. "They discovered that the emeralds could propel > things into orbit, TOM: Fweeeeeeee-pwooooom-kerpooooow! > and soften their return." MIKE: Aah! Aah! I'm falling! CROW: Aim for the emerald! > > "But, does it still work?" Sally asked. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] No, I just wanted to tell you this neat story. > > "It should. It was designed to resist the elements forever. TOM: And a day. > A similar device > propels this island, and it has worked for centuries." > > "So, Knuckles, once we CROW: TP Robotnik's HQ ASAP. TOM: [ sarcastically ] LOL. > trash the satellite, how're we gonna get down?" Sonic > questioned. > > "Fall." ALL: Woohoo! MIKE: I like his plan! > > "Umm..." Sonic nervously adjusted the glove of his space suit. "What about > landing? CROW: [ Knuckles ] Well, duh. You, like, land. > I mean, I don't fancy being hedgehog pizza." TOM: Eeew! CROW: Yuk! MIKE: Mmm... BOTS: MIKE!! MIKE: Just kidding. > > "Don' worry, mon. Just get back into the atmosphere, and I'll find you and > bring you down nice an' easy." BOTS: Rats! MIKE: [ Charlie Brown ] I can't stand it. > > "Ok." > > "Make sure not to trash the suits. They're..." TOM: [ Knuckles ] Not garbage-proof. > > "Sally told me." Sonic screwed on his helmet, and turned on its comlink. > "Just get us up there, will ya?" > > Knuckles nodded. "Are you both ready?" > > Sally plucked at the baggy fabric of her oversized, plain beige MIKE: Hey, look! It's the first "Shade of Sally". > suit. "I just > wish we had time for a more thorough inspection, but we don't know when > Packbell intends to start his test. TOM: As soon as he gets Windows 95 to stop crashing. CROW: Mac-boy! TOM: Geek! CROW: Twerp! MIKE: OK, guys, enough. > I guess this will have to do." She > handed a small yellow box to Knuckles. "I don't want to take Nicole. Who > knows what the magnetic fields could do to her. CROW: Do you think it would destroy her question marks. > Could you keep her for me > until I return, please?" Once Nicole was in Knuckles' gloved hand, she > nodded. "Ok, send us up." MIKE: Two to beam up, Scotty. > > The echnida pushed a button TOM: Hey, is this Knuckles or TV's Frank? > on a remote control. A shimmering beam of energy > enveloped Sonic and Sally, both of whom felt a gentle pressure under their > feet. MIKE: Someone was taking their shoes! > When the beam and the pressure faded, they were surrounded by vacuum, CROW: Hoover or Dirt Devil? > and saw the silvery needle that they had been pursuing. However, the needle > was now split into two halves, each the shape of a narrow cone, and each MIKE: With a dog looking into one end. > pointing towards Mobius. Their circular bases had been removed, and they > touched only at a small metal hinge. Sonic and Sally stood on either side of > the hinge. > > "Huh. I don't see much to wreck." > > Sally grabbed the lip of one of the cones, and hmmed as she examined the hole. TOM: Because she didn't know the words. > > "For that matter, I don't see much of a weapon. Where's the guns? I mean, > it's gonna fire something at Mobius, right?" > > Sally gasped. "That's it!" CROW: [ Sally ] If I combine chocolate *and* peanut butter in one delicious treat... > > Sonic was momentarily taken aback, but soon bowed. "Thank you, hold your > applause." TOM: Don't worry. > When he noticed that his bow had caused him to start to drift > away, he quickly grabbed the other cone's lip with his feet, temporarily > grateful that the space suit's magnetic boots had a lot more friction than the > sneakers he still wore under them. As he pulled himself back towards Sally, > he asked, "What's 'it'?" MIKE: [ Sally ] You are. Tag! > > "These are giant rocket engines. They'll drill holes through Mobius's crust, > right through to the magma underneath." > > "Say what?" > > "They'll turn the Great Forest into the Great Lava Lake. Knothole would be > buried before we knew what was happening." CROW: And years after, the audience *STILL* wouldn't know what happened! > Sally pointed to a speck of light > visible deep within the cones. "And they're already firing up!" > > "Stand back." Sonic maneuvered himself to the hinge, then curled up. > > "Sonic?" Sally let go and drifted free. "NO! You'll rip your..." CROW: I'm not gonna *touch* that one! > > Sonic spun against the hinge, pushing off the cones to gain speed. Although > his suit was tough, it was also flexible enough to form a sharp edge when > shaped by his quills; sharp enough to buzz through the weak metal link between > the cones. Sonic slowed down as he proceeded, finally stopping when he was all > the way through. The cones tilted away from each other, then erupted in full > force. Sonic drifted just underneath their flames as they shot away, curving > back upwards in an inverted heart pattern, which culminated in a spectacular > fireball when the cones met at its tip. MIKE: And the obligatory Sonic Spin scene comes to a close. What'd you think? BOTS: It stinks! > > Sally did not see the fireball; her vision encompassed only Sonic, drifting > helpless in the vacuum after his spinning had damaged his suit's air tank. > She quickly vented some air from her suit's emergency valve, propelling her > into Sonic, and both of them back into the atmosphere. Sally instinctively > wrapped her arms around Sonic as they fell. CROW: Not more symbolism!! MIKE: Crow, shut up. CROW: But they're obviously implying-- MIKE: CROW. Shut UP. I am tired of these remarks. You're totally obsessed! CROW: I am not, Mike! > > "That was a close one," Sonic commented as he broke CROW: Just because I'd say something here-- > their embrace. "Just goes > to show, you'll do anything for a hug." > > "What?" Sally frowned and adjusted her body to better absorb CROW: And here-- > the heat of the > air's friction CROW: And also here-- > as they re-entered the atmosphere. "I just saved your life, > mister." > > "Come on, Sal, you enjoyed it, didn't you?" CROW: And here too-- > > "I just did what I had to." CROW: And here-- > > "Sure." > > "Be that way." CROW: Does *not* make me obsessed! TOM: I think Mike's right. CROW: You stay out of it!! > She closed her eyes and looked away. "But until you apologize > for that remark, I'm not speaking to you." CROW: And I'm not speaking to you. [ He faces away from Mike and Tom. ] > > Before long, a fireball began to form around them. Embers glowed inside both > suits where the insulation had partially failed, threatening to erupt into > flame at any second. "It's getting a bit hot in here," Sonic lamented. MIKE: [ Sonic ] Or is it me? > "Let's hope Knuckles is able to get us back in time..." > > Further conversation was cut off by the shimmering beam's return. TOM: [ beam ] Hi, I'm Jim! What's your name? Can I be your friend? Those are some neat suits you've got there. Do you like the color beige? I like the color beige. What are you talking about? Can I talk too? MIKE: That's enough. TOM: OK. > > ****** > > Sonic had to take a few seconds to clear his head after the beam faded. He > found