[From a nanite's POV, large, thick hairs surround Ned (the only one in the shot) like trees. The camera shakes around a bit like a home movie camera would. It is obvious that Wade is holding it] WADE: Here we are on Prof. Bobo's arm. Wave "hi" to the camera, Ned. NED: Yeah, hi. WADE: We're preparing to enter the oily pore. Ned's already got his knapsack on. We- [A huge had comes down and drags across the "landscape"] NANITES: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! [Camera shakes around] NED: YO', APE! YOU MIND NOT SCRATCHIN' YER ARM??? BOBO: [Unseen (obviously) in a loud, echoy voice] Sorry. WADE: We hafta send that one to "Real TV." Anyway, Ned, you ready? [Zooms in on Ned] This is Ned. Have I mentioned that? I'm not sure he still knows I'm filming him. Hey, Ned. Wave "hi" to the camera. NED: I already did that. WADE: No, you just said "hi." I want you to wave. NED: Oh, just get that camera outta my face. WADE: Huh? NED: I said stop recording. WADE: Why? NED: C'mon. WADE: No, you c'mon- NED: [Charges] We have a job to do. WADE: Hey! Wait! NED: Gimme that!! [Clatter, then some video snow] [SOL] [Crow's alone with a big box in front of him. Enter Mike] MIKE: Where's Servo? CROW: Oh, I have him in this death maze. [Indicates box] Any wrong turn could kill him. MIKE: Any? CROW: Yeah. MIKE: Cool. CROW: Yeah. TOM: [Unseen (obviously)] Waaaaaaaaaaah! This isn't fun no more! CROW: Tough, wussy-boy. TOM: Waaaaaaaah! CROW: What, am I bugging you? I'm not touching you. C'mon, baby. TOM: WAAAAAAAAH! CROW: Come and get me. If you can find your way outta the maze you can get me. C'mon, baby. TOM: WAAAAAAAAAH! CROW: You make me sick. [Alarms] MIKE & CROW: FANFIC SIGN!!!! TOM: WAAAAAAAAAH!! [Shunk...6...5...4...3...2...SAFE...] [All enter] TOM: Thanks for the torture, you knob. CROW: Still a wimp. > Dulcy took on a trio of Stealth-bots by freezing them with her icy >breath. MIKE: When Winter Fresh gum goes too far. > Antoine tried his best to use his "king-fu" CROW: Of the Hill-fu? > to stop a particular >Swat-bot that had the little squire on it's mind. Ant was losing, so Rotor >and Bunnie came in and finished it off. TOM: Yeah, Rotor sits on it, and Bunnie puts a bike pump in Antoine's mouth to bring him back to normal size. > Annie jumped into Sally's arms, full of fear. MIKE: Sure can jump high for a six-year-old. > Sally ran off to the side of the tunnel, where she began to calm >the little girl down. CROW: Ug, she's nursing her. TOM: {Yagh!} > Rotor had been pulling out the main wire consoles of the bots he >had ambushed, putting the parts in his utility belt. Probably will be >helpful later, he thought. CROW: Of course, he does the same thing with rotted cat vomit... > Bunnie just began punching the bots out of her way, or kicking >them with her powerful robotic legs. MIKE: Why is this fight sequence actually slowing the story down? > At last, the Swat-bot team was finished. > Proud of their victory, they cheered. TOM: [British accent] And there was much rejoicing. ALL: [Dully] Yaaaaay. > Robotnik, who had been watching all along, CROW: SEE? NOW ISN'T THAT A PLOT TWIST, MIKE? HUH? > began to chuckle >subtly. He then brought out his microphone. TOM: Watch out! He's gonna do karoke! > The Freedom Fighters stopped and stared at a descending monitor. CROW: And they'll monitor his mind. MIKE: Ouch. Don't remind me. Please. > "Very good, my little Freedom Fighters. Did you think that was >easy?" Robotnik scoffed. > "Piece of cake, Robuttnik!" shouted Vixie. TOM: [Robotnik] "Cake! Hmmm.... Yum. Hold on; I'll threaten you later. Be right back." > "Oh, is that so, little vixen? We'll see about that." the evil >doctor smiled. MIKE: No. No. Don't. > With that, the monitor withdrew. TOM: [Jetsons sound effect (similar to a UFO