Newsgroups: alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog From: anti@spam.com (Johnny Wallbank) Date: 1998/09/01 Subject: MiST Sonic Fights Robotnik Part 5: The almost completely off topic title. Here it is! Lemme know what ya think: sonik.ku@cableol.co.uk ========================================== >The Wait is finally over! Oh I couldn't wait a second longer! >If you haven't read them yet, read the other stories in this series >--------------------- >Sonic Fights Robotnik >Sonic Fights Robotnik 2: The Next Battle >Sonic Fights Robotnik 3: Too Fast For The Naked Eye >Sonic Fights Robotnik 4: Meet Dr. Quack >----------------------- (Note: SFR4 has not been released, lucky us.) I'll put this under 'Stupid idea #42...' Look out for my MiSTs... ---------------------- MiST Sonic Fights Robotnik 3: Too Fast even for the Fully Dressed Eye. MiST Sonic Fights Robotnik 4: This has never been released. MiST Sonic Fights Robotnik 5: The almost completely off topic title. ---------------------- >Look for them on your favorite sonic fan fiction site or get them from >the usenet archive http://www.dejanews.com Sonic Fan is an agent from Deja News! RUN! Or maybe not... >Now, on to the story! Story? What story, if you're referring to the pile of crap below, then that's not a story, that's a pile of crap. >But firts..... What's a 'firts'? Is a 'fur' with a bit more 'fur' on it? >LEGAL STUFF--------- >All Sonic characters in this story such as Sonic, Sally, Tails ect. ect. >ect.ect.etc. are copyright Archie comics and SEGA. Other copyrights such >as Mountain Due, Bevis n Butthead are copyrights of their espective >owners. Sonic Fan does not mean to imply ownership of anything or >anycharacters in this story. >END OF KEGAL STUFF----- MiSTED by Johnny "Sonikku" Wallbank. SPECIAL GUESTS: (In order of appearance.) Louis J.M ^Rowan^ David Bulmer David Bulmer's 42 Purple Chairs. The QuakeGuy. PurpleDay (playing "Running on the Ceiling Contradiction.") And what's a Kegal? Who's Bevis? And what's an ect? >Now for more action SOnic chews through 85,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 SWATbots! >, adventure Uncle Bob shoots the FOCK out of everyone. >, suspense SonicFan wonders whether he should make another fan-fic, world waits in suspense. >and romance I ave cybersex with you. I tink that is a good idea. Yes, I will ave cybersex with you. Were ave all the 'h''s gone anyway? >in.... >SONIC FAN presents.... >A SONIC FAN presentaion of a SONIC FAN Sonic Fan Fiction.... And you can always buy SONIC FAN merchandise and SONIC FAN T-Shirts and clothing, don't forget to stop by for a few nights in the SONIC FAN hotel. Subscribe to the SONIC FAN mailing list now! >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< >SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK 5 >The Good Snivley >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< What happened to the Bad one? The Ugly one was in the more recent issues of the Archie comics... >Uncle Chuck says: >Howdy yall! I'm Uncle chuck! As y'aLl knows, Sonic fights Robotnik and >fights him good. While Robtnik roboticizes you good! As he stated in Part 3. Sonic saved the day AND the TV station in past >adventures. But that clumsey Rotor spilled coffee on the cybersuit one >time, and antoher time he replace the power ring crystal with coffee >crystals! Dumbass! Let's see what sonic and friends are upto now.... We go into Sonic's hut where he is doing something useful. He is eating chocolate. How useful. >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >Robotropolis >What had started as a routine trip to robotropilis to pick up some >sprokets Heck y'all, some of 'em weren't even sprokets! Some were nuts, and some were botls... > and maybe a few chili dogs turned into an explosive battle >involving thousands of SWAT bots and 900 tons of uranium!!! Thus a nuclear war starts and the story ends... you wish. >Sonic was running around bashing bots "Take this stink botz!" said Sonic >Meanwhile Sally and Tails were trying to stop Robotnik from getting the >Urbanium to the nuclear bomb factory. What's Urbanium? It is a Urban version of Uranium? >Sonic buzzsawed throught a row of 10 bots. "hey there" he said to Sally >"Wheres the beefy fat guy" Yummy! I like big fat beefy Robotnik's! MMMmmmmmm. >"No time to talk Sonic" said Sally "Robotnik's pickup truck is almost at >the facility. He's going to make that uranium into bombs!" SHOCK SHOCK HORROR HORROR! >"LET'S FIGHT ROBOTNIK!" said Sonic "YEAH! LET'S FIGHT ROBOTNIK!" Sonic said "YEAH! LET'S DESTROY TANKBOT 42!" Tails yelled. >They started after the truck but they ran into grounder ad scratch! >"Oh fock!" said Tails >"Tails don't day the bad word!" said Sallt YEAH! Go stand in the corner! Bad boy! Do what Sallt says! Don't day that word! Kids today, honestly... >"Huh huh huh huh huh" said Grounder "We have to like...uhhhhh...kick your >ass or someting...uhhh...huh huh..uhhh....pribornibty uhhh..... >hedgehog....ummm hhuh hhuh uhuh huh ... uhhh... 2... or something" "Hey.. er.. huhuhhuh... Scratch, he's like... huhuhu... really gay and stuff. HUhuhuhuhu." "Yeah... errr.. hehehehheehe. They're GAY. Yeah.. hehehe... GAY! Yeah hehehehehehe... err... hey, they're gay too!" >"HHhehhEhehhe YEAH heheh FIRE FIRE!!!" said Scratch >Scratch pulled out a flamethrower and toasted tails! Dinner is served. On today's menu, we have toasted Tails. "I'll have mine medium rare, please." >"Heh, toasty Tails" said Sonic "Oops, I mean, I NEED TO SAVE AILS!" Ails? OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM! YOU BOTS KILLED HIM! YOU BASTARDS! >Sonic threw tails into a big pool of sewage water. I thought you saving Tails? And you don't know who's toilet water that is. He could swimming around through Robotnik's craps or... yuck. >Then he shouted "Hey >sally create a diversion!" Just like that? You're bossy, Sonic! >"ok" said Sally "Um...I am a squirtrel" Great diversion! Lying and saying you're a squirtel. I thought Sally was a squirrel. >"Really" said Scratch "Heh hehehheh cool hehehh hehh n heh" Strangely enough, it worked. >Sonic sneeked up behind the 2 bots and buzzsawed scratch's head off, >which he used to beat Grounder into a metallic polp. Grounder's head ----VS.---- Scratch's head. >"This SUCKS" said Grounder Sucks what? No, on second thoughts, I don't want to know. >"Heh heheh hehhe nhehehh nehehehehehheheh hneheheneheh ummm yeah" said >Scratch But Scratch got decapitated, shouldn't he lose the ability to talk? >But a SWAT boat was chasing after Tails! Yes, that's what you get when sitting in sewage water for too long. SWATbot's turn into boats, and you feel small. And stuff. >"Help me Sonic!" asked Tails "The boat is going to catch me!" Swim for your life! >Sonic jumped in and saved Tails at the last second and then did a >hoverski spindash manuever. The boat crashed into the shore and blew up Explosive stuff. >"KABLAMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" said Sonic "MEGA- >BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" >"BIG KRASHY BOOOOM BOOOOM BANNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!!- Batman meets the Demolotion man. And what exactly is Sonic on? >"Sonic shut the hell up!" said Sally *BEEP*, you are fined 1 credit for the violation of verbal abuse. >"Oh, sorry" said Sonic "Now let's stop that truck!" Which is now only 42.42 seconds from being turned into nukes! >"Here sonic!" said Tails, helpfully "Eat this power ring so you'll go >super fast!" HmmmMMMMM! I like power rings. (Cut to restruant scene.) "Sally, do you want a bit of my power ring." Sonic says, as he eats a bit off. "Ohhh... hehehehe, OH BUGGER IT! LET'S HAVE CYBERSEX!!!" (Very quickly cut back to main 'plot'. >"Tails I don't eat power rings..... Exactly! >hey that gives me and idea" pondered sonic >>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< >Nuclear Bomb Factory >"Hhahahahahahaha!" said Robotnik "HAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!! I am >going to make some big nukes! And some small ones, and some medium sized ones... heck y'all, some of them aren't even nukes at all! >Soon I will secure control of mobius and >then THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS SHALL DIE! MUHAUHAHAHAHHAHAH!!! MY most >ingenious plan yet It cannot possibly FAIL!!! It's a very boring plan. I could think of a better one. AHHAHAHAHAHHAH >HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEEE!!! Haha Make your mind up... either go: "Lalalala LALA ALALA DUN DUN DUN WALKING CONTRADICTION!!!!" Or: "HAhaAhAHAHAhAHAhaAhAHAHAhAHAhaAhAHAHAhAHAhaAhAHAHAhAHAhaAhAHAHAhAHAhaAhAHAHAhA!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha" > is this not my most ingenoius plan yet No. >....ummmm....hey none of my badnik assistants are here. >I forgot, Snivley is dead, Boohoohohooohoooooo. Me upset. Me go cry lots now. Me pound head against something. Booohooohooo. > Dr. Quack is in the freezer ...Pervy old Robotnik has been studying ducks when they're frozen. Oo-er! > and Grounder and Scratch are probably dismantled again. PROBABLY! I BET YOU THEY HAVE! UHHHHHHH! FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!! >Oh well I'll just eat a tasty donut or 2,,,or 3 or 78" Remember: You can eat up to 42 donut's safely, the 43rd one will kill you. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!! >But little did robotnik know, during his speech to no one Sonic put the >power ring into the donut box. How does a small donut box like that manage to fit in 72? Or even 42 for that matter... > Robotnik picked up the ring and took a bite out of it. He got electrocuted. Oh, so Power Rings conduct electricity do they? Especially well with teeth then... >"AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE!!!" said Robotnik. Hey..... HEY! YOU'RE NOT A SONIC FAN! YOU'RE A POWER RANGERS FAN! KILL HIM! > He threw the donut away and it landed in the back of the pickup truck, which unfortunately for >robotnik, caused a chemical reaction with the uranium truning it into harmless salt rock. How fortunate! Why didn't Sonic put the power ring on the uranium anyway? And what does SonicFan know about chemistry anyway? >"NOooooooooo!" said Robotnik "NOooOOOooOOOOoOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOoOOOoOoOoOOO!" SaId RoboTniK.... "My evil plan =that could not possibly fail Me + Plan + Evil = My evil plan My evil plan = that could not possibly fail I thought SonicFan was good at Chemistry! >has failed! I hate you sonic! Curse you hedgehog! You go to hell! You go >to hell and you die!" That's the 42nd time you've cursed him to hell. >"Ha ha nyah nyah" said Sonic "I beat robotnik and his stooououuupid plan >neener neener neeeeener" Sonic turns into a ignorant, selfish, childish 2 year-old. >"Dammit Sonic, shut the hell up!" SAID Sally "Yeah!" SAID Rotor "Yeah!" SAID Tails "....." SAID Bunnie who was looking at the harmless salt rocks and stating they're age, shape, colour, what they actually were... >So sonic did it, >and they went back to knothole >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< >Knothole Vivvge Welcome to........ KNOTHOLE VIVVGE! >It was a tranquil and not too buzy day as Knothole was having a huge >celebation for their heroes, Sonic, Tails, and Princess Sally of the >Eleborate House of Acorn. OH MY GOD! SONICFAN USED A BIG WORD AND _NEARLY_ SPELT IT CORRECTLY! (Unless that's the American spelling, in which case, I take that back.) It's 'Elaborate', Sonic Fan, but being as ignorant as you are to our kind words of wisdom, you'll probably go spelling it 'Eylabyrate' or 'Ehlbrate' or 'ELABorat' >"yaaay" said the citizens of knothole while they sat around a campfire Such enthusiasm! >and sonic gave a speech on the stump >Sonic said "Well It's been a while since I've been here. I haven't been >here since the episode "Hooked on Sonics" where I fought the shredder. TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES.... suck almost as much as Power Rangers, but they have more plot, you see... >But I faced a more dangerous undertaking. I fought bots bots and more >bots before finally outwitting Robotnik in a clever plan of logic Logic??? > and cunning. CUNNING?!??! >I'd like to thank all who helped, namely Sally and Tails. How about you folks come on up here" Preeeeeeeeesenting 'Sonic the Gameshow!' And here's your host.... SONIC THEEEEEEEEEE HEDEGHOG! >the audiance gave a round of applause Clap. Clap. Clap. >"Thyank you Thank you" said Tails "As usual I did everything" Yeah! You swam about in Robotnik's crap, drank it, swilled in your mouth and drank some more!! >THe audiace laughed at the joke Joke? What joke? The audiace need to learn some real jokes! >Then Sally walked on stage. >"yaaay woohooo clap clap" went the audience. Yay. Woohoo. Clap. Clap. Hmm... not far off what I was expecting. >As in episode 4 of the Sat AM series sally gave sonic a kiss on the >cheek. Then sonic said "Hey sal you call that a kiss. Now THIS is a kiss" >Sonic and Sally did the miost passion-oriented kiss in the whole series >all over again *Sonikku fast forwards the tape, but it keeps rewinding... and Antoinne said "EEEuuEEEWWW Ze HEDGEHOG EESS SOEEK DE >CAPRIO StEEnnnAY POO POOOOOOOooEEWWW!!!!" EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwww­wwwwWWWWWWWWWw wwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWwwwwwwwWWWWWWwwwwwwWwWWwWWWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw­WwW.... >Then SexHog (from alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog) said "LeT'Z see SoMe CyBerSeX!! >I wAnt SoMe GoOd LoOkIn piCs!" Then Louis J.M (from alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog) leapt in and said: "YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Or something." >Sonic said "No way, ho-zay. We don't do that public cybersex thing. at >least not recently" WOOP! >"DAMMIT SONIC SHUT UP!" said Sally and she salped him YEAH! GO ON SALLY! SALP HIM! >"Ow" went sonic Such enthusiasm! >Sally left the game with 1 frag. >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >Sonic's Hut >Tails walks in ... then leaves the game with 0 frags. =) >"Hey Tails what's up" said Sonic The sky. >"Oh nothing. Hey I think your relationship with sally is going kind of >bad" said Tails Just because he salped Sonic after Sonic goes: "HEY EVERYONE! COME INTO OUR HUT! WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO HAVE CYBERSEX! No not you Louis!" >"Well she does keep telling me to shut up" said Sonic You've been hangin around Bunnie too long, haven't you? >"Maybe you should see a marriage counsellor" said Tails "My uncle Trey >Prower is a marriage counsellor" "Nah, my Uncle Kenny is good at stuff like that. And Auntie Jean, and my long-lost Uncle Trevor, OH! And Mr. Nutz!" >"But we're not married!" said Sonic "At least I don't think we are but we >might be. I forget" On second thoughts, maybe you HAVEN'T been hanging around Bunnie... >JUST THEN ROTOR JUMPS UP THROUGH THE FLOOR OF THE HUT! THEN HE JUMPED THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE HUT! (What comes up, must come down) JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE HUT! (And then proceeds to fall down that hole he created when he jumped through the floor of the hut. Rotor tries again.) JUST THEN ROTOR JUMPS UP THROUGH THE FLOOR OF THE HUT! (And goes through the hole in the roof...) JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE HUT! (And so on...) >"AUUUUGHGHGHHGHGHHGHGHHHTTHHH WOOOOBOOOOGIE!!!!" said Rotor Rotor, was of course, jamming to the 'HEAVY STEAM METAL BANG SMACK OW BIFF WALLOP DAMN THAT'S GOOD GONE INSANE MEGA HYPER SUPER ALPHA BETA STREET FIGHTER II ZERO I GAMMA IV GOUKI SPECIAL EDITION REVISION III' music. >"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" yelled sonic "Jeez rotor DON'T DO THAT!" "AURHUGAUGHAUHGAUHGAUHGAUGHUAGHUAHUAUAUAGUHTHTHT BOOGIE ON DOWN TO THE HEAVY METAL BETA FUNK YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Sorry Sonic, what did you say?" >"Oh, sorry" said Rotor "But Knothole is in big trouble!" "SONIC! LOOK OUT FOR THE SWAT MISSEL!" ROtor said. "Goddamit! Stop changing your name!!" S0nIc yelled. "You first!" RotOr said. "You've done it again... oh yeah, the SWAT missel." Sonic stepped back, and the missile destroyed the hut, Sonic, Tails and Rotor are somehow still alive. "I wish Robotnik would stop throwing missels through my window!" SONic yelled. "I could talk to him nicely and ask him to throw missiles through your window instead." ROtar said "That's nice RotAOLr." Said SonIC. >Sonic said "Looks like i need to save teh day!!" Rotor then spent 5 years researching what the word 'teh' meant. >"sweet" said Rotor ... as he went into his 6th year of research. >"Anyways as I was saying" said Rotor "Knothole is under attack we're all >going to DIE!!!" OH MY GOD! THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! >oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh >no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no" *Rotor was kicked by ^Rowan^ (Flood) >Rotor exited the hut by jumping through a wall. Close enough. >Sonic ran outside andd saw THE ENTIRE VILLIAGE OF KNOTHOLE BURNING DOWN >AND IN TOTAL CHAOTIC-NESS!!!! >Antoinne was running away from his burning hut, a TANKbot was destroying >stuff, A normal one, or that one from Part 3? > Grounder and Scratch were riding on heat-seeking missles DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RIDE HEAT-SEEKING MISSILES AT... Wait a minute, Rotor spoke to Robotnik! He's now shooting the 'not-as-deadly- as-missels-but-more-deadly-than-missiles' missile, known as a missle! >, super mario and friends were driving go-karts all over the place Then David Bulmer, and his 42 Purple Chairs arrived at the scene. "STOP!" Yelled David. Everything stopped. "I, quite honestly, see no point in this feud, I say Mario and Sonic, make peace and we stop flaming each other, yes, that includes riding around on go carts, instead, let's change the topic. AND TALK ABOUT ABBY!!! *B^D *B^D *B^D "I phoned *B^D Abby *B^D *B^D *B^D up last week..... I went *B^D with Abby *B^D to ......