Newsgroups: alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog From: sonic90127@aol.com (Alex Weitzman) Date: 2000/10/15 Subject: [MST] Sonic Fights Robotnik Yeah, I know it's been done, but I wanted to do it with Mike and the bots. Alex Weitzman Studios Presents..... MiSTed: SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK MST3K copyright someone. Who cares as long as Crow is in it. Sonic Hedgehog and related characters copyright Sega Enterprises, though these are admittedly poor representations. [Interior of SoL. Crow and Tom are playing Chinese Checkers........kinda.] CROW: And I'll jump here and here and......KING ME! TOM: Okay, but you're going to have to be careful. The checker on top could slide off at any second 'cause of these darn wok hats. Are you sure this is how you play Chinese Checkers? CROW: Why? How do you play it? TOM: I always thought they involved big drums and pulling down your cheek with your middle finger. CROW: That's JAPANESE Checkers. TOM: Oh. [keeps playing] [Mike walks in the room with a taco.] MIKE: Hey, guys! I'm having some pizza. You want a slice? BOTS: [look at each other] TOM: Mike, exactly how long has it been since we've been away from Earth? MIKE: Seems like decades. Why? TOM: Nothing. Just keeping tabs. [Monitor comes on with Pearl's face - a remarkably large Pearl's face. She's very close to the camera.] PEARL: [obviously looking at her reflection in the lens] I get more beautiful every minute. BOBO! [backs away to reveal Bobo and an Observer behind her] BOBO: Yes, mistress? PEARL: Why didn't my application for Miss America go through?! BOBO: Apparently you have to win a more local version before qualifying. PEARL: But I told you to sabotage it for me! I even set you up in the contest so you'd get me in! OBSERVER: You didn't watch the ceremonies, did you? PEARL: [taken aback] No........why? OBSERVER: Dr. Zaius here won. PEARL: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! BOBO: [embarassed] Wellllllllll........you know......... PEARL: [steam coming out of ears] You.......you........GIBBON!!!!!! BOBO: Hey! PEARL: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!!! [Observer and Bobo run in various directions before actually leaving. Mike and the bots, in the meanwhile, have been gleefully enjoying the scene.] MIKE: Well, Pearl, you can't win 'em all. At all. CROW: I thought Miss Hawaii became Miss America. TOM: I always wondered what Bobo looked like under all that fur. PEARL: [rounding on them] YOU! Have I got something for you! I was just going to give you some recent movie called Bats, but now I'm upping the ante! I'm giving you SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK!!!!!!!!!!! [A long silence.] MIKE: Whuh? PEARL: [grinds her teeth] A really bad Sonic fic! TOM: Oh! A Gonterman fic! PEARL: Noooooooo........ CROW: Not a Gonterman fic? PEARL: Yes........... MIKE: Couldn't be THAT bad, then. Try us. PEARL: [chuckles] Good. And no breaks, either! TOM: NOOO!!! I HAVE FANFIC SIGN!!! MIKE: Why the yell? We knew it was coming. TOM: Thought she was bluffing. [pouts] [6..........5.............4...........3...........2...........1...........] >ATTENTION: This is a good story so no bad coments >please! ALL: [laugh really hard] CROW: It's already a laugh riot! >Author's notes.. TOM: What, now we have to be subject to this guy's preliminary thoughts? CROW: [the preliminary thoughts] mak storee gud......huh huh....... >Lord of PEZ is awsome! MIKE: "Awsome"? Sounds like it's cute. TOM: Lookit da cute little Lord of Pez! CROW: Candy and a funny-shaped plastic head. Of course it's cute! >Vote NO on Ken Penders! MIKE&CROW: [look at each other nervously] MIKE: He's not.....running for any office, is he? TOM: No. CROW: Whew. Almost kicked the bucket of Chinese Checkers. TOM: Wha? >End of Author's notes. CROW: Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute. THOSE were his preliminary thoughts for the story? TOM: I'm seeing a long uphill read for us. >Now onto the stroy! MIKE: [eats his taco] Could use more mozzarella. >SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK ALL: [applaud] CROW: What a title! MIKE: Superb! TOM: Original! CROW: Artistically daring! MIKE: Aesthetically pleasing! TOM: CRAP! MIKE: Oh, so we're going with truth now? >By SONICFAN CROW: Must like Mario. >Sonics best adventure yet! TOM: I think that's for us to decide, Mister Apostrophe-Deficient Disorder. >It was a brite midday morning in KnotHole Forrest. BOTS: [stare at the carnage] MIKE: I don't think I'm going to make it. CROW: Hold me, Mike. >The animals were doing things like they usually do. TOM: Creatures of habit, huh? CROW: Just throw a couple of fur mites in there and see what develops. >Rotor was cleaning up the sprokets. TOM: That's basically all he does. Except the occasional handy-dandy invention. MIKE: [Mr. Spacely] I'm suing you for copyright infringeme~ oh, wait. It's spelled wrong. Shoot. >Bunny was repainting the huts MIKE: Aha! There IS copyright infringement! Call the WB! Their lead rabbit's been snatched! CROW: Isn't that supposed to be the sexpot Southerner? MIKE: Who cares?! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! TOM: Pray tell, what was in that taco? MIKE: What taco? >and Tails wasx fighting stuffed bots with kung-fu. CROW: Wasx. I like it. "You blasted wasx!" TOM: Tails doesn't know kung-fu or whatever. It's TAIL KWON DO! >Sonic was in his hut drinking a Mountian Due and watching TV. CROW: Like the lazy bum he is. Never gets up or does anything. Fatso. >Furry Beavis and Butthead was on. "It's like beavis and butthead but beavis is a rat and >butthead is a dog" Sonic says to the reader. MIKE: Soooooo....it's exactly the same then? TOM: Ohmigod, ohmigod, Sonic talked to ME! Wow! I'll never clean these ears again! CROW: You don't have ears. Hell, you don't have eyes or a nose either. TOM: [raspberry] >Antoinee was in his house jamming to Greenday. TOM: The Antoinee is the person that you Antoine. Thus making you the Antoiner. CROW: So far, this is the worst mischaracterization yet. MIKE: Boy, you really know how to jinx us, don't you? CROW: It's my trade secret! >Just out of nowhere rotor jumps into the room! CROW: [narrator] .......of Sally's hut where she's dressing. MIKE: I smell vicariousness. >Sonic looked around his hut. "Sonic!@" saidrotor. TOM: Hold it. How'd we get back to Sonic's hut? MIKE: The big plot hole in the wall. TOM: Whew. For a sec I thought I had to pay the driver. CROW: You're paying with your soul here. >"Look out a SWAT-missel is going to hit you!" >Sonic said "WHA?" and loooked out the window. A swat missel was going to hit him! MIKE: Wow! I could not have predicted this! TOM: Eh, it'll miss. That's why they're called "missels". >He jumped out of the hut and ran around the missel. CROW: Impressive abandonment of both setting and physics. This guy's a guru of bad writing. MIKE: We may be witnessing the work of a master. ALL: [like the Toy Story aliens] Ooooooh..... >Soon it smashed into a tree and blew into a million peices. TOM: And I was so worried, too. >"Woah close one dude but I made it ok" he said (sonic) CROW: [Rotor] Damn. TOM: Hey, that could have been Rotor anyway. Apparently, it's only Sonic in widescreen. >ROtor said "Bye" and left. MIKE: A walrus of infinite emotion, he is. CROW: [Sonic] Yeah, I was worried about you too, fat fisher! >[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]] TOM: Wow. Now that's just entrancing. CROW: I...... am....... under......... SONICFAN's........ power.......... must........ destroy......... Sega's............ dignity............ >"THis is your fault!" he said MIKE: [Regis] Let's play Who Spoke That Line!!!! CROW: [applause in background] MIKE: [Regis] Okay, our first guest is Mr. Tom Servo! TOM: Thank you, Mr. Gifford. MIKE: [Regis] Shut up. Anyway, the question is....who spoke that line!!! CROW: [applause in background] TOM: Okay....that's a tough one......but I'm going to have to go with......Artie! MIKE: [Regis] And he's.........right! >to..... CROW: The suspense is killing me. Well, maybe not, but I wish it would. >Snively. MIKE: Poo. I thought it'd be Janice Karman. >"no no sir!" he replied! >"Packbell" CROW: [Snively] Sir, are you talking to your computer again? It's not alive. TOM: [Robotnik] Damn your "it"s! She's my wife!!!! >"Yes sir?" >"Kill sonic because snively is too dumb to be able too!" >"Yes sir" >"What a fat" said snively, under his voice. CROW: To botch a Snively mutterance is the sign of an absent intellect. MIKE: Socrates? CROW: Drazen. MIKE: I like Socrates better. >[][][][][][][][][][][][][] TOM: So many doors to choose from! CROW: I'll take Door #8! TOM: And you get.....some more bad characterization! >3 or four days later back at knothole >Sonic is chatting with Sally on IRC CROW: What a crappy prize. > I luv u sal ;) > Awww ;) > lets have sex :) > no ;p TOM: Man, does she blow hot and cold. MIKE: OH, THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE SMILEYS!!!! HELP!!!! CROW: Aren't we posting this on AFSH? Watch your mouth, Mike. TOM: Crow, did YOU just reprimand someone for language? CROW: Uh....... > you are buetiful > ok we ave cybersex TOM: This is an important lesson, children. Tell girls they're beautiful and they'll bang you. >*MachHedge sets mode +b *!