sound)] > Instantly, the Freedom Fighters began tumble to the ground from a >large tremor that had just begun. After looking behind them, they noticed >that the yellow cavern was caving in. CROW: That's how they should have gotten rid of the Green Lantern long ago. > "Sonic! We've got to get out of here!" Sally yelled over the rumbling. TOM: She... is a genius. > "Grab on you guys!" said Sonic to Bunnie, Sally, and Antoine. MIKE: "Not all at once!" > After they did what they were told, Sonic shot CROW: Antoine. TOM: [British accent] And there was much rejoicing. ALL: [Dully] Yaaaaaaay. > down the tunnel. > Dulcy was making sure Tails, Vixie, Rotor, and the other two >hedgehogs were secured on her back. MIKE: With a really big rubber band. > When everyone was set, she cracked the >whip, CROW: Mike...? MIKE: No, actually, your mind *isn't* in a rut today. > which sent the six Freedom Fighters screaming through the yellow >corridor. ALL: "WIIIIIIIIIIIPE-OUUUUUUUUUT!!!" > It wasn't long before she had caught up with Sonic. > "Sonic! I see a light up ahead!" shouted Bunnie. TOM: It's God! > As soon as Sonic heard that, he knew what to do. CROW: "Juggle banana peels! It just might work!" > "Slap me some power, Sal!" he said. TOM: Is now really a good time? > Sally proceeded to grab a power ring from Sonic's backpack. > She looked over to Dulcy, "Prepare to crack the whip again, Dulcy!" ALL: Nooo. > "Got ya Sal!" came her reply. > Sally handed the ring to Sonic. > After an initial power surge, MIKE: SURRRRRRRRRRRRRGE!!! > Sonic shot off CROW: Antoine's head again. TOM: [British accent] And there was much rejoicing. ALL: [Dully] Yaaaaaay. > , dragon right behind >him. TOM: What was draggin' right behind him? Did someone tie tin cans to his tail? > When they made it to the light, MIKE: [Whispering] Head towards th- [Normal] No, too obvious. > the tunnel had already begun to >gain on them, and was nearly ready to fall on top of them. CROW: Wow. I am at the edge of my- [Falls down] WAUGH! [Crash] > At last, they emerged from the tunnel. [Crow gets up] > "We made it you guys! We did it!" shouted Vixie. > "Ha! No problem." crowed Sonic. CROW: Aren't I supposed to do that? > Robotnik's great monitor then showed up. MIKE: It's... GREAT! > "No problem, Sonic Hedgehog? My, what an aspiration we have. Well >I've only one more trick up my sleeve, CROW: He doesn't *have* sleeves. > and that, my dear boy, is my worst >yet. Are you all set?" Robotnik grumbled. > "You bet your gut on it." Sonic grinned readily. TOM: [Groucho Marx] You bet your gut. > "Ah...I'm glad. Farewell, Sonic Hedgehog. You were such a dirty >little rodent." CROW: Tell me about it. > Suddenly, the monitor disappeared. MIKE: Pop! > Rotor walked up to Sonic. "What do you think he has planned for us >next?" > "I don't know Rote, but I don't think I'm gonna like it." Sonic >confessed. CROW: "Because he's coming in here with a crate of string beans." > "Lookie!" TOM: "I got a hookie." > shouted Annie. > Before the party were two more hedgehogs. > "Mama?! MIKE: "Jamma?" > Papa?!" exclaimed Zip. > "What happened?" Annie cried. > "DETAIN FREEDOM FIGHTERS, BY ORDER OF ROBOTNIK!" the parents droned. CROW: A rather loud drone, isn't it? > "Oh Tails! TOM: Oh, Marsha! > I can't believe it..." ALL: Well, believe it. > Vixie said as she began to cry >softly. > "What?" said Tails as two more Roboticized individuals stepped out >into the room. > "He's...he's torturing us!" Vixie sobbed. MIKE: Who's this 'he' in which the 'torture' is being presented by and which the 'torture' is unnoticeable? > The roboticized individuals were Vixie's parents. > "No..." she whispered softly. TOM: "A cliché... No... It can't be..." > Vixie the fell CROW: Really? I thought she was a fox. > into