<----I'm telling ya for the last time, fit the arrows into one line!-----> [SOL. Mike is holding a list of some sort. It is so big, that it trails down to the floor. Crow is on the phone. Joel is looking at Cambot. Servo is checking over the list Mike has in his hands. Josh is off-screen. Reeny is hanging upside down doing little kid gymnastics.] Servo: How many names? Mike: So far.. Joel: Guys, we're back on! All: Yay! Reeny: Gimme candy! Servo: Huh? Reeny: Gum! Gum! Servo: What's she talking about, Joel? Joel: Nothing. Now, we've talked about it during this long break and we've decided that the marathon has gone....a little too far. Mike: So, we decided to come up with a plan.. ~pause~ Servo: And then we decided to look for outside help. Mike: Anyway, the point is, we've decided to get the smart Serena from A Change of Heart to think of a plan to get us off the satellite for good. Servo: Woo! Crow: Yes...ok...bye. MIKE! We got another name for the Save A Smart Sailor Yuppie petition! SASSY for short.. Mike: Great going, Crow! Now, there are some people that may be jaded by this offer, so here's Josh to give out the great, cheap crap for your name and donation to the SASSY campaign. [Josh appears on stage in a business suit.] Josh: That's right! But kids, before we start, go get your moms and dads and bring them to the TV. Ok? Ok. Now, the name pledge is free. But if you pledge 20 dollars, we'll give you some of Pearl's crazy tote-bags. Mike: WOO! Josh: Yep! And that's not all! 50 dollars snags you this Sailor Moon keychain! 75 dollars gets you the 2-movie pack containing the episode "Treed", and "Barney teaches Numbers". Both are great ways for your daughter to learn how to count and how to get a better bust. [Mike looks at the camera in a TV's Frank-styled grimace..] Mike: Uh..Josh.. Josh: Pay 200 dollars and we'll throw in the Serena beanie baby, the blow-up Serena doll, the Smart Serena video game.. All: JOSH! Josh: Sorry. Joel: Of course. It's no big deal. Crow: Mike..this guy says we should change our website so that background is black to reflect our protest..he'll give us some magic spells.. Mike: Tell him to cram his maaa.. *KLAXXONS* Mike: ..aaagic sign! Joel: MAGIC SIGN! [Everyone scrambles.] 6 5 4 3 2 1 [Everyone enters the theater and Cambot locks into place at the end of the tunnel.] Crow: Successful pledge drive...3 potential pledgers.. Mike: Yeah.. >World of Magic >By Keith Gordon Crow: So we're entering the space between Mr. Frear's Ears? > > > > > > > > > > > > Crow: Hm. > > > > Servo: Ahuh. > > > > Crow: Couldn't have said it better myself. >Prologue - Bound with destiny Mike: Tied up with apathy. >White. Servo: The color last seen by most dying humans. >Only white. Joel: Only the best whites go into Snapple's Kiwi Strawberry Lemon mix. >Then, a figure appeared. Servo: It was a polygonal figure..a convex region..a quadrilateral.. >The thing was a perfect sphere, clearly not made up of matter, but seemed >to be made of energy. The sphere was a light blue, never any change in >color. The sphere didn't spin. It's didn't move. Reeny: It's Duncan's older models.. Servo: Heh..that's good... Joel: When did *SHE* come in? Mike: I dunno.. >It was impossible to tell how much time passed. Crow: Except with a watch, of course. >Finally, another being appeared. The newcomer was about the same size as >the sphere, but was a pyramid shape. The pyramid glowed a pale yellow >color. Mike: It's two-thirds of the Electronic Arts logo! Crow: Ha ha! > The sphere had a small ban suddenly appear towards its top. The band >was blood red. The pyramid had a similar band appear. The two bans both >circled the tops of both entities. Suddenly, both bands shot out and hit >each other, forming a single red line attached to both entities' top. A >few moments passed and the line disappeared. Servo: Now, if one line is going 60 mph, and the two bands are travelling from Houston at 26 mph, when will they meet? > The pyramid turned and a small black space opened up near the two >figures. This space was decorated with stars, a single moon, and a small >blue-green planet. Mike: Oh no! It's Season 10's new props! Hide them! >The view zoomed out to show this was the only habituated planet in the >solar system. This planet was the one to support life because it was >three planets away from the star, and received the proper amount of light >and heat. Crow: EARTH: THE