himself face down in the snow, with the wind knocked out of him. > Nearby, Knuckles was fiddling MIKE, TOM: [ whistle "Turkey in the Straw" ] > madly with the remote control. Just when Sonic > was able to sit up, Knuckles yelled out in frustration, threw the control to > the ground, and smashed it with his hand. > > "What's wrong?" TOM: [ Knuckles ] Stupid Windows 95! It crashed again! [ pause ] MIKE: Man, Crow must be really mad. He's not even calling you "Mac-boy"! > > "I missed." > > "Missed?" Sonic looked around. "Where's Sally?" > > Knuckles looked at the broken remote. MIKE: [ Knuckles ] I threw her to the ground and smashed her with my hand too. > > Sonic's eyes went wide. "You didn't bring her back?" > > The echnida looked up. "For a moment I thought I had her, but I suddenly lost TOM: [ Bobo ] My individually wrapped M&Ms! MIKE: You do that voice very well. TOM: Thank you. I think. > the signal." > > "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" MIKE: [ Sonic ] She owed me 5 bucks! > Sonic's cry was more a scream of anguished terror than TOM: A jelly donut. > anything else. > > "I knew something like this would happen if I helped. You see why I don't > want to get involved?" Knuckles dropped Nicole in front of Sonic and walked > away. > > "Sally...I...I'm sorry..." MIKE: [ Sonic ] I forgot our anniversary... TOM: Hey! It's the end of part 1! MIKE: All right! Crow, you coming? CROW: [ grumbling ] Mm-hmm. MIKE: OK, then. [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of part 1 Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com) My web site: http://www.xoom.com/ShayC/index.html -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- < - - - - - - - - - - Designed for an 80-letter wrap width - - - - - - - - - - > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANNOUNCER: Today, on Mystery Usenet Theater 3000-- Crow is still angry at the others, [ scene of Crow sulking ] our author shows up for a visit, [ scene of a teenager talking to Mike ] and Pearl, Bobo, and Observer get a taste of their own medicine. [ scene of their silhouettes in the theater ] All this and more, on Mystery Usenet Theater 3000. Today's episode: "Two Shades of Sally, part 2" [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL. Crow is off to the side sulking, with his arms crossed. ] MIKE: I don't think Crow'll ever forgive us. TOM: Me neither. [ long pause ] MIKE: Hmm. TOM: So... [ another pause ] MIKE: Ah. TOM: Well. [ yet another pause ] MIKE: What now? TOM: Beats me. MIKE: Maybe we should have a guest. TOM: Who? [ A teenaged boy steps in from the right. I won't bore you with a description. ] SHAY: How 'bout me? MIKE: Okay. TOM: Who're you? SHAY: I'm the author of this MSTing. I just felt like visiting. MIKE: Ah, I see. TOM: Kind of an ego trip, isn't it? SHAY: I couldn't think of anything else to put here. TOM: Wait, you're the one who had Pearl send this fanfic? SHAY: Yeah... [ Mike grabs Tom just in time to stop him from attacking. ] TOM: AAAAARRGHH!!!! MIKE: Tom, calm down!! [ Mike spins around and tosses Tom into Crow, both of whom fly off screen. ] That's better. Want some tea? SHAY: I'd love some. MIKE: [ gets a teapot and cups from under the counter ] So, what other MSTings have you written? SHAY: Well, only one. You remember those three music videos? MIKE: That was you? SHAY: [ nod ] MIKE: Hmm. Any others you're planning on doing? SHAY: Ah, just "Blood and Metal". It's a Sonic fanfic by-- never mind. MIKE: Who? SHAY: Well, one of the co-authors of "Rangers of NIMH". MIKE: [ pause ] Don't tell the bots. SHAY: I don't plan to. [ Movie Sign flashes. ] MIKE: Oh, great. SHAY: Hmm... I guess I could, just this once. MIKE: What? SHAY: You have a computer I could borrow? MIKE: [ yanks out the computer seen in "Three Music Videos" ] Here ya go. SHAY: OK. [ starts typing ] Load Editpad... File, Open... "Two Shades of Sally.txt"... There. MIKE: Now what? SHAY: Just wait. See ya! [ He walks off screen. ] MIKE: Oh. [ Mads Sign flashes. Mike hits the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ] [ VW. Pearl looks very ticked off. ] PEARL: Why aren't you in the theater? [ SOL ] MIKE: Uh... [ VW. Suddenly, a fish leaps up and bites Observer's brain. ] OBSERVER: Aaah! [ He waves his arms around. Observer, Pearl, and Bobo disappear, and Mike, Crow, Gypsy, and Tom appear. ] MIKE: Whoa. TOM: Yikes. GYPSY: Huh? CROW: Sulk. [ SOL. The Mads are there. ] PEARL: What happened? OBSERVER: [ sputtering ] I was just trying to get rid of the fanged fish! What happened? SHAY: [ voiceover ] A plot contrivance. Have fun! PEARL: Oh, poopie. [ Movie Sign flashes. ] PEARL: Oh, no. NO WAY am I going into that theater. [ VW ] MIKE: Say, guys, what do you think this button marked "Laser Blaster" does? TOM: Hmm. I don't know. GYPSY: Me neither. MIKE: I wonder... CROW: [ trying to stay sulky, but... ] Well, let's try it out! MIKE: [ very enthusiastically ] Okay!! [ He pushes it. ] [ SOL ] PEARL: This really stinks. [ Lasers show up and blast the three. ] BOBO: Aaah! [ monkey noises mixed with screams ] OBSERVER: Ouch! My *brain*!! PEARL: I'll get you for this, Nelson! [ They flee offscreen both ways. ] [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ The Mads enter the theater. Bobo, Pearl, and Observer sit down in Tom's, Mike's and Crow's seats, respectively. ] PEARL: I can't believe this is happening. BOBO: Maybe it'll be fun. PEARL: Does Nelson ever have any fun? BOBO: Um... PEARL: I'll answer for you. [ screams in his ear ] NO!!! BOBO: Ouchies... PEARL: Brain Guy, can't you just send us back? OBSERVER: I can't! That pointed piranha is still on my brain! > Subject: [Fanfic] PEARL: Just kill me now. > Two Shades of Sally (part 2) PEARL: At least I only have to suffer through half. > From: Adrian Tymes OBSERVER: It was the best of Tymes, it was the Adrian of Tymes... BOBO: Hee hee. > Date: Tue, Oct 21, 1997 01:26 EDT OBSERVER: [ deep ] Not coincidentally, this date marked the downfall of human civilization. > Message-id: < BOBO: I'm ready for this. OBSERVER: Ready for what? BOBO: It was an old ritual in my civilization. We did this whenever we saw large numbers. PEARL: Did what? BOBO: This: > 34 BOBO: The combined SAT scores of the authors... > 4C BOBO: 2B plus not 2B... > 3D PEARL: The dimensions this fanfic has plus 2... BOBO: That's the spirit, Lawgiver! > 20 OBSERVER: Er, uh, the number of hours it'll feel like we sat here once it's through! > .33 PEARL: The average IQ among frequenters of alt.startrek.creative! > B7 BOBO: My old apartment number! > @soca.com> ALL: And a partridge in a pear treeee! PEARL: Maybe this won't be so bad after all. OBSERVER: Of course, we haven't reached the actual fanfic yet. PEARL: Oh, thanks. Bring me down, why don't you. > > Two Shades of Sally BOBO: Let's see, now. The first one was "beige"... PEARL: Don't tell me you were listening to them riff the first half. BOBO: All right, I won't tell you. OBSERVER: Ba dum bum! > > Part 2 BOBO: Of what? MIKE: [ voiceover ] 74. BOBO: Aaaah! [ falls