“Neither of the two "theories" postulated by that page on the pirates is correct. We know exactly how that prototype came about; the issue is trying to figure out how to publicly disclose that.” — Scarred Sun, February 7th, 2013
In the year of our lord 1991, I was contacted by the fragmented remains of the USSR's government. The writing was on the wall: we were in the twilight of the Soviet Union, and everyone desperate to cling to power knew this. Old habits, as they say, die hard, and in one last breath a plan was made: to secure plants within the cradles of democracy, to observe every facet of what allowed the west to survive while the Motherland dissipated, succumbing to the ideals of the bourgeois.
After my mission briefing, I made my way to the eastern coast of China. With little resistance, I slipped aboard an unmarked freighter. In days, I found myself within Japan, trying to blend in with the culture. It was already odd for an extremely white male to walk the streets. It was even odder that I was but a mere six years old without parent or guardian at my side. But my unique position allowed me to slip in and out of capitalist cradles with relative ease. I could walk the streets of Tokyo and, aside from having to deal with a few unsavory ladies of the night, I was able to make a modest living. I also happened to live only a few blocks away from the headquarters of SEGA Japan.
Examining the culture of the United States in 1991, the few remaining patriots of the Motherland noticed a disturbing trend, that the youth had become enamored with the electronic video game. There were already secret reports done the decade previous, when the Soviets had tried to figure out how to use Mario to their advantage. How hard would it be to make the Italian plumber a Russian? To turn the game into the grand story of how the hero stole the guarded treasures of capitalism and defeated its king, to rescue the princess who dared to defend her people, and allow the wealth to be spread among the mushroomed populace? Phase one had begun with the Game Boy version of Tetris, but the tell-tale signs of the fall of the grand experiment were already there. Mario remained Italian with Super Mario World, and we remained disenfranchised on the world stage.
Besides, there was another game that was seizing the minds of the youth. One that dared to portray our people in the worst possible way. Sega, with their Sonic the Hedgehog, had turned the proud name of Robotnik into a power-hungry capitalist. Building factories that did not resemble our many glorious five year plans, but instead resembled the dark and corrupted moments of the Industrial Revolution. No, we could not stand for it. Especially as it made them millions of dollars. How could we let them profit from our struggle?
Living in Japan, I knew little of what Sonic’s effect would be on the world at large. After all, he was simply called “Eggman,” based on the information I had scavenged from the dumpsters behind the capitalist corporation. There was nothing to imply that this game would succeed, or that the villain would be renamed in the west. When I learned of the localization, it was too late. The deed had been done, and I had failed. But I vowed I would not fail again.
When word came that the sequel to this game was being developed, I was given the task to sabotage it. True, it was being developed in America, but trying anything there would be futile. Basking in their glory of our fall, their security would be heightened. They would notice a six year old trying to break in and learn the secrets of Sonic Team. But in Japan? Where the hedgehog had not taken off as they had hoped?
Of course early versions of the game would be sent back to their main headquarters. And it wasn't long before I was able to bribe one of the janitorial staff to sneak me in. Disguised as a mop with retractable handle, I was able to find an early version, copying the data with the crude ROM dumper I had built out of discarded NEC computer parts. Sneaking out, I quickly took the next ship back to China. One of the last bastions of the cause, it wouldn't be long before they would start proliferating the pirate copy.
Instructed to steal the early version was based in the hopes of my superiors that sales of the sequel would downturn dramatically. That if the beta version was found and given to the masses, there would be no need for the final version. That they would get their fix for free, and realize the unfinished product was not as grand as they originally thought. That it was a false prophet, and the word of Marx would ring true once again. But alas, it was not to happen. Sonic 2 went on to even greater success. My mission was a failure. Dishonored, I was let go, forced to find a new life in midwest America.
I thought that would be the end, but I was wrong. When Simon Wai came across the prototype, I was called back into service. Simon did not fully comprehend what he had stumbled upon, but it wasn’t long before he discovered the true meaning of the conspiracy. Though I have no proof, I believe that is why he disappeared. Going deep into hiding, fearful of what may happen to him at the behest of my superiors. Not even I know his final fate, if he is still alive out there...