DOCUMENTARY. > The sphere had a yellow ban appear on its top. The pyramid formed a >similar band, but this one was a deep yellow, almost an orange. Servo: How many times has he misspelled ban? Joel: I lost count.. Servo: That's no suprise. >The view disappeared. The pyramid's band grew pinkish, and another view >appeared. Crow: It's the first-person view here to showcase Quake 23's hardware engine! >This new one showed a large planet, mostly land but not lacking water. >The view showed three moons. The view panned out to show that this was >one of two planets that could support life. The other planet was mostly >water. This was the fourth planet from its star, but the star was large >and hot so it gave it sufficient heat and light. Servo: But so do Trane heaters. > The sphere's headband grew light green. Crow: And the "Do Not Walk" sign appeared shortly beforehand. >The pyramid's headband grew light green. The view shifted. It showed >simple cities, and the native life forms respecting nature. Reeny: Next it showed Canadians hacking down trees. >The sphere's headband glowed brighter. This would do. Mike: Solar System version .01 now out! New features in this update include 4 planets and now native cities. > The white shimmered and was replaced by what appeared to be molten >lava. The sphere glowed stronger, as did the pyramid. Their glows >intermingled and became one light green. Crow: Anyone know what the hell this story is talking about? >The green slowly flooded the lava, and everything else. There was a flash >of green, and then it faded. The glow stopped. The scene was now in >space, with large chunks of rock floating around. Reeny: You mean we weren't before? Crow: I know..what is all this? >In the center of the rock was a large purple orb. The orb pulsated a few >times, giving off waves of power in every direction. Then the orb slowly >moved silently towards the planet. Servo: If this planet does not have the Millenium Bear, I'm going to freak out. >The orb flew down until its bottom touched the ground. Then it shot >forward, leaving a line or purple energy to mark were it had been. Mike: I claim this land for wherever the hell I came from. >The line shot out like a wave, the further the energy traveled the >lighter and dimmer purple it became. The orb stopped. Flew up, flew >half way across the planet, landed, and shot forward again. Joel: Make up your mind, orb. On the planet or outer space? We can't leave the door open all day. > Within two hours, the entire planet was covered in purple energy. Crow: Hey! They missed a spot over there. Servo: Ha ha! >Some of it was stronger and some of it was weaker. Mike: And some of it was neutral, and some of it was in the middle.. >The purple orb flew swiftly back up into space, and joined the Sphere and >the pyramid. Then the orb flew to the exact place it started, and >imploded. Crow: Um..it is created..then it does a little taser show and then kills itself. That's the good life. > The sphere and the pyramid stayed for three hours and then faded away. >The planet would never be the same again. Servo: Well, after two seasons of the Pokémon show reruns, I can't blame 'em. >Two hours before... Mike: I was getting a cup of joe at the time..it was dark..and then..I thought to myself..Hey, Self, why don't I make a crappy, confusing fanfic? And thus the saga began.. Crow: Hehe.. >Down on the planet panic struck. Servo: Quake 3 beta leaked! GET IT! GET IT! >It was dusk, and it was one of those rare days when all three of the >moons where full. Reeny: Oy..hey Moon #2, you as stuffed as I am? Crow: Oy oy oy..I hada too many spicy meataballs.. >As dusk slowly faded into night, the moons lit up the sky, providing >sufficient light to be early dawn. Servo: The world doesn't seem that panicy right now. >The land was peaceful. There had been no wars or even battles for two >whole years now. No one country was more powerful then another. Joel: Except Microsoft State..er..I mean the state of Virginia. > Jeff was walking back from the trashcan outside. It was his night to >take out the trash. He stopped in the middle of his driveway and looked >at the moons. Crow: Hm. We have three now..that's remotely interesting. >After a few seconds, he started walking back to his front door. Jeff felt >something suddenly, something powerful, but he still couldn't quite tell >what it was. Reeny: Oh! It's just a pickpocket, never mind. >"What