over in his seat ] PEARL: Weren't you paying attention when I pulled that trick? > > Written by: Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi OBSERVER: Sadly, no trace of them was ever found... > > [Legal disclaimer: PEARL: DON'T READ THIS FANFIC! JUST RUN AWAY NOW! YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE!!! OBSERVER: Did you actually read this before you sent it? PEARL: Only up to the first ******. > > This story is based on characters created by BOBO: Eric Schwartz and Bill Holbrook. PEARL: Who? BOBO: My favorite comic strip authors. > SEGA and Archie Comic > Publications, Inc., and Commander Packbell by David BOBO: Gonterman? OBSERVER, PEARL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO > Pistone. Permission is > granted to freely distribute this story, so long as: a: no recompense of > financial value is received or given by the person who distributes the story, PEARL: I doubt that very much. BOBO: Observer, have you ever had deja vu? OBSERVER: Why, no. > and b: the distributed copy is identical to the story as originally authored. > In other words, don't sell it, and don't alter it. BOBO: Observer, have you ever had deja vu? OBSERVER: Why, no. > > Copyright (c) 1997, all rights reserved, et cetera.] PEARL: Blah blah blah, yakkity shmakkity. > > ****** BOBO: Observer, have you ever had deja vu? OBSERVER: Why, n-- stop playing with my head, ape! > > "Antoine, let me through," Amy yelled. BOBO: [ Wakko Warner ] I have to potty! > OBSERVER: How much talent do the authors have? > "Non. PEARL: You planned that! OBSERVER: Of course. I just read ahead in the fanfic with my mind. > You are being too inexperienced to safely handle such a dangerous > mission on your own," the object of her ire PEARL: Land. > replied. > > Amy sighed. "Tails, can you talk some sense into him? PEARL: [ Tails ] Uh... no? > We have to take out > Packbell's cannon, and for that we need the explosives he's guarding. OBSERVER: It's the old Catch-22. [ The silhouette of a giant 22 falls from the air into Observer's arms. ] Oof!! BOBO: Nice catch. > There > is no time to lose." PEARL: [ Amy ] Now where'd I put my watch? > > "With all due respect, madam, you are not our leader. OBSERVER: You are a human being. Er, hedgehog. > Sonic ees BOBO: [ Antoine ] A big doodyhead. > in charge." > > "Yeah, right. He hasn't even been out of his hut since he got back from the > Floating Island." She tried to dash past Antoine into the room behind him, > but Antoine inter OBSERVER: jected. "Interjections..." BOBO: Hey, no fair breaking up a word! OBSERVER: > posed an arm. > > "Nevertheless, he ees who everyone listens to." PEARL: The musical stylings of Hedge Hoggy Hog. > > "They might if he said anything." ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh... > > "She's right," Tails added. "I'm the only one who's seen him in the past few > days, and he doesn't speak to me any more. I don't think he even listens when > I say something to him." OBSERVER: [ Tails ] Sonic, Knothole's burning down. BOBO: [ Sonic ] Yeah, whatever. OBSERVER: [ Tails ] Packbell's roboticized everyone. BOBO: [ Sonic ] Mm-hmm. OBSERVER: [ Tails ] And we're out of chili dogs. BOBO: [ Sonic ] Out of chili dogs? AAAAAAHH!! > > "It matters not," Antoine replied. "He is being our leader." PEARL: Not very well. > > "And you are being a major pain," Amy growled. "What's your problem, anyway? > So you don't want me to handle this alone. Why don't you help us out?" OBSERVER: [ Antoine ] My accent is ze danger to myzelf and ozers. > > "We stand no chance without Sonic." > > "That's what Bunnie said. And Rotor, and Dulcy, and PEARL: Mom, and Pop, and Grandma, and John Boy... > everyone else." > > "Perhaps zey are being correct, no?" ALL: No. > > Amy and Antoine held each other's gaze for a full minute before Amy broke PEARL: Antoine's gaze. BOBO: [ Amy ] Oops. Can I have my gaze back? > off. > "Fine. Come on, Tails." With that, Amy stormed out the door, followed by > Tails who flew out behind her. > > ****** > > Once out of Antoine's sight, Amy sighed, then whispered to Tails, "Thanks for > the help, but you didn't have to be that dramatic. OBSERVER: [ Amy ] The "Hamlet" recitation was a nice touch, though. > I mean, I haven't heard > Sonic say one word since he got back from the Floating Island, but surely he's > spoken to someone." BOBO: His imaginary friend Clive? > > Tails shook his head. "I wasn't kidding. I bring him food and water, but if > anyone else knocks on his door, he acts like he's dead. He hasn't been eating > or drinking much lately. It's like he's losing his will to live." ALL: Woo-hoo! PEARL: Now if only this fanfic would do the same. > > "We have to do something." > > Tails sighed. "What can we do? BOBO: Hold a bake sale? OBSERVER: Give this fanfic to charity? PEARL: They wouldn't take it. > It's not like we can bring Sally back to > cheer him up. At this rate, I might have to do something to his food to keep > him alive." OBSERVER: I recommend yummy-fresh cyanide. > > Amy smiled. > > "What?" BOBO: [ Amy ] Your fly is open. > > She stood up, grinning devilishly, then threw her arms around him and pecked > him on the nose. OBSERVER: Aah! She's morphed into a bird! > "Thank you, Tails." > > "You're welcome. Umm...for what?" PEARL: [ Amy ] For last night... OBSERVER: Pearl... > > "For serving him breakfast." OBSERVER: And the cyanide. Don't forget the cyanide. > > ****** > > Sonic lay limp when Tails opened the door. In reverent silence, his friend > slowly hovered in, replaced an empty tray with a covered one, flew out into > the night, and shut the portal behind him. PEARL: So now we're in Stargate? > > Once he was sure that the kitsune BOBO: What's a "kitsune"? > was gone, Sonic reached out a hand and > switched on a lamp. The light revealed an expressionless face, eyes rimmed > red from the volume of tears that had flowed from them. BOBO: 5,000 gallons. OBSERVER: The city ended in the worst flood even the old farts could recall. BOBO: [ leans toward Pearl, whispers ] He said "fart"! > Sonic reached out > towards the small hologram of Sally that Nicole projected, not even noticing > that he was unable to cry any more. PEARL: His eyes were stabbed out. OBSERVER: That was dark. PEARL: Thank you. OBSERVER: That wasn't what I... never mind. > Surprisingly, nothing stained the long > swath of black cloth which the hedgehog wore like a blanket. BOBO: Except for mustard, ketchup, relish, and... uh... [ reaches up, touches the cloth, puts his finger in his mouth ] seems to be apple cobbler, three weeks old, with whipped cream. OBSERVER: You are disgusting! > He pulled this > bakhat closer as his body shook, thinking that it was merely his latest > thoughts that caused the vibrations. BOBO: [ singing ] Good vibrations... > Tradition dictated that mourners wear > the bakhat for a short time, but Sonic had no intention of ever removing it. PEARL: He hasn't bathed for so long, it's fused to his skull. > > He reached to the tray and removed its