*@*.SonicKnothole.com > Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!! > Hey! Who set you Op? >*MachHedge sets mode +b *!*@*.SallyKnothole.com MIKE: Oh, no, not that Mach guy. CROW: AFSH, dummy! MIKE: Oops. > I'm furry... Huhuhuhuhuh... ALL: [silence] >JUST THEN ROTOR BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR IN EMERGENCY! TOM: That frickin' walrus really needs to learn some manners. MIKE: If he hooks up with Bunnie like he's supposed to, maybe she'll teach him some Southern manners. CROW: Like seceding and slavery? MIKE: Right. >Rotor: Sonic look out we are under attack by 1000000 SWAT BOTS! CROW: [goes up and draws two commas] MIKE: Ohhhh, a million. CROW: Now fork over the dough. One per. MIKE: [gives Crow a million dollars] TOM: Wasn't that supposed to be per comma? CROW: Shut up! >Sonic: Ok i got it covered >Sonic runs to the bots "Yo dudes whats up?" >Sonic said "You drone alot bots" TOM: [in tears] But they didn't say anything!!!!!! MIKE: Calm down. We're going to make it through this. >Just then Sonic spinned around and around killing half >the bots. CROW: Quite a spin, given that he's never actually taken out more than 6 at a time. >The other half tried to shoot him but sonic pulled out a power ring and turned into super >sonic easily killing the rest with no effort. MIKE: Must ALSO be a master of the games, then. >"well" said sonic "looks like 0 to me hmmmm your counting is bad Rote" TOM: [Rotor] No, you're just using plot holes. MIKE: [Rotor] And your spelling sucks. CROW: [Rotor] And you're ugly. >Sonic goes back to watching TV >Robotik appears on the TV! MIKE: Quick, everybody! Home Alone Culkin Time! ALL: [splash aftershave on and scream] >"Hello my name is Dr. Robotnik TOM: [Robotnik] And I'm here with Ron Popeil to offer you this marvelous little pasta maker! Don't go to a restaurant; make your own crappy pasta! >I have taken over the TV station no one can stop me ha ha ha ha." CROW: that what yu think ha ha ha ha MIKE: yu telll him cro TOM: cro? yu frum that old caveman cartune? >"No way Fatnick! Let's get ready to rock!" said sonic CROW: Must be one of those people who thinks talking at the screen can actually affect what you see. >Sonic was talking to Sally "We gotta stop Robotnuk!" >Tails says "Can I go too Sally?" >Sally said "No you are too little robotnik and his bots would kill you or robotosize you" TOM: [Sally] And I want that honor myself. >-----WARNING if you are offended you should not read this neck part---------- MIKE: [covers eyes] CROW: Bring it on! TOM: Necks have never offended me. Go ahead. >"FOCK YOU SALLY!!!!!!!!!!!" SCREMED tails CROW: OOOOOO! New word! Fockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfock... TOM: Ah, it always pleases me to see the immature happy... >--------Ok kids you can look now :)---------- CROW: Fockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfock... TOM: How would they know? MIKE: Can I look now? TOM: Do you really want to? MIKE: [listens to Crow] I'd better. Sounds like one of us is already out of commission. >Sally kicked Tails "BAd Tails don't say that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" MIKE: So violence against children is okay, but badly spelled profanities aren't? CROW: Fockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfockfock... >Sally Kicks Tails. (Banned) TOM: I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sally got banned because of it. CROW: Fockfockfockfockfockfockfockfock.....okay, I'm done for now. TOM: Good. Now it's my turn. Fockfockfockfockfockfo~ MIKE: [interrupting] Don't even. >Tails said "I am mad now I hate you!" CROW: Boo. Hoo. >Sonic said "oh no but we have to stop Robotnick's TV plan! Let's go!!!!!!" TOM: Now that's a hedgehog with priorities. MIKE: Lousy ones, but still priorities. >[[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] >Sonic was at the Tv station fighting bots that were >jumping off the antenna. >Tank-bot attacked towards sonic. CROW: It'd be pretty sad if he attacked away. >Sonic jumped flipped >and spun in the air but >tank