*B^D *B^D *B^D." David continued until the village... sorry, vivvge was burnt down, and sadly, he died along with his 42 Purple Chairs. >and Ken Penders was standing in the town square shooting at freedom fighters >with a machine gun. But he was shot in Part 3! >"Help me, I am in danger!" cried Jackerey Prower. So's everyone else! Wait your bloody turn! >"Hmmmmm" thought Sonic "I can save the villiage, all I need is a power >ring!" Yeah! Eat it! EAT IT! >Just then Sonic remembered that Rotor had the power crystal in his lab to >clean the coffee stains off it. Rotor does this on delibrately doesn't he? First of all he pours coffee over Sonic's cyber-suit, then kicks Sonic's door down... Then pours coffee over the power crystal, then knocks down Sonic's hut, then leap through the floor (and roof) of the hut... >Sonic ran to the lab dodging bots and other such mayham. Such attention to detail! >>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< >Rotor's Lab >JUST THEN SONIC BROKE DOWN THE DOOR IN EMERGENCY!!! This hut smashing thing is getting intense! >"Sonic!" said Rotor "That was very rude! You shouldn't destroy my hut >like that!" You're one to speak aren't you Rotor after you destroy his hut at least twice, pour coffee over his suit, and I thought Rotor was busy running around and in a total panic? >"Soory" said Sonic "But I need the power crystal" "No need to be soory Sonic.... It's OK..." >"Ah knows why ya needs it shuggahawg." said Bunnie "Ya'll needs a power >ring to fight them dangers outside. Uh oh... She's becoming observant... > Aw heck all yall some of em are bots, NOOOOO! >and some of em are missles ARGGHHHHHHH! NGGGGGGGG! MUST NOT LET HER CONTROL ME!!! > and some of em are fires ...... > and some of em are falling debris. I.. must... some of 'em are... not.... heck y'all.... control.... > Heck all y'all some of em aren't even dangerous at all!" Yeah... does that include that 20 tonne weight above ya head... Oh wait y'all... that's not a weight. *Sonikku studies it... ............ >"maybe you should get the crystal Bunnie" said Rotor "You see, I'm >drinking coffee right now and when I have coffee around our impotant >devices something bad usually happens. So I'll just throw this coffee >away just so nothing bad will happen" That's THE top thing to do in a near death situation... DRINK COFFEE! >Rotor tossed the coffee cup over5 his shoulder. Just drink it, or chuck it on the floor! >Sonic saw it and said (in slow motion) SonicFan goes to SlowMotion Land. > "NoOOOOOOoOOooOOoOOoO!!!" Not AnoTheR OnE Of TheSe BOUncY bItS OF TeXT. > as the cup went flying twords the crytal. Never mind the crytal, what about the crystal? > Sonic jumped to catch it but it was too late. Sonic is supposed to be the fastest thing alive.. > The cup smahed into the power crystal. The crystal started sparking >And that's when things went, for lack of a better word, >bahoogallyroogaly. David Bulmer would be proud of that word. >>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >Dimensional Portal >Sonic is sucked through a dimensional portal. What an (un)exciting, yet extremely short chapter! >>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< >Twinkie-Mart 5:05 AM Does the time actually matter? >"WWAAAAHHHHHH OOOOOFOFOFFFFF" sonic said as he landed in a pile of >twinkies A pile of what? >*Where am I* he thought >*I must be in another dimenson* thought sonic Very good, Sonic!! As a matter of fact, how DID you manage to deduce it, you're becoming almost as observant as Bunnie... >Just then Sonic saw a bot that looked like a swatbot but it had a red >star on it's chestplate Is that one of these 'twinkies' that Sonic keeps falli- JUST THEN ROTOR JUMPS THROUGH A PILE OF TWINKIES!!! And the Dimentional Portal above him takes him back to Mobius. >"DRROOOONNNE" went the bot "SCANNING...BEEP BEEP BIP >BOOP...EENNHHH...RESULT IS NYET NYET NYET NYET? Is that some new designer label, like 'Carved Incline'? Or 'Joesphine Bloggs'? Or 'Add Did Dad's' (For children under the age of 2.50293029102 seconds of age) ...MUST DESTROY THING" SWAT1:Hey SWUT2, what that? SWAT1 point to picture in picture book with hdeghog in it. SWAT2: Ah dnno. SWAT1: Its a fing is not it? SWAT2: FOCK ye! SWAT1: Whun did u turn Scot-ish? SWAT2: FOCK ye! Since now ye' wee mangy dog! I'll FOCKING well blow ya wee lil' head off! SWAT: Oh dairy. >The bot fired on Sonic! Sonic dodged gunfire Because the SWATbot was an incredibly bad shot. > and exploding twinkeis "Now class..." Said Ms. Prickering "Pay attention! Always read the safety labels on just about everything. For example, look at this packet of 'Twinkies'." She continued. All the children look at the packet, except "What do you see?" She asked the child who was staring into space. "Me and SexHog, in a bed, lights out, moon shining, clothes off..." The child said, shifting around in his chair widly. "Louis J.M! Stop having fantasies of you and SexHog!" Ms. Prickering yelled sternly. "BUT I HAVEN'T GOT ANY FRIENDS!" Louis burst into tears. The class groaned again. Just then however... SWAT2 FELL THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE CLASSROOM! "FOCK YE, YE DAFT CHILD, YE, I OUGHT TA SHOOT YE WHERE YE STAND!" And he did. Louis died where he stood. Back to the MiST. >and jumped out the window!!!!!!! Then a helicopter was shooting at sonic. Do I get the impression that is ripping off an action movie? >Sonic ran to the intersection but another helicopter was headed right for >him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??? >Suddenly a red convertible hit sonic from behind! Then a areoplane crashed into him! Then a 20 tonne anvil fell on his head! Then a lorry-load of harmless salt-rocks, then a whole forest... and he still survived. >Sonic rolled over the hood and into the passenger seat. Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'... >VRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOMMMM SCREEEE VRRRMM VRRRMMM >VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM NNNNRRYRRRRRRRRRRRRRR >VRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM This isn't Grand Theft Auto y'know! >"Oof. Who are you." said Sonic >"My name's Prower, Miles Prower" said the fox that looked exactly like Fames' Pond. >Tails Close enough. >"What you doing" said Sonic "I'm driving little red convertible's into people." he said. >"I was saving your life from those RED bots. Now hold on because I'm >going to drive the car really fast now" said Miles "And hopefully hit lots of elderly women too." Miles put his foot to the pedal. >SCCCCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the car makes a sharp turn to avoid helicopter >fire. Then a taxi is driving head on at the car. The bot driver fires his >machine gun at Tails. Tails ducks. Dammit! Those bots don't like visitors, do they? >"Say who are you anyways. I haven't seen you before" said Mils Mils, was of course, in the back seat all the time. >"My name is Sonic T. Hedgehog. I'm from another dimension. Sort of like >on that TV show Furry Sliders" said Sonic Sonic Fan will invent a "Furry Wheel Of Fortune" next! >Mileses car rams the taxi into a mailbox Oh! No Mileses is in the scene, ey? What about Milles, Miels and Biles. >"I've never heard of that show" said Miles "Why not?" Asked Sonic "I'm a monk living on a 20ft mountain. Just enough to discourage the mailman sending us any post. And being a monk, I don't believe in TVs." >"You don't have that show here? What about furry South Park, or Furry >Beavis and Butthead?" asked Sonic And 'Furry Simpsons' and 'Furry Power Rangers' and 'Furry Sonic SATam..' >"No none of those either" said Tails "Is it fun being a monk?" >"This is a strange Mobius" said Sonic "To me, that is" "But then, so must being a monk." He added. >A robo jeep was chasing the car. Which just came from nowhere. > Miles pushed a button Which also came from nowhere. > and the car dropped landmines That landmine launcher had also come from nowhere. >on the road that blew up the jeep. KABLOOMO!!! They obviously have 'Furry Demolition Man' here... > The jeep rolls over and bots go flying. Then turn into pigs. >"Now hold on" said Miles "We have to get over the Robolin Wall" >"The what?!?" said Sonic >"The robolin wall. It seperates Robotskia from The Great Country. Wait >you probably don't know about that." No doubt, of course this is Mobuissa >Miles slammed on the gas. Then dropped a match. Miles exploded. >VRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM HHHHHEEEYYYYYYYYY, SOOOOOOOOOONNNNIIIIIIICCCCCC FAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN LIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKEEEEESSSSSSSSS DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIING THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. >The car hit a ramp and went flying over the wall. The bots in the guard >tower were surprised. Wouldn't you be surprised? >"Oofy" said Sonic as the car landed on the other side and bounced a few >times "That's kind of a stupid place to put a ramp" Which just came out of nowhere... this universe seems to li- *Sonikku gets hit by a 20tonne anvil that comes out of nowhere. >"Yes. I suppose it is" said Miles "Well I'll havve to explain what's >going on when we get to Knothole City" >"Knothole CITY?" said Sonic "Sweet" No, the water there is mostly sour. Hard luck. =) >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< ))))))))))(((((((((( >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} [[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]] -------------------- >Knothole City, The Great Defense Department >The car drove into the parking garage at 190 mph. Then crashed into another car, as, you're meant to park slowly... NOTGOAT190MPHANDLOOKOUTTHERESANOTHERCARTHEREOHITSTOOLATETOOSTOP. Boom. REMEMBER: IT MAY NOT BE THE COOL THING TO DO, BUT IT'S THE SMART THING! >SCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCHHHHH went the car as Miles slammed on the >brakes. 190mph-0mph in 5 years! >"That was fast" said Sonic "But not THIS fast" >Sonic ran around on the walls of the garage and said "Yaa WOOOO JUICIN >JAM PAST COOOL YAA WO OOW WOOO!!!!!" OK, 2 things. 