cover. Subconsciously, his hand moved > to where the first chili dog always was, closed, and shoved it in his mouth. > He didn't notice at first that the dog was not there, but a small part of his > mind acknowledged what was. "Hi, Amy," he said in a weary voice. > > Then it hit him. PEARL: The '92 four-door Chevy. > > "AMY?" He sat bolt upright. "Leave me alone." Sonic pointed towards the > door. "Get out, now!" OBSERVER: [ Sonic ] Bad Amy! No biscuit for you! BOBO: [ Amy ] > > "No." Amy frowned. "Not until you snap out of it." BOBO: [ Sonic ] But I don' wanna! Waaaaaaah!!! > > Sonic just groaned and turned away. > > "I'm not kidding. You have other things to do than grieve for Sally. We have > a war to fight." OBSERVER: [ Sonic ] Against who? Oh, yeah, that Packard guy. PEARL: [ Amy ] Packbell. OBSERVER: [ Sonic ] Whatever. > Amy snatched the bakhat off of Sonic. PEARL: With it came half of his spines. > > "Wha...gimme that!" Sonic lunged at the pink hedgehog. > > She ducked, then held the cloth up to the lamp. It quickly caught fire. She > tossed it out the window as she snatched Nicole from the table, making the > hologram disappear. OBSERVER: Oh, the indifference of it all. > > "Put that back, or I'll show you what a Spin Dash is for!" Sonic screamed. BOBO: [ Sonic ] It's for making pancakes! Wanna see? PEARL: More like sliced Amy, it seems. BOBO: Eww! > > Amy scowled. "I thought you were my friend. PEARL: [ Sonic ] Well, you thought wrong, buttmunch! > But no...with Sally gone, you > don't care about anything, or anyone. I bet you wouldn't mind at all if it > had been me who died instead of Sally, just so you could still be with her." PEARL: [ Sonic ] Ya got that right! > > "Amy..." Sonic's anger eased off, and his head drooped. "You know that's not > true. It's just that... Sally and I... well..." BOBO: [ Sonic ] Well... she... [ howling ] SHE OWED ME FIVE BUCKS! > > "We'll see," she replied gruffly as she walked out the door. > > Sonic waved a hand dismissively, PEARL: [ Sonic ] You may go. OBSERVER: [ Sonic ] Class dismissed. Don't forget your homework, pages 3 to 934 in your books. > turned back to his bed, and froze when he > remembered what was missing. OBSERVER: A sense of satisfaction in his life. > "You little THIEF!" He sped out the door in a > rage, waking a fair portion of Knothole in his fruitless search for Amy. BOBO: "Fruitless" meaning he lost his apple. > > Beneath Sonic's porch, Amy's face was lit by the screen of a minicomputer. > "Nicole, record message." PEARL: [ Amy ] My work is done; why wait? > > ****** > > Knuckles was sitting in the Chaos Chamber, meditating on top of the largest > emerald. "What do you want?" he asked his visitor. PEARL: [ "visitor" ] Mars needs hamster tubing. > > "We need PEARL: [ "visitor" ] Monkeys. > Sally." > > "That's impossible. She's dead." BOBO: [ Knuckles ] Jim. > > "You know what I mean. I want the device you once showed me." OBSERVER: [ Ren Hoek ] Eet's *MY* deevice! *I* wrote that poem! > > He opened his eyes. "I won't give it to you. It's too dangerous. If you > hadn't gotten on my nerves with your curiosity, I never would have shown it to > you in the first place." > > "I don't care. BOBO: [ "visitor" ] I'm not listening! Laaa la lala laaa! > You owe Sonic. We need him for the fight against Packbell. > It's your fault that he's suffering now. If Packbell wins, you will be > responsible for the demise of Mobius." > > Knuckles closed his eyes again. > > "You know it's the truth." BOBO: [ Knuckles ] I do not! > > "All right, ok already. I'll help. But remember the risks. Do it as quickly > as possible. If you do not, you may not survive. OBSERVER: We've said it before, and we'll say it again. ALL: Woo-hoo! > And then I will owe two, > while I now only owe Sonic." PEARL: [ Knuckles ] Five bucks. > > "Like who?" > > "You know who. Or you should." BOBO: Elvis! > > ****** PEARL: Who wants to guess who the visitor was? I say Amy. OBSERVER: I say Amy. PEARL: Copy cat. OBSERVER: I am not! BOBO: I agree with Clive. PEARL: Oh, okay. > > Tails was standing beside Sonic's bed, pulling on the hedgehog's arm. "Sonic, > stop behaving like a little kid. You can't just lie here forever. We need > you to help us destroy that cannon, and we need you NOW!" PEARL: Clive? > > Sonic pushed the fox away, and refused to budge. "Leave me alone, Tails. I > don't care. Just leave me alone." PEARL: Who the he-- heck is Clive? > > "No way! That's not the Sonic I know. You always care." > > "Tails, please," he pleaded. "Leave me alone." > BOBO: Clive is my invisible friend. > "That's not the Sonic I knew," a female voice said from behind them. > > Tails jumped up with a yelp, turned around, then froze in surprise when he saw > Sally standing in the doorway. "Aunt Sally?!" he finally managed to squeak > out. PEARL: You mean imaginary. > > A sudden *THUMP* made him turn toward Sonic again, who had fallen out of his > bed, eyes wide in disbelief. "Sal? You're alive?!?" The expression on his > face slowly changed from surprise to joy, as a broad smile formed on his face. BOBO: I do not! He's real, I tell you! > In less than a second he was beside her and squeezed her tightly, as if he > never wanted to let go again, which was probably the case. "I thought I would > never see you again! Knuckles said...and I thought...but how..." was all he > managed to stutter out. PEARL: Right. > > "Wait a minute," Tails protested. "How do we know you aren't another > impostor, like the one Robotnik built?" > > "So suspicious," Sally purred, OBSERVER: That proved she's a fake! Sally's no cat! > as she leaned forwards and gave Tails a kiss on > the nose. PEARL: [ Sally ] Ewww, do you have a cold? Blech! > > "It is you!" Tails started to faint backwards in surprise, then rolled > forwards to hug her around the legs. > > "Owwwch!" Sally tried to pry Tails off, causing him to let go. > > "I'm sorry. I didn't think I grabbed that hard." > > "You didn't. I just...I landed kind of hard on one of my feet, and it's still > a bit sore." > > "But what happened? How did you survive?" PEARL: [ Sally ] I called in a little favor the authors owed me. > > "I can't remember it all," she answered, holding her head. "But I guess the > amulet I wore had something to do with it." She opened her vest and brushed > away the fur, revealing a tiny blue gem that hung on a small chain around her > neck, glowing in a strange blue light. > > "A magic amulet? You never told me you had one, Sal," Sonic interrupted. > > "Well, actually I only wore it in memory of my father. He gave it to me when > I was a child, and told me that it held great powers that would protect me in > times of danger. I thought it would be just another fairy tale, but it seems > to be OBSERVER: [ Sally ] Just another crappy plot contrivance. > true after all." Sally smiled. "Anyway, there is no time to lose. We > have a cannon to destroy. Let's inform the others immediately." > > "Right away, Sal!" Sonic confirmed and zoomed out, beaming. BOBO: [ Sonic ] Hi, I'm Sonic! How