the hell-" >Interrupting Jeff was a huge flash of light that lit up the night sky. Servo: Oops. Guess Iraq got a little impatient. Crow: Heh heh. >The light blinded Jeff, as he felt a power ripple over him. A dim outline >of his house appeared, and Jeff knew that he would be able to see again >soon. Joel: Until the nuclear effects of the light melted his skin. >As the outline grew stronger, a huge explosion sounded. Reeny: Hey, note the word *SOUNDED*. As in the author was too cheap to describe the effects of the explosion but simply cut it out and stuck it off-screen. Crow: Ha ha ha! I love this kid. >Jeff instantly knew what happened. Mike: I shouldn't have tried to leave that hot dog in the microwave for 5 minutes.. >As the last of the light faded, Jeff looked up at the sky, a sky that was >darker then he remembered. Crow: Well, it's night. What do you expect, moron? >Jeff scanned the sky and he saw a moon. Servo: Honey, please don't do that on the roof, you'll attract attention. >"Urites" >He moved his gaze right of Urites. >"Balcoman" Mike: And over here is Zygubrititis. >Jeff looked up and to the left. All he saw were stars. Stars and a weak >purple light. Crow: Damn.. that big ball was in the way of our laser. >"What the hell happened to Ertopina?" >"Jeff? Are you ok Jeff? What happened?" Jeff's mom asked as she popped >her head out the door. Mike: Nothing, Mom. It *always* takes me 15 minutes to take out the trash. >"Something is really wrong mom... Ertopina is gone!" >"What? There must be an eclipse or something, moons can't just >disappear!" Crow: And..she'd be the expert at that? >Princess Flowin sat on the balcony of her room and watched the city >below. Servo: Look at her hair! It's really Flowin in the wind. Crow: Ha ha! >Being a princess really didn't mean anything, as princes, princes, kings, >and queens had lost all political power a long time ago. Mike: As did Aces and Jacks except in Poker and Solitaire games. >Still she did get to be the wealthiest teenager in the country. Flowin >took a comb and a mirror and started working on a new hairstyle. She was >probably the only princess in the history of the country who didn't have Crow: I thought there weren't any other princesses. Servo: Now you know why she's the only one. Crow: Ah. >her servants do her hair. She really didn't change much, she only combed >her bangs back and combed her wavy hair a little straighter when she >decided that the new look was fine. She looked at her watch. Joel: Aw, hold on..it's one of these damn Internet SWatches. >"Seven thirty six. At eight I have a date to the dance." She reminded >herself out loud. Mike: And at Seven fourty five I'll go around gloating that I have a date to the dance. >She picked up her mirror once more. Servo: CRSSSSSH! Crow: NOOO! 7 years bad luck! >"Cute, but not chic enough" >Flowin grabbed a pair of specially made sunglasses from a small table >next to her. The glasses provided an extreme amount of sun protection >with a cool new style. Mike: You won't need sun protection at 8 PM, girl. >"Actually, it was new until I showed up in school with these, and then >everyone had a pair" she thought out loud. Crow: Is she talking with sililoquiy, or is she just crazy? >She looked her self over in the mirror. Flowin liked what she saw. She >put the mirror down, but didn't take off her glasses. It was that reason >that she could see exactly what happened without being blinded like the >rest. Mike: Squareheads get all the luck..stupidity saving themselves. >The moons sparkled in both the sky and the waters for the people of Anist >Island. The people were gathered mostly in the village square, singing >and dancing and drinking, celebrating many things. Reeny: And...drinking. >The people had many things to be grateful for, so the mayor declared >today a holiday. Servo: Booze Day! Booze Day! We get out of school! WOOHOO! >Today was they day that many people look forward to for years. Aside from >the fact that there were three full moons, today was the day that >Seadigger, an underwater mining station, would come online. This meant Crow: Free beer for all! WOOOOO! >that Anist Island would be completely independent from the mainland, >because the only thing they imported was metals. Mike: And endless alchahol! >Jarin, a young man, wasn't in the Town Square enjoying the festivities. Crow: He was hangin' with the smokers. >Instead, Jarin sat