1- If Sonic can run faster than the car, why doesn't he just run away on his own, without using the damn car 2- Was Sonic insulting me back then when he was going "WOOO JUICIN JELLY AND JAM! YEAH! And stuff." >Miles said, amazedly "Bloody amazing Sonic! How do you do that?" I drank some gas earlier. I also took some LSD. >"I dunno" said Sonic Well, you do, but you can't be bothered to tell him. >>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >Elevator >"Ok now tell me stuff about this dimension" said Sonic to Miles Who passed it onto Sally, who passed it onto to Rotor, who passed onto Bunnie, who passed onto no-one, as she was looking outside at the state of the eco-system, age of the planet, pointing out natural disasters and others sorts of chaos... >Miles said "Well you had the Great War in your dimension so I'll start >there. After the Great War Julian had won control of lots of land. But >instead of Giving it to the government of the Great Continent he kept it >and formed his own country. It is called Robotskia and it has a botunism >system of government. What that means is that all citizens have to do >whatever the bots say. Julian was just an alias however, and once he had >his own country he started calling himself by his real name Robo Shlobo >Robotnik." >Miles continued "But Robotniks nephew Snivley betaryed Robotnik to stop >him from taking over the whole continent. He is a hero and is the leader >of the Great Secret Service. Everyone calls him The Good Snivley." >Miles went on "The members of our highest deparment are parraell to >people in you universe. I am a secret agent, Dulcy is and invention >maker, Rotor is a chef, Bunnie is another agent, and Antoinne is a >useless secretary guy" Uh? Oh... OK. Boring origin story over... >"What about Sally?" asked Sonic "Sally? Or Sallt? Well, she salps the office workers and has cybersex with almost everyone. >"Sally? Here we call her EvilSally. SHe is Robotnik's wife." said Miles "SHe is? Does he get salps from him? And what about Sallt." >"PUUUHHHHHHHUWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!?!?!" said Sonic At least he's not doing AAANNNN ATOIEEWWWWWW POOOOooeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWW EEEEEE EEWWWWWWWWWWW! >"ok then" said Sonic "What about Sir Charles" >"Who?" said Miles "The big gray robot who acts really out of character in the introduction at the top of this crap... I mean, fanfic. >"Uncle Chuck?" said Sonic >"Oh, Uncle Chuck, he is the leader of Robotnik's Janitor Squadron" said >Miles "I still wanna know about Sallt." >"In my dimension Uncle Chuck made the power crystal so maybe here he made >a power crystal too!" said SOnic That's what 32nd Century Janitors do, make power crystals in their spare time. >"Hey! You're right!" said Miles "If we could get it you could go back >home and we could use it to BATTLE ROBOTNIK!" said Miles And use it to place coffee mugs on 'em! >"That's FIGHT ROBOTNIK" said Sonic You mean, Sonic's aware in he's in a fanfic? Coo-ee. "Ooops i forgot i in orther dimensin" No, you're in another dimension. >The elevator stopped at the top floor What elevator? Where'd this come from? >>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >Super Secret Great Department If it's Super Secret, why's Miles showing Sonic around? >Sonic n' Miles stepped out of the elevator. Miles introduced Sonic. >"This is sonic he's from another dimension" "No, I come from another dimensin." Sonic corrected Tails. "No you're not! You told me you came from another dimension!" Tails pointed angrily at Sonic "DIMENSIN!" "DIMENSION!" "DIMENSIN!" "DIMENSION!" "DIMENSIN!" "DIMENSION!" >"Hello there!" said Dulcy >"Hey there Sonic" said Chef Rotor "I hear that dimensioal travel is like >making sweet love to a beutiful woman" "Errr... I'm scared of him..." Sonic backed away from Rotor. >Rotor Sang >I wanna make love to you wo-man By goin' on irc, and saying OI! NO! I WANT CYBERSEX! NOOOOOWWWW! >I'm gonna lay you down by the fire And then get burnt by those lil' flames. OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOW! >make sweet lo lo lo lo lovvee bay-be >"Howdy y'all!" said Bunnie "I all has been a-sortin these diffrent >colored paperclips" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T BE OBSERVANT! >"Aren't you going to say something else?" said Sonic You idiot! Don't remind her, she might of forgotten! >"Now heck y'all why y'all all the heck woual ah say somethin else about >paperclis. wha you all think ah'd do tell y'all the colors of em?" said >Bunnie WOOHOO! SHE FORGOT! SHE'S NOT BEING OSERVANT! PARTY! >"Guten Tag Herr Hedgehog!" said Antoinne "Ish benen der hugentugnen das >Ropotnik und you eshcaped with Herr Prower! Hugengannooten! Uber Shoober >Kooten Guber!" Antoine ist ein dickwad, mate. Especialy when he speaks in that feeble attempt to speak German. >"I still can't understand anything he says" said Sonic Do you speak German? No. So thus, you can't understand him. CLEVER SONIC! >"Now let's go meet The Good Snivley" said Miles >>>>>>><<<<<<<< >Snivley's Office >"Hello! Sonic! Hello There! That's twice you've said hello with only one word seperating the two... >" said Snivley "I heard you fight robotnik in your universe too! >Righto mate! Smashing! Maybe you can help us too!" What a pathetic attempt to speak like someone from Liverpool. >"Sure!" said Sonic "If it involves fighting Robotnik count me in" 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...42 >JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING! He wanted to be counted in. And he was very desperate too. >"You GuYS!!" said Rotor > "uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh" Rotor was kicked by ^Rowan^ (Flood). >"Rotor! Get ahold of yourself man!" sadi Miles "Just tell us whats going >on" Oh, so he was speaking oh-ian then? Oh uh oh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh huh huh humph oh ho. >"OK" said Rotor >FLASHBACK >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >Robotskia Tower >"Why hello my dearest Sally." said Robotnik "Did you know that soon I >will control the entire continent?" "How?" "I will rig the latest lottery results so that I WIN!!!! Teehehee!" >"You always say that" said Sally >"But this time I have a failproof plan! One that cannot fail in any >possible manner!" said Robotnik "Does it involve Urbanium, Uranium and nukes varying widly in size?" "Yes." >"Yeah and then agent double-o-Tails will show up and ruin it" said Sally >"But not this time!" said RObotnik "This time it cannot fail in any >possible way, manner, or suggestion!" "What if the world ends?" "Good point." >"What you going to do?" asked Sal >"I will drop a nuke on Knothole City" said Robotnik "That'll learn em!" "Why didn't you just tell me. I already knew it involved nukes." "Stop making good points." >"Better than average plan" said Sally >"In fact I am going to the base myself to assure success in this plan." >said Robotnik Robotnik then built a base around himself. "See! I based myself, especially for youuuuu....... now gimme a snog." Sallt burst into the room, salped Sally and Robotnik, then left. >Robotnik hit some buttons on a communication terminal and was sued for being excessively violent to a communication terminal. > Grounder and Scratch apperared on the screen. Grounder was wearing >a top hat and went to Hollywood. >holding a cane. Scratch was wearing an eyeglass thing and holding a cup >of tea. He didn't actually drink it, it was just supposed to be the latest trend at the moment. >"'ello there govner!" said Grounder "Jolly good weather today isn't it?" Oh deah, I can see most of Mobius' pouplation pretending to speak like Liverpoolians... and failing miserably. >"Here here!" said Scratch "I agree quite jolly good indeed" VERY miserably. >"Scratch and I were drinking tea and eating strumpets while awaiting >further instruction. I assumes that you called to give us the further >instruction guvaner?" said Grounder "DID SOMEONE SAY MUFFINS!?!" Louis J.M burst into the office. "HAVE A MUFFIN GROUNDER!" Louis J.M stuffed a muffin in Grounder's mouth. "HAVE A MUFFIN SALLY!" Louis J.M stuffed a muffin in Sally's mouth. "HAVE A MUFFIN NUCLEAR MISSILE!" Louis J.M tried to give the Nuke a muffin, but set it off in the process, the nuke exploded, killing Louis J.M instantly, while leaving everyone else in the room alive. >"Hhahhahahaha!" said Robotnik Yeah, watching people explode IS pretty funny. >"Ahoy there whats so bleedin' funny" said Scratch That's the second worst pun EVER. >"Shutup and initiate plan MEGA-NUKEM 24b" said Robotnik Involving the use of nuclear missile, Robotnik, however, luckily had another 55 backups. Lucky him. >"Righto mate" said Grounder Austrailian now? What a terrifying Mobius! >But little did anyone know, Rotor had bugged the room and was sitting on >the roof listening to the entire conversation! Not only does Rotor destroy huts, he also eavesdrops on your conversations! >"Time to leave!" said Robotnik >JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING! AND THEN FELL THROUGH THE NEXT FLOOR! AND THE NEXT ONE! AND THE NEXT ONE! AND THE NEXT ONE! AND THE NEXT ONE! AND THE NEXT ONE! AND THE NEXT ONE! etc. >"What the fock?" said Robotnik Rotor walked up Robotnik and salped him. "Don't day the bad word!" He yelled. >"Uhh roof repair man" said Rotor "LOOK! IN THE SKY!" "IT'S A BIRD!" "IT'S A PLANE!" "IT'S A QUAKEGUY ROCKET JUMPING!" "IT'S... Oh, it's only Roof Repair Man." >"Hmmm It does need repairing" said Robotnik "Carry on" You gullible twit! >"That's no roof repair man!" said Sally "That's Chef Rotor of the Great >Secret Service!" See! Your wife is less gullible than you! You moron! >Sally pulled out a chaingun and Shot down the flying QuakeGuy then she >shot at rotor. ROtor danced a little jig because he was Irish and had just finished drinking 10 gallons of beer. >to avoid the bullets and then ran like flippin eck. Yeah, he ran