ya doin'? Can I be your friend? PEARL: Stop. Stop now. BOBO: Yes, Lawgiver. > > ****** > > Rumor traveled even faster than Sonic. BOBO: Once I tried a rumor-powered vehicle, but it failed almost as badly as the bad news-powered vehicle Dr. Peanut came up with. > All of Knothole was abuzz OBSERVER: I'm buzzin'... yes, indeed, I'm buzzin'! > with the > news of Sally's return, even as Sonic was just starting to gather the Freedom > Fighters. > > As Sonic neared completion of this task, Tails was sitting by the power ring > pool, staring at his reflection. Sonic sped by, quickly stopped, backpedaled, > and came to a halt next to his friend. "Yo, big guy, what's up?" > > Tails sighed. PEARL: [ Tails ] I've got zits. > "I can't find Amy. I wanted to tell her the news, but no one > has seen her since..." He paused, and looked at Sonic. "Since she tried to > snap you out of your sulking yesterday morning. Do you know where she is?" > > "Uh..." > > "Well?" PEARL: [ Sonic ] I ate her. > > Sonic sat down next to Tails. "Look, T2, BOBO: The Mighty Ducks. PEARL: That's D2. > I wasn't quite myself the last few > days. Amy grabbed Nicole, and I shouted at her. Maybe she didn't take it all > that well, but I'm sure she will come back soon." OBSERVER: [ Sonic ] Not! Psyche! > > Tails glared at Sonic. "You scared her away!" > > "Tails, I'm really sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. Amy might have > been a pain, but she was right: I'd mourned for way too long, when I should've > been helping everyone else." > > The kitsune grumbled to himself. PEARL: [ Tails ] Lousy **** $$$$ %%%% ^^^^ @@@@ #### &&&& hedgehog. BOBO: I didn't even know there were that many swear words. > > "Oh, come on. I'm sure she didn't run away forever. If it makes you feel any > better, we'll search for her together, right after the mission." > > "Well, ok." > > ****** PEARL: I've never heard *that* one before. > > At Robotropolis's launch facility, all was quiet. Deathly still air seemed to > echo the unusually clear area surrounding the hole in the ground. While the > other Freedom Fighters were doing fake attacks on various pieces of > Robotropolis to distract Packbell's forces, Sonic planted explosives > throughout the tunnel at top speed. Sally watched the surrounding area from a > catwalk just inside the hole. BOBO: How come she just gets to stand around while everyone else does the work? > Strange that Packbell had placed a catwalk > there; it certainly did not seem to give access to any vital systems. In > fact, the more she thought about it, the more she thought it was... ALL: A crappy plot contrivance? > > "FREEZE FREEDOM FIGHTER." > > ...a trap. ALL: Oh. > > "Should've known." ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh... > She slowly turned around to face the SWATbot whose laser > was aimed at her. "So, are you gonna roboticize me, or just let me die along > with everyone else next week?" PEARL: Just blast the !!!!!. BOBO: That's a new one. > > "I would so prefer the latter," came Packbell's voice. "Unfortunately, you > would undoubtedly try to stop me again if I let you live. I'll just have to > take care of you now." Sally felt a sharp pain in her left arm and > immediately fell to the floor, barely able to move anything, and having > trouble just breathing. Turning her eyes towards her arm, she noticed a small > syringe stuck in it, placed in her by the 'bot. > > "Ow! What is that?" BOBO: Prozac. PEARL: Ritalin. OBSERVER: Cyanide. > > "Just a new chemical, for which you have the special honor of serving as the > first, and hopefully last, live test subject. PEARL: I like this Packbell character. > It immobilizes any living > creature for at least five hours. More than enough time for > robotizication...or to lure your friends into a trap when they come here to > rescue you." > > "You're wasting your time, they won't come." PEARL: [ Sally ] Do you expect them to come? OBSERVER: [ Packbell ] No, I expect them to *die*! > The paralysis made it easier for > Sally not to let her face betray her lie, even as it made it harder for her to > speak at all. "Your cannon has been filled with explosives. In three minutes > nothing will be left here but a huge crater, no matter what you do. My > friends aren't coming." > > "Well, since you're useless as bait..." The SWATbot grabbed Sally. PEARL: Nudge nudge wink wink. BOBO: Say no more, say no more. > "...I'll > at least have the pleasure of getting rid of you right now." > > "You wouldn't know pleasant even if Robotnik hadn't programmed it out of your > system." Resisting the temptation to glance downwards, Sally hoped she had > bought Sonic enough time to finish his job. > > The SWATbot did not reply. It just lifted Sally over the catwalk's railing, > and let go. PEARL: Aargh! I can't take this anymore!! > > Sally closed her eyes as she saw the ground rush up. Suddenly, she felt a > gentle lifting sensation as her life flashed before her eyes. When, after a PEARL: Gimme that brain pan!! [ She snatches Observer's brain away from him and starts pulling at the fish. ] > few seconds, she did not hit the bottom, she opened her eyes again, and to her > surprise saw Sonic carrying her away. OBSERVER: Oww! Oww! My brain! > > The SWATbot on the railing quickly rushed forwards and leapt over the hole, > only to be scrapped in the column of flame that erupted from it as the bombs PEARL: Errg... got it! [ The fish pops off. ] > went off, collapsing the tunnel. > > Sonic tried to move Sally on to his shoulders, and nearly tripped in surprise PEARL: Get us out of here, Brain Guy! > when Sally's arm would not move. "Yo, Sal, what'd old rust-brain do to you?" > > "It's ok," Sally tried to reassure Sonic. "Packbell said the effect would OBSERVER: As you wish--and me, too! > wear off after five hours. We just have to wait." > > "Nuh-uh," Sonic insisted. "Rotor's gonna do a medical exam, just to make sure [ Observer takes his brain back and pulls himself, Bobo, and Pearl out of the theater. ] > everything's all right. And then you've gotta get some breakfast..." > > Sally sighed. "Ok, if you insist." > > ****** [ Mike and the bots pop back into the theater. ] MIKE: Aw, nuts. CROW: My nuts? MIKE: Crow... will you please cut that out? CROW: Okay. MIKE: [ pause ] Wow. I never thought to ask nicely before. > > At the medical hut, Rotor puzzled over some instruments. TOM: [ Rotor ] What the heck does this do? > > "So, what's the word, Rote?" MIKE: Today's meaningless slang word: "freem". > For once, Sonic was actually standing still. TOM: How long's that gonna last? > > "I don't know. These readings look unusual." CROW: [ Rotor ] They say she's alive. > > "They say she's alive? CROW: Hey! > After the past couple'a weeks, that's unusual enough." ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh... > > "True. But, one moment they say she's Sally, the next TOM: She's Elvis! > they're completely > different. Her whole blood chemistry seems to be changing. It's almost as > if..." CROW: There's some sort of CPC! TOM: Let us guess-- MIKE, TOM: Crappy Plot Contrivance? CROW: However did you guess? > He shook his head. "I don't know. I've never seen anything like > this." > > Sally grimaced. "Well, now that the cannon is destroyed, I guess I should > tell you something I kept secret until now. About this amulet..." MIKE: [ Sally ] It only has a 20-day warranty. > > Sonic looked at her blankly. TOM: [ Sonic ] Guh, buh buh, fwa? > > Sally hesitated for a moment, as if thinking of a good explanation, TOM: What're the odds of that? > then > finally continued. MIKE: Brace yourselves, it's exposition time! > "See, the magic of this amulet saved me, but it didn't do > it for free. I now owe it ALL: FIVE BUCKS!!! > something in return. CROW: Nudge nudge wink wink. TOM: Say no more, say no more. > I'm bound to go where it > leads me to. It sent me here because the future of Mobius was at stake, but > now that the threat is gone, I can not stay; I have to go wherever I'm > needed." She sat up and looked at Sonic. CROW: [ Sally ] Oh, ew. You got this thing, on your-- no I can-- hold still for a-- oh, forget it. > "I'm sorry. But I will always > remember you wherever I am. And who knows, maybe I'll be allowed to return > here someday, and then we can be together again." MIKE: [ Sally ] Or not. > > "But we all need you...I need you. Stay here. We'll keep fighting Packbell > together." > > Sally shook her head. "I wish I had that choice. But, no, this is bigger > than Packbell." CROW: Robotnik? > She looked at him, pleading. "Please, I have no choice." > > Sonic returned, and surpassed, her pleading expression. "At least stay for > the night. CROW: Oh god, no! TOM: Not *again*! > I...I don't know what I'd do without you. Please, Sal, you can't > leave. Not again." MIKE: [ Sally ] Just watch me! > > Sally's expression blanked, then softened as she looked down into his eyes. > "Oh, ok, I'll try. But I can't keep it CROW: Down. MIKE: Keep what down? CROW: My gorge. > up forever. I must leave in the > morning." > > ****** MIKE: And we're leaving now. C'mon, guys! TOM: Woo-hoo! CROW: You always know just how to cheer me up! [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL ] MIKE: Say, I wonder how the Mads are doing with those horrible halibut of theirs. TOM: Shall we check it out? CROW: Let's shall. [ He hits the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm) with his beak. ] [ VW. Pearl is holding a sledgehammer. ] PEARL: I've about had it with these things. Step aside, lackeys!! [ Pearl thwaps at the fish over and over for a few seconds. This is followed by a pause of equal length. ] OBSERVER: I think they like it. BOBO: Can I have some frozen fish sticks? PEARL: Shut up! Just *shut* *up*!! Brain guy, will you just zap them with your mind? OBSERVER: I'll try. [ Observer sound effect ] Ouch. PEARL: Oh, what now? [ looks at his brain ] Oh, here's the problem. [ She takes the brain pan and turns it. A large bite mark is visible. ] BOBO: Ouch is right. PEARL: Hmm. [ reaches below the fish ] Where are those bandages? [ SOL ] TOM: That was pointless. [ Movie Sign flashes. ] MIKE: Oh, look, Movie Sign. [ pause ] CROW: Oh yeah. Aaugh!! We got Hedgehog Sign!! [ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ] [ Everyone enters the theater. ] > > The next morning, Sally groggily rose, wincing at the morning sun. MIKE: Aah! De light! De light! > Just as > she started to leave, Sonic picked her up. > > "Sonic, let me go." She slipped free of Sonic's grip, only to collapse back > on to Sonic when her own legs failed to support her. > > The hedgehog smirked. MIKE: [ nasal voice ] Heh heh, weakness is funny. > "I just thought we should have a final tour through the > Great Forest together, to let you remember it once you leave." > > "I'm not sure I can keep the amulet from taking me away." Curious, she tried > squeezing [ Mike turns to look at Crow. ] CROW: Hm? MIKE: Never mind. > her fist out of Sonic's sight, and found that her strength had faded > considerably overnight. > > Sonic's voice became softer. "Please, Sally. Just one more day. For me?" CROW: [ Sally ] Mmm... er, no. > > "Ok," she sighed, "for you." She resolved to find out why she felt so weak > once she had a moment alone. > > "All right!" TOM: [ Sonic ] I'm gonna score! > Sonic picked her up in his arms, as he did countless times > before. "Let's start with the scenic route, in only five minutes." A second > later, only the wind testified to his former location. TOM: [ wind ] Yeah, officer, he was there. MIKE: Thank you, wind. You may step down. > > ****** > > That night, Tails was still worried about Amy's whereabouts. She had been > gone for three days, with no trace of her whereabouts. CROW: Jeez, overusing "whereabouts" a bit there, eh? > > "Where did she go?" CROW: [ Tails ] Where the heck are her whereabouts? > the little fox pondered, while settling down to bed. "She > knows I'd miss her. Something must be wrong. If she was planning on being > gone, I'm sure she would have left a message..." CROW: [ note ] Dear Tails, blah blah blah, whereabouts, blah blah blah. Amy. > > His gaze fell MIKE: [ Tails ] Crud. Now I'm blind. > on his bedside table, where a small gray box was lying: Sally's > palmtop computer. Tails knew from Sonic's explanations that Amy had taken > Nicole, but he did not remember seeing it here earlier. Maybe he just hadn't > noticed it during all the fluster. > > A sudden hope came from within. TOM: Would Christmas come down in Whoville anyway? > He picked Nicole up and opened it. "Hi > there, Nicole. Did Amy leave any messages for me in your database?" > > "YES. THERE IS ONE PERSONAL MESSAGE, ADDRESSED TO MIKE: Santa Claus. TOM: Buff Brickchest? CROW: Chuck Groincrunch? MIKE: Bork McHurdely? ALL: BOB JOHNSON! > YOU." > > "Please play it." > > "THE MESSAGE IS TIME LOCKED. IT CANNOT BE PLAYED FOR TOM: Beans. > FOUR WEEKS." > > "Time locked? But why would she hold it for so long? CROW: Is that some sort of double-meaning sentence? MIKE: Crow, that was in very bad taste. CROW: Are you surprised? MIKE: No. > Hmm..." A smile passed > across his lips. "Nicole, display schematics for processor cluster number 3." MIKE: [ Tails ] And give me Rocket Number 9! > > A hologram of Nicole's internal circuitry, with all of the parts labeled, CROW: Let's see... "Doodad", "thingamajig", "whatchamacallit", "that one part there"... > appeared above the computer. ALL: Poof! MIKE: Tails is the Amazing Rando! > > Tails opened a small access panel on Nicole's bottom, carefully examined the > diagram, then thumbed Nicole's power switch. Grabbing a small, thin rod lying > on his table, he carefully extracted a small black chip from Nicole's > interior. After closing the panel, he turned Nicole back on. CROW: Man, that last paragraph was just rife with suggestive terms. TOM: "Rife"? > > Abstract symbols flashed as Nicole's start-up diagnostics ran. A few of them > blinked red, but the symbols disappeared once Nicole's main operating system > took over. "ACTIVATION