atop a steep hill, and drew. Jarin's picture was of >the coast, the sky, and the town. Jarin was about seventeen, and had dark >brown hair and dark brown eyes. His skin was light compared to most >villagers, but it was still slightly darker then some mainlanders. >Jarin felt a slight ripple in the air. Servo: Geez guys, it's too early for fireworks! >He heard the sound of purposefully muffled feet. He smelled the aroma of >another distinct person. He instantly knew who it was. Crow: Mom, is that you again? Leave me alone. >"Hello Malixa." >"Damn! Well it's impossible to sneak up on you, with your heightened >senses and all." Servo: That's not all that's raised.. Crow: Please, Servo.. >"Never say impossible" Mike: Unless the words "Relationship between you and me is" are before it. >With that Jarin turned around to see Malixa. Malixa was a tall girl, but >not extremely so. Crow: She was the same..yet different. Servo: She was wet..yet dry. Mike: Heheh.. Servo: Remember? Mike: Yeah, I do. >Her skin was a deep tan, the result of playing on the beach her whole >life. Crow: She eventually starved herself though from not eating ever because her whole life was dedicated to the beach. >In her early teens, she somehow got the notion in her head that being a >thief was a romantic thing to be. Joel: She got it from Locke from Final Fantasy 3. >She spent all her free time training, mostly with a book, but >occasionally with wanders who pass by. Malixa got to the point where she >could sneak up and put a knife to the throat of just about everyone >except Jarin. Not like Malixa would ever slit anyone's throat, she juts >liked the feel of victory. Mike: The taste of blood..the sight of the internal organs ripped outside of the body and bleeding out the only guts it had time to produce.. Crow: Urgh.... Mike: You ok? > "What should I do, paretic another five years?" > "Yes" Crow: Yeah..paretic. Whatever the hell that means. >Malixa was Jarin's age, and everyone said she had a crush on him. Jarin >knew better, he knew that they were very close friends, nothing more, and >both of them felt that way. Along with his ability to see and sense >things better then normal people came the ability to see and sense >emotions better then other people. Mike: So he'll detect that we're depressed from this movie and maybe act a little better. > "So any particular reason why you are here painting and not >celebrating?" Crow: I'm underage, silly! > "The same reason that you came to find me." > "And that would be...?" > "In both of our hearts, we don't feel that it's a time to celebrate. >Something is coming. Cutting off our ties to the mainland is bad. The >mayor is just doing this to appeal to the voters. This whole thing is >politics. Servo: Boy, he's all peaches and cream today. >I for one feel a underwater mining station is a good thing, but severing >our mainland ties is not." The moonlight shone off of her dark read hair. Crow: Honey, why is your head made out of glass? > "I guess your right again Jarin." > "I suppose so. Now let me get back to work, this thing is almost done." Crow: Like my virginity. Hehe. >Malixa stepped back and sunk down against a large rock, and stared into >the sea. A sense of longing rushed through her body. Mike: No, wait, that's just faaallliiiiiinnnngg! >She didn't belong here; she belonged out there. Wandering, adventuring. Reeny: And drinking! All: WOOHOO! YAAAHAAA! >She felt almost a nostalgic feeling, Joel: Like after playing Galaga. >but she never did adventure, so she knew that something wasn't write. Servo: Something was painting, but nothing was writing. > "Jarin, do you believe in past lives?" > "What?" > "Do you believe in past lives?" Crow: Duhr? > "I don't know. I'm really not sure. Why do you ask?" > "Not sure myself." > "Hmm" Servo: Um..what was the point of that? Mike: Just trying to extend the fanfic with unnecessary chatter. >An hour passed, and then another. Malixa sat in silence, consumed by her >own thoughts. Crow: Two hours of silence? What are they? Monks? >She felt something. Something dangerous. But not something bad. Joel: Something life-threatening, but not evil. > "Done!" All: OH! Mike: It was just the painting. False alarm. >Jarin turned and showed his painting to Malixa. It was his best work yet, >and would win some sort of ward if shone. Crow: What kind of ward? Mental Ward is what I'm presuming here. > "So? What do you