bot was too fast. >Just then sonic ran up the wall >and tank bot hit the >wall. >SOnic laughted at the funniness of this. MIKE: Lemme guess: "ha ha ha ha"? >Then he went into the tv station >Robotnick was there doing the robotnik show >"Dooo doo doo this is tnhe robotnick show we will be >pack arfter the messages TOM: Sounds like it's better than most sitcoms. CROW: [checks arm] This is a pretty short story, and yet my tolerance levels are really reaching. I could blow into pure madness any minute. MIKE: I thought you already did. CROW: Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.....you haven't TRULY seen me mad. MIKE: [hands him a taco] Here. Have some pizza. CROW: Grrrr..... [boils] >doo doo doo BUY KEN PENDERS TOM: No. >now back to the show doo do >doo its the robotnick >show our guest today is >"SONIC????????????????????????????????????????" MIKE: Sounds like the reaction one gets when seeing someone you know in drag for the first time. CROW: [Sonic in drag] I'm Tiara B.! TOM: Now THERE'S an obscure Sonic reference. >"Yes" said Sonic >snively shot at sonic but >sonic beat him good. TOM: Y'know, Snively is the right size to be spanked by Sonic. CROW: BAD image, Servo. >Next was packbell. He shot rockets >at sonic but sonic >jumped out of the way and kicked him down anyways. MIKE: Even with all the overuse of Packbell, I know there's more to the character than that. I think MY tolerance levels are reaching. CROW: [mouth begins to froth] >THen Robotnick hit the button. MIKE: [singing low] The button..... TOM: [singing normal] The button.... CROW: [singing high] The button..... ALL: [singing in unison] THE BUTTON!!! >The lasers were aimed at the blue blur. They >would kill him and his >friends! What will happen next! ALL: MORE BAD WRITING. >Stay tuned for PART 2! >Just kidding but sirousley tit's time fro a commerical >brake. CROW: I.....can't.......take it........any.......more.......... MIKE: [sticks the taco in his mouth] CROW: [eats it] Thanks, Mike. I needed that. MIKE: Well, I have Domino's number, if needed. >Wheel be right back (I hope) TOM: But not me. [tries to leave when he sees Pearl watching them] [goes sheepishly back to seat] MIKE: I will get her for this. Something really rotten. CROW: Maybe YOU should win Miss America. MIKE: Hmmm...... >COmmercial >Ken: Hello this is ken penders i hate sonic because i >draw his comics. TOM: There's logic for you. >I really suck why dont i just kill sally BANG CROW: There's a modest man if ever I did see one. MIKE: You haven't. CROW: Exactly. >she died now i'll >do a crossover of sonic >and mR rogers ha ha ha ha ha i am evil. TOM: Oh, no! Ken Penders and SONICFAN are speaking with the same voice! AAAAAHHHH! >No back to the show, >Sonic escaped a stickey situaton MIKE: On the count of three, gentlemen. One, two, three! ALL: HOW?! >but there was more in store for our hero. >RObotnick produced a bomb from his sleave. "Ha ha ha" said he. CROW: Pain pain pain, says me. >Sonic kicked robotnick knocking him out the window. >The lardish doctor fell 5000 story's to his death. >But as Tails later noted he was not really dead. MIKE: [narrator] As the slovenly doctor had mastered the art of SONICFAN plot hole placement. >Sonic ran out of the building just in time. The bombs >fuse ended and.... >SNAP CRACKLE POP! CROW: I'm sick of all these Froot Loops commercials. MIKE: Isn't that... TOM: [interrupting] Shhh! Don't contradict him in such a fragile state! MIKE: Crow's not fragile. He's moronic. TOM: So? >THE BOMB EXPLODES!!!! >There goes our tv shows said sonc MIKE: [Sonic] Don't tell me I'm going to have to get up and run places! >[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]] >Sonic and friends had to blow up the robotik crystal mine. TOM: I'm getting really sick of all this crap. JUST END THE STORY! >"Y'all." said Bunny TOM: [cries like Sailor Moon] CROW: Wow, there's a condensation of everything Bunnie says. >"these is soem weird crystals some of em are blue and >some of em are red >and some of em are green and some of em are purple and >some of em are yellow. >Some are squaree, otrhers are triangle. >Heck all y'all some of em arent even crystals at all!" MIKE: I think SONICFAN is actually Dr. Seuss after a debilitating stroke. TOM: That would explain a lot. >Just then they all gasped in horror. >The biggest bot in the world suddenly appeared with its guns aimed at the freedom >fighters. CROW: A challenge! [puffs up his chest] I'M