Tails' arms, crying. > "Mama, Papa, please, we're only trying to help you!" shouted Zip. > Annie was crying. MIKE: A shot rang out. A scream was heard. > "DETAIN FREEDOM FIGHTERS, BY ORDER OF ROBOTNIK!" they droned. CROW: Again, loud drone. > Sally turned to Sonic. TOM: She's a metamorph, now. > "We've got to get them out of here. They'll >be lured into his trap!" CROW: "Because they're overly emotional stereotypical girls." > "Okay, hang on." Sonic replied, putting out his arms for Sally to >jump into. MIKE: Boingie! > He then began to race around the room, diverting the attention of >the parents. > "HEDGEHOG! PRIORITY ONE! PRIORITY ONE!" they shouted monotonously. TOM: I don't think that has the dramatic feel they were planning. > Bunnie had already caught on to Sonic's plan, and she rushed to >gather up Annie, Vixie, and Zip. MIKE: And put them in a Zip-lock. > After telling them a few things, CROW: "Watch Rowan Atkinson, rabbits are cute, and always use butter instead of margarine." > she ran >over to Rotor, girls following behind her. > "Rotor, I think there's a door over there! TOM: "That one that wasn't mentioned until the story required one." > Try an see if y'all can >open it. MIKE: Said the one that could destroy SWATbots with one hand. > We've gotta get these kids out of here!" > "Onto it Bunnie!" said Rotor. > Rotor then ran to the door. He noticed a number keypad to open the >door, so he searched his utility belt. Finding the wire consoles, he then >began to reprogram the door. In less than one minute, the door was open. TOM: I think Robotnik should spend more than ten bucks on the security budget. > "Good old sugar!" CROW: What the hell is with this stupid accent- Oh, she's *Southern*! I get it! > Bunnie smiled as she gathered her companions and >ran into the door. MIKE: Then they decided to open the door and run *through* it. > When the only people left were Sonic and Sally, Bunnie then >whistled for Sonic to head into the room. > As soon as he and Sally arrived inside the room, the door shut >behind them. > All was dark. CROW: Silent Night. > "Welcome to the TOM: Renaissance Festival. > center of my Labyrinth." said a voice, MIKE: So that's where Magic Voice went. > "Now I guess >I'll have to set you free." > The lights jolted on. > "NO!!" Sonic shouted. CROW: "I don't wanna leave! It's fun here!" > Standing in front of him were Roboticizers built for each one of >the party. Below them, were the names of the Freedom Fighters, engraved in >gold. TOM: So the roboticizer stuffs their heads. > "Game......OVER!" CROW: See? You get it? Cuz it's based on a video game. Ha. Ha. Ha. > shouted Robotnik, standing next to the one marked >"Sonic." > Swat-bots then cornered the group and began to take each >individual to their roboticizer. TOM: So they just stood there, I take it. > The bots had just finished putting in >Vixie when suddenly Dulcy began to belch loudly. MIKE: Oh, this just makes fun of itself right here. > When she burped, Dulcy >emitted smoke TOM: Oh... wait... that wasn't a belch... ALL: Ewwww. > and she planned on getting everyone out of there. > Robotnik began to yell. > "ACTIVATE! ACTIVATE IT YOU TWITS!" he shouted at his bots. MIKE: [SWATbot] No. You called me a bad name. Hmmf. > Just as the group escaped, Tails watched the Roboticizer beam up. CROW: Scotty? > "VIXIE!" CROW: Oh. > he cried. > Suddenly, Vixie began to be enveloped in a yellow beam. > "No! MIKE: Shirt. > No! MIKE: Shoes. > NO!" MIKE: SERVICE. > Tails shouted. > Sonic grabbed Tails' arm. "C'mon! We've got to find a way out of >here!" > "I'm not leaving without..." TOM: "My jelly beans." > It was done. CROW: God completed the creation of Earth. > "...Vixie." he whispered. > Sonic took Tails by the hand and shot off MIKE: Antoine's head one last