An Omelette By Any Other Name
By David Frisk

“We’ve played this game already, Eggman. You’ll shoot a laser, it’ll backfire, I’ll chase you as this thing falls apart.”

“You really think it’ll be that easy, hedgehog?”

“Yeah.”

“Think again!”

The mad doctor laughed as he jumped in the air, landing on the button in front of him. With the ground giving way, Sonic the Hedgehog crossed his arms, looking annoyed as he fell into the pits of the Flying Battery.

“Hohohoho! How ironic! All those badniks you’ve smashed of mine over the years will now finally be your undoing! This time, nothing will stop me!”

Eggman laughed once again, flitting about with his mustache. Turning off the force-field in front of him, the rotund man peered downward. Grinning from ear to ear, he squinted through his tinted blue shades, trying to make out what was happening down below. The smile soon faded, realizing his view was completely obstructed by the very obstacle he had forced the most famous hedgehog in the world into.

“...just to be safe, I better put the finishing touches on my Spider Mobile.”

Jumping into the air, the walkway which betrayed Sonic returned for the crazed genius to land on. With a twirl, he focused his attention on the wall, blueprints for his latest invention hanging upon it. Looking it over, Eggman’s brow furrowed as he pulled out a pen, jotting down some last minute adjustments.

“Hmm...that cockpit is going to be tight, but it’ll be worth it to defeat that meddlesome hedgehog.”

“But why did you call it a mobile?”

“Why, it’s quite simple! Hanging from the sky like a spider, I-wait a minute!”

Quickly spinning around, the doctor’s eyes went wide at the figure who just appeared. Short, crazy hair. Glasses that matched his own. It was a young girl, he was almost certain about that. But her bumper-like dress did not put him at ease.

“Who are you?! And how did you get into my ship?!”

His face reddened as the girl ignored his question, running up to get a closer look at the blueprints herself.

“Where’s the turbo engine? Does it even have wheels? Or is it supposed to float like your Eggmobile?”

Though still flushed with anger, Dr. Eggman could not resist answering.

“No no, not that sort of mobile. It hangs like that which is over a baby’s cradle, luring Sonic and his friends into a false sense of security before I zap them with electricity!”

“You named your death machine after a baby toy?”

“I’m glad you’re taking an interest in my work,” Eggman replied, stepping between his diagrams and the girl.“But stop questioning the way I name things! Now tell me who you are, or Sonic won’t be the only one clinging for dear life out in that storm!”

“Oh! Guess mom never told you! I’m Eggette, your niece!”

The red in his face drained away, the doctor scratching his temple.

“Niece? I thought I was an only child...what kind of a name is Eggette, anyway?”

“I don’t know. Who calls themselves Eggman?”

“Ha! Some family you are. You should know about the proud heritage of the Eggman name! How it was passed down from...”

Eggman trailed off, watching as the young girl crossed her arms, tapping her foot.

“...ok, so maybe it isn’t an ancestral name. Just stop doing that!”

“What? Oh, this!" Eggette straightened herself, dusting off the top of her dress. "I forgot, Sonic does the same thing.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh! Oh! Do you think I could try?”

“Try what?”

“Destroying Sonic! Even if it does have a silly name, that robot you’ve built looks crazy fun to pilot.”

“Of course it does! I make sure everything I build is fun to use. It’d be a waste if you couldn’t enjoy the perks of being an evil genius.” Eggman smirked to himself. “But not just anyone can control it! It takes years of flight training. And besides, if anyone’s going to stop that hedgehog, it’ll be me!”

“But you have all those Hard Boiled Heavies running around doing their own thing, and you’re not complaining about them trying to stop Sonic!”

“That’s different! I built them, so if they happen to kill Sonic, it’s like I did it!”

“That doesn’t count!”

“Sure it does! I wasn’t born with an IQ of 300 just for the bragging rights.”

“Oh yeah? Is that what’ll make you fit in that tiny cockpit?”

“I...I was working on that before you interrupted me!”

The doctor ripped the blueprints off the wall. Muttering to himself some obtuse equation, he stormed off.

“Oh, c’mon!” Eggette protested, chasing after her possible uncle. “I hate that hedgehog just as much as you do! Let me take part in the family business!”

Eggman paused, turning back to face her. “I’m not going to let some random upstart who I don’t know jump into one of my mobiles, spider or otherwise!”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really!”

“Fine then. Guess I’ll just have to wait here.”

“What do you mean...”

His egg-shaped spine shivered as he watched Eggette slowly tap her foot.

“W-what are you doing?!”

A coy smile formed on her face as her arms began to cross once more.

“Don’t you dare...”

“What, do this?”

Winking, the young girl lifted her arm, wagging her index finger.

“Gah! Fine, fine! Jump in the spider, see how I care!”

Excitedly, Eggette jumped into the air, posing victoriously. “Woo! Thanks, Ivo! I won’t let you down!”

“How long are you going to be floating there?”

“Oh, right,” she replied, sheepishly floating back to the ground.

“I need to go fix my printing press, anyway. Those Egg TV posters aren’t going to make themselves.”

“This is going to be great! A battle for the ages!”

“I’m sure it will be. Just, one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“The name is Dr. Eggman. No one can ever say Ivo right, anyway.”

The End. For Now. I Guess.

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