the biggest bot! Try me! >"Nooooo!" >Antoinee quipped "Ze bot es BEEEEG!" TOM: This is a quip? MIKE: WE quip. THEY spout and prattle. CROW: [starts banging his chest] Big bot! Big bot! Big bot! >SOnic and Sally attacked the bot. The bot blew up taking the mine with it. CROW: Ha! I win by default! MIKE: Helpful bot to take the mine with it. TOM: Couldn't have been much threat if it never left the mine. >[[[[[[[]]]]]] >Robotnik was watching this on camera. >"That hedgehog is a walking contradiction" MIKE: Man, even the badness is bad. Couldn't he have been a little moron and said "I hate that hedgehog" or something a tad more contextical? TOM: Is that a new word? MIKE: Yeah, it's mine. Contextical. TOM: Good one... >he said. >Snively said nothing, neither did packbell andthen >They all sing "Walking Contradiction" by Greenday TOM: I don't think we even have to parody that. CROW: Naah. Leave it as is. >[[[[[[[[[[5 years later]]]]]]]]]]]]]] >It was the last battle with robotnick. MIKE: Sounds like we missed something. >All of mobiuses >freedom fighters had >gathered at Kothole to discuss the plan. >"Here is the plan" said Princess Sally "We sneek into >Robotropolis and sonic >you fight the bots while we blow up the death egg" CROW: [Sally] We will have to be careful as it has been recently hard-boiled, thus becoming much harder to get through. >Sonic walked thrugh the woods with sally. >"Umm sall what about that cybersex" TOM: [Sally] The million Swats kinda ruined the atmosphere. CROW: Whatever happened to the final plan? MIKE: Is it really worth asking? CROW: Bleh. >[[[[[disco music]]]]]] ALL: [hide under seats] >bow-bow-chicka-bow-wowp-chika-chika-bow-bow >Tails: Funky! (dances) disco fever! (sees sonic and >sally) OoOopS!!! sorry TOM: MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!! >The troupe arrived at robotopobis. They stormed the >death egg. >It was and exciting battle ALL: [return to seats] CROW: [SONICFAN] Which, as Supreme God of Bad Writing, I will not let you hear about! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! >but the freedom fighters won >in the end. >Back at Knothole celebration was in order. They >discussed how to fix the >TV station >and antoinne danced and Chis Petrucii sang >the song of the Death >Egg battle MIKE: And there was much rejoicing. BOTS: [low voices] Yay... >Sonic was on a mission dark >to defeat the evil doctor >but he beat him >like he did >and no one was asunder >thunderrr... TOM: I'm really glad there's no music to this. CROW: Personally, I think the thunder was just thrown in to match the asunder that was just thrown in. >SONIC! SUPER SONIC! >he is the hero of our day >SONIC! SUPER SONIC! >let's all say hooray >lats all say hooray MIKE: This fungus can't even spell correctly after spelling an identical sentence right! I need another slice of pizza. [grabs an ice cream cone] TOM: [decides not to say anything] >Bookshire wept at the heartstrung plucking of the guitar. ALL: [yawn] >Tails made up with sally and gave her a hug. CROW: [Tails] [whispered] Bitch. TOM: [Sally] [whispered] Freak. >Everything >was A-OK. >Just then 50 million missels, a million swat bots and >the entre robo brigade >were attacking Knothole. MIKE: There's a tone change for ya. >RObotnick showed up, holding >the off button. >Only >he had the power to stop the attack. Sonic put on his >cybersuit. TOM: And the other FF laughed when he went to that Tron auction. CROW: What's Tron? MIKE: You don't wanna know. >Robotnik walked >into rotors invention hut >sonic followed behind him. >They were both in the >hut sonic attacked with fists of fury! CROW: Hitting Rotor as well! MIKE: For being a jerk earlier! TOM: And also for being fat! >POW! BANG! >SHABOOM! BOOM! KABLAMO! >[[[[[[]]]]]]]] >[][][][][][][] MIKE: Hmmm, we seem to be getting a mix of the Batman show with Rambo. TOM: Sounds much more enjoyable. >"I hope you had the time of your liiiiiiiiife" sang Greenday. CROW: Nope, we didn't. And neither did you guys, judging by your careers. >THE END >Hope you liked my story! Sorry about any spelling >errors. MIKE: Sorry SERIOUSLY doesn't cut it. [Interior of SoL] PEARL: I hope I've broken them down. [sees Mike and the bots] Hey there. [They walk right by, flipping her off.] PEARL: Maybe it wasn't so successful. Oh, well. Back to the pizza. [picks up her taco] Finis Alex Weitzman Sonic90127@frickin'.aol.com NOTICE: "Y'all" is now the contained writer's catchword. Y'all.