COMPLETE. WARNING: MIKE: [ Nicole ] YOU DON'T KNOW JACK. > TIMING CHIP OFF-LINE." > > "Nicole, check the date on Amy's time locked message." > > "MESSAGE CAN NOT BE PLAYED UNTIL CROW: [ Nicole ] YOU LEARN THE MACARENA. > FOUR WEEKS AFTER RECORDING." > > "What day is it today?" TOM: It's Wacky Day! > > "TIMING CHIP OFF-LINE." MIKE: Odd. My watch says 12:30, not TIMING CHIP OFF-LINE. BOTS: Ba-dum-bum! > > "So, you don't know whether the time lock has expired?" TOM: [ Nicole ] DUH, BUH, GAH? > > "AFFIRMATIVE. TIME LOCK NONFUNCTIONAL UNTIL TIMING CHIP RESTORED." > > "Umm...does that mean you can play the message?" CROW: [ Nicole ] UH... NO? > > "YES." CROW: [ Nicole ] YES. UH, NO. MAYBE. ALL OF THE ABOVE. WHAT WAS THE QUESTION AGAIN? > > "Then play it." TOM: [ Nicole ] HOW TO TANGO, VOLUME 1. > > A life-sized hologram of Amy Rose appeared. ALL: Poof! > She was on her torso, apparently > hiding from MIKE: The mob. CROW: [ mobster ] Youse pay up now or I breaka you face. > something. "Dear Tails," she whispered. "I have to leave for a > little while, and I'm not sure if I'll be coming back. CROW: [ Tails ] I sure hope not. TOM: [ Amy ] Me too. CROW: [ Tails ] Hey! > If you see this, it's > likely that I won't. Go to Knuckles, he will explain everything. I'm sorry I > couldn't tell you in person. Always remember, MIKE: [ Amy ] I hate your guts. > I love you." MIKE: Well, I was close. BOTS: Gaaaag!! > She blew a kiss > and smiled as the message faded. > > Tails stared at the empty air. MIKE: [ Homer Simpson ] Mmm... air... > "Knuckles?" TOM: [ condescending ] No, Tails, Knuckles is an echidna. That's air. > > ****** CROW: "Sucked"? > > That evening, Sonic placed Sally on her bed. CROW: Or was it his? MIKE: Don't start now. > "Guess we had a little too much > fun. You never tuckered out that quickly." He pecked her forehead. TOM: So now, Sonic's a bird? > "Sweet > dreams, Sal." And was gone. CROW: And were sick. MIKE: Wanted to leave. TOM: About to explode head. > > Behind him, Sally tried to lift her arm, but failed. "Sonic...help..." she > silently mouthed, too weak even to use her vocal cords. > > ****** MIKE: "Stupid"? > > The next morning, Tails soared into the Chaos Chamber. "Knuckles! Come > quickly!" > > Knuckles stood up, squinting into the dawning sun. "Mon, TOM: [ Knuckles ] I don't wanna go to school today! > haven't you ever > heard the phrase, 'Let sleeping echnidas lie'?" MIKE: All together now: ALL: NO!! > > "But..." CROW: Ya left out the end "t". > > "No buts. Whatever it is, it can wait." Knuckles lay back down, intent on > continuing his sleep. TOM: He returns to his nap. Da dum DA DUM! > > "Fine. If you won't help me, I'll do it myself!" Tails grabbed the nearest > Chaos Emerald, closed his eyes and concentrated. For a moment nothing > happened, but suddenly, the emerald started to glow. With a pop, the gem came > free of its mount in the wall. > > The unknown noise got Knuckles' attention. He looked in the direction of the > sound just in time to see the emerald float out of the Chaos Chamber, with > Tails following close behind. > > Knuckles stood dumbfounded. "That's impossible. He can't control a Chaos > Emerald." Shaking off his surprise, he dashed after the fox. "Hey, come back > here! That's MY emerald!" > > ****** TOM: "Crappy"? > > Sonic breezed in to Sally's bedroom well after sunrise. > > "Hey, Sal," Sonic piped up. "Ready to go?" > > Sally did not respond. TOM: [ Sally ] Go away, jerk. > > "Come on, Sal. You can't sleep forever." CROW: [ Sally ] Oh yeah? > > The squirrel lay motionless. > > Sonic zipped up to her and grabbed her wrist. "I said..." He froze, then > slowly felt around for a pulse. > > Most of Knothole responded to Sonic's yell. ALL: [ "most of Knothole" ] SHUT UP!! > > ****** CROW: "Idiotic"? MIKE: That's 7 letters. CROW: Oh, yeah. "Idiotc"? MIKE: > > When the guardian finally caught up with Tails, he could not believe his eyes. MIKE: It's the Amazing Rando! > From his perch on a sand dune, he saw Tails standing on the beach, beside a > brown squirrel that was lying on the ground. CROW: Eww, roadkill! > > "Sally!?" > > Tails looked up. "She needs help." TOM: This whole fanfic needs help! > > Knuckles blinked, then helped Tails pull Sally's body on top of the emerald. > "How'd you move the emerald, anyway?" CROW: [ Tails ] I dunno. > > "I dunno. CROW: Hey! > I just reached out and...it responded. Sally's hurt. I wanted her > to get better. It was like the emerald read my mind." MIKE: Wouldn't take long. CROW: Probably just a picture book. > > "It probably was. A desperate mind can be very strong; some are even strong > enough to send telepathic calls for help. The emeralds tend to respond to > those calls, if and when they hear them. I didn't think you had it in you." > Knuckles finished moving Sally, and gently set her down. "Stand back." TOM: [ Tails ] Yeah, what if I don't wanna? > > As soon as Tails and Knuckles were clear of the gem, arcs of green energy > poured over Sally's limp form, cleaning the layers of dirt and removing the > bruises which showed through her fur. As it progressed, Sally gradually sat > up, then stood up. Suddenly, in a flash of light, the arcs stopped, leaving > her ALL: DEAD! > healed completely. ALL: Damn. > > "Aunt Sally!" Tails flew up and hugged her, fast enough that the pair toppled > over and landed in the sand. > > "You all right, girl? CROW: You go? > What happened?" > > Sally smiled and sat up again. "Seems like your focuser had a malfunction. I > landed here on the beach when you brought us down. I couldn't remember who I > was, or what I was doing here, so I decided to stick around until I could. > Not that I could go far, with two broken legs. I used the food and water > supply in the suit to stay alive, until Tails found me." > > "But Aunt Sally, if you were here all the time, who's the Sally that helped us > destroy Packbell's cannon?" TOM: She's Elvis! > > "Another Sally?" Sally cocked an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, > Tails?" > > Knuckles winced. "She didn't turn it off yet? We have to get to Knothole > immediately; there's no time to lose. I'll explain everything later." > > Tails blinked in surprise while Sally pondered. "Say, Knuckles, can you aim > that focuser sideways?" > > ****** TOM: I've got it! It's "TSSFEK"! MIKE, CROW: "TSSFEK"? TOM: "The Stupidest Sonic Fanfic Ever Known"! MIKE: I don't know... you ever see "Blood & Metal"? CROW: No. TOM: Nuh-uh. MIKE: Me neither. > > Rotor looked as glum as Sonic felt when he checked Sally's weak, unsteady > pulse. TOM: Checked or polkadotted? > "Whatever's eating her energy, we can't do anything about it. I'd give > her a day at most." He sighed as he dropped the squirrel's hand, wondering > what had knocked her into a coma. MIKE: "Full House" reruns. > > "No." Sonic held Sally's other hand as a shimmering beam flared briefly > behind him. "No, Sally, you can't die. Not again." CROW: [ Sally ] Who says? > > "Who said CROW: This is getting weird. > I was dead?" Sally asked