(SOL) MIKE: Hi, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Crow's been hard up for cash lately, so he's decided to open a convenience store up on the satellite... (TOM stands by the magazine rack browisng through Architectural Digest) TOM(to himself): Yes, very eclectic...but elegantly understated... (CROW emerges from behind the counter wearing a 7-Eleven uniform and a turban) CROW: Please not to read the magazines, sahib! This is not a library! MIKE: Uh, Crow? Aren't you taking this a bit too far, with the unnecessary ethnic stereoptype and all? CROW: Oh, come on! Don't tell me you're with the PC Police now! Where's your sense of humor? MIKE: But people might- (Mads light) GYPSY: Pearl and the Ambigously Gay Duo are calling! (Castle Forrester) (The castle suddenly looks like a newsroom, with Observer and Bobo in the background dressed like reporters from a '40s movie) PEARL: Hi there, Mr. Kot-tair! Taking a cue from Art's entrepreneurial spirit, we're now publishing our own newspaper! MIKE: No offense, ma'am, but is that really an effective way to pull in revenue in this age of- CROW: Don't listen to him! He's just trying to repress alternative viewpoints! Stick it to the Eastern liberal establishment! PEARL: Yes, that's nice...But getting down to business, your experiment this week is a Sonic the Hedgehog fic from the author of "Power and Revenge". This one's calle "X Marks the Spot"! (quietly) And try not to scream too loudly, OK? >X Marks the Spot TOM: Why don't they look? >By MesoSymon MIKE: Oh no, not him again! >Chapter 1 New members, wall trains, CROW: Spider-Man's commute just got a lot easier. >and a new mission "Why in the hell are we working anyway? Symon said that we get the weekend off! Where is Symon anyway?" TOM: So now he's writing self-insertion?! >"I don't know. He said he would meet us hear." MIKE: He done said he was gonna meet us, hear? >"Would you two stop fighting for just one minute. I'm trying to find where the hell we are." In a majestic city, standing on a pier. Three associates wait for their partner. TOM: And write sentence fragments. >Wind pass over them CROW:::makes fart sound:: >as cars and wall trains pass by them. MIKE: Wall trains? Wall trains? >"This is a sham. If Symon wanted us hear he would have been first." TOM(Mike Myers, as a little British kid): o/~You know my name is Symon/And I love to do drawrings...o/~ "Okay Rachel, okay. We'll wait four more minutes. Then we'll leave." "Fine but we've already been here to long. MIKE: And I just can't long anymore! >We could have been targeted by four organizations by now." TOM: The Fund for a Feminist Majority, the John Birch Society, the National Committee on Television Violence and the Virginia Association of Plumbing Contractors. >Out of the corner of her eye, Rachel saw a large dark figure approaching them. "RAISE IT." A blinding flash of light intrudes on the conversation as Rachel's V system CROW:...blocks out violent TV shows. >bursts out of her arm compartment. MIKE: Who is this, Inspector Gadget's sister? >"Who are you?" Rachel yelled across the waterfront. The yell was not returned. "Who are you?" She yelled again. Again no response. Instantly the figure disappears and reappears in the middle of the group. The three all pointed their various weapons at the figure. The large armor covered figure waved his cape and spun. The armor disappeared and a new person sporting a tall muscular body in his mid-teens wearing large baggy jeans and a Hugo Boss jacket appeared. MIKE: o/~...pretty fly for a white guy!o/~ >"Ah, your all hear. Good." TOM: I was afraid y'all was straight deaf, know what I'm sayin'? >"Damn it Symon. You scared the crap out of me." Rachel yelled. "Well. I know your all wondering why I asked you hear. The moment we've all been waiting for has finally arrived." "What. You don't mean-" "That's right Dural. Imports are in." MIKE: Bull Dural? CROW: Dural Dural? >"Finally," said Pam, "It's about time. The home squadron has been looking for those things forever." TOM: And the audience has been confused even longer. >"Yeah. Well, we're to return to Earth and enter the new data it to the capsules." "Okay were do we go from here?" "Where else. New Zwei Transport." "New Zwei, is that where we are?" asked Pam. "Indeed. Let's go." MIKE: Such riveting dialogue... >In the middle of a vast city lies a large port building that contains artifacts from all know worlds. CROW: As well as a few worlds that don't know. >In the center of this building, a wormhole gateway. MIKE: And...? >The four travelers take the wall trains to the center of town. "So what kind of imports do we have this period?" Asked Dural. "By what I know, some things from Medioun, some things from Liduy, TOM:...and some things from Small. MIKE: That is, quite possibly, the lamest joke ever. >and Chris tells me theirs some sort of new surprise he wants to show us," replied Symon. "Well it better be good. The syndicates have been getting bigger." A large frown shines on Rachel's face. TOM(Rachel): The progress made by Fox, WB and UPN could be wiped out! >"Why does the home team need imports anyway? We do everything they do and more." "Watch your tongue Rachel. All we have is 32 worlds and the right side of Earth. We don't