think?" > "Oh Jarin! It's beautiful!" >A wave of energy surged through Jarin. Pressure pushed at all points of >his body. He looked up at the sky. A tiny star grew larger where Ertopina >should be. Mike: Isn't this how Beast Wars ended? > "Malixa! Close your eyes! NOW!" >And both of them closed their eyes as Ertopina exploded into a thousand >pieces. Crow: But..the picture's still beautiful, right? > > > Servo: Hm..quite a silenced explosion. Guess that explosion sound from earlier was supposed to go in here. Crow: Maybe they should insert a laugh-track instead. >Jeff, his parents, and his sister Salnor, where all gathered around the >television in the family room. Mike: Not another Anti-TinkyWinky rant! > "We interrupt this program from a special report from the king" Servo[Ted Baxter voice]: You have something on your front tooth. >The king walked up and stood on a podium. He sighed and began reading a >piece of paper. Crow: This is my essay I have to hand in for U.S. History 101. > "At 7:41 tonight, a as of now unknown anomaly destroyed our third moon >Ertopina. None of the pieces of what once was Ertopina has hit us yet, >but we don't know how long it will be before the planet's gravitational >pull drags them in. If you look up at the sky, you may see a faint purple >glow where Ertopina was. Crow[King]: We believe that's Eropina's creamy center. >We believe whatever this is it destroyed our moon. No it doesn't appear >hostile, at least at first. We don't know what or who it is, whether >it is a being or a force of some kind. We want the people to stay calm, >not to panic, and to stay in their houses until the situation some how >changes. Until them, keep the television or the radio on so you can here >if there is a change." Servo: Wait! I see a change! Crow: That's just a dirty diaper being thrown out, son. >Jeff's Dad turned off the TV. He looked around the room. Crow: So. Anyone want some donuts? > "Well, let's not panic! Right now we aren't in any danger. It may stay >that way. Lets just try to do what we would normally do?" >Salnor smiled. > "I'm supposed to be writing a poem for English about how beautiful the >three full moons are." All: WAHHHH WAHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAH. Crow: Badumching! >Time slowly passed. The clocked slowed down. Minuets dragged on and on. Crow: As did 60 Minutes until CBS wised up. >Minutes turned into hours, then days, then weeks. Not a single word was >spoken. The television and the radio where both on, but they sound simply >flowed into the background. Nothing got in. Servo: Except endless Simpsons reruns. >And them two words. Mike[Western voice]: Them dern words! These here darn words! They's gots two of em, see? > "We interrupt-" Crow: And are interrupted at the same time. >The fairly ran to the television. Servo: What's a fairly? >The sound had a new meaning. The words no longer where blocked. The radio >was still on, but no one could hear it. Mike: It was just "Closing Time" over and over again anyway. > "This program for a follow up report. We go live now to reporter Dave >Hander in a helicopter above the Transortin Ocean." >The scene switched to a man in a helicopter. Servo: Naturally. >Four planes where flying in the background. The planes looked like >fighter jets, and one looked somewhat like a bomber. Far off in the >distance two other helicopters flew, but these where military. > "A large purple orb. A large purple orb has destroyed Ertopina. And now >it is coming towards us. Reeny: We're all gonna die! Life sucks! Now back to Sanford and Son. >What it will do is unknown. How it destroyed Ertopina is unknown. Servo: Whether it likes almonds or pecans is unknown. >But be it good or bad, it's coming to us. And we're gonna be here to >greet it." Crow: With 300 pounds of nuclear weaponry! Yyyyeah! >The helicopter and airplanes moved closer and closer to a pint on an on->screen map. "The green moving dots is our "air fleet" and the purple dot >is the expected place of entry into our atmosphere. Joel: The little squiggly lines represent oceans or mountains. >The timer in the lower right hand corner of the screen is the estimated >time of entry. Servo: The timer over here is the estimated time of Earth's destruction-D'oh! >Using telescopes, we are able to get a closer image of the purple orb." Joel: But it's easier to see when it's hurtling right for us. >The Map minimized into a