Dear Captain Purple...

Sorry, gang, I had to take the ole typewriter to the shop. It seems as though the white-out had run-out. But it's fixed now! I got tons o' letters and that I thank you for! As always, I'm terribly sorry if some of the lines don't quite match up... it's really hard to make this typewriter type right on these little blue lines! Dear Captain Purple, Hi ! My name is Richard but you can call me Richard. I am 9 years old. I would like to know where I can buy your comics. I would also like to know the name of the author & illustrator. Sincerly, Richie Rodgers Douglassville, GA P.S. please write back. Dear Richard But, You can view my online comic for FREE! That's right, FREE! Right here on the Comics Page. Go back a few screens and click on the "Adventures of Captain Purple" option! Maybe some day I'll have a real-for-true comic. You might want to check out the Comics Page Online Store... I hear they're gonna be selling all kinds of things with my handsome mug on 'em! Some schmoes named Mark Monroe, Richard Dodd and Scott Sauer go around telling people they "made" me. Ha. Whatever. Yer pal, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, That would be a very good question, do you ever get sick of purple our do you love it to death ? Stick Boy Sumter, SC. USA Dear Twiggy, Umm, no. Purplely, Captain Pur...AGH! I'm sick of that color! Oh, sorry. Dear Captain Purple, I like y books David s.z. c, nh USA Dear Alphabet boy, Thank you, I think. I like z books. They have words like ZIPPY and ZORTAN and ZULU. LMNOPingly, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Do you have any relation to "The Tick" because he looks a lot like you, are you guys brothers? VISIT THIS COOL WEB PAGE AT HTTP://WWW.ISL.NET/~INIGUEZ/ZACH/ZACH'S.HTML GO TO IT AND YOU WILL BE THANKFUL!!! Zach Iniguez Rochester, MN U.S.A. Dear Sack, File Not found The requested URL /~INIGUEZ/ZACH/ZACH was not found on this server. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Who are you ? hi Jenny Maxelon London, England Dear Penny, I'm Captain Purple! Hello! G'day to all you mates down in England, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Hi my names John I 13 years old,and I got a few questions you, what are your powers? how old are you? how big are you? how much you weigh? you got a side kick? Well thats all. JOHN SACINO slack@nac.net L.K HOPATCONG, NJ U.S.A Dear John Boy, D: All of the above. Knowingly, Captain Purple Dear Captian Purple, You're the absoloute best superhero on the internet. My son speed thinks you're the best. So would you please give my son your autograph. So from one superhero to another, please do me this one favor. And if you accept this offer I am about to emply to your (hopefully) satisfaction, I am going to offer you this chance to see millions of people whom I hope adore you. So please bring a represenitve, or yourself to my son's school. Its address is 2425 Lake Dr. East Grand Rapids Michigan, 49506. Please come on June 2,1997. If you do come, my son and I shall be in your debt. Your Friend, Sonic D. Hedgehog fastasheck@speedhouse Mobius, MI Mobius Dear Shrub Pig, Thank you, it's not real easy to be the absoloute best superhero on the internet. I'm sorry that I missed the gig. I had to clean out the old Purple Ears. Have you ever started cleaning those wonderful ear canals and really gotten into it? I mean really digging deep with that Q-tip and swirling and twirling and scooping and scraping around? Ahh it's heaven. Plus you can make nifty wax sculptures with the residue! Hearing you loud and clear, Captain Purple Dear Captian Purple, I just "read" the new issue of Capt. Purple. The way you handled the phone was just a tad odd, but nevertheless you are still one of the "Andrew Veen and Friends top 5 sites on the net". I hope you get this letter in digital land. Stay Different, Andrew Veen overpower6@GRFN.org (in progress) East Grand Rapids, MI The U.S. of A! Dear Achoo Spleen, Thanks a wad! You seem to be a groovy cooley person yerself! Can I get a neato-keen icon/award for being in the "Andrew Veen and Friends top 5 sites on the net"!?!?! I'd really like that! Award winning, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Do you ever run into Lethargic Boy in your many superhero pursuits? Will he ever make a big comeback, or is the saga of Samuel T. Slothman destined to be the "Joanie Loves Chachi" of the comic world? And what about the Spam? Sincerely, Bear McDowell Dear Bear, oh wow... how come DEAR and BEAR don't rhyme? And how come BEAR rhymes with HAIR? Lethargic who?!? Wishing I wore pajamas and had a tablecloth cape, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Hello Captain Purple I really don't know who you are but I just wanted to write and say howdy from Artesia. Your show is probably real great but I just don't have time for cartoons anymore. What can I do about that. Cartoonless in Artesia Dear Cartons of Tease-Ya, Hi! I have a show? OHMYGAWD! I must be late! Bye! Rushingly, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, What's up? i really don't know who you cuz i'm just barely getting into this comics page while surfing the net. why not be a pal and send me a autographed picture. I'm a big collector of famous autographs and you showed top the list. well till the next adventureous journey to your home page..may the force be with you!! jesse Dear Uncle Jesse, A lot of things are up. Why not be a pal, indeed! This is for you and whoever else may want it... It's my Bus Pass photo... I blinked. P.S. Say hello to Daisy and Th' Duke Boys for me! Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Are you psycho? Paul VanGundy Joplin, MO us of a Dear Pope Van Gumby the 3rd, Nope. Psycho is a funny balding man who whines about not getting any. Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, I'm SO big I can cut you with an axe. Paul Bunion bigdude@babe Dear Foot Sore, Well, neat. I'm SO big I can spread mayonaise with a kitchen knife. Woop-da-dee-doo. No pickles, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, soon will be the day of the walking goat who beckons "come closer I can not see you". You shalt bow down to his golden rubber pants. If this is done on the third day of the monkey he will reward you with the chicken bone of justice! worship the walrus all you who are insulted by the toothpick. YOur partner in crime, BILLY SPUMCO AKA B.S MAN The City USA Dear Bully Madison, Don't you mean the TALKING goat?! I think most all goats walk. He doesn't like to play football. You could buttonhook him right in the eye and make a knot...that you better KNOT mention again! The old man will beat him severely. Chicken bone of justice! Wow, to have such power! See you at the Ragu Festivaaal, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, You are a fat copy of the TICK, you suck! Joe Momma Dear Mr. Momma, Jealous? Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, HELLO DINNER. LET ME JUST TAKE THIS STUPID PURPLE SUIT OFF YOU AND I WILL EAT YOU.... hey! zid! pass me the salt! mmmmmm..... ALIEN PREDATOR ZIGDOMD, ZGDOAKAMMMMMM Dear Allen Perculator, Too much salt in one's diet is not entirely healthy. May I suggest you use this salt substitute on me instead. Bon Apetite. Oh, wait.... Crunch, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Do you know where to by rubber pants with the words, "Pong Pong Japan" on them? Gabriel Roland Frei@sbt.com Petaluma, CA USA Dear Gabby Rolaids, Yes. Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, for some reason, i can't get on the internet... any advice other than that rotate your tires thingy would be appreciated... And, have you seen my gloves? OJ@hishouse.net Dear Breakfast Beverage, Yes, indeedy... that sounds like a job for INFORMATION! Simply dial 1-411 and the friendly operator can assist you. That's what they are there for! I called them up just the other day and they told me how to stop runs in tights! Psychadelically yours, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, I've never heard of you. What are you and where did you get that sexy bod. turned@on Dear Lightswitch, Are you deaf? You should check your ears and hearing ona regular basis. I believe the hearing tests are free. Unless I'm wrong. Please don't mention the sexy bod I got anymore. That's one skeleton in my coset I'd just as soon forget. Thanks for not bringing up that subject anymore. She said she was just an escort, really. Bonified Super Guy, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, With all the trouble in the world, how do you keep dispair from destroying your sunny outlook on life. I mean, with the President's problems with Congress and the budget, his sexual harassment case, Hillary's problem over the White house travel office. Even the breakup of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie. Now what's up with that. It all makes a person just wanna, oh I don't know, join a monestery(?). Just how do you do it, Cap'? Tricky Dicky Dodd Dear Formica Fred, Just how do you do it? I'd suppose you go to the monestary and just ask if you can join. I mean, I don't think you have to fill out an application or anything. Perhaps they do. Wow! I wonder what qualifications you would need. I wonder if "really big spandex enhanced super hero" would be a good thing to jot down on the resume. I think I'll check into that. Have a day, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Are you now or have you ever been a member of the purple menace? Don't wait for the translation!!!! mc.carthey.com(munist) Dear Rapmaster Carthy MC, I can't answer you now... I'm waiting for the translation. Lovingly, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, As the legal representation of The Purple Avenger, hereafter known as "the party of the first part", you Captain Purple, hereafter known as "the party of the second part" are hereby noftified to cease and desist in the use of the color purple. The Party of The First Part having registered the color purple as "His" color following his public debut in 1947 is the sole owner of the color purple. Any further public appearances of the party of the second wearing purple will be considered a violation of the bylaws and copyright restrictions of the Superhero Union, local 457. the party of the first part will at that time, beat to a bloddy pulp the party of the second part, and further actions as allowed by law will follow. Thank you for you kind consideration in this matter. P.S. should YOU desire legal representation, we have law offices in you city that can really cut you a good deal. williams,williams,williams&hoffenheimer@litig8.com Dear Willies Three, Wow, thanks! Your defendant, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, DON'T YOU EVER GET SICK OF PURPLE? Nick Fuller Dear Rick, Purple what? I got sick once when I ate a purple ham croissant. I think it might have gone bad. Not sure though. Fresh and ripe, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, How do they make babies? This has always astounded me... Being a person with such a plethora of knowledge, I figured you could tell me the answer! Nate Shipley Dear Spanky, Insert tab A into slot B. I think I read that somwehere. Dear Captain Purple, I think that you are really neato.....I don't have a question....I just wanted to tell you that you are really cool. Andy Savage Dear Randy, You seem to be a spiffy individual yourself. I'm not real cool though. I'd estimate myself as being moderately higher than room temperature. Thanks for caring, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, I really don't think that pot pie's are the way to go, if i were you, i would have a bag of cheeze doodles, and a tall glass of fermented orange juice. Sincerely, Batman Dear Randy, Potpie's are the industries' nutritional treasure chest! They combine several food groups! The orange cube food group, the small round green food group, and of course the brown flaky food group! Now we're cookin', Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, Had a great time reading your letters. I added windshield wiper fluid and now my radio doesn't work. The public transportation sucks and I really need my car. What can I do? MLWAHL@UALR.EDU Dear Blahblahblah@whatever.EDU, Buy tights! You're on the right track, baby! Heroically, Captain Purple Dear Captain Purple, We in the Degoba System are very impressed with you, Captain Purple. Where did you get your purple tights? We would all like to know. You see, here in Degoba System, we have a shortage of purple tights and we were wondering if a crusader for (whatever you crusade for) would bring us some tights. With love, Dick Isinya. Dear Chuck, I'm sorry. I can not reveal that information. I'd be happy to deliver some tights to your world! (Another day, another world saved) Send a check or money order to The Comics Page for $5.99 and they'll be there in no time. *Add $5,963.95 for shipping and handling. Cloudy, Captain Purple - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Write your very OWN letter to Captain Purple! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now that was silly of you to scroll ALL the way down here just to read this, wasn't it?!