time. TOM: [British accent] And there was much rejoicing. ALL: [Dully] Yaaaaaay. > through a wall. TOM: He ran right into a wall? That is just so stupid. > The rest >followed him. TOM: Now that's even *stupider*! > > "She's gone! CROW: Not really. > I can't believe she's gone!" CROW: I mean, she's there, but she's a robot. > sobbed Tails when they >arrived at Knothole, "I'll never see her again!" CROW: Except you will, and it's cooler now, cuz she's a robot. > Sonic looked down. MIKE: Down, down, down... > "I'm sorry, Tails, but we couldn't have saved her anyway. It was >too late!" > "It's my fault Tails." said a voice. TOM: Magic Voice has a stupid agent. MAGIC VOICE: I can't help it. Best Brains is on a tight budget, remember? TOM: We're not supposed to know about that. MAGIC VOICE: Oh, yeah. > "Dulcy?" Tails looked up. > "It was a stupid plan. MIKE: Finally, someone admits it. > I should have gone over it with the rest of >you. It's all my fault." she replied softly. > "It's okay Dulcy. TOM: "You can't help that you're a pathetic moron." > We had to act for ourselves. I don't blame you >for a thing." Tails cried softly. > "What's wrong guys?" said a voice from behind them. > "VIXIE?!" they all shouted. ALL: "We think... yeah, that's what was wrong." > "It's me!" said the little vixen. > "How did you escape? I saw you roboticized!" said Tails frantically. CROW: More Fanfic Luck I suspect. > "Back in Northbreeze, I was voted the town's best scientist. TOM: Oh, THAT explains the whole thing!! > I had >a spare model of myself in my backpack MIKE: She was wearing a backpack? CROW: That was the same size as her? > which I let the Swat-bots think was >me. Robotnik Roboticized a robot!" she explained. TOM: Oh. CROW: Yeah. MIKE: That's a coherent reason for- ALL: WHAT?????!! TOM: I notice that her MEGA TECHNOLOGY allowed her to locate the secret, concealed village of Knothole without detection. > Tails ran up to Vixie. > "I'm just glad you're okay." he said. CROW: "So, how did you REALLY escape?" > And with that, he laid a kiss on her cheek. MIKE: Did she also build a Matter Transference Device to swap places with the robot? > Vixie blushed, then hugged Tails. CROW: [Tails] "Barfie!" TOM: No, Mike, then she'd still be in her backpack when the roboticizer went off. She'd still be a robot. > "I thought I'd never see you again!" said Tails. MIKE: That's true, Tom. Then what...? > "I'm right here! Smile! ALL: No! Don't! > You'll be able to see me as often as you >want." TOM: Of course, when he's able to, he decides to not see her often and just watches cartoons. > "Yeah?" > "Of course!" Vixie paused, "Tails, you're the best friend I've ever >had. MIKE: I can tell in ten minutes. > I'm glad I made it out alive. CROW: "Thank you, lazy author." > I could have never been able to live >without a friendship like ours." > "We haven't known each other for very long, Vixie." MIKE: Exactly what I've been saying. > "Well, still, you've proven to be an ass TOM: Sorry. It's probably against the rules to break a word in half, but I just needed to do it. > et in my life. In >Northbreeze, I had no friends. No one. MIKE: Oh, did you have any friends? > You've introduced me to friendship, >and I think I like it very much." CROW: Pathetic nerd. Author's probably letting what she wants to have through a fantasy world. MIKE: Just be mean to a real person, Crow, I'm sure she won't hunt you down and murder you in your slumber. > "Well, I'll always be here for you." said Tails. TOM: "Right here in this particular spot. I'm never leaving this floor board." > Bunnie took this time to interrupt the two foxes. "Supper time, >sweethearts! Y'all don't want to starve, do you?" BOTS: [Vixie & Tails] "Yes we do. We're anorexic. We were made for each other." > With a