much smaller map on the right corner of the >screen. The reporter was still nowhere, as the new screen was an image of >a large purple orb, maybe twenty feet tall flying towards the planet, with >the fractured pieces of Ertopina in the background. Mike: The word "Ertopina" makes me hungry for ice cream. Crow: Me too. >Time passed. Servo: Wow, how shocking! >The reporter said not a single word for five minutes. The screen switched >back to the map after another minute or so. Crow: Guess the reporters getting a cup of coffee or something. Servo: Reporting about Earth's destruction can wait when Juan Valdez is on board. >Salnor was very good at math, and for some reason Jeff couldn't quite >comprehend, she seemed to enjoy it. Mike: And..what does that have to do with anything? Servo: Haha! > "At the rate the planes are moving and at the rate the orb is moving, I >would say that they will meet each other in 3 minutes" Reeny: Don't give out answers during the test! >The next few minutes where spent in total silence. Crow: There's a shocker. >After a little more then two minutes, the map disappeared and the reporter >appeared on screen. Crow: Well..if you can still see us..you're..not..dead. > "We should be reaching to orb within thirty seconds." >But they where wrong. The orb suddenly sense that they where there, and >doubled it's pace. Mike: This ain't regular-speed Orb Pace sauce! This stuff's made in..New Jersey. All: NEW JERSEY? Crow: ....New Jersey? >Within two seconds the orb hovered in front of an army helicopter. A high >pitch noise filled the air. Servo: This is only a test of the Emergency Earth Destruction Broadcast System. Had this been real, you would hear screa-AAAAAUGH! > "We are transmitting a greeting in every single language known to us in >hopes we can make peace." Reeny: If this is a Tim Burton movie, I suggest not using doves. >The noise continued for a few seconds, and then stopped. The orb moved >incredible quickly and when right through the helicopter. It was as if the >orb wasn't even there, for the only thing that changed was that the >helicopter glowed purple. Joel: Purple orbs always leave bad aftertastes. > "What the hell was that?" >Then the helicopter exploded into a thousand pieces that rained down on >the cold ocean below. Mike: Will the pilot ever find out what the hell that was? Tune in next week. >A jet turned around and aimed itself at the orb. The pilot seemed to >hesitate for a second, but then launched a missile at the orb. The missile >exploded, and the orb got larger. Crow: Hm..likes pain. He's a pro-wrestler, isn't he? Mike: But..it's an orb. Crow: Oh..forgot about that. >Then the orb ran through the jet, and this time the jet got little time to >glow before blowing up. Servo[Jet]: Why does the other jet get to glow? It's not fair! >The explosion this time was greater from the perspective of the cameraman, >as the jet was much closer. Crow: Why can't the cameraman set the camera on a tripod and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE?! >A chunk of the plane hit the camera and the TV went blank. Over the ocean, >the orb ran though each and every member of the "air fleet" before pausing >to bask in their explosions. Servo: Woohoo! Oh, shit, wrong people. Thought I hit Titanic there.. >The orb's size had more then tripled when it moved swiftly towards the >main land. The orb landed in suburbia and flew down a street, turned left, >and few down another street. Reeny: He's late for work, I see. Crow: Actually, I think this is just A-ko in an alien form. Servo: You mean A-ko's not an alien? Crow: Hey, show respect, man. >The street only turned right. The orb ignored the right turn and kept >going straight, smashing into a house. Jeff's house. Mike: Oh no! Hide the beer kegs! >Flow watched from her balcony as chaos erupted in the streets of the city >and surrounding suburbs. Joel: Go with the Flow, they say. I'll show them..hmph. >The castle was high on a hill, so she simply stared, mesmerized at the >site. The city was fuelled with riots, houses where burning, people where >fleeing their homes, criminals found this a perfect time to commit crimes. Crow: This is like the movie Volcano.. [Mike chuckles.] >One man stood on a near by hill with a megaphone. Servo: Would everyone please sit down. Now...B5! Crow: Bingo! Servo: We just started, twit! > "Repent for your sins! For the Armageddon is here, and the