like flippin eck. Oh eck, he ran, flipping eck, ey up, it's our kid from down the road! I'll have him! >Robotnik said over the announcment system "Ateention all RED bots! The RED bots jumped to ateention. >Intruder alert priority Red-1. Kill walrus now!" HE IS IN SECTOR [3, -2], CODE ALPHA, CHARLIE CETA MEXICAN FLAVOURED BERITAS, WE NEED FULL RECON GEORGE, AND I MEAN NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! >In an action-packed escape sequence rotor escapes the bot filled building >and steals a helicopter. It gets shot down but rotor bails out and falls >though the roof of the Great Secret Service building. WHAT A THRILLING ACTION-PACKED ESCAPE SEQUENCE!!! >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<< >END OF FLASHBACK RETURN TO CRAP... I MEAN, STORY. >"And that's what happened" saidRotor "Wow, did it REALLY happen." saidTails. "No, sorry, I lied." saidRotor. >"BOH! WHAAA?!? GRRGRRRRGHGHHHHHHEEEE?!?!" Said Snivley "SNIVLEY?! WHAT'S WRONG?!" Tails asked. "GRRGHGRHHRHGRHGHRGHWHEEEEEEE!!!" Sinvley pointed at the toilets. "Oh no! Not again!" Rotor salped his head. "What? WHAT?!" Sonic asked. "This always happens, Bunnie goes to the toilet, but ends up being observant at the door. Snivley gets constipated and this happens. It can take anything up to 3 weeks for Bunnie to get bored." Rotor explained. "GHEHRHRHRHRHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Snivley rolled about the floor, clutching his butt. >"No prob Sniv dewd we'll stop Robotnik" said Sonic "GERRERHERHER!" Snivley replied. >"Jolly good show!" said Snivley who had somehow recovered from his constipation. "Miles, you Sonic and Bunnie go stop the Robotnik nuke plan!" "I can't, Bunnie's in the toilet being observant." Sonic said. >Sonic said "It's ORANGE BANNANA WHAM BAM SLAM FLAM BING BHAM BOOM BOOM >BOOGALOO ROCKEM SOCKEM ROLLY POLY WHAK DANG DING DANg WALLA WALLA JUICE >TIME!!!!" Is that supposed to be an insult? MOM! SONIC JUST CALLED ME AN ORANGE BANNANA WHAM BAM SLAM FLAM BING BHAM BOOM BOOM BOOGALOO ROCKEM SOCKEM ROLLY POLY WHAK DANG DING DANg WALLA WALLA!! >"what?" said Miles Yeah, what is it anyway? >>>>>>>><<<<<<< >The Great Ocean >Sonic Miles and Bunnies are in a boat thats going en route to the secret >aircraft carrier base. Which is going at a peaceful 1mpy (miles per year) >Miles jumped the boat up onto the aurcraft carrier I thought they were going after the aircraft carrier? > but just then it was blown up by a rocket launchin RED bot! Oh no, not the RED bots. We're doomed! > They all jump out and action packed fighting ensues! In the middle of the sea? >SOnic shoots bots with his gun SOnic just happened to have a gun in the boat that was just lying around. > while Miles and Bunnie shoot from behind And hit SOnic, and Sonic. >and airpl;ane! What the hell's an airpl;ane? >Sonic attracts laster fire And other metals. > and Miles and Bunnies kill the bots. BOOOOM ZOOOOm >ZOOOM goes sonic KABLAM BANG BANG DRROOONNNNAarrrgggg I beg your pardon? >Bot with a machine gun DIE DIE DIE!!!!! This really doesn't make much sense... > Miles blows it to bitz! Blows WHAT to bitz?! >Sonic spin dashes 20 bots And the other 20,000,000 as well. > "Well I guess thats all the bots" said he "Indeed, Lord Sonic, and Lord SOnic!" Said he, Miles Prower. >But one more bot he had to fight! WIIEIEEEE SHPAK!!!! Sonic kicked it >down. it died. Bots cannot 'die', bots aren't 'living' so thus, can't 'die'. You 'see'? >The threesome blasts open the door and go into the control tower. This fanfic is rated an MA-20,000,000 about now. >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< >Control Tower, Control Room Control Centre, Control Hexagon, Control Basement, Control Cupboard, Control Light Switch. >"Doo doo doo" Robotnik then sings "Running on the Ceiling Contradiction" by PurpleDay >said Robotnik "Everything is going to plan" said Robotnik, Then the world ended, putting somewhat of a halt to Robotnik's plans. >not paying any attention to the video monitor "I think I'll pass the time >by jamming to some barber shop music" Published of course, by PURPLEDAY! >RObotnik put in his barbershop CD and did air guitar while singing "Hello >my honey hello my baby hello my rag time gaaaaaaalllllllllllll" "I WANNA HAVE CYBERSEX WITH YOUUUUUUUU!" >>>>>>>><<<<<<< >Control TOwer >"Let's go up these staris" said Miles "Because we have to to get to the >control room" DUUHHHHHHH! >"OK" said Sonic "That won't be too hard" Then the whole group gets paralysed >So they walk up the stars walk walk walk but then huGe drills come out of >the walls! NOT THE huGe DRILLS! THEY'LL DIE FOR SURE! >"AHhhh YALL LOOK OUT MAH STARZZ?!?!" said Bunnie, (yelled). "THE STARS?!?!" said Sonic, (yelled). Sonic looks out the window and at the stars. "HOW'D IT GET DARK SO QUICKLEY?!?!" Said Miles, (yelled). "AH DON'T KNOW! BUT HECK Y'ALL, SOME OF 'EM AIN'T EVEN STARS! SOME OF 'EM ARE SUPERNOVAS, SOME OF THEM ARE SUNS, HECK Y'ALL, SOME OF 'EM ARE PLANETS!!!" Said Bunnie, (yelled). >They dodged drills while diving up the stairs and blasted open a door and >came face to face with Grounder and Scratch! 3 on 2 is hardly fair... >Ok I'll shoot them >said >(Sonic) OK, (Sonic), that sounds like a good idea said (Miles) >"Oh jolly good it is those enemy blokes!" said Scratch Oh no! They're still forgien hybrids! >"D'oH! I dropped my gun in the stairs!" said SOnic SOnic managed to get up the stairs too? And did Sonic remember his gun? >"Me too" said Miles >"Me y'all 3" said Bunnie Remind me not to let them look after my guns... >Scratch kicked Miles out the door. Bunnie fights Scratch with ninja-kung- >fu!HAIIIYA!! WIEEE SPAK WWWOOOOAHAHHHHHAAAAA HAIE HAIE HAIE SHOYROUKEN! >HASTOMAKAROUKAT! "OH LOOK! SOME GEMS!" Bunnie stopped ninja-kung-fu fighting and began being observant. >"ow" wnet Scratch Aha! So we know Scratch uses WNET for an ISP... >YEAHOO! Han Solo is in this? What about Chewie! >SOnic was fighting Grounder. Grounder swings his cane but sonic jumps >over it a few time But lands into a few arcade machines placed convientally behind him. >and ducks a few times and then finally knoks it out of >his hand. How do I knok something out of someone's hand? Is it a fun thing to do? > Grouder shot a drill missle at sonic and sonic jumped out of >the way. Then ducked the next one. Then strafed the one after that... >"Hey this isn't Mega Man 4" said Sonic Or Grand Theft Auto. >Sonic spin dashes Grounder right out the window >AHHHHH SPLASH!!! *Sonikku jumps out of a window 1 floor up, then hits water. *Sonikku tries this experiment in all the buildings in the world. Hmm... Earth gets flooded then. =) >Sonic sees Grounders cane on the floor and picks it up and uses it to >smack Scratch upside the head. Scratch's head falls off and explodes! The explosion sets off a chain reaction and BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE SHIP!!!! Or maybe not. >Miles comes running up the stairs "Hey do I need to fight with ninja-kung >fu?" he said So he fought the monsters, ran back down the stairs, then time warped back or something, then ran up the stairs. That makes about as much sense a 42-year old Japenese Manga Video. >"Nah ya'll nothin' to fights here" said Bunnie >JUST THEN SOMETHING BURSTS THROUGH THE WALL >It's Robotnik wearing a huge MECHSUIT! So he can have Mechasex? >"Ha ha, so we meet again Mr. Prower." said Robotnik "This time you DIE!" >"No way Buttnick!" says Sonic OH GOOD GOD! SONIC WAS ACTUALLY NOT OUT OF CHARACTER THERE! >"Huh, a blue hedgehog? You're no secret agent, shut up" said Robotnik "I AM!" Sonic yelled, pointing at Robotnik "ARE NOT!" Robotnik yelled, pointing at Sonic "I AM!" "ARE NOT!" "I AM!" "ARE NOT!" "I AM!" "ARE NOT!" "Err.... Sonic, you AREN'T." SOnic pointed out. "SHUT UP!" >"Don't underestimate the power of a hedgehog you stupid chub!" said Sonic "I do not believe in your silly supostistions, hedeghog!!" "DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE CUSHIONS!" "Oh, fock you!" >"I said shutup!" Robntik boots sonic down the stairs where sonic narrowly >avoids death by drill-ment! Drill-ment sounds a very nasty way to die. >Sonic looks up to see Miles and Bunnies being chased down a collapsing >starway by the huge Mech-Robotnik. They all run out onto the deck. How dramatic! >"BAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA" says Robntik "YoRe MINE >NOW!" Sonic, YoRe his now! He brought you for $50,000,000, LOOK OUT! HE'S GOING TO BUY MAYFAIR AND PARK LANE! >Robotnik picks up Miles in a big steel claw hand thing and throws him >against an airplane. That's a pretty high throw. >Then he kicks Bunnie overboard. QUICK! GIVE HER A LIFE RAFT! >"Ha ha I win." said Robotnik "Hah haha now time to say a witty thing. >ahem. Oh, how easy that was. Next time we play this game i think I shall >set the difficulty level higher than SUPER MEGA EASY! Bwa-HAH! But there >will not be a NEXT TIME! That's supposed to be witty? I know 3 year olds who are wittier than that!! >HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH >AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA (cough) HEART ATTACK! RUSH HIM TO THEATRE B2, LET'S GO, GO, GO, GOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA >ha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...ha.....eh >heh.......chuckle.......ah that was funny" No it wasn't, liar. >But sonic runs around robotnik in a circle a million times really fast. Object ran around Object at Speed: Undefined. >"Yo, chubba-bone!" says Sonic from behind robotnik What kind of insult is THAT?! Almost as bad as