smile Tails ran towards the dining hall. Leaving Vixie behind. MIKE: "Yup. I'll always be there for you. Yup." > "C'mon!" he shouted. > "I'll be right there Tails!" said Vixie as she watched everyone >leave. Turning around to face Robotropolis, TOM: She broke into song. > she whispered. > "I love you Mama, I love you daddy." MIKE: I hate you, cliché. TOM: I love you, Huggabear. MIKE: I love you, Earl. TOM: I love you, Chief. CROW: I love you, McCloud. > [Mike picks up Tom and gets up to leave] TOM: Well, that sleepwalking didn't figure into the plot, but I'm glad it was mentioned anyway. > > > THE END TOM: [British accent] And there was much rejoicing. ALL: [Dully] Yaaaaay. [All leave] > > [SAFE...2...3...4...5...6...Klunk-shunk] [Crow is reading a "Bone" comic book as Mike enters] MIKE: Oh, hey, Crow. You didn't trap Servo in another labyrinth of death, did you? CROW: Nah. Why? MIKE: I haven't seen him anywhere. CROW: He's probably sorting his Energizer in-package battery tester collection again. [Enter another Crow, colored red] MIKE: Oh, hey, Crow. You didn't trap Servo in another labyrinth of death, did you? CROW: I said n- [Looks up] WAUGH! Who are you? Timmy the Second? [The second Crow speaks in Tom's voice] TOM: No, you dink, it's me: Servo. MIKE: Tom? Why did you make yourself look like Crow? TOM: Like Crow? What are you talking about? I'm a completely original character. MIKE: Huh? TOM: I'm red, aren't I? MIKE: Yeah, but- TOM: There, then. That settles it. I don't look a thing like Crow. MIKE: What...? Oh, I get it, you're lampooning that Zip character from today's fanfic. CROW: Oh, yeah. Just make Sonic a girl, and it's a whole new concept. TOM: I am not, guys. I just felt like being a completely new person. Y'know, start all over again from scratch; begin life anew from page one. As a child, I am now innocent of anything, because I have no past. MIKE: Except... you're Crow. TOM: I AM NOT! LOOK! I'M RED, I HAVE A DIFFERENT VOICE... HOW MUCH MORE ORIGINAL DO I HAFTA BE?? CROW: How about original, period? TOM: I AM! I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM-I-AM- [continues] [Call light] CROW: Mike, you might wanna get that. MIKE: Alrighty. [Taps button] Yes, Ms. Lady-person? [Mobius] PEARL: Thanks for the help. Now I feel evil again. Thank you so much. Now I have the ability to *really* torture you. You're getting one more short. It's a Halloween special still starring Sonic and friends, but written in script format. [SOL] MIKE: Wait, wait! *Another*?? But we just finished the main feature! CROW: Yeah! [Mobius] PEARL: I told you I was evil, didn't I? And you'd better prepare yourself for evil, let me tell you. Okay, monkey-boy, hand over the remote. "General Hospital" is on. BOBO: But my other favorite commercial with talking frogs that do nothing but say the same things over and over that's supposed to be funny is on. [Pearl thwaps him] Here you go. [Hands Pearl the remote] PEARL: Prepare for suffering, Nelson. But first, a word from our sponsor. [Commercials] [Continued in "Holloween Spirits"... if you dare.] HEAD WRITER: John Berry CONTRIBUTING WRITER: Jenny Berry THANKS: Holly-Beth Kraft for the permission (she's a MSTie, too, y'know) E-MAIL: berry@sugar-river.net JOSEPH NEBUS' A.C.E.G. TO SONIC MSTINGS: www.math.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k.html SONIC COMIC PARODY PAGE: members.aol.com/TheVid1987/STCParody.html (Page space provided by "The Vid") Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters © Best Brains Inc. Sonic the Hedgehog and characters © Sega and DiC STINGER: > "Back in Northbreeze, I was voted the town's best scientist. I had >a spare model of myself in my backpack which I let the Swat-bots think was >me. Robotnik Roboticized a robot!" she explained.