lord's mercy >is swift yet just! Repent! Repent for your sins! Repent!" Mike: But seriously, folks. Two preachers walk into a bar. The first guy says.. >Flowin watched as the city burned. Servo: Parasite Eve 2. Crow: More like one of the Marissa TNG stories. Haha! > All this and the orb hadn't even reached the city yet. Reeny: All this and the city for only $455 dollars. Joel: If you pledge now. > Her nurse, Janis, came to the door. Janis had raised her, seeing as her >mother was dead and her father had no time for her. Flowin loved Janis >more then her father, or even her older brother. Her brother was dead now, >so Janis was the only person in the world she had. Crow: BOOSH! Whoops. Looks like the orb wasn't patient enough to sit through the small irrelevant description. > "Come now child, this is not for your eyes to see." Joel: Come on! Lemme watch Sister Act 2! "I'm fourteen years old now Janis, I can handle this!" Crow: Oh, the porn? Fine. I thought you were looking at Earth's destruction for a moment. > "I fourteen all ready? You grow fast" Mike: Yes, me grow fast. And yes, you fourteen already. Ooga! >Flowin knew that Janis knew she was fourteen, Crow: She knew that I knew that Mike knew that Servo knew.. Servo: Alright..enough. >but for some reason Janis liked playing those types of games with her. Joel: Except Twister and Backgammon. > "Oh Janis..." Servo: Marsha...Janis...Marrrsha.. > "The cellar contains a safety shelter. The king is almost there. Come >now, and we can make it there in six minuets, maybe five" Crow: Maybe 36..I dunno. >Flowin knew Janis wasn't exaggerating, as crossing from one side of the >castle to the other could take up to ten minutes. Servo: Oh, god, that's horrible! A whole ten minutes! >Also, Flowin had to go down many levels, Reeny: In what video game? >and pass through many "secret" passageways. > "Very well, I will need a moment to pack though" >Janis looked out at the city and all the chaos. > "Hurry child, we nough have much time." Servo: You're right! I'd better hurry if we nough! > "I'll be packed in a minute" Crow: Have to go get my comb so my hair doesn't frill up in the caves, guyyyyy. >The Flowin grabbed a bag and started dumping in everything she wanted. Mike: I want a pony but it won't fit! >As she had said, it only took a minute before she and Janis where hurrying >through the castle. It only took a minute, but it would be a minute she >would never forgive herself for taking. Servo: Because..nothing bad happened. What's to forgive? Crow: This fanfic? Mike: Yeah, right. [BIG BURST OF LIGHT.] Reeny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! Oh, it's just you. Serena: Hm? Mike: Whoa, it's Serena from A Change of Heart! Crow: WOO! Save us, smart lady! Serena: Well I would, but I have to go home and brush my hair to give me that "Smart" look. Servo: It'll only take a second. Come, on, let's go, guys! Mike: Destiny awaits us! [Everyone leaves the theater.] *Planet spins.* [SOL. Mike and the Bots had just left the theater. Serena walks onto the set.] Crow: That reminds me.. Mike: Yeah? Crow: What the hell happened to Josh-bo? Mike: Oh, his parents came to pick him up. Crow: Pick him up? Mike: Yeah. Crow: And you didn't ask for a ride with them? Mike: Well, they were driving in a Sedan. Crow[Shudders]: Good choice, my friend. Serena: Alright, I don't have all day. What's going on here? [Castle Forrester. Pearl walks onscreen.] Pearl: Hey, skanks. How's the marathon treating you so far? [SOL.] Mike: So far? Um.. Crow: It's..er.. Servo: Really..interesting. All: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Reeny: It sucks. All: ..yeah..yeah..yeah.. [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: Um..who the hell are you? I'm detecting two unknown life forms on the SOL. Are they both you? [SOL. Serena has a blanket over her but is still standing up.] Mike: Yeah, that's about the half of it. Crow: Or, twice of it. [Everyone breaks out into cheesy, nervous laughter.] Servo: Hoo hoo..hoo.....but..seriously.. [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: I HATE ANIME KIDS! I'll vaporize you with a powerful raygun that's so powerful..it's power..is...powerful! Right here! Here and now! And..I'll be right back to get that weapon. Don't try to escape on me. [Pearl leaves the castle.] [SOL. There is a brief pause.] Serena: Um..is the blanket necessary now? Mike: Oh! Sorry about that. Crow: We have to get out before PMS Forrester comes back! Serena: Relax. I can do that. But will take your help as well. Joel: HOW, exactly? Serena: Um..I used a one-way teleportation device. Servo: Shit. WE'RE GONNA DIE! Pearl's gonna send us TNG Stephen Ratliff fanfics until we age at a very early time and die the worst death ever! Crow: Relax, gumby. Servo: WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE GUM JOKES AT ME?! [The crew whistles.] Joel: I GOT IT! All: Yay! Woohoo! Crow: I told ya we'd make it! Good ol' Joel! Joel: Wait..I forgot it. Crow: RAIN AND PESTILLENCE WILL BE FIRED AT US FOREVER! WAAUGH! Joel: Wait, I remember now. Crow: Then again, it's not so bad. Joel: I finally have a use for all those Invention Exchanges.. [Joel pulls out his Van Halen guitar and Mike pulls out his Gutterbumberchute.] Mike: What good will these do? Joel: Um...I forget. [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: Well..I'm back. Anyone escape? [SOL.] Crow: Geez, lady, be patient! We haven't escaped yet. [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: Oh, good. I finally found the Planet of the Apes and Brain Guys. Bobo: Owie..Reeny..gives me nightmares.. Observer: I must say, that was an unpleasant trip. Shall I send them Armaggeddon? [SOL.] All: NO! AAAUGH! STOP! PLEASE! [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: Maybe later. Right now, it's kid-blasting time! [Pearl pulls out the raygun and fires...click....click...] Pearl: What the..hell..what's.. Observer: Did you put batteries in it? Pearl: Of course not..it's a gun for Christ's sake. Bobo: But it's a Korean gun. Observer: Japanese, you twit. Bobo: We're in Japan? Wow! We gotta go sightsee again! Observer: Oh..brother. Pearl: Damn. I bought the kiddie toy-gun. Be right back to kill you guys. Ok? Brain Sponge, send them a warning shot. Send..Ninnichuchan water..hahahahahahahahaha! [SOL. It starts raining Ninnichuchan water, but everyone is under Mike's Gutterbumberchute, except Gypsy, who is off-screen.] Crow: It works! Servo: Weehoo! Joel: Alright! Strum away, my golden friend! [Crow strums on the guitar as Joel holds a chord.] [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: Alright, I'm back to kill you! Haha- [The chord is heard. There is a big puff of explosion. Pearl and her lackeys are blacked and smoked from it.] Pearl: ..that was..clever.. [Everyone falls down.] [SOL.] Mike: Damn..that only prolonged our death. Crow: Great..we're gonna die..the rooms flooding with this water stuff..and my feet are starting to get colored pink..and my voice is getting higher..and..this is all YOUR fault, Nelson! Mike: Me? Servo: YES! NELSON! YOU CAUSED THIS ALL, DIDN'T YOU? [Mike is tackled, but not to the ground, by Crow and Servo.] Crow: Bite him! Bite him! Servo: Mm..his jumpsuit is tasty and stringy! Mike: OW! OW! OW! Crow: Last meal before we die! Everyone eat the Nelson! Mike: Stop! Stop! Gypsy: Boys! [Everyone pauses.] Gypsy: Look what I found! A 2nd escape pod! It was on the other side of the Bone Door this whole time! Ha ha ha ha ha...ha........ha.... [Crow and Servo jump on Gypsy.] Gypsy: AAAUGH! One at a time, please! Crow: Ick..that's not what we meant. Servo: Yeesh. [Castle Forrester. Pearl slowly gets up.] Pearl: Ugh..before I kill you I'll send you a Parappa the Rapper fanfic called... [SOL. Nobody is around. The rain has stopped.] [Castle Forrester.] Pearl: ...damn. [Pearl falls over again.] Bobo: Well..I'm going to get some donuts. Anyone want some? [Observer glares at Bobo.] [Credits roll.] Special Thanks to MooMooYou3@aol.com for his World of Magic prologue. MFT3k and Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000 are (c) 1999 Matt Wilson. MST3k and Mystery Science Theater 3000 are (C) 1999 Best Brains Inc. Squareheads are copyrighted (C) 1999 Japan. Serena and A-ko are copyrights of their companies and are the only cool anime girls out there, so be light when you MiST them! :) Stinger: [Bobo walks into the Dunkin Donuts as Mike walks out with a bunch of glazed donuts.] Mike: Hey, Bobo. Bobo: Hey, Mike. Anything happenin'? Mike: We escaped the SOL. Bobo: Ah. See ya later. [Bobo walks inside, then pauses.] Bobo: Hey, wait a second. [Bobo walks back outside.] Bobo: MIKE! Mike: *gulp* Huh? Bobo: You dropped a one-dollar bill. Mike: Oh. Thanks, Bobo. NOT PRODUCED IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE SCI-FI CHANNEL. (Thank god)