calling someone a tool... >Robotnik turns around "WHAT?" >"Your shoelace is untied!" said Sonic >Robotnik looks down "Wait I don't have shoelaces!" For a guy with an IQ of 300+, Robotnik is pretty gullible, like the rest of his staff really. >Sonic speed dashes the mechsuit right up against it's head! Robotnik is >knocked backwards off the carrier. KERSPALSH! Then everyone jumps off... KERSPLASH... I mean... KERSPALSH. >"Are you ok du-ed?" says Sonic to Miles What's a du-ed? >"Yes quite alright. I could be better, but on the whole, I'm quite alright. >Oh look Robotnik is defeated, let's disable the nuke" Now Robotnik's probably locked it up in some Level 10 Binary Code and it takes them almost 10 minutes to deactive it! Then they deactive it with only 00:01 seconds left on the timer. >said Miles >But robotnik was un-mechsuited and escaping in a little raft Which he stuffed in his mechsuit for advanced mecha sex techniques.. (?) >"Ha ha I >just used my remote control to set the bomb to go off in 10 seconds so >NYAH NYAH!" They now have 10 seconds to find the bomb, get through the security codes then turn off the bomb... >"Sonic, steal a plane real fast!" says Miles! Oh yeah, it's stranded in the middle of the aircraft. I thought he was blowing up Knothole City, not his RED bots. >Sonic and Miles jump into a couple of jets and take off! One jet per person please, not 3. >Sonic goes down the runway running over bots and takes off WHOOOOOODH The planes are made out wood? A burning fuel leak must be potentially fatal! >Just then Miles contacts him! "Sonic my plane has the nuke in it! Let me >into your plane!" Just eject!!! >Sonic slows down his plane so it is right beside Mileses. Impossible in 'Real Life' (tm), of course. > Sonic opens the cockpit of his plane and Miles jumps in. Sonic puts the >plane into top gear Planes have gears? > and zooms away just before the nuke goes off with a big CRACKO! Nuclear bombs have about a 10-50 mile blast radius, how the hell do they think they'll get away in time? >Sonic is flying the plane twoards the robo city but bot planes are >chasing him! RED bots, of course. Duh, silly me. =D Sonic avoids missles and then retaliates with missles of his >own! 2 bot jets blow up! WHAT A THRILLING ACTION PACKED SCENE! >"Fly at higher altitute to avoid buldings sonic!" said Miles >"No way dude!" said Sonic Oh, go on then, crash! SEE IF I CARE!! >"WHAT!?!?!??!" said Miles >"I have a plan. trust me" said Sonic Yeah, crash in the buildings and die, good plan... >"No!" said Miles "Yes!" said Sonic. "No! " said Miles. "Yes!" "NO! CLINTON MUST GO!" Said Miles. "YES! CLINTON MUST STAY AND IMPRESS!" Said Sonic. >Sonic flew in between the skyscrapers. Pretty large alleys they have here, oh wait! Sonic's in a toy plane... >4 planes ran into a skyscraper. 'Real Life' sized planes. >Sonic turned a corner and dodges a missl which hit a building a exploded >in an explosion of glass. Glass skycrapers? What next? Cheese domes? Naa, that'd never catch on... > A jet was right on sonic's tail and sonic was headed on a collision > course with an office building. Ah, now Sonic's plan comes into action. >"SOnic LOOOOOOOOOOK OOOOOOOUT!!" scremed MiLes!!!!!!!!!!!! Look, MiLes, no point in talking to SOnic, it's Sonic that's making the plan. >Sonic said "Confucius WHO?! > say: If there is no door, then make one" So Sonic stops the plane in mid air and does the following: a) Reads 'Learn demolition in 5 seconds or less!!' b) Makes a door. c) Steps through said door. d) Explode. >Sonic fired missles and blasted a hole through the bulding. Oh, a little more drastic then... > Then he flew the jet through it. Who said it had to be the size of his plane? And if it's made of glass, why not just fly through? >"YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!! THIS IS ONE HELLUVA PEANUT JUICE >JAM!" said Sonic MOM! SONIC KEEPS INSULTING ME! >"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! >!" said Miles "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH­HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH­HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Miles. >The jet came out the other side of the building but it was missing a >wing. In 'Real life' that'd be potentially fatal. > Sonic flew the jet rather shakily to knothole city. YOU CAN'T FLY A JET WITH ONLY ONE WING!!!! >"Buckle your seatbelts it's landing time!" said Sonic >"eep!" said Miles You're as good as dead mate! EJECT NOW, WRITE YOU WILL WHEN YOU LAND! >Sonic did a nose dive for the parking garage. I'd REALLY eject now! > The jet hit the pavement and exploded. >the landing gear broke off. the plane slid on its belly So it hits the ground on it's nose, than suddenly turns 90 degrees in .5 seconds and lands safely? This can't be 'Real Life'... > into the underground parking gargae, smashed several cars and slammed into a wall. At least the plane got wrecked. >"Ah, what a perfect landing!" said sonic as he climbed out of the wreck. If you call that a perfect landing, I know a 5-year old who is more skilled pilot than you... and is a much better aim... >"AHHH YO BLOODY WELL ALMOST GOT US KILLED!! AHHHH ARRRRRRGGG!!!!" said >Miles and then he got a chainsaw out... >"ya, but were not dead" said Sonic ...Miles turned it on, a sly grin across his face... >"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" said Miles ...then he chopped off Sonic's arm, then his head, then his legs.... then threw the chainsaw away. >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<< >Parking Lot >There is a celebration for Miles and Sonic Starring the ever enthusiastic crowd! >"yaaaaay" says the crowd See? They've got so much spirit! >the crowd claps. clap clap clap! Great sound effects! >"Hey wait a minute, we forgot bunnie!" said Miles You've only just noticed. >Just then Bunnie showed up! Yeah, SHE FELL THROUGH THE ROOF ON ROTOR'S BACK!!!! >"Y'all forgot me and ah had to swim the 500 miles 'tuh shore!" said soggy >Bunnie Where'd Soggy Bunnie come from? Oh, the more Bunnies the merrier, now where's my shotgun...? >"sorry" said Sonic and Miles Charming! >"Oh bloody good work you two!" said Snivley "This calls for a hot spot of >tea. Oh frock FROCK!??!?!? > we are out of tea. I'll just drive down to the store and get some. Snivley's car got smashed didn't it? >Snivley got in his car. >"Well I did all the work" said Sonic >"No you didn't!" said Miles Err... just to actually support a side for once, Sonic DID do a lot of the work... >"Did to!" said Sonic >"Did not!" said Miles "Did to!" said Sonic. "Did not!" said Miles. "Did to!" said Sonic. "Did not!" said Miles. "Did to!" said Sonic. "Did not!" said Miles. "Did to!" said Sonic. "Did not!" said Miles. "Did to!" said Sonic. "Did not!" said Miles. etc. >JUST THEN SNIVLEYS CAR EXPLODES!!!! OH GOOD GOD! THERE'S A PYROTECHNIC NEARBY! >"(choke) No! a car bomb!" said Miles who was having a heart attack. >"Nooooo!" cried Jackerey Prower Who'd just popped up from nowhere saying he needed to be helped out. > "They killed The Good Snivley! Whyyyyyy????" I don't know the motives behind the attack,... >"Robotnik will pay for this" agrily said Miles angrily's here too? Cool! >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >That Night >Sonic is chatting with Bunnie on IRC > Heck y'all hedgehog....you wanna have...cybersex? > GuH uHHHh G[ejddjcn UHHHHH i-i-i-i-cant do it! Why not use a toilet then? Good idea. *Sonic runs to the toilet.... AHHHHHHHHH... much better! > Aw y'all heck, Sally girl 'll never know shes in nother dimenson She'll find the logs... Delete them! IRC has a bug that causes the logs to be write-protected. > But its still not right. i hope u understand :) > Ok ;) ;) :) :S :( :< :> >) >( ><<<<<<<>>>>>>>> >oops that was the seperator for the last story >>>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >that's better >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< Errr.... what? Prizes offered to the first person that can decipher this alien language. Answers on a doormat. >The Next Day >Parking Lot >Miles says "Ok we're going to find that power crystal" >"hhhhhhhoooooooooooowwwwwww?" said Rotor "Simple." Said Miles. "We drop you through every Mobian's home's roof and claim you're the roof repair man." >"I have a special device thingy that will home in on it's eneryg" said >Miles Clever! It homes in on it's eneryg! ... What is eneryg anyway? >"We are going to drive into the city and find out where robonik has >that crystal." In his underpants? Hell, NO-ONE with the right mind would check THERE!!! >They all got in the car >"Uhh you'll have to ride in the trunk Antoinne there's not enough room" >said Miles >"Ach du liber!" said Antoinne Translation: EEewwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWW.. STTTTTEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeNNNNNNNNEeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkk. >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< >Robolin Wall >"Now remember" said Miles "We must be very catious and try not to attract >any bot attention. Ready?" >"Ready!" said SOnic >Sonic hit the button activating the huge drill on the front of the car. Oh, THIS sounds very stealthly... drilling a huge hole through the wall. >>>>>><<<< >Guard TOwer >A RED bot is reading the paper when suddenly the room starts shaking! The times? The New Robolin Express? >*DRROOOOOONEEEE earthquake!