from the door. > > Sonic froze, then looked around. He looked from one Sally to the other as > Rotor asked, "Two Sallys?" MIKE: Shouldn't that be "Two Sallies?" > > "Nope. Just one." Knuckles marched up to the form on the bed, pulled away > the sheets, and aimed his knuckles at a spot a few inches below the glowing > amulet. > > "What do you think you're doing?" Sonic yelled as he leaped to stop the > echnida. TOM: [ Knuckles ] I'm ending this fanfic before it gets any worse!! > > Before Sonic could stop him, Knuckles brought his fist down. A crack was > heard, CROW: [ Sally ] My spine!! > and Sonic and Rotor sucked in their breaths when they saw the > unconscious "Sally" slowly transform into MIKE: OK, final guesses! I think Amy. TOM: I don't think so. CROW: I'm gonna have to agree with Mike. Definitely Amy. TOM: Betcha 5 bucks it's not. CROW: Yer on! > Amy Rose. CROW: Ha! Pay up, squat crimson pig! TOM: Uh, I've gotta go to my room to get the money. Mike? MIKE: OK. [ Mike picks him up and tosses him out of the theater. ] TOM: Yaaaaa... > Where Knuckles' fist had > hit, a strange looking device could be seen, from which wires snaked over > various parts of Amy's body. "That's not Sally," Knuckles sighed. "That be > Amy posin' as Sally." > > "Say what?" Sonic, having checked his lunge CROW: Polka dots? > when he saw the transformation, > looked from Amy to Sally, then back to Knuckles. "I think you'd better tell > us what you know, right now." MIKE: And seven seconds later, [ Knuckles ] That's everything. > > "She saw you go CROW: [ Knuckles ] On the rug. > apathetic, Blue. They needed you to take out that cannon, and > this was the only way to give you back your old spirit. Amy knew I had a > device that could change someone, making them appear as a different person. > It can't be used forever, though, since it powers itself from the body's > energy. Anyone who uses it too long will eventually fall into a coma, then > die from the energy drain." MIKE, CROW: Woo-hoo! > He looked at his feet. CROW: [ Knuckles ] Why am I wearing Legos on my shoes? > "I should've never given > it to her." MIKE: Yeah, then the fanfic could have ended 5 scene breaks ago. > > "Ohh, my head," Amy moaned. "Sonic? I...I can't stay any longer." > > "It's ok, Amy." > > "No, I..." She looked at her arm. "Eeek!" MIKE: [ Amy ] I'm ugly again! > She looked up at Sonic, and > started to back away. "I'm sorry. I just...once I saw how hurt you were, I > couldn't leave..." MIKE: [ Amy ] The toilet seat up. > > "I understand." Sonic advanced slowly, then suddenly CROW: Bit her head off. > hugged her. "Thank you. > But don't you ever pull another stunt like that again." MIKE: [ Sonic, cheerfully ] Or I'll kill you. > > Amy, bewildered by his unexpected reaction, merely returned his hug. MIKE: She exchanged it for a sweater. > "Ok." > > Tails barged through and tackled Amy, snatching her out of Sonic's grip. "Hi > th-," Amy started, but was quickly cut off by Tails' CROW: Hands. MIKE: Hm? CROW: Closing around her neck. MIKE: Ah. > kiss. > > Sally giggled. "It looks like he really missed her." CROW: Oh, for cute. > > "I'll say." > > "So, Sonic, did you really give up on everyone when you were mourning for me?" > Sally questioned. > > "Umm...well, I..." He sighed. "Yes." MIKE: [ lunatic ] And I'd do it again! WAH HAHAHA! > > Sally crossed her arms and smiled. "There's only one punishment for that." > > "No." Sonic stepped away. "Please, Sally, no, not thaaaahahahahahahaha..." CROW: [ monotone ] No, stop, anything but thaaaahahahahahahaha. > > Knuckles and Rotor left the couples alone as Sonic collapsed under Sally's > tickling. MIKE: And... it's "Endgame"! CROW: Say, where's Tom with that 5 bucks? MIKE: Probably couldn't pick it up. Don't forget his arms don't work. [ Everyone leaves the theater. ] [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ] [ INT SOL ] MIKE: Tom? CROW: To-om? MIKE: Where is he? CROW: Can't believe he'd get this worked up over 5 bucks. Actually, I can. [ Suddenly, Tom hovers onscreen, screaming. A pack of piranha follows close behind. ] MIKE: Oh, there you are. TOM: HELP!! I'm being attacked! CROW: Well, I *would* help, but I still am owed 5 dollars. TOM: I'll pay you back! Double!! Triple!!! CROW: OK. Die, you mutated misshapen monsters! [ He grabs the fish and yanks them behind the desk. Fighting sounds ensue. ] MIKE: Hmm. Just goes to show you what Crow'll do to get 15 bucks. How ya doin', Pearly Whites? [ VW. The fish are even higher. Observer's brain is covered with bandages. ] PEARL: Arrgh!! I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of these idiotic... ah... I need a fish word that starts with "i". OBSERVER: "Ichthyoid"? PEARL: Thanks. These idiotic ichthyoids! BOBO: Lawgiver, I'm hungry. PEARL: Look, Bobo, I don't care. Just eat all you want. BOBO: Oh boy! [ He grabs a fish and starts chewing on it. ] [ SOL ] TOM: So, getting back to the fanfic, why do you think they wrote "Two Shades of Sally"? MIKE: Well, I imagine Adrian Tymes and Alessandro Sanasi sitting around, with nothing to do, and one of them thinks, "Say, why don't we write a Sonic fanfic?" And then the other says, "Mmm... OK." Then, they type it up in a few hours and post it, but they spend so much of that time checking spelling and grammar that they forget to add plot. TOM: Oh, I can see that. MIKE: Also they were either drunk or on drugs. CROW: [ pops up burned and bent ] Ha! I got those poor excuses for evil! MIKE: So, you've beaten them? CROW: Yep. Now, Tom, where's that 15 dollars? TOM: Uh, well, ahem, it's right over LOOK! ANOTHER MONSTER FISH!!! [ Tom flees. ] CROW: Come back here, Servo! [ He chases after Tom. ] MIKE: Well, bye for now. [ Mike leaves, too. ] [ VW. There is only one fish left, on a plate in front of Bobo. Pearl looks surprised, to say the least. ] PEARL: I don't believe it. BOBO: Are there any more? OBSERVER: No, you've eaten every space salmon there was!! BOBO: Rats. I'm still a little hungry. PEARL: Well... until next time, Nelson. BOBO: Say, can Clive push the button? PEARL: Huh? Oh, sure. BOBO: Thanks! Push the button, Clive. PEARL: Sheesh. [ She rolls her eyes and reaches for the button. Before she hits it, though, it clicks. ] [ Fade to black. ] PEARL: The hell? BOBO: What's an ichthyoid? [ End theme music. ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. This MSTing is purely intended for entertainment and is not meant as an insult. These two need to learn how to spell "echidna", though. My MSTing of "Two Shades of Sally" was proofread by John Berry (berry@sugar-river.net). If there's anything wrong, blame him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of part 2 Shay Caron (Shay_Caron@letterbox.com) My web site: http://www.xoom.com/ShayC/index.html -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stinger: > "Amy, stop that! Do you want him to drop you?" > > Amy stopped, creased her smile just so, and turned her half-lidded eyes on the > workerbot. "He won't let go. Not if he wants to sleep tonight."