have it half as bad as they do. Remember, they have andormedia issues," said Pam, "it'll be good to see Zoe again anyway." MIKE: Oh! NOW it all makes sense! >"That's true it will be good to see Zoe again." Said Dural in loving voice. "Dural. Behave yourself. You know Zoe is Chris's girlfriend now. You had your chance and blew it. Quite big as I recall." The wall train pulls up to the building. "Okay who's going first?" No one volunteered. "Fine ya bunch of flimsies, I'll go first." The group of four unloads into the building port. As they quickly and quietly move their way towards the center of the building, their strange dress CROW: I didn't know these guys were cross-dressers. >for the planet draws attention. "Symon, these people are making me nervous," said Pam. "Relax we're almost there," Symon pauses, "Of all the places they could put the gate, they put it in a museum. Here we go." The four move into a large room with a large stone ring MIKE: Before the dawn of time, there lived a race of Druids... >and hundred of people. "Gotta move'em out." Dural slowly moves towards a fire alarm. With his back turned to alarm, he pulls it. The group of people gains a newfound panic and flooded out of the room. "Light it up Dural." Dural presses 7 buttons on his arm. A large pool forms as the four enter the CROW:...dragon. >ring. In a dark cavern, 6 dark figures are waiting for the 4 travelers. "Look closely, this is what you're going to be doing," says one of the figures to the another. On the other side of the pool laid another ring on the ground. The 4 travelers shoot up from the laying ring. The pool disappeared and they land inside the ring. "It's them. Power down," said a booming voice. "Welcome back." Flares and lanterns illuminate the cavern as the 10 figures are shown. Symon walks forward and he and the large figure clash fists. "Thanks for having us," said Symon, "Well, lets crack the Champaign TOM: No! You shouldn't crack cities in Illinois! >for X-2." TOM: Hypno-Helio-Stasis with X-4! >"There will be plenty of time for that Symon, in the meantime. You have someone to meet," a girl no older than 14 steps forward. "This is Andrea. The new member of your team." "A new member? Well! This is a time to celebrate. Break out the bottles and blast the crates! We're having a party tonight." Everyone stands where they are. "Well, Chris, what are we waiting for? Lets go!" Yells Symon. The 10 shuffle out into a tram that leads them into a dark room. Rachel eyes Andrea all the way. "So what did we get this shipment?" "We got some stuff. Weapons, Vehicle parts for your jets. Some vitality crates, and a big something for me." Out of a shadow, a huge Clear Blue Ice spider jumps from a pillar. MIKE: o/~By Mennon!o/~ >"Meet Dodongo. A Southern Ice spider that we found at the South Pole." The spider lets out a chilly scream. "He's saying hello. TOM: o/~I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello...o/~ >Anyway you're all free to disperse with yourselves until further notice. Symon come with me. We've got some catching up to do." "So. What's up?" asks Chris. "Nothing Rachel's being a pain again. She almost shot me today." "How'd she do that?" CROW: She pointed a gun at me and almost pulled the trigger. >"I was trying a new thing that I got from a planet on off time. An identity cloak." "I thought your days with cloaks and daggers and swords and all that was over with." "Yeah it is but this is a cool idem. TOM: C'mon, Mike, grammar flames are our friends! >Anyway I haven't seen Percilia yet, where's she hiding?" Chris gives him a strange look. "Symon...Percilia's been gone for a while. Apparently you have too. She quit last year." Symon sat up. "What?!? She quit? Why?" asked Symon. "Well you know her history with the X. It wasn't really as showy as ours. The original X killed her family, and best friend was killed for the X-" MIKE: Quiet! Marvel's lawyers might hear you! >"Yeah but her best friend was your sister and-" "I know that. I'm not the one to remind, but it kills her inside, as well as me. She had tons and tons of emotional trauma after that. She just couldn't keep up it. She had to quit or she would have gone crazy." "Jeez." Symon said in astonishment. "Yeah I know. It was a shock when she first left us too." A cold silence crosses both of them. "Well anyway. Lets go try out those new weapons." "Now this is something I could get used to using." Chris picks up a small discman-esque object with a small Oakley like pair of sunglasses attached to them. "What is it?" asked Andrea who came up behind Symon. "A musical stalker." "A what?" asked Symon with confusion. CROW: It stalks musicians, duh! >"A musical stalker. It places music of your choice at one spot and lures the unsuspecting prey towards it. Then it makes you invisible for 15 seconds while every 2.5 seconds flashing your visibility. We had the main computers enhance it so you can control the visibility and flashing time." "Oh. Cool. We could use those." Chris gives one to Symon and Andrea and they clip it into their belts. "Hey Symon, are you still using that internal meso system?" asked Chris. "Yeah. Why?" Symon asked with a new kind of confusion. "God I could never use those things." TOM: But I thought He could do anything!