* it thinks >"EMERGENCY EMERGENCY" it drones Looks like this so-called 'stealthly' plan isn't working too well... >>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< >Robolin Wall >The car is nosily drilling right through the wall. The RED bot jumps into >the car. Just one? >"DRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOONNNNNNEEE halt!" goes the bot They HAVE halted, they're sitting down in a car you fool! >Miles shoots it. Good. He was a fool anyway. >The car drills all the way through the wall and Miles puts it into 7th >gear! VRRRRRRRRRROMMMMMMMMMMM! >JUST THEN THE WHOLE ROBOLIN WALL COLLAPSES DUE TO CHEAP CONSTRUCTION! Now THAT'S sure to attract attention... >"Cool" said Dulcy This is probably the only line she ever says. >The car is being pursued by helicopters! A bullet hits the trunk! See? It DID attract attention! >Antoinne yells "AACHCHHH DUE HOOGGEENNNNDOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUGEEEN >MAHEEENNNNNOOOGUTE FRUITENGOOOOGEN!!!!! AACCHHHHHH DOOOOOOOOOOOO >LLLLLEEEEEEEEIBEEEEEERRR!! BEIRSTEIN!!!!" More alien words! Translators? >"Antoinne did you get hit?" said Miles >"Nine" said Antoinne "Are you sure?" "Eight." "Really?" "Forty-two." "Positive?" "Nine-oh-two-one-oh." "I'll ask once more? Totally, positevly sure?" "Fifty squared." >"That's 'no' in german" says Miles, to nobody. Nobody's here as well? COOL! >Dulcy attacks the helicopters and the car drives real fast! Just then >they are being pursued by bot taxi's! DULCY ATTACKS THEM TOO! THE CAR GOES REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REAAALLLLYYYY FAST! > they hit a sharp turn and one of the taxi's rolls over onto it's roof! Hmm... robots aren't terribly good drivers are they? >The car turns around SCREEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCHHHh and fires machine guns at >the other 2 taxi's and then zooms off. These excessively violent scenes are getting rather boring... >"Look out BUS!" says Sonic >They shoot a missle at the driver and the bus crashes into a bakery. Now >the car is being pursued by bot-patrol cars! What did that bus ever do to you? Meanwhile in the bakery. >"We're homing in on the signal it's coming from the casino!" says Miles >"Take the wheel Bunnie! Soggy Bunnie or Bunnie? >Lead the bot-patrol away from here!" >Miles hits the eject buttons Sonic and Miles go flying out of the car. Miles can fly anyway... >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< >The R. Shlobo Casino >JUST THEN SONIC AND MILES FALL THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE CASINO! THEN ROTOR FALLS IN AFTER THEM! IN HE FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR BELOW THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT! etc. He also said "WOOBOOGIEEEEEE!!!!!" through each floor he fell through. >"Hmmm maybe I should apply for Rotor's job" says Sonic OK, but you need to drink lots of coffee, pretend to do something useful by dunking donuts... >"Hey!" says Dealer bot "How does he do that?" The Dealer Bot asked. "Oh, he just does... he has to pay a fortune on roof repairs and insurance though..." >"Sorry" said Miles "We just want to play blackjack" >"ok" says Dealer bot >Dealer bot deals a hand to sonic >"GO FISH DUDE!!!" yells SOnic "I am not programmed to fish. I merely deal cards to people. WARNING: INVALID FUNCTION!!!" >Miles smacks him "Shutup dumbass!" Sonic salps Miles. "Sorry. I suggest you salp me next time." >Just then Miles and SOnic are stunned and dragged to the back room by >GUARD bots. SOnic leapt out too? Cool! >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >The Street >An exciting car chase scene! That sets the scene. >VVVVVROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM SCRRRRRREEEEEEEEE KRAAAAASHHHHHHHHH VRRRMMM >VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! This isn't Carmaggedon you know. (HA! YOU THOUGHT I'D SAY 'GRAND THEFT AUTO' DIDN'T YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) >Bunnie launches missles at a bot van! kaboom it blows up! 10 robo jeeps >are after the car and they have flame throwers! Bunnie rams a mail truck >off a bridge. They seem to smash innocents, not the enemies... >"Look out!" she yells while driving through a pedestrian infested street. >The car drives through an alley. Uncle Bob jumps out of the way and lands >in a dumpster. SEE! THEY HATE HIM! WHAT'S UNCLE BOB DONE WRONG?! (Apart from blowing up their TV, being an annoying Scottish git, and just generally being very annoying) >"FOCK YE!" he yells. ...Like then, you see. >A robot is blocking the way! After all the perdestrians they've ran over, a robot's supposed to be a PROBLEM!? > It fires at the car! ROtor throws a hamburger at it! PREPARE TO EAT (literally) THE WRATH OF THE HAMBURGER! >"Arg" goes the bot <<<>> >They run it over. Ker-splatsmash See? You can run anything over if you throw hamburgers at the offending object! >"Wheeee fun!" says Rotor >Bunnie looks at the radar. Bots are coming down the street in bots >directions. What direction is 'bots' exactly? >After narrowly avoiding the grenade launching bot patrol cars Bunnie >makes a sharp turn and drives through the doors of a mall! ANOTHER sharp turn? Bunnie/Soggy Bunnie is a/are good driver(s)! >SMMMMMASHHHHHHHH!!! More explosions! >The bots pursue! Shoopers dive out of the way as the vehicles drives >through stores, down escalators and finally, Bunnie drives into the >fountain. After all those sharp turns, overturning cars and more, Bunnie's driving skills fail when this happens. "WATER!" Yelled Soggy Bunnie. "So what?" Said Bunnie. "GIMME CONTROL OF THE WHEEL!" "Hang on..." Bunnie rips off the wheel and gives it to Soggy Bunnie, who drives it into the fountain. >The bots surround them.... Unfortunately that leaves them slightly vulnerable. >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >The Room of DEATH! OH! HOW HORRIBLE! >Sonic and Miles are in a cage suspended over a pit of boiling acid. >"So Mr. Prower we meet yet again" said Robotnik "This pit is filled with >acid and in the acid there are CHOMPER bots that will chomp you into >shredded beef. Ha HA HA!" Pretty foolproof plan that... at least it wasn't dropping them into a radioactive goop, then turning them in some big nukes!!! And some medium sized ones... etc. >"And this time I expect you to DIE!" said Robotnik "You better die, or >I'll GET REAL MAD!" AND THEN I'LL CALL YOU NAMES LIKE "MR. FLOWER", "PINK BOY" and "LOUIS J.M!!" >"I'm not gonna die!" said Miles Oh, here we go with the Prince Valiant bit... >"GRRRRRRRR!!!!!" said Robotnik. HE almost slammed his fist down on the >control panel but he stopped just before he did. >"It is a good thing i did not hit the control panel or i would have hit >the realease button and then you could escape. Ha ha! How ghood for me >that I did not do that" said said Robotnok Yeah! That was pretty ghood of you. So ghood you said said it twice... >Robotnik pushed the 'lower cage' button and turned the speed dial to the >'extra slow' setting. Note: He didn't set it to 'Extra Fast' thus, now, giving them a chance to escape. WHY ARE ALL VILLIANS SO GODDAMN STUPID! >"ha ha" said RObotnik "ha" Hohohohohoho... ho.... hohohOHOHOHOhohohohohohOHOHOho. >Robotnik says "You will never stop me from bulding my power crystal >weapon!" They will now! You should of set the speed to "Oh, what the hell, this is so fast it could be classed as 'dropping'". >"You're fat and ugly!" said Miles >"Ha!" said Robotnik "What a pathetic attempt to make me angry!" For the first time in my life, I actually agree with Robotnik... THIS IS NOT A TAPE RECORDING, I AM ACTUALLY WRITING THIS.... I AGREE WITH SOMETHING THAT SONIC FAN WRITES!!! What the hell is coming to me? This is what MiSTing can do to you... >Then SOnic said "Hey you stupid chub! I had cybersex with your wife!" >"Technically that statement is almost sort of true!" said Miles MILES! You're a bit err... well... seeing as you observe their cybersex sessions... MmmmmMMMMMMmmmmmm! AhhhhhAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhh! *Tails enters #cybersex AHHHHhhhhh---- !!!!! >Robotnik slammed his fist down on the control panel and scremed >"GGGGGARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG" He was drinking some water at the same time, then? >SOnic and Miles jumped out of the cage and ran Quick! Sonic! Get out! SOnic! Save Sonic! >"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGg get them AAAAAAAGRRRRRRR!!" said Robotnik "ARGHHHHHHHHHHGGGg yes, I said get them. ARGHHHHHHHhhhhhhaaaaaaaRRRR!" Robotnik screamed. >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >The Robotnik Bulding, Floor 4503 >Miles and Sonic are riding a photocopier down the hallway and running >over bots. Just then they crash through a door into a room. They are >surrounded by Uncle Chuck and his JANITOR bots I thought Uncle Chuck was on Sonic's side! The plot thickens! >"Uh oh" says Sonic >Uncle chuck does some ninja stuff with his mop KUIA! HAI! HOW! AREEEWWWAAAA! YU! TU! >Then he says "CLEAN THEM UP!" That's not one pre-ninja fighting battle cry I've heard. >The bots attack! One beats sonic in the head with a bucket antoehr slams >Miles with a mop! They get knocked down but they get up again and fight! I GET KNOCKED OUT! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! AND YOU'LL NEVER KEEP ME DOWN! AH GET KNOCKED OUT! BUT I GIT OP AGAIN! AND YER'LL NEVER KEEP ME DOWN! I-I-iiiiiii ****ing well get *-*-*-***ing well knocked ooouuutttttttttt NO! AH'M NOCHT PISCHED! **** OFF YOU ***ING PIECE OF ****ED UP ****! YEAH! YOU ****ING W-W-W-WELL CUM OVER HER.... *Kerplonk* >FFFFFRAHFOOOO What? >VJCBNJSVJS! Pardon? Err... JIAJHREIRYA? JFIDA FKSDF KSJFKJSD KJFKSDJF KJFSD KSFJKSFJ KLKDS? >KAPOWIE Excuse me, sir? >Sonic kicks a bot steals a mop beats bots with it! OH YEAH! >Miles is kicking more bot butt! COOL! >Now they have to fight uncle chuck. WAAHHHHH!! This couldn't possibly be more Batman enhanced... >SHOYROUKEN! Yes, Uncle Chuck learnt that fireball move from that hidden character in: "HYPER OMEGA SPECIAL EDITION EXPLOSIVE TURBO PLUS EXTRA BOOM STREET FIGHTER II ALPHA KICKING FIGHTING WARRIORS BETA IV GOUKI HYPER FIGHTING!" >Uncle Chuck gives Sonic the STONE COLD STUNNER! Which fills 3/4 of the screen, is a level 42 attack, CAN'T be blocked (Unless you use a 'Hyper mega counterattack explosive gem combination block' which can be activated by pressing L + R, U, U, U, A+B, X + R in .5 seconds. ) >Miles kicks Chuck in the back You can kill people like that if you kick them in the right place. >"Ow my back!" says Uncle chuck >WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH Make your mind up, go either: "Ow my back. That hurt." Or.... "WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH!!!!! MOMMY HE KICKED ME IN BACK!" >Sonic flips and kicks uncle chuck in the head. Chuck dead. NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo! HE'S DEAD! Boohoohoo. >>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<< >After fighting through the building in action packed style Sonic and >Miles come to a room. They open the door to see the rest of the great >secret service being tortured by EvilSally! Pick a door... ANY DOOR! ONE CONTAINS A HOLIDAY FOR 3 TO MIAMI! ANOTHER WILL GIVE YOU $50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 subtracted by $49,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 >"Hhhahahah!" says Sally "If you think this Full House show is bad wait >until you see 7th Heaven! Ha ha! Then I'll force you to watch Air Bud: >Golden Reciever! HAHAHAHHAHAHAH! ha I AM SO EVIL!" Thankfully, we don't get those shows in England. So you're not evil, you just salp people a lot. >"Noougen Gougen! NIIINNNNEEE!" scemes Antoine "I GOOGEN TALK I GOOGEN >TALK!" "You ist STILL ein dickwad." >"Be strong Antoinne" says Rotor Rotor! Use your powers to drop through the floor! >"STOP THIS NOW!" says Miles As if that'd work! >"Well if it isn't mr. double-o-tails" says Sally. Then she pulls out a >chaingun a shoots at him. Steady up! If you want excessive violence, then go and play Quake. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHHAHA! EAT LEAD!!!" she says Now I see why Robotnik laughs so much... >Sonic frees the prisoners but sally backflips off a wall and shoots at >him! >"Ow ow ow! I almost got hit!" says SOnic Then another bullet hit SOnic... "Ow." Said SOnic. >Everybody is runnign around the room in frenzyed panic! Then Antoinne >stumbes into Sally knocking her into the torture chair. HOW DARE YOU STUMBE SALLY! YOU RUDE LITTLE GIT! >They leave as she screams "AHHHHH NOOOOOO NOT THE OLSON TWINS NOOOOOO OH >THE HUMANITY!" "Ughhhhh --kaff-- uhh..." SOnic said. "NO! YOU'RE DYING!" Sonic said. "Take care --barf-- of yourself..." and with that, SOnic closed his eyes and died... >>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< >Sonic is at a door that says "power crystal room" The whole door says that? >"Alright you guys, better leave now" says Sonic >"Thank you for all you've done sonic" says Miles "We'll never forget your >kindness" Here comes the tearful ending... >"Yeah like no prob man." sonic grabs a coffee pot "Like I always say HEY >HO LET'S GO!" Stop insulting us. >Sonic runs into the power crystal room. >Sonic dumps the coffee onto the crystal. >JUST THEN.... >NOTHING HAPPENS! OH NO! JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE ROOF. "Dammit! I hate it when that happens, you kn-" JUST THEN ROTOR FALLS THROUGH THE NEXT FLOOR! AND THE NEXT! AND THE NEXT! AND... etc. >Sonic smashes the coffee pot on the crystal but still nothing happens! >"I must need a coffee cup!" says Sonic No, you need Rotor's cup, but he's still falling through the floor. >He runs back out into the hall. There's a cup on a table just a few feet >away. Oh, Rotor must have put it done so he could jump through the roof. >BUT SUDDENLY ROBOTNIK JUMPS THROUGH A WALL! THEN THE DEMOLTION CREW DESTROY THE BUILDING! (Made out of glass, of course.) >"SO Mr. SONIC HEDGEHOG" said Robonik "Do you think you can acctuall y >come to MY dimension and stop my ingenious plans for world domination! "Probably." Said Sonic. >You fool! You can never defeat Robo Shlobo Robotnik! Robo Shlo- wha? > You will die now hedgehog by my own hand!" >Robotnik pulls out a huge bladesword and slashes at sonic. He misses and >tears up the wall! That's a pretty powerful sword. >"AHHHH DIE YOU FOUL SHCMECK!" says Robotnik slashing at sonic and tearing >holes in the wall Look! The demoltion crew are destoying this, not you! >He kicks sonic and sonic lands on the table. Sonic picks up the cup and >says "Hey chubbo, you can go take a flying leap at a donut truck!" That's a terrible insult. Sonic Fan would lose an insult fight, even against me. =D. >"I'll take a flying leap at YOU!" says Robotnik. He jumps at sonic, >lands a few inches away from him and >FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR!!!!! >AND THE NEXT FLOOR!! >AND 3000 FLOORS AFTER THAT! AND OVERTAKES ROTOR! (???) AND LANDS ON FLOOR 1501 (yes, I did bother to count....) THEN BROKE THE WORLD RECORD FOR FALLING THROUGH ROOFS! >"TOO juicy fat to past the past cool dude! later 'tater!" says Sonic >Sonic runs in and smashes the coffee cup on the crystal >SSSHHHHHHHHHHPPOOOOOOOOPPPPP!!!!! >>>>>><<<<<<<<<< >Dimensional Portal >WHOOOOOSH Oh, not again... >>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >Knothole Villiage >WAAHHHHH!!! WOOBOOGIE? >says sonic as he is thrown from a dimensional gateway >"I hope this is the right Mobius" says Sonic There's a 1 in near infinity chance of that. >Antoinne sees sonic and says "Buneous Dias amigo! Burrioto palaya mucho >grande!" God help us all. >"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" scremes Sonic How do you screme >"AHHHHH CALM DOOWWWN MADAME HEDGEHOG! MADAME? He's a bloke... oo-er! >IT Ees only me, Antoinne, i was just practeecing my espanol, how you say, ze qualaintont!" None of us say 'ze qualaintont', at least not if you're sensible. >"Wait!" says SOnic "I still need to save Knothole!" "SOnic! You're alive!" Sonic yells. >Sonic runs into the ton square. Everything is normal. >"H-U-H?" says Sonic, surpried. H-U-H? How do act supried? >"Hi Sonic" says Tails "We saved Knothole" >"Yeah" said Sally "We didn't need your help at all" "Wow. Sally... "HEY! EVERYONE! WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE CYBERSEX, ALL ANIMALS INVITED... NO! NOT YOU LOUIS!" >"Woah I am feeling weird" said Sonic "LIke I'm not needed here anymore" You're not. Go away. >>>>>>>>><<<<<<<< >Robotropolis, Death Egg >(music plays) >Robotnik dances into the room, stomps around and sings "Fat" by Weird Al >"I'm Fat! I'm Fat! ya know it!" sang Robotnik >Halfway through the song robotnik stopped singing and said "Grounder and >Scratch you idiots! This is the stupidest plan I've ever taken part in! I >can't stand having you idiots for assistants! But how will I get new >assistants. I know! I'll have to unthaw Dr. Quack!" >"You're fat" said Grounder I refuse to MiST something as unintelligible as that. >>>>>>><<<<<<<<< >That Night >Sonic has a dream. he is walking through the lost city Which just rose from the ground... >THE ORACLE SPEAKS! The what? The where? >"Sonic, you have recived a sign! And now you must protest against people being observant!" > You may think Knothole does not need you but they do!" They are all fed up with observant Bunnie and are going to strike! >"But you must go on the mystical quest of the hedgehog! Go sonic! Find >your destiny" Go and get Bunnie..... >JUST THEN SONIC WOKE UP THEN FELL THROUGH THE ROOF OF ROTOR'S HUT!!! >Sonic left his hut and ran off into the night to complete the hedgehog >quest.... >TO BE CONTINUED.... (NOT!) (We can only hope...) >-------------- >Don't miss the next exciting chapter of Sonic Fights Robotnik! >-------------- I can hardly wait!!! >SONIC FIGHTS ROBOTNIK 6 >The Return of Uncle Bob And Auntie Jane, and Uncle Phillip and Mr. Terrace... >- Find out what happens to sonic! He has cybersex with Sally, I bet. >- Bob returns to Knothole but that causes problems! Uncle Bob uses his quadruple barralled shotgun and shoots the FOCK out of everyone. "FOCK YE ALL! FOCK YE!!!" Unfortunately he kills all the good guys, thus, thankfully ending Sonic Fights Robotnik.... you wish. >- Robotniks latest evil plan! "I WILL MAKE SUM BIG NUKES!!!!!! And some medium sized ones, and some small ones, and some tiny ones.." >- More action than you'll ever belive happened! Sonic throws Ails in some sewage water! >All this and more in Sonic Fights Robotnik 6! >Coming to alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog in 3920, I hope. >1998! D'OH! MiST credits. -- SPECIAL THANKS TO ================= Louis J.M - For... wait a minute! How'd he get in here?! Douglas Adams - For all 42 related puns. QuakeGuy - For rocket jumping in that one scene. David Bulmer - For his co-operation in that one scene. Mach and Mark Palenik - Inspiration and encouragement, thanks! I couln't of done this without you! TimeStones - Various ideas. ANTI SPAM - REPLY TO SONIK.KU@CABLEOL.CO.UK -- ========================================= Sonikku, president of Sonic Team Junior. Website: http://www.andromedo/aj/stjr/stjrmain.htm =========================================